#or maybe the boys in my hs were weird
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i cannot for the life of me make a decision about this, so do you have any headcanons on opinions on what banks would've been like if she had gone to high school ?? what tropes or clichés she would've been closest to embodying ?? because we know em was a nerd, that winter struggled for the obvious reasons but ultimately was fine in hs and fairly normal, rika was decently popular but far from the cheerleader level... but banks, i can't place what she would've been like if she'd gone to high school. we know she's very smart, but i can't see her as someone holed up in a library. then, we can also probably deduce that if she had gone to high school, damon would've been crazy protective but i still can't really make a set decision on much else regarding how banks' storyline/personality would've gone if she did indeed attend Thunder Bay prep or some other high school, minus these small details.
i do think she & emory would've got on like a house on fire if she attended TBP as they would've been in the same grade and probably had similar opinions on high school hierarchy and the horsemen and general thunder bay weirdness and extravagancy. they would've dissed people so thoroughly and easily with their quips and banter, for sure.
Ohh I have thought about this.
It can go so many ways, because as same with Emory, the debate is "was she naturally someone different and the circumstances made her this way? Or is it that she survived the circumstances because this is who she is naturally?"
Did Banks do so well in Gabriel's house because that's who she is, or did being in that house make her that way. In Hideaway, she mentions that she never cut her long hair because it was the last part of "Nikova." Additionally, her struggle with Damon is wanting to be her own person and to experience things other teenagers - normal teenagers - experience. But if she were a normal teenager, would she still value those experiences, or would they be mundane and expected?
I chose to think High School AU Banks would fall somewhere in the middle. She'd still be a bit of a tom-boy, and a bit of a rebel. In my AUs, she still lives with Lucinda, but Damon wants her close, so Gabriel pays for her to attend TBP. She's smart, but not without effort. She's not afraid to get involved throw down if she sees something she doesn't like. She's careful, though, and never throws the first punch, so she can always claim self-defense. It's helpful that she's a bit of a sarcastic smart ass and naturally skilled at goading people.
In school, she'd appear to be generally nonchalant about stuff, but she actually has a lot of opinions. It comes as a surprise to the teachers, who were not expecting Damon Torrance's younger sister to be so... outspoken. And argumentative.
Having a bit more freedom, and hopefully a healthy relationship with her brother, she’d probably be known for fighting with Damon in the halls over how protective he is. Like, he can’t even let her project partner talk to her without going all big brother on her.
Seriously, get a life, dude. Maybe if you had as much confidence talking to your little dancer friend as you do telling me what to do, you’d actually have a girlfriend. Newsflash, bro, there are certain things I can’t and won’t do for you.
I don’t see her wanting to participate in any extracurricular activities, but with a school like Thunder Bay Prep, it would probably be expected. I can’t see her wanting to be on a team, so Girl’s Basketball probably isn’t a good match…
Oh. You know, with her being a bit of a sleuth in Hideaway and tailing Kai to get his routine, she’d probably make a good Yearbook photographer. Or maybe working on their school paper. Maybe something along those lines that keeps her out of the spotlight. Though, I don't know what Banks would want to do growing up. Maybe she does go into student government, wanting to make changes that actually make sense and benefit the students, instead of planting a tree as the senior gift for the fifth year in a row (do these people even know what they could do with this much money, or do they only know how to add when it's involving cases of beer and tits?). Maybe she does it because she's tired of seeing Chloe get everything and wanted to challenge her, and then sort of accidentally ended up class president.
Actually, I like that...Emory makes fun of her for it all the time.
Speaking of Emory, they are best friends. Both come from more humble backgrounds, which would naturally make them targets for bullies, but not this time. Because the whole school knows wherever Emory goes, Banks is close by. And wherever Banks is, Damon is close by. And wherever Damon is, the Horsemen are close by. Not to mention, Will is a horseman, and he’s always close to wherever Emory is…
Not that Banks and Em need them. They're pretty good with the tongue lashings, themselves.
Without a doubt, Banks goes to every single one of Emmy’s activities to show support. She hangs out when Emmy’s working on her projects, and helps when she needs a hand. They both have a crush on a Horseman, but they only talk (read: tease each other) about that when they can guarantee no one can hear them.
I headcanon Banks, Emmy, and Elle are a pretty solid trio. Emmy's smart and artsy, Elle's a soft-hearted romantic, always talking about dating but never taking her own advice, and Banks plays the rebel without a cause who loves her two friends.
Anyway, have some pics that would definitely be in Banks' friend's (so Emmy and Elle) camera roll.
that last one's from Banks of will and emmy. (i've never seen love, rosie, so I don't know context. but I know in a willemmy high school au that has yet to be written, this scene will happen)
Let me know what you think! Or if my headcanons helped inspire some of yours. This was really fun, thanks for the ask.
#asked and answered 270#asked and answered#devil's night series#devil's night series stuff#devils night#nikova banks#ko's headcanons
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okay now more byler headcanons slightly older - the miwi ones
mike is a huuuuge physics nerd. he studies it on his own before taking it in hs, going to the library to get books on it and textbooks to figure out equations. when he learns a new concept he excitedly tells the party, who all share in his joy to varying degrees. in hs him and dustin compete to be the star student of the class both becoming quite the teacher’s pet. will loves hearing mike explain different phenomena with all the big terms. he doesn’t really struggle that much with it in class but he pretends to be stuck more often than not just to watch mike explain a concept with enthusiasm. will asks “can you explain this?” and mike’s eyes light up so excited to get into it. and will also loves that when he does finally “get it” mike praises the shit out of him.
every time will’s over and changes in front of him mike immediately averts his eyes, and he doesn’t understand at first what makes him so uncomfortable bc he doesn’t react that way w anyone else
when will’s starting to realize his feelings for mike are becoming very serious he tries to train his brain to think of something else whenever mike pops into his head. although most of his distraction topics tend to remind him of mike anyway.
they both could notice something shift between them when hs started but they pretended like everything was normal.
when mike visited in lenora will noticed how mike’s smile seemed forced and he thought it was bc maybe mike wasn’t that excited to see him - that maybe mike really was “out growing” him
when the party get drunk together for the first time mike and will gravitate towards each other like magnets. becoming very hushed and giggly together, and the whole party thinks “okay figures”
the small sober part of both their brains is quietly thinking “wait why can’t it be like this all the time?”
mike finds himself grabbing will’s arm with everything he says, subconsciously trying to pull him closer, thinking crazy stuff like “i wanna be all over him” not even knowing in what way or why really, “whoa being drunk is weird, it makes me even more obsessed with my best friend…”
meanwhile will is like why is mike so touchy now, i don’t hate it, i really like it but what’s going on? why is he looking at me like that? am i crazy or is something happening right now?
they probably end the night drunkenly telling each other how much they love each other, how they’re each others best friend, like Best Friend™ thinking that will help the gnawing feeling in their gut subside when they look at each other
they used to hug much more when they were younger, in greetings and goodbyes, but they noticed that most boys didn’t do that as they got older, even lucas and dustin didn’t, so then it became a secret thing, only when they were completely alone. but after a particularly brutal dressing down from lonnie and harsh words from bullies it seemed to stop completely. only when it was truly warranted, if they had some real justification for it. like getting hurt, skinning a knee, crying, then it was okay.
when they get drunk that first time they hug each other very intensely, mike says “i wish we could do this all the time” will says they can if they want, and then starts them trying to let themselves be more familiar w each other again
when they first get together mike is overwhelmed at random moments looking over at will that all of it is real, will loves him and he loves will too, attacking will with kisses all over his face bc “oh my god oh my god i like you so much what the fuck!” will has to beg him to stop but of course he loves it and feels similar feelings take over him too
sitting and admiring mike while he’s doing whatever, maybe he’s talking or just walking around, temporarily forgetting where he is and mike looks over at him smiling and will is just a puddle of emotion that he gets to be with mike.
also during their early relationship will has to constantly remind himself that he doesn’t have to hide what he feels for mike. he doesn’t have to look away or hold his tongue. mike calls him out on it thinking maybe something is upsetting him but will is just worried that he’ll be too much. he’ll say too much or seem too clingy and it will scare mike off with just how much will likes him. (part of him knows it’s silly when mike’s confessed so much to him at this point but it’s still scary!) once he’s reassured he can express whatever he wants will slowly discovers a whole side of himself that was lying dormant. feeling more open with his feelings than he ever has <3
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Hey! Here are my Photobomb thoughts I posted as a response on Reddit haha!
Warning: MAJOR SPOILERS
Hi! Nice to meetcha! I’m glad you posted this because I’m curious to see what others will say as well!
When I first got into OMORI, I was actually not into any ships outside HeroMari and Sunburn. Sticking to the game and whatnot. It all started when I saw the cutest little meme on Twitter that Shrimp had posted and it featured photobomb. I thought:
“Hmm. I have never thought about this.”
And thus, I went down the rabbit hole and began to really enjoy it, even through watching my friend play the game. I really enjoy the childhood to lovers trope and I can get behind an enemies to lovers trope, though I don’t really see them as enemies.
So we can see the parallels between RW and HS. Sunny depicts a somewhat accurate representation of how his friends were in their childhood- (Aubrey and Kel arguing, Aubrey standing up for what she believes is right regardless of the consequences, Sunny always being regarded as quiet, Kel being goofy and oblivious but still a great friend with good morals, and Hero being the level headed member of the group.)
That being said, I believe there are definitely some truths in how the members perceive each other and their relationships to one another.
I really enjoyed how Aubrey was so worried about him in headspace. Even when his memory was being erased in Sunny’s mind, she would continuously get sad at his absence and grew distraught the longer he was gone. This is, of course, before she forgot him, alongside everyone else. She lamented about how she missed how he’d brush her hair and always gave him positive feedback. From this, it’s clear she cares a great deal about him as her friend.
When we switch into the Faraway segments, we learn she was actually the one to introduce Basil to the rest of the friend group. She grabs his hand and brings him along to introduce him. They are seen in the calendar art to work well together and you learn about them running a lemonade stand together and making fake plant decorations for the treehouse.
He calls Aubrey cute more than once which is neat because it shows he was much more outgoing when he was younger, albeit a little insecure. Now it isn’t specifically a romantic “cute”, but cute nonetheless. He could have been trying to push Sunny to agree or maybe he did like her a little but wanted to support Sunny. When he called her cute at the beach scene, his sprite turned away from her which I thought was a small thing that could be missed. Almost like he was a tad nervous to say it.
Those are all cute little things, but their dynamic is also intriguing.
Something people often miss about Basil is he is actually a relatively mischievous. You can see this from how he plays poker in the flashback, taking pictures of people when they least expect it (like Hero giving Kel some brotherly love), and a general humor in the way he lightly pokes fun but you wouldn’t expect it from him because he’s Basil.
He tends to cheer his friends on and genuinely believes in the best for them. He supports Aubrey’s cause to dye her hair pink which is also sweet.
Basil isn’t an angel, he has his flaws and issues, and he certainly isn’t an UwU flower boy by any regards. He could hold his own, he just doesn’t, he’s more of a pacifist. He DOES get angry and he DOES have moments where he is spiteful. (Bedroom encounter)
Then we have Aubrey. Aubrey in her youth was always nice to Basil and was quick to try and make him feel better about himself and he was receptive to her. It can be assumed or theorized they knew each other for awhile before they met the gang because they were neighbors, separated by a street, and she felt good enough about him to have him meet everyone. Aubrey isn’t the type to drag along some random Joe if she doesn’t feel right about it.
She and Basil both grew up in broken or weird homes and that is something only these two can really understand as opposed to Kel and Sunny (tho later on Sunny will understand the concept.) This is honestly a big deal as a kid because you feel comfortable with people like you. This is more of an emotional thing, a bonding kids don’t usually talk about, only feel. So my idea is they had a pretty solid friendship as kids built on trust and understanding. There was no judgement.
As time went on and the incident happened, Sunny, Basil’s best friend, went incommunicado. Basil, as we know, stayed out and eventually got the photo album back from Sunny even though it was ruined. That had to of hurt really bad. Regardless, he kept it with him and Aubrey eventually found it and BAM, bullying.
Lots of people have wondered why she bullied him so bad over that, but I think there’s a reason and it ties back to their friendship.
Remember when I said a lot of it was trust? That trust was murdered that day she found the album. It was shocking because Basil is Basil, how could he do that? It had to of hurt because she seemed pretty confident he would have at least told her of any anger he harbored. She felt abandoned and angry. Now this doesn’t make what she did right, it was really crappy, but she feels a ton of remorse as shown in the bad ending and to be honest, it takes a lot to apologize to someone when you are in the wrong, in front of friends and a friend’s caregiver at that! This shows she isn’t some demonic force who wants to belittle everyone. Aubrey has a heart, it can be in the wrong place at times and maybe even a little selfish at others, but when she sees she had done something wrong, she is quick to be angry with herself.
In the official art book, she is shown to be crying at the Lake Scene. She didn’t mean to almost kill him, she only wanted to push him away. This of course, parallels Sunny and Mari.
Their dynamic is interesting because Basil is really passive and hides his emotions and tries to stay gentle, although failing at times, and Aubrey being more loud with how she feels and failing when she goes too far. At their core, however, they both care a lot about each other, Basil going as far as trying to talk to her repeatedly while knowing the outcome, and Aubrey breaking down when something terrible DOES end up happening to him. She is shown in the hospital room visiting him which further indicates she really cares and is worried.
Also, big note here. It was Aubrey who recommended to everyone that they stay at Basil’s house the night Sunny has an encounter with him.
To summarize, there is a lot of cuteness and closeness in their friendship. Aubrey and Basil both come from a childhood of turmoil and have the depth to really understand each other in a nonjudgemental way if they wanted to try. The game has shown countless times how much they care for one another, and despite all odds, they end up friends again at the end. (Depending on how you interpret the end, but as far as the themes go, I’d say they do. Basil has been known to forgive quickly, as per the headspace version and pretty much everything else.) She would always stick up for him and would be taken aback by his teases and he’d be flustered and a nervous wreck, but it would be really cute.
They’re both also very nostalgic individuals! (Basil keeping the album, Aubrey then keeping it and returning to the hangout spot often)
In my experience a lot of angsty people take their angst out on the people they’re very close to if they feel they’ve been wronged by then. Hence her reactions to Sunny and Kel as well. She feels alienated in the same way Basil does, as though there is something innately wrong with them and that people won’t like them for them. They go about it differently but I think that would make them more comfortable with one another.
I like the concept of Aubrey having Basil branch out into things that he normally wouldn’t do and Basil just being a gentle person who can help her chill out. I think they’d set each other off or maybe be bad influences on each other, but more so in an innocent way.
I’m more of a timeskip person myself, I don’t think it could happen immediately after canon, but that’s just me.
Sorry for the ramble I’ve been meaning to write all this down anyhow!! Also it’s very late where I’m at so if something doesn’t make sense let me know!
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don’t get me wrong i love the way hornies think of william but as as hugeee TAI TV lover/obsessed autistic(tm) i think non ooc bilvy deserves some love too
like he’s a kinda quiet artist who tries so hard to be so kind and understanding and make his fans happy even if they can be a bit weird sometimes. i think all the people hypersexualizing him made him a bit uncomfy and confused but he was just trying his best to be understanding(see dick mold dildo post.) contrary to popular belief i don’t think he was even that shy,, he was just quiet. i mean fast times makes him sound like a bit of a slut but also tad bit stalkerish in hs and siskys description of meeting him is literally that some girl in pe mentioned how hot he was. he was not really a bullied loser outcast or super duper insecure ever imo. because of see above i also don’t think he was really a like nervy stuttering mess that just loves to get fucked until he couldn’t remember his own name, and i don’t think he was THAT whiny and pathetic- but i still think he was kinda loud which is a fun contrast to how quiet he usually seemed. all that being said i think he was a top but def not a like big hard mean dom, maybe sometimes he soft dommed just adoring his partner and doing all the work to make them feel good while calling them sweet little things(see the wine post i sent in) i think he was bi but had sex with women a good amount of the time. i think he liked having them in his lap while they were wiggling around on his cock and sucking hickeys into their neck and softly playing with their tits and moving a hand down to their clit while whispering ‘taking it so well sweetheart, my good little girl, you feeling good baby?’ i think he kissed all super sweet and gently holding their face with one hand and playing with their hair with the other. i think he was a lover. i think as he got older maybe he liked it when partners called him daddy just in the way that he could take care of them and protect them. i think he could get a bit protective and possessive sometimes. i think he’s still always just had like straight up vanilla missionary sex a good half of the time where they’re not taking themselves too seriously. also just. hands. his fingers are so long and elegant i think he would spend so long just feeling girls up and smoothing over their curves. i need to feel two of his fingers steadily pumping in and out of me while he kisses at my thighs and clit. i need him to write a poem or little song or something afterward about how pretty i am, in general and during sex. like talking about how lovely i am in bed without getting super vulgar. i need him to call me his boy. i think he’s just so artistic and philosophical/emotional about everything he does and that extends to the way he thinks about sex,, like it’s never super aggressive and impersonal to him even when it might be kinda rough/a one night stand. i think he’d be super cuddly and get you water afterwards and maybe give you a massage with his deft pretty fingers slowly and intentionally working over your muscles to relax you until you fell asleep in his arms. i think he likes wearing nice outfits and feeling good about himself. i need this man biblically.
anyway j thought i’d send some love to more realistic william sex/partnership because i love him he’s my favorite he’s my girlfriend and i love him so much. obvi it’s probably not actually realistic cause yanno,, i don’t know him or his sex life b j my idea of it based off how he actually seemed to act. <3
also idk why b i feel like the fact that i’m an autistic transmasc with heavy ass daddy issues(bats eyelashes endearingly) is important context to all this
-spiral anon
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why was i like that (tl;dr in tags)
today i clicked on sgc's ig profile and saw that they use they/them pronouns now. and it makes me want to cry.
bc even tho we Literally went to high school together-ish (they were 3yrs after me?) we had such different experiences.
i was a Girl who hung out with guys who didn't respect me, went out with a boyfriend who was nice to me, and was too shy / awkward / busy being that shy nerd stereotype [1] that i had no "deep friendship". you could ask anyone anything about me and they wouldn't know the answer! and i wouldn't know anything about them!! [2] bc we were a small class (169) and everyone in town was a mix of neighbor and cousin, i got my invites to parties and dances, but i overall felt like i was on autopilot. i don't remember my life until i was ~16 [3]!! why!!!
i think a lot about how dr uju anya had a whole husband and child but over time realized she was a lesbian. not to parasocialize too much with this academic weapon, but i feel like i also had this experience (to a much smaller / younger degree). and i feel so sad thinking about how i could've saved so much pain in high school if i had just known i wasn't wired to like guys like that [4].
and i remember lindie [5], someone who's ~30 now and has been with her now-husband since she was ~13. one day we had a good phone call (post-hs-graduation) and she told me that for literally everyone else she could possibly see romantically / sexually, she's a lesbian. but she and her husband have literally Grown Up together. her love for him is something that goes beyond platonic / romantic / sexual attraction. it's a life partnership in every sense of the term.
this phone conversation lit a lightbulb in my summer 2019 brain. i knew that this high school bf of mine could be a life partner. we started dating when i was 11 or 12 and !!! we both saw each other grow up (at least to some degree). but something in the pit of my stomach told me i couldn't live a lie like that. it wouldn't be fair to him for me to have this self-discovery and just .. continue as if it didn't happen?
and so when someone said that dr. uju's pre-lesbian marriage was "sad" bc she didn't know she was a lesbian, i got (in my head) defensive. bc "it's totally possible to be happy and ignore this part of yourself!" (it's not).
for the longest time i told myself that being bisexual was the easiest sexuality to have bc i knew i liked women and i could always just end up with a guy to make my family happy, if i had to, ya know? i got mentally defensive when ppl online said that "invisibility is not a privilege" and "biphobia is real" bc i was subconsciously using this label as a way to hide the fact that the mere thought of a life with a man made me anxious / nauseous / scared.
and boy did that fear kick into overdrive anytime i was around a guy. if he even smiled at me, i'd go a little silly. it didn't even matter if he was straight, bi, ace, gay, or anything, i'd just latch onto the fact that it was a Man talking to me and i couldn't stop thinking about them and any comment they made that made them seem bored / annoyed at me made me spiral about my self-worth. but if there was ever a case that i Thought they even Maybe had an interest in me, i'd get nauseous again. to this day i feel like i still put guys up on a pedestal so i just have ... no guy friends [6].
this novel is a silly way of saying the following things.
the label "lesbian" is a vibe rn
heartstopper is a painful show for me to watch
sorry if ur a guy i met before i turned 20 that i was weird around : ( /nbh
sgc looks so happy. they're out and they look so happy. why couldn't that be me.
why was i like that.
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[1] i had a goofy jock bf tho so was it really so bad?
[2] and to a certain degree this continues today? i don't know how to hold a conversation, i don't know how to ask questions, i don't have good memory of the conversations i Do manage to hold, my #1 fear is playing the newlyweds game with literally anybody. i once described making friends as 'learning a person's scripts / common conversation topics' and the other person in the room just kinda said 'haha yeah...' and i continued to pset :skull:
[3] and 16-17 was my sad era where i cried basically any time my bf and i were alone together. that man was so patient w me lmao
[4] why do i always say no? why can't i just calm down? why is it weird to describe us as 'friends but we also make out'?
[5] one of the coolest ppl i know. (death + suicide mentioned in this footnote) she was the french teacher that replaced my old french teacher after she died, and lindie really suffered for us. bc it was a catholic school, she was forced to cover up her tattoos, and she had to wear longer clothes (admin always told her to cover up even when she was wearing Long Clothes). she went through so much (miscarriage, lost here sense of self, etc.) and was literally suicidal but she still showed up for us. one of my fav teachers and an inspiration to this day.
[6] except for the two dudes (that might be) reading this, y'all are cool and literally the best. afaik i've been Normal around y'all so yay! growth!!
#tl;dr: if it wasn't obvious i used to be a pick-me LMAO but now i'm better (nonbinary lesbian? that seems good for now)#/nbh = nobody here (tone tag)#this is a jumbled mess#pls don't feel pressured to read this#just hit that like button and keep scrolling wahfioejwa#dash rambles#coming out#sorta
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Good evening friend, I hope this isn't weird or anything but do you have a (preferably) multi chapter HS fanfic rec-list you could share with us? I'm not picky when it comes to rating, I'm in for everything 😻 I just need my daily dose of Nick and Charlie. Thx in advance 🫂
Hello, hello! Not weird at all! I do actually have a whole ass document with fics sooo I can definitely make a fanfic rec-list for you :) Here's your daily dose of Nick and Charlie:
Heartstopper FicRec List:
show and tell by thetomkatwholived
Charlie’s pretty sure bringing your uncle as a show and tell item isn’t the norm, but he’s willing to do almost anything for his niece, even subject himself to her Year 1 class. And hey, her teacher’s really handsome and funny and sweet… Maybe it won’t be too bad after all.
Rating: T ; 27,942 words ; 8/8
Rugby Lad by @sophisticatedyet
Charlie thinks agreeing to join the Truham rugby team at the request of Mrs Singh is possibly the worst decision he’s ever made. Then Nick Nelson, the St John’s fly half, sweeps him off his feet (literally) and Charlie decides maybe rugby isn’t so bad. AKA: the Charlie and Nick are on rival rugby teams AU.
Rating: T ; 23,767 words ; 4/4
When both our fades collide by @mikeysgerard
This is a story of what happens when two boys meet each other during the worst time of their lives, and help each other heal again. Or, from strangers to roommates, from roommates to friends, from friends to lovers....and remember, time worked differently in the hospital.
Rating: E ; 83,421 words ; 17/17
Can We Pretend (That We Are Okay) by deflectrunes
Nick gets caught up in a little white lie, and now he's in Menorca with his family and his best friend Charlie Spring, who is going to pretend to be his boyfriend for two weeks. As long as they stuck to their plan, they could pull this off and convince David that they were actually going out; Nick just has to make sure that his very real crush on Charlie doesn't ruin things. What could go wrong?
Rating: T ; 18,503 words ; 3/3
hum hallelujah by @elyseregan
“I hope you get to sleep after that caffeine hit,” Nick joked, collecting his mug.
“Oh, I’ll sleep, don’t you worry,” Charlie said easily, eyes glinting with something unsaid. “Nice to meet you, Nick. Maybe I’ll catch you downstairs some time?” Nick could only hope that might be the case.
Not another uni au?! Nick & Charlie become pals after encountering each other in university. Cue the hand crackles.
Rating: T; 13,647 words; 3/3
Life was a Willow, Bent Right to Your Whim by linettispaghetticonfetti
Regency-era AU with all the drama, scandal, and angst that comes with it.
Rating: T; 23,862 words; 16/16
i will drift to you if you make yourself shake fast enough by sapph0writes
If there was something Charlie didn’t expect to end up doing when he got dragged to Harry Green’s 18th birthday party, it was spending all night pretending to be wooed by rugby star Nick Nelson to prove a point to his ex. “Pretending” being the keyword.
Rating: T ; 11,546 words ; 1/1
strangers on a plane by dilfpickles
ok can we PLEASE go back to the fact that there is a very cute very hot bi guy sleeping on my shoulder. i think im in love.
Rating: T ; 7,484 words ; 1/1
Don't Blame Me (Your Love made me Crazy) by tiredauthor
An au where they are both spies and Charlie has to rescue Nick.
Rating: T ; 5,545 words ; 1/1
the matter of time by peculiarblue
every hour of the day, as told by nick nelson, who is completely, ridiculously, head over heels in love with charlie spring.
Rating: G ; 16,389 words ; 1/1
breaking cameras and bones (but not hearts) by sargent
When Charlie Spring volunteered to be the photographer for a local roller derby bout, he wasn’t expecting to meet a cute guy with a passion for roller skating and a knack for breaking bones. And also Charlie’s camera.
Rating: T ; 11,828 words ; 1/1
#took me long enough#sorry about that#I shall update the list as I continue to read#heartstopper fanfic#heartstopper#ask box#fic rec#list
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Maybe Insector Haga and Otogi for the character bingo?
Ah yes, these boys. Weirdly finding as I made this and was thinking of them, my childhood thoughts were similar for them.
Otogi
Ok, first I want to state I marked the not for me but I can see the appeal one because when I first watched the show, he was not a fav. But he definitely grew on me! I definitely love whatever gender he has going on there at times and his whole aesthetic. But hs became a character I started to adore after reading the manga. The Black Clown arc is my favorite, and learning about his past and his life just made me understand him so much more. I honestly adore this character so much now. Definitely a fave.
Haga
Listen, it's the bugs. I swear it's the bugs. I am not great with bugs and spiders, and I just I'm trying with him, I swear. He was not a fave growing up. I didn't like how he acted, and I just wasn't a fan of any of it. I have begun to like him so so much more due to shrimp and seeing other people on here who do really enjoy this character! He's a weird little guy with just so much going on. I will say the more I see him, the more he wiggles into my heart. He's honestly an interesting character, and I love whatever he has going on there with Ryuzaki.
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I know the is weird request and you totally don’t have to do it, but maybe you could do an AU where tbb and the reader are in high school? An Echo x reader of course
Howdy!
I actually love this idea! And as I was writing this I thought about making this a small series! If you would ike it to that is.
Hope you like it anon! 💙💜🤍
(Also to clarify my HS had a vocational center where I learned and earned my college course completion in Graphic Design & Interactive Media.. they also had culinary class and I thought that echo would totally do culinary class sooo. Here’s this fic)
Culinary Class
Echo x reader
Master list
~_~_~_~
You take the only empty seat in your culinary class.. which is next to a cyborg. A cute cyborg and you too become friends quickly
~_~_~_~
(Somewhat Modern au, With SW universe elements. Echo has a cybernetic hand)
~_~_~_~
You walked into the classroom and saw that the desks were two students with a sink and small stove in between them.
There was one last open seat. In the back of the class next to a boy. You slowly sat down and the boy looked at you.
You gave him a small smile and wave. You swore his brow furrowed and his cheeks turned pink. He waved back slightly.
“My names (-) . What’s yours?”
“I’m echo..”
“Wait? Is your brother Crosshair?”
“Yeah.. w-why?”
“I sit next to him in math. He hates it”
“Pfft.. sounds like Crosshair.. so. Do you like cooking?”
“Yes. Although I’m not very good at it”you giggled
Echo chuckled and put his hands.. well arms together. You then saw that he had cybernetic hand. He must’ve saw you looking at it and when to hide it.. he must be self conscious you thought because he then started to try and cover the attachment on his head.
“It’s ok.. I have those ports too. on the back of my head”
You lifted your hair and echo saw two small ports right under your hair line above your neck.
“I was in an accident and I hit my head on a metal bar.”
“I was. I had an accident too”
You nodded and didn’t pressure him into talking. The Galaxy could be cruel..
“What time do you have lunch?”
You asked gently.
“After 3rd period”
“Me too”
“My brothers do too.. maybe you would like to meet them?”
“Of course I would!”
~_~_~_~
After class had ended you both went onto your 3rd period classes.
“See you at lunch echo”
“See you then”
You made your way to the restrooms and couldn’t hold in your excitement.
“Oh my gosh he’s so adorable!!”
You then got yourself together and went onto 3rd period.
~_~_~_~
“Hello echo.”
You sat next to him at the table. He smiled at you.
“My brothers should be here soon.”
And a few minutes later the rest of his brothers arrive one by one. You started to feel nervous. Especially about the super tall one.
“Who’s this echo?”
The one with goggles looked at you curiously.
“This is my new friend. We have culinary class together”
“Hahahaha! You took a cookin class?!”
“Wrecker. Don’t be rude.. I’m hunter.. and that is wrecker.. Crosshair and tech.”
“Oh trust me I know who Crosshair is. We sir next to each other in math”
Crosshair rolled his eyes and sulked.
“It’s nice to meet you all.”
“Like wise.. I’m grateful echo has a new friend.. he’s rather shy”
Echo’s brows furrowed and his face turned pink. You giggled and smiled at him. You could tell this friendship was going to make your school year better.
~_~_~_~
#the bad batch#tbb echo#clone force 99 x reader#the bad batch x reader#clone force 99#clone trooper echo#tbb echo x you#tbb echo x reader#highschool au#star wars the bad batch#tbb x you#tbb x reader
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Idk if I necessarily believe in soulmates or having “one true forever love” but i get the sense that joe will kinda be tays roman empire just in the sense that that relationship was so formative and life changing for her and taught her nearly everything she knows about love
Like idc the person you taught you that love is golden is gonna be something you carry with you in the rest of your relationships and i mean she wrote most prolifically when he was her muse
Im struggling to articulate myself lmfao like I’m not saying she’ll never move on from him but I kinda feel like Leonard and Marianne vibes with them
Toe had a beautiful love that i think can always be appreciated for what is was tbh ❤️
I’ve actually always compared them to Leonard and Marianne tbh and I hope they get back on the kinds of speaking terms those two were. They had deep love for each other - as Joe and Taylor did - and when they were no longer in love they still cared and I think that’s why Marianne songs are so much better than many of Leonard’s other songs (I mean not that any Leonard song is especially bad). They truly embodied I like you and I love you idk. Y’all know I’ve read like every Leonard biography ever and think that he’s fascinating lmao. I’ve read like Hydra deep dives, I’ve read the big one about him, I’ve read all sorts of shit and I’ve read all the stuff he wrote himself.
here’s where I will contradict u tho - I’ve given two separate people Leonard poetry collections and captioned them as “to my Marianne” and one was to my HS ex who was a boy and one was to my gf of a long time and both loved it and they were different collections but point is idk if Leonard and Marianne even were Leonard and Marianne lol. I think they were people who stayed in touch and continued to care. In which case, I captioned those books correctly as I’m in touch with both and do care lol.
I think Joe was pivotal and important but unless they get back in touch he wasn’t really her Marianne lol and you can have many Mariannes and like idk emotions are complex and I sure as shit don’t believe in soulmates.
except maybe with my one cat lol like that weird ass fat bitch is 100% my soulmate and it’s her and me, that’s our whole world lol. We’ve seen people (and other cats and as we know dogs) come and go but her and I stay when it’s hard and it’s wrong and we’re making mistakes because I want her midnights but I’ll be cleaning up her weird lizards she caught and brought inside on New Year’s Day 😂
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Scary- twitter.com/TansuYegen/status/1680902345817837570?s=20 (Too bad not many will see this). But in the beginning- it seems harmless. Kids are more tech savvy too.
One time my dad was a victim of identity theft. A Nigerian Ring scam- he found out when NY cops contacted him. His name was listed in some engineering magazine and all the scammers had to do was have his mail forwarded to a NY address (I don't think ID was checked to verify). They'd cashed credit card promo checks (30-40K?).
TS had to buy web links & this wasn't long before the KW wax mv. time.com/3753687/taylor-swift-porn-adult-domain/ Also Ellen clip youtu.be/yPGrJCbaKB4 She can control only so much as a public figure.
There were a couple weird, inappropriate interviews bits by a photographer (neighbor's son-worked in Hollywood, mom babysat her). He took her childhood pics (personal & professional) from age 4 or 6 to 16- like debut album cover. Yikes- he has Andrew name- hope she didn't crush on him -he'd stay at their TN place to take pics- trusted.
Also the Red tour videos didn't come out because of the guy involved. Hard to vet everyones' background when they work with high-profile celebrities who may be people you know & trust.
Ugh- it makes me think of her 7 song and how she mentioned one time to a reporter that the last time she was really happy was at 6. Also I think of the Matilda song by HS. Kids need to be protected.
Years ago I babysat an autistic kid & his sister. He was playing a pretty innocent kids online game- one of the characters (maybe another player) was saying something weird (adult?) when I went to check on the boy. Troubling dilemma.
I worry about this all the time with my daughter. She’s 12 & has her little online friends. I was just very blunt with her. I told her do not tell anyone personal information cause they could be lying. About 10 years ago in my town a 13 year old boy got killed going to meet a girl he met online but it wasn’t a girl. It was a grown man & he killed him. I think it made national news. I told her you don’t want to happen to you what happened to that boy.
You never think about posting pics of your kids that that could happen.
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I’ve been thinking about body hair and my relationship to it bc idk, it’s just been bouncing around in my mind lately. I feel like for the longest time I had a terrible relationship to it just because of how, at least in my own experience, I was so expected to remove practically everything just to not be considered lazy or gross. This got stupidly long because I’m droning so I put under a read more.
I was really young when my mom got me my first razor (10 or so) and when I got a little older I got the notion in my mind that if I didn’t remove hair EVERYwhere (legs, arms, groin, stomach, etc), I was disgusting. Idk, I saw how girls around me seemed to do the same thing, how people looked in media and shit back then, and it just ingrained itself into my mind. And there were always things that seemed to validate what I was doing, like shaving my arms so I wouldn’t get teased for them anymore since as a kid they were pretty hairy (though I guess the hair has lightened as I got older, I think that’s not abnormal). Another example was having been with some friends and asking if they shaved ~down there~ because I was trying to figure out what was normal and they were like “duh, of course we do”. So it was like. Okay. Well. Guess I’ll just keep doing this even though it’s annoying and time consuming and feels pointless.
I was overly aware of how my body appeared to other people and how I wanted it to be as inoffensive as possible (also had a severe ED at that time which maybe partially played into that but ofc there were other things behind that since EDs aren’t normally just about body issues). I also placed a lot of value on how men saw me, because I listened to how so many of my guy friends talked about girls and didn’t want to be one of the ones that was marked gross or whatever. Idk why that was such a big deal to me, I feel like it has to do with being teased in general for being kind of weird and hyper and so not wanting to add anymore to it, plus boys that age could be so absolutely brutal about appearances. These same guy “friends” I had were pretty shitty in general though, esp bc it was the first time I realized the growing aspects of my bisexuality. They had already written a “fic” about me molesting my best girl friend, I didn’t need to give them more ammo in that sense (I was in hs in the early 2000s ok, back when “gay” and “dyke” were insults thrown at any kid who showed any signs. Kids today are so much luckier they’re encouraged to explore those things 😫 I often wonder what my life would be like now if that had been the case for me growing up). I think another part of all this is that my mom always put a ton of stock into her own appearance and if I didn’t, it made me feel guilty over it because I was a reflection on her and my dad and how they parented me (was made very clear of this, they wanted a child who was obedient and "normal").
It took soooo long for me to detach myself from these sort of ideas. I think it wasn’t until much later when I started thinking more critically about why I was doing those things that the idea of not doing them floated around more often in my mind. It helped too to meet more people who were GNC and just let their body hair do whatever, that it wasn’t the end of the world to have it, that it kind of helps dealing with gender-relevant things too. I do hate though that sometimes it feels like having body hair is read as some kind of political statement instead of just…a very minor personal decision on what makes you more comfortable. And I do still think it’s a major issue that it’s still such an expected thing, that it’s more normal than just keeping your body hair because that’s just how your body is. Sometimes I do question when I hear other people say “oh no it’s just my preference” though, because I used to say that too until I really worked through my body hair hang ups and honestly, I imagine a lot of others do feel conflicted about it butttt going against the grain, so to speak, is scary. It's okay to feel conflicted, but sometimes it really is a question of...is this actually my preference or am I just trying to meet certain standards because that's what I've grown used to now. Like if you live in a place where this is more uncommon, you shouldn’t have to endure stares and comments regarding your fucking leg hair or whatever. In the grand scheme of things, who the fuck cares? It’s hair, not a contagious illness. It isn’t dirty or gross to be hairy. (Plus being fuzzy can feel nice, and the hair is a barrier between your skin and outside irritants and things like that, so win-win).
In the end, I’m more comfortable with it now. I really like having it because it just makes me feel more like me. However, I’m still not fully at the point where I can leave it ALL the time. Like if I go visit my parents at the beach, I feel like I’d get too annoyed of comments to deal with having it be visible. I want to still work through that, but it does get hard when it comes to my family since I’m an only child and my entire life was spent trying to appease them until I finally got enough therapy to move past that lol. There are still lingering aspects of it though, like with this. But they got over (or at least pretended to get over) my tattoos and slightly stretched ears. Surely they can get over something that is just naturally there.
Anyway, this was long but ty for coming to my TED talk. In the end, this was my own experience and wasn't meant to make anyone feel guilty for liking or not liking body hair, it's just how I've come to my own position on it. Do what makes you happy, and if you feel inclined to explore it more wrt your own body, do that! It's your body, you deserve to feel comfortable in it because you live in there.
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transness & suicidality
obvious tw for. the above
hello. my name is max.
i’ve been going by max on the internet since like 2014 or 2015, when i’d join roleplay plots on creativefun, or maybe even before that, or parallel to that, i had some blatantly obvious self-insert OC with the same name. in every pokémon game i’ve ever owned, i’ve had an eevee named max. i don’t know why i was so attached to this name, but i don’t think i ever really foresaw it becoming Mine.
i started using tumblr “full time” in 2017. mostly for fandom stuff, especially harry potter. i’ve been max on here since the beginning of that— co-ran some hufflepuff blog under that name, and i thought it was the coolest thing.
i’ve always struggled in the mental health department. i wasn’t diagnosed with anything, but i’ve probably been contemplating suicide since the fifth grade. it didn’t start out serious, i don’t think, but throughout middle school it was a thought that never really left my head.
i’d known that i was queer since maybe the sixth grade? luckily i grew up in a general area where that wasn’t shamed or anything, so tbh it wasn’t super hard to come to terms with.
i don’t think i knew what being trans was until like 8th grade, but you wouldn’t believe that— i don’t wanna do the whole “i’ve been acting like a little boy since birth Ah Ah” thing bc i know that’s not a universal trans experience & i don’t want to make it out to be, but also.. i literally basically grew up as a little boy 😭 i was very outspoken about not liking anything “girly,” was friends with mostly guys, i’d always make my character a boy in any game i played, probably announced multiple times that i wished i was a boy or said that i “basically was.” i believe in tomboy/weird little girl rights and obv there is no “acting like a boy/girl” but. the point‘s that it was a thought in my mind.
wtv wtv quarantine hits, my friends become more homophobic/transphobic for some reason, i start looking more towards online queer communities. this makes me more active here, obviously, but also to a handful of discord servers. at this point i’m very well acquainted with transness, but still very sure in the fact that i’m just a very tomboyish lesbian— like i’d genuinely thought about it, a lot, and just didn’t ever “feel trans.” i wasn’t dysphoric, i liked my hair long, i had a lot of pride in being a lesbian, and i just. ‘didn’t mind’ being a girl.
time passes again and i start realizing that i’m not, in fact, cis. this pill was a little bit harder to swallow, but mostly because i didn’t know what i was. i played around with my identity for a while— i was pretty comfortably genderfluid for like a year or two— but i was still only out online. when i did eventually come out to my friend group at the time (shout out HS backstage crew), they were really accepting n stuff, but they’d almost exclusively refer to me with masculine terms. and like.. at first i was like ‘nooo they’re misunderstanding woe is me,’ but after a while, i got less & less comfortable being referred to with feminine terms, she/her pronouns, et cetera. some time in january, i started hanging out with a handful of people who i kinda knew but wasn’t all that close with, and i got to introduce myself as max. i danced around the topic of my gender for a while (“you can call me whatever i don’t really care”), but maybe two months ago, i resigned to the fact that i was just. a guy.
you’d think this would be about as easy as the rest of my little realizations, but. you’ve seen the news.
realizing that i now exist in a world that would blatantly rather i be dead than happy was not something that i was ready to grapple with.
i had made so much progress mentally since the beginning of this year— i *liked* who i was four months ago. i think i genuinely started loving myself.
now? i feel like i’m 12 again. i‘m so self conscious & i feel like everyone’s always looking at me funny and i can’t order food without embarrassing myself and i can’t. talk to anyone without feeling guilty that they have to know me. i’ve had this awful, heavy, guilty feeling in my chest for two months straight, and i don’t think i can get rid of it. i keep spiraling and hurting people and every time i think about talking to them about it i almost start throwing up because i feel so disgusting about myself. i shut myself out from a lot of people because of the shame. i couldn’t face them. i can’t convince myself that i belong here, or anywhere, or that i’m not actively making everything worse for everyone i know.
and you know. i almost did it.
to be honest, i don’t know why i didn’t. i still think about it all the time, if i’d actually gone through with it.
i think about the numbers all the time. i’m constantly turning them around in my head— 82, 40, 86, 56. it felt like what i was supposed to do.
though, clearly! i’m still here. i don’t have some big Ha Ha Fuck You to the world reason or whatever, in all honesty i just kinda felt more guilty when i thought about what’d happen if i did it. which stopped me, sure, but also led to me stewing in this miserable, suicidal limbo for like two weeks straight. i’ve been slowly getting better, but it doesn’t really get easier.
i wish i could make some grand statement about transphobia and society and the state of the world, but honestly? i’m just tired. i have nothing to say.
except maybe that my name is max, i’m transmasc, my pronouns are he/him, and i’m still here whether i or the world want me to be or not. because i gotta be.
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hello ^-^!! my name is salem or sae! it has been a while since i’ve been in a roleplay, but i’m very excited to be apart of this one! anyway, in this little intro post i’ll include a little ooc info section, a run down on haneul, as well as plot ideas! i hope that this post makes navigating haneul super duper easy!
full profile ♡ plots ♡ biography ♡ mobile navi.
ooc intro
♡ as i said, my name is salem
♡ i use they/them
♡ cst time zone
♡ i am twenty two
♡ i loooove plotting over twitter or discord, so if possible i always prefer those! my twitter is ( @/mlmjjk ) and my discord is ( salem#0048 )
♡ fun facts about me: i have three cats, so you will be hearing about this!! and haneul is one of my favorite characters, i actually made him in 2017! crazy. but this character is special to me and a whole lotta fun. so i hope that you all will enjoy him~
jun haneul
♡ jun haneul... what can i say about him? well, first of my little dashing guy is twenty-five. he was adopted, but has lived in ilsang since he was five. he went to college in town, etc etc. and about a year or two ago he became a dj at the local radio station, so you can hear him on the airwaves.
♡ when you first meet him, you’ll probably see the fun loving, jokester he usually tries to be. you may hear him be crass, flirtatious, or anything in between. you might even think he annoying, or just a funny pal!
♡ but despite the outward appearances of a very silly guy, haneul actually is pretty serious sweetheart!
♡ you won’t find anyone as sweet as him, or as good as a friend! he prides himself on being the bestie of dreams, lol. he is very considerate, and spends a Lot of time getting to know and remember even tiny details about those he loves!! bestie WILL find out your love language and give you exactly what you need!
♡ anyway tho, seriously, deep down he is a lot more than jokes and usually hides himself under the jokes so people like him more, and hide that good ol’ Anxiety and, well, honestly he has dealt with psychotic breaks and departures from reality
♡ speaking of, if you grew up in town haneul could be described as: that weird kid who was always trying uncover a made-up mystery. think ryan in buzzfeed unsolved and you have haneul. only, um, sometimes haneul is kinda right, like.. maybe he isn’t right about the ghost that lives in cabin 3, but he was one of the very first to grow obsessed with and start positing ideas about ilsangs mysteries
♡ sadly, though, very few choose to hear haneul out!! in fact, haneul has since learned that his more serious ““ delusions ““ should be kept secret. however, little does he know... they arent fully unreal!
♡ there are a few people he tells though, especially those in his little gang and his closest friends
♡ anyway... haneul is also a major charmer (manipulator kinda, on accident??? ok. manipulate, malewife, and manslaughter), and being bisexual he is kind of always trying to charm people. you Will be flirted with if you come within 10 miles of him... but is he serious??
♡ an actual introvert but you’d never know it bc he is a rambly people loving boy
♡ also, haneul is CF8A in preplot 8. he’s still looking for his childhood friend who loves him, as well as their two stowaways... so if u like haneul think about it ;)
♡ anyway.. does this man interest you? wanna know more?? you can buy him here for $19.99! or just message me :3
general plot ideas
♡ roomies
♡ party friends
♡ they think hes crazy
♡ they are crazy with him
♡ college friends
♡ someone who didnt like him/who he didnt like
♡ crushes, oh my god. haneul had so many, hes a loverboy
♡ exes, esp college era but also hs.
♡ friends when they were kids
♡ an alien who is crazy about teasing him
♡ want more ideas? check out my full plots page!
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Sweet tits, your stalking is not a one way street. I am also a bit obsessed with you. So, in order to make me love you even more, I am sending 20 questions back to you. 💜💚
1. Favorite candy/snack/treat?
2. Did you like school or are you happy it's over?
3. What did you want to become when you were young?
4. What's your favorite song?
5. What's your favorite book?
6. What's your favorite movie?
7. Spring or fall?
8. Your favorite show besides wrestling?
9. What are you proud of having achieved/conquered in life?
10. Who's your favorite band/singer?
11. Day or night?
12. What are your favorite cartoons?
13. Do you watch anime as well?
14. Least favorite holiday
15. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
16. What is your favorite outfit to wear?
17. Do you have a car of your dreams?
18. A place you want to visit someday
19. Do you have a celebrity crush (no wrestlers)?
20. Tea or coffee?
Sweet Tits get ready to be amazed by my answers, just kidding you should probably brace yourself to be bored for the next 4 minutes. 😂
1. A coke with a chocolate bar (snickers, Reese’s, Twix)
2. I had a love/hate relationship with school. I know it would be hard to believe but I was super awkward in HS. But in the Fall I’m going back to college to finish my degree. I’m super nervous because I’m going to be that old bitch in everyone’s classes.
3. A mom, Liberian, and a stripper…I was kind of a weird kid.
4. A tie between Lost Boys by Ruth B. And Leaves in the Water by Sea Wolf
5. The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot. This book started my love for romance novels.
6. I used to love Sixteen Candles but it’s super racist and rapey. So I’m going to go with a tie between Jurassic Park, The Mummy, and Jaws.
7. Fall. There are so many fun things to do, awesome holidays, plus the weather is almost perfect.
8. Bobs Burger is my comfort show. And I’m currently watching The Mayans, The Inbetweners, and Ted Lasso
9. I guess going back to therapy for all my issues 🤷🏻♀️😂
10. The Maine and HIM
11. Day. Definitely not a night owl
12. GRAVITY FALLS, The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse.
13. No. But I loved The Last Airbender so if there is something like that you could recommend let me know.
14. Since becoming a Mom I like all the holidays/try to put effort into it.
15. I hope I’m happy in a nice house with my husband and kid with a degree with a job that involves some type of writing.
16. In the summer I like to just wear a dress. In cooler weather black leggings, a comfy tee, with fuzzy socks and a flannel
17. Nope. I never been into cars. But I just got a 2020 Jeep Grand Cherokee that I like so I hope I don’t dent it and scratch it up too much. (I’m a terrible driver)
18. I love to go to London for a couple weeks and just explore. Maybe take the train to Paris. Plus a tropical beach.
19. The type of guy I go for is tough reformed bad guy that can still throw down if necessary, who is actually very sensitive but NOT clingy. I think that is the least attractive thing. That’s why I am of course in love with Jason Statham. I will watch whatever crappy movie he is in
20. Coffee sucks. Hot or Iced Black Tea with a lemon slice is heaven
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oh, cool! i didn't realize you were so young at the time. at 11 i wasn't interested in boys or music either just disney channel lol. how do you feel knowing there's a chance you could've talked to someone who knows them though? like, maybe you know people who are friends with them. that has to be so weird! i would be freaking out
I do know people who have talked to them/were friends with them lol Jake and I have a mutual friend on Facebook and I’ve had friends see them at parties back in the hs days. Sometimes that aspect gets a little weird to me but other than that it doesn’t really matter cause I’d never use my friends for info and I would feel really weird being that close to their personal lives since I’m such a big fan
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