#onions have layers
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Carmy is an onion
Carmy is to onions like Sydney is to fennel.
Onions when raw often make people cry.
But with time they can be soft and sweet.
Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
– Carl Sandburg (who also happened to famously write a lot about Chicago)
#the bear#sydcarmy#the bear meta#carmen berzatto#onions have layers#fennels have layers#sydney adamu
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hi. i just have two questions. 1) can i be 🧅 anon? 2) may i put a ring on your finger?
1) Yes you can be 🧅 anon!
2) You can only put a ring on my finger if I can put one on yours 💍
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The layers of a glass onion are like the hole in the middle of a donut. I will not elaborate.
#glass onion#knives out#knives out 2#donut hole#onion layers#onions have layers#ogres are like onions#onions are like donuts
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Like onions.
You rumple, you're the mystery.
He looks so THOUGHTFUL at her words.
Like there's a spark of a chance.
"I could never give my heart-"
He hasnt had this much hope since he talked to that dickbag old man about taking the dark ones powers.
She knows what she said.
She knows the point she made.
She knows the meaning behind her words.
You've got some idea rolling around in their rumple, get it out of your head.
There's a spark of an idea there.
A test.
He can give her a test.
#the first fucking thing i thought of with the layered thing was shrek and the damn onions#LAYERS#ONIONS HAVE LAYERS#OGRES HAVE LAYERS#YOU GET IT WE BOTH HAVE LAYERS#he's about to make you a deal belle#this is a test#you better pass it#1x12#skin deep#belle x rumple#rumbelle#ouat rumple#rumplestiltskin#ouat belle#belle#ouat#once upon a time
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ive just realised that people dont read books for the analydis alot of people just dont care 10 dead 12 injured
#ahoys thoughts#bookblr#books#literature#ya books#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH#what about THE MEANING#books are like onions#ONIONS HAVE LAYERS#BOOKS HAVE LAYERS#and people just dont care to unpack that?#they dont go feral over foils and symbolism???#cant be me#ahoy screamz
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Trauma layers
Therapy is such a mindfuck sometimes. I 100% get it when people say they don't think therapy would help them because they are pretty self-aware or self-reflective. Cause, that seems so freaking logical. But, I swear, with the right therapist you'll find yourself routinely shocked at how blind you actually can be to your own bullshit. Our brains try SO hard to hide our bullshit from us, it's insane. I guess I shouldn't speak for everyone, but it's so true for traumatized brains, at least. I know that minimizing or outright hiding your issues from you is how the brain responds to trauma. But it's still eye opening to me when I catch on to new pieces of this in myself.
I went into my appointment today with several ideas of what to potentially talk about written down. I knew what had been on my mind the most, but I wasn't sure if it made sense to use the appointment to discuss it because I've discussed essentially the same thing with my therapist multiple times in the past. So a big part of me was like eh, that'd be a waste of time. I know everything there is to know about myself in this area. Probably spend more time on these other things as that'll probably be more productive/helpful.
But I decided to at least mention it and see where it goes. I expected to jump topics pretty quickly as I didn't think we'd find new ground to cover. But we wound up spending 45ish minutes out of the hour on it. And it was productive. And yet, it's hard to really express why. It's not like there was some big new revelation. I largely went into it knowing what my trauma is, why I have this trigger, what my default response is, etc etc etc.
To spell out this piece of my trauma a bit...
I had an eggshell stepdad, and a constantly-overwhelmed semi-eggshell mom. My stepdad exploding was my mom's biggest trigger. And anger from either of them basically means anything could happen. Some of what I saw happen after anger, much of it starting off with really low level things like..someone shutting the door a little harder than normal (not really slamming it) or tossing their keys onto the counter a little too loudly. These kinda things were triggers to me as a kid because I knew they could mean an explosion was coming. Anyway, what I dealt with related to my eggshell caregivers' anger...
Emotional abuse between adults (very common)
Emotional abuse at kids (very common, my siblings who were externalizers caught more than I did, but I couldn't avoid it either)
Lower-level physical abuse of kids (semi-common but was my siblings, not me that I ever recall)
Domestic violence between adults (very rare, maybe 2-3 times ever)
Items being broken/physical aggression with household items (Rare-ish, maybe once a year?)
Recurring arguments or break-ups (extremely common. Fights rarely stayed as one event. They'd usually argue, try to wrap it up, and then explode again within a few hours, or perhaps even a few days later, but there was almost always a round two, at minimum. Core issues were never resolved, clusters of several related arguments over a week or two were common as well.)
Once I saw an adult hold a gun to their head after threatening suicide.
Once I saw an adult pull a gun on another adult (neither was part of my household).
Maybe 4-5 times over my childhood cops came to our house following arguments and/or violence.
My coping method was to try to be pleasing when the anger was lower-level. Keep things light if you can, but at minimum, don't do anything that might set anyone off. Once anger was bigger, just try not take up any space. Outright leaving (like going to my room) would sometimes get noticed in a negative way, so don't flee, but stay as far away as you can without actually leaving. Like...stay in the living room but sit silently on the couch, pretending you don't even notice the argument happening. Try to go unnoticed...blend into the decor. Stay out of the line of fire when the bombs are going off, basically. And when that failed and you're in the line of fire, fawn/people please to try to 'fix'.
What this looks like for me now, as an adult - is still to try to 'fix' other people's irritation, frustration, low level anger if I can find any way to. Or with 'big' anger, kinda freeze, or try to fawn/people please if it's directed at me. I can't feel safe if others are upset, so I try to absorb it so I can do something about it. And after someone around me shows anything adjacent to anger (like frustration) my brain likes to assume this is just 'round one' of anger, and round 2 will happen soon and will be bigger and scarier. So I'm very on-edge after 'detecting' any anger in my environment, even when it's really small. And my brain tries to pull my down a rabbit hole of finding potential things I've 'done wrong' that might be making this person secretly angry at me. Even when I logically know it has nothing to do with me. My brain wants to find a potential reason it could involve me. I'm pretty good about not letting it go down that rabbit hole very far, but it sure tries - and I have to spend energy holding it back from going there.
None of this is news to me, at all. I sort of forget when I've made certain realizations in therapy, but I think I've known all of this about myself for at least a year? So I wasn't sure there could be anything productive to come out of sharing how someone was frustrated around me this week and it triggered me...and how I knew I was triggered, and talked to myself about how my brain was reacting the way it did when I was a kid, but how my current situation is safe. How someone else's anger isn't a threat to me anymore. How I've created a life for myself that is safe, even when people get angry. I can have tough conversations with those closest to me. I don't get very close with anyone I can't do that with. So I consciously recognized all of this, but it didn't get rid of the anxiety. I stayed frozen in a moderately anxious place, hyper vigilant, unable to focus, and so drained from all of this emotional energy being spent on basically, nothing productive.
I expected my therapist to remind me that I'm trying to literally rewire the pathways in my brain, and I have 30ish years of my brain going down the "anger is very unsafe, I must regulate others' emotions and people-please." pathway. And that was said. As well as some usual points about how some of this equates to expecting myself to be able to mind read, and given that I am not a superhero or someone with magical powers, that expectation is cuckoo for cocoa puffs. I know this, but the reminder is good. But some new things were said too.
They asked if, after detecting someone else's frustration recently, I was able to put a loved one in my own place. We've talked a lot about how it's easier for me to empathize with myself if I imagine someone I care about in my shoes. Would I tell a friend that they should 'fix' someone elses frustration? That if someone sighs in their home that they should become hyper-critical and over-analyze anything they could have possibly done 'wrong'? Of course, the ridiculousness of this is apparent to me when imagine someone else in my shoes. But I admitted to them that I hadn't been able to remember to try using that trick to change perspectives until after I had settled some. That when I'm first triggered, I kinda seem to lose access to that more logical side of my brain that would allow me to try to remember specific suggestions or tools that had been suggested to me. They said it makes sense to forget when you're that emotional, so sometimes visual reminders are good. Like wearing a bracelet with a compassionate statement on it or something. Honestly, that feels cheesy to me, I don't really care for wearing anything that has text of any kind on it, to be honest and growing up with no positive feedback/praise has left me with a strong aversion to positivity like that..which is something else to work on but, one thing at a time. Anyway - I do like the idea of some sort of symbol in my environment serving as a reminder even if it has no text on it. Something that I'd take as a reminder perhaps, without anyone else needing to have a clue what it's about. So it was nice to get a little bit of a fresh idea on something additional to try.
But bigger than that...they helped me realize that I have continued my pattern of self-abuse, and just disguised it as trying to help myself.
Meaning...I see myself being triggered, I see myself starting to fall into old patterns of trauma responses to try to cope, and I know that reaction is maladaptive at this point in my life. So I try to stop myself from repeating that old pattern of trauma responses...and on occasion I can stop it in its tracks. But not often with this anger related trigger, it's a real powerful one for me. And when I'm not successful and I find myself becoming hypervigilent and self critical due to someone elses anger..I beat myself up about it! I beat myself up for beating myself up...because I'm 'supposed to' be working on being more compassionate. And that's still part of this cycle, it's just another layer of it. I beat myself up because keeping myself in a position of guilt/shame keeps me small so I can stay in this position of feeling like I am wrong and they are right and I am guilty and need to fix.
It's bonkers that even in my attempts to heal, my old self-harming mindset comes out disguised as a cure for.
In other words..
My logical brain "I need to stop beating myself up. That is a trauma pattern that used to serve me as a kid, but is just harmful to me now."
My trauma brain: "Right! We're hurting ourselves and that's dumb! Let's beat ourselves up about that! That's the solution!"
Fuck.
#ptsd#cptsd#trauma#ogres are like onions#onions have layers#trauma onions?#want to watch Shrek now#attachment trauma#childhood emotional neglect#childhood emotional abuse#emotional abuse#fear of anger#fawning#people pleasing#developmental trauma#internalizing#internalizers
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A Quirky Gift Month Christmas!!!
Time to "Shrek The Halls"
For him, we have...
Plenty of lovely snacks
O N I O N S
Pepper grinder to use on donkeys, cats and cops
A 5 star game made by SMG4
#shrek#shrek franchise#onions have layers#memes#quirky gift month#december#christmas#merry christmas#happy holidays#💖💖💖#quirky gifts
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why must you assume things at first glance? why do you see things in me that i pretend are there? why can you not realize that I have layers? why don't you peel them back, and cry as you find each one worse than the rest?
tldr: onions have layers. OGRES HAVE LA-
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I just cut an onion for the first time in my life and oh boy!! my eyes hurt!!!!!
#owowow#I legit thought that people were kinda just joking about how onions make you cry#but it wasn’t because the onion made me sad#it’s because the onion hurt my eyes#cooking#onions#onions have layers#like ogres
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new fursona just dropped
disclaimer: I am not raplacing Bicho, this is just yet another fursona for my artistic needs
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me, to myself when I reblog Dick: You know, I’m not really a huge Dick stan---
also me, to myself when in my secret vault of fanfiction and writing the best Dick brotherly moments: He deserves brotherly love, okay!? He lost his little brother and blames himself and his second brother spent years trying to avoid being made part of the family and canon completely removed the fact that Dick tried adopting like three times for Jason and Tim and Damian so he needs a son too!! I RELATE SO HARD NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND!! I AM THE WRITER OF THIS SECRET TALE!! DICK IS YOUR BROTHER/FATHER NOW, BITCH! GET OVER YOURSELVES LITTLE WING AND TIMMY AND DAMI!! AND IF MY MUSE CAN’T ACCEPT THIS WELL HE’S MY DREAM BROTHER NOW SO FUCK OFF!! FUCK BRUCE, HE’S MY SON!! FUCK MY MUSE FOR BEING DAMN LOGICAL!! FUCK EVERYBODY IN THIS STUPID COMIC HE DESERVES EVERYTHING!!!!
also me, to tumblr when online and being totally normal about him: Dick deserves to be treated as fucking competent in canon, he needs Damian as his son and sidekick, and Tim just needs to realize Dick sees him as a brother needs him like Bruce needs a Robin. These are just the facts, my dudes. I’m totally normal about this guy, of fucking course, as normal as an onion.
#i'm totally normal my dudes#totally normal about Dick Grayson#Dick Grayson#Nightwing#my post#onions have layers#you get it right?#layers of normalcy#nothing to see here
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so i just wrapped up the latest world flipper event's story today & they turned the whole final boss into a shrek reference im dying 🤣
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Once again, this thing just keeps adding layer, after layer! 🤌🏻
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My therapist said the word layers when talking about me and I couldn’t get the onion and Shrek out of my mind. And so, I learned how to draw an onion using an online guide.
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New sticker! Ft. an adorable onion!
Go bring this lil' cutie home from my RedBubble!
#redbubbleshop#redbubbleartwork#redbubblestickers#onions have layers#chibi onion#chibi art#cute digital art#cute sticker
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appearing in your inbox for I think the first time ever while you've already sent many things to me aksjdjsja
uhhhhh how do you feel about onions?
Yes thank you
Good question- Basically I don't like em
I think I have a heightened taste to them or something since if there's the tiniest nothing speck of onion in my food, I WILL find it and pick it out. The taste and texture overpowers all the other flavors for me :P I do appreciate the flavor it can bring to a dish tho, so when I start to cook I'll add like a 4th of an onion and let it sit there, and take it out when it's ready to serve :D
Thank you for coming to My Ted Talk
Oh also onions have layers~
#also my crush has the exact same opinions as me#we both hate onions#<3#see we are meant for eachother#i am very delusional#as you can tell#we've literally had whole convos about of shared dislike of onions#so this random question goes a bit deeper xD#hah#thanks for the ask!#asks#onions#onions have layers#lava posts
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