#or is it a mind game where ive NEVER BEEN ABLE TO SING and im only just realizing

[pabotofus]

every day i open my mouth and i make terrible little noises

#emma rambles #sometimes they are on purpose and then its funny #but sometimes i am Trying and my throat just Fails Me and its like what the fck #*slams table* let me Sing goddamn it #playing mind games like is this a new and annoying development #or is it a mind game like whenever i TRY to sing well i can't #or is it a mind game where ive NEVER BEEN ABLE TO SING and im only just realizing #not that like. i can't sing #but the sheer mediocrity of everything is just hitting rn #dont look at me im grrrrrrrrrrrrr im angy #not fandom related

[ronsenburg]

i saw this post and IMMEDIATELY started writing an essay, so I moved it here so as not to clutter up someone else’s post...........

it absolutely blows my mind that, today in 2021, i honestly can’t remember what’s canon from the turnabout serenade case, what i read in a fanficition, and what is my own personal HC. like, it’s been more than a decade since i played the case for the first time and it’s probably been 5ish years since the last time i played AJ (definitely forgot to play it again before writing youngblood which is.... contributing to this) so i really don’t know if what goes on in my head is accurate, but, over the years, i’ve come up with a Lot of Thoughts, which i’ll discuss below. 

tldr; it’s all about power (the desire for, the subversion of, the need to maintain), but if you’d like the specifics, here you go:

daryan: i think the explanation that he did it for “the money” is a line. please don’t mistake me, daryan is an asshole and a murderer, im not discounting that, but in court ive always thought that he was playing the part that everyone- especially klavier- is expecting of him. he’s the bad guy. might as well make it a finale for the books.

i’ve always seen daryan and klavier as opposite sides of the same coin when it comes to family and career aspirations. where i imagine klavier came from a well off and well loved family before his parents died, i see daryan from a working class, difficult upbringing. i read a few papers on the psychology of children/parenting style of police officers and decided early on that daryan’s dad was also a cop. his mother is either dead or (more likely) left them early on. dad coped by working a little too hard, gambling/drinking a little too much, and was overall not around a lot and kind of an authoritarian/controller when he was. it left daryan with a lot of anger he had to cope with, about what it means to be a cop, the idea of a “just cause” and the ends justifying the means, and an issue with authority (which is laughable, considering what a bully he turned out to be. sometimes we emulate our parents unintentionally; it’s the only thing we have to model our behavior on). so daryan started off at a disadvantage. klavier started off loved and supported and surrounded by expensive belongings, but the death of his parents and the subsequent emotional and financial abuse by his newly appointed guardian/brother left him in a similar place by the time he and daryan met. i think it was probably the foundation for their bond, and i think it’s why klavier decided to become a prosecutor instead of following in his brother’s footsteps and why daryan ultimately decided to enter law enforcement as well. i think they had a lot of optimistic, idealistic thoughts on being better than the people that hurt them, on utilizing the law to make the world a better place. i don’t think klavier ever conceived that kristoph could have wanted him in the prosecutors office as another pawn to play, and i don’t think he realized how fluid daryan’s morality could be.

shipping alert—you guys know me, im crazy for the idea of a “best friends to on again off again lovers to tenuous coworkers to bitterly disappointed in but still harboring feelings for the other person despite being on opposite sides” dynamic between daryan and klavier. i honestly can’t separate the ship from the case and im sorry about it. if you read youngblood you know that i think daryan started to resent klavier pretty early on, when they were still together, when the band was still successful, because klavier was able to move forward and work through the issues of his past while daryan was seemingly stuck. yes, daryan had made detective and the gavinners were a hit, he’d risen above his initial social standing and thrown off the control his father, he had money and fame and a future. but everything he had was because of klavier. daryan needed klavier, emotionally, morally, financially. but even when klavier was professing his love for daryan, both privately and in the form of chart topping songs, he didn’t need daryan. it was obvious (and of course, healthy, but how do children of abuse learn what a healthy relationship looks like without help? especially when the only relationships you’ve ever had are codependent and, in some ways, just as toxic?) and so things spiraled. daryan got possessive and angry again and klavier got distant and they broke up and got back together and broke up and didn’t get back together but kept ending up back in each other’s arms for comfort and for support and because how the hell do you move on when the person you’ve been in love with since you were 15 is sitting next to you on a tour bus and is also your partner in a homicide case and singing songs he wrote about you on stage in front of thousands of screaming fans?

okay, shipping glasses off, sorry. but no matter how you look at their relationship, daryan’s promotion out of homicide was probably the most distance they’d had from each other in years, as it removed a large chunk of the daily “working relationship” aspect. and without klavier there to act as a moral compass, it was likely easier to slip back into his earlier thoughts about what constitutes justice and his intense hatred of being pushed around by someone who has more power than you. so enter the chief justice with a son who is sick, dying even, but can’t get the medicine he needs because there’s a government out there telling them no. The reasons are arbitrary: the medicine could be used as a poison and can’t be found anywhere else so it might come back to bite the country in the ass if it’s misused by criminals. newsflash: pretty much all medicine is poisonous if it isn’t used correctly, should we stop using penicillin entirely because some people might be allergic to it? they’ve essentially condemned a whole bunch of people to death because they’re worried about their reputation. and that doesn’t sit well with daryan, who is caught up remembering the bullshit justifications his dad would spout when he knocked him around, that kristoph would give when withholding every single penny of money klavier was entitled to until he agreed to do what kristoph wanted. it isn’t right, it isn’t fair and unfair laws shouldn’t have to be upheld, especially when they’re the unfair laws of a country you most definitely did not swear to uphold and protect. it was never about money, though daryan agrees to take it when the chief offers it to him, more for his comfort level than for daryan’s need or desire. it’s about justice and putting a bully in it’s place with a (seemingly) victimless crime that should be so easy given his role in the international division of criminal affairs and klavier’s sudden hard on for the country of borginia. seriously, how could this have been any more straightforward? daryan is capable of murder, though. all cops are. and if it came down to a “them or me” shootout, of course he’d pull the trigger. 

machi: when you come from nothing, the desire to have something of your own is overwhelming. the idea that machi is famous and financially set is disingenuous; he is not individually famous, he is Lamiroir’s “blind” pianist. yes, she views him as a son and seems to care deeply for him, but his main purpose in her life is to perpetuate a lie. machi has been abandoned before; what will happen to him if lamiroir suddenly remembers who she was in the past? what if she has a family and a true son of her own and has no use for him? what if their secret is found out and the public rejects him for his role in it? he is 14. what does he know about being provided for? about contracts and trust funds and royalties? he ended up in an orphanage originally because he was unwanted, and that led to a life of poverty and hardship. abandonment issues are rooted in fear and are rarely logical. i find it far easier to believe that machi did it for the money, but more for the power money might have given him towards independence in an unfeeling and capitalist world.

kristoph: i won’t get into this, because this is supposed to be about daryan and machi and the guitar’s serenade, and kristoph is not really involved in that at all. but i think everything that kristoph has ever done in the game, good or bad, is rooted in a pathological need to constantly be in control. i think that kristoph and klavier both have very intense personalities that they have sought to control over the course of their lives for the sake of their careers. kristoph believes that to be a good lawyer, you need to play your cards close to your chest, that to show your hand is to expose a weakness that the enemy can exploit, that to show no weaknesses at all places you in a position of power. klavier believes that to show his true self, to display his weaknesses and fears to the public, would result only in their rejection. as such, they both wear masks of their own creation even under the most intense of pressures: kristoph as pleasant and calm, klavier as magnetic and dynamic. note the primary difference in their rational? klavier wants to be wanted, while kristoph wants power. and power corrupts, after all. once you have it, what could be more overwhelming than the idea that you might lose it all? it can drive even the most rational people to commit acts of passionate irrationality in the name of holding on to that power. and kristoph has so many pieces involved in his strategy to maintain.  

#i love daryan crescend i'm so sorry #i cut this to spare you all the pain of my rambling and also my inability to use caps and proper punctuation #gonna tag this as klavdar so you can avoid it just in case it bothers you #i think it's hilarious that this is JUST AS MUCH ABOUT KLAVIER as it is about any of these other people #shut up krissy #i have a lot of feelings about this case okay #man i'm still obsessed with lamiroir and machi's portrayal in 'dirty sympathy' #excellent stuff i'm going to go read that again #klavdar #i don't think i ever managed to squeeze in my hc about the specifics of kristophs abuse towards klavier into any fics #specifically the financial aspects of it #but its absolutely an effective weapon #klavier's money from his parents would absolutely be in a trust and controlled by kristoph until he was legally able to access it #he would have to ask kristoph for EVERYTHING #can you imagine how easy that would be for kristoph to turn against him? as a means of control? i just...... #broke: kristoph physically abused klavier when he was a kid #woke: kristoph didn't have to abuse klavier when he could manipulate him so completely with money and mind games #all the while making klavier believe that he was truly looking out for him and any hurt klavier experienced was selfish and misguided #and klavier's fault #:|

[prinxlyart]

You know, I'd love to hear some Skara headcanons from you. Stuff you'd want to see in the show, how she'd be friends with Luz and her Hexsquad, and anything else you like about that witchling that deserves more screentime and focus.

YOURE A SAINT IVE BEEN ITCHING TO TALK ABOUT SKARA but imma put this one under a read more cuz it’s a lot

I NEED to know what instrument(s) she plays in the bard track and how bard magic works in this world. You don’t exactly cast a spell circle with instruments, do you? How do you cast if you don’t? How would Luz be able to figure out a glyph for it if there’s no spell circle being applied? I think the bard track is an especially tricky one because it requires a separate understanding of magic that the rest of the school doesn’t really cover. Do you play notes in a circle? Do you physically move your instrument in a circle??? Is it a mentally projected circle? I need to know more about the bard track. Singing has to have a form of bard magic associated with it in this world, right? Sure music can just exist without magic being applied to it, but if you DID apply magic to it, what sort of stuff would you be able to do?

That aside, I think Skara is very good at what she does. I’ve seen the comic of her carrying around a tuba but I can also see her carrying around other instruments too. My only issue is, I don’t know what instrument would be best suited for her. She could be really good at any instrument and I’d be thrilled to know what she excels at (it could be literally anything. Harmonica? Cello? Bongos? Violin? Piccolo? Guitar? I don’t even care I just need to know what her go to instrument is). I may not have played an instrument during band camp (I was on my high school marching band color guard team; NOT the JROTC), but I certainly learned to respect how each section plays their instruments. Each instrument takes a lot of dedication and practice so whatever it is Skara plays, I feel like she’s doing AWESOME.

I’d love to see her sit next to Luz in a bard class to get to know her better. Luz is of course pretty wary of being approached by her, but Boscha isn’t around to direct the conversation into something negative, and Skara seemed really chill after their grudgby game. They start talking about the different kinds of music they like, what sort of instruments there are in the demon realm vs the human realm, etc.

Luz gets to explain what technology is and shows Skara some of her favorite amvs that she’s made and why she picked the songs she did. Skara is so taken by Luz’s weird scroll/crystal ball thing that plays whatever music she wants they just pass her phone back and forth throughout class listening to different types of music and explaining why they like it.

What I really want is for them to be the same kind of fast friends that Luz was with Willow and Gus. Skara loves showing affection to those around her too and I think she and Luz would be the type of friends that run and hug each other every time they see each other in the hallways.

I actually would love for it to be Skara that tells Boscha to dial back the bullying. Luz is cool and she’s learning about how cool her friends are and they don’t deserve to be treated the way Boscha’s been treating them. I know it’s sort of mild canon(?) that she’s scared of Boscha (body swap ep and intro to understanding Willow where she gives Boscha a molting bday invite), but Luz is like. A confidence radiator. She has some weird ability to give those around her the confidence to do anything they set their minds to and I think Skara’s admiration of such a quality would give her the push she needs to take Boscha aside to try to talk to her.

I’d also love for Skara to realize that she never actually knew Amity all that well despite growing up together. She knows Amity’s in the abomination track and wants to join the Emeror’s Coven and studies really hard to do so, but what does Amity like? What does she do in her free time? What kind of relationship does she have with her siblings? Has she ever seen Amity actually have fun?? Has she ever seen her laugh? I’d love to see Skara privately suggest a do-over with Amity; a reset on their friendship because their friendship thus far has been in name only. I really want to see them have a slumber party where they really actually get to know each other better and be real friends. I also just need Skara to learn about Amity’s debilitating crush on Luz so she can both tease her and support her (and team up with Willow and Gus to be the ultimate wing-team to get them together).

Can you imagine Skara learning about like, old cartoons from Luz and then trying to recreate romantic scenes where she pulls out a fake mustache and an accordion and tries to set a serenading mood for the two of them??? Luz would be wheezing and Amity would be confused as hell and Skara would get frustrated and stomp her foot and be like GUYS!! COME ON!!! IM TRYING TO SET THE MOOD HERE!!!! UGH FORGET IT!! And as she walks away in a huff she throws her fake mustache down Luz turns to Amity and asks “mood?” And Amity goes bright red. Skara comes to find out the next day that that’s what got those two knuckle heads to confess and start dating and she MISSED IT!!!!!!

Yeah, I’ve got a lot of thoughts on Skara. I would love to see more of her interacting with our band of misfits and the bard track.

#prinxly inquiries #sullivantwissarcana #toh skara #thank you for the question!!! #this was so much fun to think about

[darlington-v]

galaxy and 1975 for the ask game? :0

Galaxy: What fascinates you?

thats a really hard one. there's a lot of stuff that fascinates me. i think learning anything is fascinating. like the act of learning. one thing that comes to mind is like art and learning more about my craft. also my friends! im often fascinated by them and with them. they're all so smart and intelligent and driven and creative and like kind and it's just a wonder to watch them do their thing.

lots of small things are just easy to pull me in, again, with learning. i really like learning about almost anything i have even a slight interest in, part of it really being that it's just intriguing? idk.

1975: if you could time travel to any time period, what would it be and why?

part of me wants to like impulsively say THE VICTORIAN ERA but like i really wouldn't. like that's The Brand but it's been really glorified in my mins by period pieces like women still didnt have rights and gay ppl also didnt have rights nor were on the radar for rights like. maybe rhe make-believe victorian era in my mind but definitely not.... the real. victorian period.

SO INSTEAD IMMA SAY LIKE THE 80S TO LIKE THE EARLY 2000S???

largely bc like a sense of nostalgia? like, i feel like things were a little better back in the 2000s but like also i was like anywhere from a literal infant to age 10 so i wouldn't ACTUALLY know i was too busy being a fucking kid.

but the music was nice and the tv shows were nice. i love the old tech that was used. there's a sense of imperfection to it that just FEELS good. i like grain and i like crunchy sizzle that digital recordings don't have.

and i think one thing i REALLY REALLY fucking miss the most was the weather. like... i miss when it used to ACTUALLY SNOW where i live and i miss falls being crisp and wet and ALWAYS being crisp and wet, not like having a random OPE ITS 81 DEGREES OUT TODAY like WHAT!? IT'S FUCKING FALL.

plus, i feel like, there was a form of a stronger sense of community in the US before. like, i dunno i often feel disconnected from people and also just my local community and i feel like... to a certain degree the world may have been a little kinder. not like on the most revolutionary levels, and maybe this is a culmination of media ive watched, my own nostalgia, plus my parents' nostalgia for these times but it just sounds like people were more engaged?

and like maybe its bc im not in public school anymore, but block parties? like i've never been to a block party, but i remember hearing them across town and singing along to the music with my cousin. like, i remember that with a LOT of festivities and i just don't think my younger cousins now, who live in the same spot, can relate.

also i miss 90s/2000s RNB and hiphop! and the tv that was airing in the 90s n 2000s. like xfiles? banger. well at least the first 2 seasons i'm still watching (im on season 4, season 3 fucking sucked)

also fresh prince! i started rewatching it last night and like. i was 10 when i last watched fresh prince so a lot of shit went over my head that i didn't pick up on, but i'm 22 now and it's just been like ohhhhh.

but also idk it's nice and idk if i live under a rock or if i feel like a lot of shows i watch or see now don't have the same vibes, but idk i just like 90s shows like that.

also will smith movies in general :(

i rly like will smith 😔

also just to tack on more fluffy nostalgia shit because reflecting makes it seem nicer than it really was:

old video games, casette tapes, mixed tapes, cute mcdonalds toys, the weird see through plastic for everything that was popular and made something in my neurotic little brain ignite like the 4th of july, the fashion and it being simultaneously tacky but also not, actually enjoying music played on the radio, THE PRICE OF LIVING!!!!!! AND BEING ABLE!!!!!!! TO AFFORD!!!!!! SMALL SHIT!!!!!! THAT WE CAN NO LONGER AFFORD AT ALL!!!!!!!!!, furbies and all perfectly fucked up things like furbies, practical effects in movies, jim henson, horror movies that i could actually enjoy and still enjoy.

ive lost my train of thought but like. man.

maybe its bc i was 10 like i said and life was already pretty easy being 10 and all but like idk i just rly enjoyed 90s and 2000s culture.

#asks #prismartist #no political commentary bc im tired but #yanno #uuuuu know #u and i both know

[luxsea]

major gris spoilers

ive got a lot of scrambled thoughts and interpretations of this game ive been thinking about since the first time i played and also some new things ive found so here we go

it truly kills me that the music that plays in the secret cutscene is the same reoccurring tune that sometimes plays when you approach the statues. for example in the red area when you approach the first crying statue the same exact music plays only distorted in a way that sounds like a scream

in the very first part of the game, when gris can start running, if you walk back to the left you will find a statue, completely collapsed on the ground. if you approach it gris will also collapse and cry again. ive literally never noticed this before and it broke my heart.

i interpret the statue and woman in the cutscene to be gris’s mother. someone who cared for gris deeply that tragically died, suddenly disappearing from gris’s life and leaving her to learn how to face the world and grow up without her. everything collapses and crumbles in an instant. the journey we take in the game is representative of the stages of grief and the process gris takes to regain her strength and recover. i feel like that theme of the game can be understood without context of the secret cutscene.

the black swarm that shapeshifts and haunts gris could represent guilt and the inability to move on, the loss of her mother haunting and consuming her. pain, trauma, and grief take many forms: the bird will constantly scream at you, berate you and set you back but if you stand strong and approach it, it dissolves into something not nearly as frightening. the eel will chase you mercilessly in the dark but a friend helps light the way and carry you through the toughest part. when you think it’s all over your grief transforms and distorts into an image of yourself, it literally swallows you, screams until the entire frame is blown out and youre drowning in a void. its a slow swim to the surface but when you finally make it above water you can face reality. the first thing gris sees is her mothers grave.

gris has an important memory where her mother plucked a star that had fallen from a meteor shower and gifts it to her. the star dances around gris and its a warm and happy scene. with that sentiment in mind, stars are a functional part of the game. they allow you to form pathways, unlock dress transformations that help you navigate the world and build the final bridge up into the sky at the end. its as if gris’s mother is still with her, guiding her through her pain, giving her the tools and strength to stand, to fly, to swim and finally be able to sing again. in the very end she sings proudly and the watercolor clouds dissipate and the stars return to the sky. vibrant color washes over the world. she has grown into a strong, independent women. she can see clearly now, has accepted what has happened and can move on, walking up into the sky and off the screen.

im not crying youre crying

#olive.txt #gris

[queenofcats17]

Okay so I had bit of a funny idea because of the story you did yesterday, which was amazing by the way! Do you think you could write something with Sammy and Corrupted!Henry and maybe Wally can be there too! (Because he didn’t escape like in the game, in my AU) and they’re just trying to keep him out of trouble? I just thought it would be kind of funny since Bendy wanted Sammy to look after him for awhile. It’ll probably be a bit angsty though. 😅 Sorry if this idea is kind of stupid though.

I’m so glad you liked it!

Prepare for some shenanigans! And maybe angst.

Sammy watched as Bendy vanished into the distance. Once he was sure the little demon was gone, he sighed and let his shoulders slump. Henry sat at his feet, smiling up at him. It pained Sammy to see him like this, stripped of his humanity. Apparently, Henry could sense Sammy’s sadness, as he oozed over and starting hugging Sammy’s legs while making comforting noises. Sammy found himself unable to resist a smile.

“Thank you, Henry.” He said, patting Henry’s head. Even if Henry had been corrupted, it was nice to be able to hug his old friend. 

“So, this is Henry Williams?” One of the Lost Ones asked tentatively. 

“Yes, this is him.” Sammy nodded. A few of the Lost Ones knelt in front of Henry, examining him and offering him food. Henry was admittedly rather excited by all this attention, and Sammy started introducing his congregation to his old friend. Most of them had only heard rumors of Henry Williams. More and more Lost Ones ventured out from their little shacks until there was a small crowd around Sammy and Henry. That was when Wally appeared. 

Wally had felt Henry’s corruption complete. Joey’s control had slipped for a moment and Henry’s location had been revealed to all those with a connection to the Ink. Most of the Lost Ones and Searchers hadn’t noticed Henry’s presence appear, but Wally had been paying close attention. They’d all been worried about Henry, and none of them had been quite sure where he was. So as soon as Joey had slipped enough to reveal Henry, Wally bolted to that location to see what he could do to help. He was pretty surprised when he found Henry in the Lost One village with Sammy, being fawned on by numerous Lost Ones.

“Yeesh. Did I miss something?” Sammy’s head snapped around at the sound of Wally’s voice.

“There you are!” He managed to push past the other Lost Ones to get over to Wally. “Where have you been? You just disappeared! We were all worried!”

“Sorry.” Wally gave a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his head. “I was lookin’ for Henry. Thought I could help. But, uh, looks like you found him first.”

“Bendy was taking care of him.” Sammy glanced back at Henry. “They were with Allison and Tom.”

“Alli and Tom? Seriously?” Wally’s eyes widened. “How’d the kid manage to get them to let Henry in?” Allison and Tom were good people, but they were extremely cautious around anyone who had been infected or was under the control of the hive mind. They had every right to be cautious, given how they were currently thorns in Joey’s side. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.” Sammy made a vague hand gesture. 

“Right. Cool.” Wally let his eyes wander to where Henry was still being doted on by the Lost Ones. “So…He’s one of us now.”

“He…He is.” Sammy followed Wally’s gaze back to Henry. 

“I really thought we could get him out.”

“I did too.”

“At least…Joey won’t do anything too bad to him, right?” Wally’s voice had a slightly hopeful note. “He cares about Henry, right?”

“I don’t know,” Sammy admitted. “Joey tends to get…unpleasant when people don’t behave exactly as he wants them to.” Wally could tell this topic of conversation was only serving to depress Sammy. So he decided to change the subject. 

“Anyway!” Wally slung an arm around Sammy’s shoulder. “How’s it going? Jack says you haven’t visited him in a while.”

“I’ve been…busy.” Sammy hunched his shoulders a bit. Wally almost could have sworn he was blushing.

“Busy how?” Wally asked, grinning. 

“He’s been teaching us songs!” One of the Lost Ones piped up. 

“You’ve been singing without me?” Wally let out a faux horrified gasp. “You know how much I like to sing!”

“Well, I couldn’t find you!” 

The Lost Ones’ attention was drawn away from Henry by Sammy and Wally. They all started laughing quietly. It was always fun for them to see Sammy and Wally interact. Wally was one of the few people who could get away with teasing Sammy the way he did. The two were almost like brothers. Wally and Sammy were their light, their hope. Wally kept morale high and Sammy was a comforting presence for those who needed it. 

Unfortunately, since the Lost Ones had taken their eyes off of Henry, this meant no one was making sure he wasn’t getting into trouble. As a Searcher, Henry wasn’t nearly as cautious as he’d been before. He had no more fear of the ink. After all, he was made of the ink. With the Lost Ones distracted, Henry began to wander about. He’d never been in this place before. The buildings were strange, not like the ones he remembered. But what really caught his attention was the river of ink at the end of the docks. His eye lit up. He’d never seen so much ink before. He wondered if he could swim in it. Immediately, he began to set out for the river. 

“Wait, where’s Henry?” Wally suddenly asked. Sammy stopped talking, looking around as well. To their absolute horror, they saw Henry making his way towards the river of ink. They knew that anyone who fell into that much ink seldom managed to find their way out. 

“Henry no!” They both yelled, running over to snatch Henry away from the river. Henry pouted a little as Sammy scooped him up in his arms. 

“Henry! What were you thinking?!” Sammy said, putting Henry down a safe distance away from the ink. Henry folded his arms, sinking down and sulking. 

“I’m all for having a little fun, but that much ink is dangerous,” Wally added. “You’d never be able to find your way outta there.” Henry started making a whining sound, reminding both Wally and Sammy of a petulant child.

“This might be harder than I thought.” Sammy murmured. 

Watching Henry did indeed turn out to be harder than he’d anticipated. Both Wally and Sammy had their work cut out for them trying to keep Henry out of trouble. Henry wanted to go everywhere and touch everything. He tried to go to the mostly flooded office area, which was populated by Butcher Gang clones. He tried to slip into the vents. And he kept trying to go into the ink river. Neither Sammy nor Wally had ever anticipated having children, but they imagined that this was what it would be like to have a small child. 

“Geez.” Wally panted, sinking to the ground after he and Sammy had managed to wrestle Henry away from the river again. “Didn’t think it’d be this hard.” 

“He has no self-preservation instinct.” Sammy gasped. Henry sat in front of them, smiling innocently. 

“You’re lucky you’re our friend,” Wally said, although his voice lacked any malice. “If you weren’t, I woulda dumped you.” Henry continued to smile, knowing full Wally would never do anything like that. 

“I hope Bendy comes back soon.” Sammy curled up on the ground. He needed a nap. A long one. Henry oozed over, curling up with Sammy and making contented noises. 

“Okay, that’s pretty cute,” Wally admitted. 

“Mm.” Sammy closed his eyes, letting himself drift off. Wally snorted, pulling his hat down over his eyes. They’d both deserved a rest. 

#bendy and the ink machine #batim saudade au #fanfiction #sammy lawrence #wally franks #the lost ones #henry

[wildfangz]

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust. 

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

21

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

#tag meme #about #srry if theres any weird grammar or spelling going on half of this was written when i had a monster headache #and was doing everything but laying down!!!!

[hikari-ni-naritai]

Zinc white, cadmium yellow, hansa yellow, golden deep, cadmium orange, orange lake, vermilion, rose, quinacridone rose, violet rose, cobalt blue spectral, ultramarine, blue, blue cobalt, mars brown, indigo

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please!

a little stressed! i want to get through more of Kindred Spirits on the Roof but there’s only 2 hours til bedtime and i still have to shower and i want to watch this week’s shield bro.

cadmium yellow; when you think of the word “happy” what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

at first just the word “happy” which is tinged pink and yellow, but the first thought that actually solidifies is that song from a few years back. forget what its called or who wrote it. pharrell? happy? idk

hansa yellow; what’s your guilty pleasure song?

boy uhhhh im way too into Bad Apple but at the same time, almost all of my music could be considered guilty pleasures

golden deep; what’s your favorite season?

s p r i n g !

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off?

hang out at home, play video games or vns, watch anime, basically just waste my life. this weekend im going to atlanta to play yugioh. im going to lose but its a team event so my team might carry me. that’ll be fun

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad?

not the way id like. and usually im sad at dumb hours when nobodys awake anyway.

vermilion

already done!

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now?

im reading Kindred Spirits on the Roof! It’s fun and cute and theres gay ghost girls in it. 11/10 so far

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to?

getting chinese at the airport tomorrow!

violet rose; what does your dream house look like?

real big, kinda square looking, stone finish, and the most important bit is that you can walk out on the roof and there’s like a proper patio up there. i want to be able to look out across my domain wistfully like im waiting for my husband to come back from the sea, though i know in my heart that he will never return

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to?

zion national park i think. just incredible. need to go back there and hike up to angels landing.

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it?

i get into like a burst of good mood twice every time i listen to Lilac by Minami bc theres two lines that she sings with a real nice emotional tone and the translation is cute and positive. so earlier last night.

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember?

hhhh egh it was like somethin about my nameless faceless gf was texting me that my ex was in danger and i was like ‘eghhh i hate her but i dont want her to DIE’ so i walked slowly over to where they were but my ex was already getting into a car headed for probably safety so i hid out of her line of sight by standing behind my gf (who was much closer to her than i was) and just kinda, headed down the hill towards the pond across the little gravel road. it was dark and a reasonably comfortable night. i dont think i was actually in any danger for once compared to all my other dreams ever.

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could?

no i dont! i very much dislike it! ive considered this at length and i dont actually know if changing my name would make me  feel any more comfortable with the idea of being named and therefore vulnerable (to ancient magics or otherwise). 

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh?

PMMM Rebellion, specifically the very beginning when madoka first shows up on screen and i cant stop smiling bc i love her so much and im so proud of her

indigo; what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received?

i dont rank compliments but some that’ve stuck with me are in high school, like my senior year, one of the girls told me my eyebrows looked like her friend’s eyebrows, and her friend has very nice eyebrows, and i feel like maybe i was supposed to be insulted bc why would i like having girly eyebrows? but like i dunno i think it was very nice of her to say. theres nothing gendered about nice eyebrows.

another was in college when i played and sang the ending song for To the Moon for my church talent show and my youth pastor’s wife who was judging cried. she did ruin the compliment by asking if id written the song, which is insulting to the actual writer to imply it’s bad enough that it could be mistaken for my own original work, but eh. 

#orsull

[daydreamingalways]

His Popstar [S.M]

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first ever imagine so please bear with. If you have any suggestions for another imagine please message me.

Singer based on Ariana Grande

Summary: Shawn watches you at your concert and hopes one day he will be as badass as you. 

The faint screams coming from the arena make you feel so excited for the concert. 20,000 people have come across the whole country to see you perform your first show for your new album. You wanted your first show to be at your hometown and then your last show to be in Toronto as you live with Shawn in Toronto. To say you felt lucky would be an understatement you couldn't believe people would listen to your music let alone buy tickets to see you. Shawn , Aaliyah and his parents as well as your family and friends have come to watch you. unlike last year they will actually be seated by the stage so they can watch you rather then be backstage. The thought of this made you nervous yet happy, you felt nervous because what if they didn't like the performance? but somehow you new they would. 

“Y/n , its go time.” Your manager pulls you out of your thoughts and before you know it your walking to the stage. You are hooked up with your in-ears and given your microphone so now you are just waiting under the stage before walking on. 

the faint screams are now deafening and you can hear your introduction being played. Last year you joined Shawn for part of his tour and you fell in love with his introduction so you wanted something that would build up the tension and excitement just like Shawn’s did. 

“y/n you ready?” someone said through your in-ears. the all so familiar moment comes rushing back. You smile because you know in 30 seconds you are going to be doing something you loved and have missed for the past year and now its finally hear.

As the floor is lifted you can see all the people who have come to see you, all the banners they've made and the lights from their phones. You search through the crowd and once you see Shawn and your family cheering you know your ready to perform a phenomenal show.

SHAWN’S POV

I’m amazed at how perfect y/n really is. She's killing it , the outfits, the vocals and the concert as a whole. I’ve never really truly realised how badass she is. She walks around the stage like she owns it and she deserves every part of it. Throughout the show y/n is winking at me subtly and I'm the only one that seems to notice.

“Not gonna lie Shawn you should probably step up your game because this is the best concert I have EVER been too.” Bringing me out of my thoughts I turn to Aaliyah.

“Let me guess your enjoying yourself?” I prod her playfully. “ Duh , y/n said theres gonna be balloons during one last time if there is then you defiantly need to rethink all your ideas for your tour next year.” I laugh and turn to look at the rest of the family. they all look in awe of y/n and look so amazed at how well she can sing. they all obviously knew how well she could sing but something about this performance was special. the past few months of preparation had took a toll on y/n. the countless nights of her not being able to sleep because of stress due to the stage not looking exactly how she planned or the long hours of her recording the 

I knew how much us all being here meant to y/n because whenever I'm on tour all I ever want is my family to be here because it gets lonely and also its nice to have them watching you and having a good time while supporting you.

You were truly lucky to have her.

YOUR POV

Towards the end of the show you sing touch it Shawn's favourite song. You've never told him that the song is about him and you have no idea how he doesn’t know.

Towards the end of the song you give it your all. perfect harmonies fill the arena and everyone screams and Shawn just watches you in amazement.

Your so lucky to have Shawn here tonight snd it means the world to you that Shawn and his family flew from Toronto to y/ht ( your hometown). you knew that Shawn was probably exhausted from the amount of times he had to try and get you to sleep after waking up at 3am to find you wide-awake in your thoughts.  

As your final song one last time plays and the balloons start to fall you can say this has truly been the best show yet and it has just gotten started. 

As the lights dim and you exit the stage you run to your dressing room where you hope to meet your family. After dating Shawn for nearly three years you consider him and his family to be your family and vice versa. Since his family and your family were all close it only made sense to call them all your family.

SHAWN’S POV

As I walk in y/n dressing room I see her already starting to pick out some comfy clothes to wear once she gets out the shower. she's dripping in sweat and out of breath from all the singing and dancing non stop for the past 2 hours. Considering I am warn out after just singing for 2 hours without dancing I can't imagine how exhausted she feels. 

As she hugs and thanks each family member she approaches me last with a big smile plastered on her face. “ how was it?” I asked her while wrapping my arms around her tiny frame. “ Amazing, for sure the best show ive ever done. Im so tired though I just want to sleep.” I just hummed in response knowing she probably doesn't want much conversation as she's so warn out.

two years ago we would've been celebrating her first time playing at an arena of this size but now the size of the arena is nothing compared to when she played at Madison square gardens or Wembley stadium so she doesn't feel the need to celebrate as much as she did back then.

After a while of spending time with our family we make our way back to our hotel. Since my family have flown all the way here from Toronto me and y/n have both decided to book a hotel room and let them have the spare bedrooms. Neither of us mind it though because it will be a lot quieter since the rest of the family are celebrating on our behalf.

The car journey to the hotel was peacefully silent and it wasn't long before I heard the deep breaths coming from y/n who had fallen asleep. She had had a rather long day and I didn't want to disturb her but we were pulling up to the hotel so I had to. “baby were here” “hmm?” she had one eye closed and one eye barely open. “Were at the hotel hun.” “oh right” she took one big stretch before we both made it into the hotel. Luckily for us we both spent the night before here and therefore we had both already unpacked so we could just go straight to bed. I was mentally thanking myself for that idea because I know y/n would just fall asleep leaving me to do all the work. I wouldn't normally of minded but I was still tired from the journey here.

After we both got ready for bed and talked about the show and how y/n nearly tripped in her heels yet covered it up quickly we both crawled into the comfy white sheets and cuddled up while looking at the window which showed the brightly lit buildings in the city. we both soon drifted into a deep sleep and neither of us could wait for the next few months like this.

A/N: sorry about the really bad ending its late and I wanted to finish this before iw ent to sleep. Let me know what you thought about this imagine and whether I should write more or not. If you do want me to write more could you let me know what you want my next imagine to be about and ill try my best to write them. Thanks G X

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagines #arianagrande #shawn mendes imagine

[hellomygf]

when my own words aren’t enough

okay so you know that one direction song that’s made of other song titles, “Better Than Words”. same concept here except not really and you just listen to the lyrics of the songs LMAO. anyways sometimes the words of others can convey better what im trying to say to you so enjoy 19 songs that do so. i highlighted some of the lyrics that really made me think of you/us. click on links on then click on togepi

Love Like This - Ben Rector

“Never used to get excited to sit here in the silence Holdin' on to somethin' the way I'm holdin' you Didn't used to know how fast time walks and runs and flies by I never thought I'd feel so deeply, but damn, I do

i never knew i could feel so happy just doing the mundane things with you. walking and talking, going out for drives, sitting and eating food. time goes by so fast when im with you. i always wish time would slow down and let it stop for awhile just so i can have a couple moments of just us yeno? you make me want to spend more time with you even when we just finished spending a whole evening together. there’s so many new feelings that ive experienced since ive been with you and i cant wait to keep feeling new ones 

All I’ve Ever Known - Eva Noblezada and Reeve Carney (Hadestown)

All I've ever known is how to hold my own But now I wanna hold you, too

for the past couple years i learned how to love myself again and how to be okay with being alone. alone doesnt mean im lonely but it did mean that i had built up my walls again and letting someone in new again was so scary. you made it seem okay though. you made sure that when i was opening up to you and being vulnerable that it was okay to do so. that i wouldnt be hurt and that i was safe. i learned how to love romantically again and learned what it feels like when you arms wrap around me and hold me. it’s currently my favourite feeling and i dont think i ever want it to end

roses & sunflowers - Timmy Albert

You're a flower that's blooming every season with spring I fell in love with your roots, the whole you, everything

i mentioned before that falling in love with you was like how the seasons changed. like you know it comes but it’s always different. this isnt my first time in love but it’s most definitely something very different. a good different. im in love with every part of you. from the way you make your puns to the way you buy me things that show you care (my favourite foods, my ddr adapter, and most recently itch cream) to the way you sing in the car to me to how you tell me about your good and bad days. i love it all!

Favourite Girl - Jesse Barrera and Tori Kelly

My baby, She still drives me crazy After all this time, You better believe that Nothings greater, She still makes me better After all this time You're still my Favorite Girl

BONUS:  I remember when, You didn't know how to kiss  (hehehhe) Now you know me well, And nothing compares to this 

best girl. favourite girl! is maxbean hehe jkjk.. maybe. we both do some whack ass stuff but there’s no one else i would rather be having fun with than you! you make me better in every way. you encourage me to keep going even when days are rough. you support me on my good and bad days so im here to remind you too that im here for you always okie?

No Matter Where You Are - Us the Duo

I will stand by you Even when we fall I will be the rock, that holds you up and lifts you high so you stand tall

whatever the world throws at us, whether that be a pandemic or people who dont support us, im going to uplift you and us in every way that i can. i want to be a pillar of strength for you and show that even though am baby and that i am smol that i am a girlfriend that you can count on to show up by your side. i got your back from now till however long

Tattooed Heart - Ariana Grande

You don't need to worry about making me crazy 'Cause I'm way past that So just call me, if you want me 'Cause you got me, and I'll show you, how much I wanna be On your tattooed heart

honestly this is just one of my favourite love songs ever so i just wanted to add it into the playlist lmao

Lemonade - Jeremy Passion 

She's so beautiful, sometimes I stop to close my eyes She's exactly what I need She's my smile when I'm feeling blue She's my good night sleep when my day is through yeah

i say this all the time but i love looking at you oh my god skjskjs like YOU. ARE. LITERALLY. MY. TYPE. lmaooOOSKSKJkj. other than physically being my type you really do embody everything that i need in a partner. kind, compassionate, genuine, good communicator and listener. you make sure that i dont fall asleep sad and you make sure that im okay on my not so good days. i love you so much

I Was Made For Loving You - Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran 

A stranger's hand clutched in mine I'll take this chance, so call me blind I've been waiting all my life

i took a chance on someone i really didnt know anything about but my god i think it’s the best thing that ive done 

Ger Here - Sam Smith 

I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can

this reminds me of the time you bused through a snow storm just to study with me at utsc. also just in general whenever you make the effort to come all the way here to my house just to spend time with me and even then you end up driving us downtown or to different places too. you are truly the definition of “if there’s a will, there’s a way”

goodnight n go - Ariana Grande 

Oh, why'd you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you Why must you make me laugh so much? It's bad enough we get along so well Just say goodnight and go

“why do you make it so hard to say good bye” something we both always say haha. one of these days we’ll have a night together and we’ll fall asleep together and wake up together too. one day! very excited for that day where we can say good night and stay

While We’re Young - Jhene Aiko

I'm tellin' everybody you're mine and I like it And I really hope you don't mind, I can't fight it

[...]

I'm giving you my heart, please don't break it Take it and lock it up and put me in your pocket, love

i tell everyone youre my girlfriend because haha im so happy to be dating you and telling everyone you make me so happy so yeno just a subtle flex. it’s also so scary fully giving myself to someone physically, mentally, and emotionally. to trust that you will safeguard my feelings and that you wont hurt me but i know youre scared of the same thing too, i guess even more so since im your first girlfriend. i promise i’ll protect your heart too. water it, nourish it, and let it grow into something even greater

Blessed - Daniel Caesar 

And yes, I'm a mess but I'm blessed to be stuck with you

ive told you since the beginning that i didnt want to bring you into this until i could fix and improve my mental health. i think that way of thinking was me associating my ability to love with how healthy i am. that’s not fair because i am capable of loving others even when im not at my 100% best. im so very grateful that you are there with me when im dealing with my mean/negative thoughts and that you can help ground me and be there to let me ride out my sad days. 

Runnin’ Home to You (cover) - Jake Spencer 

Can't say how the days will unfold Can't change what the future may hold But, I want you in it Every hour, every minute

i can see you in my future for a long time my love. i hope you can see the same as well 

Please Keep Loving Me - James TW 

For all the mistakes I'm making, I don't mean (I don't mean them, I don't mean them) For all the little things That I fail to see

please be patient because sometimes i wont be able to get things right the first time around. i tend to be a little slow when doing things and i come quite late to events. so even on days when i may be difficult to be around, please do your best to keep loving me and i’ll do my best to make it easier again.

Nothing - Bruno Major

There's not many people I'd honestly say I don't mind losing to But there's nothing Like doing nothing With you

no need for an explanation.. -_- 3rd date. d&b. mario kart. fan... hhh but i mean guess this also applies just in general whenever we play games and i lose lmao. honestly though doing nothing with you is still so fun for me. from making puns in a grocery store, to watching movies on my couch, to watching the sunset together by the water. nothing is better than doing nothing with you :)

Teenage Dream (cover) - Boyce Avenue 

Before you met me I was alright, but things Were kinda heavy You brought me to life Now every February You'll be my Valentine, Valentine

i think this applies to both of us in a sense that we were (and still are) both dealing with some not fun stuff when we first met each other, but we have each other now to get through it together. at the time, it had already been a few months since my falling out with you-know-who and just a couple months since i had decided to get help for my mental health stuff. i remember feeling so touched when i first told you about everything because you had made the conscious effort to reassure me and soothe me by holding my hand and looking at me when i got anxious talking about it. that was the moment i knew that you would be someone special in my life and someone i wanted to keep for a long time as well.  so im hoping that next year (and for the next foreseeable years) you can be my valentine haha

Only Us - Lauren Dreyfuss and Ben Platt (Dear Evan Hansen)

I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go But if you really see me If you like me for me and nothing else Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer that you could possibly know

while i have grown up with some great and amazing people who have made me feel so loved. ive also grown up and have come across some not nice people as well. they made me feel like i wasn’t worth it or made me feel small and not wanted. it’s not a nice feeling being shut down when youre just trying your best to get to know others or when you talk about the things you like and people become uninterested. i guess you can say that’s what contributed to why i dont want to show my whole self yet to new people at first. im scared that i will scare them away and they wont like me. so when you, a total stranger at the time, wanted to get to know me more, genuinely enjoyed my company, and wanted to spend more time with me, i was like “wow someone new actually LIKES me for ME?”. you dont understand how much it means to me that you made the effort to get to really know me and to still make the effort now to make me feel comfortable so i can be my whole self around you. i cant thank you enough. you make me WANT to talk about what i like and share my joy with you. thank you for letting me be me.

Take on the World - You Me at Six

I can see, see the pain in your eyes Oh, believe, believe me and I have tried No I won't, I won't pretend to know what you've been through You should've known, I wish it was me, not you 

i know there’s things you dont want to talk about and things you really cant talk about. knowing all the pain and hurt youve gone through has made you tough and strong but it sucks thinking of everything that youve had to face on your own. i wish i could take that pain away from you if i could. take it, ball it up, and throw it so far away that it never hurts you again. it is so very unfortunate that the saying goes “why do bad things happen to good people”. you dont deserve any of that. a good person like you deserves a life filled with unwavering support from those around you and days filled with boundless joy. i cant change the past or what other people think of you but what i can do is to do my best to make sure that even when you are hurt that you still feel loved and you still want to fight another day. you can do it, and i’ll be with you now for every new challenge that you face. your’re not alone

She Keeps Me Warm - Miranda Lambert 

She says I smell like safety and home I named both of her eyes forever and please don't go

[...]

And I can't change, even if I tried Even if I wanted to My love, my love, my love, my love

those first two lines are just so very nice to listen to. 

you and i both know that we cant change who we are and who we love. i think we’ve both had countless nights and thoughts of wanting to be straight so we wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of loving the same gender. i know this past month has been especially hard for you though. im here to remind you that there’s nothing you need to change about you my love. i love you just how you are. your family may not understand it yet but i hope they will. i hope they understand that you make others around you feel so welcomed and loved. that you are the most selfless person that a lot of us have met. that you stick up for those who are mistreated and that you care for them. i wish they could see just how deeply you love and i feel like ive only scratched the surface of what your love is and can be. i want them to see how much i love you too and how you have made me a better person in all aspects. my parents, my cousins, and friends have all said that they have seen me change and become a softer person. my cousins say that you compliment me in the best ways and sand down my rough edges. i hope one day soon that they see all the love that emanates from you and that they can support you at least even a little bit. i hope they can see that love is love is love and that they learn to love all aspects of you too.

#2020 #playlist

[pokefanbri]

"Home is where the heart is" I dont have to tell you where that lies. But its only part of the pain. I know in my heart I'm a good person, but my life has been in shambles since I was young. Theres many like me, that dont deserve the life they were given & yet somehow persevere through it just to survive & try to be happy through the pain.

How I ask do I deserve not to be happy. I feel there was no justice for me, I was dishonorably discharged lol. I was truly happy where I was, but even if i were to travel place to place...that is also in my blood, not just the place I resided.

I was at home, I was at peace, I truly loved everyone there & every second. But do I dare go there again, absolutely in a heartbeat. But this is what kills me, Part of me says "this is your life now, accept it, push through even if u can't" the other part of me says that ill be white knighted with a bust through the door like the kool-aid man & he says "sike, yea i fucked it up & didn't realize I had something special, will u forgive me" 😅

But i know that could just be my imagination & im overthinking again. But where actually is my life headed? I have a good heart, i care so much about those thats affected me even in a bad way...but maybe that's God's love showing right through me, because I forgive easy & help those that need it. My brother says that a "helper" is equivalent to a partner in crime & all aspects, a soul mate. He throws the word around with this subject, but he's also trying to find his forever helper which he believes is the mother of his 1st born children. Thats great, given the right circumstances & if her situation was better, yea they could probably try.

For me, caring & trust is my biggest downfall. Because i do so much for others b4 myself, I end up taken advantage of or at least feeling like it. Even if its not the case, the wrong thats been done to me all my life..made me this way. I cant help that. And to find someone that I trusted fully, only to find out that I couldn't. That breaks a person like me down & actually hurts to the core. I didnt deserve that, but it was the disservice that was thrust upon me without a 2nd thought. I wasn't given the proper chance to love someone because they refused to love me back & yea most of the time it was about them...but thats a leo for ya 😅

When someone shares it mutually, everyone wins, you're complete, u have that "helper" you've been longing for all your life. The good times that were shared, the humorous banter, doing something for the other just cuz u can & cuz u want to, showing eachother off to friends & family like "yea thats my babe right there" as if to say they were happy u were there,the best friend & sidekick that everyone needs...it was all gone in a blink of an eye. Leading on my heartstrings, making me fall harder & harder, the friendship to the end even, all for nothing. But because of all the positives, thats what gets me, it's why my pain is so confusing. Why was it all like that if not on purpose whether for a positive reason I have yet to understand, to make it easier for them not to deal without regard for the others feelings, or cause God making me suffer more through it to make me stronger...when I thought I was done with low struggles already.

Idk man, I just dont understand. But because of what my life has been like over the past half of the year, all the positives makes me want more...because I never got all of him in the 1st place. I always wanted more because he held himself back & on purpose. So maybe it did seem like attachment, but only cuz I longed for the same feeling in return & didnt give up trying to find it..literally any sign of it. I was trying to figure his sweet ass out & learn what kind of person he really was lol, so I could accommodate to him more especially in the last weeks I was sweating my ass off 😆 I was dedicated so much I was willing to change what wasn't liked on the outside. Like I wanted to do so much to keep the best thing i had, cause deep down I knew his old feelings fizzled out quick & I just didnt understand & I still dont. I mean I guess I understand if he wasn't ready for a commitment? And that's fine, but he committed b4 & when I was brought there. What is it that was so wrong about me, that negative thoughts festered so much about someone it makes u think someone else is the problem, when its not the case at all.

Theres nothing i can think of, nothing else i could've done to show my worth, that I wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I pushed too hard? But in those last few weeks I gave space & focused on myself & my tasks at hand with so much more effort to have some kind of a chance, to save what was precious to me..save someone else that couldn't rise up on their own. & i blew it somehow. I was told i settled, but that was the point from the beginning that we both agreed upon. I think it was just that the other was getting comfortable with someone around & it scared em..to where they couldn't do all they wanted in life along with dealing with someone else at the same time. Or possibly felt 1 or the other wasnt good enough for the other & felt inadequate or unequiped. And searching for someone else to fill a void they already had at home, thats another thing that befuddles me. The last time I saw him, it didn't look or sound like he cared, avoided eye contact til he drove off & my heart sank even more as I knew it might be the last time I ever saw him. I was too pissed & in the heat of the moment flipped him off til he was out of sight, but after...i wanted to die right then & there but my best friend was there & we were on a deadline just as he was. If I were alone & my friend wasn't there, I'd be sobbing in that parking lot for hours til someone found me.

They, he, had it all but lost it due to their own negligence, in my opinion.

I mean come on whats not to like about me that didn't go hand in hand with what they were searching for.

The perfect heritage to match his (Templin Germany the 7th largest region) with some jew blood, same interests & hobbys, outlook on life, the lucky number, a good & gentle soul with a love for God. Passion for travel, soft spot for bald eagles, the dream of becoming a parent 1 day, intellectually & gamer gifted, both loves BLT sandwiches...because i da snack too 😏, both have the same middle name but spelled differently & 30yr olds with same hs class year, I have 3 hansome brothers & he has 3 beautiful sisters. I mean Dafuq? Lol. We're total opposites & literally residing NE to SW of the country, 1 grew up well the other not so much...yet we still were able to find eachother....somehow? Bro how about u try the other half of the yr here, 6 month equivalent & finish 2020 the right way huh lol BET 😂 oh man. A girl can dream though can't she?

I have a college writing level & training in business, musical theater, massage therapy (which was the fav), veterinary tech college training in hs, 7 years of choir under my belt since 5th grade including after hs in multiple churches & my choir teachers wedding. I Iove animals, likes to paint, great with technology, listen to music & sing along to every word almost exact, family oriented, a gaming & content creating wizard, passion for helping people, can organize & clean the shit out of anything, can be the boss when i feel the need as well as the spunk & charisma to push forward at any given task. I can multitask & can get shit done if I set my mind to it, if there's something or someone I need to feel purpose to be my best self, yea & if I'm accepted, that's purpose enough right there to get my ass moving.

Yea, jumbling alot of shit in my early life made me crack under the pressure but only cuz i really went over the top & burnt out. But ive relaxed alot since then & am treated for my ailments, ive learned to do things to pace myself now to prevent a psychosis from ever happen again.

Ive said this b4, there was 1 other that also broke up with me...1st time it ever happened the other way around mind u, was also a Leo.. shocker lol. After only 3 months & of me saying the L word too quick...it was what finally broke me, what added ontop of everything else. I was living in my own apt since hs & after school a yr later at 19..he lived in the same apt complex & worked where i did. We hit it off really well & loved talking to eachother at work, almost the same humorous & smart personality with a passion for gaming, dead ass great driver, skinny & ample where it counted, & yea also a weed enthusiast 😅 all of it pretty much the same as the recent one in my life. Honestly thinking about it now they probably would've been great friends lol. Thomas was his name, but I was in a relationship at the time of meeting him as well. But I didn't pursue anything til that relationship blew up in my face just cuz my current bf's grandfather was my boss & saw how well Thomas & i got along as friends, associated it with cheating, & that was that. Tom could be mine after all lol, chips fell into place on their own after he professed his feelings to me on his MySpace blog so damn smoothly lol 😂 Saying there was a girl he liked, i commented on it, he asked me out, that was trap lol, but it worked lol. The chemistry was 🔥

But yea, we had alot fun together & he was completely chill with me. But after it ended it set something off in me. Ended up in a psych ward for 2-3 weeks, little did I know he was worried sick & had no idea where i was or how to visit. I wasnt allowed to have my phone but the persons number I knew by heart, was the previous guy b4 tom, the chubby aloof dumbass that was my 1st love lol. Tom hated him with a passion cuz this dude wasn't a man that treated me fairly, pushed onto me by his family for me to take care of, shelter & feed him mooching off of me & taking advantage of a comfortable place to live at 1 point. When i was in the hospital, my 1st was the 1 to pick me up. When I got back from the hospital I learned of how tom was worried & he gave me a big hug. But by that point I was back with the 1st...somehow that happened & I actually don't remember what brought it on cuz my memory throughtout those weeks was dowsed in medication...but Thomas was the one heartbroken instead of me this time cuz he actually did want me back, the fact I took this other guy back over him, a person he despised...was terrible to him & he severed all ties, moved away. He broke up with me, technically it was okay as so i thought to see someone else regardless if it was an ex or not. i didn't know I had another chance at all.

But anyway, the difference between the 2 leo Ts, 1 let me in completely, cared about me as much as i did for him in same way & the L word too soon is what did it in for him after 3 months 🤷‍♀️ The other T well..unfortunately 1 sided for the most part despite how well we clicked, i was faithful & the other tried not to be after 3 months & hid things due to his own insecurities, pulling me along for another 3months when I didn't have to do jack for him at all after that point, but I did. I might've said the L word too soon with him as well idk. But because I'm a different person than I was then, there's no psychotic break...its just the depressed feeling of defeat with the mix of the longing i still have for him.

Wtf is it with T names & the number 3!? ffs! 😫 Briana Leigh Templin BLT, Bri Loves...whoever Tfuk 🤣

I cant write anymore today, I gotta leave tomorrow. My brother wants me to work for him instead & make more money, in a team that would be like in an office space, basically an assistant but making calls & checking in with clients within his real estate, solar, etc businesses.

But idk, I just got my foot in the door with something else. If I let go of that, for something that could or could not be bad for me, then what do I do? Neither of them sound any less stressful, bryans idea however earns more money & would have me dealing with stuff I like to do in regards to skills maybe? Idk man, idk. It'd a tough call.

My point in writing this, nothing accept to show how much I thought he was perfect for me, just as he originally thought about me. These are all thoughts going through my mind, get them out of my head. To talk openly the way I am, its therapeutic. But I miss him so damn much, not sure when this feeling will go away. I still love him & even dare I say trust him,even through his lying ass faults & idk why, i shouldn't but i do...thats the powerful effect he had on me. Still waiting on the last promise to be friends, im giving space, venting here instead of to him cuz i wouldn't want to be that much of an annoyance. I was going to include more but it'd be dark & negative,& im not about outing the worst in people especially if he was a good guy for the most part...no that wouldn't be right, probably deserves it to be honest..but no. I still wanna do right by him. That's all for now

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 8 | ”Being a muppet is a contagious disease. ” - Ali

omg so?! i need to do a proper long confessional and go through my thoughts because i just got like a tsunami of information but... jake lived?! and idoled out scott who i thought was gonna win?! hello?!? i'm so so so excited because now i get to work with jake and he is SUCH a shield, and me/him/autumn are gonna ride off into the sunset im manifesting it.

what the HELL is going on here first jake pulls out an idol (which i was JUST gossipping with jordan pines about him having it because i know just how he plays and would ya look at that!) i was so ELATED to read he did that, thinking ok, i gave him a fair warning those false beauties we're gonna get us all, and they voted him unanimously so surely he'll take one of them out and ... HE TAKES OUT SCOTT?? i dont even have time to process this bafoonery yet because here i am, minding my business, trying to watch micronesia to heal the hole in my heart left by w*nners at w*r, eating a piece of pizza and then BOOM we merge?? but oh ok! they said we get a nice little break, lemme not stress and go back to eating my piz- NOPE THERE IS SO SUCH THING AS A BREAK IN SURVIVOR GORL I SWEAR I PUT MY PHONE DOWN TO GET ONE BITE, I COULDNT EVEN ENJOY MY EXTRA CHEESE BECAUSE MY TELEPHONE IS BLOWING UPPPP people are spilling tea left and right, i probably dont even have time to write this so i gotta keep it short and sweet; the false beautys are really trying to slide in my pms and sing kumbaya and if they wanna sing with me, bring it on because they are not a songstress like i am, ill riff run and harmonize yall right off this island. PERIOD. ive been REALLY trying to play up this card where im just some dumb bitch, let everyone keep thinking im the mayor of boo boo the foolsville, but i know a lot more than i let on so catch the tea on that

i swear for it being our "day off" this sure has been the most work i feel like ive had in a hot minute first of all fuck the tomb but FUCK this pyramid even more the second it was announced i found the extra link to the slide puzzle on the blog within SECONDS but 1) i suck at slide puzzles and 2) MY COMPUTER CRASHED HALF WAY THROUGH IT SO I HAD TO START AGAIN. literally took me 2 hours to finish, so that was embarrassing, then much like how the tomb had questions, this pyramid has a hashi puzzle to solve in EIGHT MINUTES....which i dont even know what the fuck that is sorry to this hashi man i gave a good effort but didnt get it in time, so im gonna try again tomorrow of course but im sure someone who isnt a dumbass had better luck than me and got it so thats that on that ....also gorl some of these people aka kendall really got the audacity, she messages me today and is like IS JAKEY COMING TO YOU SAYING STUFF ABOUT ME TRYING TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER oh gorl, if only you knew its ME going to jakey saying shit about YOU trying to get him against YOU, because your first mistake was trying to prepare an alliance to vote me out, your second mistake was running around telling everyone i have an idol, and your third mistake was making an enemy of jakey, now there's this angry jakey on the loose and im gonna just try to work my magic to tame him and keep him like a pet dragon on my side to get them out and then deal with whether i think ill be able to trust him going foward, but again, i know i voted him out last game so i cant rule out him trying to target me already, especially if somehow worst case scenerio people try to pick us off first for knowing each other also had a call with augusto which was.... interesting, look, i genuinely like him as a person even though i still feel some type of way about him turning fake on me, so i definitely want to maintain a friendship with him even if it's hard for me to just stomach talking to him because of how stupid he must think i am, keep your friends close but your frenemys closer!! then i just had a call with devon too which was also interesting because, i do like him as a person, but idk how to feel about it!!! after all of them lying to me in the beginning im already feeling PTSD and dont know if i can trust anyone, but he gave me some valuable information even more so just reaffirming them all thinking i have the idol which i know is a crock of bs because DAMMIT IVE TRIED I JUST DONT HAVE IT. I know amir has it, it's so obvious to me, maybe augusto?? but i think amir. apparently devon also just kinda said he think he could see the first vote coming down to me or jakey or even him which.......makes me really nervous, i wasnt planning on fighting for immunity at the auction i wouldve rather had an advantage of some sort, but i think with this cast, and the amount of intertwined relationships going into this first tribal, i want that immunity necklace and im gonna do my damndest to get it OKAYYY this game is going to drive me insane, i feel like ive been running my mouth TOO much and talking to too many people and am gonna get voted out for it but i also simultaneously feel like i havent talked to people no where near enough and, am gonna be voted out for it so ???buckle the fuck up ladies we've officially boarded the confusion express so im just gonna try and sit back and enjoy the ride ig

Welp we are on the bottom... shit. I'm going to be honest, this week has not been great for me. Like my real life is slowly going to shit and now my fake life has been screwed. Thanks Jakey... you dick. All is not lost, because out there in the distance is the iconic duo of Jordan Pines and Kendall Duffy AKA Sarah and Woo. You know, Sarah and Woo. That iconic duo in Cagayan. Remember that one time Sarah walked up to Woo and said "Sup I'm Sarah," and he nodded and said "Woo". And that other time they were sitting on the same log laughing at something Tony said? That is stuff of legends man. Okay so genuinely Jordan meant to say Tony and Woo but he accidentally said Sarah and Woo and now this is our legacy. The plan is to play it both ways. As this isn't going to be a simple Pangonging. Obviously a beauty is going to leave but before we all go, they are going to try to get rid of some of the brawns. The goal is that the beauty isn't me and the brawn isn't Jordan. I know you're legally not supposed to trust Jordan Pines but it's never really been the case for me? IDK maybe it's cause he always gets sniped before I betray him. Maybe it's cause the one time he voted me out it was cause I committed suicide by cop. But for the most part he's a realible ally. Also this would be a shitty and stupid lie right? Like he knows I don't have an idol, literally everyone knows that! Trying to get in my good graces is a terrible fucking idea, Jesus. Right now I'm just going to market myself and the others as a free vote. I know it's not realistic to get Augusto and Amir to the finals but it's all I really want. We've been through shit together. I don't want to be put in a position to get them out. I also believe that either Jakey and Ali has the idol. So this round I'm going to flush it. I'm not going to be able to get him out, I just need him to believe he's going to be voted out. He's a very paranoid individual, it shouldn't be too difficult.... I am not going home tonight. I refuse to. 

okay so i haven't done a good typed confessional in a WHILE and i have thoughts. so i'm basically really frustrated with a lot of this tribe and i don't know how to vocalise it. but first the positives.. the fact that i have an alliance of me/autumn/jake brings me such a rush of seretonin, i love them both and i will fight my hardest to get the three of us to the endgame of this game. i think rn my goal final five is me/jake/autumn/adam/devon, adam because i dont think he is playing this game as well as he necessarily thinks he is, but i also think we have trust and he is someone who is scoop-up-able? and then devon i get good energy from him and his straightforward energy i'd like to see in the endgame. the rest however.... whew. well actually Liam is fine, he is sweet and doing his best. of the rest tho... hmm. kendall's energy doesn't quite land with me, her dry sense of humour doesn't really work with me ha so i feel like we are gonna struggle to gel as allies (especially since we are either side of the weird brawn/beauty divide). augusto is very chatty but its a lot of chatting for... the sake of it, like his social game is to just overwhelm you with lots of messages but its nothing of substance. amir i actually like!! he has me-energy, i would actually like him to stick around (he is a good shield too). duncan i am still sus about from premerge, but i'd love to mend that bond because i might need duncan?! tj and jordan both give snake energy... tj is suddenly back to being non-commital with me and it frustrates me, i wish he would like... talk to me KJLSADF. jordan is the same i always get weird energy from him and he was in that weird alliance during the swap and didn't tell me... feel a f10 boot for jordan ideally. honestly its just frustrating i feel like everyone on this tribe is so cagey and like just thinks talking a lot is social game?! and its... not. but yeah ideally first four merge boots: kendall, augusto, tj & jordan (tho the last two is open to consideration if they stop being shady to me KJSDFA).

I just got immunity in the auction and I feel like I wasted a chance to get some long term for my game. Because I wasn't going anywhere this round (I don't think), but like at least it prevented some other people from getting it which allows me some room to make a couple moves without too many repercussions. In terms of social standing, I truly think I have put myself in a good spot. Jakey and Jordan have both said they want me to be their number ones; Devon also has said the same and has told me that he holds the Double Vote. I know that Autumn and Duncan are both willing to work with me in our alliance with Jordan. Liam and I have bonded quite a bit. And I get good vibes from Augusto, Kendall, and Adam. So the big question now is, my target at the moment is Amir... how do I get him out? I need to break up Amir, Augusto, and Kendall so that I have a better chance of working with Augusto specifically down the line and hopefully Kendall as well. I have a feeling that Adam will push for one of the trio and the trio will push for Adam or Jakey, which should give me plenty of ammo to try and make that move. Correction to my last confessional... the trio can't target Jakey because he's immune. Suck it!

i really... really just got my second idol huh... i cant believe it. i bodied that idol hunt, i sat their trying like six hundred combos for the morse code, got that demonic tile and did that evil hashi puzzle... im so happy hehe okay so ignore my super jaded confessional from yesterday im back in again akdjfsaf im literally on a reign of terror doing harsh confessionals then apologising but askdjfafa we move. so yesterday was a real busy day, we had the auction, i called lots of people and... i got myself a little bit of bling. with the auction first, it was really interesting. i misunderstood the "idol block" so i snatched it up, but then it just blocks hunting for the idol versus playing one, but for my mental health am glad i have that. i also got the vote revealer, which was like a mid-tier thing that im happy to have just got a second thing tbh. then i had like six hundred calls kaljsdfas. i called with devon first, he is really sweet and we had a great talk tbh? i really like him and hope we stick together. i did then go on to have very similar conversations to the one i had with him, with augusto and amir, but i felt best about the conversation me and devon had tbh. augusto is sweet, and very social. like i'd prefer to vote him to kendall, but i like him ha and feel like we have a bond now. i think i could be a good number moving forwards (i wouldn't want him gone 11th/10th). amir is also very nice, we are calling tomorrow, and i just dont think targetting amir is in my best interest rn? like what's the end goal in doing that. so then right now. i think i want the merge vote to be kendall? i feel like if we let that trio slide, its scary, and i have a closer connection to amir and augusto of the three. i think then the brawn tribe can turn inwards, but im eager to push the brawn tribe like "implosion" until after that trio is taken apart (to the style of splitting up alex c/jones/mo from montenegro) also otherwise i got an IDOLLL, or rather my second hehe. i put in a LOT of work to get it, i translated morse code, i did a demonic hashi puzzle, i got the 2048 tile. i earned this idol and im very proud. now i have two idols so have such wiggle room. and i'm building bonds across the tribe... im not saying im set, but... im covered for the time being

okay so im a clown and got frustrated with jordan for telling jake he was hesitant to keep me in... jordan just told me he has been downplaying our connection to people like jake KJLSDAFA so i fully just bought into nothing.

i am starting to feel my standing in the game rise, like im building bonds... everywhere. like im starting to become set to go the distance because i have lots of lowkey social bonds and because im not overtly super strategic i dont think i seem as threatening.

okay so ideal merge bootlist: f4: me/autumn/jake/devon, adam (5th), liam/jordan (6th/7th), amir (8th), duncan (9th), augusto (10th), tj (11th), kendall (12th) and then at the moment the order i would vote for people as a juror (bringing this back from montenegro): jake > autumn > amir > jordan > duncan(?) > devon > augusto > adam > tj > kendall > liam because i think jake has already idoled someone, and to make it to f3 after that is super impressive. autumn is a queen, has real strategic savvy and will have made moves to get to the end. amir is very much like autumn and him making it to the end. jordan is an amazing player and tbh deserves a win. duncan is really in game-mode and id love to see him in FTC (what a role reversal), devon has a real rootable underdog story, augusto is a social king, adam needs to pick it up beyond just targetting beauties to get my vote. tj/kendall are question marks for me, and then liam i LOVE but he doesn't necessarily 100% want to be here so i would be tentative to vote him. but its crazy because i think: jake/autumn/devon/adam/liam/jordan/amir/duncan... all trust me to some extent that's... such a large portion of the tribe. so i need to be careful im not scorning people too much, but this is a real work-able situation i think ahh

Interesting development that both Kendall and Amir want/wanted to call and talk to me. I just finished talking to Kendall (she is so sweet, I enjoy talking to her!) and I definitely see an avenue where we work together, but I am concerned that there does seem to be a guard up, which I totally understand given that we haven't been on a tribe together. We both kind of mentioned that Liam has been flirting with the idea of asking to be voted out which gave me an avenue to not say that the name I would throw out is Amir. I do hope that Liam isn't adamant about going because I truly do care for him and want him to stay in this game. I picked up a great ally in him after the initial Brawn vote and losing him now won't be fun. It does dispel this Brawn alliance people probably expect to be happening, but am I at ease with Liam going to facilitate that? But if that happens, that delays the fight between Adam/Jakey against the trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall, which in fact would be good for me as it allows me to slide by for another week... ugh, decisions decisions. Why do I feel like this first vote could determine the rest of my game?

So Liam still wants to be in the game, which is good. I can easily work with that. Yes, I feel awful telling Kendall I thought the vote would be Liam, but now that he seems to want to be in the game, I think I can work with Liam possibly staying. I still have to wait it out and listen to what some others think, but I may be back on the board of going for one of the trio. I know Jakey wants to do Kendall, but I don't want her to go just yet. Eventually, yeah probably, but I do want her here.

Whew merge merge merge. Tonight is the first night to play my legacy advantage, i could block a vote but honestly im probably not going to. Id be pretty caught off guard if i was the target tonight and I think id rather let it fester to an idol, whether for me or someone else later tha depends on my game play. Last night was the auction and boy did jordan win big, i got a whole vote steal that im pretty sure no one knows about. I created a believable (i think) lie about what i bid on and spread and thankfully adam came out the gate with a super fact checkable lie about the auction so i think most of the heats on him. For the vote it could be a beauty butpart of me really sees liam going home just cause people are so scared of how many brawn are in the game, and like thats fine i can deal with that. I am slowly building my relationships to the point where i can get the ball rolling enough to do some damage. Ive been biding my time in the shadows for most of this game, but Jordan Pines is about to rise!

this round is what we call a mixed bag like the auction? hated that girl. I saved my money and all I got was a drawing like sis this is the Survivor Auction not an actual auction ;-; but other than that, I’ve felt really good about how I’ve been playing? Like always, I’m trying to be the Belle of the Ball and have everyone want me as a date yknow? Currently, I have my main allies (Amir, Kendall, Devon) but others (Autumn, Duncan, Ali, Jordan, Jakey) have expressed that they want to work with me which is cute! I don’t know who to trust tho ngl but yay? My main priority is getting my footing in the game this first round and hopefully getting out a Brawn. The main two I want gone from the Brawns are Liam M and Jordan Pines. Liam M is the easier sell and I don’t mind that, Jordan Pines is someone I want gone soon though. I also want Adam gone if at all possible sometime soon but we shall see! 

i take it back jordan and duncan can go again...? literally like both of them preach up and down that we are gonna work together, then pull shady stuff like saying me and adam are a duo in their alliance chat of gremlins with love of my life autumn and professional robot tj?! literally just because y'all linked up at swap and think you are gods gift to alliances doesnt mean me and adam are a duo? i just talk to him and actually give him a chance in this game unlike like... 99% of this cast. now i cant really defend adam at all or people are gonna try and snap my neck? which sucks... adam was in my endgame but because i see him having a losing finalist arc versus me being a duo with him. so that sucks but well. it just reconfirms to me that i have to trust autumn. which is not hard because i literally love her sm and i want to see thrive in this season. so i am praying it works out. this cast continues to prove that being a muppet is a contagious disease.

im absolutely LIVID right now.... i dont even know where to begin ?? let's start with this: are we playing SURVIVOR or are we playing america's next top CLOWN?? because based on how silly all these people are it doesnt seem like survivor. this is my 3rd time playing this game, and never once have i ever made it to a merge where .... every single person wants to just settle on one name since they're the "easy" vote.... and yet that's all im being told with people wanting to vote liam?? at this point i hope the plan is to vote ME out and everyone is just telling me liam because i dont want to play the game with a bunch of feeble minded school of fish who have no backbone. first of all everyone has wanted to do nothing but play that ANNOYING ass "ooh its been quiet i havent heard a name yet" game for the entire day. We're 3 hours before tribal and all the sudden everyone wants to sing kumbaya and vote for liam??? because he's not around, which guess what it does make him an easy vote but....this is survivor why would you EVER vote that person off in the merge right away, he can literally go next or any other time. I refuse to sit back and just conform to it, ill probably end up having to, but im gonna try to push what to ME makes the most sense, not only for myself but for everyone... to get one of those 3 false beautys out. I've been going to a lot of people and basically saying "Let me break it down for you: one of them 150% has the idol??? and thanks to the suvivor auction, and based on what ive gathered from people they probably have advantages too.....why waste this vote being "easy" because then next round....they're gonna know it'll be one of them and so......they're gonna play all their shit and take someone out, and i absolutely reserve the right to laugh at whoever it is because theyre an idiot and didnt want to wake up and play the game (unless it's me of course oop) I've approached, jakey, autumn, duncan, jordan, ali, devon, tj, pretty much ANYONE who has a brain to just state the obvious.....its stupid getting liam out. literally the stupidest and quite frankly downright embarrassing move to make for a group of players of this caliber. and you know what responses ive gotten? "oh its too soon to rock the boat" "we have to get one of those brawns out" "yeah we just have to go with the brains on this one" ??? too soon??? at merge??????? to play the game of survivor??????????? at this point im about to try and just tell liam with the very slim chance that he has an idol and can use it on himself because how am i supposed to try and play the game of survivor with people who dont want to play its frustrating. **update as i was writing this i just had a call with jordan pines, im not as mad anymore after smoking weed with him for like 20 minutes ahfdd but its BORING LIKE WAKE UP PEARL LETS PLAY SURVIVOR...i probably made a big mistake pushing those 3 to as many people as i just did but whatever hopefully it at least planted seeds with people and people actually try and approach me in the future rounds with that idea again in other news, the auction happened and i got the power to go to the prejuror island and plead my case with them regarding this next vote, no one was even there so that was lovely i felt like i was talking to myself so nothing new there, i peeped connor was online but didnt have anything to say when i showed up, much like how he never had anything good to say in the game and that's why he was voted out, but ANYWAY. im pissed i made a case to them to vote for amir and now no one will even make the move with me. I also bought a challenge advantage which i wanted MOSTLY so i could just tell people thats what i got from it because to me i suck at challenges anyway, so it shouldnt paint as much of a target on my back and i want people to know i dont have one of those really scary ones (and i also want to keep making people think amir or kendall has something good), but ali did confide in me he has the vote reveal which made me trust him a lot more, and i dont plan on revealing to anyone what he told me so anywho, tribal is NOT gonna go my way tonight, i tried to make a move but liam is unfortunately completely unsaveable because he's not around even though i do like talking to him personally, i opened the door to people and it just got slammed in my face but in this game you have to learn when to drop it so im hoping i dropped it fast enough to not be a future target because people could still very well vote me out next because they'd be taking out the only real beauty left!

tj, jordan and duncan are all going home as soon as possible. they really think they are slick and they are not. they think they can badmouth me, my game and my position and it wont get back to me. there is a word for it and it is clownery. one of them is going to get to stepping really soon. maybe jordan.

also i cant be too mad at liam because im voting him but i wish it wasnt like this. well. what can you do. if he plays an idol im playing mine.

Now that we're told the right day... Well, it looks like most people are back on the Liam Train, and damn I really don't want this move to be made. Like, yes, it will set me up well moving forward: less "Brawn Alliance" hype, more battles between Adam/Ali vs. Beauty Babes, and a decent amount of social mobility for me. But this just feels like a giant waste and I don't know how to stop this at this rate.

First of all: YAASSSSSSSS WE LOVE MAKING THE MERGE!!!! I’ve gotten over my Scott grief and actually am pretty content with him out of the game since he was a big contender to win it all. The time I’ve been able to spend talking to people has been amazing and I feel like I genuinely have a good relationship with everyone on the tribe besides Liam, which is why I’m happy to see him go. He’s a really nice guy but he’s not adding anything to my game. I expect the vote to go 11-1-1 tonight. I could always get idoled out or blindsided and that would suck but you try your best and do what you can! I think I have EXCELLENT relationships with Amir, Jordan and Autumn and that’s like the kingpins of each group so if someone comes after me hopefully I’ll hear about it one way or another. I need to get my head out of Amir’s ass though, I’m most excited to play with him and we called for literally 2 hours and 50 minutes yesterday. I’ve always thought he was cute and intelligent from when I was in the community before and I fangirled getting to play with him. I like to think I’m in a good position in this game so far, we’ll see as the game progresses. One last thing? ADAM!? SIS?!?! EVERYONE IS AWARE YOU LIED TO THEM! YOUR ASS IS GOING HOME NEXT! PERIODT!! (Hopefully I’ll be here to help vote you out lol

Well, here we are? This is where my game was MADE back in Guyana, however, I clearly don't have a solidified alliance I am willing to take to the end at this stage. We have 5 Brawns, three former winners, a person I voted out in Guyana, two people that voted me out, and a person I tried voting out last round all still in the game. Still, I am going to make the best of it. In the short period of time this game has provided, I have been able to make REALLY solid connections. Not all of them are 100% genuine, but the hope is that they're enough to gain trust and information that I can use to advance my game. 

if i go home tonight im gonna lose my marbles

so basicallyyyy jakey is gathering intel from the other sideand apparently theyre all scared of me, grow up??? im literally harmless wtf

HOHOHOHOOGO WHO WANTS SOME TEA ? SO DUNCAN SPILLED THAT back long ago on original hathor, remember when I was losing my mind thinking aj ratted everything to Adam It was THE TRUTH and I’m glad aj has been dealt with. It’s what he deserves .

adam thinks hes so fucking slick running around telling everyone i gotta go and that i have the idol, and then messaging me in my pms trying to call and have a "tea-spilll uwu" when hes just going to use that against me anywayyyy honey u arent as smart as u think u are, and when the time is right, you're getting crucified ADAM CAME TO ME TO BE LIKE "FUCK JAKEY WON IMMUNITY" and im like "ik :( " and he runs to jakey and goes "THE RATS ARE MAD U WON" mark my words if im leaving this game i will blow him tf up on the way out

these people are all rats ALLIANCE: Threats R Us members: jakey ali autumn Source: jakey ALLIANCE: (name unknown) Members: Autumn Duncan TJ Jordan Source: Autumn so autumn ratted on an alliance to me and not the other, which lets me know that she is far more invested in Ali that she is in Duncan. Working with Duncan is not going to save face with autumn, i have to treat her as a separate entity and work with her genuinely if i want safety from ali, like she sold duncan tj and jordan down a river to me so fast i love her so much, i want to work with her but i have to see how far it goes people i want out : adam tj liam ali jordan but rn ill settle for anyone but me cuz no one is talking to me

devon wanted to talk real quick and tellin me that there was a whole ass plan started by adam to get me out, like say the vote is kendall but actually vote for me, and the plan was entertained by brawn, also i told jakey i have the idol, and jakey told me ali has 2 idols a vote reveal and an idol block

#BackWithVengeance

[avengerdragoness]

Sentence Starter Masterlist

Batfamily:

Jason Todd:

“You deserve a world without this”

"Guns? Ha! Last I remember, you had string bean arms!"

“It’s not that funny.”

“I know you liked it when they were hitting on you.” "If you would do it I would like it better" "Wait, what" "What"

"If you're not there when this baby comes, I'm going to take that gun, and shove it so far up your--"

"open it" "can you say please?"

"real smooth, tripping over air"

"Alright guys time to play truth or dare"

"well, that was... interesting"

"where have you been"

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“If you shove cake in my face this will be the worst wedding night of your life.”

“After everything you did, you’re asking ME to apologize for snapping at you ONCE?”

"I know I said I’d get up with the kid in the morning but I’m hoping you can’t tell I’m fake sleeping and hoping you will do it instead"

"It helps that my competition is attractive."

“I’d die for you. Of course, I’d haunt you in the afterlife but really, it’s the thought that counts.”

"I bet I could beat you in wrestling match"

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

"Yeah, because fighting crime wearing the colors of a traffic light is soooooo stealthy."

“I met your parents and your mom was flirting with me. "

"I am not jealous, I'm territorial. Jealous is when you what something you can't have, territorial is protecting what is yours."

"Get over here, Jason 'Crush Me With Your Thighs' Todd!"

"ITS PLATINUM!!!"

"Wait, you're not a virgin? do you even stay awake long enough for sex?"

"you can't just go around killing people"

"So tell me: do all vigilantes lurk or is this just a part of your unique charm?"

"Am I really gonna be a father to an actual human being?"

"Put the water balloon down."

“You’re cute when you’re angry.”

Dick Grayson:

“I did a pregnancy test.”

“You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”

"What do you mean I can't stay up until 4 am reading? You've stayed up later risking your life in a ridiculous costume!"

"If you sing that song one more time I will fight you"

“I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

"I swear to god if you don't get off the chandelier right now"

"love first of all  if you're wearing that kilt to slag me off for me Irish heritage I'm not one fucking bit impressed and second KILTS ARE FUCKING SCOTTISH ugh but you do look the ride in it , i have to say wait there I'm posting a pic of it this gonna be great craic"

"IVE BEEN STANDING IN THIS SHOP FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN SMARTIES OR SKITTLES DONT RUSH ME !"

“What do you want me to do with this?”

"You know you have to worst name ever"

"Where do you run off to every day?" 

Tim Drake:

“Is there a problem?” “Is there a special reason, as to why you’re wearing my shirt?”

"No, nothing's wrong, I was just fangirling, carry on."

"You should know by know that if you leave your cape laying around, I don't care if it's for 'superhero business', I'm going to wrap it around myself like a blanket."

“You drowned my makeup in water so I used my key to scratch all of your video game discs.”

"stop it, stop whatever the hell your doing"

'please stop staring at that stupid computer and talk to me'

"You're not meeting my boyfriend, Tim, because I'd like to date him a while before my brother kills him."

“This is your twentieth cup of coffee are you trying to break a world record or something?“

"I found you passed out, face down in a pile of coffee cups, are you ok?"

"You have to be cheating! No one is that good poker!"

"There's nothing wrong with taking a break"

"You should really get out of the house more, I almost attacked you thinking you were a vampire. And no patrol doesn't count, get some sunlight."

Damian Wayne:

“Damn, when did y/n get hot?”

"We’re camping and you think you lost the kid but they’re napping in the tent and I’m not telling you yet so you watch them better next time" 

"Damian, are you sure your dad is going to be ok with us sneaking a monkey into the Manor?"

“Before you decide to murder me, let me explain…”

“His ego is so visible; I can almost watch it grow.”

“When you love someone, you don’t just stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!”

“Do you ever follow directions?”

"dami ..I can't find my reading glasses have you seen them ?"

"I was trained by the masters of the League of Assassins and Ra's Al Ghul himself I DO NOT SING"

"we are not going to steal someone's dog"

"i'm allowed to be obssesed with you, im your husband"

"Why is there a deer in the mansion."

"I'm better at handling swords than you"

“So that’s why you’re always gone... you’re fighting crime in tights...”

"Wait... are you actually trying to stab me with a spoon?"

"Do I have to?"

"Don't worry beloved my family will love you, if anything I'm worried about them scaring you off"

Batfam:

"Not to point out the elephant in the room, but is that a literal elephant in the room?"

                   <-------------------------------------------->

CW DC:

Barry Allen:

"Cisco I don't need you to hit on them for me."

"I don't care how much a speedster needs to eat, you touch my food, and we're going to have a problem."

"everyone can tell you lover her, it's obvious"

“im NOT jealous, but he was flirting with you"

"I'm so sorry to disturb you but....I ran out of toilet paper"

Wally West:

"you like her, don't you!" 

"I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it"

Oliver Queen:

"are you jerking off or did you just find another book?"

Mon-El:

"Are you really jealous of a dog?"

"Mon-El, stop trying to make me blush, you jerk!"

Winn Schott:

"Winslow Schott, you do *not* get to saw I'm 'crabby' right now. If I seem to be in a bad mood, it's because *someone* decided to drag all the way to the DEO, first thing in the morning before I had a chance to have breakfast, without actually giving me a reason!"

                   <-------------------------------------------->

DC (Other):

Billy Batson:

"I'll give you your precious hoodie back, if you say the magic word!"

"How hasn't Bruce Wayne adopted you yet?"

"So...what happened EXACTLY?"

"y'know when you sneak around like that to transform you look super shady right?"

"You snuck into my room in the middle of the night to tell me something that could've waited till morning, woke me up by tripping over a small pile of books, and almost broke the most expensive thing I own. Remind me again why I shouldn't immediately call the cops on my best friend?" 

                   <-------------------------------------------->

Young Justice:

Wally West:

"I'd like to remind everyone to refrain from eating my food"

"I think you're just jealous cause you don't have magic powers! Or maybe you don't believe cause your so dependent on your precious science to explain everything!"

"I don't speak science, think you can translate for us non-nerds?"

Bart Allen:

"You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened to him"

"I'm from the past...I knew your cousin"

"We're about to die!"/"Comes with the job!"/”You're not helping!"

"You can't be serious"

"Hey, could you help me go over these case files-...you do not have a shirt on..."

"Who do i look like, Batman?"

"How are you always late?"

"Give me back my book!! You better not spoil it!!!"

"YOU CAN SING?!?!?!?!"

"You look good in yellow"

"I promise to tell you where your snacks went, if you promise not to get mad."

“are you sure about this”

"please don’t make me say it" 

                   <-------------------------------------------->

Marvel:

The Avengers:

"oops they saw it, well surprise I guess!"

Peter Parker:

"Don't be such a nerd Parker, we need to keep this professional and intimidating."

"You're that Bug Boy Jamison keeps talking about"

"You're an arachnophobe?"

“You're gonna get me killed!"

"I dare you to kiss him."

"Explain your powers to me again"

"Could you just get me down from here?!"

"These aren't even quips! They're just bad puns!"

"I cannot believe you of all people got us detention! I always thought it would be me."

"There's no such thing as bad publicity!"

"So, what's up with BugBoy over there?"

Steve Rogers:

"When were you planning to let me know what happened?!"

                   <-------------------------------------------->

Voltron:

Shiro:

“I’m like 20% sure this plan will work. The other 80% means we could die horribly and violently, but honestly it’s a really solid plan.”

“You’re so determined to protect yourself and your feelings, but what about me?”

“How is my wife more badass than me?”

"i lost our baby"

“Are you hitting on me?”

"...Why did you throw confetti in my face?"

Lance:

“I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.”

"Please tell me you aren't washing a metal, mechanical, slightly magical lion with soap and water?"

“How did you even get that there?“

Keith:

"How in the world did I get you to like me back?"

“I thought it was a good idea at the time, but it now occurs to me that I was horribly wrong.”

“Oh my god! You’re in love with them!” "No, Dumb-ass I'm in love with you"

"I can't believe you talked me into this."

"Keith, I love you, you know I do, but *please* tell me you didn't actually jump out of an airlock to get your lion."

“Why are you staring at me like that?” 

                   <-------------------------------------------->

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid:

"i need you to breath in and out with me, this anxiety attack will pass, i......"

"I don't care what you think you know, Spence, I'm *not* ticklish!"

"God, I hate profilers! You can never keep a secret from one."

#sentence starter masterlist #masterlist #sentence starters

[batsysims]

100 QUESTIONS NO ONE ASKS

I was tagged by @tickledsims ty ily!!

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED? CLOSED when i was younger my little sister had a baby doll that would talk on its own at night and we called it the demon baby and hooooly shit

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS? i dont take those bc my hair cant take cheap hair products but i do take the soaps!!

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT? i put the mattress cover sheet thingy on my bed but i dont use an actual sheet :/

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE? nah lol

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES? YES i love using office supplies i could spend all day at staples omg

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM? no lol but il save the lil receipt coupons and find them in my wallet months after they expire

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES? hhhhh bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES? yep!! i love them its why im scared to use foundation i dont wanna lose em

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES? i either smile or if my moms takin the pic il make a stupid face 

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? i have terrible road rage...... um........... i also hate it when men interrupt me i just walk away at that point 

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK? yeah i pretty much count everything

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS? i dont think so??

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS? def not lmao

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING? i have an eating dance, a drinking dance, and a video game playing dance hahaa

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS? yes ugh it annoys me but i cant stop

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK? at LEAST 0

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED? i think its a single? a single or a twin either way im miserable send help

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK? ummm probably You by Weird Milk?? its the most recent song i added on spotify so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK? yeah def unless its one of those “real men wear pink shirts” like just.... stop

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS? sometimes my sister makes me watch stevens universe?? il watch phineas and ferb too bc honestly who doesnt anime too but not always cartoon ones or w/e

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE? 2001: A Space Odyssey and Daughters of the Dust come to mind

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME? u kno where ;) no how big is the treasure?? if its a lil bit id put it in that drawer under the oven bc my family never uses that but if its BIG TREASURE id hide it in the backyard of the last house i lived in bc a. nobody lives there now and 2. its totally overrun with green bc of like two floods

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER? water! only water ever

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN? honey if theyre mcnuggets but other than that i use honey mustard!

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? chicky parm

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE? honestly Inception is my feel-good movie

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU? a lil babu

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT? i was in girl scouts much longer than i ever wanted to be lmao WISH i coulda done BOY SCOUTS

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE? if cash is involved absolutely

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER? aboutttt three months ago!

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR? no but i can watch

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET? when i first got my license yea :( 15 yr olds are dum

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS? twice! very good memories

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH? egg salad gud

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST? the all star breakfast at waffle house yasssss

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME? honestly like 9 since i always have to wake up at 7 in the am but il stay up til 11 if i can

37. ARE YOU LAZY? absolutely when have ACTIVE ppl done ANYTHING

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN? i was usually a cat bc i never could find a costume i liked smh but when i was 2 i went as winnie the pooh lmao

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN? ox!

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK? just english but im tryna learn spanish and japanese and im fluent in french if a two year olds speech patterns can be considered as such

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS? nah

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS? LEGOS lincoln logs are big with nostalgia thoooo

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN? with dumb shit yeah but i usually just dont care enough abt stuff to deal

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN? theyre both old idc

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS? no lol

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? not really tbh i like the adrenaline

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR? if im alone!! nobody deserves to hear that

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? nahhh

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR? when im in the drive thru haaaa

50. EVER USED A GUN? id like to go to a shooting range some time but ive never used one im also very anti gun so i probs would never buy one unless it was a cute lil glock i can handle well

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER? st patricks day it wasnt technically for me tho

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY? not in general but when ppl start obsessing over a certain one for months on end abt a certain time period and certain performers and certain songs and certain people of history i start wanting ppl to die

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL? YEAH I NEVER HAVE MONEY WTF

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI? my sisters obsessed with them so yea but never like. authentic polish potato pockets or anything just a frozen box of em

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE? apple?? im not rly into pie tbh

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? ive wanted to go into law enforcement/criminology my whole life!! for a sec i wanted to be a firefighter, a journalist/writer/poet, and some sort of artist but u know how kids are

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? i tried to find that clip from malcolm in the middle for like ten mins but i couldnt yea

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING? doesnt everyone tho?

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY? no im a bad adult

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS? nah

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE? im not rich!!

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED? usually just my undies but when im living with other people il wear a soft shirt and my dc heroes pajama bottoms ayyy

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT? ive never been to one! i was gonna go see metallica in baltimore but i moved before i could smh

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART? walmart sry targets cool but too much money!!! i go there for home things tho does kmart still exist

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS? ADIDAS ive been trying to get a full adidas tracksuit for YEARS

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS? fritos! i like the super hot cheetos tho

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS? peanutsssss

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN? Nope but they must be good im keepin @tickledsims response bc it made me laugh

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS? when i was a lil babu i took ballet and gymnastics a lil later

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING? i hope to never have a spouse  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yep

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE? ive actually never even had a spelling bee im sure theyre a myth

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY? i think so??

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS? nah

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER? nahhhhh

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE? no but i had a roommate who did i fell in love

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yeah ok lol so one time when i was a sophomore my french teacher had to use a substitute teacher and hes the reason i believe in love at first sight im STILL in love with him wtf ive also had a bf haha im hilarious

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT? i dont really do concerts so i couldnt say but i think matd would be fun!!

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW? oh my god

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA? hot!!!!

81. TEA OR COFFEE? coffee!!!!!!

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES? i dont rly like either but i prefer snickerdoodles over sugar

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL? i can only do that weird frog swim i forget what its called so no im shit at it

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE? ye

85. ARE YOU PATIENT? if im able to distract myself?? it also depends on the severity of what im waiting on i guess

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING? probs a band i guess i dont rly think abt that kinda stuff sry

87. EVER WON A CONTEST? when i was four i won a coloring contest at the ice cream store

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY? nope im poor 89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES? both are good!

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET? i can knit but i cant crochet

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE? fckn bathroom

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? not rly unless its a partnership longlasting romance stresses me out especially with financial responsibility etc

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? -20 years

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH? my high school boyfriend hahaaa h,,,,

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY? im an adult sry

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1!

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS? nope! lmao i love her tho

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? red but i also like many others??? idk

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW? ummm not rly?? im not close enough to anyone to miss them and those i am close to im able to hang with

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT? god uhhh if you havent done it already and want to, @dreambot @nebula-simms @ellowynsims and @pixelbloom

#tag challenge #nonsims #ty lol that was fun

[missjackil]

The One Who Remembers

The first time Sam saw him, it was just after the Hell hallucinations started. It was only a glimpse, just out of site from his peripheral view, so he quickly forgot about it when he first encountered the memories of the meat hooks. Soon after, Sam would see him more clearly, sometimes standing, sometimes kneeling, and more often, just curled in the fetal position on the floor. Sam knew who he was, once he saw his bloody, broken face. It was himself, the one he met and killed when the wall in his head crumbled. It was the part of him who remembered Hell.  

After Cas shifted the pain to himself, Sam only saw him occasionally in dreams. Always looking the same, always speaking softly, telling Sam he wasn’t going to fight him, while the words weren’t spoken, Sam knew even as it happened, that he was pleading to die. To just let it be over. Sam remembered how badly he wanted to keep the memories locked away, but he more so wanted this part of him to stop suffering. This actually made killing him easier than killing his soulless self. Putting him down and out of his misery was the easiest kill Sam ever had. The dreams of him weren’t frequent, so Sam just wrote them off as any vivid nightmare he had acquired throughout his life, and never spoke of it or dwelled on  it much. However, for some reason, after the insane conditions over the last couple days, Lucifer himself was staying in Sam and Dean’s bunker. along with his Father, Chuck, and the dreams suddenly returned with a vengeance. They weren’t repeats of the normal dream, now his burnt, bloody, tortured self would scream in pain and terror, begging God for help, and Sam awoke in a cold sweat, shivering and nauseous, his throat raw as though he, himself, had been screaming. The bunker was dark and quiet. Dean had not burst through the door, gun in hand, as if reacting to Sam screaming in the night, so Sam was sure the screams weren’t audible. He went to the sink to splash water on his face, pausing to let a round of dry heaves work its way through his system, and he let the warm air of his room fill his now over exerted lungs until the shaking stopped. He needed a drink. Whether it would be a beer, a shot of Johnny Walker, or hot tea with honey and ginger, wouldn’t be decided till he got to the kitchen. Lucifer was locked safely in the dungeon, even though Chuck assured Sam and Dean that he was completely powerless and couldn’t harm them if he wanted to, they didn’t want to take any chances, Powerless or not, Sam knew he was there. He could feel him in the air, and could swear he could hear him taunting “Saaaam? Sammy? C’mon bunk buddy, hang out with me like we used to. Want to talk about old times? Hey! I know, how about a nice game of spin the  bottle? Maybe Twister? I promise I wont cheat this time HAHAHA!!”  Sam knew it was impossible, so he shoved the thought away and concentrated on the sound’s coming from Dean’s laptop in the war room. A basketball game. It must be a repeat since it was nearly 3am. This is good, he’ll watch videos with Dean and have a drink or 2 to calm his nerves. When he got to the war room, expecting to see his brother in the “dead guy” robe and about 6 beers into a good buzz, he saw Chuck instead. Maybe he would actually be better company right now. Sam knew he could talk to Chuck about anything, he always did, the only difference now was that he could see him face to face, and get an immediate response if he needed one. “Hey Sam!” Chuck said, just as Sam crossed the threshold into the war room. “You had a terrible dream didn’t you?” Chuck didnt even make eye contact, but slid a piping hot cup of tea in front of a chair next to him, encouraging Sam to sit for  a while. Sam smiled, and sat without hesitation “Yeah Chuck, I did” he took a sip and let it warm the ache in his throat “but I um, I dont think it was a dream.” Chuck shut the laptop and turned to Sam with full attention. “Want to tell me about it?”  Sam sipped again and cleared his throat. Maybe talking face to face with God was harder than he thought. A nervous smile came across Sam’s lips as he stared shyly into the cup of tea, as if it held more answers than the Creator of the Universe that sat beside him. “I know you know I spent time… downstairs. In Hell. In Lucifer’s cage.” Chuck nodded, “And you’re anxious because Lucifer is here? I can’t make you trust me Sam, that’s a choice all your own, but I promise you he can’t….” “No no no, Chuck, its not that” Sam cut off “I trust you, I do… i always have, but Ive been well, seeing things.” Chuck sat straight, drawing just a little closer into Sam’s space, nearly forcing him to make eye contact. Sam’s shoulder’s dropped, in reverent surrender. “When the wall crumbled, I went unconscious, and I couldn’t wake up until I killed my symbolic pieces, and absorbed their memories. Of things I’d done when I had no soul, and ummm everything that happened in Hell.” Sam swallowed hard and broke eye contact with Chuck, but Chuck stayed focused. “Tell me what that was like” Sam shifted in his chair and rubbed his face. “It was hard, sort of. I literally had to kill myself, twice. Just so I could put myself back together. But, my last piece, the piece that remembered Hell.. it wasn’t hard to put him down. He wanted it. I hurt for him so bad, that it felt merciful to me, to put him out of his misery. But now, I saw him in my dream, screaming, and begging for help. Begging YOU for help.”  Sam’s throat grew tight. He wasn’t sure if it was anger, or grief, or just plain sadness. His eyes welled, and he tried for a moment to hold the tears back, but he couldn’t help it. “I guess I don’t understand why you didn’t help, is what I’m saying.”  Chuck sat back and crossed his arms. “I did help Sam. I put Cas back together and gave him the power to pull you out. I can’t honestly tell you why your soul was left behind, that’s something you need to ask Cas about, but I steered your brother in the direction to get your soul out and told Death to help him. I still give all of you free will, so I put my hands in much more with you guys than I have for anyone for thousands of years, the time it took you all to figure out the right paths were on the three of you.” Sam was speechless. Half happy to have some blanks filled in, but half mortified that he may have offended God to his face. He looked up at Chuck “Im sorry, I spoke out of turn, I didn’t mean to accuse you of….” Chuck held a hand up for Sam to stop apologizing. “It’s okay Sam, really. Ive heard worse from the Archangels. I want to know what has you worried right now.” Worried. Is that what this was? Yes…. Yes! Sam realized for the first time, he wasn’t scared, or grieving, he was worried. “Im worried Chuck…. that I made the wrong call with him, or me as it was.”  Another tear rolled down Sam’s cheek. He sniffed and wiped his face again. “Im worried I shouldn’t have killed him. Maybe I could have helped him.” Guilt flooded over Sam like a dam broke in his soul. He didn’t put this part of himself out of his misery, he just ended it. The pain may not be increasing, but it wasn’t gone. It was like taking someone out of a fire but not helping them with the burns. He knew now that his soul didn’t simply need to be brought out of Hell, it needed to heal. Something he was never able to do. Was it even possible? Where would someone even begin to heal themselves after centuries of brutal torture? Sam buried his face in his hands. How did he miss it? He was always the first one to see if a victim needed help after a possession or a monster attack. He would make sure they got to a Doctor if they needed one, or he would recommend they find someone to talk to, and would offer his own phone number if they felt he could help. But somehow, with himself, he didn’t even bother. He would think “I’m alive, I look and feel healthy, I love, and I am loved. I can still help other people, so I’m just fine. A lot of people have it worse.” Chuck let Sam cry for a while. He knew it was luxury Sam rarely gave to himself, and not even once had he cried about the pain he had suffered in Hell, once he was out and intact. It wasn’t until Sam spoke through his sobs “Im so sorry, it was my fault. I could have helped but I didn’t. I was selfish wanting to come back so fast.” Chuck grabbed Sam’s hands roughly. “Now Sam, STOP! It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know then. You didn’t know you would get through it alive, let alone be capable of healing yourself.” Sam met Chuck’s eyes again “What can I do now?” Chuck smiled “Whatever you want. What would you like to do?” Sam thought for a moment. “I want to go back. Can I go back and talk to him, or umm me again?”  Chuck winked and touched Sam’s forehead. Instantly, Sam was out. Once again, Sam entered the room. It was Bobby’s house. Dark and only lit by candles. White sheets draped over the furniture. Sam could even smell the Old Spice and whiskey like he did that day he first met him. The only difference now was that Sam was 5 years older, and completely unarmed. He knew he was there, his bloody, broken self. He could smell him. Burnt flesh, singed hair, dried blood, sweat, and fear. Not strong enough to overwhelm him, but just enough that the memories came back to the front of his mind in detail. A smell that was around himself for 180 years.  Sam walked cautiously through the room, remembering this part of himself had a blade. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t use it, but still mildly regretted coming unarmed. Then he saw him, once again sitting at the table with his head down and hair hanging in matted strands over his face. “Hey, um Sam? It’s me, or, us, the living part.” Sam could see in the candle light, this figure stand up. “Why are you here?” Sam held up his hands to show him he had no weapon, and said “I need to talk to you. I want to help.” He could see himself walking around the table towards him. His face was more visible, but barely recognizable. When finally stood within inches, he lowered his head as if a last effort to hide the pain from this older, (yet younger) healthy man in front of him. “You can’t help me Sam. Just kill me, put me out of my misery” “No, that’s where we were wrong the first time.” Sam reached out and touched him on the shoulder, but the weakened, damaged man flinched against his touch. It must have hurt him, or maybe he didn’t know touching doesn’t have to hurt. “Im sorry” Sam said while pulling his hand away. “Here, come sit.” They both sat after Sam adjusted the sheet over the couch to be more comfortable. “I can help you okay? I don’t need to kill you to stop the suffering, I need to heal you. Then I can be whole again, and you, and I, will heal. Will you trust me?” “What choice do I have?” Things began to be more clear now. This poor, mangled creature thought he had no choice but accept whatever pain or grief was bestowed on him. As something he couldn’t control or maybe even felt he deserved. Now Sam knew where to start. “First off I want you to know we made it. We made it out alive, and though there were some really rough patches, things got better. WE got better.” Broken Sam let his eyes look over himself 5 years after their first meeting “Yeah, Id say you look a lot better than I do.” And Sam could see a hint of a smile on his lips. Sam couldn’t help but smile himself. he’d have to admit that he was actually pretty pleased with his body at 32 years old. He attributed that to eating healthy when he could but never denying himself pizza or a juicy cheeseburger when he wanted them. He hadn’t had so much as a cold in 5 years, not counting the side effects from The Trials. “We, or I, have made so many choices in my life, that have brought me to where I am now. There’s been some very poor ones, sometimes people got hurt, people I love and care about, but some were very good choices, and saved a lot of people, though, the most important one, where we somehow saved the world, is the one that actually got us here, where we both are right now. “ Sam could see the guilt come across the face of his tortured self. “So, this, is our fault right?” Sam thought for a moment, thats not what he was trying to say at all “No, this wasnt our fault. We broke Lucifer out of his cage, yes, that was a very bad choice, but saving the world afterward was not. That was the best choice. What Lucifer did to us, was HIS doing. Not ours. His choices and his alone.” At that Sam saw it. A light shine behind tortured Sam’s eyes, and he could see his skin begin to regain color. This is where the healing starts! “Touch me!” Sam said placing the hand of his broken soul on his heart. He looked confused. “See?!” Sam said, with a new found excitement “I’m alive, and healthy, WE are out, WE survived. Can you feel it?” Sam could see that he could. He could feel his heart, pounding away in his chest as it made more light come from behind battered Sam’s eyes. Sam watched him take in a few long deep breaths, as though he hadn’t breathed in ages and it brought more color to his skin, as streaks like faded claw marks began to disappear from his arms. “I can feel it” he said finally. “I can breathe and it doesn’t burn! It doesn’t hurt, or stink, it feels…. good” He said with an actual smile. A smile of sheer relief, and Sam could see himself 5 years ago begin to emerge from under the scars. “This is good!” Sam felt his skin become tingly and static charged. He was surprised he couldn’t hear it. “Now, keep breathing, keep filling your lungs with air and know that it’s life okay? We lived, we are alive. We aren’t perfect by a long shot, but we do good. He tried to destroy us but he didnt. We can still fight for whats right, and still love and be loved back!” Sam’s tortured soul was clearly recognizable as himself at 27 when he overpowered the Devil himself and jumped into the pit, but something in his face was wrong. Something still unrecognizable. “ What’s the matter? Did I hurt you?” “No” he said “I just dont remember what love is. What it feels like.”  Sam felt his heart break. Even through the worst parts of his life, even when he thought he hated Dean or his father,  or even his mother once or twice, for bringing the hunter’s life into the family, he knew he never stopped loving them. Even more recently when he and Dean had nearly killed each other on a couple occasions, he loved his brother, and even when Dean was a demon, he knew deep inside he loved him and that would be the real reason he came back, but this poor boy, just spent 180 yrs of furious hate and violence, that it managed to erase love from his memory. “I can show you. Will you let me?”  “Yes.” Sam had to admit to himself that this was probably the strangest experience of his life, and that was a pretty high bar, but it felt right. It felt like the only way this part of his soul would finally feel peace. “Can I touch you?” He asked “Yes, just please don’t hurt me.” A twinge of pain hit Sam in the heart, but he could honestly answer “I promise I wont. And you can stop me at any time.” A trusting nod was returned. “Love feels like this.” Sam said, as he touched his hair. No longer matted and blood stained. Soft and smooth, his right hand cupping his jaw which until a few minutes ago was smeared with blood. Sam felt this piece of him becoming warm under his touch. Placing a hand around Sam’s wrist as if to close a connection and maybe even to feel as though he could pull away if he wanted to. But he didnt. Sam moved in closer to him, and just wrapped his long strong arms around him. Pulling him into his chest and resting his chin atop his head. “This is what safety feels like.”  Both Sams were silent. Sam didn’t rush anything. They literally had all the time in the world, and he would give himself whatever he needed. From the way he felt him, as he finally wrapped his arms around Sam’s back, he knew this was something he needed, and he kissed the top of his head, closed his eyes and smiled. “Are we okay?” Sam asked after several minutes of silence. “I think so.” He answered “But, how can I be sure you’re real and not one of Lucifer’s tricks?” Sam was stumped for a minute. He remembered this feeling all too well when he had a hard time determining what was real and what was a hallucination. He remembered what Dean had told him about Hell, and how the pain was different. Feeling the pain from the real world helped him focus more on what was real, but he couldnt possibly cause this man any more pain. Then Sam remembered that sometimes Lucifer would trick him with pleasure. Making him think for a moment he felt good and then he would instantaneously be hanging from hooks in his face. That pleasure he felt though, was different than pleasure topside. It was more like a drug induced pleasure, than a real human feeling. He could show his soul real pleasure. “I remember the tricks he played to make me think I was happy for a moment and then steal it away from me. It felt real in the moment, but it felt superficial, only on the surface. It didn’t feel like this.” Sam  pulled back away, just far enough to look into his eyes. To connect with him on level that they would both feel on the inside. He held his face in his hands, stared into his eyes until he saw life begin to sparkle in them. It may have been enhanced by the surrounding candle light, but they burned with hope. Sam closed his own eyes and pressed his lips to his temple, along his ear and to his lips. Soft with closed mouth, he stayed for just a second or two before he felt those other lips part and invite his tongue inside. It was beautiful. Sam couldnt deny it. It might have been the best kiss hes ever given or received  and he knew his counterpart felt it too. They were connected now, and everything one felt, so did the other. It was more than intense, it was epic. Sam could tell by each touch what he needed, what he craved and feelings of true, honest, pure pleasure grew like vines from the soles of his feet to the hair on his head. They both needed to feel each others bare skin surround them. Sam wasnt exactly sure how or when their clothes wound up in a pile on the floor, but it was a dream right? No, he was sure he wasn’t in the real world, but this was definitely something real. Sam laid along side himself at 27. Admired his own body even then. strong, muscular, maybe a little less hair in some places, and maybe a little more in others, but for the first time in his life, he realized he is beautiful. Not just attractive, or a 7 and a half, but actually beautiful. He let his hands and lips explore himself, as he also returned the admiration of his future body. It was confusing, but amazing at the same time. He wanted nothing more than to make love to him, himself. And he did. Everything one felt, so did the other, so every movement was perfectly in line. When slowing down was best, when speeding up was better, and when they came simultaneously, it was nothing less than perfect. He felt everything in his body and soul release pressure like a volcano, and then it was calm. Both Sams were silent. Sam awoke in his room. Sore and exhausted, but peaceful. He felt like he had slept for 3 days but the clock on his phone said just 7 hours. He was thirsty and starving, but was happy to smell bacon and pancakes cooking. Maybe it was a dream after all? He didn’t think so, he really felt like the healing actually began and a great weight was lifted off his shoulders. He made a promise to himself that whenever he felt that pain well up in his soul again, he would go back and visit his new friend. The most important person he’s saved yet to date… Himself.

#supernatural #samcest #sam and chuck #hell!sam #sam and hell #sam and heaing #sam winchester #some sam love #hurt!sam #sam and comfort

[imascientistofmusic]

Im a huge fucking nerd

final LYRICS FOR ENDOLPHINS AND MC FOUCAULT EP Welcome to Kirby’s Memeland (MILLIPEDES FOR THE MOLEMEN) Got it so hot y'all give me standing ovations while I'm spamming the squat[1] like my whole family's Croatian if my dad's Jackie Chan[2] am I Hispanic or Asian? please understaånd this equation ()[3] me no panic just blazing at any random location i’m your romantic liaison killa Beys in formation[4] the doctor's[5] now handling patients I put the wots in tarnations[6] I put the spots on dalmatians I move the block with my cadence Now time just stops when i say shit But the beat goes on cause i made it Alex Strong[7] in the paint and Singing So Long[8] to fake friends We can roll out the Save ends[9] Y'all kittens tryin my patience I need to find an oasis Pass me that blunt and i'll face it Why y'all stuntin so basic? Im kinda something like LASIK[10] take your quirk and erase it[11] If there's something to say then I'm Malcolm Little and Dakin[12] Welcome to Kirbys Memeland[13] Im a giant herbing with green hands[14] Defiantly serving up steamed hams[15] Yo shuhei hold up i got remands[16] Misery[17] in the moment Missouri in the mornings[18] Mysteries in the motions Miss her seas in this ocean[19] (oh shit) ALL AT ONCE (HOW HARD JAMES HARDIN GOES WHEN HE GOES HARD IN THE PAINT) One day i’ll kill all the white men take back the land we’re missin[20] Im Diego's street art and they're banksy's vandalisms[21] Like the second coming of yeezus[22] and he's risen Built a religion for giant robots[23] called it animism[24] My flow is so fucking preposterous Patrol the land rarer than rhinoceroses[25] Get your heads out the sand yall lookin like ostriches Didn't kill the cat[26] but we checked it into hospice I know yr feeling that and baby one i got this My boys swing the bats like my last name was ausmus[27] Best rappers who aren't black you know i top the list prophets foretold my path (my birth) it was an (heavenly) auspice Imagine how hard james hardin[28] goes when he goes hard in the paint Well i go harder than that On my level you ain't I'm smart as The Bat[29] I'm like double your rank I just started to rap But the devil remains In the details im valued retail theyre resale[30] i'll continue my never ending quest to impress you[31] I’m obsessed with the things that pens do Allah bless this mess because i swear i intend to Decompress and recollect about fucked things that friends[32] do Parenthetically my memes are better than y’all’s Im aesthetically[33] hiding in vectors too small Interjecting my dreams while dissenting all leans[34] Exquisitely dining on minds here at the end of all things [35] We bout those movers and shakers We bustin loose of the matrix[36] I get my fruit at bodegas Im bound to move to NEW VEGAS[37] Matthew McConaughey (HARRY AND THE HUMAN CENTIPEDES) Another space time anomaly[38] An Interstellar[39] odyssey Alright alright alright Im Mathew McConaughey Im unfuckingstoppable the impossible possible The whole world's my hospital not a gd thing is inoperable[40] Credentials are laudable Essentially i got it all Took a look at the d And then called an audible[41] Obliterate any Obstacle Precipitate like waterfalls Instigate a kinder cause Evicerate a haunted ghoul[42] When i fucks with physics the laws get more lax my words carry weight like the world's biggest snorlax[43] Come at me son yr gonna need more VATS[44] carried this town[45] for So Long[46] im getting a sore back their love for me like a tree to the Lorax[47] My lyrics paint pictures so i call them a Rorschach[48] my bones are telling me bad weathers on the forecast a storm is rolling in this is the calm before that Past five centuries all of them regrettable[49] Just like entropy i am inevitable[50] I was meant to leave my head it was full Fundamentally i'm so far ahead of these fools Down five hennessy's trying just to deaden this pulse[51] Iron sentry's lining the edge of the mall[52] 100% dying to dismantle this wall[53] Johnny five empathy no disassemble this bot[54] Quintessentially im X at the head of this school[55] Intermittently you slept in my bed it was cool incidentally we had sex in the end of the pool Human centipede[56] that ass it was my edible[57] G.O.A.T. (NIETZSCHE DIDN’T KILL GOD, I DID) Like JD[58] I’m the GOAT[59] Billy[60] hashtag Swag[61]gert[62] Worlds most accurate fact checking rapper This is a game to me Chutes and ladders[63] Here's where the bangers[64] be girl you know i had ‘er My flow the yangtze[65] i spit venom black adders[66] Opposite of banksy[67] or some bullshit “all lives matter”[68] Fuck the president[69] that dude cant get any badder[70] Cooking up some poppy tea[71] mix it up like cake batter HEY DON'T LOOK AWAY DON'T LET IT GROW ON YOU IT'S NOT OK Engrave the following on my headstone: “They[72] died getting head stoned peepin Tombstone[73] While eatin a tombstone pizza[74]" I’ve gone full blown nietzsche[75] said hello to the abyss "it was good to meet ya"[76] Behind this mask's a terrifying creature[77] Who would gladly cook you up and eat ya Every track i’m on mc foucault's the feature Threat level dragon[78] when im hittin the road again Like shang tsun out here looking for some souls to bend[79] Other rappers words are last years memes im so over them Like neil in the 80s its the weight of the world im shoulderin'[80] Tho ive been there once couldnt tell you where denver starts and boulder ends[81] Rockin california fishes like them pennsylvania colder pens[82] I spit fire like dylon[83] and i left the studio smolderin Sitch is Dire like sylons you used to know as older friends[84] Minds expired with prions[85] when i take theirs skulls and open em Im entirely high on the spirit taking time up and folding it[86] unlike battery acid im so hella caustic[87] Such flattering assets with a tongue so toxic Made saturn's rings spin on a cosmic cross stitch My staggering spit it god agnostic[88] [1] “Why do Slavs squat?” is a satirical catchphrase associated with imageboards and forums discussing Eastern European people and cultures http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/why-do-slavs-squat-slav-squat [2] My dad and jackie chan are aging to look like the same person [3] I use medical marijuana to treat anxiety [4] Beyonce - Formation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDZJPJV__bQ [5] My initials are DRB and so many folks call me Doctor or Doctor B [6] “What in Tarnation?” is a rhetorical question meaning “what in damnation?”, which is often associated with Americans living in the Southern United States expressing incredulous bewilderment. http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/what-in-tarnation [7] Drummer of Endolphins and one of the progenitors of this particular beat [8] So Long is my queerpop band SoLongNaota.Bandcamp.com [9] A saving throw in D&D http://dnd4.wikia.com/wiki/Saving_throw [10] Corrective laser eye surgery [11] Boku No Hero Academia character Shota Aizawa “eraser head” who’s special power is erasing others’ special powers http://bokunoheroacademia.wikia.com/wiki/Shota_Aizawa [12] Church of The Three Cats is at the corner of Malcolm X (born Malcolm Little) and Dakin in Lansing, Michigan [13] Gamboy title Kirby’s Dreamland but with memes [14] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Giant but with Weed [15] Simpsons shitpost classic http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/steamed-hams [16] Once I beat magic the gathering hall of famer Shuhei Nakamura in a Grand Prix with a timely remand [17] The first Endolphins release was called North of Misery as a nod to their being in Iowa [18] In 2015 I toured with Endolphins and had two amazing mornings in St Louis, s/o to KPAX and calcifer [19] Sometimes you meet someone who forever changes the way you think about things like water, and then you drown in thoughts never actually able to grasp anything completely again [20] im native as fuck http://www.corteidh.or.cr/tablas/24777.pdf [21] Artist Diego Rivera vs Banksy [22] Kanye West's ego messiah and eponymous album [23] giant robot anime trope for example: neon genesis evangelion, flcl, gundam... [24] Animism but with Anime https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animism [25] Rhino’s are near extinct everywhere https://www.savetherhino.org/rhino_info/rhino_population_figures [26] Slang for giving a person with a vagina multiple orgasms [27] Detroit Tigers skipper Brad Ausmus [28] James Hardin is a professional basketball Superstar [29] Comic book protagonist Batman [30] Price you get for selling an item new (retail) vs used (resale) [31] A certain person who since i have met has inspired most of my creative endeavors [32] See directly above [33] in a way that gives pleasure through beauty [34] biases [35] Comic book character Galactus, Eater of Worlds https://marvel.com/universe/Galactus [36] 1999 science fiction film The Matrix [37] 2010 video game Fallout: New Vegas [38] My favorite Star Trek trope [39] My favorite Matthew McConaughey film [40] See note #5 [41] In american football a quarterback will notice something about the defense and change the play at the line of scrimmage, this is called an audible [42] These are hearthstone cards [43] Snorlax is a very large and heavy pokemon that can only be moved by playing a special flute [44] Vault-tec assisted targeting system in Fallout video game franchise, the more skill points one has the more they can do in combat before an enemy reacts [45] I have been a pillar of the diy community in lansing michigan for 20 years [46] So Long Naota/Collective see note #8 [47] Dr Seuss character who is the protector of nature [48] The Rorschach test is a psychological test in which subjects' perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. [49] Since Europeans have arrived on the shores of North and South America they have brought only misery and genocide [50] The second law of thermodynamics requires that, in general, the total entropy of any system can't decrease other than by increasing the entropy of some other system. Hence, in a system isolated from its environment, the entropy of that system tends not to decrease. [51] Drinking is a mostly self destructive behavior for myself and I tend to only do it when i wish to self harm [52] Episode 3 of the 1997 anime Beserk [53] Fuck borders fuck walls freedom is not possible when they exist [54] 1986 film Short Circuit about a robot that gains sentience and learns of death the term for which is dissassemble [55] Professor Xavier from the X-Men comics who runs a school for Mutants [56] 2009 Dutch body horror film Human Centipede tells the story of people sewn mouth to ass [57] Analingus [58] The Mountain Goats frontman John Darnielle or JD aka thrashkitten member of the sooper swag project [59] GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) is a term used in hip hop to talk about the best rappers ever [60] A billy is a male goat [61] #swag is a song by rapper GMCFOSHO who is a friend of mine [62] Jimmy Swaggert was a televangelist who was defrocked for multiple prostitution scandals [63] Chutes and Ladders is a metaphor for life. As such, it is arguably the most philosophical of all children's board games. Based on the ancient Indian game Snakes and Ladders. The historic version had root in morality lessons, where a player's progression up the board represented a life journey complicated by virtues (ladders) and vices (snakes). [64] Banger is a term for a particularly moving composition [65] The Yangtze is the longest river in Asia and the third-longest in the world. The river is the longest in the world to flow entirely within one country. [66] A venomous snake that lives in europe and east asia, also a nod to the lyric earlier about chutes and ladders (snakes and ladders) [67] “Some have criticised the "obviousness" of Banksy's work, and accused it of being "anarchy-lite" geared towards a middle class "hipster" audience.” [68] A slogan used to silence the #blacklivesmatter movement [69] Donald Trump [70] 1998 Arcade game Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja later ported to the Nintendo Entertainment System known widely for its intro cut scene in which the protagonists are asked if they are bad enough dudes to save the president [71] Poppy tea is any herbal tea infusion brewed from poppy straw or seeds of several species of poppy. For the purpose of the tea, dried pods are more commonly used than the pods of the live flower. The walls of the dried pods contain opiate alkaloids, primarily consisting of morphine. [72] I am non-binary and use they/them pronouns [73] 1993 Western Tombstone starring kurt russel and val kilmer [74] Very cheap frozen pizzas of dubious quality [75] Nietzsche claimed the death of God would eventually lead to the loss of any universal perspective on things, and along with it any coherent sense of objective truth [76] Nietzsche once said: “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” [77] Nietzsche also said: “All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.” [78] 2015 Anime and Manga One Punch Man’s shout out to Neon Genesis Evangelion describing a monster that is a threat to multiple cities [79] 1992 Arcade Fighing game Mortal Combat’s main villain who stole people's souls [80] Neil Young's sleeper Weight of The World from his amazing foray into new wave on his criminally unheralded album Landing on Water [81] I visited colorado for the first time on tour with Endolphins and tho enjoyable it was mostly mountains and urban sprawl and legal weed [82] The 2016 battle for Lord Stanley’s cup between NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins and [83] Chappell show sketch about Dylon who thought he was the GOAT because “dylon spit hot fire” [84] Battlestar Galactica plot twist [85]Kuru is a very rare, incurable neurodegenerative disorder that was prevalent among the Fore people of Papua New Guinea. Kuru is caused by the transmission of abnormally folded prion proteins, which leads to symptoms such as tremors, loss of coordination, and neurodegeneration. Most people who develop it are cannibals [86] The quantum physics theory of time travel [87] Acids are corrosive and bases are caustic [88] God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it? — Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Section 125,