#or at least a somewhat different kind of complex?

[avisisisis]

Seeing people saying that Satoru doesn't actually care about Suguru and that the only reason Kenjaku caught him was bc he was surprised to see a person he killed alive is fucking wild, man

Like. Gojo's entire life revolves around Geto. The entire series happens because he loved Suguru too much to kill him, even though he knew he would have to do it eventually. The world literally went to shit because he wasn't over him

Geto Suguru's life would be completely unimportant to the story without Gojo Satoru, and Gojo Satoru's would be completely unimportant without Geto Suguru. They complement each other. They need each other

Two male betta fishes can't coexist. They will fight and one will die. They can't see each other — even if they're in different tanks, they won't be able to live. They'd eventually tire each other out, resulting in death. The only way for Satoru and Suguru's lives to be able to continue without the other would've been for them to never have met at all. And they can't be together. Not now, not ever again. Not while they're still alive. Not after everything that's happened

The entire story revolves around their relationship. Yuuji is a boy who ate a curse('s finger[s]), and Megumi is the prodigy who befriends him. Satoru is a prodigy, the strongest, and Suguru, the boy whose technique is eating curses, befriends him. The Jujutsu Kaisen story is all about parallels and they all connect to fucking Satosugu. It's all about them

The only reason Kenjaku's plan worked is because the body he used didn't belong to some random person Gojo killed, it worked because the body he used was Geto Suguru's, Gojo's one and only, his best friend. He must be thinking “Thank god they're gay” right now lmao

Gojo fucking hesitated. He hesitated multiple times when it came to Geto. He was supposed to kill him, yet he let him go. He has the Six Eyes, he could've easily tracked him down. He probably could tell if he was nearby (he can recognize Suguru from his scent) and just didn't go looking for him. And he could've so very easily escaped the trap that was set up for him, he was going to run away from it because we see him about to take that step but then Suguru's body shows up and says “Yo, Satoru!” with Suguru's voice and Satoru freezes and hesitates

They weren't able to let go of each other even after years of being separated (like a decade). When they meet, Suguru still greets Satoru warmly

Suguru is pretty much Satoru's moral code. He was the only person Satoru took at least mildly seriously pre-Toji (and we know Satoru just didn't do serious back then). He actually took his words to heart. He was kind, of course (especially from Suguru's PoV, since he's the person that knows him most), and not a bad person, but he wasn't nice. Suguru was always the ‘nice(r) one’, the one who actually had a moral code, while Satoru was more of an asshole to literally everyone and everything (some more, some less), thinking he and Suguru were above everyone else

When Suguru finally snaps (which, honestly. Fair) and goes genocidal (not so fair), Satoru slowly starts to be somewhat nicer and starts applying Suguru's old moral code to his own being — their roles weren't exactly reversed, but now they're not together anymore, so they might as well be. And Suguru was shown for having faith in the school and its system while it was Satoru the one who absolutely abhorred the higher-ups and all kinds of authority, but then it ended up with Suguru being the one to leave and become a cult leader with the blood of hundreds on his hands while Satoru was the one that stayed behind in the same place of the people he despises so much

(Imagine someone saying something like “Sometimes I doubt you even have a moral code” and Gojo answers with “Oh, my best friend my one and only is pretty much my moral code. He went homicidal a while back but it's okay haha” “...Actually, that explains a few things”)

Gojo doesn't have a god complex, but I wouldn't blame him if he did. I mean, he might as well be the closest thing to god human beings have ever seen. He used to put himself above everyone else, when he was a teenager. He thought that, the higher he was, the more he could do. And no one was better than him. But not Suguru. Back then, it wasn't “I'm the strongest” it was “We're the strongest and “We're the best” and “We're the ones that will beat you” and “We're the duo” and it was all about “us, us, us, us, us” instead of “me, me, me, me” like people thought it was — they were a pair. They still are

We know people thought and still think of Gojo as a weapon. As something that must be controlled, because on the moment he decides he doesn't want to be around them anymore, he could just straight up kill then without any effort (but getting rid of people in positions of power only gets other people in positions of power and it'll be a neverending story, and Gojo knows this so he's trying to do his best to fix it all through the younger generation, by letting them live). And we also know that Suguru is one of the very few people who did not believe that at all

Like their personalities and characters and stories and literally everything, their names complement each other. Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru are such similar names, I get them mixed up all the time (the amount of times I've called them “Gojo Suguru” and “Geto Satoru” is embarassing. Also, “Saturu”. “Goto”. “Gejo”. Ugh). Both of their last names start with a G, end with an O and have 4 letters. Both of their given names start with an S, end with an U and have 6 letters. They complement each other. They need each other

The only times we've seen Gojo with an expression of actual pure, raw emotion is when it's about Geto. When he finds out about what Geto did, when he realizes how thin and wrong Geto looks, when he sees him again for what we assume to be the first time in years, when he dies, when a thing wearing his corpse and using his voice greets him (“Yo, Satoru!” oh my god)

Suguru was able to fight back when in Kenjaku's control after Satoru said his name. Kenjaku himself says that had never happened before

And you don't even have to see them as romantic. You don't have to ship them if you don't want to. But you can't deny that they care about each other more than they will ever care about anyone else

#hey is it whose or who's #how do those words work???? english is so confusing sometimes smh #jujutsu kaisen #satosugu #they love each other your honor #jjk #jjk manga spoilers #kenjaku #satoru gojo #gojo satoru #geto suguru #suguru geto #gay #this is kinda long haha #but they deserve the longest of paragraphs #edit: i changed this a little bc my dumbass self said gojo had a god complex #i didn't actually know what a god complex is. mb #edit: i'm proud to say this is pretty much my best post

[fanfic-obsessed]

Not the Mama...or the Father

This takes place in a universe where Jango Fett survived Geonosis AND where Palpatine is defeated without Order 66 coming into being (the chips still existed, yes that is important).  

After the war ends there is an absolute legal quagmire regarding the clones. Their origins (Possibly commissioned by the Jedi, a Republic Entity, outside of Republic Space, on Kamino, using the DNA of a Non Republic Citizen for a Republic Army, paid for by means that no one has been able to identify-presumably illegal and/or embezzled) mean that acknowledging their sentience also means that everyone involved broke so many laws that prosecution would take a decades. This compounded by the fact that it is an all or nothing kind of situation, on paper the Jedi who did their best were tied to those crimes just as thoroughly as senators who abused the Guard.  While the Jedi, as a whole, would be willing to face that prosecution if it meant the clones would be considered sentient, they had rather less power than the Senators who did not want to face their crimes.  In the end the only way to get the support for the Clone Rights bill was to add a clause that the bill would not be considered retroactive. The clones would be considered sentient after the bill was turned into law but could not seek any kind of reparations, back pay, or even acknowledgement that their rights had been violated prior to the law. 

NOTE: It horrified everyone (though it should be acknowledged that the Jedi and the Clones were horrified for very different reasons than many of the Senate) when the Coruscant Guard successfully sued a number of Republic Senators, their aides, and several citizens for ‘sexual abuse of a non sentient’(It was a very odd lawsuit where Thire, who had taken to law with a frightening passion, was able to argue that the Clones could bring the suit as their own owners, since being sentient with a start start date essentially meant that they now owned themselves and the laws around abuse of non sentients are written so that new owners can sue past owners for abuse-written so that animal abuse could be fully prosecuted even years after the fact).  Criminal charges were even filed, though it was harder to get those charges through the system.

Jango Fett, due both to the Clones legal tangle and how it had to be resolved, could not be brought up on charges for his part in the creation of the clones, their training, and the chips. None of it was technically illegal.  The fact that all of the clones looked like him meant anyone who did not know better tended to consider the clones his children. At first Jango was just as quick to correct people, somewhat violently.  

However as more and more clones began to distinguish themselves he started to play into it. Saying how proud he was of his children and that his genetics must have been superior (incidentally giving Boba more than one complex in the process). Most of the clones have no idea what to do with this behavior, since acknowledgement by Prime was something that almost all of them wanted as children. Also he wasn’t really acknowledging any clone in particular.  He was simply soaking up the accolades of being associated with so many driven, accomplished people.

Though the Commander batches tended to be the most well known, every batch of clones had at least one or two members that distinguished themselves in a positive manner. 

Then comes the very public wedding of Commander Bly and Aayla Secura. While the two are very much in love it is also a political/PR move. The scandal of the Amidala/Skywalker marriage left the galaxy with a very skewed view of the Jedi and marriage.  The fact that Skywalker would go on to tell anyone who would listen that he was kicked out for falling in love made the issue worse.  (Commander Cody and Obi Wan were also considered for this PR move, however they were not quite at the point where they wanted to get married, also Anakin’s…reactions to the scandal of his marriage left some scars for Obi Wan. It would be quite some time before being perceived by a large crowd of beings-with the exclusion of the Jedi or the clones- would be something Obi Wan could tolerate) 

Though the Jedi wedding traditions are typically a private affair, with permission of the happy couple every tradition would be made into a public spectacle with explanations for the traditions. One such tradition is that a parental figure (generally the Master if it is a Jedi) for each member of those getting married would escort their children down the aisle, as it were. This was a way for the parental figure to signal their support, or at least acceptance, of the marriage. Within this tradition it was very noticeable when a particular parental figure did not show up…or was not invited. 

The public nature of the ceremony meant that Jango knew when and where to show up. He did not think much that he was not specifically invited, having bought into his own propaganda of being the father of the Clones. He arrives at the staging area, Boba in tow, to loudly announce that he was there to walk Bly down the aisle.  Very publicly. 

All preparation stopped for a moment, a silence descending that almost echoed. Then Bly scoffed loud enough to be captured by the recording equipment (Every moment of each tradition was being recorded by no less than three recording crews at all times, currently there are six recording the lead up to the ceremony). 

Derision dripped from every syllable coming from Bly’s mouth, “Why should I care about your approval of my life partner” (harkening back to the meaning behind the tradition).

Jango spluttered about being Bly’s parent.

Bly tilted his head, eyes distant as if looking into the past, “What was it you said, when you heard Ponds ask Alpha-17 for a name?” 

Jango looked perplexed, clearly not remembering the interaction. 

Wolffe stepped from crowd, “you said, ‘livestock doesn’t need a name’”

 Cody took his place at Bly’s side ‘You are no parent to us, you lost that title when you sold us.’

Bly nodded along, “Cody is walking me down the aisle (In the background Alpha grumbles that it is only because Cody is tricky little shit. All the clones in the room smother a grin as Cody shoots Alpha a smug smile-NOTE: There was a duel/tournament between fifteen Alpha and CC clones that were considered ‘older’ than Bly on who got the honor of escorting him down the aisle, since the explanation of what constituted a parent left them with the firm belief that any clone that is older than you could be considered such) and you, Prime, are not welcome. Go back to the son you claimed.”

The galaxy at large absolutely ate up the ‘You are not my father’ drama, which frankly served to humanize the clones, and their assorted Jedi, better than anything else.

#star wars #star wars the clone wars #fanfiction prompt #obi wan kenobi #star wars au #codywan #anidala #Anidal was a scandal #the clones deserved better #the clones #commander cody #commander wolffe #blyla #commander bly #tcw #the clone wars #Bad Parent Jango Fett #jango fett #Jango Fett Critical #alpha 17 #commander thire #jedi order respected #Anakin is not there #but he haunts the narrative #in that he is a problem for everyone who knows him

[comradekatara]

Ok we should talk more about sokka and aang because these two dumbasses are adorable together! Underrated relationship

The gag with Katara and blind Toph in season 3 is still the funniest scene in the series lol

yeah their friendship very cute. i like how when they're left to their own devices their respective adhd tendencies combine, that feels very true to my relationships with my friends who also have adhd lol. it's also just really adorable how through aang's sheer lovability, sokka learns to loosen up a little and appreciate life (somewhat, sometimes) in a more relaxed, content way. aang is a really good and highly valuable influence on everyone around him, especially as he counteracts the logic of war and its necessity for violence, which is an ideology sokka not only heavily subscribes to, but to which he attaches his very personhood. aang reminds sokka that he is still a child (he reminds katara of this too, but it happens in the literal pilot, whereas sokka's journey to literally enjoying himself ever is far more gradual and grueling). aang reminds sokka that he is human.

that said, i do think that people tend to be reductive when talking about the value of their relationship. not to single you out specifically, but i do kind of take umbrage with the notion (perhaps unintentional) that all their dynamic is good for is being adorable and funny. calling them "dumbasses" because they can be silly and goofy sometimes, or scatterbrained and absent-minded. i genuinely think that aang and sokka constitute one of the most interesting foils in the entire show. normally when we talk about character foils, we talk about characters who are positioned in opposition to each other, but aang and sokka are fascinating because they're allies (and friends) who nonetheless approach the same problem with the same intentions and the same goals but from completely different angles.

in many ways, sokka is aang's most distinct opposite. but first, to address their similarities: they're both victims of a genocidal imperialist project that has burdened them with a responsibility to their people that they are too young and barely equipped to handle; they are both expected to shoulder this burden easily by those around them due to their nature as "gifted" child prodigies with distinctly unique skillset and an unprecedented ability to absorb and apply new information that they learn at a genuinely abnormal rate (remember that aang is not just the avatar, but an incredibly prodigious avatar at that; he mastered all four elements within less than a year by the age of twelve, whereas most avatars take at least another four years to master their elements); they are both the "leaders" of their small guerrilla militia of child soldiers, and they take turns giving each other guidance and trusting and following the other's lead; they both consider katara the central figure in their lives and love her with an almost obsessive devotion; they both repress their grief and other unpalatable emotions through humor and constant distraction, and sometimes even depersonalize entirely when they feel that their goal is more important than retaining their humanity (sokka does this more frequently, but when aang does it, it's more blatant); and of course, they both harbor massive guilt complexes for the devastating tragedies (largely beyond their control) that have shaped their lives, and are constantly replaying those moments of "failure" as that of acute shame to motivate themselves as they strive to rectify and "atone" for their past errors.

so, as you can see, reducing their friendship to "adorable dumbasses" is already not very interesting. to me, the best aang and sokka scenes aren't the ones wherein they are playing and goofing around together. those scenes are sweet and charming, of course, but the best aang and sokka scenes are the ones wherein sokka is positioned as the logical consequence of aang's grief. wherein present-day sokka becomes the worst case scenario for a hypothetical future aang. in many ways, their friendship is incredibly bittersweet, because it is also punctuated by moments wherein sokka threatens aang's entire value system and quote-unquote "innocence" through attempting to mold him into a Man Of War the way he does those hapless toddlers in his village. for all that sokka is remarkably open-minded and receptive to new ideas, he cannot see past the limits of the world he was born into and the mechanisms and assumptions of violence he was forced to internalize and embody. aang is, of course, totally unique in his ability to not only envision a world beyond the war (i would argue that katara has the ability to do this as well), but also to have actually experienced it. and so it is truly a testament to aang's resilience that he is almost entirely impervious to sokka's ruthless, militaristic logic, even as sokka constantly attempts to enforce it.

i have a much longer post in my drafts about how aang and sokka are positioned in "the serpent's pass" (one of their best episodes in terms of their dynamic, also just a highly underrated episode in general), so i'm not gonna get too much into it here, but katara's relationship to aang as paralleled with suki's relationship to sokka is really fascinating in this episode for the ways in which it also positions katara's grief over witnessing aang's attempt to detach himself from his grief to focus on his goals and aang slipping into "sokkahood," and the absolutely devastating implications of what that must mean for katara. i think there's a strong case, in general, for the reading of katara attempting to replace her lost childhood (with sokka) through aang as he represents a vehicle for her overly idealized nostalgia (much like how zuko projects onto aang and views him as a vehicle to return to that site of his overly idealized childhood), and thus, quite literally, replacing sokka with aang. to katara, aang possesses what sokka has since lost, or perhaps something he never got the chance to have in the first place. and that isn't to say that katara views aang as a brother, but rather that katara longs for companionship in any form, and what is aang if not the ideal companion? so aang's grief and rage scares her not only because it pains her to see someone she loves so deeply in so much pain, but also because it reflects her own pain back at her, as someone who has lost so much, including family members (also including kanna and hakoda) who are, ostensibly (at least physically), still alive.

one of the most fascinating scenes between sokka and aang in the entire show is when sokka straight up attacks aang for burning katara in "the deserter." katara is very clearly affected by this beyond simply the physical pain; being burned by the weapon that killed her mother is explicitly triggering for her, and she retreats into herself and sobs like a child (she is a child, but you know what i mean. an even younger child). and sokka in turn is triggered by katara being triggered, because his entire existence revolves around his oath to protect her, and she was just hurt by the one person to whom she stakes all her hope and pride and joy and affection above all. aang obviously understands the gravity of this accident immediately; it of course wasn't intentional, but he nonetheless takes full accountability and apologizes sincerely. but sokka only calms down somewhat once he knows for certain that katara is okay. and instead of going to find katara as she sobs, he spends all his focus on yelling at aang, throwing him to the ground, more furious than we have ever seen him. and in a way, it's clear that he's also furious at himself, for having let his guard down around and trusted aang, and for his failure to perform his primary duty, protecting his sister. the fulcrum of aang and sokka's relationship is, necessarily, katara. she is the force that brings them together, and the person who is most important to either of them, but she also person who connects them in her mind, and so our perceptions of them as the audience are primarily informed by her perception of them as the narrator.

moreover, sokka's advocacy for killing zuko (in "the siege of the north") and ozai (in "sozin's comet") constitute two more fascinating scenes with aang, for the way in which sokka does not even find the act of killing something to flinch at, let alone an absolute betrayal of core principles and values the way aang does. killing is simply not something sokka feels guilty about, despite the fact that he seems to carry guilt over simply existing a lot of the time. and that juxtaposition, between aang and sokka playing together, of sokka learning how to have fun and entertain his little friend, versus sokka chastising aang for refusing to commit murder, is what makes their relationship so compelling. when people reduce their dynamic to its most comedic and innocent mode, they are reducing their roles as they embody two opposing relationships to violence, and how that reflects their ideological positions as someone who has subscribed to imperialist logic insofar as his values have been shaped by war, as opposed to someone who knows through his own experiences to refute that logic by any means necessary. when we talk about aang helping sokka to regain his humanity, it is crucial to understand specifically how sokka lost his humanity in the first place, but also why aang specifically is so crucial in counterbalancing his logic in a way no one else alive actually can.

ultimately, if sokka represents the voluntary auto-dehumanization of the colonized subject, then aang represents the potential of preservation and even reclamation of humanity and the imaginative potential of a world[view] beyond those colonial limits. their ideological conflict is not simply one of what it means to be human within a colonized paradigm, but what it means to exist at all.

#lilith-91 #asks #aang&sokka #analysis #aang #sokka #katara #under a readmore again bc i ended up writing a bajillion paragraphs (again) #also sorry for getting kind of existential with it #again obligatory disclaimer that i recognize that this is a nickelodeon y-7 cartoon #that said. i do think aang and sokka are really deep characters. like truly #and i want to honor that properly #(when i finish that serpents pass essay its over for u hoes...) #anyway. i love them so much. they are so much more than adorable dumbasses. #although yeah they are that too

[lightlycareless]

Okay but.. what if Satoru is her ex and now she is with Naoya because she was cheated on👉👈

IS THIS FOR THE HIGHSCHOOL AU? CAUSE IF IT IS I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR FEEDING MY ADDICTION.

Anyways, this add a whole new layer of complexity to Y/N and Naoya's relationship. I was toying with the idea of Y/N already having a boyfriend, or more like a crush, but tHIS omg....

So I rewrote this like 3-4 times, and at first I was like I don’t want to be angsty, but then I thought well, if Y/N was cheated on then it can’t be anything but angsty, because it’s a huge breach of trust, you know?

And thus, everything else occurred. I think I might've gotten carried away and I'm not sure if this is what you wanted.... but hey, it's what came to me :') I hope you like it nonetheless!

warnings: mentions of cheating, people being jerks, insecurities, that kind of stuff. it's sad at first, but I like to think it gets sweet at the end.

Let’s set up the bases: the one that would take the first step in terms of seeking a relationship with the other would be Naoya—since cheating was involved, Satoru is/must’ve been a jerk (well, he is known for being insufferable, but still)

Once that’s set…

The first time you stepped into Naoya’s life would be through the sprouting rumors of Satoru’s “love life.”

Nothing that he’d be able to keep a secret due to his popularity, if anything many thought it was surprising this hadn’t come out far earlier, but now that it was out, many of his “admirers” could do nothing but gossip about it. Amongst them, Naoya.

Naoya wasn’t necessarily the same type of admirer as the others—not… that infatuated. But he still wanted to be around him, since he considered Satoru to be on the same level as him, the same… social circle, per say. And because he thought himself to be somewhat remotely similar, he also needed to keep up with whatever he did.

So, when he heard that he used to a have a girlfriend, it was… well, shocking to say the least. And not because anyone thought he couldn’t get a partner, of course not, but rather, because he actually settled down for once.

And because that meant Satoru had gotten a girlfriend first before him, and that was… upsetting, to say the least.

But pushing that aside, he quickly became determined in finding out who was the “lucky” girl that managed to capture Satoru’s attention, enough for him to consider her for a formal relationship, and of course, why it ended.

Because of Satoru’s reputation, and the fact that he was single yet again, many began to assume that the reason why they broke up was because she didn’t “satisfy” him adequately.

That she was probably “boring” or couldn’t comply with his “extravagant” lifestyle. The girls sure were having the time of their life imagining how they’d be better suited for him, essentially allowing him a life of debauchery, while the boys were more inclined into meeting the one that managed to “catch” him.

Thus, Naoya’s search for Satoru’s ex-girlfriend begins.

He has a notion, something to begin with: for sure pretty, because let’s be real, Naoya doesn’t know anyone that would date someone they didn’t consider absolutely stunning. She just must be.

From there, someone that matches his prestige, meaning, rich; unless he decided to go a completely different route and choose someone a bit more… humble, but he doesn’t think so. Naoya knows how the game goes, old money must be preserved, and others outside of that social circle tended to not blend in, so he doesn’t believe Satoru would’ve bothered.

But anyways, Naoya would find soon enough; all that he needed to do is ask around, maybe even nag Satoru a bit so he’d tell himself… to confirm the horrible image she had thanks to the sour opinions’ others began to have of his ex-girlfriend, Naoya intending to do the same once uncovering her identity…

Until he finally saw her.

She’d been right under his nose all this time, a somewhat quiet yet giddy girl from another class, one year younger than him, who’d occasionally be teased by his seniors for the sole reason of being “overprotected” by her siblings, also students at the school, or were anyway, one of them already graduated.

A girl named Y/N, whom upon getting a better look at her… found her to be incredibly cute.

And the vivid contrast of what he believed.

He couldn’t believe it.

Naoya truly couldn’t believe his eyes. He always thought that if Satoru had broken up with her was because she… well, because she was a bit mundane, right? That had to be. There was no synergy, no good reason for him to stick around…

But the reality had been so much different. You—you were someone that he could only consider captivating given the way he couldn’t get his eyes off you. And because he always considered himself to be somewhat in Satoru’s level, meaning that they’d have similar tastes and what not… 

Naoya couldn’t fathom why he’d ever leave you.

For what little he’d seen of you, Naoya could easily disclose you were someone alluring.

So, Naoya decides to go forward with his plan, in the sense of approaching you to get to know you better. However, with a small change: not to divulge on you negatively, but rather, because he genuinely wants to do so…

And the surprise he receives is far bigger than he could’ve ever imagined; he hoped to find (yet again) something that would make you unlikeable, something to justify Satoru’s decision, maybe an annoying mannerism, a nasty habit, or just— anything, really.

But all that he finds… is things that pull him further and further into you. And soon, not only did he find you likeable, but also, wishing for something more… intimate between the two.

Starting by wanting to spend most, if not all, of his time with you. Getting to hear your voice talking about no particular topic—and it didn’t matter how, either. It could be a phone call, or in person—he just wanted to be the focus of your attention.

Or getting to see your face too. To see so first thing in the morning, or last thing at night, sounds amazing to him. Seek you out at soon as his classes are done, eat lunch together, (maybe even let you feed him? No, at least not in public) or do homework together. Since he’s already taken your classes, he’s more than happy to help you out, if it meant you’d praise him as sweetly as you’ve always done.

The thought is enough to make him blush—and with this, it’s clear that Naoya wants you to be his, and solely his.

Even if his skepticism about Satoru and his decision to dump you went on, it didn’t matter.

You were incredible, you are incredible. The girl of his dreams…. And if Satoru couldn’t see that, then he was a fool!

It was set then, he’d make you his girlfriend, treat you like no other has, and the two will be happy together, hopefully forever!

Or so… that’s what he wished would happen. Because his plans would only come to a screeching halt when you’d reject his sentiments, with a saddened face that more than portraying sorrow, displayed disappointment, gently shaking your head as you murmur.

“I’m sorry, but… I can’t”

And so, that’s how Naoya’s dreams would come to cease, with an abrupt rejection that left him hollow, voice of a heart, as he saw you further and further walking away from him, until you were no longer there, absent for the coming days.

But even when he was given more than enough reason to no longer seek you, Naoya couldn’t keep his mind off you. And every second of the day, whether at school or at home, all that he kept wondering was why you’d rejected him.

Why had you taken such a decision, and without even looking like you were considering it?

Had it been something he’d done? Did someone tell you something unsavory about him? If that’s the case, he can fix that. He can easily explain whatever it was, deal with whoever had done such a thing, so you’d talk to him again!

But… more than devastated by your rejection, he was deeply, incredibly infuriated.

Because rejection wasn’t something that Naoya took easily. For someone as egocentric as him, this was not something he could ever overcome as an unfortunate but common occurrence and just move on.

And with the previous notions he had of you through Satoru’s “friends” … those sentiments just grew bigger and bigger.

Thus, it wouldn’t take long before he approached you once more, but this time, with intentions of demanding to know why you had rejected him in the first place—all with a look on his face that made you flinch, never thinking him capable of such… harsh reaction.

But even after being suitably spooked, and consistently insisted on by Naoya, you eventually respond, at least with what you could muster so as to not appear any more vulnerable with him.

“Because I don’t want to.” You murmur, looking down to the floor. Naoya frowns.

“There must be a reason. There must be an actual reason as to why you don’t want to—it can’t be just because of that.”

“It is.” You reiterate. “That’s all.”

“I don’t believe it.” He insists. “You always have something to say! Now you’re telling me you don’t?”

You frown, if his actions weren’t hurtful enough, his words now offended you.

“If you’re going to keep making fun of me, you can leave”

“Keep?” he asks. “What do you mean keep? If anything, you’d be the one making fun of me!”

“Don’t act like you don’t know… it’s the whole reason why you’re here, isn’t?” you say, now looking up to him and revealing the now sorrowful look of your reddening, watery eyes. Naoya is slightly taken aback by the sight, his heart slightly twinging with pain. “To make a fool of me again, right?”

“Where did you even get that ide—"

“Just answer one question—just one” You interrupt, voice trembling before swallowing, as if to ease the nerves growing inside you. “Are you friends with Satoru?”

He blinks, taken aback by your query, but he does not answer.

“Answer me, Naoya!” You challenged “Do you get along with him, yes or no?!”

…

…

…

“Yes.”

“I fucking knew it.” You breathe, clenching your hands. “I knew it—I knew it.”

“What are you—”

“Drop the act, Naoya! I’ve seen right through you!”

“What act? What are you—what are you even talking about, Y/N?”

“What all his friends do!” you gasp. “What they’ve been doing the moment they found out I used to date Satoru!”

“What do they… do…?” Naoya murmurs slowly. “What does that even have to do with my feelings for—”

“It has to do everything.” You gasp. “It has to do with everything!”

You thought you’d be able to get away from the horrible experience your rupture with Satoru had brought you; those nasty, dark sentiments that completely engulfed your heart, leaving you nothing but a shell of the person you were, if not worse.

All because Satoru had committed the worst transgression he could’ve done at that moment, something so horrible and painful for someone as young and naïve as you:

He cheated on you.

When it happened, it felt as if your heart was being pierced with a thousand needles, twisted and pulled apart, before breaking up in a thousand pieces, settling in your chest to constantly inundate your mind, before drowning your voice with nothing but cries and tears.

And no matter how much you tried to move past this painful incident, think about anything else, your mind always brought you back to the horrible sight of Satoru being in the arms of someone else—and each time it just hurt worse.

Because after all was said and done, you truly cared for him. Far than just care for him, genuinely thought him to be your… other half, the love of your life. The man you’d end up marrying in the future!

Could you be blamed? He was your first serious relationship, and he had been the one to make a move at first… believing it was the start of your own love story, just as you’ve seen repeated over and over in the world around you.

But it wasn’t, and now, you’re here, left behind, in solitude, to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.

Your family would try to comfort you by telling you that this was just a one-time incident, that it was not your fault as you began to believe, that this was his decision, his fault, and that there was nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all.

Reaffirming that love still exists, even though it seemed almost impossible to think of at that moment, because after all, you had your mom and dad as an example—and most importantly, that pain will pass, you just have to give it time.

And perhaps because they insisted so much, or because you were always the hopeless romantic, you ended up trying your best to move on to a new day, think that the future had something better planned for you, that this was only a small stumble on the way, nothing more…

So, you began. One day at a time, surrounding yourself with your friends and family, people that had your wellbeing in mind; And it seemed to work, you began to feel a bit better, start expecting a better outcome for the coming days…

Until you met someone that began to show interest in you, far more than just a friend that is, and seemed to demonstrate so with his actions. He was charming, to say the least, funny, got along with everyone else, but was also very attentive to you, always making you feel special.

You didn’t want to think much of it at first, the scars in your heart reminding you to do so… but your poor heart began to think that maybe your parents were right in saying that “someone better always comes along.” That first comes the storm, and then… peace.

At last, it was finally your turn. It was finally the moment to meet the love of your life, the one that would make the rest of your days whole, and stop feeling lonely, as you’ve always felt.

Only to be proved wrong when you went on searching through his phone by accident after hearing it ring and ring, and he was away.

You thought it an emergency, the only reason why you’d ever do such thing… but the moment you did, you damned ever considering it such, for why he was being pestered over the phone wasn’t because his family needed him, or maybe some overdue project his teammates desperately needed to finish—it’s because he was disclosing all that he was doing with you with someone else, with a group… and making fun of it.

No—not making fun of the things he was doing.

Making fun of you.

Of the apparently silly ways you’d react, the stupid things you liked—but most importantly, wondering why Satoru ever considered you to be his girlfriend, when it was obvious with this past evidence, that you were nothing of the like. If anything, you got cheated on because you deserved it.

Because a boring girl like you probably deserved it.

And this shattered whatever was left of your poor heart, further secluding yourself from those outside of your social circle, quick to interject anyone that you’d sense had other intentions with you, hoping to save yourself from the pain—

Until Naoya came along.

There was something about him that immediately caught your attention, something you’ve never felt before, not even those jerks that attempted to befriend you—maybe it was his unusual hair color, the cool piercings on his ear, or simply because you found him handsome—that you couldn’t keep your eyes off him for too long. A fascination that worsened when you began to know him.

At first you thought he approached you because he noticed you staring at him, which caused you to be very, very tense when he began walking over to you; but thankfully, it didn’t seem to be nothing of the like, instead, he apparently just wanted you to help him move something from the nearby classroom onto another, and any other things that might pop up on the way.

It was slow, the way Naoya would interact with you when doing so, almost as if hesitant; but it wouldn’t take long before he became a bit more assertive with his actions, to the point where you decided to ignore your warnings and begin to open up to him, sharing the things you liked, and finding out that the two harbored many similarities than what you initially perceived… certainly far bigger than what you had with those that had come before.

With Naoya, he didn’t seem to judge you—didn’t look at you as if you’d grown a second head or was simply following your lead to pursue dubious intentions. No. He was listening to you and was sharing his own with an interest you couldn’t consider anything less than genuine.

You didn’t want to admit it easily, didn’t want to betray your hard-set motivation in keeping away… but there was something about Naoya that made it impossible, and while debating whether to pursue this feeling or not, you decided to rely on your friends for advice—albeit deep inside, you were looking for their blessing.

But instead of receiving the words you wanted to hear, those pushing you to follow your heart, you got a crude, cold reality check that quickly reminded you that your heartache had yet to end, and if anything, Satoru’s friends had just gotten more creative.

Satoru had no direct correlation with what was happening to you, for during your time is when you came to realize that someone with his status and power was bound attract lots of attention, and certainly… followers, whom ready to dissect every little aspect of his life—you included.

But was it really that hard to tell them to stop? To leave you alone? That even when you were the one that ended things, he was the one that wronged you, thus, you’ve already gone through enough?

Of course, that was something that fate wouldn’t grant you so easily, if ever. To be constantly reminded of a mistake you did in your youth, for now, in the shape of the young man standing before you.

“I know the game; I’ve been a player for far too long.” You say. “And I don’t want to keep going at it if all I’m going to be is a loser.”

There’s a sadness in your voice that immediately deepens the growing pain in Naoya’s heart, and soon, all the anger and disappointment he had towards you is quickly discarded, replaced by worry.

Just… what happened between the two?

“What happened Y/N?” he begins. “What happened with you and Satoru?”

“Don’t act like you don’t—” you begin to snap.

“I don’t” Naoya interjects, shaking his head. “I really, genuinely don’t know.”

And whether by the look of his eye, or the softness in his voice, you take it as him being honest. Maybe your personal life wasn’t as divulged as you thought it was.

Well, he ought to know now or later, so why not cut the chase?

This might as well be your moment to set the record straight, if it even mattered at that point.

“Satoru cheated on me” you begin, having to say so out loud still makes your heart clench, especially since the last time you ever uttered those words when was the wound was still fresh. “I… found him with someone else one day, when he was supposed to be doing something else…

I broke up with him soon after that and kept my distance, for my sake. But then, someone started to spread rumors about what happened, twisting the story to their liking, but always portraying me as the bad one. The one that deserved to be cheated on, because the “great Gojo Satoru” could never do wrong. And if he did, it’s because of a very valid reason.”

“What?” Naoya breathes, blinking as if that were to pull him back to reality.

Did he hear you right?

All this time, you— you were the one that—

“What do you mean cheated—”

“You didn’t strike me as someone who wouldn’t know what that means.” You frown.

“No, I know what cheating is.” He responds. “What I can’t believe is—”

“That he dated me? Yes, I know. I’ve heard it a thousand times befo—"

“No. That’s not it.” Naoya shakes his head. “I can’t believe that he—"

That he cheated on you.

That Satoru would cheat with the most perfect, beautiful, funny, supportive, caring girl he’s ever met in his life? Do that to the girl Naoya has been unknowingly dreaming of for all his life, and now had the pleasure of meeting?

How could someone so vile as Satoru not understand the blessings you represented?

Well, that was a bit hypocritical of Naoya to say at first, since he too was a very difficult person at times… careless to the privileges his status had brought, even more with the people around him.

But now that he met you, he could finally see the error in his way. The… fault in the ideology he carried.

Because he could never find himself, not anymore, harming the one person he’d ever felt such strong feelings for.

Now he knew why mothers were so overprotective of their children, why partners would go above and beyond to ensure that the other is safe, loved, protected…

He never felt that sentiment before, never understood why people were so… sappy, cringy with others.

Until he met you.

Until he met you, did he understand why they’d do so in the first place, and it felt almost silly that he ever thought otherwise, when now all that he wants to do is be with you, give you the whole world, bring you down the stars, if it meant you’d be happy again.

And to think he even justified the nasty things people were saying about you.

He’s even ashamed to have ever belonged to their side.

“My feelings for you are true.” Is what Naoya would come to say. “Since the moment I saw you, I’ve always felt this… attraction to you; but when I finally got to know you better, the person you truly are, is when I knew that what I felt for you was much more than finding you pretty.”

“Naoya—” you sob, tears now falling down your cheeks, raising your hands to wipe them equally fast as they began to appear. “That’s not—Don’t take me for a fool—!”

“If you don’t believe me.” He begins, taking a step closer to you and attempting to grab one of your hands, you swat him away. “Then let me prove it to you.”

“I don’t want you to do any—”

“However long it takes, whatever I need to do” he insists, finally taking hold of your wrist. “I’ll show you how much you mean to me.”

Naoya then carefully raises one of his hands to your face, gently swiping away one of your tears as you remained there, speechless, but sad. He didn’t know where this uncharacteristic softness came from — certainly never have done so in his life with anyone else— only that it felt right to do so.

And you… you wouldn’t have allowed such thing if you didn’t harbor any kind of sentiments from him to begin with, his words giving you hope for something you’ve long thought lost… but because you were in such emotional turmoil of disbelief, you didn’t find it in yourself to make a decision at that moment, or allowing him to be near you like this, opting to free yourself out of Naoya’s grasp, quickly turning around and leaving him on the spot.

It was undeniable that you didn’t expect him to go through with his words, initially believing them to be nothing but a joke, something to get you to lower your guard, and if he did, it wouldn’t last beyond a few days….

But Naoya would soon prove himself to be a man of his word when the 8th day came along and had gifted you for the consecutive time your favorite brand of mochi, the one you recalled telling him one time, if you ever did—to the point were you had to give some away because you didn’t believe you’d ever get to finish them!

Followed by a plushie of your favorite videogame, each day a different one, any that he could find, enough to fill boxes and boxes with them, making you consider opening your own store and reselling them…

Culminating in buying you the newest release of said franchise, which you’ve been saving up for weeks now, spending nothing of your allowance just for a chance to get it, but now that Naoya had taken care of that, what were you going to do with that money?

Well, whatever it was that you thought, Naoya would find out eventually, and take care of it, moving you back to the start.

But while these actions were… alluring by their own, they were nothing compared to what he did last.

Naoya would be underestimating his feelings if he didn’t voice just how infuriated he truly was to hear that first, Satoru had cheated on you, and secondly, that his so called “friends” had been pestering you about it—no, not pestering you, tormenting you. Picking at you as if you were the novelty hobby, the prime instigator, when it had been the other way around, and you were only smart to call quits!

He couldn’t see the same people he used to involve himself with without feeling disdain for them, especially those he knew had only gone above and beyond to make a miserable, laughingstock out of you.

And as the always determined man to take matter into his own hands, it didn’t take long for you to se the consequences of it.

It’s what finally pushed you to talk to him, after all.

“Y/N, good morning.” He says, a soft smile on his face upon seeing you approach him. Like a lost puppy, he couldn’t help himself from beaming with excitement when seeing your familiar, cute, adorable face looking at him after days of silence. “How are you—”

“…You had something to do with that, didn’t you?” you ask, straight to the point. Your bluntness surprised Naoya, but he can’t say he wasn’t expecting this at one point, hoped it would, really.

“With what?” He asks, there were many things he had planned for you, but he didn’t want to be the one to reveal them. Naoya wished to keep the element of surprise for as long as possible.

“You know exactly what. It’s… with them” and Naoya does his best to grin proudly.

“Did something happen?” he asks instead, feigning ignorance.

No.

Nothing bad, at least; completely unexpected… yet welcomed, because it gave you both things your heart always wanted, but never voiced in fear of being hurt.

“… the ones that made fun of me, they… apologized to me.” You begin, the first of your closures.

And it was only obvious that they would, for as soon as Naoya found out the responsible ones of your growing pain, he made sure to find them and give them a hard-earned lesson through… unconventional matters, nothing that could be traced to him, of course.

You could only guess what it had been due to the frightened look on their faces when they sought your forgiveness, as well as the bruises on their arms…

Which you didn’t necessarily agree with, but at the same time, you couldn’t deny the obvious: the impact that Naoya’s actions have caused on your life, starting from his appearance to his insistence, and now, this.

“Really?” He asks. “That’s good, it’s the bare minimum…”

“I don’t need to be a detective to know you had something to do with it” You respond, and he just shrugs, still putting up the ignorant act. But if anything, that just gave away his involvement.

“But… why?”

You knew the answer, but perhaps you needed to hear it with your own ears.

The second of your closures.

“I told you, didn’t I?” he responds. “I wanted to show you how much you truly mean to me…”

Before looking away, cheeks red upon noticing your intent stare at him, instead of running away.

“But, I mean—yeah, what they did was wrong. As I said, it’s the bare minimum!” he coughs. “You didn’t deserve to be treated like that, not when you weren’t the one at fault.”

And at the culmination of his words, his actions, and now, your feelings—you can’t help but cry, tears falling down your cheeks as you let out a quiet sob.

But your tears weren’t of sadness, or disappointment, no. They were far from that.

They were of happiness, for the realization that you finally obtained what you’ve longed for in your life, what your heart always dreamed of since the moment you had conscience: to find the man that would do anything for you; prove you such… cherish you….

“I’m—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—cry.” You’d say, laughing nervously as you do your best to wipe away the falling tears. “It’s the 2nd time you’ve seen me do this, and we’re not even that close—”

“What difference does it make, if you’re going to be my girlfriend either way?” He attempts to joke, lighten up the mood so as to get you to stop crying, but when you don’t respond is when he notes he might’ve greatly miscalculated the moment, feeling nothing but a jerk. “I—forget what I said, I shouldn’t—

“I…I’ll have to think about it.” You begin softly through sniffles. “It all depends on where we go on our first date.”

His heart soars for you.

“I know a place that might push you into considering it.” He teases, and for the first time, of many to come, he makes you blush.

“…We shall see, then.” You chuckle, continuing to wipe some of the tears off your face, until Naoya wins you to it by swiping them with his thumb. The gesture, alongside his closeness, further flusters you, but makes you feel good, nonetheless.

If being with him means you’d get this kind of attention, this kind of care, and the promise that your feelings will be reciprocated….

Then you wouldn’t mind giving love a second chance.

#ask #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #prompt series: jujutsu kaisen

[ship-graveyard]

P1Harmony MTL - Fashion 💅

- mtl to let you pick out their outfit for a day -

🫧 - most to least | 🌙 - gn!reader | 💞 - ot6

———————————————————————

Most Likely

Keeho:

♡ - when you suggest it he’s absolutely thrilled

♡ - bonus points if you let him pick out your outfit in return

♡ - has some uhhhhhhh unusual clothes sometimes but they make him happy and he has the confidence to pull off literally anything (and if you make fun of him for the slightly uglier things he owns he’ll just just laugh and threaten to make you wear them instead)

♡ - he’s so passionate about his personal image and he’ll use the chance to boost your own style and confidence because he loves you and needs you to see how stunning and creative you are

♡ - MODELS the outfit for you afterwards (he’s already thinking up new ideas for next time too)

———————————————————————

Intak:

♡ - thinks it’s a cute idea (and also would do ANYTHING for you)

♡ - gives you a full tour of his closet complete with stories about where he got each item before you even start

♡ - enjoys fashion but doesn’t always have the energy to put together a solid outfit, so he really appreciates this

♡ - is 100% down to wear something from your closet if you lend it to him. doesn’t matter how different in style or size it is, he just loves the idea of having a constant reminder of you (and if it’s different enough from his usual outfits for people to ask about it, he’d love the excuse to talk about you lol)

♡ - likely to drape something random of his over your head/shoulders and watch you with puppy eyes until you agree to wear it in return (also bonus points if your outfits match even a little bit)

———————————————————————

Jongseob:

♡ - unbothered king. finds the suggestion strange at first but it grows on him

♡ - as long as you understand his comfort level and give him ultimate veto power to say no to anything at any time, have at it. he trusts you

♡ - once he relaxes a bit he’ll be suggesting and trying on really ugly combinations just for the fun of it and you’ll both be giggly messes

♡ - gets especially excited for accessory recommendations and tries to steal some of your keychains and cute trinkets in return for lending you a few of his

♡ - posts an ootd if he really likes what you picked for him bc he likes seeing reminders of you when he looks in the mirror, and he can save that feeling forever in pictures

———————————————————————

Theo:

♡ - a bit particular about his outfits, so he wouldn’t outright refuse, but he would complain at first about how he doesn’t really see the point

♡ - UNTIL he realizes that your plan includes accessorizing and then he’s all in

♡ - jewelry, makeup, nail polish, and literally anything else you bring along will have him preening. he will sit so still while you work

♡ - his favorite part would be letting you style his hair though. it’s mostly just an excuse to get you to play with his hair, but he keeps suggesting new and complex hairstyles for you to try (even if you can’t figure them out, spending time with you like this makes everything worth it for him)

♡ - very likely to lend you stuff from his own closet casually, so he wouldn’t be too reciprocal but only bc your outfits are already somewhat influenced by him

———————————————————————

Jiung:

♡ - would find it a very sweet suggestion, but is ultimately very reluctant to actually go through with it

♡ - he’d be more interested in dressing you up, but if you agree to give him some say in the final result (and ask nicely), he’ll cave

♡ - he would probably love handmade or customized clothing, so if you do any kind of fabric art (sewing, crochet, knitting, embroidery, etc) or personalization (patches, paint, studs) he’d be more than happy to showcase any of your work

♡ - he’s dressing you up in return (probably in his clothes bc he’s so proud to have you and just a liiiiiiittle bit possessive)

♡ - will model the outfit for you and then get overwhelmingly embarrassed about it (and oh noooo he’ll only feel better if you do a little spin and model yours too)

———————————————————————

Soul:

♡ - he’d agree and follow through with it, but his heart just wouldn’t be in it

♡ - if you find an interesting color or pattern combination, he’ll consider it, but he just doesn’t really see the appeal of putting a ton of time into outfits when his comfortable clothes serve him just fine

♡ - instead of having a special occasion for it, he prefers to have little reminders of you regularly worked into his outfit/personal items

♡ - would definitely end up stealing your clothes over time (especially clothes he can just relax in). he feels comfortable with you and your style of clothes, no matter what that is, bc they remind him of you

♡ - HOWEVER. he would be the best person to cosplay or go out in costumes with bc he can get very invested in characters and ideas

#p1h #p1harmony #p1harmony mtl #p1harmony x reader #piwon x reader #p1h imagines #yoon keeho x reader #choi taeyang x reader #choi jiung x reader #hwang intak x reader #haku shota x reader #kim jongseob x reader #p1ece #♡ #🫧 #🌙 #💞 #ive been going thru it tbh but that means I have some cute little things brewing bc I needed some comfort

[des8pudels8kern]

If I were to write a Star Wars fic (which I won’t, as working full-time does not leave me with enough mental energy to be properly actively fannish), it’d be an epic AU where Obi-Wan also falls down the shaft at the climax of his fight with Maul, is presumed dead, and then pops up during the Clone Wars as a mysterious agent of chaos whose initial goal is just to rattle and provoke the Jedi into shedding at least a bit of their apathy disguised as serenity and their superiority complex (so, Obi-Wan choosing to help an entire planet of children caught in a horrific war was bad and aggressive, deserving of first repudiation and then probation, but when Knights and Masters order enslaved sentients into battle it’s duty and necessary to uphold the values of the Republic and thus Order?). He’s bitter, he’s angry, and he wants to destroy the Order. Well, the Order as it is. All talk, so little regard for actual decency, and no infrastructure in place to protect the children under their care.

There’d be a semi-humorous scene where Cody (who is... compromised, okay, he knows it, but this evil fallen force user is just different from the other evil fallen force users, okay) comes across Obi-Wan, bleeding from a fresh gash on his head (”What happened to you? - Oh, nothing, dear one; I just tripped.”) one eye clenched shut where the blood is dribbling down, yada yada, they do their usual song and dance about no, you question your allegiance and join my side, and then.

What’s that?

Cody bends down and picks up the thing that’s caught his attention. It’s round, and not quite flat, and ye--- yellow. He narrows his eyes at the infuriating pain in the ass in front of him.

“Tripped, huh? Deliberately, I assume?”

The man’s gaze flits down to the coloured lens balancing on Cody’s finger now, the exact same shade as his one open eye.

“When you arrived, the light of your presence overwhelmed me and caused me to falter. It can be quite challenging when one has delved as far into the dark as I have,” the fucker tries to lie to Cody’s face, voice as serene as the calmest of Jedi Generals fresh out of meditation, and maybe Cody needs to reconsider how trustworthy anything spoken in that tone really is.

Cody throws the lens at him, and the offending item manages to land on his chest, where blood has soaked into the shirt, and sticks to the fabric, staring at him accusingly.

“What kind of nerf-brained idiot fakes being a Sith? The entire Order is after you!”

The nerf-brain winces, then sighs and droops. He rubs a hand through his suddenly tired-looking face. The blood from his apparently actually self-inflicted head-wound that was meant to disguise the missing lens is smeared all over his cheek now, which looks ridiculous and is somewhat worrisome because Cody is used to bloodshed and knows that it’s usually not a good sign when people forget that they are bleeding. It does match the bone-deep exhaustion etched in the other man’s features, though, now that his mask of flirtatious nonchalance has dropped.

“In my defence, I honestly did not expect it to go this far.” He spreads his hands and pulls a somewhat forced-looking version of his usual boyish grin. “I assumed I would get in two, maybe three strikes before the Order went on alert and I got caught. When they didn’t, I decided to... provide further motivation.”

His right eye is grey-blue, as fathomlessly deep as the waters of Kamino, and Cody wonders what can drive a man to pretend to be evil incarnate to catch the attention of an organisation of essentially super-powered sentients in the middle of a war.

Another trickle of blood from the absolutely needless head wound snakes its way down the side of the man’s face, making it clear that, whatever his motivation might be it’s not a healthy sense of self-preservation.

Maybe Cody can get him to take out the other lens, too, so he can check his eyes for signs of a concussion.

And get a closer look at the colour.

...At least now he’s not compromised by a Sith anymore?

#not!fic #star wars #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #codywan #no i'm not one of those people who think the jedi were bad and deserved to be eradicated but they clearly needed some checks and balances #there are more than enough highly worrying events in obi-wan's backstory #and tbh anakin clearly would have benefitted from more mental health resources #ah i miss writing #can't i just win the lottery? #fake sith obi wan

[coeluvr]

You're so wonderfully devious. Your IF is so well written. I've played through it once several months ago, lost track of it, then found it again 🤗 but seriously, the complex emotions you pull out of me is what makes me keep coming back.

There's no time to not grieve for the MC. And your time jumps make it so no matter how much time has passed for MC, we don't get that relief. It makes me wonder if the MC feels that way all the time for the last 9 years if the grief we experience is just as intense. So I absolutely adore how you give MCs the ability to name a journal Alistair and to have a tattoo to keep them with you.

I don't know what to do with Rosea. I think the only way to hurt Luceris is by hurting the ones they love, Lancelot and Helios. But then this cycle of revenge continues and warps, and it's this massive spiders web because when you hurt Lancelot and Helios, then you hurt Farah, Vincent, and Hunter. It makes even more people want to put a stop to MC's machinations.

I know we're going to see it in writing, but the generational guilt on these kids [cause fuck they are basically still kids] heads is crushing.

The adults trying to alleviate guilt by saying "Mc is protected as consort" and has the "freedom to do what they want" is a poor consolation prize. They can't get rid of how they were complicit in MCs trauma.

Somehow, you have me litterally insane, tinfoil hat and all, do you play a kind MC so everyone can see how unhinged Luceris idea was? Because I'd love to play this game as quiet and kind MC, one who's forgive and try to move on, but when MCs twin died, I became just as crazy as Luceris. Now I have to be okay with the fact that I'm playing the long game of revenge and whatever that looks like.

Anyway, thank you for your work. It's amazing and I can't wait to see what happens next.

My toxic trait is I like being called evil or devious or anything insane. 🥰 Thank you for your kind words! 💗

Honestly, the time jumps do serve that purpose. Mainly because I think MC gets a little better each time jump but then something happens and it brings back what they felt that night in Vesphire.

For example, the time jump to meeting Fadiya is kind of supposed to be like "well at least someone wants to be friends with our baby" and that feeling is kind of hopeful, at least to me. With the 1st short story, I wanted to cement that feeling since it's like "world against MC but this little kid is here!!" and again it's hopeful. Chapter 2 is softer too with Fadiya, there isn't much angst until the very end where it's like "ah right, shit still sucks." and a part of the healing that the player might have felt just dies lol.

Chapter 3 is kind of different but technically MC is doing "better" or well coping better so there has been some progress on their part albeit it can be unhealthy.

I've gotten the "Oh this is kinda rushed" comment a few times but I don't think I could've taken these first few chapters more slowly since it is supposed to be kind of like a blur to MC. In my head, chapter 3 is when things are more slow for them but now they're leaving on a trip so...

I think revenge (that isn't like "get power throw him into jail") will always come with the loss of people. The only reason Luceris didn't lose people is because he didn't really have anyone to lose except for Lancelot and we all know how that's going. (Ikram doesn't count, if she refused he could just get another military general and been like okay. Don't be friends with your boss people. /j)

A Luceris that had Farah wouldn't have done that ever because she would have left him so yeah! It's normal to be stuck between what to do when you have people you care about who actually have somewhat of a normal moral compass.

Easiest way is to simply not have anyone (unless they're 100% in love with you and would throw away all their morals just for you ofc) and well maybe I can help with that! 🤭

The adults are insane and the kids are burdened with the problems that their parents are to blame for. I love the whole "burdened by the sins of your parents" trope. ✨️

God this got a bit too long lmao 😭 it was fun discussing some of the points. 🤝

#coe answers #coaaf if: mc #coaaf if: luceris #crown of ashes and flames #coaaf #diebytheshield

[1000sunnygo]

Saw someone trying to claim that cora secretly resented his birth dad (too lazy to correctly spell the man’s name) and like nah dude. That’s the main reason he ran away. He still loved his dad and never blamed him. Because I think despite everything he saw his dad as good hearted and correct, just painfully naiive. I sometimes wonder if doflamingo ever truly hated their dad. Resents the hell out of him, hated his actions, blames him for his childhood miseries and stone cold in his murder. But their dad was never presented in a hatable way, at least from my reading.

Agreed, Homing wasn't presented in a hateable way. Oda designed him as an elegant-looking fellow in spite of being a regular Tenryubito and that says enough. The Donquixote couple were the only Celestial Dragons who couldn't be brainwashed into becoming egocentric psychopaths even though they were born and raised at Mariejeoise, they owe some respect.

The criticisms of Homing's personality comes from our own judgement of his character and not from canon narration, shoutout to @eroguron0nsense for this meta summarizing his flaws. Frankly speaking, I think Homing was doomed to die. Being killed by his own son just adds a layer of irony, it wasn't a dignifying way to go.

As for Rosi, he clearly held a high opinion of his father:

"How was such a monster born in the family of such kind hearted mother and father? I don't get it. He's not a human."

.

In fact, I doubt Rosi ever pondered about his father's naivety at all. There's no point in digging the faults of a humble father who died long ago, considering that a greater evil (still) existed in their bloodline who inflicted much bigger pain in his childhood. Rosi's most severe loss in his childhood was his parent's deaths, not the lavish life at Mariejeoise.

Point to note is that a six year old's cognitive development is still underway, a ten y/o on old on the other hand, has evolved a lot. Rosi wasn't be able to judge his parent's character the same way his brother could. I've wondered, if Rosi were around Doffy's age, would he be influenced by Doffy's ideas a lot more, like most younger siblings? Probably not, since Rosi's thought process is fundamentally different from Doffy's. He's hotheaded and impulsive, but he's not vengeful. Rosi enlisted as a marine to save civilians in spite of being poorly treated as a child, and knowing that they'd hate him if they knew about his bloodline. I can't imagine Law or Doffy doing the same. Rosi is a humanitarian who held a deep sense of justice (passed from Sengoku and kindhearted parents) - that neither of those two had.

Having a bit of thought experiment, if Law as a child were in Doffy's position, I can see him resenting his father - not for losing the family status but for endangering his family's life (and the death of his mother). But I don't think he would've been manipulated by bad adults into killing his father. I see Rosi's driving force his morality (returned to his brother to stop him to save the civilians), Doffy's is self importance (would throw away anyone for his own cause), and Law's is love (extreme protectiveness of those he loves). No matter what, Law wouldn't be risking the safety (and sanity) of his younger sister.

Back on track... does Doffy truly hate his father?

Yes, he does.. in a complex way. Doffy still considers Homing's actions to be the source of his miseries. But I believe "family" means something profound to Doffy. Regardless of what happened or how much he hates him, Homing is HIS father, and that by default means he's a human of a higher value.

Doffy made this particular way of execution, to shoot with his flintlock, somewhat ritualistic and specific for those he deems as his family. As he said in chapter 769, he sees it as a form of redemption.

"But, I shall forgive you! The same way I forgave my real father and brother: with death!!"

He doesn't want to hate them, so he 'punishes' them and forgives them, which in his self centered mind is a form of entitlement.

The answer got a lot bigger than I expected shdhd thanks for reading my rambling though o7

#asks #sorry for procrastinating so hard i wanted to give it some time #one piece meta #donquixote rosinante #donquixote corazon #donquixote doflamingo #trafalgar law #one piece #one piece dressrosa #mine

[alpaca-clouds]

Astarion, Trauma, Depression & Healing

I just cannot stop thinking about this topic, so I am going to talk about it. Mind you, technically I could extend this topic to some of the other characters as well - maybe I will - but for now let me talk about our favorite vampire spawn.

The game does make an effort to give every character at least a somewhat happy or at least bittersweet ending. (With the exception of Karlach, really. Yeah, I am still bitter about it.) But of course the general way it goes about the character plotlines is that they basically remove one issue and then end.

And for me there is the question: What would realistically happen after the ending?

So, let me talk a bit about psychology.

This is for the vampire spawn ending.

Spoilers for all acts.

CW: Abuse, trauma, depression

Astarion is traumatized.

"No shit!" I hear you say.

But yes, he is traumatized. To be exact he has CPTSD. Complex trauma. The difference between this and normal trauma is, that it develops over a long time. Specifically when it is not one or even just a few traumatizing experiences, but it is a lasting traumatizing situation. And in the case of our dear vampire spawn it is a traumatizing situation that lasted for almost two centuries!

Being unable to escape a traumatizing situation means that people in those situations build coping mechanisms as a method of survival. And I would argue that Astarion's entire asshole snarky personality mostly is a coping mechanism.

There are a several aspects of the situation with Cazador, that were traumatizing.

Several people have already talked about how basically Cazador has subjected his spawn to basically every single kind of abuse. We know there was physical abuse (for fuck's sake, they were tortured on a regular basis), there was sexual abuse (they were forced into prostitution and there is some dialogue that say that Cazador also raped them), there was emotional and psychological abuse (just look how Cazador talks to Astarion - and how he played the spawn against each other), and there was also a general sense of neglect.

But there is also the fact that Cazador forced them to do bad things. Be it to catch those victims (who the spawn thought would die) and there is also a bit of evidence that he probably forced them to otherwise kill - maybe people who were in the way of his politics. After all he also was quite active within the politics of the city. We also know from some dialogue that Cazador used his absolute control over the spawn at times to force them to torture themselves or each other.

One big aspect of people in abusive relationships (be it romantic relationships - or familiar relationships) is that the abuser will try to take away any possible support. I do assume that him playing the spawn against each other and making them torture each other is partly meant to destroy trust between them.

And of course, they just could not get help from the outside. Partly because of his rules and command. And partly, too, because I assume any attempt to get help would end the potential helper's life.

We also know from Astarion's dialogue, as well as the narrator text in the Astarion origin that Astarion gave in fairly quickly and tried to just do what Cazador wanted him to do. But we also know that it basically made no difference because Cazador would find some faults he could punish Astarion for.

So, all in all Astarion spend about 200 years in constant survival mode.

Here is the thing: For someone who has spend two centuries in those condition he appears surprisingly... functioning. Sure, he is a snarky bastard. And yeah, he also cannot fathom you helping him without him paying you in sex. But he... well, he is not a pile of misery sitting in a corner.

There might well be a reason for this, though: He is still in survival mode (because of the entire tadpole and world ending thing), and he also has a concrete goal (kill Cazador). The big question is how he is gonna relate and work through the trauma after the end of the game, when both the life-or-death situation ended and Cazador is dead.

Because, look. Our boy is going to need to work through all of that trauma. There is no way around it. He needs to work through it and it is gonna be painful.

A lot of people with CPTSD do develop a depression - and I doubt that this precious vampire spawn is going to be any different. Heck, I am going to go so far and say that we do see him being depressed quite a bit even in the game, even as he tries to hide it.

We know from the game he has nightmares of Cazador. Nightmares that kinda mix memories with fears. And those are probably just going to be a fact of his life for a few years. So, sleep is going to be hard at times - and so is going to be other stuff.

There will be stuff that triggers him. In my stuff I write him as easily being triggered by sexual stuff - because there is so much trauma related to it - as well as getting triggered when he is reminded of his scars. But he is also quite good at triggering himself by falling down memory holes.

Given that when you play the Astarion origin we have at least two scenes (probably more, but so far I encountered it two times) where he halucinates Cazador being there and watching him, I would assume that this is also going to stay within his life. Him seeing or hearing Cazador, because it is just so engrained in his memory through trauma.

One big thing I see him struggling with most is, that everything he is right now is what Cazador made him. For better or worse, all his learned behaviors are because of Cazador. And Cazador of course wanted to shape him. If Astarion ends up with Tav (or one of the origin characters), I can also very much see that this is gonna be a big issue for him. Because Astarion needs to change to heal. He cannot let himself be defined by Cazador. But if Tav tries to help this along, Astarion might just think that Tav is just another person who tries to mold him into someone else. (And yes, this is a point of conflict that I bring into Voice of the Voiceless.)

Another issue I could see arise is avoidance behavior. Basically... Here is the thing, trauma will never quite go away - but it can get better, if you work through it. But working through trauma is very, very painful, which is why a lot of traumatized folks instead try to avoid this. Becaue while it leads to betterment on the long run it is more painful for the moment than just trying to forget about it and distract yourself.

And given just the amount of trauma, I can see that easily happening here.

There is another big thing, too, though. Some people have already pointed it out before, but... If romanced it is fairly clear that Astarion is very, very emotionally dependent on Tav. Which absolutely makes a lot of sense, given that from his perspective Tav is (probably) the first ever person in a long, long time, who is actually nice to him and helps him. But you have to see that this, in the end, also is a type of avoidance behavior. Tav is safe, so he just sticks to Tav like a shadow, basically.

It seems to me from the game that Astarion is one of the characters in camp, who very much stick to themselves. Like, you can gleam from dialgoues (even though I still gotta say, I wanted more scenes of the characters doing stuff together at camp) that Wyll and Karlach do hang out at camp. And that Halsin and Gale over time do also kinda take care of everyone. But Astarion mostly tries to stick to himself, not really making connections to anyone.

And I think that also is in a way part of avoidance behavior. Friends means opening himself up, which means having a weakness, which then brings fear of it being exploited. So... yeah, sticking to Tav and Tav alone is so much safer.

But, here, too I think it is something that he, if he wants to heal, needs to learn to overcome. To put it differently: This man needs some friends. He needs people in his life besides Tav. But to get him there might be hard.

I mean, let's be frank. This man needs therapy. He needs therapy so badly. But... I somehow doubt that there are therapists in Faerûn.

So, yeah... He needs to figure it somewhat out on his own, which is only gonna make this harder.

tl;dr

This man is a mess. And even if everything goes well, he is gonna be a mess for at least a few years. Because you just do not get over 200 years of trauma upon trauma, without being a mess somewhere in between.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion x tav #astarion needs a hug #trauma #ptsd #cptsd #cw abuse #cw depression #media analysis

[sideprince]

I’d love to hear your answer to #2, #16, and #18 of the Snape asks! :)

2. How old were you when you decided you loved this unwashed man? What’s the story, child?

I was in high school and Going Through It. I was really ready to get out of my parents' house and be an adult, and I was dealing with a lot of tough things and basically ready for a new escapist hyperfixation (though I probably wouldn't have put it like that at the time). I found him intriguingly complex and the main reason I kept reading the books was to find out more about him - what his story was, why he was doing what he was doing, etc. I didn't doubt his motivations were ultimately in service of defeating Voldemort (because I know how to read and can spot basic literary elements like foreshadowing and characters who are foils), but it was clear there was a lot to this guy. I think there must also have been a kind of loneliness and ambitious determination in how he was written that I identified with. He was absorbing enough to be a good distraction from my life and I really needed it at the time. Still do sometimes.

16. What do you headcanon about his relationship with his parents?

I don't think his relationship with his dad was great (thank you, thank you, you can put my Understatement of the Year Award in the mail). When Snape was a very small child, he probably wanted his dad's approval and didn't understand what he kept doing wrong when his dad lashed out and grew increasingly abusive. Back then the abuse was probably more comprised of a lack of attention, shouting, and maybe a smack or two. As he got older I imagine he started feeling that need for attention and approval less and less, or rather, that it got more murky under layers of resentment and fear and pain and anger. The taller he got (ie. less physically vulnerable) and the more distance he got what with being gone most of the year, and the more his sarcastic, snarky personality came out, (and the more confident he got with his magical skills that his dad couldn't touch or take away from him), the more he must have talked back to his dad and challenged him. Rowling has said something about his dad having whipped him with a belt, and I can imagine that being a way for his dad to assert himself against a son who had skills he himself never would, and who hated him. We see this attitude in the Dursleys as well, thinking they could abuse the magic out of Harry. So yeah, I can see Snape's dad going at him with a belt, shouting about "where's your precious magic now, boy?" I can also see Snape's magic - like most underage wizards' - getting away from him in a moment like that and throwing his dad off or undermining him in some way that made it impossible for him to continue in that moment and probably unwilling to try again.

He probably had a better relationship with his mom, or at least a more complex one. They had magic in common, and must have been somewhat close at some point because I don't know who else would have told him so many details about Hogwarts when he was a kid. The amount he knew about the school - and the magical world in general - indicates that she talked about it with him at length and probably on a number of occasions. As he got older and his relationship with his dad got worse, his mom was probably in the middle, not wanting to compromise her relationship with either of them. If Snape was like any other angsty teen, then at that age he probably would have lashed out at her and resented her for letting his dad treat both of them the way he did. There was probably rough period for them where his teenage need to push his parents away coincided with the natural distance that would grow between a parent and a child who spent 10 months of the year away at boarding school. When he got older, though, he probably would have had more sympathy and started to understand that she knew his dad as a very different person than he did and had her own relationship with him. It's also possible that as his intellect continued to blossom despite everything else he had to deal with at school, it changed his relationship with his mom. The dynamic was no longer that she was a source of knowledge for him, but that he knew and understood more than she ever had and maybe he looked down on her, or at least pitied her, for what he might have seen as her limitations.

18. What’s an aspect of his character you wish more people would explore?

He isn't just intelligent, he's an incredibly good judge of character. If you set aside his skewed impression of Harry, he's someone who understands profoundly well what makes people tick and how they think. He's a great spy because he understands how Voldemort thinks and operates, as well as all the Death Eaters around him. It makes sense - someone who's a great occlumens would, through that kind of insight, learn how to put himself in someone else's shoes without having to read their thoughts. When he talks to Harry about what legilimency is, that the mind is not a book to be read at leisure, he reveals a complex and nuanced understanding of the way you have to be able to interpret and understand someone's thoughts. What he's really saying is that it isn't enough to see what someone is thinking, you have to be able to understand its context and what that thought means to that person if you have a good sense of them. This requires incredible intelligence, empathy, and judgment of character.

I think it's also why he speaks so tersely and reveals so little about himself, except for the occasional feral moment when he's triggered and unable to maintain that control. It's not just because he doesn't want to compromise himself by speaking too much, or that he knows the more verbose he is the more he gives away about himself. He thinks more than he speaks and so he speaks very little because he's busy listening to others and to his own brain whirring away at a thousand miles a minute.

(This is also why I get a bit tired of the take that Snape is a Feral Man and that Alan Rickman's portrayal has nothing to do with Book!Snape. It's an integral part of his character that he observes much more than he speaks, and most of the time he's described in the books as someone whose behavior is controlled. His expression is consistently described as "unreadable" "unfathomable" etc. The angrier he gets, the more quiet his voice gets - as you know, given your absolutely brilliant amazing Snape Speaks post!

He's feral only when he's triggered, and we only see him act that way in rare and vulnerable moments, and those moments are compelling exactly because this isn't his usual self, but rather his primal, unchecked self. He's portrayed as a person who put a lot of effort into controlling and overcoming that primal self and would fall apart if it was his constant state of being. There's an inseparable link between the guilt that drives him and his need to control his emotions. The whole Feral Man take ignores exactly the aspect of his character that I love so much, that he observes more than he acts, and is a great judge of character. And I think there's a lot to interpret in how his eyes are described more often than any other character's, except maybe Harry -- again, because he uses his eyes more than his body or his voice.)

#asks #said-snape-softly

[visionofvoid]

Limelight - LS18

Summary: “you’ll get your flowers my dear.”

Warnings: some shameless flirting, a cocky oc 

Pairings: lance stroll x oc

Word Count: 1311

She recalled the first time she ever encountered the Stroll family. 

It was at a joint gala to raise money for children with terminal illnesses and her parents, who were incredibly notable in the car collection and curating community, wished to donate a 1969 Ford Mustang Boss 429 in a cherry red colour. It was one of the most expensive items up for grabs and had all its original interior in pristine condition. It gained quite a number of public attention, for a good reason, and all donations were given to the foundation they were sponsoring. It was that night that a young Piper Broadstone had encountered a young Lance Stroll, the boy in his late teens and too cool to speak to girls. 

It wasn’t until years later that the two families attended yet another high profile event, this time with Piper placing a bet and winning a one-on-one date and drive with Lance Stroll himself. She wasn’t too sure on how she would organise this one-on-one date as she found herself drinking too much champagne and dancing with her mother and friends. She honestly could have approached Lance but instead chose to admire from a distance, sneaking a look whenever she could. 

Piper had honestly forgotten about the auction until she received a message request in her private messages on her Instagram.

lance_ stroll: you know, if you really wanted to come for a cruise or a date you could have just messaged me on this

and its free too

Piper admired his cheeky flirting and it seemed that he was also somewhat eager to see what the date had to offer. Of course it was all up to Lance to provide the date and to showcase his driving skills, all Piper had to do was dress the part and just show up. 

itspiperbroadstone: i did it for the kids, mr stroll, don’t let it get to your head

kind of silly that you had to ask for an auction to get me to go on a date with you. you could have messaged me on this 

lance_stroll: bold of you to assume i want a date with you

itspiperbroadstone: why else would you message me at nine at night out of nowhere? 

lance_stroll: touche 

tomorrow at 11am, casual, braided hair may be best (car purposes only)

do you prefer lunch or dinner for the date?

itspiperbroadstone: we love a dominant king

lets do food after the drive tomorrow, you know, make sure it’s all in one day otherwise you might fall in love with me

lance_stroll: im certain you’ll be falling for me 

our parents will love the combined fortune 

itspiperbroadstone: old money nepo babies 

pick me up in the vantage xoxo

i want flowers too

i paid 50k i should at least get some flowers

lance_stroll: you’ll get your flowers my dear 

Casual to someone like Piper was a lot different to someone that didn’t live in an expensive penthouse in Canada. Of course Piper understood that casual was just a term to dress a lot more relaxed but she still needed to dress to impress. She followed the latest trends and embarrassingly fed into fast fashion so she was dressed all in just a pair of jeans with a baggy graphic shirt to pair. It was a nice sunny day so she neglected to bring a jacket as she walked out of her apartment complex, bidding her doorman a farewell and towards the Aston Martin Vantage she could only guess was Lance’s. 

He was leaning against his car, also in a rather casual outfit in a pair of jeans, brown boots and an all grey shirt. In his hands he held a bouquet of flowers, a mix of daisies, babies breath, camellias and a few other variations. He wore a large smile on his face as Piper approached, embracing the girl in a quick and gentle hug, a kiss to the cheek and then pulled away gracefully. 

“I wasn’t too sure what flowers you liked so I got a bit of everything.” Lance confessed, though he had secretly looked through all of her social media to find some sort of hint. It was in her highlights. 

“Thank you, Lance. They’re beautiful.” Piper hated to admit that she was blushing and instead hid her face in the flowers, disguising the action by sniffing the flowers. They smelled incredibly fresh. There was nothing like the smell of fresh flowers. “So, what have you got planned for us today?” Lance opened her door like a gentleman and held her flowers as she strapped herself in before closing the door when she was settled. He ran to the other side, climbing into the passenger seat and started his car, one of his prized possessions. 

“Well, I have a couple of cars for me to drive you around in at the track and then I’ll see how you go-”

“Driving one? You're letting me drive a Formula One car?” Lance chuckled in response, pulling into the lane and heading towards the Montreal track. 

“No, you can’t operate one of those. I’ve got a couple of other cars, much safer cars to take you in and for you to drive.” Lance’s eyes remained on the road for the most part as they drove through town. His car was enough to get some stairs and rightfully so; it was a beautiful car, anyone could appreciate that, and it was the biggest flex of all. Not many people owned a car such as the vantage, not even Piper of her family, though they did own a few Aston Martins. She looked out at the window, admiring the city she was born and raised in. The two settled into a peaceful silence as they continued to the track. It was not awkward, at least from Piper’s perspective. 

The 'Date’ was great PR for not only Piper and Lance but for their families, for the charity in which the money from the bid was going to and for Formula One itself. There were film crews at the ready, organised photographers to capture the two in and out of the cars, cameras and microphones set up inside the cars to capture the reactions of the two. 

Piper was genuinely enjoying herself, even though her braided hair was becoming a mess and she laughed rather obnoxiously in front of Lance. 

Lance was also having a great time. He never really got to show off his skills in older modelled cars let alone with a pretty girl beside him. He liked to glance over as he drifted around a corner, watching her absolutely lose herself into the atmosphere. It was something he found himself wanting to see more, yearning to see more. So, he hated it when their drive had ended and it was Piper’s turn to drive. 

She got into the first car, the pair strapping themselves in. She quickly posed for a camera pointing towards them and then turned on the ignition. 

“You can drive stick?” Lance questioned, Piper only nodding in response before taking off. She had devised a plan, starting off slow to get Lance to think she was nervous. She took it easy around the corners before she found herself approaching the hairpin after turn nine. She started accelerating, going faster and faster by the second before drifting the car almost expertly around the hairpin and turn ten. She couldn’t wait to see the footage once it was released of Lance's reaction. She finished the circuit, stopping at the pit in front of the cameras and getting out, throwing her hands in the air almost as if she was a racer herself. 

“Where did you learn to drive like that?” Lance questioned once the two of them were finally helmet free. 

“My parents are car collectors and curators, you learn a thing or two.”

#f1 x oc #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 smut #f1 #lance stroll x reader #lance stroll #lance stroll imagine #lance stroll x oc #formula one smut #formula 1 fanfic #formula one fanfic #formula one #formula 1

[morlock-holmes]

I don't really know what messages young people in this country absorb about the Civil War these days.

When I was a kid the mainstream centrist narrative, one that I think was pushed in schools and was definitely pushed in pop culture, went something like this:

"We modern people understand that slavery was wrong. But it is a mistake to judge the people of past times based on modern psychology or morals; rather, we must understand them as people of their times, who understood their world in a way fundamentally differently then we do, so far in the future.

"During the late 18th and early 19th century, slavery was simply not a very important issue, either morally or politically, and it certainly didn't play into the civil war in any real important fashion. The idea of slavery as a moral issue is a modern-day viewpoint, and while it is morally correct, we simply cannot project those moral sensibilities back into a world where they didn't exist.

"The Civil War was a fought as the culmination of a complex, somewhat abstruse political debate about whether power should reside primarily in separate states or within the federal government, and while it is tragic that this debate caused a war, both sides of that debate had valid reasons for taking their position."

Do they still teach that kind of thing to kids these days?

Because the more I learn the more I realize what incredible horseshit that story was.

Here, for example, is John Quincy Adams, in 1838:

"Midway through the filibuster, on June 30, Adams responded to an interruption by South Carolina representative Francis Wilkinson Pickens and described a notorious incident from the previous year.

I do not doubt in the least that he is, himself, a kind and indulgent master; so, I doubt not, are all the gentlemen who represent his State on this floor. They know not the horrors that belong to the system, and attend it even in their own State; and when they are stated by those who have witnessed them, he calls the whole a tissue of misrepresentation. . . . He does not know the profligate villain who procreates children from his slaves, and then sells his own children as slaves. He does not know the crushing and destruction of all the tenderest and holiest ties of nature which that system produces, but which I have seen, with my own eyes, in this city of Washington. Twelve months have not passed since a woman, in this District, was taken with her four infant children, and separated from her husband, who was a free man, to be sent away, I know not where. That woman, in a dungeon in Alexandria, killed with her own hand two of her children, and attempted to kill the others. She was tried for murder, and, to the honor of human nature I say it, a jury was not to be found in the District who would find her guilty. . . . The woman was asked how she could perpetrate such an act, for she had been a woman of unblemished character and of pious sentiments. She replied that wrong had been done to her and to them; that she was entitled to her freedom though she had been sold to go to Georgia and that she had sent her children to a better world.

I recommend clicking through that link and reading about what Adams said about that case in his diary.

In general, that website, Story of The Week, has a number of excellent and readable primary sources about slavery and racism in America, and they particularly demonstrate that the Abolition movement objected to slavery for exactly the reasons that we now object to it today: That it was unspeakably cruel to separate children from their mothers and husbands from wives; that men should be allowed to profit from their own work, rather than having the proceeds stolen; that slave owners would rape their female slaves and sell their own children.

I'm just amazed at how much energy America has put into lying to itself about its own history.

#history #the civil war #us history

[phospadparadscha]

Is fusing considered vaguely intimate in the AU? Harry having fused a bunch and Black Opal being Kim's first fusion kind of mirrors Ruby and Sapphire, and the idea that Kim gets a bit bashful or embarrassed about it in front of other people is kinda funny to me.

I'd like to think that because of the general lack of intimacy in Disco Elysium and Martinaise (people seem to almost never hug or kiss each other / engage in pda and the hug with the working class woman is treated as a very rare interaction), fusion can be intimate for some or at least somewhat taboo. Not necessarily frowned upon by the people of Martinaise but moreso uncomfortable and surprising. I guess it would be less that people are surprised that there's a fusion and more that anybody likes another person in Martinaise or Revachol enough to want to fuse out of anything but utilitarian purposes. All of Martinaise is touch starved and its pretty unusual for that to be proven wrong by anyone. Fusion is definitely frowned upon by the Moralintern and generally by the RCM as a complex, but is still done nonetheless (within C Wing however fusion is less frowned upon). The RCM is based on a partner system after all. Its bound to be that the partners fuse for combat or even recreationally but in the police they are expected to unfuse after their mission is accomplished. I think of how the RCM officers are so limited in their firearms and ammunition and I think fusion is treated like a weapon that needs to be monitored and controlled. Permafusions are incredibly uncommon, though they are more common amongst communist circles and the underground (as a commie pansexual myself I think I speak from the heart). More of my ideas and reasoning under the read more!

I think Harry and Jean could have experimented before with fusing on their good days. Or alternatively, they could have rushed to fuse in a stressful situation or to apprehend a suspect. However, its risky to do so because when a fusion poofs, all gems that make up a fusion poof at the same time. Its seen as a last resort on the field.

It's possible that Jean could have fused with Harry when he poofed, since Harry's RCM cloak has some bullet holes implying he was shot / poofed before in the line of duty, to draw him forcibly out of his gem after unfusing. Like in the Change Your Mind finale of the show where to reform the crystal gems quickly Steven fuses with their gems, and they reform after they unfuse. In Harry's case forcing him out of his gem before he's ready to reform could be what contributed to his damaged psyche and unhealthy view towards fusing, as gems need to recuperate while poofed which is why it takes them so long to reform. The less time a gem takes to reform the more unstable their form and abilities are and Harry would definitely have experienced the consequences of never taking care of himself when he's down since Jean or someone else would force him right back into the ring again.

I think that Jean and Harry's fusion would be a fairly volatile and negative being, prone to humorless self deprecation. A bit like Smoky Quartz is prone to self deprecating jokes in Steven Universe, but here its genuinely toxic. Their fusion usually brings out the worst of them both. I don't think they're Malachite levels of unstable and toxic, but that their morbid humor and combined depression can have poor results. However its not all negative with them as when Jean and Harry are able to synchronize enough to maintain their fusion, the brotherly camaraderie is able to shine through and they cheer each other on with more confidence. I'm not sure how different the fusion would be before and after Harry's retrograde amnesia, but I have some general ideas I'll share at a later time.

I definitely think Kim would be most likely to unfuse first with Harry, less because he doesn't enjoy fusion (he really, really does), but more so that he is more anxious to be caught by surprise or to stand out, which is kind of what fusions do lol. In Martinaise people may not care so much as its a place largely abandoned by any kind of real repercussions, but he still has a reputation he cares about more than Harry does. And Harry has a somewhat unhealthy view of fusion, where its something that is becoming a better person than he thinks he is and disappearing into another person, rather than a mutual dance or union of partners. So this leads to Kim being hesitant to fuse with Harry unless he is able to convince him that their fusion isn't an excuse to disappear into a better half but to instead become someone that represents the joy they both share with each other, as equals.

And yes, Kim is bashful to be a fusion and it is his first time fusing. He may have wanted to fuse with Eyes in the past but never did and regrets not fusing. He thinks its crazy that anyone would ever want to fuse with him. But over time Harry and Kim fuse more often and it starts to represent their love for each other.

#steven universe #disco elysium #jean vicquemare #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #disco universe #steven universe crossover #disco elysium au #disco elysium alternate universe

[copperbadge]

Review: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

I am still trying to log my reading more diligently! And this one is the latest. Now there’s a title that makes it tough to recommend to people without a lot of disclaimers. :D

My psychiatrist is a specialist in medication management, and while he does see patients therapeutically, I’m not one of them; he sees me to prescribe ADHD medication and make sure I’m not having side-effects or misusing it. But of course part of the meeting is just chatting so he can gauge my behavior for himself, and in our last meeting we got onto the topic how I haven’t told my parents about my diagnosis because I don’t think any good can come of it. After explaining my somewhat complex relationship to my mother and stepfather, who I love but who also can be difficult, he recommended Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (subtitle: “How to heal from distant, rejecting, or self-involved parents”) by Lindsay Gibson. 

It’s kind of a shame the book title is so direct, because I think my mother could actually really use to read it, but if you recommend a book like that to your parents it means you also read it and that...does not send a super great message about how you feel about them. 

I did a lot of highlighting.

Although, in the end, not for the reasons one would think. In part, while I recognized parental behaviors described in the book, I also recognized behaviors in myself. About halfway through, especially when Gibson was writing about how emotionally immature parents generally come from emotionally immature parenting themselves, I had to stop and think, “Oh. Maybe this is also me.” Fortunately I’m not a parent nor likely to become one, but it’s still a bit of a hard truth to see yourself in that kind of thing. I’m not much one to cause drama, at least not intentionally, and I try to be a generally good and emotionally supportive friend, but some of the stuff -- shallow emotional affect, difficulty with empathy and intimacy, anxiety surrounding strong emotion and personal relationships -- landed kind of close to home. 

The problem with self-help books and books like this which are on the edge of the self-help genre is that they tend to be written very structurally. They have a specific way of being, which if you’re already part of the way to the conclusions they’re presenting (or familiar with the scammier ones) can be less helpful. For one, because they are aimed at people who tend to be wounded and confused, they lay out whatever they’re discussing in a very systematized way, and human behavior often defies systems. I was seeing aspects of behavior in my parents and myself here and there, but none of us fit into the categories the book lays out. Most people won’t fit precisely, but being an outlier doesn’t really help. 

And, honestly, the case studies that are meant to resonate tended not to, simply because I looked at them and went “Oh, that person was abused. Those behaviors happened to me, but not at that level, and not in those ways.” I struggled too with the “workbook” aspects, where you’re asked to answer specific questions or make a list of things. One of the questions was “I wish people would just ______” where you fill in the blank, and like...I don’t have wishes like that. I’m still trying to figure out what I would even put there. Not stand in front of bus doorways so often? Stop voting Republican? I suspect that’s not what they’re reaching for.   

And when you get a little distance on stuff like the categories and case studies, what you start to see is a book that, like many books in this vein, could be half the length it is. So much of this book is designed to cause a resonance with the reader and then reinforce and reinforce and reinforce that resonance -- there’s a lot of repetition of theme in order to pull someone emotionally further and further into the book, meanwhile not really presenting new information, just the same information framed within a different anecdote. I don’t condemn that; it’s what you have to do to sell the book, and to sell the ideas within it to some people. Otherwise it’s not super publishable, and I get that. But once you see the manipulation going on it’s hard not to react poorly to it. 

A shorter, more informative book wouldn’t necessarily appeal to people who are pulled into the book via those reinforcements, but I started to do a lot of skimming because I knew I could. In that sense it’s a fast read, but I’m sure I missed some information here and there. 

And the real problem is that the solutions presented for how to deal with emotionally immature parents as an adult are all things I was already doing, which after all the emotional build of earlier was quite disappointing. The reason I’m capable of having a pretty positive relationship with my parents is that I know how to handle them without taking too much psychic damage, enough that it’s worth maintaining a relationship, and apparently that’s as good as it’s going to get. There’s a lot healing from the harm inflicted just in those behaviors, but also for anyone wanting to DIY the rest, there’s not much good advice -- it circles back around to “Go to therapy and heal your childhood wounds” which is fine, I guess, but not a super executable solution for me. It reminded me powerfully of reading a book about autism when I was younger; there was a chapter about resources for family members of people with autism, and within that chapter there was one paragraph about siblings. I can give it to you in a sentence: “Asking your neurotypical child to help their autistic sibling is very character-building and will teach them responsibility.” Sure, but could we not dig for something a little deeper?

So, insightful book, potentially very useful if you do have a fraught relationship with your parents, but unfortunately not terribly helpful to me personally. Still, worth getting out of the library. 

#book reccs #parental relationships

[randomthoughtssideblog]

So in The Amazing Digital Circus, It seems like all the humans have 'avatars/bodies that somewhat correspond to their personality (From what little we've seen)

Ragatha is an old Rag doll, a toy from someone's childhood, and she's seemingly the most forwardly kind and caring of the Circus. She gives Pomni actual advice on how to survive and cope with being in the circus, her first line being "Let's just try to calm down, everything is going to be fine" Like one might imagine their toy telling them when they are frightened.

Jax is a rabbit. Jax is also a JackAss, but because there's no swearing in the Circus, it likely 'Autocorrected' to Jack Rabbit. not only that, but his Bugs-Bunnian attitude and shenanigans shine brightly in how he acts. (Now, Jax is mean, but I don't know that he's evil. But he is mean)

Kauffmo, from what little we know of him, was a Jokester. Ragatha and Gangle both referencing not finding his jokes funny (Ragatha Laughing to make him feel Better, Gangle not.) Being a clown would make sense for someone who wants good-hearted fun, unlike Jax.

Gangle, while we don't have much of her, seems to have something wrong separate to being in the circus? This one is definitely a stretch, but maybe Gangle has something similar to BPD? With Tragedy representing Depression and Comedy representing Mania? or She's literally masking her sadness for others?

I only have one Idea of what Zooble's deal could be, but given their heavy "Mean (Girl)" Vibe, it could be a center of attention thing?

I don't know, we're theorizing here.

Now, for Kinger and Pomni, who seem to have the most connection.

Pomni is a Jester. Not a clown, A jester, which are very different. Clowns make fools of themselves to get other's to laugh. Jester's were employed by Royalty for entertainment, to jest.This gave them impunity to speak freely about whatever subject matter may be at hand.

Pomni, the latest addition, has the clearest sense of the outside world has the freedom to speak freely about the circus, likely in part of not being used to the circus.

Kinger, who has been in the circus longest and is the oldest, is the least attached to reality, often blanking out and reacting slowly to what happens to him. In spite of this, He seems to be the most technically knowledgeable about the goings on of the circus

Insect Collection -> The Gloink Queen acting as a Queen Bee (Eating things and making more of their species)

He knew Kauffmo was going Crazy/had gone crazy talking about an exit before the reveal.

At the end he talks about how the food wasn't actually being eaten, only giving the feeling of being eaten.

There was also the "Queener" door that was crossed out.

Kinger seemingly is smarter than he's let on, and as much as Caine can't directly affect people's minds, he can give them experiences.

And, assuming Kinger did make the Circus (with help given the complexity of what it would take to program the Circus,) He would have the greatest likelihood of survival, since he would know how the world worked unlike pretty much any one else, only turning paranoid after years of survival and losing others.

Pomni and Kinger, the newest and Oldest residents, a Jester and a King, the most grounded and most out there.

I'd be willing to bet Pomni will get Kinger (If he's the creator) To get them all out of the circus and back into the real world.

Of course we are only one episode in, and I could have missed somethings, either said by the creators or a line I'm forgetting about.

#the amazing digital circus #kinger tadc #tadc pomni #the amazing digital circus pomni #ragatha #gangle #pomni #zooble #kinger #tadc #You know I never realized how absolutely stupid some of these names were until I wrote them down. #jax tadc #jax the amazing digital circus

[thesoulshyperrealaslacreatura]

Drakenier: Violence as expression and affirmation - Pt.1

It has become a rather well-known piece of trivia (or at least, well-known within the niche internet circles I flow through) that 2010's Nier Replicant / Gestalt had its overall message thoroughly inspired by well, 9/11 - the discourse that produced it, that came of it, and became it. Although it may not be a direct quote, "to kill someone, you don't have to be out of your mind, you just need to believe you are correct" is a sentiment clearly echoed throughout the game; as the many layers of its central and side conflicts drop alongside the curtains to its second, third (and maybe kind of fourth) playthrough, so does what had, for quite a ways into the game, seemed like a story mostly about finding, nurturing and protecting a community - people to call home.

However, the statement above seems to somewhat conceal-so-as-to-merely-hint-at what I'd argue is a much more complex argument the games lay forth, when looked at as one series. I, myself, have found it difficult in the past to distill both Replicant and the wider series as a whole into one coherent message or thematic frame; partly (and beautifully), because there mustn't be one - this singular reading which eclipses the broad range of experiences that people have come to share with the series - such an idea is preposterously reductive. Still, I think that this mish-mash of "the game is about philosophy and tragedy and nihilism and existentialism and society and humanity and life" and whatnot misses a bit of where the different themes intersect, producing further instances of meaning from the text. I hope to discuss the evolution (were I to sound even more pretentious, I might have used the word genealogy, but I would never stoop to that) of a few central concepts surrounding drakenier's "philosophy of violence" and where they seem to have informed or have been informed by other aspects of the works.

Strap in, because just from writing the introduction I can already tell this is gonna have to come in multiple parts. Hopefully my writing can steer away from boring you to tears throughout all of it.

Spoilers for the whole series!

Part 1: Replicant, and the subjective experience gained from that funky 9/11 fun fact

"Blood is sound, sound is words, and words are power"

This quote, almost a chant from Weiss as the player starts to grasp the gameplay loop of attacking enemies to allow for magical attacks, ties in the game's teaching of that system with what I consider to be the most powerful writing from Replicant (I'm going to refer to it as Replicant for the sake of convenience, obviously Gestalt is included in that). And it is deeply tied to what Taro himself has credited as a major source of inspiration for Replicant in relation to his previous game, Drakengard.

In some ways, Nier Replicant isn't introducing a new, foreign idea over the original Drakengard, so much as bringing out new elements from within its predecessors' critiques of the gaming landscape. Though that only really becomes clear by taking future foresights the series would reach into account; this is the point at which it becomes prudent to ask ourselves one question - how might the game's design regulate the player's interaction with the game world? (A question that, if you're at all even familiar with Drakengard, you probably already know the answer to)

From this, we can extrapolate a lot of meaning from how the original Drakengard was conceived: a game about violence, from the perspective of people who were so immersed in their own awfulness and the general precarity of their world that they cannot enact anything but that same violence. And it is that violence which comes to define them.

I'd also like to do the pedantic thing and bring up the fact that violence can be thought of as more than just physical harm, but also in terms of violation. In that sense, when I claim that Drakengard's characters are defined by violence, I mean it in that their reduction of other people to objects serves as an exertion of themselves - the Dynasty Warriors inspired combat of cleansing battlefields as the only win state reflects back at Caim as his only method of building an identity of his own, one based on strength demonstrated from conquering his enemies. You might find that these 'enemies' are violated the moment they're placed into the game as props that sustain its overall narrative.

In fact, this 'loss of personhood as self-affirmation' theme reverberates into another key factor of the game's story: pacts. They explicitly deprive humans of something of themselves - their ability to communicate, to see, to age, to have hair (sure????) -, and reduces both parties into one shared essence, yet it is what permits its characters to have strength through which they find themselves as able to inflict that dehumanization onto others. Dehumanization becomes their characterization, both from the audience's perspective as well as in-world.

Following that, Nier Replicant does not dispute that destruction of the other simultaneously inflicts upon the self both corruption and affirmation. If anything, it only takes measures to strengthen that sentiment, in light of how the added theme of perspective brings forth a need to now more closely study the subjective experience of perpetrating violence. Thus:

"Blood is sound, sound is words, and words are power"

The gameplay system I've anchored this analysis to comes into play; attacking your enemies gives you the literal strength to continue your offense, by design - ridding them of their life force, their blood, perpetuates the narrative, the words being built, the sealed verses of a prophecy you've set for yourself: that of being a hero to your sister/daughter, friends and general community. This even extends to the lyrics of Ashes of Dreams:

"Are we the plaything of fiends or merely the dreams that we're telling ourselves?"

Though we shouldn't forget that Weiss' comment takes the form of X=Y=Z=W, and it seems I've neglected the 'sound' part of the sentence. As I was writing this, my brain immediately made the association between that and Drakengard 3's focus on the power of Song, which, in fairness, definitely was made with the rest of the series in mind - but, in this instance, that sounds like a bit of a lucky coincidence. Still, what the concept of sound brings to the statement doesn't seem too far off from what meaning could be made at a bit more of a general, rudimentary level, that being: our lifeforce (blood) translates into our ability to be heard (sound), thus effectively giving us narratives about the world around us (words), which gives our actions direction, purpose (power).

From that, we can take a closer look into a lot of different aspects of the game. After all, the reason I proclaimed this piece of writing to be so powerful isn't really because I could - and did - stretch its interpretation to its fullest, but also from the way it manifests itself around the struggles of various characters, while being tied to the game's overall systems and world. Emil receding into his identity as a weapon in order to redirect what he sees as his curse onto those who seek to harm his friends - leading to his sacrifice; Weiss, who also goes on to sacrifice himself, does so in the name of putting an end to this now 5-year mission, grown into his own center of existence; Louise, perhaps reacting to the world around her, saw humanity as something to claim from others, and faced erasure upon perceiving herself as incapable of acquiring it. For better or for worse, the moral codes characters create from their own intentions of living become rigid scripts to follow as self-fulfilling prophecies of their own identities.

We can see that, ultimately, characters across both games tend to follow journeys with a general structure of: bleak circumstances > feeling of powerlessness > violence as a misguided means of reclaiming the power to define oneself > entrenchment in violence becomes overbearing, coming to annihilate the very self which sought to instigate it. From the first Drakengard to the first Nier, this hasn't changed a bit. What changed is a distinct awareness in how the self, or what we might call "us" stands in conflict with the generalized other, "them", and where it uses morality as a catalyst for smoothing out the uncomfortable edges of that conflict.

In fact, the annihilation of the self as, paradoxically, an act of self-affirmation is the very core of ending D for Replicant. And this is, partly, where the inciting 9/11 quote comes into play - given our newfound empathetic understanding of where violence comes from, how do we process it? How do we make sense of it? From the way the world is established, the very act of surviving, for both replicants and gestalts, is somewhat tainted as immoral, and predicated on the erasure of an 'other'. It leaves room for later material to find itself more at ease with this question (and those circle back nicely to ending E from the new version, as well). For now, most of what the game feels comfortable in concluding comes from Kainé, who stands in contrast with most characters by fully rejecting the notion of being a moral agent throughout the entire story, yet the game still offers us the chance to save her - it, mirroring the protagonist, relentlessly believes in her. Not even that "she can be better", whatever better might mean, just that "she can be".

And obviously, finally, we can extrapolate plenty of social commentary from this. Playing off of the thematic material introduced in Automata, we could argue that Replicant's plot is, in retrospect, about slowly building up to the depiction of a certain "Death of God" - which, in nietzschean terms, is not merely society straying from religiosity, but represents an irreparable shattering in the very idea of a centralizing narrative that everyone could subscribe to and fit within. So ends humanity, not just as a species, but as a concept; no longer are people able to identify themselves as containing some unified essence of 'humanity', recognizing the other as a complete self in its own right, as they retreat into the violence that was inflicted against them, which they inflict back at the world - to have your totality reduced to a role in a play that the winner gets to write. And in that sense, I'd argue it captures specific facets of a post-9/11 climate pretty well.

Anyway, gonna make a separate post that's just about Drakengard 3, and then one that's just about Automata, but at a later time!

also, this thesis becomes more relevant when the time comes to analyze automata, but it was still helpful in having me think through the previous games, so I'll drop it here as a reference for now, and will mention it more loudly once we come to specific sections later (not about to be the next target for hbomberguy lmao): http://dspace.library.uvic.ca/handle/1828/14525

Cool that there are people writing about it!! Thank you Xinlyu Tan, the goat!!! Would love to go through more material, but I'm writing this for fun on the side... hope anyone reading this has enough fun with it to go looking for more on their own, go extend the discussion further, blah blah blah. Also hope that I make any sort of vaguely coherent point. And, lastly, I hope you enjoy yourself!

#drag on dragoon #drakengard #drakengard 3 #drakenier #nier series #nier #nier automata #nier replicant #nier gestalt #drakenier analysis