#onto kaisa

[trashpocket]

kai'sa with chompers (and voidweaver on the side, cause whp am i without them)

#kaisa league of legends #LoR #legends of runeterra #voidweaver #taliyah #taliyah league of legends #added a bit of dorsal fins #onto kaisa #idk if its apparent #and idk how to describe #her second skin #but imagine crustaceans #and the way their limbs move #imahine the mouth of a crab #and like #kaisas stomach #being able to open like that

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Johanna girl do you want to talk about your self regulation issues, maybe...?

#@ Kaisa (& waddles & sadie & lila. all u simps) #come get your wife please #she's onto some horseshoe political theory behaviour over here #hilda season 3 #hilda s3 #hilda s3 spoilers #johanna hilda #hilda the series

[nelliesnellie]

How have I seen zero posts about Hilda functionally being described as canonically queer in season 3 of the Netflix show??? A spoilery rant from a transfeminine adult with big feelings about a kids show lol.

When Hilda and Johanna meet the freaky lake monster, Hilda asks what the creature what he is. He responds:

I'm from a time when creatures didn't have to be so clearly one thing or another. I have no word for what I am. I just am.

Anyone who is/has friends who are queer are probably already picking up what I'm putting down. This is such a familiar philosophy to so many of us—the idea that we just ARE, without needing handy little labels to identify ourselves if we don't want to.

AND THEN he follows his statement up with the line,

But I guess you, too, understand what that's like.

Like, HELLO??? This creature (non)defines himself in literally the queerest way I can imagine, and then fucking Uno reverses it onto Hilda??? PLUS the subtitles read, "you two" rather than "you, too." Which doesn't feel correct to me but it so, he's applying this to Johanna as well.

To be fair, the show is, in the text, referring explicitly to species taxonomy. What is this creature? Are the girls fairies or what? etc. BUT THENN when Johanna tries to come up with her own term for the monster, Hilda cuts her off, saying,

Mum, he prefers not to be labelled.

Which invokes the terminology of labels, the exact word that is used when having these conversations about gender and sexuality. I could be wrong, nothing's for certain. But it sure fucking sounds like the writers are trying to indicate something here.

Which I LOVE because there's so much queerness in this show, between the lines. And NONE of it is explicitly about gender or sexuality. Which is awesome in a kids show. Like. It's such a great example of "show, not tell" age appropriate teaching about some of this stuff. Even if there could be more explicit stuff going on. Trans a character. Give Kaisa a girlfriend. Let Hilda's dad and the bell guy hold hands. But even in 2024 we have to use coded language so things can be approved for release, much of the time.

Anyway, just an excerpt from my inner rantings about Hilda and queerness and generally lefty ideals.

#Ironically I'm he/him'ing the creature because thats what they use in the show #hilda #hilda netflix #hilda season 3 #hilda spoilers #hilda netflix spoilers #hilda the show spoilers #hilda the show

[outcasts-redeemer]

David attempts magic

Frida: "Auugh! This spell is driving me crazy!" *Flops onto the bed next to David*

David: *Helping Hilda keep a wooden toothpick tower upright* "Hey! Watch it. We've been working for hours on this thing."

Hilda: *looks past David's shoulder* "What's wrong Frida? I am technically your familiar so maybe I can help."

Frida: Its this spell! Its apart of my advanced studies."

David: Shouldn't you focus on your regular studies? Like you were told to?"

Frida: *Waves him away* "Its fine. Kaisa gave me permission. Its not dangerous, just a simple facial metamorphic spell that's supposed to change little things like warts pimples and things like that."

David: "Why would you like to learn a spell like that?"

Frida: "Oh I don't know David. Maybe because we're teenagers now and have puberty to deal with?"

David: *Smirks at her* "Oh come on. I thought you would be better than that. I say just let nature take its course." *Leans back until he's resting on her back*

Frida: *eyes narrow and glow as she lifts him off her with a spell and drops him off the bed*

David: *Hits the ground* "Ow!" *Rubs his bum* "That hurt."

Hilda: "I think it's a great spell to learn. You could get rid of all sorts of things. Or even add them back!" *Rubs her cheeks* "I do miss those whiskers..." *Looks over to David* "Come on David don't you have anything you'd like removed or added on?"

David: *Rolls his eyes* "Right then. Try it on me."

Frida: *rolls over and sits up* "David you know I can't."

David: "Of course you can! You've done it loads of times. Look I'll do it." *Grabs Frida's wand and points it at his face and reads the spell* "Srae, spil, riah dna nihc, hteet, sworb, eson, dna skeehc, emoceb eht mrof taht I kees!" *gets blasted back to the door by a bolt of magic*

Frida and Hilda: "David!" *jumps off the bed and runs too him*

Frida: *Reaches David and waves away the smoke* "David. Are you ok? Oh why do you do these sorts of things."

David: *Grabs her hand mid wave* "My name isn't David anymore Frida." *Sits up* "Call me, The Stache!" *Turns to face the two of them showing his upper lip full of facial hair*

Frida: *eye twitch* "David. Give me my wand. I'm getting rid of that thing."

David: *clutches Frida's wand with both hands* "But it looks so cool!"

Frida and Hilda: "David!"

#hilda the series #hilda netflix #hilda #David #Frida #The adventure Trio

[moonartemisia]

Okay just a quick moment of thought. Would it be possible for Kaiser to take the offer at Real Madrid (¥2000 up chances if he ever). Since he rigged the scores high around ¥350M, if he took that opportunity. He and Sae would be in one impeccable team although in this case; it is NOT a good meet up for KaiSae. One, to think Kaiser's level can be a hindered factor on Sae's, we cannot identify Sae's past reasons as to why his dreams changed his he got into Spain. Lastly the second thought I think it'll be either Sae will live up onto his foot and Kaiser is Kaiser as he is. Or it'll be another egoist stepping stone once he come across Sae by any moment.

I'd like to take an interesting theory of where other people theorized Sae and Kaiser might've met before. But what do you all think?

#anime / manga #blue lock #bllk #blue lock anime #blue lock manga #blue lock analysis #blue lock theory #bllk analysis #bllk spoilers #bllk leaks #bllk theory #blue lock spoilers #michael kaiser #itoshi sae #elisepostings ( ) . . z z #☆૮꒰ˊᗜˋ* ꒱აelisestheories #( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)elisespills

[lamaenthel]

Helpless

[For Febuwhump 2024]

Over and over again, Boba is helpless to save his loved ones. All he can do it promise to remember them.

Wordcount: 851

Dad's done it for as long as Boba can remember. He waits until he thinks Boba's asleep, then he starts whispering so quietly that he can barely hear, "Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum. J'mee Fett. Leela Fett. Arla Fett. Jaster Mereel. Myles Beviin. Kaisa Skirata. Silas Wren."

Boba's never asked who they are, or what the words mean; he waits until he falls asleep for a reason, doesn't he? It's a ritual that feels sacred, holy; something that even at four years old, Boba knows not to interrupt.

"I know you're awake, ad'ika." The sleep-dark voice makes him jump. Boba settles back down with a scowl as Dad's chest vibrates with a deep chuckle.

"What's it mean?" Boba murmurs.

Dad doesn't answer at first. He stares at the ceiling instead, eyes wide open and reflecting lightning that strobes outside their sound-proof window. "It's the litany of the marchers," he finally says. "Tabiriise'tatugirii. A list of all the ones we love that are no longer here. Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum. I am alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal. We say their names so they will not be forgotten."

"Were they family?"

"Some of them. Aliit ori'shya taldin. You know that." Dad's arms tighten around him. "It'll be up to you to keep them alive for me one day. You have to say all the names, not just mine. You won't let them be forgotten, will you son?"

Boba doesn't want to think about that. His eyes are getting heavy and Dad's arms are warm and safe around him. He feels sleep pulling him under the waves, helpless to stop it from taking him.

Dad kisses his forehead. "Go to sleep, ner Bob'ika. I'll teach you in the morning when your ears are awake."

"Okay," Boba thinks he says out loud, but he's not sure. He's asleep before he can figure it out.

"You won't let them be forgotten, will you son?"

Nothing else goes through Boba's head as he stares down at the dusty visor. Nothing but the words, the names, the sound of purple plasma cutting his father's thigh and wrist and neck.

He can't look behind him. He can't bear to look at his dad's face, sticky with blood and rusty soil. His open eyes are burning holes in his back. His body is gone and he's afraid to know why. Did Kamino take it back to scrape his bones for marrow? To make more living ghosts with his father's face?

The jetii came for his father and all Boba could do was watch him be cut down, helpless to do anything but cower against the rock like a sniveling infant. He didn't fly away, why didn't he fly away? Boba presses his forehead to the helmet; one last kov'nyn with his father. "Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum," he whispers. "J'mee Fett. Leela Fett. Arla Fett. Jaster Mereel. Myles Beviin. Kaisa Skirata. Silas Wren."

Say it. He can't. Say it. If he does, that makes it real, and if it's real that means Dad is gone, really gone, gone gone gone—

He falls to his rear with a sob that claws its way out of his throat like a wild animal, all teeth and claws and bloody slobber. Dad is gone, and he is alone. I remember you, so you are eternal. For one brief second he swears he hears thunder and smells ozone.

"Jango Fett," he finally whispers. The words cut his lips like glass and sting even worse. "I won't let them be forgotten, Dad." His tears taste like salt and iron-rich dirt. "I won't let them be forgotten."

He would have died if he was there, he knows that. Part of him wishes he'd been there anyway. He throws the torch onto the bodies and watches the flame take them. He's almost surprised by how easily they go up in flames, though he shouldn't be. The Tuskens were a dry people.

Another family murdered while he was helpless to stop it. He can't afford to cry, not in the Dune Sea, but tears stream like rain down his cheeks. Maybe his body is rejecting his survival and has decided to kill him anyway.

You won't let them be forgotten, will you son?

His throat feels like he swallowed an ember as he tosses their weapons onto the fire to burn with them. "Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum," he whispers. "J'mee Fett. Leela Fett. Arla Fett. Jaster Mereel. Myles Beviin. Kaisa Skirata. Silas Wren. Jango Fett." He wants to add them to the litany, but his feeble, damaged, Human throat is incapable of speaking his family's language without a vocabulator. His hand flexes their sign-names instead. Walks-in-sun. Massiff-tongue. Black-melon. Speaks-with-Fire. Sky-water. Krayt-scale. Bantha-tusk. Red-cloud. Last-drinker. Tall-protector. Dances-with-light. Eopie-milk. Among-the-stars. Mudhorn-tooth. Moon.

He places the gaffi stick of Dances-with-light on the fire with reverence. He won't let them be forgotten, any of them. But he can't help but fear that there will be nobody to say the names for him.

Notes:

Aliit ori'shya taldiin: Family is more than blood Ad'ika: Child/baby Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum: I am alive, you are dead, I remember you, so you are eternal kov'nyn: headbutt Tabiriise'tatugirii: Marchers' litany   Febuwhump! Hell yeah baby this is definitely something I should be committing to!! I am hesitant to say that I will be making every single day but I want to try *dodges Yoda*

Taglist:

@starwarsficnetwork, @febuwhump

Divider:

@saradika-graphics

#boba fett #febuwhump2024 #febuwhump #whump writing #writing prompt #boba fett fanfiction #star wars fanfiction #my writing #febuwhumpday1

[sketchbookweek]

Sketchbook Ship Week 2023 - Introduction

Hello there, Hilda fandom! 

As some of you might know (or not, depending on how deep in this you are. We are very), on the 22nd of October we will be arriving at the Sketchbook (Johanna/Kaisa) ship’s fifth birthday. That’s right, folks. Five years ago the infamous ask that kickstarted all of this was sent. 

To celebrate this occasion, we will be organizing the first Sketchbook Week! It will be hosted between the days 19 and 25 of November. Let us explain - 

(By the way, the “we”s in these posts refer to @waddles-ex-machina and @the-hilda-librarians-wife. Just thought you should know who to blame.) 

✏️ What is a ‘Sketchbook Week’?

In case this is your first interaction with this type of fandom event, let’s start with the basics! This week will be an opportunity for fans to produce content for this ship, inspired by the prompts that will be released. There will be prompts for each day, and the resulting pieces are posted on tumblr for shippers to enjoy, and reblogged onto this blog - which will be tracking the #sketchbookweek tag

📖 What kind of content can be submitted?

Anything made by you! Visual art, fanfiction, edits, poetry/songwriting… heck, try out sculpting, if you’d like! It just has to be sketchbook and at least vaguely inspired by the prompts.

✏️Do I need to participate every day?

Not at all! This isn’t an event that requires any sort of commitment, it’s all for fun! You can go and post on the days you are able to or the ones with the prompts you like the most, and that’s a-okay.

📖 Can I only post on tumblr?

Well, the event is being hosted on tumblr, so we advise you to post it here so we can all see and share it. However, you can absolutely post on any other websites at the same time.

✏️ When will we know the prompts?

If all goes according to plan, the full planning for the week with all the prompts will be released on the 22nd of October, on time for our ship’s anniversary :)

📖 Who decides the prompts? 

Well, you do! Soon we will open submissions so you can all send us the prompts you’d like to see. On a later date, we will all vote on them, but that’s for another post! 

✏️ I like this idea, but I don’t want to/won’t be able to post. Can I still participate somehow?

Absolutely! All are welcome to enjoy what will be created for this week. Remember that interacting with artists is what keeps fandoms alive, and do your best to show your appreciation for the content creators taking part in it

📖 I’ve got another question that isn’t covered here. What do I do?

No problem! Our ask box is already open for comments or questions. Shoot, and we’ll get to you as soon as possible! 

That’s pretty much it for now! Feel free to follow this blog for updates and mark your calendars for the 19th - 25th November! 🔮✏️

#sketchbookweek #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship hilda #kaisanna #kaisa hilda #johanna hilda #hilda the series #hilda netflix

[thirdtidemouse]

(In response to your losing your rant post.) If you ever get up to or feel like ranting about the art stuff and Kaisa’s interests in that again, I’d be very glad and also interested to read it. :) Art theory is great.

aww im thrilled someone is interested!!! i will have a go at rewriting some of it. just for you anon. i might do one about johanna, who's more inclined to illustration - like i said in previous posts kaisa is more anologue photography/fine art, and i embarrassingly don't actually know many photographers, but i have some more conceptual artists she would enjoy too.

long rant with pictures below, about artists, which you should totally read even if its boring because i would be soo happy (just kidding):

starting off with photography though:

Man Ray. these are 'rayographs', a cameraless photography technique, now more well known as photograms.

photography without cameras?!?! crazy!!!! Man Ray pretty much pioneered this technique into modern popularity with his much more surreal style, after William Fox Talbot was printing pieces of flora in the 19th century. photograms happen when you take an unexposed piece of photography paper, place objects on it in a darkroom, and quickly flash it with light. once developed, the shadows of the objects will be left white, and the exposed parts of the paper will turn black, leaving these beautiful imprints behind.

kaisa absolutely loves the darkroom, the more hands-on the technique the better (she might smell like chemicals). photograms work best with translucent objects. rubber gloves, strips of film, marbles, lightbulbs. as much as she loves black-and-white, these totally magical photograms by photographer Anne Hardy definitely would inspire her. i hope you can imagine some of the stuff she comes up with. it literally looks like magic.

if you haven't checked out @/hilda-the-librarians-wife 's hospital au, then first of all please do, but second of all can anyone else see the parallel with this artwork and pathologist dr kaisa underhill?!? these look microscopic, or like deep-sea fauna. this feeling of a glimpse into another world, which is something wife mentioned about cells and microscopy, is what i think kaisa would be fascinated by.

i'll mention some older art before i move onto installations - i dont know a whole lot about art history this far back, but i'm sure plenty of people will recognise Francisco Goya, so i have to quickly mention him. long painting below:

also known as the guy that did saturn devouring his son, goya's 'black paintings' (many of which were painted directly onto the walls of his home) bring that heavy nightmarish feeling that i think that moody moody bitch would love. i love goya's dog, the first painting. it is very imposing. and look at those depictions of witches - a little on the nose, but those dark, crowded scenes are just so much to take in!

now onto another quite macabre artist, Louise Bourgeois. you might again recognise her stuff - her spider installation, named Maman, went a bit viral at one point i think. the spiders were not a one-off thing and they crop up a lot as symbolism for, alongside other things, mothers and maternity. for context, she was born to antique tapestry repairers, and a lot of her work reflects on her childhood. these spiders, both threatening predators and industrious repairers, sometimes guarding hoards of eggs, give way to these ideas of maternal care and mending/weaving. her work carries themes of family, motherhood, abandonment, and fertility.

she describes these structures pictured above as 'cells'. a lot of her work is in cages. i really like the room made of doors, ghostly clothing hung up on cow bones barely blocking the view in. look at the tiny bed atop the tiny spiral staircase. it does a great job of making you think about who might sleep there.

i think kaisa, having a relatively lonely upbringing and complicated family, would both connect with Bourgeois' work and appreciate the unsettling nature of it ^_^

one last installation artist, because i'm a sucker for an immersive experience. this ones a doozy, probably a long one - Mike Nelson. i'm including him because of all the exhibitions i've visited, his Extinction Beckons genuinely scared me. not in some deep existential way, i was just truly unsettled. his stuff isn't nearly as dark or spooky as Bourgeois or Goya, but the way you are totally dunked headfirst into his imaginary parallel worlds really puts you off balance. and by god i think kaisa would love that.

i will describe to you, if you are at all bothered, some of the features of that exhibition!

the first i'll say is longer, the deliverance and the patience.

if you can imagine a large gallery room, please then imagine a set of constructed rooms within it, like a big box with an entrance and an exit. when you enter, the door shuts behind you; the ambience is literal nonstop creaking of doors and floorboards, from the other visitors wandering the structure out of your sight, interspliced with the humming of electric fans. the room you are in feels like the no-turning-back point. the next door invites you in.

this is where the atmosphere sets in for good. this is what you are greeted with, as you walk in from the door on the right hand side of the picture:

maybe i'm just a big baby, but i jumped. i think it was the gargantuan shadow on the wall, from the single lightbulb on the light fitting - it was definitely a figure, arms raised. this is an ugly ass room. the claustrophobic paint colours, doors either side of you, and nonspecific shrine on the far wall, all make for quite an uncomfortable feeling. you're in, and you have to push on. no one inhabits these rooms, all of the people present are visitors, and you expect none of them - despite the noise, it feels like you're alone, as if the only other humans in the building might be scare actors in a haunted house.

each door is a guess and each room is different. this one is a waiting room, without patrons, yellow wallpaper and advertisements; this one is the entrance to a seedy club, smudged mirrors and posters; this one is empty; this one is the captain's bar on an old ship, windowless like the rest of them; this one is empty; this one is empty. whose sleeping bag is this? whose are these cigarette butts? who will turn off the bare lightbulbs when we leave? there are large chunks missing from the drywall in the corridor. there is no one around the corner. the door handle is a shotgun, bolted vertically against the wood.

everything here is so old, like a domestic museum; there is writing everywhere. most of it is in a language you can't read.

the deliverance and the patience dunks your head into a different world, one without people, and then pulls you back out the moment you step out the peeling wooden door of the exit, leaving you feeling like you've invaded someone else's domain.

here's some more:

i, imposter (the darkroom) - in this picture above, you can walk into that tunnel! when we visited, my brother made the apt comparison of a slaughterhouse - animals are sometimes herded through curved corridors to prevent them from panicking when seeing the full road ahead. the door at the end is unlocked, but shut, and heavy - when you crack it open, the deep red light that emits from the room inside is less than reassuring. it's a darkroom - only red safety lights are lit, it's all factory-like with sinks and paper hung up to dry. it doesn't feel unlike a secret lair.

i am going to go to bed, and i don't have the energy to fully go into the amnesiacs - they are a fictional biker gang of Nelson's, made up of gulf war veterans, each having chunks of their memory lost to PTSD. he shows us their belongings, their home, their 'hide', their mindscapes, all through found object sculptures, in typical Mike Nelson fashion. they are more like approximations - a motorbike's handlebars are a pair of horns. more importantly, like any other work of his, they are infused with memory. this constant presence of someone, sometimes the artist, usually the character, sometimes the people who owned these objects before him.

back to kaisa, this is what i think she would be drawn to in his art. this total immersive experience, this otherworldly material. in this au, i think she loves art that is: transportative, textural, moody, surreal, unsettling, nostalgic, immersive.

i might do johanna if i have the energy. if you genuinely read to the end, i dont believe you!! thank you so much!! i'm sorry i went on for so long! i am a freak nerd about this! i'm sorry if you hate conceptual art. i hope i have convinced you to hate it less? i love you. if you have any ideas/corrections/anything at all send me a message or a comment or an ask. have a great day!!

#kaisa #hilda the series #hilda netflix #art school au #au #ask

[airborneice]

they’re getting ready to go trick-or-treating :) 

so this isn’t very canon-compliant…I don’t think any of these properties exist in the time-frame that Hilda and her sis are set in, but if they did these would be their costume choices. and i’m gonna ramble about why under the cut because I can

.

Arwen - Saoirse from Song of the Sea. the more I think about it, the more I think this would absolutely be Arwen’s favourite movie. she would see a lot of herself in Saoirse, with them both growing up on the coast and Saoirse being non-speaking for most of the movie, and she’d like being reminded of her home. this is definitely a regular comfort movie for her and her dad. her costume is just a robe that they glued a million sparkly gems onto but she loves it

Mattie - Matilda from….Matilda. they have the same name, both have magic, and if it existed in the Trolberg library this is absolutely the book Kaisa would’ve used to get Mattie into reading at a young age. Mattie would love the themes about kids standing up for themselves and breaking the rules to right wrongs - even if she’s personally more a fan of the rule-breaking itself than anything else. she probably complained to her parents that she didn’t have enough books to go with the costume until Kaisa caved and put a weightlessness spell on a whole stack so she could carry them around with her all night

Harvey - Ash from Pokemon. there’s nothing deep going on here, I just love pokemon so Harvey also gets to love pokemon, as a treat 😌 he’s already a fan of videogames and I think he’d identify with the idea of striking out on your own and going on adventures and meeting weird creatures, especially since that’s kind of his day-to-day life with his friends anyway. also since pokemon started in the 90′s and that’s broadly hilda-time-period-adjacent I think this could actually straight-up be canon for him lmao. the first time he sees a marra he tries to throw a pokeball at it

also Mattie’s trick-or-treat bucket is Hilda’s old one from my drawing of her last year, I just wanted to point that out :> and thanks for reading if you made it this far down :)

#posting a couple days late bc I chose not to stay up to 3am to finish this like last year. character development 😌 #hilda the series #but like. not really sjksgsk #Hilda oc #Mattie #art tag #dont mind me i just needed to get the oc brainrot out of my system #i did not succeed #arwen #harvey #hilda ocs tag

[doomxdriven]

"Were they your friends? What a shame, you just missed them."

A maliciously flippant Jin smirks in Kaisa's direction, standing over the bodies of a few recently slain Shinigami on a rooftop here in the center of Karakura Town. Jin was about to help himself to these kills, to their Souls (before they re-entered the Soul Cycle), but imagine his delight when Kaisa stepped onto the scene.

"If you want to meet up with them again, though," Jin begins slowly pacing toward Kaisa, "it's not too late; I can reunite all of you with a few quick bites." // @codename-freya

#jin: ic #;the unforgiven (jin mainverse); #codenamefreya #//im so sorry? SDFHJSDFGHDSGHJ

[codename-freya]

@perspextivexx - liked for a starter

~*~ The atmosphere of the Gobantai had just been settled from Aizen being imprisoned and Hirako taking his position back. There were division transfers between both of those major changes within the Fifth Division. It was to be expected. Aizen’s betrayal hurt the division in ways that Kaisa didn’t truly understand. She had been in the Sixth when everything started. Finally seeing the person she viewed as a role model return to being captain of the Gobantai, then the division starting to return to its former strength, and coming into her own, Kaisa had put in for a transfer. She also knew that so many had transferred from the Gobantai itself.

There was one, a Kobayashi Himawari, that Kaisa had heard murmurings of when she’d settled into her position as the fifth seat of the Gobantai. She wanted to reach out, understanding all too well the feeling of taking responsibility for things that were not quite in their control.

Kaisa penned a letter, asking to meet over some coffee or tea.

She waited in the gardens of the Gobantai, patiently working on some paperwork and sipping her coffee. She wasn’t sure if Himawari would show. If she didn’t, Kaisa would understand. Stepping back onto the grounds of the Fifth Division would be hard after everything. Kaisa herself struggled to return to the Sanbantai after her own failings.

#~*~ down but not out ~*~ ic #perspextivexx #v: 5th division #v: 5th seat #closed starter

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Sketchbook Week Day 6 - Feast For The Eyes

Summary: Johanna is a cake artist who makes the most beautiful cakes in town. One day, she meets a new client who sounds a lot less certain about what she wants than she would have liked to be. And not just about her cake order, unfortunately.

Notes: Written for the @sketchbookweek day 6 prompt - Artist

Though tbh at one point this begins sounding like it was written for sun/moon. I promise it wasn’t, idk what happened (jk I do know. I got carried away by the fact that I dyed the docs in which I wrote this a pastel yellow and the symbolism and association got away from me)

Read it on ao3

They say you eat with your eyes first.

The saying had never made a lot of sense to Kaisa, to whom a frozen meal was the extent of her abilities in the kitchen. Food was just a way to keep her body up and moving, an obligation for when her hands started shaking and she felt grumpy all of sudden. If she stretched it, she could even go as far as saying that it was an excuse to spend time with the people she loved.

But this. This wasn’t food. Not like Kaisa knew it.

This was art.

The cake shop had been recommended to her by her wedding planner, and now she hadn’t a clue how she hadn’t heard about it before. Just looking at the showcase from the sidewalk had her gasping, and walking inside made her actually scared she’d damage some of those cakes just by existing near them. Kaisa was surrounded by piping work that flourished into almost realistic flowers, carved modelling chocolate figures that could very well have been found inside a toy store, tempered chocolate sculptures she was certain an engineer would have a hard time making. That was to say nothing of the colours, the drawings, the rice paper details, and the sheer height of some of the cakes she was looking at.

Yes, this would be it. Their cake would have to come from this shop, because Kaisa was sure nobody else would be able to do a better job of it. Whatever she ordered would be the best, and that was just perfect because the best was exactly what her bride deserved.

Adeline was already being put through the hardship of marrying her, after all.

The last drop for Kaisa was when she saw a cake that simply acted as if gravity was a mere detail it could ignore, with it’s icing covered in perfectly piped flowers and weeds and a watering can on top of it raining down ‘water’ upon the garden of buttercream, like it was being held by an invisible hand.

“Shut up!” She whispered to herself as she inspected the cake much closer than she probably should, trying to find the structure that was holding it up for the sake of her own sanity, but to no avail. Her soul damn nearly jumped out of her body when she heard someone chuckle behind her. She’d been so enthralled by the cakes that the thought to check if there was anyone by the counter hadn’t even occurred to her.

Kaisa jumped away from the cake - it felt like being caught red handed even if she had just been looking - and turned in the direction the chuckle had come from. It had indeed come from behind the glass counter, inside of which there were even more cake models. A woman stood there, gazing at her with amusement twinkling in her eyes. Mortifyingly, Kaisa’s first instinct was to say something extremely rude like ‘get out of here!’. She didn’t, of course, but she was beginning to feel like she’d stepped into some sort of cake wonderland. There was no way that woman was real. With her kind warm eyes and perfect auburn curls, skin rosy and peppered with the odd freckle, apron smeared with icing and buttercream of different colours making her look like a walking rainbow. Not to mention that her height made Kaisa feel small, not like a mouse or a bug but more like a queen’s loyal subject.

There was no way this woman was real. She looked more like a fairy, or maybe an angel than like a human being. And yet, she fit perfectly inside the cake shop, like she was the ultimate creation inside of it.

“Like what you see?” The woman asked with a smile, and of course, of course, her voice sounded like honey and warm chocolate ganache. Kaisa would deny it to her grave, but she blushed deeply at the question, terrified for a couple of mortifying seconds that she’d been caught staring at the woman’s beauty - while on the hunt for a wedding cake, of all things - before realising that she’d been looking at the cakes.

“Oh, yes!” She amended as quickly as she could, knowing that the moments of stretched silence weren’t ideal and that she’d been at fault for letting them exist at all. “These are - I’d say impressive, but that doesn't even begin to cover it. Like, wow. I can screw up a box mix cake, so you can imagine what looking at these feels like to me.”

It seemed to have been enough to remedy her awkwardness, because the angel at the counter smiled at her. Encouraged, Kaisa continued, stepping closer since she supposed it was generally what you did when you had to talk to another person. Even if that meant feeling the effect of that so very warm gaze even more strongly. Certainly that was why her face was heating up.

“Seriously, I have no idea how come I had never heard about this place before. Though it probably has something to do with never leaving my house.” She was fully aware that she was rambling by now, but the angel’s smile never dimmed. “My compliments to the chef, or whatever it is I’m supposed to say. Tell them that if they decided to credit their talent to some divine miracle I’d be more inclined to become religious, or something.”

At that, the other woman threw her head back and laughed, and fuck Kaisa had been right. She hadn’t been to church since she was very young, but that had to be what a heavenly choir sounded like. There was a single beam of direct sunshine making it through the trees on the sidewalk and the cakes in the showcase, and it hit the angel across the face making her brown irises shine with golden specks. Kaisa was reasonably sure she wasn’t making it out of this cake shop alive.

Except she was, because she was in love with someone else. That was enough for her. It should be enough for her.

“Message delivered.” Said the angel with a quirk to her lips. Kaisa blinked.

“What, this quickly?”

When a raised eyebrow was all the answer she got, Kaisa entertained the possibility of melting into a puddle of goo. Slamming her forehead on the glass counter also felt like a viable option, though she could see the merits in simply running away as well.

“Ugh, sorry. I’m not generally this much of a mess.” A lie, clearly, but the angel didn’t need to know that. “It’s just nerves, I guess. So you’re the owner of this shop?”

Extending one hand towards Kaisa, the woman smiled again, and she’d have to stop that, she’d really have to stop that because otherwise Kaisa might just drop her heart by her feet. There was flour and some other colourful smudges on her hand, but the librarian paid it no mind as she took the handshake.

“Yes, I am! I’m Johanna, it’s a pleasure to meet you. How can I help?”

“I need a cake.”

She was proud of herself for not saying something like ‘the pleasure is all mine’ (no way she’d be able to make herself sound not so bizarrely sincere saying that) and to even be able to speak at all after getting a name for the angel. Johanna. It was fitting. Warm. Reminded her of apple picking in the autumn. She was not, however, proud that she’d told the cake baker, in a cake shop that she needed a cake. It reminded her of all the patrons who had ever come to her to say they needed a book (in the library, to the librarian) and had earned an eye roll from her. Johanna, however, only nodded.

“Just to eat, or decorated as well?”

It surprised Kaisa that there was even a choice. She would never have thought to offend the woman’s artistic skills by just wanting to eat one of her cakes.

“Decorated, I suppose. It’s for, uh, it’s for my wedding.”

There was a long pause. Johanna’s smile seemed frozen for a second, and then it widened into a grin. Happy for her, of course she was. Why would a stranger feel at all disappointed that she was getting married? Or, an even better question, why would Kaisa care?

“Oh, congratulations! I suppose you’ll want a custom design, then?”

Will she? Kaisa had no idea, she just knew she’d been put on cake duty and was trying to do a moderately decent job of it. She was willing to trust absolutely anything the woman in front of her told her about it, though, so she just nodded.

“Yep. That’s about right. We’ll have about fifty guests, I guess.” Not that Kaisa even knew that many people. She’d invited her mother, sister, and best friend. Also her bosses, even if they sucked. Best to not let them know she hated them, and all that. The rest of them were all Adeline’s, seeing as her extended family all kept in contact with each other and their community was actually knit very tightly. Kaisa was happy for her, of course, but she didn’t really look forward to an evening of being introduced to people whose names she’d forget not a minute later. “I know that and our favourite cake flavours. I was hoping you’d be able to help me with the rest of the details.”

Though she’d almost been expecting to be called an idiot and told to come back when she had a clue about what she wanted, Johanna merely nodded. “Alright! Well, generally for custom designs I like to sit down with my clients for us to come up with the cake together. If that’s fine by you, you could come back - tomorrow, maybe? - and we could go over some ideas. I’m afraid I can’t be of help right now since one of my employees had an emergency so I’ve been having to double as a cashier today.”

“Oh, no worries.” I’ll see her tomorrow too! “That’s understandable.”

Johanna flashed her a grateful smile. “Why don’t you take our catalogue with some of the cakes we’ve made? Maybe it’ll help you know what you would - and wouldn’t - like.”

After she accepted the offer, Johanna crouched down and rose back up holding a small booklet that looked just a little worse for the wear. Kaisa thanked her for her time and wished her good luck getting through her short staffed day, and left with an appointment for tomorrow morning while decidedly not thinking about how she’d felt like she’d been hit by a jolt of electricity when their fingers brushed when she took the booklet.

…......

Kaisa let herself plop down on the couch of her dim one bedroom apartment. Technically, she’d been living at Adeline’s for a couple of weeks now. Most of her stuff was there already. But she hadn’t been able to make herself put her flat up for sale. Adele never questioned it, of course. Sweetheart that she was, she wouldn’t poke at Kaisa for something that brought her comfort, especially since that thing was the first home she bought for herself. Still, Kaisa felt the need to rationalise it. To tell herself she was waiting for a good opportunity. That maybe they’d find an use for a flat even though her future wife had her own house. That it was simply a fruit of her resistance to change that made her cling to the place she’d lived in for the better part of a decade. She rationalised if, because she was running from what she knew to be the truth.

That she was having second thoughts, that some part of her wished she’d never moved out at all.

It was far too early for this, Kaisa thought with a groan. This kind of doom thought pattern was reserved exclusively for after nine p.m. and the sun wasn’t even down, yet. She dragged herself around, making groaning sounds worthy of a low budget zombie movie, and forced herself into the shower. Any hopes of the hot water helping her to feel anything that wasn’t hollow were washed away alongside the dirt of the day (and flour, and buttercream), and she stepped out of her stall with her skin red from the heat.

Some of her comfort items had remained at the apartment, vestiges of a moment of sudden genius and self awareness when she’d been packing her stuff. She’d known she’d be back, and she’d known she’d be back when she needed those things the most. So Kaisa put on her fluffiest, worn down pyjamas and grabbed some of her plushies, dropping them by the couch on her way to the kitchen. After brewing herself a hibiscus tea, which she brought along to the living room, it was finally dark outside. So not yet nine, but late enough to feel sorry about herself, she supposed.

It used to be so much easier. She loved Adeline, she genuinely did. The woman had been her closest friend (considering Kaisa’s other friend and her antisocial tendencies, she’d really been Kaisa’s best option) for years, since they were studying Library Sciences together. They’d been by each other’s side all throughout the process of getting their first jobs, Kaisa at the municipal library and Adeline as a city hall archivist. It had been her arms that had held her through the hardest spots of her life, and her smile that she’d been faced with whenever she had good news.

Adeline was the funniest person she knew. The woman was kind and patient without a fault, and her excitement could light up entire cities. She was trustworthy, reliable, and understanding. Kaisa had absolutely no qualms whatsoever about the fact that she wanted her nearby her entire life.

So why did she feel like she was walking towards her execution?

She’d been the one to pop the question. She had kneeled before Adeline during a dinner at her favourite restaurant and asked if she’d have her hand. Yet now she counted the days with looming dread. The fluttery feeling in her belly weren’t butterflies, and she had no idea what to do about it.

Adeline was perfect. But since the reality of til death do us part had begun sinking in, Kaisa had begun to wonder if she was right for her.

Dating was one thing. They were young, still, and dating someone you don’t really have chemistry with was normal. To be expected, really. You tell yourself that either it will show up, or that you’ll both eventually find someone whose edges fit yours perfectly. But they were getting older, slowly but surely, and Kaisa couldn’t think of a single good reason to leave such a good woman, and neither did she want to put off an event she wanted to happen in her life, so why not? It had seemed not only like a good idea, but like a logical progression. It should not be eating away at her heart like it was.

Kaisa feels rotten for it. She was lucky enough to have found such an amazing person who actually puts up with her. It was beyond selfish to expect some sort of chemistry as well. She didn’t even know what that was, or what she’d been expecting. That whole sparks flying and heart stopping thing only happened in movies and fanfiction (heavens knew she’d written and read her fair share). Love in the real world was a choice. One she’d keep making every day until one day, hopefully, she actually deserved to be called Adeline’s wife.

The cake store’s booklet all but glared at her from where she’d left it at the coffee table. Like a fool drinking water to stop themselves from drowning, she picked it up.

…......

Kaisa showed up at the cake shop the following day, this time with an appointment and an actual idea of what she’d like. The cakes were no less impressive at a second glance, so it took her a second to orient herself once inside the baking paradise and realise that the face behind the counter was a new one.

“Hello!” Chirped the man, tall and lean with brown skin and long, slick, almost greyish black hair. “How may I help you?”

The unexpectedness of having to deal with someone other than who she’d come here to see gave her pause for a few seconds. The man was kind, though, and his face was carefully blank as he waited for Kaisa to gather her bearings. Eventually, she managed.

“I’m here to see Johanna?” She sounded way less certain than someone who had scheduled a meeting should. “She’s going to help me with a cake.”

The man raised his eyebrows in understanding, and gestured for her to come behind the counter. “Oh, she told me to expect you! Kaisa, is it?”

She nodded.

“Well, I’m Raven. Nice to meet you, miss, she’s waiting for you in the resting room. Past this door to the right.”

Following his instructions, Kaisa allowed herself further inside the bakery, past a wooden door that opened up two other options: forward into what was clearly the kitchen, since the double doors that guarded it didn’t go all the way up to the ceiling nor all the way down to the floor, allowing Kaisa a peep of the warm colours inside, and of the tops of towering stacked cakes. That, combined with the scent of clover and cinnamon and the clatter of pans was explanation enough. The other option was the one she’d been instructed to take, and she did, knocking on the door to the left, white paint peeling slightly at the bottom, before poking her head inside.

True to Raven’s word, Johanna was indeed inside and sitting at a wooden table. She opened a radiant smile to Kaisa as soon as her mind processed who she was seeing, and immediately got up to greet her properly.

Which was warmly, apparently. Everything Johanna did was so bright that Kaisa half wondered if the way her skin was feeling hot in her presence was just the beginning of a first degree burn. The baker got her to sit down on one of the other softly worn down chairs at the table, which made Kaisa realise just how homey their resting room was. There was a couch, also somewhat worn, and a couple of shelves with folders and recipe books. Pictures all around the walls, as well, a few showcasing cakes, but most of them being just Johanna with her staff. Two stood out as being the bigger ones; one of those seemed to be the shop’s opening day, a selfie that caught both the bakery’s front and the smiling faces of Johanna, Raven, and another man she hadn’t yet seen (but had heard his rattling about in the kitchen), with curly dark brown hair falling over most of his face and covering his features. The other one was a portrait of a single person. A young girl, blue hair tied back in pigtails, gap toothed and wearing a brown sweater that was entirely too big for her. She was looking at the camera - or, more likely, whoever had been behind it - with adoration.

“My daughter.” The baker said when she noticed Kaisa staring at the picture, and the librarian hastily turned to her to apologise for prying, but didn’t even get so as she was instantly faced with Johanna’s proud smile. “She’s at a friend’s house right now, but you could have caught her. She likes hanging around bothering Tontu or asking Raven questions.”

Kaisa tried to return her smile, but it was virtually impossible to do so, at least when you were her. The lopsided thing she offered could never have the thousands-of-gigawatts-generating power that Johanna’s had.

“She looks lovely.” Kaisa said, knowing in her bones that no one who had been raised by the woman in front of her could be anything but. Her heart squeezed a bit as she thought about a young person following her mother and friends around, all bright curiosity and eager gasps.

Adeline didn’t want children. They’d had this conversation, of course, and Adeline had stated that fact without any doubt whatsoever, and Kaisa had stuttered and assured her that the same went for her. And it did. Kaisa knew she wasn’t competent enough to be trusted with a child. It was fine. There was no reason to be acting weird about it.

“So-” Johanna said after thanking her and narrowly avoiding going on a rant about her daughter’s virtues to the new client, producing a notebook out of thin air. “Tell me, what do you have in mind?”

Not even trying to pretend she knew what she was talking about, Kaisa began listing off her ideas in the hope that Johanna’s expert mind could shift them into something doable. Even that was made harder by the fact that the angel kept staring at her throughout the entire explanation, though. She’d have had an easier time if her gaze had shifted to the notebook at least once, but it must be her modus operandi to give her clients her full attention, at least for that first part.

By the end, what they had was an idea about the flavours (tiers of chocolate and coffee for Kaisa, and others of almond and milk cream for Adeline), the decision of not having a shorter cake that was actually to eat and a taller cake that was just for show and simply decorating the smaller one, and that said decoration should include stuff that was reminiscent of the two of them.

What said “stuff” included, however, was a much harder question to answer. One which luckily Johanna seemed experienced in since she expertly stopped Kaisa from spiralling into a panic about not knowing what could even be said about her and her fiancee.

“What are you two like? Personality wise, I mean.” She prompted gently, and thinking about that was a lot more straightforward than trying to come up with symbols that represented them. That Kaisa could do.

“Oh, Adele’s intelligent and sweet.” She said with ease. Listing Adeline’s merits came as easy to her as reciting a poem. For all her anxiety, there were few people she’d even dare to compare to her bride. “She has so much energy, and for someone so nerdy and with supposedly boring interests, she has a ton of friends. Suppose she’s just likeable like that. Enjoys going out with them, being outdoors. I’m-” a miserable, lonely bastard. “- more introverted. I only really talk to a handful of people, and she’s one of them. She doesn’t tire me like most people do.”

Johanna had been watching her throughout her explanation, her smile growing bigger. She had one of those smiles that made her eyes look smaller when it pulled up her cheeks.

“Oh, you’re like the sun and the moon!”

The affirmation gave Kaisa a stop. It made sense, didn’t it? Yet the more she thought about it, the less it seemed to fit. It wasn’t that… well matched between them, she supposed. Which was just as well, she didn’t need that sort of thing. Sure, Adeline was a ray of sunshine, but for some reason, it felt wrong to give a meaning like that to what they had. Like it could put too much pressure on their bond and make it break when it couldn’t live up to the expectation.

Maybe they were a sun and a moon, but Kaisa didn’t feel like they belonged in the same system. She didn’t feel like they even belonged in the same galaxy.

Which was fine. They were the best of friends. They worked well together. No ill aligned stars made a single difference when it came to that. They were fine.

“I don’t think I’m romantic enough to go making these associations.” She answered at last, because explaining what was actually going on inside her head to the poor baker was not within the realm of possibility.

“You never know! The right person might awaken a side of you that you never knew existed.” She cooed, her smile turning compassionate. “But if it’s worth anything, I don’t go out much, either. Not many friends, other than Tontu and Raven.”

She blinked. It was worth something. A lot, really. Though she insisted she’d outgrown those insecurities, it still felt like a personal failure that her social life was virtually non-existent. But if Johanna was in the same situation, maybe she’d missed a memo and having few friends and staying home was what cool people were doing these days.

“What, you? Really?” She couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice. “I would have guessed you had a line of people waiting to get to listen to you.”

Dial it down, her mind screamed at her, her mouth snapping shut as she processed how inappropriate she’d just been. That’s way too fucking much.

The angel blushed, making Kaisa worried she’d made her uncomfortable for a moment. If that was the case, she’d simply be left no choice other than to drown herself in the nearest body of water, unfortunately. No forgiveness for hurting a divine being, she supposed. But then the woman opened up a different type of smile, one that spoke of gratefulness and shyness at the same time, timid and leaning more to one side than the other.

It was just as beautiful in Kaisa’s eyes.

“Not many people think a single mother is the height of fun, I’m afraid.”

Kaisa’s heart skipped a beat when that sunk in.

Oh.

“Their loss.” In a rare moment of clarity, Kaisa just stated that and shrugged. She hadn’t a lot of experience with that sort of situation, but she figured that Johanna must have received far too much pity and fake sympathy which she didn’t need. Kaisa wasn’t going to add to that.

She didn’t catch the way Johanna stared at her in something akin to awe for a split second, but she did notice it when the baker made her attempt to get back on track, shaking her head and putting on her best customer service voice once more.

“Anyhow. Maybe we could focus on what you have in common, then!”

Kaisa sagged against her chair. “Well, we both like books-”

…......

Kaisa goes straight to her mother’s, after that, because it’s Saturday and she doesn’t have another excuse to not go back to Adeline’s house. It should be their house, now, but it didn’t feel like it. And she knew she’d only feel tainted if she dared to go in, look at her bright eyes and accept whatever she’d suggest as a way to pass their time, after having spent the better part of two hours pining over another woman. So she goes to Tildy instead, because the elderly’s sharp mind and quick tongue wouldn’t make her feel any better at all, not in the state she was in, but at least it wouldn’t be unfair to Adele.

It went as well as could be expected. Tildy had been cooking dinner when she arrived, and since Frida was busy with homework in her room, Kaisa put herself at her service without even having to be asked. Not that she knew what she was doing in the kitchen, that much we’ve established already, but following instructions (after decoding what Tildy meant, that is) was something she was well versed in.

That meant, of course, that she was more than close enough to her mother for her to pick up on her unease. That was made even easier by the fact that Tildy had been (literally) staring into her soul for the past few months, ever since she’d announced her plans to ask for Adeline’s hand. It confused Kaisa to no end. Her mother had always seemed to like Adele, since they were friends and also when they became girlfriends, and that much didn’t seem to have changed. Yet, at every chance, she hinted at something Kaisa truly didn’t understand.

It was off putting, after an entire life of understanding Tildy’s idiosyncrasies and oddities, to not catch the one that was aimed at her.

“Still haven’t changed your mind about a bachelorette’s, I suppose?” She asked when the quiche she’d been making was finally in the oven, after having tried to pry out of Kaisa why she looked so downcast and if everything was fine for nearly an hour.

The librarian chuckled mirthlessly. “Oh, yeah. Me, my mother, my middle school aged sister, and a hyperactive weather reporter. Great party, that would be.”

Giving her a stern look that at least partly tried to convey ’I’m very fun at parties’ (which Kaisa didn’t doubt, but she truly was the only one in the list that was), Tildy scolded her. “Darling, don’t patronise yourself. You have many other friends you could invite.”

That made Kaisa openly snort, letting herself fall down to the same familiar couch where she used to read when she was a teenager.

“Such as?”

For the first time in known history, Tildy did not have an answer to that.

Kaisa went home after dinner. Her home, the little apartment that still smells like tea and lavender instead of peonies and vanilla and makes her feel incredibly lonely. She listens to cliche romance songs, and doesn’t think about her bride.

…......

For some reason, which she suspects has a lot to do with character flaws she can’t even name, Kaisa shows up at the cake shop again a few days later. She reasoned with herself that checking in on the cake’s progress was a reasonable enough excuse, even if she didn’t think she’d have the gall to just straight up ask Johanna to see what had been done so far. With her complete lack of skill in tone regulation, it would be all too easy to sound pushy if she did so.

No explanations were necessary, however. When she arrived, she didn’t come face to face with Raven, on his own in that part of the shop like she thought she would since she figured that must be his job. Instead, Raven was there, but he was looking anxiously at where Johanna and the other man she hadn’t yet personally met were carefully setting down a cake that was at least a metre high. As soon as she caught sight of what was happening, she held her breath just like all the others were doing, and a collective sigh of relief was heard when the cake was balanced perfectly on top of the stand.

“See? Told you it could hold.”

“You’re a madwoman, Johanna.”

“I appreciate the trust, Tontu.”

Raven cleared his throat loudly, causing the bickering bakers to turn to him, only to then look at Kaisa when he pointed at her and mouthed ‘client!’

The blush on Johanna’s face was entirely a result of the effort of carrying such an enormous cake, she was sure.

“Kaisa!” The woman squeaked happily. “I was just thinking about you!”

Fatal blow. Many dead, hundreds hurt, et cetera et cetera. Kaisa looked around as if anyone was going to offer her a script or at least a couple of options of what to say in that situation. Nobody was so kind, though, so she was left scrambling for something normal to say.

“You… were?” Nailed it.

“Yes!” Johanna brushed her hands against each other, making specks of powdered sugar fall to the floor. Tontu walked away to the back of the shop mumbling about cleaning the floor and something else that Kaisa didn’t get. “We were experimenting on a new pastry, and it’s your favourite flavours. A croissant with cocoa in the batter and a tiramisu inspired filling.”

Kaisa must really be a sight to behold, standing uselessly around with a huge question mark on her forehead. Johanna simply kept staring at her with that same kindness, while Raven began looking like he was pretending to not be in the same room.

“Wait, you bake?” Realising the downright idiotic question that was, she immediately amended. “I mean, beyond cakes?”

“We do!” Johanna chirped with a flourish of her hand that, Kaisa realised, was meant to point at a glass showcase in which she had never realised there were not cakes, but many different pastries. Which also brought her attention to the fact that there were chairs and tables inside the shop, which would make no sense if it were only a place to order cake in.

She really was fucking stupid, huh.

Though truth be told, she probably deserved some credit. Everybody’s vision blurred around the edges when they were staring directly at the sun. Kaisa opted for the easy way out: awful humour.

“Damn, you can decorate, you can actually bake tasty stuff, is there anything you can’t do?”

Johanna put her hands on her hips, and deadpanned with a completely straight face.

“Simple maths.”

Kaisa had no other option than to throw her head back and laugh.

“Fair enough. I’m quite useless at it too.” She admitted, thinking about how she’d been asking Victoria for help with her taxes - resulting in her having to trust that the woman wasn’t making her commit fraud, a huge risk to take - ever since she began having to pay them. “And I don’t even have the excuse of being an artist to make up for it.”

The baker’s eyes were twinkling when she looked back at her, a smile dancing on her lips. “You’re far too kind. They’re just cakes.”

As if anyone could ever be ‘far too kind’ to her. All the goodwill one could offer this woman wouldn’t be enough. An angel like her could only ever deserve more. “They’re masterpieces. You’ll do well not to insult them like that when they can hear you, it might decrease the morale around here.”

Johanna choked back a laugh, making Kaisa marvel at how her horrendous sense of humour apparently… hit its mark with this woman, somehow. Heavens knew she must be way too clever to actually think Kaisa was funny. Some traitorous brain cell offered her the thought that Adele only laughed out of politeness and affection most times, an ‘oh, Kaisa, you’re so silly’ type of sentiment. She quickly cut that synapse short.

Unexpectedly, as soon as she stopped laughing Johanna pulled up the chair that was closest to her.

“Sit down. I’ll get you one of them to taste.”

“Oh, that’s really too kind-”

“No, I insist.” The gentle tone still somehow left no room for arguing. Kaisa had the alarming realisation that she’d do anything this woman told her to. “It was, after all, inspired by your order. Just fair that you get to approve of it.”

“Oh?” Kaisa lifted her eyebrows playfully. “And what guarantees you that I’ll approve of it?”

When Johanna passed by her on her way to the other side of the counter, they couldn’t tell who was to blame for the back of their hands brushing against each other.

“Oh, you will.”

Kaisa shouldn’t have accepted the courtesy. She shouldn’t have sat down to eat it and compliment the pastry. She shouldn’t have been so glad when Johanna sat down in front of her. She shouldn’t have spent the better part of three hours talking to the woman, then. And if she did, she shouldn’t have kept noticing how extremely kind she was, and smart, and funny, and how they played off of each other in a way that made her think they’d never run out of things to talk about. And when she got up to leave, she shouldn’t have felt tempted to hug Johanna goodbye, or to brush a stray curl away from her face.

She shouldn’t. But she did anyway.

…......

Kaisa went back to the house, after all. Not their house, not her house, not even Adeline’s house. She’d taken to thinking about it as just that, the house, a miserable thing that belonged to no one and was only there to remind her of how ungrateful she was.

But that was just Kaisa, wasn’t it? Life could be a bed of roses and she’d still find a way to complain about the thorns.

Adele had been there, gentle and sweet as ever. They’d ordered in and watched a movie, and didn’t even pretend to argue over which to pick, knowing the point wasn’t really what they were watching so much as passing the time. Come morning, they had waffles for breakfast - Adeline could moderately cook - and discussed the book they’d both just finished reading.

‘Discussed’ might not be the appropriate word, however, for the conversation that involved essentially just agreeing with each other’s opinions. It hardly lasted fifteen minutes.

Which was good. It was fine. This sort of lining up of opinions meant there would hardly ever be any major disagreements in their married life.

So why was Kaisa now organising the romance books as if the tomes had personally offended her?

Ah, well. It was because they were full of drivel, of course. Ridiculous notions about there only being one way to do love right, about something as silly as destine being more important in a relationship then effort. They were pathetic. And maybe the fact that she’d read so many of them when younger was the reason why she now felt so unsure about a perfectly fine marriage.

Which she’d asked for.

One book escaped her clutches when she’d been holding it on top of the ladder, falling down with a thump to the ground; Kaisa bit her fist to stop herself from screaming in frustration. She climbed down hastily, part of her mind figuring that falling down and breaking her neck would be an easy way out of everything, to pick up the copy of Wuthering Heights.

The book had fallen cover down on the floor, falling open with the collision. The page it was in still had the pencil underlying of an uneducated borrower on one paragraph, dragging Kaisa’s eyes to it.

“He shall never know I love him: and that, not because he’s handsome, but because he’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made out of, his and mine are the same.”

Kaisa closed the book and shoved it in the nearest open spot, messing up the entire shelf’s organisation.

…......

The bakery’s phone number had sent Kaisa a message to let her know her order was ready to be picked up. It made her spend the entire rest of her day with a heavy heart she couldn’t explain, like this last visit was more binding than the walk down the altar would be. She was told she could arrive after leaving the library, even if it would already be after hours according to their schedule.

She almost hoped to find no one there, so she could postpone this even if just one more day. No such luck. The lights inside were dim enough that no one would mistake it for open, but bright enough to make out the shape of Johanna, sitting by herself at one of the tables with her focus on a sketchbook she was doodling on. When Kaisa rapped her knuckles on the glass door, she immediately looked up and got up with a smile to unlock the door.

The baker took her inside the kitchen, this time, which Kaisa held as an honour. Certainly she wouldn’t have been allowed into the space where all of Johanna’s passion blossomed if she hadn’t somehow proven herself trustworthy.

“You must really love what you do-” Kaisa mused out loud, not even bothering to pretend to only be there for her cake as she looked around openly at the space. “-to be this good at it.”

To her surprise, when she stopped admiring how much more of an art atelier than a kitchen the place looked and turned back to Johanna, the baker was looking at her. Or staring, more like. Her gaze was so intense that Kaisa had the impression she could physically feel it on her skin.

Which was silly, of course. But if she was helpless to do anything but step closer, well. Did anyone ever blame the planets for orbiting around the sun?

“It was a sort of therapy for me, at first.” Johanna admitted, guiding Kaisa’s gaze to a workbench that seemed to exclusively have realistic cakes which used mimicking techniques to pass for other foods and objects. “I began when I was a teenager and not in the best spot. I took to baking whenever I felt stressed.”

The woman hugged her own middle, staring down at her cakes even as Kaisa walked to her side, as if she was cold. Which Kaisa thought was insane. No one so warm should be capable of ever even feeling chilly.

“And, well, when you do something so often, you inevitably get good at it, I suppose.”

Kaisa didn’t know what to make of her forlorn voice. “You go to great lengths to avoid admitting you’re just plain great at what you do. I’ve been cooking for myself for years and I’m still a fire hazard in the kitchen. It’s not a linear logic.”

Johanna’s only reaction was a quick, forced quirk upwards of the left corner of her lip, but Kaisa couldn’t see it. She continued speaking, because anything was better than this feeling that Johanna was sad and because she knew it would be her last chance to talk to this woman. After the wedding, she wouldn’t be able to come back there. Not ever. It just wouldn't be fair. Not being able to avoid falling for someone when she was in a committed relationship was one thing. Allowing those feelings to develop was entirely another.

“It’s better than what I do when I get anxious.” She remarked. “One of these days I’m going to run out of fix-it fanfic to read.”

The way Johanna suddenly looked at her and blinked with a confused face made her fear that she was about to have to explain what fanfiction was to another adult, but then she let her eyes fall shut and laughed genuinely, and yes, that was much better, even if she was laughing at her.

Though, for some reason, Kaisa didn’t think she was.

“At least your coping mechanism doesn’t get your blood sugar levels dangerously high.”

“No, but it fucks up my sleeping schedule, so it’s kind of a pyrrhic victory, isn’t it?”

One auburn eyebrow was lifted. “What, like you can’t stop and pick it up again the next day?”

“When I’m halfway through a hundred thousand word slow burn and having to make it past the angst part of it? Absolutely not. Would you leave a cake overnight in the oven?”

Johanna chuckled and shook her head in a way Kaisa’s battered heart wanted to think of as fondly, and her spirits were immediately lifted at having cheered her up from whatever had been bothering her even if now that meant they’d have to stop talking and actually get to business. Talk about a pyrrhic victory.

Her arms were still around herself, though, which meant that when they walked further into the kitchen for her to show her the cake, Kaisa could barely spare a thought to the jaw droppingly beautiful creation. Not when Johanna was so clearly gripping into her own arms in a way that had to be bruising.

Yet the angel maintained her smile.

She showed her how it had turned out with that perfect customer service voice that Kaisa hated for how robotic it sounded, even if she reminded herself that she was just a customer. They’d agreed on the toppings not being the brides, since that was a tad too cliche for them, but rather it was a modelling chocolate model of the tree under which they’d had their first date. The buttercream was a light orange, Adeline’s favourite colour, with accents of gold leaf in flower shapes. There were other details on the cake, references to books they both enjoyed, to the university they’d gotten their Masters at, but what Kaisa couldn’t stop thinking about, when she did manage to pay attention to the cake, was the obvious care that had been put into every detail.

Kaisa swallowed down a lump in her throat. It did not go away.

When she managed to get out of her own head for long enough to realise that Johanna was probably waiting for a reaction, she opened the brightest grin she could manage - hoping it was not, in fact, a grimace - and sang her honest praises to it. She didn’t know what she’d done wrong, though. Johanna only seemed to grip her own arms tighter.

Though Kaisa offered to help, Johanna carried the cake to the counter in the cake shop on her own. Probably for the best, too, considering Kaisa’s known lack of upper body strength. There, she placed the cake inside a box that was meant for safe carrying.

Kaisa had already paid for half of the cake upfront, and now took the exact sum that had been missing from her pocket. When she lifted it up for Johanna to take, the baker shook her head.

“Don’t.” She said simply, and Kaisa frowned.

“What do you mean, ‘don’t’? Johanna, it's your payment.”

“I know.” The woman opened a smile completely at odds with the sheer sadness in her eyes. “I don’t want it. Consider it a wedding gift.”

Mouth opened to protest, Kaisa found herself at a loss for words as Johanna placed the box on her arms. If Johanna hesitates before letting her take it, then either she doesn’t notice it, or she takes it as the woman wanting to be sure she has a proper grip on her creation and isn’t going to drop it as soon as her hands go away.

Instead of a vehement denial of the gift, Kaisa found herself saying something so corny that she’d cringe whenever she thought back to this moment in the future.

“How can I repay you?”

Johanna’s voice, no matter how much she tried to hide it, was strained when she spoke.

“Be happy. Please.” She blushed when Kaisa actually let out a small gasp at how honest she sounded. “Goodbye, Kaisa.”

As the bride walked away, she couldn’t help but feel she’d be indebted for the rest of her life.

…......

She could not go through with the wedding.

Kaisa was a creature of habit. Of planning. Of sticking to an idea to the world's end once she decided on it. So it was no walk in the park for her to come to that decision.

But she did, because if a situation was dire enough that she couldn’t ignore it, then things were very bad indeed. She hadn’t been able to go back to Adeline’s house after picking the cake up. She’d gone home, cried herself into a truly apathetic state, and scourged ao3 for a nice, long, fix-it fic about star crossed lovers. The first few she clicked on annoyed her, one had no paragraph breaks and another seemed averse to using commas, but eventually she found a well written story that scratched her itch.

She supposed she’d gotten very demanding in her tastes, lately.

She’d woken up sleep deprived and miserable, naturally, which made for as good of a day at the library as you might imagine. A patron asked for a romance book recommendation. She gave them a copy of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and pretended she didn’t hear it when they mumbled that that was a tragedy and not a romance.

Weren’t all love stories?

Back at her apartment, she called her best friend even if just to listen to a voice she knew instead of the same songs on repeat.

“Victoria, you’ve been married for a long time.”

“That I have.”

“How did you know you were in love with her?”

“I started asking myself questions like ‘how do I know I’m in love with her?’”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me.”

By the third day in which she couldn’t bring herself to go back to Adeline’s, her fiancee messaged her, asking if everything was alright.

Kaisa had never been a good liar.

“I’m not sure.” She typed and strangled a sob as she started the next message. “I think I need to talk to you”

Her heart hammering on her chest, she attempted to lie on her side in her bed, facing the wall, and catch some sleep. Meaning she didn’t see it when her screen lit up with an answer.

“Me too.”

…......

The atmosphere was tense when they met up for brunch the next day. It was entirely Kaisa’s fault, though, because Adeleline was being perfectly sweet and Kaisa was just walking around like there was a rain cloud over her head.

“Alfur said that the bakery where you ordered the cake has great pastries! Why don’t we go there?

Kaisa shivered, and looked down to hide her shameful blush. “Better not. It’s too far.”

Theirs was not a conversation to be had over coffee and bagels, though, so they ate - and for a couple of minutes, it was easy and pleasant like it had been for so many years, like Kaisa had gotten her best friend back when she didn’t even know she’d lost her - and then went back to the house. Truth be told, Kaisa’s legs felt so weak as she followed her bride inside that she was proud of herself for making it without collapsing on the floor in a guilty puddle.

She hadn’t done anything wrong. She knew she hadn’t. But she still felt like she’d stabbed a loved one’s back and the loved one was smiling at her nonetheless.

They sat down on the couch, not even pretending there wasn’t an elephant in the room but rather inviting it to step closer and step on their heads, maybe. What were crushed skulls next to a broken heart? Memories of reading together, of watching movies, of talking about their days flooded their minds as they dared themselves to be the bravest they ever were.

“This is hard.” Adeline said, and Kaisa could only nod as she stared with an unfocused gaze at nowhere in specific. “What if we both say what we want to at the count of three?”

That could go terribly wrong. But Kaisa had always been helpless to humour her. So she allowed her to count down the seconds, each accompanied by a stronger beat of Kaisa’s heart, until one came and it flew out of her mouth before she could think twice.

“I can’t go through with the wedding.” They both said, exactly at the same time.

The silence that follows is nothing short of stunned. They turn to look at one another, sporting similarly wide eyes. Except Kaisa’s lips are parted in surprise and Adeline’s are beginning to shape a smile. Something like static is buzzing inside the librarian’s mind.

“Well, this might be a lot easier than I thought.” Her bride chirps. “Why don’t we tackle the ‘whys’ this time?”

Kaisa nodded dumbly, feeling like at any moment people with cameras and microphones would jump from behind the furniture and announce that it was all a prank.

No one did.

And when the countdown was done, they braced themselves for this time dissonant admissions.

“I fell for someone else.” Kaisa said with her eyes shut tight as Adeline breathed out “I’m aromantic.”

When they looked at each other then, Kaisa looked even more floored, and instead of smiling Adeline began to openly laugh, filing the living room with the joyful sound.

“What the fuck?” Kaisa exclaimed, gaping. And then her brain began trying to process the information, and the other woman’s laughter began getting to her and she repeated, this time with mirth and a confused grin. “What the fuck?”

“I'm sorry!” Adeline had to make an effort to stop cackling at their honestly ridiculous predicament, moisture gathering at her eyes for all the right reasons. “I only realised it recently. I mean, I’ve always known, but I think I was avoiding it. And lately I’ve had reasons to try to understand my feelings better. I don’t think I’ll ever feel romantic attraction towards someone. But I’ve come to realise that that’s different from queerplatonic attraction. Which… I do feel for someone.”

Kaisa nodded, listening intently and doing her best to showcase it though her body language as well.

“And I also noticed that that’s slightly different from friendly love. Which is how I feel about you.” Adeline took her hands; they had always been warm and delicate. Now they felt a little bit sweaty, and it made Kaisa relieved to know she wasn’t the only one suffering with nerves. “I know there are aromantic people who marry their friends, or their platonic partners. Whatever form of love brings people together is more than valid, I’d say. But I know it’s not what you signed up for. I know you’re a hopeless romantic, even if you try to deny it. And sure, we work well together because we respect and like each other so much. But I’ll give you honesty, Kaisa, because I care about you and I feel like we’ve been lacking on that front. I don’t think I want to marry you.”

They breathe for a moment, and it’s the most free they’ve felt since they could remember.

“I am so happy for you, Adele.” She’s still a bit stunned, but it’s beginning to make sense. A lot of moments from the course of their relationship were, to be honest. She had gotten the feeling that Adeline had been containing something, that she’d been forcing herself to go along with a plan she didn’t want, but she’d always brushed it away as being her own paranoia about being unlovable. How could Kaisa not be happy? This was her best friend, and she was finally out of her cage. “This must have taken a lot of introspection and certainly a lot of courage. Thank you for telling me. Both for trusting me with this information and for being so honest about it.”

Adeline squeezed her hands. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t trust you with, Kaisa. You’re still the person who I’d have agreed to spend my life with. Being aromantic doesn’t change that.”

She squeezed her hands in return, trying to convey all her feelings of fondness and gratefulness at the same time. It all made sense, then. They weren’t the sun and the moon; there was only one sun in Kaisa’s life and she had made her peace with it at last. Adeline was, truth be told, too sweet to be something as blinding as the sun.

It had been right in front of her the entire time: Adele was the earth. Calming and steady, the only one among them all that could actually hold life. Adeline was safe. She’d always been Kaisa’s anchor, and something told her she’d remain so even after this entire ordeal. She kept Kaisa in orbit with her gentleness, her encouragement, and now, with her bravery.

Kaisa could cry. She must be a weird sight, looking at her (former?) bride with so much open adoration when they’d just admitted to not want each other in that way. Adeline scrunched up her nose in a way that told her she was about to be silly.

“So…” She drawled. “Who’s your girl?”

Kaisa scoffed. “I thought you were my girl”

Adeline laughs again, and how come Kaisa hadn’t realised she’d been doing that so rarely lately? “Come on, Kai. I’m not the one who fell in love with someone else.”

“I know, I know, I’m just… relieved. I thought I was going to lose you.”

With a gentle smile and without letting go of her hands, Adeline bumped their knees together. “You’re never going to lose me, Kaisa. I may not be in love with you, but I do love you. Very much. You’re so special to me and I’m so glad we had the self awareness to talk about this before we could go through with the wedding and it actually got in our way.”

A weight dropped from Kaisa’s heart, as if gravity had been abolished and she was finally free to float. The moon could never lose the earth. But she couldn’t deny that her glow came from the sun, either.

Kaisa swallowed, unable to resist the urge to look away as she blushed with the admission. “The baker. Who I fell for, I mean. But I promise we never-” She rushed to defend herself, even if she didn’t know what from. “I wouldn’t-”

Adeline squeezed her hands again, knowing that would ground her, a perfect gravitational center. “I know, Kaisa. I trust you.”

It was all Kaisa could do not to let herself slide down from the couch all the way down to the floor in sheer relief. Not even in her best dreams could she have imagined that conversation having gone so well. And then her brain picked up on something else from Adeline’s speech.

“You… said you have a crush on someone? A queerplatonic one?”

It filled the librarian with a sadistic sort of glee to see Adeline being the one who turned a shade of beet red this time. She loved it when she wasn’t the one on the spot.

Adeline nodded. “Our wedding planner.” She admitted shyly, making Kaisa lean back on the couch and laugh.

“Alfur? Damn, Adele, at least I didn’t fall for a guy!”

Giving her a playful shove, her (definitely former) bride grinned. “Are you a biphobe, now?”

“Will it make telling everyone we’re calling off the wedding easier if I let you think so?”

Somehow, such a heavy topic didn’t feel like a minefield anymore. It felt like when they were younger and did stupid things just to see if they could get away with it, like writing utter nonsense on their essays to find out if the professor even really read them. It felt like they’d laugh about it, not only in the future, but as soon as each new remark came. It felt easy. It felt like friendship. Adeline giggled again, rolling her eyes fondly.

“Can’t believe you had the gall to suggest we have brunch somewhere just because Alfur recommended, just to then throw around the news that you have a crush on him.”

The archivist gasped and looked at her with completely feigned hurt. “And you had the gall to deny me my pastries because you’re in love with the baker!”

“That’s fair. Guess we really were made for each other. Platonically.” Kaisa smiled softly, already planning on bringing a selection of Johanna’s pastries for Adeline to try as soon as everything was cleared up.

“Does that mean I get my best friend post back?”

“Obviously.”

She punched the air in victory. Whatever the opposite of a pyrrhic one was, this time. Kaisa didn’t think there had ever been a win-win situation in the universe that had been so perfectly aligned. “I’m going to rub it in Victoria's face that she’s been demoted again.”

Kaisa laughed again, allowing a pleasant feeling to unfurl completely on her chest and make her feel giddy with it. They were going to be fine. They were all going to be fine.

“I really do love you, Adele”

“And I, you, Kaisa.” She says as brightly as she grins. “And I’m not ever going to marry you.”

…......

A few days later, Kaisa used her lunch break to take the walk from the library straight to the park in front of Johanna’s bakery.

She thought about going inside, but what the hell was she going to say? Show up during her work hours and say “my wedding was ruined before it even began and it’s all your fault, thank you so much”? That didn’t sound like a normal thing that normal people did - not that she’d know much about that - so she let herself fall to one of the dark green benches, the paint peeling at some places and making bubbles in others.

It was a nice day. Couple of clouds, just enough for the sun to not be hitting her directly. Even the birds were singing nicely. It felt like the perfect set up to go reenact a Hallmark movie, but she knew she was procrastinating. What was the hurry, though? She wasn’t on a timeline anymore. There was no special date looming in her future in which her entire life would change. She was, in fact, back to square one. Back to wondering ‘could anyone ever love me?’ and ‘am I even capable of maintaining a relationship?’

She supposed she’d have her entire life to answer these questions, now.

But before that, she had to make this stop.

Honesty had gotten her this far, after all.

Not that she was making any progress on that front. The relief from knowing she wouldn't have to force herself to do anything combined with her typical fear of failure came together to make a very potent tranquilliser, apparently. She sprawled herself on the bench, resting her head against the back of it, and allowed the rays of the sun to warm her, eyes closed and mind wandering.

When suddenly she felt the heat cease, and light was no longer making it past her eyelids, she opened her eyes to see what the matter was. She’d been expecting a cloud. Her heart began hammering in her chest when what she saw was a different sun.

“Kaisa? Is everything okay?” Johanna asked with her hands twisting in front of herself. That made sense, Kaisa thought. She should have prepared herself for that. She must be quite the image, thrown on some bench in front of Johanna’s workplace. Of course the dear woman would come check in on her.

“Yeah, thank you.” And then, because she quite literally had nothing to lose, she added. “My wedding was called off.”

Johanna blinked, looking around as if she expected to find some explanation to what she’d just been told. Kaisa managed a tired smile, lifting her left hand for her to see for herself that there was no longer a rose gold band in it.

“Oh.” She breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kaisa said, shrugging. “She's my best friend. We aren’t fit to be anything else. We’re both glad to have decided to abandon ship.”

The cogs in the artist’s mind seemed to be working, and she frowned, something undecipherable flashing in her eyes. “So you’re… happy?”

“I guess I am. Happy to have called it off, sure. Happy to be back at my old apartment. Happy I won’t be getting a hundred new names worth of extended family to memorise.”

Johanna failed to hold back a snort.

“I could be happier, though, I suppose.” Kaisa said with all the recklessness of someone who had just found out that sometimes, when you asked for things, you got them. Who could ever have imagined? “There’s a reason I noticed I couldn’t go through with it, after all.”

She’d never allowed herself to appreciate how beautiful Johanna was. She’d noticed it, of course, much against her will, but she had cut those thoughts short before they could become something to feel guilty about. She didn’t need to anymore. She could let herself be fascinated by how her hair curled perfectly, by the couple of freckles dotting her skin, by her strong looking hands and the rosy bottom lip being bitten down on in her confusion.

“Oh?” She breathed, sounding like she didn’t know what else to do. Kaisa sent a prayer to any deity that could hear and sat up straighter.

“At the risk of making a complete ass of myself, would you like to pop over mine for tea someday? I’ve got this delicious cake by an amazing cake artist just waiting there, and it’s far too big for me to eat on my own.”

The birds sounded awfully loud during the silence between the invitation and her answer. It was the first time Kaisa reached for something she really wanted, telling herself that it wouldn’t matter that she’d lose it eventually, not if the other option was never having it at all. She had no idea if she’d ever manage to strike Johanna’s interest. Much less if she’d manage to keep it, should she be allowed the chance. But if she were, then she had no doubt it would be the most awe inspiring eclipse of her life.

Johanna shifts her weight between her feet. It doesn’t look like she’s going to say no, but judging by her face Kaisa doesn’t really fancy her chances either.

“I have no idea what kind of person you are.” She stated, not at all accusingly. Kaisa shrugged.

“Naturally.”

“But kids are good judges of character.” Kaisa lifts her eyebrow in askance. “And I trust mine. Hilda’s inside the shop. Would you come in and meet her?”

Suddenly feeling that reckless sort of bravery be replaced by giddiness, Kaisa stood up so quickly she was afraid she was going to faint for a second. “May I?”

Johanna nodded, face scrunched up as she attempted not to smile. Kaisa made no such effort.

“If I pass her judgement, will you go out with me?”

With an exhale, Johanna glanced at Kaisa’s hand, debating whether it would be weird to hold it.

“I’m not a very smart person, Kaisa.” There was no time for her to protest against that ridiculous lie before Johanna shook her ground. “I think I’m going out with you either way.”

Johanna was the sun. Kaisa knew that, because she was the moon, and who could ever be a better judge of that than her? But anyone who happened to be passing by them could easily switch them up. Few things had ever shone as strongly as the smile on Kaisa's face.

#... if you got to the end of this plz read my end notes on ao3 #it's too much to put in the tags but I think theyre amusing sjkdksdf #essentially though: this verse's Kaisa song is High Infidelity. Johanna's is Speak Now. Adeline is onto some ivy shenanigans #but evolves to ME! before either of the other idiots #theyre all living in their own Taylor Swift song and not talking about it KJSDFKJFD #sketchbookweek #my fic #fic: ffte #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship hilda

[wildflowers-of-trolberg]

"Of course you can, Hildi,” Kaisa replied after a moment, shunting the book back onto the shelf and turning back. She found Hilda still sitting in her chair, but her eyes were up on Kaisa, her own book forgotten in her lap. Her head canted over just a little, curiosity in her eyes.

“Sorry if this is weird, but…” she trailed off for just a moment, before spitting it out. “Is your hair naturally purple?”

One quiet evening in the library, Kaisa and Hilda bond over hair colour.

This is my gift for Greep on Discord as part of the 2022 Hildacord Secret Santa! Enjoy :))

#hilda the series #hilda netflix #kaisa hilda #hilda (hilda) #hildacord #greep

[icarianiscariot]

FOR THE FIC WRITER ASK GAME 13, 19, 29?

HELLO KAE THANK U FOR THE ASK :D this got a lil long bc it's excerpts of writing so putting the link to the question list here up top lol

these were fun ones eheheh

13. How much planning do you do before writing?

answered here HOWEVER sometimes i DO plan things.... (usually if me and hua are brainrotting over a particular au, we'll hash out all the details ahead of time LMAO)

for example, the 10tihay kaisae au has an entire outline for it!! the order of events, how i want things to get resolved, little details about each character, etc.

planning usually happens for the Long Complicated Ideas because that way i can keep track of any twists or developments i want to get to before writing them down

(but also i will write Out of Order so usually if i have an idea, i jot the scene down itself and insert it wherever it ends up needing to go lol)

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

HMMMMMMM i could be mean and give u a tidbit i've already sent u sdlfkjskldfj but lemme find something that i'm 90% sure you haven't already seen uhhh....

HAVE SOME RYUKURO

Igaguri's head immediately snaps up from his laptop when Kurona unlocks their dorm door. "Where have you been, man? Everyone is fr—" and despite the hoodie Kurona is wearing, Igaguri's eyes zero in on the hand-sized conglomerate hickey on his neck. "What happened to you?!" Before Kurona can even begin to respond, Shidou follows him through the doorway and gives Kurona's roommate a cheeky wave. "Sorry for stealing your shark. It will happen again."

an eventual tidbit for "home is where your teeth sink, love"!! i'm having a good time writing all these dynamics eheheheh

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

OOOOO have a fic that will never be posted !! hua and i were collabing on a rinsagi hoodie swap fic back in like. april or may? and we both got caught up in other projects and never got to it. i was writing isagi pov so have this:

bachira (12:55pm) why do you need rin-chan’s contact isagi WHY ┬┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬┴ isagi (12:58pm) that was creepy never send me that one again bachira (12:58pm) ┬┴┬┴┤( ͡° ͜ʖ├┬┴┬┴ Isagi sighs and tosses his phone down onto the bed. At least Rin’s hoodie is the same soft material as Isagi’s own – not that Isagi would’ve expected differently, it’s just… Weird, to be wearing Rin’s hoodie. Because of course, as soon as Bachira had confirmed no contact, Isagi figured fuck it and put on the hoodie he had on-hand. No one needed to know. He looks down at himself, sees “ITOSHI” plastered over his heart, and tries not to think about it. It’s no different than his own, really, just a little bit bigger, the sleeves coming down over Isagi’s hands and the hem a little baggier than his own, and Rin probably never wore it anyway. Hesitantly, he lifts the collar to his face and breathes in. Blue Lock laundry detergent. Of course. Yeah, Rin probably never wore it anyway.

#writer asks #kae #kae-karo #answered #rinsagi #ryukuro

[insanespada]

@codename-freya ↳ There was still fight in her. Emerald eyes were filled with hate for him. She suffered at his hands, was almost broken by him. Kaisa snarled, trying to keep that fighting spirit in her. She needed to in order to survive.

"Once I'm free of these restraints I will end you," the too small shinigami spat. Her voice was filled with venom, masking the fear that lay just beneath her bravado.

What a good joke! It was enough to spur a giggle from Szayelaporro as the shinigami fought for spite and spirit. My, it even makes him clap his hands in applause! Such vigorous words, would she bring the fighting words she spat to the day he dies? It hardly matters, she wouldn't be around to see him die.

As gloved hands descended and wrapped around her throat, he held her in place as he speaks. ❝ Have I not been merciful onto you, Kaisa - Chan? You defiance to your sealed fate will only make the pain worse. Though, that's a plus for me. ❞ He giggles again as grip tightens. ❝ You have a pretty scream. ❞

#codenamefreya #「 狂. 」 in character. » the infection is spreading; insanity follows him. #「 狂. 」 ask. » lab results. #[ not sure if i had answered this or not so have it again in case i havent replied to it! ]

[lamaenthel]

Tivaevae | Chapter Twelve: Binding

Still struggling to emotionally recover from Master Obi-Wan's deception, Ahsoka discovers in the aftermath that twelve-year-old Boba Fett has been locked up among adults in the Republic Judiciary Central Detention Center. After convincing Chancellor Palpatine to grant him a pardon, she manages to secure his release on the condition that she serve as his legal guardian. Now, with the help of Master Plo and the Wolfpack, she vows to help him track down what family he has left.

| AO3 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 |

Fandom: Star Wars Characters: Ahsoka Tano, Boba Fett, Plo Koon, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Kanan Jarrus, Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives, CC-1119 | Appo, Dexter Jettster, FLO | WA-7 (Star Wars), Shaak Ti, ARC Commander Blitz (Star Wars), CT-6922 | Dogma, Original Clone Trooper Character(s) (Star Wars), CC-3636 | Wolffe, Clone Trooper Sinker (Star Wars), Clone Trooper Comet (Star Wars), CC-2224 | Cody, CT-5597 | Jesse, CT-4860 | Boost, Aurra Sing, Tobias Beckett, Null-11 | Ordo Skirata, Kal Skirata, Original Mandalorian Characters (Star Wars), Original Droid Characters (Star Wars), Original Jedi Character(s) (Star Wars) Total Word Count: 123,000 Chapter Word Count: 8,013 Chapter Summary: Ahsoka, Boba, Obi-Wan and Cody arrive on Corellia and travel to the small village of Bockrin to finally meet Boba's mother.

It was easy to forget that Corellia wasn't the ecumenopolis that Coruscant was when all that was ever spoken of were its urban shipyards and corrupt cities. Ninety percent of the global population resided in one of the five massive urban sprawls, but there were still a great many rural settlements on the planet. After they arrived at the spaceport, the group took two subtrams and a turbo-train and finally arrived in Bockrin; a rural village nestled in the warm, temperate rainforest an hour east of Coronet City. Demographic reports stated it was primarily populated by Mandalorians, and not the kind that ascribed to Satine's philosophy; Ahsoka heard the gentle vibration of the locals' beskar'gam ringing in the Force even before stepping off the turbo-train.

The village looked simple enough, with several blocks of wooden buildings and gravel roads that crunched pleasantly under their feet. Ahsoka could smell spicy, curried meat coming from the nearby cantina and ignored the way her stomachs rumbled. The locals looked at them suspiciously, their typical Mandalorian prejudice on clear display towards the two obvious Jedi in robes with lightsabers and clearly concerned for the young boy with two black eyes they escorted. Boba had changed into his flight suit but he had kept the black canvas jacket, which was short enough for the WESTAR-34 in his new holster to show.

Ahsoka made sure to hold his hand and stake a claim on her vod'ika lest he be forcibly adopted by one of the many well-meaning strangers in beskar who eyed them suspicously.

According to Kal Skirata's intel, Kaisa's homestead was about a fifteen-minute walk from the turbo-train station. The sun shone in their faces as they set off towards the treeline and walked the use-trail through the dense forest. Ahsoka had never seen anything quite like what was in the Bockrin valley; their trunks were skinny and covered in a thick layer of green moss with tiny red blossoms, and the leaves were large and five-pointed, plump like succulents, and hung in cascading strings from the trunk's crown like ribbons on a maypole that danced in the strong wind. The moss was incredibly prolific, as it grew down off the trees and onto the ground surrounding it, leaving only blue-striped ferns as the only other visible vegetation. Ahsoka heard the rumble of thunder in the distance, unfortunately in the direction they were heading, followed by a high pitched whine in her montrals with the change in air pressure. Insects buzzed in the moss, a high-pitched vibration that was almost mechanical.

"Did you hear the thunder?" Ahsoka asked the group. "Due west, probably a hundred kilometers."

"Great. We're walking right into it. And with this wind, it'll be here sooner rather than later." Cody had his bucket on but she knew the exact face he was making. His aura vibrated with chartreuse annoyance.

"Well, let's hope Kaisa will invite us to stay for latemeal," Obi-Wan quipped.

Ahsoka gritted her teeth. The wind was blowing the scent of Taarak's greasy little scent mark on Obi-Wan right in her face, as if she wasn't annoyed enough. Little biter had certainly gotten around, hadn't he?

Boba glanced over his shoulder at Ahsoka, his aura teal with concern-protection. He slowed down to pace her, a little over three strides back from Obi-Wan and Cody.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

Ahsoka raised a brow marking. "Nothing? Just trying to think of how to approach your mom without getting gutshot before we can introduce ourselves."

Boba snorted. "Yeah, right. You've been a bitch all day. Spill, ori'vod."

Ahsoka laughed quietly and shook her head. Boba's base aura was as vibrant green as she'd ever seen it, but it was staticky white around the edges with anxiety. She checked the wind again and verified that it would keep their conversation away from Obi-Wan and Cody. "I have to admit, I expected you to be more nervous about meeting her," she replied.

"Don't change the subject." Boba bonked her in the hip with his satchel. Robert nearly fell out of the flap he was peeking out of.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'm… I'm trying to get over it with Obi-Wan. Move on, be the bigger person. It's hard." It was a massive understatement, but not a lie.

"Kick him in the dick." Boba mimed the motion with a grin, his aura flaring gold with humor.

"No, Boba."

"I'll kick him for you?"

She rolled her eyes. "No. My Master actually told me to yell at him and get it out of my system, but I can't." Ahsoka shook her head.

"What do you mean, you can't?" he snorted. "Pussy."

"Ke'pirimpir gaht tay'briik," she retorted.

"Naysh gar." Boba stuck his tongue out at her.

"I… there's just no point." Ahsoka sighed. "I'm not like Anakin, that's not how I make myself feel better. Sometimes, yes, because even I can only take so much before I explode, but screaming at him almost a month later about how much he hurt my feelings isn't going to change anything. He already knows what he did. We just… have to keep walking forward, let the wound close. No looking back."

"Well, what'll help that happen, then?" Boba asked.

She opened her mouth to answer, then felt a tingle of warning slap her on the back of the head a half-second before the sound of a distant crack! rang out, far closer and sharper than the rumbling thunder. Obi-Wan's lightsaber ignited immediately and he swatted at the projectile.

It didn't deflect, it exploded. The sniper was using a slugthrower, and the shrapnel from the bullet flew everywhere.

Ahsoka and Cody leapt into action. She shoved Boba to the ground out of the line of fire and tossed her own saber forward, cutting through half a dozen skinny trees that didn't fall until after she recalled the saber to her hand. Cody unleashed a barrage of cover fire, crouching over his stunned General's prone form to protect him with his own body. Ahsoka lifted the trunks with the Force, pulled them towards the foursome, then dropped them in a pile on the path to give them cover. Cody moved off of Obi-Wan and fired over the logs towards the direction of the sniper, ducking often to keep his head out of range. Boba dove towards the log and backed him up, extending an arm up over the log and firing blindly.

Bright red blood bloomed above Obi-Wan's heart through his robes. Ahsoka ripped her outer robe off and pressed it down on the wound with shaking hands. "No, no, Bobi you're alright, it's okay, it's okay, you're okay–" She was whimpering like a wounded animal and didn't know how to stop, barely able to see him through the panicked sheen of tears welling up in her eyes. The coppery smell of his blood was so sharp that it overpowered everything else.

"Ahsoka," Obi-Wan coughed, his aura pale orange with pain-surprise. "Ahsoka, I'm–"

"It's okay, you're okay!" she said frantically. "Cody, Cody he needs a– he needs a plug and a patch, d-d-do you have, have a patch, he's–"

"Ahsoka!" Obi-Wan stared at her, his beautiful, gray-blue eyes round with shock. "It's just shrapnel, I'm fine!"

"Cody, help!" she sobbed. She pushed down harder. He couldn't die, not again, not again not right in front of her again, he couldn't he couldn't he couldn't–

"Ahsoka!" Obi-Wan gripped her face and rubbed hard at her temples with his thumbs, just like he had when she was a baby screaming at akul lilies. "I'm alright, mo nighean, I'm alright. Just breathe. Breathe deep, there we go. Shhh. I'm alright. It's just a flesh wound. I'm fine."

She shakily matched Obi-Wan's calm, deep breaths and saw that for the first time since his return, his aura was flush with a miserable shade of purple guilt-grief-shame. Another sharp crack! rang out; the bark directly above Cody's head exploded.

Ahsoka spun her head at the return of the mechanical whirring noise she'd mistaken for insects and realized that it was emanating from a small, hovering drone that had been painted the same green as the verdant moss. A small, rotating barrel unfolded from the drone and began to spin up. She lifted one hand and crushed it with the Force before it could start firing, then ignoring Cody's cry for her to wait, vaulted over the logs.

She moved her head to the side and avoided the next shot that came their way, thanking the wind for its help in throwing the sniper's shots off, then dropped to all fours and sprinted. Her vertebrae popped and loosened as she gained speed, and she dug her hands and feet into the soft moss to push faster and further than she could've on two legs. Another shot popped the moss just beside her hand. The wind blew an acrid trail of sodium nitrate from Kaisa – for who else would be taking potshots with a slugthrower but the Jedi-hating dalgaan – straight to Ahsoka's nose for her to follow.

The mechanical buzzing of more drones surrounded her on both sides as she ran, and seconds later they began to spin up and fire blue blaster bolts. She jumped to her feet and did a front flip, igniting her sabers as she leapt. She deflected the bolts, destroyed the little pests, and followed her nose to the sniper's tree blind. She threw her sabers on her belt while still running, then took a mighty leap at the tree and clawed her way up the rest of the trunk like a gundark, reaching the perch before Kaisa could shoot her off. She peeked over the edge and nearly went deaf from the booming shot Kaisa fired at her at the same time another drone swooped her face. Anakin would have called it luck that she barely avoided both. She rolled up and kicked Kaisa off the edge of the blind, drawing on the Force for an extra boost of strength.

Kaisa went flying off the side. Her jetpack fired and softened her fall, giving her just enough of an extra push to avoid Ahsoka's pursuing lunge. She ignited her sabers midair and sliced the Mandalorian's rifle in half before she could fire again. Kaisa threw the rifle at her face in response and loosed a jet of flame to force her back.

Ahsoka sprung back on her hands to avoid it, cutting black scorch lines into the moss with her lit sabers. She fell into the opening Shien stance and hissed, walking in a slow circle opposite of the other woman. Her lekku stung and swayed on her chest, undulating like snakes at the predator in front of her. Her rear lek thumped her back with a loud, angry slap.

Kaisa was tiny, shorter than Boba even. The armor she wore over a wine-colored flight suit had been painted a deep, matte gray just a hair too light to be called black, and it had been tinted with olive green to be the perfect camouflage for a mossy forest. The wind blew her scent right at Ahsoka's nose; sodium nitrate and spicecake, with a sharp undertone that she didn't recognize. She drew a DE-10 blaster pistol with her right hand and a kal dagger with her left and matched Ahsoka step for step.

Ahsoka swallowed hard and tried to bring her heartbeat to heel. The last time she'd seen one of those was when Dol Sylen had buried it to the hilt in her thigh. "Kaisa Skirata?" she said in a voice tinged with a growl, her montrals still ringing from the rifle going off so close to her resonance chambers.

"Jetii." Kaisa practically spat the words at her, managing to sound venomous even through the vocabulator of her helmet. "No welcome for you." Her voice was heavily accented, rounded and almost musical with a pitch that went up and down like a rolling hill. Her coral base aura was covered in a brittle line of teal, protection-wariness-determination shining like a sheet of stained glass.

"Ahsoka!" Boba cried out for her in the distance. Blaster fire from the buzzing drones sounded to Ahsoka's left and Cody roared to take cover. She stupidly turned to look, fear for her vod'ika overpowering common sense; Kaisa fired and it was only the reflexes honed by hundreds of hours of Anakin's training that stopped the blaster bolt from taking Ahsoka's head off. She deflected it and dodged Kaisa's follow-up dagger to her ribs. Her shoto swung over the top of Kaisa's helmet and cut her rangefinder off.

Kaisa suddenly dropped and swept at her legs with the dagger, catching Ahsoka's right calf almost like the Mandalorian knew where she would plant it. She opened a thin, burning line across the back of Ahsoka's knee. She collapsed and brought up her sabers to block the dagger swinging for her head, cutting it off at the hilt and nearly taking Kaisa's head with it from her own momentum. The Mandalorian rolled over the crossed sabers and spun in a crouch with her blaster raised.

Adrenaline screamed through Ahsoka's veins. She shoved the other woman back with the Force so hard against a tree that her blaster popped out of her hand and her jetpack emitted a shower of ominous steam and sparks. Ahsoka lunged, her mind blank except for the hindbrain urge to protect her clan. She'd tried to kill Obi-Wan. She'd almost shot Cody. Boba was pinned down by her drones.

Ni ven'kyramu ad kebbur.

Kaisa crossed her beskar gauntlets and braced herself for the blow just in time. Ahsoka dropped her shoto and beat down on her with a two-handed grip on her main saber like it was a scramball bat, trying to break through the Mandalorian's guard with brute force. She came down over and over again, she had to destroy her destroy her destroy her–

A wide hand snatched her wrist with a vice grip before she could bring the saber down again and held it still. Obi-Wan pulled Ahsoka backwards and wrapped his strong arms around her in a firm wampa hug, the smell of his blood and the juniper incense he favored for meditation sharp and intense in her nose. "Enough," he ordered, deactivating her saber. "You've beaten her, Padawan. Enough."

Ahsoka trembled in his arms and tried to remember how to breathe. A high-pitched, animalistic whine escaped from her. Obi-Wan planted his chin firmly between her montrals and pressed down hard; his stubble pricked her uncomfortably but the pressure point worked, and she slowly matched the rise and fall of his chest.

Boba and Cody flanked the dazed Kaisa and pointed their blasters at her on the ground. Cody leaned forward and ripped her helmet off.

"Don't fucking move, sleemo," Boba seethed, his aura screaming red with anger-fear. He shoved the barrel of his hot blaster against her silver-streaked temple.

Ahsoka smelled burning flesh and hair. Kaisa's stormy gray eyes, shining like polished beskar around pinprick pupils, glared up at her with undeniable hatred. Her aura mirrored Boba's with the same vivid red shade of rage-fear. "You won't find him," she snarled, her teeth bared. "He does hiding. I will kill anyone who tries."

Ahsoka kicked Kaisa hard in the chin before she could stop herself. Her head snapped up, smacked hard against the mossy tree trunk with a sharp crack, then fell to her chest. She was knocked out cold.

"Ahsoka!" Obi-Wan snapped, dragging her backwards. "Stop it, now."

Ahsoka clenched her jaw and took a deep, shuddering breath. Her lekku throbbed and she closed her eyes tight, the scent of Obi-Wan's blood still overwhelming her other senses. She spun in his arms and buried her face in his neck, unblocking her side of their bond so she could feel his life force roaring through it for the first time in weeks. Her hands roamed for hair to run her fingers through but found only velvety stubble. She could hear his pulse, taste his sweat, smell his skin, feel him shining and vibrant in the Force. He wasn't dead. He wasn't dead. He wasn't dead.

Obi-Wan crushed her against him and petted her rear lek soothingly as she bawled like a baby, his aura quietly clouded with deep violet guilt-remorse-love.

Obi-Wan tried not to wince too obviously as Ahsoka picked shrapnel out of his chest with a tiny pair of forceps and a miniscule magnet she had commandeered from Cody's currently-disassembled sidearm. He'd been lucky, truly; it was a careless mistake to have tried to deflect a bullet. He had spent far too much time on the battlefield these past three years, he was becoming… not lazy, but thoughtless, relying too much on muscle memory instead of the memories of his Master's teachings.

He hissed softly as Ahsoka removed a rather jagged shard of shrapnel; she winced at the size of the piece. "No wonder you bled so much. Did any of them manage to miss you?" She removed one more piece, then began gently wiping the blood away with a sanicloth.

"I believe Cody caught a few pieces for me," he joked weakly. Cody shot him a look that he felt rather than saw.

"Very funny." Ahsoka rolled her eyes and started cutting the bacta patch to size.

"Yes, well, please heed my example and don't ever try to do that. It was a novice mistake."

"Then why'd you do it, General?" Cody asked grumpily, snapping a second pair of binders around the Lady Skirata's petite wrists. Cody had laced her feet through them so she'd not only be hobbled, she wouldn't even be able to stand. Force, the woman was small, so short that Obi-Wan wondered if she had some sort of dwarfism or if she was just stunted. Her speech cadence as well… she spoke Mando'a as a first language. That was rare in this day and age.

Boba didn't seem to trust that the binders would hold. He stood over her with his father's blaster pointed at her head, stone-faced and iron-eyed, his hands shaking almost too subtly to see. Obi-Wan thought it a bit ironic that the woman had escaped death by Jango's hands once, only to find herself with his gun to her head a decade later in the hands of his clone.

"Because I'm an idiot, obviously." Obi-Wan glanced at Ahsoka to see if she'd smiled. The poor thing's eyes were still bloodshot and swollen from crying. Her guttural reaction had hit him like a runaway turbo-train. Pure panic, begging him not to die, screaming for Cody to help while she nearly broke his ribcage pressing on a bullet hole that didn't exist…

And she'd called him Bobi. He had never felt like more of a bastard in his life than he did in that instant, staring up at her terrified face as she thought he was dying in her arms again.

"We all make mistakes." Ahsoka carefully smoothed the patch on and readjusted his robes. "All done." She tossed the magnet back to Cody and brushed her hands against her leggings.

"Thank you." Obi-Wan grabbed her gently by the wrist before she could escape and pulled her down next to him on the fallen log. He had to duck to catch her eyes. "Are you alright?" he asked her softly, stroking her hand with his thumb.

She stiffened, visibly embarrassed with her dark stripes and burning cheeks. "I'm fine, Master Kenobi. I'm sorry that I lost my head. It won't happen again."

She was hiding again, retreating behind her icy facade. His heart ached anew. "I'm sorry that I scared you so, my dear." He wiped a bit of blood off of her cheek with the sleeve of his robes.

She gave him a tight smile and tugged her hands away. "I'm fine. It's… fine."

Obi-Wan knew it wasn't, but now wasn't the time to say everything that needed to be said to bridge the rift between them. He instead turned to look at the tiny Mandalorian cuffed on the ground. "Shall we give her Ladyship a stim to wake her up and ask what we did to earn such a welcome?"

Cody shook his head. "Not with a concussion, Sir. We've got to wait it out, unfortunately."

Ahsoka tilted her head, then looked behind her and stood. "Someone's coming," she warned, drawing her sabers. She retreated to Boba's side and put herself in between him and whatever was coming.

Obi-Wan retrieved his own hilt and nodded at Cody, who aimed in the direction Ahsoka was looking. Boba kept his blaster trained on the unconscious Kaisa.

" …hello, please don't shoot! Hello! Hello, do not shoot, please, I am not armed!" A protocol droid with feminine programming waddled over the crest of the hilly path, waving a large white handkerchief tied to a stick. "I have come to parley! Please do not shoot!"

Obi-Wan nodded at Cody, who lowered his blaster. "Hello there," Obi-Wan called to the droid, tucking his arms in his sleeves with his saber still in hand. "Parley, you say? On behalf of whom?"

The minty, matte-green protocol droid came to a stop a few paces away. "Greetings. I am TC-35, but you may call me Gotika. I am here on behalf of Master Cassus Skirata, who would like to discuss your terms for the safe return of his mother."

"Our terms?" Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. She is your hostage, after all." Gotika peered around him at Kaisa, unconscious on the ground. "Goodness, Mistress, are you alright?"

"She's alive," Boba snapped. "And she's not a fucking hostage. She's lucky to be alive after she tried to kill us."

"Oh dear," Gotika said, dismayed.

"Why'd he send you and not come himself?" Cody asked.

"Bucket of bolts wants to lead us into a trap." Boba turned his blaster on Gotika.

"Please don't!" Gotika squealed, raising her hands in surrender. "I am here to escort you to Master Cassus and to provide medical attention to any who need it, no more!"

"A protocol droid with medical programming?" Ahsoka asked, her rear lek swishing suspiciously.

"A Teecee unit such as myself would normally not support such a module, but Master Cassus has made upgrades to my base programming that allow me to perform a plethora of roles that would seem unconventional for a protocol droid. Please follow me. There is a storm rapidly approaching." Gotika spun on her heel and began to toddle down the path, still waving her white flag in one stiff hand.

Obi-Wan exchanged a look with Ahsoka and shrugged. "Let us go meet with Master Cassus, then."

Cody slung the hobbled, unconscious Kaisa over his shoulder like a purse; an undignified position, but given that she'd just shot him and stabbed his Grand-Padawan, Obi-Wan was having trouble mustering up too much pity for her. Ahsoka tucked her fallen blaster into the back of her belt and laced her fingers with Boba's, then gave Obi-Wan a nod. They took off down the path together, heading straight in the direction of the rumbling storm. Obi-Wan felt a raindrop smack against his cheek and looked up at the dark sky warily. "How much further?" he asked Gotika.

"Just ahead, Master Jedi, just ahead." Gotika waved cheerily over her shoulder. "Come, come. Watch your step, please, this hill is steep."

They awkwardly clambered down a hillside to a dried-up creek bed. Gotika's metal feet clanged loudly on the colorful pebbles.

"This is a fucking killbox if I've ever seen one," Boba growled from behind him.

"I agree, General," Cody muttered quietly. "What's the plan for when things go south?"

"We keep our eyes open and weapons ready," Obi-Wan replied. "We have what young Master Skirata wants, and we shall not give up our leverage until we know it's safe to do so."

"So she is a hostage," Ahsoka said wryly.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "From a certain point of view, perhaps, but I prefer to think of her as our honored guest."

Ahsoka glanced back at Kaisa, still hanging from Cody's shoulder like a freshly-slain boar roba, and clicked her tongue. "Honored. Right."

Obi-Wan frowned and suddenly realized that she was limping. "Ahsoka, what happened to your leg?" he asked, peering around her back at it.

"She cut me a little. It just stings, I'm fine."

Obi-Wan's frown intensified. "Why didn't you say anything before?"

"We only had one bacta patch. I'm fine." Her lek thumped again.

Obi-Wan tried not to sigh. "Then you should have–"

"Here we are!" Gotika called back cheerily at them. Before them, at the end of the dry creek bed, loomed a massive, mossy hill with a metal door embedded into its side that had been painted with mossy camouflage. Strings of star-shaped succulents from the trees on the hillcrest trailed over the front, rendering the door virtually invisible from more than ten meters away.

Thunder boomed overhead. The sky felt moments away from opening up in a downpour.

"Master Cassus! We've arrived, Master, can you hear me?" Gotika dropped her flag and waved her arms at the bunker door.

Obi-Wan stopped and crossed his arms, with Ahsoka mirroring him moments later. "I have a bad feeling about this," she muttered.

Obi-Wan glanced at her. "I don't sense anything."

Ahsoka tilted her head, opened her mouth, and clicked quietly. "Can you hear the buzzing, or is it too high a frequency for human hearing?" she asked a few seconds later.

"It must be." Obi-Wan tried not to look around too obviously. Cody and Boba both put anticipatory hands on their holstered blasters and turned so that they stood back-to-back to him and Ahsoka, keeping all angles covered.

"Oh dear, the uplink must have gotten wet again. We have had nothing but storms for the past week. One moment." Gotika waddled quickly up the side of the hill and opened a panel built into a false log, then extended a scomp from a compartment in her wrist. "Just one more moment, please."

"Something isn't right," Ahsoka whispered urgently. "I hear metal moving, servos… some sort of mechanism."

"It may be the door." Obi-Wan readied his saber anyway, as did Ahsoka. Rain finally began to fall in earnest and he tightened his grip.

"There we go!" Gotika announced cheerfully. "Now, esteemed guests, may I have the privilege of introducing you to Clan Skirata!" She began to laugh a bit maniacally.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka exchanged a confused look, then everything happened all at once; the wind picked up and the sky opened up in a deluge, dirt and moss exploded from the ridge of the steep hills alongside them as a line of laser-guided turrets emerged and fixed their sights on them, thunder crashed directly above, and Gotika made a mighty leap straight up into the air and landed behind the group with two miniature ion cannons glowing in her palms.

Well then. She had said that Master Cassus had upgraded her with some unconventional upgrades, but that wasn't what he had expected.

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both ignited their sabers and shoved Boba between them, while Cody drew his carbine and aimed at the droid's head. He made sure that the unconscious Kaisa was fully blocking his chest, inadvertently upgrading her from hostage to human shield.

"You have five seconds to put my mother down and run before Gotika disintegrates you," A child's voice boomed from a loudspeaker, thick with the same mountainous Mandalorian accent that Kaisa bore. "Five…"

Gotika cackled. Her eyes matched the glowing light from the cannons in her hands as they both intensified. "Four, three.." she began to count gleefully.

"Cassus!" Boba shouted, wide-eyed and ashen. "Tion'gar olaro gar vod ti tracy'uure? Gar sa Jango ori'shya ni'cuy!"

"Two…" the droid continued.

"Gev, Gotika, gev!"

Both Gotika's hands and eyes dimmed and she lowered them, visibly disappointed.

A small hatch opened above the bunker door and a little drone flew out. It hovered above their heads for a moment, scanning them, then cautiously buzzed down to Boba's eye level. "Boba?" the speaker from the drone asked.

"Yeah," Boba replied; Obi-Wan could feel him shaking like a leaf both against his back and in the Force, but his voice was as tough as bronto hide.

"Why now?" The voice sounded painfully young.

"He's dead, isn't he?" Boba asked harshly. "And you've got something of mine. Let us in and we'll talk."

Gotika shifted miserably from side to side. "Master Cassus," she whined, "May I remind you that nobody is allowed inside the bunker without your mother's express–"

"I know!" Cassus' drone said irritably.

"Then allow me to–" Obi-Wan tightened his grip as Gotika's hands began to glow again.

"I said stop!"

"Either let us in, or let us go!" Boba barked. "It's raining like Tipoca City out here and I'm not in the fucking mood for wet drawers."

Lightning flashed across the sky again and the resounding boom of thunder made them all flinch. "Just you. The jetiise and the eyayad stay outside."

"I'm a shabla eyayad too, remember?" Boba snapped; at the same time a guttural, terrifying growl escaped from Ahsoka and sent a shiver up Obi-Wan's spine.

Her rear lek slapped against her back so hard that it sent a spray of water into the air from her sodden robes. "He goes nowhere without me." She bared her fangs in a very unJedi-like display of aggression.

"Let us in, ner vod, before we fucking drown down here," Boba ordered the drone.

It hovered for a few moments more, then the bunker door slid open behind them silently. The drone flew up and into the hand of a small, seated silhouette in the doorway, from which warm yellow light poured out and illuminated the heavy rain like drops of gold. Gotika sighed loudly. "Follow me, please," she said disdainfully, then waddled towards the steps with a recalcitrance Obi-Wan couldn't remember ever seeing in a protocol droid before.

Boba pushed past them and bravely led the way.

Over the last ten years, Boba had fantasized about Mama and Cas still being alive. Maybe they were dug in deep on Mandalore, up high in the Kyrimorut mountains; somewhere near the old homestead she'd grown up on, maybe, back before Tor Viszla had massacred most of her clan and burned the place to the ground. As time went on, he'd envisioned wilder and wilder scenarios. They were on Canto Bight, living large off the sabacc earnings she made as a high roller. They had their own pirate fleet and ran circles around Hondo Ohnaka's crew. They were exploring Wild Space, charting hyperspace routes that would make them a fortune.

He'd never considered his fantasies anything more than just that, though. They had to be dead. Jango Fett had killed them, he'd shot them right out of the sky into the Kaminoan ocean, and Jango Fett never left a job half-done.

Except he had, somehow, and Boba didn't really know how to actually believe that it was all actually happening. Mama was alive and more ornery than ever; Kenobi's new paint job was proof of that. And Cassus, well…

He sat awkwardly in his hoverchair as they passed him by in the bunker's vestibule, a crocheted blanket the color of maize folded over his lap. Ten years on and they still had almost the same face; even being an honest, good old-fashioned, fifty-fifty organic blend of Kaisa and Jango, Cassus' bone structure made him instantly clockable as a Fett. His nose was thinner, his eyes were bright gray like their mother's, and he had about ten kilos on Boba, but otherwise they could still pass as twins. He wore his hair long enough to cover his ears, hanging heavy in ringlet curls that matched Kaisa's. He was chunky on top, soft and round with a double chin and shy eyes like he wasn't used to making contact with anyone, but his legs were skinny and folded off to the side of his footrest.

He was clearly paralyzed, but why? When? Was it when Dad had shot them down? Boba felt like throwing up. Dad… he'd made mistakes and he'd regretted them, but if he had known that he had paralyzed his own son he would have…

He would have done nothing, actually. Boba's anxiety quieted into an aching, hollow emptiness in his belly as the realization settled. He'd tried to kill Mama and Cas. He wouldn't have done anything but get drunk and weep about what a horrible person he was if he'd found out Cas had survived.

The burn of alcohol stings Boba's nose as he tosses the empty tihaar bottle into the trash compactor. Dad sits swaying on the couch, splotchy-cheeked and red-eyed. He stares at his hands. Boba brings his father a blanket. "Dad?" he asks softly.

"I should've just let them go. I… I'm so selfish, Boba. I should've just let her go and kept all of you safe." Jango flexes his big hands. "S-safe here, with us. All of us. You, me, Tiarek… I… I could've…" His bloodshot eyes flood with tears.

"It's okay." He doesn't know what else to say. He doesn't like it when Dad cries, but at least tonight he's just sad, not angry too. Dad sniffs, wipes his eyes, then smiles at Boba and cups his face. His hands are warm and rough, calloused but gentle, able to dole out love and pain in equal measure.

"I'm sorry Boba. I'm sorry for a lot of things." He pulls Boba close and presses their foreheads together. "Be better than me, Boba. Gar ne'ente eyayti ner dunare."

Boba jumped as a skinny orange hand squeezed his. Ahsoka smiled down at him. "I'm right here with you," she whispered.

Boba rolled his eyes. "Fucking obviously," he sniffed, his nose suddenly runny for some reason.

"Gotika, take Mama to her room and treat her injuries," Cassus ordered the droid.

"Right away, Cas'ika." Gotika waddled at top speed towards Cody and flashed the lights in her eyes at him menacingly. She held her arms out like she was going to hug him whether he wanted her to or not and tilted her head. "My Mistress, please," she said in a singsong voice that promised unimaginable violence if denied.

Cody handed off the cuffed, unconscious Kaisa like she was a belt of live grenades to the droid.

"I will be right back." Gotika scampered away, her stiff legs moving far faster than they should have been able to.

Cody shuddered. "That's one creepy clanker," he muttered to Kenobi as she disappeared into a small hallway.

Kenobi hid a smile. "I don't think we actually introduced ourselves," he said, then held a hand out for Cassus to shake. "I am Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. This is Padawan Ahsoka Tano, and that's Marshall Commander Cody of the Grand Army of the Republic."

Ahsoka gave him a smile and a little wave. Cody took his helmet off. "Nice to meet you."

Cassus blanched and looked away, visibly unnerved. Boba felt a little sympathetic. It had to be weird to see your dead father's face on a stranger if you weren't used to it.

Boba wondered how weird it was going to be to look into the mirror in a few years.

"Y-You too," Cassus mumbled at his lap. "Are, um, are any of you hurt?" He blinked at the group, his eyes lingering on Kenobi's bloodstained chest.

"Only a little shrapnel. I'm fine. But Ahsoka's leg needs attention." Kenobi smiled a flat, brittle smile.

Ahsoka shifted her weight guiltily. "It isn't–"

"If you're pretending nothing is wrong, then it's far worse than you're letting on," Kenobi said sharply. "Young man, I'd appreciate Gotika taking a look once she's done with your mother."

"Gotika is far more likely to cut my leg off than treat it." Ahsoka glowered at Kenobi.

Boba sighed loudly. "If it were me, would you be arguing about it or sitting on me until I let the droid look at it?" he asked her flatly.

Ahsoka blinked at him a few times, obviously trying to come up with a counterargument and failing.

Boba smirked at her. "That's what I thought. Now." He stepped forward with his arms crossed and examined the bunker; it had been built like a traditional Mandalorian vheh'yaim, with one big, central living chamber and a few hallway offshoots to an armory, bedrooms, and hopefully a fresher. A large, plascrete firepit smoldered in the center of the sunken seating area, colorful rugs had been thrown all over the hard floors to take the chill of the stone away, and all of the furniture was low to the ground, overstuffed, and had plenty of gaps in between pieces so Cas could move around easily. He spotted three different weapons caches right away, but knew there had to be more. There was a mural painted on the octogonal wall; all nature scenes, dragonflies flying low over a pond where shatuale fauns froclicked, giant tiarek flower bushes, sunshine over a field of maize with strill pups playing in the foreground. "Nice place," he finally conceded.

"Thank you," Cassus said meekly. "Do you, um, would you like something to drink? Pinky can make cocoa."

"Pinky?" Cody asked. His voice sounded a little choked through the helmet, like he was trying not to laugh. "Who is–"

A pink-plated astromech zoomed out of a hallway on the left, beeping. "Pinky, make some cocoa, please," Cassus asked politely, navigating around the furniture and disabling his repulsors once he had reached what had to be his usual spot in between a very comfortable-looking orange beanbag and a small, wooden table with a little doily and a coaster on it. A bag of yarn sat on the floor next to the table, knitting needles poking out of the top. "You all can sit, if you like," he said over the beeping of the droid zooming away to the furthest hallway on the left.

"Don't get visitors much, do you?" Boba asked, plopping down on the beanbag. Ahsoka took a seat on a padded bench beside him and Kenobi slid next to her before she could protest. She bit the inside of her cheek and made a face like she'd just smelled something rotten.

"No. We go into town once a week to get food and supplies, but nobody comes out here except for Illippi." Cassus whistled, and a BD unit scampered out from underneath a low sofa opposite of the firepit. "Hey, Buddy," he said fondly, patting the droid's head.

Boba raised an eyebrow. "What's with all the droids?" he asked.

Cassus' smile fell off his face and he looked embarrassed. The BD climbed up to his shoulder and settled into a loaf like a tooka. "I, um, I like to work with them. Rebuild them." His cheeks were getting darker by the second. "I have a lot of free time when Mama goes on jobs. She salvaged them for me and I repaired all of them." He looked up shyly. "I made my chair, too."

"Wizard." Boba drummed on the tops of his legs. Fuck, this was awkward. How had they gone from a standoff to talking about droids while waiting for cocoa?

"So, um, you said Kal told you where we were?" Cas finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. You said Illippi comes out. Were you talking about his dar'riduur?"

Cassus nodded. "Yeah. She lives in Coronet City, but she visits. Or she used to, anyway. She hasn't been by in a while."

Boba sank deeper into the beanbag and stared at his brother, sick already of small talk. "Okay, fuck it, I'll ask. What happened?"

Cassus looked like he wasn't sure if he should be offended or scared. "What?" he asked.

"Last time I saw you, you could definitely walk, so what happened?" Boba crossed his arms and waited as Cassus wrung his hands nervously. Fucking hell, he really didn't get visitors often, did he? He was more nervous than a Gedonian ground weevil in a room full of hungry tookas. Had Mama kept him locked up in the bunker all this time in case Dad had come looking for them?

"It was when we… left." Cassus looked relieved at the sound of Pinky's beeping getting louder as he reapproached the karyai, a tray with a copper kettle and six little ceramic cups on top of his dome. Cassus spoke while the droid started distributing the cocoa. "Mama wanted you and Tiarek to come too, but Dad wouldn't let you leave. He kept telling her that he couldn't go and she wasn't allowed to either because of the clause in her contract. Ten years, that was the deal."

"I'm sorry, I can't have chocolate." Ahsoka gently waved the offered cup away with an odd, unfocused look on her face.

Cas looked embarrassed again. "I should have asked, I'm sorry. Do you want some tea?"

Ahsoka shook her head and blinked a few times. "No, no. I'm, um, I'm fine. But why did she want to leave?"

Cassus' face shuttered. "We just had to," he muttered, and nodded at Pinky once the cocoa was all distributed. The droid zoomed back to what Boba presumed was the kitchen. Cassus blew on his drink and took a little sip.

"So it happened when Dad shot you down?" Boba asked.

Cassus shrugged, his chubby cheeks getting dark again. "No. It was before. That's… that's why we couldn't take you, too."

Boba felt his heart jump into his throat and try to escape from his mouth. "What do you mean?" he asked sharply.

"You didn't…" Cassus looked surprised. "You don't know?"

"Know what?" Boba nearly spat, hearing his pulse pound in his ears. "That you left us? Do you even know what happened to Tiarek? Do you even give a fuck about him, or was he just–"

"Of course I do!" Cassus protested, his eyes going shiny with tears almost immediately. "What happened to Tiarek? Is he… is he dead?" His voice was so small and pitiful that Boba wanted to hit him. Why was he so weak? Because his legs didn't work? Big fucking deal, plenty of people's legs didn't work. Ahsoka's teacher was missing his fucking arm, bum legs didn't mean Cas had to be such a snivelling little bitch, wringing his hands in his hoverchair with a scared look on his face like he had a reason to be afraid of him.

"Why'd you leave us behind?" Boba demanded. "Tell me, and I'll tell you what happened to Tiarek."

Cassus looked like he was about to piss himself. "Ni ne'vegyc johaar'i par jetiise olar," he said, glancing at Ahsoka and Kenobi nervously.

"Jetiise johaar'i shabla Mando'a, di'kut, now fucking tell me!" Boba threw his cup of cocoa against the wall and started pacing, forcing down the bile surging up in his throat.

"Mama tried to take all of us." Cassus looked as sick and miserable as Boba felt. "Dad wouldn't let her. He said you were his… his property. You and Tiarek both. You were his payment for being the template, and he'd bought Tiarek fair and square. She wasn't walking away with his property."

Boba bit through the inside of his cheek and tasted blood. That's all he ever was to him, wasn't he? Jango's property. His payment for being the template. He was never Jango's son, not really.

"Boba!" Ahsoka caught his shoulders and spun him. "Okay, Bo'ika. Alright? Yes. Okay. Don't, don't–" she swallowed hard. Sweat had beaded up on her forehead and she smiled a weird, forced smile. Her lips and eyelids twitched. "Don't. It's inde. Chan e coire do bhràthar… bhràthar…" Boba had no idea what fucking language that was but something was very, very wrong with her. She wasn't breathing normally and her pupils had practically swallowed up her irises. She fell to one knee, shaking, her jaw trembling and gaping open and shut like a koi fish.

"Ahsoka!" Kenobi shoved Boba to the side and caught her before she hit the ground. "No, no, look at me, mo nighean, what's the matter? What's wrong, what's happening to you?" He twisted her and yanked her legging up above her knee; on the back of her calf, right above the edge of her boot, there was an angry-looking blue gash weeping thick, foul-smelling fluid.

Boba heard a soft laugh from behind them; the bitch herself was leaning against the entryway, a sharp, ruthless gleam in her eyes and a tiny smirk on her lips. Her curly black hair, streaked with silver and wet from bacta spray, hung just above her shoulders. She'd grown older, had lines around her eyes and had gained a little weight, but she still looked almost exactly like what Boba saw in his memories when he let himself think about her. "Manax root," she said softly. "It does growing in forest. It work more fast with humans. Togrutiise has big liver. I forget, take more long to start."

Kenobi hoisted the twitching Ahsoka into his arms, rage burning in his blue eyes like cold fire. "Where is the antidote?" he asked icily.

"Outside. I before bury." She smiled a wide, unnerving smile. "Leave my boy, jetii, go out my home. She will live if you find it in time." She met Boba's eyes, her expression softening. "Bo'ika. Mhi–"

"Don't you dare fucking call me that," Boba snapped. "You don't get to call me that, not anymore. Not after what you've fucking done. What you just did."

Something shattered in her eyes, then they hardened like winter ice over a river. She huffed a loud sigh. "My boys stay. You will find antidote, and after find you will leave."

"B-Bobi," Ahsoka managed to get out through her chattering teeth.

A shiver went down Boba's spine and the temperature of the room dropped like someone had opened a door into a blizzard. "Cody, I need to concentrate on slowing this poison down," Kenobi said silkily, laying Ahsoka down on the padded bench like she was made of glass. He took a knee beside her. "I shall leave the acquisition of the antidote to you. I unfortunately will not be able to supervise."

"Understood sir," Cody growled, then aimed his carbine at his mother.

"Please don't hurt her," Cassus begged, his terrified eyes darting between the two of them.

She flinched; a motion almost too small to see, but Boba noticed. "Been a while since you saw a clone, hasn't it?" he asked her softly, and the way she wouldn't look at Cody's face told him that he was right. "Tell me where it is or it'll be the last time you ever see one." He drew his blaster – Jango's blaster – and aimed it right between her silver eyes.

They went wide. "Oro'nas, Bo–"

He fired; the bolt stopped a foot away from her face and hovered there for a few seconds, then flew straight up and burned a black scorchmark in the ceiling.

Cassus, red-faced and shaking, lowered his hand and dissolved into tears.

Notes:

MANDO'A TRANSLATIONS ori/vod/ika: big/sibling/little Ke'pirimpir gaht tay'briik: go piss up a rope Naysh gar: No you Tion'gar olaro gar vod ti tracy'uure? Gar sa Jango ori'shya ni'cuy!: You greet your brother with blasters? You are like Jango more than I am Gev: stop Gar ne'ente eyayti ner dunare: You must not echo my mistakes. Ni ne'vegyc johaar'i par jetiise olar: I shouldn't say with the Jedi here Jetiise johaar'i shabla Mando'a, di'kut: The Jedi speak fucking Mando'a, idiot Togrutiise: Togrutas Oro'nas: Stand down TOYDARIAN TRANSLATIONS inde: yes MÁOR-GRASTA TRANSLATIONS Chan e coire do bhràthar a th' ann: It is not your brother's fault OTHER NOTES Oh look who finally showed up! Kaisa speaks the way she does because she's a native Mando'a speaker who translates everything in her head to Basic first. Hopefully that was explained well enough in text but if not then uhhhh yeah this is me telling you 😃🤙 Also Cassus is baby

Taglist: @starwarsficnetwork, @soliloquy-of-nemo Dividers: @saradika-graphics

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