#or at least I think you’re perceiving me in a negative way

[nayatarot777]

{who’s secretly trying to compete with you?} • pac

spirit told me to do this reading so there must be some shady bitches around my collective. let’s expose them 🙃

• pile one •

cards:

{tarot}

5 of wands

3 of coins

the high priestess

{oracle}

sadness - “allow yourself the space to feel miserable. mourn what has been lost or what cannot be. if you don’t take the time now, your sadness will catch up with you later when you’re least expecting it.”

faith - “loving and then letting go is not only one of the most challenging things we can do, it’s also the bravest. take big deep breaths and know this is right.”

the dragonfly - “be light-hearted, finding out, things coming to light, adapt, change, heal”

heart with a key - “welcoming love, meeting the one, open your heart, getting together, perfect”

since the five of wands came out, this person is definitely competing with you and the high priestess indicates major secrecy on this person’s part. you could’ve gotten into conflict with this person in the past. they do not want you to know what they’re truly thinking and feeling. i’m hearing that they’re afraid of you finding out. this could be someone who you work with - a coworker or someone who does the same type of work or hobby that you do - however, you do this 10x better. they see you as major competition to the point where your progress and your success with whatever this is could be making them so angry and so upset. they’re actually sad that they can’t compete with you because the high priestess is a card about unattainability. they cannot attain your throne. they cannot attain being on the same level as you and they’re mad. big mad. i’m seeing a sickle and this is representative of this person wanting to cut you down. whatever they create or develop, it’s nowhere near as good of a quality as your creations, and I feel like this person could actually be planning or trying to sabotage you. if this is a work situation then i’m hearing that you are highly favoured above them. thanks to your quality of work. i’m also hearing that they’re angry and confused about how you’re even doing what you’re doing. they feel like you know some type of secret knowledge or something that they just don’t know. for some of you, this person could have requested to collaborate with you but you rejected the request for whatever reason. maybe you’re focusing on your own thing or maybe you just didn’t wanna work with this person. it’s almost like you rejecting the request to collaborate or to teach this person some type of valuable skills that they wanted to learn from you has turned you into competition and an enemy - in this person’s mind. if you guys work as tarot readers, astrologers, mystics, witches, or practitioners of any sort, this is another practitioner or another tarot reader, or another mystic. this person - especially if they’re a witch or a mystic - is so upset about some type of negative energy or blockages that they tried to send your way not affecting you. it’s like it doesn’t even affect you at all. they feel weak compared to you.

the “heart with a key” oracle card is just confirming that this person is so sad and upset that they could not collaborate with you because the key phrase “getting together” is sticking out to me. they couldn’t work with you or learn from you and this has them so triggered. the dragonfly card is confirming that this person will be exposed. this will come to light. this could be someone who you feel like you actually get along with, someone who you have basic respect for, or someone who you just feel like you could be cool with. this person is very unhealed and envious. this person could be very easily upset and triggered. they could handle rejection so badly. they don’t know how to handle any sense of rejection or perceived rejection. maybe you guys didn’t even outright reject this person because i’m seeing that for a lot of you, this is someone that you feel like you’re cool with. so if you did reject this person directly, it must’ve been for a good reason. perhaps for a reason completely unrelated to them, but they’re salty. they have some type of weird entitlement to your time and your skill and your energy and what you can teach them - it’s really weird. if this person is a mystic or a psychic in any way, they’re upset that your faith in spirit is clearly stronger than their’s. they could be upset about your manifestations. they’re also upset that you clearly have faith in yourself to even create whatever you’re creating because i’m hearing that the lack of quality in their work is because they don’t even have confidence in what they’re doing. this could be someone who’s trying to copy something that you’re doing but failing miserably. they could be a fake tarot reader, a fake mystic, etc. and because of that, their shit ain’t popping. and you’re at fault for that? crazy🙃😂

advice from spirit is just to take this as light-hearted as you possibly can. when you do find out who this is, do not stress. don’t worry. have faith that you will meet people who will replace this person who are actually rooting for you instead of secretly competing with you. with this “faith” card, i’m hearing that this person is not meant to be around you clearly since they don’t operate by faith. they operate with envy and insecurity so…fuck them 🤷🏾‍♀️

• pile two •

tw: very brief mention of abuse

cards:

{tarot}

7 of swords

10 of cups

temperance

{oracle}

worthwhile - “life is not about being taught a lesson for getting something wrong - it’s about having an experience that adds richness to your life”

sadness - “allow yourself the space to feel miserable. mourn what has been lost or what cannot be. if you don’t take the time now, your sadness will catch up with you later when you’re least expecting it.”

^^*this card also came out in pile one

karmic relationship - fleeting, triggers, turmoil, resentment, lessons, letting go and loving you

ascending - transcending obstacles, learning, expansion, new phase, preparing for union

pile two, this is someone who is salty that you’ve finished learning whatever lessons you needed to with them. they’re salty that you’re moving past challenges (that you’ve probably faced because of them) and now they’re resenting you because you decided to move forward with your life. with the karmic relationship card, I feel like for many of you, this is an ex or an ex dating partner. this definitely could be a friendship too though, because karmic relationships aren’t just romantic. you can have a karmic relationship with anyone in your life tbh, but this is someone who triggered you a lot. there was a lot of pain - maybe even trauma - I heard “abuse” so this could be somebody who abused you. so now that you’ve learned the lessons that you needed to with them, and it seems like you’ve ascended onto the next stage of your life, you’ve gained a lot of peace with this temperance card. and with the seven of swords, this person wants to come and disturb your peace or whatever dream life that you are living. because a lot of you are living a very emotionally fulfilled life. this person cannot let go of you although they hold a lot of resentment towards you. they haven’t learned the lessons that they needed to learn which is why they’re stuck in the same place that you left them in - especially mentally. I also just heard that this person is fake as fuck. they will try to portray themselves as being peaceful with you - supposedly wanting nothing but good things for you, despite the fact that you’re no longer friends or in a relationship or in contact with them as a family member, or whoever this is - when secretly I feel like they’re wanting to bait you with something. or trick you with something. this person pretends to be more mature than they actually are, and that could be the reason why they’re trying to portray themselves as unbothered when they are the complete opposite. they are completely bothered about the fact that they feel like you’ve reached new levels in your life, while they’re stuck in the same place.

i’m also hearing that this person in general just does not learn lessons. this person could be a perpetual victim when things go wrong. they don’t try to think to themselves “okay, how can i improve this situation and what can I learn from it?”. instead they keep themselves in a victim complex. this person could always be sad. they could always be crying. but not actually helping themselves. this is someone who tried to keep you stuck in between a rock and a hard place with them. they could have coerced you or tried to “subtly push” you into something with them. and I’m also hearing that they wanted to steal your dreams. maybe this is an ex-friend or an ex, or someone else in your life from the past who felt like if they stuck around you, they could benefit from your peace. from your emotional abundance. from all of the abundance that you’ve acquired for yourself because you actually listen to spirit. you actually listen to your intuition and you actually learn the lessons that you need to learn. this person doesn’t. you could have seen this person go through a bunch of karmic relationships themselves, and the reason why they’re stuck in karmic cycles is - again - they don’t learn their lessons. this person just gives me very victim complex, lack-of-common-sense energy with this 10 of cups being here. this person could be delusional in many ways, this person could also lie about the way that they feel - going back to the message of them trying to appear more mature than they actually are. so they’re trying to act like they’re not bothered when that’s not the truth.

this could’ve been someone who kept you in a lots of sadness or they were energetically vampiric. they drained your energy and you may feel like you’ve wasted your time with this person. however, spirit would like to tell you that nothing can be a waste of time. you learn from any experience that you can so you guys also need to let yourself feel upset about whatever this person put you through. you may not want to dwell on the past, especially since your life is changing for the better, but you need to let yourself feel. I’m also feeling a lot of anger, so maybe you guys aren’t even feeling sadness at this point. I mean, anger is always a secondary emotion to a primary one. let yourself feel the anger first so that you can reach the sadness and eventually process that too, but just know that you’re on a higher level - a much higher level - than this person. you don’t really need to do anything to protect yourself. I feel like you’re so above them that they can’t even reach you. and i’m feeling like a lot of you don’t even speak to this person anymore, but they’re still bothered by you. still trying to compete with you because they see how you’re making moves in your life while they’re not doing shit with their own. know that you are worthwhile. remember to not spend your energy on someone like this again. this person with the seven of swords could also be a liar and you know that, even if they didn’t admit to their lies. even if you don’t have proof of them lying. you’re intuitive enough to know. the best advice that you’re guides are giving you is just to keep on doing what you’re doing and make sure that you process emotions. do not let them build up. especially negative ones because they will eventually come out in one big explosion if you do. I hope that this helped, pile two.

• pile three •

cards:

{tarot}

8 of wands

the sun

the world

{oracle}

richness - “search further. the deeper you explore this issue, the more truth you will find. it will be well worth the effort.”

discretion - “friendships are fantastic when there is equality in the relationship. maybe it’s time to undertake a quick audit of your friendships to ensure they’re reciprocal.”

the grim reaper - “the relationship is over, no second chances, grow and transform your life”

the butterfly - “relationship evolving to the next phase, healing the inner child, growth”

just to give some personality traits of this person: this person could be someone who is very impulsive. i’m also hearing that they’re very destructive for no logical reason. they could be very egotistical. this person might want to be put up on a pedestal and be revered as an idol of some sort or this person is just constantly wanting to be in the spotlight, in some way. this person could be very self focused, and with the world card, I feel like you’ve completed a cycle with this person. they could be very extroverted (seemingly) and I’m hearing that they have a very strong ego. they’re prideful. this could also be someone who is closing out a cycle in their own personal life. perhaps when it comes to money or career. for a lot of you, this was a friend that did not give you the same energy that you gave them and that definitely supports the selfish energy that i’m picking up from this person. The Grim Reaper is here as well. yeah, this person knows that your connection with them is completely over. they know that there’s no second chances with you. they know that you’re all about growth and changing the things in your life that you don’t like, especially when it comes to friendships, relationships, people that you keep yourself around, so this person knows that you’re not gonna give them a second chance. but with the butterfly card, I’m hearing that they want this connection to evolve. they want to spark it back up but obviously you’re not letting them - whether they’ve asked to come back or not. they know that you would not wanna give them a second chance. i’m also hearing that you shattered their illusion of themself. perhaps they’re just lacking so much self-awareness that they didn’t realise just how selfish they were. and I feel like you were the one to just directly communicate with this person what they were doing and how unfair their behaviour or expectations were. the eight of wands is about very fast, direct communication and considering it’s before the Sun card, I feel like this was communication about their ego. something to do with them being egotistical and only focusing on themselves. i’m hearing that you stood up for yourself for the first time to this person.

this person is very wishy-washy because I’m seeing that they could’ve been the one to end this friendship or this connection because of the fact that you stood up for yourself and put in boundaries and demanded more freedom from this person, but they’re secretly wanting to come back. that could be another reason why this person hasn’t reached out for a lot of you. because they’re the ones who ended this connection or this friendship because their ego was bruised, but clearly you’re the one who was healing this person in some way. and helping them grow. now that you’re gone, they’re stagnant. you could have really questioned this person as well, and they did not like that. you were digging too deep for their liking. you were seeing who they truly were for the first time, and letting it be known. you used your discernment. the reason why they’re competing with you is because if they’ve cut you off from a group of people or certain communities or places, they wanna appear to be better than you to these people/places. and I feel like this is because you’ve seen the mask slip and you see who they actually are as a person. it’s something to do with who they truly are being exposed to people and I feel like, again, if you had mutual friends or mutual connections, it’s like they’re trying to compete with you because they wanna convince people that you’re the problem and not them. and that they’re better than you. because I feel like there are mutual people who still hold you in high regard, so they’re trying to “take your place” when you’re not even around. even though you’re not around them, the mutuals that you have are still favouring you. that bothers them to the fullest extent. this person is also trying to compete with your confidence. you guys are naturally confident people (or at least you’re perceived that way). you guys are naturally direct, blunt people. and this person could be trying to compete with that type of personality trait that you have. but it’s coming across as being big-headed and rude and bitchy. because this is not truly them. clearly they’re someone who doesn’t show people who they truly are so as soon as someone sees beneath the mask they have to put on a front. this person plays a character and they’re trying to gain the love, the recognition, the support, and the admiration that you have from other people because they feel like if they do, they’ll be abundant in someway - just like the way that they perceive you. they’ll be abundant in attention. I’m hearing a lot of people talk about you behind your back, but any mutuals that you have with this person who talk about you behind your back talk about nothing but positive (or most of them do at least) and they don’t like that. I’m hearing that they feel like you’re untouchable in a way and that they want to take your spot. they want to be favoured in the same way that you are. this person might not like you getting any type of attention, recognition or shine. for a lot of you, they’re competing with you by changing their physical appearance, but that just shows me how stupid this person is. because the people favour you because of your personality which they’ve tried to copy (but failed to successfully do) so now they’re thinking “if I just look better than this person, people will like me better”. that shows me everything that I need to know about this person. this person is superficial, they could focus on the most super superficial things. they could be obsessed with their physical appearance while paying no attention to themselves internally which is why they’re so messed up. they’re trying to be “perfect” to outdo you, but it’s never gonna happen.

this person could have tried to blind you to a truth of a situation. but your spirit guides are saying that the more that you think back to the situation, the more you read into the actions of the things that they’ve said, their demeanour when they were confronted by you - just everything - the more truth you will find. this person was never a true friend or a true supporter. they just wanted to take from you. this person could’ve even copied you throughout this friendship or relationship. they don’t understand that the reason why people like you so much is for you, your personality, your mind - not because you pretend to be a fictional character like this person does. I hope that this resonated, pile three. thank you for reading :)

#pick a card #psychic readings #pick a photo #pac #tarot reading #divination #tarot #spirituality #pick a picture #pac reading #collective reading #daily tarot #intuitive #astrology #naya tarot collective

[skiyoosmi]

if fate permits

⤷ chapter thirty one: treachery

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marga's notes. sorry this took years to post i was dead (inside) jk lol pls blame my uni for burning me out

Perhaps, I was too ambitious to think this would be a plain sailing journey. How ironic, it's the exact opposite of what is happening. Doubt and confusion presents itself as soon as I decide to fight our fate. My mind only has perplexity and skepticism. How could it not? I mean, what do you even do when somebody claims to be your fated one but your soul rejects the notion?

The sound of the television's static travels to your ears as Kiyoomi scrolls through his phone to find a good movie to watch for the night, accompanied by the sound of your mother chopping the ingredients of your family's dinner from the kitchen, albeit somewhat muffled. Your fingers remain hovering over the laptop's keyboard, unsure if you should still continue writing when once again, various things distract you, most of them unwelcomed. As if on cure, your phone chimes for the nth time, signaling that you've received yet another text. You only let out an exasperated sigh and pick up the device, reading the message.

[7:15] Hajime: Hey, wanna vc? Just ate dinner, hope you did too :)

For some reasons you don’t know, Iwaizumi just can’t leave you alone from the moment you got off the plane, went outside the airport up until now, where you’re spending your time with your father and brother after being away from them for so long. It was heart fluttering at first, really; how excited he was to see and to be with you. However, some things are just too much sometimes, especially when all you wanted to do was watch said movie and catch up with your family. It was peace: something you craved for as of the moment because in the back of your mind, you knew that the following months would become chaotic.

The gray screen gets filled with vivid colors when Kiyoomi finally finishes setting up a random romantic comedy movie. Quickly typing out a response, you hit the send button. 

[7:17PM] You: That’s good to hear. We already ate as well. Currently watching a movie with ‘Omi and Dad right now so I won’t be able to reply after this. Have a good night :)

[7:19PM] Hajime: Ah.. okay then. Good night, soulmate <3

You pause to read his last message before finally turning the do not disturb mode on and lightly tossing the phone to the side. Heaving yet another sigh, you catch the attention of your brother who was sitting beside you.

"Do you not like this movie? We can change it if you want, it hasn't been that long anyway," your brother suggests, an eyebrow rising when you shake your head. Your dad was long asleep by the couch he usually relaxes on, probably fatigued from the week's work. You turn to your brother's gaze.

"No, just thinking…" you trail off, "what do you think of Iwaizumi?"

Kiyoomi merely shrugs, “eh, he’s fine.”

You huff, “at least give an effort to think about it more. I’m asking a serious question here, you know?”

The frustrated expression on your face causes your brother to ponder over the query a bit more before sighing, “this is difficult. We’re not even that close for me to comment on him. But he looks decent, like he can take care of you.”

His brows furrow when he perceives the slight disappointment on your face, almost as if you were expecting to hear him say negative things instead, “what’s up with you?”

“You really think he’s good?” you lightly say, eyes wandering as if lost further in your own thoughts. He hums, “yeah, something like that. But then again, you don’t need him to take care of you. You can do that yourself, and even if you can’t, you have me, or Osamu.. And his brother, Atsumu.”

He takes note of the way your face subconsciously lights up at the mention of the blonde’s name. Instinctively, it’s always him. 

“O-okay,’’ you stutter with a light blush. 

He ignores it though, it’s a topic set for another time and goes to ask instead, “mind filling me on why you suddenly ask about Iwaizumi-san?” 

Your somberness returns and once again, you look confused, doubtful, “well, he said he was my soulmate…”

Kiyoomi’s eyes widened, as if he couldn’t believe what he heard.

You don’t notice it as you continue to ramble on, “and I don’t know why but I just find it difficult to believe him and I feel guilty about that. ‘Cause I try to think about it, he doesn’t have any reason to lie to me, right? Especially since you yourself said he was a good guy. But, ugh, this is so complicated.”

“Come again?” He asks through gritted teeth, his fists starting to clench in anger. You look at him oddly, which turns to a glare in a second, annoyed that he wasn’t fully listening, “I said… I find it difficult–”

“No, not that. The one before that.”

“Ugh, I said Hajime told me he was my soulmate before. You know, the one I can’t remember? Well, at least that’s what I thought but apparently, he thinks it was a malfunction with the soulmate system. Because I can clearly remember him as my friend and yet, he insists that maybe the system distorted my memories or something like that,” you finish talking, expectantly looking at him, lurching backwards when you see his reaction, “Hey… you okay, ‘Omi? Okay.. I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t supposed to search for him anymore nor entertain soulmate stuff.. but you know how impo–”

“Let’s not talk about it anymore,” he abruptly stands up from the couch and quickly makes his way upstairs. You scramble to get up, “hey! Where are you going? Omi! You said you wanted to watch this movie…”

You only hear his bedroom door close as a response. 

“Geez, what got up that weirdo’s ass? So much for a movie night.. one falls asleep right away while the other has very bad mood swings,” you mutter under your breath, shaking your head as you go back to the living room, picking up your phone and trudging upstairs to your bedroom. You unlock your phone and see messages from Osamu and another from Hajime. 

[7:30PM] Samu: Tomorrow. Here at our house. I don’t accept a no. Good night ^_^

[7:35PM] Hajime: Oh, by the way, do you want to go out tomorrow? (:

“Sorry, Haji. Don’t really want to disappoint Samu,” you whisper as you type out replies for the both of them, the guilt of not minding if you disappoint Hajime instead becomes a fleeting thought.

Before you can even raise your fist to knock, the familiar wooden front door opens widely and you are welcomed by the sight of your gray-haired best friend. He pulls you in a tight hug and mumbles curses as he buries his face in your neck, “You took too long… way too long, idiot.” 

“It was only a few years, you dramatic ass. Never took you to be a clingy type of friend,” you hug him back with the same tightness before letting him go and walking inside their humble abode. He excitedly leads you to the living room, “wait here. Let me just get my brother.”

“Uhh… what?”

“Oh! I forgot to tell you, we’re going out with him. You know, like what we used to all do when we were–” his eyes widened as if he remembered something before lightly coughing and continuing to speak, “I mean… like what we both used to do, you know? But this time, with him. It’s been a long time since he came home too… and this could be a chance for you two to get closer to one another.”

He finishes rambling, internally praying you don’t catch the nervousness in his voice due to his slip-up a moment ago. He curses when he sees you slowly nod. With so many years of knowing you, Osamu already knew from your expressions that you caught even that minor mistake, how you’re currently scrutinizing each and every word they all speak ever since you came back and how you’re starting to get suspicious about everyone around you.

He doesn’t know if he should thank or curse Kiyoomi for giving him a heads up about your plans to find your soulmate. It makes him so conscious, so nervous he might accidentally tell you that the very person you’re trying to find is his dearest twin brother.

At the present, however, he only gulps and prays instead that you just pretend you didn’t notice anything. You do exactly that when you shrug and tell him, “alright then. That’s no problem for me.”

“G-good,” he says a little too loudly, mentally slapping himself to get it together, “I’ll… get Atsumu now hehe.”

You narrow your eyes at his weirdness, shaking your head before bringing your phone out to check your socials. You hum with interest as you open a message from Hajime.

I like to believe that I’m trying– that I enjoy the idea of being his soulmate, that I look on with favor to partaking in this play pretend, this fantastical theatrics of trying to work things out the way they are– me as his fated one, him as mine.

[9:09AM] Hajime-kun: Good morning, soulmate :) I’m a bit bummed we couldn’t go out. Anyway, enjoy your day with Osamu. Hopefully, it’ll finally be my day tomorrow?

[9:10AM] You: Good morning, Hajime-kun. Sorry again about that hehe but sure, I think I’m finally free tomorrow haha 

[9:12AM] Hajime-kun: Great! Also, I told you to drop the honorifics. You feel so distant when you use it *sadly sighs*

[9:13AM] You: Silly. I just respect you that much, okay? 

You hear multiple footsteps coming down so you quickly type out another message for him.

[9:14AM] You: Anyway, I have to go now. See you tomorrow.

You type out the word soulmate at the end of your text, only to delete it as soon as you pull on your heart. 

But I’m no actress. It’s all treachery. Whenever I try to give him  a chance, I feel like a traitor. It’s almost as if I was betraying someone, like I’m unknowingly breaking somebody else’s heart, my soulmate’s heart, somebody who my heart believes was not him. So I step back and hesitate, maybe I should just stop this. To prevent any more complications, to not feel guilty towards anyone, not to you and not to him. 

Before you can drown deeper in your thoughts, the twins come into view. You give Atsumu a shy smile as a greeting, feeling your heart skip when he returns the gesture. Osamu looks back and forth at the two of you and thinks, I guess the soulmate system really is a scam, huh? Even fate can’t handle these two. So obvious.

He rolls his eyes and scoffs, “What are you two? High schoolers? You could do better than those shy smiles.”

You both awkwardly chuckle, both cursing the gray-haired lad in your minds. 

“Fine, fine. It’s nice to see you again, Atsumu-san,” you genuinely smile and Atsumu’s heart skips. So pretty, he thought.

“It’s also nice to see ya again.”

Welcome home, YN, the blonde thinks with relief and solace filling his soul.

“Waah, it’s been so long since I came here,” you exclaim as your eyes take in the view of the very familiar and busy street market of your hometown. Atsumu looks at you fondly, hands itching to just grab yours and pull you to his arms while you stroll around the area but his thoughts don’t let him get too far as his twin calls him. “You’re too obvious, boy. You look like a lovesick puppy,” Osamu snorts, hands in his pockets as they watch you excitedly talk to the stall owners, “she wanted you to look at her that way for so long, yanno? Too long.”

“Yeah… I still regret that,” Atsumu sadly smiles, “Nothing much I can do about it now. Our fate’s passed.”

“Or so you think,” his twin shrugs when the blonde looks at him with confusion, “YN… even without her memories of you, is still YN. It’s funny, actually. Even fate couldn’t control her. Even after all that has happened, she still wants to find you. So don’t be a coward, Tsum. You don’t need to ask the world nor the gods for a second chance. YN… she’s giving it to you herself already, even without you asking.”

Atsumu looks at you once more, heart painfully throbbing at your smile as you call the both of them over to where you are. 

“She doesn’t realize it, neither do ya but… she still looks at ya the same way as she did before,” Osamu finishes as he pats Atsumu’s back before walking to you.

“Hey! You two walk so slow,” you comment, pointing to the stall in front of you, “they have ice cream there. Want some?”

“I’ll get it,” Atsumu says as he brings out his wallet.

“I’ll have mint chocolate,” Osamu says. You open your mouth to say your order but the blonde beats you to it.

“Vanilla with chocolate drip and those colorful sprinkles on top. Your favorite, right?” Atsumu says without looking up while he tries getting some coins out. You and his twin become silent, shocked at his familiarity. Osamu internally screams at his twin, this idiot! 

On the other hand, you freeze. How did he know such a very specific detail about you?

Realizing what he just said, Atsumu stops as well, the gears in his head turning to think of an excuse, “Uhm… that was weird for me to know, huh? It’s just that Osamu complained so much about it when I was abroad. Guess it just registered in my brain hehe.”

Nice save, he thought.

“Oh…really? Haha, that’s… interesting to hear haha,” you awkwardly laugh.

“Yeah… anyway, I’m gonna–” he gestures to the stall before practically running to it.

As soon as you thought he was already far enough from the two of you, you grip Osamu’s arm and pull him closer to you and threateningly ask, “This is a question that requires an answer if you want to live through the day– who was Atsumu’s soulmate? Why is his thread also cut off?”

He yelps and stutters, “W-what? What soulmate… I have no idea!”

You tighten your grip on him, “Oh, please, Miya Osamu. I know you have an idea.”

He gulps, “I-I swear I don’t. We never knew because Atsumu couldn’t see the thread.” 

You weren’t fully satisfied with his answer yet you had no choice but to let go of him as you see Atsumu coming back. You look at Osamu with a stare that tells him you were definitely not done with the said topic yet. God, she can be scary sometimes, the lad thinks and shivers in fear.

The blonde hands you your ice cream and smiles before looking around, eyes stopping at another stall.

“Oh, look! They sell waffles there, I think? I remember it’s also your favo–” he stops talking before correcting himself, “I remember Osamu saying it’s also your favorite, am I right?”

“Oh… uhh… yeah, you’re right,” you watch them argue with their eyes, frowning. 

“I’ll buy it this time!” Osamu squeaks out, rushing off and leaving you two.

“He’s so weird,” you comment as you stand beside Atsumu, giggling when he agrees.

“I know right. The gods know how much I’ve put up with that ass,” he shakes his head before sighing, “But he’s put up with me so much as well and probably more… humbled me for so many times already. I’ve made a lot of dumb decisions in my life, yanno? But for some reason, he’s the one always anchoring me, bringing me back and reminding me I could try again,” he pauses and says thoughtfully, “that it’s never selfish to take a second chance at things… or the people I love.”

You look at him and find him already looking at you, melancholy swimming deep in his eyes. You feel another painful twist in your heart and find your eyes welling up. A tear falls down which makes you gasp, hand reaching up but Atsumu beats you to it, his palm was already on your cheek, the pad of his thumb wiping the lone tear. Realizing what he has done, he starts pulling back his hand, “sorry. I should’ve asked for your conse–”

He halts when you wrap your hand around his wrist, placing it back.

“You know, Atsumu-san. Looking at you hurts like hell,” you start, closing your eyes as you feel more tears coming down, “whenever I look at you, my heart does this painful thing where it almost feels like I’m about to have a heart attack. It’s excruciating but… it makes me feel so alive, so full at the same time. It makes me think– what if… what if you were my soulmate and I just forgot?”

You open your eyes and sadly chuckle, “I think I’m weird like Osamu too.”

You bring down both of your hands and intertwine it, “Sorry for this.”

Your heart skips yet again when he grips your hand tighter after squeezing it, all while mumbling, ‘it’s okay… I think.”

However, there's also a chord of restlessness that sits within me, eager to fill the gaps in my mind even if the universe and our fate is against doing so. Maybe, this is a taboo. Something that must remain unexplored, untouched. The complexity of it all must be left unknown, for ignorance is a bliss, they say right? Unfortunately for them, for me, and for you… the gravity that pulls me towards him is too great, too satisfying to not acknowledge. So, how can I, a mere personification of hope, not consider that blonde hair and amber eyes to be the house of the soul I’m searching for?

Treachery? Betrayal? A traitor to my soulmate? None of those matters. 

Not when you make me feel different, Atsumu.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smau #atsumu smau #haikyuu headcanons #atsumu x reader #iwaizumi x reader #hq x reader #miya atsumu #iwaizumi smau #iwaizumi hajime

[nyoomfruits]

lovin the landoscar content recently are there any other blogs or fics u recommend for landoscar content? thank u!!

there's currently 44 fics in the landoscar ao3 tag and i would recommend all of them actually BUT these are my personal favorites <3

Negative splits by leafmealone | T | 10k

So officially, Oscar Piastri, pretty good steepler and pretty bad pacer, was now a professional runner. They wanted him to steeple, mostly, though he’d be doing cross country in the fall, and Lando had pinky promised him, mid-distance guy to mid-distance guy, that if he wanted to get into the 3k flat indoor then he would get him in. Oscar didn’t really want to ask how he planned on doing that. Felt safer not to ask.

listen. LISTEN. this is so. oh my god this is so good i'm OBSESSED with this one. my landoscar otp tag is literally a quote from this fic i'm so. it has a very slow build and then the ending hits and you're like oh. OH. beautiful beautiful beautiful.

i'll kiss you first by venerat | E | 3k

“Uh,” Oscar says, when they’re in the car on their way to the airport. “I think you’re—um. Going into heat, mate.”

god this one is so. their DYNAMIC in this. lando being like a confident little shit being so ENDEARED by oscar makes me feel all goey soft every time. delightful premise, works SO WELL for them and everything about this is just so. AAAHHH

break my rules by venerat | E | 4k

Lando makes a considering noise. “A flirt?” He glances at the cameras, and Oscar can’t tell if it’s one of those we’ll need to edit that out later glances, or what. He looks back at Oscar. “You think I’m a flirt?” “You’re just, like…” Oscar flounders, flushing. “You’re very friendly.”

i promise this entire list isn't going to be just venerat fics but GOD they write the landoscar dynamic SO WELL it makes me feel a little feral every single time. the whole shag marry kill scene is so. GOD it's my favorite. a+++ i love this fic so much

askin' six days into june by peargasly (jamb) | G | 354

Lando almost flinches in surprise when there’s a hesitant touch to his waist.

i read this this morning and it fundamentally changed me as a person this might be one of the BEST lando/oscar characterizations i've ever read the DYNAMIC in this is top tier

sense and velocity by vertueusement | T | 11k | wip

“Well, alright, I don’t know if you lived under a rock or something, but Lando Norris goes here.” Uh, literally who? Oscar wanted to prod further but he could at least read the room and tell the one he spoke to didn’t want anything to do with him.

this is a wip so it is not finished yet but GOD i'm so fascinated by this whole thing. the premise is AMAZING and the author makes FANTASTIC use of the switching pov to show how we perceive situations differently all the time i'm so !!!!!!! DELIGHTED to see where this story will take us

#landoscar #mctwinks #all right keeping it at this for now #but theres so much more!!!! #i know venerat just posted a new landoscar fic #i havent gotten around to reading it yet but i bet its FANTASTIC #fic rec #landoscar fic rec #fic rec list

[yoisami]

🗨️ you’ve received a letter from saki!

dear reader,

has 2023 treated you well? have you been well? did you enjoy christmas with your family and friends, and are you holding any celebrations for the end of another year?

i hope that you have felt endless amounts of joy during this time, laughed at both dumb and witty jokes, and filled your stomach with delicious food. i hope that your families are doing well and are smiling lots, and that your friends are also having the best times of their lives.

i’m sure that this year has been different for all of us. for some of us, it may have been the beginning of a new chapter, and for some of us, it may have been the end of an era. or maybe your 2023 was something in between, or both. for those of you who started something new this year, i hope that you find yourselves in a comfortable and safe position in this new place. and for those of you who have ended a chapter, i hope you’ve made thousands of memories that your heart will forever hold. i understand that goodbyes are tough—i’ve only ever been good at saying ‘hello’, and my ‘bye’s have always been a little bit tearful—but remember, after every goodbye, there’s always a ‘hello’ will follow shortly after.

this year, we’ve all grown. whether it be physical growth, mental growth, or emotional growth—we’ve all grown. if you don’t believe me, think about all the experiences you’ve been through this year. experiences change you, especially tough ones, because they force you to adapt to certain situations for the better. 2023, for me, was filled with a bit of everything. i’ve mastered cooking this chinese dish, finally memorised the lyrics to a korean song, and learnt that i must respect myself in every relationship i find myself in—platonic and romantic. you too, would have learnt a few things this year also. appreciate all these lessons you’ve learnt this year, and i hope that you carry them with you for the rest of your life, so that maybe, you can share with others what you’ve learnt in the future.

but sometimes it’s difficult to perceive negative experiences as something positive. perhaps this year, you’ve been hurt by someone dear to you, experienced a loss that you never thought you would lose, or “disappointed” yourself in some way. in those situations, it’s hard to keep a smile on your face, and it’s hard to appreciate the better things in life when you’re in the middle of an obstacle, but you are so strong, and i am so so proud of you. you are an individual capable of so many things in life, and i am always rooting for you with every bit of my heart. every little achievement you make—whether it’s winning an award, being able to look at yourself in the mirror without any feelings of dissatisfaction, or being able to stay productive for five hours, i am here cheering for you for every little accomplishment you make.

next year, in 2024, we will continue to grow too. personally, i want to become a better writer who can communicate her ideas fluidly, and be able to continue to share my hobby with you. i hope that we can all achieve our goals and dreams, and if not, i hope that we can at least walk a few steps closer to where we want to be. maybe it’l take some time, but we’ll get there.

i’ve hoped for a lot of things already, but i am wishing us all a happy and healthy 2024. may your year be filled with wide smiles and hearty laughs, and that it will shine brighter than any sparkler. thank you for all the love i’ve received here on tumblr, and i’ll make sure to continue giving you all even more love next year.

i lowkey blabbered, so if you read ’til the end, i love you <3

#happy 2024 !!! #<33 lots of love from me

[streaminn]

Spider-Enid Angst

Wednesday sits outside a cafe as the sky slowly fades with the sunset. Thirty minutes have passed since she initially arrived at the time she and Enid agreed to meet at. While she secretly knows why her best friend is chronically late, she’s never been this tardy, especially with her. Something’s been up with Enid lately ever since she took a page out of Wednesday’s book and started sporting black in her spider-suit. Before she thinks more on it, Enid turns the corner and spots Wednesday, before shuffling over and taking a seat.

“I’m here! I’m here,” Enid exclaims as she scoots her metal chair closer to the table with a screech.

“Do you have a reason for your lateness?” asks Wednesday.

“Lost track of time doing English homework.”

“We don’t have English homework.”

“It’s a different assignment Wednesday geez.” Enid avoids eye contact, but can’t hide the look of annoyance on her face.

“You are giving me an attitude, yet you were the one who showed up late. Why are you taking your emotions out on me?”

“At least I have emotions,” Enid says under her breath, but just loud enough for Wednesday to hear.

“Speak plainly Enid, if you’re going to be like this, say it with your chest.”

“You know what Wednesday, fine.” Enid sits up straight, her eyebrows scrunched in a frown. “Yes, I was late, so what? What about you? You always get to class just as the bell rings.”

“I’m punctual, not late, there’s a difference.”

“Yeah sure Wednesday, clearly that’s the issue.”

“What is the issue Enid? You’ve made it clear in the past the importance of communication, and I’ve done my best to accommodate.”

“Well maybe your best isn’t enough, you ever think about that Wednesday? Maybe I’m tired of your hot and cold attitude towards me. I mean are you really my best friend, ‘cause most of the time it feels like you don’t give a shit about me at all!”

Enid slams her fist on the table with a loud bang, causing any nearby customers to flinch at the sound. The stares that the girls are now getting don’t bother Wednesday; her concern focused on the secret hero in front of her who has just put a dent in their table. Something is wrong, but Enid is clearly not in the mood to admit it.

Wednesday makes an effort to look as composed as possible before she stands up from her chair. “I’m not going to sit here and let you take your misplaced anger out on me. I’m going home. We can talk when you’re ready.” Wednesday turns to leave, with Enid standing from her own chair.

“Wednesday don’t go.” The goth continues to walk as Enid clamors to chase after her. “Wednesday Addams stop, stop walking!” She continues onward as the blonde’s impatience boils over. “WEDNESDAY! Don’t walk away from us!”

Wednesday stops in her tracks. Us. With wishful thinking, Wednesday could perceive Enid talking about their friendship, but she knows this isn’t the case. The way she yelled her name, the way it was said with a deep growl, the way she said “us.” There’s something else going on with Enid, something dangerous.

Without facing her, Wednesday says, “When you have composed yourself, we can talk, but right now, I don’t like the way you are treating me.” She pauses, before speaking again to stop any possible interruption. “I do care about you Enid, for you are truly my best friend and I do my best to show how I feel. However, that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you talk to me like that. Cool off, and come find me when you’re ready.”

Wednesday resumes her walk, not hearing any footsteps following her. She leaves Enid to stand there as the rest of the cafe pretends like they weren’t eavesdropping. It does hurt Wednesday to walk away from her, but she knows it’s tough medicine that must be administered. Even as she gets farther away, she can faintly hear Enid huffing in frustration behind her. Perhaps the situation calls for Wednesday to break out her claws. Something is negatively affecting her best friend, and if it takes a black cat to fix a spider, then so be it.

(Hope you like it, I think I captured the possible angst from your art. Wanted to write it from Wednesday’s perspective since I know Enid’s would be probably involve the symbiote talking to her. Maybe I’ll write that another time. Plus, idk, I like having Wednesday use communication against Enid)

no thoughts, just enid realizing that if wednesday is willing to leave her behind over a tiny arguement then wednesday is willing to find someone better

#jdwicked #writing #spider enid au

[s0fthunny]

hi i seen u on pinterest and , i wanted to ask . Whats the first step to become a girly girl ?? bc i cant seem to catch along wit it

Getting in touch with your girlyness🧚🏽‍♀️🎀🧚🏽‍♀️

To me being a girly girl is all about being in touch with your femininity and being comfortable, happy, and feeling beautiful in your own skin! I’m going to tell you the ways that I do this!

(I feel like i’ve always been very girly and in touch with my femininity just because of the women i grew up around. I was rarely ever around men or anyone with masculine energy and the women who raised me were all gentle, kind, and beautiful.)

1. Maintenance: A “girly” and “feminine” woman takes care of her appearance. Her nails and toes are always done and if not then they’re well groomed, cut, filed, and moisturized. I personally get mani pedis every 2-3 weeks.

- Another part of maintenance is HAIR. You don’t always have to have your hair professionally done, BUT never go out or to somewhere like work, shopping?, etc looking crazy. Make sure your hair is clean, moisturized, and put into a cute style if you don’t want to wear it down.(And i only usually wear my hair down when it’s straight!) Some of my favorite easy hairstyles are -Half up half down with 1 ponytail or two or two buns! super cute and make you look clean and put together.

-Another HUGE part of maintenance is your skin and body care! A girly girl takes care of her face and body and she always smells AMAZING(including her breath!) I take showers and moisturize every.single.day! sometimes twice a day when i’m on my cycle! I exfoliate regularly and like to keep my body hairless because hair can carry odors! I NEVER sleep in makeup and I wash my face every morning and night and always apply my spf in the mornings! Another way to amp up your girlyness is wearing BODY GLITTER. I wear it EVERYDAY, it’s so cute and pretty and adds to your perfume!

2. Attitude: Girly girls are always or at least try to be soft and gentle with everyone! We don’t have nasty attitudes for no reason and we’re never mean to others for no reason- this DOES NOT count standing up for yourself when people come at you crazy just because you’re cute and girly and they think you shouldn’t/won’t talk back!

- I’m/ always have been described as very gentle, soft, and sweet, even by strangers. I always make sure to thank people for even the tiniest thing, i speak very softly, i don’t ever talk over or interrupt people, and i always help or try to help when i see someone that needs it. These are really just things that i do naturally, but i really think they add to and are why people think i’m very girly and soft!

- Try not to be negative. I’m also always describes as very bubbly! Encourage people, be optimistic, don’t be afraid to give people compliments!

3.Makeup/Outfits/Accessories: Your appearance is the first way people are going to see you and perceive you, if you want to be perceived as girly you have to look the part.

- Makeup: I wear makeup just about everyday i go out! If i’m doing cute tj maxx, marshall’s, etc runs then i’m probably not, but i’m still in really cute clothes!

Girly makeup is going to consist of:

- big fluffy lashes

- LIPGLOSS LIPGLOSS LIPGLOSS

- heavy blush

- glitter highlight and shadow

-Outfits: You don’t always need to be in a mini skirt or crop top to be girly! It’s ALLLLL about colors. Pastel pink, baby pink, hot pink, lilac, lavender, baby yellow, baby blue, mint green, etc are ALLL colors that are very girly and cute?

Girly outfits consist of:

-Cute loungewear and matching sets for errands

- mini skirts and mini dresses

- cute babydoll tees and girly graphic cropped tees (hello kitty, fairies, kittens,etc)

- flare jeans

-platform boots and heels

-cute comfy shoes (pastel converse, doc martens with ribbon laces, ballet flats and mary janes, etc)

-glitter sandals

-Accessories: There’s soooo many accessories to amp up your girlyness and i think this may be the easiest part !

Girly accessories consist of:

-Purses. I LOVEEEE cute purses whether it’s shoulder bags, tote bags, or mini backpacks I ALWAYS carry one to keep my girly essentials in.

-Jewelry. You can find cute girly and affordable jewelry anywhere! They have super cute pieces at hot topic, spencer’s, and even thrifts! My everyday jewelry are pieces that were given to me that i never take off but when i want something fun those are definitely the places i look at first!

-Keychains. I ALWAYS have a sanrio keychain on the purse i’m carrying. They definitely are a must have for girly girls and make whatever bag you’re carrying extra adorable. they’re on my car keys too!

i really really reallly hope this helps you get started/continue your journey into finding your inner girlyness angel!

#my post #ask #answered

[archivalofsins]

Heya again! Thanks for answering my what if guilty Kotoko ask! I really like hearing your thoughts.

I was also wondering how it would change if Shidou got guilty like he wanted in T1? Due to his like "this world is cruel" attitude? Don't feel obligated to answer if there are other things you want to do. I hope you enjoy your day <333

Oh, thank you for such a polite ask!

I was writing a very long post- So, it took a minute for me to get around to reading this. I hope you do like the answer though because i have a lot of thoughts on guilty Shidou. I even surprised myself a bit.

Personally I think if Shidou got the trial verdict he wanted he would have been incredibly scarred and upset by it. He's shown to be upset by people have negative opinions of him in Throw Down. So, he's the sort to be really sensitive to the opinion of others. This is because, like Kotoko he's rather oblivious to the feelings of the people around them.

For a good example think of them like Laios from Dungeon Meshi. They both put they're interests and hobbies above the feelings of others unintentionally and end up being careless with their relationships. Causing there to be a level of distance between them and others that they themselves rarely perceive if ever perceive outside of direct acts of hostility. Futa is like this to an extent as well.

Here are some instances that display this oblivious nature of his.

20/06/08

Mahiru: Shidou-san…… you’re really good-looking. Personally I think you’d be better if you ate a bit more, but you’re slim and tall, and well put together to boot…… You must’ve been super popular up until now, right?

Shidou: ……yeah, that’s true…… I did my share of fooling around in the past.

Mahiru: Oh~? That’s not the sort of answer I’d expect from you. I’ve got it! Somebody told you that if you replied like that people wouldn’t resent you so much, right?

Shidou: Haha, I’m surprised you guessed. ……it seems that no matter what guise I put on, it’s meaningless against a woman’s insight.

Q.19 What was your partner like?

Shidou: A strong person. I tend to be a bit careless in my personal life, so I was always relying on her.

In Minigram Episode 31: Going For A Walk Shidou doesn't recognize that Mu want's attention and continues walking around the panopticon.

He asks her to join her of course Shidou is courteous but he doesn't stand around idle to make small talk after she says she's not interested in walking. Going straight back to what he set out to do.

And with that he continuedd his walk. Meeting Mahiru along the way and walking with her when they wrap back around to Mu, Mahriu verbal notes and recognizes Mu is upset.

This habit is also shown of in the Minigram Episode 16: Insensitive,

Where Shidou is shown to be intrigued by Kotoko's discussion instead of disgusted like the rest of them.

Kotoko not even stopping her discussion until Futa has to remind her that he's trying to eat and maybe tallking about peeing on clothes isn't the most appropriate right now. Not even going into how she just starts this conversation because she notices him staring at his spoon.

He just fucking thinks it and Kotoko is observing people well enough to go i know what that guy's thinking but not that maybe this is not the appropriate time to say the rest off this.

Q.09 Which of the other prisoners do you think resembles you the most?

Kotoko: That’s a hard one. I’m only able to answer based on my guess on what they did. But I think the one that probably resembles me the most is Futa? Though he’s also the person who resembles me the least.

Let's get back on topic now we know that Shidou is a bit oblivious to the feelings of those around him. Is he self-conscious when those feelings are brought to his attention plainly though?

Given these lyrics in Throw Down I believe so.

"“NO” in my dream I am making you cry again, I am being blamed. “NO” the hesitation I killed is holding its breath and sniffing out lies."

Shidou cold opens his first song showing that despite strengthening his resolve to do the things he feels he must and can't stop doing the upset it creates for those around him still causes him to hesitate. That he feels upset when what he does causes others to cry or when he is being blamed for misfortune. Yet, he can't stop.

He wants this cycle to end but this cycle is also the only thing given him a reason to live.

"Tock-tock… tells me, the reason it’s ok to be here."

Shidou doesn't ask the audience to vote him guilty because he wishes tobe punished through living on being held accountable for his actions and the harm they caused. He's asking because he wants to be able to die. He wants something that tells him it's not okay to be here without it hurting him emotionally.

That's why in his first voice drama he states that doing three trials and unnecessary while asking for Es to simply skip to the death sentence. There's also this lyric that highlights his disconnect between the the repercussions for his active choices and his long term goals.

"I don’t feel scared because I don’t know."

He isn't afraid because he doesn't yet know-

"Not dead. Yeah, she's definitely not dead. I finally understand the value of what I've been robbing people of."

He's not scared to do what he's doing because he doesn't comprehend the pain he's causing people. Shidou exists to juxtapose and embody the mindset that Kotoko espouses. That people who do the sort of things that got everyone here put in Milgram possibly won't understand the severity of their actions until they've lost something.

"Es, look. Someone who committed a crime can only realise its severity through losing something. I've seen many criminals, but none of them would give way without pain."

Shidou's serves to highlight that despite how radical in her implementation Kotoko is she isn't entirely wrong. The only thing that's causing her to be wrong is the fact that her methods are inflexible she uses the same means on every individual even when it may not be situationally appropriate.

Still Shidou perfectly represents the sort of person who can casually do harm to others because they have yet to experience the same things themselves.

Or to put it simply Shidou only believed the ends justifed the means means because he wasn't the one footing the bill for those means.

"After stabbing you with my words, the blood started to flow and slowly stained my white. Hey, you remember what it feels like? The feeling to take away in order to give."

Q.15 Do you think you’ve made a contribution to society?

Shidou: I used to think my work was a contribution to society.

He's taking from others to give to himself so he won't see the issue with that cause there's he's constantly gaining. Why would he see an issue? He believes this will all pay off in the end for himself.

This is one of the reasons Delusion Tax suits him so well.

Because it's a song all about making empty promises to help the other person get what they want then just running off with all the gains. Even ending with,

"But those wishes won't really come true, even if you pay. For it's all a lie, a great big farce. Thank you for all that, that's plenty. These scraps of paper belong to me now. That's right for all these dirty delusions let's settle the bill with this dirty money."

Like thanks I used you now- You had some nice thoughts there too, right? So let's just settle the bill and end things here. Trial three double innocent Shidou is definitely going to be fun. Getting off topic having some nice thoughts of my own here but yeah.

Shidou wants the outcome of being guilty but doesn't want to walk the road to get there. He doesn't want to go through that mental torture because as he said from the start,

"“Throw down” emotions with no color I wonder if I can die with it still left."

This is why when it's immediately brought to his attention that the verdict causes mental anguish. Something that would make it impossible for him to die with emotions that have no color he changes his tune. Suddenly he needs to be innocent not for his sake though he still wants to be guilty in the end- In fact he doesn't even know the right answer yet really. He just knows that there are lives that need saving so his abilites make him indepensable. He needs to be innocent for their sake what if someone dies.

So, if Shidou was guilty with no forewarning that the verdict caused mental anguish suffering and for those to hear voices constantly blaming them something he admits being sensitive to in his first trial song... I honestly think it would have taken a very heavy emotional toll on him and he would have holed himself off as we see him doing in Throw Down and is alluded to in Triage.

Which could be why he stated this during his trial two written interrogation,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

Specifying how Mikoto had become because it reminded him of how he used to act and caused him to be upset.

A trial one guilty would have emotionally wrecked this man. He was already. Hair more dishelveled than Mikoto's restraints tighter probably and not even mentioning if Kotoko is still innocent during this he would have been jumper after Futa and Before Mahiru.

Since Kotoko said,

"I attacked everyone in order, but because of the interference caused by Kayano Mikoto and Mukuhara Kazui, who was protecting Kajiyama Fuuta, I couldn't finish it properly."

So, good news Mahiru would have been uninjured since Mikoto and Kazui intervened during Kotoko's second attack.

Bad news he would not be able to really help the injured or would have possibly died. Though I don't think they'd kill him that early he'd be more injured than Mahiru for sure. Because his on the slim side as Mahiru noted and how much strength he has is unknown.

He may have reflected on his treatment of children a little and not be as demeaning to Es. Because he would respect them being able to see through his theatrics a bit more. Instead of believing Es and the audience still don't know anything yet.

"You don’t even know yet, and yet."

I could imagine despite Amane being upset with him her gritting her teeth and trying to help without him badgering over her shoulder. Because she wouldn't want anyone to die either. I mean she couldn't leave the cat alone and all it had was a scratch.

So chances are taking care of people might have fallen on her in the case of that happening. Like if Shidou was guilty and her innocent first trial or even if they were both Guilty. Since it seems Kotoko was always going to attack the prisoners in order.

Shidou would more than likely in contrast to Mahiru be opnely angry about the situation since he doesn't sem to like violence at all. Plus despite being innocent he still holds disdain towards Kotoko. Making me feel his anger over it would just be doubled and he would take low shots to hold Es to the same accountability they held him to.

Probably saying something along the lines of,

"This prisoners are your responsibilty. That's what you claimed. Right now we're all like your patients then and the only thing you seem to be doing is making us all worse. In a lot of ways you may be no different from me it seems.... Even children can be this way after all. I was naive."

Really just twisting it in. The same way he sort of does in his second voice drama already.

He does say I see how cruel this world is in Triage but I feel like he's saying that in a only a cruel uncaring world would find a person like me innocent. Especially given the information from Deep Cover confirming that Kotoko did go to court implying all of the prisoners may have from Kazui's statement on acquitted murderers in his first voice drama and Jackalope stating in Es' if this was just about the law than there would be no point in them being here.

So I thought that Shidou was once again upset that he hadn't been held accountable to the extent that he should be which meant he would have to live with himself. So I think if he were guilty trial one he would consider that to be fair in a lot of ways. Yet not be able to handle all the voices judging and blaming him. He'd probably take it a little harder than Futa maybe go to others for reassurance.

Because of his carelessness he wouldn't be able to support himself in the face of scrutiny like that. He'd probably either end up relying a bit on Mikoto who didn't have anyone else to confide in about his guilty verdict because Futa basically told him there's no use talking to him about it. Plus Mikoto and Kazui are the only two in Milgram he treats somewhat like equals.

If Kazui is still innocent under this framing he could end up relying on him or being around the both of them more. The smoking club definitely would not have disbanded because Shidou would probably be smoking more if anything. Like I just imagine him being super dispondent and a bit shaken in his belief about children.

He would defintiely take Es more seriously after that's for sure.

#gunsli rambles #milgram #shidou kirisaki

[mariekavanagh]

Hii, so i haven’t read your fics yet but i started following you a while ago because i m obsessed with the Black family and your name always pops up with the best takes on these characters and i generally really vibe with your hcs and opinions. So i’m curious what you think about this: i’ve come across this hc that as a child Regulus was envious of Sirius’s social grace and charisma. And i was a little surpised because i realized i’ve always hc-d the exact opposite without really putting it into words. Sirius strikes me as a person who doesn’t really care to conduct himself in a socially acceptable manner, he doesn’t seek to impress people, and he generally seems to be rather unpleasant to be around unless you’re someone he cares about deeply (James and Lily and Harry and pretty much that’s that). And with Regulus being “the better son” and a Slytherin, and Kreacher liking him, and there being and express parallel between him and Percy Weasley through their pompous handwriting, i have always kind of automatically assumed that Regulus was a total kiss-ass, someone who enjoyed schmoozing, a smooth talker etc. And Sirius in Ootp is so obviously not over those “Regulus is a better son” comments that i’ve always assumed he was a little envious of Regulus’s ability to be so poised, level-headed and charming in every situation. While Sirius is definitely quick-witted, he has such a mean streak and strikes me as a highly emotional being. So most of the time he would pretend he doesn’t care what people think of him because hes a Rebel🤟 and then occassionally he would get all mopey about people having a problem with him. Okay sorry, this is so long 😅 I’d be thrilled to hear your thoughts, whether you agree or disagree ! :)

Thanks for saying you enjoy my headcanons, it's lovely to hear :)

Honestly, it goes both ways in my opinion. I feel like this isn't a situation uncommon to many siblings; each believing the other is better than they or more valued by their parents for the traits they themselves do not possess. Sirius is indeed charismatic and naturally confident and sure of himself, but although these are traits he is not ashamed of, they do not gel well with his personal disagreements with their family's ways and values. Regulus may wish he were as confident and outgoing as his brother, but all Sirius can focus on is the fact that his inability to sit by quietly and accept things he disagrees with earns him nothing but trouble from his parents.

Whereas Regulus is naturally quiet and agreeable, combined with the fact that he does not share Sirius's dislike for their family's ways. Sirius may interpret this as something to be envied, in that he is constantly told he ought to be more like Regulus in this sense. But to do so would go against everything he believes in. Sirius could never just sit by quietly in the face of something he disagrees with. But Regulus's ability to means that he receives far less attention from their parents, negative or otherwise. They're too busy trying to correct Sirius.

As is so often the case between any two people, each envies what they perceive the other as having. Sirius would never wish to be as meek and quiet as Regulus, but he does perceive their parents as favouring him because they so rarely have to tell him off, compared to himself. And Regulus may wish that he had some of his brother's confidence, but considering he agrees with the values of the world in which he was raised, he'd have little reason to use it. But at least he wouldn't be constantly ignored over his parents' favourite child - after all, why would they spend so much time and effort fighting to 'correct' Sirius if he weren't their favourite?

#sirius black #regulus black #the black family #the noble and most ancient house of black #the black brothers #black family headcanons #harry potter headcanons #asks #anon

[ask-the-fogbound-serpent]

Continued from here

“While I did say that I don’t believe myself fit to raise them on my own, I do feel comfortable doing it with the help I have." He explained. "I am one of their many guardians, not their parents. While I am an adult figure in their lives, I am also a friend and confidant. I would not ever dream of giving them away. Apologies if my wording wasn’t clear on that one.”

No matter how he loathed to admit it, Vourison saw a bit of his younger self in this Absol. A version brasher, even crueller. He didn't want Destino to repeat his own foolish mistakes, so he chose to continue speaking, despite a part of him yelling not to, to end the conversation now and leave the other pokemon be.

He only prayed his advice did not fall on deaf ears.

“However, I think the problem that, not just you, but many others have is that they struggle to see children as people. Sure, they are small and ignorant, but they are people. Reflecting upon yourself and deciding you wouldn’t be fit to raise a child is fine and healthy, in fact I commend you for it! However, if all you see is a disaster and tantrum waiting to happen, and refuse to engage with any critical thinking on why they act the way they do, then it’s going to negatively effect how you perceive them, and your people, overall.”

“Now, this isn’t meant to be an attack on yourself or anything. I applaud your maturity when it comes to knowing yourself, but a bit of reflection would probably do you some good. I've had this same problem in the past. I used to detest children. It's taken me quite a bit of time to break myself out of that mindset, but I am all the better for it."

Vourison paused at that last comment, noting the slight bitterness. “Well, since I don’t know the situation in depth, I can’t give any specific advice. But, if you cherish this friend, if you cared for them? I suggest you ask them why they kept that secret, have a real and meaningful conversation. Once all the details are laid out, then judge for yourself if that reason was good or not. It can be hard to lose someone you’re close with to conflicts like these, so if it can be prevented, you should at least try."

"This is all just my advice though. You can take it or leave it." Please don't leave it. "In any case, I do hope you repair your relationship if possible.”

@ask-the-royal-absol

#pokeask #pokemon ask blog #lousleepover #interaction #vourison #ask-the-royal-absol #wough look at all those commas #Vourison the more he talks to destino: oh no you're like me in the bad way. no wonder people couldn't stand me back then

[metvmorqhoses]

This is a letter submitted to me by the previous anon. I was left nothing short of appalled by it. In a few paragraphs this person managed to take everything I ever said on this blog about art, literature, gender, ethics, or even myself as a person, twist it to their own biased and, quite frankly, worrying perspective and use it to accuse me of being, at best, a Nazism and antisemitism apologist.

I’m very open minded, I’m able to understand most point of views even without sharing them, but this is another matter entirely. This is being unable to read reality correctly anymore. This is dangerously and hurtfully spinning things out of proportion. This is being unable to form a pure critical thought in a reality that is already mad and confusing enough.

I read extensively in the past few years about the plummeting of comprehension of the written word among all demographics, but that an educated peer of mine, mirror and parrot of too many others, could genuinely reason like this will always be beyond me.

Anon, you are right. I wouldn’t normally publish or entertain such profound drivel, but the things you just accused me of are not only absurd, but beyond serious and grave. You cannot throw such ideas and words so lightly at another human being, especially not inventing yourself every single reason for doing it.

So I’m going to answer, word to word, in the hopes to make you, or at least someone else, wake up from the horrors of a brainwasing this society is, at this point, irremediably affected by.  

“i do not think that your response to me displays “good disposition”, so i will be sure to match you in tone. you do not have to answer this, or even read it; i hope that you will read it though, if only to momentarily consider someone else’s perspective. quoting you verbatim from a previous ask/answer, “I absolutely hate to contradict the canon”. you’re right, the original books don’t glorify nazism, mostly the new content does. however, you say voldemort is the true hero. he is driven to exterminate specific groups of people for his personal gain. whatever depth you want to give him, that is still canon. you don’t deny it. you might not find it the most interesting part of him, but it is still there, and you still call him hero.

i and many others will never know most of our families because of a man and his followers who worked exactly like that. so don’t think of this as me trying to cancel you. i will not be reaching out to your friends or trying to get you banned from anywhere, that’s not what i’ve come directly to you for. i’d like to know what it is about two blood supremacists that you see not only so much inspiring complexity in, but yourself in as well.”

Honestly anon, considering what you are accusing me of, the hinting of which I had already perceived in your previous ask, my disposition towards you was and still is way better than it should be. I’m taking pity of your way of thinking and still hoping to somehow help you understand how wrong this is on every possible level.

I’m very glad you seem to agree the Harry Potter books are no Nazi hymn, but I unfortunately have to contradict you right away. I never, ever, glorified Voldemort’s figure or called him “the true hero of the story”. If you had taken the time to actually read the things the person you are accusing of terrible and very real things has always written about that fictional character, you would have noticed the whole point of my metas is, on the contrary, to underline his twistedness, his monstrous and yet very present humanity, his unfillable voids, his abysses in negative with still a wisp of something else enduring nonetheless.

You would also have noticed that I’m utterly uninterested in and rarely mention the blood-purity movement, not because I think there’s something literary wrong in constructing fictional evil after Nazism (nor, again, do I think there’s anything wrong in finding Nazism intriguing as an historical event and as a study of human nature), but because, as I previously tried to make you understand, I find it psychologically uninteresting in regard to him and not what his character is fundamentally about.

You also just took an ask in which I said I’d have liked to rewrite Harry Potter with Voldemort as the real protagonist (protagonist, not hero, the difference is huge - I linked it for you), and twisted it to construct this huge delusion about my preaching the bloodthirsty ideology of an evil wizard from a fairy tale. Voldemort went around even repeatedly trying to kill a child, why not accusing me of seconding infanticide too, since you are at it? Or seeing antisemitism everywhere is your main fixation since it touches you closely?

I would never call Voldemort a hero, and you know why? Because it would be incredibly dull. Voldemort is a villain. I appreciate him precisely as such. I’m not interested in finding his actions (at least not his monstruosities) correct or admirable, it wouldn’t be riveting. What makes villains compelling is their darkness. And this is because, most importantly, unlike all the people you are mentioning, Voldemort is the bad guy in a children book. Voldemort is not real. His darkness has no consequence whatsoever.

As for why I find Voldemort and Bellatrix compelling, if you had bothered to read my writings before accusing me of absurdities, you’d already have your answer. You’d know that it’s their character as people and mutual relationship that I find intriguing, not their ideology.

As to why I said I see myself in them, those are personal reasons I would never disclose to someone who cannot seem to count to ten, let alone understand utter complexity of certain childhood circumstances or unusual personalities, but (even if it’s obvious, even if I stated it multiple times for the thick idiots in the back) it’s obviously not their fictional murderous/blood-purist/unicorn-blood-licking tendencies I see myself, a real person, in.

I equally see myself in Dorian Gray, Heathcliff and Catherine, Frankenstein’s monster. I trust no sane person would believe I’m inciting the masses to make deals with the devil, traumatize children or set the world on fire out of spite towards human nature (even if the latter is tempting and people like you are making it even more so, I would admit).

“i am not always just an anon on the internet. i am a real person with a real family, real experience with antisemitism and racism in my everyday life. real books i like to read, real foods i like to enjoy, real fears and angers and excitements about the changes i’m seeing in politics and in the public these days. i am, in real life, affected by the ease with which some of my own friends can tell me “jews control the media” just because they’ve heard it on tv enough, from movies or talking heads or whoever.”

As it so happens, I’m a real person just as well. You don’t know anything about me. You for example don’t know that my grandmother spent World War II with real Nazis invading her very home, robbing her of everything and using her farm as a militar base. You don’t know the story of my family, you don’t know that I share many, too many, concerns and fears about the world we are currently living in too and I’m genuinely sorry about what you have to go through, because even without being Jewish I know something about it first hand. But this doesn’t give you the right to behave how you are behaving. You are in fact being just part of the big cultural problem you are denouncing. You are going after innocent people, judging them out of invented nothing. Even if you are surrounded by ignorant and racist people for real (I wonder to what extent, since you seem to highly exaggerate things), this doesn’t mean you have to blindly assume the whole world conforms to it by default, twisting everything you see to make it about you and your current, perhaps justified, fixations.

“consider also that you are a woman. you’ve said you don’t feel very strongly about any part of your visible identity, which is fine. but others around you likely perceive you as a woman. you will be treated differently by different people based on how they perceive you. you have to exist in the context of the world around you whether you want to or not. do you call it activism or wokeness to tell someone off for treating you poorly because you’re a woman, or do you call it standing up for yourself? now what if that person is andrew tate or jordan peterson, whose sexism reaches and influences many, many people around you? telling them or their parrots to think before they speak is not being woke. that’s recognizing a lack of respect and responding to it appropriately to shut it down before it gets worse.“

Again, you took something I said and completely failed to understand its meaning. I never said “I don’t feel very strongly about any part of my visible identity”. I actually feel my womanhood deeply, to extents you couldn’t imagine. What I said is that I don’t care to conform to this, in my opinion quite pathological, trend of labeling everything you are and put it on display for the world to see and use, in the hopes of creating an ever-more vacillating sense of identity, belonging and validation. I firmly believe everyone has the absolute right to be true to themselves and I have no problem embracing anyone who wants to intruduce themselves with a ten minutes-long list of pronouns, gender, sexuality, heath-status, ethnicity and religious beliefs, but this is not something I’ll be ever taking part of, nor the kind of circus I’d like the world to turn into, merely because for some reason I feel like this is more a show (a dangerous one, too) than a real quest towards inner truth.

Calling out idiocy is not being woke, anon. I confirm. Not agreeing with powerful people spreading dangerous ideas is one thing, making up the 99% of those terrible crimes in order to have a scapegoat for your witch hunts is another thing entirely.

“so why can’t i criticize your purposeful decision to deify a character who can all too easily become a model for others who want to take their hero worship of people like him further than tumblr?”

Because you are making this “deification” entirely up, anon. And the fact that you cannot seem to understand this simple fact is very concerning. If I preached Voldemort’s blood-purity ideology, you would have every right to criticize me. You are even totally entitled to have opinion about others tastes. You are not entitled though to make things up to further your own ideologies and worldviews and you should actually be capable, fairly educated as you are, to understand what you read.

“i guess i am not judging you for the art you enjoy, but the way in which you talk about it. people who are actually affected by these views have to be most wary when decent, intelligent people begin to repeat and think them. unfortunately, for my family, this was indeed the way real life worked in the 30s/40s. their kind, smart, beloved neighbors could still turn on them after being exposed to enough nazi propaganda, to films and papers and gossip. and now i have to feel like this in the present day because it is media like this, which “minorities” like us have always, always made our worries clear about (you can’t tell me discussion of cho chang’s name or the subtext of sex-aware staircases is new, because i was around to see when it began), which seeps into good people’s brains and creates opportunities for them to turn on us. this is why white supremacists and fascists use dogwhistles, why they won’t speak the quiet part out loud and will use whatever media they can to further their message under the radar.”

“The way I talk about it” is not at all what you are describing lol If you had actually taken the time to read what I wrote you would have (I hope) noticed.

Oh, yes. Calling a character “Cho Chang” is a terrible crime against humanity. Entire generations of children are traumatized. Also, oh my! Sex-aware staircases! Call the police!

No, anon. Good people don’t let anything seep into their brains and “turn on you”. Good people are good people. People that out of the blue, only because society validates them, turn against fellow human beings, for whatever reason, weren’t good people in the first place. Ideologies give permission for the real self to show, they don’t create anything from scratch.

“analyzing media is about opening your eyes to the context in which it sits. i’m afraid, and i think you’ll agree, that critical analysis skills are degrading on a mass scale these days.“

Yes lol I deeply and absolutely agree.

“i’m afraid that these books have always contained subtle problems, but those of us who were affected by them did not have such a free internet to express ourselves and were otherwise shouted down by fans at the time. i’m afraid that these books have always existed in a context in which antisemitism, racism, and xenophobia have only been on the rise. i’m afraid that someone like you, who is writing a novel, who has some reach now and who may gain even more of a following in the future, who touts herself as not only intelligent but a lover of ethics, may end up contributing, whether you intend to or not, to the mass of people who will turn around to hurt people like me.

i can understand the notion that voldemort simply used a preexisting Other that he despised anyway to further his own drive for power. lots of scholars would say hitler did the exact same thing. my question for you is not even why you see yourself in that, because i suppose it is understandable as a strategy to get yourself support for something by finding like minds already headed the same direction. but the key point there is like minds. no, my question is, why do you call him the hero?

not protagonist. not something akin to humbert humbert per nabokov’s original purpose.

hero.

a: a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability

b: an illustrious warrior

c: a person admired for achievements and noble qualities

d: one who shows great courage

at this point, it isn’t the harry potter books that praise nazi ideology and strategy. it is you. even if you don’t see it that way, i’m here to tell you that i can interpret your words this way, and if i can, then others can too.”

Apart from telling you, again, you are completely making up this way of mine of praising Voldemort as a hero and that you should probably read other people’s writings before judging them, allow me to “tout myself as intelligent” once again, and enlighten you with a banal fact.

Media, fiction, art is for the most part a mirror of who is consuming it. The fact that you can interpret, as you are doing, my words completely wildly, incorrectly, insultingly, tells a lot more about you than about me. If a person isn’t able to apply critical skills to what they are reading, again as you are doing, they are going to find exactly what they want to find in anything. Mind creates reality and you are a marvelous example of it.

It’s the same old debate about morality and amorality in art. Not very intelligent people keep bringing it up again and again through the eras, but the truth about it doesn’t change. I can use a knife to surgically save a life, cut bread or kill a person. None is inherent fault or merit of the knife, but of the hand who wields it.

I remember distinctly when Hannibal came out, the woke police wanted it cancelled because it romanticized murder and cannibalism. Everyone was afraid people would have gone out eating each other. What happened instead is that no raise in cannibalism was detected. Cannibals became cannibals regardless, perhaps feeling a little more represented in media. Decent people remained decent people. I hope you get my hint. Nazism didn’t become Nazism when writings of the Golden Dawn came out, talking about the superior race. Nazism became Nazism when a government used those writing as the mass excuse to unleash the most basic and terrible instincts of humanity to further its own political and economical ends.

I guess your vision of the world, in which the big evil blogger on Tumblr is going to write a new novel without perpetually denouncing every other word everything problematic anyone could possibly read in it and the good people around you will suddenly turn to eat you against their will because brainwashed by my subtle suggestions, could be a quite childish way to justify somehow a world that terrifies you, in which evil isn’t banal and everywhere, but has a tangible and therefore preventable reason.

I’m sorry, but the roots of persecution are as old as human nature, and you actually could even find something really akin to them in your own behaviour if you look very closely.

“in your response to me, you have strung together many lengthy ways of telling me what a brainless lemming i must be for having concerns about how people analyze media, but you couldn’t manage even the simplest ‘i do not support nazism’ after saying you find the history interesting. it’s not your interest that concerns me, but your inability, or perhaps unwillingness, to just confirm that interest is where it ends. unless you deliberately, explicitly, and vehemently deny this, others will continue to misinterpret you. you might be tempted to say that this will only be an issue with people who aren’t as smart or literary as you. let me inform you now that i am at least “a normally intelligent and educated person”, as you put it. we’ve read all the same books. i enjoy a lot of the same media you do. yet i am still not confident you will clearly denounce nazism even now that you have been asked. now imagine that you have even one follower who cannot be described with your above quote. it only takes one misguided person to be the next john hinckley jr., or robert gregory bowers, or dylann roof, or so on. you care not about morality, but about ethics. consider the ethical ramifications of this kind of public hero worship of a character who so easily maps onto a real life perpetrator of genocide without some sort of discussion about him ultimately being wrong. do i think we should all have to disclaim that we don’t condone what villains do? no. do i think you should have to say it every single time you talk about the subject? no, of course not. but if i cannot find it anywhere on your blog, then it has to be said somewhere.”

I’m sorry anon, but after everything you just said I cannot help but conclude those same books on you had very little effect. Maybe try to read them again. I dread what you might have made out of them.

#lord voldemort #anon #asks/replies #villains #bellamort #jkr discourse #this is appalling from start to finish #hp

[devilboydogman]

“What does it feel like, for you? As someone with a permanent body? The dysphoria, I mean.”

Reigen sighed, and looked down at his. “It’s like… Clothes that don’t fit quite right. You know? Not conspicuously, at least not from the outside. They look… Good enough, to most people. And usually I don’t even notice anything awkward, until, say, it restricts my movement, or someone else points it out. After that, it’s all I can THINK about. Maybe it’s a little tight in the hips, or long in the arms, or loose in the shoulders. But I can’t afford a new one, and besides that, I’m attached, you know?”

Dimple’s eyes narrowed with speculative scrutiny. “Sounds like you’re talking about the suit you wear every day. The one you’re still wearing right NOW.”

Reigen’s eyes grew wide with mania, and he rose to his knees on the bed and looked half ready to throttle Dimple’s spectral form as if we was capable of doing so. “Because that’s EXACTLY what it IS, Dimple!” He was getting loud, now, his voice taking on the giddy desperation of a man finally putting something into words that had needed to be said a long, long time ago. “This fucking SUIT. Would anyone know who I was if I wasn’t wearing it? It’s who I AM, or at least who I sometimes believe myself to be, who I am almost ALWAYS perCIEVED to be. I-I feel naked without it, unless I’m completely alone, o-or with someone who ACTUALLY knows me. I don’t FEEL dysphoric when I’m alone with my own body, even looking in the mirror, or in the shower. Because when it’s just me, my body is just my body, and no one is around to misperceive me as something I’m not, something I never HAVE been. I’m a man, and I feel like a man no matter what I look like, right up until someone ELSE says or implies otherwise. My self image is-is almost ENTIRELY created around others’ perception of me. Half the time I don’t know who I am,” he had to force himself to gasp for a deep inhale. Often when he got to talking, it was difficult to stop, even to breathe. “A-and I don’t even mind the suit, either. It feels like a part of me, even if it was created as a facade for rest of the world to see. That’s still me, I think. People tell me I sh-should get it hemmed, or refitted, or-or fucking REPLACE the damn thing, but— Dimple, this is ME. I hate it sometimes, but it’s MINE, and it’s ME. Not everyone notices, but my jacket and my body, we have matching scars. A carefully stitched seam in tandem with marred skin on my own back, identical in size and shape. It almost died with me. I can repair it, but I won’t make it change, and I can’t replace it. Call me a stingy bastard or whatever, but it’s— It’s really, really not about money, Dimple.” He settled back onto his haunches. Wrapped his arms around himself instead of gesculating. When he spoke again, his voice was quieter, more controlled. “That’s not even really a transgender specific thing, I don’t think. Like anyone else, we often don’t view our own bodies or selves as being WRONG until someone else contradicts what we already believe, or points something out in a negative way. No one is born hating themselves. The first lie I lived wasn’t even self created. That lie, the biggest one, I think, was forced onto me the moment I came into existence, and then it was written on my fucking birth certificate. Twitter.com can call me a liar all they want, but really, the lie they are perceiving is my actual truth. It’s just not what they want to hear.”

#mob psycho 100 #reigen arataka #mp100 #ekubo #trans headcanon #trans reigen arataka #tw dysphoria #tw transphobia #dysphoria metaphor #transgender #clothing metaphor #creative writing #fanfic #nonbinary ekubo #nb dimple

[missparker]

Hiiii, I haven't seen you on the birdsite in ages, so in lieu of, like, conversation, here are ask meme questions!

14 how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

17 What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

66 How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

74 You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

Hiiii, the bird app and I are having moral and philosophical disagreements right now but you can always find me on threads, FB, and insta. 

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I am always surprised when people tell me they laughed out loud or cried or had any sort of big emotional response to something I’ve written. And while I know that’s like the goal, there’s no guarantee that what you connect to emotionally is going to hit the same note for another person. Which is to say, I think I do tend to get into the head of a character, or I let them into my head. Is that different? Who knows. I think you have to feel it a little for it to ring true. 

I draw a ton from personal experience, be it conversations I’ve had, situations I’ve been in, things that I’ve felt. I always say that if you’ve read my fic, you probably know me better than anyone I know casually in my real life. Also, it’s real terrifying when someone you know in real life wants to read your fic! Stop perceiving me!

17.  What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

This is so tricky, because there’s no good way that works a) every time and b) for every person. For me, sometimes I have to write through the block and just unclog it with some trash before the good words start flowing again, but also sometimes I need the break and pushing through it only causes more harm. It’s really a matter of knowing yourself and checking in with what you need to keep making good art. Sometimes when I get stuck on a particular story, I know that I need to delete a big chunk of it but I’m stubborn and don’t want to and I spend too much time trying to fix it before ultimately doing what I knew I needed to do all along and just delete it. I think you have to be willing to admit you’ve made a wrong turn somewhere. And sometimes what needs to be deleted doesn’t need to be thrown away forever, but it’s just not right for THIS story. 

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

When it comes to fic, most of the pressure I put onto myself. I’ve learned to just ignore the comments that ask for more, demand updates etc because those don’t serve me in any positive way. I always appreciate when people read and comment, but fic is a gift we give of our time and effort and talent and it’s kind of a “you get what you get when you get it” situation. When I wrote greener grasses, I put myself on a weekly update schedule and I could do it but it was TOUGH. For my latest WIP, it’s months between updates and that’s okay too because it just has to be. 

Now, for writing that gets published, it’s sort of a different can of worms. Deadlines do matter, because you’re just one author working with editors who have their own deadlines and you’re part of a big schedule of authors and editors and if you’re late, it impacts a lot of people. I get a lot more strict with myself about achieving a certain word count every day, setting aside blocks of time to revise, etc. It takes priority over other things for sure. But I treat it like any other job - triage tasks, give it the time it deserves, do my best.

74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it? 

This is so funny because I think I do kind of have a distinctive style, at least people have said as such to me. One time another fic got posted and someone said it was written in a missparker style and I was like… am I so predictable?! But no, I think it was a compliment. Anyway, my style is domestic and character focused and probably someone is gonna drink coffee and probably someone is gonna go pee and probably it’s gonna start with song lyrics.

Thanks, @sarking!

Get to know your fic writer! | ask box

[keepthedelta]

“y'all acting like it's been said Daniel is the worst person alive and should be dead and is basically Hitler”

sorry the timing of this is lowkey funny to me because I just saw someone being called out on Twitter for saying that supporting Daniel is like supporting hitler in 1946 which is.. a take

Anyway you’re right, we don’t know these people and how they really act and he’s clearly not a perfect angel but at the same time I don’t think he’s just been fake nice for over a decade to the many people in the paddock who clearly like him as a person and think he’s kind. And i really don’t think he meant anything negative towards Jack in that comment because he has been very invested in his career just in general. But yeah, it really doesn’t matter that much either way

okay i'm responding to this because you've had the decency to at least put a name to your ask, but it is the last one i'll be answering on this matter.

the hitler comparison is clearly ridiculous, but i did not say that, nor did the person whose ask you're quoting from. the fandom space that you have cultivated is not representative of mine. all i said was that i thought he'd been mean in his interaction with jack, and i stand by it. whether they're friends or not, i personally felt that his comments were barbed, and frankly i think that jack doohan felt that way too, judging by his facial expressions.

you do not have to agree with me. the wonderful thing about the human experience is that different people have different interpretations of any singular event. you may look at that video and think it was completely normal, and that's fine. other people watched it and agreed with me. i don't know every single person who interacts with my posts personally, so i can't say whether they have an agenda against daniel or not, but i can say that i don't. i agree that i do not know him personally, although i actually have met him and at least some of my opinion is based off of that as well as the experiences of people i know who have met him, and i trust both them, and myself.

i also don't think that "people in the paddock like him and think that he's kind" is necessarily the argument that you think it is. because, well, have you seen who's in the paddock? i wouldn't exactly call them paragons of virtue or morality. i also think that sometimes people treat those who can be of use to them differently to the way they treat those they perceive to be inferior. just because daniel is nice to people in the paddock who can have a direct effect on his career does not mean that he treats everyone well.

and while i agree that my initial post didn't really mean that much - it was literally just an offhand comment i made while watching the broadcast and i deliberately didn't tag it because i didn't want to start discourse - i do think that the response matters. i think that the death threats and accusations of schizophrenia, the essays in my notes saying that i was targeting danny and wilfully spreading misinformation because i was so desperate to tear him down, i think there was even an accusation of cultural appropriation in there which was particularly wild to me, i think that stuff does matter. and i hope that you are in the inboxes of those people telling them that one person having a different opinion of a millionaire is not important too

#asks #that's all folks there will be no more commentary on danny ric

[gendercriminals]

Seeing ppl being so receptive to your post abt rage feels amazing. It's frustrating to be angry even around my loved ones who know I'm expressing it in a healthy way, bc they've been taught any expression of rage and anger inherently means I'm a physical threat which then they tend to reflexively try to make me mask.

(Expression in my case: grimacing, showing anger in voice, angry sighs, breathing exercises instead of letting it build.)

So yeah, I'm glad others are getting it and at least trying to fight their reflexive urge to shove it down or telling others to not express said anger in safe/healthy ways.

-kingfaggot/Cam

It took a second to be able to put together the words to respond to this - but I gotta start out with saying I’m so glad that my post has been helping out, and that others have found a comfort in it, even if it’s just in the solidarity.

I have to say, all my thoughts after this aren’t even even fully going into the fact that this is so often the reaction perceived anger, too. It’s an inherent habit of white people to paint people of color as hyper-aggressive, to the point where any negative feelings are painted as anger/rage/frustration/ect. To the point where even having boundaries to keep can feel dangerous because you have to enforce them, and white people are so fucking FRAGILE.

That being said; I think there’s a lot to say about the weird culture of toxic-positivity in the way it relates to anger/frustration/irritation/ect. And that only doubles down more and more if you’re marginalized, especially if you’re a man or masc person of color; because the backlash against your feelings is physically dangerous in the wrong circumstances.

Anger deserves a place in life, it deserves to be felt and worked through like any other feeling - sometimes it deserves to just be sat with until it passes, too, again like any other feeling. The scrambling to mask it or force others to repress and suppress it helps no one.

#Racism tw #Racism cw #Transandrophobia #<- Cause it counts #Also your url/username is fucking banger #Answering Askings

[seawitchkaraoke]

So cool how positive modelling can turn an annoying person into? A much less annoying person? It’s great!

There’s a guy I play basketball with (through a sports program of my university) who I found sooo annoying when I first met him. Dude constantly critsized his teammates, especially the ones he perceived as not being as good as him (which was a perceiption at least partially based on sexism, considering how many tips me and the other female-read ppl got). He tried to explain very basic basketball concepts to me (I’ve been playing for like 15 years). He was... loud and condescending and seemed to think he knew better than everyone else and also that you should critizise your teammates for bad plays rather than encourage the good plays (while yourself not always making good plays). Basically the kind of guy I’ve always hated playing with.

In a context, mind you, that is entirely for fun. A lot of us play specifically through the uni course rather than joining a club, bc we don’t want that toxic competetiveness.

He was annoying. He was also 19 which.... when I learnt that I was like oh. Oh you’re an overexcited kid. maybe you can be taught.

Now, there’s a lot of regulars in this course, a lot of us have known each other for a while and established a pretty positive way of playing, where you hype the plays that work, compliment the ideas behind ones that could have worked but didn’t, generally encourage each other (including the opposing team! Like sure a bit of joking trashtalk is fair game but only in the sense of “haha I made that shot right in your face,, I’m so good” and not “haha wow you’re so bad at defending”. Like hype yourself up, don’t put them down).

And we just. Kept doing that. Didn’t enage with his negativity much (well I did tell him to stop fucking telling me how to play to which he reacted with a kinda confused look and said he was just joking around (he was. but in an annoying mansplainy way and i was tired of it) but then actually didn’t do it again)

And now, this past monday I was on a team with him again for the first time in ages which made me finally really see the changes (bc honestly I kinda tune him out when he’s not on my team). And they were huge changes! He’s still loud and overexcited which is fine,, but he no longer tries to tell the rest of us how to play, no longer acts like he knows best, no longer critizises bad plays (well there was a single one that I noticed, but like. We’ll forgive that one,, especially since he did not say it aggressively). He hypes the good moves and says “it happens” or “better luck next time” or “good idea though!” at the shots that fail.

He still plays a bit selfish, and he still likes his trashtalk but it’s all a lot less toxic and it makes me really happy, I actually enjoyed playing with him! Can you imagine! He can be taught!

#positive modelling #basketball #also just to state this right we didn't have a group discussion on how to teach him manners or anything like that #we just kept doing what we already were doing #and either ignored or kind of shook our heads at his toxic shit #and apparently? just that was enough? #incredible #i think he'd probably learnt that type of culture fromthe clubs he'd played basketball in before #and we just went nah we're not doing this here and slowly but surely he got the message

[ina-nis]

I started reading about Schema Therapy again and, as any CBT-based approach, it does overlook external factors in the name of individualizing issues.

“Is your lifetrap (schema) true, or are you just validating it because you’re resisting change, since change is a long and painful process?”

It assumes issues started and stopped in someone’s childhood, when, for many people, trauma, neglect and more, are an ongoing, life-long process.

The lifetraps of marginalized people, for example, don’t stop after they reach adulthood, they may continue indefinitely.

Well, by all means, shove your head up your ass and blame yourself for not being able to cope. I still think it’s not your fault and even if you manage to, somehow, “change” these lifetraps, you’ll still have to deal with them out there - it’s just how you react to it that will be different.

Who are these many authors of these books and studies, the people who invented these theories and therapies? Modern psychotherapy was founded by white cis men. Psychology as a field is extremely fatphobic, queerphobic and racist, among other things. You don’t even have to dig too deep to find anything.

I am... mad at myself because, on one hand, yes, this is yet another way to throw sand and bury any resemblance of healing just to prove my brain “right”, and in the other hand, all of those things are true too!

“If your lifetrap is true even after you assessed pros and cons, what can you do to change it?”

That is a very good question actually.

It brings me back to one of my first questions: when is society fixing itself?

Because it’s very “easy” for me to “blame” myself for not being able to withstand “perceived” suffering and harm caused by other individuals or by society, or by a system in which I was born and put on against my will. Yeah, yeah, I’m blaming society instead of taking the blame myself - it does make me take part of the blame, since I am part of society.

What’s really infuriating is that me and others like me, and any other person who suffers under whatever the fuck is going on, are the ones that have the burden of “fixing” themselves to be able to “fit in” - believe me, we wouldn’t need to fix anything if we weren’t treated as second-rate humans, or not human at all. I could go on, honestly.

Of course, other people won’t lift a finger or do anything - they’re not the ones suffering, they’re benefiting from the system (until they aren’t, and then, we’re all on the same sinking boat).

I would’ve not developed a PD if I had an well-adjusted family, if I didn’t grow up and lived in poverty, if I haven’t had experienced so much rejection in so many aspects of my life ever since I can remember, and much more.

How many stories just like mine out there?

How many people fell under the cracks and could never see themselves out?

Even if we manage to “fix” or change our circumstances, doesn’t that just mean we’re more resilient to suffering? Or more numb?

No amount of focus on good experiences will make the bad go away. Even if you manage to stop focusing on the bad ones, it doesn’t mean they’ll stop hurting you - it’s likely they never will, you just “cope”.

Is it me being overly pessimistic or negative about good outcomes when I know these outcomes are very much conditional and require a lot of luck?

Is it really me being “treatment-resistant” when I’m able to rationalize my symptoms and being unable to fool my brain by gaslighting myself into seeing the “gooder good out there in spit of the bad”?

If anything, at least I know this is better than avoidance, so I’ll take it but... it’s still really hard to keep on going in blind. I still don’t know what to do or where to go. I sit here in my suffering and I write about it more and more, because I hope I’ll find a solution or an answer or anything that can change my life.

#inanis post