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happy-mokka · 1 day

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Happy birthday to me!!! 🎂

Yeah. Hi. It's me. Middle-aged Aziraphale fangirl did his next big step in the direction of the big 50.

Wahooooo! Not really…

I hate my birthdays. Always did. Even as a child.

Now as this middle-aged queerish-dude I am still having a hard time, standing in the middle of things and being cheered on by others.

I was born. Great. Get along, people, nothing to see here. Can you all just go home please?

"Well, what the f*ck are you doing here then, right now, with this post, in the middle of an internet platform in front of a bunch of strangers?!?"

some of you might ask. And rightly so, I must add.

Way more than 12 hours before - it is now past 10 pm in Germany - so this morning after I woke up to be exact, I had seriously contemplated the possibility to call in sick on my birthday, and hide myself from the world, quietly sobbing on my couch. For the first time in my working life of 24 years. I had always been to work on my birthdays. No exception.

But the past months had been hard. I never really felt in control of things, still don't. Those who know me closer, know that I like to be in control. Always a plan at hand. Always prepared…

Only that it didn't really work out…hasn't for quite a long time. I just never admitted it to myself. Always kept on going. My family was always good in repressing things.

Don't show weakness. Keep on functioning. What will the others think? People depend on you!

My family also never really considered me being "a success story" by their standards. I am unmarried. Don't have children. No big career. Ok, I've put enough on the side to live a financial solid life in a nice appartment. But the first part really nagged at them, and through them at me.

So I was already unhappy for quite some time.

Together with an ongoing above-average and ever growing work-load at the office, this feeling of unhappiness turned slowly into dread and then deep sadness, until I felt close to breaking with the beginning of today.

Now, almost 15 hours later, I am here, writing this sappy stuff and am genuinely happy for the first time in months.

"What changed?"

Well, I was thinking about this a lot in the past hour. While sitting in the bus and later while walking home.

Honestly? Nothing really changed.

I got my eyes opened and my perspective adjusted by someone very dear to me. That's what friends are for, and she is the best of them. My bestie.

She is the one who got me addicted to Good Omens last year and pushed me onto this hellsite. She brought me Doctor Who and the Tardis (yeah, I know, shame on me, coming so late to the game…). She makes me constantly re-think my opinions and keeps opening new windows to look through on things I had missed or never noticed before. She is challenging me on a daily basis to be more than I normally would go for or did for many years. She became the closest friend I have ever had in my life. Sure, I know lots of people a lot longer in years. Some since Kindergarten. But none of them digged themselves so deep into the darkest corners of my soul. Places not even my brother or my parents ever got to see. She made me, a life long rather shy introvert, open up, despite the fact that she is even more introverted than I have ever been. I still don't fully understand all of it, but here I am, writing all this to an unknown audience, as proof. A year ago, this wouldn't have been possible, not even in my wildest dreams.

"So, you didn't realize this before?"

I did. It just got pushed aside by all the negative spiralling. Sometimes you don't see, what's right in front of you.

After work, I walked her home. I like doing that. Sometimes talking all the way. Sometimes just walking in silence side by side. At her place she handed me 2 presents and just like that, it clicked. Sometimes, it doesn't take much, if it comes from the heart…

People, meet my new Michael Sheen mug!!!

So, we basically bonded over Good Omens and as faith would have it, we are exactly Aziraphale (me) and Crowley (her) coded. 100%.

It makes me beyond happy, knowing that everytime I'll sip my coffee with my beloved Sheeny, on the other end of town she will sip her hot cocoa out of her corresponding new David Tennant mug.

Good Omens was not the only thing we found out to have in common. The common ground sometimes is really breathtaking and we still regularly stumble over new things it contains. So many things that we equally love. Books, movies, music, long walks, just sitting there in silence and taking in a beautiful view… On the other hand, we are so different in so many aspects, but with the feeling of it rather complementing than dividing us.

She loves to chrochet, I can't even hammer a nail strait into a sponge. Speaking of which, meet my 2nd gift: Audrey!!!!!!!!!

We watched "Little shop of Horrors" (the 1986 version with Rick Moranis) a few weeks ago. Both for the first time. Loved it. I immediately fell for "Audrey", the flesh-eating alien plant. Didn't speak anything out loud, still it didn't go unnoticed…and, yes, it is hand-made!!!

*sigh*

"So, what am I trying to say here?"

Good qestion…

Life can be cruel. Life will be hard at times. It will make you cry, like, a lot.

Try to not go through all this alone. Sometimes those that you least expect it from, turn out to become your anchor in the stormy sea or the lighthouse showing you the way. Build your own little family of friends (even if its just one). Hold them tight, once you found them. Love them with all that's in you. You will get it back ten fold.

To quote the great Neil Gaiman:

Why?

L🥰ve!

@uncleadelheid-will-eat-your-soul , thanks for being all that for me, little introverted geeky metal edgelord office girl, and thanks for enduring my annoying love for bad jokes and even worse puns…

P.S.: Sorry btw for the storm, lighthouse, anchor metaphors with you hating all that's related to the dark blue sea…I still didn't edit them out…maybe we'll be getting there. At least I left out fishy fish…

🐟🐠🐡🦈🌊🦑

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psalmlover · 5 months

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and yet we dance!

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kyleemclauren · 2 years

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Twothirds Is Enough

A clique of 0.0000015% of the country is going to just unilaterally declare major human rights illegal in this country? Oh fuck no.

Fuck the supreme court. Fuck all politicians. I want a direct vote on everything, and if that vote reaches supermajority support it should be law. Two thirds, 66%, is the threshold for Byzantine fault tolerance, the mathematically strongest guarantee that a decision is the vote of The People in the presence of interference. Higher thresholds are completely unnecessary in a representative democracy.

69% of Americans want Roe to stay. That should make it law.

68% of Americans believe that marijuana should be legal. That should make it legal.

*89%* of Americans support raising the minimum wage. Why hasn't it been raised?

76% of Americans believe that members of Congress should be barred from owning shares in the publicly traded companies that they regulate. I think we know why *that* hasn't been passed!

We're not divided, not really. We are controlled by oligarchs deciding what we are *allowed* to vote on. No more. Votes for everything! Twothirds is enough!

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Update (2022-06-24): Well, it looks like six people have overruled hundreds of millions of people and revoked our federal abortion rights. Gee, it would sure be useful if there were some automatic mechanism for The People to tell the unaccountable god kings their opinions have been rejected!

These examples need to be made into a coherent list - I’ve started a side blog to track twothirds support polls. Please send any national polls with >66% agreement to @two-thirds, especially if the mainstream media pretends the position is “controversial.”

Even though the entire system is broken, we *can* come together to make decisions. Under twothirds, we can begin to clean up the pieces.

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Update (2022-07-07): Uh oh! Looks like England is down a government! Would you like a free one?

#politicians #us politics #supreme court #roe #politics #twothirds #twothirds is enough #twothirds party #abortion #optimistic

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positivelypresent · 1 month

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Make room for delight.

#sheer delight #delightful #positivelypresent #quotes #optimistic #optimism #positive affirmations #be positive #stay positive

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kantrixex · 1 year

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I use to think I was weak because of how hard it is some days for me to get out of bed. But as I daily used all of my willpower to simply get a glass of water, I found that I am unbelievably strong. Despite my mind working full-time against me, I'm able to defy and conquer it. Despite the voice yelling at me to give up daily, I push on. And that's no small thing to accomplish.

#self love #motivation #mental health #mental health awareness #youcandoit #optimistic #you are valid #self acceptance #self care

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odinsblog · 11 months

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Block party

#block party #brooklyn #nyc #i love my people #blacklivesmatter #sounds of blackness #i love us #optimistic #black culture

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in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine · 4 months

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#creative #curious #helpful #empathetic #compassionate #passionate #determined #resourceful #resilient #optimistic

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fxck · 1 year

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#fxck #coffee #optimism #optimistic #optimist

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theoddsideofme · 3 months

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#that’s me #thumbs up #optimistic #optimism #vintage postcards #weird #👍🏻#okay 👍🏻

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thegirlwholivesin-delusion · 6 months

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#twitter #lol #memes #so true #that's so me #pessimism #pessimistic #pessimist #optimism #optimistic #optimist

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latntransys-world · 2 months

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They didn’t know what you carried and they treated you like you were common and God wanted them to treat you that way because he wanted you to see who they were. Because nothing exposes charter more than the way you treat people you don’t think you need.

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troythecatfish · 1 month

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etteraths · 2 months

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#typography #text #mine #aesthetic #spilled ink #water #sea #ocean #photography #edit #aesthetic blog #blue #positive #optimistic #optimism #healing #recovery

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numenrecords · 6 months

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#nature #travel #escape #just relax #at peace #music #gratitude #chillout #mindfulness #resilience #compassion #mindset #optimistic #forward #keepgoing #alternative #downtempo

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psychology-daily · 1 year

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#psychology #happy #surprise #joyful #confident #optimistic #inspired #hopeful #placeful #loving #open #important #proud

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the-purvashadha · 2 years

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A Gentle Reminder

Don't beat yourself over "not doing your best enough". When we talk about doing "your best" or "our best", it usually means, "the best the person is capable of given their circumstances". It surely does not mean THE BEST, and everyone's 'best' isn't always same. Heck! Even your best may differ from time to time, because circumstances change. That's why be kind to yourself, the way you'd be towards another person trying their best.

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