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#only saw it on tv as a kid and my adult self is blessed
theveryworstthing · 3 years
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So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.
The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.
I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.
Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.
10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.
The Parents
From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.
Or while it was still bleeding.
If she was into that.
Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.
Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.
And he always gets his due.
He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.
Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~
Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.
Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.
This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.
Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?
Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.
Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.
What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.
Mortesha would know.
The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.
Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.
The Children
Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.
Anyway.
Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!
Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.
Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.
I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.
Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.
She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.
Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.
Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  
That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.
Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.
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fairymascot · 3 years
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when i started watching harley quinn TV, about the last thing i expected of it was to be feminist in any way. i mean, it's an adult comedy cartoon. it's based on 2016 suicide squad's take on harley. the poor woman doesn't even wear any pants. but man, the more i think about it, and the more i consume other dc content featuring those characters, the more appreciative i am of its takes on its female cast.
let's talk about ivy. i watched the btas episode 'house and garden' today, and was honestly appalled by how blatantly male it all felt. in this episode, ivy 'rehabitilates' herself by getting released from arkham, marrying her therapist (which nobody even pointed out is illegal?!), taking care of his two kids from a previous marriage, and basically living the perfect suburban housewife dream. when batman suspects she's up to some shit, she tells him she's never been happier, and no longer has any need for crime. of course it turns out to be an elaborate ruse, but the ending reveals that she wasn't completely insincere -- she does, in fact, dream of having a husband and children, something she cannot accomplish due to the infertility caused by her powers.
unfortunately, this episode must have had a serious impact on ivy's characterization, as the book 'cycle of life and death' from 2016 is heavily founded on it. in my humble opinion, it's terrible. i mean, i get it, it was the nineties and written by men, and tv writers only really started picking up on how to write women as complex multilayered beings in recent years, but damn.
ivy's original character is already rooted in a very male, distorted perception of women. she's a textbook femme fatale-- she's dainty, gorgeous, scantily clad, and her powers are seducing men into doing her bidding. and to pile further on top of her misogynistic foundation, the only way they could think to humanize her is by forcing more of their stereotypical male perception onto her-- how do we show she's a sympathetic character? by making her deep down a 'normal woman', who has normal woman dreams of being a housewife with children. the rather blatant subtext that she turned to a life of villainy because her infertility denied her that dream -- a failed woman that has turned into a despicable monster -- only makes this depiction all the uglier. i'm actually amazed this take on her character managed to survive all the way to 2016.
but then you have hqtv ivy, who takes all that and unceremoniously dumps it in the trash. it rethinks the basics of ivy's personality and attitude from the ground up. she's a misanthrope -- the only company she seeks outside of her plants is harley -- why would she make a villain career out of seducing men? why does she have to be sensual and coy? no. instead, she's awkward, stoic, and anti social. she dresses a whole hell of a lot more practical, she's blunt to a fault, and wastes none of her time trying to appeal to men.
the sexual element of her powers has been removed, or at the very least severely limited-- no more poison kisses or seducing men to do her bidding. the only scene that incorporates that element at all is when she has to peck a bunch of dweeby 12 year old boys on the mouth to reverse the effect of her toxin that's been slipped into their bar mitzvah punch bowl by mistake. it's ridiculous, it's absolutely mortifying for her, and it's funny. nothing about it is remotely sexy.
as for her dreams of becoming a housewife... well, ivy very clearly doesn't know what she wants for her future. or rather, she's so repressed that she doesn't allow herself to want. she always saw herself ecoterroristing it up solo-- but then harley happened, and she found herself going soft, and opening up to other people through harley's influence as well. she allows herself to acknowledge that she's lonely, and that she does crave human connection. specifically, she craves harley -- but that's a part of her she had to seal away, out of fear of ruining their friendship. this leads her to pursue a relationship with kite man (or rather: be pursued by him), even though at every step of the way she pretty obviously has to force herself farther into it.
it's not that she doesn't like kite man. the opposite. she can tell he's a good guy, he treats her so well, he cares for her so deeply. for someone like ivy, coming from a life of abuse and isolation, that's rarer than rare. and that's why she forces herself to overlook all their differences, all the aspects of their relationship that clearly aren't working, and clings on to it regardless. finally, someone genuinely wants her, cares about her. she'd have to be stupid to let that go, right?
but she doesn't want it. that's spelled out the most blatantly on their wedding day-- while he's reciting his dream future of them living in a nice house with a white picket fence, a dog and three kids, ivy is horrified. unlike btas' ivy, who would've surely been delighted, it's completely removed from anything this version of ivy ever wanted for herself. and in that moment, she realizes she fucked up. she locked herself into a life she never wanted because she thought it was the best she could hope to get.
and then their wedding goes up in literal flames, kite man calls it quits, and ivy finally lets herself pursue what she really, truly wants: harley.
it's such a great, fresh take on ivy's character. she's written as a woman, but not some male writer's narrow view of one, but an actual honest, human woman. her struggles and insecurities are incredibly relatable to me as a female viewer, because she's allowed to breathe and grow and have depth outside of the list of stereotypes female characters are so often shoehorned into. she's aloof, she's cynical, she's a loner; she's carrying years of trauma that's made her insecure and closed off, and she's just starting to grow past that; she's desperate for love but forces herself to settle for tepid affection because she's too scared to pursue anything more; she's a genius biochemist and a badass with the power to control all of plant life, but she's fucking chickenshit and wishy-washy and doesn't know how to be honest with her feelings, leading her to hurt those she cares about. and the fact that they took btas' ivy's dream of getting married and having a family, and used it as a stepping stone-- subverted it as part of ivy's self-realization and growth-- that's just the icing on the cake.
hqtv ivy is hands down the best take of this character i've seen to date. god bless, i cannot wait for season 3.
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kiseiakhun · 4 years
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What are your feelings on Kyle/Jason/Wally. I kinda think it might happen if Kyle had a crush on both. Accidentally tells Wally. Teasing. Jason finding out. Jason and Wally overdramaticly flirting. Dick finds out and Kyle dying from the close proximity of both Jason/Wally Wally/Jason Jason/Kyle Wally/Kyle. And then Flirting/Showing off intensifying. Although I don't really know much about Wally or Kyle. ❤
RUBS HANDS TOGETHER
Hello? This is the greatest ask anyone’s ever sent me. Kyle is a lovey-dovey dumbass who falls in love after two seconds of knowing someone, so like. It’s real. It’s very real. He and Wally would’ve had their thing first? Because of their whole enemies to lovers arc in JL, except - because of that whole dynamic where they started off ragging on each other, I feel like they both would’ve been oblivious to their feelings. Add in a healthy dose of compulsory heterosexuality from Kyle, and yeah... the adults of the League have probably been waiting years for that ship to sail, except the babies just keep being oblivious dunderheads.
(Wally realized in his teen years that he’s not strictly heterosexual, because being on a team with Dick Grayson when you’re male tends to draw out any bent inclinations very, very quickly. It’s just. Kyle is the snot-nosed rookie too big for his britches. He’s a baby? He’s an infant. Wally is not attracted to an infant, wtf.)
And then Kyle goes off on his journey of self-discovery with Donna and Jason. Well, journey of self-discovery for him, because Jason’s ass and body and his devil-may-care tough guy attitude is the culmination of Kyle’s bisexual crisis. Seriously, countdown is basically Kyle going “ugh, that stupid hot sexy asshole is so hot and sexy around Donna, there’s no way she can resist him. Why is he attractive? He needs to stop. I’m going to fight him because he’s TOO HOT.” It’s incredible. If the writers weren’t cowards, countdown would’ve ended with them being in a triad.
Donna’s probably the one who points out that mayhaps... Kyle’s constant mooning over Jason might mean something different... and Kyle’s like wtf, no. And then he actually thinks about it, because Kyle’s one of maybe two (2) men in the dcu who has a semblance of emotional intelligence (idk who the other one is, but I’m sure he’s out there) (edit: it’s Connor. Connor Hawke. Connor is the other man. I was going to say Clark but Clark keeps going to extremes whenever he or his are threatened and. like. he tries, bless his heart, but there’s still a lot of repression going on with him) and he’s like wait. Fuck. Well what do I do with this information!! It’s not like Jason is into guys!!!
To which Donna just looks at him like, how are you so smart yet so stupid at the same time. She remembers how baby Jason mooned over Roy and Dick as much as he mooned over her. She Remembers.
(Also, lbr, Donna’s very experienced by now at dealing with dumb boys in denial about their non-het leanings. See previous statements about being on a team with Dick Grayson. She saw all of it, man. She’s seen so much.)
Cue Kyle, sitting bolt upright in bed after they’ve just wound down for the night and just saying, “Oh my god, Wally.”
And Donna’s just like, yup.
And Jason’s just like ? wtf is that asshole up to now. Whatever, idc, blissfully unaware of Kyle’s bi panic.
Anyway. The world is saved, and they get back to their Earth, and Kyle manages to put it aside because Everything Happens So Much. He’s the Green fking Lantern, okay, he doesn’t have time to deal with sexuality crises, except. Except. It won’t leave him alone?
Like, in his downtime he hangs out with Wally a lot since they’re friends, and oh yes, hello raging crush that he can no longer pretend isn’t a thing, because once Kyle acknowledges his attraction? That is it, man, there’s no turning back from that point. And ik that in canon, Jason threw a snitfit and left Kyle and Donna in the middle of their happy fun space adventure fieldtrip, but let’s say he didn’t have a sudden ooc personality turn because of writer mandate, and he stayed with Kyle and Donna until the end of their journey, and they stayed in touch.
And Kyle realizes, to his horror, that Jason is charming, and funny, and not bad on the eyes, and fuuuuck. This isn’t really helping his stupid dumb crush. Stupid dumb crushes. Goddamn.
(Sometimes Jason even joins him in his Space Adventures because of his new team. More specifically, Kori and her shiny new spaceship that can sustain humans in space conditions, and he is not jealous, shut up, Roy.)
(Roy caught on pretty quickly, because he’s much more empathetic and in tune with other peoples emotions than he pretends to be 90% of the time. Unfortunately, he only uses his powers for chaos.)
Ofc, Wally would start getting curious about Jason eventually because suddenly this kid is fucking everywhere? Dick’s calling on him for intel in the middle of a firefight, and he’s ragging on Roy’s atrocious dress sense, and he’s joking with Donna and Kyle’s giving him the same shit that he used to give to Wally, excuse me. Wasn’t he a villain or something? The last time Wally paid attention to him, he was sawing heads off in Gotham, and now Wally can’t seem to turn without tripping over him. When the fuck did that even happen?
(I’m not sure if Wally ever met Robin!Jason. Hm. Were Jason’s guest-appearances on the team during when Wally was pulling one of his stints of... I don’t WANT to be a hero, I want to be a NORMAL BOY who goes to COLLEGE, even though I literally re-created the Flash’s lab accident down to the letter just so I can have his powers and be a hero and save the world? ... ykw, we don’t acknowledge that era of Wally. This was back when he was a meninist incel or something. Ick.)
... and damn, Wally really can trip over him now, huh. Because he sure did grow up big, and strong, and rugged, and haha fuck now Dick is starting to glare at him, too, and not just at Roy, abort, abort.
...... Wally does attempt to subtly ask Roy, later, if there’s any truth to the statements about him and Jason and Kori that Roy says to Dick to get him all riled up. I say “attempt to” because Wally is bad at subtlety. It’s part of why he and Kyle get along so well. Roy realizes what he’s asking and he about has an apoplexy because Wally? Wally? Now there’s a surprise contender he did not expect, tossing his hat into the ring.
But also. Also... hot.
Roy and Kori are watching all of this while munching popcorn like damn, this is better than TV. Because Kyle’s having his crisis, his Love crisis, and Wally’s having his oh my god why do I find my best friend’s little brother hot crisis, and Jason is just happily oblivious to all of this, because he’s too busy angsting over his dad not loving him enough and dismantling trafficking rings and being the big, bad scourge of Gotham to notice Kyle pining after him like a lovelorn puppy, and Wally eyeing him appreciatively like he hasn’t eaten in a whole hour and Jason is a tender piece of marbled steak roasted on both sides to perfection. He does notice the way Kyle and Wally look at each other, though, because he’s only observant when it comes to the positive emotions of other people. And he is not stepping in the middle of that, tyvm, because from what Roy’s told him the two of them have a looooong history and he does not want to get caught in the middle of that crossfire.
Roy and Kori are both like, what makes you think it’s going to get messy, anyway? And Jason, whose real world examples of functioning relationships are 1. Willis and Catherine Todd, 2. Bruce and Selina, 3. Bruce and Talia, 4. Dick and all his exes, 5. Roy and all of his not-exes because he doesn’t date but people keep falling in love with him anyway and he panics and ghosts them because he is Roy William Commitment Issues Harper, 6. Kori and whatever the fuck she’s got going on with Dick and like, an ex? back on Tamaran? who she might still be married to?? what the fuck, 7. Kyle and Donna and their messy breakup(s)(?) (Jason doesn’t ask, because he Does Not Want To Know) (he’s too busy repressing to realize it’s half because of jealousy), is just like, that’s just how things go.
And Roy and Kori, both having mentally run through all of those ^ options while Jason was thinking of a response, are just like. ... yeah, alright, that’s fair enough.
God, every single relationship in DC is a mess.
Where was I even going with this?
Oh, right. Basically, Kyle is pining like a lovelorn idiot, Wally doesn’t know what the fuck he’s feeling and it’s making him confused, and Jason is ignoring his feelings because maybe if he just represses them hard enough, they won’t spill over and punch him in the face. Honestly, I see Wally making the first move, because his inadequacy issues don’t run as deep as Jason and Kyle’s do, and Kyle’s just like :D and Jason’s like, what the fuck. What the fuck? Because it literally blindsides him, even though it’s stupidly, painfully obvious to everyone else around him.
Either that, or Roy gets sick enough of watching their lovelorn pining, and employs Dick’s help to lock them all in a closet, naked, and fuck it out.
(Dick doesn’t actually disapprove of Jason sleeping with his friends, he just needs to get over his mental block of still seeing Jason as a baby)
Anyway. They’re all a whole-ass mess.
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getoutofthewater · 4 years
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@dbhrarepairs Saturday Day 6 [Ride or Die]: 
[Gavin/Leo]
Rating: G
Notes: Same Age AU, High School AU
Words: 3,200 [AO3]
They met at the foster home.
Gavin went in and out of them regularly since he’d been put in the system, nosy neighbors disturbed by his parents nasty fights had cared enough about the neglected child overridden with lice to call the authorities.
Gavin had been taken away, so he wasn’t there when his house and surname ended up plastered all over the news just like his dad’s brains, and that same nosy neighbor on the TV, framed by the yellow tape, telling to whomever would listen he’d seen this coming all along, you could see that man had lost his marbles from the get go and the missus none the better, it happened one way but it could have easily been the other, the world was better off without them, god bless.
All of this did Gavin no favors, he’d dodged that bullet, but hopeful parents weren’t overeager to  take on so much baggage, by the time the powers that be decided to send him farther away from home so his name wouldn’t be linked to the crime scene, by the time it was all forgotten, he’d already decided he hated everyone, and if everyone thought he would kill them in their sleep he’d make sure their fears were justified, even if he had been worryingly stuck at 5’9 for a while, he blamed malnutrition.
When Leo was dropped off at the foster home, Gavin had recognized him immediately, all the kids there did, with his good clothes and his puffy, red eyes, it was like that movie about the stupid cartoon dogs, where the cute dog is taken to the pound, and everyone is jealous of her because they know she’s different and she’ll be out of there in no time. That’s what kids like Leo were, pedigree dipshits that were there for half a day crying their eyes out while relatives were located and arrangements were made.
Pedigree idiots were either bullied or ignored for their 10 minutes of residence, when it was clear that Leo would fight even while crying most of the kids concluded the latter option was best; but by the second week tension started to settle in, was Leo staying after all? If so the pecking order had to be established, there were one or two fights before Leo had come to Gavin maybe deciding in either a rare stroke of smarts or extreme dumbassery, (it was always hard to tell with Leo) that if he defeated the one at the top of the food chain he’d be left alone.
Gavin threw a punch right at Leo’s face, and Leo in the wild flailing he called fighting had punched Gavin in the jaw, getting him just right in the tooth that had been hurting like a bitch for weeks, Gavin was knocked down to the floor from tooth ache, his jaw throbbing, an abscess ruptured, he vomited. Someone was screaming at them for ruining the carpet, Leo’s blood was everywhere.
Gavin was forcibly taken to have a root canal done, Leo’s nose was patched up.
“I’m sorry I fucked up your mouth” Leo said when he found him that night,
“You just got lucky” Gavin mumbled, the anesthetic working better now than it had at the dentist’s office
“Here” Leo said offering Gavin a granola bar, those things were almost currency
“Are you fucking with me?” Gavin spat “I can’t feel my mouth right now, genius”
“But you will … right?”
“Whatever” Gavin said snatching the prize out of Leo’s hands
Leo sat next to him though he hadn’t been invited, Gavin didn’t know what in the fuck was happening
“Why the fuck are you still here?” Gavin snarled
Leo shrugged, trying to make the gesture look light and careless “I think my dad hasn’t returned their calls and stuff,”
Gavin had meant why the fuck was Leo still sitting next to him but it was just like this self centered dumbass to interpret it differently
“Don’t you worry, fucking dummies like you are always picked up”
“I can punch you again, you know”
“Whathefuckever, I don’t feel my face anyway”
Gavin wasn’t wrong, soon enough Leo was picked up to be taken to his dad’s house, he’d given Gavin a hug goodbye, a real hug with a gentle squeeze, and maybe some of the dummy’s luck had rubbed off on him then because a few days after Leo left it was Gavin’s turn.
Hank Anderson never thought he’d be fostering a child, maybe even adopting the child. Jeffrey and his wife fostered often, Hank hadn’t paid that much attention to it, until now, until his bad days were something he could think about in past tense.
Hank talked it with Jeffrey, with Connor, it was worth the try, not a young child though. Hank didn’t feel good about that, that would be unloyal to Cole, and yeah, it may be an illogical thought, but it was his thought and dammit he was old and what of it if he wanted to be stubborn on this one, but maybe an older kid would be alright, a teenager, maybe an unruly one that was running out of options fast. Hank could deal with that. Hank got Gavin.  
Gavin entered any new situation with suspicion and aggression it had worked well for him so far, and anyway at 16 he was almost a fucking adult, he didn’t need any fucking geezer breathing down his neck, who knew if the guy was a creep, certainly not the social workers. When the geezer opened the door to his house it was even worse, there was a dog, a fucking big fucking dog. Gavin stepped back
“Nothing to be afraid of, son” Hank reassured him “Old sumo wouldn’t hurt a fly”
“I’m not fucking afraid” Gavin spat “And I’m not your fucking anything!”
“Are we going to have a problem?” Hank said raising a serious eyebrow “First five seconds, we are going to set a record, I don’t want to give that old bat that dropped you off the damn satisfaction”
Gavin had to admit the geezer had a point “I’m not afraid of the dumb dog” Gavin said surly
“Fine, but the dog is not dumb,” Hank said patting Sumo, in a way that said, ‘nevermind moody teenagers’ “come in, then”
Pretty soon it was evident to Gavin that the only creepy thing about the geezer was his cringe music collection. Hank didn’t care if Gavin was messy, or if he put his feet up on the coffee table, he didn’t care if Gavin swore as long as he didn’t swear at the dog, and Gavin was perfectly cool with the dog as long as the dog didn’t drool all over his shit, he may have even patted Sumo’s head once when the geezer was at work. Gavin had a curfew but he didn’t really mind, there wasn’t anywhere for him to be after 10 pm anyway, and lacking someone to fight, he’d gone and enrolled in the wrestling summer course at the school, where for the first time his talent for messing people up was a plus.  
Gavin was aware of his luck, he could sit here and wait to turn 18; there were worse places to be; the awkward dinners Hank would insist on having together, where they sat in silence, none of them knowing what to say, trying to pretend the silence wasn’t fucking uncomfortable, all the conversation starters Hank threw out there fizzling and dying like mosquitoes bumping against a bug zapper and falling on the table miserably, those  lame fucking dinners were a  very cheap price to pay for a room all to himself, a bathroom he only had to share with one other person, and knowing he could sleep and nobody would come try to steal his shit or try to fuck with him.
When school started in autumn, he didn’t have any plans to make friends, but he’d already had a head start, his wrestling teammates saw him as one of them, Gavin somehow ended up hanging out with Chris a lot, even if Chris fucking sucked at the sport, members of the cheerleading team would say hi to him in the halls, he didn’t know their names, he didn’t care to know them, but they saw him as part of the team.
And then there was Tina, Gavin didn’t know quite how that had happened, you didn’t meet Tina, Tina was something that happened to you.  Gavin liked her leagues better than anyone at the school, he could talk to her and Tina would actually listen to what he was saying, not just make her own fucking version of it in her head like most of the other stupid kids. Soon he found himself sitting with Tina and Chris at lunch and not hating it, and he’d feel, somewhat uncomfortably, that maybe all of this was actually working out for him.
And one day there was Leo, somehow, standing with his lunch tray in his hands and a fading black eye, looking around the hall with the lost, unseeing gaze of someone who doesn’t really have anyone to find but will put on the show of it anyway.
“Dumbass!” Gavin called out waving at him, as if he were fucking possessed, he didn’t know the idiot, what the fuck.
But Leo didn’t need more of an invitation; he sat next to Gavin, with what seemed a sigh of relief, Gavin’s two friends stared expectantly, waiting for him to make some sort of introduction, which Gavin, of course, didn’t.
“Hey, I’m Leo” Leo said introducing himself, sounding more natural and friendly than Gavin would ever have
“You got transferred?” Tina said lightly after introducing herself and Chris
“More like, forcibly removed from my old school, really” Leo said with a sheepish shrug
“How do you know Gavin?” Chris asked, trying to direct the conversation towards less awkward places
“He broke my nose at a foster home?” Leo’s words got higher to end in the pitch of a question as he realized everything in his life leading to this moment had been a mistake. “but, I also really fucked up his abscessed tooth, so it was even!”
“Oh! I can totally see that!” Tina said chirpily, kicking Gavin’s shin under the table  
It was that easy, from not knowing the dumbass to suffering the dumbass daily. The excited way in which he’d tell Gavin about ice skating, the disgusting way in which he’d puke all over himself when he drank way too much at stupid parties. Leo would take Gavin’s notebooks only to draw dicks with stupid cartoon faces on them, or if he was in a very good mood cute cats, Gavin had counted 3 cats so far.
They would go on their bikes and race each other until their leg’s shook, they signed up to help at the animal shelter, and agreed to keep it a secret nobody else would know about, although Tina eventually found out and Gavin suspected Hank was not as clueless about it as he pretended to be. Some evenings they’d hang out at Hank’s and Leo would make him listen to weird albums as they sprawled lazily on the living room floor.
“You staying for dinner, kid?” Hank would ask if he found them there when he arrived from work
“Yes!, if I can,” Leo would reply brightening up “can I?”
“Sure you can, but text your dad I don’t want him wondering where the hell you are” Hank would say gruffly, still self-conscious of the easy way in which his manner slipped into a fatherly one “Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes, so get a move on!”
Leo chuckled softly when Hank left the room
“What?” Gavin asked
“Get a move on, is something you say now too” Leo said with a smirk “you got it from him”
“Many people say it” Gavin argued which only made Leo’s smirk grow wider “Shut the fuck up!” Gavin barked but that only made Leo chuckle again
With Leo there the dinners couldn’t be quiet anymore, he was always eager to babble nonsense, fueled by even the slightest trace of attention, so Hank’s conversation starters didn’t die on the spot; sometimes Connor would join them too, and that would give Gavin and Hank enough material to keep something akin to conversation when they were alone.
“Any plans for the weekend?” Hank asked as they washed their dishes, it was always easier to talk if they were busy doing something else
“Want to know if you’ll have the house to yourself for a cringe old people date?”
“Yeah that’s right, need to know if I can make plans or if I have to leave space to go search for you when you don’t turn up like last time”
“That was only because Leo drank too fucking much, I couldn’t fucking ditch him at that stupid party”
“Bit of a wild card that one” Hank said, still focusing on the soapy water, Gavin tensed foreseeing the start of a ‘you need better friends’ conversation
“Listen, kid” Hank continued “Next time, and with that one there will be a few next times, you call me, got it? I’ll pick you two up, he can sleep over”
“We are only going to the lake,” Gavin said, trying to avoid committing to anything, still instinctively suspicious of being offered good things without strings attached “we are taking our bikes”
“Does Manfred know about it?”
Gavin shrugged as he dried a glass
“Hmph” Hank grunted noncommittally “be back by 7, I don’t want you two out there after dark… and no drinking!”
“Yes, sir” Gavin replied, without as much of his usual sarcasm
But there were also the days in which Leo would be angry, and his mood would only get stormier as he ruminated over all the things that annoyed him without being able to let any of them go
“I’m just pissed off like all the fucking time” Leo would say on those days looking trapped
Gavin could see it, he knew the feeling, and he’d listen to Leo rant about his dad not caring a rat’s ass about him.
“He only throws his stupid money at me, he didn’t even come after mom died, he didn’t even come to the school when they expelled me! They ended up sending him an email” Leo said stomping his foot against the floor, looking foolish and powerless. Gavin decided he’d throw Carl Manfred down the stairs one day, accidents happened, they would never be able to prove anything.
“It’s all Markus this and that,” Leo went on “he’s not even his fucking kid, that’s me and he wouldn’t even notice if I disappeared, I’m just going to fuck off!”
“You aren’t serious”
“I fucking am!” Leo shouted “If I stay I’ll lose my fucking mind!”
Unlike Leo, Gavin had ran away before, he knew what the fuck that entailed. The cold, the hunger, the creepy fuckers just waiting for you to take your guard down, it was scary and lonely and hopeless, and Leo was not made for any of that.
“Right,” Gavin said crossing his arms “So where are we going?”
They made a plan, which involved less than honorable things like stealing some of Manfred’s paintings to sell, but they would need the money and the old prick could always paint more.  
The date was set, everything was ready there were only a few more details to talk over,
“We should book a hotel” Gavin said “So we have a place to stay, I have enough in my savings for that”
Leo didn’t reply, he only stared blankly at their notes
“Anyone there?” Gavin said
“Yeah, sorry”
Gavin should have known there was something odd then, Leo was nothing if not absorbed by their future plans.
Later that day when Leo didn’t show up at the shelter Gavin knew for certain something was off; they both would skip school sometimes but never the shelter, Gavin checked his phone, no notifications, an oddity, Leo’s phone was all but fused to his hand. He opened his notebook anxiously turning the pages waiting for a reply when his eyes fell on a new note.
“I’m going away” the dumbass wrote “Sorry for not saying goodbye, but It’s better if I go alone,  I have your phone number but I’m leaving my phone at home just like we planned, it’s so creepy that they can track you with it. I will try to call you when I’m somewhere”
There was a big blotch of black ink where Leo had scratched something out at the end and he hadn’t even signed it, when he’s somewhere, Gavin though setting off for the Amtrak train station. Somewhere!
“by bus is way faster, dummy” Gavin had said, “it’s only like 4 hours max”
“Yeah but by train would be so freaking dope!”
“It’s like 7 fucking hours!”  Gavin said “I’m not going to sit my ass in a stinky train that smells of butts for 7 hours!”
But Leo absolutely would
Gavin bought his ticket, got on the train to Cleveland (delayed), and as he did a ton of bricks were lifted from his chest, there was no need to go any further, there in one of the seats was his fucking idiot.
“What the hell, Leo!” Gavin barked flopping on the seat next to his “What the fuck are you even doing!”
Leo clutched the cardboard tube that most likely contained the stolen paintings, seemingly at a loss for words for once
“Why the fuck are you ditching me?” Gavin spat
“I’m not!” Leo said finding his words “I really wanted you to come with me, but you can’t”
“Why the fuck not?”
“You shouldn’t waste your money on this, and you told me you like it with the Lieutenant,” Leo explained “and weren’t you going to ask him about the police academy thing? You can’t do that if we are wherever!”
“Who gives a shit about that?”
“I do!” Leo said vehemently, “You don’t have it to fuck it all up for a fuck up!”
“Fuck it, wherever you are going, I’m going” Gavin said settling on the seat, “even if you are taking us to fucking trashtown nowhereville on a fucking train out of all fucking things, you need someone there to tell you how much of a delusional deadshit you are”
Leo was quiet for a while, thinking or spacing out, with Leo it was probably the later, he sighed before he spoke “Jeez, fine! let’s go back…I’m done being a delusional deadshit for today”
“You sure?” Gavin said feeling self-conscious relief  
Leo nodded, but ignoring them the train started its march,
“Oh, shit!”
“Phck!”
They sat stunned for a moment looking at each other, then Gavin grinned “Nevermind, we can go to Cleveland and get back, maybe we can even sell those fuck ugly things”
“Like, an adventure!” Leo said perking up, “The Lieutenant will ground you forever though”
“That’s on your dumbass!” Gavin said, pushing Leo away playfully, before taking out his phone to send a text to the old man.
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ringobean · 4 years
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Girl:
N/A: Thanks to @marmaladeskies67 on wattpad for this adorable request, which I really enjoyed writing, I hope you enjoy it as well!
It was Saturday afternoon, and it had been a long time since we had spent a weekend together, he was coming back from tour, and the weather was horrible with incessant rain. We were also tired from our long loving night, so we stayed at home, cuddling on the couch, still in comfortable pajamas,  eating chocolate and candies, covering ourselves with a huge quilted blanket, he was reading one of his science fiction books while I was watching TV without really watching it. The house was silent, you could only hear the sound of rain streaming down the windows and the distant sound of the TV, and I was getting a little bored, I started to admire my sweetheart, and his beautiful blue eyes immersed in his book, and I tell myself that they would be even more blue with a nice smokey eyes makeup. I loved to annoy him when he was calm and focused, because it always ended in a sexy fight and giggles, we were both real kids in adult bodies.
I was still lost in thought when our eyes met. He stroked my cheek, smiling at me and said to me:
"What's going on baby girl?"
"Nothing ... I'm a little bored ... you would be even more beautiful with makeup!"
"What? what are you talking about?"
"I would like to put  make-up on your eyes, see what it would look like!"
"what the heck... no way!"
"Come on, please baby, it's gonna be funny."
"Funny for you, first you forced me to do my hair, then I got nail polish, and now makeup, what's the next craze, trying on your dresses?"
"don't give me new ideas ..."
I chuckled, and i made my look as pouty and cute as possible, and i knew he couldn't resist.
"Richie... Baby, please"
"Well, well, ok... but on one condition, I make-up your face right after "
"it's unfair, I'm gonna make you a nice make-up and you're gonna make me a clown make-up ... "
He smirked
"it's up to you, love... but maybe i would do a good job"
"Well... ok"
I quickly ran happily to get my trolley make-up case before he changed his mind. I saw him rolling his eyes while he saw me back with all my equipment and I knew he wasn't gonna let me do it easily! To be more comfortable I sat astride his lap facing him and he grabbed my waist.
"Are you sure you don't want to have another type of fun with such position?"
And he made me bounce on him. It started well ...
"keep calm otherwise i won't be able to do it well. Ok "
"Yeah... ok ok"
I took a headband to block his hair and clear his face so that it wouldn't bother me.
"It hasn't started yet that I'm already ridiculous with your thing on my head, besides it squeezes me too much"
"sshhh stop complaining"
I first massage his face with a moisturizer cream  so that the makeup would stay on, to prepare his dry skin.
"ah! it feels good, keep going"
Then I took a makeup sponge to spread the pre make-up base, I explained to him, like a girl, every step of the make-up and he looked at me with a grin, and I applied the foundation with a brush and he began to gesticulate in all directions, sneering
"Stop moving"
"it's not my fault it tickles"
"look up, I'm going to put the concealer"
"after the night we spent I really need it"
And he made me bounce again.
"stop fooling around"
Then i put the shade cream to do the contourning, and it was pretty long especially with this little monkey who didn't want to stop moving. He was starting to struggle while stirring and I had to hold his head by threatening him.
"it's too long ... how many layers of paint will you put on my face!"
"you have to suffer to be beautiful"
"it's wrong I'm already handsome without all this stuff"
"you're so self assure!"
"you're not gonna say the opposite, you're so in love"
He slipped his hands under my tank top to squeeze my breasts
"honka honka"
"Stop acting like a baby, you distract me"
I admired my work, proud of myself, and I was able to put the fixing powder, with a big velvet powder puff. The cloud of powder made him sneeze loudly and to get his revenge he blew on the pot of powder which spread all over my tank top, my hair and my face!
"You dirty little brat"
He howled with laughter and I slapped him slightly on the arm then he tickled me, rubbing his face against mine.
"Stop it you're gonna ruin my work, I'm not done yet!"
I applied myself to draw him beautiful eyebrows, then I could finally start working on the smokey eyes blend with a shadow blend brush. He was annoying me, he couldn't stop blinking his eyes and I had to hold his face to force him to stay still. He kept repeating me every 30 seconds:
"It's almost over? It stings my eyes"
"Almost sshh shut up"
I finally finish and woow with the black smokey blend, his big eyes were even more blue than blue, they looked like headlights.
"Wooow your eyes are so beautiful and blue like that, I was sure it would look good!"
"Show me"
"No wait for me to finish"
I put black pencil under his eye which enlighted  even more the blue of his eyes and the mascara which was quite an adventure to apply as he couldn't stop stirred and blinked his eyes. I applied a touch of gloss with a brush.
"Pinch your lips as if you wanted to kiss."
He kissed the tip of my nose with his lips full of gloss
"you really are a fool!"
And we started to laugh, I was really proud of my work and I took off the headband to comb his hair.
"you're so gorgeous Richie"
I showed him the result in a mirror and he started to scream!
"aaaaahh but you're really crazy, look at my face, how I'm gonna  remove all that, it's too much! i look like a slut!"
I smirked.
"Yeah my gorgeous little slut... Baby Richie"
He rolls his eyes.
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"ok.. now my turn!"
He tried to remember the stages of the makeup that I had just done and I dreaded seeing the result, he made me laugh with his concentrated face by sticking his tongue, he showed me the result and surprisingly it was pretty good!
"You learn quickly, it's really not bad at all"
"Yes, I'm a good student anyway"
"A restless student yes ... Hey come on, we take pictures to keep a memory"
We take pictures, taking sexy and then ridiculous attitudes. And we collapsed on the couch dead with laughter, when suddenly he threw a pillow at my face.
"Ah yeah... you wanna play... dirty little sneaky thing"
And we started a pillow fight in the middle of the living room. We ran after each other, laughing like kids and throwing pillows, suddenly he slipped on me which made us fall to the ground, the pillow fight turned into a tickle battle, then like everytime time in a languorous kiss, then in a long moment of delicious sex on the ground. All the makeup had flowed on our faces and the living room was a mess but we were happy and in love. 
It was an afternoon at home as I loved them, full of laughter and love with my loving husband who always followed me in my wildest ideas. I loved him more than anything and I felt really blessed and lucky to have him in my life.
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brokehorrorfan · 4 years
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Event Report: Rhode Island Comic Con 2019
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The eighth annual Rhode Island Comic Con took place November 1-3 at the Rhode Island Convention Center and the Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence, RI. With the new layout implemented the previous year proving to be successful, the show ran like a well-oiled machine. When not enamored by the countless vendors, I spent a good deal of the weekend in the panel rooms listening to anecdotes from a host of beloved actors.
The first panel of the weekend was with The Office's Brian Baumgartner (who played Kevin) and Leslie David Baker (who played Stanley). After being forced to turn away dozens of fans from last year's The Office Q&A with other cast members, the convention smartly booked the bigger panel room this time around. They discussed the show's longevity and the possibility of a revival. "It will never be the same," Baker stated, but they remain open to the idea; he encouraged fans to write to NBC if they want to see it. Many laughs were had, with Baumgartner occasionally slipping into his character’s voice, in addition to dropping not one but two "That's what she said!" jokes.
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Richard Dreyfuss' panel immediately followed. The Academy Award-winning actor opened by saying that he has answered every Jaws question over the years, so if you ask one he hasn't heard he'll give you $10 - but if you ask one he has heard you owe him $10. He promised more than just funny stories from film sets - although that's what most people wanted to hear. More than half of the 45-minute discussion was dedicated to the absence of civics in today's educational system, a subject on which Dreyfuss wrote a soon-to-be-published book. He did answer a few film-related questions, but the moderator - a local podcast host - did not help the situation.
A Q&A with Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund, was a fun way to cap off the first day. A born storyteller with an encyclopedic knowledge of film, his panels are always fascinating. He discussed his work in the A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise at length, citing Part 4 has his favorite performance, New Nightmare as his favorite to make, and Tina from Part 1 as his favorite death scene. With questions culled from Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, Galaxy of Terror, and Never Too Young to Die, Englund called it his most esoteric panel. He concluded by telling the audience about True Terror, a new Travel Channel series he's hosting that's set to premiere in February.
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I've never watched a single episode of Star Trek, but I had a hunch that William Shatner's panel would be wildly entertaining - and he proved me right. With no need for a moderator, he began by telling the captive audience about The Ride, an upcoming documentary following his eight-day motorcycle journey from Chicago to Los Angeles, and his new blues album that's due out next year. Surprisingly, there were no Star Trek questions; topics of conversation ranged from Judgment at Nuremberg and Better Late Than Never to working with whales and his likeness being used for Michael Myers' mask in Halloween.
The godfather of the modern action figure, Marty Abrams, shared the fascinating story of his Mego Corporation. While Abrams remained diplomatic, Mego consultant Paul Clarke asserted their side of the infamous Star Wars story. Abrams did not pass on the Star Wars license; he was in Japan working on Micronauts and never had a meeting. In a "perfect storm," Kenner happened to be located in the same building and signed the deal before Abrams returned. He estimates it cost him billions of dollars. It was a riveting companion to the Kenner-centric Star Wars episode of Netflix's The Toys That Made Us. Abrams also revealed that a Micronauts TV series and movie are in development. The recently relaunched Mego is looking into more contemporary packaging and more play value to appeal to the younger demographic. They're also continuing to expand their licenses, with Star Trek: The Next Generation coming soon.
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I attempted to attend the Stranger Things panel on Saturday evening, but my lack of a mysterious wristband - about which no advanced information was issued - prevented me from doing so. It was a blessing in disguise, however, as I used the spare time to score a front-row seat for Elijah Wood's Q&A. Despite being one of the headlining guests, Wood was in the smaller panel room, which quickly reached capacity.
Wood shared several anecdotes about The Lord of the Rings, confirming that the fellowship actors have matching tattoos and disclosing that he has never read J.R.R. Tolkien's source material. ("I lived the books," he quipped.) He revealed that although Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency is likely done for good, there have been talks of an animated continuation. He also expressed his desire to direct, stating that he would gravitate toward genre films. He cited The Thing, The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, Don't Look Now, Carrie, and The Innocents as his favorite horror films, with Goodnight Mommy, Hereditary, and The Witch being recent favorites. He even rushed off stage to hug a Canadian fan who drove over four hours to see Mandy - produced by Wood's SpectreVision - on the big screen.
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Sunday morning kicked off with Christina Ricci's panel. A self-described "very different child," she hypothesized that being raised in a chaotic atmosphere led her to darker roles as a child actress, but playing those parts also impacted her. She cites Buffalo 66 and The Ice Storm among the roles she's most proud of. She loved the technical aspects of working on The Addams Family and considers herself particularly lucky to have worked with Raul Julia. When asked about playing Morticia in an Addams Family reboot, she said she'd be happy to, but it would make more sense for her to play an adult Wednesday. She also discussed making her debut at the age of 7 in a Saturday Night Live skit, an embarrassing experience filming Casper’s kissing scene in the early days of CGI, smoking her first cigarette with Winona Ryder on the set of Mermaids, and understanding the importance of Lizzie Borden upon appearing in New England that weekend.
Like his Star Trek co-star, George Takei was not accompanied by a moderator. He began by speaking about They Called Us Enemy, his new graphic novel about being imprisoned in a Japanese-American interment camp at the age of 5 following the bombing of Pearl Harbor, despite the fact that he and his family were born in America. The subject matter sadly remains relevant, but it was heartening to hear his resolve as well as the audience's reaction. The actor/activist also publicly revealed his support of Pete Buttigieg for the Democratic presidential nomination. He discussed how Star Trek has "lived long and prospered" for over 50 years before proudly speaking about his recent work on AMC's The Terror: Infamy, on which he served as a consultant in addition to acting. While answering fan questions, he shared a humorous anecdote about doing the Howard Stern show for the first time without knowing what he was getting into.
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Rhode Island Comic Con marked comedy legend Chevy Chase's first convention, leading a Vacation family reunion, and saw the final public appearance of Sesame Street's former Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch, Caroll Spinney. In addition to those mentioned, the guest list included Gaten Matarazzo (Stranger Things), Benedict Wong (Doctor Strange), Evanna Lynch (Harry Potter), Alfie Allen (Game of Thrones), Anthony Michael Hall (The Breakfast Club), Patrick Warburton (The Tick), Alex Kingston (Doctor Who), Robert Patrick (Terminator 2), Steven Yeun (The Walking Dead), Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk), Jaleel White (Family Matters), Richard Brake (Three from Hell), professional wrestling legend Mick Foley, and dozens more.
Beyond the impressive line-up of celebrity guests and a wide variety of vendors, Rhode Island Comic Con also featured comic book creators ranging from big names to indie up-and-comers, exclusive merchandise, after parties, kids activities, geek speed dating, and more. Cosplayers are always a highlight, so I was eager to catch the costume contest on Sunday afternoon. A great Buzz Lightyear - who nailed not only the costume but also the mannerisms - took home the grand prize, bringing the weekend’s fun to infinity and beyond.
Click here to see all of my Rhode Island Comic Con 2019 photos.
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melroesplace · 5 years
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Gonna steal your question and ask for your top 10 ships of all time for Valentine's Day :D
Ok this is super late (and also super fucking long) because it took forever to narrow down my top 100 ships to only 10, but here we go:
1. Ron & Hermione (Harry Potter)
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My very first OTP and still my favorite.  Their slow burn development from enemies to friends to lovers makes this the best relationship of the entire HP franchise.  Haters can deny it all they want, but these 2 have always and will always belong together.  Harry & Hermione would be together if Ron wasn’t around?  Nope, Hermione and Harry was pining for Ron when he was away in Deathly Hollows.  Ron & Hermione will get divorced because of their arguments?  Lol you thought, they are planning to renew their vows after 20 years of marriage.  I’m sort of gloating now, but Idc because this is one of the very few endgame ships I have.
2. Zuko & Katara (A:TLA)
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In the exact opposite of what happened with Romione, this was my first ship that wasn’t canon and the first one to make me cry angry tears over the fact.   Zutara introduced me to the dark side of my fangirl, engaging in shipping wars, hating on Bryke for not getting them together even tho I should’ve known it was never gonna happen.  I’m not proud of everything my preteen self did in the Avatar fandom, but *tune of God Bless the USA* I’m proud to be a Zutarian, where at least there’s fans like me  They are twin flames, 2 sides of the same coin, and forever friends.  Plus, Dante Basco and Mae Whitman shipped them, so neener neener neener.  (Sorry, my 12 yr old fangirl came out a bit)
3. Katniss & Peeta (The Hunger Games)
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#RelationshipGoals  That is all.  Ok, not really.  I love seeing a hardened badass fighter like Katniss with such a gentle soul like Peeta.  He is her anchor, she is his passion, and I am their bitch.  No matter how many times I read the books or watch the movies, I fall to pieces over them in the best way.  And to think when I first started reading the books, I was convinced Peeta would end up dead because all the signs seemed to be pointing that way.  I’ve never been so glad to be wrong in my life.
4. Magnus & Alec (Shadowhunters)
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Let me start this off with #SaveShadowhunters.  I will miss Malec, I will miss the Malec fandom and I will especially miss the showrunners being so lovely to the fans.  After being disappointed by JKR, Bryke, Plec, and Shonda, it is such a relief to feel validated by a creator.  Todd, Darren, and Matt Hastings are real supporters of the LGBT community who actually listen to fans’ concerns and fight to include as much diversity as they can get away with.  I’ve never watched a show that treated an interracial same sex couple the same (or imo better) as all the other couples.  Magnus & Alec had me at “Who are you?” with their amazing chemistry.  I love one badass shadowhunter/warlock team who are also adorable boyfriends.
5. Jackie & Hyde (That 70s Show)
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Sigh…..what could have been.  I will never understand how the writers could throw out such an amazing relationship after so many years together.  Jackie & Hyde are the epitome of the Opposites Attract trope.  Hyde is a sarcastic little shit and Jackie is a materialistic snob and they love each other exactly as they are.  He keeps her grounded and she makes him open up.  Since I don’t consider season 8 canon, I like to imagine Hyde opening up his own record shop in Chicago so that Jackie could pursue her dream.  They’re still together.
6. Isak & Even (Skam)
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Just look at these pure babies!  You should really watch this show if you haven’t already.  I think you would love them and I don’t mind spoiling that they’re endgame so you don’t have to worry about that.  Evak probably have the hottest chemistry of everyone on this list, but they’re also 100% soft boyfriends.
7. Bonnie & Jeremy (Vampire Diaries)
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TVD is responsible for at least a quarter of my ships, but Beremy was my first OTP from the show.  After watching everyone treat Bonnie like little more than a magic wand for over a year, it was nice to see someone want her simply for her.  Jeremy didn’t care about what Bonnie could do for him, he genuinely admired her strength and morals.  Bonnie stopped seeing him as her best friend’s kid brother and saw him for the hot, strong protector he is.  I will never forgive the writers for ruining their relationship twice, but I still head canon that Bonnie & Jeremy reunited as adults.
8. Harry & Uma (Descendants)
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My favorite thing about Huma is that Harry is a hook wielding maniac who is also completely head over heels in love with Uma, a beautiful black girl who is Captain of their pirate crew.  He is unapologetic in how utterly devoted he is to her and even tho she keeps her feelings close to the vest, it is obvious Uma has a soft spot for her First Mate.  My least favorite thing about Huma is that despite the overwhelming evidence, I still don’t know if they’re an actual couple.  I hope D3 clears that up.
9. Dante & Ari (Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe)
*There are plenty of amazing fan art of them, I just couldn’t decide which one to post*
You should read this book if you haven’t already, it classic coming-of-age queer literature.  Ari is an introverted smart ass kid with no friends until he meets cinnamon roll Dante.  These are my favorite type of relationships to see/read, especially when its a slow burn like this.  Idk what else to say other than how much I love these two makes my heart ache in a good way.  Right after finishing the book, I went back and reread my favorite parts.
10. Kelly/Yorkie (Black Mirror)
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My favorite wlw ship only appears on 1 episode of a tv anthology, that’s how amazing they are.  I relate so much to Yorkie, uncomfortable in my own skin and socially awkward.  All I want is someone like Kelly who can bring me out of my shell, but still love me for who I am.  Their relationship honestly gives me hope that even someone like me (with little relationship experience) can maybe find love.  You know, if I ever leave my damn house for anything other than work.
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burjosaltnburn · 6 years
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HiHOAndTheBrokenFeelings
#HiHOAndTheBrokenFeelings
J.D.::
||My eyes were glued to Sadie’s tight round ass when she walked out the door. “God bless Levi Strauss.” I called after her.|| Don’t get me any of the rank-ass latte shit neither, woman! ||She’d lost the very mature round of rock, paper, scissors we’d done to see who was going to get food and coffee. Apparently Folgers wasn’t up to par with the caffeine snob’s tastes. Running my eyes over the scarred top of the coffee table I saw the open pack of gum and I grumbled a lengthy string of explicatives that ended with “….she took the last piece of gum….fuck!” We’d had this discussion, don’t leave shit all over the kitchen counters and leave my goddam gum alone. I muttered a few more choice words while shoving my feet into a pair of sneakers before heading to the little shop on the corner.||
Sadie::
Got it, one skank ass cappuccino! ::I pulled the door shut behind me cursing under my breath as I made my way to my car, I was beginning to realize why J.D.  worked alone. He was like a goddamn child in so many ways like right now, we needed to play a round of fucking rock, paper, scissors to see who was going out. Needless to say if I didn’t leave that tiny apartment he was going to end up with a few bruises or worse.:: What a complete asshat, seriously? We need to play games to get anything done. I feel more like his mother than partner. Do the dishes, babe, I'll get them next time. Mind doing my laundry with yours? How about grabbing a few more towels on your way back from the gym?   ::The more I talk the whiter my knuckles turned as I gripped the wheel::
J.D.::
||The small Mom and Pop place never seemed too busy and today was no exception. Mr. and Mrs. Sanders were a sweet couple who’d lost their only son to a car accident when he was in college. Their daughter was a different kind of lost; the kind that puts a needle in a vein. Both were as devastating as they sound. Since I’d taken a place nearby Doris and Howard had seen it as a responsibility to make sure that I was eating well and to  always ask if I’ve found a “good woman”. It was sweet and they seemed so earnest that I couldn’t refuse the short chat. I grabbed 8 packs of gum and was headed back to get a carton of milk when I bumped into a chick. Blonde hair, nice eyes and mmm….tits that looked good enough to eat. Chuckling as she stammered an apology.|| It’s okay, darlin’. My bad what can I do to make it up to you?
Sadie::
::I waited in the car a while waiting as I calmed down enough to not rip off anyone else's head, it seemed unfair to rude to another because J.D. pissed me off. I blew out one more breath I grabbed my wallet and headed inside the local Starbucks, just the smell made me smile. The scent mixed with the decor and the best part….it was quiet, no loud tv or some man baby complaining about damn gum. What was his deal lately? There were moments when we were good, completely in sync, of course they were usually on hunts. After was the same. Even a few days after the hunt but the in between, they got nasty.
I shook my head and brushed past a few patrons on their way out, smiling at the lady behind the counter. :: Can I get two Venti, iced nonfat white chocolate mochas and…::I groaned out a breath, eyes searching the menu for something J.D. would like. Maybe if I got it right he’d simmer down some:: and a Venti black. Also whatever muffins you have left please. ::I smiled as she chuckled seeming to know I was trying to fix something with that order or maybe it was the muffins:: Shit...sorry...can you add like a ton of sugar to that bag and maybe a small creamer? Or tall? It’s been a long day. ::She chuckled along mumbling about totally understanding as I paid::
J.D.
||The smile that crossed this chicks lips, shit, I’ve been eye fucked before but she was doing something else and I was so blue balled by now that I could pop off like a virgin kid jacking off the first time.|| Why don’t you come back to my place, I’m sure we can figure somethin’ out. ||Walking up to the register, I set the gum down with the milk long since forgotten. Mrs. Sanders made a disdainful sound when she saw who was next to me. I didn’t think anything of it as the blood that normally fueled the upper brain was currently down South. Taking the small paper bag after I paid, I hooked my arm around the waist of the chick who’s name I hadn’t bothered to get. The wall back was fast and I’m not sure that the door was fully shut before she pounced. I dropped back on the worn couch partly because, why not and partly due to tripping because my jeans were around my ankles. Rolling my head back, I groaned loudly. This blondie didn’t waste a second, her mouth was on my dick and my fingers were treading through the flaxen colored locks at the top of her head.||
Sadie::
::I walked back to my car balancing everything as I unlocked the drivers door and slid into the seat, the muffins landed in the passenger seat while the drink were placed in holders. I was somewhat calmer now as I backed out and headed towards J.D. apartment, but there were more than a few things were needed to get clear when I arrived. First off, I was in no way his fucking maid or his goddamn mother, so the laundry and cleaning shit was coming to a fill stop. He was going to become a full functioning adult who took care of his own damn self, we also had a fully functioning kitchen so there was gonna be no more of this corner store shit. I could shop and make meals for us both, that was something I could do.
I pulled up beside J.D.’s jeep gathering the coffee and goodies, fumbling with the door before bumping it shut with my ass. My next struggle was the door, of course two hands full of coffee made it difficult to turn the knob so I gave it a kick, then another and another. :: Seriously J.D. What the fuck are you doing?
::I growled quietly to myself, doing some sort of balancing act miracle to open the door. I really wish I hadn't, I stood there in the doorway watching some blonde face deep in J.D.’s lap slobbering like some St. Bernard, while he used his grip of her dyed blonde hair to guide her perfectly. I didn't know what to do honestly. I didn't know if I was hurt or mad or simply indifferent? I walked in resting his drink on the coffee table beside his junk food. Glaring something awfully as I caught his eye:: When you're finished with this blonde whoreachinno, we need to talk. ::All that talk a out not being mad was a lie, I was fucking fuming::
J.D. ::
||Groaning loud, I didn’t even hear Sadie come in. The blonde that I’d picked up was throat deep on my dick and playing with my balls. Opening my eyes when I caught the scent of Sadie’s perfume, it was a subtle combination of shampoo, body wash and her. The look in her eyes…...yeah this was gonna end quick. A few more bobs of blondie’s head I used my grip to hold her head still as I came. If she hadn’t seemed easy before, the way that she was lapping and sucking for every last drop now screamed it. This bimbo was the kinda chick that would never leave the trailer park she grew up in. She sat back with a satisfied smirk. “I don’t think your girlfriend is happy.” Grinding my teeth I stood up.|| Thanks, you can go now. ||The look on her face was almost comical, she sputtered a few times before storming out, the door slamming in her wake. Yanking my boxers and jeans up.|| Thanks for the coffee. ||Dropping back on the sofa.||
Sadie :: I...I don't even know what the fuck to yell at you first for? Or if I even have the right to yell at you for it. ::I just left my coffee where it was and dropped my ass on the table across from you:: what the fuck was that? Seriously? ::I ran my hands through my hair and tugged it up into a messy bun, hating that I was showing way more emotion than I ever wanted to. Sure I had feelings for J.D., but I...fuck.:: I don’t even know what the fuck I'm saying here. It's your place, bring all the blonde whores you want into it, just maybe shoot me a text next time?
I'm gonna make something to eat, do you want anything? ::I stood up and turned turned to walk away, I was too tired and too angry to have the be a grown ass man and do your own shit talk. All I could smell as cheap ass Britney Spears special perfume::
J.D. ::
||Ya know in cartoons when the “Magoo” of the group does that rapid blinky blink shit, yeah. That’s me right now. My dear mama used to say “Mijo, you are cabeza gruesa. You don’t see past your own nose.” I’ve been called thick headed all my life, I compartmentalize my emotions but that means that I miss others at times as well. It took me a minute to process all of what happened. I followed you into the kitchen after a minute.|| Want some help? ||A little voice in my head was blaring that I needed to apologize.|| I’m sorry, Sadie. That was a dick move.
Sadie
::I was shocked when he followed me into the kitchen, then the apology happened and I nearly cut my finger clean off as I looked over his way:: It kinda was, but like I said you don't have to change for me J.D, just maybe leave a sock on the door or text me? ::I flashed the fakest smile I could muster, then dropped my eyes back to the bacon:: This is your place I’m just a visitor, if it's easier I can go back to a motel? I don't mind. We’ve been at each other throats In between cases constantly…::I sighed, scooping the bacon into pan before stepping around you to the freezer::
I had planned to come yell at you when I got home, about stupid laundry and stupid bullshit and then I saw you with her….I just. ::I couldn't do anything but laugh at this point:: I really need to shut up at this point and maybe get a drink. I don't do feelings. At all
J.D. ::
||Dropping my lids closed, I pinched the bridge of my nose. Fuck! Jesus, I need to come with a warning label. “Danger…..asshole present!” Turning, I caught your arm before you could snag a bottle from there.|| Stop, the motel’s a no go. The cockroaches there are the size of small Volkswagen. Sit. ||It wasn’t a request but I wasn’t going to force you either. You wore a defiant look as you glared back at me.|| Please, sit.
Sadie ::
Fine. No motel. ::I flinched a little when he asked me to sit, this meant talking and talking led to more fucking sharing feeling shit. Christ. I was taking the bottle with me.:: Since you added please I will sit. I am also however taking this ::I raised the bottle:: with me and I want no comment ::I walked toward the table taking the seat across from you:: Now what?
J.D.
||With a subtle shift of my chin I cracked my jaw, it gave me an extra second to think.|| I’m a dick. That was a dick move and if I thought with more than my dick it wouldn’t have happened. ||My hand shot up to cut off the comment I could see forming on your lips.|| It’s been a long ass time since I’ve worked with someone else, let alone lived with someone. Shit, since my Dad died I’ve been on the road and that’s a shit fucking excuse for pulling what I have been. From now on how about we split shit. Chores. Fuck…. ||Great now the awkward was setting in; this is why I stuck to fuck ‘em an leave ‘em. I...this….grumbling an explicative under my breath as I raked my hand through my hair.|| So, yeah…. ||Dropping into the chair opposite you, I snagged the bottle and drank deeply.||
Sadie: ::Great. Now I was feeling guilty for yelling and pitching a fucking fit over chores and shit not being done. His fucking dad died? Thanks dad for that heads up. I turned to face you, taking the bottle just as you pulled it away from your mouth and held up one finger while I took a long sip.:: Yes, You are a dick. How would it have looked if you came in and some dude was fucking me on your couch when you walked in? ::I groaned louder:: Ignore that. I haven't exactly been the best person either to live with either, I'm used to living with dad or crashing in hotels. Living with another person in their place is foreign...I feel like I need to keep things clean, as a thank you.  Plus it just hurt to walk in and see that, I just…::I paused shaking my head:: I just ...we need more to drink.
J.D.:
||So it was possible for the awkward to get worse.|| ¡Jesús cogiendo a Cristo! ||There wasn’t enough booze on earth to ease this shit show and I was trying to keep my mind off what I’d have done if the tables had been flipped around. Fuck, the thought of you under me as I stretched your tight…. I needed a cold fucking shower.|| Breakfast, yeah, we need that. ||Bolting up, I hoped you didn’t notice the raging hard on I was sporting as I bee lined for the fridge across the room.||
Sadie::
Breakfast? ::Fuck. I laughed softly as he darted from the table so fast you'd think his ass was on fire, already rising to my feet before I spoke again:: Everything alright in there, J.D? You want some help? Otherwise I may go hop in the shower. ::I grinned mostly because I swore I saw his cock salute every inch as he took off toward the kitchen. Fuck.::
J.D.
||Growling my response because I was now vividly picturing her naked and wet and….fuck me.|| Fine, I’m….everything is fine. Fried eggs, sausage and toast if the bread isn’t moldy, that good?
Sadie:
::I sighed softly, shaking my head whatever this shit was between us needed to be sorted and the only way I knew how was to face it was head on. Sexual tension was simple to fix. We didn't have feeling for each other it was the rush of the hunt, the lust and pure adrenaline that took hold of each of us. That was simply all this was.:: J.D.? ::I walked back into the kitchen not saying another word, reaching around him to turn the burners off and slip in front of him while biting down into my bottom lip:: I… there is only one way we are going to figure this...fuck it. ::I took his face in my hands and brought his face to mine, gently biting his lip before teasing my tongue between his lips. Groaning softly just as my hands slid up into his short hair and tugged every so gently at first. “I’m doing this simply to get the tension out of the way” I thought to myself before another groan burst free::
J.D.:
||I’ve never been the chivalrous type, if a broad throws herself at me I’m down so long as she’s legal and conscious. Even a jackass like me has standards and morals not to mention that prison would be a fucking bitch. An amused look formed at the hesitation in your voice only to die when you attacked my face and tried to swallow me from the inside out. So that’s what I’ve heard chicks bitch about when a dude tried to shove their tongue down the chick’s throat. Stepping back, I could feel the confused look that formed.|| Woah, whiplash much? You… ||Shit, I’d never been on this side of the convo and fuck if I knew what to say.||
Sadie:
::I didn’t know what to do when J.D pulled away, I couldn’t even lift my eyes to his too afraid to show the complete shame that filled them. No it wasn’t shame, it was something I couldn’t even put into words. I just...fuck. I bit down hard enough into my bottom lip to blood before I spoke.:: I’m sorry, J.D. I..::I shook my head, pulling away a little further before lifting my eyes to yours:: that was total whiplash. I’m sorry. ::I could only stare, hoping that I didn’t just fuck up our hunting partnership but I was pretty sure that may have happened::  If “you should go” was your next sentence, I’m already grabbing my things.
J.D.::
||I started to chuckle, I would bet and win that Sadie was gonna have my balls for it but I Couldn’t help it.|| Damn, one of us needs booze for the talking we need. We both need it. Park your ass, woman. ||With a brow cocked, I made sure that her ass had hit seat before going for 2 bottles and thrusting one in her direction.|| Talk.
Sadie::
::How my ass found that seat was beyond me, it must have happened in shock of the words that left his mouth. Talk? The fuck. We do that and we end up yelling, that’s what lead us to the shit that happened two seconds ago. I groaned reaching for the bottle, the lid already gone before I had it at my aching lips. Each sip longer that the first. Honestly I wouldn’t have stopped if I hadn’t heard J.D. clear his throat and set the bottle down:: What do you even want me to say, J.D? That you having the blonde hob gobbling on your cock ::My head tilted every so slightly:: may have bothered me a little more than I cared to admit? ::I sat up a little to straight shocked to fuck that even left my mouth.::
J.D.::
||The rapid fire Spanish that flew out of my mouth  was almost too fast for me to understand and I was saying the shit. Holding up a finger before answering, I picked up my bottle and chugged like my life depended on it. It just might. Settling the lighter glass container on the scarred tabletop.|| And the attempt at tonsil hockey was supposed to clue me in? Dios! Woman, I...shit. ||One glance to Sadie’s face was enough to know that I was rapidly fucking up.|| Here goes nothin’. ||FUUUCK, that was out loud.|| Sadie, it’s been a long fuckin’ time for me to have anyone in my life. ||With each word I was picturing my man card slide further and further away.|| Chicks are a one and done. I don’t…. ||My hand shot up to cut off the protest I knew was coming.|| want that with you, you deserve better. ||And at that moment I knew it was possible to sound like a dick and a pussy at the same fucking time.|| Fuck! I want ||Raking my hands through my hair.|| more with you. You’re better than that bitch that was here earlier.
Sadie::
::The longer I sat there watching him struggling the greater the urge was to run, dart for that damn door and pretend I hadn’t come home at all. That was until the conversation took a different turn and my mouth opened instantly to comment but yours was already holding a palm to silence it. Of course I grinned. Dammit. But...it faltered seconds later when the rest of your words finally sunk in. My fingers shook a little as they wrapped around the bottle, slowly I lifted it to my lips:: Did you just say...you wanted more? ::I drank a little more just incase then scooted my chair in closer, letting out a breath slowly:: How do you even know I deserve better, J.D.? ...Are you even sure? I mean there is a part of me that is screaming out to just let my fingers do as they wish but what if I ruin everything by doing so? ::I groaned out so loudly:: I hate sounding this girly, J.D. Absolutely hate it. ::Laughing I moved in till the edge of my chair was close enough so I could rest my forehead to your shoulder::
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cucinacarmela-blog · 6 years
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Our Favorite Breakfast Cereals | Serious Eats
New Post has been published on https://cucinacarmela.com/our-favorite-breakfast-cereals-serious-eats/
Our Favorite Breakfast Cereals | Serious Eats
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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
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Breakfast
Everything you need to make the most important meal of the day delicious.
There’s nothing inherently child-specific about a bowl of cold toasted grains soaked in milk, yet breakfast cereal seems to be inextricably associated with kids in the American imagination. Sure, it helps that most boxed cereals you’ll finding lining your supermarket aisles today come liberally infused with sugar (quite a turnabout for a food category that started with Seventh-Day Adventist health nuts, who would probably be pretty horrified if they could get a glimpse of the industry today), but there are other reasons.
You could begin, for instance, with the unchallenging flavors of corn and wheat combined with milk, making cereal an easy sell for the harried parents, usually moms, raising fussy eaters, who saw themselves reflected in generations of harried parents raising fussy eaters on TV. There’s the minimal preparation required, obviously, which made cereal the first meal many of us learned to fix for ourselves.
Add to that relentless marketing featuring every kind of kid bait you can think of—bright colors; unshakable jingles; talking animals (and cartoon chefs, and a leprechaun, and a captain of some never-seen navy); the promise of strength and coolness and superpowers; the insider-y nod to your membership in a special club that adults can’t infiltrate; and the lure of sugar sugar sugar—and it’s not hard to see how the cereals that accompanied us throughout our youth became a days-long conversation topic among the Serious Eats staff.
We’ve learned that few childhood cereals are cherished only on their own merits: The rituals that we created for eating them, the manic mascots that charmed us, and the cartoons that we ate them by on Saturdays were just as important. And we’ve learned that you can make nearly 50% of the SE staff happy by sitting them down in front of a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Here are the cereals that we still dream of forming our own secret kids’ club around, even as grown-ups.
Alpha-Bits Cereal
After an unfortunate incident wherein three-year-old Stella was left alone with Rainbow Brite cereal long enough to eat an entire box, my parents tried to steer me away from cereals with artificial coloring. That still left me with a number of excellent options—Pops, Honey Nut Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, et cetera—the best of which was Alpha-Bits Cereal. They taste about like Lucky Charms sans the Styrofoam marshmallow bits, which was fine by me, and I’d like to think my love for a frosted alphabet helped steer me toward the baker/writer life I lead now. A-B-C-Delicious! (This bonus commercial is before my time, but everyone deserves to hear MJ singing about Alpha-Bits, especially in a video that includes The Jackson 5 sitting down for cereal around a $14,000 Eero Saarinen dining room set. Yes, I did the math.) —Stella Parks, pastry wizard
Fruit & Fibre
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I knew and loved many a cereal when I was a kid—the candy-sweet nonsense, like Cookie Crisp and Lucky Charms, that my grandmother plied us with when we came for visits, as well as the more quotidian and practical choices of my parents, like Kix and Life. (Thinking back on it, I’m not even sure they bought Life that often, which speaks to its outsize importance in my mind. Life gets soggy faster than almost anything else, and it’s still the best damn cereal on the planet.) I was even #blessed enough to be able to enjoy a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch fairly regularly in front of Muppet Babies.
But my most steadfast breakfast companion, probably starting when I was about eight and continuing into my teenage years, was Fruit & Fibre (now apparently styled “Fruit ‘n Fibre”). Yep, I latched on to a sensible mixture of wheat flakes, nuts, and dried fruit, named after a dietary necessity and marketed at retirees, and I suppose Mom and Dad were only too happy to oblige this particular whimsy.
Fruit & Fibre was known in the ’80s and ’90s for the tagline “Tastes so good, you forget the fiber!”—which, again, doesn’t scream “youthful image”—and a series of commercials that poked self-deprecating fun at the inexplicably British spelling, in which one character would insist that the correct pronunciation was “fruit and fee-bray.” I don’t specifically remember this one, starring Tim Conway, but it’s representative and charmingly laid-back. I have been a very old person on the inside for a very long time. —Miranda Kaplan, senior editor
Frosted Flakes
I grew up in a pretty healthy household, and that meant hell no to the sugary cereals. We had a lot of puffed-millet, cardboard-like stuff that tasted like nothing, though I do suppose it was a bit healthier (except when I put a lot of Splenda on it, which, now that I think about it, is totally gross). The only time we ever got sugary cereal was when my dad went grocery shopping, and his all-time favorite is Frosted Flakes. When that bright-blue Kellogg’s box made it onto our cereal shelf, I went totally crazy with it—it was a classic kid-who-never-has-sugar scenario.
Recently I had brunch at MiMi’s Diner in Prospect Heights, where, as a little amuse-bouche, they give you a blissful mixture of colorful sugary cereals in a little bowl—all those classics, like Cap’n Crunch and Fruit Loops. It is such a treat. I guess I can thank all that cardboard of my youth for helping me appreciate it. —Ariel Kanter, marketing director
Cookie Crisp
I still have cereal for breakfast (and sometimes dinner) every day. These days I’m more of a Cheerios or Grape-Nuts eater, but as a kid, I definitely got hooked on the more sugar-oriented cereals, and Cookie Crisp was among the many options I rotated through. A bowl full of tiny chocolate chip cookies. Did I need more of a reason to like it as an eight-year old? Though perhaps the pair of cartoon crooks (including a dog) that served as the brand’s mascot had something to do with it…that “CooooOOOOOkie Crisp” jingle is pretty solid. —Vicky Wasik, visual director
Grape-Nuts
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The thing I remember most about my childhood trips to the grocery store is setting up camp in front of the wall of multicolored cereal boxes, wheedling and pleading with my parents as they shook their heads and jabbed their fingers at the panel of nutrition facts.
I mostly blame the ensuing tears on the astonishing effectiveness of cereal commercials—especially the kind that featured greedy adults with Peter Pan syndrome, trying to steal cereal from children who, in this gritty, high-stakes universe, went to great lengths to save their most treasured possession: brightly hued, sugar-saturated breakfast candy. Sweetened cereals, they proclaimed, were a child’s birthright, and if you weren’t getting your fill, it was almost certainly because some grown-up—like, say, your mom or dad—was an evil asshole.
Which is why my favorite breakfast cereal was virtually any breakfast cereal I wasn’t eating. For the most part, our pantry was limited to Cheerios or generic “health” flakes, with rare appearances from Raisin Bran and, on a good day, a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. Within the confines of those prison walls, I found myself with a particular affinity for Grape-Nuts, which would sink into a dense heap beneath my milk and form a gritty cement onto which I could project visions of overflowing bowls of Fruit Loops, Golden Grahams, and Cocoa Pebbles. Now that I’m a marginally health-conscious adult, I genuinely enjoy a bowl of Grape-Nuts. But back in ’93, they drew me in with their masochistic appeal: a meal that captured the true extent of my hardship, deprivation, and suffering. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, executive managing editor
Honey Nut Cheerios
I’ll happily eat Honey Nut Cheerios at any time of day or night, for any meal. They make an excellent appetizer, salad, entrée, or dessert; each little O possesses the perfect balance of sweet and savory (but mostly sweet). And, of course, as a kid growing up in a mostly sugar-free household in Berkeley, California, I could never eat them at home, which meant I searched frantically through cupboards and drawers whenever I was at a friend’s house, looking for that big red-and-yellow cardboard box. When I found it, I was in heaven. I still don’t buy them for my own pantry, but if I ever see that signature box tucked behind the grown-up food in a friend’s kitchen, I finish it off. —Elazar Sontag, intern
Corn Pops
Growing up in New Delhi, India, in the late 1980s and early 1990s, we couldn’t buy cereal, and there weren’t any cereal ads on TV. There was no joy in our house, and no pleasure in our home. I did pine after Corn Pops quite a bit, since I got a taste of some at my American friends’ houses, even though the Pops cut up the inside of my mouth. And, apropos of nothing at all, the guy who played Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad was in a Corn Pops commercial. —Sho Spaeth, features editor
Kashi Heart to Heart
youtube
I have a confession to make: I did not eat cereal until I was 15 years old. Not because I was above consuming cleverly marketed sugar bombs for breakfast (because I ate plenty of Eggos), but because I’m lactose-intolerant. This was a time before I could eat my cereal with almond milk, as I do now, so it just wasn’t an option for me. Then, during my sophomore year of high school, I had a very bright idea: dry cereal with raspberries and blackberries. The juiciness of 10 or 12 berries bursting in every two to three bites would surely mimic the milk-and-cookies effect of cereal with milk, right? So I picked out a box of Kashi Heart to Heart cereal in Honey and Oat flavor, and a container each of raspberries and blackberries, and crunched my way through that for the rest of high school. I remember the pieces sometimes being so rough and scratchy that I’d scrape the roof of my mouth on them, but the flavor was good enough, and it allowed me to finally eat my cereal. Now that I’m talking about it, I think I may actually be sparking a craving. But this time, I just might add a splash of almond milk—because I can. —Kristina Bornholtz, social media editor
Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Junk foods were rarely an option in my home, and that meant no sugary cereals either. I tasted Lucky Charms only a few times, and that was at a friend’s house after a sleepover. Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch were as sweet as my mom was willing to allow, and those two, to this day, are among my favorites, especially when combined in the same bowl. They go together so well, the nut-and-honey notes of Golden Grahams and the sugar-and-spice in Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and they both create, whether together or alone, some of the most delicious cereal milk in existence. I don’t think I can pick between them, nor should I have to—I was cereal-deprived enough as a kid as it was. (Also, shout-out to Quaker Cracklin’ Oat Bran, which was a decently sweet cereal on regular rotation at my home until health-conscious parents got worried about all the coconut oil in it. My, how times have changed.) —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director
…and More Cinnamon Toast Crunch
As a kid I’d spend all week daydreaming about Saturday, when I would wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to get my fill of cartoons and sugar. I was allowed to eat foods repped by colorful characters only on these early weekend mornings—likely because Pop-Tarts and Eggo waffles were the only things that gave my parents a day to sleep in. I wanted to maximize my sugar intake during these precious unsupervised moments, so my breakfast of choice was always Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I mean, it’s so overloaded with cinnamon sugar that the slogan was “The taste you can see.” I still don’t understand how this stuff passes as children’s breakfast food, but I’ll never forget those mornings spent doing lines of cinnamon sugar with Hey, Arnold! in the background. —Sohla El-Waylly, assistant culinary editor
Trix
“Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!” will forever be ingrained in my brain. I loved that this cereal was so colorful. I’m pretty sure none of the flavors actually differed from one another, but I do remember that at one point the original balls were replaced by actual fruit-shaped pieces, to try to convince you that there was real lemon, grape, lime, raspberry, and blueberry flavor in there. —Vicky Wasik, visual director
Rice Krispies Treats Cereal
youtube
A cereal I remember being better in theory than in actuality. I’m assuming this commercial’s UFO references were crafted to piggyback on the paranormal-activity obsession that ran rampant throughout the late ’80s and ’90s, if kids’ television of the era is anything to go by. (See: Goosebumps, The Secret World of Alex Mack, Ghostwriter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…okay, that one might be a stretch.) The combo of sugary cereal plus thrills definitely hit the right note for me, and seeing a box of Rice Krispies Treats Cereal in the supermarket incited equal parts excitement and chills-creeping, sensation-laden terror, conjuring up late Saturday mornings glued to the tube over a bowl of (essentially) starchy candy that was “part of a complete breakfast.” Whoever said the ’50s and ’60s represented the golden age of advertising was clearly never a wide-eyed, impressionable child cruising the cereal aisle, visions of RKTC commercials dancing in their head. —Marissa Chen, office manager
Frosted Mini-Wheats
There were many long pit stops on my cereal journey growing up. Earlier on, there were the sweeter, more sugary stops, like Cap’n Crunch, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Lucky Charms. At summer camp I would add extra sugar to my Frosted Flakes, purposefully stir the cereal so the extra sugar sank all the way down, and eat the sugary milk goop at the bottom of the bowl with the spoon. Later on I became ever-so-slightly healthier with Honey Nut Cheerios, a very long stint on Honey Bunches of Oats (still a favorite), and a brief and shameful period on Raisin Bran. My final destination—and probably my all-time favorite to this day—was Frosted Mini-Wheats. Every bite has exactly the same ratio of ingredients, which I appreciate: just the right amount of fibrous (healthy!) and sugary. The texture is perfect, assuming you have the know-how to let the cereal soak up just the right amount of milk so it’s not dry and crunchy, then eat it quickly before it gets soggy. A seasoned veteran such as I am may even split the bowl into two or three rounds of cereal addition, thus ensuring that no piece gets too saturated before your spoon reaches it. —Tim Aikens, front-end developer
Wheat Chex
youtube
I ate more than my fair share of cereal when I was a kid, usually while sprawled out on the living room floor watching reruns of Saved by the Bell or DuckTales. I reserved the more sugary cereals (Cookie Crisp, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cap’n Crunch, and probably some that start with other letters of the alphabet) to be eaten as a dry snack and primarily ate “healthier” cereals, like Wheat Chex, with milk. I was never a big fan of cereal milk, so as I emptied the bowl, I would repeatedly add more and more cereal, until most of the milk had been absorbed. —Paul Cline, developer
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jmuo-blog · 6 years
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New Post has been published on https://jmuo.com/our-favorite-breakfast-cereals-serious-eats/
Our Favorite Breakfast Cereals | Serious Eats
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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]
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Breakfast
Everything you need to make the most important meal of the day delicious.
There’s nothing inherently child-specific about a bowl of cold toasted grains soaked in milk, yet breakfast cereal seems to be inextricably associated with kids in the American imagination. Sure, it helps that most boxed cereals you’ll finding lining your supermarket aisles today come liberally infused with sugar (quite a turnabout for a food category that started with Seventh-Day Adventist health nuts, who would probably be pretty horrified if they could get a glimpse of the industry today), but there are other reasons.
You could begin, for instance, with the unchallenging flavors of corn and wheat combined with milk, making cereal an easy sell for the harried parents, usually moms, raising fussy eaters, who saw themselves reflected in generations of harried parents raising fussy eaters on TV. There’s the minimal preparation required, obviously, which made cereal the first meal many of us learned to fix for ourselves.
Add to that relentless marketing featuring every kind of kid bait you can think of—bright colors; unshakable jingles; talking animals (and cartoon chefs, and a leprechaun, and a captain of some never-seen navy); the promise of strength and coolness and superpowers; the insider-y nod to your membership in a special club that adults can’t infiltrate; and the lure of sugar sugar sugar—and it’s not hard to see how the cereals that accompanied us throughout our youth became a days-long conversation topic among the Serious Eats staff.
We’ve learned that few childhood cereals are cherished only on their own merits: The rituals that we created for eating them, the manic mascots that charmed us, and the cartoons that we ate them by on Saturdays were just as important. And we’ve learned that you can make nearly 50% of the SE staff happy by sitting them down in front of a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Here are the cereals that we still dream of forming our own secret kids’ club around, even as grown-ups.
Alpha-Bits Cereal
After an unfortunate incident wherein three-year-old Stella was left alone with Rainbow Brite cereal long enough to eat an entire box, my parents tried to steer me away from cereals with artificial coloring. That still left me with a number of excellent options—Pops, Honey Nut Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, et cetera—the best of which was Alpha-Bits Cereal. They taste about like Lucky Charms sans the Styrofoam marshmallow bits, which was fine by me, and I’d like to think my love for a frosted alphabet helped steer me toward the baker/writer life I lead now. A-B-C-Delicious! (This bonus commercial is before my time, but everyone deserves to hear MJ singing about Alpha-Bits, especially in a video that includes The Jackson 5 sitting down for cereal around a $14,000 Eero Saarinen dining room set. Yes, I did the math.) —Stella Parks, pastry wizard
Fruit & Fibre
youtube
I knew and loved many a cereal when I was a kid—the candy-sweet nonsense, like Cookie Crisp and Lucky Charms, that my grandmother plied us with when we came for visits, as well as the more quotidian and practical choices of my parents, like Kix and Life. (Thinking back on it, I’m not even sure they bought Life that often, which speaks to its outsize importance in my mind. Life gets soggy faster than almost anything else, and it’s still the best damn cereal on the planet.) I was even #blessed enough to be able to enjoy a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch fairly regularly in front of Muppet Babies.
But my most steadfast breakfast companion, probably starting when I was about eight and continuing into my teenage years, was Fruit & Fibre (now apparently styled “Fruit ‘n Fibre”). Yep, I latched on to a sensible mixture of wheat flakes, nuts, and dried fruit, named after a dietary necessity and marketed at retirees, and I suppose Mom and Dad were only too happy to oblige this particular whimsy.
Fruit & Fibre was known in the ’80s and ’90s for the tagline “Tastes so good, you forget the fiber!”—which, again, doesn’t scream “youthful image”—and a series of commercials that poked self-deprecating fun at the inexplicably British spelling, in which one character would insist that the correct pronunciation was “fruit and fee-bray.” I don’t specifically remember this one, starring Tim Conway, but it’s representative and charmingly laid-back. I have been a very old person on the inside for a very long time. —Miranda Kaplan, senior editor
Frosted Flakes
I grew up in a pretty healthy household, and that meant hell no to the sugary cereals. We had a lot of puffed-millet, cardboard-like stuff that tasted like nothing, though I do suppose it was a bit healthier (except when I put a lot of Splenda on it, which, now that I think about it, is totally gross). The only time we ever got sugary cereal was when my dad went grocery shopping, and his all-time favorite is Frosted Flakes. When that bright-blue Kellogg’s box made it onto our cereal shelf, I went totally crazy with it—it was a classic kid-who-never-has-sugar scenario.
Recently I had brunch at MiMi’s Diner in Prospect Heights, where, as a little amuse-bouche, they give you a blissful mixture of colorful sugary cereals in a little bowl—all those classics, like Cap’n Crunch and Fruit Loops. It is such a treat. I guess I can thank all that cardboard of my youth for helping me appreciate it. —Ariel Kanter, marketing director
Cookie Crisp
I still have cereal for breakfast (and sometimes dinner) every day. These days I’m more of a Cheerios or Grape-Nuts eater, but as a kid, I definitely got hooked on the more sugar-oriented cereals, and Cookie Crisp was among the many options I rotated through. A bowl full of tiny chocolate chip cookies. Did I need more of a reason to like it as an eight-year old? Though perhaps the pair of cartoon crooks (including a dog) that served as the brand’s mascot had something to do with it…that “CooooOOOOOkie Crisp” jingle is pretty solid. —Vicky Wasik, visual director
Grape-Nuts
youtube
The thing I remember most about my childhood trips to the grocery store is setting up camp in front of the wall of multicolored cereal boxes, wheedling and pleading with my parents as they shook their heads and jabbed their fingers at the panel of nutrition facts.
I mostly blame the ensuing tears on the astonishing effectiveness of cereal commercials—especially the kind that featured greedy adults with Peter Pan syndrome, trying to steal cereal from children who, in this gritty, high-stakes universe, went to great lengths to save their most treasured possession: brightly hued, sugar-saturated breakfast candy. Sweetened cereals, they proclaimed, were a child’s birthright, and if you weren’t getting your fill, it was almost certainly because some grown-up—like, say, your mom or dad—was an evil asshole.
Which is why my favorite breakfast cereal was virtually any breakfast cereal I wasn’t eating. For the most part, our pantry was limited to Cheerios or generic “health” flakes, with rare appearances from Raisin Bran and, on a good day, a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. Within the confines of those prison walls, I found myself with a particular affinity for Grape-Nuts, which would sink into a dense heap beneath my milk and form a gritty cement onto which I could project visions of overflowing bowls of Fruit Loops, Golden Grahams, and Cocoa Pebbles. Now that I’m a marginally health-conscious adult, I genuinely enjoy a bowl of Grape-Nuts. But back in ’93, they drew me in with their masochistic appeal: a meal that captured the true extent of my hardship, deprivation, and suffering. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, executive managing editor
Honey Nut Cheerios
I’ll happily eat Honey Nut Cheerios at any time of day or night, for any meal. They make an excellent appetizer, salad, entrée, or dessert; each little O possesses the perfect balance of sweet and savory (but mostly sweet). And, of course, as a kid growing up in a mostly sugar-free household in Berkeley, California, I could never eat them at home, which meant I searched frantically through cupboards and drawers whenever I was at a friend’s house, looking for that big red-and-yellow cardboard box. When I found it, I was in heaven. I still don’t buy them for my own pantry, but if I ever see that signature box tucked behind the grown-up food in a friend’s kitchen, I finish it off. —Elazar Sontag, intern
Corn Pops
Growing up in New Delhi, India, in the late 1980s and early 1990s, we couldn’t buy cereal, and there weren’t any cereal ads on TV. There was no joy in our house, and no pleasure in our home. I did pine after Corn Pops quite a bit, since I got a taste of some at my American friends’ houses, even though the Pops cut up the inside of my mouth. And, apropos of nothing at all, the guy who played Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad was in a Corn Pops commercial. —Sho Spaeth, features editor
Kashi Heart to Heart
youtube
I have a confession to make: I did not eat cereal until I was 15 years old. Not because I was above consuming cleverly marketed sugar bombs for breakfast (because I ate plenty of Eggos), but because I’m lactose-intolerant. This was a time before I could eat my cereal with almond milk, as I do now, so it just wasn’t an option for me. Then, during my sophomore year of high school, I had a very bright idea: dry cereal with raspberries and blackberries. The juiciness of 10 or 12 berries bursting in every two to three bites would surely mimic the milk-and-cookies effect of cereal with milk, right? So I picked out a box of Kashi Heart to Heart cereal in Honey and Oat flavor, and a container each of raspberries and blackberries, and crunched my way through that for the rest of high school. I remember the pieces sometimes being so rough and scratchy that I’d scrape the roof of my mouth on them, but the flavor was good enough, and it allowed me to finally eat my cereal. Now that I’m talking about it, I think I may actually be sparking a craving. But this time, I just might add a splash of almond milk—because I can. —Kristina Bornholtz, social media editor
Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Junk foods were rarely an option in my home, and that meant no sugary cereals either. I tasted Lucky Charms only a few times, and that was at a friend’s house after a sleepover. Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch were as sweet as my mom was willing to allow, and those two, to this day, are among my favorites, especially when combined in the same bowl. They go together so well, the nut-and-honey notes of Golden Grahams and the sugar-and-spice in Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and they both create, whether together or alone, some of the most delicious cereal milk in existence. I don’t think I can pick between them, nor should I have to—I was cereal-deprived enough as a kid as it was. (Also, shout-out to Quaker Cracklin’ Oat Bran, which was a decently sweet cereal on regular rotation at my home until health-conscious parents got worried about all the coconut oil in it. My, how times have changed.) —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director
…and More Cinnamon Toast Crunch
As a kid I’d spend all week daydreaming about Saturday, when I would wake up at the butt-crack of dawn to get my fill of cartoons and sugar. I was allowed to eat foods repped by colorful characters only on these early weekend mornings—likely because Pop-Tarts and Eggo waffles were the only things that gave my parents a day to sleep in. I wanted to maximize my sugar intake during these precious unsupervised moments, so my breakfast of choice was always Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I mean, it’s so overloaded with cinnamon sugar that the slogan was “The taste you can see.” I still don’t understand how this stuff passes as children’s breakfast food, but I’ll never forget those mornings spent doing lines of cinnamon sugar with Hey, Arnold! in the background. —Sohla El-Waylly, assistant culinary editor
Trix
“Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!” will forever be ingrained in my brain. I loved that this cereal was so colorful. I’m pretty sure none of the flavors actually differed from one another, but I do remember that at one point the original balls were replaced by actual fruit-shaped pieces, to try to convince you that there was real lemon, grape, lime, raspberry, and blueberry flavor in there. —Vicky Wasik, visual director
Rice Krispies Treats Cereal
youtube
A cereal I remember being better in theory than in actuality. I’m assuming this commercial’s UFO references were crafted to piggyback on the paranormal-activity obsession that ran rampant throughout the late ’80s and ’90s, if kids’ television of the era is anything to go by. (See: Goosebumps, The Secret World of Alex Mack, Ghostwriter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…okay, that one might be a stretch.) The combo of sugary cereal plus thrills definitely hit the right note for me, and seeing a box of Rice Krispies Treats Cereal in the supermarket incited equal parts excitement and chills-creeping, sensation-laden terror, conjuring up late Saturday mornings glued to the tube over a bowl of (essentially) starchy candy that was “part of a complete breakfast.” Whoever said the ’50s and ’60s represented the golden age of advertising was clearly never a wide-eyed, impressionable child cruising the cereal aisle, visions of RKTC commercials dancing in their head. —Marissa Chen, office manager
Frosted Mini-Wheats
There were many long pit stops on my cereal journey growing up. Earlier on, there were the sweeter, more sugary stops, like Cap’n Crunch, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Lucky Charms. At summer camp I would add extra sugar to my Frosted Flakes, purposefully stir the cereal so the extra sugar sank all the way down, and eat the sugary milk goop at the bottom of the bowl with the spoon. Later on I became ever-so-slightly healthier with Honey Nut Cheerios, a very long stint on Honey Bunches of Oats (still a favorite), and a brief and shameful period on Raisin Bran. My final destination—and probably my all-time favorite to this day—was Frosted Mini-Wheats. Every bite has exactly the same ratio of ingredients, which I appreciate: just the right amount of fibrous (healthy!) and sugary. The texture is perfect, assuming you have the know-how to let the cereal soak up just the right amount of milk so it’s not dry and crunchy, then eat it quickly before it gets soggy. A seasoned veteran such as I am may even split the bowl into two or three rounds of cereal addition, thus ensuring that no piece gets too saturated before your spoon reaches it. —Tim Aikens, front-end developer
Wheat Chex
youtube
I ate more than my fair share of cereal when I was a kid, usually while sprawled out on the living room floor watching reruns of Saved by the Bell or DuckTales. I reserved the more sugary cereals (Cookie Crisp, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Cap’n Crunch, and probably some that start with other letters of the alphabet) to be eaten as a dry snack and primarily ate “healthier” cereals, like Wheat Chex, with milk. I was never a big fan of cereal milk, so as I emptied the bowl, I would repeatedly add more and more cereal, until most of the milk had been absorbed. —Paul Cline, developer
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paraclete0407 · 3 years
Text
‘Some of My Memories of Milwaukee+ or a Personal Odyssey’ or ‘And in the Years of Doing Other Things’
2012
Talking with kind of ex-girlfriend never actually my girlfriend called her ‘think of you as my wife’ in letter ater wrote Mark Helprin-esque ‘disclaim you forever with canned blessing’ letters about Aristophanes’ ‘Lysistrata’ in which Greek women refuse their beds to the menfolk to induce them to stop warring.  Max Beerbohm or someone said, ‘There is a God and h/His name is Aristophanes.’  I don’t believe that at all but he was a good-natured writer that I can tell and also wrote about clouds and birds apocalyptically or otherwise and made fun of Socrates which I approve of.  I don’t know anything about Socrates; my ex-friend used to say ‘I LOVE Socrates,’ that he could feel Socrates’ love.  Socrates would say things like ‘The law is the advantage of the powerful’ and stated that if he reached an after-life he would continue to ‘troll, hit up, impertinently or insidiously argue with’ people forever there.  He said the after-life could be like sleep without a dream.  My friend said something about New York City and a production of Lysistrata then I started making hyper-fanfictions already in which Girls Gen decided to stop performing until war stopped or something and threw a Christmas festival with vermillion-colored fruit compotes but I honestly don’t remember a lot & it refleted my ‘Love of the Last Tycoon’ etc.-esque delusion that Media and woman- and girl-training like Lee Sooman would enable me to influence humanity’s future in a really gainful way.  Later on I told Tizzard that Media Studies is an endless kind of college dorm-bull-session and NKS was the real deal, that reality exists, that ‘Visual Pedagogy’ is an excuse for inferior faculty and no real curriculum or purpose but it didn’t really matter b/c kids / the poor in spirit love media - I loved media too.  I rem. being so happy in college to skip Phonology one day to play Final Fantasy 10 and I still got an A b/c Phonology is a decently logical human suitable discipline for someone like me.  There is a Korean word that kind of means ‘suitable’ that starts with  ‘J’ in transliteration that used to mean a lot to me and also I conflate with a kind of ‘yes.’  
This person was also like ‘Why did you say you would go back to KR’ as opposed to apply to CTC or be a literary agent to casting-couch desperate alienated lady-authors for fun and bragging-rights and I sold myself short saying it was all about drunken proclamations - I actually didn’t know what I wanted to do and kept ‘short-selling David James Johnston’ talking about TV-writing when I already sort of decided that the power of TV was just a money-making-vehicle and that TV would not really change people’s minds for the better but just hypnotize or mesmerize them with more of what Jay McInerney(?) pace some French satanico-moral philosopher called ‘empty beauty.’  I rec’d people Friday Night Lights and they became Amfootball-fetishists with a fake God-evasion-religion-system; rec’d ‘Generation Kill’ and instead of understanding the sadness of the Iraq War or the fact that people just like us w/ videogames and pornography and Jerry Springer and all the sad beauty of irreverence and sort of boyish self-pity in the world was being thrown teeth- and brains-first in to the walls of Fallujah.  (Years later thinking stuff like what is fake news what is real news, was the ComGen of the 1st Marine Division right to dismiss the Col. who had been careful w/ fueling tanks and his men’s lives?  Today did the USMC really disband their tank corps or is it more of a ‘clue.’)  
I remember when this person was 24 and I did quasi-test-adultery-turned-in-to-actual-adultery in NYC; I kept thinking that my dream would come true if I were faithful.  It puts me in mind in retrospect of ‘Adagio Cantabile’ from the ‘Pathetique’ in which the young boyish Beethoven keeps re-crossing and re-tracing and repressing the same few things.  There was a kid in KR who was counting his pocket-change to buy snack noodles + he looked about as well-fed as Haitian kids today munching on clay-biscuits to ease their hunger-pains or North Koreans or Chinese eating corncobs and smoking meth to cope whilst his mom supposedly hoped be would become a basketball-player.  Other kid’s om was working in a bar, constantly forgetting to check HW, so but, Counseling was really boffo / spec and just reminded her again and again b/c in some places there are still reasonable compliant obedient square people who don’t deflect from doing the right thing, just get overwhelmed at times and want a break.  Ironically Ayn Rand once defined evil as ‘blanking out’ yet she herself was doing amphetamines, propounding complex justifications for adultery, smoking, bashing a revelatory tragic anti-Nazi but pro-Germany author called Thomas Wolfe in ‘The Romantic Manifesto’ - Wolfe also cared about Japanese, about humility in the publishing industry, about nurses.  
I went to Whole Foods to get pineapple but there the story sort of ends.  There was Boa Kwon or BoA whom I once saw on WLIW NJ public TV and thought it was someone else; in retrospect this person was too smooth for me to read at all and I have no faith or trust in such an one who would lash out egomaniacally at any one at any time, prob. beat their kid to death with a trowl then take a nap in the next room b/c ppl at a certain level are like careless military officers that decide one illegal or irresponsible order deserves another b/c it’s image-management, what Emerson calls ‘a foolish consistency,’ or Derek Chauvin-esque drive and desire and determination to magnify one’s little point. 
Later I started to reticulate or conceive of Lee Sooman in terms of a failed priest or one who had repeatedly and almost orthodoxly dodged his vocation.  ‘Black Collar.’  I guessed using my ‘amae-guess-magic-bullets’ that his wife’s name is Eunjin + thought then, I don’t even remember.  Told some ppl who didn’t really care that love-dreams are good and ‘Love and Peace’ was great b/c whilst America was being sarcastic and deflectionistic about everything SNSD were like, ‘We will compose in C-natural; we will be Tolstoyian; we will make direct statements about reality.’  I felt ‘Everyday Love’ was about ‘cybernetics’ or adapting the natural ‘Spenglerian peasant wisdom self’ to ‘the cold intellect of the city / civilization / dying-but-peaking epochal imperial organization.’  During this same time in my life or thereabouts I read a neo-hyper-Nazi book called ‘Imperium’ by a guy who admired the kamikaze and called for ‘wars of annihilation’ as well as castigating America for her cult of the average.  This person said Japan’s not weak at all, they accelerated or amplified Spengler’s admiration for the Roman soldier at Vesuvius who refused to abandon their post since no one gave them orders to leave.  In re the which I can only surmise pace Grace to You that somewhere there are still ‘thoroughbreds’ like that.  At other times in life I said stuff that got me trashed on RedditButBothSides for using terms like ‘social form’ and Paul Washer of HeartCry who summed up much of my own life in telling it that ‘the porn-addict and misogynist is unloving’ was praising the African father, I love the African-African (not American) minister at Christ Church Episcopalian but then I am like, ‘drmdrmdrm Zulu king marching all his warriors off a cliff to prove a point about authority.’  I’m really really a child of the 1990s, Gandhi, MLK, Tiananmen Square bag-man, flower-in-rifle-bore.  I never expected to levitate the Pentagon but I truly believed that if we’re nice to them they will be nice to us.
Later I over-compensate the other way and started making ‘psychopathic midrash’ like, ‘What do you make of the Good Samaritan if the thieves are still beating the man half or more to death when the Samaritan arrives and what if the Samaritan has a taser, handgun, rifle, bayonet, how good are they at martial arts, what’s their chest-circumference, what’s their reputation.’  But again people hate this because its super-worldly and technocratic. I had started to admire fmr. President George W. Bush b/c I felt that he was pushing back against the people who wanted bad to go from bad to worse, b/c I agreed with him about immigration, and b/c I felt I saw progress in his life frankly and even in Trump’s life where he nuked his earlier marriages but remained faithful and respectful to Melania.   Marie Lee has it out for Barron Trump I guess but he’s still neurophysiologically / neuroanatomically very much not a full adult and it’s also literally ‘Titus Andronicus’-esque revenge pornography to go after a leader’s kids like that + distracting from WW3, nuclear terrorism, DF-26 Black Death warheads, satellite-bombs, annihilating the entire Midwest’s population for the topsoil here; and because Jack London once said ‘The Chinese work too hard so we the freedom-loving peoples ought to kill them all with germ-weapons and take their land.’
I later started dreaming about KKOOM Orphanage, a cold morning, eating coffee-crystals, a basketball-court a bit like ‘Trabia Garden’ from FF8.  I felt people learn a lot from poverty, limits, prison, commitment, losing things.  Meanwhile ‘Shanghai-1′ is like you’re exotic male prostitute and she too is the typical Chinese-Singaporean-Japanese-wannabe-British anti-Korean racist who thinks Koreans are the n-----s of East Asia permanently deserving of subjugation and that we all ought to amuse ourselves by making sure they remain permanent hedonistic sensualists physicalists etc.  Keep them thinking about hip-bones till the end of time + make sure we have EYK, reaction-vids, self-niggerization- / ethical-evolution-inhibition-engines such as PSY or really all of YGE.  
When I used to blog about T-ARA, Eunjung, and my dumb adventures with a secret life several Black girls approached e and I remember them well; curiously turned out to be involved in incest and/or rape-trauma.  I told ‘lonelystrangergirl’ she stood a good chance of finding ‘manly KBF’ if she joined the military but I didn’t then know or take cognizance of all the problems in the US military with women.  The fmr. Vice President Mike Pence was on talk radio saying, ‘WOMEN in the MILITARY’ my relation is like, ‘Millennial guys were pozzed pussy flyboys and effeminate art-fags who couldn’t transcend their self-consciousness so it’s no wonder’ but those are also ppl’s daughters, moms, people whose simplicity and loveliness might actually inspire a few men to act like men, though that is a very old complaint at this point, hopeful Kim Minju’s of the soul and mind who want to do what they can when they can, the world’s telling them to be super-heroines and it appears to convect(?) towards ‘All Loves Excelling.’  I hate doing physiognomy but it’s like this generation of Valkyries like Else in the Thomas Wolfe novel who won’t say anything about Hitler.  
Again however, JMC on Grace to You as saying, Christ is the Rock, pulverization.  
2014.
There was a new Korean restaurant w/ a limited menu, a stringed instrument no one ever plays, Thai lampshades.  I talked about General Petraeus a bit, yesterday’s wars the Korean 3-star general from Vietnam who was buried in an infantryman’s grave and talked about the caste-system in the North Korean military, about hundreds of thousands taking to sea to g out of NV.  In retrospect IDK why I said anything!  The ferry-sinking, I’m trying to say, ‘This is society; this is the pozzery of systems that don’t work; this is people who don’t even look at people ad think they know and care when they just made the Homer Simpson drip-bird-care-machine auto-billing, meretriciousness.’  I still think PGH took the fall for a bunch of men who devised the ROK Coast Guard and manned it, lesbian mysticist, hairstyle.  
I wish I kept all my thoughts and feelings to myself b/c then I could’ve planned.  That was Applebee’s which later moved to another location, hen to another, then was razed to he ground in like one night.  I mentioned my old mentor or affectionate person ‘Lt. Col.’ who told me about saving people but it was more K-wave self-exploitation, song-and-dance, ultimately, schizoaffective self-sadism.
I liked ‘Library’ by TTS a lot but didn’t realize it is about emotional-epistemic hedonism or wallowing in how much you could do and how useful you knowledge is or could be.  Later they did ‘Adrenaline.’  I am ‘Mr. Seo.’  SJH’s dad.  I’ve seen this a trillions times and I want to open up my ‘answer-macihne-gun’ and be like, ‘don’t listen to Black people; they all all all have the same mentality tow you.  Snoop says he’s a sex-trafficker and that’s precisely what he is; that’s what he is increasingly is and wants to be and is.’  Why did they let him in the ROK at all, except to put him on trial for crimes abroad against Korean nationals?  As this New Yorker cartoon said, ‘I’ll think outside the box when there is no more money in the box.’  
My best friend was traumatized by people like this although there again I ended up even more the worse for wear b/c I started cursing and threatening ppl and stuff.  
TTS however got super-fantastic for at least a little while with SJH’s song ’Only U’ which in retrospect might or might not have been self-composed b/c it’s a Taylorian era and ‘only you can make me,’ in which we become our truest selves by being understood.  This song didn’t even say anything except for a few moments at the very end and as with many things in this era the fan-covers were more perfect than the commercial versions b/c it is again the desperate love of the poor in spirit for leaders and ‘pharons’ (beacons) that makes sth or s1 seem better, seem perfect.  
Celebrity-culture and much of politics are about money, power, image, and corporatistic lesson-teaching / mental Derek Chauvinism.  But these are starting to be empty words.
2008.
Writing a long letter to s1 who had other people.  Why do not I edit all day.  I still remember thinking how these athletes at RU had really great low BF% despite eating junk food so I tried to eat junk food but felt like a loser.  I didn’t realize then that everyone was tagging everyone all the time.
‘If only they had stayed in h/Hot p/Pursuit...’  I decided to nuke my undergraduate syntax and just start every sentence with ‘They.’  Setpiece in Denver.  I talked about ‘agape’ (Gr. word about Christ’s Charity or Christian concern for the soul which I don’t speak Greek), about hotels with doors between the rooms.  But then there was all this in retrospect very obvious trash about overachievers and Asians which was trying to share one world w/ people from another who didn’t really want it.  Like FF.net people saying ‘We really admired you; a lot of us are kind of stuck in the trailer-park and we know RapMonster is far distant from us but we like that your admiration of RM has been getting you somewhere.’  Wanting to take everyone along when in fact some of them want to let you go; my friend KateLorraine’s North Star column from FFnet long ago where it is like ‘Let us teach everyone in the universe to be self-sufficient writers and literary critics of life as well as perfect book-reviewers of ev1 they ever meet with the perfect savoir-faire action-response-system-protocol pace Colossians 4:6.’  
This could make everyone friends with everyone today but I later came to see that t/Trust is something ‘circumscribed.’  It’s like Mirabel says in this Cogreve play that would need to be heavily footnoted by Bethlehem Seminary, ‘Let us be very reserved.’  Why party?  Why celebrate being a couple?  There’s this tiny hint of something at the end of the Song of Songs, ‘My small-breasted little sister, who’s gonna marry her?’  I for years ‘kept my virtue to myself’ b/c it is like Russian suitcase-nukes, anti-family, anti-couples, anti-biblical(?), anti-God, to say couples shouldn’t trash others behind their backs.  I failed to appreciate the total ‘Shakespearea-irony-sized’ or idolatrous / cupiditinous implication in songs like ‘Red Is the Rose’ or a novel called ‘Angel and Hannah’ which I still hve no summative statement on b/c it as just the 1990s and what Stephen Crane might characterize as the defiant, prideful, Son of Morning-esque devouring of one’s own bitter heart.  I re. years ago someone said Japanese like falling flowers and Chi like fallen flowers.  Ppl rly love their fallen flowers and what they used to be.
There are people on 4chan or all over this world that keep little dreams, hope-chests.  I want to say it can happen, the girl eating noodles can really make something, but maybe I as being a huckster and cultistic love-bomber in pushing everyone to leave home or secretly plot to ditch their family and burn their family’s expectations and social forms.  Again, IDK why Reddit won’t let me say ‘social form’ when all the smart people are saying social form.  But I am unhappy too b/c some ppl do not even have a social form or expectation but just the mind-machine that they’ll never make up.  ‘Let us be humble and faithful and very reserved.’
2013.
‘Jericho.’  Guy with all these flashdrives always taking notes, but why.  Just accept failure and rejection and give your body and presence to the task at hand.  I also made something pre-Covid called ‘Rorate Caeli Desuper et Nubes Pluant Justum’ from an Eastern European composer’s setting about kind of an unauthored person who kept veering from father-figure to father-figure but that too say cynical and IDK why I was attacking women, failing to relate, writing endnotes to the living.  I see to this is what happens when you stand around regarding what others have and are trying to forget particular actions or subsume their significance in some broader supposed mission.  This too was fanfic-ified / plagiarized from a real person which is part of why I guess I didn’t go anywhere with it; hoping to do something IRL.’  A speculative phi.-of-teaching piece called ‘When To Care’ but there again it’s Milwaukee Judgment and cf. Levinas, ethical interruption, unethical interruption(?).  ‘Teach You.’  
‘Winter Presences’ from BoA’s ‘Always,’ failed couple rituals.  ‘Perhaps a pizza.’  There was a Philip Roth or somebody’s novel and it crystallized for a sec bu in retrospect again, no real intended audience or beneficiary.  Delta Covid, also Lam(b?)da Covid, sudden transposition / teleportation of 3rd world perils to ex 1st world.  Heavily censor ‘On the Road,’ when they go to Mexico, ‘a bomb had come... and we would in the same same way...’  I remember the moment I was shocked and arrested by a Korean poem called ‘Flower’ which repeats a word sth like ‘desire’ and uses a phrase that people called ‘And we’ but is more like ‘And we all of us’ or even stronger than that, beginning and end.  I wish I could sew or insert a syringe reliably.  Power of children and little people.
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Hey there :D could I request Kise where he's a famous celebrity but he feels all lonely and empty inside, so he takes a vacation in search for a 'purpose' in life, and there he meets a young boy who looks very much like him, and he finds later that he's really his son with a girl who loved him in the past in their teenage years with whom he had a one-night stand before but whom he also left immediately afterwards. I hope that's not too complicated. ^^
Sorry for all this time. No it’s no too complicated and I hope that it was well done and thank you for asking
The beginning of the end
Everybody on this earth is dreaming of success, moneyand fame. It’s everybody’s goals. Once you reach them, you can say that you’retaking a step into heaven, so why don’t I feel happy or blessed? I have themall but yet I still feel like something is missing in my life? I feel like I’mnot myself anymore, I’m losing myself
Every morning, I wake up and look into the mirrorasking myself: who is this person I’m seeing? I don’t know who it is but it’snot me? If it’s not me then who is it and where I am? I can’t find myselfanymore, I don’t feel anything anymore and there’s a question I’m asking myselflately “Why do I keep living anyway?”
Morning 7am:
The blonde model took his phone and called hismanager:
“Good morning” his voice was very calm and unsure
“Good morning Kise what made you call me at such anhour?”
The manager was very worried
“Don’t worry it’s just that I need some time off”
The man was surprised since Kise had just taken 2weeks off last month:
“I don’t know Kise, we still have so much work and youknow it, I can’t just let you go like that”
“I’m not asking you, I’m just letting you know”
Kise just hanged up before turning his phone off, heknew that there will be consequences, he will probably have to pay for this foolishact and his image and reputation will be awfully touched but it was the leastof his worries.
Handing his plane ticket and passport, he left hisapartment wearing heavy disguise because he’s so sick of paparazzi and all thepeople taking pictures of him without paying attention to his situation. Hetook a taxi to drive him to the airport, this city that he liked so much seemedno longer beautiful but instead, it’s tainted in black drawing him intodarkness and no matter how hard he tried to color it up, to give it a nicecolorful look, it doesn’t work and he’s the one to get colorless now
After stepping out of the taxi, he headed to take hisplane without turning back because he was never this sure of something…Destination Bali…
He arrived to his hotel, he was too tired of theflight but this didn’t stop him from enjoying the magical sight of this beautifulplace, it gave him a feel of ease, relief and he didn’t know why.
It was night, he wanted to go out but he felt his bodyheavy so he just stayed in front of the window. He could see the differentforms of life, people passing by looking so happy, enjoying their times,happily together it was so colorful
He watchedthem, envying them, they were experiencing something he no longer can have, thelife coming out from them sent off a bright light that blinded him, he justbacked off to his dark corner because he can’t see anything in this light, HEHAS NO LIFE RIGHT NOW
He returnedto his bed, watching how many glasses he took until now but he can’t feel anygood,
There’s nothing he can do. He asked himself “Who Iam?”
After thinking,
“I’m Kise Ryouta, No Kise Ryouta is a person I used tobe, I’m not this person anymore. ‘Say this, act like this, do never do thisbecause now you’re a celebrity’, if I’ve been told that being a celebrity meansleaving yourself behind I’d never accept it. If I’ve known that I’ll only be adoll, a puppet controlled by others ‘hands I would refuse but now it’salready over”
Feeling some tears rolling down his face, he closedhis eyes, sleeping and letting go all his troubles away, hoping for a bettertomorrow, hoping for a miracle, for a hero to save him and draw his life withbright colors.
Hours passed and morning announced his sun, whichcaused the desperate model to wake up. Feeling his body getting weak, he lazilytook the remote controller and switch the tv on, watched some tv shows whiletaking his breakfast. It’s true that it was nothing special but just gettingsome time alone, being able to breathe, having his space, this made him feel alittle better because it’s been so long that he didn’t give himself time. Hewas overworking and doing all he can to have a successful carrier, to make aname for himself but he lost his self on his way and kept only the name.
After getting bored from the tv, he decided to go outand have some fresh air. He sit on the beach, closing his eyes and trying toenjoy the heat of the sun, it was like a warm and soft touch in his frozenworld. While he was enjoying this rare moment of peace and ease, a ball hit himright in the face… He was still there, not moving but the reason wasn’t becausehe was hit by a ball, no it’s because it was a BASKETBALL
“Ahh I remember this game, I used to be good atplaying it, I used to enjoy it very much… I even used to have friends, manyfriends with which I used to play and fool around with… Maybe I should…” He wascut off:
“Hééé you! Give me the ball”
The model turned to see a tiny little boy, blonde hairwith fierce golden eyes. He smiled thinking that he looked a little bit likehim, if he had a little brother, he’d probably look like him.
He smiled to the little boy but this one wasn’t reallyfriendly:
“Hé looser give it back!”
“What’s this attitude little brat” Kise said withsarcasm
“Just give it back now”
Kise sighed, this child was not one to talk to butwait maybe he’s one to play with
“If you want the ball just come and get it” The modelsaid with a smirk while drabbling which provoked the little boy
“Fine, but don’t cry if you ended up being allridiculous”
“Haha come come I’m waiting for….” Before he couldeven finish, the boy was already facing him and trying to steal the ball fromhim. The model smiled and tried to avoid this small little thing, as he wasmaking his moves to win over the kid, he noticed something amazing andunexpected…the boy was trying to copy him, to copy the way he adjusts his legs,the way he’s moving. He wasn’t really good at copying, his copy was far frombeing perfect or well down but truth to be told, he was gifted, he has the“Copy” gift and Kise could see it.
This boy in front of him doesn’t just look like himbut he has also the same ability as him, he told himself that was a lot to bejust a coincidence maybe it’s some kind of miracle of heaven. Kise wasoverthinking and forgot about the kid trying to steal the ball from him, he wasoff guard when the child almost took it but with a quick move he could stop himand without noticing he slightly pushed him away which made the boy fall hardon the ground.
Kise hurried to see if the kid was hurt or not, justat the moment when he put his hand on his shoulder, he started crying out loud.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Mommy where’s mommy” Kise hadtrouble to shut him down
“Please shuut, if you’re hurt tell me” but the kidwasn’t listening
“Mommyyyy I want mommy”
“Ok ok I’ll find mommy for you, just keep quiet I’llfind her”
Kise was about to look for the boy’s mother when heheard her voice:
“Mommy is here” As she spoke those words, the kidjumped to her hiding in her warm arms
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hold myself enough while playingwith him”
He bowed apologizing to this woman but she keptlooking at him, smiling:
“I’m really sorry again”
She laughed this time,
“Why are you laughing, is it because I’m an adult whois playing with a kid, right?” He was a little bit uncomfortable at thissituation
She kept just looking at him with a smile: “You’reright to laugh at me, I’m just a looser who has nobody to play with or to staywith, I was lucky enough to play with your son and you can laugh, you have allthe right to laugh at me”
“You’re this lonely?” She asked
The model just nodded, his head down, he was feelingso embarrassed at this situation.
“If you like him Jason, maybe we can invite him for adrink with us?” the woman turned to her son
“He’s not that bad, he played with me after all”
“Mmm I guess so, so you come with us or you justprefer to stay alone?”
Kise was even more uncomfortable now, but the look onthe child’s eyes was too much to be ignored so he just smiled and nodded whilelooking at this beautiful angel.
“Let’s go then” the kid shouted
They were walking together, for some unknown reasonsKise felt less lonely, it’s not because he’s walking with them, not because hehas company but there was a different feeling inside him, there was like asmall light in his darkness, some gold shades in his colorless world…
“What do you want to drink?” the woman asked him
“Anything is fine”
“Then we’ll take two beers and one orange juice”
“NOOOOO”, the kid shouted, “Three orange juices orthree beers”
“But you’re underage idiot”
“I don’t care Mommy, I’ll take what you two take”
“Then we’ll take three orange juices” Kise said
“Pfff you’re really a pain in the ass” She said
Kise was shocked at how these two were close to eachother, but he was also having a strange feeling, like he saw this woman before,no like he knew her before but he couldn’t recall
“Who is she, who is she?” He kept asking himself butafter a few minutes he cracked
“Did we met before?” He asked seriously but as fast ashe finished his question, both the mother and her son burst out laughing. Kisedidn’t understand why
“He’s not just a jerk, he’s a jerk with no memory” Thekid added looking all amused
Kise was really shocked, what are they talking about? Andthis boy has no manners. He waited for the mother to react, to scold her childbut she was just laughing which made the model very upset. He just stood up andturned to leave, he started to walk slowly hoping for them to stop him and givehim a proper explanation but all he got was:
“He’s running away again, he sure has balls” and ofcourse it was the boy’s comment
Here Kise, couldn’t take it anymore, how could such asmall little boy say those things beside his mother who is just watching, noforget about this, she let him talk like this to a stranger, that’s sodisrespectful
“You know, maybe you should educate him better” Hesaid coldly while looking into the women’s eyes
“I’m sorry but it’s all I could do, don’t blame me I’ma single mother” She said with so much confidence but a few tears were about tofill up her beautiful eyes.
At this moment, Kise could feel that something waswrong, what kind of arguments was that after all, but he just ignored it
“And so… it’s not a reason for your son to say suchhorrible things to a stranger…”
“ ‘Stranger’… hein?” She laughed
The model already felt like he knew her before but nowhe’s sure, no doubt, he knew this woman before…
“We knew each other right?” he asked in a soft voice
“Jason can you please leave us alone?” she asked whilelooking at her son
“No! I’m not Mommy” Her responded with such aninsisting look
“please, do it honey, please just for a small moment”She was really insisting, she really needed to be alone with him
He sighed: “Pfff, fine. But I’ll be back in 10minutes” and he just left while giving threatening look to the blonde model
“So you’ll tell me the whole story or I’m going toguess” it’s like Kise had a small idea when she asked her son to leave but hewasn’t sure yet
“Yakazawa inori, does this name mean anything to you?”she asked
He started thinking but after a few seconds, he shookhis head
“Then I’ve got no choice, I’ll tell you the wholestory so please take back your seat and listen carefully. So, Yakazawa inori, abeautiful high school student full of love and energy that fell in love fromfirst sight with some basketball player that she met once in a basketball game.They talked a little bit, it was nothing for him, he was surrounded by girlsafter all but for her it was something different, meeting someone so speciallike him, it wasn’t just his looks but also his personality that made her loseher mind. After he left, she asked people about him and got all the detailsregarding him, let’s say she became a fan, his number one fan”
As the woman was telling her story, kise couldn’t helpbut to keep his head down, he was so ashamed and wanted so bad to ask forforgiveness because he already knows now that he hurt her but he’s waitinguntil she finished so he can give a proper apology.
The woman in the other hand, was telling her storylike it was another person’s story: “ She was buying all the magazines he’s in,she was attending all his games and cheering for him. One day, his team lost agame, she was so upset to see him so sad and broken so she didn’t head home andstayed walking from street to street to feel better even though it was alreadylate. While she was walking, something caught her sight, she spotted herbeloved one “Kise Ryouta”, the one and only she loves, he was setting in arestaurant and all alone. She wondered what to do next, he was looking so upsetand she couldn’t bear seeing him this way so she decided to join him and shedid. She was unsure but she joined him anyway, he didn’t seem to remember herbut he allowed her to sit with him, they were having this meal together so shetried her best to help him forget his defeat but he didn’t seem to. He was allsilent, after a few time he got up and said that she can follow him and shedid, not knowing where he’s heading until she saw a hotel, then she knew whathe meant when he said that she can follow him. He entered but she was stillunsure of what to do but her love for him, no her selfishness controlled her,she thought that maybe if she had a night with him, she will be his girlfriend,his love who supported him and cheered him up when he needed the most. She followedhim to the hotel, she was scared but she did it anyway, being with him was allthat matters to her. Even when she slept, she dreamt of him, she dreamt of alife where they are all together happy but all those dreams were destroyed whenshe woke up the next morning and he wasn’t there anymore. She was afraid butshe forced herself to believe that he had an urgent matter to leave and decidedto go and meet him so she went to Kaijo. She waited for hours to see him,practice ended very late but she was there, waiting for him in the cold but allthis torture disappeared when she saw him coming with his teammates. She sawhim and shouted Kise, she was all happy but how did he react? No how did youreact?” She asked the model
His head still down, he said with a low voice: “Idon’t know but I’m sorry”
“Of course you’re sorry but it’s right, that day tooyou were sorry. You were sorry because you weren’t in the mood to give me anautograph and you didn’t even recognize me!!! I was so hurt. I came backhome, cut all the magazines you’re in and decided to forget you. After a monthof crying and hating myself for being an easy idiot, there was another problembigger than my stupid love life, there was something growing up in me. I was soafraid of it, I wished and prayed that it wasn’t the case but when I went withmy auntie to the doctor, my whole world fell down I was pregnant”
“Wait!!!” He finally raised his head, “So Jason!!!That’s why he looks…. But why didn’t you ? You..” He words didn’t make senseanymore, he was really shocked
“I did, I didn’t know what to do so my auntiesuggested that I tell you. I swear, it was the last thing I wanted to do, Ididn’t want to talk to this selfish, heartless guy anymore but I had nothing todo. I came to see you but Mr was too busy with his fan girls, the sight tore meapart so I left, I decided to write you a letter and asked one of your friendto deliver it to you, everything was in there, I waited for you to come, toshow up. A month passed and I couldn’t hide it anymore, after thinking over andover with my auntie, we came up with a story, we told my parents that I wasraped, we created an imaginary story and we even told the police but all thiswas false. My parents were so afraid for my security so we left the country andbelieve me I couldn’t ask for more. I was never that happy with my parents‘decision, I was homeschooled until I gave birth to the child, we had ababysitter at home just for him but still I had to do so many things for him.My life was never the same, every time I looked at him, I saw you, he’s justlike you so I was a little bit happy because I had a mini you funny no? As hegrew up, he was more and more curious. One day he asked who was his father, itwas hard for me to tell him, first because I was left by his father and secondbecause I lied to my parents so I had to tell them first, I was never thatashamed but surprisingly they already knew about it and I don’t know how. So Istill had to tell him who was his father, I typed your name on the internet andhad your pictures, I showed him how you look like and he was so proud of you”
“I don’t know what to say I’m so…” she cut him off
“I’d lie to you if I said that I hate you or anything.I just hate myself, you were young and had so many opportunities so why wouldyou trap yourself with me” she smiled but it was obvious that she was stillhurt
“Who’s that friend?” He was so serious
“ What friend?” she asked confused
“You said you gave a friend of mine a letter right?Who was it?”
“Ahhh that, I don’t know his name but while I wastrying to reach you, he just took it and said that he’ll give it to you later”
“F*** , how does he look like? I received no letterfrom you?” he was cursing, if he really knew who that friend was, he’d kill himfor sure
“It’s okay Kise, never mind” She was trying to calmhim
“No I mind! What do you think? You think I’d let youdown and run like a coward if I knew. No seriously, he’s my son, it doesn’tmatter if I was 16 or 17, I wouldn’t care, I’d take care of him”
“Calm down Kise, you don’t have to feel guilty oranything. I already took good care of him and I don’t have any grudge on you,believe me”
“It’s not about you!!! It’s about my son, how could hegrow up without his father being by his side! And you must have so much troubleand I wasn’t there” Kise was really going crazy
“You should have come to me and tell, you should havepushed all the stupid girls and tell it straight, I’d react believe me”
“Ahh so it’s my fault now. Mr popular sleeps withgirls and forgets about them and it’s the girls’ fault”
“No I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it this way. It’s justtoo much for one day, don’t you think so Inori ?”
“Already being casual with me?”  She teased him
“You’re my kid’s mother, can’t I?” he smiled
“Mmm I’m not sure, maybe we should ask him first”
“Aaah no, with his savage attitude I’m sure he’llrefuse. By the way, why does he have such rude attitude toward people?” Kisewas really curious
She started laughing and then said:
“He’s not rude with others, just with you”
“Heiiiiin! Really ? but why ? I’m his father and yousaid he was proud of me”
“Yes he was proud of you until the day I started todate someone. And this boyfriend used to call Jason, his son which pissed himoff. Every time he’ll call him my son, Jason yelled ‘ my father is Kise ryouta’”.My boyfriend was fed up and told him, Kise ryouta is just a jerk who left yourmom when she was pregnant. He asked me later whether it was true or not, Icouldn’t lie so that’s how he started calling you a jerk”
“Whaaat? How could you agree? And how can yourboyfriend allow himself to do that?” Then Kise looked away and added: “Euuuhare you still dating him?”
“Hahaha that’s funny, why are you asking?”
“It’s just that I want, no I wish to spend some timewith my son but I guess it will be a little bit hard if you’re with someonehere” he said with hesitance
“I’m not dating anybody at the moment and if you’refeeling lonely you can stay with us”
Kise felt uncomfortable again because she touched asensible spot. He was feeling so lonely, miserable and worse he’s so ashamed ofthis situation. Not even knowing that he has a son and meeting him just likethat, he tried to say something, he wanted to act, to adapt himself to this newsituation
“But what a coincidence to meet you guys here! Andeven more, my own son hitting me with a ball, it’s like a miracle”
She was laughing again and Kise started to get used tothis situation, no actually, he’s enjoying this situation. A few moments ago,he was sitting alone no no, all these previous years he was feeling lonely, hehad nobody to laugh with but now it’s a little bit different.
“To be honest with you, it’s all a coincidence that wemet here. But your son hitting you with a ball wasn’t one, he was upset becauseyou left us but when he saw you there all lonely, like you’re in your own worldhe wanted to ease a little your pain and that’s why he came to you”
The blonde model was surprised at her confession, eventhis little boy could see through him. He was this vulnerable and this downnow… so pitiful
He lowered his head, like all the world’s problemswere on his shoulders so she just put her hand on his shoulder. He raised hishead in surprise, he felt his shoulders a little bit lighter and she justsmiled. Her smile was so bright, it drew some colors in his dark world.
“You know Kise, we all have our moments when we feeldown and low and there’s no shame about accepting other’s help in this kind ofsituation”
No there’s, that’s what Kise is thinking. He just knewthat he has a child, that he left this girl alone struggling  with it and now after all these years she’soffering her help like she did back then. He’s so pathetic, he’s such a failureand a looser. Kise’s head was full of these dark ideas…
She sighed and gave him her hand again: “In two daysit’s Jason’s birthday, why don’t you put everything beside and help me give himthe best birthday memory ever. A birthday with his whole family, not somethingof luxury, just little things that a kid dream of doing with his family, somesimple things that any normal kid would have done. Hand in hand, let’s makethis real” Kise hurried, took her hand and nodded.
He could never ask for more, maybe he’s pretending todo this for his kid’s sake and it’s true but he’s also doing this for himselftoo. Was his wish granted?
Is this the miracle he was asking for?
Maybe this is the beginning of the end of his painfuldays. Maybe it’s the colorful pencil that’s going to give out colors to hiscolorless life. His head is full of all sort of ideas, some are positive butsome are negative but for now he’s letting go all of them. He stood up,following her to join their son, letting go all his troubles and headaches fornow, it’s his last light of hope and he’s more than willing to keep it. Hedoesn’t know how to make himself acceptable, how to fix back his life, how tobe “Kise Ryouta” again, how to get back his lost self and how to take thispencil and draw colors in his life but he’ll certainly find a way. He has tomake these events the “beginning of the end”, yes the end of this tragedycalled his life…
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pomegranate-belle · 5 years
Note
For the TV/movies meme: 2, 3, 14 and 17!
2. Top 5 overrated TV shows
- Game of Thrones. There, I said it, I’m sorry world.
- The Bachelor and all its permutations; they’re not popular in fandom-type community but given the fact that it’s STILL GOING AFTER GOD KNOWS HOW MANY SEASONS, well, I think it applies.
- The Walking Dead. I watched like three episodes of it and got bored. Like. I got bored of a show about the zombie apocalypse. How??
- BBC Sherlock just... Isn’t that good guys. Sorry.
- I’m running out of stuff. Uhhhhh... I saw a couple episodes of Vampire Diaries once and wasn’t very impressed, idk?
3. Top 5 underrated TV shows
- Black Lightning is pretty cool, I really like the premise of it and I don’t think I’ve ever really heard anyone mention it. It’s fun to see a superhero that’s really a Grown Ass Adult with like, kids and a job, who kind of already knows what they’re doing when the show opens.
- The Sentinel. Ok, ok, don’t shoot me, I know it’s got some Uncomfy Racist Mysticism, for sure be aware of that, it was made in the 90s, but like... It is genuinely a pretty fun show. The characters are just all so interesting, and Jim and Blair just have the most entertaining dynamic. And hey if you ever wondered where that Sentinel-Guide fanfic trope came from...
- I know it’s a Canadian kids’ show from like a decade ago but Storm Hawks is good ok?? It’s really cute with interesting worldbuilding and a sense of humor I think would resonate with a lot of people right now.
- ABC’s Forever; this damn show only got one season but my brother and I have rewatched that one season probably fifteen times, it’s just so good!! Immortality, crime-solving, hilarious side characters, a son who looks older than his dad, tragic flashbacks?? How could you pass this up?
- Pushing Daisies, for sure. I mean. Guys. Come on. The tongue-in-cheek narration, the wild backstories, the fact that it’s literally about a socially-anxious be romance romance who uses his powers to bake pies?!?! How are people not all over this show like white on rice??
14. Top 5 badass characters
- Rose Tyler broke the laws of time and space, turned herself into a fourth-dimensional goddess, vaporized a fleet of Daleks, and brought a man back to life forever. How do you even top that?? She will end you.
- Ok I was trying to not choose two people from the same franchise but also holy fuck, Rory Williams. I literally shouted “Jesus Christ, Rory!!” at the screen the first time I saw That One Scene in The Wedding of River Song.
- Peggy Carter is a stone cold badass, this woman will brain you with a fucking stapler and be back home in time for tea with her girlfriend. God bless her. This is why she’s the Captain America in Miles’s universe—
- Luke Cage. Look, we all love Matt’s sick-ass hallway fights but you gotta admit that just walking straight down the hallway with bullets bouncing off of you is on a completely new level of badass. I love this man.
- OUAT Rumplestiltskin; dude burned down a castle, killed a man, and became an all-powerful demon creature to protect his kid. Then when that went horribly wrong and he lost his son, he spent 300 years becoming the most knowledgeable and accomplished sorcerer in the world and creating one of the most powerful curses in history to try and get him back. And remember, this guy started out as a hobbled peasant who couldn’t read.
17. Top 5 “deserved better” characters
- Neal Cassidy/Baelfire; my son deserved his fucking happy ending, and even if I ship Swanfire I wouldn’t even care if they didn’t get back together as long as he got to be back with his family, there was literally no reason to kill him off.
- Benny Lafitte; I don’t even. Fucking. Watch SPN anymore but good god. He was nothing but supportive and good and selfless and what does he get for it?? Dumped back into Purgatory and written off the show. I literally created an OC and wrote a wish-fulfillment fix-it fic for this shit.
- Donna. Noble. What the fuck was that ending?? Seriously?? She had all that character growth and gained all those feelings of self-worth and then you slam dunk her with magic amnesia and leave her right back where she started??? No!!
- Can’t believe I’m saying this about a Boardwalk Empire character because they’re all terrible people but you know what?? Angela Darmody deserved better!! She deserved to be able to take her son and run away from her fuckup husband and his pedophilic mom with a beautiful woman!! I stand by that!!
- You know what, I’ll say it, the IF writers should not have done that to Davos, absolutely fucking nobody goes from “*puppy dog eyes* I’ll stay with you, Danny..!!” to “Lol so we should definitely assassinate Danny Rand amirite??” after just one fight. Nobody! They did him so dirty omfg, and no I don’t care that his character is a villain in the comics.
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thehalfworld · 7 years
Text
Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 5]
I can’t fucking sleep. Have more of this nonsense.
Same warnings as before (rape references, some more consensual sexuality that stops shy of actual sex). There’s also a brief mention of self-harm at the very end of the chapter.
Recap: Tiaa went to the beach party, which was boring, but she did meet a few creatively-named goth girls who think she’s cool, so now she at least has friends. Also she and Edward almost had sex but didn’t because it was only chapter 4.
Chapter 1
Previous chapter
AN - can i have some reveiws pls
Here you go!
Chapter 5 - the talent contest
It was a week later and I felt like I was slowly dying inside. 
Relatable, but why?
My life had crumbled into pieces and I was alone in the horrible darkness of my mind. 
At least it’s nice and empty in there. Plenty of room to stretch out.
the four chearleaders had folowed me a round school and been mean to me for the last week making fun of my clothes and my purple streaked blond hair and saying i was too slim and that i had boobs like a pron star. 
Okay, fine, I’m going to comment on the cheerleader thing. Look… Bella being a cheerleader makes negative sense. Her main character flaw (according to Meyer, anyway) is being so clumsy she trips over flat surfaces. She doesn’t possess the coordination necessary for anything physically demanding. Also, she’s explicitly described as being nothing like a cheerleader in the first Twilight book, if memory serves.
It relay upset me. and also uncle larry had taken my clothed off and rapped me loads of times last week and even though dave and marie were back home now every time they went out to different places they left me with him and he hit me and made me sleep with was so horrible I wanted to die every time it happened.  
Don’t know why this is presented as a secondary concern to being picked on by cheerleaders.
Is there a reason Tiaa can’t tell anyone about what’s going on with Uncle Larry? Like, I can think of a lot of potential reasons why she might not be able to seek help here, but we aren’t given any reason, so it’s a mystery. Also, is she at risk of becoming pregnant, or contracting an STI, or is she being hurt badly enough to require medical attention? This guy is pretty violent and persistent, but her encounters with him are barely described at this point, so we don’t really know what’s been going down.
Which is probably a blessing.
Edward Culen stared at me whenever he saw me at school but i just anchored him and pretended he wasnt there i was so embaresed about watt had hapenned and I hated him for the way he made me feel and the fact that he was a cheater and an ass. 
Yeah, he’s like that.
I would probably have ended my life that week if it hadnt been for my lovley new freinds abbigaille rochelle and tyfanni, who were all totally cool and helped me fight off the evil chearleaders - i hadnt told my freinds aboit uncle larry and ewdard but it was nice to have some peopel who liked me anyways. 
Hold up a second. There are four cheerleaders. Counting Tiaa, there are four goth girls. So why is this portrayed as some sort of unequal battle? Both groups are the same size, and I assume Tiaa’s group has an edge because she’s a Mary Sue and the Sue always has an edge, so… why haven’t they sent the cheerleaders packing yet?
I wasn’t really picked on in high school, but I was picked on lots in middle school, and it was always about numbers. I didn’t have any good friends to back me up, so I was an easy target. If it was just one kid going after me I could hold my own just fine, but when I got ganged up on there was a problem. Having a few losers hurl insults at you when you have your own crew of losers to back you up isn’t a bullying problem because there’s no power imbalance. It’s just kids being rude to each other. It’s certainly not on par with, let alone worse than, being raped by an adult man when you’re sixteen.
I sat in the cafeteira with them at lunch
"hey tiana are you doing the talent contest tonite?" rochelle asked me
Oh boy. 
"no way im not good enough!" i said shyly
"omfg are you kidding! yor a AMAZIN singer your the best iv'e ever heard, no joke!" shouted Abigail 
So I only vaguely remember the talent show, but I’m pretty sure what happens is that Tiaa does compete, and she wins, and Edward loses his mind over it or something. I seem to remember an encounter in Edward’s car after the talent show, too, but we’ll get to that when we get to that.
"thank you but your just being nice, im' not THAT good an even if i was i wouldn't perform. I mean i hardly want to contract more attension to myself than i already have, the whole school is all ready talking about me saying watt a freak i am. I just wanna be an average person"
"come on tiaa you HAVE to do it!" tyffanie said, "jessica and bella and the chearleaders win every time with there dumb dance routine it is so annoying, they arent even talented someone needs to teach them a lesson hun!" 
"I dunno maybe" I pimpled mutely but I had no intension of actually doin it.
I feel like I’m watching a made-for-TV teen movie on Disney Channel, except this one has a lot of rape in it and also the love interest is a vampire. And the protagonist pimples mutely, whatever that means.
Later on me and my freinds sat in the crowd and wached the contest. The chearleaders did there dance ruotine and they werent that awesome, they were just wearing slutty cloths so all the guys could stare at them and cause they were popular no one was allowed to say they sucked. 
On the bright side, at least Tiaa’s competition is bad so she doesn’t have to be unrealistically amazing in order to win here. On the not-so-bright side, we all know Tiaa is going to be unrealistically amazing anyway and that Bella and her friends are being made to look bad in order to ultimately break up Edward and Bella’s relationship.
At the end bella ran into edwards arms and I felt flames of jelusy burning up inside me. they kissed for a long time and although he looked at me the whole time i still wanted to cry and scream.
I would too if a guy I didn’t know that well stared at me the entire time he was making out with his girlfriend. Fuckin’ weird.
The principal caked up on the stage and said
Hang on. He caked up?
"and now for our final act...atlantiana rebeckah loren!" everyone looked at me and I was shocked
"omfg who put my fringing name down for this!" I screamed
"who knows girl just get up there !" abbie pushed me towards the stage and I went up there.
Edward put her name down for it, right? I mean, I’m guessing from context that it wasn’t one of her friends who did, even though they all encouraged her to perform. If it was Edward, though, what did he reckon she’d do? Her friends at least have heard her sing, but as far as Edward knows Tiaa’s only talent is… looking pretty, I guess.
I sang total eclipse of the heart (punkrock verson so it wasnt sappy and lame or anythin!0 and everyone watched me. I was embarased at first but everyone semed to be enjoying themselves (exept the chearleaders who looked totally mad!LOL) so I sang louder and louder and my voice soared higher than ever was like magic. 
Or something.
I was waering a purple lacy top cut low enough that you could see my bra and a black skirt and purple fishnets and spiky black heels. 
I mean, sure, but you just criticized the cheerleaders for dressing in revealing clothes a few paragraphs ago.
the song finished and everyone looked happy and clangled at me and i went blushing to sit on my friends
They clangled? You went to sit on your friends?
"remind me to kill wichever one of you beeches put my name down for this!-" i said but i was smiling
"LOL" shouted rochelle "it wasnt us you no!”
Yep, it was Ewdard. 
"and the winner is...ATLANTIANA REBECKAH LOREN! " the principal screamed extatically. 
Is the principal okay?
I went back up onto the stage and shock his hand and everyone appladed me and screamed my name except for jessica and bella who looked like they were about to kill me, lmfao. 
What about the other two cheerleaders? Were they converted to Team Tiaa by all this?
My eyes strayed to where edward stood gazing baldly at me. I all most fainted right then at the sight of him looking so hawt and gorgeous. I dnt think anyone else had noticed but he had a MASSIVE erection it was so hawt and sexoy. 
Both of you need to calm down.
I saw bella and jessica storming out of the room angry that i had won, and I smiled.
For real, what happened to the other two cheerleaders?
Later on i walked home happily, then a car purred up beside me. It was ewdard!  
"get in the car i'll drive thee home sweet lady" he said in his beautiful old fashioned speech. I did as he told me without knowing were quiet for a minite
"you were awesome tonight, you have a stunning voice like silk and satin in the moonlight. You looked beyond beautiful up on that stage, like an old painting in a church. i wanted to charge right at u and kiss thine lips right there" 
I know the author is trolling, but I love the idea that this is what teenage girls find hot — a dude who talks in anachronistic Ye Olde English and gets boners from watching you sing. Because that’s normal.
Actually, I did read a fic once that seemed to be intended as serious erotica, and one character switched into Ye Olde English as soon as the sexy stuff began. And by “sexy stuff” I mean torturing and murdering a Yu-Gi-Oh character. No accounting for taste, I guess.
he still had a huge erection and i wanted to touch it so badly but i didnt. 
He’s driving, so probably best to leave that alone.
"i think BELLA might have had somethin to say about that!" i snapped "where is she neway?"
"at home sulking cause she lost the contest and had a total hissy fit and cryed for hours because thee was better than her in the contest"
At least someone is in character.
"how mature" I said sacastically. At that moment edward pulled his car to the side of the road and looked me in the touched my hand and I slapped him hard in the face
Seems a tad hypocritical when you were considering going for the dick-grab a minute ago.
'YOU WILL NEVER TOUCHE ME AGAIN U SICKO!" I wailed and kept hitting him in the face and chest "last week I fuckin BEGGED u to sex on me and you turned me down! I have never been so humilated in all my frickin LIFE! Watt the hell is wong with u? One mimite your all over me and the next its like i dnt even exist! dnt fuckin touch me. EVERR!"
All of this would be a perfectly reasonable gripe except that Tiaa acts the exact same way. I’ll cut them both a little slack — Tiaa for being sexually abused, Edward for internal conflict over whether or not to leave his girlfriend — but, come on, pot calling the kettle black.
"its complecated tiaa my lady. Im sorry i hurt thine feelings. Its just i cant resist thee, but i cant be with thy either. I never ment to drag thou into this mess, its not thee fault i totally ruin everything. Im so SO SORRY. IM DESPISABLE!"
Can’t argue with that. Mostly because “despisable” is not a word.
"its me or her "i said bluntly
"i cant make that choice tiaa - he wept
And I take it polyamory is off the table, because it always is.
"you are going to have to!"
"first thee have to tell me who thou relay are!" he said "who were thy parents?what are thee?"
"my mom dies when I was bored, I never new my father. Thats it." i said
"we BOTH no thats not the full story. Your a vampire, like me"
Though I’m glad that this fic at least avoids the cliché of having the Sue figure out that Edward’s a vampire way in advance, it seems odd that she’s given basically no thought to the possibility that he’s inhuman after he’s claimed to be a vampire multiple times.
-omfg i'm NOT a frickin vampire! I think id have noticed u total dipshit"
I’d think she’d have noticed too, but she seems incapable of noticing anything’s weird about Edward. The Ye Olde English doesn’t strike her as unusual? His looks aren’t odd? What about the change-color eyes? Mind reading? Really, dude isn’t very good at keeping up the human illusion, which is probably why he and his family typically keep their distance from humans. But there I go talking about canon.
"you don't drink human blood"- he asked
"i dont drink any blood u asshole. Is this ur idea of a joke, cos no ones laughing!" i got out of the car and ran away feeling insulted.i didnt want to see that stupid hawt jerk ever again! I went home. But i couldnt get rid of the memory of his sharp erection and deadly cold body. 
Oh yeah, and the temperature thing. I know some people run cold — I’m one of them — but we’re not talking 97 degrees instead of 98; dude is probably room temperature all the time, since he’s essentially dead. Tiaa doesn’t think that’s weird and inhuman?
i cut myself and went to sleep in tears.
Like a reel goff.
Next chapter
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eibhlincatha · 7 years
Text
“Attention Seekers”
Tw: self-Injury, suicide mention
They say 50 years ago you never heard about people being sick. Nobody talked about it when the neighbor’s son tried to kill himself, or the young girl down the street got pregnant. Those who failed to fit the mold society established for them were put away. Hidden. Forgotten.
When Emily began cutting her wrists, my whole school knew. Everyone talked about it. She was asking for attention. She was a drama queen. She thrived on the infamy her self-mutilation inspired. Or so they said. I was tempted to believe it…her behavior was like something out a depressing sitcom. Flamboyant, erratic. To all appearances, she truly did enjoy the attention. I became obsessed with her. I didn’t know her very well personally, but I was frightened by the intensity of her actions, the idea that someone could feel so sad or so chaotic or want attention so badly that they would be compelled to hurt themselves in order to achieve whatever end they so desperately wanted.
A few years later kids were sharing tips about how to hide their self-inflicted wounds—lamenting online that they couldn’t stop, that tearing their skin open was the only way to manage the pain inside. Parents scratched their heads, and wondered what had changed. Why and how, in 50 years had we gone from a few “bad eggs” and “rebels without a cause” to an epidemic of self-absorbed kids building an identity on anorexia and cough medicine and sadness. They called us the “Me-Generation”. An entire generation of selfish children with no self-respect and no direction.
We saw it a bit differently. We were given the promise of the world—a promise that was rendered impossible with the onset of the war and the failure of the economy. While the adults fretted and argued, it took some time for the importance of those events to sink in for us. As our parents began to lose their jobs, and people were shipped overseas to fight a war against an enemy that only existed on TV, we began to understand: our blissful future, our guaranteed success as a blessed generation had been taken away. We were set adrift. A universe of information and no chance of a future. A world of dreams, and a slim chance of achieving them. So we made the best of our misery. We found happiness in sadness. We became a paradox.
In a world of paradoxes, another sad girl is just that. Another sad girl.
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heejinsgf · 7 years
Text
get to know me tag?? i think
Tagged by @12moonas ♡ 
This is probably going to be wayyy too detailed… oops? Some more nsfw things will be under the cut (it’s also super long for this blog i’m very very sorry :< )
THE LAST:
Drink: water !!! stay hydrated, kids
Phone call: asking my mom to rescue me pick me up
Text message: replying to my close?? best?? friend after a rant about her day
Song you listened to: Sogyeokdong by Seotaiji, sung by IU ♡
Time you cried: last night because i felt really sick :(
Dated someone twice: two times zero is still zero !!!
Kissed someone and regretted it: what is kissing
Been cheated on: what are relationships
Lost someone special: my first dog, Percy. I miss you so much, bud.
Been depressed: this morning when i found out someone i knew had passed away this year…
Gotten drunk and thrown up: I Am Underage. Only adults can vomit, obviously.
(idk if the last five were supposed to be under “THE LAST” category but… i’m just rollin with it)
LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: (surprise surprise i’m canadian yes i spell favourite colours with the u’s)
ORANGE 
Blue (my dog’s name too)
Yellowww
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
Made new friends: yep!
Fallen out of love: what is love
Laughed until you cried: probably lmao
Found out someone was talking about you: nope?
Met someone who changed you: ok i didn’t meet them, but i’ve become a big fan of the chinese women’s national volleyball team i’d say they (esp. certain fave players) have definitely changed me
Found out who your friends are: idk? what are friends
Kissed someone on your Facebook list: n o
GENERAL:
How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them :D don’t talk to strangers, kids
Do you have any pets: my lil pup, blue ♡
Do you want to change your name: no?? Candy is easy and memorable lol, although i can’t say the same for my last name…
What did you do for your last Birthday: uhh i was probably drowning in either physics or bio :/ my bday’s during exam season
What time did you wake up: i woke up multiple times (damn you, you weird illness thingy), but meant to wake up at 7AM to watch China play Russia in the FIVB Grand Prix Preliminaries 2017 :D (China won!!! the match was so close it was magnificent)
What were you doing at midnight last night: either trying to sleep or rewatching the previous day’s China vs. Italy volleyball match lol. i am a piece of trash, i know :<
Name something you can’t wait for: my two week break before school begins!!!! *cries*
When was the last time you saw your mom: two hours ago??
What are you listening right now: NCT’s Cherry Bomb :3 but Neon Bunny’s New Moon is next !!!
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: who is tom
Something that is getting on your nerves: that nakamoto yuta’s vocals are not appreciated fully ://
Most visited website: messenger.com ;)
Elementary school: too many to remember
High school: a self-paced school in ontario
College: i want to get into a health sci program at either the University of Toronto, or McMaster University :)
Hair colour: black woot woot
Long or short hair: ok well i have an undercut with long hair because it’s super thick, so i guess it’s sort of half and half lmao
Do you have a crush on someone: someone i know personally? n o. someone halfway across the globe? Yan Ni, Ding Xia, and Zheng Yixin currently :)
What do you like about yourself: I’d say i’m a good student, friendly, and um… i don’t give a shit about my appearance so that saves a lot of stress 
Piercings: I DON’T HAVE ANY BUT i really want to get some this summer (a single, !!uninfected!! helix ring or stud is my dream)
Blood type: idk :(
Nickname: is Candy not enough of a nickname already
Relationship status: been single for 16 years and 1 month!! (i was born in june 2001, do the math)
Pronouns: she/her
Favourite TV Show: ATLA !!!!!!
Tattoos: nah. too much commitment lmao
Right or left handed: right !!! 
Past surgeries: nonono 
Piercing: why is this here again
Do you play any sports: welp i used to do badminton, running, and long jump but nahhh
Vacation: i’ve never been on a vacation in my life :) !!! BUT I’M GOING TO MONTREAL THIS OCTOBER TO SEE THE ARTISTIC GYMNASTICS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS i am so blessed (kohei and kenzo and songsong pls stay healthy)
Pair of trainers: what does this even mean??? If it’s asking if i have a pair of running shoes, then yes i have multiple, but i have to get new ones and orthotics from a podiatrist soon, so :/ who knows
MORE GENERAL:
Eating: love it!!! buy me a roast duck, cherry tomatoes, and/or cheesecake, and i will love you forever
Drinking: i now see what they mean by “more general” now lmao. well i basically drink water 24/7
I’m about to: procrastinate on do hw :/
Waiting for: life to sort itself out ??
Want: stable income, a career i enjoy, health for me and the people i care about, healthy pets, fun experiences, a less… vile world, being able to safely come out
Get married: idk bud
Career: health profession
WHICH IS BETTER:
Hugs or kisses: idk i’ve done neither as far as i can remember
Lips or eyes: i think both are great and some can be very pretty, buuuttt it’s really hard for me to look people in the eyes so i’m gonna have to say lips lmao
Shorter or taller: doesn’t matter :)  (but i’m like 5 feet tall so they’d probably be taller anyways)
Older or younger: uhhhh
Nice arms or nice stomach: I Am Obsessed with hands, wrists, and forearms !!! is that a kink
the ~rest~ under the cut lol
Sensitive or loud: what
Hook up or relationship: idk but both sound great when done right lol
Troublemaker or hesitant: what
HAVE YOU EVER:
Kissed a stranger: noooo
Drank hard liquor: noooo
Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes :< had to spend a day walking around in a blurry mess
Turned someone down: noooo
Sex in the first date: what
Broken someones heart: what
Had your heart broken: look i have had z e r o relationships o k aa ayy
Been arrested: noooo
Cried when someone died: once, for my dog Percy 
Fallen for a friend: for like 2 days ok
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
Yourself: y-yes?
Miracles: idk
Love at first sight: i dkdkd kdk kk
Santa Claus: who is that
Kiss in the first date: that doesn’t sound too bad ??
Angels: what are those
OTHER:
Current best friend’s name: V******* aka vanilla bean
Eye colour: dark brown?? i srsly can’t even look myself in the eye in the mirror OTL
Favourite movie: i don’t watch movies?? do the last 4 episodes of ATLA count lmao
ok so idk who to tag, so whoever wants to have fun, just go with it!! also, if you read this entire thing… i am so sorry lmao
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