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#or am i really too old to put myself out there?
oceanisty · 1 day
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Hello, you can skip if you want.
After reading your anemo boys harem fic I just wanted to ask if you can give us headcanons or another one shots, I just like the way you write them and your writing is great.
P.s. love your writing
Hello! I'm glad that you enjoyed my anemo harem fic! and thank you so much! I'm so happy that you love them <3 I'm currently forcing myself to get outta the writers block cause MY GOODNESS it's draining me. I am SO SORRY that this took TOO LONG cause I'm getting more and more burnt out lately cause I'm gonna enter my senior year of highschool in like a few months (Damn I'm getting old...) Also, 2 blogs in a day? Damn that's a personal record. Anyways, MORE SHORT KINGS! I decided to make a few headcanons for them individually but this is STILL AN ANEMO BOYS HAREM!
Part 1
YOU ARE A TRAVELER IN TEYVAT, BUT YOU ARE NOT THE TRAVELER!
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➼ Venti who would wait for you at the gates of Mondstadt whenever he heard from Aether that he's coming for a visit with you.
➼ Venti who would greet you with his cheerful giggles and tight hugs like he hasn't seen you in AGES! (It was only for a month but it felt like ages for this little man)
➼ Venti who would give you a personal performance, a song he wrote dedicated to you. His precious windblume <3
➼ Venti who would not even try to hide the fact that he is really, literally WHIPPED for you.
"[Name]! Could you do me a favor? A tini tiny one!"
"What would it be?"
"Can I have a kiss?"
"....what?"
"what?"
➼ Venti who demands you to play and braid his hair in any style you want, he will wear for the whole day with a proud grin.
➼ Venti who would go around and tell people that you're his favorite person and his beloved flower, you had to keep reminding people of Mondstadt that you and Venti are not dating whenever you visit.
➼ Just Venti being Venti, very deeply in love with you.
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☆ Xiao who would wait for you at Wangshu Inn, hoping to see you once he got the words that you're coming to Liyue for a visit.
☆ Xiao who would uncharacteristically be worried about how he looks for the first time in decades cause he doesn't want to look different from the last time you saw him.
☆ Xiao who would hand-make jewels using pearls, crystals, pretty rocks, just anything he finds beautiful in the wild to give it to you.
☆ Xiao who tried to hide that he wants to spend time with you but fails miserably.
"[Name]... if you don't mind, would you like to join me to watch the stars again?"
"Didn't you told me that you're mostly busy at night, fighting off demons?"
".......... I sensed earlier that tonight, they wont be much of a problem to handle unlike the usual days. So... I assumed that I could take a break for once in a while."
"That's... very unlike you. But alright!"
☆ Xiao who accidentally called you "Qingxin" once when he was admiring you watching the night sky.
☆ Xiao who would watch over you if you fell asleep, putting some crystalflies on your hair. How dare you being the most beautiful glowing star in his live. It makes him feel weird.
☆ Just Xiao being Xiao, obviously in love with you.
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𖥸 Kazuha who would purposely go to places you would visit on the same day just so he could run into you and join you.
𖥸 Kazuha who would accompany you on your adventures most of the times and didn't even realized it until later on.
𖥸 Kazuha who would collect flowers that would remind him of you and keep it in a special box.
𖥸 Kazuha who would obviously write a poem to you, purposely using fancy words so you would have a hard time understanding what it means.
"That was so beautiful... could you write me another one in this second?"
"Why of course, my dove. Anything for you..."
"By the way, what did it mean?"
"That's for you to figure out <3"
𖥸 Kazuha who would play with your hair anytime, anywhere. Even place some soft kisses. That little blush that appeared on your face makes you look so cute!
𖥸 Kazuha who would be very affectionate to you both in public and private, makes other people wonder if you two are a couple. He doesn't even bother to correct them if they asked.
𖥸 Just Kazuha being Kazuha, hopelessly in love with you.
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༄ Heizou who would immediately look for you once you arrived in Inazuma.
༄ Heizou who would walk beside you with his arm around your shoulder like it's not a problem. Ignore the stares and focus on our mission!
༄ Heizou who would flirt with you 25/8 non-stop, your flustered face is just so adorable!
[insert Heizou leaning close to your face]
"U-Uhm... Heizou?
[insert Heizou holding your chin with his thumb and index finger]
"H-Heizou?!"
"Hm... your eyes are much more beautiful up close."
༄ Heizou who would stare at you with the FONDEST, THE SOFTEST SMILE whenever you're happy or excited. You're just the prettiest person in his eyes.
༄ Heizou who would tickle your tickle spots just to hear those melodic laugh of yours.... and to also annoy the hell out of you.
༄ Just Heizou being Heizou, head over heels in love with you.
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❥ Wanderer who would place his hat on your head whenever it's sunny or rainy.
❥ Wanderer follow you everywhere and anywhere you go in Sumeru because Nahida "told him to" and that he has "nothing better to do" currently.
❥ Wanderer who would make so many excuses, just to engage in a physical contact with you. Your body is just so warm against his, he couldn't help it. He likes the feeling of warmth...
"Uhm... Wanderer?"
"What?"
"Why are you holding me close?"
"This forest is dangerous to travel if alone, bet you'll get lost if I don't keep you close."
"There's literally little to no creatures roaming around this area, the forest rangers said it."
"..."
"..."
"Listen, who knows if-"
❥ Wanderer who would be a clingy little octopus in close doors, our man has no shame to cuddle up to you at night like you're a little plush.
❥ Wanderer who couldn't hide his jealousy if you came to Sumeru accompanied by Aether or Kazuha.
❥ Just Wanderer being Wanderer, totally in love with you.
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✭ Aether who would go around collecting flowers, just so he could have a bouquet ready for you whenever you cross paths.
✭ Aether who would tell you stories about his twin sister, his little secrets, and even hinting some small confessions to see if you caught onto it. You didnt
✭ Aether who would ALWAYS help you with anything in any way, even if you don't need any help, he insisted that he should. Sometimes, his eagerness shows a little too much.
"Hey [Name]! I heard that you've taken a commission from Neuvillette. Let me help you with it?"
"Oh! No need, Aether. He just wants me to deliver a few boxes of important documents for Wrio-"
"Great! Let's go get them!"
"Wait, I didn't agree-"
"It's fine, c'mon! More time to spend with you, the better!"
✭ Aether who would take you to the BEST places in Teyvat to spend time together. Thanks to him being a very active traveler, he knows which places would make your jaw drop.
✭ Aether who would insist on making his teapot your second home, he even made you a room right next to his! He also insisted that he wouldn't mind if you go to his room to sleep with him- wait what?
✭ Just Aether being Aether, extremely in love with you.
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Made by @oceanisty on 27/03/2024.
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strangemaleswaps · 20 hours
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Strange Job Swap
“Oh it's beautiful!” exclaimed the customer waiting in line. I handed her a nicely decorated cake for her son's birthday.
“It's no big deal. Just doing my job.” I acted like it was no big deal, but really I was gladly accepting the praise!
“This is perfect though. Have you considered being an artist?” she replied with a slightly more serious look.
“Yes I have actually…but the job market is tough.”
“Aww you'll get there eventually! Don't give up! Well anyway, you made my day so for that, thank you!”
“You're welcome.” I was a bit sad though, because she was right; I SHOULD be an artist. I recently earned my bachelor's degree, but yet I was still stuck in this dumb hick town, working as a grocery store cake decorator. I may have been good at what I do but I wouldn't want to do it forever!
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At least my co-workers are pretty decent, especially my fellow bakery buddies, Chase, Amber, and Domingo. Amber was cool and didn't take anyone’s shit, which is why I loved seeing her because I didn't have much confidence when dealing with unruly customers. Domingo was very sweet, and even though he didn't speak very good English, he's hella good at his job. And Chase, well…he's hot! His bleach blond hair somehow always caught the light at a perfect angle. I don't know how I even kept my focus when he's working next to me.
At the end of my shift, I clocked out, and decided to buy a couple groceries like I normally did. I scanned everything at the self-checkout, put the receipt into one of my bags, and started walking towards the exit. The store had 2 exits on either side of the front, but I only took one because the other had a certain asshole at it - Richard.
The greeter position was removed a long time ago, but they bring it back for employees that have been injured or are too old, so that they can keep their jobs. Now this old guy named Richard had surgery a long time ago and became the greeter while he recovered. But yet he never went back to his old position.
He always stays at one specific entrance, and the reason I hated him so much was because he's racist. Part of his job has him checking customers’ receipts to make sure they didn't steal anything, which seems pretty unnecessary when you have those anti-theft machines at the exit. But I've seen him. The only people he checks the receipts for are minorities. It's not a subtle thing either; he’s super friendly, greeting and saying goodbye to all the white people passing but when it comes to someone who's not, his demeanor suddenly changes. 
My luck must've run out today, because I found the sliding glass doors at my usual exit were broken and currently being fixed. The area was blocked off by a barricade, and I knew there was only one other way to leave. I headed over to the other exit, and there Richard was, waving goodbye to a white mother and her toddler. He was wearing his typical gray uniform shirt that was clearly too small, because you could see his gut and nipples trying to poke through. Gross.
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I moved through the aisle, trying not to draw attention to myself, but it was all for nothing because right on cue, Richard walked up to me and gave a great big (and so obviously fake) smile.
“Hello sir, can I see your receipt please?”
“Richard, it's me, Marco. I work in the bakery. You've seen me a million times before.” His smile suddenly faded, and his eyes narrowed, as if every ounce of happiness in his body just vanished.
“That's no excuse. How do I know you aren't stealing?”
“Because I want to keep my job?”
“Don't backtalk to me. You seem awfully suspicious today.” He then reached for his walkie talkie and started to page a manager. I really was able to walk out with no repercussions because I truly didn't steal anything, but there's a chance he would page the Asset Protection lady, who was almost as awful.
“Hello? Is anyone there?” Nobody answered him. Thank god.
“Am I free to go now?” I said happily. The anger returned to his face.
“Just don't let me catch you stealing again. Or there'll be consequences!”
“Yeah…suuuure.” I walked out the door, into my car, and back home. I can't believe some people honestly. I was so sick of this town! I needed to move away real soon.
When I got home my dog, Kenny, was excited to greet me as usual so I let him outside to do his business while I got into my running clothes, prepping for a run. As I let Kenny back in, I went to check the mail and found a weird envelope in between the bills and spam. I opened it up and it was a letter addressed “to whom it may concern”. I threw it away without a second thought but Kenny suddenly ran up to the trash can, took it out, and placed it back in front of me.
“You really want me to read this, don't you boy?” I said cheerily as I patted him on the head.
“To whom it may concern,
Are you struggling with your current job? Unhappy with the life you have? Well I have just the cure for that! We are now selling happiness inducing coins for only $1 with free shipping! One flip of this coin will guarantee you will soon get a job you love! Get it fast before it all runs out! Just follow the link on the back of this letter if you are interested.” - VV
I wondered who or what VV was supposed to be, and $1 with free shipping sounds too good to be true, so this seemed like a scam. I also wasn't a superstitious person,  but for some reason my gut was telling me that this was a good idea. Kenny seemed to think so too as he was wagging his tail under the table and I read. I followed the link listed on the back of the page, typing in each random letter and number combination into my phone and ordered the lucky coin. I went to bed that night feeling a little more hopeful.
The next day at work was just like the previous day, only the door was fixed so I didn't have to walk out the exit Richard was standing at. We did make eye contact though, and he shot me a dirty look. I got home to find that the package had already arrived, which was awfully quick. I cut open the box and inside was a golden coin with a picture of a brain on it. The other side had a picture of a person with their arms spread wide. It was a really weird design. I read the instructions.
How to use:
Flip the coin
No matter what side it lands on, you'll be guaranteed happiness in your new job!
It sounded so lame, but I followed the instructions anyway. I flipped the coin the air, and slapped it on the back of my other hand. Tails. Nothing happened. I guess it was just $1 so it wasn't a huge waste of my time. It's pretty cool looking so maybe I could display it on my dresser or something.
I felt especially tired the rest of the night, but I was fine because I had a day off tomorrow. I was gonna go to the park with Kenny, as well as do a few errands. I was just glad I had time away from my job.
The next morning my alarm went off for some reason. I must've accidently set it by mistake. The weirder thing was Kenny wasn't there. Normally at the sound of my alarm, he comes running from wherever he was sleeping, and jumps on the bed to get me up. But there was nothing. When I started to truly wake up and become more alert, I realized that my alarm was set to the default or something. Instead of my usual calming piano, it was an annoying ringing. I opened my eyes to see what was happening. My vision was blurry, but I could tell I wasn't in my own room.
What happened? Did someone kidnap me? The alarm clock wasn't even on a phone, but rather it was an actual alarm clock. I had no idea what was going on, but I reached over to turn it off so I could think. I'm certain I must've been kidnapped somehow but why? And why would they set an alarm clock? I couldn't see but felt around the nightstand for a clue and found a pair of glasses. When I tried them on, just like that, my vision returned to normal. I had perfect vision before! Why did I suddenly need glasses? I reached up to scratch my head and found my hairline was incredibly receded. I was balding! I looked down with my now clear vision to find an even worse fact. I was chubby!
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I sat up and stared at the foreign gut and two large man tits, as well as numerous graying chest hairs. I ran my hands through the hair, pinching them to make sure they were real. I pinched the tits as well, and felt sensations I've never felt before as they wobbled when I let go. I ran my hands through my face and felt a mustache and double chin, and began feeling nauseous at the thought of what I actually looked like. I didn't see a mirror in the room so I walked out the door trying to find a bathroom. The fat jiggled all around as I ran.
I got to the bathroom and nearly puked on the spot when I saw who I was. Richard. Oh god no. Of all people, I had to look like this racist bastard? I stared at myself and grazed my hands along my face. Suddenly I felt angry and started pinching it instead, as if I was doing the same thing to the real Richard, but denial didn't help; that was my face and it hurt. I touched his mustache and pinched it, as if it would come off. 
Just then I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't want to interact with anybody looking like this but until I figured out how to fix it, I knew I had to pretend to be Richard. I answered the door to find the mailman.
“Howdy Rich! Woah uh.” He stared at my chest. I forgot I was still shirtless. Having this much fat hanging from my body was almost like answering the door naked. “I see you've lost some weight!” he said, obviously lying.
“Oh uh, thanks.” I replied, trying to imitate Richard’s voice, which was pretty easy considering I've mocked him before.
“Well anyway, not much today; just a letter.” He handed me a letter with a purple stamp on it.
“Well uh see you tomorrow!” The mailman went on his way and I closed the door. I opened the letter and found a note similar to the lucky coin advertisement.
To whom it may concern,
Good morning! I trust that your lucky coin worked well? Welcome to your new life! As promised, you now have a job that you love. Unhappy with the results? Just flip the coin once again, and make sure it lands on what it landed on before! If not, however, your fate is sealed. Best Wishes! - VV, Venefica Viola
Shit. They're not lying though. Richard did love his job. And since I was in his body, I now had that job! But who is this Venefica Viola? It sounded like Latin somehow. I walked back to the bedroom to find Richard’s phone. Luckily he didn't have any lock screen pin so I could easily get in. I searched for a translator, dodging the random pop up ads that were everywhere on his phone and looked up Venefica Viola.
Violet Witch. So magic is involved somehow. I needed to get my coin back so I could undo this! It must still be at my own house. Shit! I just realized why the alarm clock went off. Richard worked today! He had perfect attendance and never uses his PTO, so not going in was gonna look suspicious. I glanced at the clock and realized I only had 20 minutes. 
Even though I'd love to see Richard be humiliated by going to work in his underwear, I decided that it wasn't worth attracting attention so I looked through his clothes to put on a work uniform. I found a pair of boxers and accidently flashed myself when I completely forgot I didn't have my own dick either. It was all wrinkly, but honestly a lot bigger than I thought. No. I was not about to get horny over Richard's dick! I found what he normally wore to work and put the rest on. I found tucking the shirt was more difficult than usual, as I had to pull it over my belly.
I guess I could make this work…for now. I hated to admit it, but Richard wasn't all that bad looking. It was his personality and habits that made him so repulsive, but now that I was in control of him, he didn't look all that bad. Maybe I could even turn things around for now and do something nice for the people I know he hates. I grabbed the car keys on the nearby table, and drove to work.
I walked in the store, put Richard's nametag on, and clocked in. I nearly started walking to the bakery area but stopped myself. I guess I'm really going to have to be a greeter for a day. This feels humiliating. I made my way to the front entrance and just stood there, waiting for customers to enter or exit.
Soon enough customers began arriving and I tried my best to act like Richard, though one customer asked if I was all right because I guess I overdid it. I didn't ask any customers to show their receipts though, because I might as well take advantage of being a greeter. I noticed Domingo at the checkout and when he bagged up his groceries, he approached me first instead of the door. He hastily grabbed his receipt and started showing it to me. I wasn't about to let this happen.
“No no it's ok. You don't have to show me the receipt anymore.”
“No?” He looked shocked.
“Checking receipts is stupid anyway. I don't need to do it anymore.”
“Really? I can go?”
“Yep! Have a good day.” It was unnerving seeing him so scared at the sight of me, but he smiled like normally did as he put the receipt back in the bag and walked out.
As I moved towards the break room to take my break, I noticed someone who looked awfully familiar walk through the door. It was…me! I mean Richard. It must've been; if I was in his body, he must've been in mine. It became more obvious by the way he was walking, taking big steps as if he was used to having his gut swinging around…like mine was now. God I hated this. I had to talk to him to sort things out. He smirked as I approached.
“Hey!”
“Oh it's you. I mean me. I mean,” he paused for a second and rounded his mouth into an even bigger smile, which looked uncanny with my face. “The old me.”
“What do you mean ‘the old you’”?
“Well seeing as I'm much younger now, while you're much older, I think the term is appropriate.”
“Well yeah, but not for long. I'm going to switch us back.”
“Oh no you're not! I may have preferred being white, but I’m enjoying youth again! Oh, and don't worry. I saw that coin thing and that letter this morning, and I made sure it would never see the light of day again. You got that…Richard?” 
He called me that in the same mocking tone that I always use to call him. I can't believe this!
“Y-you can't do this! I had a future!”
“That's my future now old man. You know maybe I could be a model with these looks. Maybe make one of those, what do you kids call it? OnlyFans?”
God no, I'm an artist, not a pornstar. He can't do this!
“The greeter is a real fun job, Richard. Enjoy it. You're hired!”
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This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  deadratz/@munsonkitten! They have 32 works in the Stranger Things fandom on AO3 and 31 of those are in the Steddie tag!
Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @munsonkitten:
the sound of silence
float among the wreckage
share the same space for a minute or two
you make me feel like i am whole again
sugar on my tongue
"In a fandom with over 20 thousand fics, it's hard to find fics that stand out, and Grim has so many that feel like a breath of fresh air for the characters. His specialty is exploring Eddie's trauma, past and present, and being patient with letting him heal in a messy, realistic way that tears your heart out and puts it back. Grim takes on topics that can be difficult to explain, like trauma and gender exploration, and puts them into words so perfectly. His fics are entertaining and heartfelt and always hot, no matter which one you open, you're in for a treat and he has some hidden gems! Regardless of what's popular, Grim stays true to the characters and it's easy to trust him with them, and that's something to appreciate!" -- anonymous
Below the cut, @munsonkitten answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!
Why do you write Steddie?
When Season 4 came out, I had lost all motivation in my old fandoms. I hadn’t written anything in months, but then I saw Eddie and fell in love instantly. As I was watching, I started to have this little thought like “is anyone else seeing this?” when I saw Steve and Eddie interact, and I ended up on AO3, reading through anything that looked good out of the 300 fics that came out in those first couple of days, and then I kept reading, and I was completely inspired. I was pulled in, and I tried to write something between volumes 1&2 that didn’t go anywhere, but I didn’t want to give up on them because there was just this pull that kept me thinking of them, and then, of course, we saw Eddie’s fate and I immediately had to rectify that in my own way. I love writing Steve and Eddie because they come from very different worlds, but as a queer punk who also played sports in high school, I know firsthand how those worlds can collide and I can relate to both Steve and Eddie and how they fit into their places as the freak/jock. There’s also just a certain coziness that comes with writing Steddie for me, like they’re familiar and something I can find safety in. They’re both complex characters with traumatic experiences and there’s comfort in that and there’s comfort in being able to process my own life through the perspective of the two of them and apply different things to their canon personalities and backstories. It really comes down to, like, even though they’ve fought monsters, they’re really just regular guys, too. They’re relatable and accessible because their lives are pretty average without the monster stuff. I don’t find myself wasting time doing tons of research about certain jobs or lifestyles as I have with other pairings in the past. Steddie has just given me a lot of freedom to do what I want.
What’s your favorite trope to READ?
There are so many tropes that I love. I think a lot of them depend on how they’re written, of course, so even tropes I don’t typically like to read can end up being really good to me. My go-to answer for this is usually pre-dating sharing a bed/only one bed, whether they’re sharing because they get paired up together on a trip; they’re laying low at Steve’s and Steve needs to keep an eye on Eddie while he’s healing; nightmares bringing them to each other in the middle of the night; or one of them just crashing in the other’s bed. I think there’s something so intimate about the way these scenes can be written, something very vulnerable that I just love. There’s a lot of trust that goes into being comfortable enough sleeping near someone else, and I think it’s a really good way to start Steve and Eddie’s relationship. I also love, love like any kind of friends with benefits situation where they’re obviously pining for each other and completely in love but try to pretend the things they do together is just “helping a friend out,” while mutually being in denial of feelings. It serves for great tension and there’s always really good pay off when they start dating.
What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?
My answer for this is really similar to the last one. First and foremost, I write what I want to read. I’m just very drawn to these kinds of fics with pre-relationship intimacy that turns into something solid between them. So I love writing only one bed and pining/fwb/friends to lovers fics as much as I love reading them.
What’s your favorite Steddie fic?
It’s hard to choose just one favorite after almost two years of reading Steddie fics, but some real stand out fics for me that I’ve read fairly recently have been Trouble Looks Good on You by indelicate, Metamorphoses by fastcardotmp3, Play it Right by stereobone, and Doing Nothing with You by redoaktree. All of these give such nice depth to the characters and their situations and have stuck with me. “Trouble” is still ongoing, but I trust Rue (indelicate) with these characters so much that I can say it’s one of my favorites without having the entire fic yet. It just hits so many of my boxes for Steddie, has all the right factors for a phenomenal fic, and stays so true to the characters in my opinion.
Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?
I have so many plans for upcoming fics, but one I’ve been trying to find time to write for over a year now deals with a lot of grief/mourning of a loved one and includes rockstar!Eddie with a good slooow burn. It’s all things I’ve somewhat explored, but want to really expand upon with this one. I feel like I haven’t written a proper slow burn, either, because I tend to do fwb situations with slow burns on the emotional aspects and admitting feelings part of their relationship, and I want to do a full slowburn in more aspects of their relationship. 
What is your writing process like?
Usually I’m inspired by something, whether it’s a situation that happens to me or something I see on TV, and I think about what kinds of stories could be told with those elements. Sometimes I take one trope and try to build a fic around it, sometimes I see a tiktok or a scene in a show and decide I need to use that in something. Other times, I just have a sentence in my head that I have to write down and it turns into a whole page and then suddenly I have 5k words. A lot of my process is spent brainstorming with friends, talking through scenarios and seeing what kinds of responses they get, other times I have an idea and I run with it and don’t tell anyone until it’s done. There are some fics I’ve fully outlined and then gone in completely different directions, and there are some fics I never wrote down a single note for. I’ve had a few fics that started as just single sentences and turned into paragraphs and merged them with other ideas in other documents. My process is kind of chaotic and always changes, if I’m being honest, but it works for me. I think it entirely depends on the mood of the fic I’m trying to write, how much research goes into it, and how long it’s going to be, and all of that. Sometimes I’ll sit down to write something fully knowing it won’t go anywhere just to get me into a writing mood. I’m really all over the place with my process.
Do you have any writing quirks?
I don’t know if this is really a quirk, but I’m the type of person who will go weeks without writing anything and then suddenly have an entire chapter or oneshot finished in two days. I procrastinate until I realize I need to do something or until inspiration really hits me and then I just lock it in and write nonstop until it’s done.
Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?
This is kind of fic-dependent. If I know for sure that I have the time and motivation for a story, I post as soon as I get chapters finished. If I know I don’t have the capacity for another long form fic, I’ll write out the first chapter and leave it in my drafts until I get a bit further on it, just working when I’m between other projects or stumped on something else. I wouldn’t exactly say I post on a schedule because it’s nowhere near consistent, but I’ve never finished a full multi-chaptered fic before I start posting. I do write a lot of oneshots and two chapter shorter fics, though, so those two chaptered ones are usually close to finished before I post them.
Which fic are you most proud of?
Hands down, the sound of silence. They’re not done yet, but ‘you make me feel like i am whole again,’ and ‘sugar on my tongue’ are also up there with ‘sound of silence.’ It’s my longest fic in this fandom (currently) and my second longest fic I’ve ever written. I put so much of myself into this fic and I’m just really proud of myself for it. There were some definite challenges with this one, with one character in the main pairing barely having any dialogue for the first half of the fic, with the other half of the pairing navigating his newfound sexuality and his life being turned upside down yet again, and I also have a few outsider POVs like Wayne, El, Robin and Hopper sprinkled in there, which is always difficult to work in for me. I’m proud of myself for doing all of that and finishing it.
How did you get the idea for the sound of silence?
This fic started as two separate documents, just unconnected pieces of different stories, both of them hitting dead ends with no hope for continuation. I had started with just a simple idea of Wayne and Steve meeting after the events of season 4 put Eddie in the hospital, and I wanted to show the way Wayne cares for the people who love Eddie, and that ended up becoming the beginning of the fic once I put all the pieces together. The other document I had started around the same time was a short Wayne POV about living with Eddie after S4 and the person he turned into after losing so much of himself. I wanted to explore the idea of someone as loud as Eddie going non-verbal for weeks to months at a time (something I explored in a different fandom, so that sort of inspired me to write SOS too), and when I finally put those together, it just felt like everything was so clear to me and I took off with these ideas.
When writing float among the wreckage, what was something you didn’t expect?
Oh boy. This one was actually difficult for me because I wanted it to be a hate sex fic, and I realized I’m just incapable of making Steve and Eddie hate each other at all. I did something like that one other time earlier when the fandom was still pretty new, but wreckage came to me nearly a year into writing them and I’d really cemented the idea of these characters in my head, and it was just… Very unexpected that I struggled to tap into that tension and hatred. It ended up being less about hating each other and more about misplaced/misidentified feelings in the end.
What inspired share the same space for a minute or two?
I think my friend Teddy actually gave me the main idea for this one. An end of the world “I’m going to die a virgin” apocalypse setting during “season 5.” From that, I just started writing and saw where it took me, and I’m happy with where I took it. Sometimes all I need is one sentence and then I have 11k words written in just a few days, and that fic was one of those times.
What was your favorite part to write from sugar on my tongue?
This is a really hard question because I love so much of this fic and it’s still ongoing so I might still write something I love even more than any previous parts. Without giving too much away, it’s probably a tie between their first smut scene in chapter 1, their club night in chapter 2, and the part in chapter 3 where Eddie’s walking down the road after he runs out of gas and has a lot of introspection about his life and how he finds safety in Steve. One of my close friends told me the writing in that last part was beautiful and I’ve since decided it’s one of my favorite things I’ve written.
How do/did you feel writing the sound of silence?
Sound of Silence was very cathartic for me. I’m so proud of this fic and it deals with so much I rarely see in fanfiction – some of the topics are unsexy and there are a lot of symptoms of mental illness that are highly stigmatized that people just might not want to read in a story. But I knew it was the story I needed to tell for Eddie, mostly, but for Steve, too, and for myself. It’s not always happy, but it’s real to me. Life can be ugly and people can be volatile and traumatized and struggle with sexual function and have undesirable compulsions, and writing that whole fic felt like a release in a way because it’s stuff I relate to and stuff my best friends have also gone through. And the comments on this fic have made me feel seen and less alone in the things I struggle with that I had Steve and Eddie struggle with, as well. I think it’s just really important to have those fics that give at least one reader some comfort in their own situations.
What was the most difficult part of writing you make me feel like i am whole again?
This fic is about gender identity and pregnancy and love and all sorts of stuff that can be hard to put into words. I’ve never experienced a pregnancy, so there’s a lot of research that goes into that, a lot of reading firsthand accounts and finding out all sorts of things that weren’t taught in sex-ed classes. It’s also been a very vulnerable fic for me because Steve and Eddie both experience gender in ways that I do, too. Every time I write about identity and dysphoria through them, I’m putting parts of myself on display for others, and that can be hard, especially when people don’t always understand. I’m very protective over this fic, and I’ve had to defend aspects of it from people who can’t always accept other people’s experiences with gender identity and queerness. That’s been difficult, even well meaning comments can come across as criticism when the writing is so close to home, and it’s been a struggle to keep my head on straight with this one. But as difficult as that may be, the pros outweigh the cons with this fic. It’s so rewarding when people DO relate to the things I write about, and it’s been validating for my own identity and I’ve been told so many times the fic has felt validating to others, too. So as difficult as it can be, I wouldn’t change anything. 
Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?
I mentioned this bit of sugar on my tongue earlier and I think it’s my current favorite, but I have so many scenes and lines from other fics I’d consider my favorites: The sun beats down on his face and arms. He’s burning, red skin and hot tears. He feels like he needs to crawl out of his own skin. To leave it on the ground and walk away someone else.  Someone who doesn’t have to deal with Al Munson, doesn’t have to deal with a town that hates him for things he didn’t do. He wants to be someone who doesn’t have to be Eddie Munson at all. He just wants to be someone else, to feel safe in the skin he wears.  He thinks Steve might be the only person who makes him feel that way, even if it’s only for a glimpse, a small fraction of his life. Even if it’s just in the quiet hours of the morning when they’re curled up in Eddie’s bed, or when they’re just two boys kissing in a bar where no one knows their names. He wants to feel like that again. Safe. 
Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?
I’m helping with a Sub Eddie Week event in April, so if anyone wants to do a fic or art for that event, you can find all info @subeddieweek. Most of my upcoming work is going to be made for this event, so stay tuned.
Thank you to our author, @munsonkitten, and our anonymous nominator! See more of deadratz works featured on our page throughout the day!
Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!
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iris0-0 · 2 days
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I promise I’m here.
Mom!Tess Servopoulos x sh!daughter reader
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Synopsis: Tess, your mother has always given you tough love. Trying to raise you to be respectful and grateful. Though when hard times fall upon you, you cannot seem to tell your mother as you feel she will see you as weak and pathetic.
Warnings: Tess being soft, reader is referred to in more female pronouns, blood, mentions of depression, mentions and descriptions of self harm, I do not encourage this behavior and am here for anyone <3 this is definitely not personal
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Familiar sounding music invaded the current deep sleep you were in. Eyes fluttering open, before quickly closing them due to the early morning light invading through the blinds.
The door opens and you feel a harsh pat on your back, “Cmon kid, gotta catch the bus.” Tess says, making sure you’re awake before leaving the room.
Getting up you looked at the old digital clock on the nightstand that read 6:40 a.m. Fuck. If you didn’t pick up the pace there would be another tardy slip with your name on it, and with that a scold from your mother.
Grabbing whatever pants were on the desk chair and a shirt you grab the same black zip-up jacket you took everyday…to hide the scars. Thankfully your mother Tess wasn’t very noisy as long as you didn’t give any “teenage attitude” was what she liked to call it. So she never really picked up on your habits
Self-harm wasn’t something you were proud of. It started 3 years ago when you were 13. Middle school was an absolute bitch, not to mention the other struggles that have happened in the meantime. You tried to get clean….but it never lasted long, it was a tough battle.
Slipping on the jacket and grabbing your book bag you go down the stairs to grab a banana or some shit to say you ate breakfast. Tess was brewing a cup of coffee before she herself was off to work. She eyed you up and down a bit before smirking to herself. Annoyed you give her a look that basically said ‘what?’.
“When’s the last time you washed that jacket?” She asked. “You were it practically everyday.” Walking towards you she tried to get closer to at least make sure it smelled clean, as teenagers could be lazy or dirty sometimes.
Not wanting her to move the jacket in case of any risk of exposing what was below you responded in a bantering manner to try and keep up your cool act. “Mom! Stop it! I washed it this week.” You smile dodging her grasp and walking to the door to catch the bus.
“If you say so.” She shrugs. “Go learn and shit.”
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School. Highschool sophomore to be specific. Grades weren’t that much of a problem, you were told you were ‘a smart kid’. Having average level classes and a work ethic (sometimes) helped. It wasn’t the work, it was the people.
Once again for English there was a project. Why do English teachers have a project nobody likes every week? Everyone got up and looked around to choose partners…nobody chose you. Shocker. ‘Okay, who cares? I’ll do it myself as usual.’ You thought.
But of course it wasn’t okay. Depression shuffled your mind again replaying old scenarios and listing reasons why none of the other kids wanted to work with you.
Putting headphones on and shuffling random shit, mainly tv girl you got to work and try to forget but to no avail. Taking a break in the middle to go to the bathroom.
Always keeping a blade handy you sit in the bathroom stall. ‘Why am I doing this again? Don’t really know don’t really care.’ You think.
Taking the jacket off halfway the view of the old and fresh marks come into place. It was never enough. Addicted was the word, but it’s perfectly fine isn’t it?
‘Doing what I do best.’ Sliding the blade like it was a damn hobby. Did it sting? Maybe a little but the relief was too strong, it overpowered any pain. That was, until you zoned out. Going deeper, was it intentional? Who knows.
Hitting a vein blood trickled down, quicker than the cuts before that would stop bleeding soon. There was too much. And of course depression comes with anxiety. How come you were fine mutilating yourself but the moment you got dizzy all hell broke loose. I need to get out.
Quickly thinking of an excuse out of habit you called the only person you had, your mom. Were you dying of blood loss? Hell no. But you were on the verge of passing out and eating shit on the schools bathroom floor.
The phone rang a few times.
“Please..please..please.” You mutter.
T: “Hello? Im in a meeting did you butt dial me again?” Your mom Tess says, a bit confused.
“I need you to pick me up, please.”
T: “Kid, I’m in the middle of a meeting.” She sighs, though she hears the panic in your voice. “If it means that much to ya I’ll getchu right after, in maybe half an hour?”
“Okay.” You respond swallowing your tears.
T: “You cryin kid?” She asks suddenly concerned.
“No.” You deny, and you can hear her sigh from the other end.
T: “I’ll get you in a bit.” She said sternly.
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About a half an hour passed. The bleeding was under control but you were weak as hell. Loosing blood was no joke, dizzy and nauseating to say the least. ‘I think I just lost more blood than a period.’ You thought.
A text from your mom saying she’s here and you signed out at the front office, slightly swaying in your steps as you walk the short walk from the front of the school to the car.
Tess was sitting, hand on the steering wheel. The glint from the sun shining just over the scar under her eye. You couldn’t read her face. Was she pissed about picking you up two hours into the school day and about you interrupting her meeting. Regardless you opened the car door.
“Thank you.” Was the only thing spoken and Tess nodded to the action keeping her eyes forward as she drove the two of you home.
Walking in the house Tess put up her keys. You tried to sneak upstairs. “Nope. Come back.” Tess said sternly before pointing to the couch. “Sit.”
Annoyed but not trying to test your mother, you sat your ass back down. “Tell me why I picked you up.” She asked and you just shrugged looking at the floor.
“That’s not an answer and you know it. I love you and I’m trying not to be upset with you but kid, I need to know. You called me in the middle of a meeting you knew I was in crying.” Tess said, a bit stern.
“It doesn’t even matter.” You say a bit annoyed at the persistence and not having an answer to the question that you wanted to tell her.
“Look at me.” She says, as you look straight at the ground. “I just didn’t feel good.” You say looking her in the eye, it was hard. She had the type of eyes that made you spill everything.
Staring felt like forever her eyes narrowing, until your left eye twitched. “You’re lying.” She says crossing her arms over her chest. “No I’m not.” Your eye twitches again, betraying you.
“Yes you are! Your eye is twitching like Nemo’s fucking special fin.” Tess responded. “How the hell would you even know if I was lying? You’re always gone!”
“Language! I’m gone providing for you!” The two of you yelled back and forth for ages. Slowly but surely you were growing enraged. Having bipolar disorder and anger issues Tess knew you needed to calm down before you passed out.
“Okay come on you need to calm down.” She says strictly but assuringly. Even though she was upset with the argument as well she didn’t want it to get worse with you passing out for continuing to dig your nails into your arms.
She took ahold of your shoulders and began to guide you to your room. And shortly after being alone you’d calm down and she’d come back and the two of you would talk it out.
But…that did not happen this time. As she tried to move you, you resisted. “Hey stop. Calm down.” She said trying to grab your arms as you tried to get out her reach. With the fresh cuts and the excessive deep one a whine of pain was let out.
Tess paused momentarily and debated on backing off, but she didn’t. You had been acting different and were on the verge of a panic attack.
With harsh short breaths through go your nose you knew there was nothing else you could do to hide anymore, you were too weak. “What’s hurtin’ hm?” Tess states touching your hands, shoulders, and head gently.
But when she glides over your arms you bit your lip. Razor burn was hitting hard. “Okay let’s get this off..” she mumbles slowly taking the jacket off after she sat you down on the couch.
“Oh honey…” was all Tess could say, staring at the cuts, scars, deep, and shallow. She tries to comfort you but too shaked up and overstimulated. “Okay okay.” Tess backs off, leaving for a short moment to grab the random first aid crap in the bathroom.
She comes back and cleans very carefully, trying not to upset or overstimulate you. As well as to not hurt you. “Breath baby.” She holds your face softly trying to calm you down.
After awhile the cleaning and wrapping is done. It was safe to say Tess could understand why. You had bad bipolar disorder and meltdowns. “Why didn’t you tell me hm?” She asks sitting next to you.
“Cause I didn’t want to worry you and give you more trouble cause it started when dad left and-“ You couldn’t finish beginning to sob.
She pulls you into her tightly and holds you. Quietly shh’ing you, cradling you like a baby. “I’m here I’m not going anywhere. I’m not him.”
Tess holds onto you as you fall asleep. And she’ll always be there for you.
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THIS TOOK FOREVER OVER A WEEK I GOT STUCK. Anyways happy birthday to me <3 Love you stay safe.
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greatrunner · 2 days
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@tododeku-or-bust's post asking for examples of racism (experienced/witnessed) in fandom has got me thinking about how abstract the experience of antiblackness is once you (as in me, because I can only tell you my perspective) 'remove' yourself from the situation or the situation is considered 'settled.'
A lot of that is, obviously, a defense mechanism. If I didn't learn how to dissociate or numb myself from said experiences, I think I would be in a much worse place than I am right now.
But it also highlights how much I spent on Tumblr reading or experiencing antiblackness in different fandoms. Within the moment, the experience is raw and extremely triggering.
Left 4 Dead 2, Pacific Rim, Princess and the Frog, and Star Wars were probably the most active I'd been within a fanspace on Tumblr, and the antiblackness that ran rampant in those spaces was pretty vile.
At every turn, instead of owning up to the acts of passive and active racism, yt and non-Black users would break their backs to defend their position as 'not racist.'
The absolute refusal to investigate why they were so comfortable calling characters like Rochelle and Tiana boring or annoying compared to Lottie or Zoey allowed antiblackness to run rampant because, "I should be allowed to dislike a character!"
Do you know how aggravating it was to watch old-ass shows like Buffy and Angel at 14-then-22 and watch not only the writers but the audience (or LiveJournal or Television Without Pity) demonize characters like Charles Gunn and Robin Wood for doing things they cheered white characters on for doing... on the same shows? All while engaging in some truly racist stereotypes? It feels like you're going crazy when you see it. It made me wanna cry for help.
The fact that I had to remind Star Wars fans that 'DLF didn't mean it that way' wasn't an excuse for how LucasFilm treated Finn or John Boyega. That "actual racism" was benign, passive, uncritical, and often intentional.
The fact that much of my Pacific Rim experience was watching yt fandom call Stacker Pentecost an "asshole" or "control freak" because he was holding Raleigh and Chuck to account, or they wouldn't engage with his and Mako's relationship with the same respect they did with Herc and Chuck's.
I decided not to engage with the media outside of isolation or friend circles. As I moved further and further away from it, and it became vague and less sharp, I'd start to question, "Was it really that serious?" When so many people failed to read the room and centered themselves as victims of 'harassment,' was it really that serious?
And I have to remind myself, "Yeah, it was." Even as it becomes hard to verbalize or put into words to recall, it was and is that fucking serious.
And the worst part of all of this? Most of those racist shitheads knew that too. But they could get away with it, so...
The point ultimately is to drive people who'll challenge positions out of those spaces. That's why so many fanspaces don't promote growth or shifting dynamics. They prioritize anti-intellectualism and infantilization of the self or the work itself.
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compacflt · 9 months
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what are bradley’s earliest memories of ice and mav? the bits of his perspective on them that you’ve written are so fascinating
fairly unsurprising answer but: ice: when he came to see Carole to apologize for killing goose in ch 2 of wwgattai (sets the tone of their relationship)
mav: something very benign like mav doing magic tricks for him as a little little kid. you know how your earliest memories are always a little fuzzy and always afternoon sunshine? imagine a desaturated maverick sitting crosslegged in the grass in pale afternoon southern california sunshine showing Bradley how he can detach his thumb from his hand and then put it back again. no blood, no bone, no pain, and he’s got this daredevil grin like he’s enjoying separating his thumb from his hand. can’t see his eyes behind his aviators. the best magicians are the ones who can make even their pain disappear. or, playing “got your nose,” holding Bradley’s nose up so he can see it right in front of his very eyes, NO PAIN!, and then making it disappear. “where’d your nose go, Gosling? oh, my gosh, I lost your nose!! how’re you gonna smell? i bet you’re gonna smell bad. get it? get it? —here it is, i found it, don’t worry, it’s all good!” and putting his nose back so everything’s ok. that’s Bradley’s earliest memory of mav.
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kevin-sedai · 4 months
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The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage
#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it#tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5#i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing#spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time#spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation#got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing'#which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old#which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid#but that made me feel really shitty#spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus#and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses#which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one?#which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here#but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl#they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read#i'm so sorry everyone#i'll try to be better#i just had to put this out somewhere#and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it#anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow#i'm sorry guys#i really am😔
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silenthillbunni · 6 months
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🚬🧸🧃🎀
#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance#so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life#and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future#so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D#what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk)#i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it#i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months#then i'll start my other 4 classes in january#i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery)#(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..)#also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt#if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may#if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless#i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university????#i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education#bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it#also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move#i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!!#but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try#i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?
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mcnuggyy · 11 months
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Do you have tips for coming back to art after taking a break? I feel like I've been gone so long and I can't find anything inspiring but like. If I don't do something creatively fulfilling I will explode like a grape
Honest to god I am going through the exact same thing 🥺😭 I’ve tried different things and sometimes some work and sometimes they don’t but some things I’ve done that work for me have been: treating it like a job, you’re just clocking in, get it done and that’s it. draw traditionally and in a very chill way, crayons, marker on napkin, coloring book, maybe don’t draw at all! Do a collage or paper crafts(or my go to is sticker books :-]) Or treat it like school, sit down and find some figure drawing poses (there’s lots of sites available, including landscapes and animals) and just do some studies.
Basically I just try and trick my brain so it goes into autopilot mode? So I’m not thinking too hard about it. Cause the thing for me that always trips me up is that I end up building it up too much in my head and I get overwhelmed and freak myself out.
As for inspiration, I’ve just been trying to consume more media here and there but not just watching tv shows ykno? Reading, and getting back into collaborative storytelling like dnd and stuff! Hanging out more with my family and friends! Basically things that DON’T have to do with art ykno? And then for ‘what’ to draw cause that’s another huge roadblock for me, is I usually keep a list of ideas from when I do feel inspired, it’s years old but it’s nice to have something to look through to get the gears turning! Or I have my go to drawing subjects! my ocs, my friends ocs, figure drawings, and an inspo blog I keep with various images that I personally find interesting to try and draw :-]
But yeah!! I feel like lately I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself to make things so I’ve just been trying to do other things I enjoy cause the burnout has been brutal for me </3 but I think because I did take the time to do nothing art related I feel better about transitioning back into art this past week ;w;’
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neverendingford · 1 month
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.
#tag talk#anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like....#wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners#honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that#like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”#like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it.#that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me?#if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame.#we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you.#I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid.#though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it.#I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me.#and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough#allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard.#especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them#it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her.#I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer#like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers.#being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo#do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm#like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over.#I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well.#so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state.#anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty#instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions.#I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them#though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that.#like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it#and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.
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uzumakisasuke · 6 months
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was totally vibing earlier today but i'm def crashing now :(
#every time i go to the farmers market i get so happy when i come home idek why lol#but i was happy and vibing and i borrowed jaime's BIL's fancy bluetooth speaker#and i was like playing club music and putting on a bunch of little outfits and dancing alone#but like in a fun way. in a happy alone but not lonely way yknow?#then i had a late lunch/pre-dinner little meal and watched some one piece#then jaime and his mom came home and she has a new car ! (her car was totalled in an accident but she had gap insurance)#anyway i eventually went back to my room and got in bed and was still kinda vibing#and then i remembered what day it was.. it's my ex-gf's birthday :(#so now i'm. yknow. thinking about things and feelin sad and shit and wondering if i ever do want to reach out to her.#when it all went down she said a huge part of her being able to break things off was telling herself it didn't have to mean that she'd#lose me from her life entirely.. that if i wanted we could stay friends.#we've talked a few times since then and i just really can't figure out what i need. or what's best for me.#she's only ever said things like i'll never lose your number and take all the time you need i'll be here when youre ready etc etc#but. on one hand while i miss her dearly and feel like a part of me is always missing i also am too scared to reach out#bc i can't let myself be vulnerable like that. because if she changed her mind and doesnt even care about me at all anymore that would hurt#and also i don't trust myself either. what if we start talking again and all my feelings come rushing back. i can't handle that#so. same old same old it is. wishing her a happy birthday psychically and hoping she's having a wonderful day.#sigh. not to mention my whole other situation that is too similar. and which i'm also still not sure how to feel about. :(#cursed to miss everything and everyone who has ever passed me by while proceeding to never do anything about any of it.#ej.txt
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todayisafridaynight · 11 months
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I've wanted to write a dissertation on the localization differences in Sawashiro's Chapter 13 scenes FOREVER you have NO idea, thank you so much for pointing that out.
I did experience the full game back when it was only out in Japanese so I've certainly got Thoughts on both in comparison to the original as well. Although it's not exactly what you were talking about, I do personally think the playfulness is 100% purposeful and the more accurate take in this case! Not just in a literal sense, but in terms of authorial intent.
Chapters 1, 2, and 13 specifically are full of homages to and subversions of his character as seen in RGGO. Playfulness, unpredictability, and an off-putting sense of humor are central to RGGO!Sawashiro. He also happens to be particularly fond of fake-outs like that. Obviously a lot has changed between games, but there's a lot of fascinating interplay as well, even with 7!Sawashiro's much more subdued presentation. Yokoyama has said he was going for a story that doesn't require RGGO's context to understand or enjoy, but a story that's nonetheless made more interesting by taking RGGO's context into account. The effects of that approach are of course going to be apparent in RGGO's main antagonist.
So I don't think it's far-fetched at all to say there's a sense of humor there we just don't get to see much of, being Ichi and being in the situations we're in when we encounter him. I think that kind of works for him as a character whose idiosyncrasies are conveyed equally by what we see and what we don't see.
... I guess I kind of ended up writing a dissertation anyway lol sorry
this is like getting a letter from the president thank you so much for your dissertation and your work in general im actually framing this on my brain walls
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ihaventsleptinweekz · 4 months
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Sometimes I think I'm a normal person then the 11 pm thought kicks in and suddenly I'm insane
#Going to mildly and vaugly vent in the tags to buckle up ^_^#Will not clarify on any of this because it's more fun not to. Hope that helps#Anyway I'm kind of just. Weirded out by myself rn. Like I'm fine but I'm side-eyeing myself a little bit#And recently I've been believing thay I think really I was more immature a year ago#and while I do think back at her (year ago me) and kinda laugh at her for being overdramatic I feel kinda bad about it because yknow I was#But then I got kind of weirdly slowed down? In my being less freaked out process#Mostly because of Hellenite everyone say thank you hellenite (sarcastic love those fics so much)#But reading the fic kind of reminded me of the emotions that were going on at that time#And while I don't really miss or regret what happened too much anymore I think the general emotions of it started popping up again#Like idk how to say this but I'm over IT as a whole- but the emotions are still kinda left over?#Man really do NOT know how to put this#Cause it's kinda old news and frankly I am wildly happy with where I am right now#And I'm kind of thankful?? But also just a little :I about the whole thing. Which is making me inwardly side-eyeish#And I do think that I probably wouldn't change much if I could- and honestly I'm a little more embarrassed than anything else#Sorry for the weird long rambling tags just didn't want to call either of the like- maybe 3 friends I'd consider bringing this up with#I probably should check in with them though#Ough and I have work to do tmrw#Ew ew ew ew#Feel like this week has gone too damn fast and also not fast enough lmao#I'm also kinda nervous because I might have to take the ASL placement test soon to see if I qualify for skipping a couple ASL classes#Which would be nice cause I would LOVE to graduate quicker#And with all the AP classes I took in high-school it'd be nice to knock a bit of time off my college thing#Although admittedly I DID get that scholarship so it couldn't hurt???#It might actually give me more time to get EIPA certified and check out some internships??#Which would make getting jobs out of college WAY easier#Although maybe it'd be easier to get NIC certified if I retook a couple classes instead of trying to skip them??? God maybe I'd be behind#Ofc that wouldn't be a thing until after college#I'll probably have to save up money soon to start thinking about taking the test since it's so damn hard and so damn expensive#At least from what other interpreters have told me#Which is good!!! The it being hard thing anyways. Makes sure Deaf people get GOOD interpreters thst they deserve!!
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junemayrain · 1 year
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okay, i'm vowing to myself that this fic will go up tomorrow. i will try my greatest to hold this promise but i unfortunately suffer from constant distraction and a need to be perfect.
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jorvikzelda · 5 months
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I finished the stripe B)
#well. like.#I actually did like half an hour ago and now I’ve spent the past half hour winding the next yarn colour into a ball#you see the blanket has a previous incarnation which was shit and bad#and I decided not to put myself through the hell of unwinding it All At Once so now instead im doing it colour by colour#so before i move on from one stripe to the next I have to first wind the next stripe into a ball#and the old blanket is so badly made that it takes a really long time because the yarn is like. all tangled up in itself#ALSO I FUCKED UP MY FINGER SO BAD MAN#I won’t go into detail because thinking about it has my anxiety acting up and I know I’m not the only person with Issues on here#*into detail about The Causing Of The Injury. i am in fact going into detail about the following idiocy and annoyingness that it entails#but cw/tw for like. I’m talking about a minor injury in the form of a small cut/scratch#but basically i fucked around and found out a bit too hard earlier today and now i have like a. shallow cut. scratch. whatever running along#my left middle finger. (also because this is tumblr I will add please note it was not on purpose I was genuinely just being stupid as hell.)#it is relevant that it is specifically my left middle finger. why you may ask? well. i am right handed. so i hold my crochet hook in my#right hand. and as a consequence my yarn in my left. and my yarn runs between. you guessed it. my middle and index fingers. meaning it runs#right above my middle finger knuckle. which. you guessed it. is where my little scratch cut is. and I was AGAIN an idiot so I was not#wearing a bandage. (thought it was fine because it had already kinda scabbed over.) and then i get off my what. 2? 3? hours of crochet and#go to brush my teeth and im like oh wow why is that all irritated. and then im like. OHHHH FUCK I HAD SCRATCHY WOOL YARN RUNNING OVER IT.#so yeah I am adding unscented soap And saline to my shopping list for tomorrow !#and praying to every god on earth and beyond it doesnt get infected#(it probably wont like. ive had cat scratches that were realistically probably worse than this. plus I’m taking vitamin gummies that are#specifically immune system boosting since like a week back because I got tired of getting a bunch of colds so hopefully they will also help#my nice little white blood cells fight off any bacteria here :) )
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moinsbienquekaworu · 6 months
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Also. The weird girl in school feeling of both intense jealousy and violent repulsion towards "normal" girls.
#this post brought to you by: the normaler girls i follow on insta and the stories they post#like these three girls. two of them from the same university as me. the other one also french. all in the same city as me#all exchange students at the same uni in england!#but they're going on day trips to london and living their best year abroad#and i'm - what. staying at home and making soup? sleeping and failing to buy postcards?#the warring impulses of jealousy and repulsion.#because. i want to be normal too. i want my life to be simple and nice and easy.#i want to be a pretty girl who's doing it right. i want to have my life together (somewhat) (for my age and status)#i want girlfriends in the straight way who i can have daytrips with.#i long for the simplicity of asking out cute boys and aesthetic study sessions that actually pay off#i am so blindingly jealous of them. they're so much more normal than me. they're doing Girlhood and Womanhood correctly.#but at the same time i would rather die than change so much i'd be that girl#because i am simply not that person. this is not who i am at my core#i do not want to buy startbucks. i don't want relationship drama. i don't want to put all my personal data on instagram#i do not actually want to force myself to fit into the restrictive mold of what normal and socially acceptable girlhood and womanhood are#so i feel both 1) left behind and inadequate like i'm back in middle school#2) but also at peace with the fact that you can't get along with everyone and i'm old enough to find my people now#i mean my housemates are really cool and i have other friends that are also the kind of nerdy weirdo people i hang out with#AND 3) inadequate for general 'i'm a fucking child' reasons#they're independent. they're spontaneous. they're just doing things. they're on the way to adulthood. they're in their early 20s.#what am i then but a child. i don't go out much i don't drink i have this huge aura of no romance#i need structure and plans and i have a lot of inertia#and i thought the adult thing was going well! i'm feeding myself all on my own! i'm planning my days!#i'm doing laundry and cleaning up messes! look at the adult!#she's not done baking but i was expecting much much worse honestly. i was braced for a total crumble#but no we're good. i felt proud of myself#and here i see people having the normal typical year abroad experience. and i'm not#i'm being childish and i'm wasting money doing the exact same thing i'd be doing at home but in england#anyway. 2:30. sleep time. good night#wow i have a ramble tag now
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