#or aging them up ONLY for that

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[radiance1]

Damian: [brushing his teeth]

The shadow hanging over his shoulder: [Gets its teeth dangerously close to Damian's shoulder]

Damian: [Shoves a toothbrush into said shadow move and starts brush]

The shadow: [Pauses before starting to let out a contented purr]

Damian then spits out the foam and washes out his mouth, then makes the shadow do the same and then picks out pjs.

Damian: [Currently decided if he should go with the cat, dog, or knife imprinted one]

The shadow: [Starts getting dangerously close to Damian with, toxic green spirals it calls eyes]

Damian: [Throws the dog imprinted one behind him at the shadow and takes the cat imprinted one for himself and tells the shadow to put it on]

The shadow: [Stares at the clothes before hesitantly putting them on before letting out a noise of distress]

Damian: [Turning around to find the shadow somehow stuck in the pjs, lets out a sigh, then starts to help them fit]

Damian then moves over to the bed, he points to one side and tells the shadow to go there. The shadow listens, laying down as Damian also lays down, grabbing the sheets and covering them both.

It barely took a few seconds for the shadow to fall asleep, and Damian stared at it. Damian wasn't quite sure why the shadow of his dead twin was following him, nor why it was even able to and seemed to hide itself from anyone who isn't Damian.

Nobody besides him knew about it, and Damian decided that he liked it. This could have been his younger brother, if the other had survived, and they would have probably been told to fight to the death to decide an heir.

At the very least, that won't ever happen.

Even if his brother was slightly unusual.

===

Danny did not remember much of the before, he remembered people with blurred faces and features, blurred colors. He remembered a lot of colors, then red, then white, then pain.

He doesn't like pain, he believes.

Then he remembered going to sleep, and then he woke up. It was dark and slimy and cramped when he woke up, especially when he realized someone else was in their with him.

Then he fell asleep again, then woke up to that same dark and slimy place, then fell asleep again, all in some weird cycle. Then, moving, and pain.

It hurt, and he was sluggish when it eventually stopped. Then came pain again, and he was asleep.

Then he woke up, again.

He didn't know what was happening, wasn't really aware of too. But he woke up next to the other who was in that dark and slimy with him, and decided he wanted to stay with them.

He wasn't aware enough for most of the things that happened when Damian grew up, but he still stayed regardless, and hide from everyone else.

Danny loves his brother, and he thinks his brother loves him too. Even if he was slightly unusual.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dc x dp crossover #Danny died and reincarnated #After a ruthless amount of experimentation at that #He only vaguely remembers his past life lawl #Anyways Danny was reborn as Damian's twin but was killed because of a birth defect #Then he woke up again as some weird shadow creature and attached himself to Damian #Damian meanwhile isn't quite sure why his brother is still around when he should be dead #But takes care of him regardless of that fact #Even if his brother seemed to move more on instinct with the curiosity of a ten year old despite technically being the same age as him #For the record #Danny ISN'T a halfa here #Since he died he lost that status lawl #Danny is a shadow creature who attached himself to his older brother Damian #Shocker I know #Real different to how I usually have them in my posts huh? #Right Danny still takes the form of a child #A shadowy wispy child but still #He only comes up to Damian's chest lawl but he can fly so it balances out #He also weighs nothing so Damian can just easily pick him up lol

[wittywallflower]

stayed tuned for the next poll where I ask how your knees are doing

#yes I only went up to the age range of the oldest mutual I know I have #75-year-old Tumblr users are welcome to come bitch about me for excluding them #if I know better I can do better #tumblr polls

[isjasz]

[Day 65]

The beginning

Boatem crew for the one piece live action big day!! <3

#dddaily4sherin #grian #pearlescentmoon #goodtimeswithscar #mumbo jumbo #impulsesv #boatem #pirates boatem #pirates smp #my art #hermitblr #one piece reference thumbs up WOOOOOOOOO #i have wanted to draw this pose for ages #tortured myself with the perspective tho i hope it looks ok A #I MISS THEM SM EUHEUHFUEFHEUFEUESAKJDAUELKA #they are so #if only they are happy and together amirite ehasduIFHJEWUIJEOI

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 118

Everyone is freaking out. The titan tower was broken into, no signs of who it was, and Tim- Robin- is missing. There’s blood on the walls, taunting them, implying that Tim is going through agony, and they can’t deal with another dead Robin, they can’t- 

Meanwhile Tim is bemused, maybe a little concussed because that would explain things maybe, as he’s found himself in a living room full of books and there’s a pair of kids too? One is straight up adoption bait- wait no there’s three, with two of them being adoption bait and the third being a redhead. There’s a trio of small children there already playing by the couch he’s been bundled into. 

Where the heck is his mask- or his bo staff or any of his supplies- is that the fucking Red Hood?! No, couldn’t be, must be the concussion, because why would the Red Hood be feeding him a bowl of soup?

#prompts #dcxdp #dpxdc #Jason found lil tiny fenton siblings before he started some of his attacks #Pit latched on just as much as he did #He's a broody halfa whose ghost logic is that Tim is also his baby now #Baby took/shares his Name so therefor is part of his Fright #Is Jason a tad feral? Maybe #Are the rest of them twice as feral? #Oh definitely #Tim might have a concussion and is very confused because last thing he saw was red #Don't worry he didn't get beat up #The blood was a mixture of human and animal #The Pit when Jason is thrown in: Omg a baby #The Pit: My baby now let's go make sure you're healthy by scaring the humans and havin fights #Jason: *confused halfa noises* #Jason: I am an adult but also baby but not too baby to not adopt these smaller babies #De-aged Fenton siblings with only bursts of memories: Yeah that seems about right #Concussed Tim: But I already avoided adoption before.... :(

[finalskies]

Godzilla x Kong is a very silly movie. I kinda love it. Shimo stole my heart. She deserves all the good things now.

#godzilla x kong: the new empire #Shimo #Hidden Cane #I actually completely missed all the marketing for this movie #I didn't even know who the villains were. Only afterwards when I was looking stuff up did I see how they portrayed Shimo as this huge threa #tbf she is but that's not her fault. She has done nothing wrong ever #Who hasn't caused an Ice Age every once in awhile #There is another character that stole my heart but no need to spoil by mentioning them

[mxrtified777]

mixed signals

#my art #hxh #killugon #you thought i would be drawing dnd stuff #but nay. killugon #hunter x hunter #killua zoldyck #gon freecss #aged up to like. 16 ish here #catch me never drawing them only as one specific age #hxh fanart

[spartanlocke]

every time i say tumblr staff (and tumblr itself let's be real) made social media worse by never punishing harassment, allowing people to get comfortable pushing cancel and callout culture so they could harass and dehumanize anyone (especially minorities) they want without ever having to worry about consequences, an attitude they brought with them to other websites like tiktok and twitter after the 2018 porn ban....

This is what I'm talking about. tumblr staff doesn't give a shit if you're stalked and harassed, but if you're a trans woman posting selfies? instant ban.

tumblr staff has NEVER done anything to protect its users, but now they're actively participating in doing the harm.

#jem blogs #tumblr #staff #transphobia #social media #and if all that shit isn't annoying enough i now have to constantly hear about how tumblr Is The Only Good Website Now™ #like no the FUCK it's not #tumblr's been harassing people for fucking ages and now staff is *openly* jumping in on it too #stop trying to revisionize tumblr into your perfect uwu website and acknowledge the bullshit going on right now #and no i'm not saying tumblr invented callout culture obviously the act of digging up dirt on someone to punish them is nothing new #i just say that on the internet? i have pretty good reason to belive tumblr's been doing that longer and more actively than other websites #john green and xkit guy being two of the oldest examples of people being accused of being predators/pedos with no evidence #and having to leave the website to protect themselves

[little-pup-pip]

Colorful Christmas lights!!

#Colored lights are my favorite!! #I grew up with those so i like them better than white #but a white version is coming! #sfw agere #moodboard #sfw interaction only #age regression #agere #sfw littlespace #babyre #agere moodboard #christmas moodboard #christmas lights #Christmas #Christmas now won the poll! #thanks to everyone who voted! #i couldn't decide lol

[ride-a-dromedary]

"Halsin shouldn't be that big or muscular or look middle aged because he's an elf and the lore sa-"

I actually think he should be bigger and look more middle aged, personally.

#BG3 Musing #Halsin Posting #the man has been non-stop stressed for a century like i'm surprised that didn't prematurely age him MORE #i think he *should* have silver hairs peppered throughout from the endless stress he's been under #and be built like a professional strong man with a significant healthy layer of fat because he *hibernates* and is *practically strong* #and because he says he likes sweet things and doesn't find any point in denying himself things he likes #so you're telling me that man is chiseled and cut like an unhealthy bodybuilder? #no i don't think so #'elf lore says-' this game is literally all about curbing your expectations when it comes to what people are 'meant' to be #elf lore says a lot of things that halsin fits *to a t* - his appearance being out of the 'norm' is not a flaw #but it doesn't matter then does it? only when he physically fits the species paradigm? #'that's not how elf aging works!' why not? you've seen how human's age yeah? different people age in different ways #you can line up ten 50 year olds next to one another and not a single one of them will look the same #the thing is that under every single umbrella there is diversity of experience #people will look and age differently from others - that's just how life and genetic diversity *works* #anyway this is a gripe at two different things at once don't mind me

[yardsards]

do people who have listened to taz balance but not graduation Know that it was HEAVILY IMPLIED that lup and barry eventually adopted a lil sorcerer child who got disowned by his family for his natural necromancy magic, and they taught him how to use his powers for good and were overall great parents that he looks back on fondly

(and said child grew up to be a dimension-hopping lich, caretaker of the dead, and very sweet adoptive father of a major npc)

#eliot posts #taz #the adventure zone #taz balance #taz graduation #lup taaco #barry bluejeans #blupjeans #like they never specifically say ''my parents are barry and lup'' so it's left up to interpretation but #he says he came from another world other than nua (nua is the name of the grad world like faerun is the balance world) #he says both his parents were highly skilled necromancers that ''travelled'' a lot because of their work #he says that inter-planar travel runs in the family #and he likes to bake #also travis apparently said on a livestrean that he got something carved by magnus for his daughter #it's a fun little easter egg for balance enjoyers but kept vague enough where it's like. you don't have to know about balance to enjoy it #anyway tho it's adorable cuz he talks about how much of a positive impact his parents made on him #and how he wanted to emulate them when raising his own daughter #and he's a good dad and his daughter loves him (also she is an absolute delight i love her #and like the only older adult to look at our college-aged protagonists and be like #''yeah it's messed up that you have to deal with all of this you're so young you're the same age as my child i will help however i can'' #like balance easter egg aside gordy is one of my fav graduation npcs (behind his daughter rainer who is my fav)

[adriancatrin]

sokka’s gettin that fire dick

(not my jokes, sourced from a reaction vid)

#my art #posting on mobile so god i hope it shows up ok lolll #i’m not a comedy artist so idk if this actually hits like i want it to but oh well #also me + digital :/ #i def should’ve aged them up more but i only thought about it when i was like 3/4 the way thru #eh pretend aang stays short and we’re good for two/three years ahhaha #atla #zukka #avatar the last airbender #sokka #zuko #toph

[askinsufferableprickmod]

thinking about john n davesprite n dave what happens when he finds out its not just a bird dave thing but a dave thing..... the idea hes built up of The Real Dave comes crashing down

like things were def made worse by being stuck together for 3 years with noone else n all of the extra issues davesprite has On top of all the normal dave bs but like, fuuuckkkkkkk

#and like #i havent touched hs2 in ages but just thinking about any post canon thats based on the canon end be it hs2 or not #john interacting with dave #davesprite was the dave he was with for 3 years #the First dave he met... #do you think he thinks about him? #sees davesprites mannerisms in dave #n realizing what a pedestal hed put dave on compared 2 davesprite cus he hadnt seen daves issues up close n personal #years later looking back #after maybe even learning about some of the details of daves fucked up home situation #having the context for some of ds behavior #he was just a kid.... #he was the only beta kid not to make it.... #i just remembered jasprose n was like.. hmm idk if id count her since she shows up so late BUT #SHE DID MAKE IT #ok now im even more upset..... he truly was the only one of them... the one who gave up his identity....... TWICE(counting davepeta as 1 #N THEY DIDNT EVEN MAKE IT SO LIKE) #i am going insane #i am thinking violent thoughts #davesprite #rambles

[1495-gauge]

there's that fucked up three-eyed thing that lives in the woods. whose turn is it to chase it off again??

#submas #submas art #so long story short i cant fucking draw people. i can draw all sorts of beasties but alas the human Face has always eluded me unless im #drawing direct from reference #which simply means. i guess come up with ideas where i get to draw a lot of pokemon and maybe some dude From A Distance #anyway i really like all the like. one of them has to go a little fucking nuts in the woods. aus #submas microwave au #you see a subway boss from far away and his eyes shine like medallions just like his hat pin #in the naked twilight of a snowy night where everything glows and nothing is truly dark #and maybe he's got a mega concussion and amnesia #get adopted by creatures. idiot #submas ingo #i just feel like in an age and era where 'unusual/strange human' = dog thats going to maul my face #that this would. not go well yk #ft his little clown shoes. theyre so funny to me. little as in honkin big #loud booming calls in a language known only to it. even the zoroark seem to shun it #taking a mockery of its shape and trying to chase it down #though some in turn embrace it #seen especially commonly with ghost pokemon #perhaps its a ghost itself? #whatever it is. its not allowed in camp

[yennao]

Decided this place doesn’t have an Older Danny that’s fucked up enough. I need him heavier on the ice powers. I took it upon myself to start cookin.

Here’s a 28 yo, depressed, technically homeless, absolutely miserable ghost who continues to protect amity park with the same love he always has.

#danny #danny phantom #danny fenton #Older Danny #aged up characters #aged up au #aged up Danny Phantom #he’s almost 30 #He has not been enjoying these 14 years #He’s exhausted #he can’t keep a job #he can’t live with his parents anymore #he’s either couch surfing or he’s not sleeping at all #the only reason he’s not died yet is because he’s already dead #his ‘home’ is just amity park #more like his liar #his haunt #maybe #People still don’t know how to feel about him #but he’s still more comfortable in Ghost Form #He crashes with Valerie a lot #they’re sort of dating #it’s complicated #she’s successful #she’s the red huntress #she doesn’t know he knows #or that he’s Phantom #Nobody but the usual gang does #and Paulina #after a very strange evening for them both

[turtleblogatlast]

Here’s a thought-

When Splinter says Leo’s the leader at the end of Season 2…pretty sure he was joking.

After so many high stakes and high emotions, he (a bit cluelessly) makes a joke to add some levity, just to make things a bit easier for he and his sons to digest everything that happened. It was a lot that happened, so it makes sense that Splinter wants to make things that much softer for everyone.

But- making a joke like that, after everything they all just went through…I can definitely see how the events of the movie pave out in response.

For example, by joking about Leo in particular having the responsibility of a leader, that puts him directly in the sight of Raph’s building anxieties. Because after everything, it’s clear that Raph really started taking the hero name seriously to the point that he started undermining his own fun and childhood in the process. So in the eyes of a Raph who is so worried about what could happen if they’re not prepared again, Leo in particular kind of stands almost as a point of danger in that aspect.

And with the joke of Leo “leading” in any capacity ringing out over them, it’s easy to blame Leo and Leo alone whenever he goes and goofs off with Mikey and Donnie. I think as well that the concept of a leader being spoken after the Shredder just pushes more weight on Raph’s shoulders and makes him realize how much goofing off they did before when they should have been better heroes (despite them all just being kids...)

Raph knows his brothers are good, he knows and has pride in them and himself in turn, but it terrifies him to know that they won’t be ready for the next big threat, and Leo directly going against this caution even more than usual just pushes Raph to want to try more.

As for Leo- keep in mind what happened all throughout “Many Unhappy Returns.” Keep in mind what happened all throughout the series in general. In the former, Splinter more than once points out how he would rather have his other sons with him than Leo, especially because they “would take this seriously”…even though Leo was taking it seriously. (Not that Splinter should be expected to read what Leo was doing when Leo wasn’t making his plans clear, but that wording sticks with kids.) Even after Leo’s plan pulled through, Raph’s the one who spoke in trust of Leo, not Splinter.

As for what happens in the series in general…well, we see Leo mess up a lot, apologize a lot, get his brothers out of messes a lot, and even when he does well or is responsible it’s either glossed over or still seen as goofing off (no I will never be over that moment where Leo almost got Gus’s tags and got screwed over out of pure bad luck.)

So imagine hearing a joke like that as Leo, who for a good chunk of especially the start of the series has been a lowkey voice of reason. The idea that Leo being responsible for the team is nothing but a joke…? It’s understandable that it could feel like a blow, that it could push him to want to try less.

Especially after everything they just went through.

They’re heroes. | They’re kids.

Why shouldn’t they care? | Why should they care?

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #rottmnt leo #rottmnt splinter #splinter is not a bad dad but words can always cause unintended harm especially to kids and teens #Leo being the voice of reason in Bug Busters only to be rewarded with a near death experience rip #if I was him I’d clock out too #side note but I actually really like how Bug Busters and the movie kinda parallel each other just with Raph and Leo’s roles swapped #(and obviously the movie is much higher stakes) #splinter: haha imagine blue as the leader wouldn’t that be funny #raph & leo: *speedrun into developing bad habits as a response* #shout out to Raph in the show’s finale he really stepped up #but then he just kept stepping until all he knew was being a hero and a team and not his own age 😞 #Raph and Leo’s dynamic means so much to me it really does #both of them are self made caricatures at the beginning of the movie! not their true selves!! BOTH lean away from these masks at the end!