#or anything that exists outside of your trauma zones

[evilminji]

Can You "Accidental Baby Acquisition" Yourself?

Like? Say you have a You... who is NOT You, obviously, but A You in the Multiversal sense... and their childhood suuuuuucked. Just? Truely awful for reasons beyond their control.

Such as the veil NOT being so easily peirced in their reality and humanity a bit more... Reactive(tm) to ectoplasm, due to the lower concentration of it in the Everything of their Universe. Which makes their parents research? Unattainable. Dangerous.

Ultimately fatal to their elder sister.

And then later, them.

Not that they were even the loving if wildly eccentric parents most of the other You's KNOW and have. Due to that very say research and their long-term exposure to their own samples. The Reactivity.

"Pit Rage" as some circles call it.

They weren't themselves. Stopped BEING themselves long before their children ever came into the picture. If they could think clearly, they would BEG for someone to save their children. From them. From their house of horrors. From what they've become.

And well? You exsist outside of Time. In the Zone. Maybe you have a wide and crazy adventure with this grizzled, worn, badass of a You. Figure he's pretty cool. Ask if he needs anything. And he laughs this broken glass in your chest sort of sound and says:

"Not unless you could give me a real childhood."

Like? Dude. Buddy. My buddy dude. Gonna have to explain that one. You can't just drop that and walk away. We Crazy Action Bros Adventure(tm) bonded. You can tell me. And reluctantly... he kinda does.

And... Look. You exsist outside of TIME. Your mentor IS Time. You can TOTALLY do that.

This.

But like? You realize... there wouldn't be TWO of you... right? If you take mini-Bamf out of the timestream at point A... you, big guy, stop existing at every instance of point B and onwards.

Yeah. Yeah, he gets that. Fully consents. His life was full of bad decisions and dramatic bullshit. He wants a real childhood. His sister back. Wants them BOTH out of that house and somewhere safe. If he could do it himself, he would. Call it his fucked up way of healing. Finally facing his trauma. It's haunted him long enough.

.....well then. Now You've got a baby and a fussy toddler. They have superpowers because of course they do. That house was OSHAs waking nightmares and deepest fever dreams. Jazzypants is hungy. And baby You did a stinky.

This is Fine(tm).

You're a King! You can TOTALLY handle this! Teeeeeemporarily. Since it's not like they can stay HERE. The Zone is literally uninhabitable long term for the living. So time to fire up the ol Brain Meats. Gremlin Ideas formulating. Loading... Loading... Loooooooading. Got it!

You kidnapped them.

Brilliant! FRIGHTY! Where's the Trenchcoat Booze Slu-...SLUHeuth. Sleuth! Totally what I was planning to say, Starshines! Don't curse. Cursing Bad~☆

The Detective Of Loose Morales in The Trenchcoat, who's Soul I Own, Frighty! Where's he at?? *Distant muffled answer* Close enough! Time to give him a heart attack! And throw a fight! Can you toss me a nightmare medallion? I need to instill mortal terror! Thaaaanks, Frighty! Also can you change diapers? *affirmative noises* Ancients, you're the best.

Smash cut to John Constantine. Busting up some cult, as you do. When? Oh fuck. The leaders heading for the store room! Not today, fucker! They fight. They struggle. It's Manly and Gritty and dramatic! When?

A terrible CRASH. Some artifact must have activated. What... have you DONE? *dramatic musical sting* swirling green and DEATH radiates out from a pin prick of nothing. A black hole in reverse. The cold oblivion of space, given bones to claw its way free. Eyes that sear in colors too technicolor and hypersaturated to be mortal. Green. Green! GREEN.

Ice and stars and death and a terrible, unspeakable Crown.

Two... two little sprogs. Tiny bits of nothing in a monsters hand. KIDS, wrapped up in something they never should of even had to nightmare about. John's eyes catch on red, red hair. A tiny little headband with butterflies on it. Pressed so close to dark locks, as she wraps herself around her little bits of a sibling.

The other ones dressed up in stars.

Someone SOLD their fuckin KIDS. Or this damned this STOLE them. It doesn't matter. Not now, not to John. Because this bastard isn't keeping them. He slides like breathing into the waves of luck and chance, odds and fate. Is on his feet and drawing attention. Whatever it takes, he's leaving here with those kids.

He laughs and it's not a kind one.

"Oi! A word if you will?"

@hypewinter @hdgnj @the-witchhunter @nerdpoe @ailithnight

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #dcxdp #dc x dp prompt #danny tricks John in taking the munchkins #john TOTALLY won these infants fair and square guys #he says showing up covered in ash to the next meeting #with two toddlers he has no idea what to do with #so uuuuh #anyone want two kids? #batman put your fucking hand down

[eliteseven]

dearest tumblr.com user EliteSeven, may I request your finest Sarah headcanons?

God yes, I could write a 3,000 page dissertation on this woman!!

Some ✨Sarah Morgan✨ Stellar Collision HC’s:

In no particular order:

-Sarah had a strict upbringing, mostly due to her mother’s influence, but her father’s as well. I HC that her father was the one she was closer to. While I think Abigail loves Sarah, I think she’s always recognized Sarah’s massive potential and pushed too hard for that reason- she just wanted her baby to be great. That, and Abigail doesn’t know how to love- not traditionally, as one might come to expect from a parent. She’s just…cold. 🥺

-Two of the ONLY ways to get Sarah to unwind when she’s all tense: sex and music. First one is self explanatory, second one I think due to the fact that she’s a musician, and she can only think about things in terms of patterns, logic, etc. she can really zone into music and let it take her mind off whatever is bothering her, and that never goes away with age. Jade learns her favorite songs, her favorite bands, gifts her with posters to make her feel like a teen again 💕 Jade loves learning about Sarah’s hobbies and interests outside of their work. Her hot drummer scientist gf is her world

- Sarah still drums on things with her fingertips when she’s anxious (including Jade!)

- Sarah “decided” love wasn’t for her after Cassiopeia and her subsequent return to civilization. Flings? Maybe? If her judgement is impaired? Generally speaking I think she closed herself off to feeling anything too personal after that, for fear of breaking down again. So when she meets Jade and Jade starts infuriating her to the point of passion…it reopens that door. She feels again. Granted, she feels annoyance, but a-ton of attraction too!

And then…Jade makes her feel happy. Safe. Wanted. So, needless to say, Sarah grows addicted to the feeling. Now she can’t bear to lose Jade. 💔

- I think Sarah is the jealous type. Not overtly or to the point of being annoying about it- but she doesn’t enjoy Nadia Muffaz ogling Jade, and she makes it known. She especially doesn’t love the idea of Jade getting it on with Captain Marquez lol, bc there’s a history there. She didn’t think she’d have a love like this- didn’t even think it possible. She’s NOT losing her girl to that shill of a reporter 😭 (sorry Nadia love u)

-Sarah definitely crushed hard on Aja, even if their relationship only ever resembled that of close friends. She grew out of it, and that crush solidified into respect, but she was a wide-eyed, eager apprentice at some point with a crush on her superior (just don’t tell Jade)

-Sarah is a little bit of an alcoholic, and she’s aware of it. She’s under a lot of stress in the course of the story- so give her a break. But it’s something she wants to work on. Much like the cigarettes she quit (but carries one in case of dire emergency-as we know)- it’s a vice she’s learning to deal with, and hopefully kick. I think she smoked in her youth (trying to be a rebel on/after Cydonia!!)- and forced herself to quit when she joined up with the military officially. Drinking is more of a response to the trauma of Cassiopeia. They also have a big ass open bar in the Lodge and should probably do away with the drinks there 😭💀

-she doesn’t see herself as mother material. This one is, again, pretty obvious- but still. Sona’s existence obviously changes a lot for her- but Sarah is so frightened of the term “mother”. She’s afraid of the kind of mother she’d be- she’s afraid she doesn’t know how to love properly, due to Abigail’s treatment of her. She’s stern when she should be soft, scolding when she could be nurturing- in her own eyes, of course. I think Jade is the one that melts these fears away with time and love. Jade constantly points out to her that she is maternal, that their team relies on her for everything, that she is kind and caring and incredibly loving. I think, there might come a time, where Sona recognizes Sarah as her mother. But that’s very far off from where we are 🥹

-Sarah is a baller. I HC that she and Walter make more than the others (as Jade likes to bitch about nearly every chapter lol) BUT what is she doing with that income??? Buying hotel rooms so she can fuck and get absolutely drilled in peace. Buying Jade a new jacket bc she got feisty and ripped her old one as she was tearing it off her. She’s smart, hot, loaded and not opposed to lavishing Jade with nice things. She is the dream wife™️

-Sarah can cook! Jade can’t. We never really got to have domesticity with them but if they ever got to just…live together and make dinner… it would be Sarah doing the cooking and Jade constantly wrapping herself around her and distracting her.

-Sarah is so protective of the members of her inner circle. Andreja is her beloved 🥰 (and Jade’s tbh- throuple? Throuple.) but fr- she is the one who gave Andreja that second chance! She saw through her, past the deceit and orders, and saw a young, vulnerable girl, too frightened to return her gaze. And she welcomed her with open arms. 🥺❤️

-she never liked Lillian Hart (she’s…not the best person in Stellar lol). I think she was just so devastated for Sam when things went down like they did- which is what fueled her argument with Lillian in the Lodge. Then Lillian went on to tear into Jade��so naturally Sarah almost snapped and put hands on her.

- Sarah really likes hazelnut coffee, and Noel noticed this once. Idk if it was her favorite. I think, when Jade gave her that hazelnut coffee that one morning in the Lodge, it truly became Sarah’s favorite. Like…she lied just so she’d have an excuse to talk to Jade every morning 😭💀

-this is more about Sarah’s jacket than Sarah lol but Jade really really really would like to see Sarah wearing just the jacket. Even Sarah’s jacket has game 😏

-Jade likes picking flowers for Sarah just so she can hear her nerd gf babble about what species she’s brought her this time. Sarah loves to go off on excited rants regarding subjects she’s most passionate about. Jade likes watching her speak and listening to her accent 😍 when Sarah realizes Jade is zoning out and staring at her lips, she scolds her….which turns her on even more. There is no winning with that menace.

-nightmares keep Sarah up, a lot of the time. Jade is attuned to this- has been since the very first time they slept in the same bed. She takes it upon herself to wake Sarah gently, if she’s crying- if Sarah’s already up, Jade forgoes sleep altogether. Sometimes, she offers to go on an early morning run with Sarah to take her mind off it. Other times, she distracts Sarah with quiet whispers of affection, of desire, and Sarah forgets everything in the universe except Jade’s touch, her mouth…

-She’s usually the one to dole out the pet names. “Darling” and “my love”, “sunshine” and “dearest” are a few terms Jade constantly hears. She’s not one for pet names for herself, but…idk occasionally Jade slips in a “Thanks, baby” when Sarah hands her something in passing and it just…shakes Sarah’s entire world??? Like she’s blushing and just immediately hide behind a slate and some lame work excuse. Bonus if Jade does so before they’re officially together 🫠💕

#stellar collision fic #Starfield #Sarah Morgan #ask #order-of-the-eye

[cooki3face]

Hello there! First of all, wanted to say that you are such an INCREDIBLE channeller, I literally resonate with all your messages, so thank you for sharing your gift with us😌 apologies in advance for the lack of structure in my questionI would like to know how can we work on our sexuality and feel more aligned and confident in that area of our life? Is it about pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone or is it about inner work? Is it about exploring? How do you release generational trauma?

thank you!! and you're welcome! I don't spend as much time channeling right off of the top of my head as I do interpreting and reading tarot and I wish it were the other way around honestly! I feel like sexuality and comfort in sexuality lies most in authenticity than it does in anything else. And I would identify sexuality (although many may not agree) as one's way of being and existing and the root in which things and others are magnetized towards us. Almost as we would envision one's prime or one's highest form of being, does that make any sense? let me know. I think of working on our sexuality or becoming more aligned and confident in it as being tender and intentional in curating what we manifest as in the physical. My advice would be to find what it is you use to ground yourself and really turn inwards and invest some of your energy into self-discovery, soul searching, and taking some time to identify what it means to you to love yourself (love in all definitions of the word lol) and what a loved version of yourself looks like. sexuality is so many things, erotic/sensual, emotional, spiritual, the energy or frequency we vibrate on and what we receive as a result to that. be really intentional on that journey towards your higher self and her/his physical form as well!

And, to answer your question about releasing generational trauma, the vast majority of us are working through releasing it throughout our entire lives honestly so I think it starts with being patient and understanding how many past and present loved ones have had to be here and live hard lives in order for you to get to the point of being ready to let go of it all. we break generational curses by changing the way we react to things or behaving differently and this applies to the release of what we're carrying as well. Take some time out to do some shadow work and practice how you're going to express and work through your traumas and experiences, find out where you store it in your body if you do, and how you can implement and tie in self-care in the process of releasing it and healing it. And if you can and are willing, seek out therapy and counseling because we all need it!! I do a lot of my own inner work and therapizing for myself and I've made it pretty damn far but I also have to acknowledge that generational trauma and heartbreak and hardship are made in community and so we must heal in community as well.

I hope that was what you were looking for in some sense and was helpful!!

#self love #self care #self improvement #self discovery #self expression #healingjourney #self healing #divine feminine #divine masculine #healing generational trauma #generationalhealing #generational curses #generational trauma #sexuality

[chaifootsteps]

Viv also has Dark_Crowl working on HB in boarding. She currently lives in Georgia (the country), but is a Russian who was working *in* Russia while also working on HB, while there are active Sanctions going on against Russia. While Sanctions technically have no legal recourse against corporations hiring freelance individuals (as opposed to hiring through companies, which is extremely illegal), it's still an extremely scummy move for corporations to employ. Not to mention that Georgia's government is extremely cooperative with Russia's in filtering taxes earned by Russians back into Russia, so her living there really doesn't change much on just where her taxes go (this is a common way Russians try to circumvent the Sanctions).

In the wake of this Ukraine/Russia debacle, Dark tweeted "I just wanna thank Viv for hiring ppl on the studio regardless of their nationalities, gender, sexuality and etc. I don't know where I could've been right now without her and SH And I'm so very grateful that at least in this community I'm not hated for just existing." https://twitter.com/Dark_Crowl/status/1704589043885871163 It's very nice that she can afford to hide in another country and avoid trouble while her taxes on those SH earnings went to destroying someone else's apartment, someone's hospital, someone's school. How grateful that she gets a community, while other people hide in terror and burry themselves unground to avoid the horrific trauma the soldiers above ground will enact on them if they come up. That's such a tone-deaf way to look at it, and tone-deaf seems to be the word of the year for SH.

DaniDraws is calling it xenophobia against Russians, https://twitter.com/DaniDraws666/status/1704523131614843294 but completely ignores the fact that Viv's studio is circumventing sanctions, probably because Russian labour is cheaper than American labour and she doesn't care of the taxes earned off that cheaper labour goes into firing missiles at civilian buildings. I don't think that she necessarily even supports Russia, I think she's just ignorant to literally anything outside of her own goals, including how *when you pay Russians living in Russia, they get taxed and it goes into lobbing more missiles at civilians*.

TL;DR: someone doesn't deserve hate just for being ethnically Russian, but if your studio is circumventing Sanctions in order to take advantage of cheaper labour and is paying Russians living in Russia or Georgia, then congrats - you're funding missile strikes on Ukrainian civilians, they have a right to be mad. It's not xenophobia, it's common empathy and awareness for things outside of your own little fantasy red demon zone. Someone else pointed this situation out to me like a year back when they first noticed, and I never bothered bringing it up because I didn't think it needed to be said. But if people like Dani want to get on a high horse about exploiting cheap labour around Sanctions, then more attention should be brought to the fact that they're doing just that.

Too fucking right it should. Thanks for the info, and for helping bring said attention.

#kedikatzen #vivziepop #vivziepop critical #spindlehorse critical #actual blog post

[cshfvck]

this is such a weird request omggg but can you do one where Isaac is like trying to ask the listener about their past but in like subtle ways and then the listener catches on and they like argue about it? AHH IDK I JUST THINK IT WOULD BE INTERESTING

𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝 - 𝐈𝐬𝐚𝐚𝐜 𝐱 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐞! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐳𝐬𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐕𝐀)

c/w: mentions and implied assault, abuse, slight gore, mentions of vomit, self harm references, fighting, no comfort

a/n: anon!!!!! Thank you so much for the idea and request, this was so fun to write and so heart wrenching ugh. When you ask for angst, you get angst xx

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

You want to be loved so badly. It's disgusting. It's fearful. It's agonizing. It's the unholyness of your entire existence. You don't need it to feel real, you don't need love to make you whole. It's just the thought of why can't you get to indulge in humanism. You feel so backed off from everyone.

Almost like there's a wall between you and every single person you have ever met. You watch from the broken, discarded window as your peers fall in and out of love. And yet you never were one to like staying inside. But you want to stay inside so badly now. You clung onto loveless, hopeless, misshapen, relationship of the past and the trauma choking you.

You used your entire "teenagehood" to avoid this drifting feeling. The feeling of being so pathetically alone and even the found feeling of being loved is almost like a divine comedy that loops itself to the point it's hysterical. It's like they deserve it and you don't. That's so pathetically visible to you.

For they play outside, the sun kissing soft skin, pavements scrape gentle knees, while you stay inside a broken house, clinging onto the houses shattered window, skin breaks on your palms. Blood drips. Velvet. Just like their lips. You did this as if it would escape you from the pain of independence.

Yet here you were, making dinner for you and Isaac. You'd zoned out with the knife in your graspxface blank as you stared down at the onion you were cutting. It's sting reminded you of them, every bit of them that traumatized you, the stinging of- you can't be thinking of them. You're doing it again.

Shaking your head, you try and shake away the memories of the past, hands shaking violently as you kept cutting through onion. The silver of the blade glimed in the kitchen light, oh how many times the silver had dug into your skin.

It carved its way into you, marking you as it's own. Silver doesn't care and doesn't know it's purpose without being used, just like you. The kitchen was empty apart from the sound of the radio playing quietly, the lyrics echoed in your mind as you stared down at the knife.

The blade comforted you at the worst of times, digging deeply within your flesh and cutting out the remains of the sin burried deep within you that you could redeem yourself for, having to get on your knees for forgiveness

"Be good and beg"

So you begged for forgiveness. The blade was sinful, yet heavenly the guilty aftermath yet relieving feeling of the cool metal on your skin made you yearn for it again and again, an addict as one may say.

The knife was held tightly within your grip but that's when you felt it, two hands on your waist and a kiss on your neck. You'd completely forgotten you were even cooking. Isaac looked at you with a worried expression and knew this was to do with you past.

He knew you never talked about it. He wasn't surprised. His hands gently massaged the skin of your abdomen and smiled as he kissed your neck, rocking you side to side gently into rhythm to the music.

"What you cooking love..? Need me to cut anything?"

He was testing the waters today, he wanted to hint at small things and see if you'd open up. He highly doubted anything would happen bad and that you'd close down the situation, but oh.. Oh how he didn't know what was to come.

You'd already had a shit day, bad clients, bad weather, not having the right ingredients, flash backs. The fucking flashbacks. You looked at him and shook your head but he urged you to sit down while he finished the cooking his face soft but written in worry.

...

The smell of food filled the room you must've fallen asleep. You rubbed your eyes and saw a plate of food being placed in front of you while Isaac sat down besides you.

He wasn't dumb.

Isaac noticed you getting worse recently and wasn't going to leave it alone. He slowly watched as you ate and then began to eat himself, noticing how you play with your food.

"You've not been hungry recently have you? Is it the nightmares again?"

Testing the waters, he watched your expression. It didn't change in the way he had wanted, your eyes flashed with anger yet you stayed silent, slowly eating a little more. He needed you to talk and couldn't help if you didn't.

"Babe- please this isn't good for either of us.. Talk to me love, tell me wants going on. Is it your past? You need to tell me.."

He huffed out in frustration you'd both had a bad day at work and your expression soured even more. You shook your head and shoves the food away, getting up and rummaging through the cabinets as you grabbed yourself an alcoholic drink, downing it.

The familiar burning of the drink felt good. It was t supposed to but it did. Isaac was getting tired and stood up taking the alcohol away from you as he spoke again, sounding worried

"You cant keep drinking it away, talk to me."

You snapped and downed the rest of the bottle and slammed it back down on the counter. Your hands were shaking and you felt sick.

"Why don't you just stop fucking asking? I try and ask you anything about your past and you won't answer, so why can't you respect mine?! "

You snarled as he looked down at you. His soft look had changed and turned into his usual stern one. He didn't care for your feelings right now and simply wanted an answer, you were both tipsy and tired, it wasn't a good combination.

"You know what, fucking out! I'm sick of your attitude! Lock yourself in the bedroom or something like you were trained to do, I don't want to see you until that mouth of yours is trained!"

Snarling again, he grabbed your collar and slammed you against the fridge things audibly rattling inside as you started to yell back, hands hitting him and telling him to get off you.

Things were getting pretty heated. Small parts of your past had been revealed while arguing, you called Isaac out for being so moody after work and asked if all you were was a doll for him to use.

Neither of you were blind. You'd been abused in your past, probably worse. Isaac tried desperately to calm down but your words made him snap and he slapped you, calling you pathetic.

A stinging pain filled your cheek, a slick wetness forming slowly on it as you stared at him. His face was full of horror and be loved forward, hands shaking. He felt sick knowing he had just hit you. Hit you like you had been before.

That's all you are good for after all, being hit around and hurt. Drink, smoke, sleep. It's a vicious cycle. The abused becomes the abuser.

You would follow Isaac like a lost puppy, clinging to him and whining whenever he left you. Now you were biting the hand that fed you, slowly turning into the feral mutt you were before.

"Love- love come here I'm sorry-"

Sorry. It was an easy word to say. It was just a word. It meant nothing to anyone anymore. He looked at you as you backed away and shook your head.

You truly are pathetic

'Start a new life and move on'

Only to be beat again by the man you thought you could trust.

You deserved it.

It's funny isn't it?

Oh

Oh.

It isn't.

This is how the world works. Greed takes over and gluttony sets in, lust blinds and people get hurt. People get beat, just as you were.

But you deserve it.

More than anyone.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

a/n: .. I love writing angst

[ina-nis]

This is making me go a little insane again today because I'm always the oldest one in my groups and let me tell how people throw "predator" and "groomer" when your only crime is something you have no control over (your age). Yeah, I don't take that shit well at all.

I gave up on deeply connecting with people my age because there's almost not a single thing we have in common and it's hard with the whole queerness + disability + sober stuff. People are busy with jobs and families too so there's no place for me in their lives.

It's easier to connect with younger folks because of shared interests and literally being on a similar place in life (having not built much), many are not in long-term relationships or married, and definitely most do not have kids.

I hate this, I honestly do. I feel creepy and disgusted but beating myself up over something out of my control won't do anything to help so I don't do that anymore.

Do you seriously think I like being here, where the majority of the current userbase are super young, when I've been on this website for over 10 years? I really don't. I could never really connect deeply with people in real life, ever since I can remember, ever since internet and smartphones weren't really that accessible. At least now, I have a way to make connections, and keep these connection in my life, even if only virtually.

Don't even get me started on the whole "I'm lonely. I want a partner" because I'm really getting out of my comfort zone and coming onto any adults, regardless of their age - obviously, always younger than me...

I don't know... this shit fucking sucks and it's only going to get worse the older I get, I guess.

My therapist was excited about the possibility of me going back to school because "you'd be able to meet more people and make friends" but I already have a degree and all the relationships in these places (school, work, etc) are temporary: they exist as long as you're there. I gave up on trying to understand why, and it has a lot to do with people and their own priorities. You become a footnote in their lives, and they become one in yours too. The connections die.

So... am I willing to put myself in debt and emotional strain, for who knows how many years, so I'd, maybe, get my foot on the job market (again) and make friends (again), just to deal (again) with the crushing reality of being virtually unemployable and see connections I might spent a lot of energy and time building up, die? I'm not really sure if I want to do that again, or if I want to keep on doing that, to be honest.

It's funny because it went full circle: when I was younger and even as a child, I found it hard to connect with people my age (probably something to do with how you have to mature under duress to survive, and the whole childhood trauma thing, too); and now as a fully-grown adult, I achieved basically nothing people my age "ought" to: I don't have a career, I'm not in a relationship (never have been), I don't work because of my disabilities, I don't have a family or friends I can count on (so no social buffers or a safety system), I have built virtually nothing concrete, much like how when you're just starting your adult life!

As much as I understand the sentiment coming from people about how "it's not too late" and "you're not behind in life, you're where you're supposed to be", you'll still be labeled a predator for only having young friends and childish interests on the internet - and before anyone tells me to just "get off internet and go outside" do I need to explain again the matters of accessibility? Also "it's alright to not being able to work" until you have a invisible disability that makes it looks like you're actually just faking it, and so on.

I understand I'm one of those. I understand I have all these horrible "red flags" and that no one should ever be allowed near me, and I should never really approach any young person ever. The irony is that I don't like children and immaturity is a huge turn off for me so I'm stuck with a bunch of young inexperienced people. It sucks for me in a lot of different ways.

But I'll honestly take that over being around people my age who managed to build things and relationships over time. I don't need any more reminders of how much "lost" time I have to grieve...

I'm not naive, I know I still have time and I know I have built quite a lot of things. That's not the point I'm trying to make, and that's not what I have to grieve either. The matter of time is still a huge issue that is absolutely out of my control and I can only do so much with what I have.

#inanis post

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

abuse , victim blaming

just need to vent, thank you

i hate hate HATE it when people being kind towards abuse survivors are called babying them. i hate hate HATE it when people tell survivors to fight back and say it's our own fault if we're stuck because we're unwilling to work towards our own freedom. i HATE it when they are praised and even proud of themselves for making us face the harsh truth. YOU DONT!!! i find it very very VERYYY victim blamey to even inisuate we are somehow in the wrong for what? not trying even harder to escape? i always feel insulted each time someone tell me to try to escape and "get out of my comfort zone". like, why did you assume i never tried to fight back or escape? why did you think i even have any comfort zone at all? i hate it even more when it comes to fellow abuse survivor who escaped on their own. like, okay??? just because you could finally escape doesnt mean everyone else can do it too??? do i understand that sometimes, there are no outsiders who can magically save us? of course i do! i've known since early age that nobody will side with me! do i desperately wish to be able to escape myself since nobody from outside would be able to or willing to help me! OF COURSE!!!! I'VE TRIED FOR YEARS!!! SO WHY THE ASSUMPTION THAT BECAUSE I'M STILL STUCK THEN CLEARLY I HAVEN'T TRIED HARD ENOUGH????!!!!

gods. i understand if people who never experience abuse say that. but fellow abuse survivors??? hello???? do you seriously think escaping abusive situation is just a matter of mindset change wtf. i know staying in an abusive situation is bad!!!! i know it's highly unlikely any outside party will help me!!! i also know that escaping will bring negative consequences because i have tried and experienced it myself!!! even if i do escape i dont even know where to go!!!! i will die either way!!! like holy shit just because my exterior personality is calm and friendly doesnt mean im just tolerating bullshit while denying reality wtf

Hi anon,

I hear you. Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there with backwards ideas about abuse survivors, and the rhetoric that they perpetuate is so hurtful and damaging to our recovery. It's frustrating to deal with people who are simply ignorant to how abuse actually works. By perpetuating victim-blaming in these ways, they are protecting abusers.

I think it's important to be reminded that you didn't deserve what happened, regardless of whether or not you fought back. You still deserve kindness and it's not your fault if you didn't fight back. The only person whose fault it is, is the person who caused the abuse in the first place (the abuser). Just because it may have taken you longer to leave, or because perhaps you're not out of it yet, doesn't make you weak or unworthy of love, kindness, and safety. You have been and are doing your best.

I also just want you to consider that these people, while they will unfortunately exist, they don't deserve your time, energy, and emotion. You are worth so much more than to give them space they don't deserve in your mind and heart. You know your truth, you know what really happened and how abuse really works, and they cannot take that away from you with their ignorance. It can be exhausting to challenge these kinds of people and the rhetoric they spout, especially because it hits you right in the trauma. So for your own mental health and self care, while it is important to acknowledge the effect these comments have on you, it's also important to, not let it go necessarily, but know that you're worth more than spending your energy and emotion arguing with ridiculous statements.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

[lea-the-mew]

Im sorry if this comes off as negative but I've been browsing syscourse for hours a day now and ijust can't fucking take it anymore.

I am beyond done

*inhale*

FOR FUCKS SAKW PLEASE JUST FUCKING STOP FIGHTINT BOTH OF YOU.

Edogenic systems, traumagenic, anti or pro Endo, i can't fucking give a shit anymore.

Something that both sides fail to understand is that systems such as my own (which being honest we can't for the life of us figure out if we're traumagenic or not) will look at this shit, and several things will happen

They might feel invalidated by the very community they're supposed to be welcomed in. I am genuinly afraid of interacting with many systems in fear that they will invalidate us (since i the host has a lot of trouble understanding the fact that i do have headmates, and we experience plurality in a very unique and particular way)

But what bothers me the most is all the fucking death threata and the "your so lucky to have trauma" from many endos.

Like of course that's fucked up how can you not see it. My message to them is:

THAT WONT FUCKING SOLVE ANYTHING, YOURE JUST MAKING IT WORSE FOR ALL ENDOGENICS! YOURE GIVING TRAUAMTIZED PEOPLE MORE TRAUMA, AND GIVING ANTI ENDOS A REASON TO HATE YOU (a reason i must admit, feels very justified given what it is)

But also i feel sometimes systems forget that other systems are people, who are complex, which means they can be absolute pieces of shit. Being a system doenst automatically make you a good person.

And to anti ENDOGENICS, i must say, do you even realize how fucking complicated the human brain is?! If it can do all these insane things, if it is basicslly s supercomputer inside our heads, what's to say it couldnt make systems without trauma too?!

Tell me any argument for why endogenic systems can't exist, outside of "there is no research"

This rant has gone way too long.

Tldr, I'm tired, were tired. Were tired of our community were supposed to feel safe in becoming a goddamn war zone, where we don't even have the confidence to approach other members of it because we're afriad.

To everyone, please...

Stop

To all my followers who follow me for pokemon and kin stuff, i suppose this was my coming out as a system, and i promise that I'll immediately go back to that after this, I just really needed to get this off my chest.

#syscourse #system stuff #mixed origin system #system neutral #I am so very tired #We're all tired

[consistentsquash]

Hi ConsistentSquash, thank you a million times for recommending Pandemic. I finished reading the series at 3 am today. It is the most fantastical, magical, cathartic story I have read in fandom. It captured the essence of the hell years and the world that we have afterwards. Subversive, heartbreaking, towering and ultimately healing.

" The shadowed places in Harry's heart that had known only loneliness gleamed bright as he held in his hands what he had longed for, through four decades of keening want and wish."

"Storge is the love of a man for his family."

"She had an affinity for hawthorn trees and a horse with no name."

"2020, he had believed, would be the year he found the One."

hiya!! sorry this took so long. life is really complicated right now. but yeah! anyway.

Yay!! You found Pandemic from my rec <3 Thanks for telling me! It's so amazing when that happens. Really gives me the motivation to do more reccing.

Yep! Pandemic is incredible. Absolutely love it.

"2020, he had believed, would be the year he found the One."

I feel like a lot of folks had big plans for 2020. Then the world kind of went into suspend mode and we didn't really get back from there.

Also it's got lots of personal meaning for me. The fic that got me motivated to write my first serious rec because I really wanted to read more fics like that but those fics don't exist. I wanted to do something to encourage/celebrate the fics that actually exist.

Diversity in type of fic can be super hard to find in big fandom recs/movie recs/anything big enough because folks just read/rec the same tropes/beats... which means folks are going to write the fic that's going to get read!

Also there is a horns/halo effect. Folks feel better about reccing/reading books/movies/fic/whatever others like. They also feel more comfortable criticizing things others criticize. Sometimes that's got good reasons but a lot of times it's just because something is out of our comfort zone. There's a pretty famous letter by Scorsese abt how it can be hard for things outside the comfort zone to be taken seriously because we are looking for more reasons to criticize it.

It doesn't mean the big recs are bad/anything derogatory. These things are super subjective. Apples and oranges. But when everybody's reccing apples sometimes and you really want an orange you have to do a lot of searching by yourself to get that orange :D Some folks hate oranges. That's ok. Folks are allowed to have totally different tastes.

I love Pandemic. It made me think. It really was pretty different from the endorphin hit I get out of reading good executions of classic tropes I love. It took me outside my comfort zone like crazy. Just that part was different enough compared to what I read before and because of that reason alone worth reccing. Another commenter got the vibe spot on.

Pandemic strikes me as inescapably, painfully, bluntly in-your-face human. Whatever being human means in 2020 and 2021 for us.

The trauma. I mean Harry literally becoming an Obscurial because of depression/loneliness/lack of connection during the lockdown. oof. that fic hurt.

It was my first time reading that type of prose. The technique. Really precise until it kind of explodes into poetry? But then you realize the whole thing was poetry building up.

But more than that. It really really owns cringe. Like it decided to be cringe and owned it.

Because there is this thinking like even inside fandom how cringe means w/o talent/sophistication. We can be sometimes afraid to love something cringe unless others rec it/love it. I am the same ofc! it took me forever to own how much I like dubcon to HEA in fic. But one of the million things I love about Pandemic is how the whole concept of cringe gets turned upside down/deconstructed without getting preachy and also at the same time having one of the best stories I have read in fandom.. Just thinking abt some of the cringe/cringe adjacent things Pandemic subverted

Mary Sue/OC - Delphini Lestrange. I mean. HP fandom is more or less aligned on Cursed Child being pretty mediocre. taking that and changing it into this competent Healer archetype is pretty out there. It works. Idk if you really need to understand the trope to get the point because the first layer of the story is pretty direct.

Songfic - peak FFN baby's first fanfic cringe type thing. Pandemic is pretty intentional about using that genre with respect. A horse with no name (the Narcissa POV) is probably one of the best examples of that. Also the Shelley poetry in the Grindeldore/the jazz in Sugar Plum (the Dumbledore POV) are some of my favorite things ever.

OOC - I mean. This can be pretty gatekeeping and controversial. Sometimes folks don't want to read something they think is out of character which is totally cool. I am pretty picky about Snape characterizations. But also canon Snape is not gay so idk if my fav slash fics are in character or anything. I guess I can justify it as Canon Snape but he's gay or something like that. Anyway what I loved about Pandemic is how it starts out with OOC characterizations and builds to pretty IC characterizations. Another reccer said

Well written set of interlocking fics, with HP characters that are OOC, but have well developed back stories that bring them close to canon behavior by a totally different route

It was really cool because this is definitely the spirit of The Life of Brian/Monty Python the fics took inspiration from. Anyway I love how it did something new without worrying about getting called OOC. It owned that and made it work.

cottagecore - depending on which side of cottagecore discourse you are on folks can be pretty intense on the gatekeeping about what it means. Pandemic is cottagecore with a twist... If your cottage is the sentient Hogwarts Castle which is eating the magic of its Headmasters. But the tropes it uses are peak cottagecore. esp the dark side of cottagecore gatekeeping abt how fluff/slice of life is the only real way to do that style.

Rationality stuff- ofc depending on which side of the fandom you are in you probably know about HPMOR/adjacent type of fic which generally goes for OP/Mary Sue Harry with lots of philosophy quotes and libertarian takes. Pandemic does something pretty wild with that take. It has the philosophy of the characters in their POV keeping it super unreliable and subjective. Also feels pretty reclaiming abt philosophy. Like no its not just a weapon folks use to justify things. It's got some beauty and humans connect to it? YMMV. Idk I don't normally go for this type of thing but this was such an incredible takedown of a lot of modern political stuff and how folks justify their takes.

Modern life/loneliness. I feel like we just accept loneliness as part of modern life a lot of times because it's somehow kind of in our head that it's pretty cringe to accept we are some age and alone. Lots of reasons for that. For me personally mental health is a big one. Anyway this is a pretty incisive fic on that front. It doesn't preach. But it's super gentle and comforting/accepting? Idk I felt super comforted. Pretty different from litfic tropes abt loneliness/alientation. YMMV about realism and things like that but I don't need slashfic for realism :D

I probably got a lot of stuff wrong because the fic doesn't come with meta or serious A/N. So like don't quote me on this. Definitely not an easy read but the thinking the fic made me do is totally worth it for me.

Anyway. Pandemic is the type of fic which probably took a lot of courage to write/put out there. Because the tip of the iceberg is pretty cringe and you really need to sit with it to get the big picture. I mean a pandemic mental health/modern life loneliness fic including Cursed Child Canon and combining with mythology, astronomy and lots of economic theory and adding some of the writing tropes we normally call cringe in fandom is definitely a choice. But it worked for me. It's one of the two fics which made a huge difference in my life. So yeah! <3

#hp #fic recs #hp fic recs #harrymort #pandemic the fic #hp slash fic recs #hp slash #harrymort fic recs #asks #meta #i guess #not meta #but something #sorry im hyperfixating #on reccing #eldritcher fics

[void-rainbow]

(mentions of abuse) (but more about the after effects)

(still, um, inclusion of sexual trauma. and the topic of sexuality. and triggers)

Embarrassed sometimes by my own behavior.

Hate that sometimes getting trapped in my own....I don't know what to call it. Horrors.

Being in an environment in which I can 100% escape uncomfortable situations. Either by leaving/taking a break or telling people "hey I'm uncomfortable" and knowing that they're good and will respect me and we can change course. But no. Sometimes I don't do that. And I hate it. Hate having a reaction to things that disturb me and then going harder on them.

Maybe I'll just be writing something for myself and then my brain fills with horrors and I don't even realize. Leaking everywhere into everything. And I'll be like lol this is just ridiculous fun isn't it. Horror is fun. Messed up things can be interesting. And only realizing very late that I'm in a nightmare world of my own creation and deeply disturbed and it hurts and I'm just gonna laugh until it turns to screams of pain and fear and mourning

Or playing ttrpgs with friends and the chance to flirt to distract your enemies comes up and getting too into the rp of it and I've overdone it outside my comfort zone and absolutely no one is making me do this. And maybe no one notices because it's not like it's inappropriate behavior for the setting. But I notice and feel terrible like I can't control myself. And maybe when I bring it up with friend when we were gonna start wlw specific ttrpg she says I shouldn't play because it would be too uncomfortable for others to be around that and I should figure out sexuality elsewhere.

Where. Where. Don't feel fit to be around other people sometimes. My mind is full of nightmares and they'll escape.

Can only guess at why. Not for why the nightmares exist, but why they leak out so horribly.

Being in an environment for years where everyone around you supports an abuser. Even if they don't like him. Supporting "harmony". But harmony means doing whatever he says, because anything else makes him a sad hurt victim who I'm hurting by not complying with his wants, who everyone else has to rise and defend by chastising me for making him so sad and hurt. And learning that the safest place was to comply no matter how uncomfortable or hurting I was. Run to danger and inhabit it to try to be safe. Until everything gets tangled up and I can't tell the different between enjoyment, excitement, pain, discomfort.

Can only wonder if being around others might pull them into my nightmare world

Don't want to be alone. Want to be able to socialize and not have to avoid everything having to do with sexuality. Have gotten better on it, as far as more normal comfort and management of triggers. The other response of feeling endangered by any association of sexuality with me is way way down, though still there

And it's happened. Trying to socialize in fandom. All the nightmares escaping horribly. And I don't think anyone knows. I don't know if all the pain and discomfort I'm feeling is transferring to other people. Trying. Trying not to. Though it feels inevitable. Inevitable for something to come up and I won't realize what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. And maybe the times it's happened haven't hurt people I dunno but I'm still scared of it if too many nightmares escape

(one reason not to be in large Discord servers) (I guess) (I dunno I feel like some of my existence there is a mistake)

Wishing it was easier sometimes to just talk about trauma plainly. And then people would know. And maybe I could feel more normal. And maybe things wouldn't escape so uncontrolled because I would've done so in a purposeful controlled fashion. But that's often too much for people. Even if spoken of in a serious manner that's warned for and spoilered and all that >.>

Don't want to feel like a danger to others. Too difficult a past. Too many feelings

#personal

[yanderenightmare]

yandere bully ! BAKUGO KATSUKI

goodiebag WARNINGS: yandere, noncon, profanity, abuse, anger issues, anxiety, arson, bullying, child neglect, child abuse, drugs, addiction, anorexia, guilt, pills, unprotected sex, stalking, trauma

TIP-JAR

PART ONE 

IN CASE OF FIRE: PUSH ALARM - PART TWO

IN THE TRAILER

She ran away from him in the hallway.

He’d warned her of what would happen if she did.

Knowing it was a matter of when as the next day he was left waiting, grazing the halls of where she’d left him with a kicked ball-sack on the dirty school-floors, all lovesick and frenzied with fire ants raging over his skin and a manic promise that one way or the other he’d get her. Lying in suspenseful spiteful wait to tell everyone what type of slut the little spitball in class 3c General Studies really was.

But, timing was everything, and as the day went by without him spotting her he realized the opportunity to ruin her reputation in school wasn’t going to rear its head.

She was home… 

Sick.

Or, that’s what she’d told the school. One quick question at the reception told him so.

She was home. 

Home in that run-down trailer-park sorry-excuse for a home she despised, the one she cried about so often, the one with neighbours who didn’t give two shits worth a damn about who she was or that her mother was a crackhead-whore in no position to take care of her. 

She was there instead of at school begging him to stop, begging for him to give her a second chance, begging him to kiss her, like she was supposed to do.

Standing outside her trailer, he wondered if whether her mom was home or not. He wondered if either one of her neighbours would care if they saw him break in, if it even was considered breaking in.

He spotted her mother slouched on a beach-chair beside some other trailer with a needle still stuck to her arm, ugly destroyed skin sizzling in the summer-heat, mouldy flip-flops sticking to her feet. 

He cringed at the sight of it, but knew then that his pursuit would go on unprovoked, which at the very least brought him some sense of relief.

She’d gotten in through scholarship as she in no form or way could afford a school like UA. That much was clear, unlike how unclear the crystal-meth shards decorating the plastic salon-table placed on the outside of their van was. 

She transferred half-way through the first year, all on the account of pure hard work.

He could respect that. 

He did respect that. Given she was quirkless and all. It was the reason she’d caught his eye.

It all went sideways when she rejected his invitation to Homecoming.

He’d already gone miles away out of his comfort-zone, out of his element, talked himself into asking her out, only for her to turn him down.

Him.

Best student in Hero-course 1A at the time.

Rejected.

He knew it was petty of him to bully her because of it, but… she didn’t only make a fool out of him, she broke his fucking heart.

He could have listened to Kiri, and tried to forget about her through some other extra, but... he wanted her. He’d decided. She was his. And a quirkless trailer-rat like her was in no position to just say no.

In some sick sense he believed she deserved better. Him being better. But, he would like for her to ask for his help, instead of him just giving it to her. He would like to see her grovel, beg, just a little bit, or a lot. He wanted to see her regret her decision. He wanted to see her sorry. He wanted to see her want him as much as he wanted her. And he wanted it to be her who initiated it.

But… he could see that wasn’t happening. He could see that his unorthodox methods of courting her through continuously trying to bend her until she broke only consisted of her rewinding or snapping back like a rubber-band.

She was distracted, too busy being broken by what life had given her, too busy with juggling different shifts, bills, schoolwork, to be thinking about him and how he pushed her around a bit at school.

He eyed the cracked paint of the faded trailer with much the look of a snob on his face. Fingers brushing over the door-handle, testing how much noise it would make if he were to pick the lock, coming to a complete loss. 

He could barely believe it… the door was unlocked, and when he stepped inside he was even more distraught to see there was no existing lock there to be locked in the first place. 

Meanwhile her mother was too busy slowly dying to better protect her daughter from depraved humans who could come and do just about anything they wanted with her.

Meaning… just look at him.

Soft snores brought him back to where he was once he closed the door behind him. Making the short way to the source of the groggy sounds, feeling his stomach flutter at the thought of how wrong it was of him to be there, sneaking about like some love-obsessed sick stalker, getting turned on by hearing his prey sleep.

What the fuck was wrong with him? 

And why didn’t he care enough to stop?

He stood at the foot of her bed, hands in the pockets of his trousers, head tilted to the side to view her sleeping frame.

Sleeping on top of the covers, not under.

He doubted it was because of the heat, the same way he doubted the mattress beneath was clean.

She was curled onto her side, knees bent and tucked up. Cute with that teddy-bear she used as a pillow, silly and stupid but cute because of it, especially in her uniform despite having left the tie and blazer off.

She was wearing her uniform.

Meaning... she’d either gone to bed with her clothes on and slept through the entire day, or she had planned on going to school this morning, but weaseled her way out like the weakly coward she was.

Well, in that case… what he was about to do would serve her right then...

Ought to teach her lesson.

He lifted his hand out of his pocket, producing a finger to poke her ankle softly, before stroking up a path alongside her socks, all four other digits joining in the stride before the fabric came to an end and his callous fingertips glided onto the doughy flesh of her leg, over the dome of her knee and onto her even softer thigh, coming to the edge of her skirt.

He always liked her in that skirt. 

That’s where his mind was at as he started lifting to see what underwear she was wearing, yet never getting that far as something sharp dug into each side of his wrist.

Her nails weren’t of course any close to lethal, yet managed to surprise him as she whipped around to meet him, digging the talons into his roughened skin.

She might not have prioritized figuring out who it was that was currently touching her in her bed, but she had assessed the situation enough to know that someone was in fact in her house and touching her, something of which is not a good omen when you live where she lived, nor in any other situation for that matter.

He tried subduing the splash of struggles that followed her awakening by climbing and crawling some further up on the bed in order to control what myriad of flailing limbs came at him. 

Soon, hands that had primly started clawing at him were safely locked in his much larger hands.

“Oi, relax! It’s just me!”

As if it being him would have any other effect than of rising her already racing heartbeats. Yet, even as her lungs heaved for as much air as her tight chest would allow her, he managed to capture her focus, her hands pinned to each side of her head whereas her feet were stopped amidst their kicking, crushed beneath the weight of the much stronger, much more encompassing mass and weight of Katsuki’s legs.

He hunched over her, back arching with his face a mere half-foot away from her own, the only thing supporting his upper-body being his arms, which were stretched out and grasping at her wrists, pushing them into her pillow.

Her eyes were large with craze-ridden fear as they locked with his recognizable carmine ones. 

“Bakugo?” 

Shocked and scared, with the creeping feeling of anticipation waving over her again, now all for different reasons then when she first understood there was an intruder in her caravan. 

Somehow, it being Bakugo gave her an even starker unsettling eerie feeling than if it had been a total stranger. Maybe because oblivion is bliss and knowing what is to come makes the inevitable that much more inescapable. 

Still, she demanded he tell her, even though she thought she might already know the answer. 

“What are you doing? Why are you here!?”

“You weren’t at school.” He stated, spoken as though it preforming as explanation enough, though serving as far from it to the girl beneath him, the confusion shown in the way she scrunched her brows together.

He noticed, contemplating whether or not he should make his reasons known, but deciding against it and for playing with her for just a little while longer.

“I thought, since you managed to wiggle your way out of your punishment at school, I’d bring the punishment to you.” 

He searched her features for any cracks in her composure, but though she looked beyond uncomfortable, she made no moves to push him off.

Her eyes squinted instead, narrowing at him. 

“I’m not scared of you, Bakugo. I know you’re not gonna hurt me.” 

Her body started twisting under him. The action far from vigorous, mainly meant to show her discomfort as she knew she wouldn’t go anywhere unless Katsuki decided she could.

And though the intention to her wiggling was not to evoke his arousal, it most certainly managed to do just that.

He inhaled sharply and she felt her body freeze up, seize at the feel of his hips making a shift to slot himself against her, grinding down onto her flattened and unmoving body.

“Hurt you?” 

He let out a low rumble of a laugh, like building thunder. 

“Who said anything about hurting you?”

Her breath strained as his eyes scrunched closed upon her jerking, his own teeth sinking into his bottom-lip to maintain the hiss on his tongue at the pull in his pants, his head descending to nuzzle against her chest, spiky hair poking at her chin. 

Mouth breathing hot breaths onto her ear, causing her to whimper.

“Thought you just said you weren't scared?”

She swallowed thickly, improperly giving his rhetorical question an answer, feeling her wrists go numb under his hold and her blood running cold.

“Bakugo…?” 

He didn’t answer and she felt herself go even more rigid at the absence of his voice.

It wasn’t often Katsuki didn’t speak back to her when she willingly spoke to him. In fact, it was never. But now, he was quiet, too quiet, making the frightening rugged sound of his heavy breathing overwhelm her ears, dulling her senses in the process before everything being sent into hyperdrive upon the feeling of his hand leaving her one wrist to cup her breast outside her shirt, giving the mound a careful and slow yet full squeeze.

She yelped at the sudden attack, her body jumping up against him, making yet another teasingly harsh contact with his clothed cock.

This time he hissed, both upon her delicious little struggles but also because her newly freed hand had actively made the decision to pull his hair as a desperate means of making him move.

It worked to some extent, at least in freeing her other hand which opened for the opportunity to drag herself out from beneath him. 

Yet, the action was stopped in a series of rather clumsy fighting, where Bakugo managed to retract the upper-hand once again, pinning both her wrists with one hand whilst tugging loose his tie with the other. 

He’d slotted himself between her legs now, her skirt spreading and hiking up her thighs as she struggled to stop him from tying her wrists together and fasting them to the handicap-bar mounted on the side of the bed, yet failing.

Her body free for him to touch now, to tamper and play with, and she felt her heart catch in her throat, small pleas coming erupting from the place because of it, but he didn’t seem to hear her, and if he did, he was electing to ignore the pitiful sounds.

His hands traveled down her sides, thumbs rubbing over the scratchy material, the fabric of her shirt stiff as a result of using dollar-store laundry detergent.

White shirt; made up of thin fabric to make the fight against the Tokyo-heat easier, yet resulting in it being so temptingly easy to make see-through with just a little spill of water. Water Katsuki was always so eager to pour, either with light teasing spritzes from his water-bottle or in carrying her over his shoulder into the showers and holding her there as the water rained down upon her, drenching both her and himself, then offering ever so mockingly if she would like to borrow a shirt, because unlike her he had a dorm-room with fresh and dry clothes, whereas she only had that one uniform and all other clothes made up of more holes than actual textile.

He chuckled at the memories as his fingers moved up-front and centre to tamper with the buttons.

“I bet you just hate this uniform, don’t yah?” His voice, although maintaining the snicker, was soft. Not loud and abrasive and rushed, but as though he was enjoying himself, thoroughly at that, drinking in the moment.

His movements too, were slow; careful.

Large warm hands stroking down the bare skin of her stomach, feeling the tremors as he did so, with eyes glued to those perfect mounds found beneath what looked like a well-worn sports-bra, making him wonder what she’d look like if he were to dress her up in expensive red lace. She’d be mouthwatering to look at either way, and breasts are just as soft whichever way they’re dressed… it’s not like the bra is staying on for too long anyway.

He swallowed thickly to stop his mouth from dripping.

He tucked her shirt out from her skirt, taking a moment to grip her midriff and squeeze to try and ease her struggling. 

It only resulted in her thrashing even more, whirlwinds of panicked get-off-me’s and fuck-you’s and stop’s spilling from her mouth in rapids, but the plead seemed to repel off Bakugo’s ears like water off a ducks back where the desperation only aided in satiating his sick sadism, in the same fashion tears fell from her eyes aided in making his stomach churn or flutter with something he could only describe as bliss, her arms trying to the best of their efforts at tugging at her bonds, to no avail except for making the skin found their chaffed and sore.

He spent a few seconds deciding whether he wanted the skirt on or off as he felt up the fabric between his fingers, more memories flushing his mind with such sweet and potent nostalgia of him lifting up the short excuse for coverage in the school-halls every day to sneak a peak at her underwear, or those times he would bend her over classroom-desks and push his bulge where it would fit so snuggly against her ass.

“Kinda feels like this skirt gets shorter and shorter for each year...” He mused, stroking up the skin of her thighs, lifting the fabric in the process, revealing a pair of black cotton boxers which, despite being lackluster, forced a groan to rumble from his chest.

The fuck-you’s had turned to please’s and the change made a smirk curl onto his lips as he put his lips to the inside of her thigh before pulling away to look down at her, all spread open and quivering for him. 

Breasts all perfect, squished together in the comfort of her bra, hair splayed on top of the pillow, her nose turning all red and adorable with her eyes brimming with both panic and tears.

Her skin felt so soft and untouched beneath his fingertips as he stroked up and down her thighs, pulling them towards him, as far as the bonds on her wrists would allow, slightly struggling with how much the panic had taken a hold of her, her legs kicking and flailing.

But he liked it that way. 

Messy and desperate.

“Don’t be difficult, Quirkless, you’re not getting out of this.” He spoke so calmly, so collected and controlled and determined. As though he wasn’t doing anything wrong, as though this was his right. “This is the only thing you’re any good for anyways.”

He leveled with her clothed little sex, slung her legs over his shoulders, watched as she squirmed upon his breath, heard her whimper and plead with his name as he stuck his tongue into the fabric, her legs doing a little involuntary kick while her thighs where firmly secured in his hands.

“Worthless quirkless little pussy on legs.”

She sobbed as his fingers latched around the ribbon of her underwear, pulling, tearing the fabric, with no need to pull it down her legs, just a need to pull them off.

A content and knowing smile made its way onto his lips, yet she was unable to see it in her position, something of which she was thankful for, or… as thankful as one can be when being defiled by a friend. 

Not that Bakugo was much of a friend anymore, but he had been, at some point before he'd offered more than one concerning opinion about quirkless people and their place in the world.

Of her place in the world.

He didn’t share her nostalgia though, not when the future was smiling at him with the face of her shaven warm pussy right in front of him.

“Did you get yourself all nice and ready for me? Huh? Knew I was coming?” He teased as she shook her head sporadically, unable to form any type of words in her overwhelming embarrassment and fear and panic.

He grinned smugly, despite knowing it was due to her spot on the swimming-team she kept herself clean and hairless, also knowing that the only reason she took swimming-lessons was because she and her mom couldn’t afford the hot-water bill, making her take showers at school instead, and that a spot on the swimming-team gave her a free-ticket to using those showers anytime she wanted.

How many times had he snuck in there to watch her soap up her body?

How many times had he palmed his erection to the sight of her?

How much he’d wanted to waltz in and take her against the cold tiles, make steam roll off the walls, hearing her voice echo his name... 

Now he had the real deal though, no more time for fantasies.

She was smart, she was resourceful, but not enough to put a lock on her door.

She was lucky if one thought about it.

Lucky it wasn’t just any random guy who walked in and took her like Bakugo was going to take her.

Lucky it wasn’t just anyone’s tongue jutting out to lick up her spread folds.

Lucky it was Bakugo who was hugging her thighs close to him, using them as soft warm pillows as he nuzzled between them to lick and suck and bite at the little bundle of nerves found right there in front of him.

Lucky it was Bakugo that had her squirming and quaking and whimpering and crying. 

Because, taking everything into consideration, she was safe with him.

Safer than she would or even could be with anyone else for that matter.

Who else could really protect her like he could, like he will, like he has?

She should be grateful he still wants her after she rejected him, humiliated him like she did. She was sure going to pay for it tonight. But first, he could at least treat her to what she had been missing, especially when thinking of how much he was going to take from her before the day let up.

It almost made him feel bad.

Almost, being the keyword, because without it he wouldn’t have thought it funny how many noises she could make without alerting anyone from outside, how no one cared whether she blubbered out common sniveling protests and screams of his name, begging him to stop, or those equally loud yet scarce moans that sprung from her despite her not wanting them to, each time he sucked too hard or too harshly on her clit, teeth rubbing over the sensitive skin found there. Her hips dancing a panicked series of shimming from side to side, controlled in his grasp and only aiding in his tongue finding new places to lick and suck at as he laid abusive worship onto the temple between them. Nose bumping and dipping and rubbing onto places too tender as his mouth moved lower.

Her knees jolting as he kept them spread open, claws digging into the grabbable flesh each time she would pound the ball of her heel into his back, the movement always falling still upon the building simmering threat of explosions in his palms, pain much sharper than that of his nails.

She wanting nothing more but to wrench away, especially upon feeling the shameful treacherous dripping of herself down onto the bedsheets, disgusted with her body, humiliated beyond repair, with the tongue of Katsuki lapping up what mess he had made out of her, teeth from a grin gracing in feather-light motions, yet still managing to shoot electricity up her core. 

All she could do was pant and sob through moans and trying her best to force out more protests even though she knew it was to no use, until she felt him pull away, leaving her cold in loss of contact with heat. 

She doubted his removal was because she’d begged it from him.

Her doubts being answered as she heard the crisp clatter of a belt-buckle opening.

Her eyes were swimming, gifting her with more panic as she wasn’t even able to see what he was doing, yet knowing, again wishing she didn’t, wishing she was rather deaf as well as blind, wishing all her senses to simply give away, all so that she didn’t have to witness what she was surely soon going to have to be the victim of.

She heard the clothes dropping to the floor, looked up at him through bleary blurry eyes, still recognising the sandy nuance of his skin fully on display before her. 

His large hands found her knees again, prying them open. His hips fitting between her thighs.  

“Ba- ba- Baku- go,  plea- please, don’t- don’t… stop.” She choked on her tears, on her fear, on her panic, on the feeling of the cold breeze making her exposed sex shiver and beg for something warm to fill it up, on her disgust.

“Don’t stop?” He snickered, pinching her clit between his fingers, making her arch with a whine before trying to wrench away, yet stopped by his hands steadying on her knees, spreading her open for him.

His cock-head delved between her folds, and he had to catch a pathetic whimper from escaping his throat, settling for biting his lip instead and ridiculing the reason as to why he was feeling so weak in the first place. Growling at the little girl beneath him, all tied up and defenceless and hopeless and pathetic, but still able to make him feel so small.

“I knew you were just a stupid slut.”

It helped hearing her scream for him. 

It helped hearing her choke on her own gasps as he filled her tight little space up with the warm length of his cock. 

It helped feeling her squeeze and seize around the girth of him, hugging him close and tight, filling and stretching her out so nicely.

She had resorted to hectic crying, no words, no protests, just sobbing, hiccupping, coughing up her own cries. 

And, although he imagined himself growling and groaning he fell short of those guttural rusty sounds and fell prey to whimpering like a lovesick puppy humping a plushie-toy instead. 

His hands holding onto her hips as though letting go meant death as he rolled his hips into her, feeling her warm velvety walls welcome him home.

It felt so good he nearly barreled over, his face buried in her chest, hand coming up to enclose over her mouth as so to stop the cries and hear those soft muffled moans she made instead.

Small stifled broken wet mews spurred into his palm, as he kissed a trail up the valley of her chest and onto her neck, whispering with his breath shaky.

“If it makes you feel any better… this is my first time too.”

He didn’t know why he said it. Maybe because he was suddenly regretting his decision of being a monster, or maybe because the fright of being vulnerable disappeared at the feeling of conquering what made him afraid.

“I spread a rumour in second that I fucked Ururaka just to see your reaction.” He let out a breathy laugh, the open smile on his face indicated his nostalgia, as though it were a fond memory. “But you didn’t care at all did you?”

He snapped his hips forward, hitting something painful making her scream beneath his hand, opening it to hear her sob out in whimpers.

“Did you?!” It was accusatory and loud and right next to her ears, as he bared his teeth.

She was sure she was bleeding, feeling as though he was tearing her up, splitting her open, every harsh thrust felt deep within her abdomen, churning her guts.

“I- I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sor- sorry!” She spluttered out, more thick gulps of tears streaking her cheeks with red.

“You know what I think?” 

He leaned in closer, his nose poking into her cheek, lips brushing her ear, hands now having moved to cup her knees, pushing them up into the bedsheets beside her shoulders, hiking her up to meet his sharp thrusts. 

“I think you wanted this…”

She shook her head as his grin gleamed from seeing her discomfort.

“Leaving your door unlocked like that, you were begging for this to happen.” He laughed, biting her earlobe, heavy balls clapping against her ass.

She sniveled. “You- you know we can’t afford-” She started, but was cut off by her own broken moan as Bakugo yet again made another sharp movement, sending an earth-shattering smack to fill the crammed space of her RV, and then again cut off by Bakugo’s own response.

“Yeah? But you could still afford that dress you wore to Homecoming couldn’t you?” He sounded crazed, upset and angry and obsessed with making her regret it. “When you went with that fucking extra instead of me?” 

His forehead pushed against hers, eyes a feral red and large with rage, watching in sadistic glee as she scrunched her eyes together in pain, trying to block his voice out from her head. 

“Yeah, I bet you’re sorry now.” He growled, again taking a break from his series of shallow thrusts to push deep into her, making her whine in wet agony. “That was the worst mistake of your life and you’re gonna make it up to me tonight.”

He pushed himself up, looking down at the crying mess he was buried inside, licking his lips.

She couldn’t stop apologising, as he fucked into her, her hands going numb under the bondage of his tie around her wrists. 

“I’m sorr- sorry-” She croaked, face burning from her tears.

“Yeah? You better be.”

He gathered her ankles in his hands, holding them up, one hand coming to roll her sock down her leg.

“You’re gonna be.”

His hand caressed her small bare-foot tightly, thumb digging into her sole, his mind drifting to how cute and tiny it was, smaller than his hand, and strangely soft for someone who chooses to walk everywhere to save money.

“I’m sorry-” She blubbered. “I’m- I’m sorry...” 

She struggled for breath between her apologies and cries, forgetting how to inhale as Bakugo��s cock crammed into her, stripping her lungs of their air.

He kissed the pad of her foot, before leaning down again, hands once more cupping her knees and pushing them against the mattress.

“Good.”

She quaked beneath his stare, his sharp teeth too close as she cringed at the wet creamy sloshing sound of his cock pounding into her.

She had to look away, wanting to twist to hide her face in her pillow and cry until he was done.

But he wouldn’t have that.

“Hey, look at me when I fuck you.”

Gathering her face between his fingers, he scrunched her lips together as his own face closed in, his teeth coming to bite down on the vulnerable pout.

“You’re nothing without me, you understand that?”

One of his hands seized around her throat, adding slight pressure to accommodate his words.

“Good for nothing.” He spit. “Except for being my little slut, right?”

His claws scratched her throat, making her mewl and suck at her bitten bruised lip, tasting the metal.

“Come on, slut, I asked you a fucking question!”

Again, he angled his cock to jut into her painfully, making her gasp in strained pain at the stretch, followed by a sob.

“I’m just a slut-” She sniffled, eyes spiralling when looking into his unforgiving scarlet ones.

He smiled again, kissing her cheek.

“Who’s?”

The kiss became a lick, as he dragged his tongue up her tear-slicked cheek.

“Who’s slut?”

He felt her tremble and stiffen under his tongue, her eye’s squeezing shut.

“Your slut.” She answered, but it proved not to be good enough as another sharp painful thrust hit her core. “Bakugo’s slut.” 

She knew it was wrong the second she said it as a growl rumbled against her neck, his teeth gracing, scraping against her tender flesh. 

“Katsuki’s slut!” 

The words all broken and wet and beautiful coming from her bloated and reddened lips.

He placed a chaste kiss to her jaw, nibbling his way up to her mouth, whispering upon them. “Yeah, that’s right, you’re nothing without me.”

He kissed roughly, growling for her to kiss back, hand still tightly locked around her neck, begging for her to refuse him only for him to squeeze the life out of her.

His tongue pushed into her mouth as he slobbered and drooled above her, mouth sucking on her lips, trailing down her jaw and down her throat, nibbling and biting and lapping at her skin like some hound drooling over steak.

His hand left her throat to grasp her clothed breasts as he hit a particular spot, calling an unintentional bucking of her hips into him, making him groan in pleasure, his own thrusts gaining speed, hitting that same spot he now knew would make her unravel.

“You’re so lucky to get my cock.”

He worked himself into a taller position again, dragging himself off her chest to admire what artwork he’d made of her collar and chest.

“Say you love it.”

She shook her head, a petty begging-look on her face. 

It was a weak protest, almost enough to make him let it go, yet still outweighed by his need to make her pay.

His hips suddenly thrusting into her deeply, sharply, in all the ways he’d found out hurt.

She cried out. “No, no, Bakugo, please!” Panicked sobbing, her chest arching in pain, her legs coming to kick him off, yet were stopped as he pushed her knees into her chest. Jutting into her brutally.

“Say you love it and I’ll go slower.”

He saw her knuckles whiten at how hard she was balling her fists, tugging at her bonds desperately.

“I’ll fuck you good.” He promised, finding himself grow excited upon the thought. “Nice and slow like lovers do.” He had to snicker, even as she sobbed and hiccupped up screams that caught in her throat at his sharp thrusts, her eyes screwed tightly shut, allowing no tears to drop yet leaving them swimming in stinging salt.

His head dropped again to her temple, lips nibbling lightly on her cheek bone, his heavy breaths sounding louder than what snapping noise was made between his hips and the softness of her ass.

“Come on…” He drawled an impatient growl into her ear, a rumble that strung another whimper out from her.

More sobs followed, broken in their execution. “I love it… I love it.”

She hadn’t screamed it the way he wanted, but hearing it hang loosely onto her cries, all trembling and weak, was somehow better than what he thought he’d wanted anyway.

He slowed down, enough to lessen the sound of flesh slapping flesh and for the squishy noise of him filling her up again and again to replace it.

“What do you love?”

He made his way to rip open the seams of her shirt on her shoulder, not caring in the moment that she didn’t have a spare uniform to replace it. The shirt gone before she could even answer his question.

“You’re cock, I love you’re cock.” She sobbed, as her bra met with the same fate her shirt had, leaving her in just her little black skirt and one sock remaining, her tits springing loose, bouncing on both her cries and Bakugo’s movements.

“Fuck, good, such an obedient little pet.”

His head fell into the newly presented bare flesh with a moan, heavy panting as he slobbered up the valley between her breasts, palming the soft mounds before twisting the nipples between his fingertips, pulling at them, playing with them, his mouth sucking and biting, teasing the tender sensitivity.

His hands quitting their torment in favor of holding onto each their knee to keep her spread open for him as he rolled deeply into her spot.

“Feels so fucking-” He groaned, not bothering to finish the thought, before another impulse struck him.

His position in having his face buried in her neck and his body laid tight and snug on top of hers moved, making her feel the wisp of a chill coat her as their warm sweat-slicked bodies parted, feeling almost as though they were glued together as he pulled away, cock still being kept warm inside the comfort of her walls.

His hands came up to fickle with the knot that kept her hands locked above her head, his fingers sloppily tugging to loosen the tie, before gripping her hips tightly in a fashion meant to make sure she understood that despite being loose she was far from actually free.

Lifting her up of the spot she’d sunk into on the mattress and on to straddling his torso, his feet hitting the ground with a dunk with her propped up on his thighs, every little movement of his adjusting making his cock poke and message into other new dangerous places, places too tight to be attacked in whichever reckless unthoughtful way Bakugo saw fit.

Fingers running, or rather digging into her skin and making way to rake up her sides, grabbing and clinging to her midriff to pull her close, with his thighs beginning to impatiently move in a boyish manor to satiate the need for friction his member craved.

One arm wrapped around her waist, the other hand made to grab her chin, allowing him to look over her, again tempted to bite into those lushes red lips, all bloated and made for his teeth to gnaw on. Yet, his mouth made way to her neck instead, licking up her throat, sucking on the thin skin, wanting to make his mark flourish in red explosions all over her.

“Be a good quirkless slut and bounce on my cock, make yourself useful for once.”

His knees jolted upwards making her hop, followed by his cock sinking deeper into her.

Her hands held uncertainly mid-air made to grip his shoulders at the further intrusion, biting back another cry, however unable to keep the sobbing sigh from rupturing her throat.

However, she wasn’t given long to recover as his hand came down to plant a red-hot slap on her ass, making her jump on her own.

“Come on, don’t be shy.”

She started moving, unsure of what or which way to do it, finding the rhythm of rocking her hips forward after a while, earning a disgusting sigh of satisfaction from the blonde holding a bruising grip on her.

“That’s right...”

His arm moving to hold a death-grip on her waist, thumb digging into the underside of her ribs, poking each time she lolled forward and at the same time threatened her to stop.

His other hand came to grip her face again, stiff lips crashing against teary lips. Sucking her face as though stealing her life-source, only breaking between breaths to announce cocky cruel comments and instructions.

“Stay right there, slut.” A thrust from his hips accompanied the nickname, making her wince and lurch forward into him. “Aww that’s cute.”

Both his hands went under her skirt to grab at her ass, lifting her up only to sleeve himself inside her once again.

“Does that feel good? Huh? Right there?”

Another slap and she rested even harder against his chest, trying to find comfort in the pitch black her screwed-shut eyes left her in, yet the overwhelming scent of caramel wasn’t easily ignored, and neither was how perfectly his cock sunk into her.

His hands fingered the fabric of her skirt as he bumped into her from beneath. Tugging on the textile until ripping it off, the action earning her gasp as she was now wearing nothing but her one sock, the skirt having provided as some false sense of coverage.

“Is the slut enjoying herself?” He mocked, a salacious grin constantly spreading on his face between moans and grunts.

She shook her head, the urge to fight herself to freedom awakening yet again as her hands moved to push at his chest. 

“No… stop.”

But her back was supported, or rather steadied, with Bakugo’s large palm, little sparking ignitions gaining control of her struggles quickly, the fight leaving her body with a whimper of defeat, just as quickly as it had arrived.

Another sharp thrust ripped a strangled moan from her and he grinned. 

“Liar.” He snickered. “You’re gonna cum on my cock like a good little slut 'cause that's the only thing you know how not to fuck up, only thing your whore mom ever taught you.”

Forcing her hips to roll faster, the slick coated their thighs as her tits bounced for him.

“Does she share this bed with both you and her crackhead fuck-friends?” 

He couldn’t defend his need to make her cringe in his arms, why he wanted to see her ashamed, why he wanted her crying into him. 

“Such a freak. Are you gonna cum on the same sheets your mom sleeps on?”

Sharp fingers dug into her cheeks again, all because he wanted to be entertained by the show of her breaking.

He pulled her hips closer, fighting to hit that spot that had her mewling earlier, wanting to hear her mewl again, wanting to prove his point.

Once he found it she fell flush against him, melting in his hands, soft-spoken moans falling like drool down her chin.

“Like that, right there?” His words fell hot on her lips as his thumb pushed into her mouth and down onto her tongue, holding her chin in place. 

Her eyes crossed then upon his cock nudging in just the right way against her cervix, as well as her brows drawing up into a pretty eruption. 

“Fuck, that’s hot.” He groaned, clutching tighter onto her hip, rocking her forward to meet his thrusts. “Are you gonna cum on my cock, huh?”

With his thumb still dipped into her mouth, she tried her best to retort. 

“No…” 

It couldn’t be referred to as defiance as it was too pitiful to be called that.

“Yes, you are.”

He sucked on her collarbone, making his way up by kissing a trail of slobbering kisses and bites to her ear. 

With his hips still angled just right, his thumb left her mouth to grip her other hip. 

He could feel her tight little pussy start to convulse around his shaft, small flutters that squeezed him tightly, milking him.

She hated that she wanted to spill over so badly. The surging swimming boiling buzz constantly teased by Katsuki’s plush cockhead pushing and poking and jabbing at her cervix again and again.

She felt it coming, the snapping, breaking, splitting, the building coming close to bursting, yet she was reminded of who she was with in her reach for bliss and found herself regretting chasing it.

“No, no, not with him, not with him, not-”

It was too late as she tried holding it back, tried grasping it as hard as she was clamping down on his cock, as hard as she was digging her nails into his shoulders.

The movements of his hips slowed down. 

“There you go. Feel good, slut?” He mocked as her body spasmed, skin freezing over under his touch, feeling disgusted, skin-crawlingly disgusted with herself and how she was unable to control the continuous spasms that seemed to ricochet through her spontaneously. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you out.”

His speed picked up again, humping into her, making her ride through her orgasm, feeling the almost painful ticklish pressure build again upon each time he bottomed-out ruthlessly inside the comfort of her wet walls.

“No, Bakugo stop, stop!” Her pleads weren’t met.

“Is it too much?” He laughed, gathering a fistful of hair at the nape of her neck in order to make her look up at him, making her wince as he spit his words into her face. “Mommy didn't do too good a job at raising her slut, I see. Can't even handle cumming without crying." He jeered, mock pouting at her with his forehead pressed into hers, blood-soaked orbs forcing eye-contact from her wide tear-stained ones as she whimpered. "Aw, is my cock too much for the little whore?”

“Yes, stop!” She couldn't care less if she was answering some cruel nickname , the painful pressure assaulted inside her was something too vehement she needed to make relent, but yet again was her plead answered with a lack of mercy in an eerie whisper and nothing more.

“I’m not finished yet.”

All she could do was beg for him to finish… so that’s what she did. 

“Please...”

He gathered her face in his hand again, fingers squishing into her cheeks hurtfully as he made to sneer into her face. 

“Please what? Please fuck your whore cunt harder? Please make you cum again?”

Even as he snickered and mocked, his cock twitched at the sight of her. 

Eyes all puffy and swimming in her own tears, eyebrows knitted together, begging for mercy. 

Completely and literally held in the palm of his hand, yet her gaze still managing to make him feel fuzzy with the flutter of butterflies in his stomach.

“Oh fuck, say you love me.”

Cold dread made up most of her body, what else was the rising crippling shameful feeling of something sweet knotting up somewhere in her lower abdomen again, this time harder than before as her already abused high was continuously pocked by Katsuki’s swollen cockhead kissing her cervix harshly again and again and again, driving her insane. And all of it made his demand impossible to answer, impossible to even comprehend.

Yet, she was in no position to refuse with her face held up between his fingertips and his crimson eyes boring holes straight into her terror-wide heart.

“Say you love me or I’ll cum inside you.” His voice lacking all she considered still human. Not a hint of remorse or guilt or shame or pity.

She gulped on her breaths, yet managed to voice the words. “I love you, Katsuki.”

Her eyes now unable to look away from him. Even as he picked up the painful pace, stabbing at her core, in places she had no former knowledge of, places the length of her fingers could never even as much as dream of reaching.

“Fuck.” A boyish virginal whimper laced the moan that escaped him at her words, satisfaction easing the raging and crazed look on his face. “I love you too.”

His toes curled painfully, cold and numb against the floorboards.

“I love you.”

Hands warm and sliding against dewy and doughy flesh.

"I love you."

Something pulling, straining, building to burst was chasing release, sending spasms to shoot through his shaft.

"I love you."

He knew what was coming. He knew it would be better than ever.

“We’ll get you a pill later, ‘kay?”

The guilt was washed over with the promise of painting her walls.

“It’s fine.” He tried reassuring as he felt her revolt in his arms, all her strength fighting to get off him, yet was no match against the force of his hands holding onto her, and his need to explode inside.

She resulted to begging instead. “No, no, Katsuki stop, don’t, please!”

Feeling her hope being crushed in his palm, picturing his laughing face as she turned her vision to black, his feral smile like supersonic light, dangerous and deadly and made to rip throats out.

And then it was done, she felt the last thrust like the last blow through her gut.

Cream filling her up, smearing between their thighs, Katsuki’s head resting on her shoulder with his hands holding onto her hips, fingers marking their presence into her back yet softening their grip with each of his panting breaths landing on her breasts.

Her blood ran cold through stiff veins, as though she were dead. Her skin crawling, as though rotting with mites. 

Sickness. 

Sickness in her lungs, in her throat, building, climbing up her pipes.

She slung herself off in a hurry, and with Katsuki coming down from whatever sick high he was riding, he wasn’t alert enough to catch her, which was probably a good thing because after her staggering her way to the bathroom, feeling his cum and her wetness leak out of her and drip along the inside of her thighs, she only barely made it in time to open the toilet compartment, get to her knees in the small space and haul her guts out into the small stained bowl.

Feeling like her mother, each time she came home all sweaty, mascara smeared with tears on her face like a garbage racoon, sticking her fingers down her throat and gagging until she collapsed on the floor, face laid in her own puke.

She heard Katsuki’s heavy footsteps, one and two before his hand met with her neck. Collecting her hair in a ponytail in his grip with the other hand encompassing her naked back.

She was afraid he was going to pull her up, expecting her scalp to soon scream in protest at the feel of her hairs being ripped up from their roots. 

Yet, as she awaited the torture… all she felt was the slow stroking of carefully placed paths running up her spine and then down to the small of her back in a manor either meant to be comforting or patronizing, with her hair being kept away from her face as she retched on repeat.

It was mostly just water and acid, and Katsuki made a mental note to make her eat later as he helped her up with his hands under her arms, supporting her when seeing how her shivering rendered her knees too weak to stand on her own, lifting her up on a tiny counter which would have been impossible for him if he were to try and sit on it, yet seemed the perfect size for her.

The ruff base of his thumb brushed the spit from the corner of her mouth, her large eyes meeting his own as he leaned in, soft weak hands only barely pushing against his chest in an act to stop him, but his lips pushed onto her anyway.

Parting with a string of silver connecting them, and he couldn’t help but fall prey to how beautiful she was even in her broken ugliness, how prettily her eyes fluttered with sticky eyelashes clutching together as though hugging for comfort, stray wisps of hair dancing in front of her face. Her wet breaths, sobbing breaths, hiccupping breaths, trembling past those soft pillow-y and blossomed lips, plump and full and bitable, or huffed through her nose, sniveling and sniffing and so very unfairly precious.

His thumb stroked over those lips, watching them quiver. 

He took time admiring her, feeling her cold fingertips vibrate against his chest, wondering if she could feel how hard his heart was hammering inside his ribcage with how much she was shaking. Wondering if she knew just how much he’d wanted this, how long he’d wanted this, how despite him ignoring her cries, that she understood how this wasn’t in vain, how he wasn’t just doing this because he could, that he was doing this because he needed to, that he wasn’t doing this because he hated her but because he loved her, loved her too much to let her simply slip from between his fingers again.

His fingers latched onto the band of her sock, pulling it down and off at her toes, finally leaving her completely bare.

“Let’s get you in the shower.”

He moved to pick her up, uncaring of her newly sparked urge to fight him.

“No, Katsuki…”

She tried pushing, she tried making him stop despite everything being slippery and sticky and gross. The want to cry herself to sleep knowing and finding some comfort in the fact that Katsuki was done with her and long gone outweighed the want to get clean.

“The water’s cold, you won’t like it.” She argued in a weak attempt to sway him from the idea, yet knowing full well that he didn’t care.

“Come on…” He drawled as he caught her bothersome fists by the wrists in his massive hands. “We’ll take a shower and then we’ll go get your pill…” 

He fought to find eye-contact. 

“We both know you don’t have the money for it anyway…”

Typical of him to mention her situation. Typical of him to use it against her. And though it was typical, though it was predictable, it still made her heart clench, her soul twist, her spirit crumble.

He swore he saw something start to break in her eyes, wanting to deliver the final blow to snuff out whatever fight she still had left. 

He leaned in more, his nose brushing against hers.

“You need me.”

Her struggles stopped at that, Katsuki wrapping her legs around his back to support her as he carried her to the shower. Her cheek resting on his shoulder, completely deflated.

It wasn’t at all as in the movies. Sweet couples who help wash each other’s hair, warm bodies gliding against one another, soft perfect handprints printed on the dewy glass.

She hadn’t been lying, the water was freezing as the showerhead spritzed the water down on them with a force close to that of aching.

They didn’t both fit in the crammed space either, Katsuki was sure that even him alone wouldn’t fit in the tight space, where he was left to have one foot on the floorboards outside the door, water rushing into the hallway, running down his leg, but he didn't care.

His frame blocked the door completely, allowing her no shape or form of exit as he made her stand there, under the showerhead, hair slicking to her neck and nipples perking into hardness under the freeze, goosebumps strutted and coated her flesh from head to toe, her cheeks and lips blossomed with a purple hue, her eyes closed, head dipped in discomfort or shame or embarrassment or sorrow or a bit of everything and even more.

Her body trembled beneath his warm hands, as they cupped her breasts, palming them and playing and pinching with her back hunching in a weak effort to get her discomfort across, despite knowing how he didn’t care, with the fact having been proven time and time again.

His warm calloused fingertips brushed down her abdomen, eyes stark and loud as they looked at her body, thinking of how unblemished and beautiful her skin was as opposed to him, no roughness or ugly greenish bruises, just milky smooth and rosy suppleness and all his.

His hand traveled further, causing her small ones to reach out and grip around his wrist, both hands giving their best effort at trying to stop him. Though his other hand was quick to wrap around her throat and extract a sweet gasp with the movement.

Her hands removed their pressure yet remained on him as he brushed featherlight touches over the sensitiveness of her sex, fingertips dipping into her folds, slithering in the slick velvet of his cum mixed with her wetness.

A sob ricocheted through her as her toes curled, fingers bending and nailing into his wrist. Still, he continued. Fingers pushing inside, pumped knuckle-deep inside the puffy spongey walls, reaching deep before scissoring, making her knees bend, yet kept from falling by the hand around her neck keeping her up like a noose as he curled the two digits.

Her eyes avoided his, looking down at his limp cock who somehow seemed just as intimidating as before, like a sleeping beast ready to wake at any second. 

Yet, as much as he played with her sex, his own remained still.

He picked her up again as he saw more of her skin going purple, not really wanting her to get sick, just refreshed.

Water flooded on the soft-with-mould floorboards in the tight hallway as her feet dragged against the walls when he yet again carried her to the bed. And as much as she wanted to fight as he placed her dripping body down onto the sheets, she couldn’t find the energy. Tears, however, still managed to drip down her face, unhurriedly gliding down her cheeks, warm in stark contrast amidst the freezing shower-water.

“Do you wanna hear something really fucked up?”

It was rhetorical, but he wouldn’t have gotten an answer either way.

“I used to be jealous of your crack-whore mother…”

Her face cringed, confused yet still not desiring to know what he meant.

“Fuck, I’m still jealous when you come to school and I see that there's somebody else who makes you cry harder than me.”

She had to swallow in order not to gulp.

“You’re sick.”

Those were the wrong words, for as quickly as they entered the air, he was once again on top of her, squeezing the breath from out of her lungs.

“I’m sick?” He questioned, fingers plunging inside her, a forced moan ripped from her throat. “You’re the one cumming and creaming and squirting all over my cock while crying.” He bit out while starting to pump into her cruelly, finding it easier now as she was already wet from before. “Telling me you love it, telling me you love me.” He laughed as he sneered. “Who would’ve known what a slut you are. So desperate you let your own bully fuck you like this. You fucking whore.” 

His pushed his thumb into her clit cruelly, a sadistic smile on his face as she struggled.

“Stop, shut up, shut up!” Her palms made to push at his hard chest, yet was weakened as she felt the burning sweetness start to pool were his fingers poked.

“You don’t like that nickname? No? Aww, that’s fine.” He hissed, then scoffed. “It’s not true anyway...” He muttered beneath his breath, trying to find what sweet spot his fingers could reach as so to have her unravel beneath him again, wanting to lick the sin from her expression, wanting to bathe in his victory of making her his. “How did it feel to have my cock balls deep inside your precious little virgin innocent cunt, huh? Better yet, how does it feel to know how I am your first? First to kiss you, first to fuck you, first to make you cum.”

“Fuck you.”

Any remnants of strength was now spent on those last words, as the rest was spared to support her oncoming orgasm, the one she could feel clawing, sucking all senses up as though preparing for an implosion.

“That’s right…” He whispered. “Fuck me. Your first and your last.”

His ominous tone had her guts churning, which in some sick sense only added to the pooling dam that was about to snap inside her, but she kept her eyes wide, further digging into what his words meant, wondering if this would be her last day on earth, wondering if Bakugo would be the last person she'd ever see, ever feel, ever touch.

“You look like I’m gonna kill you.” He observed as he curled his fingers once again, making her hips buckle into his hand, which in turn made him grin. “Nah, I’m not gonna hurt you…”

His head dipped so that he could nibble at her neck, lick up the tender flesh with his fingers pumping in and out of her, coated in slick, collecting and drenching in his palm.

“I’m just gonna make sure no one ever touches what’s mine again…”

She couldn’t explain why the growl in his voice had her abdomen doing flips.

“Including that fuckface slut you call a mother.”

His fingers scissored, her back arching as she moaned.

“You’ll be lucky I even let you graduate.”

She couldn’t quite catch what he was saying anymore, just the lilt in his tone which had her falling apart beneath him, the walls of her pussy fluttering in pleasure.

“People go missing all the time.”

Her toes curled and she braced herself.

“That way I can have you all for myself.”

His warm lips pressed against her neck, his growls reverberating on her skin.

“All mine.”

His fingers poked at something that was about to burst and as she wanted to climb further up on the bed to escape it, she also wanted him to follow.

“Where you belong.”

And there it was, body melting into the mattress, all shame obsolete in those seconds.

Unable to see him lick her orgasm off his fingers as her eyes had crossed and traveled way too far into the back of her skull.

Unable to prepare for his kiss as her mouth hung open, soft feeble moans cut loose into the air, captured by Bakugo’s mouth.

She didn’t catch the second he stopped kissing her, nor did she catch the moment he got off the bed.

She must have fallen asleep for a short while because when she opened her eyes again Bakugo was dressed, rummaging through cabinets containing worn out clothes and things like it, seeming displeased with most of what he found.

She looked to her side, where placed on the bed was a towel, fresh underwear and a bra.

She motioned for the towel first, feeling the shameful wet stickiness between her thighs, hurriedly wiping it clean before putting on her garments, looking up to see Bakugo staring at her, having found something suitable to dress her in.

“Put this on.” 

She didn’t bother looking at what he’d so graciously offered her of her own clothes.

Her eyes narrowed at him instead. 

“I don’t want your help.” She sneered, looking away, crossing her arms over her chest as so to hide herself from his piercing gaze.

His fingertips were quick in clutching her cheeks, raking them into her skin as he turned her head back to look at him.

“Too bad, you need it.”

The fabric was cast at her lap unceremoniously, the soft silky feel cold against her bare thighs.

“Put it on.” The growl was followed by him removing his hand with a push.

She huffed before looking down at the presented article, wondering what Bakugo wanted to dress her up in, her lips forming a disgusted snarl.

“It’s my mother’s.”

The yellow summer-dress, flowy and frilly in texture, something she’d never wear, something Bakugo knew well she would never wear.

“It’d go to waste on her.”

This made her look up, curiosity or maybe even a form of flattery evident in the curl between her brows.

The sudden eye-contact catching Bakugo off guard as he’d shared the uncharacteristically tender opinion of the girl out loud.

He scoffed, crimson eyes darkening in an attempt to hide the building flustered panic, masking it with a growl instead. 

“Put it on, I won’t ask again.”

She fingered the fabric for a while longer before treading it on over her head, letting the skirt dress her thighs with a featherlight fall.

Looking like a spring-daydream, not at all as though she’d just lived through a nightmare.

With her drying hair falling in messy curled tousles down her shoulders, Bakugo reached out a hand to fasten the small wispy strands coming to tickle her forehead behind her ear, grabbing her wrists in favor of her hand when he pulled her up.

“Let’s go. I can’t stand this shithole.”

Wondering if he should have said that he couldn’t stand her in that shithole instead.

TIP-JAR

PART ONE

#yandere bakugo katsuki #yandere boku no hero academia #yandere bakugo #yandere katsuki #yandere katsuki bakugou #yandere bakugo x reader #yandere bnha #yandere katsuki x reader #katsuki #bakugou katsuki #Katsuki Bakugō #bakugou x reader #mha bakugou #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugo #katsuki bakugo imagine #katsuki bakugo x reader #yandere mha #yandere my hero academia #bully bakugo #bully katsuki #bully!bakugo #bully!katsuki #sadistic bakugo #sadistic katsuki

[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

#I made this instead of doing homework #Classic Rock #Meme

[ageof9thhouse]

Signs in the Sixth House

The sixth house is where we associate the sign of Virgo (ruled by the planet Mercury) but the goddess of Harvest and Fertility, Ceres or Demeter is assigned with the constellation. Demeter had a daughter named Persephone (Goddess of Spring) and Zeus thought of Persephone as the ideal wife for Hades who was the God of Underworld and not happy with his position. The myth is famously called “The Kidnapping of Persephone”. In the end, it is decided that Persephone only has to spend part of the year with Hades in the underworld and this is when the seasonal cycles come to play. Demeter had to let go of her daughter and with that acceptance, we now have four season which gives the circle of life the balance it needs. So, what does this famous myth has to do with this house? Well, I see this house as the loss of childhood (coming after 5th house), growing pains, the responsibilities one comes face to face, taking care of your own health... Living is not all about fun and games no longer. The house represents the necessary actions or the discipline one has to adapt into their lives in order for their lively-hoods to blossom.

♈︎Aries / Mars in the 6th House:

These people want to have it their way when it comes to daily plans. They have a certain routine in which they’d prefer not to change for other people. They are talented in the field of organizing but when it comes to keeping up they are slacking. They are aware of how the “self” needs growth and would love to take the necessary actions for doing so, however, they are not good recognizing what these actions exactly should be. They are naive in their approach to taking care of themselves even though they would think of themselves as the best at it. They need to at least take into consideration what other people might have to say about what might be good for them. Aries rules the head, therefore the native might be prone to migraines, head injuries and sinus pressure. Anxiety can also catch up to them when they feel like they are not good at something they set out their minds on. When working for other people, the person’s ego is very fragile. They do not like the idea of pleasing others. They are also quite competitive in the work environment. The transition to adulthood was painful but was faster than what was anticipated. The native was a rebellious young-adult who was angry at the unfairness of the world. 

♉︎Taurus / Venus in the 6th House:

People with this placement tend to be very stubborn about the way they want to live to be the best option for them (and perhaps everyone else too). They will not change anything about what they are doing for anyone’s sake. And when it comes to it, their daily routine is pretty lazy and focused on one’s pleasure. They want everything to go smoothly and under their control. They do take care of themselves but it a more self-indulgent way than anything. They like making plans so that they can enjoy it. They are likely to accept other people to custom their daily lives to their own. They are not very disciplined people when it comes to taking the right actions for an order to take place in their lives. Taurus rules the throat, including the neck, thyroid gland, and vocal tract. The native might be prone to inflammation of the tonsils, sore throats, and thyroid imbalance. They are sensitive to catching a cold more than most people. Anxiety can catch up with them when they see things not going their way and when their peace is disrupted by circumstances. A test of their optimism is something they fear but inevitable. When working for other people, they make sure to make themselves feel comfortable. They’ve got a way of making their superiors like them but it is a forced relationship. Even if they tend to be lazy in the work environment they are capable of keeping things under control. The transition to adulthood was very slow since the native is stubborn when it comes to giving in to nature. The native was surprisingly a patient and peaceful young adult.

♊︎Gemini / Mercury in the 6th House:

The daily lives of these people with this placement tend to be very busy and hectic. Thankfully, they are very capable of taking on a lot of things at once. They are very curious about health and what is the right path for them to follow when it comes to self-actualization. They are very adaptable to sudden changes in their routines and have no trouble with organizing. They seem to be very talented when it comes to recognizing the necessary actions to be taken so that their lives will come in order. They always have a back-up plan when things seem to go wrong. They might have a tendency to always “be on a diet” since they have an immense curiosity for the field of health. These people are highly analytic and seem to be afraid of being ill. They are likely to be one of those people who constantly google symptoms. Gemini rules the nervous system which includes the shoulders, lungs, arms, hands, and fingers. They might be prone to carpal tunnel syndrome, anxiety, nervous or fidgety problems, smoking-related illnesses, and breathing issues. When working for other people, they are very good at doing the right thing and following orders. In the work environment even though they seem cool and capable on the outside, inside a lot of nervousness can be bothering them because of their desire of being perfect at what they are doing. The transition to adulthood was very awkward for them and caused a lot of anxiety on their part but they adapted rather quickly. The native was a young adult who was always on the run trying to achieve their goals as soon as possible.

♋︎Cancer / Moon in the 6th House:

When it comes to their daily plans these people base them on their emotional needs which are changeable hence the reason why they find it hard to have a steady structure - not that they are complaining. They like the fact that their lives are unpredictable and ever-changing. They stick to their gut feeling when it comes to knowing what is the best thing to do for their bodies and livelihood. Their mother might have influenced them a lot when it comes to self-discipline or on the contrary, it was so lacking that they had to become their own mothers and teach themselves about nourishment through trial and error. They are not comfortable with restrictions and discipline. The idea of a routine can lead them into depression. Flexibility is important for their mental health. Cancer rules the chest, including the breasts and stomach. The natives can face problems concerning these areas. The mother might also pass on an illness to the native. But the emotional ups and downs caused by past traumas will be the biggest concern for the chart owner. In the work environment, they are well-liked. The people they work for or work with seem to feel close to these individuals even if the native is not really doing anything intentionally. Their intuition is working well when they are doing their jobs. The transition to adulthood might have had been very hard for them. Their biggest emotional problems probably occurred during their “growing pains”. As a young adult, they were quite emotional and well known for their vulnerability. 

♌︎Leo / Sun in the 6th House:

It would be a hard task trying to make these people do whatever they don’t want to do. They can be pretty selfish when it comes to their plans and comfort zones. They go about their days confidently, thinking the universe only works for them but this is not the case. When they come face to face with this harsh truth they self-sabotage and make the most childish choices. They are forever creative individuals who never want to grow up. They can be introverts since they only feel confident in themselves when they are in control and other people will only bring discomfort into their daily lives. Even though they are very intelligent and creative they do not like to collaborate with people for similar reasons. Leo rules the heart, spine, spinal column and upper back.If these people do not follow a passion and know joy, there can be heart disease. It is crucial for them to live their everyday lives just the way they desire. It is not possible always of course. This is the reason why for their constant depression. Once they let go of the control issues they will get rid of the depression for good since the energy of the sun has immense healing powers as much as bringing too much focus in the place it's shining on to. In the work environment, they are very efficient IF they are working on their own. There is a great chance for them to outshine everybody else surrounding them which will lead to jealousy issues. The transition to adulthood is almost non-existent since they refuse to grow up. As a young adult, they were well-known for their creativity and talents.

♍︎Virgo / Ceres in the 6th House:

This placement feels right at home but it does not make it any easier for the owner. They are very fixated on perfection when it comes to their work, daily lives and self-actualization. They have one of the most analytic brains which can give sudden anxiety. They always feel the need to make sure everything is in the right order, but what is right and what is wrong depends on the circumstances. Not having the answers to problems makes the native nervous. They are always in constant search of what is the right thing to do. Since the answer to this is vague the person with this placement always feels incomplete. They have to watch out for trying to fill this hole with addictions. Virgo rules the digestive system, which includes the intestines, and spleen. People with this placement might suffer digestive problems in addition to addiction and anxiety problems. Their hyper-awareness needs to be tamed. Meditation and mindfulness are highly recommended to these individuals. They are also very helpful individuals. Concerns of others become their concerns also. In the work environment, they are hard-workers. They tend to tire themselves out to the point of exhaustion and they tend to overlook their health when their work is on the line. The transition to adulthood came naturally since they were eager to work and take care of themselves on their own. But once they are fully grown they miss their youth greatly. As a young adult, they were well-known for being workaholics and perfectionists who were nervous wrecks from time to time. 

♎︎Libra / Venus in the 6th House:

With Libra’s energy being here balance seems to be the one thing the native of the chart is striving for more than anything. With balance comes peace and beauty but in order to understand and value the true meanings of these things other than what is on the surface these people have to have a taste of chaos and imbalance in their lives. Only chaos gives birth to such beauty. Balance in their daily lives is essential for these people since the circumstances are extra hard on them. The ruthless side of Venus shows its face here. The sign of Libra rules the kidneys, skin, lumbar region, endocrine system, and buttocks. People with this placement might come face to face with health problems concerning these areas. It is a great signifier of how they have to get their act together at this time. They have a tendency to wait for a significant other to help them on their journey of self-actualization which seems to be their downfall. Relationships seem to affect their health greatly. Being dependent on others will cause their personalities to be unstable. Extra care needs to be taken on their own being. In the work environment, they are quite artistic and seem to take care of anything that is out of order in their jobs. They are very flirty with their co-workers. During their transition to adulthood, they have blossomed beautifully. They had to go through a lot of tests concerning relationships. As a young adult, they could’ve had been heart-breakers and a lot of people had crushes on them. 

♏︎Scorpio / Pluto in the 6th House:

When the antagonist of Demeter’s story comes to rule her house we might come across some friction here for the natives of the chart in a house that friction is already dominating. These people are masters at planning things. They can manipulate other people to adjust their lives according to their own. They are capable of controlling other people without even trying but there is a lot of karma that follows them without their knowledge. They are master manifesters but unsatisfaction with their daily lives seems to be a curse they have to deal with. It is almost like they have a great sense of what other people are going through and how can they fix it for them (or make it worse) but when it comes to their lives not only are they clueless but they always feel out of place. Keeping their powers of manifestation on a leash can actually do wonders for them. They need to take extra caution of their thoughts, especially of others. They need to stay away from any kind of obsessive behavior. The sign of Scorpio rules the reproductive system, sex organs, bowels, and excretory systems. They can have health troubles in their lives concerning these areas when their life is out of order. Once they put their lives in order and be careful of not adapting manipulative behavior, there is nothing that can stop them... They have the potential of becoming magicians almost. They can especially work their magic in the work environment. They have a way of climbing on the top of everyone else very quickly. They have a powerful influence on people. The transition to adulthood was almost transformative. Something inside had died and now they are the phoenix who rose from its ashes. As young adults, they have done things they regret but thanks to those mistakes they are capable of great things in life now. 

♐︎Sagittarius / Jupiter in the 6th House:

The sign and planet of expansion are still going to do its job in a house that is all about discipline. Sagittarius is also all about higher knowledge hence the reason why the native of this placement will have an undeniable desire to know about their health and what is the right thing to do for self-actualization. The more it is ignored the larger the problems concerning these areas. The chart owner has to be aware of the issues surrounding their bodies and life-style - blind luck and optimism will not be on their side when it comes to these things if they are not taken into consideration. But once they are noticed and taken care of the native will be very auspicious. Sagittarius rules the thighs, hips, liver, pituitary gland, and sciatic nerve. If they face with health troubles especially around these areas, the native must take immediate action and take their soul-journey in their body seriously. After all, we are spirits who are having a human experience and anything that is of earth needs to be respected... especially our bodies. In the work environment, they are extravagant. It is hard to not notice them and the work they do. They are naturally good at doing what they put their hearts into but if they do not feel enthusiastic about their jobs they will be slacking. The transition to adulthood was overwhelming for them. Their optimism might have had been tested but they gained confidence as they mature. As young adults, they were always out and about and having fun. They have learned the most important lessons in their late teens and early twenties. 

♑︎Capricorn / Saturn in the 6th House:

Capricorn can be extra hard on the native of this chart within this house which it shares a familiar theme with. Living life seems like a test they were not prepared to take and they always ask for extra time to complete. Serious caution and consideration need to be taken because once the health of the native is neglected serious consequences will be paid. The great magic of Capricorn (also Saturn) is that once the lesson is learned, that is it. Now you have mastered the issue. With mastery comes confidence and great self-respect. Capricorn rules the knees, joints, skeletal system, and teeth. The natives of this placement might need to take extra care of these parts of the body. Another concern might be anxiety which 6th house (Virgo) already is a natural at and together with Capricorn it is doubled. Counseling might help a lot. Health problems the father had suffered might make a come back in the child (the chart owner) so be very careful of that as well. The work-life might also be something the person is not very that much into as well. Even though the progression is slow for them success is guaranteed as well as great recognition for the job they do. They might even surprise themselves when they discover how good they are. The transition to adulthood was pretty slow for the individual as they did not really wanted to grow up at all but life goes on and with age, they get better like fine-wine. As young adults, they have struggled with a lot of fears. When they finally face those fears the monsters vanish and all that is left is endless opportunities. 

♒︎Aquarius / Uranus in the 6th House:

These people are very talented in coming up with creative ways to put their lives in order. They are also very helpful and put their friends' minds at peace as well when it comes to balancing things out. Being out of control might stress them out like no other thing though. They do not like the idea of surprises and fear change. What you fear is what you get. They have learned to master their ways around sudden changes so that they will not be as affected as they used to. They might have had suffered unexpected illnesses no matter the caution they had taken. Aquarius rules the ankles, calves, shins, and circulatory system, therefore, these areas of their bodies might have had suffered or tend to get injured easily when their life is out of control. It is a way of our bodies telling us “get it together”. It is essential for them to know exactly where their future is going. They might be very intuitive. They might have flashes of insight concerning the future. These people are ought to do important work for the progression of humankind in one way or another. They have to feel like the job that they are doing is helpful for someone, out there. Their work environment is a place where they are advised to expect the unexpected. If they are truly satisfied with the fact that what they are striving to do in their job is what they were meant to do then there should be no concern. They have a tendency to be really good friends with the people they work with.  The transition to adulthood was nothing like they expected to be. It was pretty shocking and life-changing. As young adults, they might have felt alienated from their environment because they were on a quest to find what was their mission here on Earth. They were on the constant search for their soul-purpose and once they found it there was no turning back. 

♓︎Pisces / Neptune in the 6th House:

In this placement the 6th house feels distorted. This is the effect of Neptune on everything it touches but since Virgo is the opposite of Pisces, this touch is grander here. People with this placement tend to give in easily when it comes to what other people want from them. They tend to over estimate their own needs and put others needs first. The sense of some sort of a schedule only comes through other people. Sleep problems might haunt these people when they are not taking care of themselves. Pisces rules the feet, toes, lymphatic system, and body fat, when they are not following the right path these areas of their bodies are highly affected by their wrong doings. Pisces also rules the psychology to a certain extend. Hidden depression is a major concern these people might come to face with. They need to recgonize their bodily needs. It is essential for them to start to notice how their bodies demand respect from them. They need to learn to set up boundaries between them and other people and that is when things will start to get better for them. In their work environment, they are very idealistic. They have high expactations from themselves which can get in the way of actually doing the job the best they can. They need to take things less seriosly and let go of their ideals and only then they can manifest those ideals. They might not really have a clue about what they are doing or what they want to do. They need to allow themselves to take their dreams seriosly and pursue their dreams - not what other people tell their ideal job should be. The transition to adulthood was easy for them, or so they thought. They hid away their problems during this transition, to the subcouncious and they have to deal with them in the later years. As young adults, they were known for being carefree but were they really? 

(Art: “Demeter Mourning for Persephone” by Evelyn De Morgan)

#Sixth House #astrology #Zodiac Signs #6th house #ceres #demeter #Evelyn De Morgan #Persephone #hades #aries in the 6th House #mars in the 6th House #taurus in the 6th House #venus in the 6th House #gemini in the 6th House #mercury in the 6th House #cancer in the 6th House #moon in the 6th House #leo in the 6th House #sun in the 6th House #virgo in the 6th House #ceres in the 6th House #libra in the 6th House #scorpio in the 6th House #pluto in the 6th House #sagittarius in the 6th House #jupiter in the 6th House #saturn #saturn in the 6th House #capricorn in the 6th House #aquarius in the 6th House

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 has updated! Christmas is ruined!

Previously, on Homestuck 2: Literally nothing happened, and a non-trivial portion of the patreon supporters gave up and quit. Can this update pull a Christmas miracle and right the sinking ship of Homestuck 2? Probably not, but let’s find out! 

We’re back in Candyland, having completely skipped over Karkat and John talking about Dave’s apparent death, because this comic is only interested in long conversations when they’re boring and not about anything at all. That’s alright, I got the gist of it.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

So, it appears to be morning now, meaning that John’s son has been missing in a war zone for almost 24 hours and I guess John literally forgot Harry existed?

Prediction: This conversation is going to end in some variant of “Where is our son?” “Oh shit!”

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid

ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid

ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

What.

So, I went back and checked, and apparently nowhere is it explicitly said that Harry Anderson was also looking for the Vriskas, so I guess he....stayed home? Which makes sense, I suppose, but maybe a “Stay here I’ll go look for them” would’ve helped. I wasn’t the only one who thought Harry was out looking for Vriska too. 

ROXY: sup

ROXY: follow me

ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way

JOHN: haha ok.

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

Is Roxy....horny? Is the solid she’s looking for John’s dick? I mean, that’d make her saying Harry wasn’t available kind of weird, but I think this framing is a fake-out.

...

What the fuck is that lamp, Jesus Christ it’s awful. Just a cat’s asshole, facing the door.

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert

JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding.

JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

Oh hey, it was a fakeout. Good job, Homestuck 2. You successfully implied something just through the art. Art which, by the way, looks a lot better than the last chapter. There are backgrounds and everything. I wonder if Chapter 15 was rushed out due to Hiveswap and that’s why it was so weak?

He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

I’m not the biggest fan of the way the narration is going JOHN IS AFRAID OF SEX WITH ROXY LIKE HE’S A TEENAGE VIRGIN AGAIN (LIKE IN HS1!) AND IT DOESN’T REALLY MAKE SENSE PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IT’LL BE IMPORTANT LATER, but okay, noted.

ROXY: u said ur house is gone??

JOHN: yep.

JOHN: completely.

ROXY: jeez

Heh. I like Roxy, still. 

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

If this comic actually uses the phrase “home” and “stuck” in the same sentence I’m turning this blog around and we’ll go right back to Winnipeg.

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

I feel unqualified to talk about how hard Roxy is pushing the June Egbert thing.

....Is that the fucking portal from Hiveswap under a tarp? Also hi Candy Callie, appearing in HS2 for the first time. One of the Calliope’s is nonbinary, I think, but I honestly can’t remember and I think it’s Meat Calliope? 

JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is?

ROXY: hmmmmmm no

JOHN: oh ok.

JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room.

JOHN: space.

JOHN: wherever we are.

ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now

ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi

ROXY: and by that i mean

ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn

JOHN: right, sorry.

JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain.

ROXY: u catch on fast egbert

Oh thing HS2 has not been great at is that it has a lot of plot mysteries that are supposed to keep us enticed but they don’t really get implanted into the audience’s head (Remember Vrissy mysteriously collapsing that one time? Probably not, she did it off screen and the boys kind of laughed it off). This one’s hard to miss.

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs?

JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done.

ROXY: well no not x actly

ROXY: were in the old meteor

It’s kind of weird how this meteor keeps popping up like this. 

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

This is an unexpected but not unwelcome direction for Callie to have gone.

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes?

Oh, wow, we’re going right there, then. This does seem like a bit of a reaction to complaints HS2 wasn’t shmoovin’ enough, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole.

JOHN: ok.

A’ight, that got a laugh out of me

JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it!

JOHN: i'm so sorry.

JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ):

I like this conversation a lot. 

ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you

JOHN: listen.

JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given.

Quite a bit, in fact.

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

Roxy and John have a good dynamic. 

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

JOHN: ...right.

John’s phone has very good coverage, since he was able to talk to Terezi in the epilogues, as we’re being subtly reminded of here with that ... before the “right”. I wonder if it still works after alt-Calliope left.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

Okay, so we are now being explicitly told that living in the black hole is fucking with the characters and is part of the reason they make such baffling decisions, like Rose not telling Kanaya about Yiffy, or naming her daughter “Yiffy” in the first place.

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

So, the plan is literally for Vriska to be such a Huge 8itch that the black hole itself gets sick of her and yeets Earth C out of its own event horizon to freedom.

This is actually a great plan. 

And that’s Hamsteak. This definitely feels like a bit of a reaction to complaints about HS2, but hey, I dig it, I guess? Definite improvement over the last chapter.

#homestuck #homestuck 2 liveblog

[ambersky0319]

An intrulogical fic where Logan overhears Roman and Deceit trying to figure out how to get Thomas to see how great Remus can be, and he sneaks into Remus' room to grab one of his stories. He fixes the mistakes and just subtly places it in Thomas' room. It may take awhile but he reads it; it's rather morbid and strange so he thinks it's Joan's, but he likes it despite Patton's dislike on it.... Then Logan spills the beans. Metaphorically. 💚💙 Idk I feel like I could describe this better...

I really, really hope you enjoy reading this just as much fun as I had writing it-

Warnings: Morally-gray/somewhat unsympathetic Patton (your interpretation really, implied he just doesn’t like anything Remus does); Descriptions of violence, torture; mentions of blood, death, and human experiments (but none of these are concerning any of the sides or Thomas); please lmk if I need to add anything else!

Masterpost 

-------------------------------

Logan paced his room, mind racing as he processed everything he had overheard. He hadn't even meant to overhear, he just did because Roman is loud as hell when he gets passionate about a subject.

To finally get Thomas to see Remus's true worth... It'd take a lot more than just getting Remus to disguise himself, or take one of his ideas and pass it off as Roman's. Patton would surely find some way to discourage both of those, and it'd be difficult to convince Thomas at all to listen to Remus after it. Maybe Deceit could momentarily silence Patton, so he wouldn't be able to interject?

Logan shook his head. That wouldn't work either. Thomas still wouldn't be convinced, he'd just be reminded of Remus's introduction and no matter how great Remus's idea, he still would probably reject it. And that alone wouldn't get Thomas to appreciate Remus at all, even if it did work.

"Hey Moonstone!" Logan jumped as Remus opened his door, grinning wide at his boyfriend. Logan returned the smile with a soft one of his own, opening his arms. Remus immediately clung to Logan, holding onto him tightly.

Logan ran his fingers through Remus's hair. "Something I can help you with?" He asked. Normally Remus only barged into Logan's room if he was feeling down. Remus shook his head, pressing a kiss to Logan's jaw.

"Just kind of want to cuddle, if you're free?" Remus hummed, pulling away slightly to look at Logan. Logan smiled just a bit more, leaning forward and closing the small gap between them. Remus melted into Logan, his own arms moving up and around Logan's neck.

They didn't pull apart as Logan guided them to the bed, and they only broke apart when they had to get comfortable. Remus laughed lightly, snuggling close to Logan and resting his head on Logan's chest. Remus loved hearing and feeling Logan's heart beat, it reminded him that this was real.

"Hey Cephy?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

Remus laughed again, pressing closer to Logan. "I love you too," he said as his eyes closed. Remus was asleep soon after that.

Logan waited until Remus had fallen into a deep sleep to move. It took about an hour, which he didn't mind. He loved just holding Remus, running his fingers through his hair or tracing circles on Remus's back. Remus always looked so peaceful when sleeping, and Logan was happy Remus trusted him enough to be so vulnerable.

Pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Remus's head, Logan wormed his way out of Remus's arms. Remus curled into the pillows instead, still looking content and Logan relaxed, knowing he hadn't disturbed the side. After pulling a blanket over Remus, Logan finally left his room.

He wandered down the hall to Remus's, and he opened the door. He could hear Patton downstairs singing as he made dinner, and guessed the others were either asleep in their own rooms or just doing their own activities. Once Remus's door closed, all the sound seemed to vanish.

Remus's room was a wreck, but an organized wreck. Remus had a system, despite Roman complaining that it was just an excuse to leave his room messy. Logan believed Remus, though, because if you knew where to look for things then you could easily find it.

He made his way to Remus's desk, careful to avoid stepping on any papers or crafts Remus had made. If it was on the floor, it was an idea Remus would return to soon.

Once at the desk, Logan began to look for a certain story Remus had read to him a few months ago. As Remus had slept, an idea had popped into Logan's mind, although it was one of those long-term ideas. It could work, despite how much gore was in the story and the emotional trauma the characters are put through... Logan thought Thomas might actually enjoy reading it.

Getting the story and making it look like a published book were the easy parts, though. The hardest part would be making it appear in the real world, and make sure Thomas could actually see all the pages. It takes a lot of energy to do something such as keep a book materialized for who knows how long. But Logan was willing to do it. Of course, he'd be sure to approach Deceit and Roman later to be sure they didn't do anything stupid as Logan prepared.

Logan smiled triumphantly once he found the story, and he went back to his room. Logan didn't need to edit the story too much, just the occasional spelling error that slipped past the first few edits. He reread it as Remus slept under his covers. It was one of Remus's favorite stories, one he was really proud of, and to Logan's luck had made a few copies. This meant Remus possibly wouldn't notice the missing manuscript, and even if he did, Logan could explain. He just didn't want to get Remus's hopes up so early on, and also didn't want him accidentally telling Thomas before he actually read the story.

He spent most of Remus's nap creating the actual book to put on Thomas's shelf, texting Roman for help with the cover after briefly explaining his idea (he also didn't want Roman to accidentally reveal everything too early- the only secrets Roman was really good at keeping were his secret insecurities). Roman was ecstatic to help and apparently set to work right after Logan briefly explained the plot of the story.

Logan placed the almost-finished book in one of his own desk drawers, and climbed into bed again with Remus. Remus shifted, making a sound that Logan assumed was out of content, and clung to Logan once again. Logan wrapped his arms around Remus, pulling him closer before letting his own eyes drift shut. Soon, Logan had also slipped into a deep slumber, only being woken up three hours later for dinner.

-

The book cover Roman had shown him was gorgeous, in Logan's mind. And he was surprised Roman had done it so willingly in the first place, since it was so far from Roman's comfort zone. A hospital with blood dripping from the windows, the main character looking as innocent as Remus portrayed him to be. And as a much smaller detail, corpses lining the base of the hospital in awkward positions, as though they had jumped from the stories above.

Logan combined the cover and the book about a few days later, and rose up in Thomas's apartment. Thomas was in his room, getting ready for the day, which meant Logan could go unnoticed since Thomas was still finding the energy to leave the warmth of his bed.

He appeared in the living room and walked over to the small bookshelf Thomas had. With any luck, Logan could persuade Thomas sometime soon to pick up reading in his spare time.

Logan slipped the book onto the shelf, making sure it didn't look too out of place. He could feel the energy it took out of him to keep it there, keep it just really existing in this world. He just hoped it would stay that way, so when Thomas read it, he could actually see the damn story.

He sunk out without being caught, rising up in his room but quickly going to the commons when he heard Patton call for breakfast.

-

It took Thomas almost an entire month to finally notice the book, pulling it off his shelf as he was cleaning. He didn't recognize the title, not the author. Ignoring the heavy amount of blood on the cover, Thomas turned the book in his hands, reading over the synopsis. He tilted his head. It seemed... Interesting.

Maybe Joan had accidentally put it there, and had just forgotten they'd left his book. That happened on numerous occasions before. Normally Thomas would just leave the book alone and give it back to Joan once they visited again, but something about this one caught his interest.

He settled down on the couch, knowing Patton would probably be very uncomfortable with this book. But that didn't phase Thomas as much as he thought it would. And so, he opened the book to the first chapter, getting more comfortable.

It didn't take long for Thomas to get invested in the story. It was being told from the point of view of a child, Thomas assumed the boy on the cover, and where the child grew up. The hospital, located in an abandoned town. His parents did experiments on the town's residents, all of whom had been checked into the hospital years ago. No one was allowed to leave, and anyone who died in the experiments were just dropped out the windows.

The child wasn't as innocent as he looked, though. Not how he sounded, and Thomas soon realized that when he 'played' with the 'patients' to supposedly cheer them up, the child was only torturing them more. Dress up was wrapping chains around necks and crushing windpipes, playing pirates meant he stabbed someone's eye out and gave them an eye patch made from a large screw or chopping off their hand to give them a hook, and cooking meant slicing various parts of the victim off and adding the parts to a 'soup'.

The thing was they couldn't go outside, though. And the boy ends up outside halfway through the story.

Thomas couldn't believe how much he actually enjoyed reading the book, just waiting to see what the boy did next after finally getting out of the hospital, how his parents would react. The town turned out to not be completely abandoned, and the remaining residents upon seeing the boy... It was just a bunch of interesting interactions.

He spent the entire night reading, even reading a bit into the morning until he closed the book with wide eyes. His stomach growled, and Thomas realized he hadn't eaten dinner the day before. Half-awake, he went to make himself some toast as he pondered the events of the book.

Thomas went to sleep on the couch soon after breakfast, exhaustion finally overpowering the rush that came with reading a new book. And he woke up early in the evening when Patton was trying to get hip up, wanting to have a talk about Thomas's recent choice.

He rubbed his eyes, noticing the other sides as well. Thomas quickly sprung to his feet, stretching his arms as he walked to take his place at the center of the room.

"Pat, you wanted to talk?" Thomas asked, turning to face his moral side. Patton looked very unhappy, which was to be expected. Remus seemed to be bouncing in his peripheral, a nervous grin on his face.

"Before that, can we talk about the book?" Remus asked, promoting Thomas to fully look at him. Thomas tilted his head.

"What about it?"

"Did you like it?" Remus seemed almost hopeful, clasping his hands together and pulling at his fingers anxiously. He would recognize the story Thomas had been reading from anywhere, since when Thomas was reading the words from the pages played throughout the mindscape like an intercom and Remus knew the story by heart.

Thomas smiled, because of course Remus would be excited about that kind of gruesome story. "I did, actually. It had compelling characters, an interesting plot and setting, and also the descriptions... They were horrifying, but in a pleasant way? Like, the kind of feeling you'd get when reading whump fanfiction or something."

Remus's shoulders relaxed and he bounced a bit faster, laughing to himself at Thomas's response. "Brilliant!" Was all he said as he tried and failed to calm himself down. Thomas turned back to Patton and crossed his arms, seeing the look of utter disapproval on Patton's face, missing Logan's smile of relief.

"I'm going to assume you hated it, though?"

"Of course I did! It was awful!" Patton threw his arms in the air. "It was about murder! And torture! How could you like a story like that, Thomas?!"

Thomas shrugged. "It's fictional, Patton. I don't condone anything that happened in it. You would know if I did."

"Just because it's fictional doesn't make it right!"

"That was the point of the story though, right? That everything the main character was doing and thinking was wrong, despite the environment he grew up in and how he wouldn't know right from wrong?" Roman asked, leaning against the wall as he watched Remus finally calm down his excitement. Remus grinned at him.

"But he liked reading it. What does that say about Thomas?!"

"Many people read things they don't like, Patton. Thomas's friends like playing games involving horror and murderers, but they're not murderers themselves, are they?"

"But Thomas had never liked reading these things in the first place!"

"You mean you've never, right?" Deceit interjected, leaning against the banister. "Thomas has liked some morbid books in the past though, because of some of our own influences. Like the original material the Disney movies were all based off."

Patton looked at a loss for words, and turned to look at Virgil. "Surely you didn't like it, Virge. It was really gruesome, right, and isn't it worrying that Thomas likes it?"

Virgil shrugged. "I didn't mind it. I gotta agree, it was definitely gruesome, but it was still a good story." Virgil flashed a smile at Remus. "I could also see someone making a wicked movie out of it."

Remus's eyes widened at the idea, his smile only growing.

"So, overall Thomas, you wouldn't be opposed to reading stories similar to that one?" Logan asked, folding one arm across his chest as he pushed up his glasses with his other hand.

"I wouldn't be opposed to it, no."

"And what about possibly creating skits with darker themes like it, maybe for a side channel of sorts?"

Thomas's eyes lit up. "Oooh, that'd definitely be an interesting channel! And I could reach a wider audience, right?" He deflated a little. "But I doubt I could make anything like that story and actually pull it off."

"I don't see why not. After all, your own mind created the story."

Thomas frowned. "What?"

"The story, it was Remus's. You can create things as good as that story, if you merely gave Remus a chance to show you what he can do."

Thomas's eyes widened at that, and he turned back to Remus. "That's why you were so excited?!"

Remus nodded, still feeling giddy as he rocked on his heels. It took a moment for him to find his words. "I'm really really happy you liked that one- it was one of the first in a series and it's my favorite and I just-" Remus cut himself off, flapping his hands and trying to laugh off the nerves creeping back up now that Thomas knew. "You don't have to listen to Logan, Thomas, but the fact that you even considered the idea is good enough for me!"

"You wrote that." Thomas stared at his duke with wide eyes. "Really?"

Remus nodded again, and Thomas ran a hand through his already messy hair. He bit his lip, glancing briefly at the obviously unhappy Patton.

Eh, screw it, Thomas thought. "Could I see some more of your ideas, then, or do you need time to brainstorm?"

Remus could've fainted if he didn't suddenly have a job to do.

-

After they had all sunk out, Thomas deciding he needed more sleep, Remus tackled Logan to the floor. Tears of pure joy were streaming down Remus's cheeks as he buried his face in Logan's shoulder, laughing almost hysterically.

Logan caught his breath, wrapping his arm around Remus tightly and holding him closer. "You alright?" Logan asked once Remus had stopped laughing as loudly. The others had vacated to their own rooms, leaving just them two on the common room floor. Remus leaned up to press a kiss to Logan's lips, holding onto the logical side for dear life.

"Thank you, Lolo, thank you," he whispered against Logan's lips. Logan held Remus closer, moving to wipe away Remus's tears. He smiled softly at Remus, caressing his cheek lightly.

"For you, my love, anything."

-------------------------------

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#long post #intrulogical #romantic intrulogical #Intrulogical fluff #remus sanders #logan sanders #Thomas sanders #character thomas #character!thomas #sanders sides #ts sides #patton sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #ts remus #ts logan #ts thomas #unsympathetic patton #morally-gray patton #(unsure really but gonna tag both just in case) #tw violence #tw death #tw murder #tw torture #(those are all technically described so gonna again tag just in case) #ambersky ask #amberskywrites #prompt #ask

[system-of-a-feather]

at least you get a fucking break from your life, most of us just have to fucking bare every single agonizing moment alone and on our own. but we're oppressing you bcus we wish we could just not exist anymore like you get the luxury of

Oh wow I really am shocked “Its really rude and offensive to tell people with a serious disorder that messes up lives, relationships, and daily functioning that also comes from chronic childhood trauma that they are lucky to have it” was the topic that got me my first aggressive anon (excluding ActingNT who is practically a troll so it doesn’t count)

I’m sorry you are hurting and feeling alone like this though. I wish you could have a break from what is making you feel this way as well, I don’t think you deserve to feel that way. I don’t think anyone deserves to feel that way.

Though I’m sorry to tell you, contrary to what media / Youtubers might make you think, we really don’t get a break from our life and we don’t get to “just not exist.”

From the outside, the times of being in the innerworld or “times not front” might sound like time to just go into a peaceful magical world, but often times it isn’t. I’m the host of the system, and I really don’t have access to the inner world, I just really get time jumps and leaps. I don’t get to relax anywhere, all I get is that it is one moment, then its some other time and I don’t really know what has or has not been done.

It’s not a break, its a time leap. I don’t get a chance to breath and I’m just thrown back into the loop as if I never stopped. And when I am “gone,” my life - all the bad and good and trauma in it - still occurs and continues and things I don’t want happening will happen and I will still be held responsible. I have hurt this body when I was “gone”, I have caused such huge issues in very important relationships of mine when I had a time leap - not a break. 

Before I worked to get to know my system, I would have times where I was having a good time, then something would happen, and I would “zone out” and find myself confused a bit and realizing I had said really shitty horrible things and for the rest of the day I would have to try to apologize and clean up for things I hadn’t intentionally done.

That is less now that I know my system and have gotten to working to work together, but it isn’t a break.

And as for “you get a break”, I really would have to ask who you are talking to? Maybe if you were to talk to me, the host, I get a bit of a break from time to time. If you were to be talking to any of my trauma holders / EPs that do not end up on this blog? No. A good few of them never do. 

For a good few of them, I know the only thing they know in life is pain and because of how our brain has compartmentalized the trauma, they are stuck constantly in a state of feeling pain and reliving trauma over and over. When they are front, they are always having a flashback or panic attack. When they are “getting a break in the headspace” they are re-experiencing trauma. I have at least three parts that haven’t experienced anything good since the time they split off - which for many, it would have been years.

Plus, it is also to important that we aren’t actual individual real people. We are parts of a whole so torn apart from what has happened to us that we can’t consciously accept that large parts of us are actually real / actually us. We identify as seperate, but as a whole, whatever our “whole self” would be, never gets to leave this life either.

I’m really sorry though that you are hurting enough that you feel that DID would help you and your life out. I really do help your life gets better for you and that someone reaches out to help you while you are hurting. Thinking having DID would solve the issue is wishful thinking that has been build up by certain media players in the community, but it really isn’t as nice as it might look to outsiders. There are people and things out there that are willing to love and care for you, and I know that it can be hard to believe, but they are out there. Having DID or trying to get it from a subliminal isn’t going to help you or make you feel better - at least not in the long run. 

I know it isn’t available for everyone, but if you can, please talk to a school counselor, a doctor, or a therapist about how you are feeling. You deserve real genuine help.

I know what it feels like to feel hounded by nothing but pain and darkness and to feel completely lost, hopeless, and scared and to want absolutely anything to get a break from life and the situation you are in. Even with DID, I have experienced that really harshly, so I really do hope you get the help that you need.

You aren’t alone and you deserve help and support.

-Riku (Host)

#alter: riku #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #ableism tw #ableism #did #ask #asks #I am only tagging ableism for those that might be triggered by asks like these #I feel this is an issue of pain and missunderstanding #please do not call this person an ableist or send them hate #I don't think they are a bad person even if this was a bit rude and aggressive #discourse tw #discourse