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#or make us feel like we should be amazed that they put up with us
crimsonwritings · 3 days
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His girl
Pairing: Cassian x female reader
Summary: Cassian finally makes a move on Y/N.
Warnings: reader being insecure about herself, slight mention of body shaming.
Words: 2.4k
A/N: This was written for @starfallweek hosted by @azsazz and @writingsbychlo. Am I entirely happy with it? No. Do I want to be part of this amazing event anyway? Yes.
378 years 4 months and 19 days. That’s how long Cassian had been in love with her. Ever since that day, when Rhysand came back from a visit at the Hewn City with her in his arms, saying that she would stay with them from now on. Her family had seen a potential threat in her, because of the powers she showed. Someone who disturbed the stability of their ridiculous culture. But it was the fact that nobody wanted to marry her that had made her father scream at her, blaming her for the blindness of any potential husband.
Cassian still didn’t understand how anybody could say no to her. Her face wasn’t pretty enough they had said. Her body not tender enough, her teeth not straight enough. As if she was a mare, ready for breeding. Nonsense. He had been captivated by her beauty since the moment he met her and if somebody would have asked him he would have married her right away.
Now he was standing at the bar in the House of Wind, to grab some drinks for himself and his friends and all he could think about was her. He wondered why she still wasn’t here yet. She loved Starfall and she wouldn’t miss it by any chance but maybe something had happened? Should he go check on her? No, she surely had a date anyway who would accompany her. They were probably enjoying some alone time right now before they would eventually show up. Cassian desperately tried not to imagine her kissing somebody else, their hands gliding down that beautiful body, whispering sweet nothings into her ear…
“You know, if you grab that glass any tighter it’ll break.” Cassian jumped at the voice of the shadowsinger behind him.
“Cauldron Az, could you stop sneaking up on me like that?” He turned around to the sight of an amused looking Illyrian.
“Oh believe me, I wasn’t sneaking. You were just so deep in your thoughts that you wouldn’t have realised if a whole army stood behind you.”
“Haha, very funny. What do you even want?” He hated to be moody towards one of his eldest friends, but the picture of the girl he loved in the hands of someone else was still to present in his head.
Azriel didn’t seem to be bothered by it. “Figured you’d need some help carrying five glasses. Though I guess Rhys and Feyre won’t drink something any time soon. They just left. Together.”
The prospect of his brother finally making a move on his mate filled Cassian with excitement. “So you think it’s gonna happen? Rhysie is gonna get his girl?”
Azriel only shrugged his shoulders. For any other person it would have seemed like he didn’t care about Rhysands love life but Cassian knew exactly that the shadowsinger was just as invested in it as him. “The odds are good. But if I were you I wouldn’t be worrying about him but myself. So, are you finally gonna make a move on her tonight?”
The fact that Azriel didn’t even use her name was indicator enough that everyone knew about the Generals hopeless feelings towards her. “Oh common Az, you know she isn’t interested in me that way. I mean we are friends! For almost four centuries we’ve been friends!”
“Really?” A smirk was creeping up on Azriels face as if he knew something Cassian didn’t know.
Frustration streamed through him, he had to put down the drink and hold on to the counter, fearing he might throw the glass at the next wall. “Yes! And it doesn’t matter anyway, because she definitely has a date for tonight.”
“Does she now? Well turn around.” As Cassian did he set his eyes on the most breathtaking creature he had ever seen.
Y/N walked into the room, in a dress that shimmered like the moon itself. It was hugging her beautiful curves, then flowed to the ground from right beneath her hips, getting wider the lower it got. Oh, what he would have given to be the one to help her out of this dress later on. Her hair was pinned up, leaving her long neck on display. Cassian wanted to mark every inch of it with his tongue and teeth, until all the males in Prythian knew that she belonged with him.
His heartbeat rose up at the sight of her. She looked like a freaking goddess, drawing all the attention on her. It seemed like everyone wanted to know who the beautiful girl was. Did she even realise how they were staring at her? Women, who looked like they either wanted to kill her, or be her? Men longing after her, just like he did right now?
If she had noticed the attention lying on her she ignored it, for she strode threw the crowd, chin up, her eyes scanning the room as if she was looking for someone.
But the prettiest sight, even though he hated himself for it, was the fact that there was no other man on her arm. “She is alone!”
Cassian had whispered the words to himself, still in trance from the sight of her. He had not realised that the shadowsinger still stood behind him.“Yep, she is. And I can tell you the exact two reasons why.”
The General couldn’t tear his eyes from her. He feared she would disappear if he did, as if she was only an illusion. Thankfully Azriel seemed to understand as he spoke on without a request. “You do realise that you are literally growling at every male that comes near her? It’s like you are her personal guard dog who is following her around everywhere.”
Now the frustration crept back into Cassian and he broke his stare, trying to ignore the physical pain he felt in his chest while doing so. “Wait, you are making it sound like it’s my fault! Oh great, so she is probably pissed at me too.”
Azriel wore that annoying smirk again, Cassian could have punched him in the face for it. He decided to look at her again instead. “Well, she should be pissed if she really wanted to have somebody else as her date. Yet, she isn’t. Which leads me to reason number two.”
“Oh yeah, and what would that be?”
“The fact that she is so absolutely disinterested in any of those guys that they can see it on her face. She might speak to them and smile at them, but her eyes only ever light up when she looks at you.” As if on clue Y/N’s eyes met Cassian’s and rested there. She was gifting him a radiant smile and her eyes…they glittered as if they held a thousand stars in them. It was that moment he realised that she had been searching the room for him. And that the man who was now laying a scarred hand on his shoulder had been right.
“Please, do us all a favour and go get your girl, brother.” With that Azriel grabbed the drinks for him and Mor and silently made his way back to where their friend was located.
Cassian started to move. He needed to get to her as soon as possible. She was like a magnetic force pulling him to her and it seemed like she might have felt the same as she took her steps in his direction. They never broke eye contact on their sheer never ending way to each other. When they finally met each other in the middle of the room he was so overwhelmed by her presence that he couldn’t say anything but a whispered “Hi”.
She grinned up at him, got on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Hi”
Cassian could literally feel the blush threatening to reveal him. He decided to distract her from it. “Didn’t you want to bring someone with you?”
“No, nobody asked me to be honest. But I guess I should have considered that. It’s probably just me…I mean it’s always been that way, right?” Cassian knew that look on her face. He had seen it multiple times, whenever Y/N started to feel low about herself, started to believe those ugly words these men had spoken to her a lifetime ago.
It wasn’t his intention, to make her feel like this on maybe the most important day in her years schedule.
His brain tried to find a solution for the mess he navigated himself into. He wanted to cheer her up, to spend a fairytale like evening with her before he would confess everything he kept secret from her ever since the both of them met.
But his silly little heart acted faster than he could think about something. “I’m asking you!”
“What?” Now it was her turn to blush.
There was no going back now. There would be no perfect timing and no privacy. He would tell her right here, right now, with maybe a hundred people gathering around them, in the middle of the ballroom. And if all of Velaris would call him a lovesick fool by tomorrow so be it. He didn’t give a damn about it. “I’m asking you to be my date!”
There was utter disbelief in her eyes and something that looked like worry. “Cassian, are you drunk or something?”
“Yes I am sweetheart. Drunk on you. But if you mean drunk in the traditional way then no, I’m not.”
“Cassie…” Her bashful gaze dropped to the ground. There was a strain in her voice that almost sounded like sadness, because she was afraid. Afraid that the man in front of her was only playing with her, not meaning anything he said right now.
Another small gesture Cassian recognised about her. It felt like she was a mysterious book, written in a language only he could decipher.
He used his fingers to lift up her chin, desperate for her to see the truth in his eyes.
“I should have asked you that earlier I know that. I wanted to ask you but I was so scared that you would say no and that I would risk whatever we have between us. But tonight I’ve realised what an idiot I’ve been who misinterpreted everything, or at least I hope so because otherwise this could end badly. Well, even if it does I want to say it because you deserve to know how I feel about you and I want you to see what an amazing person you are.”
Cassian had rambled his words so fast, his lungs forced him to take a breath before his crucial statement. “I love you Y/N…So will you give me the honour and make me the happiest man alive by being mine? For Starfall and for eternity?”
Her eyes went wide in surprise, her mouth agape. She looked at him as if he came from another world, as if she had never seen him before. Cassian could almost see her brain trying to realise what he had just said.
He wasn’t sure how long they stood like this, but her silence was killing him. This moment, where he could do nothing but wait for her response that didn’t seem to come. Facing that thing under the library again appeared less stressful than the uncertainty he currently found himself in. “Sweetheart? Not that I want to sound rude, but I think this is the part where you should say something.“
The disbelief in her eyes turned into mischief and before Cassian could register it she was wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him down and kissing him.
He had expected a lot of things. Tears, because he had ruined their friendship. Or that she would burst out into anger, maybe throwing a shoe at his head like Feyre did to Rhysand. That she would never want to see him again. Yet she was kissing him, in front of everyone else. As if she had planned to do it for the longest time. Just like he did.
Kissing her was like everything he expected it to be and more. A thousand butterflies erupted in his stomach, travelling through his body to kiss every part that was him awake. Her fingers tangled in his hair and he moaned into the kiss at the feeling of it. There was a soft voice in his head, singing over and over again. Mine, mine, mine.
The Illyrian already missed her lips when she pulled away, chasing after them to feel the softness again, to taste their sweetness. Cauldron, he was obsessed with her by only one kiss. In that moment she could have told him to jump from the balcony with his wings bound together, like once during the blood rite, he would have done it.
She started to leave soft kisses on his neck, travelling up to his ear, and if the act itself didn’t drive him crazy than her hummed word definitely did. “Yes!”
Cassian couldn’t help but growl at her answer and in the next second he lifted her up and spun her around, enjoying the beautiful sound that was her laughter.
When the music started to play he put her back on her feet. Her hair was now slightly out of place, face a little bit red, but for Cassian she was still stunning. He wanted to take her to his room, to show her just how gorgeous she was in his opinion, but this would have to wait. For this was Starfall and he wanted to spend it with her. So he performed a slight bow in front of her, taking her hand in his to put a light kiss on her knuckles. „Would you like to dance with me, my lady?“
He could have sworn her giggles lit up the whole ball room before she answered him. „I would love to dance with you, General. Until the sun creeps up behind the mountains again.“
And so they did. They were dancing the whole night, never breaking eye contact and only stopped to watch the magnificent sight of the souls travelling along the sky. Later, when the thoughtful celebration had turned into a party, they could be seen dancing with their friends, sharing their luck with them.
The whispers that could be heard throughout Velaris the next day were positive ones, stating what a beautiful couple the both of them made. Although some claimed to have seen the General tackling their High Lord to the ground when he returned with the cursebreaker, laughing and screaming while doing so. “Rhysie! I have a girlfriend now!”
Tags: @hellodarling1357
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rederiswrites · 2 days
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I don't see how trump turning America into a christofacsist state is any different than the norm? like it's been like that for native and black people since it's creation like we inspired the nazis in the first place so like what the point? oh trumps gonna kill everyone who isn't a white cis male! and? that's what america's best quality since day one
Okay I'm actually going to respond to this Edgelord Supreme bullshit, because as absurd as it looks written out like this, I actually do think a lot of people are feeling some half-articulated version of this despair and cynicism. Let's kick that in the ass.
First, let's get one thing straight. History has been terrible awful bad always and forever. There have been a thousand genocides and a million wars and a billion brutal, inhuman war crimes. Back in the days of the earliest civilizations, wiping out entire cities when you defeated them was basically just how things were done for many societies. The fact that we have international laws and international bodies of justice, however obviously toothless they remain, is the result of thousands of years of extremely mixed progress.
So at this point, you pretty much have to say either that a) humans are an incurable blight and don't deserve to live, or b) that we've done amazing, beautiful things and experienced billions of moments of happiness and created art and fallen in love despite all this, so we're still worth working on. Personally, I am very strongly in camp b. I see things worth living for a hundred times a day. There's really no comparison.
Second, the USA is not uniquely bad. It is terribly damaging to people both within its borders and all over the world. It is build on genocide and slavery. Many of its foundational institutions are deeply corrupted by these things. And guess what, that's uh....pretty common. No, really. The US is currently a big fucking problem. It's our turn with the big stick, for sure. But even then, we're not alone.
So how the fuck is this encouraging? It isn't. I'm not encouraging you, I'm telling you to fucking GET GOOD, because when you say shit like the above, what I hear is "Oh I SEE, I'm a TERRIBLE PERSON I guess I should just kill myself to make your life easier." I hear someone who would rather give up and call their country morally bankrupt and irredeemable than to PUT IN SOME FUCKING WORK.
Cynicism is so comfortable. It doesn't ask anything of you. "It's always been like this," it says. "Nothing's going to change."
Except things do change, and things have changed, and your entire premise is in fact absolute dogshit. The two presidential candidates are not remotely the same, and we are not, yet, a Christofascist nation. I could, as many before me already have, enumerate the million concrete ways in which your premise is just not true, but honestly I won't bother, because it's not a premise in good faith. What I mean by that is that even a cursory examination of the actual facts would totally trash your expressed beliefs, so you're not really interested in the facts.
Change for the better can happen. Change for the better has happened. It's just not as EASY as you want it to be. There are more steps. For example, you can't have viable independent candidates until you have campaign finance and voting reform. So you have to push for those things. For years, probably decades. Many people have died without seeing the realization of things they fought for, and yet those things have come to pass. You may die fighting the good fight and not see the victory. I may too. Meanwhile, you make the choices that will hopefully get the fewest people killed.
So stop acting like we're all just too shitty to bother about, and put in some fucking work.
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matchalovertrait · 3 days
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Uh oh, it wasn't Dulce, was it? She is known for being.. well, Dulce. Find out in the next segment.
Previous / Next (Transcript under the cut)
(1.) [Carlo] This is...
[Mia] Dulce-
(2.) [Sofia] It's amazing! And with the added bacon bits? There's added flavor and crunch. I like these a lot.
(3.) [Mia] Yes, and somehow everything altogether isn't overwhelming. Every ingredient shines in harmony.
[Carlo] Delicious, but personally, I feel like the bacon bits make these a bit heavy for an appetizer.
(4.) [Dulce] Thank you, judges.
[Andrea] Next, here's Rubiya's appetizer!
(5.) [Rubiya] Okayy, Dulce! I see you. She's setting the bar high and I'm older than her. Well, we're the same age right now, but I'm in a grade above her at school. Anyway, my goal is to impress all three judges. Let's do this.
(6.) [Rubiya] Judges, I present to you: Spaghetti with merguez sausage meatballs and shakshuka sauce with a side of garlic flatbread with pea shoots.
(7.) [Carlo] The meatballs are a bit dry... but I suppose if you put enough of the sauce on them they're not so bad.
(8.) [Mia] Oh hush now, Carlo. That's what the sauce is there for.
[Carlo] It's good, though. It's good.
[Mia] Rubiya, let me add that I thoroughly enjoy the texture of your pasta as well.
(9.) [Rubiya] Thank you, judges. I appreciate the feedback.
[Andrea] Lastly, we have Chef Alex's appetizer.
(10.) [Alex] It's time.
(11.) [Alex] Judges, I give you a raclette with merguez sausage, pea shoots, vegetable flatbread, and a side of shakshuka sauce.
(12.) [Sofia] Lovely presentation, Chef Alex.
[Carlo] It seems lazy to me, but at least you didn't try to replace marinara sauce with shakshuka sauce and call it a day.
[Mia] I can't wait to try everything.
(13.) [Mia] I was a bit hesitant about the sauce being used as a side, but whatever you added to it really made it more complex. Everything is delicious.
(14.) [Sofia] The type of cheese you chose too... it's interesting.
(15.) [Carlo] I wish you did more with the pea shoots, but the dish itself works.
(16.) [Alex] Thank you, judges.
[Andrea] Thank you, chefs! Please proceed to the room next door so that the judges can begin their discussion.
(17.) *Muffled voices*
(18.) [Lewis] Well, it was nice meeting everyone. Do you guys want to share phone numbers to keep in contact with each other?
[Rubiya] Lewis! Don't say that! It's not certain that you're the one who's diced.
(19.) [Dulce] For sure it's not you, Rubiya. Chef Mia stood up for you and this is basically her show. That spaghetti did look awesome in every way.
[Rubiya] Thank you! So did your pizza wedges.
(20.) [Alex] Yeah, everyone here has talent and technique... and make company. It would be cool to get everyone's number.
[Lewis] Yes! Let's do it.
[Rubiya] Yay!!!
(21.) [Alex] Well, I'm not some heartless monster. I do feel bad for Lewis, I guess.
(22.) [Andrea] Welcome back to the judges' table, chefs. Our judges have made their decision.
(23.) N/A
(24.) [Mia] Chefs, thank you for the appetizers you have prepared for us. The various dishes we had were splendid.
[Carlo] We had much to discuss, both good and bad things despite there being an obvious choice regarding who should be diced.
(25.) [Sofia] However, we discovered something... turns out, we have a bigger issue than burnt croutons.
(26.) [Mia] Somebody here did not fully follow the rules of Diced Junior.
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jacksprostate · 2 days
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My boss invites me into his office, he's telling me, we've got a problem. It is always, "we." "We" are all in this together. "We" need to put a little more effort in, if "we" want our yearly bonuses. "We" have got to up profits by next quarter, or "we" are going to lose our jobs.
"We" don't all have half a million salaries and a three letter job title, but what can you do.
If you asked my boss, he'd tell you about his. The guy above him. Yeah, "we" are all beholden to him. My boss, he's just regional. Small fry, really.
I'm entering his corner office, big tall windows gaping, stretching the condo construction happening across the street for as far as the eye can see. He sees me looking.
"Perks of the job," he says. A little laugh in his voice. He's not funny.
"We need to talk about your performance last quarter," he says.
We, unto me.
I am Jack's rejuvenated individuality.
My boss had his secretary let me in, so really I've spent the past minute standing awkwardly, insomnia haze locking my gaze some place beyond our broken city horizon. My boss had his secretary let me in because that means he could sit at his desk and pretend to be doing something important. Wave me in, make me wait, give him the opportunity to boast about his jail cell amenities.
You'd think it makes him feel powerful, the way he's clinging to it all. I tongue at the hole in my cheek as I take a seat. Managerial threat displays have lost their effect on me, I think.
It makes him antsier. I can see it, taste it like the blood in my mouth. Oh, iron. Oh, fear.
If Tyler was here, he'd lean on those windows and get them splotched with dirt and worse. Those windows, they're spotless because my boss pays into the building fund with company money to get an old spanish speaking lady to wipe the glass clean before he arrives each morning. I saw her once, at a support group for some combination of cancer and impoverishment. She coughed, introducing herself. Said she couldn't speak well, but wanted company. She has to keep working, but it's making her sick.
The building doesn't pay her enough that she can buy PPE in between their scant offerings, so she's without a mask most of the times I've seen her.
Truthfully, there's been someone else under the building's thumb for a while now.
I found a different group for Thursday nights.
I still think I'll hear Rosa's wheezing when I see her cart by the restrooms.
My prolonged silence, it's unnerving him now, so he's puffing up like a bluffing frog.
I am still with my boss, and I've been staring at a damp spot of drywall behind his head as he yaps at me about how I need to follow dress code. Raise my numbers. Be more engaged.
I should be a precious bouquet of flowers, brightening up the office.
He just wants to help me out. Get me back on track. We used to have amazing figures coming out of Compliance and Liability, my one-man department.
If Tyler was here, he'd be filling the janitor's Windex bottles with 90 proof and blue dye instead, so when my boss comes in early for once in his life and spooks Rosa's replacement, the bottle gets spilled all over my boss and his carpet and his desk and then my workplace smoking habit really would be a fire hazard.
I tune back in, and my boss is informing me that it's with his sincerest regrets that he has to tell me that I won't be getting my bonus this year, oh, maybe something if I shape back up, yeah, he's sure he could fight upper management for me if I showed a good effort. He just wants to help, but I have to help him help me.
Whatever is going on in my life, it's got to be over.
I imagine going to Tyler. Going to fight club. Saying, let's pack it up boys. Fight club's over. I need to sit pretty for my boss so he can feed me a quarter of the salary he always conveniently has to withhold each year, due to all sorts of things impacting the car industry. A typhoon hit mainland China. The US dollar grew too fast with the collapse of the Soviet Union. A sparrow chirped in Belgrade on a Wednesday.
The usual.
Fight club's over. I've got to go be a recall campaign coordinator full time. Working hours, waking hours, what's the difference?
Tyler is always telling me, I could follow my boss home, and when he goes to work on his stupid meaningless hobby in the nice little air conditioned shed at the edge of his two acre two storey home, I could lock him in with nothing but millet. And when he runs out of millet, I could drag his body out and drown him in his pool, laced with armagnac, just like the French do it. And I could pluck and roast the corpse and eat it uncovered, hoping God has no choice but to see me now.
Or I could just give him a poisoned bottle of whiskey.
There's many options, according to Tyler.
The thing is. The truth is, I like my boss.
It's Tyler who wants to come in in the early morning and when my boss pushes open the door to his office, it's Tyler who wants to have a block of concrete in a bucket fall down and crack his skull like a rotten egg, looney tunes style.
It's not me. I gave my boss soap for the mandatory holiday office gift exchange.
I tell my boss, thank you for the concern.
Unfortunately, my grandmother's diagnosis seems dire, and it's unlikely I'll be able to switch gears before the year rolls over in March. Apologies.
He looks at me, and my battered face, at stitches painted across my temple. I can tell, he wants to shake me. Demand from me, why I can't I even pretend to give him a real excuse? Why do I have to make his life so very difficult? Why can't I just keep the broken toddlers from coming out of the woodwork with a smile on my face?
But he doesn't. He says, my condolences. It sounds a lot like get the hell out of my office.
With that in mind, I get up and take a nice, long moment to watch nothing through his huge, sparkling windows. Papers conspicuously rustle. There's the ambient noise of pointless keyboard clicking. I take a sip of my coffee. Behind me, my boss starts to pretend to get a call in hopes it gets me to move on, and I'm watching construction crews like ants. Perks of the job, indeed.
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unformula1 · 7 hours
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dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)
dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ synopsis: Logan writes a letter to help him manage his feelings, it does everything BUT manage feelings. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pairing: logan sargeant x oscar piastri w/c: 892 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a/n: this is day FOUR (lando's number) of loscar posts until we get a loscar podium!! some angst today!! might make this a series very much inspired from https://archiveofourown.org/works/54754315 masterlist ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ taglist: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logan crushes the sheet of paper and throws it into the pile of already crushed papers. He puts down the pen and cracks his fingers, again.
He’s been at this for hours and he hates it knowing he’s terrible at expressing himself and Oscar’s probably not going to even look at this. 
Logan takes a deep breath once again and picks up his pen.
Dear Oscar,
I’m not very good at expressing my feelings but I’ll try my best.
I’ve missed you lately and I miss all our late night conversations, my nights feel empty without them. I miss our friendship and the very long conversations we had. 
When you asked me how I was doing and I said “it’s been alright.” That was a blatant lie. I’ve been doing absolutely horrible. I haven’t seen a good day in months and every morning I ask myself why I’m doing this to myself, I ask if everything I left behind was worth it. Should I have given up?
 I’m glad you’re doing well and winning trophies, I’ve never been happier for you. Remember when your rookie year was being compared to Hamilton’s? That was amazing. 
Great, now he’s gone off track again, absolutely perfect. Logan’s pen left the paper again and he contemplated crushing this one up. He eventually decided against it and his pen tip touched the paper again.
He doesn’t know what he’s going to write anymore but he doesn’t care. He just wants to let his feelings out.
I hate how we don’t talk anymore. I hate how life has to pull its strings on us. I hate how we walk past each other as if we never knew each other. I’ve been trying my hardest, I really have.
I want to talk to you. I want to hear your voice again. 
I’ve been making wishes on every shooting star I’ve seen and been throwing in a penny for every wishing well I’ve come across, just wishing you were my friend again, wishing that I could go back in time and relive those moments in PREMA.
I didn’t treasure those times enough.
Every single time I see any McLaren video, I stop and stare, imagining that it could’ve been you and I. Believe me, I love how you and Lando have developed one of the closest bonds ever and trust me, I think Alex is a perfect teammate. 
But I just wish that we had another chance and I wouldn’t fuck it up this time. I really wish I did.
Every single time Lando calls you “Osc”, it makes me shiver just knowing that I could never be half the person Lando was. I do everything and risk it all just trying to be more like Lando or just someone who you would bother to look at
His mind flashes back to every single time he and Oscar have done anything together, watch movies, do stupid promotional videos, even sad times came back and made him wish he took those moments better.
He tears up slightly, but wipes his tears away before they spill onto the paper. Lando’s voice saying “Osc” rings in his head like an annoying bell which kills him slightly every time it repeats. 
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
He slams his hand into the table, causing everything to jolt, even getting startled by his own actions. Logan isn’t even on Lando’s level, not even a quarter of the way there.
Lando’s better in every way, definitely much better teammate than Logan would’ve been.
His tears resurface but he doesn’t wipe them away this time, he lets them trickle down his cheek, cling on to his skin at his chin and finally drop down onto the paper, causing a stain.
More tears cause stains on the bottom part of the paper before Logan wipes them all away.
Please…
I miss you Oscar.
Regards Love
Logan
He places the pen down and looks at the letter, which has tear stains, but Logan couldn’t care less. He puts the letter down and folds it neatly in half, slotting it into a brown envelope. He seals the envelope tight, wrinkling the paper from pressing too hardly. 
He takes his pen up again and the tip floats above the paper.
He takes a few seconds before writing.
To: Oscar Piastri
His throat stings from crying. He didn’t even cry for that long but it hurts him. His own words repeat in his head like a knife twisting into his body.
He opens up Oscar’s chat on his phone, his last message being left on Seen.
3 weeks ago Great race :)
He hasn’t even given Oscar a message for the Australian Grand Prix but Logan couldn’t care less.
His fingers hover over his keyboard.
Can we meet sometime soon?
He hesitates about sending it.
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
Osc.
He turns off his phone and takes a deep breath. 
He sits on his couch and leans back. The thoughts endlessly flying around in his head, like phantoms of his past haunting him again.
He closes his eyes and keeps them shut, imagining whatever makes him feel happy. 
Oscar.
Oscar.
Oscar.
Osc.
The tears squeeze their way past his eyelids and slide down his cheek. It’s a devastating feeling. 
He covers his head with a pillow and keeps his eyes tightly shut, crying himself to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ there will be a part 2 (hopefully) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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avonne-writes · 23 hours
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when/how did bucky first learn that gale doesn’t like to be rimmed and how did gale explain it to him? since they don’t negotiate kinks in subspace how did they come to the understanding that buck is ok with it during those moments ?
They don't communicate about it very openly. They - especially Gale - are not as open about voicing these things as they would perhaps be in a modern context. Also, I said they shouldn't negotiate in subspace but that might still happen because they don't know what subspace is. So they definitely make some not recommended decisions every now and then. Thankfully, Bucky has a good sense of Gale's squicks and limits in general.
The discovery of the rimming thing went something like this:
Bucky kissed his way down the curve of Gale's back, a quick press of his lips to each vertebrae, warm skin and muscles jumping under his touch, while Gale took deep, calming breaths and clutched the pillow to his face. He expected Bucky's fingers now, the slippery cold vaseline and the stretch, but Bucky had other ideas. He had had this done to him once and it was so mind-numbingly amazing, he wanted Gale to know the feeling too. He knew Gale was clean, he was always so, so particular about that before sex even though Bucky cared very little - and he was laid out on the mattress so perfectly that Bucky wanted to put his mouth all over him.
He kneaded Gale's ass and spread his cheeks, running a thumb down between them. Looking up, he could see Gale tensing up in embarrassment but Bucky was so sure that he could make that tension dissolve under mindless pleasure that he ignored it. He leant in and nipped the curve of one perfect, pale cheek.
"What are you doing?" Gale asked, his voice higher than usual. Bucky ignored that too.
"Relax." He whispered and dove in to press his soft, wet tongue to Gale's hole.
"Bucky!" Gale exclaimed. He squirmed so violently away that Bucky had to sit up, facing Gale on his knees as Gale scrambled to turn around. His face was so red it looked like he was going to burst into flames. It spread all the way down to his chest. He looked equal parts embarrassed and confused. "What the hell were you doing?"
Bucky bit his lip. He was so turned on he struggled to have a coherent thought. "Getting you ready."
Gale raised a shaky hand to gesture between them. "That's not how you do that."
"We haven't tried it yet but there’s always a first time for everything."
"Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should." Gale muttered, looking at the sheets.
Bucky saw his opening. He scooted closer and started pressing kisses to Gale's shoulder and neck, stroking his flaming cheek. "It’s amazing, I promise." He mouthed at the juncture of Gale's neck until Gale hummed. "Can we try? Just this once."
Gale looked pained. "I don’t know."
Bucky ran his palms up and down Gale body, over his hips and thighs, hoping to help him relax. "Please, let me. It’s so hot."
"Is it?" Gale wavered, his hand on Bucky's nape.
"So hot." Bucky nudged his jaw. "It’s just skin, nothing bad about that. Let me try."
After a huge, nervous breath, Gale mumbled an okay and lay back down on his stomach. He buried his face in the pillow and went so still it seemed like he wasn’t even breathing anymore. When Bucky touched the small of his back, he jumped.
Starting to doubt that his plan had any chance of success, Bucky started massaging Gale's stone-hard shoulders and back to get him to calm down. He murmured reassurance and praise until, little by little, the knots of muscle under his hand began to ease. He moved back down to Gale's ass, touching him with his hands splayed wide on Gale's curves, then he spread him again and leaned down.
The sound Gale made went straight to Bucky's cock. He didn't dwell on why, but the helplessness in it excited him - he liked putting Gale through pleasure he wouldn’t have been able to take for himself. So he put his mouth to work eagerly, using his tongue how he might have done it with a woman, and he drank in the noises Gale continued to make.
He thought it was going well. But then, Gale started moving away from him again, one of his hands reaching back to push Bucky away. When Bucky let up, Gale turned around to lie on his back and shook his head at Bucky, an expression of complete refusal on his face.
"I can’t, I don't like it, I really don't." He shuddered.
For a moment, Bucky felt bad about asking to try something that failed so spectacularly, but then he saw how aroused Gale still was and he began to feel better about it again. The cogs in his head started turning.
"Can I still kiss you?"
When Gale nodded, he lowered himself to lie on Gale, covering him like a warm, heavy blanket. They kissed for a moment, then he pulled back just an inch to search Gale's eyes. "Are you embarrassed?"
Gale frowned at him in discomfort. "Who wouldn’t be?" When Bucky grinned, his expression mellowed into a fond smile. "Yeah, well, some of us do feel shame."
"You’ll never have to feel that with me."
"Can’t help it." Gale said and closed his eyes with a sigh.
"How about -" Bucky started, but he didn't know how to phrase it without spooking Gale into even harder resistance. "You know. When you're in that mood."
Gale opened his eyes but didn't look at Bucky. "When I drift away?"
Bucky hummed. "Yeah. Do you think we could try again when you're like that?"
Gale continued to stare off to the side, but Bucky didn't push him. He waited until Gale made up his mind and glanced up at him. "Does it really get you going?"
Bucky nodded, licking his lips without really thinking about it.
Gale's cheeks puffed out around another deep breath, then he gave Bucky a fierce look. "Only if you want it that bad. If we do it, it's for you."
Bucky smiled. "Got it."
"As long as that's clear."
"Crystal clear." Bucky leaned down and kissed Gale again. "So is that a yes?"
"When I'm... like that. Yes."
"Got it." Bucky nuzzled Gale's cheek and reached for the vaseline. "Do you still want to continue tonight?"
When he felt Gale's hand reach between their abs, he had to fight off a delighted laugh.
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saintobio · 3 days
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Omg ok ok hello! I had this huge rant in my head about sy and sn so pls feel free to ignore it, but I love your writing so much and it gives me some STRONG FEELINGS. First of all it surprised me that I like the way you write y/n cuz she doesn't become a "bitch" after the whole deal with Gojo and have some elaborate revenge plan, but she is also not a goody two shoes (even if she stayed with Gojo earlier but she had a lot of external pressure to stay in the marriage). Not that those tropes are necessarily bad but it's just more realistic this way. She's just a person who has been deeply hurt and is trying to do right by others. Even if she has made big mistakes, she still wants to make up for them cuz she's not completely in the right either. Also getting bashed by everyone for trying to make amends/ not following their advice regarding you own life; while very triggering for me (lol) is also just such a natural reaction. Not right, just natural. When things get out of people's hands and they want to blame someone for it, they often go for the one who is actually trying and won't retaliate if for nothing than to just keep the peace. Also wanting people to understand your side of the situation yet feeling undeserving of it at the same time because of your mistakes is UGHHH I feel like you do that so well! It's amazing but genuinely heartbreaking to see how far Satoru has come as a person too. Also when he thinks about how he wants to be a better person for Akemi IT MADE ME WANT TO PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A WALL... cuz WHY COULDN'T HE BE LIKE THAT FOR US!!! At the same time we have moved on without him, so if we are allowed that luxury then why isn't he? It's just so ANGSTY AND SO SO GOOD! Because we love Satoru we always will but he had a chance and he fricked it over terribly! So it would be idiotic to go back to him but at the same time the heart yearns for him. This is a side tangent but whenever any character says "this is not like you", "you have changed, this isn't how you'd act" makes me so MAD lol (maybe bc I am triggered?) But these guys WATCHED MY GIRL GO THROUGH SOME HORRIFIC SHIT AND STILL EXPECT HER TO NOT BE PERMANANTLY AND IRREVERSIBLY CHANGED???!! ;-;; IDK what they want from her oof >.< I do think Akemi is a shitty friend but I can't bring myself to hate her completely. Seeing them together is so ANGER INDUCING AAAAA (and her wanting a family with him is fine BUT THIS EARLY?!JUST AFTER ADMITTING YOU FEEL "SORRY" FOR BETRAYING US?! IT MAKES ME WANNA HURL HER TRHOUGH CONCRETE) but at the same time Satoru and Akemi both deserve someone who can love them. It feels hypocritical to be angry when we ourselves told him to move on and find someone who can love him the way he deserves. It's just very very shitty it had to be them. Sera is also such an interesting character. She has a lot of traits that I admire a lot. Her resourcefulness and complete and utter pride/confidence and being unashamed to ask for things/ stand up for herself (even when she is wrong) is something I wish I had sometimes. Still wanna stick her head through a toilet tho and yet when a person who slept with a married man can see the bloody violation of girls' code that is sleeping with your bff's EX HUSBAND oh BOY you should KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG. I have no strong feelings for Toji (cuz I don't like him much anyways but that's just personal bias XD )but I do think his anger and frustration is well founded especially since he runs over whenever the reader needs him. He's so supportive and invested and honestly he deserves someone who can give that back to him. It's kinda sad but then again I don't like him much to begin with lol.
OH AND THE ENDING OF THE LAST CHAPTER IS SOOOOO PAINFUL. To always be the second choice even for YOUR SON OHHH MAN I'D RATHER YOU PUT A KNIFE THROUGH MY HEART ;-;
All in all I hate how much I love this series and love to hate these characters and take out my repressed anger on them cuz I can't do that irl. This series is my Roman Empire lol. It's so painful, yet so beautiful and it makes you FEEL so many things and yet hold out hope for things to become better. I love this, love you and your writing- ok mwah bye bye (and thank you if you read this rant put together by my post nap, barely coherent brain) I have so much more that I want to say. I can write essays about this series and how it uses so many technically "cliche" tropes but it is anything but cliche . Truly some of the best angst I have read like ever!
oh wow !! i don’t even know what to say, this feels like such a comprehensive review of the sy series sdksks but i think many readers could definitely relate with some of ur points here :D this is such a nice perspective to read, thank you so much for sharing and tysm for reading sn/sy aaaaa i’m happy u enjoy the angst as much as i do <3
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soracities · 8 months
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Hi! So I tried not to say anything about some anti makeup posts I saw on your blog but I need to say this. I think you're very wise and I agree it's very important for us to love ourselves as we are. But some people like myself doesn't care about 'empowering' of makeup or whatever but we just have fun with it and we just love it. I say we because I know there is a lot of people like me. Yeah, we are feeding capitalism or whatever, but world is beautiful and it's also terrible so people trying make themselves feel good, have fun, ect. I see a lot of people who don't wear makeup and i'm happy for them! I didn't wear makeup until i turned 20 i think and felt good.
One thing I wanted to add is in response of post about feminine girls. I think everything needs balance and sometimes people tend to overreact in their opinion and divide everything in black and white. Personally I never cared how women around me looked and what they were wearing. But I would like to have same treatment, and not to feel silly for wearing pink or feminine clothes.
Sorry, I don't know English very well so maybe I can't translate my idea entirely. What I'm trying to say i think everyone should do what they like and leave each other in peace.
Sorry for this essay, just wanted to share my point of view.
Hi, anon! I'm sorry for the delay in getting to this, but I appreciate you writing this (and your English was fine, don't worry)
I think the main argument of those posts (and my own feelings about this) is not about makeup on its own, or even judgement about who does and doesn't choose to wear it--what they are criticizing is a particular part of the society we live in which puts a huge emphasis on women's beauty and appearance in order to fulfill an idea of what a woman "should" be, and the role that makeup plays in that as a result. Because whether we like it or not, whether we believe in them or not, whether we feel pressured by them or not, these expectations do exist. How we personally respond to them does not change that.
I personally don't have an issue with makeup or the concept of it (in almost every culture on earth, humans have been using makeup of some kind for literally thousands of years)--but what I do have a problem with is when we treat makeup, or other traditionally "feminine" forms of expression as neutral things when they are not. A comb or a hair tie is neutral--it's just a thing. Lipstick and eyeliner are also just things, but only when they exist by themselves--and in reality they don't exist by themselves: they exist in a world where we value women on their physical appearance before we value them for anything else--lipstick and eyeliner exist to emphasise parts of your appearance, to make you look a certain way--and in a society where we put so much importance on women looking a certain way, they aren't just ordinary things you toy around with for fun. You can have fun with them, but it doesn't change their role. They can't be treated as exceptions from the world they are used in.
I think sometimes people assume that being anti-makeup is the same as being anti-women-who-wear-makeup, which misses the point (and also suggests a very dangerous idea which I think, sometimes, is why people respond so angrily to these criticisms: because if we believe that being anti-makeup = being anti-women, then therefore makeup = womanhood, and this is simply not true). Whether you wear these things just for fun and to enjoy yourself isn't what is being talked about because these criticisms are not about you on a personal level: they are about looking at a society that is as image-obsessed as ours, and asking why makeup has the role that it has when 1) it is almost exclusively aimed at women--women who, as a group, have been historically marginalised, and whose value, historically, has almost always been measured in terms of their beauty before anything else and 2) the makeup that is emphasized, the trends and styles that come and go, are often not so much about self-expression (if they were, people would be freely wearing all sorts of wild colours and styles: when we talk about "makeup culture" it's not the same kind of makeup used in the goth, punk, or alt scenes for example where makeup plays a very different role) but almost always about achieving or aspiring towards a type of beauty that is valued or expected: to make you look younger, to make your eyes brighter or larger, to make your lips bigger or sexier, your cheekbones more prominent etc--again, on their own, these things may not be a big deal, but they exist in a world where having these looks means you are valued in a certain way as a woman. And when this exists in our kind of world, where the power dynamics we have automatically mean women's perceived power is through beauty, and where we insist so much on women being a particular kind of beautiful (and this starts in childhood) we have to ask and investigate WHY that is--why this type of beauty and not another? why (almost only) women? who benefits from this? who suffers as a result?
The argument of "not all women" wear makeup for empowerment misses the point of these criticism, because it is focusing on a person's individual choices in a way that suggests our choices can define the world we live in, and they can't. We are deeply social animals. Therefore, how we appear to each other and to ourselves is a socially influenced phenomenon. This applies for race, for sexuality, and for gender. How women are perceived at large, in different social structures, is a social phenomenon influenced by the societies we exist in and the values of those societies. These criticisms are about the society we make those choices in and how that can affect us. For you, makeup may be something fun and enjoyable and that's fine. I'm not saying that's untrue or that people don't feel this way or that you are wrong for feeling this way. It's also not saying that you are brain-washed or oppressing yourself for it. But it doesn't change the world we live in. Someone feeling perfectly happy to go out with makeup or without makeup, and feeling no pressure to do either, is great--but it doesn't mean there aren't a lot of women who do feel pressured into wearing it, and that pressure is a social one. It doesn't change the inequality that exists between how women's physical appearances are judged compared to men's. It doesn't change the fact that almost every childhood story most kids hear (that aren't about animals) have a "beautiful princess" (and very little else is said about her except that she is beautiful) and a "brave" knight/prince/king/whichever: the princess (or maiden or whatever young woman) is defined by how she looks; the male in the story by how he acts.
It also doesn't change the fact that so many young girls grow up hearing the women around them criticize various parts of their bodies and that they carry this into their lives. It doesn't change the fact that we expect (in Western countries at least) for women to have criticisms about their appearance and they are "stuck-up" or "full of themselves" if they don't. It doesn't change the fact that magazines photos, red carpet photos, films, tv shows etc., feature actresses who are beautiful in a way that is absolutely above and beyond exceptional (and who either have had work done cosmetically, or are wealthy enough to be able to afford to look the way they do through top-class makeup artists, personal trainers etc) but who we think are within the "normal" range of beauty because faces like theirs are all that we see--how many famous actors / entertainers can you name who look like they could be someone's random uncle, or "just some guy" (writing this, I can think of 5). Now how many actresses, equally famous, can you think of that are the same? Very, very, very few.
The point of those posts, and why I feel so strongly about this, is that we have a deeply skewed view of beauty when it comes to women, because, as a society, we place so much on how they look in such a way that it is not, and was never meant to be, achievable: therefore anything that contributes to how women look, that markets itself in the way that the makeup industry does in this day and age, needs to be questioned and looked at in relation to that. No one is saying don't wear eyeliner or blush--what they are trying to say is that we need to be aware of the kind of world eyeliner and blush exists in, what their particular functions as eyeliner and blush do in the world that they exist in, that we exist in, and how this does impact the view we have on makeup as a result. Your personal enjoyment may be true to you and others, but this doesn't change the role of female beauty in the world because, again, our personal choices don't define the world in this way. Often, it's the other way around. And we cannot deny this fact because, while it may not affect you negatively, it does affect others.
I absolutely agree with you because I don't care how other women around me choose to dress or express themselves, either--that's their freedom to wear what they want and enjoy themselves and I want them to have that freedom. But my view is not the world's view, and it's certainly not the view of a lot of other people, either. I don't care if another woman loves pink and wearing skirts and dresses--but, like makeup, pink, skirts, and dresses, are not neutral things either. They're tied to a particular image of 'femininity' which means they are tied to a particular way of "being a woman" in this world. I'm not saying, at all, that it's wrong to wear these things. But I'm saying we can't treat them as though these are choices as simple as choosing what kind of socks to wear, because they aren't. They are choices that have baggage. If a woman is seen as being silly, childish, or treated unequally because she enjoys cute tops and ribbons and sundresses, that's not because we are demonizing her choices, or because being anti-makeup is being anti-woman (again, it is absolutely not): it's because we as a society demonize women for any choice. That isn't because of anti-makeup stances--that's because of sexism.
You mentioned that you want to be treated the same as anyone else for wearing feminine clothes--but the fear that you wouldn't be isn't because of the discussions critiquing makeup and other traditionally "feminine" things--it's because we live in a society where women are constantly defined by how they appear on the outside, and no amount of our personal choices will make this untrue. Whether you are a girly-girl or a tomboy, you'll always be judged. And, in reality, when women follow certain beauty standards they do get treated better--but this doesn't mean much in a society where the standards are so high you can never reach them, and where the basic regard for women is so low to begin with (not to mention the hypocrisy that exists within those standards). This is what all those criticisms towards makeup and "empowerment" are about: it's about interrogating a society that is built on this kind of logic and asking why we should insist on leaving it as it is when it does so much damage. It's saying that that if we want everyone to truly feel free in how they choose to present themselves we have to go deeper than just defining freedom by these choices on their own, and look at the environment those choices are made in. And that involves some deeply uncomfortable but necessary conversations.
Also, and I think this important to remember, views on makeup and the social place of makeup will also depend on culture and where you are, and the beauty expectations you grew up with. And when it comes to the internet, and given American dominance online, a lot of these posts criticizing makeup and the way makeup is being used to sell an idea that wearing it is "empowering" to the woman (which is basically saying: you are MORE of a woman when you wear it; you are stronger and more powerful because, in our society, beauty is portrayed as a form of power: it tells you, you can battle the inequality women face by embracing the role beauty plays in our lives but it doesn't tell you this emphasis on beauty is part of that inequality), are based on the way makeup is portrayed in mostly English-speaking Western countries. My views are shaped by what I grew up seeing, and while a full face of makeup (concealer, primer, foundation, mascara, highlighter, contour, blush, brow tint, brow gel etc) may not be daily practice or even embraced in a place like France or maybe other places in mainland Europe (but that doesn't mean they don't have their own expectations of feminine beauty), they are daily practice in places like the US and Britain, and this is what most of those posts and criticisms are responding to.
We can argue as much as we want about makeup, but when you grow up in a society where women feel the need to put on makeup before going to the gym there is something seriously wrong. Embracing makeup and enjoying makeup is one thing, but it cannot be a neutral thing when so much of it is about looking like you're not wearing makeup at all, or when we assume a woman is better qualified for a job or more professional when she wears it. It cannot be a neutral thing when a singer like Alicia Keys goes makeup-free for a red carpet event and it causes a stir online because people think she looks sick (what she looks like is normal--I would argue above normal--but wearing makeup to cover up "flaws" is so normal now that we genuinely don't know what normal skin is supposed to look like because the beauty of these celebrities is part of their appeal: they are something to aspire to). It is absolutely very normal for me, where I am, to see young girls with fake lashes and filled in brows: it's not every girl I pass, but it is enough. I'm not saying they are miserable, or brain-washed, or should be judged. I can believe that for them it's something enjoyable--but how am I supposed to see something like that and not be aware of the kind of celebrities and makeup tutorials that are everywhere on TikTok and YouTube, and that they are seeing everyday? How am I not supposed to have doubts when people tell me "it's their choice!" when the choices being offered are so limited and focused on one thing?
I never wore makeup as a teenager and I still don't, but a lot of that is because I grew up surrounded by people who just didn't. Makeup was never portrayed as anything bad or forbidden (and I don't see it like that either)--it was just this thing that, for me growing up, was never made to be a necessity not even for special occasions. I saw airbrushed photos and magazines all around me, for sure, and I definitely felt the beauty pressure and the body pressure (for example, I definitely felt my confidence would be better if I wore concealer to deal with my uneven skintone, and I felt this for years). But I also know that, growing up, I saw both sides. No makeup was the default I saw at home, while makeup was the default I saw outside. And that does play a part, not just in the choices you make, but in the choices that you feel you are allowed to make. No makeup was an option for me because it was what I saw everyday, even with my own insecurities; but if you do not see that as an option around you (and I know for most girls my age, where I grew up, it probably wasn't) then how can we fully argue that the decision you make is a real choice?
If I wanted to wear a cute skirt outside, for example, and decided to shave my legs--that isn't a real choice. And it cannot ever be a real choice, no matter how much I say "this is for me" or "I prefer it like this" because going out in public with hairy legs and going out in public with shaved legs will cause two completely different reactions. How can I separate what I think is "my choice" from a choice I make because I want to avoid the negative looks and comments? And how can I argue that choosing to shave is a freely made choice when the alternative has such negativity? If you feel pressured into choosing one thing over another, that's not a choice. Does this make sense?
This is how I feel about makeup most of the time, and what I want more than anything else is for us to be able to have a conversation about why we make the choices we do beyond saying "it makes me feel good" and ending the conversation there. Again, I'm not saying people need to stop wearing makeup or stop finding enjoyment in wearing it, but I think we tend to get so focused on our own feelings about this and forget that there is a bigger picture and this picture is a deeply unequal one. That is what this conversation is about. I hope this explains some things, anon, and if I misinterpreted anything please feel free to message me again. x
#i think in essence what i'm trying to say is that#some things are true in a microcosm but you cannot make a universal application for them bc the microcosm isn't representative of the whole#and it is dangerous to assume that it is or that it can be bc you're erasing the bigger picture when you do that#it would be like a poc saying they never felt the pressure of skin-lightening creams which is amazing but it doesnt change the fact that a#whole industry exists selling skin-lightening products BECAUSE there is a demand for them and that demand exists BECAUSE there is an#expectation that they SHOULD be used and this is because there is a belief that lighter skin = more beautiful. regardless of how messed up#and damaging that logic is that doesn't mean it doesn't exist in the world#and therefore those industries exist to maintain that belief because that belief is what drives their purpose and their profits#and we are doing no favours to the countless poc who DO feel pressured to subject their skins to these products or who come away with#a deeply damaged sense of self-worth (not to mention the internalised racism that's behind these beliefs) bc of constantly being told they#are less than for being darker than a paper bag which is RIDICULOUS#saying its all down to choice is not far off from saying you can CHOOSE to not be affected by the pressure but like....that's just not true#you can't choose to not be the recipient of colorism any more than you can choose to not be the recipient of sexism. and its putting a huge#amount of pressure and responsibility for an individual to just not be affected by deeply ingrained societal pressures and expectations whe#what we SHOULD be doing is actually tackling those expectations and pressures instead#they are leaving these systems intact to continue the damage that they do by making everything about what you as an individual think and#believe but while we all ARE individuals we dont live in separate bubbles. we are part of and IN this world together. and it acts on us as#much as we act on it. but like.....i think i've gone on enough already#ask#anonymous
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arsonist-chicken · 6 months
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Do you ever like.. get a sudden surge of love and admiration and just general happiness because of a friend, so much so that it's almost overwhelming, and you are just so, so glad you met them and hope you'll never have to let them go and get to keep them in your life forever? Yeah ❤️💖🐗🧚‍♂️🦄
#i should go to sleep#but these are the moments i wonder again if i know what a crush feels like and if i can tell the difference between periodical very strong#but platonic affection for a friend and having a tiny crush on them#oh well. in the end does it matter?#but it would still be nice to be able to tell the difference. if nothing else then to know when i actually have a crush on someone i'm not#that close to like that friend or that fond of#fucking hell god please never let me have to let them go. i don't think i've ever met someone i'm that comfortable around and around whom#it's so easy to just be myself#or rarely. maybe with two other friends i don't feel the need to hold back myself from blurting stuff out and interrupting them and#apologising and asking them to continue or just like.. say whatever comes to mind or touch electric pasture fences to see if it still stings#(it does btw but in a sensorally really nice way 10/10 would recommend)#why do amazing people often live so damn far away? last time i met a bunch of people i really got to love was almost lifesaving and#definitely mental health saving. we used to talk every day and now i barely know what any of them are up to :( covid really fucked us over#with everyone just trying to survive and stay sane. we really lost touch and now it#*it's hard to get that back because we're strewn across europe and brasil and the us and everyone's an adult with responsibilities now#i miss them :( gotta try harder to rekindle that#anyway @the universe or whatever fuckers listening: if you put me in circumstances that make me lose touch with her like with them#i'll set the world on fire. she's become far too important to me to let that happen#okay as always i couldn't damn shut up in the tags alright bye bye good night whatever my cat's purring now instead of snoring#scientists of tumblr invent a teleportation machine now. i want to lie in a park and watch dogs and read side by side and remember how good#life can be#mine
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traitorsinsalem · 2 years
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goodness gracious mama mia
#succ speaks#fuck the bts team for not showing them divorce court btw.#i never thought i would see such a disappointing mianite-related stream. and i watched all of isles! [old man laugh track]#somehow this was the greatest video game event i have ever taken part in thanks to the awesome community (including the one ending in mc)#but this stream sucked absolute donkey dick. glad we can get back on the server and this wasn't the end of it.#not the streamers' fault though i think. the event was just nothing like promised. i'll be honest i was an isles apologist until now.#something something they worked so hard to make it happen and keep it running why the unnecessary hate....i can't lie to myself anymore man.#a lot of us thought the stream was going to be more lighthearted and not hardass objective build judge w/ half the plots taken out for time#like sure the prize was a good amount of money but tom and jordan were clearly trying to have fun but felt like they couldn't that much. idk#the absolutely brilliant times we had building and having fun and talking and helping each other on the server felt like they were erased...#...from this stream. EVEN THE END was super watered down and dec definitely did his best to give them the background of it all.#idk. madspy and dec were super cool i feel like some other factors and/or people behind this caused it to flop with the community.#the mods can only do so much 'your build was amazing and unique you should be proud of it' or whatever without showcasing the things...#...we were all talking and laughing and excited about while on the server. it feels like this wasn't an event that was meant to leave...#a certain circle. this is just my view but personally i would have enjoyed this way more if there WASN'T a streamed judging.#or that the judging was a couple of days long so they didn't have to rush through it and everyone could be seen.#i think the mods should take our gripes into consideration rather than trying to cheer us up or act like it's our problem.#but hey. [old man laugh track] thaaaaat's our good ol' mianite!#the event itself though was incredible and i'm really happy it happened. like the actual building part. i got a lot out of it and got to...#...meet so many people. we all had a lot of fun and put in a lot of time and work but it didn't feel like a burden to partake in it yk!#having dec and madspy and wh (i forget his name all the time) on a lot was really fun too! they were really kind and fun to be around...#...and we got to learn some cool little bits of bts info. finding out that dec was 16 when mianite started was INSANE especially.#and like i'm not just salty cuz my build wasn't featured. being able to make it in the first place was enough for me bc it was my first...#...serious build! and the other people on the server really enjoyed it and to me having the community appreciate it is so much more...#...heartwarming to me and makes me happier than if this would have been a 'private' thing and the streamers looked through every bit...#...and praised it. i loved being able to take part in this event but honestly i wish i wouldn't have watched the stream. it made me upset...#...to see so many INSANE builds and aspects of builds i got to watch people work on and help them with get mere crumbs of recognition.#i know tom in particular appreciates mianite fan content so splitting this up into multiple streams so they didn't get bored or tired or...#...have to rush would have been a pretty obvious solution. but again you can always count on the mianite bts team to make things...#...unnecessarily complicated or simple while ignoring the very clear best paths! [old man laugh track]
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ayoyoungg · 11 months
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dream show 2 was amazing…i cried
#and to preface - I was excited when o started to concert prep last week by listening to dream songs#cuz it’s honestly been awhile - and then my excitement was not there honestly even during today - as in I just wasn’t hype#maybe cuz I went by myself - but then on the drive there and when I got to the venue I was like oh yeah#drive + parking + lining up was soooo easy breezy for me (literally did all three things in 1 hour)#only disappointment was I didn’t get a slogan - but that’s on me - honestly unless it’s like one of your ults or you’re doing other stuff ->#there’s no point in getting to the venue super early#I had the aisle seat and sorta made concert friends w/ the person next to me (picture bretman rock but maybe not bretman rock)#we had a lil moment in Boom where we both sang haechan’s ad lib together#anyways I don’t know if this is a gen Z thing a 4th gen kpop fan thing or an LA kpop concert-goers thing but my section SAT the whole time#which was kinda nice but kinda not??#Trigger the Fever is my all-time favorite dream song & I was so ecstatic it even made the setlist ->#I should be jumping during Trigger the Fever!! but alas we sat & so I think that bummed me a bit#but tell me why we stood for Candy of all songs 🙃 really?!#also like we didn’t chant NCT or Encore…like bruh I know we know that there’s still more but that’s part of the concert experience#Dream’s concert was amazing and really put 127’s recent concert to shambles..sorry had to make the comparison#interestingly enough though the members didn’t really talk to us like at all - just the greeting and thanks you’s??#but I personally didn’t really mind that?? I feel like they fit in more songs 🤷🏾‍♀️#they knew what they were doing w/ prioritizing giving us group perfs since it was this 1st world tour (no solo stages)#HAECHAN!! HAECHAN!! Haechan was next level artiste out of this world on another dimension - GOD his stage presence#JAEMIN was soooo good/talented like I hate to say how I was pleasantly shocked b/c my expectations were lower - not that I thought ->#poorly of him rather he stood out more than I expected - like I just noticed him - like he did his duty so well - also very handsome irl#Renjun was a cutie patootie and looked like a gnome at the end#sound at the beginning wasn’t the best but Chenle always carried!!#2019 jasmine would’ve been sooo much more hype but even now I feel like my inner ‘child’ was sated like that was everything I ever wanted#7dream literally was my favorite unit for the longest time#ok so I don’t even care for Hello Future like that but y’all they played an orchestra instrumental followed by the live stage & that got me#dream is great at having those songs that sound like hope & youth & enlightenment and so I’m not too surprised I cried#great concert..4/18/23..Honda Center#me#jt
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luveline · 5 months
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bEGGING for something with the marauders with drunk reader at a halloween party!!! make it literally anything you want follow ur heart ily and ur writing is AMAZING!!!!
thank you, ily ♡ modern au, fem
The rugby uniform felt like a funny idea at the time, but now you're cold and wondering how James manages to stay warm when he plays. You must ask him. 
He sits on the couch with Remus and another friend, Frank. You like Frank but he's not one of your boys, leaving you no options —you have to slide yourself between Remus and James, emphasis on have to. Remus touches your waist unthinkingly as you do, like he might catch you if you fell. 
James is ecstatic to see you as always. "Where have you been? I was about to send out the search party." 
He's been very, very pleased with you upon the reveal of your costume. Like, pleased enough to take a handful of your thigh and squeeze at the soft inner part greedily. You lean back into Remus, enjoying the feeling and wanting his comfort. He's used to it, and  he adapts by pressing his face indulgently to the side of your head. 
You giggle. This is usually a nice feeling, but drunk? You're euphoric. 
"You can't stray too far, lovely, I need my victim," Remus says. 
"Where have your fangs gone?" you ask, pointing at your neck. "I made the bite mark so perfect. Everyone will think I have rabies if you don't commit." 
James laughs like you're hilarious. Later, you'll find out that you didn't quite say every word that you thought you said, and that you'd been slurring your words into one another to create Frankenstein's sentences. 
"Everybody already thinks you have rabies," James says. He's wearing a chef's costume from a show he likes, a white shirt that's sleeves strain against his biceps and a blue apron. Sirius spent an hour drawing tattoos into his brown skin with a sharpie. "That's why we've decided to put you down." 
"I'll have one last night of passion with her first, if you don't mind," Sirius says, announcing his presence. 
You like the sound of that, lifting yourself away from the other two boys and their touches to take Sirius' fine hands. He's in a button up and tie, the sticker on his chest proudly proclaiming, Hello, my name is: Dave.
"You're here to kiss me, right?" you ask.
Sirius grins and presses a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth. "My little alcoholic, you smell like lambrini. What did we say about lambrini?" 
"Uh, that it makes me sloppy drunk." 
"Exactly!" He kisses your cheek, working an arm around your shoulder as though showing you off with pride to the other boys. "My darling, you're so smart." 
"Not that smart, she still drank the lambrini." 
"Remus, don't start," Sirius admonishes. "You just hate that she chooses me when she's drunk." 
"You're her enabler," James says, "of course she does. But before she was drunk she chose to dress as me for Halloween, so if anyone is the favourite–" 
"Oh, please don't start," Remus says. 
The boys start, arguing over who your favourite is. It's a silly pass time with no real merit but no malice, either, and you're just drunk enough to goad them on. "Maybe Remus should be my favourite. After all, he's my vampire. Our love is, like, eternal." 
The furrowed brow he gets whenever the other two boys debate slips. "It's so eternal," he says, nodding confidently. "Quite right, dove." 
"Eternal doesn't mean better." 
"Then what does it mean, Sirius?" 
You decide that James' lap looks comfortable and that you might be here for a long time, so you push his legs down flat and sit carefully (not very carefully in reality, but in your heart) on his thighs, socked feet pulled up onto the couch, sideways and skewiff in his company. 
"Well, obvious winner," James says, encompassing your back with a big arm, pulling you into him. Under his hand your shoulders feel like a more delicate system; you aren't necessarily small, but his touch feels so everywhere, a pervasive feeling of safety and comfort in the palm of his hand where it grasps you. 
"You have the more comfortable seat," Sirius says nonchalantly. "It means nothing." 
Remus pulls one of your socks up where it's slipping down your calf and Sirius interrupts the arguing to ask if you need a glass of water. You don't have favourites. They're each incredibly lovely in their own way. 
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unkreativstermensch · 6 months
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"Still super jealous as hell by the way.“
"Okay, now, can you…get outta my face?“ Steve annoyedly swats a hand at Eddie’s chest and ducks out of his space.
Eddie sighs and shakes his head. "Why are you-" He purses his lips, thinks. "You don’t…you still don’t like me very much, do you?"
At that Steve stops walking, huffs out an annoyed breath and presses his eyes closed. He turns to Eddie, looks at him with an expression Eddie can’t read and says, "No, Eddie. No, I don’t."
Eddie just watches him for a second, not sure what to do, studies his face, the furrow between his brows, the clear discomfort in his expression.
He scoffs. Getting a little angry. "Jesus, man,“ he says. "You just can’t get over it, huh? And here I was rambling on about how you were actually a good dude after all, but…no, turns out Steve Harrington is still just as much stuck in his stupid high school mindset as I would have thought.“
Steve just looks more annoyed now, a slight shift in his eyebrow and…he looks…frustrated? A little? How does that make sense?
"You,“ Steve says, voice low, but not because of the monsters, Eddie knows that much, "are unbelievable.“
Eddie blinks. "What?“
"Eddie, you’re the one who can’t get over it,“ Steve accuses him. "You always talk about that non-conformist shit and how people should just stop with the categories and drawers and labels but, dude, you’ve never judged people that way yourself! I have been saved in your brain as this dumb idiot jock ever since you’ve known me and…“ Steve huffs out an unbelieving breath. "And Eddie, I don’t know what to tell you…but you’ve never been nice to me. Ever. And when Lucas made the basketball team, which is amazing, by the way, you weren’t proud of him or supported him for that incredible achievement like you should have if he’s really one of your 'little sheep‘.“ He draws quotation marks in the air. "You punished him for it. You said you can’t make Hellfire? Fuck you. I’m just gonna have the most important part of the campaign without you, because you know what, you don’t deserve us anymore now that you’ve joined the dark side. Now that you’ve taken up a…a jock game. Because god forbid, somebody could actually ever enjoy playing sports.“
Eddie can’t follow. His mind’s lagging behind, still stuck on Steve apparently knowing DnD terms and saying he was never nice to him and-
Steve takes another step back.
"Eddie, for as long as I can remember you hated me. And yeah, sure, I was stupid and I did some stupid things, but…“ he shrugs one sided. "But I don’t think I deserve to be treated that way. I think I at least deserved a chance. And you never gave me one.“
Eddie blinks. "What do you mean I never gave you a chance, I-"
"Biology, sophomore year,“ Steve interrupts him. "We were assigned lab partners. I tried to really…put all of it aside, tried to get to know you, because actually, Eddie, you know what? I was sort of obsessed with you. Because you were so…loud and so unashamedly yourself, I admired you so much. You didn’t care about anything and you stood up for yourself and that’s something I’ve never been able to do, my whole life. I…“ Steve looks down, sighs a little. "I let people push me around because it’s the only way I feel like I can be of use. But you…you made me believe that maybe actually I…could do it, you know? Like, tell Tommy H. off or something…“ He looks so hurt. Eddie kind of wants to die. "But you…you acted like it was the worst thing ever, getting partnered with me. You didn’t even look at me. You…never gave me a chance, Eddie. So…sorry if one 'you’re actually a good dude, Harrington' doesn’t make me forget all of that, make up for it. Because I’m not so sure I believe you.“
Oh.
Oh no.
Eddie fucked up.
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breaking my silence we as a fandom (collective) need to have a quick meeting. now look, we love praising fan artists and giving them lots of love which, hey they deserve it cuz they’re amazing and incredible and talented and should be revered but!! i think we need to give an equated amount of love to fanfic writers. these mfs are a) putting their time and effort into A NON PROFIT PIECE OF MEDIA entirely for their and our benefit just because they want to b) going through life threatening situations to get their chapters out c) using their talents to feed our delusions and desires d) making OUR LITTLE DUMB HEADCANONS COME TO LIFE!! THEY MAKE IT HAPPEN!! THEY MAKE IT REAL!! i will literally forever be indebted to fanfic writers bc no matter if their work gets 10000 hits 10 hits or stays in their notes app they STILL!! WROTE IT!! still took the time to carefully craft and mend their masterpiece!! made someone’s day even if it was their own!!! the fact that some of them come up with LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF WORDS OF FIC feels kinda undermined to me??? like mf they DID THAT AND NO ONE ASKED THEM TO? (mean that positively) LIKE THEY JUST DID? not to mention the research and genuine care that goes into some fics I’ve seen. and the fact that some try to make their fics accessible by writing it so anyone who isn’t even in the fandom understands the story?? anyway. fanfic writers all around not just mutuals (tho i love u guys) truly, you’re amazing. kindergarten teacher voice everyone say thank you fanfic writers. <3333333333
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My Champion (Mouse series) - Max Verstappen
Summary: Max had a hard weekend not feeling so good and he gives full credit to Mouse for getting him through it, so he gives "the real champion" the medal
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Y/n had been fussing over Max upon realising he had a headache this morning, it's since spanned into a fever and the medic said he'd be fine to get in the car for practices and the rest of the weekend.
"I'm ok, mouse." Max states as he waits for the start of FP3.
He's got worse since yesterday and they've got ice pads on him to try and break his fever with a more aggressive method. Not advised which makes her worry more.
"You're not." She mumbles almost annoyed that he won't give himself just one session to rest especially before qualifying.
Max smiles kissing her cheek while she sighs, placing the back of her hand on his neck to get how hot he is. Answer? Very.
"You're still hot." Y/n murmurs while Max sighs gently rubbing her sides before smiling when she picks up his red bull bottle and holds the straw up for him to take a drink.
"Bedankt." Max smiles then gently cupping her face and rubbing her skin with his admittedly slightly clammy hand but she doesn't even hesitate to lean into his touch.
"You're going to do amazing out there." Y/n whispers as a mechanic passes a little too closely for her liking to be so loud.
"I'll make you proud out there, mouse." Max states matching her volume while she smiles lightly. "Don't move from here."
Y/n nods handing him his water bottle which earns a small smile before he moves back from her.
-
After qualifying Max got told to leave immediately after y/n led the way with his trainer moving with them to drive them to the hotel.
"You should eat. You can't be weak tomorrow." Y/n sighs not so quiet now they're on their own. The lack of response makes her go to turn but she is stopped when she feels his arms around her and his face dig down in her neck.
His fever broke despite all odds, almost as if he sweat himself out of it in the heat of the cockpit.
"Shower first?" Y/n offers in a whisper feeling him squeeze her more tightly.
"Yes." Max agrees with a heavy sigh seeming like the last thing he wants to do is let go of her.
Rarely is he the needy one between them, he protects his little mouse and makes sure she always feels safe with or without him there. But today, while he's not feeling great and after he's just had to endure one of the most testing days.
All he wants is y/n to hold onto.
So he does, he lets her help him shower and clean up, he lets her order him something that is of sustenance from room service then lies with him in bed and just lets him somewhat latch onto her.
"Mouse, I don't know what I'd do without you." Max states looking up at her, breaking the silence that was only filled by the movie y/n had put on as background noise. "People keep asking when we are going to get married and when I'm going to-"
"I'm happy with how things are, Max." Y/n cuts in knowing that Max is being pressured by the media and public about proposing. "We don't need to be any other way. This is us."
Y/n may be a woman of few words, especially compared to her talkative boyfriend.
"I love you, mouse."
"I love you too, Maxie." Y/n sighs then smiling lightly when he kisses her tummy.
She almost asks how he is feeling but she knows the answer and there's no point in wasting her breath. Instead, she'll hold him and comfort him. Make sure he's hydrated and doesn't start to decline with his health again before tomorrow.
-
Y/n sits watching Max with careful eyes ahead of the race. Talking to GP and other engineers.
The camera seems to watch her, as is becoming a more regular occurrence. Despite Max making multiple efforts to either ensure the Red Bull mechanics block her from the view or her does so himself.
Today, he steps over blocking her from the cameras which she's trying not to look at but it's obviously making her flustered.
"You do not have to stare at me. I'm feeling better."
"Feeling better isn't feeling good." Y/n murmurs earning a look from the Dutchman. "You're still going to win."
"I'll win for you. Because without you. I'd not be feeling as well as I do." Max smiles but it clearly doesn't do much to bring her a lot of comfort when it comes to her worry. "If I promise you that we can go home and I will let you instruct me of how to recoup. Will you forgive me for doing the race then?"
"I don't want you to get sick again." Y/n mumbles before finally smiling when he cups her face and kisses all around her skin, dodging her lips in fear of making her ill. Though there's no doubt he's already put her at risk of that.
"Wish me luck?" Max prompts making her straighten her spine a little.
"Good luck." Y/n nods before he moves back and climbs into the car, ready to drive it to the grid.
She watches him prep as usual, speaking to everyone once the car is one the grid. He looks lethargic. But as determined as ever and when he gets up to the grid for the national anthem. He is standing as confidently and boldly as always.
Then they're in the cars and he's ready to go, leading the formation lap and then lining back up into pole position.
The lights are out and he leads. As he seems to lead every race. Whether it be by proper and rule-following methods or by pushing the limits on what the FIA will allows, and often what they will penalise him for.
As she's become quite accustomed to, she finds herself at the barriers await her boyfriend to come running for celebrations of his win.
"Max, you took another win. And you've not been feeling so good for this weekend. How are you feeling now?" Martin asks as he conducts the post-race interviews.
"I'm feeling better. Much better." Max nods then winking at y/n while she smiles at him.
Her get sup on the podium being given his trophy and medal before part-taking in all the champagne spraying, cheering their bottles before getting some pictures and finally getting off the podium.
When she gets to his drivers room finding him changing out of the alcohol soaked layers and quickly showering off the residue from his skin and hair. Then he returns and he looks fairly refreshed though he quickly picks up his medal and moves towards her, gently placing it over her head, around her neck.
"What-"
"You are my champion. You deserve the medal." Max smiles while she gets flustered over his words. "Thank you...for everything, mouse."
"You don't have to thank me."
"I want to. You should always know how much I appreciate you." Max insists then sighing. "Shall we go home?"
"Yes."
"Ok, let's go." Max smiles gently rubbing her cheek, again with those clammy hands. "I love you, mouse."
"I love you too." Y/n whispers with a small smile. "I'm so proud of you doing the race too."
So they leave and Red Bull's photographer posts a picture of "Max and his champion" when spotting them walk through the paddock with y/n wearing the medal while Max looks at her in complete and utter admiration.
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yuwuta · 3 months
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CAN YOU FEEL MY HEART BURNING, CAN YOU FEEL ALL MY GOOD LOVING — ITADORI 
cw: mentioned sex, friends to lovers, yuuji greatest boy 
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The first time that Yuuji asks you out, you reject him. It’s not a matter of not liking him or liking him (even though you do like him, a lot)—it’s a matter of maintaining your friendship, about weighing risk versus reward, and about pushing your personal feelings aside for what’s best for everybody. 
Yuuji doesn’t listen. To him, your rejection was just confirmation about what he already knew about you—that you had a tendency to run away or avoid things you didn’t want to confront, but only when you were really, truly scared.
So, in true Yuuji fashion, he takes it to the next level. Despite being rejected, he holds your hand, and pulls you close, gives you kisses on your cheek, and your neck sometimes, and once you even let him leave a hickey, even though you spew the same mantra of—“You shouldn’t—Yuuji we shouldn’t be doing this”—you let him do it every single time. 
Because Yuuji knows that you like him back, and he knows that even though you’re scared to say it, deep down you know that he’s always been yours. Because Yuuji is your best friend, and he knows better than anyone how to punch through the walls you so carefully build up. Honestly, you should have learned by now to stop trying to keep him out—he makes his way in every time. 
It’s how you end up in bed with him only three mere weeks after rejecting his confession. And even though you’ve both been as close as two people can be, Yuuji knows he’s missing one thing from you; one final seal to show you that he’s it, that there’s nothing to be afraid of, and to get you to stop running once and for all. 
Which is exactly why when you ask him if he wants to see thew new Spiderman movie after breakfast, he smiles and puts his plan into action. 
“Yeah, of course,” Yuuji grins, “If you say that it’s a date.” 
Your smile falls halfway, but Yuuji’s only widens as he slips his hands into his pockets. He waits, expectantly, even through your stunned silence, and you finally sigh when he begins to rock on his heels.  
“Yuuji, you know that–” 
“What I know is that you’ve got to get out of that head of yours sooner than later,” he says, leaning forward to happily invade your space to tap at your forehead, “And that you love me.”  
“Yeah, I kind of thought the confession that I only turned you down because I didn’t want to lose you, and the having sex with you last night kinda let you show that.” 
“Yes, yes, there was all of that,” Yuuji moves his hands to cup the sides of your head, looks into your widening eyes and grins, “But I’m giving you a way to make it official in that complicated little head of yours. So, go on, ask me out. I promise I won’t say no.” 
Your eyebrows pinch together. Yuuji immediately moves his thumbs to stroke at the tail ends of them as you pout, “What do you mean ‘make it official?’ I know—I mean I hope that all our feelings are official.” 
“Make it official to you,” Yuuji clarifies, using his right thumb to tap at your temple, “In that beautiful—” he bends forwards to press a kiss to your forehead, “—smart —” another kiss, “—very complicated —” and another, “—head of yours that I love so much. So, like I was saying: ask me out, so that you get your closure even though you don’t think you need it, and you start seeing and learning that I don’t want to do anything with you without romantic intentions.” 
Yuuji presses one last kiss before pulling away to show you his glowing smile. Your expression softens through his speech—confusion sinking into surprise and then pure adoration. You’re slightly amazed that Yuuji has deciphered this for you before you could even fathom a justification behind your emotions, but then again, you think, you shouldn’t be; Yuuji has proved, throughout the course of your friendship and his courtship, that you have his undivided attention—that you are the object of his desires, and as such, it’s only natural that he knows the parts of you that you don’t think about.  
So, you concede, push your shock and pride aside, and close that embarrassing gaping mouth of yours because this is Yuuji and for all the shit you’ve put him through, the least you could do is ask him out.  
“Okay. Will you go to the movies with me?”  
Except when screws up his face and purses his lip in dissatisfaction, you wonder if you should put him through the wringer yourself.  
Yuuji’s grip on your head tightens ever so slightly, not enough to be uncomfortable, just enough for him to manually shake your head to mirror his own, “You have to make it clearer that you’re asking me out. We go to the movies all the time, I love movies—” 
“Yeah, exactly,” you frown, reaching your right hand to grab at Yuuji’s wrist to still your shaking head, “I’m asking you to do something I know you love.”  
“Ah, but you see how that’s confusing to me,” Yuuji quips, “I am but your oblivious friend—you have to let me know that you want me to be there with you because you like me, otherwise I might not know for the next twenty-something years, and history will repeat itself and—ow!” 
“I get it, you asshole,” you bite. Yuuji gives you a shallow shrug, and a crooked smile, that you, begrudgingly, find endearing. So much so that you groan and let your head fall forward until your forehead is pressed against Yuuji’s chest. You can hear his laughter; feel the way his palms immediately latch to your back to rub shallow circles. “This is stupid. I can’t believe I like you and you’re making me do all this for some three-hour movie.” 
“Oh, wrong L-word, try again.” 
“Even worse. You know I love you and you insist on making me do this.” 
“You must think I’m worth it, or you would have left me hanging a long time ago,” Yuuji gives you another kiss to the crown of your head, before he holds you by the shoulders to urge you to stand up straight, “Now come on, ask me out, sweep me off my feet, m’lady.” 
You blink your eyes open slowly, adjusting for the sparkling image of Yuuji standing before you, waiting far too patiently. That awe washes over you again—a wave for the overbearing love you feel for him, another for the incredible soul the boy in front of you is—for how lucky you truly are to have him.  
And you are lucky to have Yuuji. To be loved by Yuuji. So, you reach for his hands and wrap yours around them before you look up to face him and ask, “Itadori Yuuji, will you go out with me?” 
“Yes, and I’ll do you one better,” he smiles, shakes your hands off so that he can put them on your waist to pull you to his chest, “I’ll be your boyfriend, too.” 
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