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#onlyingotham
catpriciousmarjara · 5 months
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Getting a PHD literally anywhere else: Wow! Congratulations! What a great achievement! Amazing!
Getting a PHD in Gotham: Wow! Amazing! You're now on several Government, Civilian, and Bat watchlists.
So if any of the Wayne kids get a PHD, then the entirety of Gotham would be squinting at them suspiciously. They're rich, so resources, and most likely already insane with all the shit they pull.
What I'm saying is if Jason went and got himself a Doctorate in Literature, the whole city would anticipate the appearance of his villainsona called the Dead Poet(emphasis on the dead) or Bookkeeper or something else similarly nerdy and themed like that for sure.
I just know that it would turn into some Gotham inside joke with memes abound, and everytime Jason would, I don't know, give more funding to the neglected Arts Departments in Gotham University, or go to a school for read alongs to encourage kids to read, Gotham social media would go crazy and be like:
"The Dreaded Villain Dead Poet Reads Alice in Wonderland to Children! How Despicable!"
"Villain Dead Poet Lambasts Government on Banning Books! Leads Librarians to Riot!"
"Dead Poet Ramps up his Villainy by Establishing Educational Programmes in Crime Alley! Uplifting the Poor! What a Dastardly Villain!"
"Dead Poet Goes on Live Ranting About his Favourite Books! Favourite Author is Jane Austen! Is this the Feminist Agenda?"
And so on! It's a meme that refuses to go away. His siblings actively participate, and make the situation worse.
Dick held an online Gotham Villains and Anti-Heroes Poll and Dead Poet came out on top, over Red Hood. Jason is an actual Gotham crime boss, but his crowdfunded villainsona is more popular. No he's not salty about it at all.
Duke would create a montage of Dead Poet sightings.
Stephanie would make a Dead Poet meme compilation.
Tim would arrange Wayne Enterprises to donate to local libraries after allegedly being threatened by the heinous villain Dead Poet. (Jason did ask Tim to do that but not like that)
Barbara created an extremely popular Villain Watch account for Dead Poet.
Cass tweeted out Jason's favourite books as the villain Dead Poets reading list telling people to avoid them 'wink wonk', causing a massive uptick in the sale of those books ala Bigolas Dickolas.
Damian of all people tweeted out a pic of Jason playing with Alfred the cat accusing the evil villain Dead Poet of attempting to kidnap his cat.
And thats not to mention all the shenanigans they pull in their batsonas.
God bless Gotham and it's home grown, organic, not even remotely ethically sourced, free range chaos.
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batfamism · 9 months
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#OnlyinGotham (English Class Edition)
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gothamcity-official · 5 months
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For Halloween, do not wear a domino mask, cowl, or helmet if you are dressing up as one of our vigilantes. This is both common courtesy and for your safety so you do not get mistaken for one if there is an emergency. 
We also advise those dressing as the more benevolent rogues to make sure that you do not look exactly like them. Imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but we do not need a repeat of Nightwing punching a civilian because he thought they were Harley Quinn.
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gothamite-shenanigans · 4 months
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thinking of that one time i hadn't slept in like a week and i got stuck in an elevator with dick grayson on the way up to the floor i work at in WE, and i accidentally told him he's shaped like a dorito and how a lot of people like doritos and then said very seriously, "I prefer potato chips though, no offense" but thankfully he laughed it off and didn't even look uncomfy??? like idk how he does it but like that man istg
anyways i have nightmares about this and still wake up in a cold sweat thinking about it and have avoided the oldest wayne kid since this incident
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thealexanderfiles · 3 months
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hc that outside Gotham Bruce Wayne is a stony businessman that has a tough and scary exterior while in gotham #whatwillbruciedonext? is a real and constantly trending tag. if he gets interviewed by people from outside gotham he's Mr. Wayne, a CEO with an iron fist and a unshakable façade while in Gotham he's Brucie Wayne who once fought a revolving door and lost.
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queerenteen · 2 years
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Dick: I wore a Superman tshirt outside and people booed at me as I walked down the street #onlyingotham
Cass: Did you just say hashtag out loud?
Damian: You deserved it Grayson, must you be a disgrace to the mantle?
Jason: And a coward, you should have worn something with the Wonder Woman insignia.
Steph: Ooh or Green Arrow, think of how pissed off Bruce would be.
Tim: It would be so much worse if it was Green Lantern though
Clark: *trying desperately not to laugh in a meeting at The Daily Planet while he listens in to the conversation* I need to get those kids signed hero merch for every Justice League hero other than Batman. Bruce is going to sulk for days.
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hashtagonlyingotham · 3 months
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#OnlyInGotham do you have to convince your cousin that there is no bloody way local lovable homeboy, Brucie Wayne, is not Batman. No, Stacy, I don’t care that Brucie is the only person to afford the gadgets, that Batman is a confirmed amazing actor or the fact you held a picture of one on top of the other to the light and the facial structure match. I work in custodial at Wayne Enterprise and the amount of times I’ve had to unlock him from somewhere he got trapped in disqualifies him
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sanrio-gotham · 1 year
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(Last one is just me laughing because it hurts)
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fenixfoxtrot510 · 1 year
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Gothamite driving in Metropolis sees a superman fight and just floors the gas, slamming into the villain of the day.
Their Metropolian friend holding on for dear life screaming.
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Cop: So do you want to walk me through your thought process of why you decided crashing a 2006 sedan into a 12 ft tall alien parasite was a good idea?
Drive: I dunno what to tell you. It works on Bane. And sometimes Killer Croc. Last week I hit Joker! Proudest day of my life! I am so dead the next time he escapes.......
Cop: .........What?
Passenger: So sorry officer. They're from Gotham.
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I love when the Riddler or Poison Ivy are loose, because it’s the only time the skills my mother insisted on come in handy. Can my sisters or I cook or drive? Absolutely not, but I can solve riddles and shoot a bow and identify things in nature like it’s NOTHING.
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batkidsaremadkids · 8 months
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Spoiler watching the rogues practice smiling without looking evil:
Spoiler: What the shit?
Oracle: What is it? You need back up?
Spoiler, weirded out: I might need therapy?
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Shout out to that time Bruce Wayne randomly sent $5000 to every Gothamite because, if I'm remembering correctly, he saw a child without shoes and got sad. I still remember my girlfriend at the time just openly sobbing because she could finally move out of her horrible apartment and get a better job without having to worry about going hungry. I don't know how he got it to all the unhoused folks we've got (Noah, my current neighbor and unhoused at the time, says Batgirl just threw it in his lap and left), or where he scraped up (does the math) 360 MILLION DOLLARS but he's done more good in the last three months than Lex Luthor will ever do in his god-forsaken life.
Bruce Wayne isn’t just Batman’s sugar daddy, he’s Gotham’s sugar daddy
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batfamism · 9 months
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#OnlyinGotham (Wayne Gala Edition)
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gothamcity-official · 4 months
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There are two Riddlers
There are two Riddlers facing off Batman, Robin, and Red Robin near City Hall. We're not sure where the second one came from but he looks like Bane if he was small, sopping wet, and wearing a sad trenchcoat. We can also tell which one is OUR Riddler because OUR Riddler hasn't killed anyone in almost a year and we're very proud of him. OTHER Riddler just shot at least three people.
Our Riddler is sitting off to the side with Red Robin and they seem to be playing puzzle games on Red Robin's tablet. Other Riddler is fighting Batman and Robin and seems surprised that Robin either exists or has a sword.
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gothamite-shenanigans · 4 months
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anyways after that we finished making fajitas and packed Hood a tupperware for the rest of the Batfam :)
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As Told By the Gotham Citizens
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