You know what sucks? Not only do I constantly want to see you and hug you and talk to you, I constantly want to talk about you to whoever will listen. I want to talk about how I miss you and want to see you. I want to ask people how you’re doing and what you’re up to. It sucks and I hate it.
I seriously went to other people to ask how I should approach you. I don’t even know who I fucking am anymore. I’ve always been a “talk about it” or “if you wanna know, ask” kind of person. Blunt. Straight. To the point. But I’ve been so scared I might be pushing you away, so petrified by the idea that I might come on too strong, that I started playing all these silly little games. I fucking hate staring at my phone wanting nothing more than to talk to you, but holding back because “it hasn’t been a whole day yet” or because I’m “waiting for you to text first.” Fuck. That. I like you; maybe a little more than I’d like to admit. I want to go out and experience new things with you. See you smile and laugh while we make stupid little jokes to each other. I want to learn what makes you tick. What your deepest fears are. What your biggest passions are. I want to prove to you that you mean more to me than just some repository for attention. If that scares you away, then fine. If you don’t feel comfortable with that yet, that’s okay. I can’t force you to like me. But at least I’ll be able to sleep at night knowing that I put my best foot forward. That I wore my heart on my sleeve, and no one had to guess how I feel. I’m done playing these stupid fucking games.
Do you think about me when that song comes on, do you think about me in the dark, do you think about me on my birthday, do you think about me about all?
I NEED TO JUST GET SOME FEELINGS OFF MY CHEST SO I CAN FEEL BETTER
Also sorry I haven't uploaded anything yet, my schedule has been hectic but I'm adjusting to work and I'm almost done with my Duncan Vizla smut.
Anyways there's this guy at my job that I like so much. He's such a cute little dork and he's so sweet. Whenever I look him in the eyes for extended periods he gets flustered and stutters a tiny bit. ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT HE ASKED OUR OTHER COWORKER ON A DATE AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE. He only sees me as a friend (he told me this after I bought him flowers and cookies for his birthday). And he said he felt a connection with me 😭💀At first I thought our other coworker wasn't into him because I asked but then she said yes to when he asked her on a date and now I just have to be a good friend but I hate it. He's so oblivious, he doesn't even know how I feel about him. He told me he liked her after I asked to see a movie with me (not as a date). He was just like "God I like her so much" but he kinda whispered so thought he said liked me 😭😭😭😭. This sounds so juvenile but I've literally never had anyone be into me. THAT'S WHY I WRITE SMUT AND FLUFF. I want to die.
Thanks for all the support. I'm going to try to finish my writing next week. I'm doing either an Ethan Sawyer fluff or Bucky fluff afterwards. ILY ❤️❤️