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#oop now i'm being mean
poorly-drawn-mdzs · 8 months
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Culture Shock
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vermillioncrown · 7 months
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On BIL: Is Kagami just gonna go on continuing to normie the shit out of these Ball Sport Mad Idiots? Because I think he would. He would totally normie them all the way to his victory. He would normie so hard that this weirdo troupe Generation of Chuunibyous would completely go batshit crazy trying to "figure out" what his "special ability" is. Which by the way is actually just Kagami's (absolutely incomprehensible) ability of his to actually be Human OMG 🤯
to not normie is to go counter to the central premise of bil, thus he must. it's pretty logical and i'm not fond of pulling the rug from under people in a story
him pushing back against having a "special ability" like how they emphasize in canon is half kagami being kagami against all ball sport nonsense, and half his personality trait to never own up to anything ever -> and that comprises of another two parts (1. never let them know your next move 2. it's unhealthy to base your self-worth on One Thing You're Good At...for now)
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total-drama-brainrot · 2 months
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my total drama oc is a reversal of the show's pre-established "villain" archetype.
right off the bat, they're just the worst person; outright antagonistic towards everyone and constantly causing conflict amidst the cast, openly orchestrating people's eliminations, blatantly cheating but in such a way that technically they're not breaking any rules- without disguising themself behind a mask of geniality (like alejandro, heather and julia did).
and they're kept around well into the competition because their villainy? it's ratings gold. people love a good antagonist, especially one that's so productive. the audience loves to hate them, or hates that they love them, and everyone is gunning for their downfall- which only becomes more and more tempting with every elimination.
plus, chris is more than happy to enable them so long as they keep things interesting.
interestingly enough, they never seem to use the confessional. or at least, none of their confessions are aired. well, that's not exactly true. one confession is aired, and it's them boasting to the audience that they wouldn't understand the inner machinations of their mind, and that they don't deserve to hear their thoughts.
consequently, the audience has no idea what they're thinking at any given time, only seeing glimpses of their schemes throughout the episode until everything comes to fruition- like a puzzle finally being completed. it's a smart move for the network, because it means the audience gets to watch their plans play out in 'real time' without their insight/foreknowledge, making it just as impactful to the viewers as it is to the competitors. it helps with immersion, which is a boon for the ratings!
until their elimination, wherein their confessions are played out on the big screen, and it's heartbreaking.
they explain, in their first confession, that they were accosted by chris at the beginning of the competition to act as the main antagonistic force for the show, and that he's turn a blind eye to their antics so long as they kept the viewers watching, even paying them a decent salary if their act was good enough. because they're smart- smart enough to play the rest of the cast like a fiddle if they wanted to, and chris wants them to.
what a great deal, right? being given blanket permission to be as conniving as possible, and a pay check to boot- who wouldn't take the opportunity?
and they round it out by "getting into character" on camera, sneering haughtily at the lens and- you guessed it- boasting to the audience that they wouldn't understand the inner machinations of their mind, before giggling dorkily at the silliness of their statement, commenting that it'd we way too obvious they were faking if they acted that snooty. they're a theatre kid at heart, so the idea of "playing the villain" is exciting! it's going to be so fun!
but their second confession is sombre. they're visibly tired, wiping away at the concealer under their eyes to reveal some heavy bags, and they're curled up into a pitiful ball in front of the camera. they divulge that the pressure to constantly live up to the shows expectations of antagonism is crushing, and their status as a social pariah is more draining than they'd care to admit, and that- despite the apparent glee they've been committing these acts of villainy with- being so outwardly morally corrupt has left them with a constant churning of guilt in their gut. they only agreed to be the "bad guy" for the money, which would help their family's financial situation tremendously, but they're growing increasingly uncertain if the reward justifies the risks.
by the third confession, they're actively sickened by their actions, eventually devolving from airing their frustrations, lamenting their choice to method act as such an awful person, to throwing up into the confessional's toilet as they hold back guilt-leaden tears and repeat a mantra of "i'm sorry, i'm sorry,". they're drowning in the murky waters of their persona, and backing out now would only lead to more scrutiny and suspicion from the people who were supposed to be their friends, and they know they'd deserve the mistrust. plus, backtracking from their deal with chris would jeopardise everything- from the dirty money they've earned from their antagonism to their place in the competition itself; they'd be voted out in a heartbeat without the network's safety blanket of plot armour!
they don't know what to do. they barely even know who they are anymore.
and then the camera's focus cuts to the real-time them, who's sat ashen-faced and deathly still as their weakest moments are broadcast, not only to the people who rightfully hate them, but to the whole world.
#we've seen “charming persona villainous person” now get ready for “villainous persona poor little meow meow person”#it's like alejandro and julia's 'character arcs' but backwards. kind of.#instead of going from fake-nice to real-mean. they go from fake-mean to real-depressed. oops.#i think it's unrealistic to expect a ~16 year old to be some mastermind villain without it having some mental health consequences#plus being outright encouraged to be an awful person would be so so bad for anyone's sense of morality. not to mention the self-loathing--#that's stems from both KNOWING you're a bad person and being ostracised by your peers because of such.#yet having no idea how to change for the better without putting everything you've worked for (everything you've suffered for) at risk#what i'm trying to say is. my total drama oc needs therapy and maybe a hug#it's giving kokichi ouma but with less self-sacrifice and more angst/self hatred#it'd be totally in character for chris to pay off the series' antagonist in a bid for more drama btw. don't even act like i'm wrong.#(it's happened in canon before with owen's mole arc in action!)#though ig this type of character wouldn't appear in a cartoon aimed at kids/tweens.#unless they're trying to teach their target audiences morality/the consequences of being a bad person? 🤔#anyway-#total drama oc#ophe rambling#character analysis#sort of? more like character outline#love me some sympathetic villains!!#long post#feel free to ignore#is this too angsty for a total drama oc? idk 🥶
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toasteaa · 17 days
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Sorry I went so hard and turned this into an oc x canon blog. Do you wanna hear about my oc? She's my wife
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tev-the-random · 10 months
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(Technically a distant continuation of this, but can be read on its own!)
His skin was an imitation of life that refused to age or scar. Although the years had moulded Jimmy into someone near unrecognisable, he looked no different than he did when he left Tumble Town. It was quite anticlimactic, to think he had nothing to show for his trials other than some patches on his clothes and perhaps a sharper wit to his eyes — metaphorically, that is. His actual eyes looked just as glassy as ever.
So after everything he went through to find himself here, he supposed the location was fitting. It, too, was rather anticlimactic: nothing but an old shack in the woods. It didn't even look dilapidated enough to be haunted. The forest didn't bother to have ominous crows cawing at him or any particularly disturbing tree — on the contrary, there were small patches of sunlight shining through the leaves above, and the smell of morning dew was fairly pleasant. If not for the peculiar plants growing in the little garden in front of him, which his cat sniffed suspiciously, he would have thought this was the wrong place.
These weren't plants you could normally find in the Overworld, that much Jimmy was sure of. From bushes of glowing, multicoloured berries to herbs that floated in the air like little leafy balloons, their roots hanging loose. The red vines crawling up a trellis close to the wall reminded him of the Nether, though the blossoming black flowers that grew on it would suggest otherwise.
"Awfully poisonous, those flowers."
He jumped, sword in hand.
Without producing shadow or sound, a person stood beside him, towering over Jimmy. Their silvery hair, washed out robes and sickly pale skin made them stand out against the background; a desaturated figure in the otherwise verdant woods.
There was a moment of silence in which Jimmy tried to gather himself. Any information he had about the one who supposedly lived here left his brain entirely. All of his well-thought-out bargains and self-confident arguments were startled out of him, leaving an uncertain tremble in his voice.
"Um..." He blanked.
In order to give him some more time to think — or maybe they just didn’t care enough to pay attention to him, — the stranger walked past the small man to take a closer look at their garden. They merely shooed Norman, who hissed at their approach before moving to stand beside his owner.
“You ever seen prettier experience bushes?” They said casually, getting rid of a few dead leaves on one of their plants. They examined its colourful berries carefully, only to let them go with a disappointed sound. “Incredible magical properties, but it’s so difficult to grow them right this time of the year...”
"Are you— are you the person I'm looking for?" Jimmy finally spoke. "I was told I could find a wizard in these woods that could help me with a curse."
By their curious demeanour and wise, elderly face, Jimmy expected them to respond with some enigmatic question of their own, something a mysterious master would say. Perhaps a meaningful silence and a sharp glance. Instead, all he got was a quirked eyebrow.
"Well, does it look like there's anyone else around here?"
He made a conscious effort to not look bashful. What a talent he had to surround himself with people who loved patronizing him, huh? But he had had enough time to learn that, if he took the bait and let himself be played for dumb, he wouldn't get anywhere. Seize the discussion.
His determined eyes didn’t move from the grey figure.
"I just got here. Don’t waste my time—"
"Yes, yes. You sure did take your time," said the stranger, moving to the red vines on the trellis. With a pair of small pruning shears they fished out of their pocket, they started cutting away at the flowers. "I, myself, thought you had keeled over and died somewhere along the way. I've been waiting for years, Jimmy! Surely you can hold on for a couple more minutes?"
"You— what?” His focus wavered ever so slightly. “How do you— you've been waiting for me? Like, for me specifically?"
"Who else would I be waiting for?" They chuckled. The sound ringed in Jimmy’s ears, bothering him the same way it always did when people laughed at him. In that regard, he only changed for worse.
Even though he felt like it, he didn't groan. He stared at Norman as if the cat could tell him what the deal with this unusual character was. If he knew how to, Norman would shrug.
Taking a deep breath, Jimmy forced calmness into his tone.
"How would I know?" He'd gotten better at not gritting his teeth at frustration, though he still sounded like he had swallowed a lemon. "You could be waiting for a hundred other people, maybe that’s your deal. I don't know you."
"Ah, but you certainly know of me! Otherwise, I wouldn't be the person you're looking for."
"Oh my g— Are you them or not?"
"Yes." They still didn't bother looking at him. Once satisfied with the number of black flowers they had gathered, they turned around with a swish of their robes and opened the door to their hut. "Well then. Come on inside."
Jimmy hesitated to follow. Norman, on his part, sniffed every inch of the chipped wooden door before sitting resolutely by the entryway. Jimmy took it as a warning. I’ll keep an eye out.
When he stepped inside, he concluded that this was, without a doubt, a wizard's house — a very disorganized one at that. The cabin was much larger on the inside, tall bookshelves extending far into a ceiling that seemed never-ending. Manuscripts littered the floor and desks alongside scrawled notes and old hardback books of all sizes. There were a multitude of coloured candles on nearly every surface, illuminating vials and more vials of the most peculiar ingredients. Jimmy consciously chose to believe that the blood in all those organised flasks on top of the nearest shelf belonged to some wild animal.
From the walls hanged more vines of strange plants, as well as all sorts of animal skins and various paintings and pictures — some pristine, others completely defaced. But they all seemed to depict a same theme, a same character: a very familiar deity with a golden trident and exaggerated grandeur. It was hard to ignore such clear obsession for someone Jimmy thought to be so incredibly unremarkable. The so called god of Stratos was the very reason he ended up like this to begin with. Religious fanatics were the last thing he needed right now.
Completely oblivious to their guest’s discomfort, the mage stood hunched over a counter, surrounded by multiple powders, herbs and and fluids in jars. Their hands worked on a mortar and pestle.
"You could have come sooner, you know?" They commented. "I don't know why you'd go through all that trouble with witches and pirates and whatever else you were doing when you could've just asked Scott for my address, I haven’t moved. But then again, you are the second pettiest individual I've ever seen. Leave it to you to go on some wild goose chase."
Jimmy stopped eyeing the room to stare at them. His brows quickly furrowed, suspicion immediately arisen.
"What does Scott have to do with this?" He asked. His hand itched to grab his sword again. "Actually, no: how do you know me in the first place? How did you know I was coming, huh?"
They hummed. "I’ve got eyes everywhere. You just happened to stumble upon one of them a long time ago."
The wizard stopped their motion to point at an open cabinet to their left. It was low enough that Jimmy could see its contents, and it made him raise an eyebrow: it was a human skull. Inside of one of the eye socket, there was a bright pink jewel; in the other, an unique blue stone caught his attention — it was intricate, as if it had been made to truly look like the iris of an eye.
Absentmindedly, Jimmy reached his wooden hand to touch the artefact, looking for something that could explain its purpose.
But when he blinked, he was on a hill. Vibrant flower patches stretched along the brick roads of a colourful kingdom, where glowing clouds of all colours painted the sky, constantly pumped by tall chimneys on cyan rooves.
Right in front of him, an excitable man dressed in orange spoke; Jimmy couldn't hear any of it. The man, too, glowed ever so slightly, and it made him want to squint at the vibrancy of the scene. The entire world was in deep silence, despite how much it looked like it was screaming at him.
Jimmy raised a hand to run it through his hair in exasperation, only for it to hit something. The cabinet. He blinked again, and back he was at the wizard’s hut as if he had never moved at all.
“What in the world—?”
“Funny, isn’t it?” The mage chuckled. Adding a few drops of a green liquid into the mortar, they went back to crushing. “What was he doing this time?”
“He was— I was just... in Chromia,” Jimmy murmured in disbelief, not knowing how to feel about it. Haunted, he stared at his strange host. “What was that?”
“The eye I gave Scott Smajor has many perks for him. But mostly, it has perks for me. It pays well to have such a well-connected informant. Don’t tell him about it, though, I’m sure he would hate it.” They didn’t sound apologetic at all.
“What do you mean you gave him an eye?!”
“Did he never tell how he got that magical yellow eye of his?”
“I assumed he was just born like that! You know, like, it’s a condition! Het- hetochro- heterochromia? Don’t look at me like that!”
“Oh, trust me, there is nothing hetero about that man.”
Jimmy continued to stare. For the sake of his own sanity, he tended to avoid thinking about any of the emperors he left behind. It had been so long since he last uttered the name of Scott Smajor, and the memories he held weren’t exactly the fondest. But a part of him couldn’t help but feel bad for the collector: this was, at the very least, a huge breach of privacy. Did he even want to know why this random guy in the middle of the woods needed unaware spies? Were they just a creep, or were they looking for something in particular? Did they assume Jimmy was coming over eventually, or had Scott been following him this whole time? Could they even make him do that? Could they control him?
The thought of being a mere puppet to someone made him sick in a horribly familiar way. He had half a mind to get back to Norman and leave.
But, he thought to himself, what if this is the only chance he has? In the years Jimmy had spent travelling, looking for a way to reverse this stupid toy curse, all he’s ever found was disappointment. Rejection. The frustrating loneliness that comes with learning people can’t be trusted; nobody cared enough to help, and those who did were never able to. When he was told there was a powerful wizard in a far away forest who could fix him, he took the lead with multiple doubts.
Now, he faced them all at their full force. What if they were to scam him? What if they were, in fact, nothing more than a massive creep? What if they killed him? Tortured him? Locked him away?
Just what price would he have to pay for his humanity?
He didn’t want to spend another hundred years running around looking for what he had lost. Jimmy was an imitation of life that couldn’t age or scar, but he was tired. So very tired of being a thing, tired of being a walking reminder of his own weakness in the eyes of others. He was tired of being so pathetic, no matter how hard he tried.
“You know what I’m here for, then,” he stated dryly. Resolute.
The mage hummed once more.
“Well, I have an educated guess.” They finally turned their head to look at the toy. The little glass eyes they met were unwavering. “You want your old body back. To be human again. Am I right?”
“You are. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes. But don’t you try anything silly!” His hand brushed against the hilt of his sword, pointedly displaying its netherite shine.
“Oh, don’t bother with threats. This is just as worthy an exchange to me, you know?”
“... And what do you want? In return, I mean.”
They didn’t respond immediately. With an amused smile on their face, they turned back to their workstation and, one by one, started tearing the black flowers from their garden into pieces. Into the mortar the shredded petals went, and after a minute of silent work, the wizard seemed satisfied with the solution they had made. There were another two or three minutes in which they put it through an old brewing stand before transferring it into one of the glass vials scattered around their desk.
With that, they handed him the concoction. Although it may have seemed like there wasn’t much of it in there to begin with, to Jimmy it felt more like a bucket full of bricks. He blinked, as if to ask ‘what the hell am I supposed to do with this?’
“Drink it, boy, drink it!”
Their eagerness wasn’t lost on him. The small man stared down at the inky substance, which smelled no more pleasant than spoiled milk.
“I thought you said those flowers were poisonous,” he pointed, stalling.
“Hm, yes, I do pride myself on growing the finest wither flower hybrids.” They waved Jimmy off as if he had said something particularly flattering. “But alchemy works in fascinating ways, so really, that mixture should be fine. Well, at least I haven’t killed anyone with it yet.”
The toy looked back at the front door, where his cat sat like a gargoyle. Upon noticing the his gaze, Norman got up with all that feline grace of his and approached to sniff the potion. His reaction wasn’t encouraging — he let out one of those tiny cat sneezes that often made Jimmy laugh, — but if he didn’t make a fuss about it, it was probably fine. Either that or the cat didn’t know a thing about magical ingredients either.
“And... what does this do, exactly?” Jimmy asked, still grimacing.
“In theory,” the wizard said from an unknown corner of the room, where they were now heaving an old-looking box from another one of their cabinets. He definitely hadn’t seen them move, “it allows me to freely tinker with you. Think of it as a surgery of sorts,” they quickly added at Jimmy’s horrified expression.
“You do realise this is the most suspicious situation ever?”
“Yes.”
“And you expect me to just drink this, then?”
“Well, if you don’t want it, you can leave.” They shook their head at him while they examined the instruments inside of the box. “I do have other things to do.”
“No, no, just... how can I know you’re not trying to trick me? You know, it wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Jimmy, if I wanted to do you any harm, I would have done it already.” Their sigh came from somewhere behind him. What were they, a transporter? “Do you think I let just anyone find me here? No. Now, you might have never heard it before, but you are quite special. And I personally would hate to let your potential go to waste because of some tasteless joke.”
That was it. Not pity, not scorn, not condescendence. It was as simple as ‘you deserve better.’ He did deserve better. So he did it.
The potion was thick and oily, and it burned on the way down. It was a mix of spicy and sweet that frankly made him want to throw it right back up. But the vial was small enough that he managed to down the whole thing in a few gulps.
He couldn’t remember anything after that.
---
When Jimmy woke up, the first thought that crossed his mind was that he had to have been buried alive. There was a suffocating weight on top of him, while his body sank heavily on an unstable surface. His chest was impossibly tight, and some horrible, almost painful texture seemed to envelop every inch of his skin.
His skin.
 He bolted upright.
The room Jimmy found himself in felt claustrophobic; not because it was particularly small, but because he fit inside of it. It made him dizzy, like it was too foreign to process. But it wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as what he was feeling.
What was he feeling? It was hard to name it all.
A breeze made its way inside through the ajar window, and he could feel it on his face and shoulders like cold knives. The hairs along his arms stood up, goosebumps seeming to make their way into his very soul. There were no more ball joints, no more creaking, no wood grain — instead, he could faintly she the lines of his veins under pale skin.
He kicked away the covers he was tangled up in. The itchy, heavy thing had so many little loose threads, it felt like bugs crawling up his legs. The mattress was no better: his weight made it shift under him; he was almost sure it would swallow him up.
Jimmy touched his face to find that he could feel his own stubble, the lack of hinges on his jaw — it felt so loose, so free that he feared it would somehow fall from his skull. Pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes felt weird. His cracked lips, glued together from sleep, also felt weird. His hair— gods, it was so smooth! The knots were less like fraying yarn and more like he just hadn’t washed it in a few days.
His chest was wrapped in the most uncomfortable bandages possible. They were tight, rough, and Jimmy could feel every last fibre digging into his sides. But he could still run his fingers over his own ribs, touch his own stomach — it was squishy, not like cotton filling, but like flesh.
From the tip of his toes to the top of his head, he was flesh and bones and skin. And gods, he could feel it all — there was so much more surface to feel than he remembered! If he didn’t know any better, he would say he was about to combust.
He laughed in disbelief, only to immediately hug himself when it startled him; since when did his voice vibrate so much? Why was he so hot, yet so cold? So heavy? Why did his skin feel like it was melting underneath his fingers? Why was the sun so blinding, the room so small, the shifting of the bed so loud? Why was his chest even tied up, it didn’t have enough space to breathe—
“Woah there, let’s not do that.” A formless voice ringed in his ears.
Rough hands took hold of his wrist, and Jimmy pulled away like they burned him. His nails had dug bloody marks into his arms.
“Come on, deep breaths,” the owner of said hands told him. They sounded oddly close by, but Jimmy couldn’t bring himself to look at anything other than his own knees. “Yes, like that. Everything is fine, you just gotta readjust to it. Take your time”
He took in air that didn’t quite seem to fill his lungs. Without making a sound, someone closed the window and drew the curtains, cutting that cold breeze and bright light. It became easier to focus on the sting of the bruises he had produced, clinging to himself to confirm they were there.
A new weight dipped the mattress beside him and a mass of greys, browns and whites invaded his vision. Norman stared at him, sniffed at his hand, but was kind enough to not jump on him. If anything, the cat seemed suspicious.
Jimmy cleared his throat; it gave him a headache. But he was smiling fondly. Norman was so... tiny, like a kitten. Had he always been that small? His owner at times thought of him as an impromptu horse, tall and strong. He was a fluffy little thing.
“Hey, big man,” Jimmy murmured hoarsely, surprising himself with his own tone. Raising a hesitant hand, he caressed the cat’s waiting head and promptly melted.
He had forgotten what it was like to run his hand through Norman’s soft fur, to bend down and place a kiss on his little forehead. He’d forgotten the warm weight of the animal on his lap — or his own weight, for that matter. To make the floorboards creak under him, to leave a dip in the bed, to cast a long shadow on a wall. Oh, it was horrendous, too much at once — yet it was every fantastic bit like he had longed for.
“I’m not a toy.” He could shout it from the rooftops. Instead, he let out a wet and true laughter into Norman’s fur. He didn’t even realise he had started crying. “I’m not a toy.”
The wizard observed ominously. They left him a glass of water before exiting the room without a word.
For the first time in years, his own blood underneath his nails and sweat running down his back, Jimmy was alive.
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buppypuppy · 4 months
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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transmechanicus · 1 year
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It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.
#my stuff#i tried everything this weekend and nothing is healing my Existential Ambivalence#like i know i cooked and i saw friends and i did my hobbies and normally i'd be proud of myself for all that but i just...don't care#i wanna call out sick or something tomorrow. I'm worried about my finances and i genuinely think im gonna have to move somewhere cheaper#like i was expecting my tax return to offset the slow bleed of money from my savings each month and that Is Not Happening#And its not like i have any way to Make More Money#bc im a grad student and we're contractually prevented from doing so#So that means i'll need to move when my lease is up this summer and i really don't fucking want to#i like where i live i just wish it wasn't so goddamn expensive on rent#even like $200 cheaper would be world changing for me#but no instead i gotta look at my bills after power and car insurance and food and be like oops guess i lost $100 this month#and god forbid i get coffee or eat out in the cheapest way possible bc somehow that adds up to like $100 the second i look away#im sick of being anxious about this!! im not eating enough as it is!!#i also don't wanna get a fucking roommate bc i don't want someone in a space i've come to consider my own#like sorry but im transgender do not fucking look at me stranger#so the only real solution is to move and that's such a fucking hassle and it doesn't solve the problem now and i just want this to get bettr#i wish all students a very $2000 raise forever#and all landlords a very Scrooge Moment that makes you cut my rent in half#ave omnissiah
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pumpkinwastaken · 3 months
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Lill reflection but at the start of the year i gave myself some goals to work towards. Heres what i've achieved of those goals! -Gained weight! I'm so happy to no longer be underweight and have some softness to my body now! -more hair! Yay for hairs! (now to figure out what to do with it) -i wanted to become stronger, which i think i achieved starting my current job, like. I have to lift so many heavy things every day!
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very-uncorrect · 3 months
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bitches be like "why do I feel hungry" when they haven't eaten anything all day
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loving my mp3 player right now. little personal music box. effervescent
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emile-hides · 1 year
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I need to write this down for me for my brain but I found the exact moment Laxus realized he’s in love with Freed and probably immediately asked him out very bluntly because he seems like the kinda guy to just say stuff like it’s no big deal and I’m putting it under the Read More because I screen capped a lot of stuff leave me alone
Episode 225 (Season 7, Episode 50) Lighting Man
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There right there Laxus told Freed to contain the explosion, we Do Not see Freed move until after Laxus has launched his attack, and yet he still managed to write a protective inscription and contain the blast. “You’re quick on your feet, as always” says Laxus.
I say it’s this moment here is Laxus’ romantic awakening he was already aware he was gay but he just didn’t think he was really into anyone at the moment until right here and probably on their way back Laxus says very casually he and Freed should go out, giving the rest of the Thunder Legion a heart attack.
I take this as my proof because two episodes later is the first time we see Laxus acknowledging and even permitting Freed’s gentle romantic advances;
Episode 227 (Season 7, Episode 52) Morning of a New Adventure
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“I’d be happy to scrub your back for you.”
“Huh? Sure. Why not.”
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“You sure are in a good mood, Freed”
“Sure that has nothing to do with how close you are to Laxus.”
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“Please let me work in peace”
“Rub it good, ya hear?”
“With pleasure!”
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“Get every last inch of my body too” (in direct mirror to the Lesbian flirting they can hear over the wall from Flare Corona whomst I also love)
Oh my fuckin god these bitches fucking gay good for them good for them - Bickslow witnessing Laxus be affectionate for the very first time live
This is all to say up until this episode Laxus more than avoided Freed’s affections (though in my mind not on purpose I don’t think he really Got It) like turning him down for a dance at the King’s Banquet
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and you know. Having on screen interactions like this
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It took 7 and a half seasons but congrats Laxus and Freed are together finally.
#Fairy Tail#Laxus Dreyar#Freed Justine#wait shoot what's their ship name oop#I mean does it matter this anime came out in 2009 I'm posting screencaps of the 2014 season with English dub quotes#Anyway this is my stance and I'm sticking to it and I'm so happy for them FINALLY BOYS#My take on Laxus is he's smarter than the average Fairy Tail man but for equivalent echange he doesn't understand people like at all#Including himself he doesn't know his own emotions a good 80% of the time#Full of Autism that one#Me being nosy in my Grandson's love life#Bickslow my guy my dude I love your face please show it more unrelated to the gays your besties with lemme see your face my man#Also can I just say this was a suprisingly chill scene for a bath scene in a fanservice anime???#Yeah they did the Girls comparing bust sizes joke all anime do#But also I got to see Warren and Flare and honestly it was very chill and we really only ever saw the girls shoulders up#So suprisingly tame for what Fairy Tail normally gives us#Considering in this season is when the slow pan of the Pin Up full pieces started for the outtros#.....#I'm reconizing now the reason I like Freed so much other than him being my favorite type of anime boy canonically Gay and Overthinks#Is that he makes the same In Love face as Juvia my dearest baby girl#The :>#Juvia's is more often :<#but same eyes and general vibe they are so stupid in love my god my god#Anyway this has been my Need to say words at a void post#Please keep sending me asks about Fairy Tail characters my brain is running miles with this program
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audiovisualrecall · 1 year
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When you decide to wear a shirt you last wore ~2 years ago and you realize it doesn't fit anymore
and it's cause u got too buff just from hefting 20-50 lbs of boxes/bags/boards/etc around 5 days a week for 3 yrs
:O
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grimgummiesart · 10 months
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Every time I draw Dia she gets slightly more buff istg
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pidgeyatto · 1 year
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[ morty ]. gives treats and pets to yamper before even acknowledging falkner-
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IT'S HIS SECOND DAD!!!!! He's giving him treats, and lovings, and--
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Falkner watches as Sparky jumps up, quite literally throwing himself into Morty's arms, barking for more affection. He smiles to himself, as he approaches the both of them.
"He really likes you."
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heirloommtomatoes · 1 year
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me when i was a cis lesbian saying that people who are bisexual and nonbinary are probably the pinnacle of human existence 🤝 me now being bisexual and nonbinary
#it's so weird changing your labels tho. why is that#like i'm bi! and i think i always...KNEW that to a degree?#me identifying as lesbian was wrapped up in a lot of things. the situationship i was in at the time lmao. me not being in a relationship#w a man or anything really for the first time in a long time and getting to think myself in a diff way.#and i don't love talking about it bc optically it just sounds like. okay so boohoo. LOL#but it's interesting on a personal level to like...#now i'm a person who looks v cis woman right.#and is in a relationship w a cis man#so it's like. i'm straight? optically.#and it's? idk it's odd but it's not? like *I* know how i feel about my sexuality and gender#but i'm like. am i still 'queer enough'?#OR ANYTHING* LOOOL I MEAN ANYONE**** i just noticed that oops#think about* myself#but the thing for me is this.#being treated like a straight woman? yuck sucks hate it#and i love my partner's family i really do! and i love my family! but it's so odd sort of being treated like i'm straight now#by ppl who aren't queer and aren't my partner lol he gets it#but i'm glad i typed this out bc i was paranoid i was like oh gdddd am i having another crisis#but this feels right. i just hate being treated like a straight woman when i'm neither of those things#and my PARTNER knows that#and it's not like i even want ppl to do anything differently really tbh! but all this talk of like. oh like so now you get married#and have kids. and i'm like. yeah i see that for myself w this person. but the way ppl talk about it i'm like.....#yuck! like yes that sounds lovely sure i would love to spend my life with a raise a family with this person!#but not as a straight woman! lol! and idk how to articulate it i really truly don't! hmm.#ellie yodels
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astrxealis · 1 year
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did you know i love my friends so much.
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i met 3+ people this year and i think those 3 i can already call best friends... they are all a lil bit similar to each other and to me and#my twin but we differ too in obvious ways and it's just so beautiful to me!#i like how they come from different walks of life! makes me really feel like i'm maturing and growing up even if that's something i don't#necessarily like either but also i won't be getting into that rn oops. uhm anyways!#i love them all a lot !!!#matching bracelets with my group of 4 for 6+ years now... we've been thru some rough patches but i love them so much!#rn i mostly just have problems w one but it's likely bcs she's in the next year compared to us all. early in the next year but yeah#hehehe <3 OH and also matching necklaces kinda !!! morse code ^___^ we all don't know what's written tho hehe#but yeah matching bracelets w our names ... mwa. love them sm#the other friend met early this year! it was my first experience meeting someone so similar to me and my twin so it meant a lot#i think i'm comfy just being my self w them in the same way i am w my twin bcs 1. they are a guy so i don't have to act uhh in a kinda#way i have to do w one of the friends in my group of 4? not that i'm faking that but it's more freeing! so yeah. we already talked about#our world beliefs and philosophies early in our meeting so that was weirdly uh. central to how we're just comfy#they're a bit diff to me and i can tell in what ways and i kinda don't see eye-to-eye on some topics but i kinda like that i'm trying to be#mature about that! like w adult relationships that i examine but oops won't get into that rn#the other friend!! differs from the other two in that they're the only one who has priorly played ffxiv even if one did character#customization a long time ago and we got em into playing. n the other is about to soon hopefully but otherwise hm i forgot prior to that#THOUGH THOSE TWO. may not have been into ffxiv but DRAKENIER! and those two knew gbf for a while but apparently it was ultimately me/twin#who got em into it finally as far as i'm concerned!! the other is interested too hehe so that all means a lot to me!!#i think it's really funny that. me and lune w em. it's all just a group of 3 EHWHDKJS. altho 2 do know each other#and tbh thx to twt they all might know each other to some extent bcs of my interactions :O ? hmm. just a tad bit tho!#yeah and so the last one... i can see how similar we are but also how we differ and it is very interesting !!!#fun fact the three all like stuff similar to milgram ig ?? two actually do but the other doesnt but hopefully soon but they do like deco*27#yeah ...... !! so anyways yeah it's rlly nice w the last one too bcs it feels like i can really talk to em abt stuff?#i dont really do so often yet but i'd def be comfy w doing so i think. NOT THAT I AM NOT W THE OTHER TWO but it's a lil more ?? !!#i lov that all my closest friends though are into music and video games!! the way that it is differs for us all and that is beautiful tbh#OH. right. i almost forgot i am so sorry#the 4th person i didnt reallt meet this year but we did got closer this year. !!! from xiv#from all of em i actually reallt did just meet them by yk. in game! no similarities were known and it was kinda nice just getting to know
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