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amplesalty · 5 years

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Day 14 - Monster Brawl (2011)

Talk about your Halloween Havoc...

Through my watching of House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula, I pined for an all out fight between all the big hitters; Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, The Wolf Man...but it never really came to pass.

Luckily, someone in Canada foresaw my need and even sprinkled a lot of Pro Wrestling into the mix. Quite frankly, I’m surprised it’s taken me as long as it has to do this one.

The action takes place in a graveyard and is presented pretty much as a wrestling show rather than some sort of narrative movie.

Oddly, the commentator, Buzz, has the same sort of cadence as Howard Cosell. AKA the commentator in the Olympics flashback in The Simpsons when Drederick Tatum is doing a triumphant turkey trot over the supine Swede.

I was expecting a big tournament but instead it’s separated out into two conferences; Undead and Creatures. 4 fighters in each, two of which are classed as Middleweights and two as heavyweights. The winning middleweights instantly become the champions of that conference in their weight class, whereas the heavyweights go on to face each other to decide a grand champion. That’s not a very deep roster there guys.

Here’s the card:

Undead Conference

Middleweight – Mummy vs Lady Vampire

Heavyweight – Frankenstein vs Zombie Man

Creature Conference

Middleweight – Cyclops vs Witch Bitch

Heavyweight – Swamp Gut vs Werewolf

At least they’re quite progressive in having intergender matches. I’m going for Mummy over Lady Vampire and Frankenstein over Zombie in the Undead category. The Mummy I think wont be affected much by the vampires attacks, Frankenstein I think will have a bit more about him than the Zombie.

I guess it comes down to the prowess of this individual zombie. I mean, you have perhaps the most notable and successful zombie ever in The Undertaker, if it’s anything like him then he’s a shoe in.

But there have been other zombies who haven’t been quite so successful...

Then I’m going with Witch Bitch and Werewolf on the Creature side. Can the witch use magic? What powers to Cyclops even have? Or Swamp Gut for that matter? He’s sort of like a messier Creature from the Black Lagoon. Werewolf I think will take it overall.

All fights are to the death and there all no rules. Probably for the best, I can’t imagine you’d have a good time trying to tell the Frankenstein monster that he has until the count of 5 to break his submission.

Of course, the biggest supernatural being here is Jimmy Hart. I’m sure that guy has a painting in an attic somewhere growing old in his place.

Jimmy’s interviewing the promoter and frankly looks bored throughout. What kind of universe is this that these monsters exist and the idea of them having this big fight is dull?

The pre-match video packages for Cyclops and Witch Bitch almost make them sympathetic to a degree. The Cyclops feels a little like Mortal Kombat as he gets a mysterious invitation to the contest. Cyclops talks about his beef with Hades, having entered a pact with him to gain the power to see the future but at the cost of one of his eyes. Witch Bitch is looked down and even spit upon until she is approached by a manager who needs a client for the big event. They talk up the Cyclops training and fighting background whilst the Witch is made out to be a total novice so I sense shenanigans.

Witch Bitch interestingly is played by Holly Letkeman, who would go on to be TNA’s Rosemary.

I meant more like magic spells or something but the witch starts out early by kicking the Cyclops in the balls. Referee is having none of this but doesn’t give two shits about Cyclops using his smithing hammer to smash witch in the face. Rod Zapata wouldn’t have stood for this.

Witch Bitch doesn’t care for this favouritism and promptly slashes the ref’s throat with a rusty cleaver. Geez, most ref’s get knocked by a stiff breeze, I think throat slashing was a step too far.

Speaking of Mortal Kombat, in amongst the commentary there are little voice clips like ‘AWESOME’ or ‘FANTASTIC’. I’m just waiting for someone to pop up and shout ‘TOASTY!’.

By the way, the answer to the question of what Cyclops’ powers are? Fucking optic blasts. OP, nerf now. The witch’s manager tries to get his heat back but promptly gets his head uppercutted off.

For Mummy vs Vampire, thinking about it now, does The Mummy have the tools to kill a vampire? I mean, he’ll need some sunlight or a stake to the heart. Not feeling it.

That’s no Mummy, that’s clearly THE YETAY!

That pendant is some sort of artifact capable of summoning sunlight so it looks like Mummy might stand a chance.

But it’s evidently not powerful enough as the vampire fights back and rips the heart right out of the Mummy’s chest.

The Swamp Gut does have this toxic spit attack which could be quite bad if he manages to use it but I don’t know how he’ll fare out of his watery home.

A home documented in some sort of faux nature documentary, that’s kinda cute, especially the fake David Attenborough.

You know, everyone really loved ‘The Planet’s Champion’ Daniel Bryan but he clearly ripped it off from this movie. Shameful.

The commentators make a point of how deadly the toxic spit can be and warn that the Werewolf doesn’t want to get into any close quarter combat. Aside from the fact that that’s pretty much all the Werewolf has, he clearly wasn’t listening as he opens up by going for a headlock. That’s the problem with this all out, fight to the death monster jamboree, you can’t open a death match with a corner and elbow tie up.

Turns out that tocix spit wasn’t nearly as deadly as they made out as the werewolf shrugs it off. Swamp Gut gasses out like he was Yokozuna and has his stomach exploded by a top rope splash.

In Frankenstein vs Zombie, I’m now thinking maybe there’s a slight edge for the zombie. They’re both generally quite slow, shuffiling beings but I’m not sure if the Frankenstein monster has that killer edge. It make take him a while to cotton on to what’s happening, plus his structural integrity might come into question. We all know zombies like to bite, it could start ripping off all those loosely stitched together limbs. Plus the zombie was trained by Kevin Nash, clearly he’s going all the way in this thing.

Nash ends up giving the Monster that killer edge he needs by way of killing the Doc via hatchet to the back. To be fair, he started it by smashing the zombie in the head with a wrench. After a touching ‘father and son’ moment in the death throws of the Doc, The Monster hulks up and curb stomps the zombie into oblivion.

The zombie gets some small measure of revenge as his death somehow signals all the other corpses in the graveyard to raise from their grave. The Monster just growls and scares them off so they settle on eating Nash instead. 2011 wasn’t the best year for Nash, that being the time he invaded the Summer of Punk (”Would you like to see the text message on my telephone?”) and ended up in that ladder match with HHH.

The werewolf has become something of a defacto face here, talking about how monsters took everything from him and now he’s out for his revenge. The Monster has reverted to some sort of angry foreigner gimmick. Looking at this from a purely logical point of view, I’m not seeing how Frankenstein can stop the Werewolf if he needs a silver bullet to do it.

Apparently by just tearing his skull apart like King Kong with that T-Rex. Bullshit! Monster Squad clearly taught us that the werewolf’s head should just re-assemble at this point.

But, like all good wrestling shows, you need to setup your hook for your next big event. So the lights go out and out comes Zombie Kevin Nash to Wrestlemania IX things and go face to face with the Monster! Given that the Monster is billed at 8 feet tall and that Nash goes nose to nose with him, the wrestling world has been underselling him the entire time.

Nash rips the belt from the Monster’s shoulder and stomps on it in an act of defiance and disrespect not seen since Shane Douglas threw down the old NWA title back in 94.

And like something out of a Rocky movie, the two go to punch each other as we freeze frame to black. There was no sequel...

I feel like this is stuck in this awkward middle ground, too much monster for a wrestling show and too much wrestling for a monster movie. I don’t think presenting it as a straight up wrerstling show helped either, possibly down to the surroundings. There’s just no spark to it, without the crowd involvement it just feels hollow. Whilst it’s fun to poke fun at it, it doesn’t really reach the level of cheese I was expecting.

I get what they were going for with the graveyard set and everything but I think that having a more narrative driven feel would have worked better. Maybe talk about how business has been in the toilet and, to try and grab ratings, they capture these monsters and have them fight in actual arenas with real crowds. Maybe the monsters break loose and attack the fans, only for the big babyface to swoop in and save the day.

How about a Hulk Hogan movie? He’s probably not done too much acting in a while and we all know how he likes to go over, brother, there’d be something fun about seeing him giving the big boot and big leg drop to the Franksenstein monster.

Or, and there is no way you’d ever get this cleared, have the monsters closer to actual real wrestlers. Gangrel as the vampire, that’s a given. But you could have the re-animated corpse of Chris Benoit as the zombie. Maybe stitch together The Monster from all these other dead wrestlers to great some sort of super wrestler that inherits all of their abilities?

But clearly what let this down was the workrate of all involved. It’s just kick/punch the entire time. And where was the selling? Guys are getting hit with tombstones, I mean literal tombstones and not piledrivers, and they’re just popping right back up like they’re one of the Road Warriors. Who taught these guys to sell? They’re greener than Frankenstein’s Monster.

#Halloween 2019 #Monster Brawl

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drink-n-watch · 5 years

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Genre: Sports!, comedy, school, drama

Episodes: 24

Studio: GONZO

People think sumo is all about girth. The biggest guy wins! And as usual, people are all wrong. Sumo is a delicate art and wrestlers take their strength from their spirit. Ok, delicate is not the right word. Art may not be the right word either. Forget that sentence. Point is, it’s not about the guy with the biggest body but the guy with the biggest spirit and Hinomaru has the hugest spirit ever. Of course, your body still needs to be at least 173cm in height to make it to the professionals but who cares about little things like rules and empirical measurements. As long as you can wrestle with your whole heart, everything else will fall in place. Right?

Hinomaru sumo is an anime that caught my eye as soon as it was announced. Not only was it in my beloved Sports! genre, but the novelty of exploring the world of sumo, a field I know absolutely nothing about, made it even more interesting. I went in with cautiously good expectations. I figured it would be a nice distraction that may get a bit boring in places but generally would provide me with all my beloved genre tropes. It’s always odd when you get surprised by getting exactly what you expected.

yup, this is how I figured it would go!

One of the aspects that may turn off some viewers is the art style. By necessity, character models are fairly squat and large. A sumo wrestler build is very peculiar and when you try to illustrate it in street clothes, you end up with a lot of people looking like their wearing mascot suits. It takes a bit of getting used to after all those delicate and elongated characters I’ve gotten used to watching. But that’s not a bad thing. It really added some individuality to the series and a touch of realism that made me feel much more connected to the world of sumo than I would have been otherwise.

Also, to quote the show itself, no one looks cool in a mawashi belt. I’m a child, I know, but I found myself giggling at the costumes for way longer than I care to admit. But that silliness was appreciated and the show treats the entire world of sumo with a lot of respect and a touch of playful chiding, that can only come from an author that truly loves the sport.

Much like boxing, sumo is a fairly anaerobic sport. There’s a lot of standing around or grappling that involves little movement and the ring itself is rather small. As such the series does not feature much spectacular animation but I did appreciate the attention to physics during matches. Art consistency was quite good as well. So, although I can’t say the animation was spectacular to watch, it was well done.

If there is one thing, I can fault the visuals of Hinomaru Sumo for, it’s the lack of variety. There are very few costumes and the mawashi belts worn for both practice and matches are very similar from one team to the next (yes there are sumo teams). Moreover, there were very few backgrounds. Going over 24 episodes worth of screencaps it looked like all of them could have come from the same one or two episodes at most. That’s how similar everything looked. The weird part is, I didn’t really notice much as I was watching the show.

better get used to this view

And the reason I didn’t notice is because Hinomaru sumo is a very good Sports! anime with everything that entails. What I mean here is that the series tightly follows the generic Sports! anime template (except that the title is missing an exclamation point). Hinomaru himself is the prototypical genre protagonist, right down to his boundless enthusiasm and love for the sport, and his diminutive stature. The supporting cast is made up of the usual archetypes as are the rival teams. No one is unusual enough to merit being singled out and if you’ve watched a lot of series in the genre, you will recognize all these characters.

The structure and evolution of the series are pretty much the same as well. Little underdog team that has to start from the bottom and prove itself while relying on a single start player. Lots of practices and an early upset leading up to a multi-episode tournament arc. Strip out the details and you can apply the broad strokes of the plot to dozens of other shows. Even the rhythm and humour are exactly what you would expect.

Really the only novelty is the fact that it deals with the rarely represented world of sumo wrestling. Which is absolutely bonkers by the way. I still can’t get over the fact that it’s an openweight division. Meaning that theoretically, competitors can over a 100lbs difference. How can this be even remotely safe? I don’t think it is. Even in animated form, it was a little scary to watch. Sorry, I started rambling a bit there. Point is, sumo is rather interesting and if you don’t know anything about it, this anime is a very good introductory course.

bet you didn’t know masks are used in sumo

But let me get back to this review thing I was doing. I just spent a whole lot of time telling you that Hinomaru sumo was “just” your basic sports anime. Now let me tell you what that means. I was planning on watching an episode or two of this show in the evenings and combining it with something that has a deeply interesting story but needs to be spaced out a bit. I figured I would watch the Garden of Sinners movies throughout or start Mushishi. I was convinced that Hinomaru sumo would simply not be stimulating enough to sit through 24 episodes in a row.

And this is where I was wrong. I devoured this show. I couldn’t put it down. Sure, part of that is due to the pleasant familiarity of the narrative construct and my own inclination towards Sports! tropes. I found it comforting and fun. But it’s also really well paced, never lingering too long on any particular confrontation or set back, easily sweeping you up at the moment. I found myself cheering for those boys in earnest. Sure, they may have been a bit stereotypical. Yes, most of them have paper thin motivations and only one or two traits to form their personalities but heck, they are endearing. I haven’t enjoyed a Sports! series this much in a long time. So if you like the genre for something other than the bishies, then you should not skip Hinomaru sumo. It will remind you of the fun Sports! can bring.

Oh, and before I forget, do yourself the pleasure of listening to the second OP and pay special attention to the lyrics.

youtube

Favourite character: Takani Shiho!

What this anime taught me: Everything I know about sumo

When life gives you lemons, ask for sal and Tequilla

Suggested drink: Sumo in a Sidecar

Every time anyone makes a philosophical sumo themed speech – take a sip

Every time anyone mentions “nationals” – think about the Glee episode of Community

Every time Reina cares about her brother, a lot – raise an eyebrow

Every time Chihiro laughs – take a sip

Every time anyone says “Yokozuna” – get a snack

Every time Kirihito has scary shiny glasses – gulp

Every time we see the kitty – take a sip

Every time Hinomaru is on fire – get some water

Every time they have unusual training drills – stretch

Every time Kei loses a match – booooo

Every time Kei wins a match – finish our drink

Every time anyone is or could be a “national treasure” – take a sip

Every time anyone says “spirit” – blink

I’m still trying to find the best way to share my screencaps with all of you. So far having most of them on imgur (here) and a little sampling in the post seems to be the most practical way to go. Let me know if you have a better suggestion.

Also, let me know if you watched Hinomaru sumo. It’s a little show with a big heart and I think it deserves better than to be completely ignored.

Hinomaru Sumo – An Open Weight Challenge Genre: Sports!, comedy, school, drama Episodes: 24 Studio: GONZO People think sumo is all about girth. The biggest guy wins!

#anime #comedy #drama #Hinomaru Sumo #School #Sports!

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