#one of my flatmates has to move back with her family bc of their health issues | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aspiringhorrorauthor · 4 years

Text

Hey who wants to hear the miserable story about how I had to deal with loneliness this year? Feel free to scroll on I just need to write it down to, I suppose close the chapter on the story? Read if your curious, or maybe also need guidance, or just want to learn some tips on how to help someone dealing with it. This will be poorly structured it’s just... getting it off my chest I guess.

People talk sometimes about university students often struggling with loneliness, and often going overlooked because they’re not seen as ‘vulnerable’ as other populations. I mean, look! They’re in a city! They go out every night and piss off the locals! They can’t be lonely!

It started back in 2018 (yup, that far back), when my friends decided that it would be better for my mental health if I didn’t live with them. No lie, that was the actual fucking reason. I was heartbroken; I’ve missed out on a lot of typical “growing up! Yay!” Type things because of my mental health, trauma and bullying and the fact that “living with friends” was gonna be added to the list was fucking heart breaking. But I dealt with it, because I had no where else to turn. No one else to move in with. I cried for like 2 hours solid after they so sweetly told me they didn’t want to live with me because I have *anxiety*. Not even one of the quote unquote “””scary””” mental illnesses (which would have been a MAJOR dick move), just plain old anxiety attacks and hiding from people to calm down. I proceeded to have break downs every Wednesday for 3 months while searching for somewhere to live, bc it was always a stabbing reminder that I was so unwanted.

(They planned to move in with 2 other people so it’s not even like they were only searching for a flat to fit *just* them)

I study 300 miles away from home, literally the exact opposite part of the country. Despite not having many friends growing up I was never lonely because I had a great family who would always chase it away. Maybe I was lonely a bit at school, but I could always come home and my parents chased it away. It was recurrent, but not constant.

I got a place for the new academic year. Studio flat, great location, tiny and over priced to Hell but I was in a safe area which was great because *no one was looking out for me anymore*. I didn’t have flat mates to check I was alive everyday, no one to chat to when I got home. If I got sick, I was completely on my own. My next door neighbour is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but she’s a working professional, and I’m a second year student. Everyone else in studio flats are mature students, masters, phD students or working people. And me. I have so little in common with these people it’s tough to start a conversation with them.

My birthday is early in the academic year, so we didn’t celebrate it until about a month after. Half of my friends didn’t even bother, no card, no presents. Okay, fine, I’m not materialistic, but acknowledgement would have been nice I suppose. This is the only time they came around my flat, and they are the cake I baked to celebrate.

But they inexplicably started to just stop interacting with me. There were 5 of us, they’d pair up in lectures and only talk between themselves between lectures and left me sat quietly trying to speak to someone, ANYONE, because hello? I haven’t got FLATMATES. I talk to NO ONE outside of this “friendship” group. They don’t seem to care much, they just keep telling me how wonderful it must be to live in a studio.

They invited me round to celebrate another friend’s birthday at their shared flat. He gets presents from everyone, including the two that left me out. Their flat looks lived in, there’s board games out while I don’t have room for any of them in mine. They’ve got bean bags everywhere it looks so damn nice. “But your kitchen is bigger than ours!” Eve tried to tell me (an absolute LIE), but they don’t roll out of bed and immediately land in the kitchen. They don’t have to chose between watching tv, eating or living the flat any time they want to dry clothes bc there’s no room. I want to cry throughout the visit, I storm off once were done. I don’t know why. I know now.

Loneliness feels like a weight on your chest. It’s a double edged sword where both edges only cut you. You desperately seek interaction but it also upsets you. I wanted to hang out at their flat because I hadn’t hung out with them in nearly a month at this point, but when I got there I realised they hung out together every. Single. Night. While I cried alone in my room. It made everything so much worse. And they laughed it off.

They stopped posting in the group chat, they talked to me even less. Never invited me out, but there’s no way I could prove *they* went out so it was pointless complaining about it. I was meant to go to a concert with one of them, I reminded her about tickets an entire month before, offered to buy hers. She cancelled 5 hours beforehand. I went alone.

It was a Toyah concert. I fought back sobs in the opening song “Good morning universe”, because it repeatedly asks “how are you today?”. I was awful. I finally had it figured out. I was lonely, isolated, and I didn’t know what to do.

Before anyone gets too sad, the story only continues for 2 weeks past this concert.

1st November, they joke about how Blake, friend number 4, practically lives at their flat, and I get angry. Why does HE get to live there? Blake has flatmates, Blake’s not alone! I should be practically living there because there’s NOTHING in my flat but silence. The internet is on the fritz and I’ve yet to figure out the tv, I don’t even have background noise except the kettle! I storm off, vow to never interact with them again.

I go out for drinks with my neighbour for her birthday. She buys me a pint of coke bc I don’t drink. I hate coke, but I drink it all and chat with her friends. It was a great night.

That weekend I bake pumpkin cake and bread for knitting society, and calm down. I overreacted a bit surely. One more chance, that’s all I’ll give them. The cake and bread doesn’t all get eaten at the society so I bring some for them on the Monday.

Tuesday night is bonfire night. I sit in my flat wishing I could go out and see them rather than just hear them, but I don’t know where to go. I have no one to go with.

Wednesday im sat in lectures beside them, and a friend not in the group but still a friend comes over to chat. One of them excitedly tells her about how they went to a display last night “look at these photos I got of (friend in group)!” I ask if they went out last night, the phone is quickly put away, they ignore me. I ask again. The friend outside of the group is confused and leaves before the lecture starts. I spend 3 hours with loneliness ripping out my lungs, because how could they? They could’ve dropped me a message to say they were going and I could meet up, but they didn’t even do that? Why?

After the lectures finished I corner one of them. The first of my friends at university. The first person on my course I befriended. “Did you go out last night?” “Yes” “without me?” Another runs up “it was last minute it wasn’t planned!” Laughs it off. So I rush off. I don’t say good bye. That was it.

I went home and cried. Told my parents what happened. Cried down the phone to them. “It’s time to cut ties with them”. I know it is. It’s still hard.

So yeah. Miserable story. But any sad story should have a happy ending, right?

Yes.

The next day I told someone what had happened. She immediately called it bullshit and invited me to join her friends. They’re really nice. I like them.

I left the old group chat. No explanation, just “I’m hanging out with X now. Laters” and I left. I wrote my frustrations and explanation in a shitty poem, called it shitty in the poem itself, but also said they didn’t deserve better. They didn’t deserve even that, so I didn’t send it. I think it was a very sexy decision of mine.

But most importantly, through the hardest points, most of my weekly socialisation every week came from the two societies im part of: my society (knitting) and the nerd society. 4 1/2 hours a week of socialising isn’t enough, surprisingly. But it got me through.

But more importantly are the people I met there. I don’t want to tell them what happened, I fear they’ll be upset that they didn’t help more, but they helped so damn much. So much more than could ever be expected from anyone. That final Wednesday, when I’d cried my heart out, 2 people texted me out of the blue and lifted my spirits so much I laughed that evening where I’d cried in the day. Stupid texts too. “Baby rabbits and kittens, cos you’re a vet right?” And “I only just got this message, I would have LOVED some pumpkin cake 🙁”. Poor lads probably weren’t expecting the wild conversations we had afterwards but friendships blossomed from it. Sorry new friend, hope you like the cheese scone recipe you definitely did NOT see coming that day.

The society meets on a Thursday, but it was to be a video watching thing more than a social thing. Loneliness was still tearing me up inside, I wanted to talk to someone damnit! But I went because I needed cheering up. I laughed so hard, I sang theme songs with others, and we all went to the pub afterwards. I’d never been before, I planned to leave at half 10 so I could shower and go to sleep in reasonable time for a 9am lab. I got chatting to the cake boy at 22:25. By the time we left the bar and he’d had his fill of chocolate rolls at my flat (I offered, he was hungry and Sainsbury’s was closed) and I was in bed, it was 00:40. Oops.

But I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Whats there to learn? I suppose don’t take advantage of your friends. If someone is living alone, check on them OFTEN. Make sure you don’t just pair up for conversations in lectures. Invite people round more.

And don’t under estimate the power of a text message. The lack of one ruined one friendship, one daft one about pumpkin cake built another.

(And I baked cookies for my new friends and we ate them in front of the old friends. Get rekt).

#long post #loneliness

1 note · View note

flytheplcne-blog · 6 years

Text

hello, i’m bea & this is my little bird of flight, külliki ozolinš. below the cut is a very awful introduction but if you would like to plot pls go ahead and give this a heart. külli is quickly becoming one of my favorite babies, so i’d love to write her more.

( GABRIELLA WILDE / CISFEMALE / SHE/HER ). KÜLLIKI OZOLIŅŠ WASN’T EXPECTING TO BE GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE. THE TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD LAST REMEMBERS LIVING IN THE 1950S IN TALLINN, ESTONIA. ONE THING THEY REMEMBER FROM THEIR PAST IS A MODEL AIRPLANE. THEY’VE BEEN DESCRIBED AS BEING RESOURCEFUL AND IMPULSIVE, BUT THAT IS TO BE EXPECTED SINCE THEY ARE A LEO.

trigger warnings: war, plane crash, death, talks of occupations. | pls let me know if I miss anything & I’ll add to the trigger warnings. I apologize in advance if I do miss anything!!

Also sorry it’s stupidly long, pls love me.

okay so bullet points bc I’m a lazy lad/i’m student teaching and took a nap for like four hours.

Külli was born in late July of 1932 in Tallinn, Estonia but she spent the first few years of her life in her mother’s hometown of Český Krumlov, Czechoslovakia. She held papers for both Estonia and Czechoslovakia. Her father was a proud Estonian pilot and her mother was a Czech musician and educator.

The family had a habit of moving between Tallinn and Český Krumlov, primarily in time with her father’s flight schedules. Regardless of which country they stayed in, Külli was well loved and educated. She spent many hours at the airfield, learning the ins and outs of every airplane that came across her path. She had a natural curiosity and affinity for the intricacies of flight. It was an art, and planes themselves were masterpieces.

In 1938, despite growing tensions in the world, Külli and her family made the trek back to Tallinn to visit her grandparents on her father’s side. Their health had been declining, and it had been several years since the family had made the journey to visit them. Unfortunately, they did not return to Czechoslovakia before the Nazis invaded and found themselves stuck in Estonia.

The family considered moving out of the capital city but that was where her father held work and her mother was able to find work tutoring. Soon they would find themselves under Soviet rule, while their second home in Czechoslovakia remained under German rule. Trapped between two aggressors, the family tried to build their life in Estonia under the USSR.

In the summer of 1941, the Nazis launched their invasion of the Soviet Union. Northern Estonia was the last to fall to the Germans, but with the joint Estonian-German army surrounding the capital, the Soviet rule ended and the Nazis took control.

Külli was 9 when the Germans successfully took control of Estonia, and she and her family were among those who did not welcome them with open arms, as they still held to their Czech heritage and grieved for the way their country had been overlooked by supposed allies.

The German occupation was also more personal and something Külli remember more than Soviet rule, because she was older. Losses of friends, unfair treatment, and cruelties were felt more deeply and with a larger understanding. She loathed the Germans and dreamed of the day they would be chased from both of her beautiful countries.

She and her family found themselves in a difficult spot politically, as they did not trust the West for their treatment of Czechoslovakia during the Munich agreement, they loathed the Nazis, but had faced hardship under unfair Soviet rule as well. They longed for a return to autonomy and independence, but would never see it in their lifetimes.

The Soviet Union returned to Estonia in the autumn of 1944, and it was all Külli would know until her death in 1956.

Külli found herself mixed up with intelligence forces when, in 1951 she tried to make the (illegal) trip back to Czechoslovakia. It was during this attempt that she was introduced to the Czech VZ as she had been nearly successful in her attempts.

Her position in the VZ quickly paired her with Aleksandr Láska. She made her abilities as a pilot known, and with the multitude of languages she could speak and an ability to fit in, she was trained for infiltration and flight missions.

Unlike Aleksandr, she did not covet the Soviet Union. She prayed for Czech independence, and did not believe in everything she was tasked with. Still, she became a skilled operative and worked well alongside her partner. Aleksandr quickly became her greatest love, and she trusted him even if she did not trust the USSR or the VZ.

In 1956, she was tasked with a late night pick up. She was to fill in for another pilot who had taken ill, even though the original plan had been to leave with Aleksandr. It was a routine pick up, one that should have had her back before dawn but instead there were system malfunctions and she lost control of the plane.

She tried to land it in a field, but it was a losing battle as she crashed into the ground, dying in the impact.

Now that she’s been given a second chance, and with the knowledge of Aleksandr’s death being work related and shortly after her own, she has become suspicious that the routine checks and the set up of the situation were not coincidence but purposeful. The only question on her mind is why. Was it the VZ that wanted one of their own dead, or the infiltration of another group? It’s unlikely that she’ll ever find out, but it’s something she wants to find out about anyway.

Now she’s living on her own in a little flat and in the process of looking for a new job. She needs something to keep herself busy, but is finding it difficult to put the past behind her, and even more difficult to live in a world where she’s afraid of the one thing that made her happier than anything else. She is not a flightless bird, and yet, her wings are squarely on the ground these days.

Possible connection ideas:

Honestly, I’d love for her to have a flatmate or neighbor.

Give me an Estonian and I would love you forever. Especially if it’s someone from her childhood who maybe found themselves moving somewhere elsewhere.

Are there any other flight fanatics around here? Give me someone trying to get her back on an airfield.

Coworkers are fun I just have to figure out her job still.

I’m 110% open to anything, please just come love my bab.

#decades:intro #( file://oaktree | about )#tw: war #tw: death #tw: plane crash #tw: occupations #tw: nazi mention

1 note · View note

mischievousmarvelousmagical-blog · 7 years

Photo

oh, tall is the tale of the mischievous one / who fished out all the islands and captured the sun / his deeds and tasks i will unmask / so that you'll understand / that before there was a clark kent / there was a hawaiian superman

Archetype — The Hero Birthday — February 14, 1997 Zodiac Sign — Aquarius MBTI — ENFP Enneagram — Type 2: The Helper Temperament — Sanguine Hogwarts House — Hufflelin Moral Alignment — Chaotic Good Primary Vice — Pride Primary Virtue — Patience Element — Water

[tw brief mention of abuse]

Overview:

Mother — Kai Akalana (nee Hale) Father — Lani Akalana Mother’s Occupation — Waitress/singer-entertainer Father’s Occupation — Fisherman Family Finances — Poor Birth Order — Youngest Brothers — Malo (28) the Serious One, Mana (26) the Sporty One, Moke (24) the Smart One, Mele (22) the Soft One Sisters — sisters-in-law Other Close Family — Alani (27, sister-in-law, Malo’s wife), Gabrielle (10, niece, Malo and Alani’s daughter), Sailor (7, nephew, Malo and Alani’s son); Hayley (25, sister-in-law, Mana’s wife), Jasper (4, nephew, Mana and Hayley’s son); Odelia (23, sister-in-law, Moke’s wife); Fawn (2, niece, Moke and Odelia’s daughter). Best Friend — Celia Gorgon Other Friends — Lymantria Khan, Periwinkle Frostbrittle, Annette Grant why are all of these women? Dipper Pines and Kovu Sauda his roomiesss -- also a lot of OCs tbh Enemies — uhh bad guys Pets — None D: but he totally wants one Home Life During Childhood — Hard and busy; Maui usually got up at the crack of dawn to go out on the fishing boat for a few hours before school. His father was a very stern man and he and his father had a lot of conflict. His mother is a delicate lil lady and his father was often mean to her and Maui hated it. Also all his brothers picked on him for being scrawny. Town or City Name(s) — Hana, Maui; Hawa’ii What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — He shared with Mele, it was always messy. Painted blue but very sparse because they couldn’t afford lots. They had bunkbeds. Maui had the top. Rotated sleeping on the couch tho bc there were only four beds. Any Sports or Clubs — He reallyyyy wanted to be on the soccer team, but he was too busy with fishing and helping out at the restaurant and his father wouldn’t let him. Favorite Toy or Game — He like to play pranks on people. (I’m terrible at coming up w pranks so pretend I listed a few good ones). Schooling — His father didn’t hold school in very high regard so Maui dropped out when he was sixteen to work on the fishing boats. Favorite Subject — uhhh none of them tbh Popular or Loner — Kind of in the middle. Everyone knew who he was and he could flit from friend group to friend group but he never had any close friends Important Experiences or Events — Becoming Maui, when his father told him that he had to quit school in order to help out, one time his dad hit his mom that was p traumatizing Nationality — Hawaiian (American, he guesses.) Culture — Polynesian Religion and beliefs — pretty agnostic, but likes the old legends

Physical Appearance

Face Claim — Bob Morley Complexion — He still gets the stray pimple every now and then but all that salt water was A+ for his skin. He’s got lotsa freckles on his nose and cheeks. Nice tanned skin. Hair Colour — Black Eye Colour — Brown Height — 5’10 Build — broad shoulders, def more upper body strength than lower but all around rather fit, on the shorter side but holds himself well Tattoos — MAUI written on the inside of his right forearm. One that completely covers his shoulder with an intricate combination of music notes, fish hooks, shark’s teeth, and enata (or people). He also had artistic representation of waves and wind as a band around his left ankle. He also has a little cat that moves around his body, but generally likes to curl up in the crook of one of his collar bones. Piercings — none Common Hairstyle — Floppy and messy. Maui never brushes his hair so it’s just a tangled curly mess and tbh Celia probably has to trim it so it stays outta his eyes otherwise he never would. Clothing Style — jeans + t-shirt + sneakers bam Mannerisms — talks with his hands a lot, is literally always smiling, gets fidgety when he’s thinking a lot or is nervous Usual Expression —

Health

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — he’s pretty healthy, tho he gets colds in the winter bc he’s not used to the cold Physical Ailments — fit as a fiddle Neurological Conditions — tbh maui is probably one of my most mentally healthy (don’t mean he’s right in the head tho hehe) Allergies — none! Grooming Habits — he’s a typical boy. He showers...sometimes. Like every other day, maybe every day ehhh. Does laundry when Absolutely Necessary. Sleeping Habits — sleeps like a goddamn rock. Goes to bed late, wakes up early, but he can go back to sleep sometimes and then he’ll like sleep all day Eating Habits — will eat anything and everything in sight. I don’t think there is a food he doesn’t like Exercise Habits — Maui swims--a lot. If it is cold he goes to the pool at the gym. He also jogs, lifts weights, tries to stay generally fit, but he’s also pretty naturally fit. Emotional Stability — honestly?? Maui is so stable?? Emotionally? He has a lot of growing to do, but he doesn’t fight it really, and though he isn’t always true to the emotions he’s feeling, he can recognize them. He’s got a lot of toxic masculinity but that is really the only thing super holding him back. Oh, and his narcissism probably (which is kinda fake anyway) Body Temperature — He runs pretty warm but when it is cold outside, so is he. Sociability — Maui is really extroverted, and he can also adapt to almost any situation. His ultimate goal is for people to like him, which means he always does his best to get people to like him. Addictions — none tbh Drug Use — he actually doesn’t do drugs (used to smoke pot on the rare occasion but lowkey he was too afraid of if his dad found out.) He will smoke a lil weed on a v rare occasion. Alcohol Use — He drinks at parties and he can get pretty drunk, but he rarely drinks otherwise and is pretty responsible tbh

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — the fact he’s narcissistic. Also he puts a lot of pressure on himself. Can sometimes not think before he speaks and tease people who shouldn’t be teased and then hurt their feelings. He can be a bit brash, but endearingly so, for the most part. Good Habits — tries to take care of people, takes good care of his body. Best Characteristic — his friendliness! Worst Characteristic — his #fakeness Worst Memory — honestly?? Winning the maui competition, he carries a lot of guilt. Best Memory — ...winning the maui competition. Look it is complicated. Proud of — being Maui Embarrassed by — the fact he literally is the worst Maui ever Driving Style — actually Maui is a really good driver, if not a bit of a speed demon. Strong Points — the fact he is able to manipulate himself to suit people’s needs Temperament — the chillest. It is really hard to rile him up and make him mad. Almost too chill Attitude — friendly! Weakness — his secrets and crippling self doubt lol Fears — that people will know he’s fake and he can’t help them Phobias — doesn’t have any Secrets — that he cheated to win the Maui competition Regrets — cheating to win the Maui competition lol Feels Vulnerable When — he actually emotionally connects w someone lol Pet Peeves — people who aren’t willing to help themselves/people that give up Conflicts — wanting to be the Best Maui Ever while also knowing he cheated and is the Worst Maui Ever Motivation — to live up to the name of Maui; for people to like him Short Term Goals and Hopes — to help people! Long Term Goals and Hopes — to be the Best Maui Ever Sexuality — why is this here??? He is straight lmao Day or Night Person — day tbh Introvert or Extrovert — extrovert Optimist or Pessimist — uhhhh an optimistic pessimist? idk

Likes and Styles:

Music — he likes lots of stuff, kind of alt rock--but also lots of hawaiian music. Some oldies. Everyone likes the beach boys. Also loves stuff he can dance to! Books — maui lowkey does not have great reading comprehension so he doesn’t read for fun really Magazines — ones that he’s in Foods — all foods but he lovesss fresh fruit Drinks — anything really tbh but he’s gotten real turned onto hot chocolate in the winter Animals — anything aquatic really but his fave is probably iguanas. Sports — all sports! Soccer is his fave tho Social Issues — maui is...learning. I would love for him to like become a feminist but he’s a long way away. Though he is p aware of like--POC issues, since he comes from a marginalized community that is like used for their culture to up tourism and is considered ~~exotic Favorite Saying — “A ship is safe at harbor, but that’s not what it was built for.” Color — Blue! Clothing — typical boy, normally just a t-shirt/jeans Jewelry — none really tho he has some wooden bracelets he wears Games — maui doesn’t game a lot Websites — or surf the web unless it is to google himself lmao TV Shows — eh, he doesn’t watch tv a whole lot Movies — again, doesn’t watch a lot but prolly likes action films Greatest Want — to be needed; to help people Greatest Need — to realize he’s fine just the way he is /pets

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — Room 421 on PrideU’s campus. Roommate: Dipper Pines. Flatmates: Kovu Sauda and Declan Craig. Household furnishings — typical dorm stuff Favorite Possession — his hook! Most Cherished Possession — also his hook lol Neighborhood — lives on campus Town or City Name — Swynlake Details of Town or City — small town; magick-friendly etc Married Before — nope Significant Other Before — has never rly dated Children — lol no Relationship with Family — despite the fact his brothers and him fight all the time, he really loves his brothers and is pretty close to them. Is definitely a mama’s boy as the baby of the family. Has a tense relationship with his dad. He also loves his nieces and nephews. SO. MUCH. Car — he had a jeep back home that he shared with Mele and his mom. He misses his car Career — ...a demigod? Dream Career — a demigod. Dream Life — being the Best Maui Ever Love Life — has lots of hook ups, he is satisfied with this Talents or Skills — is a great swimmer Intelligence Level — he’s actually really smart despite not being book savvy Finances — he’s got a stipend for being Maui, but he still has to be careful in order to make ends meet. His family is very poor, but is now being taken care of

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — worked on fishing boats/sometimes as a busboy at the restaurant his mom works at Past Lovers — a couple girls, but not that many, no serious relationships Biggest Mistakes — cheating and being a general shit Biggest Achievements — becoming Maui!

#about #character sheet #inspiration #im so satisfied w this #i love my maui

9 notes · View notes