#or hehe time to fall the fuck over because you lost your sense of gravity

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i do not understand exactly how i’m meant to handle vertigo

google is a little unclear on if i’m meant to rest, or if i’m meant to just stumble about my day to day life hoping i don’t face plant like a dumbass

i’m assuming the latter is probably a bad plan (mostly based on the look my flatmate gave me when i brought this up) but also,,,,, is resting beneficial here,,, would acting normal actually make it worse,,,

i’m becoming very aware that the NP i saw today did not expand on the subject much and i’m creating a list of mental questions to ask when she rings tomorrow to check in

#i genuinely don't know #like based on what my flatmate said i should not try going to class tomorrow probably because i risk hurting myself #but would that actually. worsen the vertigo. ignoring physical injury #does working at home make things worse?? or is it fine to study. #am i supposed to just nap for a couple days then be like woah i'm not in the spin cycle of a washing machine anymore! #i mean i know vertigo apparently goes away on it's own. so i'm not saying sleeping will help #i just do not know how i am supposed to be functioning sdlkfjhsdkfjhskdjf #i don't even know if hitting my teacher up like ayo...can i have another extension...shit's spinning is valid #like yeah it kind of makes it hard to fucking do work when your head is like hehe room go spinny #or hehe time to fall the fuck over because you lost your sense of gravity #but like. there are periods between that. where i am theoretically fine. #not so much today. today has been. a long washing machine ride #but other days #i don;t know! i just exist here!

[cookieswriting]

Make This Right (SEAL Team)

Fandom: SEAL Team Prompt: Falling from a Great Height Characters: Clay Spenser, BRAVO Team

((The physical whump doesn’t come til next chapter, but there’s some emotional whump here for ya hehe))

“Figures that the cake-eaters are sending us out yet again, before we even get a chance to breathe,” Ray muttered, eyes flicking over to Sonny as they all started packing their equipment.

Clay watched the team silently for a moment, feeling the weight of the world press down on his shoulders.  A nagging voice in the back of his mind accused that this latest spin-up is on him...because his father leaked more information about DEVGRU missions, and once again implied that he’d gotten it from his son.  Since they’d found out - particularly since they’d gotten word immediately after of their new mission - Bravo had been short and biting with him.  Trent and Brock hadn’t spoken a word to him, Sonny hadn’t really said much of substance to anyone considering he’d only been released from the hospital three hours prior to getting called back, and Jason hadn’t taken time to listen to him.  The Team Leader had cut him short when Clay’d attempted to defend his innocence, telling him that they hadn’t even gotten over Korea and didn’t need to be dealing with another issue so soon.

Still, the youngest team member hated the idea of spinning up with this tension between them.  “Hey, guys, I need to say something before we-”

“Unless it has to do with why the hell you didn’t follow us to the infirmary after we got Sonny out of that God-forsaken torpedo tube, now is not the time, Spenser.  Pack it up and let’s go.”

The sharp retort of his Master Chief startled him, Clay’s back straightening instinctively and emotions sliding from his face.  The entire team fell silent, their stares adding to the heaviness on the blonde’s back.  

“It’s no big deal, boss-man, we know he was too busy talkin’ to his daddy,” Sonny joked, coming into Clay’s cage to punch his shoulder as the rest of the team chuckled somewhat uneasily.  The Texan might as well have punched him, full force, in the gut...he’d never thought the team was bothered that he’d lingered after Sonny had been cleared out. Shock and helplessness had left him unsteady as they’d carried his teammate away, and he’d needed a moment to gather himself and process the fact that they hadn’t lost Sonny.  The orange cap had become something of an anchor in the week since that hellish day; he’d honestly found himself grateful that Sonny had yet to ask for it, the reminder that his family, his true family, was still intact.

And then his father had to ruin everything. Again.  He was going to lose his team, whether emotionally or by his removal, because of that asshole, and there was clearly nothing he would be able to say or do to stop it.

Lisa Davis watched the exchange from the doorway, and recognized the gravity of the moment...the potential that it had to break Bravo Team.  Clay was taking their words to heart, though she knew their reactions were borne of frustration towards the Brass for sending them out before Sonny could really recover from his traumatic incident and not towards Clay.  

After Sonny’s joke, the team fell back into tense silence and boarded the plane.  Clay set up his hammock as far back in the plane as he could. Davis noticed a familiar orange baseball cap tucked in his back pocket as he settled down and fell asleep, an attempt to avoid his teammates she was sure.

“Sonny, Jase,” Lisa called quietly once she was certain that he was actually sleeping.  She gestured for them to join her near the straps.  

“Hey Davis, what’s up?” Sonny drawled.  She hated how just his voice stirred emotions in her chest that they had yet to talk about - and wouldn’t be able to until they got back from whatever hell this latest mission was sure to bring.

“Are you pissed at Spenser?” Sonny’s face scrunched in confusion, and Jason rolled his eyes.

“Is this about what I said in the cages about the infirmary? I was pissed off about this whole fiasco, he was the easiest target to lash out at, kid knows not to take that shit to heart.”

“Yeah well he did,” Lisa snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.  “If any of you had bothered to pay attention to him, you might’ve noticed him completely shut down.”  The rest of the team started to gather, hearing the bite in her voice and realizing something was up.  “Starting with your comment about him not following to the infirmary,” she pointed at Jason first, then to Sonny.  “And then he really withdrew when you made the comment about his father.”

Sonny shook his head.  “Nah, I was just jokin’...”

“His father leaks a story about one of our missions and implies that Clay was his source before Korea...and apparently another story while you were out, which I’m sure he heard about as soon as you landed Stateside.”  Her gaze passed around the teammates, frustrated that none of them had picked up on their youngest teammate’s distress.  “He’s probably wrecked about it, and was looking to his team for support.  Instead he got accusations and snark about the very thing he’s afraid people think he’s guilty of.”

“We all know Ash is an asshole,” Ray insisted.  “Just like we all know that Clay would never betray us...he’s not his father…”

Lisa huffed.  Men. “Did anyone bother to let Clay know those things?  That you don’t believe his father like everyone else seems to?”  The lack of response was answer enough.  “That kid has spent his entire life in his father’s shadow, has spent his entire military career fighting to make the name Spenser mean something positive, but his old man has gotten in the way every single time he’s tried.  But with this new book, and these interviews where Ash is implicating his own son? The first time was easy enough to write off, but the second time not so much…” She shook her head.  “He is so used to people seeing the worst in him, seeing his father in him, and when he tried to make sure his team didn’t look at him like everyone else, you snapped at him and reinforced his belief.  Great teamwork there, boys.”  She turned to walk away from them, but stopped and spun back to Jason and Sonny.  “And as far as the infirmary shit is concerned, I wasn’t there, but I can tell how shaken he was by what happened in that sub.”  She turned her eyes to Sonny, who looked devastated himself.  “Even thinking his team has turned on him, he still holds on to your stupid lucky hat.  I haven’t seen him without it since you got home.”

Sonny’s flinch was somewhat satisfying.  Good, he needs to realize what’s going on with that kid.  “I...I just assumed it’d gotten left behind on the sub.”  Lisa gestured towards the other end of the plane.  Sonny turned and approached the blonde silently, clenching his jaw and sighing when he caught a glimpse of the hat in his brother’s back pocket.  He returned to the others with a fresh sense of dejection.  “Fuck.”

“You need to leave him be for now...but make this right,” she growled, staring down each and every man around her.  They all nodded solemnly, and dropped onto the bench seats silently, waiting for Spenser to wake up or for time to prepare for the mission.  Lisa left them to their thoughts and settled in to get some sleep herself.

#SEAL team fanfic #badthingshappenbingo #clay spenser whump #clay spenser #jason hayes #sonny quinn #lisa davis #trent sawyer #ray perry #brock reynolds