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catsauceeartofficial · 1 month

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Accepting isolation, craving belonging

#art #digital art #comic #long post #this is kind of vent?#I don't want to be all I had a rough childhood wahh #I just find it bizarre to have so many little aspects of my childhood shape me #I crave isolation #I thrive in isolation #But I want to belong #I want to intimately know someone #and I want someone to intimately know me #This is to all the people who have loved me #even if we dont talk anymore #i love you and have loved you and i want nothing but for you to be happy #original post

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kroosluvr · 3 months

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Life's beauty is like a myriad of flowers, and I want to pluck the one that never wilts.

#hey ruanmei gang its me again. Ya boy #i love. LOVE. overgrown nature themes and seeing her lab with all t he fucking glass TUBES and PLANTS and everything so neat and tidy i #just wanna see it all UNRAVEL bro i want it FUCKED UP #i think abt ruan mei abandoning her creations the things she raised bc they dont serve a purpose for her anymore but the plants keep reachi #g for the sunlight right. so full of life regardless of if they feel or think or speak. just like ruan mei huh.#im running out of space ill talk another time #ruan mei #honkai star rail #honkai star rail fanart #cele draws

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1945sellmeats · 7 months

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based on some image i saw i dont know. sex penis

#dont talk to me about the new dragon ball. i will cry and die. i dont want to think about it anymore #son goku #goku #vegeta #dbz #dragon ball z #dragon ball #art #drawing

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arty-cakes · 5 months

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being both a bretta and zote fan is so so painful actually ppl will always find some way to make sure they never interact again or use the latter to (seriously) demonize zote for stuff he never did while also mischaracterising bretta and i 💥👊💥🥊👊🤜🤛💥🤜👊🤜💥🤜💥🥊 🤜👊👊👊🤜💥 im not good at putting into words why this is frustrating

either make them divorced mortal enemies or reluctant friends who actually enjoy eachother's company either of those are funnier but why make up stuff that didnt happen and then pretend its canon and the reason why they should never talk again..... thats so boring

i was gonna leave this in the tags but no i wanna talk

i know im complaining here but its honestly not an issue i see a-lot like i do see them being enemies or friends in fancontent and to the ppl who do that ily very much. its always cool. and people like my dynamic too and when they let me know it makes me rlly happy lol

but i feel like people need to understand that not every situation is good or bad sometimes they are just. situations. like bretta and zote

and i still feel like there's this general misunderstanding about zote that needs to be cleared up which is that he's not actually.... a liar lol. or i mean the only person he lies to is himself and he's not pretending to be a knight he really BELIEVES he's a knight. don quixote coded like he rlly believes he killed the vengefly king and won the colosseum tournament and whatever. all confirmed by his dreamnail dialogue like it makes it REALLY CLEAR that he believes what hes saying. he's actually having delusions thats why most people in hollow knight choose to help him out its why he cant process life threatening situations. he's still annoying just because of his general personality but NOT because of his delusions. (i'd say something profound about how usefulness ties to worth in most people's subconscious and its rooted in ableism and its why zote hate is so loud and normalized but i dont know how to) basically he is not out here 'manipulating' anyone wtf

bretta's delusional too btw the game literally calls her out (gpz godhome description i think). personally i like that canon decided these two should meet and the result was this awfully tough dreamgod that u can fight 10x that's hilarious to me. if a fan made this up and it never happened in canon i would be like 'holy shit this should be a dlc this WOULD happen' because these two are just like that

also people seriously forget that bretta didnt just leave because of zote she left because of ghost too. girl just had enough of short knights ok she was done with both of them if you bring her back to town she's not suddenly gonna realize ghost is heroic and cool and be apologetic and want them back and zote's mad and jealous. <- this out here is mischaracterising ALL 3 of them its so juvenile what.... and i just dont think she'd care that much about either of them, a lot like how zote barely gives a shit about the infection or never realizes she left, they both have tunnel vision these two are the same do you see it

also tell me he was lying when he called ghost a beast because they are thats all they've been striving for this is a compliment to them i know it

this isnt reallyyy a rant. its a personal grievance because i like them both so i care about their portrayal and interactions and i like it when they aren't lonely. but also they're really light-hearted characters so why not just treat them like that....they go through shit and then they move on easily and go through it all over again. its been 7 years can we cut them a break. i dont wanna see anymore mischaracterising unless its really funny

#i get that this is specifically a hk fandom problem #so my only real solution was to leave the fandom 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️i dont engage with it that much anymore i usually talk to my mutuals+friends #it actually has made me happier!#and yeah there are a lot of fandom problems here i usually ignore them but this is one i actually want to call out a little

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manda-kat · 7 days

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I'm so sorry and I know if you're like this it means you have a lot of struggles- but like constantly talking about how much everyone hates you and how terrible and miserable you are and making suicidal jokes every time you talk to someone makes them NOT want to talk to you.

There is such thing as too much personal information and bringing the mood down in every conversation will make people associate you with bad moods. And if someone knows that every time they see you you're going to launch into a speech about how much they must hate you and how you should kill yourself, then they're going to see that as a sign that their presence is actively upsetting you.

You hurt the people around you when you can't keep a handle on what you say. For your own sake you need to change how you interact.

#thinking of so many people I know rn #I dont talk to people much anymore because I can't take how many times I've been told that my rejection will make them hurt themselves #your mental health isnt anyones responsibility #your friends want to help you but you have to make an effort to help yourself too #this kind of thing nearly ruined me as a teenager

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fcbarcelohna · 10 months

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June 24, 1987

Happy Birthday Lionel Messi!

“I am a normal person. I have the same life as any human being. When I finish playing, doing my work, I have my family, my friends, and I live like any other person.”

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ganondoodle · 3 months

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in light of the news that riot games is letting go 11% of their workers (over 500 people), including long time workers responsible for big parts of the best lore in the entire league ip, AND cutting down LoR AND abandoning Riot Forge (the best idea they had in years lol)-

i stopped playing league a long time ago for multiple reasons, but one of the big ones were my annoyance with the increasingly shit ass monetization (thats only getting WORSE and MORE exploitative) and my frustration with its constant boring ass design decisions (like every new champ being either sexy girly girl that looks like all of the rest of them or sexy guy thats also starting to have the same problem plus all skins putting female champs in just another dress no matter how monsterfied the male champs were-) with my only interest in it being the lore and the attachment i felt to certain characters

im not even really interested in arcane anymore .. i was looking forward to it bc i like fortiches work alot but given how riot immedaitely wanted to make it canon (a dumb and stupid idea) after the first season was successful, which already made it less enjoyable for me, this is just ... idk, what does it matter

these news together with how bafflingly badly written totk was and its subpar quality (especialyl for that PRICE) that made me fear the future of loz yet it was still wildly sucessful (we deserve better than this!!), the recent commercial success of the plagiarism pokemon slavery/trafficking game and the general situation of the games industry, with AI rampant and CEOs sucking it up to shareholders only, constant massive lay offs everywhere in every studio

i have little hope left there will be new, good, games from big studios .. what an exhausting shitty world we live in

#ganondoodles talks #random #personal #save me good indie games #good indie games....#good indie games save me ..#im well aware that there are more important things than video games #but this just adds to the oeverall exhausting feeling of everything everywhere in every industry and every part of the world getting worse #like fuck #cant soemthing good be happening for once #maybe less death and destruction #both literally and in an artistical sense #genuinely not looking forward to anything anymore #im not gonna dare to hope for a new good loz game bc hell it will be years and totk was a grim view into the future of the franchise #i dont want to be disappointed like this again-#i wanna mention again that i set my expectation extremely low for totk- all i wanted was a sequel to botw- or just a good game #and my god was it not #dont try to argue with me #im angry and tired

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ngc-5194 · 6 months

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yknow i could very easily accept someone not liking the mobile kh games if people actually gave... understandable reasons??

mostly i've heard that they're 'inaccesable'. which. they're in general more accessable since the console they run on is a phone, a device more people have than a ps4. though, granted, it is the offline version of both games only.

however, if you don't have a phone, have limited space on your phone, or are uninterested in a mostly unplayable game, all of which are understandable, there are cutscene compilations (ux (story important, all), dr) available on youtube too!

if the lots of reading is the issue then there is a completely dubbed version of the cutscenes of ux and you can easily find voiced playthroughs of both union x and dark road on youtube as well.

(for instance, here is a playthrough of dark road that i watched as my phone needed repairs by the time i had caught up with the series enough to move onto khdr. but, of course, there are many more options if you simply search up 'kingdom hearts [dark road/union x] playthrough' on youtube. find whichever one suits the kind of videos you like to watch best!)

if you don't have the time to sit through all of the cutscenes, there are summaries also avaliable! here is a video one for union x, and though unfortunately i can't find a similar one for dark road, it is also always acceptable to just read the wiki section on the story of the game! (here is the union x wiki section as well)

the other major complaint i've heard is that it's 'too confusing' or that the story 'doesn't make sense in parts'.

to which i first must ask, what part of kingdom hearts does make sense to you then? many many signifigant, heavily important parts of this series can be the most mind boggling things you have ever read or heard. so much so that we are known as the fans of that overly complex and insane disney game. that is what we are known for!!

and more to an actual point, there are many many people out there in this fandom who would be thrilled to talk to you about parts of the plot you found confusing. who have posts pages and pages long on minute details.

we are all fans of this weird ass game series and we all can. i don't know. help each other, newcomers and people who have been here awhile alike. us fans who like the mobile games are no different. we are willing to share and help and explain anything you need.

and as for the take that the mobile games are 'unimportant'.

strelitzia, someone deeply important to marluxia, larxene, and ventus' backstories, is seemingly implied to be one of the main characters in kh4 and if you have no knowledge of union x, then you likely have zero idea who she is.

the foretellers and the master of masters are being set up as potential villians in the next arc of the series. all of these characters were introduced in union x, four years before back cover released. and while yes, back cover gives the perspective of the foretellers more while union x is from the eyes of the keykids, there are many interactions with the foretellers in union x, beyond the scope of back cover, that are deeply important to the plot and establishment of their characters.

while yes, dark road has drastically less set up for the future in it, as all of the characters featured are now dead, it gives a lot of depth to xehanort and eraqus both. eraqus' behaviours and motivations are given reason—not necessarily morally good ones, and certainly not ones that always provide justification for his actions, but actual fully defined reasons for it all.

as it has always been with kh, every game is important to understand the story. you couldn't simply play kh1 kh2 and kh3 and expect to understand everything, and you can not expect to understand everything if you don't at least know surface level of the stories of the mobile games too.

you do not have to play them yourself. they do not have to be your favourite games in the series. if you are reading this and you hate them, you can stay not liking them even for all i care.

but you have to accept that they are important to the plot of the series. that they can not simply be ignored if you want to grasp the entire story of kingdom hearts.

#kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts union x #khux #kingdom hearts dark road #khdr #khuxdr #long post #SORRY #i am just. can barely stand it here anymore #like. you're perfectly allowed to just Not Like them. thats literally fine. who cares #but at least just come out and SAY that you just dont like them #stop burrying it behind 'it's not important and it's a phone game waah wah'#just say you don't like the games. i really don't care if you hate them with all your heart and soul. just. stop being a coward. and Say It #anyway. uh. who wants to talk about khml with me :3

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littlelightfish · 18 days

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The hearts don't mean he is in love with no one. The problem with English is how vague of the word love is in his meaning. It envolves different kinds of caring in one single word. But I'll try to express here what I mean.

He cares, as a person, about everyone. This is a basic level of love that he haves towards everybody. He doesn't want anyone to actually die, that's what I mean. He doesn't necesarily cares about someone, but he loves them enough to not want them to die.

He starts befriending someone and gets to know it. He starts liking things about them and disliking others. He starts loving this people in another way, we'll call it liking. This is more a get-to-know phase he doesn't always like. The less he knows, the less reasons to get attached get attached he has. I think this are the kind of love the hearts show in the image. He has to make sure to keep a balance between how much he loves and how much he let's himself be loved. He doesn't want to have misunderstandings. He is in constant fear of "what if I made them love me more and they care more?"

And then it comes the deeply care that love is in the non-romantic way. This care a (good) parent has for his babies. The love that makes people suffer emotionally in an absolute different way from what it could be a heartbreak or a misunderstanding between friends. If something happens to the loved one, the pain is unbearable. It's one of the worst things rhat can happen. And Chilchuck knows this, he is father of three daughters, and his wife left him. She left, he knows the pain it is to come home and find it empty when there should be someone. He knows the guilt it comes with failing those loved ones. The shame. He doesn't like being this vulnerable. This love makes him suffer like no other does. So he is very very carefull of how much he allows himself to care about someone so he won't get to love like this.

He draws a line between work and private life because his private life envolves love and deep care, and he doesn't want to love nor care like this for people who's job is to constantly risk their lifes. He doesn't want to feel the anguish, he doesn't want to feel the loneliness it will come after the unenviable separation of the party.

He tries his best to not get attached to people. To not let people get attached to him. But he fails. He fails and falls downstairs with a whole drum set.

He can't help but to care about this people. He can't help but to love this people he's been living with the past few weeks in the risking of their lifes. He tells himself he's doing this for money and that he doesn't care, but he does.

Those hearts don't mean anything other than him caring about them. He cares about Senshi. He cares about Marcille. He cares about Laios. About Itsuzumi. About Namari. He cares in a way that hurts. He loves this people. He doesn't want to even imagine a world in where they are gone, or suffering, or in problems. They're his friends, they're something he, unwillingly, accepts as family.

He cares about Falin and Mickbell because he doesn't want them dead. He doesn't feel any anguish toward if they do or not get hurt after they're out of his sight. Sure, he cares, but he can live without thinking about them the rest of his days. It doesn't happen like that with Laios. He can't just simply let Laios go and follow Fallin just after he recover consciousness from a punch in the gut. Was it Mickbell, he would let him if he really didn't wanted. But Laios didn't wanted to sit and wait, and he had to care. He had to verbalize to himself that he cared. He had to let them know, so they would act accordingly. So they won't get themselves killed like idiots.

He doesn't want others to fall in romantic love with him. He doesn't feel romantic love towards anyone either. He isn't the man for this kind of love. He is, in fact, afraid of it. He doesn't want to fall in love, because he's still in love with his wife. She left him because he was negligent. But since when has this become the definitive stop for love? Chilchuck knows his wife is angry at him, and she has all the reason to be so! His husband, the one she loved and cared for, gets himself in dangerous situations, treats his body poorly and almost never is home. She loves him, and it hurts her to love like this, so she leaves. Like this she won't have to look at him get himself mistreated like he does. She would have the pull in her's stomach that tells her that he could be in great danger, that she could become a widow, but she tries to calm it with his daughter's mail to him. He could never. He can't imagine a world in wich they cease to exist. A world without his wife, even if she distanced herself, without his daughters, would be a world worthless of living. He knows this. Because he cares and he loves in such a deep level that he is scared of loving anyone else like this. To become so vulnerable to emotion. This vulnerable to something bad happening.

The fact that he is so afraid of loosing his wife, even after she left him, says a lot. He still cares about her. He is still in love with her. He wants to go back to what it was before, but he can't and he know its his fault. And he respects his wife's distance because he loves her. Now, he doesn't love her in the movie way, he isnt in love like a teenager would to his first girlfriend, he doesn't want to kiss her, or hug her, or be by her side at all moments of the day. He loves her. He cares about her deeply, deeply enough that he doesn't need to be by her side to care, to love. He also respects her. He can survive without her because he knows she's better with his daughter. For sure he wants to hug, kiss and be by the side of this person he loves, it would be ideal, but he can survive without thinking about it too much. It's just like with his daughters. They're all adults that now live far from him. And he is ok with it now. He sends mail and recieves mail, and even if he misses greatly, he can manage not to think about it. Because he knows she is allright. Because he knows he fucked up. He doesn't know where he fuked up, but for his wife to leave him, at least he knows he did. They never talked about it, because they both seem to have a problem in expressing themselves. She fell into a bad mood and then she disappeared. The amount of pain he must have felt it's... let's say it's quite big.

He keeps his guard up. He doesn't want to love deeply anyone. He doesn't want to feel the emptiness, the hurt, that comes after someone so dear leaves. He knows for a fact he'll be leaving this people. He knows that they could die. If he loves, it will hurt in a way nothing else hurts. He will miss. He doesn't like missing people he cares like this. This is why he doesn't want to love. This is why he doesn't want to be loved. This is why those hearts that are almost full are his main source of concern. This is why he makes the effort to keep this feelings at bay, to love only in the friendly way and with extreme caution.

But he can't controll his own love. And he ends up caring more and more about these people. He slowly makes him a part of the dangerous love zone that family means. He is afraid to confuse someone about his feelings towards them, so he still tries to maintain distance with his abusive remarks, but this only works so far. He loves and is loved. And because of this he will suffer.

I... I extended myself a bit I see...

#i dont even know what im talking about anymore #but i hope i made sense #as an aroace i feel the need of being extra cautious about how people think of my relationship with them #because I dont want them to like me romantically #i want friendship #because its so uncomfortablr #not #love #so this Chil here is basically me trying to figure out if saying certain things could be considered flirting or not by the other #i shouldnt care #it isnt my fault if they do fall in love with me #but i would be happier if they didnt #to know someone is in love wirh you #and that you dont love him back #but youre still friends #so youre friends but the other wants to be more than that #and to avoid that i gotta measure every interaction #maybe im a bit paranoid #but it has happened to me to have friends fall in love with me #and i dont want to hurt their feelongs but i definitely dont lovs rhem bacj #because i care abkut them in a friendly way #and i don't want them to suffer because of me. but I dont want to suffer because of them either #its all way to complicated? yes bit thing is that chil here represents me interacting with my friends #but in my case the hearts would be romantic #dungeon meshi #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #my shit

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mystical-one · 6 months

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WARNING IM GOING TO BE HONEST AND EARNEST HERE. i really unironically unconditionally liked now and then

#like honestly i listened to it 2794288 times in the shower and came to the disgraceful revelation that like. oh my god it is a fucking beatl #es song and theyre 81 and 83 and 37 and 52 and theyre still ON the same song and fuck shit yes i get the solo is NOT georges and it makes me #a little upset but its still done in his memory and his style andthis is PAUL we are talking about and of course he is going to run away #with a project like this and going to do the solo but EVEN then he made the solo with george in mind and tried to emulate his style whether #it was an accurate representation or not they still care so fucking much. theyre the FUCKING beatles releasing music TODAY what the fuck #i will definitely feel different about this tomorrow morning but ive listened to this thing through on repeat since it released and buddy.#who care. like SO fucking much everyone care but WHO CARE!!!!!!!!! OLD MAN BEATLES YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY IN 2023!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry does this make sense. like im a george defender until i die but i could heard his guitars enough to be moderately pacified and #honestly im too tired and excited and emotionally drained to care anymore. tjey tried so so hard to do something and they DID it #i have a much MUCH more nuanced opinion that i could go into. but i dont want to rn🙏🏻#emi's meandering jotts

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spoopy-nevermore-dump · 9 months

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Hey pssst hey. Have you ever considered: Montada?

I hate it, and it nearly killed my hyperfixation

But I understand my opinion on this may affect others, and many may be hurting from this episode soooooooooo

Art requests open

#nevermore webtoon #i debated on posting this response when you sent it because 1) spoilers but 2) i swear i neededa fucking warning for this shit #“jessie and james vibes” my ass #monty has been giving off major r@pist vibes since his introduction #and while this makes sense as a good angsty plot point for ada. i dint think it should be endgame for a plethora of reasons #the past month ive known about this ive been waiting for the community divide that will probably occur ocer this #and i dont want people to fight #nevermore has been there for me for well over a year. helping me through the days since 11th grade. when i was 16. and im graduated now. 18 #the community has been an absolute blast. even if im not as active on maincord anymore. with life getting busy and just too much to backrea #and im scared of losing that #but hey i got some art coming up in the next few days and I'm about to go to a wedding and you bet your ass im bringing my sketchbook #pls give me requests ive been in idea art block #and i dont think you guys want me making a bunch or horror movie aus cause that may end up in me drawing slight gore eventually #sorry to the other patrons for lying how i felt about this ship #i did truly feel neutral when i first saw it but now it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth #it makes me feel sick #a good part of my feelings towards it is due to how it got talked about in the Patreon streams and how uncomfortable it made me and others

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madame-mongoose · 3 months

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I wish mental health services were more easily accessible and certain mental illnesses weren't still demonized in the field

#still pursuing a bpd diagnosis #but a lot of the specialists im seeing online are all like #have you been victimized abused or manipulated by someone with bpd?#and im like :(#ough im not ready to have ANOTHER heavily stigmatized mental illness #but despite that i still do hope i get diagnosed #i think it would explain a lot #and really help me work through my issues #before it gets to that tipping point #it already has come close multiple times just this year alone #i just... idk #i want to be better i want to get better #i dont want to hurt people anymore. i dont want to hurt myself anymore #it sucjs it really does #sorry for vent posting again #i just dont have anywhere else to go #and i dont feel comfortable talking to people about this stuff usually #everyone tells me i can talk to them but.. idk. its hard to do that. so many things can go wrong. i dont like talking about myself #i like for people to have a certain image of me. prefer people not to worry themselves over me #it brings bad feelings and associations sometimes #which if i have bpd can be thhe cause of that i suppose. just makes me feel insecure? ig? guilty? makes me feel like a bad person #when people try to get me to take care of myself. even if its a good thing #idk im just rambling #nobody take this in a bad way or feel discouraged in fact dont pay any mind to this #im just spitballing #will probably delete later #monnie rambles

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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they‘re exes your honor

#masadai #rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza like a dragon #snap chats #i dont have time to draw them anymore but im still ill about them and i still want them to be bitter exes #this esp funny to me cause for some reason i always imagine aoki and daigo playing chess #i still want them to be petty esp after playing ishin and reading up on history like cmon #i dont even think daigo should hate aoki like that i just think he should be tired #he at least got masumi as a dad that's the biggest W you can ever get in this series #not to continue the trend of talking about fatherhood today #i dont want to take my exam wehhh let me make cringe memes only three people will like #LISTEN ive convinced people this ship's Solid alright im running with it and im dragging you all along

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lover-of-mine · 3 months

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Sevenish Sentence Sunday!

I was tagged by @try-set-me-on-fire @eddiebabygirldiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @wikiangela @spotsandsocks @daffi-990 @jesuisici33 @rainbow-nerdss thank you 💜

Have some more of the Buck proposes to Natalia fic because i really like this bit even if this is on Eddie's pov just because Buck refused to let me get into his head for the actual fight because i really do like my tragically pining Eddie povs prev snippet

You need to move on. I have. Eddie doesn't know why he's thinking about that now. But he feels the same way he did in his kitchen trying to pretend he could feel like a normal human again if he just made it through a couple more days while Buck kept trying to get him to stop lying. Buck always knows when to call bullshit on what Eddie's saying. Buck's gonna call bullshit now. Eddie can see it in his eyes. And it's weird because Buck is never the one to pick a fight. But there's a fire in his gaze that leaves Eddie scared, if he's truly honest. Maybe he won't have to make it through the wedding because it seems like everything is about to crash and burn right now.

No pressure tagging 🩷: @sherlockcrossing @watchyourbuck @steadfastsaturnsrings @giddyupbuck @captain-hen @wildlife4life and you if you have something to share 💜💜

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quietwingsinthesky · 13 days

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the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they #already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that.#but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did.#and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe.#but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people.#a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part?#but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt.#anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here #theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never #escape.#i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord.#but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s #physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering…#but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong #its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know?#i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond #their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!!#what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly*#human!!!#enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one.#does that make sense?

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