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patscorner · 23 days

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FAMILY DINNER PART2

Summary: Chris joins your family for dinner for the first time and it does not go as planned

Tw: Swearing, physical altercation, mentions of blood, verbal arguing, panic attack mentions of alcohol use, mentions of ed, lmk if I missed something

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The rest of the dinner was just as awkward as you'd thought it'd be. You can't really come back from your father implying you and your boyfriend just fucked in the bathroom of your childhood home, at the first family 'reunion' in 2 years.

So there you sat, eating your food in silence, waiting -no- begging, that someone cut the tension.

And finally someone does. And as they say, careful what you wish for.

"How many plates have you had, dear?" Your mom asked, looking up from her plate. You look back at her, before glancing at your plate and back to at her again.

"This is my second." You say, mouth full of food. You were thankful that people took your mother's talking as an invitation to also continue their conversations.

"Maybe we should slow down, you know? Save room for dessert, which you clearly don't need." She smiles, as if what she said was the best piece of advice she'd ever given anyone.

Her comments always bothered you, no matter how much you were told to ignore them. But when it came to your weight, it hurt the most. The comments were the worst in high school, as you were a little heavier than the average petite high schooler. But it was never as serious as your mom made it. So when you were a sophomore in high school, you developed an eating disorder, where you couldn't eat even if you tried, where you spent hours crying in front of the mirror, wishing you were skinnier to fit your mother's impossible expectations.

You fought that battle for years, 3 years to be exact. Your mom couldn't help because she saw nothing wrong with what you were doing. She would say, 'It's worth it.' And when you're young, you tend to believe everything your parents say because they'd 'never hurt you.' So after you moved out, Chris helped you get help, and you won your long and cruel battle. Obviously, you still have your days and your moments, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it used to be. Not with your new family. People who actually cared.

"S'cuse me?" You say, your voice laced with agitation.

"Well, honey, you don't want to get fat again, do you?" She said, shoveling broccoli into her mouth.

You had stopped chewing completely, making sure you heard her correctly. You looked over at Chris, who was looking at your mom with his jaw clenched. You look back at your mom and out your hand on Chris's thigh as to tell him to relax.

You felt him put his hand over yours and squeeze, a symbol of reassurance.

You sit back in your seat, looking at your plate in defeat. Guess you were done for the night. But your dad wasn't. In fact, your dad was drunk.

"Oh, honey, leave her alone. She's not nearly as huge as she used to be." He slurred, taking another sip from his beer.

"Okay, this isn't neces-" you start, only to be cut off by your parents. Shocker.

"What do you mean? I mean, look at her, David. She's just as big as she was in high school." You mom says gesturing to you.

Your heart dropped, anger and embarrassment filling your veins. "What the fuck, mom?!" You cry out. "Not only is that something you shouldn't say about people, especially your fucking kid, but I'm also right in front of you. At least have some decency to shit-talk me in private." You remove your hand from your boyfriends lap.

Your mom looks at you in shock, and your dad squints at you. "Woah, woah, relax dear. It's not only your fault. You can't help it." She said, reaching for your hand.

You pull your hand away, a look of disgust covering your face. "I don't want to hear that, mom, why's my weight always been a big fucking obsession of yours?" You snap. You feel Chris's hand on your thigh, which you push off quickly. Usually, when you're angry, the last thing you wanted was to be touched.

"It's not my fault. You were huge. I was trying to help you. Nobody wants a pig as their bride, y/n." She spits. Her words feel like daggers, stabbing into your heart.

"You weren't trying to help. You were doing this for yourself. You never cared about it. You only did it because it made you look good to have skinny, petite children. I'm not you or any of them." You gesture to you siblings. The conversations had stopped by now, all of them watching as you and your parents bickered. Embarrassing. "You're a selfish bitch, who never cared about anybody else but herself a-"

"Hey! You watch how you speak to your mother!" Your dad stands up, and instinctively, so did you and your siblings. James and Peter were the first up, while Julia walked over and made sure Maya wasn't in the room.

Nick, Matt, and Chris all stood up too, but they weren't sure what to do, which you would've found funny, but considering the circumstances...

"Let's all relax, okay." Peter attempts to butt in. He's always been so soft-spoken, but if he needs to, he'll beat the shit outta someone. You knew what he was capable of. You'd seen it when your first boyfriend cheated on you.

Your dad directed his attention to Peter. "You shut the fuck up. You have no room to speak because you're a sorry excuse for a son." He drunkenly pointed at Peter.

"You're talking. You can't even see straight half the time, let alone be eligible to give advice." James, your younger brother spits.

Ah, you'd taught him well.

"You watch your mouth before I knock you the fuck out." Your dad spits, and that seems to shut James up. It breaks your heart knowing your father hadn't changed, and when you left, probably laid hands on your younger siblings. And it appears as though Peter's heart broke, too.

Peter stepped closer to your dad, with the same face of anger you'd seem many times before. "You hit them too, Dad? After what you promised!?" He said, his voice raised.

It was all too much. There are too many memories, too many flashbacks. There are too many similarities of past events.

"O-okay, Peter, relax." You attempt, knowing how fast this could escalate. You hold Chris's hand and squeeze tightly.

"Yeah, listen to the pig, Peter." Your father gritted his teeth.

"With all due respect, sir, I'm gonna need you to stop calling your daughter a pig." You hear an unexpected voice. Chris.

Your dad whips his head, staring at Chris with his eyebrows raised, unimpressed. Little did he know, Chris played hockey, and his brothers, who wouldn't hesitate to jump in, also played hockey.

"Chri-" You start.

"No, no, I'd like to hear what he has to say." Your father mocks.

"No! No, please let's just sto-" you get cut off again.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, Y/N." Your dad yells, taking very quick steps to you.

Chris stood in front of you, Peter and James behind your father.

"Move." He growled at Chris.

Chris sucked his teeth, with fake disappointment on his face. "Sorry, can't do that one, sir."

Your dad huffed, allowing Chris to smell every sip of alcohol he'd drunk. "Move." He stated again.

Chris shook his head. "That's my daughter! Get the fuck out of the way, tough guy."

Chris cocked his head. "Really, because based off what I've seen, you sure don't talk to her like it." He spoke, his voice calm, but stern.

That was it. Your dad snapped. He swung his fist, hitting Chris in the nose. "Dad! What the fuck!" You say.

You watch as Chris doubles over, holding his nose, followed by yelling from everyone in the room. You can't understand anything, but you do know that your dad's got his hands around your collar and is holding you close to his face.

You feel the tears start to fall as the scent of alcohol burns your nose. "You're a little bitch, letting this puny excuse of a man speak to me like that."

"Let her go, dad!" James screamed, followed by Peter's yelling.

You look over and make eye contact with your mom. She stood there, arms crossed, not a single expression on her face. She just let it happen.

Your dad shook you. "LOOK AT ME." He shouted in your face. You closed your eyes, as tears began to fall.

"CHRIS NO!" Nick yells. That's all you hear before you dropped. You didn't realize he was choking you until he let go. You look up and see Chris on top of your dad, landing blows like he if were in a hockey game. Your dad got a few heavy punches in, too, as you expected.

Chris had a bloody nose, a bloody lip, and crimson knuckles. Blood stained his big hands, and you couldn't tell if it was his or your father's.

Matt and Nick finally managed to push Chris out of the house, leaving you and your family. Your dad was still screaming drunk profanities, while James made sure you were okay. Peter and your mom held your dad back from chasing your boyfriend.

You had walked out of the dining room and went to sit on the stairs. Tears streamed down your face as you felt yourself slip into a familiar but unfamiliar trance. You were completely unaware of your surroundings at this point, so lost in your brain that the rest of your body was just frozen.

You don't know how long you are disassociating for, but you heard muffled shouting until you didn't. The yelling was replaced with ringing, something your brain did as a coping mechanism, mostly when you were young and hiding with your siblings in the bathroom while your dad trashed your home.

"-aby, can you take a deep breath from me?" You look up, but your vision is blurred, and you can't make out who's speaking - or anything for that matter.

You blink slowly, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It usually took you a while to come back to reality during these moments.

"Can someone get her a cup of water?" You hear the voice again, and despite your yearning to speak, you can't get any words out. Your mouth opens, and you try to speak, but it comes out more of a choked whine.

"Shh, I know, sweetheart, it's okay." Chris wipes the tears coming for your cheeks. Your pupils were enlarged, and your eyes were open, but you couldn't see.

"Thank you." Chris muttered as Matt handed him a cup of ice water. "Here, baby." He put his hands in the icy water, shaking them, so his hands are damp. He took your hands, which had a death grip on your hoodie, and rubbed his cold fingers over your knuckles.

You focused on the feeling of his frigid fingers and you felt yourself coming back to reality.

You blink quickly as more tears fall. "Aw ma, don't cry, it's okay, sweetheart." Chris coos, placing his hands on your hips, rubbing his thumbs on the bone.

His attempts to ground you are successful, as your eyes finally focus on his eyes. "Hey, hey, you coming back to me, baby?" Chris asks, his voice soothingly attempting to comfort you.

You nod absent-mindedly, relief flooding your body as you come back to reality.

You take in your surroundings for the first time in what felt like forever. You're sat on the stairs, your hands shaking from the adrenaline flowing through your veins.

You finally make eye contact with Chris, his eyes full of love and worry. He's got a bruise on the side of his face, a busted lip, and blood falling from his nose, smeared on his upper lip.

"Chris..." you say, cupping his face, rubbing his cheeks down to his lip, frowning when he winced. "Baby..."

He pulls away, chuckling lightly. "It's fine, baby, I'm okay. I just wanted to make sure you were safe." He squeezed your hips in reassurance.

"I'm okay." You say. But then your mind screams at you. "Fuck, where's Maya... an-and, James. Oh, fuck, what about Julia and Pet-" your cut off by Chris's lips on yours. You sigh into the kiss, your hands trailing down his neck.

He pulls away and smiles sadly. "Thank you." You whisper, looking down. "Anytime, baby. I'm so sorry. God, I'm so fucking sorry." He said, leaning his forehead on yours.

You shake your head. "It's okay, he's a fucking asshole." Chris kisses your cheek. "Let's get outta here? I made a little bit of a mess."

You raise your eyebrows. "A little?" Chris kisses his teeth and scoffs.

You smile and kiss his cheek. "Anybody would've done it, Chris. It's okay, really." You speak softly.

Chris smiles and helps you up. "Let's go home." He leads you down the stairs and reaches for the door.

But it opens before he can open it.

"Oh my god."

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(Man, I wonder who that is)

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drill-teeth-art · 7 months

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Actually, here’s a piece of artistic advice. Having a tummy. A soft stomach. Having that is really not an exclusively fat body trait. And most body types are just going to have a some fat on their stomach and have a tummy. This is completely normal and common and healthy. And yes I’m absolutely fed up of seeing people drawing bodies completely devoid of fat and soft muscle as much as they can be, so I think more people should get comfortable with depicting body fat. Small and even skinnier body type does not mean no fat. Stop being scared of drawing fat at all. Get comfy with it.

I will even provide some tips.

Here’s a decent starting point for references of some bodies you may be unfamiliar with depicting. There’s just a lot of pictures this photographer takes of various models in different poses that you could benefit from working with.

For drawing body fat try to avoid using perfect circles. It gives the fat an almost stiff and stretched look and it’s not great. Consider gravity and use more sagging shapes. They’re going to be more rounded triangle shapes than circles, honestly.

Draw in a coffee shop or library sometime and just let yourself look at other people around you as you do. You don’t have to draw them if you don’t want to. It’s just good experience as an artist to let yourself be inspired by being around what you hope to portray well.

#otto thoughts #art tips

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blughxreader · 7 months

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I've been watching natural disaster documentaries and I'm so down bad for the idea of Platonic Yandere! Batfam during a blizzard.

They obviously have enough supplies to maintain a small village, so no one is pressed when sudden snow picks up. Batman has special cold-resistant suits for all of them but when the windchill drops to the negatives, their patrols are an hour at a time.

When the blizzard finally hits, they escort stranded cars to safety for as long as possible before the white-out makes it impossible to work.

That first night, they're all huddled in the the smallest lounge, fireplace roaring and hot chocolate in hand. You're pulled to the very front of the pile, bundled in blankets and Tim's various school hoodies and up against the rolling heat of the flames.

Despite the temperature breaking record lows, you've never been more toasty. Chocolate on your tongue and cheeks hot from the fire, they only let you unbundle yourself when you complain about sweating.

However much the others bitch and moan, Jason and Bruce are the ones at your side. They're packed full of muscle and do a great job of trapping in heat, so the skinnier Bats have to settle for watching you. Jason and Bruce take great pleasure in draping a big arm around you, pinning you so close to their sides that you have to fold your arms to keep them from getting squeezed.

Bruce insists you sleep in his bed, since this is one of the few times he gets to fall asleep at the same time as you. Damian insists, on account of being the least efficient at maintaining heat (i.e. the smallest), he should join you two. Bruce relents with an amused smile. You fall asleep pulled almost fully across Bruce's chest with Damian wound tightly around you.

The whole situation would almost be reminiscent of a family enjoying the winter holidays, had it not been for the Bat’s palpable longing.

Normally, they're desperate to touch you, to hold onto some part of your person and bask in the closeness. But with their fingertips cold and a slight shake to their limbs—they're ravenous.

Their yearning mixes with the cold and spurs on their dark thoughts more than the heat ever has. They have to hold you or they'll die. They have to feel your warm breath fan their faces. They have to take your body heat and to give you theirs.

Physical intimacy seems so much more personal when they could die from the cold (never mind the fact that they're at a healthy temperature).

Fights break out faster as they get more clingy, and Bruce creates a rigid schedule. The Bats must follow the rotation by the second, no bartering time for favors, and no incapacitating others to extend your time.

The weak sun travels the sky and snow swallows houses whole. Almost two days in, the power cut and everyone was forced to move into the small living room. Using the back-up generators, they powered only a few important rooms in the house and set up space heaters in every corner. Blankets were nailed over windows and Damian and Tim had a mini bitch-session over the unusable internet connection.

Dick and Jason carried down mattresses, while Tim, Cass, and Steph found every blanket and pillow in the house. Damian and Bruce brought up laptops, monitors, and a radio for work. Alfred is forced into the recliner with an instant water heater and a teapot by his side. He hasn't complained once, but everyone knows the cold isn't kind to his joints.

Then there's you, sitting on a pile of blankets and pillows and wrapped in sweaters, throws, hats, and gloves. You almost threw a fit because you were warm enough, but Cass's darkened face silenced you immediately. She backed off when you settled into Steph's side, gloves and all.

The time passes slowly. On the third and worst day, the wind chill reached negative 50. The house rattled and creaked against the cold, and the Bats took turns nestled against you.

Dick flipped through his old high school year book and told you stories about the students, while Steph chimed in with made up-ones to add drama.

You and Damian played a game that involved finishing each other's drawings.

Tim pretended to be stuck on a video game level and let you help. Cass somehow procured a party horn that she honked to celebrate each victory.

Despite how hard Jason tried to avoid Bruce, they always finished their books at the same time and left to get more. They returned with arm-fulls of books and a frozen snack that they shared with you.

At the end of the week, when the sun finally began melting the snow and the were having an increasingly difficult time keeping Bruce from the cowl, they were all sick of each other.

It was slightly satisfying, considering you never caught a break from any of them and this was a taste of their own medicine. The Bats finally returned to duty after a spectacular meltdown from Dick after Bruce asserted his opinion one too many times.

You, however, remained locked in the living room nest for several more days because "it's still too cold for you to sleep alone" and "patrols will be very short until crime picks back up."

It was already safe to return to your room, but there was something so comforting about knowing precisely where you'd be at any given moment. And Bruce, settling into the couch after patrol to thaw his frozen limbs, melted at the sight of his kids all piled up together.

for more yandere batfam, visit my masterlist!

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eimids · 6 months

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Don’t care about them

Alexia Putellas x reader

i’m gonna keep writing to annoy that rude anon😉

this is inspired by this whole situation going on in my blog!! enjoy nonnie i know you are reading this😚😚

warnings: bad body image, rude comments, angst

You and Alexia had dated for a year before your relationship became public. It wasn’t ideal but you were happy that now you were able to show to the world your girlfriend.

The press was having a field day after your relationship came out with the one and only, Alexia Putellas. They were writing about your life and every single thing you ever did.

That wasn’t the worst part. It was the fact that they were talking about your body and looks. Giving their opinions on your posts on instagram. Judging and criticizing if you are worthy enough for Alexia, the star player of Spain and Barca.

The articles weren’t all that bad but the comments were.

Under a photo with you wearing heavier makeup than usual.

“She wears way too much makeup, i bet she’s actually ugly and just maskes it behind that makeup”

If you weren’t wearing makeup.

“She’s so ugly, look at those eyebags. she doesn’t deserve Alexia”

Then there was a photo of you in a bikini.

“🤢 look at those things and that stomach. she should be a lot skinnier. alexia deserves much better than that”

“She’s trying so hard to suck her stomach in it’s pathetic”

“I wouldn’t be posting bikini pictures with that body”

You quickly decided to turn off the comments on specific posts. Not wanting to hear the mean words they said about you.

You went through the rabbit hole of scrolling and reading through every single comment before deleting the comments. It wasn’t good for you but you couldn’t help it. Just needing to read what they said about you. Some comments were actually nice. Telling you how cute you and Alexia were together. Probably most of them were nice but they went to blind eyes. You were only able to see the negative ones.

It quickly became too much for you. You actually started to believe the comments about Alexia deserving better. You started to isolate from her and from everyone. It was easy since Alexia was in the Spain women’s camp during international break.

It started as you just not replying to her texts so often and missing some of her calls but it quickly escalated to you completely ignoring her. You thought she wouldn’t care about your absence in her life but she did.

In fact she was stressing the whole camp about it. She didn’t perform as well and you were in her mind constantly. She thought she did something wrong. Luckily for her there was only one more day of camp and then she would see you again and solve this situation. She knew that whatever it was, you could work through it. You always did.

When Alexia came back home finally she found you in your shared bed. She noticed the dry tears on your cheeks and your phone in your hand. She decided to unlock it to see what it was.

She was horrified when she saw all the comments about you. How could anyone say those things about her precious girl. The girl who wouldn’t hurt or say anything bad about anyone. She hated that this was somewhat her fault. Her being a public figure, it was hard to avoid those comments.

She closed your phone and took her own in her hands to post quickly on her instagram. After that she cuddled close to you. Not wanting to wake you up but also wanting you as close as possible. She stayed like that for a while before falling asleep herself.

The next morning you woke up to the soft hands caressing your body. So gently touching every part of your body while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

“Should we break up?”

That wasn’t at all what Alexia expected from your mouth and she tensed up immediately.

“What, why” She asked breathlessly.

“I don’t deserve you. They all say it. You deserve much better than me” You said while looking into her beautiful eyes. Tears creeping in your own.

“Absolutely not. You are more than enough and i love you more than anything my beautiful girl” She answered then quickly followed “You don’t actually wanna break up, right?” She asked nervously.

“No” You said and shook your head. You started crying to her about all the mean stuff in your comments. She listed carefully and assured that none of them were true.

The rest of the day she showed just how much she loved you and you stayed in bed for the whole day. Just before you went to sleep you checked your instagram. To your surprise there was a post from Alexia made the day before.

Liked by yourinstagram, Lucy Bronze and 1, 456, 789 others.

alexiaputellas: my beautiful, amazing, kind and loving girlfriend 🩷 te quiero mi niña

the comments you been writing about this beautiful soul are horrible and i disagree with them all. i couldn’t ask for anything better and if we are being honest, i don’t know how i deserve her but i’m so lucky to have her in my life<3

so for anyone who has been sending those comments, just stop. if you’re own life is that boring then maybe get some help 🙂

me and my girl will enjoy our life together 🤝

no me importa lo que piensen los demás✨

—

hehee

#woso community #woso x reader #woso fanfics #wlw post #lucy bronze #alexia putellas #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas marry me #fluff #barca femeni

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womenaremypriority · 6 months

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Cool radfem translation guide, for trans activists:

“Women are female”

Does not mean: Women are female and nothing else, women have to have babies.

Does mean: The requirement to be a women is to be female, and from then on it’s a woman’s unique personality!

Being female isn’t shameful! We can be woman while doing our own thing, not despite it.

“Women are, on average, shorter and skinnier than men. Women also have much less brute strength than men.”

Does not mean: Women need men to protect us, women are all dainty princesses, women are all short and skinny, and no women is strong.

Does mean: Male and female bodies are different, and while female bodies have their strengths and advantages, men’s immediate, raw strength compared to women matters. Men don’t protect us. Learn self defense.

“Some women may identify as men to escape misogyny”

Does not mean: These women are tricksters and liars, who are knowingly becoming men to gain advantages in life. These women’s feelings and emotions are shallow or false.

Does mean: Many women correctly identify from a young age, subconsciously or not, that men are taken more seriously and held in higher regard than women. The majority of historical figures and literary icons are men. This has an affect on young girls. Women’s bodies are sexualized and judged constantly, and it is only natural for women to identify more with men, or want to no longer have female genitals, breasts, or female fat distribution. We all deal with things in our own way. It’s not a moral failing to subconsciously wish to be seen as a man to be taken more seriously.

“Trans identify is a social contagion among young people”

Does not mean= Being trans is just something silly kids do for attention, trans people are always treated amazingly by everyone, the feelings and emotions of young people who identify as transgender or nonbinary are completely fake, and they have no serious concerns or issues, they should be brushed off.

Does mean= There’s a huge rise in children identifying this way. There are multiple anecdotes about people who didn’t mind a part of their body or life deciding to change it in some way after spending time in trans circles. For young kids who want to fit in, the community may seem appealing. It may be a way to scapegoat body issues and trauma into gender dysphoria. Even if transitioning may have medical or social consequences, anorexia and suicide have also been proven to have a social element, and are still very dangerous. Children who fail into contagion aren’t (always) lying or making things up. These things often come from a real place of hurt, disconnect, and isolation in teenagers.

#My post #radical feminism #radical feminists do interact #gender critical #radical feminist safe #radfem #radblr #radical feminist community #radical feminists do touch #My bangers

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kinnbig · 2 months

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✨ Simple Gif Colouring for Beginners ✨

I wrote up my basic gif colouring process for a friend recently, but a couple of people here mentioned they'd also find it helpful! so, as requested, this is a beginner-friendly walkthrough of the way I colour my gifs :) it's aimed at brand new gif makers with no prior experience with photoshop or photo editing.

when I first started gif making I found colouring and photoshop in general suuuper daunting, so I've tried to simplify everything here as much as possible. hopefully this will be relatively easy to follow and not too intimidating!

a couple of things to begin with:

I'm only talking about colouring here - this is not a full gif making tutorial. I've linked to some of my favourites of those here!

I personally like to make bright, 'clean' looking gifs with vibrant but natural colours, so that is the style of colouring this tutorial is geared towards. most of gif colouring is subjective and about personal taste - the only thing that I'd say is possible to get wrong is skin tones, which I talk about a lot in this guide.

as I mostly gif Thai dramas, most of the advice is geared towards colouring for East Asian/South East Asian skin tones - but the techniques should be fairly universally applicable (and here are some tutorials that talk about gif colouring for other skin tones).

I'm not an expert! I'm not claiming this is the best or the only way to colour gifs - it's just how I do it.

this post is very image-heavy. if the images aren't loading (or the gifs are running slowly or cutting/looping weirdly), then try viewing the post in its own tab (rather than on the your dash or someone's blog) and refreshing the page.

okay, full walkthrough beneath the cut!

contents:

1. intro a. natural gif colouring goals b. very very basic colour theory 2. super simple colouring (the essentials) a. curves b. selective colour (and skin tone correction) c. hue/saturation d. saving and reusing colouring e. another simple colouring example 3. other adjustment layers a. brightness/contrast b. levels c. vibrance d. colour balance e. channel mixer 4. troubleshooting a. curves b. saturation 5. fin!

1. intro

the colouring part of gif making can be super overwhelming, especially if (like me when I first started!) you're completely new to photoshop and/or have no experience with colour theory or photo/video editing.

if you're opening photoshop and making gifs for the first time, I highly recommend getting used to making a few basic, uncoloured gifs to begin with. just to practice, rather than post anywhere (though you can always come back and colour them later if you want) - but it'll make the rest of the process much easier if you're already beginning to get used to working in timeline mode of photoshop. give yourself a bit of time to practice and get a feel for things like how many frames you tend to like in a gif, where you like to crop them for the best loop, what kind of aspect ratio you like etc* - so that you're not trying to navigate all of that for the first time on top of everything else!

* frames: for me between 60-90 frames is ideal, but 40-120 frames is the absolute min-max I'd personally use in a normal gifset loops: for the smoothest loops, try to avoid cutting someone off mid-movement or mid-word if possible. aspect ratio: for full-size (540px) gifs, I tend to go for either 8:5 (slightly 'skinnier' gifs), 7:5, or 5:4 (particularly big, thick gifs lmao)

✨ natural gif colouring goals

part of what can be so daunting about starting gif making is not knowing where to start or what you want to achieve. this is definitely something that gets easier with practice - the more gifs you make, the more you'll get a feel for what kind of look you like and the more instinctively you'll know how to get there. it also helps to see if any gif makers you like have made "before and after colouring" posts - these can help with getting a sense of the kinds of changes made through gif colouring. here's one I made!

in general, I like to make my gifs bright and 'clean' looking, with vibrant but natural colours. these are the things I'm usually hoping to achieve with colouring:

brighten dark scenes

remove muddy, yellowish lighting or filters

saturate colours

correct any skin lightening filters or overexposure

make lighting and colours as consistent as possible between gifs within a single gifset, especially gifsets featuring gifs from multiple scenes/episodes/videos

this guide is focusing on natural colouring, but of course there are many cool ways to make stylised/unnaturally coloured gifs. imo you'll need to master these basics first, but if you want to learn how to do things like change the background colour of gifs or use gradients or other cool effects, then @usergif's resource directory has loads of super helpful tutorials!

✨ very very basic colour theory

[disclaimer! I don't know shit about fuck. I do not study light or art. this is just an explanation that makes sense to me exclusively for the purposes of gif making.]

the primary colours for light/digital screens are red, blue, and green. having all three colours in equal measures neutralises them (represented by the white section in the middle of the diagram).

so to neutralise a colour within a gif, you need to add more of the colour(s) that are lacking.

in practice this usually means: the scene you want to gif is very yellow! yellow is made of red and green light, so to neutralise it you need to add more blue into your gif.

it can also mean the reverse: if you desaturate the yellow tones in a gif, it will look much more blue.

looking at the colour balance sliders on photoshop can make it easier to visualise:

so making a gif more red also means making it less cyan.

removing green from a gif means adding magenta.

taking yellow out of a gif will make it more blue.

tl;dr:

neutralise yellows by adding blue (and vice versa)

neutralise reds by adding cyan (and vice versa)

neutralise green by adding magenta (and vice versa)

2. super simple colouring (the essentials)

starting with a nice sharpened gif in photoshop in timeline mode. (these are the sharpening settings I use!)

some scenes are much harder to colour than others - it helps to start out practising with scenes that are bright/well-lit and that don't have harsh unnaturally coloured lights/filters on. scenes with a lot of brown/orange also tend to be harder.

I usually save a base copy of my gif before I start colouring just in case I end up hating it, or find out later that it doesn't quite fit right into a set and need to redo it etc.

so here is my base gif!

it's an okay gif, but it has a bit of a yellow tint to it that I want to reduce.

colouring is easiest to do in adjustment layers, which can be found under layer -> new adjustment layer - or for me they are here:

there are lots of different types of adjustment layers that do lots of different things - but for me the absolute essentials for colouring are curves, selective colour, and hue/saturation.

I also use brightness/contrast, levels, exposure, vibrance, colour balance, and channel mixer sometimes, depending on the gif - but I use curves, selective colour, and hue/saturation on every single gif.

✨ curves layer

the first thing I always do is a curves layer. when you first open one it will look like this:

first I usually click the ‘auto’ button, just to see what happens. sometimes it makes a big difference (it usually brightens the gif a lot) - but on this gif it didn’t do much.

if it had made the gif look nicer then I would have kept it and added a second curves layer on top to do the rest of these steps.

the next step is selecting the white and black points with the little eyedropper tools.

the bottom eyedropper lets you pick a white point for the gif. click somewhere super light on the gif to see what happens - for this gif, I clicked on the lampshade on the left. if it looks weird, I just undo it and try somewhere else - it usually takes a few goes to find something that looks good.

here's what that did to the gif:

then I pick the top eyedropper and use it to pick a black point by clicking somewhere really dark, again playing around until I find a black point that looks good.

here's what the gif looks like after picking the white and black points:

this can take some experimenting, but you can make super easy drastic changes to your gif just with this. in this case, the curves layer took out a lot of that yellowy tint.

and this is what the curves graph looks like now:

you can click and drag those lines to make further changes if you want - I usually leave them alone though. the colours of the lines indicate which colours have been changed in the gif - for example, you can see from that steep blue line on the graph that blue has been added to neutralise those yellows.

next I usually do another curves layer and just press the ‘auto’ button again to see what happens. usually it brightens the gif a bit more, which I like.

‼️if nothing is working: usually with a bit of fucking about a curves layer works well - but sometimes you can’t find a good white and black point anywhere, and instead your gif turns wacky colours and nothing looks good. this happens more often with very heavily colour tinted scenes :( the troubleshooting section at the end goes over some options, including starting with a levels layer instead.

✨ selective colour (and skin tone correction)

skin tones are made up of a mixture of yellow and red.

removing yellow (or adding blue or red) to a gif will make the skin-tones too red - and removing red (or adding cyan or yellow) to a gif will make the skin-tones too yellow.

adding blue to this gif with the curves layer took out the yellowy tint, which I wanted - but it also took the yellows out of Kim's skin tone, which I don’t want. so I need to put yellow back into the skin tones specifically - without putting it back into the rest of the gif.

selective colour layers let you select an individual colour and adjust the levels of other colours within that colour. you can change how yellow the green shades are, or how much cyan is in the blues, for example.

I need to add yellow back into the red tones to correct the skin tones on this gif. this is the case for most gifs in my experience - the vast majority of the time, unless a scene is very heavily tinted in another colour, a curves layer will add blue/remove yellow.

in the 'colors' dropdown, select the 'reds' section and drag the 'yellow' slider higher - this will add more yellow into just the red shades within the gif.

the amount of yellow you need to add back into the reds depends on how much yellow was taken out of the gif initially - I just play around with the slider until it looks right. if you're not sure, it helps to have some neutrally-coloured (not white-washed!) reference photos of the people in your gif to compare to.

here's the result. Kim's skin is a lot less pink toned and much more natural looking:

✨ hue/saturation

this adjustment layer lets you adjust the hue and saturation of the gif as a whole, and also of each colour individually.

I don't use the hue or lightness sliders unless I'm trying to do something more complicated with the colouring.

clicking the dropdown menu that says 'master' lets you edit the saturation of each colour individually. this is useful if your gif is still super tinted in one colour.

I thought the yellows on this gif were still slightly too bright, so I switched to the yellow channel and desaturated them slightly. (remember if you do this then you need to go back to selective colour and add more yellow into the red skin tones to balance out the desaturation!)

then I increased the 'master' saturation of all the colours to +5:

I usually find the right amount of saturation is somewhere between +5 and +12, but it depends on the gif.

‼️if the gif feels undersaturated, but the saturation slider isn't helping/is making the colours worse, try a vibrance layer instead.

done!

✨ saving and reusing colouring

you can copy and paste adjustment layers between gifs to make your colouring even across each of your gifs for one scene - so if you're making a set of multiple gifs of the same scene, or you think you might want to gif the same scene again in the future, you can save it as a psd so you can reuse the colouring again later.

each gif's colouring will then still need tweaking - different cameras/angles/shots of the same scene can still start out with slightly different colouring.

I recommend uploading the gifs as a draft post on tumblr so you can see what they all look like next to each other and catch any inconsistencies.

✨ another one! (speedrun!)

HI KEN!

the white point for the curves layer was in the window behind them.

the curves layer removes the muddy yellow tint, but again it makes their skin tones (especially Ken's) very red toned, which is adjusted by the selective colour layer.

3. other adjustment layers

imo many many gifs can be coloured really nicely with just those three adjustment layers, but some need different adjustments.

✨ brightness/contrast

pretty self explanatory!

I personally usually avoid using the 'brightness' slider because I rarely like the effect - I only tend to use the 'contrast' one.

the 'auto' button is sometimes useful though, especially if you’re struggling with the curves layer.

✨ levels

levels alters the white and black points of the gif, like curves - but unlike curves it doesn't also alter other colours.

use the sliders beneath the graph to alter how dark/light the gif is. you can slide the black slider further to the right to make the blacks darker, and the white slider to the left to make the whites lighter.

levels is a good place to start if your curves layer isn't working.

(I'm going to hit the image limit for this post lol so here are some screenshots of a table I made to demonstrate this rather than actual gifs. sorry!)

on both sides, I dragged the sliders up to where the big jumps are on the graph - this is usually a good place to start!

✨ vibrance

vibrance... makes the colours more vibrant. it's more subtle than saturation.

it's really helpful for gifs that feel grey. sometimes adjusting saturation just makes the greys kind of weirdly tinted, but a vibrance layer can fix that.

vibrance is much more subtle!

✨ colour balance

colour balance affects the overall balance of colours within a gif.

it's good for scenes with heavy tints.

I tend to stick to the 'midtones' dropdown, but you can also alter the colour balance within the shadows and highlights if you want.

✨ channel mixer

I avoided channel mixer for such a long time because it scared me. but it's great for scenes that are very heavily tinted in one colour.

basically, it works with the levels of red, green, and blue within a gif. you select an output colour and then play around with the levels of the colour you selected within each other colour.

kind of the reverse of selective colour?

so in the 'blue' channel, the levels of blue are at 100%, and the levels of red and green are at 0% - but you can impact how much blue is in the reds and greens and blues.

this tutorial explains it well - but imo the best way to get to grips with channel mixer is just to play around with it a bit (sorry)

(when I made this guide for my friend, I also made a slightly more complicated gif colouring walk-through that included using channel mixer. there isn't space to include it within this post, but if anyone is interested I could always upload it as an 'intermediate' gif colouring tutorial - lmk!)

4. troubleshooting

‼️curves

usually with a bit of fucking about a curves layer works well - but sometimes you can’t find a good white and black point anywhere, and instead your gif turns wacky colours and nothing looks good. this happens more often with very heavily colour tinted scenes :(

for example, with this base gif:

using many of the brightest points as a white point turn it wacky colours, like this:

yikes :(

some options for these cases:

try brightening the gif first with the 'auto' button on the curves layer or with a levels layer. having a brighter gif to start with can give you better options for picking a white point.

try finding an alternate, whiter/brighter white point. look for places the light reflects - on this gif, using the light on Porsche's cheekbone works well as the white point. it also helps to find places that would be white if the scene wasn't tinted - the lightest part of a white shirt is often a good place to start, for example.

skip the curves layer, and instead use a levels layer to alter your white/black points, and colour balance or channel mixer to balance the colours.

‼️over/undersaturation

if your gif (especially the skintones) is looking a little washed out or lifeless, it might be undersaturated. boost that saturation - or if that's not working, try a vibrance layer.

oversaturation is often easiest to spot in the mouths and ears of any people in a gif. if the mouths are looking unnaturally, vibrantly red, then you've gone too far with the saturation.

5. fin!

and done! I hope this was coherent helpful to somebody.

if there's anything that I've missed or that doesn't make sense pls feel free to shoot me an ask or a message and I'll do my best to help! I've also collated a bunch of additional reading/resources below.

happy gifmaking 🥰

✨ some links!

photoshop basics by @selenapastel

gifmaking for beginners by @hayaosmiyazaki

gifmaking guide for beginners by @saw-x

dreamy's gif tutorial by @scoupsy-remade (includes instructions on how to blur out burned-on subtitles or annoying video graphics)

beginner's guide to channel mixer by @aubrey-plaza

how to fix orange-washed characters by aubrey-plaza

colour correcting and fixing dark scenes by @kylos

does resampling matter? by usergif

how to put multiple gifs on one canvas by @fictionalheroine

watermarking using actions by @wonwooridul

resource directory by @usergif

#i got a couple of asks about this so i figured i'd type it up as a post #it's been sitting in my drafts for a while now though i'm so sorry omg.#i had to replace my laptop and it took me a while to get round to downloading photoshop on the new one #but i hope this is helpful!!#gif making #tutorial #photoshop tutorial #colouring tutorial #coloring tutorial #gif colouring #gif coloring #photoshop resources #gif tutorial #gif resources #userbunn #uservik #darcey.txt #darcey.gif #usergif

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kkami-writes · 7 months

Text

full house ━ chapter two. wc. 2.1k

It’s early morning when you wake up, the sun just starting to rise and rays of sunlight begin to peak in through the curtains. Your eyes flutter open, taking a few seconds to let your brain fully wake up. When you glance over to your left you’re not all that surprised to find a boy in your bed. Well, that’s only partly true as you didn’t know the gender of the ferret from yesterday but you knew that the boy next to you had indeed been the animal from yesterday. It wasn’t hard to tell, what with the small white ears on top of his head or the distinct beauty mark under his eye that had been visible in his domestic form.

Perhaps you should feel shocked or even mad that he had decided to sleep in your bed while as a human but you find yourself not really caring. Instead you’re rather happy that he had finally decided to show his face after keeping you in suspense yesterday, staying only in his ferret form.

So you take the moment to admire the rather pretty boy in your bed who has long black hair that reached down to his neck and plush pink lips. He looks so peaceful sleeping that you startle just a little when his eyes flutter open, directly looking at you.

“Like what you see?” The boy mutters, sleep thick in his throat as he brings a hand to rub away the sleep in his eyes. You’re caught off guard by his words but recover fairly quickly, raising an eyebrow at him.

“No, just simply wondering why there’s a strange boy in my bed,” He flushes softly at that, moving to cover himself with the covers and you just want to coo at how cute he is.

“Sorry. I just- I dunno. Wanted you to see me to make sure you really knew what you were getting into,” His voice is barely louder than a whisper.

You’re smiling to yourself as you come to pull the covers down just enough to see his pretty face again, eyes blinking up at you.

“What’s your name?”

“…Hyunjin,”

“Well Hyunjin, do you want some breakfast?”

“…yeah, okay,”

As you set the table for the two of you, a simple breakfast of eggs and toast, you see the boy yawn, noticing that his canines are definitely sharper than a normal humans, similar to that of his domestic form.

“You could have slept more, you know?” You say as you slip into your own seat, starting to eat. Hyunjin shakes his head, happily digging into the food you have provided, still feeling rather hungry even though he had indeed eaten the leftovers you had saved for him.

“It’s ok. I can take a nap later,”

The rest of breakfast is spent in silence, mostly due to Hyunjin being too busy stuffing his face. You take a glance at him, definitely noticing that he’s much skinnier than he probably should be, your casual shirt is baggier on him than it is on you. A frown falls on your face at that thought. How long had he been on the streets for?

Once Hyunjin has finished cleaning off his place he murmurs a quick thank you and it’s so soft you almost don’t even hear it. He starts to fidget in his seat a little, anxiety practically rolling off of him in waves as if unsure what to do.

“So. What’s your story? If you don’t mind me asking,” You break the slightly awkward silence between the two of you, though maybe your question wasn’t exactly the ice breaker you should start with.

Hyunjin just shrugs, as if it’s not a very interesting story. “Mm, I was a gift to a ten year old girl. Why they bought a hybrid for a little girl I’ll never know. They pretty much forbid me from being in my human form though so I was reduced to being just a ferret. I only ever got to stretch out my legs when no one was home. That was my life for a few years. Eventually she got bored of me, constantly forgetting to feed me or changing my water. After a while her parents got tired and surrendered me. But instead of doing it properly they just left me on the side of the road somewhere. I didn’t want to go back to a shelter so, I just decided that being a stray was probably better than getting adopted by someone only to be forgotten again,”

A frown tugs at your lips. People could be so cruel.

“So what do you want to do?” You ask simply but he tilts his head, both confusion and curiosity swimming in his eyes. “I mean do you want to stay here? Or you can leave of course. I’m not gonna make you to stay or anything,”

“Wait. You’d let me stay here?”

“Yeah, I don’t see why not? As you can tell I have plenty of room so it’s not really a bother,” Hyunjin blinks at you, as if not believing your words. “Again, it’s up to you. I’m not gonna force you into something that would make you feel uncomfortable or worse, trapped again,”

He seems to be rather deep in thought so you let him take the time to process your words. If you’re honest you hadn’t really stopped to think about your own words either, just spewing out what felt right. You had always been someone who went with the flow, to ‘trust the process’. Rarely did you ever look before you leaped. Yet this felt right. If Hyunjin chose to stay, it would be a decision you would never regret.

“So…you would adopt me if I stay?”

“Again, If you want. You could also be independent if you wanted, I’d still be happy to give you a room,”

“I just turned twenty though, I’m not eligible to apply for independence,” You shrug at this, moving to rest your chin in the palm of your hand.

“It’s up to you still, if it makes you uncomfortable I don’t have to adopt you,”

“But! You could get in trouble for having an unowned hybrid,” At this you grin, teeth almost glinting.

“That only makes it more fun, yeah?” Your tone is light so he can clearly see that you are just joking “Seriously, it’s up to you. Whatever will make you happy,” Hyunjin falls into another silence, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “Do you want to sleep on it? You don’t have to make a decision now,”

“No!” He startles you with how loud his voice is suddenly, causing him to flush at his own volume. “I mean- no, it’s ok. If…you’re ok with it, I’d be um. Happy if you adopted me. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble because of me,”

“Then it’s settled. We can go to the shelter tomorrow to fill out paperwork, sound good?”

Hyunjin nods at this before getting up out of his seat, coming closer to you. You blink up at him, curious about what he was doing. Gently he takes your hand before bringing it up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against your bandaged finger.

Your cheeks flush a bright red without your permission and you certainly don’t miss the way Hyunjin’s lips curl up just slightly into a smirk at your reaction.

“I’m sorry for biting you. Thank you. For letting me stay. Really,”

The adoption process is easy, thankfully. Since Hyunjin’s previous owners had abandoned him, it was as simple as signing a few papers. In the eyes of the law you were now Hyunjin’s rightful owner but, you had made it perfectly clear to the boy that you did not see yourself as that. He was an equal in your house and you would never treat him as anything less. That he was simply like a roommate to you.

Because of this the boy had insisted on getting a job, wanting to pay you rent or something in exchange for letting you stay with him. The two of you had argued back and forth on the subject, with you not wanting Hyunjin to feel like he owed you and Hyunjin not wanting to feel like a burden. In the end you agreed, only because of those stupid pretty sparkly eyes that stared at you as he begged. That and you felt like it was a good step towards him feeling like his own person, after all, you didn’t want the poor boy to be stuck home while you were off at work.

Yet a week passed by with no luck from Hyunjin’s end. You had come back home from work one day to find the boy at the dinner table, sitting in a chair as his upper body was sprawled across the surface. You had quickly learned that the ferret was rather dramatic, but he certainly added some much needed flair in your life.

You walked over to the boy, petting his head softly to which he nuzzled a little further into your hand. “No luck?”

Hyunjin groans. “No. Either they don’t hire hybrids or the salary just isn’t worth it,” He whines, cheek pressed to the table and a pout on his lips.

“I’m sure something will come along,” You hum out, moving around the kitchen to start on dinner. Hyunjin waddles up from behind you so he can circle his arms around your middle, resting his head on your shoulder. You had learned very quickly that he was very affectionate, something most hybrids had in common. It was the most common reason people adopted one, to have a companion, someone to make your life a little less lonely.

But it was also the main reason people abandoned their hybrids. Too clingy, too needy. If you were honest you were a bit touched starved yourself. Your last relationship had been a few years ago and even then your partners had made you feel bad about it, calling you similar words. So you certainly didn’t mind Hyunjin’s touchy nature.

“What if nothing comes?” Hyunjin’s voice is soft and there’s a twinge of disappointment in his tone A soft sigh falls from your lips before you move to turn in his embrace, letting your own arms wrap around his shoulders. You could tell how bad he wanted this, how much he wanted to feel independent, for his DNA to not be what defines him. He buries his face further into the crook of your neck.

It’s then that the idea pops in your head.

“Oh! Hyun!!!” He startles out of your arms for a second, ever the dramatic ferret with comedically large eyes. Though you suppose your voice was a little louder than usual. “Oops sorry, got a little excited,” You laugh while the boy continues to just blink at you. “Why don’t you just come work for me?”

“Huh?”

“Remember I told you I owned a book cafe? You should just come work there! I don’t know why I didn’t think about it sooner!!” At this, Hyunjin’s eyes sparkle for just a second before he’s frowning.

“But - doesn’t that defeat the purpose? You’d be paying me instead of me paying you for rent,” You frown, nose scrunching up as you try to think of a solution.

“Ok, what about this then. You come work for me and I pay you an actual wage,” Hyunjin opens his mouth to protest but you cut him off with a finger to his plush lips. “BUT. I’ll deduct rent” You say the words with finger quotations and he glares at you. “From your paycheck but still leave you enough that you can spend or save how ever you’d like,” Hyunjin still seems a little hesitant so you pull out your best pout and puppy dog eyes. The boy is practically putty in your hands. “I couuuuuld really use the help now that my seasonal employees have left after the winter season,”

He lets out a huff, seemingly annoyed but the small grin that’s blooming on his face easily gives him away.

“Ok, ok fine! But only because you seem like you reaaaaaaally need me,” his lips quirk into a smirk and you have to hold back from rolling his eyes. Of course he takes the opportunity to one up you.

“I do, I need you sooooooo bad hyunnie,” You’re not one to back down though, continuing your little game, batting your eyelashes for added effect. It seems that you win this round as his face turns a bright red, turning away to hide his flushed cheeks. Hyunjin lets out an embarrassed squeak before skittering off, yelling out to you to let him know when dinner is ready.

You laugh softly to yourself, going back to preparing a dinner for the two of you. Yeah, you think Hyunjin is going to make an excellent edition to your life. previous / masterlist / next full house taglist (50/50) ♪ send an ask or sign up here!: @the-sweetest-rose @heeseungsgf @chaotic-world-of-the-j @gemi-moon @liknws @satsuri3su @borahae-reads @minhwa @hyunestrella @soffieisme @slay-and-gay @inlovewithallmusic @bratty-tingz @foliea @skzhoes @strawberryepie @0325tiny @royal-shinigami @soulphoenix1618 @scallywag1299 @bumbleellieskz @chocolate-scoups @loverlixie @orchid-mantis-petals @bbokari711 @zonked-times @rubberduckieyourtheone @bluesunshineflower @maliamaiden @everglowdaisies @im-lost-please-help @dreamerwasfound @the-simpy-simp @twistedsiren @beautifulcolorgarden @bangtanmix73 @alnex05 @strayzid @space-nerd1188 @poody1608 @lovestayforev @hanniemylovelyquokka @nykto-philia @yoonrimin @stayconnecteed @bbygrlhannie @minhoie @cutiespaghetti @abbiestearsricochet @ilychee08

#stray kids x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagine #stray kids reactions #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz fluff #stray kids hybrid #stray kids au #stray kids hybrid au #skz reactions #stray kids angst #skz angst

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critter-coded · 3 months

Text

Reclaiming "Female" Through Therianthropy

This is my submission for the "My Gender is Not Human" zine. Here, I discuss how I realized I was not transgender because of my therianthropy and I hope that maybe someone else may relate and understand themselves in a new way. ♡

If you want to wait to read this until the Zine is released, then do not continue past the "keep reading" portion. Otherwise, enjoy!

PS: If this interests you, I'd strongly advise playing Shelter 2 (where I got the photo below from) as it relates a lot to my own experience.

CW: Body issues, misogyny

Can you imagine the scent of the velvet fuzz of a newborn animal? The experience of a dark den now filled with new life, life that hasn't even opened its eyes yet to the winter world just outside? Can you imagine the tiredness yet sheer love and comfort of having your children welcomed into the world, witnessed only by you and the Earth’s soil?

It's something I often dream of, and it's that very experience that made me realize that I am not transgender. It's funny because in this community, it feels as though the majority of individuals here are transgender and that experience ties closely into their nonhumanity. For me, the opposite occurred. I had a top surgery letter in my hand after years of feeling “not quite right” in my body or in how people perceived me. I had every reason to feel this way and to want this, even if it felt imperfect. Looking back, I remember how I got to this point.

“Be skinnier any way you can, it’ll make you prettier” they’d say as they, themselves, were ironically obese and I loved them no less for it.

“Grow your hair long and change your clothes, you’ll look more like a lady.” A projection rooted in the ideals of someone who reads far too much Jane Austen.

“Women should be subservient and provide endlessly, or they’re selfish.”

Dread set in every time I filled someone’s coffee or plate of food due to expectation or demand and not out of love and kindness. Everytime the topic of how I looked in a dress or how my hair wasn’t as long as someone else wanted. The disappointment of my family when they learned I had dated other women in the past and their relief when I dated one man. The eyerolls and my teacher’s discouragement when I expressed an interest in physics or chemistry. Even my finance degree was achieved through apparent luck despite graduating top of my class. Every “right” I accomplished was met with a “wrong” in some new category. The very things that made men impressive made me disobedient. I starved myself to look a little nicer to strangers, cried in bed after being talked down to at work, slept away all of my sorrows in a curled up ball. Humanity didn’t take kindly to me.

It frustrated me, and combined with my general lack of identity at the time along with diagnosed CPTSD, it was easy to relate to the plight that transgender individuals experienced. Surely that had to be me, but the label and being perceived as something besides female never clicked entirely. I figured that I may just have mild gender dysphoria instead, but for the first time, I really deep dived into what it meant to identify as a gender as everyone was needing urgent, permanent decisions to be made on my end. Around this time, I took on my first mammal label which was a feline. Ironically, cats are often the first animals to be associated with femininity and to be mistreated because of it.

I wanted motherhood, but I wanted my own kittens to rear more than I felt like I wanted to raise a human infant after spending time in a daycare and at a cat shelter. I didn’t want my breasts, but not because I wasn’t a girl, that’s just how other animals are. Perfume was a method to mark the rooms I had been in, not for elegance. I still felt so female, yet I didn’t see another way out besides transitioning until it occurred to me: what if I didn’t have to be a “woman”, and instead, I could simply be female the way animals are female?

There were so many women like me such as in Brave, Princess Mononoke, Poor Things, or Wolf Children. The women who strayed from polite society to walk their own paths and stuck to their own desires. Even my own cat was female and yet held her chin so high and demanded when she would or would not be held. This realization was the first time I found myself feeling feral freedom and uninhibited beauty in the way I was. I was going to be the woman that rolls in the dirt, who is unapologetically beautiful in her own way, who chases after whatever her wild heart desires. I am not transgender, but I am not entirely a woman. I am an animal, and I am female in all of its unbridled ways.

Shedding my domestic cat label, I have taken up the title of bobcat. With it, I swear on my name that I will bite the hand of any who wish to tame or domesticate me ever again. I have been released out of the crate and back into the wilderness where I belong, and I shall never look back down the mountain. I feel the moss beneath my paws, the cold breeze kissing my nose, the smell of rain soaked woods and wildflowers. Ravens cry as I run on four legs towards the peak, released at last from the grips of mankind. I feel the warmth of a life suddenly worth living, growing along with the hair I now reclaim as my own fur without shame or expectation. I am home at the summit of my own world.

My spirit runs wild, and she is female.

#therian #otherkin #therianthropy #therianthrope #adult therian #feline therian

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sugolara · 7 months

Text

𝐋𝐲𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐬

Feat. yandere! Izuku Midoriya x fem! reader

A series

cw: yandere themes, violence, suicidal thoughts, blood, gore, manipulation, stalking, kidnapping, quirkless! au, weapons, murder, angst, mental health, slow updates

˗ˏˋ+ ´ˎ˗ “All I‘ve ever asked was to have your heart, but you refused to even let me in. I destroyed myself, I let you destroy me for you. I was there when you had no one else, I took care of you, did everything for you, ruined my life for you. So the least you can do is let me have my way with you. I’ll jump through loops and loops to just be with you, so please, please let me have your heart.

I love you.

I love you, [̴̵̸̶̶̴̸̸̶̸̶̷̵̴̷̵̸̷̵̵̴̧̧̡̡̧̨̧̡̧̨̨̛̛̛̛͓̣̦͓͓͖̝͔̥͍̭͙̤͇̰̦͖̞̩̩̲̟̞̯͍͍̝̩̭̹̦̳̼̩͕̦̱̪̺̼͓̣̻͕̜̲̬̺̯͇̟̪̟͕͎̦͈̭̪̝̩͈̯̭̱̳̤̫̰͍̝̫͇̠̯̜̞͖̫̿̅̔̏͋̎͂̍̓̏͂̔̀̇͛̂̐̏́̔̀̈́͂̒̿̍̃̀͆͋͗̿̐͛́͊̂̂̈́͛̌͊̂̓̈́̀̓̈́͌͌͂̓́̃̎͐̌̃̄͒̽̎̿͗̄̃͊͑̍͗͛͌̒̆̓͂̅͋̂͛͗̔̌̊̈́̀̓̒̎̽͆̏̂̀̉̆͊̀̈́͘̚̚͘͘̕̕̕͘̕͘͜͜͜͜͝͝͝ͅp̸̵̵̸̸̷̷̸̷̵̵̴̴̵̴̴̷̸̢̧̡̧̧̧̛̛̛̦̣̞͈̥̭͎̣͍̟͓͚̲̝̙̪̹͎̳̬̺̟̹̹̥̦͍̬̙͙̩̰͖̙̫̫͔̦̭̩͉͓͎͍̣͓̦̬̞͕̻̺̩̲̭̣̪̘̬͍̹̣͇̬̹̩̩̙͉̪͕̯͔͔͈̙͔̺̑͋̋̌̎͛̓͌̔̋̑͗͂̈́̽̋̊̅͌͑̂̀͗̈́̌͆͒̇̑̽͒̏́́̒̒̽̋̋̌̏͌̈́͗̀͑̂͐̈́͐̂̓̒̿̃̋̇̊͗̈́̎͋͐̎̾̓͗̐̀̒̆̀͋͒̀͆͐̾́͛͆͗́́̿́̓̆́̎̑̽̊̿̀̽̊͊̚̚̚̚̚͘̚͜͝͝͝͠͝͠͝͝͝͝͝ͅǝ̴̶̵̶̶̶̶̷̶̵̷̵̷̵̴̨̨̢̧̨̰̜̱̫̞̟̘̣̙̲̞̞̬͙̲̱͓̘̺̬̦̭̘̠͖͕̣̱̠͇̩̭͇̥̤̬̜͕͖̰̜͉̺̠͕̟̳̭̹̯̣̭͈̯̫͚͙̦͇͂̋̄͒́̒́̐̀͐̀̂͒̂̾̂͌̀͛̂͌̒̎͒̏̏͂̉̈́̿̌̏̋̐̅̍̿̄̋̓͒̄̈́́̌̀͒̅̓̅̈́͋̏͂̈́̿̅͌̓̅̑̔̌͐́̀́̐͒̃͑̆͋̔̂̆̕͘̚͜͜͜͜͝͝͠͝͝ͅͅͅʇ̴̷̴̸̷̦̟͙͙̤̤̬̠̻̹̫̹̳̥͈̫̾͐̿̇̄̈́͋̆̑͌̐̚͘͘̚͜ɔ̴̶̴̸̵̵̴̶̴̵̵̸̷̶̢̨̢̢̙̱̬̘̫̣̺͙̰̙͍̻̞̫͈͓̱̺̺̜̫̭̬̜̣̭̦͕̝͔͉̠̳̣̳̠̤̤̜͕̬̱͍͖̻̘̭̯̭̺̪̰̝͖͇̹̺̦͕̦͖̳̘͕̘͓̻̱̃̎̄͒͆̑̋͆͑͆͂̅̄͒͋̓̀̏̊̀̇́̀̾̿̄̂͒̍̌́͊̈́̑̍̂̏̂̽̊͊̾͒̀̅͆̈́͋͆͛̏̑̒̾̌́̿̀́̈́̍̍̏͆̊̈́͋̀̽̂̏́͆̽̀̏̉͋͘͘̕̚͘̚͜͝͝͝͝ͅͅɐ̸̷̷̵̶̸̷̸̶̶̴̶̸̨̢̡̢̧̛̛̻̹̥̠̠̦̝̰͔̘̬̳̥̞̥̼̜̥̭̺̦̻̱̹̙̤̟̰͉͙̹͕̯͖̫̈́̎̌͒́̈́́̏̀̒̇͊̇̓͗̆̇̋̊̈́́͋͊̌͋̓̾̃͑̐̿̒͆͋̾͆̍͋̊̒̈́͌̓͆̔̎́͂́̂̑̈́̓͆̀͑̇̚͘͘̚̕͜͜͜͝͝͠͠͝p̴̷̶̷̴̷̶̢̢̧̢̢̡̧̛̛͈̼̪̜̰̥̦͇̤̘͍͕̟̻̥̤̭̥͍̝͖̪̪̠͕̞̼͈͗̀̓̓̐̃́͊̌̔̅͊͛̂̍͋̓̀̃̃̀͛̓̓͊̍̄͛̑̉̓̚͘͜͜͝ͅͅͅǝ̵̷̷̴̴̶̷̶̷̢̺̪͈̥̯̥̘̣͈̘̳̼͉̭̻̜͍̤͚̺̳̯̻̫̺̜̱̥͇̎̑̿͗̽͂̆̆̈́̋͋́͋͑͛͋̌͋̾́̓͌̆̐̾͂̂̊̏̽̕̕̚̚̕͜͝͝͝ɹ̴̵̴̵̸̵̷̶̸̴̷̶̶̷̵̷̷̴̵̧̡̨̧̢̧̛̛̛͕̱͍̣͕̦̻̼̯̹͍̙̥̜̰̱̜͚̺̲͚͖̞̜̲̱̪͖͓̯̳͕̪̹͖̩͔͍̹̙͍̭͉͍̙̭̦̭̼̟͎̬̠̫̣͙̜̥̘̣͖͙̱̦̩͎̟̫̦͕̟̞̼͚̝̰̟̥͎̣̼͈͕̦̠͎̲̫̙̍̓̊̈́̐̃̇̀́̅̉̇̿̄͗͊̈́̎̄̅̿́̆̅͂̊̑͐̎̽̉̒̅͆̇͑̒̍̆̐͆͒̍͌̇̌̒̄͛̇͌̀́̆̊̈́͂̀̏̾͋̈́̀̉̍̌̾̊̈́̌͊͌̀̌̆̇̃̃͐͑̃̆͐͆͊̽̎̅͐̾̎͐̐͂͌̆̂̅͗̆͘̚̕͘̚͜͜͜͠͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅ. ”

D̴̦̟͙̹͈̲̻̆̈́̄̏̆͘ͅȍ̴͇̐͂͘͝ ̸͖͕͖̙̻̗͇́̆̓͊̊̀͝n̷̞̼̪̈́ó̴͙͎̼͓͖̘̦̠̱̿͗̐̌͑͠ͅt̵̜͈̰̝̰̳͓̝̗̋̃̉̏̀͒͘̕ ̵̫̻̦̑̋f̵̻̳̼̽͗̀̓̋̀̏̔͠o̷͔̼͠r̴̬̙͙̖͈̖̼͐͘͜͝ğ̵̩͈͔̉̋̆̂͌́͋͠ȩ̷̯̼̗͈͔͓͌̅̿t̷̻͕̭͖̤̫̑̈́̑̅͌̆́ ̷̡̧̣̮͈̋͒͐́̄͊̕̕ḿ̴̡͔̳͈͙̞̈́͂̿̊͜͝e̵͍̬̥͕̻̼͎̊͆̔.̶͖̗̼̬͖̼̼̞͖́̉̃͋̀̽

(ongoing)

playlist!

✿ Flesh and Bone - Brendan Benson ✿ Treehouse - Alex G ✿ Special Death - Mirah ✿ Empty Words - Bowery Electric ✿ Your face - Wisp ✿ 4:00 A.M - Taeko Onuki ✿ Me and the Devil - Soap&Skin ✿ You're Gonna Miss Me - Connie Francis ✿ Let Go - Ark Patrol ✿ (You Don’t Know) How Glad I Am - Nancy Wilson ✿ The Devil Within - Digital Daggers ✿ (I Don’t Think We Should) Take It Slow - LSD and the Search for God ✿ Beach Walk - Whitewoods ✿ Never Land [A Fragment] - The Sisters Of Mercy ✿ The Killing Moon - Echo And The Bunnymen ✿ Soulvaki Space Station - Slowdive ✿ Sing - Slowdive ✿ Miranda - Slowdive ✿ Melon Yellow - Slowdive ✿ Nausea - Craft Spells ✿ Various Types of Ads - Rory in early 20s ✿ Here She Comes - Slowdive ✿ Crazy For You - Slowdive ✿ A Quick One Before the Eternal Worm Devours Connecticut - Have A Nice Life ✿ Soundtrack for Your Backseat - sundiver ca ✿ Marigold - Nirvana ✿ Beat - Bowery Electric ✿ Salad Days - Mac DeMarco ✿ Sony - VHS ✿ Full Moon - The Black Ghosts ✿ Floating World - Bowery Electric ✿ Anemone - The Brian Jonestown Massacre ✿ "annihilate the sparrow, that stealer of speed, and our harvest will abound; we will watch our wealth flood in." - Red Sparowes ✿ There Are Some Remedies Worse Than Disease - This Will Destroy You ✿ You Are Here with Me (In This Sequence of Dreams) - Woods of Ypres ✿ A message of avarice rained down and carried us away into false dreams of endless riches. - Red Sparowes ✿ Maniac - John Maus ✿ oh my god - teen suicide ✿ everything is fine - teen suicide ✿ The Equalizer - Clinic ✿ Metal Heart - Cat Power ✿ millions starved and we became skinnier, while our leaders became fatter and fatter. - Red Sparowes ✿ Exquisite Tension - You'll Never Get To Heaven ✿ Audio 002 - Next To Blue ✿ as the light fades - a vow ✿ Tonight You Belong To Me - Patience & Prudence ✿ December Nostalgic - Rasmus H Thomsen

table of contents:

Lotus Flower

Yellow Tulip

Belladonna

Single Dahlia

Bells-of-Ireland

A Halloween Special

Begonia

Geranium

Clematis

Hibiscus

A Christmas Special

Holly

Grass

Coriander

Monkshood

A Valentine Special

Ì̶̢̩̬̩̝̱̝̙̺̉̿̋̒͌͝'̶̛̞͕̂̽͐͒̓͋̐̅̚͜l̵̘̙͗̇́̐̎͒̄͘ḻ̷̣́͊̔̀̽̿̚͜ ̸̧̡̜̯̖̠͉̥̰̖͋́̓͘n̸̪̻̤̙̫͙͂͗ḙ̸̺̥̭̏̽͌̎̈́͝͠v̴̧̙͔̮̙̰̲̄͘ê̷͈̓ŗ̸̛͈̜̟̙͚̤͙͉̯͌̔̑̽͠ ̵̜̰̬̹͊͌͂̌͗͋͠f̴̮͇̦͂̃͌̔͌̎̐̚ȯ̶̡͔r̴͔̼̖͐̅͒̑̕͝ġ̵́͌͑̈́̌̄ͅé̶̘͉̠̭͚͌̋̎̊̀̄̚͝͠ṭ̵̻̅̇͑̈́̆̽͊̇ ̸̫̳͎̗͙̅́̒͐̉̏͒͘y̷̪̝̔͛̓̕͠͠o̵̞̱̻̟̹͝ú̸̧̪̘͓̙̪̖̔͜.̶̮̭͓͍̝̗̍

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thewiz9062 · 2 months

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Smiling Critters AU No.6: Catnap

NOTE: THIS IS NOT RELATED TO CANON IN THE SLIGHTEST. An accurate description of this au is that I took every playtime.co poster art and promotional material from the game and lit up the rest of canon in a bonfire. This means that EVERY character is part of one big cartoon. That's it. No bigger bodies project, no child souls, no experiments, just a depiction of a cartoon. PLEASE do not ask me to do anything suggestive with anyone.

Let's start:

Catnap had a fairly normal childhood up until four, where his parents died in front of him (cause of death is still pending)

After that, he was put in the system, and he quickly learned that it wasn't exactly the safest place, so he ran.

He ended up wandering for a while, sleeping in alleyway to alleyway until he found a random abandoned house (shack? Its one room and fairly small) in a secluded part of a neighborhood, and set up 'home' there. But is it really home without them?

Anyways, he made himself as comfortable as possible in his living conditions. If the residents heard crying near that secluded part of the neighborhood, they didn't say......well, except for Boxy Boo.

Boxy was the only one who dared to go check out the slight commotion and was attacked on sight. Well, pounced on, as boxy is about 3 times bigger than catnap at the moment. Even once he got him to calm down, he still didn't say a word to him, just glared at him until he left. What if it was my fault? What if i was the reason theyleftwhatifpeoplediebecauseofmeleavedontcomeclose But boxy made a vow to check on him at least once a week.

(Time skip- present day? Technically)

Bobby bearhug and picky piggy were picking apples in the forest next to the former neighborhood when they started hearing noises. Picky demanded that whoever was "messing" with them show themselves. And out came catnap. Picky dug into him about being creepy, but bobby was more worried about the state he was in. He looked way skinnier than he should be, assuming that he was their age (he is dw) so before picky sent him off Bobby offered some of the cookies she made. He was a little distrustful at first, but practically lit up for a second before quickly changing back to his blank face. But she noticed, and told him she could meet him back here tomorrow with some other food she wants him to try. He waved his hands and shook his head in a 'no' motion, but they were already off before they could register his response.

For the next few days, bobby brought him food to try, and he gave his best input for someone who doesn't talk. But she never really got to know anything about him, because any questions would be met with a blank stare. She pondered...maybe she should bring Dogday next time? He's great at making friends!

Guys look I traumatized him :D

This is supposed to be the whump but I feel like I overhyped it ngl

Additional notes:

-Insomniac (duh. I tried to give him eyebags in the little drawing I made but idk if they actually look like that)

-Selectively mute

-the whole red gas thing doesn't exist. I know it appeared in the little cartoon introducing chapter 3 but it feels extremely out of place sooo

-instead, he hums or sings a little lullaby or melody to try and help him (others eventually ;) sleep. It usually has an opposite effect for him though, as the only ones he knows are his mothers, which reminds him of.....yeah.

I really enjoyed this one!! Next is gonna be our resident friend making machine, with a built-in recap to go with. Anyways BYEEE

#poppy playtime #smiling critters poppy playtime #smiling critters #alternate universe #catnap #dogday #bobby bearhug #my art #art

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savannahsdeath · 9 months

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ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

summary: ellie comes back home from a patrol but, surprisingly, shes not exactly alone

warnings: 18+!! would be a smut but our poor main charavters got interrupted by someone😔

writers note: i dont even know why i wrote that like this js so random.. anyways my requests are still opennnn !!

You were sitting on a couch, waiting for your girlfriend to come back from a patrol.

Just when you started to worry, you heard the door open. You could tell right away Ellie wasn't alone, she was talking to someone. Or something.

"Come on, Daisy, meet your new mom!" You heard her say and then you saw her standing at the doorstep of the living room, where you were. And right behind her was a fucking dog. A beautiful, long-haired labrador, skinnier than it should be but still healthy. It stared at you, feeling your mixed feelings, not wanting to scare you by suddenly running up to you.

"Come on, babe, look at her! She's so cute! Look, she doesn't want to hurt you!" She chuckled, while the dog continued to maintain eye contact. You couldn't help but notice her ears perked up, as if she understood your frustration. "What, don't like dogs?"

"I love dogs, that's not the point! We're in the middle of an apocalypse, we can't afford a... a dog!" You said, trying your best not to break at the sight of your pretty girlfriend with the cutest dog ever.

"We found her outside while we were out scavenging. She's really friendly, and we have plenty of food here. Plus, having her here would be a great way to be alerted to anything that might endanger us." She continued to pet Daisy while walking towards you. Daisy's tail wagged vigorously, happy to be amongst the attention.

"Besides, I'm sure she'll help keep your spirits up. I've noticed recently that you seem more stressed than usual." She sat down next to you, still playing with the dog. "Can we keep her?"

"Whatever, I see you made a choice already anyway." You mumble, leaning your head on Ellie's shoulder and staring at Daisy.

The dog nudged her head into your leg, demanding your attention. Ellie let out a giggle. "See, she likes you!"

"She's such an attention seeker. And there's going to be fur everywhere..." You rolled your eyes but you leaned forward to pet her anyway.

You couldn't help but crack a smile as you felt her soft hair. Even with her malnourished appearance, she was still clearly a healthy dog. Ellie placed a kiss on your cheek as she looked at you both.

The dog pressed her face into your leg once more, showing some appreciation for your affection.

Ellie chuckled. "We have bigger problems than that, you know... Like surviving and dealing with those infected."

You only smirked in response, not fully convinced.

"What a good girl." Ellie whispered to Daisy, joining you in petting her.

You gasped and your eyes widened. "Oh, so she stole my nickname already?" You laughed with mock-offence.

Daisy's tail wagged aggressively, as if thanking you and Ellie for the attention. A light chuckle could be heard from Ellie. "Yep! You have been replaced. I guess you'll just have to get over it."

After a few hours you lied down, snuggling with Ellie, getting ready to sleep when you heard characteristic tapping of paws on the floor. Then you felt something laying down between yours and your girlfriend's legs.

"God, is she going to replace me in the bed too?" You groaned.

Ellie giggled once more. "Looks like it. I mean, you gotta admit, she's not a bad choice for a replacement."

"We have a free room opposite of ours, she's going to sleep there. I'm not letting her on our bed." You looked down at her adorable puppy eyes before adding: "Today's an exception."

"Awww, look at you, already making exceptions. Maybe you aren't so mad at me for finding her after all." Ellie caressed Daisy's head, causing her to wag her tail faster. "And what if she comes into our room anyways?"

"She better not." You rolled your eyes.

A month passed. A month of hard work. Daisy was a lovely dog, but you needed a lot of patience with her, and to your misfortune that's the trait you always lacked.

Ellie was spending most of her free time teaching her some tricks. You loved watching them together, plus, Daisy was a really fast learner. But, there's obviously a 'but', you and Els spent less time alone because of that. She promised she will make it up to you.

And the day came. She was on a long walk with your pet, like, really long, to tire her out. Ellie wasn't tired at all as she had something else walk for her - her horse - Shimmer.

Daisy went to sleep in her room right after she visited you in the kitchen, as if she wanted you to know she's back.

You and your girlfriend didn't waste any time - she sat on top of you, pinning you to the bed as she kissed your neck. Her lips were gentle, yet hungry, as she was nibbling on your body, not hard enough to hurt you but to leave some red marks.

Even though it was just the start, you already felt yourself soaking and your legs softly trembling. Your body missed her so much it's un-fucking-believable. Your breath shaked and you didn't waste it on talking.

Your legs were spreading wide open as Ellie rubbed her knee between them.

yes, ellie definitely does the knee thing yall cant change my mind

You felt your chest flush with heat, your breath getting heavier with each moment that passed. You tried your best to focus on the feeling of her lips and tongue on your skin. The nibbling was definitely a little ticklish, but the warmth of her lips helped to counteract that. You wanted to touch her, but at the same time, you wanted to just enjoy the moment, her hands exploring every inch of your body, her movements slow and gentle. It seemed like the perfect beginning to an incredible evening.

It seemed.

Then, something barked. One time, two times, three, four...

Ellie pulled away to see Daisy sitting near the bed, tilting her head, clearly confused about what you both were doing. She laughed and shushed the dog but you felt only disappointment.

"M' sorry, babe." She shrugged. "I thought she'll sleep like a baby after a five kilometers walk!"

You sighed, resigned and fed up. "Whatever. Double the number next time. Or just give her to Jesse for one night, I don't care."

Oh, how quickly a dog could ruin the whole mood.

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finnickfan8 · 5 months

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Blue Jeans

Pairing: Finnick x reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Reader is mentally ill so there’s mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts (if you squint)

Tonight had been particularly rough for you since Finnick had been called to appear at one of Snow’s parties, where women who wanted him were plentiful. There's thoughts that race through your head every time: "What if she's prettier?" "What if she's skinnier?" "What if her body is nicer" "What if she's more stable than me?" and they rip through you like a violent wave ravaging an already sinking ship. You start to shake and cry, trying to calm yourself down. Not even trying to distract yourself with TV is working now. Nothing but him works, he’s your sanctuary.

You feel bad when you talk to your friends about it because they say "Y/N we love you, if he ever leaves you have us." They don't understand. They can't understand how your entire existence depends on his moves. Admittedly, you love them but only his love matters when you’re like this. You know that even if he leaves and you survive the break up, you'll always be stuck in this cycle.

Dark thoughts of what you should do to prove your love and devotion to him start to play in your mind like a graphic horror movie. Your sobs grow louder and louder until you're flailing around the room. Your body bounces from floor to wall to sitting to the floor again, over and over until that door opens.

"Hey Sweetheart" He pauses as his smile drops at the sight before him; the love of his life piles on the floor in shambles, paper shredded up about her, and broken items everywhere. He extends his arm down to caress your back, as you’re clinging to his leg for dear life. "What went on here Honey?" You didn't dare to look back at him, ashamed of being like this. He pulls you up on the couch and lays you on top of him. Tears fall harder when you smell expensive perfume on him.

You didn't ask to be like this and he had to deal with it. This just made you sink deeper, sitting up to hit and scratch your face.

"Baby, breathe. Look at me." Finnick calmly says as he grabs your hands and holds them tightly but tenderly. "I just wanna know what happened, it will be okay"

"You're gonna leave me." You muttered somewhat resentfully as he gives a pain stricken look.

"What makes you think that I would leave the most gorgeous girl in the world?" he runs his thumb over your hands which are marked with the scars of lovers past.

"You're with them and they're probably prettier and better and richer and just-" You sigh in frustration because any girl he could find seems better than you.

"They're people who are willing to pay for what you get for free, they're desperate lowlifes and they're not you." His hands now move to your face, cupping it and running his thumb on to your cheeks. "They aren't the girl that sits and listens to me bitch about anything and everything." He smiles slightly and you giggle a little. "They don't make the best food in all of Panem. They don't 'make' me dress up and match with them. They don't and couldn't do half of what you do for me." he kisses you softly, but you're still unsure.

"Have you ever broken one of our pinky promises?" you trail off wondering if he'll keep the promise you want him to make next.

"I wouldn't say i've broken any, but i haven't fulfilled one." he pulls you into his chest and strokes your hair.

You felt some panic set in. "Which one is that?" You were scared this would be the moment that he leaves and you almost reverted back to your state that you were in 10 minutes ago. You started to slowly scratch at your hands in fear of what he would say.

"No." he holds your hands again. "I promised that I'd marry you, and I just haven't done that yet." He smiles at you and kisses your forehead. Instant relief fills you and you feel a rush of happiness submerge you and you're all joyful again. "There's my smiley girl!" Finnick embraces you tightly, greatful for that mood to be over. "How was your day, Baby?"

"Good! I hate cleaning, but I like doing things for you so it was okay and I cleaned the whole house." You were excited and hoping for his approval which he gladly gives you.

“I’m so proud of you, pretty girl.” He’s letting you continue, listening intently.

You start to blush, but know you should keep talking. "Then I organized your shells by size and color, and I put the wilted petals of the flowers you gave me last week in the box with the rest of the dead flowers.” He nods, it was his idea to have you use the dead flowers in your wedding. “Oh how rude of me, are you hungry?” This was the routine on nights that he was in the Capitol: he comes home; sometimes he comforts you, others you comfort him; you fix him a plate while he takes his Capitol-scented clothes off; then the two of you cuddle.

“No Baby, it’s okay, I’m alright. Are you hungry? Have you eaten today?” Finnick always makes sure that you eat and drink lots of water. You nodded and noticed him fumbling with his buttons, giggling you ask, “Need help pretty boy?” You start to help him take his shirt off, noticing little scratches, bruises, and a hickey. You gag a little at the thought, getting up to go grab your medical kit and a frozen whisk.

You start to clean the cuts, bandaging each one before promptly placing a kiss on each one. “You know you don’t have to do all of this.” Finnick starts trying to massage his neck with the whisk.

“No, but you took care of me now i’ll take care of you.” You grab the back of his neck and pull him in for a more chaste and passionate kiss. “This is what we do, we care for each other.” You finish up with bandaging him up and he pulls you down to lay on his chest.

“Never leave me.” He softly whispers in to the bend of your neck, leaving you shocked. You know that if one of you leaves it will be him, but that’s scary to think about.

“I won’t baby.” you smile down at the perfectly bronzed boy on top of you, the light hitting his naturally highlighted hair in a way that made him seem golden.

He sticks out his pinky, “promise me.”

You stick out yours in return and lock them together, “Promise.”

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