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ratplagues · 3 years

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🔥 any dishonored thing of ur choosing -deathoftheoutsider

wah okay!! i will talk a bit about the outsider and void then..i dont really wanna frame it as a Hot Take bc i have no interest in starting shit or whatever like ill interact with whatever i want to in this fandom and ignore the rest and everyone else is free to do the same but.

I do not think The Outsider is a “character” in the conventional sense, much less that it does his character or the allegory he wields any justice to be shipped with anyone in the series (at least without seriously considering the implications and framing it in a way that completes the allegory. more on this later)

the outsider and his void are an allegory for Otherness; i’m namely gonna frame it as queerness and neurodiversity, but really anything could fit as long as it’s about you feeling seen as a marginalized and othered person. he is written to represent this allegory, not to be a person with a satisfying narrative arc or dimensions. this is why some people feel that he lacks depth-- he’s not supposed to have depth compared to others in the series, he’s mostly a vehicle for what he represents, and is supposed to be easy to identify with or recognize.

he was born to a life of hardship, suffered at the hands of the rich and powerful, was ignored, cast out, etc. etc. a familiar story. poor, queer, nd, really whatever you wanna frame it as. he was a nobody outcast. in comes the envisioned, they pick him to serve as their martyr and idol without his permission. he then had his name cut away and forgotten, and was thrust onto a pedestal to spend the rest of eternity being worshipped by other outcasts who had suffered at the same hands he had. he has something greatly in common with those who worship him, including the very people who stripped his mortality from him in the first place, but because of this shared hardship (and nothing else), his own autonomous personhood was disregarded completely in favor of The Community needing someone Just Like Them to idolize. if this sounds familiar, that’s because it should!!

his humanity was taken from him, and in his place, an idol was created. his human body is frozen in stone in the center of the void-- retired. out of commission. no longer needed. he was immortalized, transcended. this is traditionally desired, although dishonored is trying to convince you that it is not actually desirable. in the age of internet content creation, you can be immortalized without even being present, without knowing about it. you become what you can do for other people, and what you cannot. people fall in love with an idea of you, the idea of you being like them, and other people come to hate you deeply without even knowing you. people came to hate the outsider more deeply than he ever had been when he was human-- he wasn’t seen when he was human. a pedestal only helps you to be seen. the outsider had the choice made for him to achieve immortality in exchange for the simple joys of being un-known.

he spends all of doto trying to convey this idea to billie through the hollows:

"There is freedom in being hated. There is license in being cast out. Some learn this lesson a little too well." "These people lay their thoughts, their petty wants, their murderous desires in front of me to witness. I cannot turn away." "We carry what was done to us through the rest of our endless days. No one asked if we wanted it." (i like this one. he speaks for the community-- this is a shared experience, one everyone can recognize. however, as a Queer Figure, he never asked for this. he never asked to be immortalized. i like the double meaning here)

not to mention, the entire extent of the outsider’s Sole ability and influence on the real world is to “choose” people and give them untold power over others. this is a fun ironic twist on what marginalized groups endure from powerful people, (dishonored is largely about power imbalances and socioeconomic hierarchies) but it’s also fun to think about in the context of the role model/fan framing-- so many worshippers give their lives to be “chosen” by him. it’s easily framed as an exaggeration of otherwise very real power imbalances and often the flagrant breaching of boundaries existing between creators and fans.

and on the subject of the VOID...ohht he void.....

the void should be a haven for queer folks. for nd folks. it’s wanted by so many to be a safe space, it should be, it’s the Other World! it’s renounced by the abbey, crusaded against, even. but it isn’t. it’s just this limitless, eons-old horizon that hungers and starves for something to fill it. if the outsider is the lament of queer idolatry, the void is the lament of queer Hunger. it is roaming, and restless. it does not belong to the outsider; the outsider cannot survive without it. it’s the desire to belong, not a place of belonging.

the void craves this idol, this outsider-- i, for one, have often experienced hunger for a truly moral and just role model, someone to make the world Right, and i know this is another shared feeling. those who worship the outsider, who drive themselves mad trying to see him or be chosen by him, are suffering from this idol hunger. you see this in a lot of queer and nd kids and young adults. i grew up just having my life and interests like, punctuated by different fixations on different people that i didn’t know at all, only fell in love with the idea of. it happens a lot.

there’s a couple more doto quotes that really highlight this for me:

"They carve my mark into the old bones bleached by the sun. They carve my mark into their skin. They learn true hunger in the Void." "All these charms, these runes and fetid offerings on shrines made for me, will be nothing more than objects worn of meaning. Bones and dead things, thrown into the dirt."

“They learn true hunger in the Void.” is something that i wanna touch on real quick. people can spend their lives obsessing over the idea of what they think the void will cure for them, will fix in their lives, only to find out that it’s just a hollow manifestation of the emptiness they’ve felt all their lives. it’s not the needs met, but the need itself. you have to make the home, it doesn’t already exist and you can’t fucking run to it. it is heartbreaking, frustrating, one of the bleakest messages i’ve ever encountered in a game, but i’ve never felt more seen. by submitting to these ideas, the idea of a perfect unhuman human and the idea of a perfect otherworldly home, you are surrendering your humanity. you’re not only being transformed by the powers gained (if they are gained), you’re essentially dissolving with hunger after never having these needs met. you see so many people in these games whittling themselves down to nothing but base need. empty apartments occupied only by shrines, sometimes containing their corpses. journals of people dedicating their lives to the worship of the outsider, always ending darkly. "I will find this empty place. Somehow the key to open the Void will fall into my hands. In time, I will learn the secret and he will call to me as he called to her."

not to mention The New Envisioned-- prolonged exposure to the void will always, without fail, turn a human into silver void stone. these creatures can no longer interact with or acknowledge the mortal world. they have surrendered themselves to hunger, and cannot be saved. this is celebrated by the cult, honored by them, even. i honestly like....i pity them, and i hate them, and i recognize that i’ve been those people, lmao. when i was at my worst as a teenager, i wasnt so much a person as i was just a shell full of hunger and heartbreak. my personality was defined by who i was a fan of. i think i definitely was Less Human then. the cult of the outsider is a universal experience!!

dishonored, at its core, is a celebration of humanity. it asks you to celebrate human emotion and weakness despite greed and bigotry. the powers are not to be wanted, they are to be ignored, refused. it is human to hunger, but it is Queer and Divergent to make hunger your life’s meaning, to need to learn the secret, find the key, be chosen and loved and cherished, to be made whole by some perfect thing. to find your humanity in something un-human. dishonored sees all that, mourns it with you, and then asks you to find humanity in each other !! love the spine of your lover, the blood draining down the docks, the pause to stretch languidly in the sun of a work day.

and finally...on the topic of outsider shipping....i dont think that, in his god form, it does him much justice to be shipped with anyone. he’s not much of a person, just a projection of his former self and a vehicle for his allegory as discussed-- im sure he could be shipped like this, but it just isn’t satisfying to me in any way. however, let’s talk a bit about his lethal and nonlethal ending. DOTO asks you to make a choice. is it better to give him an abrupt and merciful ending, after deciding that the fury he’s endured at the hands of others’ famine is too much trauma for any mortal to live with? or will you decide that it’s only fair to give him a chance to live the life he never got to, to return his humanity that was taken without his consent? if you choose to free him from the void, i think you can very very easily make the argument that he can be shipped with corvo, or anyone else that can easily be shipped w/ ppl. he’s finally free to live his life as a queer man, can explore the simple and complex joys of being human with other people, navigate the hills and valleys he never got to before. corvo’s just a nice pick bc 1) experienced human/inexperienced human is good, 2) they know each other, but they don’t. this is a good setup. 3) corvo is an older queer man and uhh you cant convince me otherwise lol! and older queer/younger queer is a self indulgence for me. also corvo is just nice. i think he would enjoy helping the outsider navigate his new humanity.

just some thoughts i have running through my head all hours of the day :) this is really long cuz its a combination of a lot of infodumps from discord lmfao

#m #doto #death of the outsider #dishonored #Anonymous #long post

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reineyday · 3 years

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some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

#rei rambles #bnha #bnha 302 #todorokis #todoroki touya

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chal-lelerc · 4 years

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ok so like. here’s my harry potter house thing. i’m ngl i tried to do this but then i deleted it bc it was getting too long and i didn’t have the attention span but. it kept sticking in my brain so i decided to pick it back up and as such, i’ve lost the original post but it was a quarantine activity (sort drivers into houses, assign quidditch positions, explain) posted by @verstappened. houses done first, then positions, then explanations for both. i tried to make feasible teams, i.e making sure there arent too many of a single position per house, so this really screwed some of the sorting but oh well.

i did the houses first, then positions, then explanations in that order for the most part.

5/13/20: the sorting was mostly done before i heard all the differing opinions (of which there were many!)

5/19/20: alright so this is literally like 2 months old but i’ve just finished it lolol

Lewis Hamilton:

Slytherin: THE GLORY MAN. the aloof kind of superiority, confidence, is top dog, he’s simply the pinnacle of it all. kind of lethal and doesn’t do the whole ‘looking up to others’ things (outwardly, but he seems very soft on the inside tbh). very majestic and is almost a gryffindor, the kind of slytherin that Merlin is. hard-working, got here from incredibly humble beginnings, which kind of stands out from the rest, but he’s clearly now at the top level of society. still very protective of Others. scarily ambitious. Was originally a gryffindor but I wanted the brits to be in different houses for their quidditch positions to work. Could honestly go either way though.

Seeker: more glory. periodt. he stays winning and scoring the most points. clutch-man. Speedy boy, kind of in a different world than everyone else when competing (he’s always at the front lifetimes away from everyone else lmao. playing a diff game.)

Valtteri Bottas:

Hufflepuff: HE SEEMS. LIKE. A. BIG. CHILD. always relegated and brushed off but is literally God-Tier and no one can convince me otherwise. i consider him to be rather reliable (reflecting only the 2019 season at least lmao). a bit of a vindictive streak bc he knows what he’s Capable Of even when others underestimate him. has a very bright smile.

Beater: have u seen him. he’s a big boy even though he’s 5′8 and only an inch taller than lando norris he seems bigger than he is ok

Charles Leclerc:

Slytherin: this bitch. what a snake. hiss hiss.

Chaser: he wants what lewis hamilton has but chose the wrong position. still a star in his own right. pride and joy of his house, will be at the lead of every formation play unless told otherwise by his head of house, to which he will brood and complain ab but comply in the end bc he wants Team Success and loyalty to his Family. scores the most points on the team and people act like he carries even though he literally has a partner(s).

ok but fr my gut said charles is a slytherin (do i really need to explain why? very critical, doesn’t accept inferiority, somehow succeeds. just a feeling his brain seems to fit motorsport politics well), but i was seriously contemplating whether he’d be a gryffindor to max’s slytherin instead. but then i saw someone mention the whole lion schtick and i was like for all of max’s brattiness he is Gryffindor so sharl is snake. sorry don’t make the rules just follow them.

further edit: this was written before he started streaming (this is how old this draft is) and can u believe him he’s the epitome of the “not all slytherins r evil wenches” idea

Sebastian Vettel:

Ravenclaw: idk for all of Seb’s goofiness he just seems cerebral to me. Seems to know mildly irrelevant facts and is really quite smart however is hopeless in the modern age. Kind of that wise old(er he’s not that old) man knowledge. I’d trust him to give me all the life advice I need but also to write a 10 page essay on the nuances of the effect of emotion on verbal language (which we all know he is very experienced with).

Keeper: it’s the protective Dad Power.

Max Verstappen:

Gryffindor: WAS REALLY GONNA PUT HIM IN SLYTHERIN BC HE’S A NASTY LIL SHIT. TOTAL BRAT. GIVES FUCK ALL WHAT OTHERS SAY. BUT HE IS LION AND LION IS HE SO GRYFFINDOR IT IS. also just bc he needs to oppose sharl in every way possible it’s called Poetic Cinema. also his driving style is clearly the bravery and confidence to the point of recklessness that is prevalent among gryffindors.

Chaser: again, he must oppose Charles. so, not a seeker although he’s clearly singularly the most prized competitor. just like Charles, pride and joy of house, their star chaser. the comparisons never end. the competition never ends. the fighting never ends. one of the most interesting and dynamic performers to watch, is predictable in that he’s not predictable except that he will always be aggro to the max. will always be in trouble for getting rough bc that’s Not His Job but that’s just the gryffindor disregard for rules. master point scorer.

Alex Albon:

Gryffindor: was really a toss up btwn this and Hufflepuff but the ultimate deciding factor was the fact that I wanted all the British Boys to be seekers. he really just sticks it out as max’s teammate like a real one (nothing against max, everything against Helmet Merco) for the good of the team, still is sweet with max anyway. fitting that they’re in the same house too.

Seeker: he’s not the small boy that lando and lewis are but he is (thai/)British. very special boy (big ups on the promotion even tho it was Sad Times for Pear) deserves very special job. also he has a hot girlfriend (alex albon who i only know lily he’s boy toy) idk how that’s relevant but it seems fitting.

Carlos Sainz:

Ravenclaw: bc he’s a spaniard but is still better at english than Lando (i think everyone is tbh). Seems to be a quiet type of smart, sensible, but perhaps this is just the consequence of being compared to Lanno at all times LMAO (no hate all love bby Lannd). would be the type of ravenclaw to follow his friends on absolutely idiotic ventures but would step in to prevent near death or likely-legal-problem causing actions (and only then; otherwise it’s every man for themselves and everyone is free to make a fool of themselves and break some laws. carlos may dabble in such practices.)

Chaser: seems to be a go-getter, not going for points doesn’t even cross his mind. will always be the one driving up the pitch, the strategist of sorts bc he seems big(ger) brain (than lando lololol).

Edit: I wrote this part ab him long ago but this entire section of this post is now irrelevant and canceled.

Lando Norris:

Hufflepuff: you all know why. zero explanation needed. like, none.

also has a bit of an aggressive streak which tends to catch ppl off guard. is not afraid to confront u (hello pageNO) and at times defies the hufflepuff stereotype of being perpetually happy go-lucky (he has his bad days!). but when with His True Crew he is absolutely a hufflepuff ball of energy.

Seeker: small and speedy. energetic to the max. small. quirky and different from the rest, so he gets the special job. small. everyone would kill to protect him. small.

Daniel Ricciardo:

Gryffindor: AW I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE THAT I PUT HIM AND MAX TOGETHER. LOOK I EVEN MADE THEM BOTH CHASERS. AH HOW BIGBRAIN MY MIND IS. everything ab dan is gold. golden skin, the colors in redbull and renault, his smile, just the vibes. he’s just got the enthusiasm and charisma and this intensity of a gryffindor. super aggressive, his late breaking (from his rbr at least) is legendary and maddening with how he pulls it off. is almost a hufflepuff but the gut said no.

Chaser: is Max’s teammate. so yeah. was obviously the star until younger max came to the show. a bit lost in limbo bc of it but they still work well together.

literally want to make him a hufflepuff so. bad. but i couldn’t split up maxiel. also his vibe is just different from other ‘puffs like stroll so.

Esteban Ocon:

Slytherin: ask max.

Chaser: being characterized off of their relationship with max seems to be a theme here. will go head to head with max w/ absolutely zero shits given. talented, but the rivalry with max is entirely secondary to charles imho. still yet to show his full potential but is still quietly a thorn in max’s side. many are interested to see what he is able to do in the immediate future.

Pierre Gasly:

Hufflepuff: GUYS HE WANTS TO OWN A PANDA

Chaser: constantly trying to prove himself and score big boy points. had a stint as seeker until lando came along. did not do as well as ppl had hoped, returned to chaser and proceeded to crush it from there. praticed a lot with charles as children (the friendship dynamic w/ their houses was definitely unforseen but is amazing).

Daniil Kvyat:

Hufflepuff: really wanted to make him a slytherin but the quidditch positions didn’t work out. firmly believe this works though. more of the rough and tumble type, definitely the kind that will sock u in the nose if u write off hufflepuffs as a joke. could honestly probably be a gryffindor too with how unapologetically aggressive he can be in the name of His Beliefs. gives me big dumb himbo vibes now that i think ab it tbh which is mostly the justification here. also he has a child omg.

Chaser: but the one that’s always headbutting bludgers out of the air (torpedo bitches). also had a stint as seeker before but it Was Not His Thing. he’d much rather be chasing and throwing things than seeking things. also he’s pierre’s mate :,) would’ve been a beater but romain and valtteri will not be anything else so daniil took the boot whoops.

Sergio Perez:

Slytherin: it’s just the vibe. knows his weaknesses and is able to make up for it with his confidence and talent in his strengths. very ambitious, plays the right cards at the right times to get the right results. something ab him puts me on edge, but like in a good way; i feel like there’s always a trump card up his sleeve, like when he gets to q3 out of fucking nowhere in a racing point.

Keeper: he gives me the same vibes as seb idk what it is. very dependable, backbone of his team.

Lance Stroll:

Hufflepuff: guys have u seen the guy. he’s just here to have a good time. may seem a bit airheaded at times but he means well 99% of the time. untapped potential. seems like a no thoughts head empty canadian hockey boy (and every one of these types is a hufflepuff don’t fight it); may or may not be the only accurate description of him.

Chaser: he’s just trying his best out here. i

KEEPER?: SO I DID A QUICK GOOGLE AND HE USED TO BE A HOCKEY

GOALIE?????

so scratch my initial thoughts (tbh i didn’t really know where to put him and i originally had romain as keeper but that’s an issue to fix later on now) BECAUSE LANCE STROLL IS A keeper GOALIE AND NO ONE CAN REFUTE THIS. ABSOLUTELY NO HUMAN OF THIS EARTH. WHAT GLORIOUS INFORMATION TO STUMBLE ACROSS.

Kimi Raikkonen:

Slytherin: guys i really don’t have an in depth analysis of this but i don’t think iceman needs one.

Beater: see above^. y’all must get the vibe.

tbh could also be a keeper tho similar energies to seb and checo, but honestly his no fucks given attitude is ultimately what swayed me

Antonio Giovinazzi:

Gryffindor: he just has that majestic quality (that could also fit a slytherin but i only see red when i see antonio). look at that lion’s mane. also he’s one of kimi’s to paddock friends? seems fitting that he’s a gryffindor to kimi’s slytherin.

Chaser: plays second fiddle to the duo that is max and daniel, often regulated to vibing on the side. but he’s there and he’s important and he has potential (i’ve been seeing ppl talking ab a ferrari move and i’m positively shaken). [edit: again, this post is old.]

im sorry its glaringly obvious idk much about him asdfjasldkd

Kevin Magnussen:

Slytherin: guys lots of these are just self explanatory sorry if i seem like im taking the cheap way out but it’s fact. brundle and crofty call him a great white shark for crying out loud.

Beater: unapologetically chaotic. lurking around the edges making people feel hunted. spends more time playing baseball in the middle of the matches than quidditch and sometimes it backfires but it’s good fun and it sometimes works.

Romain Grosjean:

Hufflepuff: y’all he’s such dad energy and he likes to cook. gets written off a lot but he actually cares (he’s a part of the grand prix drivers assoc.!). he seems so wholesome and he spends time with his kids and their school work when he can do u feel those water drops yeah those r my tears.

Beater: i really wanted to make him a slytherin beater to make him teammates with k-mag but he’s just. not a slytherin. but i kept the beater part. spends the majority of the hufflepuff v. slytherin matches sending bludgers kevin’s way even when he doesn’t mean to. it’s always reciprocated.

George Russell:

Ravenclaw: I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN THIS KID. is so marvelously well spoken and he just has such a simple yet effective way with words. he knows what’s reasonable to expect but never fails to expect the most that he can given his circumstances. again, mentioned this before but a lot of it is his accent. the glottal stop is a historically stereotypically rural (i.e. “uneducated”) thing but I’m American and I Don’t Listen to the Rules, so the accent just makes him seem so sophisticated to me especially when he’s saying things like “horriiiiiiiific” and presenting his hefty powerpoints.

Seeker: my British Boys Are Seekers headcanon continues. definitely a Golden Boy of the team kind of guy (hello tragic dumpsterfire that is williams :/ ).

Nicholas Latifi:

Hufflepuff: same boat as lance. his twitch streams are so wholesome he’s just chilling man. twitter made me write him off as daft and unnecessary at first but like fuck twitter i’m all here for ninky latvia now.

Chaser: lowkey gives me keeper vibes as well? the sensible, level-headedness. but obvs that’s lance so chaser it is. still the level-headedness that helps him hold down the fort btwn pierre and daniil who can tend to get a bit imaginative, and also the energies of them + lando.

5/19/20: so it’s quite clear to me that i grew tired of brain functions the more time i took on this and the later ones are a bit lacking and for that i’m very sorry. that being said i’m still happy to see this finished bc the idea was VERY exciting for me.

#max verstappen #charles leclerc #daniel ricciardo #lando norris #f1 #formula one #f1 grid #harry potter grid #finally done folks lordt #was anyone waiting for this idk but it's here #it's also glaringly obvious who i know less about but that too is something that one must excuse #whoops

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taehyungsgrowl · 4 years

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SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him.

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know.

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible.

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing 🥺and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING.

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though)

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING

#nate #dumb!reader #nate x dumb!reader #duncan x dumb!reader x nate #duncan shepherd

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nozomijoestar · 4 years

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Wrote NaraTrish having fun, confessing, and comforting each other bc they’re so great as either friends or a couple

*This isn’t for nasty pedo thotties or prudish infantilizing thotties, both sides of the discourse shut up 1-2 year gap max is fine and no one should ever sexualize minors with or without adults, this is for well adjusted people who recognize teens can explore sexuality and romance without showing sex or being disgusting fetish ty

Anyway I made like 3 Aerosmith song references if you can find them cool keep on rockin (extra bonus if you know what the allusion is at the final paragraph and line) also bisexual hc for both

"Your hands are a lot bigger than mine. That's friggin unfair. I'm a guy!" Trish giggled yet the only irritation he felt aimed at himself. He knew why that was. How he once scrounged a year eating trash; no home or bed and the eyes of wolves reflected in anyone else. When he would tell her however remained uncertain. It brought only shame. "Narancia there's nothing wrong with that. Look, you're covered with callouses. I'd never get one in a million years." She smiled and separated their hands to trace along his. Her finger ran along his lifeline; a patch of skin on his left palm mangled by scars. He didn't know what quick thing he should say. His boyish eyes were too dazzled by how smooth she was by comparison. How nice she smelled. The way he carried himself just didn't cut it. But now wasn't the time to think, Trish was speaking. "If you're worried about looking manly I think you're already there. Halfway at least." Narancia groaned and hung his head. The bravado he clung to deflated. She touched their foreheads. Their hands returned to their laps. No hesitation bothered Trish when she stroked his cheek. He moved to rest his head against her shoulder. "You really think I'm doing a good job Trish? This whole thing, this fuckin mess...Your life in danger...Your asshole dad-" "I said before to all of you. Even if I have to die by the end; I won't meet it without knowing who I came from. I'll see this through never running away." She felt him sigh and lean against her. She'd flooded confidence into what she said. It was conviction. Not just because she believed it, or because facing one's problems defined responsibility. Courage propelled Narancia forward; eased past his turbulent indecisiveness whenever he wasn't under threat. Buccellati breathed such a thing as if it were life energy. Without her full awareness that will had a hand in shaping her, when exactly she couldn't say. To think the same man she might regard as a true father often disregarded Narancia being wounded short of death- that gnawed at her. To Trish, risking his life being part of the job didn't justify some callousness. Whether she loved Narancia as a man or a comrade he mattered beyond being ordered. When she realized he'd gone awfully quiet she embraced him. He was so small despite being an inch taller. A minute passed before anything came from him. "I was so scared. Following everyone- I was so so scared. Buccellati's never been wrong; but when I had to make up my own mind I froze. That's awful...I owe him everything but I froze. Why couldn't I just be ready to die for him and come along to begin with?" She pet his hair and leaned against him closing her eyes. He felt coarse, even a bit sweaty. No one could remember the last time they'd taken consistent showers. Yet the longer she felt his heart in silence the more she didn't care. Only he could do that. Of the talkative bunch Mista was a friend; but his fault lay in the ways he bore himself down. Asserted himself a bit too intensely. Narancia had been different from the start. Thus by her book he got away with less. Most importantly he was the easiest to talk to. He could be loud and quick tempered at insults- then soft spoken the moment he grew unsure in himself, or unsure at saying the right thing on his mind. Even if he didn't always understand, he knew how to consider what others suffered. Not once could Trish remember him speaking to her knowingly with ill intent. So she held him thinking, grasping in her mind for any smart sounding solutions. Anything Buccellati might say as much as it annoyed her to admit it. Ultimately that proved fruitless. No one else but Buccellati could be him after all. Instead she said, "No one is glad to die Narancia." He tensed up. Trish pulled back and looked him in the eyes; spoke directly to his heart. "No one's glad to die even if they say they are. They'll hate it right to the moment it happens. I think you were right to hesitate. That's not an easy choice." "Hmm...if you say so. Giorno gave me hope what I chose was right y'know; he's that kinda guy. I gotta figure out how to do that for me. And I guess also...the stuff you said about not giving up on finding things out..." Narancia fiddled with his hands. Mussed his hair. Buying this much time to think in conversation set off Trish's suspicions. She raised an eyebrow; that was her tell. "I thought you were a lot like me. But you don't just do things on whims, so I guess not. Sorry." The room inside the turtle grew quiet only for a pause. Trish broke it with a laugh light as air. Immediately Narancia's grim mood was wiped away by a panic. He spoke as she kept laughing. "Did I say something dumb?" Trish wiped a tear from her eye and fell calm. She had such control of her emotions sometimes he could always tell where one had stopped and the other began. Emotion through his mind took on the unguided frenzy of a storm. The idea of control, like obeying authority he didn't choose, slid off him no better than oil on water. "No no Narancia just silly. You can empathize with someone without being them." "Empathize? What's that mean?" "Means you can understand what someone feels. You understand it and share it. Usually if you've gone through similar things." "My mom died when I was younger and my dad could care less about me too. That's why I emp...empi-" "Em-pa-thigh-ze." "Yeah that. Empathize." "That's alright Narancia I get it." She wouldn't press him for more. That would come in his own time on his own terms. Not knowing everything didn't make the pang in her heart less real. "Dads suck huh?" They laughed. They didn't know if it was to mask hurt or dry humor or both. Though it felt sudden but certainly wasn't, now Trish wanted anything to change the mood. She stood up and Narancia's eyes followed in constant interest. No one needed to say anything for him to mimic her. "I never showed you my Stand did I? You were injured." In an instant every feature of Narancia's face glowed excitement. He made exaggerated gestures and talked almost twice as fast. The others could find it annoying or immature but she saw endearing. "You didn't you have to show me! What's its name? Lemme see lemme see!" "Settle down Narancia I'm not going anywhere." Trish stood still and shut her eyes. She breathed a deep breath. Her concentration would've faltered if it weren't his eyes watching. A trick she's formed was to focus on an idea of her father. How she'd hit him back. The rest came easy. "Spice Girl." A feeling on her skin like a buzz when you come close to an electric current swept over her. Behind her, from her a shimmering humanoid figure emerged. Despite all the attention it took to summon Spice Girl appeared in an instant. It matched her height and build; that was where the similarities ended. It's skin was pinks and reds and rare whites. The eyes were catty and yellow; all emotion reserved to observe the world. Symbols marked its head, kneecaps, and shoulders. Though he never finished elementary school Narancia thanked Fugo for learning to recognize them. They were equation markers. Addition and division. Something akin to a tunic with narrow rectangular gaps covered its chest. A tiny skirt resembling a Centurion's at the end of that hid the groin. It said nothing yet stared at him; peered into him as if seeing not his body but Aerosmith. Trish opened her eyes; shifted from looking lovingly up at her Stand to enthralled Narancia. His naturally big eyes gave him the wonder of a child. That she always found cute. What hitched her breath came seeing the gentle fascination, the pride for someone else, the way he stared as though it were the only thing he'd find tender. She moved to walk closer toward him and found him doing the same. He remained entranced until they gently collided. Finally his eyes fell on her again; their sweet emotion unchanged. In one of those rare contemplative moments he spoke soft but genuine. Forever genuine. He didn't know any other way to be. "It's really nice Trish. Way cooler than Aerosmith. It looks like it always knows what to do; that's you all the way. Looks strong." Suddenly her face grew red hot; her first blush not from embarrassment. If Narancia noticed he didn't say it, but he probably had. "What can it do?" "It makes anything softer. Like rubber. And that-" She rose her hand and clenched it the way Spice Girl had done at its awakening. "Makes them stronger than diamonds." Spice Girl punched the floor in a blink. The rug beneath them stretched like gum. Narancia stares down trembling ever so slightly. The fabric had appeared to melt into a reflective puddle. Shifting his feet produced a rubbery squish. It consumed him faster than quicksand. Before they could sink knee deep as the ground gave way, it was undone. He sighed and caught his breath. Little by little his composure returned. Though he would never be endangered at her hand such strength made anyone nervous. Spice Girl returned within Trish. They were within arms length. "Pretty crazy huh? I'd never have believed it till it appeared." Narancia nodded dumbly. When she took his hands again he swallowed hard; looked her head on. He had a knack for reading into anything if he applied himself. Right now it washed away under the racing of his heart. There was an energy to her expression he'd never seen on anyone. A look he once imagined Fugo might wear. His body tingled. Trish spoke uncharacteristically sheepish. Paused in places where he thought she'd be firm. Her thumbs brushed along his and it gave him a chill. He didn't want to pull back. The last bits of his rationale struggled to give answers. Was she sick? Did she need to lie down? More importantly how much longer did they have alone? What would he tell the guys? Buccellati? "Narancia I...uh well...this might be weird but- have you ever kissed someone?" A pause. His memory skipped in disbelief. "W-What?" "Kissed someone. Anyone. On the mouth." "Like how my parents used to?" Trish laughed into a sigh. "Yeah like that." Narancia scrambled to undo the burned out engine his thoughts became. He was growing way too hot. Hot the way he sometimes did dreaming of Fugo, or some magazine model, or...Trish. Those nights he'd wake up covered in sweat and dazed. The feeling crashed its way into the present faster than a plane. He couldn't meet her eyes. "No. You'll probably say it's weird but I used to...imagine that with Fugo. N-Not all the time! It would just happen and I couldn't do anything about it." "Oh? Really?" "Yeah. It's stupid cuz guys are supposed to think about girls. And that kind of stuff with them..." If he were looking he'd see some of Trish's fire dampen. She didn't let it reach her voice. "Do you still think of him that way?" "No! N-No...not since he left. I mean I can get why but, he abandoned us when we needed him." His eyes flit to her again. "When you needed him. It's made me real confused; angry too I guess." "Well it's not weird. Not to me. Don't tell anyone but sometimes I've thought of girls too and-" Trish grew fully red in the face again. Even she couldn't finish that sentence. Narancia gasped; his expression lit up with something not painful. "So you get it then! I thought I was the only one. Boys and girls...I don't think I care which." "Right? I don't think I could choose either. But my real question is-" She leaned closer letting him hear her heart through her pulse. He didn't need Aerosmith to tell her breathing went fluttery. It made him want to lean in. "Have you ever wanted to kiss me?" Wordlessly he held her. The spinning indecisiveness that had him tail diving righted itself. He stared at her with his mind made. The tiny gasp she gave at the move solidified his resolve. This wasn't a dream. "You should've just asked me that in the first place." "Eh? So you-" "To be honest I thought you'd never ask or do anything. I'm not the brightest guy at this stuff." "Sorry..." "It's alright." "Really?" "Yeah." Their faces were a hairsbreadth apart. "Ah-" Their eyes shut at the brush of their lips. Neither needed direction or would've taken any from anyone but themselves. He felt Trish wrap her arms around his neck; pressed all of herself against him the way he did her. Slowly she pulled him down with her fingers in his hair. Kissed him stronger when they knelt in sync. The feel of his touch along her jaw electrified them both. Affectionately he brushed her hair behind her ear. No longer than seconds passed each time they separated into another kiss; shallow or meaningful. One after another. The thought of being caught with one look into the turtle from above meant nothing to their roaring hearts. How long it'd been before they separated they didn't know. They sighed against each other. Trish was the first to smile; to giggle in that mystical way Narancia couldn't explain but felt. He kissed her forehead; hated to let go. "Trish I lov-" She put a finger to his lips. "You've already said it for now. Just hold me. I wanna know you're really here." "Ok...ok." They laid on the rug embracing all the while. When she leaned against his chest and tickled his neck at each breath- that was a home. A place only they had. She tilted his chin and he gave it gladly; blushed at the kiss on his nose. At this distance he felt her heart through his. He rested his cheek atop Trish's hair. "Are people always this warm so close?" She asked. "I dunno. Never checked." "I guess we found out anyway." He heard the sleepiness in her voice. She grew heavier against him; relaxed into his shape. He looked down to find her eyes closed. Trish wrapped her arm tighter around his waist. He returned the favor as she slept. Narancia felt himself tire. Trish was the warmest heat he'd ever known. It could rage for him like a furnace one moment, then be gentler than sunlight. He blinked hard and fast. Never took his gaze off Trish. To hell if he was tired. He didn't want to miss a moment. Never one to deny his impulses he kissed her eyes. She made a soft noise against him. Like dusk to dawn the present became the past. The need to rest his body weighed upon him began to win. Before he could drift away his mind showed him a fleeting image. He was alone again. Damp and dirty and his bandaged eye burning. Two years ago that kind of night blended into the next without end. He'd clutch his only blanket tight; his only comfort against death or cold or despair. Narancia glanced at Trish a final time. The helpless boy of then rested into the arms of his blanket, his safety. He'd never slept so soundly.

#naratrish #hoes dont interact those who like it leave a like or rb i appreciate it #narancia ghirga #trish una #jojo's bizarre adventure #my writing

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camilahq · 4 years

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time to talk

TAGGING: KJ @itskjapa, Cami.

LOCATION: Vancouver, BC.

TIMEFRAME: March 15th, 2020

NOTES: Camila and KJ discuss the events of the weekend and establish that they want to be together, but without labels for now.

Cami: Sunday had been miserable. Madelaine had come over with Olive to serve as a distraction to Cami, but her thoughts had never left KJ. Once Mads had left for the night, she'd hardly slept, tossing and turning most of the night. She'd taken a bath at some early morning hour, trying to clear her thoughts and help herself sleep. It had worked, but only for a few hours and by the time 8 o'clock rolled around she couldn't lay in bed any longer. Camila didn't even care to change out of his sweatshirt she had tried to fall asleep in or her black leggings. Pulling her hair up into a ponytail and washing her face, but leaving it free of any makeup, she picked up Truffle and left the apartment complex for coffee. Standing in front of his apartment door now, back inside their complex, she could hardly muster the courage to knock. Truffle was at her feet and she held a drink carrier with a cup of black coffee for him and her usual almond milk latte in her one hand while she raised her other hand to knock at his door. She knew that her eyes still looked slightly red from crying, but she didn't care about any of that right now. All she cared about was KJ.

KJ: Life had a very nasty sense of humor. KJ had felt on top of the world after his date with Camila -- as if for the first time in a very long time, everything had fallen into place. Holding themselves back from any serious conversation the previous weeks, this moment between them had been the complete opposite. There had been minimal physical interaction and the emotional part of their relationship had emerged in a way that had given him hope for something more. Something real. Until it all came crashing down with a handful of texts exchanged that had left the redhead lost and confused regarding the situation. There was an issue he couldn’t pinpoint and Camila had not been eager to help him in the slightest. They needed to talk and any guy on this Earth knew exactly what that led to. Perhaps his feelings were not reciprocated after all. With the same shirt and boxers he had worn the day before, tired features and tousled hair, KJ made his way to the door. Feet dragging on the floor a clear sign he was dreading the moment that would come. There was no word uttered when he finally opened the door; instead, he leaned back against the wall and waited until she would cross the threshold. Avoiding her gaze altogether.

Cami: At the sight of his tired features and tousled hair, Cami almost burst into tears. They both looked about the same and she knew it was all her fault. The silence was deafening as she crossed the threshold into his apartment, Truffle running ahead of her to claim her usual spot on his couch. "I brought coffee," she whispered, barely able to find her voice while trying to keep her tears at bay. Setting the drink carrier on his kitchen counter, the same counter where they had taken those first steps in blurring the lines between friendship and something more, she picked up her latte, taking a sip. Camila knew that she was ignoring the elephant in the room, but she just couldn't find the strength just yet. After a few sips of coffee, she'd be ready to rip off the bandaid, she just wished he would look at her.

KJ: He barely nodded when she mentioned bringing coffee, following her inside the apartment but keeping his distance. KJ knew his actions or lack of thereof were perhaps exaggerated -- though fear was gripping him, anxious that whatever they had been partaking in would end as abruptly as it had started. And perhaps if he kept quiet, it would delay the inevitable. Give him enough time to bask in her presence in an intimate setting for the very last time. Even if nothing about this moment was romantic in the slightest. Reaching for the coffee, the redhead brought it up to his lips and allowed the liquid to glide down his throat. A brief but welcoming warmth that invaded his being. He leaned against the kitchen island and ran a hand through his hair -- trying his best to tame the wild strands and a clear sign regarding how nervous he was. Waiting for the moment when she would finally break the silence and his heart.

Cami: The silence was killing her as he sipped his coffee. She watched him lean against the kitchen island, running his fingers through his hair. “Kaje,” she started, looking at him nervously. Camila wanted to reach out for him, but she knew that she shouldn’t. He was upset and she didn’t want to overstep. “Last night, Jordan came over because he was in town and he wanted to see me,” she continued, biting her lip. “He told me that he had feelings for me,” she trailed off, looking away from him. “It completely took me by surprise, I didn’t really know what to say, so I ran off to my bedroom and he left.” Camila was pacing the kitchen now. “I just needed some time to let it all sink in, I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner.”

KJ: The way she said his name pulled him out of the trance he had been in. And he straightened his form against the furniture, brown eyes intently fixed on the cup he was holding -- feeling as if time was his worst enemy. Until Camila finally explained herself. Jordan’s name elicited a quiet chuckle devoid of any humor and he shook his head; mostly at himself. KJ had seen this coming from miles away, though she had found his reaction ridiculous back then. As if the idea of something more with him was laughable. And yet, he was the sole reason she had pushed him away in the first place the previous day. Surely caught up in old feelings she had forgotten about, thinking they weren’t reciprocated. Just like he had felt the past four years by her side. Which made him the footnote in the grand story they had started. His jaw clenched tightly and he willed himself to speak for the first time since she had stepped inside his apartment. “If you’re gonna do this-- do it fast,” he uttered with a lump in his throat.

Cami: Hearing him scoff annoyed her, but she didn't show any trace of annoyance toward him. Camila watched as his jaw clenched tightly and then she heard his voice for the first time. "Do wha-?" she started, looking at him confused before she realized what he was insinuating. "Kaje... I told Jordan I didn't feel the same way. There's a chance I did feel something for him a couple of months ago, but you've been the only guy on my mind for weeks," she started up again, putting down her cup of coffee and moving to stand right in front of him. She reached out to cup his cheek in her hand. "It broke my heart to hurt Jordan because he's my friend, but you're the one I want to be with," she whispered that last part, tears falling from her eyes as she looked at him with all of the love she could muster. "I'm good with us still just having fun and going on dates, we don't have to put anything in writing right now, but you never have to worry about me falling for someone else." Camila had both of her hands cupping his face now, she knew that she probably looked a complete mess but she didn't care. "I fell for you, Keneti James, hard- like right on my ass," she chuckled, tears still in her eyes. "You're the only person I can see myself being with."

KJ: Brows furrowed in confusion as she spoke once more, KJ didn’t dare move from his spot. The last-minute had been a rollercoaster of emotions he wasn’t sure how to handle. From believing Camila was ending their relationship, to her announcing the complete opposite. It all felt so surreal that his attention was still entirely focused on the cup of coffee currently in his hold as his brain tried to make sense of all the contradictory information it was filled with. The touch of her hand on his cheek was what finally made him move -- his eyes flickering upward and meeting her own. Witnessing the tears rolling down her cheeks while he pondered if the words still falling from her lips were not a figment of his imagination. This was more than he had imagined he would ever hear her say. And the heart pounding in his chest was ready to burst. “Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered, disregarding the coffee behind him and allowing his thumbs to wipe away the tears. His own gaze being overcome with emotions at the sight. “I’m so sorry-- I really thought... I mean, I shouldn’t have...” The redhead had a hard time finishing his sentences and decided to draw her in his arms for a tight hug, burying his head in the crook of her neck. “I was so scared I had lost you. I want this for us so much. And we’ll take it at the pace you want.” he murmured against her skin, peppering it with kisses as he breathed her in. Simple gestures he had believed he’d never get the chance to experience again.

Cami: Once he looked into her eyes she completely melted as he shushed her and whispered that it would be okay, of course, like always, the tables had turned and he was now comforting her. She blushed as he wiped her tears away and frowned slightly as he apologized. "Kaje, you've got nothing to apologize for, it's okay if you had a few moments of doubt, I'm not upset with you," she whispered, burying her face into his chest as he wrapped her up in a tight hug. It was exactly what she needed right now. She smiled at his words, her face still buried in his shirt, breathing in his familiar scent. "You're never going to lose me," she whispered, relaxing even more into his arms as he peppered her skin with kisses. The gesture causing her to hum against him. "I'm sorry I'm such a weepy, snotty mess," she giggled, pulling away from his chest so she could really look at him. "I don't look too hot," she added with a smirk. "But, I want this so much for us too, I just don't think we need to label anything right away. We just have this unspoken agreement that I'm yours and you're mine."

KJ: A light snort escaped him as she pulled away and mentioned her appearance. His brown eyes taking in her tears stained features with adoration. It hurt to know he was partially responsible for the pain she had gone through -- even if only briefly over some kind of miscommunication. KJ promised himself at that moment to never assume anything regarding her feelings and the things she might have shared with other people. Such futile doubts were not worth the tears he had witnessed falling upon her cheeks. “You’re mine,” he repeated in a quiet voice, letting the words roll off his tongue and appreciating the way it filled his ears. Just like the things she had uttered previously, it seemed like a dream. Something he had once pondered on knowing it would never come true. And yet, life had, in the end, decided to not be as cruel. At least for the time being. “Mine,” he said again, this time firmly as a wide smile crossed his lips before he drew her against him for another tight hug. “I’m yours and you’re mine. That sounds like a good plan to me, aye.”

Cami: He wasn’t saying it, but Camila knew he still was feeling bad about being part of the reason for her tears. She wished he wouldn’t do that, feel bad about things out of his control, but she knew it was in his nature. KJ was one of the most sympathetic people she’d ever met. As his gaze situated on her, she couldn’t help but smile. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off her chest after she had said all that she had wanted to say. Now as he was repeating the sentiment she couldn’t help but blush. “All yours,” she added with a grin. She chuckled as he repeated it again, pulling her against him for another hug. “Sounds like a perfect plan,” she whispered into his chest just as her stomach grumbled slightly. “Can we make some breakfast?” she asked, looking up at him with a smile. “Despite being a terrible cook, I can actually make eggs,” she said with a smirk, holding his hand in hers as she dragged him towards the fridge, not wanting to be away from him for too long after the horrible 24 hours she had spent away from him the day before.

KJ: The thick tension between them had finally dissipated to leave a place to their usual banter -- KJ snorted in disbelief at her words, although the expression plastered on his features was one of amusement. “You know how to make eggs?” he inquired in a teasing tone, allowing her to pull him along as she made her way to the fridge. More than ready to put aside for the time being whatever else they needed to discuss regarding that dreadful weekend. Right now all he wanted was to focus on them and make up for his stupidity over the whole thing. Many hours wasted with negative thoughts. “I reckon that’s surely quite the sight. Show me your skills, Mendes.” Taking place on a stool, the redhead kept his gaze on Camila -- the coffee was long forgotten and her simple presence enough to brighten what was supposed to be a gloomy day. The world was still in a crisis around them, but having her by his side made him feel like he could take on everything coming his way. Teeth dragging along his bottom lip, he tilted his head to get a better look at what she was doing. “Maybe you should cook breakfast for me every day. Depending on how good those eggs are going to be, aye. Try not to send us to the hospital.”

Cami: She knew they had more to discuss from their dreadful weekend, but for now she was hungry and she couldn’t have another deep talk on an empty stomach. “Yes, is that so hard to believe?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “Watch and learn,” she teased, grabbing the eggs, milk, and cheese from the fridge. Rolling her eyes at his next comment, she turned to glare at him in a teasing way. “I’d love nothing more than to cook breakfast for you every day - but only if you cook me dinner,” she replied with a smirk. “We won’t end up in the hospital, drama queen,” she added, lightly smacking his chest before she returned to her task. Camila pulled out a bowl, cracking eggs into the bowl and adding milk to the mixture before she poured it into the pan on the stove. Mixing the eggs together, she added cheese before taking the eggs out of the pan so that it would melt. Turning off the stove, Cami got bread and made toast and then she went back into the fridge to find some fruit, cutting it up and putting it on their plates. Adding the eggs and toast after. “Breakfast is served,” she exclaimed, looking at KJ with a twinkle in her eye. She took their plates to his table, shaking her hips as she walked.

KJ: The smile that had appeared on his face earlier was still etched on his features and it was nearly impossible to get rid of it. His entire being felt so light and content now, so far from the sadness it had been submerged with -- all KJ wanted was to bask in her wonderful self and strictly focus on the two of them. Just simply be themselves. “We might be able to find a compromise. Just means you’ll have to be around heaps.” The thought of sharing their mornings and evenings whenever they were able to didn’t sound like a bad idea from his point of view. Especially now that they had cleared up the air regarding what they wanted out of this relationship. But they needed to take their time and the less pressure they had, the better things would be in the end. Following suit when Camila made her way to the living room, his eyes trailed down to her backside, fixated on the motions of her hips. “Tease,” he mumbled under his breath, giving her a playful slap on her cheeks before sitting down on the chair she was going to get for herself. Instead, he patted his lap with a bright grin, inviting her to take place on him. “Someone’s gotta make up for yesterday-- leaving me on my own without anyone to watch Netflix with. Sounds like a good start right here.”

Cami: Now that the tension was mostly gone from the room, Camila felt like she could breathe again. "I'd love nothing more than to be around heaps," she said with a smile. They'd been spending plenty of time with each other anyway so it just made sense to spend most of their time together right now. Camila could feel his eyes on her as she walked, swaying her hips. "Takes one to know one," she whispered, shrieking as he playfully slapped her ass. "Hey!" she exclaimed as he took her chair, but her outburst turned into a fit of giggles as he invited her to sit on his lap. "How are we both going to eat if I'm on your lap?" she questioned, turning to look at him. "I agree this does feel like a good start," she stated with a smile. "I am really sorry about yesterday," she whispered, not wanting to get too sad again. "I'll give you all of the Netflix and cuddles tonight, baby."

KJ mobile: With a swift tug on her arm, KJ pulled her on his lap and snaked one of his arms around her waist to keep her close — his free hand reaching for the fork. “It’s called teamwork, Mendes. I feed you and you feed me,” he answered while holding the utensil up to her mouth so she could have the first taste of the cooked eggs. His grin faltered as Camila mentioned the previous day; the thought of it too depressing to focus on. This was a new day and a new beginning for them. “It’s okay, Cami. I’m not that innocent either. Though, let’s leave this where it is for now. I would like for us to spend the most chill day we’ve ever had, aye. Together.” The redhead dropped a brief kiss on her cheek and directed his gaze back onto the plate. The eggs looked wonderful and he was certain the rest of it too. Although, it didn’t mean he couldn’t tease her about it. “Gimme a taste.“ The innuendo seeped through the words uttered as he squeezed her side playfully and he opened his mouth, waiting for the food she had prepared.

Cami: Squealing as KJ tugged on her arm to pull her into his lap, she grinned as his arm snaked around her waist. "We're feeding each other now? Isn't that so romantic," she whispered, moving her head forward to take a bit off of the fork he offered to her. "Yum," she hummed in response to the taste, satisfied that she'd done a good job. Camila noticed his grin falter and her hand came up to cup his cheek. "I'm happy to leave it where it is, I'd love nothing more than to spend a very chill day with you, Keneti," she replied, blushing as he kissed her cheek. "The last time we were here, I was giving you a taste of something much different," she teased back, putting some eggs on the fork in her hand and feeding them to him. "How's that, baby?" she asked, looking at him with pleading eyes, waiting for a response. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she had ever been this happy, at least not recently. KJ had turned her whole world upside down in the last couple of weeks and she was going to be forever grateful to him for that. He was truly the sweetest man she had ever met and she felt so incredibly lucky to be cared for by him.

KJ: At the mention of their tryst in that very same room when everything had gotten out of control in such an unexpected way, KJ couldn’t help but laugh -- a light blush creeping up his cheeks. It was always so easy to be bold when she was involved. Though, he still couldn’t believe they had been such heathens in the first place. Never in a million years had he ever pondered on the possibility of doing those things for the very first time in his kitchen. “Nothing’s gonna be able to beat that,” he replied with a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, wiggling his eyebrows as Camila turned sideways to feed him. It was no secret that most meals in her apartment were frozen or takeout. So it was carefully that the redhead took the bite she offered, only to be very surprised by the texture of the eggs. And unable to conceal it on his features. “That’s very good.” he hummed in appreciation, nodding his head as he swallowed the food. “I’m impressed. Like-- I didn’t know you could actually do something in the kitchen. Especially not after the pasta mess, aye.” Another laugh tumbled out of his mouth just as he buried his head in the crook of her neck; hiding from any kind of retaliation from his teasing. “Those are the only eggs I wanna eat from now on.”

Cami: Noticing the blush creeping on his cheeks, Camila leaned forward to place a kiss to them. She giggled as he wiggled in eyebrows in response to her turning to feed him. Camila noticed how he carefully took the bite that she offered, smacking him playfully in fake offense. "Don't act so surprised, I'm not completely helpless," she exclaimed. "There are lots of things I can do in the kitchen," she teased, wiggling her own eyebrows at the redhead. At the feeling of his face in her neck, she moved her free hand to the nape of his own, tugging at his hair. "I know we're having a cute and cuddly moment right now, but I just want you to kiss me- like a knock the air out of my lungs kiss," she whispered, tugging on his hair so he would look at her. She wasn't asking for anything more, just a kiss. They at least deserved that after all of the confusion and sadness.

KJ: At her request, KJ looked up from the place where his head had found refuge, his gaze immediately meeting her own. For two people who had been so physical in the first place, it was rather surprising their lips had yet to touch. The emotions from the previous day and the misunderstanding had led them to focus on simple gestures along with the need to be close to one another. Though now that Camila had voiced aloud what she wanted from him, there was strictly nothing else on his mind. His brown eyes trailed down to her mouth as he slowly moved forward -- tentatively moving his bottom lip against her upper one, her warm breath invading his senses. She wanted a kiss that would knock the air out of her lungs and he was more than ready to deliver. The anticipation only adding intensity to the already charged moment. Just as softly, their mouths finally met in endless brushes that were savored as if for the very first time. His hands finding a place on her back and drawing her closer. Allowing the pace to gradually pick up until his tongue darted out and sought entrance.

Cami: When he looked into her eyes, she melted. Dark brown eyes staring back into her own, making her smile so big. She could've just stared at him forever, memorizing every feature of his beautiful face. Camila didn't want to cross the line into anything too sexual today, they'd filled plenty of their time with that, now it was time to focus on each other in other ways, but that didn't mean she didn't want to just grab his face and kiss him as passionately as ever. As his bottom lip came into contact with her upper one, her hands came up to his face, pulling it towards her as his hands found her back and pulled her closer to himself. Arching her back as his hands came into contact with it, Camila's hands fell to the hair at the nape of his neck, playing with it as she always did during moments like these. When his tongue darted out of his mouth, seeking entrance in her own, she happily welcomed it. Her own tongue found his immediately and they began to battle for dominance. She couldn't help the quiet moan that escaped from her mouth at the feeling, pulling herself even closer to his body if that was even possible.

KJ: As always whenever they were sharing such gestures, KJ couldn’t even say where he began and she ended -- her body melting into his and their mouths fitting like two pieces of the same puzzle. Demanding and passionate motions they were both lost into, unaware of how much time had passed as he kept trying to get more of the feeling coursing through their tongues. The sounds muffled by their actions making him grind against the shape of her ass, his hands tightening around her curves. Which is when he knew they needed to take a step back and return to something more playful and innocent. Pulling back from their kiss, shaky and shallow breaths filling his ears, the redhead fluttered his eyes open and studied her beautiful features. Even in a world full of chaos and despair, he was lucky enough to have someone as wonderful by his side. It was something he never wanted to take for granted. “I could eat you up.” he breathed out, a small smirk finding a place on his lips before he swiftly moved forward once more and licked her cheek. One of his hands coming up to the back of her head and keeping her in place.

Cami: In true fashion for the two of them, things got hot and heavy fast. Camila was thankful for KJ’s self-control as he pulled away. Her breathing was heavy as he pulled away and looked deeply into her eyes. Usually, she would shy away at someone looking at her for too long, but when KJ looked at her it was different. Camila continued to look into his gaze, smiling sweetly at him. When he broke the silence with his words about eating her up, she couldn’t help the smirk that met his. Before she could make a joke or say something dirty, he was reaching out to lick her face. Camila shrieked at the feeling, trying to push him away as his hand came up to hold the back of her head. “You’re so stupid,” she giggled, leaning forward to return the gesture, licking his cheek. “Ew. Sweaty,” she grimaced with a laugh. “Do I taste sweet?” she asked, looking up at him with her eyes wide. Turning her attention back to their plates on the table in front of them she picked up his fork and scooped up more eggs for him to taste. “We can’t let this food go to waste,” she whispered, moving the fork towards his mouth like someone would do for a baby. “Open up,” she teased.

KJ: Laughing alongside Camila as she returned the gesture, he simply shrugged at her question -- lips pressed together in order to keep himself quiet. He had stopped himself from going further physically and he didn’t think entertaining things verbally was a safe thing to do either. Not when she was still on his lap and her scent was filling his nostrils. Making him want to bury his face right back into the crook of her neck and let their bodies do the talking. “No, we can’t,” he whispered back, squeezing her side playfully before opening his mouth to take another bite of the eggs. They couldn’t let this food go to waste and they also couldn’t dive into whatever needs were lurking underneath their sweet and cute interactions. But the more they fed each other and uttered sweet nothings in between bites, the easier it became to focus on the simple motions they were bestowing on the other. The ardent passion of their kiss had dissipated and KJ was ready to enjoy the rest of the day cuddled up in her arms as they watched TV. With nothing more in mind than the comfort she always brought him whenever she was near.

Cami: Her lips fell into a pout as he denied her an answer to her question, "I know we can't, you'll just have to tell me another time," she whispered, leaning in to kiss his cheek. She giggled as he squeezed her side, poking his in retaliation. As they finished their meal together, whispering sweet nothings in between bites, Camila couldn't help but feel completely at peace. The past 48 hours had been absolute hell for her, but she was happy to be here with him, enjoying each other's company. Once their food was finished and the dishes were cleaned up, Camila dragged him towards the couch where Truffle sat waiting patiently for them. "Hi baby girl," she whispered to the puppy in her high-pitched, hyperactive mom voice as she waited for KJ to take a seat so she could comfortably fall back into his lap.

KJ: Following suit as Camila led the way to the couch, KJ smiled at the interaction with Truffle before throwing himself carelessly on the other end of the furniture -- laying down and keeping his brown eyes on her form. Everything had been so draining, and they deserved to simply be together without any tears or explanations. Sticking to the plan he had in mind, he simply tilted his head as she looked up, urging her to join him. Arms wide open to welcome her into a tight embrace and eyes fluttering shut as soon as her body was pressed up against his. This feeling of contentment whenever she was with him enveloping his entire being. He could feel Truffle tagging along on his chest and couldn't help but chuckle softly before placing a kiss on Camila's forehead. This moment, right here, was all he needed today and for the ones to come.

#p008: time to talk.

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andessence · 6 years

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just saw the season finale of r.ise and as a diehard spring awakening fan i gotta say,,,,,, what the fuck were they doing? disregarding the Mediocre Teen Drama Show nonsense i already don’t like, here’s what made me Mad™:

they mixed up the order of all the scenes in the show for no discernible reason so that the plot of spring awakening just about CEASED TO MAKE SENSE

even tho i love that they gave moritz’s role to a trans actor (a trans boy but [deep breath] baby steps i guess.........) they didn’t devote ANY attention to this important character and what was going on there. we didn’t even KNOW that they had cut moritz’s s.uici.de from the show until this finale episode bc they didn’t give One Fuck about moritz and i’m SALTY. also it was just one hell of a missed opportunity narratively. but noooo the only time we get to see michael is when he’s relevant to sasha’s plot

real funny how a tv show ALL ABOUT how censorship ruins spring awakening censored spring awakening by being unwilling to show -wendla being beaten -’dark i know well’ -the cast saying ‘totally FUCKED’ even though they went out of their way to make the point that the kids were going to ‘drop the f-bomb’ at the end of the song -absolutely ANYTHING from moritz’s plot aside from ilse’s verse of dds/bw are u fucking kidding me!!!!

uhhhh what happened to “song of purple summer” y’all just completely eliminated it and threw some pop-ass store brand imitation of spring awakening song that was literally just to be #hot and catchy and made no sense after “those you’ve known”

that song AND the whole rest of this god-forsaken show continued the grand tradition of making melchior and wendla a love story to the degree that THEY CUT THE LINES WHERE SHE TRIES TO PROTEST DURING THE HAYLOFT SCENE!!!!!! even in musical-land where everything is ~~~vague and morally ambiguous~~~ they have the decency to let wendla say “no” and “wait” but apparently we can’t even manage that here because you know what??

THEY HAD THE LEAD SAY “I LOVE YOU” RIGHT AFTER THE CURTAIN CLOSED ON THAT SCENE. THEY USED THE HAYLOFT SCENE AS ROMANTIC FOREPLAY TO ROBBIE SAYING “I LOVE YOU” AND THAT’S DISGUSTING!!! THANKS I HATE IT!!!!!

director tells guy playing hänschen (who is suffering from acute and nasty Gay Panic and wants to back out mid-show to avoid doing the vineyard scene in front of his dad when he’s presumably already jacked off on stage in front of them during ‘my junk’) to just do whatever limited version of the scene he’s comfortable with when the time comes like uHHH HELLO u need to communicate with ur scene partner because it’s rude as FUCK to change something mid-scene when ur partner isn’t expecting it. no way u get to just decide in the spur of the moment on stage what version of a scene ur doing!!

also i don’t want to be a dick but like,,, ok so this was a high school production of spring awakening, and the kids often were about as good as i’d expect in a high school show, but there were times when the editing made it look like barely passable acting was the second coming of christ to the audience and i’m SO down for keeping the idea that they’re just “good for high school” and not broadway ready or anything, but just don’t try to throw glitter at it in the editing room and make it feel like we should all be crying over it

robbie’s breakdown during the graveyard scene was actually really good and i was a fan, but then he stopped singing and lilette swooped in to help him and i was like “gross we’re advancing that romantic plot but fine i guess” and THEN they go to a wide shot and show u michael (playing moritz) is just fucking!!! chilling in the background with almost no emotional investment and being completely isolated from this moment and LISTEN Y’ALL i don’t care if ur wrong-opinion-having ass thinks melchior loves wendla but that scene is NOT a duet for them it’s melchior mourning TWO people he misses and TWO spirits sharing a deeply emotional moment with melchior they are both JUST AS IMPORTANT in this scene and in melchior’s life so FUCK YOU for wanting to just brush moritz completely out of the picture like i know u couldn’t be bothered to give us any of moritz’s plot, but even when the character is crucial to the final scene and the over all conclusion of the show, u still minimize moritz!! fuck!!!

to be fair, i’ll list the things that made me happy too:

actors playing moritz and martha are getting together.

that’s it

that’s the only thing related to spring awakening that this show did that wasn’t bad

and really it’s gross that the people playing them are together but at least i got to see two people in moritz and martha costumes kiss for 2 seconds

#i have a headache oh my god what the fuck was this god damn #sorry for another rant but like....... really? we're going to be like this?#i'll fight anyone anytime over spring awakening #and if ur gonna center ur WHOLE tv show around a production of it then MAYBE u should know what the fuck ur doing #or consider the fact that ur fan base is likely composed of SA fans and they wouldn't want to see u completely butcher the text u know?#||x SHEER CALCULATED SILLINESS [ ooc ]#;; AWFUL SWEET TO BE A LITTLE BUTTERFLY [ moritz ]

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livingmybestfictionallife · 7 years

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Enough | Lost Cause

Anon Request: a lot of angst with Seb, the reader and Seb are dating for almost a year, but she wanna breakup with him bc of the age gap and bc she can’t have kids and she knows that he wants… the end is up to you

Warnings: some language, incredibly sad Seb, violence, fluff at the end

Tags: @veronicalei

A/N: Requests are open! I will basically write anything (good luck finding something I won’t)

FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE/ASK/ANON

Part One

Sebastian refused to deal with his broken heart; throwing himself into work, working out, and avoiding all topics that could possible lead to a memory tainted by (Y/N) was his method of “dealing.” Breakups were supposed to be amicable, but she had just dropped a huge bomb on him and left without trying to work through the obstacle.

Days turned into weeks and before he knew it, he had been separated from the greatest person to enter his life for close to two months and she was radio silent. He felt as though he lived on Instagram, searching for any indication that she had been active on the site. He even stooped to occasionally Google searching her handles for Facebook and Twitter to see if she posted anything or was tagged in anything, only to be disappointed upon his findings.

As a last stitch effort to connect with her one more time, he decided to do something so incredibly out of character for him. He knew everything about her: he know that his voice was a drug to her, that she couldn’t resist his lips, that she loved tigers and owls and cows more than any animal in existence, that this coming Saturday was her birthday, and that she has had the same tradition for her birthday since she turned twenty-one.

He dressed in dark jeans, a nice black button up--her favorite color on him--left the top three buttons unbuttoned, and made his way to her favorite club. He felt creepy and dirty as he sat at the bar at five-thirty pm, anxiously glancing around the room. The bartender picked up on this as Sebastian sipped his whiskey and asked him what was wrong.

“You waiting on someone?” he asked while pouring another customer a beer.

“Um, yeah, but I don’t know if she’s going to show,” he began and then continued to describe the woman he let slip through his fingers to the bartender. “Do you think you could let me know if you see her? Her name is (Y/N).” After taking into consideration the desperation on the man’s face in front of him, the bartender agreed and Sebastian migrated to a booth that offered him a better view of the entrance, dance floor, and the bar.

(Y/N) had been looking forward to her birthday for the past four months, but recently, she dreaded the day. Honestly, the only excitement she had for the day came from the little plans Sebastian was constantly hinting at doing on her birthday. After breaking up with him, she couldn’t think about her birthday without having to fight off tears. She knew she had made a mistake when she turned her back on him and walked out of his life, but she couldn’t let her own emotions get mixed up in her rational decision. She truly loved him and it was because of that love that she refused to allow him to settle into a life with her, especially if that meant he would never bring children into the world. She’d rather be depressed and see him walking along the street with his arms filled with a baby while a toddler reached for his fingers than to have him miserable with her and childless.

When the day came, she decided to take up her co-workers’ offer of going out to dinner. Throughout the night she was grateful for the distraction, but she felt as though she was betraying herself. If she couldn’t even hold onto the one tradition she had in life because it just happened to be the place and day that Sebastian had asked her out a year ago, then she was truly avoiding everything that made her love the man she left. She didn’t want to forget the way she felt for him; if she did that it would only be easier to fall for him again and disregard her reasoning for leaving.

Her co-workers asked if she would be needing a ride home and she quickly denied. The club she went to when she turned twenty-one was only a couple blocks from the restaurant they had taken her to. She planned to walk there, have a drink, and then head home and be in bed by ten-thirty.

By nine-forty-five, one single whiskey turned into three whiskies and three or four beers and Sebastian remained in the booth, continually scanning the room for any glimpse of the beautiful woman who drove him into his disgruntled state of intoxication.

(Y/N) collected her drink and tried to cross the dance floor to sit at a table closer to the front of the club. She had made it halfway across when someone hurried behind her and grabbed her hips, pulling her onto his lap and grinding himself against her. Quickly, she turned and threw half of her drink in his face.

“Get off me, asshole,” she snapped at him before starting to walk away. Instinctively, he grasped her arm and pulled her against him. “Let go!” she demanded.

Sebastian could hear gasps coming from the dance floor. Quickly, he looked up from the drink in front of him and caught a glimpse of (Y/N)’s nose crinkled in annoyance and her eyes starting to look fearful. Immediately he sprung from the booth, abandoning his empty drink glasses and storming toward the commotion in the center of the room.

“Get away from me,” (Y/N) demanded again, trying to pull her arm from the man’s grasp. Again, the attacker refused and tried to force himself onto her until a pair of furious blue eyes appeared behind (Y/N)’s head and connected with the other man’s.

“Leave her alone,” Sebastian stated before throwing his fist over (Y/N)’s shoulder and connecting with the attacker’s nose. Startled, the man staggered back before regaining composure and taking a swing at Sebastian, his knuckles colliding with Sebastian’s right eye.

“Seb, stop!” she begged while reaching out and grabbing Sebastian’s arm as he pulled back for another punch.

“Let go of me, (Y/N),” he growled over the thumping music as security rushed toward the two violent men and escorted them outside. (Y/N) followed closely behind Sebastian who tried to writhe against the security guard’s grip on his arms.

Once outside, the guard released Sebastian who angrily shoved his fingers through his hair. Immediately, she could see the staggered step as Sebastian walked and noticed how his lips were more red than usual, simple signs that she knew meant he was drunk. “Can you make sure he gets home?” the guard asked.

“Um, yeah,” she said and hurried to grab Sebastian by his upper arms and lead him toward his car. “Seb, give me your keys.”

“No,” he said shortly.

“You’re trashed,” she stated. “I’m not going to let you drive, now give me your keys!” He turned her back to her and she huffed, shoved her hand into his right pocket, and plucked the keys from his pants.

“What the-”

“Just get in the car,” she grumbled as she opened the passenger door and ushered him into the car before getting in her self. She drove down the street and made her way toward their old place, all the while her heart becoming more and more like stone. She quickly parked the car and made her way to his side and then helped him out, her hand around his waist as they staggered into their old home. As soon as he was safely plopped on the couch, she turned around, locked the door, and allowed her anger to take over. “What the hell were you thinking?” she shouted. “Were you stalking me?”

“Leave me alone, (Y/N),” Sebastian grumbled as he made his way to the room they used to share. “It’s what you do best.” He finished unbuttoning his shirt and tossed it onto the floor on his half of the room. (Y/N) followed him to see that the half of the room she used remained untouched since she left, whereas his was a mess. Sebastian then wandered into the bathroom and started running the faucet to wipe away the small drops of blood starting to trickle from his cheek. (Y/N) hurried into the kitchen and grabbed an icepack. She couldn’t help noticing the dishes piling up in the sink, the lack of food in the fridge, and quickly arrived to the conclusion that Sebastian hadn’t been taking care of himself since the breakup.

She hurried back to the bathroom and placed the icepack on the sink as Sebastian splashed his face with the icy water. Despite the water droplets trickling down his face, it was obvious he had been crying. His blue eyes were even brighter against his bloodshot cornea, the corners of his enticing lips were flat , and his face was expressionless. “Seb,” she tried to take a step forward and place her hand on his shoulder but he shuffled away from her grasp.

“Don’t call me that,” he begged as another tear fell from down his cheek.

“Sebastian, please,” she said softly, her eyes starting to be blinded by her own tears piling up and refusing to fall. “Please don’t make this harder.”

“Can you honestly sit there and look me in the eyes and say that we were a lost cause?” Sebastian asked through angry tears as his heart thudded against his ribs violently. “I’ll let go of everything and move on; I’ll make this easier and give up on you if you can sit there and say that what we had wasn’t real.”

Her voice hitched in her throat as she tried to speak and the tears flowed from her eyes like a broken dam. “You know I can’t do that,” she cried.

“Then why did you leave?” Sebastian demanded. “I fucking love you so much, (Y/N), but you didn’t give me a chance.”

“I was scared that you wouldn’t love me as much when you figured out I can’t have kids,” she cried while grasping at her forever barren stomach. Sebastian took two large steps toward her and wrapped her up in his arms, feeling her hot tears roll down his shoulders and chest. “I know you always wanted that and I knew that I wouldn’t be enough. I would have done anything to see you as happy as you were when you were holding Eloise, but I can’t bring you that joy. I hoped you would find it with someone else.” Sebastian held onto (Y/N) tighter, his own tears spilling off his face and staining her shirt.

“You are more than enough, (Y/N),” he said and then pressed his lips against hers as they trembled from crying.

“I’m so sorry,” she cried against his chest, her body finally breaking as she released the sorrow and guilt she’d piled up within. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Shh,” he cooed while playing with her hair gently as she latched her arms around his waist. “I know you didn’t,” he continued to whisper into her ear. “Never tell me you don’t think that you’re enough for me,” he said while taking her face in his hands and kissing her gently. “I love you so much, (Y/N) and you are more than enough for me just as you are.” She smiled lightly and watched as his face started to lighten up as well. “Who knows, maybe we can adopt a Romanian refugee baby,” he suggested. “That is if you think you could spend the rest of you life with me,” he continued and pulled a small ring out of his pocket and sliding it onto her left finger.

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