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#or dont forget it it idk thats up to you
cheswirls · 8 days
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looking @ old fic i started when i was 14/15 is so funny bc im realizing once again why i never mark fics as abandoned even if its been literal years since i've touched them. specifically i was checking docs for stuff i started and either did or didn't post to ffn.
and its like. nothing is bad??? like i can see where my outside-the-box ideal of fic writing comes from. not just fics but writing in general, i'm p sure. even if it's a total cliche plot setup, there are details on each that rly make it stand out like oh yeahhhhhh i did have this great idea once upon a time.
funny too bc was it executed well in prose??? no absolutely not i wrote like shit when i was 15. would i revive an idea one day and revise it to be less cliche or cringy while still keeping the stand-out elements??? yea maybe. i might. everything i'm currently working on that i started from 2021 up to now still holds my supreme interest, but like i'm not gonna say never.
esp since i write fic first and foremost for my own need and specifically what i like to read, it makes it impossible to consider an idea i've thought extensively about "not worth writing anymore". anyway not making this too long i jus found everything interesting to consider
#writing#this fic i pulled up from JUNE 2014 crazy was the old chosenshi au i was trying to write for a friend#i dont ship blue/silver and never will and thats prolly why i never finished it#but i do still like!! the idea of rocket!blue raised w silver and breaking free of tr while running the hoenn branch#no idea how i remembered bc it wasnt in the plot pts on the doc but she was gonna get sent to the battle frontier#to nab jirachi and have encounters w frontier brains and change her mind at the end of it all#hell i could go back and not make it ship fic at all - have silver be a little one-sided obsessed or#even jus like.. attached to blue as a rivalry like as a way to show her up at every turn#another fic around the same time was the old pokespe hs au where i changed all the dexholder's names for some reason#i have no idea where i was in reading spe bc i put lyra in for some reason and had the sinnoh trio even tho i never read past v2 of dp#idk if it was more gameverse or what but its so funny looking @ the ship list n seeing i had gold paired w black#bc i had manga!ss and manga!ferriswheel so was it rly speverse or was i projecting????#actually i think black was supposed to die and gold was gonna go thru this whole thing abt grieving#looking at the ship list so funny bc i never shipped gold/crys or entourageshi#and clearly i did not know the superiority of pmshi if i threw lyra in jus for silver#god but i do love (most!) of the alt names i gave them#would absolutely fuck up the ship list if i ever redid it tho#also have perfectworld tho im sure i have the most recent rewrite on pen and paper somewhere#that one i also gave up bc the idea i had for flare!sycamore was cringe along with#every time i went back to work on it enough time passed that i thought my writing sucked#i rewrote that damn thing so many times but oooooooo i still love the idea#as long as i changed the cringe parts to smth better i could still rock w most of these#that fic rly had everything... psychic!korrina. leaf/serena. sycamore hacking the secret to mega evo. lys/syc that ends in failure#bc of the ending line i will never forget > only in a perfect world could you and i be together. destined and doomed from the start#im rambling n im boutta run outta tags gimme a sec
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akabendyfan · 2 years
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why cant i find any goofy fanart or comics about samehada
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isn't samehada like, the main character?
that's kinda weird guys
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ferdydurke · 7 months
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I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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Suddenly realizing I've had seizures before :0 but this was just the first one where someone who knew what it was was there to witness it (my girlfriend)
That's so cool and definitely not terrifying /s
#for context i dont spasm uncontrollably like people imagine seizures#i think from the outside it probably just looks like im having a bunch of tics and staring intently and being unresponsive#but then afterwards i end up being really confused and disoriented and forgetful#so its been very easy to forget about the seizures i had in the past because i didnt remember them#until just recently when i was like 'huh that felt familiar-'#from my perspective though its like uh idk its really weird#its a bit different every time but just in general#i tend to be unresponsive even if i can tell whats happening around me#i cant talk or control what my body is doing but i know what part is moving (usually jerkinv my head or arms)#my muscles feel either really rigid or really lax#and then my vision gets so weird#everything is sparkly like colorful static and the edges of my vision gets really dark#and there's intermittent flashes of lights or floating shadows#it feels like im extremely focused and very spaced out at the same time#i keep describing it like my brain is smashing all the buttons at once cause thats what it feels like#its also kinda similar to the feeling of being electrocuted? but i dont think many of you will know what that feels like#hopefully you wont at least#i just happen to#its like a weird buzzing just under your skin that doesnt exactly hurt but doesnt exactly not hurt either#it would be like the pain of a constantly tightened muscle- not painful at first but like strenuous to endure ?#and thdn painful if it stays like that or gets worse#i feel like im not allowed to say i had a seizure because i cant go to doctors about it so i cant get diagnosed >_<#but the thing is not bei g diagnosed isnt gonna stop me from having them#yay denial /j#im hoping theyre just dissociative seizures because god i cannot deal with epilepsy on top of everything else rn#and also because i cant see doctors right now sooo#god im exhausted and scared but i feel like those words dont even measure up to how im doing right now#i dont know. im just enduring#thats all i can really do i think#but i hope i dont have to much longer...
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bunnyb34r · 3 months
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Oh my god
So 6 weeks or so ago BaldBastard tells us to get rid of the black supply tote, we're getting clear cube ones. Whatever.
The cubes are working surprisingly well, the sign holders fit perfectly in them, keeping it neat and tidy. Everyday supplies like tape, masks, and trash bags are in one, lesser used ones in another. Great.
Motherfucker shows up today and goes "you guys need a black tote. Like put the cubes in there. I don't know who told you to use those but you need the black tote."
BITCH IT WAS YOU!!! YOU FUCKING TOOK OUR TOTE AWAY! YOU FUCKING FORCED THE CUBES ON US!!! YOU!!
Then he was bitching ab how we need to liquidate more and it's like uh huh that's gonna work great until the liquidator tells us to stop sending him shit unless it specifically is in liquidation status bc they dont have the fucking money. You know, like what happened LAST YEAR.
AND he and FGM were like "you guys have a lot in the steel..." and RC and I went "no we dont! It's all basics! Trust me! Go look yourself!!!" And then they were like well pull from boxes then. Okay bitch so we're gonna have a full table of one item bc theres nothing fucking new.
I swear to god you could put an actual chicken in charge as our store manager and there would be no difference. No, it might actually IMPROVE.
#work talk#marquilla#and this was RIGHT as i was getting ready to leave my area for the day and i was like well that's tomorrows problem then bc im out ✌#most of what i have in boxes rn is shit i already have 3-4 facings of already like bitch....#and half the boxes under my table are empty anyway bc the baler is still broken and i dont want to make a shit bale pallet/ i need to use#the boxes as a placeholder so NewLady doesnt push the hanging rack shit under my table!#she has 4 table sections which is like idk 50-100ft? on one side. i have 1. and she gets sooo bitchy ab the childrens#hanging rack items being under mens like bitch thats how this WORKS that is how we did it before you came along! thats the agreement! gfy!#oh oh and BaldBastard asked who does what section and he goes i know Mar does childrens. that i have down [mentally]#and i was thinking and you better fucking never forget that you little bitch. im the only one who likes that section and is GOOD at it#RC (rightfully) threw the rest of the team under the bus though aggsgsgsgshs she was like well Mar and i are the only ones who do the#hanging rack most of the time. and no one bothers with basics but RC. we're all supposed to do the rack. im the only one who does the layout#last time our old teamlead did it she did it BACKWARDS drove me up the goddamn wall man#he was talking to rc and i separate from Newlady (the only other person he talked to) bc we were together at the time which is why she threw#them under the bus lmao
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valentinesparda · 12 days
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me doing the marriage thing with noah is very funny because the only reason I got here is that I slowly crawled my way through the stages of feelings that I go through which is typically making fun of them -> saying I like them and playing around with the idea of shipping with them but doing so in a self-deprecating way e.g. I'm not worthy of being happy so I'll dance around the subject -> waiting a year or longer to finally feel comfortable with saying I like them and that my feelings are valid -> rearrange ship lore to be more self indulgent and sometimes the very last step is to marry them so congrats noah you've gone up in the world (become fake husband)
#i just go through the five stages of grief with selfshipping LEGITIMATELY.#so now im like. going back into effies lore and figuring out where their relationship sits with vayne#which will be elaborated on in a bit (probably tomorrow morning) because no matter what if noah and effie are secretly wed or publicly wed#vayne will be soooo fucking seethy and still 'pining' after effie#but now its a matter of how long did noah and effie know eachother before they decide to elope. how long have they been wed.#need the details#bc it took vergil and gabriel like almost 30 years to tie the knot and aubrey and tommy was like 8.#so. you know. ill think about this tomorrow and maybe between brainstorming stickers ill write a little fic#i really do genuinely think that drace would love noah as her brother in law. they seem to be close in the game#i mean close enough to ship them together. i dont for obvious reasons but some people do and thats okay#bumping up effies age to 30 since im almost 30 and it makes the age gap between noah and effie not as weird (noah is 36)#im just. wehh.#next ill say caius and rowan are married for real just watch. maybe. idk. i think it would be funny if they did marry#like before ro gets hit with the crystal beam and in the early days of caius being yeul's guardian#so like TECHNICALLY even through space and time because its just ro being reincarnated or broken out of crystal#theyre still married in the eyes of the lord (etro) and caius fumes about it but ro forgets#THIS ISNT ABOUT THEM THOUGH FORGET YOU SAW ANYTJING#val.txt#otp: to be alone
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starlooove · 15 days
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He is in fact not cool with his friends killing people he just can’t do shit about it and the fact that he thinks he can do smth about (and does!) when it comes to his kids is like a major point
#like one of the main#Idk if theme is the right word#but issues surrounding Batman in general and Gotham specifically#is the high standards he holds not just those closest to him to but also the people he controls#NOW DONT GET CAUGHT UP IN UR GUT REACTION CONTROL IS A STRONG WORD BUT IM USING IT FOR A REASON#like i think the fandomification of the batfamily and seeing every character as reliable in the way they tell their own stories#is making people forget that yes bruce lowkey controls them#like not in a mean way or whatever but as much as dick and Jason rebel and say ‘fuck you old man I have my own people to take care of’#at a snap of Bruce’s fingers where are they?#right back in Gotham#which ppl say is an issue with writing and I agree like they really just can’t take anyone away from Gotham#but THATS meta like the in universe conclusion is what creates in universe analysis#and these issues are being spoken about from an in universe pov#that was just me justifying my point anywayyyd#what im saying is that like#in conclusion Ppl are forgetting that Bruce is scary and still runs this shit lmao#like a few snappy quips about emotional distance and some ‘X deserves better’ fics is making yall forget shit like spyral#or at least how it went down and ended up today and what that says about the characters involved#it’s tragic and Ik we like to ignore that but like. when look at shit like the no killing rule#yes bruce thinks he’s being slighted or failing whenever his kids kill someone and they to an extent think that too which is why they don’t#do it#or at least partly#even for Jason that’s why the killing is not just what needs to be done it’s a form of rebellion for him#everyone who agrees jason should just leave Gotham but still present as pure rebellion and anger and spitting at Bruce don’t get why Jason#should leave is all I’m saying#that’s why Dick never got away#it’s still all about Bruce#even if we don’t want it to be#reading this back it’s disjointed as hell but I’m not fixing it if u get it ily heh just a peek into my dark mind#if u don’t it’s not ur fault not everyone can withstand the alphas prowess…
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vexweylin · 2 months
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Finally got myself to accept that I will probably never properly match most of the animals I see myself as behaviour/exact looks wise because of what I am
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jrueships · 1 year
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he's Sooo snapchat girl coded
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dockaspbrak · 6 months
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what the hell
#ok not to be rude but#i sort of cant handle the depression perhaps anymore like it is unending#i dont understand why god cant just give me theability to reanimate the dead or perhaps just do it himself#i miss the little guy i kind of dont know what to even do#i feel stupid bc i feel like its like....people dont really perhaps i just dont think people are that cool about talking abt grief#esp about pets..like#i feel silly for being so depressed but i also cant perhaps handle it#the self loathing is really hitting a peak this week idk like#where do ie ven go from here is my thought i guess i dont really want to be alive or do anything i just miss him so much#he was so sweet and small#i keep getting served videos about like senior 20 yr old cats being surrendered to shelters and like#im so mad like id do anything to have gotten 2 more years with him wht the fuck are you giving them up for#what the hell#its frustrating because ir eally dont want to be comforted or even spoken to about this im just like mad#mad and bargaining clearly i forget what stages those are#depressed yet pissed off also like what the fuck did he do to deserve this it was so fucking fast#cherish your fucking pets. treasure every fucking day#ugh#maybe ill try a different kind of eating again for awhile tbh lets see what thats like in the new context of living w regan#its hard bc its human nature to criticize and correct i think so its hard to feel like i have the space to do what i want? bc of that....#idk idk
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rocaillefox · 4 months
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the anime romantic killer does genuinely seem like just a tone shift away from becoming a horror show
#ramblings#only a few episodes in but if this happened i think i would bite somebody#maybe it is the lgbt in me but being forced into potentially romantic situations#AND HAVING PEOPLE MIND CONTROLLED INTO THOSE SITUATIONS?#seems Genuinely horrifying. i would not feel comfortable getting into a relationship with anybody in this situation#not bc of anything on my end but bc mind control . completely erases all consent#and like. forget about Informed consent eithrr if they dont know about the wizard#and a wizard thats intentionally taking away things that you find joy in ???#instead of encouraging you to meet other people through those interests?????????#a wizard whos forcing you to wear more 'girly' clothes despite discomfort???#like. actually wearing clothes that have cats on them is 100% fine! you can make that into a style!#and forcing you to wear makeup??????????????????#sorry this would be literal hell on so many levels for me. im watching to see how horrible a situation it wiuld be for me#and also; shock that there are people who might adapt well to this#edit: NOT TO MENTION THE WEIRD MORALIZING ABOUT FOOD?#like yeah eating only chocolate isnt healthy but its her choice if she wants to do that?#but again: forcing someone to give something up instead of idk. Offering Other Options In Addition ???#and also the stealing away her cat...#AND LIKE. she doesnt need to become dependent on a person. and taking away her comforts until she does is blackmail#like if a guy was unable to play sports until he got a girlfriend that would be obviously fucked up right#why is it suddenly seen as more acceptable and not abusive to take away everything relating to a girl's interests until she finds a boyfrien#ntm the literal destruction of property to organize the whole scenario wtf.
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silverislander · 4 months
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got through another church service :) (people wouldn't stop touching me without asking) (got guilt tripped abt not coming around anymore twice) (extremely aware i was being watched and judged the whole time) (everyone only seems to remember my brothers accomplishments) (they still fucking do gendered call and responses in 2023)
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todayisafridaynight · 5 months
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if i doodle during unlucky monkey stream later would we be mad at me
#not rgg#snap chats#oh yeah stream later. 4:30 THE USUAL#anyway no cause i THOUGHT about drawing during it. i prob wouldnt show it on screen since#Thats A Lot Going On LOL but im only askin in the event i do and im half-paying attention so no one wonders why im Half-Paying Attention#unlucky monkey one of my fave movies and because of that ive always wanted to draw art for it but i keep getting distracted#i suppose the best time to do so would be. during my fourth rewatch of it LOL#there a lot of ttm movie art i wanna make tbh lol... like ive made SOME but theres still more i wanna do#oh but yeah if youve read this far. for whatever reason. after unlucky monkey it'll be a normal judgment stream#'snap what do you mean normal judgment stream' i mean im playing the game for four hours LOL#i need to catch up on lost time so. lol.#i realize pretty much everyone will leave halfway into it if not the first hour of it but thats prob for the best#i'll vod it in any case so if anyone really cares to see it it'll be there#ok bye i have to. uh. god idk#im ngl i still feel crummy LOLOL but i promise i wont be crummy during stream#i forgot the most important thing about streams and that being streams are equivalent to being on stage#i mean i never became an actor for a reason LOLOL#it's a performance art and i forgot that and im mad about it. BUT I WONT FORGET THIS TIME so dont worry bout me bein ill during stream#well. ill in /that/ sense. we are watching a ttm movie ahaaaaa im a sicko 😩#IN ANY CASE. hope to see people there :) for the judgment segment i promise to make up for yesterday#NOW im gonna uhhhhh yeah idk :) oh my god my organ hurts im going to kill myself#im gonna stare at this google doc for a hot minute
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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theevilicecreamsoda · 6 months
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I think i ever processed anything that happened from 2021 to now like ever
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rat-rosemary · 7 months
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Tbh dre made tweets before the long one like the very passive aggressive "great minds think alike or something" and saying he was going to fight q (inb4 "IT WAS A JOKE" if q not saying shit was enabling drama I think that also counts as enabling drama lmao)
The thing is, those tweets were so clearly Dream trying his best to dismiss the hate and trying to make both his fans and Quackity fans calm down, specially since the norm with dtkq at the time were light hearted jabs like that
(Actually, honestly considering all that happen I think Dream was taking it very well? I mean, yeah it would of course have been better if they had talked it out and figured out how to do these two servers that were similar without stepping on each other toes, but if there were people showing up at mine and my friends house and a person who I thought was my friend suddenly started ignoring me I would react much much worse then just making some light hearted jabs at them on twt)
Edit: wait actually what does "inb4" mean
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