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goodgirlofglory · 3 months

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In the balance - Chapter 9: the world in the balance

Chapter 8

/Masterpost/

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers x reader

Word count: 6,1k

Warnings: non-con (series), dub-con (series), descriptions of ptsd symptoms, panic attacks, descriptions and references to past psychological, sexual and physical abuse

Summary: your world is suddenly turned on it’s head when Steve leaves you in the care of his best friend to go hunt your attackers down. You just have to get through it until Steve returns, but that can prove difficult when Bucky starts to prod into you and Steve’s relationship...

Note: First of all, it’s been a year since i last updated this story and it’s been a bitch. I'm starting to see the ending approach though, which is great cuz im looking forward to write it🥰 For those of you who have been consistently commenting on how you were looking forward to the next chapter - THANK YOU! You guys kept me going<333 Hope you enjoy🦋

Your media consumption is your own responsibility, but I advise you not to interact if the contents of the warnings upset you!

Minors DO NOT INTERACT!🚫

Reblogs, likes, replies and asks are amazing💖

You stared out of the floor to ceiling window, vertigo sloshing in the back of your head as you peered down at the gridwork of roads and flashing lights, the cars and people looking like ants from all the way up here in the clouds. You wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, fighting the nausea down.

A broad hand suddenly clasped around the back of your neck and you jolted.

“Whoah there, it’s just me,” Steve said as he gave your neck an affectionate squeeze. He stepped up behind you and wrapped you in his arms, his big, warm hands sliding down to stroke lovingly over your swollen belly. It was getting heavier for each day that passed, and the kid was getting more restless along with it. You leaned your head back against his chest, closing your eyes as he swayed you from side to side.

- a flash of light in the dark, cold marble under your bare feet, a sickening crunch. So much blood -

Your eyes shot open and you heaved for breath, suddenly choking on air.

“Whoah there, it’s alright,” Steve said, turning you around and putting his hands on your shoulders while bending down to catch your eyes. “I know this is a big change, and we both would rather be back home, but it’s not safe there anymore. Remember I told you that, buttercup? Not like up here. The building is heavily secured and no helicopter could sneak in - the city has a million eyes. You’re safe here, sweetheart, there’s no need to worry that pretty, little head. I’m gonna keep you safe like I always have,” he said, repeating what he’d been telling you over the last 24 hours as you’d moved across the country.

A penthouse in the middle of Manhattan, New York City. 8,4 million people right below you, crawling underfoot while you swayed up in the clouds, 1300 feet up in the air. Your worst nightmare a couple of months ago. Now, you didn’t really know how to feel. You were so tired, and confused. Your memories of that horrible night were blurry blotches, and you fought between not wanting to remember all those atrocious images of blood splattering and bones breaking, and feeling so panicky over the black spots in your recollection it made your head all loopy.

“Besides, Bucky will be here with you, to keep you safe until I return to you,” Steve continued, a hand coming up to stroke your cheek softly.

That’s right, Steve was leaving. After everything that had happened, Steve was leaving, almost right this second. To catch the guys that were behind the attack on the mansion and see that they’re put away, all so I can get back to you and the baby before it’s born, he’d said when you’d hidden your face in his chest and sobbed uncontrollably at him breaking the news of his departure.

You supposed you understood. He wanted the bad men in jail by the time you went into labor, so he could be with you from then on without worrying for your safety. You got the logic of it, it was now or never. It still terrified you. You needed Steve, and just when everything was going so well between you, he was leaving you. All alone in this huge, fancy penthouse in a city with millions of people. Okay, you knew you were being irrational and naggy and ungrateful. Steve had gotten you the most secure, safe and luxurious residence he could after the mansion, perhaps even more secure, under the ever watchful gaze of the city, breaking in would be even more difficult. Besides, Steve had apparently been their primary target that night, not you. So if he was out there hunting them hunting him, the target was off your back, collateral or not. Plus, Steve was leaving Bucky here for you.

Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes. There is no one in this world I trust more than him. He's the only one besides myself I would entrust with your safety. An old friend, the polar opposite of Steve. Scruffy where Steve was cleanly groomed, broody where Steve was charming, quiet where Steve knew the perfect things to say. You'd barely even spoken a word to Bucky, and he always seemed to have this glare directed your way, scrutinizing your every move with cold eyes under a heavy brow. Neither of you had seemed particularly pleased with the arrangement, but Steve had assured you Bucky was the sweetest, most nobel man out there, and that he would do this for you and Steve - no questions asked. Didn’t change the trickle of ice that ran down your spine at the way Bucky assessed you, the coldness in his stare, and the way it put you on edge.

So Steve was leaving, and you were to be alone in this strange, new home with a man you didn’t know. And you were seven and a half months pregnant. With Steve’s super enhanced baby. If you weren’t so sure of the baby’s strength, you’d worry about an early labor from all the duress you’d been under these last few days…

Steve pulled you into his arms, careful not to squish your belly too hard, and kissed the top of your head while stroking a soothing hand up and down your back. You needed his touch so bad, had become so addicted to his constant physical connection, you were already dreading the withdrawals when he left. You already felt lonely.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he murmured into your hair, tilting your head back to tenderly kiss your lips. “You be a good girl for me, and treat Bucky like this is his home too,” he murmured against your lips, making you shiver. It had been days since he’d fucked you, you hadn’t had any time alone between moving residence and him planning whatever mission he was going on with his organisation. You were aching for him, body and soul, and weren’t ready for him to go. You weren’t ready…

But he left either way.

And then you were at a complete loss. What were you supposed to do in a penthouse all day without Steve? You couldn’t take walks like on the vast lawns of the mansion with the soft, perpetually green grass under your bare feet. The penthouse was huge, sure, and two stories, with several enormous bedrooms with private bathrooms and a sitting area on the second floor and big kitchen and way too big living room on the first, along with a personal spa, a private cinema, guest rooms, personal gym and more bathrooms. Nearly the whole apartment had floor to ceiling windows, making your slight vertigo a constant with how the looming, chaotic city below and endless sky above. And you, floating in the middle. Your only option was to go down all those levels and walk in the city. Could you even do that?

A knock on the door had you slowly emerging from your thoughts, sitting on the edge of your new bed in your new bedroom, the sheets unrumpled and made up exactly like a hotel. How long had it been since Steve left? Five minutes? Five hours? You turned around to see Bucky standing in the opening of the cracked open door, shoulders almost as broad as the doorway.

“I’ve prepared some food for you,” he said, leveling you a very evaluating stare you tried not to shrink under.

Food. You had no appetite, your stomach full of dark, messy feelings and a restless baby. But you always ate when Steve prepared your meals nowadays, so you should probably do it when Bucky did too. You gave a little nod, and the brunette didn’t wait around for you to walk together down to the first floor of the penthouse.

Down in the kitchen, the aroma of creamy sauce and garlic filled your nose, and you tried opting for a seat at the kitchen island before realizing you just couldn’t get up with your belly. Bucky was loading up plates by the stove, and turned in time to see you wobble on your feet as you tried hiking yourself on the high bar stool. Your cheeks were hot with mild embarrassment as you instead opted for the dining table right next to the kitchen, sighing in relief as you got the weight off your bloated feet. They were already starting to hurt like hell, and Steve hadn’t been gone even a day yet.

Bucky appeared a moment later and put a dish down next to you. Pasta with mushrooms of some kind, a cheesy cream sauce and small pieces of bacon. The aroma was mouth watering. Bucky took the seat across the table from you as you picked up the utensils and started eating. You could scarcely stop the moan escaping you as you took your first mouthful.

“This is delicious,” you said between the next bite and the one after, already shuffling the food into yourself in a rather unmannered way. It took you a while to realize Bucky had neither answered you, nor moved a muscle, his own steaming dish of pasta untouched before him. A ping of unease flared to life inside you.

You looked up to meet his gaze and nearly winced at how cold his eyes were, pinning you with a look that could only be described as scrutiny. Your muscles seized, a premonition blooming. That wasn’t the look you expected, and definitely one that you liked.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“W-what?” you answered after nearly choking on your food. You’d introduced yourself only a few days ago, had he forgotten? How did the room suddenly feel colder, Bucky’s cool, steel eyes raising goosebumps along your skin in a flair of nerves.

“Who do you work for?” he asked.

“I…I don’t have a job anymore, Steve, um… I quit,” you answered, confused, trying not to focus on how you’d gotten out of your last job at that local yarn and handicraft store in your hometown.

“There is no point in feigning innocence here, I’ll get your file any minute now,” he said, and that threw you for a loop before your unease doubled. Your breath was speeding up, getting choppy.

“You’re running background checks on m-me?” you asked. What the hell was he suspecting you of doing? You hadn’t meant to do anything wrong, couldn’t remember having done anything wrong.

Bucky didn’t answer your question, just sat there while his meal turned cold.

“If you have anything to confess, I suggest you do it now, before I get the intel,” he warned you instead.

Your heart was picking up speed, your stomach restless both from a sudden nausea and the kid squirming around. Steve had said Bucky was noble and trustworthy, but here he was being all threatening and cold, and you were locked into this apartment alone with him. The sudden feeling of danger made your head spin, and your mind wandered back to that night.

-sudden lights at the window, your body moving too slow under all its extra weight, your heart in your throat -

Bucky leaned forward in his chair somewhat.

“What are you planning on doing with the baby? What is your plan for Steve?”

Hot tears sprung from your eyes like a sudden faucet, and a violent sob burst from you.

-hot, sticky blood raining down on your face in patters, the mortified gurgling sound of a throat ripped apart -

Your chair toppled over as you jumped up, driven by a flash of adrenalin, and you groaned as your joints protested the sudden movement with pain.

“I…what…n-no, he was the one who..I tried to say no, I never wanted - I didn’t want -”

Your throat closed on another sob, your lungs burning and you just couldn’t draw enough breath into them, panic making you suddenly dizzy. Your thoughts were running too fast, a voice in your head yelling at you to not say anything bad about Steve, about how he got you to the mansion, about how he got you pregnant.

You swayed dangerously to one side, your feet numb and weak, and for a split second you registered Bucky’s expression turning from suspicious and hard to something more concerned, a crack in his confidence. He got to his feet and clasped a hand around your upper arm. On second thought you should’ve realized he was trying to keep you from falling flat on your face, but in the moment all you saw was the masked man who’d tried to pry you from the closet in the mansion and drag you away.

Your reflexes kicked in, and before you knew it, your hands met Bucky’s chest with all the strength you could muster. Bucky did not fly across the room like the masked man had flown down the stairs - Bucky merely stumbled a step back - but the pure shock on his face registered in your mind even through your panicked haze. The half-open mouth, wide eyes and pinprick pupils, the color that drained several shades from his otherwise tanned skin and rosy cheeks. You might as well have flung him to the moon.

Your mind cleared slightly from its dizziness as you realized the baby’s inherited strength had charged yours once again, but your breath was still too short, too fast, the oxygen rasping up and down your esophagus before it could even reach your lungs. You were going to die, your mind thought with a pathetic little whimper.

“Whoah, easy,” Bucky said, taking a step forward with his hands raised in surrender, worry alight on his features where suspicion had been only a minute ago. “Breathe, c’mon breathe,” he said, gently stepping up to where you stood frozen in place, doing all you could to keep conscious as your head started pounding from the pressure and lack of oxygen. You watched as he brought one hand up to cradle your elbow, and found yourself reaching out your own hand to cling to him, grabbing on to his arm with your nails first. It somehow helped, if only a fraction, the warm, real, corporal feeling of his flesh working as a lifeline to keep you rooted to the earth, to reality, to consciousness. Your feet moved on their own, staggering a step closer to grab his other arm with your hand.

Help me, please, help, you thought with desperation as your irregular breaths got fractionally deeper.

“That’s it, breathe for me,” Bucky said as he let you draw closer to him, your nails digging into his skin through the fabric of his shirt. He looked into your eyes, his own calmer now than before, gentler, staring into yours so hard it forced you to focus through your panic, noticing with increasing awareness the speckle of green in his irises, how the light caught the blue, how his pupils slowly expanded as your breaths got longer and more even.

“That’s right, good girl,” he murmured, when at last your breath evened out and you could pry your stiff fingers from where they were stabbing into his forearms.

God, you needed a hug. Your feet felt like jello, there was a stab of pain in the back of your neck. You were going to have such a gnarly headache. And you needed a hug, your nerves hanging on by a frail, frayed thread. You needed Steve, but he wasn’t here, so you needed a hug, and the burly figure in front of you seemed like he gave great, big, warm ones.

Leaning forward, you slumped against Bucky, your face smushing into his chest, not caring that he was a practical stranger and that he’d just accused you of being some secret, evil succubus spy. Bucky stiffened noticeably as you practically fell into him, but then his arms came up to wrap around you, steadying you with an air of politeness.

You’re sure the moment was exceedingly awkward, but you were suddenly so overwhelmed and tired and filled with grief you couldn’t even feel it. Bucky was warm, like a furnace, so incredibly warm.

You were halfway into exhausted slumber by the time Bucky gently pried you away from his chest, and you barely kept the disappointed mewl from slipping past your lips. You looked up into his eyes, and saw tension there, intense and concentrated, along with unmistakable curiosity, still a little tainted by suspicion. But he asked you no further questions, simply said “let’s get you upstairs so you can rest” and then tugged you gently along back to your room and into bed. You were slipping into unconsciousness when you felt the bed dip, the silk sheet being draped over you and a gentle squeeze to your shoulder.

You awoke to the gentle rap of knuckles on your door and the smell of chamomile tea. You were still in the same clothes, sheet draped over you, and you blinked bleary, exhausted eyes open to see Bucky standing in the doorway with a tray in his hands.

You sat up and smiled a little as he made his way over to the bed, though you weren’t quite brave enough to meet his eyes. He put the tray down beside you on the bed and lingered.The tray had a mug of tea and a salad that looked delicious, with a wide variety of greens and cheese, nuts and seeds and a dressing of some kind. It looked like the perfect textbook snack Steve would’ve prepared for you. He’d probably given Bucky list upon list of things to give you and make sure you did while he was away. Steve and his imperious ways. You couldn’t help smile at that, your heart aching for him, feeling that Steve wasn’t too far away for a tiny moment.

“How’re you feeling?” Bucky asked.

“Better,” you said, truly feeling better in that moment, and patted the bed for him to sit and join you. You needed to get along with Bucky if he was Steve’s best friend.

You dug into the food, feeling famished. You felt Bucky watching you, and forced yourself to not lock up. You could feel the questions hanging in the air between you, but if you just pretended everything was fine, maybe he’d forget about asking them. You didn’t know how much Steve would allow you to tell about…well, anything.

“Can I ask you something?” he said after a minute of silence as you ate and sipped from your tea.

Oh crap, here we go

You dared to look up at him, meeting his baby blue eyes for a second before giving him a tiny nod and continuing to eat.

“You said something before…downstairs, when I asked what your plan for the baby and Steve was,” he started. He was speaking softly, no accusation in his tone whatsoever, but your heartbeat still sped up in your chest.

Scrambling, you tried to remember what you’d said. That whole ordeal was a blur, you couldn’t remember much outside feeling you were going to die from lack of oxygen.

Trying to keep your breathing in check, you raised a shoulder, trying for relaxed and feeling much too stiff, hoping against hope that Bucky would just let it go.

“You said that Steve was the one who…something, and that you had tried to say no. That you didn’t want…something,” Bucky said, sitting unmoving on the edge of the bed. You didn’t dare meet his eyes, afraid he’d see something in them you didn’t mean to show. Afraid you would betray Steve in some way, a sickening pulse of guilt wracking through you. “What did you mean by that?” Bucky asked after several long, silent seconds.

You tried opening your mouth to speak only to choke on your own spit, swallowing painful before opening your mouth again.

“I didn’t mean anything. I don’t know what you’re talking about, I didn’t say - I didn’t mean anything with it,” you stammered out, and bloody hell, you didn’t even believe yourself in that moment, all sweaty hands, flaky eyes and trembling voice.

Please don’t ask me anything more about it, you’ll ruin everything

You knew without looking that Bucky didn’t believe you, he was way too quiet for that, unmoving, assessing you, scrutinizing your crumbling appearance.

Why can’t you just let it go?, you thought desperately.

The food you’d just consumed churned in your stomach.

“Are you sure?” you heard him say, and you stared down at your hands in your lap, giving him a tiny, unconvincing nod.

Just leave it, please.

Bucky got up from the bed, the mattress aligning itself without his weight, and stood by it for a moment. You kept your gaze lowered, forcefully holding your anxiety down in order to keep what suspicions you could at bay.

“I’m going out to the city for an errand. Would you like to join me?” he asked.

You couldn’t help how your face shot up in surprise, how your eyes widened as you processed his words.

“What?”

Bucky looked you dead in the eyes, still scrutinizing, but he shifted on his feet as though a bit uncertain of himself.

“Well, Steve told me you liked to walk around the garden of his estate, and he insisted I try and keep your daily routine as unchanged as possible. If you were used to walking a lot, this apartment isn’t really big enough for that, so I thought you could join me in the city to get your steps in. We could take a turn around central park if you’d like,” Bucky said.

Walking. In the city.

You shook your head a little. No, you couldn’t do that. Were you even allowed? You doubted Steve meant for Bucky to take you into the city when he said to keep your routine unchanged. Still, an aching flare of need burst to life in your chest. Going outside. You wanted to go outside, to feel the breeze on your face, smell the rose garden, to listen to the birds. You knew you wouldn’t find much of that in New York city though.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, the need to get outside the glass cage that was the apartment warring with your uncertainty of being with all those people in the streets below. Things had not gone well the last time you’d done that. All that time ago, before things had become so good between you and Steve. Before he’d made you see you weren’t cut out for being independent. That you would be so much happier with him. Under his protection.

“Oh come on, it won’t take long, we’ll go as slow as you need,” Bucky said, and though his tone was lighter now, his eyes didn’t relent in their careful assessment of you.

Would he become more suspicious if you refused? You feared it. What normal woman would suddenly refuse to go for a walk if that was what she was used to? Maybe Steve wouldn’t mind. Or maybe you just desperately wanted to be somewhere else but inside the apartment all the way up in the sky like this, perched and dizzy.

“Okay,” you finally conceded.

You tried for a smile as Bucky bid you to meet him by the private elevator on the first floor in fifteen minutes.

The tiny hope that Steve wanted you to take walks down on the NYC streets soon died as you went through your closet and realized there was no coat nor any real shoes in the wardrobe Steve had curated for you. Uncharacteristically driven to succeed at your prerogative though, you put on a double pair of socks and the flat strappy sandals from way in the back of the closet, dorned your thickest cardigan and made your wobbly way downstairs.

Bucky was waiting by the elevator, checking something on his phone. A phone. How long had it been since you’d seen a mobile phone? He put it away as you approached, smiling as he lifted his gaze to you. His smile quickly turned to a frown as he looked over your outfit.

“It’s way too cold out for that, I’ll get your coat, and you should probably put on some boots,” he said, moving to go past you. Your hand shot out and landed on his chest, halting him.

“N-no, I, uh, I haven’t got any,” you blurted. His warmth burned through the layers of his sweater, distracting as your palm absorbed the heat.

His eyes narrowed on you.

“You haven’t got a coat or shoes?” he asked, and you just knew you’d revealed the wrong thing. This looked so bad.

“No, I do,” you lied,” Steve must’ve just forgotten to pack them when we moved, it all just happened so quickly, you know,” you said, smiling a little up at him, hoping he would back off at the reference to that night. “Anyway, I prefer these sandals. Bloated feet and whatnot.”

Bucky leveled you with his narrowed stare for a few seconds longer, probably weighing your words with whatever he could read on your face.

“All right, but I’m getting you one of my jackets. It’s a chilly day and I don’t want to risk your health,” he said sternly and made a beeline for his own room.

You breathed a sigh of relief, belatedly realizing he could’ve cancelled the whole outing outright because of this. You were suddenly quite…happy he didn’t. You were excited to go out, you realized, eager almost. And nervous, so nervous the baby was getting increasingly restless within you, moving about in your belly as you waited for Bucky to return, staring at the elevator doors in front of you.

You almost didn’t hear Bucky return with the way your blood pumped in your ears, not until a leather jacket was gently draped over your shoulders, the smell of a spicy cologne and well worn leather wafting into your nose. Not unpleasant, you realized as you insinuated your arms into it and brought it around yourself.

“Sorry, this is the only thing I have that I think’ll fit around your…um, well everything,” Bucky said, hesitating as he gestured vaguely at your belly and you noticed the faintest of pink dusting his cheeks.

How thoughtful…

“Thanks,” you said, closing the zipper at the front of the jacket tightly over your belly. It was snug, but it did indeed fit. Your outfit couldn’t have been more uncoordinated if you tried, with your woolen socks and strappy sandals, an ankle length satin dress and big, black leather jacket. But you didn’t care. You were going outside.

Adrenaline started pumping in your system the second the elevator pinged and the doors opened, and you again fought to keep up appearances and you stiffly moved into the little steel chamber to be taken down to ground level.

It’s perfectly normal to go outside, it’s perfectly normal to leave the house, there’s nothing to be afraid of, you kept repeating to yourself silently, avoiding looking in the direction of your chaperone.

You did well, you thought as you stared at the display above the door counting down the floor numbers until it only displayed a capitol “L” for lobby. Ground floor. Here we go.

Only, when the elevator doors opened, and there were several people waiting to ride it up, just standing outside, minding their business, not even looking at you…you couldn’t move.

Something was wrong, this was all wrong, you shouldn’t be doing this, you knew you shouldn’t.

In your peripheral vision, you noticed Bucky watching you, waiting for you to move ahead of him, observing even more of those things you were certain Steve wouldn’t want you to show him. The baby kicked your ribs.

“Come on, little lady,” Bucky murmured, and a warm, gentle hand on your back carefully nudged you forward. Under the guise of being heavily pregnant (which you were), you slowly moved forward, out of the elevator, not brave enough to meet the eyes of the people waiting, but murmuring thanks to them as they moved out of the way for you and Bucky.

Your breathing was choppy, and Bucky moved you to the side as soon as you were out of the way of the elevators. There was so much noise in the lobby, people milling about, music from somewhere, some children somewhere screaming with laughter, and through the opening doors all the way on the other side of the vast voajer, the deafening roar of city traffic filtered in.

Steve’s voice was suddenly loud in your head. You can’t make it out there, you’re too weak, too frail, they’ll swallow you whole, the voice whispered with finality, growing in volume, warping into a static roar. The laughter of the children turned to screams, the crowds noise became a deafening tsunami of sound, the blaring horns from cars hurting your ears as you squeezed your eyes shut and -

“Hey,” Bucky’s voice cut through the noise like a knife, bringing you back to your body with a pair of strong, warm hands on your shoulders, like anchors on your mind. “You’re okay,” he said, bowing his head to capture your gaze with his own.

You stared into his eyes, realizing you were about to spiral into your second panic attack that day, and that he’d calmed you down for the second time as well.

“What’s going on?” he asked, voice low and comforting, not drawing any attention to the two of you from the other people in the lobby.

“I’m, -” you rasped, realizing you were on the verge of hyperventilating, “I’m too weak,” you whimpered.

“Too weak for what? You look pale, is it the baby? Do you need to sit down?” Bucky asked, looking you over while keeping you from wobbling.

No, it wasn’t the baby, it was never the baby. It was you, you were too weak.

“No, the baby is fine, the baby is strong. It’s me, I’m too weak to make it out there on my own,” you nearly whined, eyeing the doors to the outside warily.

“What do you mean? You’re not alone. I’m here with you. And besides, you are strong, I felt it earlier,” Bucky said. You could tell he was sort of confused as to why he needed to give you a pep talk just to leave the lobby, but here he was. He put a hand on your belly, and the warmth of his palm could be felt through the layers of clothing, even through the leather of his jacket. The touch grounded you even more, sharpening your focus. You looked into his deep, earnest blue eyes. “You’re protecting the little one, right? You are his or her momma bear, and he or she gives you the strength and courage to do it, right?”

You stilled at those words, felt them absorb into you, felt them settle neatly somewhere deep inside you.

That’s…right. That’s it. Your baby gave you strength, unnatural amounts of strength, and you needed to protect your baby. Only you could protect your baby, you could feel it, deep down in the marrow of your bones, a deep-rooted unwavering certainty that could only be some instinctual thing inherited from all the mothers that came before you. How had you not noticed that before? How did Bucky manage to find the words that somehow unlocked that knowledge? Or maybe it’d been there the whole time…

Like a fog, the panic and anxiety lifted slightly from your hazy mind, and you laughed. Suddenly, a bit shakily, and incredibly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” you said, wiping at a few tears that escaped your eyes. You hadn’t even realized you were on the verge of tears.

Bucky smiled warmly.

“No need. I can’t imagine what all those hormones are putting you through, but if looks rough, I gotta tell you that. Now, how about we get on with the mission, if you’re still up for it?” he said, taking his hand off your belly and squeezing your shoulders reassuringly once before retreating them both from your form.

You nodded.

Your baby gives you strength, you protect your baby, you repeated in your head again and again as you followed Bucky to the doors. Though not a miracle cure, you found yourself steadily moving out the doors, into the streets, down the sidewalk, across to the next street and then on.

It was like watching yourself from outside your body. Here you were, just six weeks shy of your due date, walking the streets of New York city like a normal person. You kept expecting the world to explode, but it didn’t. You kept expecting the people meeting you on the street to brandish clubs or knives or needles to hurt you with, but they all pretty much ignored you.

Suddenly, Bucky had finished his errand and you found yourself waddling around Central Park with Bucky, breathing in the fresh air, listening intently for the bird song. You kept on the lookout for rose bushes to smell, but found the worm leather of your jacket made a surprisingly nice replacement. A child gave you a grin that lacked a front tooth and excitedly pointed at your belly before her mother pulled her away, scolding her for being rude. You couldn’t help waving at her and smiling as she was dragged away, looking back to find Bucky watching you, his eyes gentle, but guarded. He’d kept a close eye on you ever since leaving the apartment building, but strangely, you found yourself pushing the worries for what he might be thinking far away.

You hadn’t felt this calm in days. The breeze was gentle and cooling on the exposed skin of your face, your leg muscles thrummed pleasantly from how long you’d walked and the open sky above you made you feel like you could finally breathe properly again. You suspected Bucky might be part of why you felt so safe to just enjoy these sensations right now, but his words from earlier hadn’t stopped shining like a lighthouse in the back of your mind.

The baby gave you strength, and you would use that strength to protect your baby…and yourself. You had come to realize you’d already done that in the past. When that man had grabbed you from the closet in the mansion, you hadn’t freezed and cowered and yielded to whatever violence he’d dish out. You had defended yourself. You’d used the strength the baby gave you and protected you both. How had you not seen that as a reason for confidence before now?

Who knew how long those words could keep your anxiety at bay. For now, you made the most of this uncommon calm and said virtually nothing to Bucky for the rest of the walk before he took you back to the apartment complex.

The minute the elevator doors closed and locked behind you, and you reluctantly gave Bucky his leather jacket back, the threatening gloom of fear began to sink over you. You raised your chin, repeated your new found mantra to yourself and reflected on a new found experience you hadn’t believed possible. You had just been out almost all day in New York city, one of the busiest and most dangerous cities on the planet, and nothing had gone wrong. Fretful hope bloomed inside you. Maybe, just maybe things could work out for you. Maybe you didn’t have to be so scared shitless all the time. Hadn’t you lived and managed on your own before? In another life, all that time ago? Hadn’t that been you on your own for years before Steve entered your life?

You wobbled over to the couch, sighing deeply as you finally got your weight off your feet. Amazing as it was to feel the ache in your legs from muscles well spent walking, you could already feel all the aches in your body that Steve usually kept at bay with his massages, start to grow - beginning in your feet and lower back.

Steve…

Just the thought of him had you aching in an entirely different way. God, you missed his hands on your skin, how he fired up this all-consuming need in you, made you desperate for him. You were wound embarrassingly tight already, backed up in a way that was hard to ignore.

Before you could fall further into that line of thought, Bucky entered the living room. One look at him had your pleasant mood shifting.

“We need to talk,” he said.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #in the balance #steve rogers fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers x y/n #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers fanfic #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve rogers smut #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fic #bucky x reader

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powderblueblood · 4 months

Note

How about Lacy finding Eddie's writing? 🤭

need you to imagine me listening to a fifth of beethoven from the saturday night fever soundtrack whilst writing this because i became insane and filled it with Clues.............

it's like trying to understand the fucking zodiac killer.

it's all codes and ciphers and scrawls and-- well, she thought she might have been reading that one upside down but it's actually indecipherable any way you twist it.

and it's not like any of it is even written on paper either. torn open cigarette packs, napkins, burger wrappers from the diner. one time a leaf.

because eddie's not like lacy in the way she keeps a journal but eddie's like lacy in that if he's roundhoused with a thought that he needs to remember, he's got to write it down now immediately pronto on any available surface.

which is pretty pointless, since he keeps losing all this garbage and she has to pick it up after him.

she bears over the spread of scraps like an fbi agent, palms braced to the table. there's a thread here, but she can't quite untangle it. she's staring at a pile of shit that says shit like

crabs incident-- bruised like a peach worth biting-- violet like violence??

red tights. tingly. carnelian little carnivore.

track two. treasure.

persephone's hall pass.

seventh grade & as many minutes in limbo. shoulda ripped off band aid.

mage in a mink coat.

well, that last one--

"you dumpster diving now? hard times."

fuck! fuck. told you, rat blood. appearing out of nowhere with no noise no notice to then become the loudest thing in the room. he's like thunderclap, this fucko, like a spontaneous combustion.

he also doesn't even recognize his own handwriting, seems like. she blushes, furious. doesn't know why.

"community service. they have me picking up the trailer trash's trailer trash."

"snitty!" he shoves the bag of chips he's holding at her--an offering, he can't do anything normal around her--and reaches for one of the scraps. lacy watches him like a scientist watching a guinea pig for brain activity-- and his eyes go all wide and panicky. "wait."

"eddie-- hey!" but he's scrambling now, going for all the little pieces of writing she'd been trying to arrange on the table like a pointless puzzle. "don't--"

"where'd you get all this shit, huh?! going through my pockets now, is that it? like a cop?"

"i-- hey, don't you fucking dare-- look, you shed!"

"i shed?"

"you shed. you've got shit falling out of that stupid, enormous nerd binder every goddamn day because you just shove shit in there and don't organize anything, and i wasn't gonna stand around and let you just litter everywhere and--" now it's her turn to be like. wait. crosses her arms, eyes narrow, she's mother superior serving nailed ya bitch. "--why are you all skittish?"

"huh?"

"it's just-- trash, right?" she snatches a burger wrapper out of his grasp. oh this is delish.

"yeah," he grabs, but she's holding it behind her back and god her face is like stupid smirky, "but it's my trash. my--giveit--private... trash."

eddie munson is blushing.

"who's the mage?"

"the fucking.... the what?"

little crinkle as she unfolds a piece torn off a brown paper bag. "mage in a mink coat. who's that?"

"nobody."

"i have a mink coat."

"oh. does that really say mage? 'coz it should say mange." he's such an asshole. she's grinning so wide.

everyone says revenge is a dish best served cold but she bets she could use eddie munson's cheeks as a hotplate and eat right off 'em. it'd taste so much better. lobster bisque. filet mignon. michelin star.

"have you been writing about me, munson?"

his face is all stone-set, mouth all i can't fucking believe this and eyes all i'd cut the brake lines in her van if she wasn't the one scamming rides off me all the time. "li'l miss my life is incomplete without eddie munson wants to talk?"

"called you a neanderthal in the next sentence. don't forget that."

"you're such a beastie."

"carnelian little carnivore, you wrote."

"what makes you so sure it's all about you, huh?"

"context clues."

he glances down. she is, in fact, wearing the aforementioned tingly-feeling-inspiring red tights again today. shit.

"what happened in seventh grade?" she's pointing to the scrap in his hand, one he's managed to keep out of her snatchy little fingers.

she doesn't remember anything significant about seventh grade. but he does, and a knot tightens in his chest and he's about to lie and say something crass about my fist, a stopwatch and a view of you from underneath the bleachers at cheerleading practice-- then final bell rings.

"that is for me to know--"

"--and for me to die ignorant?" she's an active listener.

"precisely, you wench. now get the fuck outta here, i got hellfire."

lacy leaves the scraps.

"i will find out, y'know."

he knows. "you're like a bitch with a bone that way."

"the bitchiest."

#powder room talk #Anonymous #eddie munson x reader #hai brainrot #e. munson by powder #blurbs #honestly i thnik this helped me get out of my tiny writer's block for next chapter so THANK YOU i WILL be referencing back to this #lacy_as_charlie_day_as_charlie_kelly_pepe_silvia.gif #love u so much nonny #also-- i have to add that these dont reference eddie's 'dear whoevers' in the chapters bc i feel like that's his internal monologue #more than Writing Anything Down. my nonsensical shorthand king <33333333 #l. doevski by powder

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remerclunk22 · 11 months

Text

Why didn't i kiss you sooner? | Doug remer

Genre: smut. fem!reader.

Warnings: cussing, praise kink, size kink, tall Doug, even if your tall, hes a mountain dw angels, a lil bit of degrading, smoking weed, beer/ drinking, awkward hand and thigh appreciation, unprotected sex. smut? Idfk

-------

It was never quiet around Remer, he knew how to keep the conversation rolling, especially with the help of a few beers and a joint or two. To his left sat coop, and you sat comfortably to his right, his arm resting on the back of the couch, so close to your shoulder that your hair stood up on the back of your neck. A lit, joint sat in his other hand, smoke freely travelling around the three of you as he handed it to coop and turned to you, his curls landing on his face in a way that made your wind wander. His eyes were slightly red and half-lidded as they stared into yours, he must've said something but you didn't catch a word of it.

"y/n?" he asked, nudging your shoulder with the hand over the couch, letting it rest around you, it felt like his large arm engulfed you, sending a short shiver through you as you responded with a "hm?"

"Tell coop that his psyche out was great, he's all panicky" he consoled and patted your shoulder, thumb brushing over your skin. Moving your vision to Joe, you smiled "It was great coop, pass" You held out your hand and they both laughed a little as coop handed you the joint. "See dude! It was great, stop your bitching" Doug scoffed, his eyes lingering a moment longer than a friend would as you inhaled the smoke. Joe huffed and nodded, checking his watch before springing up.

"I told Jenna i'd meet her for dinner, I'll see you later" He nodded at you both and rushed out. "why is he always late" You asked, puffing out smoke and remer chuckled, shrugging. "Cuz were slackers" he joked and squeezed you closer to him, smiling as you laughed a little. You held out the smoke for him and he shook his head, leaning back against the cushions as you put it out. Sighing, you stood up, removing yourself from his grip and stretching a little.

"Where ya going?" He asked, lifting his head back, almost panicked, but fuck he looked good, splayed out, man spreading, one hand on his thigh and the other where you used to be. "We shouldn't sit around all day, playing Nintendo, we'll end up total losers" You teased and he scoffed.

"We already are losers, babe" He stood up. Babe. He walked over to you, ruffling your hair and looking down at you, a small smirk and his face as his eyes traveled over your expression. He towered over you, you had to look up to make eye contact with him, always feeling like you were giving him fuck me eyes, but he didn't seem to mind. He broke the eye contact as he walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge "Beer?" He asked.

"If your offering" You smiled and followed, hopping onto the kitchen counter, stealing one of the chips that had been originally put out for some football game you didn't even want to care about. He turned around with two beers, popping both their caps off on the side of the counter before handing one to you, his hand brushing against your own.

"Gonna need you to get some more of that weed, that shit was good" He stated, referring to the new strain your dealer had gave you. You nodded, taking a sip of your beer, it was amazing, the buzz still running through your head and your legs. "I know, lemon sorbet, its grown with pollen or something" you laughed a bit and he smiled, standing infront of you as he drank some of his beer. His free hand rested on your knee, it wasn't rare for him to get so close but it was like your feeling were stronger than ever. His hand making your blood rush as you noticed it covered your knee and spread over your thigh, the veins spreading up his arms more prominent because of the beer.

"You obsessed with my hand or something?" He snickered, taking another swig from the bottle as his eyes gazed over you. You looked up to meet his eyes and felt the heat rise to our cheeks as you shrugged and smiled. "No, you've just got..good looking hands?"

"Good looking hands?"

"yeah, women love hands, especially ones like that" You nodded towards his and he furrowed his brows. "Like what?" "like..defined, i dunno?" He then gripped your thigh a little his hand looking more, defined, as you described and you swear you almost pounced on him at the feeling. He must've noticed as he breathed out a small laugh, putting his beer down, his hand snaking up your leg, thumb rubbing over your thigh gently as he looked at you, maybe it was the beer, or the weed, but he looked so fuckable right now. He seemed lost in thought as he stared down at your thighs, squeezing gently at the plush of them. "Men like thighs"

"Alot more pervy than hands"

"Oh yeah, i'd argue the opposite, god knows how often your staring at my hands" He wasn't wrong. "Shut it, remer"

"Nono it's okay, i stare at you alot, thought you had noticed, always wanna grab you, so fucking pretty" He mumbled, still looking down, hand gripping at your thigh, thumb brushing small circles into your thigh. It was out of character, well from what you knew, he had never acted this way to you before but fuck was it hot. His eyes traveled back up to meet yours, he still looked high, but so were you.

"Your so tiny, i feel like i could just pick you up, throw you over my shoulder and-" He cut himself off, picking up his beer and taking a sip, still looking into your eyes with his deep orbs. And? it drove you mad, and really you weren't that little. You stayed silent, speechless even as his hand traveled up to your waist, squeezing and pulling you closer to him with ease, resting on the edge of the counter, as he pushed himself between your thighs, his body flush against yours.

A choked breath escaped you as you looked up at him, inches away. He, once again, put the bottle down, his hand reaching to cup your cheek. "Can i kiss you?" He abruptly asked, and you nodded, because who wouldn't, he had you wrapped around his finger and you prayed to god this wasn't some sick joke.

He leaned down until his lips pressed against your own, his hand snaking to the back of your head as yours reached up to wrap around his neck. He hummed in pleasure as you deepened the kiss, hands falling into his hair, tugging at some of his shorter curls. He groaned a little and the sound sent a rush over you, he pulled you closer, if it was possible and rolled his hips against yours before pulling away fo a breath.

You smiled shyly and looked at him as he chuckled lightly. "Fuck, i've wanted to do that for so long" He huffed and moved both hands to sit on your wait, caressing the skin slightly as you nodded in agreement. "So have I"

"So were both total pussies then" He joked and you scoffed, nudging him. He just smirked and nipped the skin of your waist a little before he looked around. The second he was facing you again, you were kissing him, desperate for more, rolling your hips against his. Both of you letting out, quiet, muffled noises into the open-mouthed kiss as he pushed you back, leaning you over the kitchen counter, his large hands splaying over your ribcage as you bit his bottom lip lightly.

He pulled back and pressed a few short kisses onto your neck, making sure to nip at the skin, a few whines falling out of you aas your legs squeezed his hips, pressing his hips against yours.

"Fuck" He mumbled, his hands smoothing down your body, he looked at you as his fingers curled around your waistband, as if asking for permission. Instantly, you nodded and he tugged them down, kissing at your chest, his hands brushing over your thighs, thumb lightly pressing your heat over the thin material of your underwear. He gasped lightly at how close he was to you, as you whimpered at the feeling of him circling your clit. "Remer..please"

"What baby? You want me to touch you?" He teased, his other hand, rubbing your thigh in a comforting way. Desperately, you nodded and his excitement grew, pushing your underwear out of the way, finger teasing your cunt, head tipping back as you felt his finger push inside of you, curling at just the right spot. "Shit, remer" You breathed out, gripping at his arm as he began to rhythmically curl his finger, fingering in and out of you, deeper than you could've ever got with your own.

"Fuck, you like my finger so much, wonder how you'll act with my cock in you baby" He smirked and you moaned out, nails digging into the skin of his shoulder. His hand soothed your thigh while the other fucked into you with such power you had never felt that you felt your orgasm already building. "good girl, thats it..cum on my finger" He spoke, his voice patronizing and deep. Within seconds, you were coming down from a high, hips moving a little against his hand as you came, moaning his name. "So fucking hot." He murmured.

As you took a moment, you heard him undoing his belt and sat up, looking up at him, this time, purposely using your best fuck me eyes, he groaned as he looked at you. "You look amazing baby, so good all fucked out" And with that you were hopping off the counter and climbing onto your knees, reaching up to help him tug his jeans down.

You loved the way he was treating you, talking to you like you were a specialty. It was clear how much he was enjoying this, by the bulge in his boxers. he shuddered as your hands brushed over it to pull his boxers down. His cock looked desperate, leaking precum. Slowly, you stroked it, looking up at him for approval as he gasped a little, looking back at you. You haphazardly, licked the tip before taking him into your mouth, noting what got a reaction out of him and what didn't.

His hand went to the back of your head as you took him, deepthroating him for a brief moment before sticking to moving back and forth on his cock, making sure to swirl your tongue over his tip, hollowing out your cheeks. Groaning, he pulled at your hair and bucked his hips a little. You held eye contact despite the tears welling up in your eyes at the feeling of him hitting the back of your throat, He seemed nervous to move until you nodded and he began to fuck your face gently, allowing him, you rested your hands on his thighs, occasionally scratching nails over the sensitive skin.

"Fuck, thats it, so good" He moaned, his eyes fluttering shut as he rutted against your face. "Your amazing baby"

Suddenly, he stopped and pulled you back by your hair, taking the chance, you breathed out. "Holy shit, I'll cum if i don't stop, wanna feel your cunt babe" His voice was much raspier than before. You nodded and carefully stood up, smiling at him as he pressed a short kiss to your lips. You bent over the kitchen counter and he breathily moaned at the sight "So good for me" He mumbled, moving behind you. You felt his presence behind you, his hand resting on your hip as the other guided himself into you, teasing at your hole again, making you whine out. "Doug..please"

"Fuck..only cuz you asked so nicely baby" He joked and slowly pushed himself into you, he stretched you out a little and you found yourself gripping at the edge off the counter. Moaning at the feeling of him fully inside you, you could hear the low noises from him and they only turned you on more. He began to pull out before almost slamming back into you again, your body moving against the counter, him being stronger than he looks. He began to fuck into you, his cock repeatedly hitting your g spot, sending signals throughout your body, you could smell his cologne and feel his hands gripping at your skin as you hit the counter, knowing you'd have some proud bruises later. "Feels s'good remer" you whined out.

"Your squeezing me so well princess, so fucking tight" His thrusts grew more sporadic and his hands squeezed tighter at the plush of your waist as you felt a tightness in your core.

"doug, im s'close"

"Me too, baby, me too" He panted, if you could see him, you'd see his hair falling over his face like earlier, an insanely dirty sight. He let out a few higher moans as he came inside of you, coating your insides in his cum. His hand reached forward to rub at your clit, head leaning on your back as you released all over his cock. Both of your bodies were worn out, you limp on the counter and him on you.

"Why didn't i just kiss you sooner?" He asked, breath heavy and you laughed a little.

"I'm asking the same thing"

----

I apologize for typos my keyboards acting so funky rn, but either way, i finally made a new acc to write this. Hope it isn't to short my loves.

#doug remer #matt stone #doug remer x reader #doug remer smut #matt stone smut #baseketball #baseketball smut #matt stone x reader

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borathae · 2 years

Text

“Jungkook is angry at Taehyung and it just so happens that the latter is currently chained up and at the mercy of his hands. Seeking his revenge should be an easy thing to do, if only Taehyung wouldn’t look so fucking good taking his punishment, maybe then he’d have an easier time staying focused.”

Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x Vampire!Taehyung

Genre: Smut

Warnings: bondage with chains, forced blooddrinking, choking, rough handjobs, sloppy oral, hate sex, angry kissing, licking haha listen, Kook tries to have the upperhand but does he really?

Wordcount: 3.3k

a/n: i have no excuse, my only excuse is that I am a hoe for Taekook and i wanted to write the scene in Sanguis Alpha. lisTEN CAN I? live in peace? thank you ajdfjasj

The door falls closed. His chains rattle. A torch gets lit. Light. It hurts his eyes for a second.

Taehyung blinks, raising his head.

"You", he croaks out, voice hoarse from not using it in days.

Jungkook locks the door and turns around.

"You know why I’m here."

He takes off his leather jacket, throwing it over the headrest of the only chair in this god awful room.

"Do the others know?"

Jungkook rolls his sleeves up, revealing his black tattoos. The silver jewellery glimmers in the dim light, jingling with every move he makes. Those big rings on his fingers make Taehyung weary. They will hurt like a bitch, how wonderful.

"Of course not."

Jungkook closes the distance between him and Taehyung. Taehyung laughs dryly.

"How cowardly, killing a man when he is unable to fight back."

"Shut up, you did the same to all your victims", Jungkook spits, grabbing Taehyung by his chin roughly, "besides, I’m not here to kill you."

"If you are here to bore me with another lecture of hope, no thank you, I've had enough of those."

"I don't give two shits about hope" Jungkook hisses, letting go of Taehyung’s face so roughly a sharp pain courses through his jaw, "I'm here to make you feel it."

Jungkook gets a hold of Taehyung’s neck, making the other gasp in surprise. He squeezes down hard.

"I'm here to show you how it feels when someone forces you to choke one someone’s blood."

Taehyung looks into Jungkook’s eyes. All the anger he feels, Jungkook mirrors it right back at him.

“You know it wasn’t me, who forced you”, Taehyung spits.

“Shut up”, Jungkook barks, squeezing Taehyung’s neck with such force the latter feels himself hiss, “I don’t care if you did it or not. You knew what your friends were doing, that’s just as bad.”

“They’re not my friends.”

“Holy fuck, will you shut up?” Jungkook yells, slapping Taehyung across the face with the back of his hand.

Taehyung groans, closing his eyes in annoyance. He was right, those rings hurt like a bitch.

“Good that’s better, now fucking take what you deserve”, Jungkook spits and grabs Taehyung’s face harshly. He forces his thumb into his mouth and a second later Taehyung feels the heaviness of a nuzzle on his tongue.

Taehyung looks at the bloodbag Jungkook is holding and has to fight the urge to laugh. Oh how pathetic.

Jungkook squeezes, surprising Taehyung with just how much blood he gets fed. Taehyung groans and shudders, feeling it coat his mouth and run down his throat. Cold blood. Disgusting.

"That's it. Do you feel that? Do you feel how fucking terrible that feels?" Jungkook spits, squeezing harder and harder.

This is too much. Taehyung can barely keep up with swallowing. He grunts and pants, looking into Jungkook's eyes. They were pitchblack, focused on his lips and with black veins pulsating underneath.

Taehyung groans, tugging on the chains. This is so much fucking blood. It may be cold and disgusting, but right now it tastes like heaven to him. A heaven he is currently choking on.

Jungkook squeezes again, tightening his grip around Taehyung’s throat.

"Fucking choke on it you prick", he spits, watching how Taehyung’s eyes go out of focus and his body begins squirming. The noises he makes sound painful and panicky. Jungkook feels….bad.

He stops squeezing and rips the empty bloodbag away. Then he lets go of Taehyung’s throat.

The latter wheezes and coughs in an instant, spitting the blood everywhere. It covers Jungkook's face, startling the younger vampire.

Taehyung grunts, locking eyes with a panting Jungkook. He is licking his lips, chest heaving up and down quickly.

"T-that’s what you deserve", Jungkook stutters, gawking at the blood running down Taehyung’s chin. The smell of it on his face is making him dizzy. With shaking fingers he fetches the second bag, ripping it open and gripping Taehyung’s throat again.

"Open the, the fuck u-up."

Taehyung scoffs and chuckles deeply, taunting him with a cock of his right brow.

"What is it Jungkook, are you struggling to hold back?"

Jungkook breaks his eyes away from the blood to look into Taehyung’s eyes.

"No I'm not", he hisses, wiping the blood from his own face, "I know control now, Yoongi is teaching m-me."

"I see, so those pitchblack eyes of yours show control."

Jungkook blinks in an attempt to get rid of them. He fails.

"Shut up", he spits, forcing the nuzzle so deep into Taehyung’s mouth that Taehyung has to gag. The blood explodes inside his mouth, forcing yet another gag to come out of him.

"I'm just so angry. I'm in perfect control", Jungkook spits, squeezing harder and harder and harder until the blood is spilling out of Taehyung’s mouth as he can’t keep up with swallowing.

The bag is empty. Jungkook removes it harshly, watching as Taehyung parts his lips and lets the blood trickle out of him. He only does so to taunt him, letting the scarlet liquid soak his shirt and chest.His face looked human. It angered Jungkook.

"Why aren’t you going mad?" he spits, twisting Taehyung’s hair painfully.

"Why should I? Cold blood is disgusting", Taehyung lulls.

"But you are supposed to be crazy right now. You fucker are supposed to feel h-how it is to, to lose control."

"I don't lose control, Jungkook."

"But you should!" Jungkook screams, spilling tears, "you are supposed to be crazy! Why aren’t you crazy?!"

"Because I'm not like you."

"What?"

"I'm not a Ripper or a Glutton, Jungkook."

"What? No", he laughs nervously, "n-no, you Alpha guys are supposed to be like me."

Jungkook lets go of Taehyung's hair, twisting his own instead.

"You are supposed to go crazy", he whispers, gawking at the puddle of blood which had formed on the ground, "y-you are supposed to feel how it is to lose control over your own body."

Taehyung looks at the distraught on the younger vampire's face and feels pity in his heart. He never hated Jungkook, perhaps he even felt for him. He knew that he was a sweet and gentle guy and that being a Ripper was torturing him. He knew that Namjoon did terrible things to him and that tonight was an attempt to get over that trauma through violence. And Taehyung felt pity for Jungkook because he knew that the young vampire had hoped to see the same agony in Taehyung's eyes than he had to feel. And now it feels as if his wounds will never get to heal, that his trauma was destined to plague him. Truly, Taehyung feels deeply for Jungkook.

Jungkook looks at Taehyung and steps closer. There was slight madness in his gaze.

"I know something else", he says and goes to cup Taehyung's crotch.

Taehyung hisses and flinches. That touch he hadn’t expected.

"I'll make you lose control. You'll be in agony", he spits, squeezing down harshly.

The air is tense. Taehyung waits for Jungkook to rip his cock out and start whatever he has planned to do. Silly boy, sexual torture is Taehyung's specialty. The youngling will give him more pleasure than agony.

But Jungkook doesn’t go further. He stares into Taehyung's eyes and breathes heavily.

Taehyung laughs.

“Don’t tell me that you are actually waiting for my consent.”

“Shut up”, Jungkook yells, “I don’t wait for anything.”

Taehyung stays quiet, staring at Jungkook with dark eyes. His hand stays unmoving on his crotch, but begins to falter as the seconds draw out. Yes he does. Taehyung knows that he does. Oh how sweet, Taehyung thinks, tender Jungkook truly has no evil in him.

"Well, then get it over with. Will you?" Taehyung spits, making himself big in front of Jungkook. This could be fun. Taehyung gets played with and Jungkook is in the belief that he is getting his revenge. Taehyung is willing to take that sacrifice.

Jungkook wastes no time, ripping Taehyung's pants down so they are pooling by his legs. The air feels cold on his skin and yet Taehyung doesn’t let it show. He won't react, that's what Jungkook wants and he won't give that little brat what he wants.

Jungkook grabs his cock roughly and starts his movements. Their eyes are still locked with each other, not a hint of emotion is on their faces.

"I fucking hate you for what you allowed to happen to me", Jungkook spits, squeezing around Taehyung’s cock.

"You know I wasn’t myself back then", Taehyung answers, cursing his body for reacting. He knows it is merely a biological reaction and yet it is a shame really, how quickly Jungkook’s touches worked.

"That's no excuse. One stupid spot on your rotten heart doesn’t excuse pigshit", Jungkook answers him darkly, rolling his thumb over Taehyung's cockhead. There is a smirk threatening to wash over his face, but he won’t show it. That was easy. He didn’t think Taehyung would grow hard that quickly.

"At least I don’t walk around, pretending to be good while having the blood of dozens on my hands", Taehyung retorts, "Vienna 1975. I know it was you."

"Shut it!" Jungkook yells and squeezes Taehyung's cock with so much force the latter groans in surprise, jaw clenching. Jungkook is better in that practice than he had thought. Well that is going to be fun.

Jungkook speeds up his movements then, fuelled by anger and rage. The slip is rough and with too much friction. Those rings. They hurt. Taehyung bites down on his tongue, raising his head proudly.

"You are such an asshole, still thinking that you’re better than me just cause you’re older", Jungkook growls, grinding his thumb into Taehyung's slit. It is hard and painful and yet the shiver that runs through Taehyung's body doesn’t go unnoticed by either one of them.

“You think you deserve her just because you are older than any of us?” Jungkook spits and it makes Taehyung's stomach tighten. He didn’t need to be reminded of her, not right now, not when he is in this position.

“At least I can control my urges. She’d only end up dead in your arms”, he spits.

Their eyes lock, darkening.

"I fucking hate you so much", Jungkook spits, dragging his nails down Taehyung's length. He squeezes at the bottom and drags his closed palm back up. He repeats what he had done over and over until Taehyung's skin is red and sensitive.

"The feeling's mutual", there is a certain rasp on Taehyung's voice, it wasn’t there before.

Jungkook frowns, new anger flooding his chest. He starts jerking Taehyung off again, going fast. The chains rattle. Taehyung pulled himself up by them, now twisting them in his hands. Jungkook looks back into Taehyung's eyes. Black veins appear on his face, Taehyung mirrors it.

"It's not nice isn’t it? Getting forced to feel pleasure while being rendered helpless. It sucks, doesn’t it?" Jungkook spits, twisting his wrist repeatedly as his fingers work Taehyung's swollen tip, "well that’s my fucking reality", he presses out, blinking away his tears quickly.

Taehyung furrows his brows, twisting more of the chains. It is actually very nice, but this isn’t the kick Jungkook wants out of this. So Taehyung pretends to be mad.

"Fuck you", he growls, cock growing bigger in Jungkook's hand.

"No, fuck you. You fucking asshole", Jungkook throws back, closing his free hand around Taehyung's neck. He feels how Taehyung swallows heavily and how his cock twitches in his hand. It infuriates Jungkook, it infuriates him to the point that he starts squeezing down on Taehyung's neck.

"You fucker are enjoying this, aren’t you?" he growls, fangs digging their way out into the light.

"You think I am? That's fucking biology nothing more", Taehyung spits back, eyes slowly turning red. He was very much enjoying this, but that is not what Jungkook needs to hear right now.

Their eyes meet. Jungkook squeezes down harder. His hand speeds up, gliding so much easier over Taehyung's cock now that his precum eases the slip. Jungkook snarls, Taehyung answers it with a growl.

"Liar", Jungkook barks, watching the way Taehyung is twisting the chains as if his life depended on it. His wrists are bleeding already, his knuckles are white and yet he continues twisting them, holding onto them tightly.

Taehyung merely scoffs and clicks his tongue. That brat won't get a reaction from him. Jungkook growls in anger. Taehyung laughs dryly.

"What is it Jungkook? Are you already regretting starting this little thing?" he challenges. He is so sure that this is going to break Jungkook. What he hadn't expected however was Jungkook falling to his knees and replacing his hand with his mouth.

"Ah" Taehyung stops himself from moaning at the last moment, twisting the chains instead.

Jungkook looks up, dark anger burning in his eyes as he sucks on Taehyung's cock with vigour. His tongue swirls up and down his length with every bob of his head. He slurps and gurgles, the sounds echoing through the room. Taehyung can feel Jungkook's fangs on his length, they pinch him every so often. It makes him tighten his fingers around the chains.

"Pathetic", he says just to anger Jungkook even more.

Jungkook growls, furrowing his brows. He gets a hold of Taehyung's tight balls and squeezes them hard. Taehyung groans, quickly swallowing it down however. Jungkook smirks triumphantly. And just as he squeezes around Taehyung's balls a second time, he sinks down on his length and swallows him completely. He growls as the tip hits the back of his throat and then starts bobbing his head up and down quickly, making sure Taehyung's cock goes down his throat with every move.

"Fuck."

The word bounces off the walls. It taunts Taehyung. Fuck indeed, he broke. It taunts Jungkook too, but for a completely different reason. He felt his cock twitch in his leather pants at the sound of it.

Their eyes meet, both of them glowing red and with black veins pulsating underneath them.

Jungkook sinks down on Taehyung's length again and swallows around him. His fingers squeeze his balls, rolling them in fast motions. Taehyung's lips part, fangs glistening in the lights.

Jungkook growls, pulling back to suck on Taehyung's hot tip. It makes the older vampire twist the chains, muscles in his arms flexing and the buttons of his shirt straining as his chest heaves up and down quickly. He hadn't expected Jungkook to be that talented. He is truly losing control over his body, that little brat is actually doing it.

Jungkook sinks down again without warning, bottoming out in an instant.

"Jungkook, fuck."

Taehyung's moan echoes in the small room. He fucking hates how quickly he caved in. And Jungkook hates how hard his cock had gotten in the last five minutes.

Jungkook releases Taehyung's cock with a loud bop and gets back to his feet. He gets a hold of his length and starts jerking him off again. Hard and fast.

Their faces are so close, their breaths are intermingling. Their eyes are still locked, dark and fiery.

"I hate you", Jungkook spits, moving closer. His eyes fall on Taehyung's lips.

"The feeling's mutual, brat", Taehyung growls, drawing closer as best as his chains allow him to. His eyes are glued to Jungkook's swollen lips, tongue darting out to wet his own.

They kiss. Jungkook likes to pretend Taehyung was the one who initiated it. Taehyung likes to pretend the complete opposite. Truth was. Their lips crashed together at the same time.

It is rough and filled with anger. Fangs clash together, tongues fight for dominance without ever winning, deep moans mix with each other. Jungkook twists his fingers in Taehyung's hair, excusing the gesture as wanting to hurt him when in reality the lingering taste of blood makes his brain scramble. The chains rattle, a growl follows. Taehyung, who had just this moment bit down on Jungkook's lower lip, licks over the wound messily.

"Ah", Jungkook pulls back, licking over his aching lip, "fuck you."

He speeds up his hand in punishment. He pays special attention to Taehyung's tip, grinding his palm down on his overly sensitive frenulum.

"No, f-fuck you", Taehyung snarls, eyelids fluttering.

Jungkook's eyes race between Taehyung's. His thumb rolls circles on his wet, hot cockhead. Taehyung's eyelids flutter again, a quiet sigh leaving his swollen lips.

Jungkook pulls Taehyung closer by the back of his head. Foreheads bump together, noses rub on each other. Their eyes don’t close, staring the other down.

"I hate you so much, you asshole", Jungkook rasps, voice heavy in arousal.

His eyes flit to Taehyung's chin and the scarlet blood on it. He grunts, draws closer. His tongue darts out, connecting with his skin in fast and sloppy licks. Fuck, he thinks, fucking hell.

"Jungkook", Taehyung answers him, there is desperation in his voice.

Jungkook speeds up his movements, jerking off Taehyung's entire length again.

"Don't say my name like that", he spits, twisting Taehyung's hair painfully at the same time as he pulls him even closer. Lips dance over his lower face, hungry and desperate. The blood tastes so good, holy fuck it tastes so fucking good.

Taehyung grunts and furrows his brows. His mouth parts, a moan follows. Jungkook grinds his thumb over Taehyung's frenulum again, twisting his hair at the same time. His legs give up on him, he uses whatever strength he has left in his arms to keep himself up straight. The chains rattle and groan.

Jungkook lifts his head and returns to jerking off the entirety of Taehyung's long cock. Fast. Hard. Filled with anger. And. Lust. As much as he hates to admit it, this turns him on.

"Do you feel that? That’s what it’s like to feel so fucking helpless", Jungkook spits, basking in the way Taehyung’s eyes threaten to roll back in pleasure.

Taehyung is shaking, legs trembling and hips chasing the rough handjob. It feels so fucking good.

"Jungkook", he chokes out, gasping for air.

Jungkook moans, drawing closer. His breath is hot as it swirls over Taehyung's lips.

"Stop saying my name like that", he hisses, twisting his wrist skillfully.

Taehyung keens, shuddering uncontrollably. His eyelids flutter, his cock throbs.

Jungkook feels it and feels how it makes his stomach twist in arousal. Taehyung is right where he wanted him to be. Shaking and squirming in the desire to cum.

"Fucking cum you asshole", he spits, forcing Taehyung to tilt his head back.

Taehyung closes his eyes and furrows his brows. He climaxes with a deep, guttural moan, twisting the chains so much he actually lifts himself off the floor. The pleasure is amazing, hot and intense, and he hates how good it makes him feel. Jungkook jerks him through it all, drinking in every expression with the same hunger he feels when feeding.

Taehyung slacks against the chains, tangling like a piece of meat on a hook. His head hangs to the front, shoulders heaving up and down quickly.

Fuck.

Jungkook lets go of his length and releases his hair.

"Fucking pathetic", he grumbles, wiping off his hand on Taehyung's shirt. And yet he is nice enough to pull his pants up for him again, even going as far as to fasten his belt. He also caresses his hips, almost making Taehyung laugh about just how adorably sweet Jungkook is. He can’t even punish him without making sure he gets a little pampering afterwards. Oh truly, Taehyung thinks it is beyond sweet.

"And yet here we are", Taehyung says, having to chuckle in amusement afterwards. He nods into the direction of the prominent dent in Jungkook's pants and raises his head.

Jungkook stares at it.

"This looks painful. Don’t you want to get rid of it?"

Their eyes meet, racing between the others'.

"I'm here, helpless. You could fuck me if you wanted to and I could do nothing but take you", Taehyung taunts and smirks, "come on Kook do it, turn me into your little whore."

For a moment Jungkook looks at Taehyung's lips. He gulps and looks back into Taehyung's red, glowing eyes.

"I'm not here for that. This doesn’t change anything", he says and turns to leave. He is by the door, unlocking it and taking the torch with him when Taehyung speaks.

"I think we both know this isn’t true."

Jungkook leaves without answering, jaw tense and nails digging into his own palm from clenching his hands too tightly.

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thedarkmysticsofvirus · 1 month

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Character: Toro

Could be one of the decent students at this university. he can be seen around outdoors most of the time or in the lunchroom chatting with a few friends. granted he could focus on his skills and his curiosity for history he actually knows how to take a chill pill from time to time. close to being a top student if he didn't get so distracted in class, but a B could be good enough. he may not be too social at times, he doesn't have anything interesting to say, even despite that he still tries to keep the conversation going a little. it's a sweet miracle he actually befriended Tanya and Misty, tending to be a little annoyed by a few of their actions but enjoys their company more than nothing. tries getting them out of trouble and it ends up getting all 3 of them into some deep shi- Ahem. even if they can be a bother, they're still a bit fun to hang around with.

At this point it's becoming a concern with how he deals with everybody's crap while they deal with his, and that's how it'll stay. now that I've got that done let's go on with a little more info. I don't know if any of you want to go through it and read all of this, but I'm doing it anyways ❤️ ╔═════════════════ஓ๑♡๑ஓ════════════════╗

Interests- He doesn't get well to attached to interests and moves on to the next, but these are the ones that stuck out most to him. First interest would be about history; he's real curious to learn about this universities... interesting history. there's some crap he's curious to see but he knows too well that he should stay the hell out of it if he wants to keep his head. Second interest that comes to mind may as well be combat/self-defense (Toro's trying to defend himself from Sova, this shit is self-explanatory as well cause he's not going down, not today) he's been taught well to fend himself, especially in getting into fights he didn't want to. A third interest he's actually quite genuine about is music, it's a waste of time to others but for him, it just helps him deal with life a bit easier. one of his favorite instruments is usually a guitar, doesn't mind playing it around others, he could use the company for a bit.

ღ ততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততত ღ Relationships- He will always remain as the ambivert in the group either talks or doesn't. there are a few friends he'll always tolerate and there's just some he REALLY wants to just tell them to shut up.

Tanya is nice to have around when she isn't really panicky, they may get into an argument or 2 but it could be worse. he still counts her as a close friend trying to help out. can tend to be a source to calm her. He hangs out with Misty almost all the time, just a sweetheart to be around when you need her but if she asks what a Bulldozer is he's slapping her with a dictionary. Let's make this real nice and short for the Scaries here. Mary- Actually tolerates her for a while, she's proud, she's confident. neither of them interact.. as much except for once when Barry introduced her. she'd doesn't seem that mean. He's going to bitch slap her. Barry- Surprisingly a chill guy he tends to hang out with, but he really needs to calm down with his hair products, every time he pulls out a hairspray, he coughs out like he's going to die. Larry- If he doesn't get his nerdy wimp @#$$ the hell out of here he is actually going to make fun of him. Toro doesn't mean to, he doesn't do it intentionally, he's holding back all the urges not to call him stupid names to the point it's not even funny.

For now, I think that's all, to be really honest here I'm growing a little energized here and I'm going to try and work on him more as well, feel like I grew a bit lazy and rushed so I'm going to try and do better.) Anyways, have a good night to you guys, I'm still gonna stay up for a bit)

#break in 2 #break in oc #ocs #creepy trio #I'm killing myself right now goodbye.#THE ONE VERY THING AND I FORGOT THE ROSE.#drawing #Let me know about the errors in this so I can cry

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storiesofsvu · 2 years

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Cautious Ch 1

Warnings: Language, talk of assault

To say you were late for work was an understatement, you’d at least had the brains to send Olivia a quick text, some lame excuse as to why you weren’t there when you were supposed to be. By the time you scurried into the bull pen to your desk it was empty, everyone out in the field on calls already. You took a moment to calm your racing heart, burying your face in your hands, slowing down your breathing, focussing on the quietness of the room. You jumped when you felt a hand on your shoulder, pulling away from the contact,

“Shit. Sorry Cap.” You gave her a weak smile, trying to avoid her gaze.

“Baker, you okay?” Her words were laced with concern.

“Yeah, fine. Just, little jumpy today.”

“Okay…wanna tell me about that nasty bruise on your cheek?”

“It’s nothing—slipped in the shower, m’fine.” You flushed, wishing you’d been able to cover it with make up, even more thankful for your blazer covering the bruising on your arms.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I mean, it hurts like a bitch…but I’ll survive.”

“Okay…” Olivia didn’t believe you at all, first being late was something you never did, most days you were the first in the squad room, but you were clearly on edge, she didn’t want to push it. She retreated to her office, letting you work in peace.

She’d originally come across you when SVU was working a case alongside narcotics, you were well experienced, quick witted and had no problem taking on terrifying drug lords. When she’d caught wind from your Captain that you were looking for a transfer but weren’t quite sure where, she was quick to set up lunch with you, eager to try and get you on her team. You hadn’t really known much about what made someone a ‘special victim’, and the more Olivia explained about it, the more you were intrigued. You had your own history with a sticky situation that made you more inclined to take the job, and a few weeks later you found the 16th precinct to be your new home.

Throughout the day she kept a closer than normal eye on you, noticing that you seemed nearly panicky, the way your head would shoot towards the door every time someone walked in, you jumped when your phone rang, breaking the silence of the room. You nearly flinched when talking to Sonny as he over exaggerated a point with a swinging hand, there was definitely something going on and she wasn’t quite sure how to approach it quite yet.

When quitting time rolled around, she noticed you lingering slightly, waiting until you let out a hefty sigh, starting to pack up your things. She managed to join you in a private elevator ride, having been worried all day she’d been able to put a string of words together to not force things out of you.

“Don’t seem to eager to get home…” She began, you looked up at her, leant back against the wall of the elevator, confusion taking over your face. “Y/N…I don’t mean to pry, but..if there’s something going on at home, you know you can tell me, right?” You laughed at that,

“Olivia, I live alone, and I highly doubt my cat is beating me.” She was at least happy to see the small smile leftover from the laugh on your face.

“Well if it’s someone who doesn’t live there, same thing applies.”

“I told you…I fell in the shower, I promise, I’m fine.”

“Okay.” She gave you a warm smile, “Just remember I’m here for you if you need it.”

“I know.” You gave her hand a soft squeeze as the elevator pinged, making your way back to your car.

It was the following week, Olivia had been talking with a vic at Mercy, going over pieces of their story. Finally satisfied, she was ready to leave, especially considering it was nearly 3:30 in the morning.

“Captain!” A nurse called out as she moved through the E.R. Sighing heavily she turned around to face them.

“Another one?”

“Not sure if it’s a sexual assault yet but she asked for you specifically by name.” Olivia felt a weird sense of anxiety course through her body, it was probably just a previous victim, someone she had given her card to in the past, but she had a bad feeling as she followed the nurse around the corner to a private room. A sense of shock and rage flew through her as she entered the room, gasping at the sight in front of her,

“Y/N?! What happened?” You gave her a tearful look as her eyes trailed over your body.

Your eye was quickly blackening, a few cuts across your face, lip split, bruising apparent around your neck, there were literal finger mark bruises on your arms, and one of your wrists was wrapped tightly in a tensor bandage. What she couldn’t see was the bruising on your side, the broken rib, the emotional turmoil you were going through.

“Liv I—“ You tried to hold back a cry, wincing at the pain in your side.

“If you’re about to try and tell me you fell in the shower again I hope you know I’m not going to believe you. And I’m not going to be as gentle about it this time. Who did this to you?”

“My…my ex…” You took a shuddering breath, whimpering through the pain it was causing your body, “Jason McKidd…”

“What happened?” Her voice was gentler now, knowing you were ready to talk, she took a light seat on the edge of your bed, examining your injuries on a closer level, her hand rubbing at your arm lightly.

“Today? Or do you want all of it now?” Her shocked eyes met yours, the pain echoing from you in a way she’d never expected. You’d always been so incredibly strong, you weren’t one to show emotion, there was a completely different side of you she’d never seen.

“He used to hit you? When you were together?”

“Not exactly…He—everything started off fine, I don’t even know when things started to go wrong.” You sniffled, thankful for the feel of her warm hand encasing yours, thumb rubbing encouragingly. “He started to get distant, things got…weird? I guess? He start to bail halfway through dates, disappearing in the middle of the night, always had some dumb excuse that I guess I was dumb enough to believe.”

“Was he cheating?” She asked softly, you couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Might’ve been, who knows.” You wiped a tear away, “He was super drunk when he showed up one night, hit me, only once, I immediately kicked him out. Had to pull my gun on him to get him to actually leave…It was a few months later narcotics made a huge bust into a drug ring, low and behold, there he was…I arrested him myself..”

“He go to jail?”

“Yeah.” You took a breath, “Apparently got out early. The A.D.A. was supposed to get an order of protection but missed the early release. I ran into him on the way home last week, he was super pissed, probably drunk if not on something, grabbed me, threw me into a wall, hit me. Thankfully a uni car was rolling by and he bolted, but he must’ve followed me home or something.”

“He showed up at your apartment?”

“Yeah.” You did your best to hold back a sob, thankful for the feeling of Olivia’s arm wrapping around you, leaning against her shoulder, “He was furious, couldn’t imagine why I’d want to lock him up. He demanded I apologize for it, that I do something with my shield to make his arrest disappear and when I refused, he just started….beating me…I couldn’t get away, he wouldn’t stop..I must’ve passed out when he choked me ‘cause that’s the last thing I remember.”

“Okay…we’re gonna get him, okay?” You glanced up, tears in your eyes, lower lip trembling as you looked at your Captain.

“I’m sorry I lied last week…I just—thought it was a one time thing, didn’t think he’d have the balls to show up again.”

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re going to get through this, understand me?” You nodded as she gave your hand a soft squeeze, “I’m gonna grab a nurse, we’ll have to get photos of your injuries.” You gave another nod, “Did he…?”

“I don’t know…I don’t think so? I don’t…feel…like he did.”

“Are you okay if they swab just in case?”

“Yeah..” You took another shuddering breath, knowing that you being uncomfortable for a minute was more important than letting him walk on lesser charges. Olivia could sense the weakness feeling radiating from you, before she left your side, she pulled you to her, wrapping an arm around you while she gave the top of your head a gentle kiss.

“You’re not any less of a person, or any less of a detective because of this, you hear me? We’ve all been through some horrible shit, whether on the job or in our personal lives, you’ll get through this, you’ll process it, and you’ll move forward. Don’t think any less of yourself just because you became the victim, because victims are survivors, and survival means strength, okay?”

“You’re really good at that y’know?” You gave a small laugh, the smile staying on your cheeks for a moment. Olivia gave you a soft glance, smile on her cheeks before she moved from the room. You knew you were in for one hell of a long night, and that things weren’t going to wrap up quickly, you were in it for the long haul.

#olivia benson #olivia benson x reader #law and order svu #cautious #svu #law and order #law and order special victims unit

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ambiguousdisorderken · 8 months

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few months steady kenstewy with stewy absent for the week because, well ken got to have the kids over but still, ken thinking 'this is it. he realized im a fuckup and a failure and it was never gonna work between us woe is me im poison, he's better off without me' (nevermind they still text each other) but then sunday evening rolls in and stewy comes back, his usual affectionate prick self, a bit saccharine even, and kendall's like 'the fuck bro???' and stewy's just 'im totally okay with... yk, but i just can't do it' and ken ?????¿ and stewy goes 'hey i thought i'd give you guys some bonding time, AND i did ask my assistant to send a gift –something expensive and didactic and shit. he didn'tsend it, do i have to fire someone?' and ken's sweating cold at this point, face stoic , and then stewy's like 'DUDE!! it was your kid's birthday???? as in the kid you call your son and shares your last name? iverson, is it?????? did you not remember???' and ken's panicky, was it? it IS the right month but okay his memory is spotty at best, ugh and stewy starts laughing earnestly and ken puts out the lamest comeback ever 'how did YOU remember, you fucking asshole?' and stewy's like, 'well, excuse me for resenting the one week im definitely for sure not getting dicked down you dick, like im basically a virgin rn' , and that's free ammo, it gets ken smug and grinning but his eyes are unbearably soft and ughhh, stewy huffs and says 'do not get cute on me, bitch. you still suck at the parenting thing so bad, oh my god' and ken goes to circle stewy's waist, red-faced, truly embarrassed, but also, well, big time horny . a whole week. so, he kisses a writhing stewy's neck, voice gone husky and needy 'why didn't you remind me then?' , eye roll 'not in the job description babe' , and okay, they're all tangled up in each other now, stewy pliant and gone gooey because he'sa loser for all things ken, and so so so easy for him. 'you do realize you're kinda like their stepfather right, babe?' which obviously gets him a loud 'ewwwwww !!' and many many no's!! anyway, they end up having sex right there in the living room, and afterwards stewy sorta coaches ken through fixing his significant dad miscalculation but lo and behold all's gravy baby because it wasn't even ive's birthday , it was megathump's ???

#i need more kenstewy fics is it too obvious i need more kenstewy content like rn rn rn #kenstewy

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floating-in-the-blue · 8 months

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Willex Red White & Royal Blue AU

So me being me, of course my brain has been toying with a Willex Red White & Royal Blue AU since becoming obsessed with the movie and the book but I don’t think I will actually write it because, though having some changes, it’d still be so close to rwarb that it wouldn’t be that exciting but I thought I’d share my ideas for it for Willex Wednesday this week and you guys can imagine the scenes for yourself without me having to write a whole long fic about it.

So. Long musings to follow (it helps if you know the book/movie but you don’t really need to if you’re just here for some fun willex au though there will be tons of spoilers of course). Also there be some smut here because these are two horny idiots for sure!

Also thanks to @merihn for looking it over and making sure that the changes I've introduced to the rwarb plot fit the new characters.

Okay, here we go.

On the American side we have Caleb as the president (yes, I know, it’s a man now but he would have so much fun being a politician and making everyone his bitch).

Willie is his nephew who has been living with him since his own parents died in a car crash when he was like five. He’s not really that interested in politics per se though he supports the more liberal side of his uncle’s program. Generally though, he dislikes the whole publicity stuff and would be much happier just being an obscure kid skating around. He is, however, out as bisexual. I know that an important part of rwarb-book!Alex’s journey as a character is his discovery of being bisexual but I just cannot picture Willie not knowing he’s attracted to guys. Or being able to hide that. So he knows and the country knows. He mostly tries to stay out of trouble but he doesn’t always quite manage.

Rose Molina is Caleb’s Vice President (with Ray as her puppy husband who’s too nice for politics, really) and so Willie and Julie live together in the White House and are best friends. Julie’s other best friend is Flynn (they go to the same college?) so they mostly hang out as a trio.

Willie has been slightly into Prince Alexander from the British Royals since he was a teen, ever since seeing a poster of him in some teen magazine (because I love that bit from the book!!). Although I’ve also been toying with the idea of him discovering him much earlier and including him in his childhood games, ie. saving or being saved by Prince Alexander and stuff like that. Very innocent of course but I think it’d be cute.

But the first time he actually meets him at some official thing (Melbourne Climate Conference ;D) goes really poorly.

Switching over to the British side: Alex is of course our repressed English prince. If I actually wrote the thing it’d mean finding a bit of a new voice for him that’s a blend of jatp!Alex and rwarb!Henry but for this little headcanon thing, it doesn’t really matter all that much.

Alex’s grandfather is the king, his parents are both still alive and massive assholes and very overbearing. He has an older brother (let’s keep Philip) who is also an ass. And he used to have a sister but she died (switching up the rwarb trauma backstory wound but it makes more sense for me with canon jatp stating his parents were ‘not really cool’). His sister was the only one in the family he really got along with and trusted so now she’s dead he’s even more isolated. He is, naturally, gay as a maypole but of course he hides that because he has to maintain the traditional royal image and also because of anxiety.

Getting back to that first meeting of Alex and Willie: Alex basically falls in love/into attraction with Willie at first sight but also knows it is a VERY bad idea so he tries to keep as far away from him as possible. Also it’s shortly after his sister died and the Palace insists on parading him around so he’s just generally not in a good state and being a panicky prick, basically.

For Willie though, it reads as ‘of course the pretty prince is really just a stuck up elite and entitled white boy who’s a massive homophobe (and also maybe a racist).” An impression that is cemented afterwards because Alex keeps on avoiding him.

Since Willie isn’t that confrontational, I think he’d go about his rivalry a little differently than rwarb!Alex, so I just picture him and Julie, with Flynn’s invaluable help, starting to prank Alex whenever possible. Nothing too serious because he’s still a British prince and they can’t afford an international incident (hah!) but just in a subtle way that could almost be accidental.

Alex does realise what’s going on but he’s almost relieved because if Willie dislikes him there’s less chance of bad things happening between them (ie kissing). So he plays along with the animosity and acts the petty prick around Willie so Willie will never ever become a danger to him and his hidden homosexuality.

And then, of course, they topple into a cake at a Royal wedding (Phillip’s) and suddenly have to play nice with each other. Maybe the whole cakecate is less Willie being confrontational and more they crash into the cake because maybe Willie wasn’t looking where he was going and stumbled and grabbed the nearest thing to stabilise himself (Alex) but they just both topple the cake in the progress. The end result, however, is the same: they’re on the floor, covered in cake, and the whole world gets to see and laugh and there is an international incident after all.

I’ve cast Aunt Victoria in Zahra’s role as campaign manager. Different vibe than in rwarb but I think her mixture of affection for the children and strictness could work really well here. I’m not sure if she’s actually Rose’s sister but she does have all the children call her Tia anyway. Couldn’t really find a match for Shaan in jatp canon so he stays as Alex’s equerry (aka personal assistant). They can totally have a love affair on the side as well. Good for you, Victoria!

Anyway, Willie gets sent over to London to do damage control and to pretend he and Alex have been best friends for ages. Willie does not look forward to it. Alex is getting slightly panicky but tells himself everything will be fine. Because it’s going to be totally fine, right? Sure …

They do the photo ops and interviews, hiding their animosity behind polite petty backstabbing, and then go to visit sick children in the hospital for a PR thing and then get shoved into a closet together at the perceived threat of a gunman (really just a kid bringing fireworks for a friend). I’ve cast Dante and Fuego as Willie’s secret service agents, btw.

So, closet time. Willie is not happy but Alex is now really having a panic attack so Willie helps him through it, because Alex may be a dick but panic attacks are no jokes. A little bonding experience but not the talk they have in rwarb.

Still, once Willie is back in the states he starts texting Alex to check up on him (I guess they officially swapped phone numbers for the whole ‘pretending to be friends’ thing) and they start talking.

Alex knows it’s a bad idea to get closer to Willie but Willie is very insistent and charming and hard to say no to so they talk more and more and Alex lets more and more of his real personality shine through and Willie is fascinated how different Alex, the guy in his phone, is to Prince Alexander. So far, it’s just a bit of fun for Willie, and he keeps the flirting light. But he loves the sarcasm and intelligence and honesty he gets to see from Alex.

Alex, of course, just falls deeper in love with him and suffers.

Also I think Willie is the only person really calling him “Alex” instead of “Alexander” aside from his sister (dead) and his best mates, Luke and Reggie (yes, that makes them British. Yes, I can’t really picture that either. Just go with it. Or maybe they’re American exchange students who stuck around. I’m sad to say they’re not all that important here so just go with whatever version you prefer). And I think that is not very helpful for Alex.

At Willie and Julie’s famous New Year Party, Alex is required to put in an appearance and things are going fine even though Alex has to struggle hard to hide how much he is in love with Willie. Flynn totally clocks it though. And Luke and Reggie already know of course (they were brought along as moral support and so they can meet the girls).

Since their friends helpfully ignore them and abscond, Alex and Willie talk a lot. Willie tries to get Alex to dance, but although Alex loves dancing, he doesn’t really do that in public so he’s a bit stiff and reluctant.

At the chime of midnight, though, things fall apart (how fairytale of them) because Alex watches Willie being kissed by random people, both girls and guys, and he flees the party tent, unable to handle it. Only Willie gets the absolutely wrong idea. Because he thinks that his first impression of Alex as a stuck up homophobe was the right one. That Alex went along with the texting and chatting only for as long as he wasn’t reminded of Willie’s queerness but the moment he sees him kissing a guy, it’s all back.

So he follows Alex, intent on confronting him but when he accuses Alex of being homophobic, out there in the snow, Alex just laughs a little hysterically and denies it (hello beloved squeaky voice). Willie doesn’t believe him and pushes and then Alex’s brain short circuits, he says “Okay” and he kisses him.

It has the desired effect of shutting Willie up but of course that kiss was exactly what Alex had tried to avoid so he flees once again. Now the whole continent.

Willie, on the other hand, calls in an emergency meeting with Julie and Flynn the next day (both of whom are very sad that Luke and Reggie disappeared along with the prince) to discuss what happened. Flynn immediately claps her hand and smugly declares that she called that, Julie is swept up in the romance of it until Flynn reminds everyone that “honey, princes aren’t allowed to be gay.”

Except Willie doesn’t want to accept that because now he’s been kissed he can’t stop thinking of Alex. Or rather, he realises that that has been the case for so long he can’t even remember when it started. And he definitely wants to be kissed again. And kiss back. And do other things to Alex.

Alex ignores all texts and calls though and drives Willie near mad but he does appear, as promised, at the state dinner thing as Willie’s guest some weeks later. He avoids Willie but Willie gets Dante to help him arrange a clandestine meeting in an adjacent room and while Alex steels himself to stammer his way through an awkward apology, Willie hardly lets him say anything at all before kissing the living daylights out of him. And Alex is utterly unable to resist Willie.

They get interrupted but Willie tells him to come to his room at midnight where he wants to do bad things to him.

Midnight comes and passes and Willie gets more and more antsy, worried he may have gotten everything wrong after all but maybe ten minutes later, there’s a hesitant knock at his door.

“You’re late” - “I know. I wasn’t sure if this wasn’t all a big mistake.” - “And now?” - “Now I know it’s a big mistake but I don’t seem able to care.”

Willie grins happily and pulls him inside and continues to kiss the living daylights out of Alex, who kisses him back with a mixture of reservation and desperation that Willie finds very intoxicating. Just like his responsiveness to Willie giving him a blowjob. Alex doesn’t return the favour but he does help him get off with his very nice hand so Willie doesn’t mind. He only regrets it a little bit that it wasn’t the hand with the signet ring because that would have been even hotter.

They have the talk about keeping things casual and for Willie, that’s truly his intention. Alex, of course, already knows he’s in love but he thinks it will be fine as long as Willie doesn’t return his feelings, he’s only hurting himself after all, and he truly doesn’t expect Willie to fall in love with him so they’re totally fine, right? Sure …

They manage to hook up again at Alex’s charity polo match, and Willie is the one taking the lead again, Alex mostly just responding very enthusiastically.

It’s when they’re meeting up in Paris (I forgot the book reason, the movie doesn’t give one so who really cares) that Willie asks Alex how long he’s known he’s gay.

“Just slightly longer than I knew princes aren’t supposed to be gay. Or if they are, they certainly aren’t allowed to act on it.”

Willie declares that to be bullshit and teases Alex that surely he didn’t follow that verdict. And is very surprised when Alex says that he did indeed do just that (divergence from rwarb!Henry but at least in this verse, I don’t see Alex doing casual hook-ups what with his anxiety and the pressure from his family).

“So …”

“So I only kissed one other boy before you. When I was five. Which was when my parents sat me down and explained how it was my duty to never ever do that again because it would upset everyone very much and surely I didn’t want that.”

“So that first time we …”

“...was indeed my first time,” Alex admits.

Willie is shocked and he also suddenly gets the whole reservation/desperation thing Alex has going on.

“You totally had me fooled,” Willie says, a little impressed.

“I’ve had a lot of practice pretending to be things I’m not, darling. Although you make it very hard to pretend anything around you.”

Since they actually have use of a hotel room this time around, Willie is now determined to give Alex a proper first time. So he proposes that they ‘make love’ and Alex is very nervous but also very determined. He tries telling himself that it won’t change anything. That it won’t change anything for Willie. That he’s just being nice to him. Sure …

Except Willie very much falls in love with Alex, even if he doesn’t quite admit it to himself yet. Besides, Alex wants to keep it casual, right? He’s probably just using Willie to finally get some dick. Which Willie can’t even blame him for. So it’s fine, right? Sure …

Willie offers to bottom but Alex surprises him when he says he wants to feel Willie inside of him.

“You sure?” - “Just because I haven’t had sex with another person yet doesn’t mean I haven’t experimented.”

Willie nearly combusts trying to imagine Alex “experimenting.”

They do in fact make love and it’s way more intimate than either of them thought possible. Cue very important image of Alex urging Willie deeper with a hand pressing down on the small of his back ;P

And then it’s back to long distance texting and calling. Alex starts writing emails to Willie which he never sends. He just needs to pour out his longing and love and thoughts somehow, keeping them out of the actual texts he swaps with Willie, which are carefully just horny and not soft.

They hook up again some time later, which is when Aunt Victoria busts them and nearly has a heart attack and does a lot of swearing in Spanish and forces Willie to tell his uncle.

Caleb, the gossip loving bitch, is honestly impressed by Willie managing to hook up with a real prince but as the president, he does have to caution Willie not to fuck everything up and to figure out if he feels forever about Alex because a relationship like that will define his life one way or another. But Willie isn’t really sure about that at that point. Because while Paris blew his mind, he and Alex are back to being vaguely casual about everything so who knows what’s actually going on here. He sure doesn’t.

Except then one fateful day Alex is maybe a little drunk or maudlin (maybe something to do with his sister’s death anniversary or something else that triggered that) and lets it slip that these emails exist. And of course Willie immediately needs to read ALL of them and needles and prods Alex until Alex goes “fuck it” and sends them, immediately regretting it and closing his laptop and burying himself in his bed to hide.

And Willie, well, he is overwhelmed by this deepest truth Alex just revealed to him. The emails paint a picture of him he hardly dares believe is truly how Alex sees him. They contain all of Alex’s love and his hurts and thoughts about the monarchy and they are so truly and utterly Alex that their shared texts so far pale by comparison. And Alex shared all of that with him. Laid himself bare. Opened himself completely to Willie, body and heart and soul.

It does a pretty solid number on him and for a few days he is actually just truly overwhelmed (because canon Willie doesn’t handle things getting serious all that well, does he?) and doesn’t know what to say to Alex.

Except he misses Alex more than ever before (and yes, all the while Alex suffers acutely from thinking he just ruined it all).

Willie eventually texts back and invites Alex to hang out at his uncle’s luxury cabin in the woods for labour day weekend where they can really talk (he can also bring Luke and Reggie because Julie and Flynn will be there as well and they demanded he ask for Alex to bring his friends).

Alex is convinced it’s a bad idea but he goes anyway. Luke and Reggie might convince him for purely selfish reasons because they want to hang out with the girls, but Alex is also too desperate to see Willie again even though he is 100% sure it’s a very bad idea.

Things are new and strange between them but also softer than ever before and while Alex panics inside about the possibility of Willie actually, inexplicably falling in love with him, he is also unable to tear himself away.

They have a great weekend together and go into a bar in town, trying for incognito but the whole Secret Service and Alex’s bodyguards thing is a bit on the nose (plus everybody was warned away from filming them etc, you know, super not suspicious). Willie falls even deeper in love when he watches Alex absolutely killing it at karaoke (after some vodka shots or many). That man can both sing and move when he forgets he is being watched and Willie is not okay!

Alex only drank all the alcohol because he tried to shut up the voices in his head worrying about the whole ‘this wasn’t supposed to get serious’ thing.

But it’s fine, right? Sure …

And then the next day has Willie just about saying out loud that he is in love with Alex, except Alex flees again before Willie can get the words out. First the bathing platform and then the continent. Again. Luke and Reggie are not happy but mostly they’re just worried.

Alex disappears into his cocoon phase, determined to nip the whole thing in the bud even though it seems a little late and he really shouldn’t have let it get that far.

Willie goes crazy over Alex’s radio silence and while Flynn is all in favour of pranking Alex in retaliation and enacting some kind of revenge, Julie suggests he should use his air miles and go to London and maybe talk to Alex first. Flynn suggests he take some eggs with him just in case. He doesn’t of course. I’m not sure you can even import eggs to the UK from America in your carry-on luggage.

Anyway. So Willie flies to London and storms a palace in the rain to confront his prince. It goes pretty much as in the movie, with Alex declaring he can’t afford to have a relationship because of the whole prince thing. And that this has been a big mistake from the beginning and he shouldn’t have done it and Willie was never supposed to fall in love with him. That he was never meant to get hurt in this.

“What about you?” - “It was always too late for me.”

Except Willie doesn’t back down and while he isn’t as forceful as rwarb!Alex in that scene, he uses his pitiable puppy dog eyes, and the shivering and hugging himself to full effect and sadly declares that he will only go if Alex directly tells him to go.

Cue “Don’t make me” and Willie getting the first inkling of hope that Alex will not actually be able to tell him to go. And of course Alex can’t.

Instead he takes him to the Victoria & Albert museum and tells him how he always wanted to bring someone he loved here and dance with him amidst the statues. He starts dancing on his own, slowly, without music, but then Willie pulls up a song on his phone and draws Alex into his arms and dances with him and it is everything Alex always wanted and Alex decides that he cannot lose this. Cannot lose Willie. They’re both determined to make it work somehow and Alex sends Willie home with his signet ring while he receives the key to Willie’s childhood home in return that Willie is always wearing (and hey, isn’t that a neat coincidence that Willie canonically already comes equipped with a key?! ;D)

They keep writing emails to each other, baring their souls, and then of course these same emails get hacked and published for the whole world to read.

In place of Miguel in the movie, I imagine the creepy Hollywood Ghost Club guy maybe worked on Caleb’s campaign and had a crush on Willie but when he made his move on him, Willie declined. He did not take that well, left the campaign and started working as a sleazy journalist who somehow gets hold of a picture or video of Alex and Willie at that karaoke bar and puts the clues together.

And it’s bad for Willie, because it is an invasion of his privacy but at least the world already knew he was also into guys. It just learns how much Willie hates being in the spotlight and misses the freedom of just skating down the street like a normal guy again.

It’s so much worse for Alex though because now his whole careful prince persona is absolutely shattered and everyone knows the deepest secrets of his heart. That he is gay. That he can be a sarcastic little shit (which princes are also not supposed to be). That he loves literature, music and dance. And that he hates being a prince and thinks the monarchy is an antiquated institution. It’s all out there for everyone to read and he is sure that everybody absolutely hates him now.

The palace forbids any communication and they take away Alex’s phone and Willie is once more driven crazy with the radio silence although he is very sure that this time it’s not Alex’s decision and that Alex is doing much worse because he doesn’t even have a supportive family that stands behind him as he does (because Caleb, Victoria and the Molinas + Flynn are all absolutely there for him).

He makes the speech from the movie, confirming the relationship and rallying against the invasion of privacy and Alex’s forced, non-consensual outing, and reminding the world that this has always been at the heart of the queer liberation movement, the right to decide when or if to come out. He braces the journalists and the camera flashes and gives that speech even though he hates giving speeches and hopes that Alex sees it. So he knows that nothing has changed for Willie. That he still loves him and stands by him. Even if the whole world turns against them.

Victoria finally manages to get Alex on the phone for Willie thanks to Shaan and Alex is Very Not Okay and even through the phone Willie can hear that Alex is close to a panic attack again. He immediately leaves for London.

The rest pretty much goes as in the movie. Alex and Willie are called in to talk to the king (Alex’s parents being present and being very judgemental) and His Majesty tries to convince Alex to deny everything and pretend it is all fake and a ruse to destroy his reputation etc yada bla but (since a sister is not at hand) I think Shaan comes in on the heels of the palace guy talking to the king and alerts Alex to the crowds gathering in support outside Buckingham Palace. Alex finally stands up to his parents and grandfather and he and Willie officially declare their relationship in front of the crowd.

They are very happy.

There might also be some election stuff going on but tbh, I’m not all too concerned with that.

Also, at some point, Willie asks Alex if he wants to have kids and Alex says no because whatever happens, his life will never be normal and he doesn’t want that for his kids. He never wanted to give any heirs to the institution of the British monarchy and even considered sterilisation to make sure of that. He might still go through with that. Also, selfishly, if he abdicates and escapes he wants to live the life he always wanted, which is absolutely fine with Willie. They can be cool gay uncles to all of their friends’ kids without tying themselves down too much, rejecting the heteronormative happy ending with 2.5 kids and a picket fence, and instead enjoying their freedom.

So that’s the Willex Red White & Royal Blue AU I won’t write. Except for giving you 4.4k of headcanons for it ;D

#willex #alex mercer #willie jatp #willie ortegas #wille throckmorton #willie nolastname #jatp fanfic #phantomfloat #best gay ghosts #willex wednesday #yeo writes #(not)#willex rwarb au

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tremendousmothergoat · 3 months

Note

Roll D20: Stroll up into the nearest dive bar and see if you can seduce a hunk into your guts, surely this won't end up turning on you

(added a lot of pictures to this one so putting it in a read-more, here's at least the first so you get the gist)

"So you see, some silly friends of mine dared me to find the nearest hunk and see if they could fit inside my belly. They're, ah, right around the corner, and if I do not return to them with a stomach full, I shall never hear the end of it! Hmm? Oh, no, they're really just around the corner, I wouldn't come to a place like this alone, ha ha..."

....

Several hours later, the orca exited the bar, stomach full of cheap beer and one very panicky, half-digested goatmom. If she'd really come with friends, obviously they would have come looking for her at the first sign of trouble, right? Then he could have had seconds. But nah, had to fill up on bar snacks instead. Shame.

His stomach gurgled loudly as he ran a hand over it. Time to finish this bitch off before he heads home..

Her cry for help was cut off as his powerful abdominal muscles clenched inwards, finishing off the digestion with a terrifying suddenness. Just like that, she was broken down completely, nothing but fuel for this large orca..

"Ah man.. Why do the easy ones always go straight to my ass?"

(Roll: 3)

#(couldn't help add some photos to this one hoho #v.ore #v0re #v/ore #digestion #vr photo

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lovelyminnieee · 2 years

Text

Fate's Hands - L.J

Pairing: Chemist!Jeno x Architect!female reader

Genre: Angst, fluff Warnings: Infidelity, alcohol (if u squint), Cruel fate, insecurity, reader almost gets sexually assulted, forbidden romance, hard emotions. Words: 18K Notes: this bitch is back with a fic for all of yall that stood by the starvation for a while. Giving Jeno and Y/n thoughts because why not. This is Jeno This would be Y/n

Taglist: @fuckinguselesslove @ashesandfanfics @mi-rae07 @rteii ______________________________________________________________

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I love you,” you kissed Jeno’s cheek. He nods, watching you leave with a smile on his face. The moment you leave his sight, he’s in despair again.

His professor had sent a recommendation to one of the companies he wanted to work at, and they’d got back to him. He got a letter that morning, and like any other human who’s curious, he opened it. They said that after reviewing his application and performance in school, the company decided to include him on a year-long internship program. They wanted him to come join after the graduation, which was in two to three weeks.

It was one of his top three companies, and he couldn’t be happier. He was definitely going there. He’s been dreaming of this for so long, so what’s stopping him?

You. He can’t leave you. He’s fallen so in love with you, and he wanted you to be there for him and he wanted to be there for you. But he doesn’t know if that’s possible. He hasn’t told you yet, and he doesn’t want to. But he knows he has to because the sooner the better. Graduation is in weeks, and you still don’t know.

How the hell was he supposed to tell you? ————————————————————Jeno’s currently waiting for you at his dorm, and he’s more nervous than when he confessed to you. How was he going to tell you? God, he’d forget everything the moment he sees your face. He’s even sent all his roommates away for the night, so it could just be you and him when he tells you this.

The doorbell rings and Jeno rushes to open the door, not wanting to keep you waiting in the cold.

“Hi,” he smiles. You smile back, letting yourself into his dorm.

“Where’re the others today?” you ask when you see the very empty dorm. Jeno sighs, tries to hide the emotions in his voice before he says, “I sent them out for the night so we both can have the house to ourselves,”

“Is everything okay?” you turn around to look at him, and Jeno has to smile quickly. “Everything’s fine, you don’t have to be so panicky,” he quickly places a kiss on your forehead.

You’re concerned. It’s not that you haven’t been noticing, but you’ve just been letting it slip past you. He’s been extremely distracted whenever he is with you. It’s not just when he was with you, but it especially stood out when he was with you.

You sit on the counter and watch him place the pasta into the plates. You’re staring at him with an abnormal intensity, but you can’t help but notice his features. His dark brown brows furrowed in concentration as he tried to make the pasta placing mess free, the little pout on his pink lips that you know too well.

He’s so cute.

When Jeno notices you staring at him, he can’t help but feel concerned. Did you finally catch on?

“And I’m done,” Jeno throws the pan into the sink. He looks proud of his work and you can’t help but smile at his face.

“Sit down, I’ll get the drinks,” you tell him and he nods before he sits down on one of the stools opposite from yours. You reach into the cabinet where you assume the wine would be in, and you’re proved correct. You pull out the red wine from the cabinet, grabbing two glasses together with it.

“I’ll take that,” Jeno scoops the bottle of wine from your hands and pours a little into both the glasses separately. It’s such a comfortable silence in the house, and your heart is finally light. The finals have been getting to you.

“How did you do in the finals?”

“I think I did well. I’m not sure, physical chemistry has to be my least favourite branch.” Jeno mumbles, a cute frown covering his lips.

“I’ve had to do so much theory, I hate it. Practicals are so much better when it's architecture,” you say, poking at your food.

The rest of the dinner goes by with so much conversation, but you can tell Jeno’s holding something back as he talks.

“What’re you going to do after you graduate?” you ask, leaning against his chest on the couch as a movie plays on the tv. Both of you haven’t been paying attention to the movie, just the conversation with each other.

Maybe it’s time Jeno finally told you.

“I have to tell you something,” he speaks, sitting up. He pauses the movie and sits up straight, jittery.

Your brain is screaming at you that it’s bad news and that he’s going to say you need to break up.

“So…my professor put in a recommendation to one of the companies I wanted to work at. We’re pretty close, you know him,” Jeno starts, and you nod.

“So uhm, on Monday morning, the company sent me a letter. And like any curious man, I opened it,” you hum, heart beating wildly in your chest.

“I got accepted into their one-year internship program.” Jeno smiles, and you smile too. That wasn’t that bad now, was it?

“Wow, I’m happy for you, Jen,” you smile, genuine happiness shining on your face. Your boyfriend was finally going to do what he wanted to, you were so happy for him.

“But–”

Oh no there’s more.

“They need me to join after graduation, and they are in a completely different country. I-I’m gonna need to move halfway across the world to join them,” you know where this is going, yet you listen.

“I have to leave for Amsterdam to join them since that’s the office they want me to join at. I-I can’t leave you here, I don’t want to.” he says quickly after, his hand reaching for yours.

“So you’re leaving in two weeks time?” you finally speak, your voice extremely controlled of all emotions.

“Yes. I want to try long distance with you, I can’t leave you here, Y/n.” Jeno speaks, his hands wrapped tightly around yours. You slump onto the couch, thinking.

He didn’t tell you until the last possible moment, but that’s off the list. He was going to leave for Amsterdam, halfway across the world for his dream, and he’s going to have to leave you. You’re going to lose him. Long distance is great, but it doesn’t work for you, you don’t know if your relationship can stand the pressure.

“I don’t even know if I should go-”

“You should go.” you mumble at last. Jeno looks up from his lap, teary eyed. God, he really doesn’t want to leave you.

“You need to go, I don’t want you regretting it later.” tears fill your eyes. There are just two more weeks, just two weeks more for him to leave.

“I can’t leave you, Y/n.”

“I can’t do long distance, Jeno. it’s never going to work, it’s just gonna throw both of us into misery. Its–” you swallow in an attempt to hold tears back.

“It's better if we both end it with you leaving. But until then, I need you with me. I need you to be with me, just for the next two weeks, please.” your voice cracks slightly, and Jeno’s heart thrums. It hurts so much, more than he expected it to hurt.

“I want to stay with you until the end, Y/n. I’m not going anywhere.” Jeno pulls you into his arms, and your tears fall free immediately. It’s not just your tears that fall, Jeno’s too. He holds you tighter than he’s ever held you before, so close to his heart, so close to him.

“I don’t want to leave you, please.” he clutches onto your sweater, and your heart hurts. He’s worked so hard for this, he deserves it. He can’t not leave just because of you.

“We’re going to find each other again, I promise.” you whisper, tears running down your cheeks.

The next two weeks passed as if there was a timer on happiness. Jeno and you did and tried everything you could have possibly wanted to do together, everything on both your lists. Everytime he smiled, you stared at his face to imprint him into your mind. You want him to stay but hell, he had to go. If you ever told him not to, he’d rush to cancel his ticket. Because he’ll do everything to have you next to him. It would be so selfish of you to ask him to stay.

You watch Jeno pack his bag, trying to hold back tears. Your heart felt heavy and all the weird emotions had you choking inside. You sigh shakily, trying to hold back from telling him not to leave.

“Did you pack the blue hoodie?” you ask quietly, and Jeno turns around with a sigh.

“I’m leaving it here, it’s yours now,” he tries to smile, but seeing you all sad like this isn’t helping him. He sits down next to you on the bed, taking your hand in his. He caresses it softly, pressing a soft kiss to the back of your hand.

“I don’t want to go, not if it’s without you,” he says and you look up from your lap in tears.

“You have to go. I don’t want you regretting it later, thinking about how many opportunities you’d missed because of someone who may or may not be worth your time,” you wipe your tears.

“You’re always going to be worth my time, baby. I’m gonna miss you so much,” his hands find your face, and his lips find yours. You indulge in the most hurtful, sickeningly sweet and loving kiss, tears finally breaking onto your cheeks.

“Touch me one last time. Make me remember your touch, your taste, your smell, please.” you touch your forehead with his, noses touching ever so lightly. Your hands wrap around his neck, holding him close. You already miss him so much.

“I love you,” Jeno whispers just as he kisses you once again. Maybe you two just weren’t fated together. ————————————————————

The ride to the airport was quiet. You’d gotten a taxi for the both of you since Jeno wouldn’t be able to drive you back to your apartment. Your hands are linked in tight with his, but both of you say nothing to each other. Your head leans on his shoulder, and he accepts it with a hand to your shoulder.

You know if you speak you’ll cry. You keep your lips as tightly drawn as possible as your thoughts go over each of Jeno’s touches from the previous night. His gentle, gentle touch, the whispers of I love you’s, and his soft kisses. You’re gonna miss him so much.

Jeno asks the taxi driver to park and wait a little bit for you. He pays the driver for the whole trip so you don’t have to, and that would be the last time he’d be spending money on you.

“I’m gonna check in, and then go through immigration and get on the connecting flight.” Jeno says and you nod, not trusting your voice to speak.

“Say something, please,” this time, Jeno’s voice gives him away. You look up at his tear filled eyes, and tears fill your own.

“I don’t want you to go, please.” you crash onto his chest in hiccups of tears, holding so tightly onto his coat. He gasps softly, choking his tears down. He holds onto you tight, kissing the top of your forehead ever so softly.

“I’m this far, I can’t go back now, fuck, if you’d said this a little earlier,” he hastily wipes away a tear. Your tears don’t stop, your heart hurts too much.

“You’re my girl, right? We will find each other again, if fate wants us together.” Jeno whispers and you finally pull from him to look into his chocolate eyes.

“Promise?” he can't look away from your pretty glassy eyes. God, you’re gorgeous. He doesn’t want to let go of you.

“Promise. It’s in fate’s hands, baby, but I promise, if I have to, I’ll defy fate to get to you.” he holds your face, and you push up on your toes a little to kiss him. His hand wraps around your waist and kisses you deep, deep enough so you’ll never forget.

“I love you.” he whispers, and you nod, whispering the same words back. When his hands leave your waist and grabs his suitcase, you’ve never known a pain so deep. So deep it physically hurts you to watch him leave. You have to hold yourself back from crying when he turns around one last time with a smile, tears gleaming in his eyes.

“I love you,” he mouths as you mouth back the same, watching him disappear inside the doors. God, it hurts, it hurts so much.

All you ever wanted was him. When have you ever gotten everything you wanted? ———————————————————— Five years laterYou were the dream. The youngest employee of a big architectural firm, currently up for a promotion to team leader. If you make it, you’ll be the youngest one to make that position.

You’re picking at your fingers and skin while you’re waiting for the call from the higher ups as a confirmation for the promotion. You were up with three other people, and you can’t help but feel as if you didn’t deserve it. They were all old enough to be wise and responsible for their team but you? You’re not sure about yourself.

Your phone rings and you gasp, your heart beating wild. You pick it up and try to sound as chill as possible.

“Hello? This is Y/n,”

“Hello Ms. Y/n. Good afternoon. This is Secretary Kim,” the lady on the phone says.

“Hi secretary Kim, how can I help you?”

“I’m calling on behalf of the promotion. I’m sure you’ve been waiting for the news,” you can hear the smile in her voice.

“Yes, yes. I have been waiting. I’ve been so nervous about it,” you giggle, and she chuckles.

“You’re the youngest person who’s applied for the promotion, how nice,” you can hear a few pages flip.

“Always aimed high, can’t help it,” you giggle. She chuckles a little and then sighs, and you’re convinced of that moment that you didn’t get the job.

“Well, I’m happy to inform you that you’ve gotten the job,” you squeal, all that almost breaking into a scream. The laugh in the secretary’s voice tells you she was playing around with your mind.

“Congratulations, Ms. Y/n.” she says, and you can’t help but tear a little.

“Thank you so much, secretary Kim, thank you so much,” you thank her, your heart wild.

You got the promotion. God, you’re so happy, you’d hug anyone that you see on first sight.

“I have to go now, but congrats once again, Ms. Y/n.”

“Bye secretary kim, thank you,” and she declines the call.

You have to go pick up your new ID later that week, but hell, life was perfect. You got a promotion and a raise, you’re in the best of your relationship with your parents, your best friend is the best. You can’t say the same about your love life, because your current boyfriend was not it. He can’t make you finish, he likes everything the opposite of how you like it and he’s not willing to sacrifice. You’re not in love with him, you don’t know why you’re still with him in the first place.

____________________________________

When you wake up the next morning, you’re confused. You just had a dream of your ex Jeno, who left for Amsterdam five years or so ago. It was his smile, just him smiling in his coat lab and glasses.

Maybe he’s made it.

The separation that happened still brings you to tears. You still miss him sometimes. But whatever, you need to go get your badge. Just a quick stop at work, that's it.

You get dressed and walk to the cafe nearby for a coffee, and think about maybe taking a walk around the neighbourhood. You grab your bag, almost forgetting to lock the doors when you leave.

“Hi Y/n, turning up to work?” The boy at the counter asks, and you smile.

“Morning, Mark. Gotta pick up a badge from work, I got the promotion,” you giggle, and Mark’s eyes widen.

“You got it? Congrats! Coffee’s on me today,” Mark bills your usual order, sending it to the back. Mark and you have been friends from when you moved into the neighbourhood about three or four years ago. Your orders and your likings are a memory to the boy, and he’s fun to hang out with. In all honesty, you’d rather hang out with Mark than your boyfriend.

He’s got a big smile on his face as he gives you your order, a cheesecake you didn’t order with it. You look at him questioningly, confused.

“You like cheesecakes, just take it, it’s on me,” he smiles. “Well aren’t you generous,” you giggle, and he laughs.

“I’ll buy you food, come over sometime later, I’ll call you,” you promise Mark, and he nods with a huge smile. You think you saw a dust of pink on his cheeks.

When you finally set out of the cafe for your office, it’s almost 30 minutes after. The office is close by, you might as well walk there. It’s been so long since you took a walk that long, and it’s nice to notice things you haven’t before, like the sale sign on one of the plots that was previously there, had disappeared. Good for the house, it’s been abandoned for a while now.

When you make it to the office, you expect it to be empty, instead, all of your team is there.

“Y/n!” Yuna turns around, running to give you a hug.

“Congrats to you, girl.” She says. “I didn’t think I’d get it for real,” you giggle and your best friend glares at you.

“There was no way that old hag was going to get the promotion. You’re young, and there’s a lot of gain for the company if they hire you so…it’s no surprise,” she says, and you have to stop yourself from laughing because the said hag is walking towards you.

“Congratulations, Y/n.” She wishes you, but you can tell that’s fake as fuck. The venom in her voice is so heavy.

“Thank you, Ashley.” You return. As she stares you down, your best friend intervenes.

“Thank you so much for your wish, Ashley, now fuck off,” she sneers, and the said Ashley scoffs before turning about and leaving. Your best friend is the only one bold enough to ask Ashley to fuck off because Ashley is almost ten years older than all of your team.

“Why’s everyone here?” You ask Yuna, and she sighs.

“Manager called everyone in because a VIP is coming in today. Our team got the work so we need to gather for a meeting. And you as a team leader weren't even called. What even is he doing,” she stares at the manager’s door. You really don’t feel like working today.

“I came in to collect my badge, Not to work. Tell the manager that I’ve got an emergency. They can’t do anything about it, it’s literally a weekend,” you grumble, and Yuna laughs.

“I’ll tell em, you go girl. Hurry before that witch comes back to snitch on us.” you nod, hurrying out of the office after collecting the said badge from the reception. It’s such a nice day, the sun bright and cheery.

You wonder what Jeno’s up to. You remember his words so clearly.

“It’s in fate’s hands, baby, but I promise, if I have to, I’ll defy fate to get to you.”

Maybe fate didn’t want you together. What a bitch.

Your phone rings, and you glance at it to see your boyfriend’s name displayed across the screen. You groan before picking it up.

“Hello?”

“Baby, congratulations,” he speaks, and you smile.

“Thank you, babe.”

“Let me take you out for today,” he says, and you desperately try to find something in your day as an excuse. You don’t want to lie, but you don’t want to go out with him either.

Mark, you said you’d call Mark later the day.

“Ah, maybe not today.”

“Why not?” he asks, and he sounds disappointed.

“Uh, I’ve got work today, Jihoon, I’m sorry,” you apologise. The thing is, Jihoon is good looking, he’s caring and he’s good to you. It’s just that you both have interests that often clash. He likes jazz, you like more mainstream. He hates dancing, you dance as a hobby. He loves to exercise, but you don’t like it. He’s exhausting to be with. He tries to force his love of jazz onto you, and no hate to jazz, but he makes you want to hate jazz, although you try to hold back from doing it. You guys are different in so many ways, and you always end up being the one who sacrifices your likings.

“Alright, I’ll call you later, love you,” he says.

“Hmm, love you too,” you cringe because god, only you know how big of a lie that was.

Hopefully, you’ll get over your guilt of not loving him soon because you can’t wait to break up with him, and you don’t care how mean that sounds. ————————————————————“Morning, Y/n.” your manager greets you, and you bow with a smile.

“Congrats on your promotion. Your team’s taking on a big one today,” your manager smiles, and you thank her before going into your office space.

It’s complete chaos in there, and you have to pause a minute before you register. People are running about left and right, the office is a mess, someone is crying in a corner, and the printer isn’t working. So much for the first day.

“Everyone, your attention please,” you catch all their attention. You smile gently, feeling the chaos calm a little.

“What’s up?” you ask, and someone from the crowd answers.

“There’s a VIP who needs immediate attention. He wants to remodel the house from across the street, he wants a few plans ready just for a showcase so he can choose his architect. His fiancee is worse. They’ll be here in an hour,”

Your head throbs from the information.

“Okay, here’s how it’s gonna go. Everyone print two to three of your best designs, and calm down. We don’t need to panic, if we don’t get chosen, we’re still gonna have our job, it doesn’t matter. Now don’t rush it, use the downstairs printer while I take a look at this one, go,” you give instructions, and the crew does seem to take a deep breath before moving again. It’s a lot calmer when they start moving again, and there’s a lot more air to breathe.

You’re proud of your crew for being so nice and obedient. In almost an hour, they’re all ready with their designs.

“Mr. Lee will be here in a few,” the receptionist pops in to inform you, leaving right after. You even bought the team some drinks so they’d calm down because honestly, you don’t understand why they’re so panicky about one job.

“Yuna, with me. We’ll greet him,” you call Yuna as you stand up from your chair, buttoning your jacket. Yuna nods, following your lead.

You’re caught up in a conversation with the receptionist as the couple walk in. Or so you think.

“Good morning, Ms. Seo,” the receptionist greets, and you turn around to a beautiful woman. She is absolutely stunning to look at. Her skin looks soft, her hair in the prettiest waves down one of her shoulders, perfect features. Whoever lucked her won in life.

“Hello, my fiance will be here in a minute, he’s just parking,” she smiles, and man, her teeth are in the best condition.

“Good morning madame, I’m Y/n, feel comfortable to refer to me casually. This is my coworker Yuna, and our team will be handling your requests.” you smile your brightest smile, feeling a little too self conscious. Your hair was tied up in a quick knot at the back of your head in the rush, and you forgot to take it out before you came out.

“Nice to meet you, Y/n. You too Yuna, thank you for taking this up, I’m quite grateful for your help,” oh man, she’s kind too. What a nice woman.

You hear the door open once again, and you get ready to meet the said fiance. When you look away from Seo, you can’t believe your fucking eyes.

“Jeno,” Seo smiles, reaching up on her toes to press a kiss to Jeno’s lips. Jeno slips the car keys into his jacket pocket while his lips are pressed onto his and when he looks up, he can’t believe his eyes.

What are you doing here? Well he figured you probably work here, but what was he doing here? What were you doing in front of each other?

“Y/n.” your name accidentally slips from between his lips. You look more than beautiful, you look gorgeous. Your hair was tied in the cutest knot at the back of your head, exactly how you always liked your hair when you were working. You looked so mature, so grown, like life had its way with you, and you looked absolutely beautiful in a work suit.

“You know her?” Seo asks, looking up at Jeno.

“We-” Jeno starts, but you know you have to finish it because he’s stupid like that. He’ll say that you’ve dated in the past and his fiancee will probably leave this company for some company else.

“We went to the same university.” you smile. Jeno looks so much older, more mature. His beige coat, you remember it as his best fitted colour after a certain pink suit that you’d gotten him back in uni, was fitted perfectly onto him, his cream sweater ever so pretty under the jacket. He looks taller than you remember, facial features more defined. All that cheek fat you remember doesn’t exist anymore. His eyes are just as chocolaty and deep as you remember.

“Oh, what a pleasant surprise,” Seo giggles a little. Jeno smiles, and something strikes your heart. You remember his crystal tears that remained in his eyes as he smiled just like this from the airport, the last time he ever smiled at you.

“Let’s get down to business, shall we?” you sigh, a smile following right behind.

“Yes, yes, sure.” Jeno says, following you into the meeting room. This was going to be one hell of a project. ————————————————————You introduced yourself as the team leader, and he couldn’t help but be fascinated at how well you handled the presentation. He was intrigued by a few designs but Yoonseo didn’t seem to like any at all.

Too small, too big, too wide, too long, only one floor, a floor too much, god, the complaints were endless. It just kept going.

The presentation eventually did end, and it ended great. Jeno liked every single one, but the one designing would be his to-be wife. She was currently sitting across from you, telling you all her demands. They were endless just like her complaints. But you were nodding with a smile, taking down everything.

“I think we can do that,” you assured Yoonseo, and she smiled, nodding. It looked to Jeno as if you were ignoring his existence, which is exactly what he should and would have done in this situation.

“Is there anything you would like to add, sir?” you ask Jeno, who looks shattered and shocked at the way you addressed him. He stumps for a second before he rushes to correct you.

“Y/n, just call me Jeno, please.” he sounds strained, and you’re not sure his fiancee picked that up.

“Okay, Jeno. Would you like to add anything?” This sounds so weird to you because you haven’t spoken about that name in years.

“No, no, she’s the one in charge, I’m here for moral support,” he laughs a little, and you force a smile. Why does your heart still hurt? The wound feels so fresh.

“Okay then, I’d get my team to work on this. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by today, I hope we can fulfil your requirements.” you tuck a strand of hair back into its place, your fingers nervously fiddling with the pen in a certain way. Jeno knows it's something you do when you feel insecure, or you feel the need to cover up or hide behind something. He can guess it’s because of his perfect fiance, who looks like she walked right out of a dream.

“We’ll leave now, we really need to be somewhere else,” Jeno grabs Seo’s hand, and your eyes follow his hands.

“We’ll see you again soon, thank you…” you trail off as they leave the room. You need a minute after ignoring Jeno like that. You just ignored someone that you spent your entire life yearning for, hoping he’d come back for you. You’d forgotten him? Bullshit. You’d always hoped he’d come back for you because you were so done with your boyfriend and the men that life throws your way. Everytime you and Jihoon had sex, he wasn’t the one you imagined was between your legs, it was Jeno. Nobody could’ve and did ever touch you as good as Jeno did. You don’t remember moaning Jihoon’s name so loud he had to kiss you to shut you up, but you do remember the same thing that happened around five years ago with Jeno.

You remember the soft gasps and quiet moans on that last night, the way his hands, the same hands that held hers, held you so tight, his hips working into you gently. His whispers and promises of “I love you’s” and his kisses on your shoulders, the marks he left behind that felt so fresh on your skin.

He’s the only one who’s ever marked your skin, ever. You never let Jihoon or anyone else mark your skin. You remember staring into the mirror and crying as your fingers ran over the fading marks he left behind, the only thing he left behind other than his baby blue hoodie that you wore only on the nights you missed him too much. It was tucked away safely in an empty wardrobe so it wouldn’t lose its smell or be dirtied.

The smell has faded a lot, but it still remains a little bit. You love it.

“Y/n,” Yuna calls from behind, and you spin around to stare at her.

“Is everything okay?”

You nod, faking a smile. ————————————————————When Jeno finally gets home with Yoonseo, he’s mentally exhausted. He’s been with her for two years, and yeah, she’s always been a little picky. But today was the day he knew how picky she could get. Endless complaints on repeat, endless suggestions on repeat, endless demands that were honestly something more than both.

“Today was a busy day,” she sighs as she falls onto the couch. Jeno hums in agreement, leaving his coat on the hanger, joining her on the couch.

“Hey, about Y/n,” she starts, turning her head to look at him. Your name perks his ears, and his attention is caught quickly.

“Yeah?” Jeno replies, and he worries if he answered a little too quickly.

“How do you know her?” Jeno has to breathe and stop himself for a minute. He figured she can’t know that you’ve dated in the past, or even how serious it really was when you answered for him back in the office. You still know him oh so well.

“We were pretty good friends, when I got the internship letter to Amsterdam, we just eventually ended up growing apart,” Jeno tries to sound nonchalant.

“Really? Your relationship felt deep, I thought you dated her or something,” she says, and Jeno tries to laugh, just to brush it off.

“No, no, no, what?” he looks at her with a last laugh, and she looks at peace with his denial.

“Jen,” she calls again after a minute or two, and her voice sounds a lot more airy.

“Yeah?” Yoonseo never really liked casual nicknames, while he liked them a lot. He tried not to force them on her, but he’s grown a habit of holding back around her now.

She shuffles over into Jeno’s lap, and he’s taken aback. He looks up at her with confusion in his eyes, although he knew exactly where this was heading. She presses herself to his chest, lips inches away from his.

“Kiss me please?” She breathes onto his lips, and like any other man with an attractive woman, who also happens to be his fiancee, Jeno does exactly what’s asked of him. He kisses her. It somehow feels so wrong, so so so wrong of him to be doing. His mind is filled with you when it should be filled with her, and god dammit, he can’t do anything about it. ————————————————————It’s late at night when they’re finally done, and Yoonseo is fast asleep in his arms. He’s bare except for the sweats he has on, and Yoonseo with just her lingerie. He can’t sleep, although he’s way too tired to be up right then.

He can’t stop thinking about you, and it feels so wrong. He’s just had sex with someone he was going to marry and he was thinking of you? How stupid. He was only book smart, you were always the emotionally intelligent one in the relationship. Whenever he was going to take stupid impulse decisions, you were always the one who made him think twice.

He remembers your last kiss at the airport. The one last kiss you both shared and the way you stared at him until he was out of your sight. Your glassy eyes and red nose, the last look he ever took at your pretty face. God, he misses you.

And it’s wrong to miss you. So wrong to miss you when he’s engaged to another woman who’s perfect in every way and form, but he can’t help it. He misses the way your touches give him shivers, he misses the way you smile when he gives you a flower he found on his way to you, he misses you.

Fate is a bitch and there’s nothing he can do about it. ————————————————————He’s at your office again, and he doesn’t know why. His feet dragged him there, and when he asks the receptionist for you, he realises he’s really there asking for you. How did he get here, he doesn’t know.

“Oh, Mr. Lee, Y/n is in a meeting right now, I’m sorry, she might be back in about 15 minutes. Is it okay if you wait? Do you want me to go check how long it's going to take?” she asks, and Jeno nods. She excuses herself before leaving, and Jeno finds a chair to sit on.

“Y/n!” the receptionist calls for you, and you have to pause your explanation as you give a little bit of your attention to her.

“Mr. Lee wants to meet you.”

“Mr. Lee?” you’ve met an innumerable amount of Lee’s, believe it or not.

“Lee Jeno, he’s waiting for you in the foyer.” your heart drops. Your plan was to ignore him and treat him as a client until this project finishes up, and that was the only way you were willing to treat him. He’s got a fiance now, he didn’t come back for you.

“I’ll be there in 10,” you swallow thickly, trying to quickly finish the presentation on hand. You do end up finishing faster than you intended to, and you’re soon saying thank you and walking out of the meeting room.

You have to pause to fix yourself for a moment before you decide to walk into the foyer, your eyes meeting Jeno’s. It’s your first time being alone with him, and it’s just like that for him too.

When his eyes find yours, he’s awestruck. Your hair is down your back now, perfectly styled and you’re fitted into a pretty baby blue suit. You look stunning and god, he’s going to lose it.

“Jeno, what brings you here?” you smile, your heart in your throat. Your stomach is doing the same flips they always did with a trace of him.

“I- I just wanted to see you. Maybe catch up if you aren’t busy.” he says, and it feels so foreign. God, you hate the unfamiliarity.

“Uh-”

“You’re probably like super busy, I’m sorry-” and before he goes spiralling like he always does when he overthinks something, you stop him.

“I’m not busy, I promise. I’ve got a little bit of time left before I have to get back,” you figure taking a little break wouldn’t hurt. You’ll just tell the receptionist before you leave.

“Okay, cool,” he nods repeatedly, eyes faltering. You find that cute, but you know how wrong it is. He’s about to get married, for fuck’s sake.

“There’s a cafe just around the corner, what do you think?” you ask him, but Jeno couldn’t care less. He gets to listen to you talk for over just a few minutes.

“Okay, sounds good,” he agrees, smiling. He still looks like a puppy, no matter how much time goes by. You remind yourself that squishing his cheeks was not an option. ————————————————————

When you finally settle down on one of the tables in the corner of the cafe, it’s quiet. You’re just taking him in, his presence, his looks, everything. He’s wearing a blue jacket today, a white button up underneath. He’s a lot taller and more buff now, his hair is longer, and he’s the kind of handsome that women have always found attractive from the beginning of time.

“How are things?” Jeno’s nice enough to talk first.

“Uh, things are good. I work there now, youngest employee in a leadership role and whatnot,” you smile, and Jeno looks proud of you. It makes your heart flutter.

“Wow, that’s great. I’m proud of you,” he smiles, and his eyes shrink into crescents. He’s so pretty.

“How about you?” you ask, and he smiles.

“Leading chemist of our company. I’m being transferred here to manage a new branch opening in seoul.” he says, pauses for a little before he asks something else. “How have you been? The last few years were…” he trails off.

“I’ve been…okay. It was rough, but I have a boyfriend now.”

It’s still hard for me, I don’t know why you ever think you’ll be something easy.

Jeno’s heart stops for a brief second when he hears boyfriend. There are so many questions he wants to ask.

Are you happy with him? Does he make you feel like you’re worth everything? Does he love you? Do you love him?

“A boyfriend? Wow, that’s nice. What’s his name?” it shouldn’t hurt him, he knows. There’s no reason for anything like that to sting a little, but it stings. If anything, he’s got a fiance.

“Yoon Jihoon. He works at a law firm,” you nod, biting your lips out of habit. All this in circumstance hurts you so much, fate is unbelievably cruel.

“I see…” he trails off, thinking. He wonders if you remember the blue hoodie he left behind for you. Maybe you’d thrown it out, but the wound in his heart was so fresh.

“My break is almost over, I should get back now,” you mumble, and Jeno catches it.

“Yeah, yes, let me walk you back,” Jeno stands up just as you do, and you nod. You still had almost twenty minutes left on your break, but sitting here with him like this, you weren’t sure if that was helping you. It was moreover decimating your mental health.

The walk back to your office was almost all silent. You just wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him on the cheek and tell him you waited for him, and that’s exactly what he wanted too, no matter how wrong it was.

But to the both of you, it looks as if you didn’t wait for each other. Jeno came back with a fiance, while you had a boyfriend. It wasn’t right, wanting each other back.

“Do stop by our house later, Yoonseo wanted me to tell you that. Also…” he continues, but you’re disturbed by the mention of his fiancee.

“Sorry? I didn’t-” you sigh. Jeno presses his lips into a thin line and then smiles, shaking his head.

“Nevermind actually, it wasn’t important anyway,” he says, and you nod, sending him off with a bye.

Jeno knew asking if you were up for another coffee date was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. And he was somewhat relieved you didn’t hear it because he couldn’t stand repeating it one more time with that sinful mouth of his. Why was he asking you on another one? So evil of him when he knows you’re having a hard time with his arrival.

God, he wanted you so bad. ————————————————————You breathe out, standing in front of the apartment that Jeno had told you to stop by. Seo sent you the address shortly after, and you took an early leave before setting off to their apartment.

You ring the doorbell, heart beating in your chest. Fuck, you were going to pass out before they even opened the door. Why were you so nervous?

Maybe because Jeno’s here.

No. No no no no. no.

The door swings open and a messy haired Jeno stands there, lips pouted like a puppy. His hair was sent in all directions, and you just wanted to giggle before soothing the mess out for him.

Hands, please stay in place. Please listen to your brain for once.

You only get a few seconds to register him before he swings the door shut again, right in your face. What the fuck?

Jeno panics as he fixes his hair, pulls down his shirt and raises the way his pants sit on his waist. He makes sure he looks alright, he rubs his eyes a little, and tries to smile a little before he opens the door again.

Fuck, I closed it in your face.

“I am so so sorry, I didn’t mean to close it in your face, I’d just woken from a nap, I panicked.” his words come out mumbled, but you understand. You’d do the same if Jeno just suddenly showed up at your place too.

His hair was now settled, shirt tight on his torso, his grey sweats sitting right on his waist.

Grey sweats were and still is your weakness. He knows that.

“Come in,” he invites you in, and you gladly follow his lead into the home. The space is pretty, decorated, possibly interiored, in lava grey and white.

“Very pretty interior,” you compliment, looking around.

“Thank you, means a lot coming from an architect,” he says and smiles. Your heart skips a beat at his smile, the same moments from over five years returning to you.

His eyes grew into the prettiest crystals when he smiled, his teeth on full display, his nose scrunched. You never had enough strength in you to take that.

So you look away from the most beautiful sight. You laugh slightly, nodding.

“Uh, Yoonseo isn’t home yet. I don’t know when she’ll be home, she went out to attend a lecture. Although if you count how long I’ve been asleep, she should be home pretty soon,” he laughs again, and god, you feel your knees getting weak. The way he laughs, you want it imprinted in your mind.

“I see. I can wait,” you nod, trying to convince yourself that the man in front of you wasn’t attractive and that even after over five years, you still didn’t have feelings for him.

“Mhm, would you like something to drink? Tea? Coffee?” you shake your head, smiling gently.

“Alright then.” he closes the pantry and walks to you, and he looks like he remembers something.

“Actually, I remember something particular from the presentation you did the other day, one of the designs. Would you mind showing it to me again?” he sits next to you, and you’re intrigued by his question.

“Absolutely not, just a second,” you pull out your laptop and start scrolling through your presentation, stopping at one design.

“Is this it?” Jeno moves closer to take a look, but shakes his head.

You switch the slide, and look at him for confirmation, and he shakes his head again. When you pull up the next slide and realise that it’s your design, you chuckle awkwardly before switching to the next slide.

“No, no, switch back, it’s that one,” Jeno points out with a pout on his lips.

His very pretty lips. No, no, Y/n let’s not get distracted.

“This one?” you switch back, and he nods. “This is my design, it’s not one of my best. I’ll show you bett-”

“I want to hear about this,” he looks into your eyes and your heart doesn’t listen to your brain as it skips a beat.

“W-well,” your heart starts racing, excitement running through your veins.

“Uh, it’s a two story house design with five…” you turn to look at Jeno out of habit, but trail off when you see how close his face is to you. He seems focused on the design, and when he notices you paused, he turns his head.

His lips are an inch or two away from yours, if you’d just accidentally moved, you could kiss him.

You could.

Jeno doesn’t move at all, he can feel your breath on his lips. He wants to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you in, kiss you. He wants to do the very thing he’s been craving for years.

But it's wrong. So so so wrong. So what?

You make him want to stray from his morals, you make him want to do things he would never do.

Your heart is racing in your chest, his breath is so so hot and heavy on your lips and you can’t think about anything but his lips.

His lips his lips his lips his lips so so so so so so close to mine his lips close to mine so close to mine so close to mine so close to just kiss him and devour him and remember his taste.

You’re gonna go fucking crazy.

“You drive me fucking insane.” Jeno breaks first, the words rolling off his tongue in such desperation.

Desperation for you.

You need to get your head straight. He’s engaged for fucks sake, but you can’t seem to move at all.

You’re paralysed in the spot, wishing for more. Wanting more.

“J-jeno we shouldn’t- this isn’t right- mmh,” your words get muffled by his lips, and you gasp.

You let go of everything, every moral, every string that was holding you together for good.

He’s finally in your grasp, in your hands, on your lips, even though it’s for a very short time.

You can’t bring yourself to care about how long when he’s finally here on your lips. You grab onto his shirt, tight grip. You’re pulling him in and you can’t have enough. His hands are on your face and your waist, he’s pulling you in deeper.

Jeno pushes you back onto the grey couch, your baby blue suit contrasting the colours to make the most beautiful sight. He pulls away when he feels your back pressed against his couch, just to look at you.

He's about to tell you how beautiful you are and kiss you again when he hears the keys beep and he immediately pushes himself off of you and stands up. You heard it too, so you sit up, and collect your things before you stand too.

When Yoonseo walks in, she’s surprised by your presence.

“Y/n, didn’t expect to see you here,” she smiles, throwing her bag onto the couch. You chuckle awkwardly, nodding. She looks at Jeno and smiles, going to him to place a quick gentle kiss on his lips.

“When’d you wake up?” she asks quietly and he forces a smile. “About thirty minutes ago,” he nods, and she smiles. Just as she’s about to kiss him again, you speak.

“You wanted me to come by?” you ask, and she nods.

“Yes, uh, I need to discuss something with you. Would you like to stay for dinner?” she sighs, her hand wrapped around Jeno. She looks tired.

“No actually, something came up, so I have to leave now. I’m so sorry, do you mind if you could stop by the office tomorrow? Or I can stop by the day after,” you suggest. You were just trying to get out of there, feeling Jeno’s burning gaze on you.

“I’ll stop by tomorrow, is that good?” she asks, and you nod, forcing a smile.

“I’ll text you the time,” you step out of the living room, stepping into your heels. You hurry out the front door, heart beating way too loud in your heart.

When you finally get into your car and close the door, you sigh. Leaning back onto the seat, you blink repeatedly, asking yourself if this is a dream.

What am I doing?

The reality settles in on you. You kissed someone who you have feelings for, the certain someone who also happens to have a perfect fiance with a perfect smile and perfect everything.

While you look like… this.

His words ring inside your head, and you want to fucking pass out.

“You drive me fucking insane,”

Who? Me?

Yes you.

Yes, me. He initiated the kiss. Does this mean he’s got feelings for me too?

Y/n, you’re overthinking. Stop.

Yes, I’m overthinking. Let’s just drive back home for now. ————————————————————

You drop your bag on the couch, exhausted. It’s honestly been a long day, and after that particular incident with Jeno, you haven’t gotten a break from yourself.

You take a bath and do your night routine like you always do, and try to get some sleep since it’s gonna be busy the next day.

But Jeno just won’t leave your mind. The more you try to get rid of him, the more prominently he runs around your brain.

The way his hand held your cheek, the way it held your waist, the soft but desperate touches, the way his lips moulded into yours, the way his body fit right into yours like it was always meant to be, fuck you’re going to disolve into thin air.

You don’t want to wreck a relationship. What if he loves her and what happened with you was just the heat of that moment. What then?

Nope, from now on, you’re just going to ignore him. Ignore him until your feelings dissolve into thin air. Yeah, sounds right. ——————————————————��—

The next day you turn up to work, you put extra care into your appearance. You put on some lip tint, and actually bothered to make your hair right. You don’t know why you did all that, but you felt good.

You felt weirdly better than usual. You felt bright, happy and like the day was going to be good.

“Good morning everyone,” you place several cups of coffee on your desk, your yellow suit bright in the morning light.

“Morning to you too, Y/n. What’s up with the eye blinding suit?”

“It’s a good day, the weather’s great too. Also, coffee for everyone,” you announce, and a round of applause echoes in the office. Everyone comes and takes their coffees, hums of satisfaction sounding from everyone.

“Is this a belated promotion happiness or did you fall in love again with someone else?” You search for the voice that said that, and you find Jaemin staring at you from a corner.

Ugh. Not this morning.

“Please shut up, I can’t take your negativity this morning, Na.” You say, taking a sip from your cup, iced americano running down your throat.

“Whatever, your choice, princess.” Anger bubbles in your throat.

“I have a name.”

“And I chose not to call you that,”

“I-“

“Ms. Y/n, Lee Jeno is here. Said you’d asked him to stop by.” The receptionist pops in to tell you. You nod, all the anger and annoyance burning away, being replaced by nervousness and excitement.

It’s like you were in love with him, all over again. You were always in love with him, but it felt different this time. That kiss didn’t feel wrong, and it should be normal between the both of you today, unless Jeno decides that he wants to talk about it.

“Okay, tell him I’ll be there in a minute or two,” the receptionist disappears out of your vision with a simple nod.

You grab the jacket that you left on the seat, and put it back on, making sure you look your sharpest and prettiest before you head to the reception.

“Y/n,” Jeno’s lips part. You can see the gears in his head working, fascination on his face. His eyes sparkle, standing up.

You simply look way too fucking gorgeous. His eyes can’t believe how beautiful you look in that yellow suit of yours, and all while he knew you preferred to wear cool colours like blue or purple.

He swore he was seeing flowers and a little too much sunshine. Your lips are lined with just the right amount of lip tint, face brighter than the last few days. You look like the you he always carried in his heart.

“Hi, did you have to wait long?” You ask, and Jeno simply can’t talk. His lips refuse to move.

“I- uh- no, no, I didn’t wait long. I just got here.” He finally mumbles. You tuck a strand of straight perfectly styled hair behind your ear, and Jeno gets fascinated at the smallest of actions.

“You look absolutely gorgeous today,” the words leave him before he can get a grip on himself. You stare at him, dumbfounded at the words, cheeks unconsciously heating up.

“Thank you,” you say before he can correct himself. He looks at your burning cheeks, the image slowly printing itself onto his brain. Your shy smile, your burning cheeks, your pretty hair that he’d love to tangle his fingers in, your lips. That brings him back to the incident of yesterday.

He’d slept like a baby last night, even when he thought he’d feel bad for kissing someone else while lying next to his fiance. No, it felt way too right for it to be wrong. He wanted to talk to you about it, but what if that makes things awkward between the two of you? God, that would be his worst nightmare.

“Y-your welcome,” he mumbles shyly.

“Follow me into the office,” you lead him to your office, the one that you newly received as a team manager, the same one you haven’t settled into yet.

“This is my office. I haven’t fully settled into it yet, so just sit down there, and I’ll bring my laptop in a second,” Jeno nods, his eyes taking in the office. It was an adequate size, enough to have a bookshelf. It looked like it was being settled into, which is what you told him.

You walk in with a macbook secure in your hands. You place it down and sit opposite to him, the chair creaking.

“Need to change the chair…” you mumble, quickly writing down on one of the memo pads with a pout. Jeno watches your pout, a smile forming on his lips.

“Sorry, yes, I’m back and we can finally begin,” ————————————————————“That’d be all,” Jeno says, and you nod, taking it down. “Okay then, we can start on monday,” Jeno nods.

“Y/n,” his voice sounds a lot more serious.

“Yeah?” you look up to see him staring at you intensely, his eyes saying he wants to say something.

“About yesterday…” Jeno wanted to ask you if the reason you kissed back was because you had feelings for him, or if it just happened in the heat of the moment. If it was real and you did have feelings for him, he’s gonna have to tell Yoonseo about it. He doesn’t want to lie to her, it feels awful to hide something from your fiance. But if you don’t, he’s going to have to forget this whole thing. You. He’s going to have to forget you.

Panic ensues inside you the moment you hear the word “yesterday,”. What are you going to tell him if he asks for an explanation?

“Did you mean it?'' His voice is quiet. You close your laptop, your brain short circuiting.

“Mean what, Jeno?” Your voice is equally careful and quiet.

“When you kissed me back yesterday, did you mean it?” fuck. This is exactly as you feared it.

And when you speak again, you say the stupidest thing. More stupid than the time your whole apartment short circuited because you touched the electricity board with wet hands.

“No.”

Lie lie lie lie lie lie

The colour drains from Jeno’s face. He goes ghost white.

No, nonononono. Please. Don’t make me do this. I don’t want to forget you.

“Y/n, you can’t joke around about things like these- you- you’re-”

“Jeno, I did that in-”

“You’re joking, right?” Jeno stands up and slams his hands onto the table. Tears gleam in his eyes, desperation dripping from his words.

“Please tell me you’re joking, Y/n.”

“Jeno, Jeno,” you catch his attention by soft whispers of his name, feeling your own tears come up your throat. You swallow the lump in your throat, speaking again.

“I did it in the heat of the moment. And I’m sorry if I ever lead you on. I…” you paused, readying yourself for the next words.

“I never had feelings for you,”

I love you so much, please don’t believe that. I can’t afford to get hurt again, I can’t afford to love you again, I can’t live with the guilt, Jeno please.

All the words you wanted to say were stuck in your throat, not ever coming out.

“You- you’re lying, you have to be lying, what-”

“Jeno, we’re at my office. Please. Don’t make me do this here” you’re surprised at how good you can hold your tears.

“Y/n, you’re not giving me an expla-”

“I need you to leave, please. Please, pretend like that never happened.” you whisper, all your energy spent on holding your tears.

Jeno realises there’s no use in spending all his energy asking you to explain. He retreats his hands from the table, collects himself, wipes his tears and he looks at you in the eye before he says, “You’re lying, Y/n. I know you are. But you don’t want me to hold onto you. I’m not going to force you. But I need you to know I’ll always love you. A part of my heart, even if most of it is occupied by someone else, a part will always, always, be for you.”

“Jeno…” you whisper his name, your voice breaking a little .

“Bye, Y/n. I…hope we’ll never have to meet on these grounds again.” When he pulls his coat over his shoulders, you see the bright crystal tears shining in his eyes.

Just like the time at the airport.

Pain and regret shines in his chocolaty brown eyes, looking over to you one last time before he slams the door behind him. The moment he leaves, the moment he steps out of your office, your head drops into your hands, the tears you were so desperately holding back coming rushing back.

God, you’ve hurt him so bad. So so bad, you’ve hurt him in a depth of the unknown. You want to cry, scream and thrash the office. Your heart hurts too bad.

“Hey, Y/n, what was tha-'' Jaemin opens the door without knocking like he always does. When he sees you in tears, he stops. His words pause, and he feels an uncomfortable pain in his heart.

Jaemin was observing the scene in your office through the half open blinds while everyone else was busy working. He saw the tears in Jeno’s eyes, the tears you were trying to hold back, and even the desk slam. He wanted to check on you, but the scene in front of him made his heart break.

Didn’t he hate you?

He enters the office, closes the door behind him. He locks the door and goes all the way to the other side of the office to shut the blinds. He pauses after, thinking about what to say to you.

“Hey, Y/n,” he half crouches by your side. You lift your head to look at him, quickly hiding it in your face after.

“Go away, Jaemin. I’m not dealing with your shit right now,” you mumble angrily, trying not to choke on your words.

“I was looking forward to ruining your day today, but not like this. I’m not sure I like seeing you like this.” he says so softly, so gently, like you’ve never heard him speak before. You lift your head to look at him again, and there’s no signs of amusement in his eyes. He isn’t lying.

“Why would you care?” you ask, the rest of your face except an eye hid in your palm. You’re thankful to all gods for not wearing mascara today like you usually would.

“Look at me,” he says softly, and you don’t want to listen. You don’t want him to see you like this.

“I said look at me, Y/n,” he says, a little more stern. You look at him, and he pulls your chair to face him.

“You can trust me, I won’t tell anyone. If it’s comfort that you need, I’ll try to comfort you. If you want to talk, I’m here, and I can listen.” he’s looking right into your eyes as he speaks, like he’s listing out every need of yours.

This is going to be embarrassing later, but right now, all you need is a hug and someone to tell you that everything is going to be alright.

“Can I please get a hug?” Jaemin honestly looks taken aback by your request, but he quickly leans forward to wrap you in his strong arms. His arms feel safe and warm, so nice to be wrapped in.

“Sssh, everything is going to be fine, okay? It’ll all be fine,” his words make you clutch onto his black jacket and cry more.

“Why did I have to see him again?” you cry, and Jaemin softly pats your back as you cry. His words are beyond comfort as he soothes you, trying his best to resist himself from placing small kisses on your nape.

Hopefully he still does hate you. Even he doesn’t know why he’s doing this. ————————————————————Jeno’s a mess by the time he’s back in his car. You’re lying, he knows you’re lying. He knows you better than your little boyfriend could ever know you. The way you were pushing back tears, he knows you were lying. If you never had feelings for him, then why were you trying to push back your tears?

His fist slams against the steering wheel in anger, tears on his cheeks. He loves you so much, you didn’t need to do this. You could’ve accepted him, kissed him so desperately like the last time you kissed him. But you chose not to. Why?

His phone rings and he forces himself to check it, and seeing his fiancés name only angers him further.

“No.” he throws the phone into the passenger's seat, staring at the phone until it stops ringing.

Jeno twists the keys and the car roars to life, driving off to somewhere he could be alone.

————————————————————It was starting to get dark when Jeno finally picked up Yoonseo’s phone.

“Hello?”

“Jeno Lee, where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea how many times I called you?”

“A hello would’ve been nice,” Jeno chuckles, hearing a sigh of relief from the other side.

“I thought something might’ve happened to you. I was worried, Jen. Why didn’t you pick up?”

“Was at work. The phone was silent, sorry,” he feels exhausted, lying to her like this. She doesn’t deserve a liar like himself.

“We need to talk when you get home. When’re you going to be home?” Talk? She wanted to talk? Did she find out about the kiss?

“I’ll be home in ten, leave the door open,” he hears her hum. With a mind clearer than about when he came and sat at the edge of the building, Jeno gets up, slipping his phone into his pockets before getting off the edge. ————————————————————You drag yourself home, run down and ruined by the very shitty day that went by. Jaemin took care of you the whole day, although it was quite subtle. He brought your laptop into your office, bought you a warm cup of coffee, and even made you laugh a little. He wasn’t so bad to have around after all.

You make your way straight to the bathroom, throwing your bag onto the bed, heels thrown somewhere. Stripping out of your clothes, you stand under the warm water, the tears of before swelling up again.

The way Jeno left, you could never forget it. The way he turned over his shoulder with eyes that reflected hurt, his hands clenched by his side. He looked just like the last time you saw him, at the airport, five years ago.

About 45 minutes later, and after you’re sure your water bill has skyrocketed, you step out of the shower with a towel wrapped around yourself. You open your wardrobe, reaching for the closed drawer and opening it to find Jeno’s hoodie, quickly slipping it on. You chose to wear a pair of shorts under it, the smell of Jeno comforting you far more than anything could ever.

You hold the arm of the hoodie to your nose, softly sniffing it, your heart growing sadder. It hurts so much, knowing that he’ll never want to meet you again. It’s finally time he moved on from you, maybe. Maybe one last look at the mess you are was all that he needed to move on from you.

Laying back onto your bed, curled up into yourself, you enjoy the comfort his hoodie gives you. Your eyes grow heavy, gently falling shut, imagining that Jeno was next to you giving you kisses.

The doorbell rings loud, shaking you awake from your imagination. Who the fuck is here this late?

You groan as you get up from bed, silently cursing whoever was at the door.

When you open the door, it’s Jihoon and another man standing there that you don’t recognise.

“Hi, I’m so sorry to disturb you. Jihoon was out for a reunion of his old office today, and he got a little too drunk. He threw up on the way here, but besides that, he’s fine. Still very much drunk though,” when you just stare and don’t answer, the man chuckles.

“I’m a lawyer too, name’s Cha Eunwoo,” he smiles, and that has to be one of the most attractive men you’ve ever seen in your entire life. Shit, he was handsome.

“I’m so sorry, Eunwoo, would you mind dropping him on the couch?” you take a side of your boyfriend. Eunwoo agrees, and you both carry him in, attempting to be as careful as possible.

You two finally drop Jihoon on your couch, watching him shift around a bit.

“Thank you for dropping him off,” you say before he could speak.

“I asked him for his address, he told me yours. He kept mumbling about…things. I-I think you should talk to him once he’s all sobered up.” His face remains straight, but his eyes say something else. You’re not able to decipher what you’re seeing.

“I’ll take my leave now,” he smiles at you, and your eyes follow the way his arms stretch in his white shirt. Well shit.

“Thanks again,” you send him off, staying by the door as he steps outside. He nods with a gentle smile and just as you’re about to close the door again, he holds the door.

“Just…be careful tonight. He’s not in the best state,” he sounds quite concerned, and you’re not sure why. Is this about what he said he’d mumbled earlier?

You nod, confusion shining in your eyes. Eunwoo doesn’t want to say more, you know that.

When you finally close the door, you’re just concerned about what he said. You walk back to the living to find your boyfriend talking to himself.

When his eyes catch you standing by the entrance of the living, he smiles. It’s not a nice kind of smile, similar to when you have one of those intrusive thoughts that you want to put into effect.

“Babyyy,” he extends his arms, barely conscious. You thought he passed out, but he doesn’t look that bad.

“Jihoon, you should brush your teeth before you go to bed,” you walk closer to him, Eunwoo’s warning running around briefly in your memory.

You attempt to pull his jacket off, but he shakes your arm off, his fingers wrapping around your wrist in a death grip. You try to shake it off, but his grip is too tight.

“You’re hurting me, let go,” you really weren’t in a mood to play around with him but it didn’t look like he was playing around either. He might be drunk, but he was quite strong.

“Jihoon, I said let go,” you shake your arm a little angrier, his grip tightening. It was really starting to hurt.

“Have sex with me,” he slurrs out. You pause, the urge to break his face a growing thought in your head.

“I’m not in the mood tonight, let go.” you make it clear, trying to pry his fingers off with your other arm.

“No, you’rree gonna have sex with mee,” he slurrs again, and you almost swing at his head.

Almost.

“Let fucking go, Jihoon, you’re hurting me,” he isn’t letting go. Instead, he pulls you onto himself with a tight pull, his hands now wrapping around you with much force.

“What the fuck?!” you scream, taken aback. You struggle in his deathly grip, hitting against his chest.

“Feisty whores need to be punished,” he slurs, and you finally understand. He’s going to sexually assult you. Your boyfriend is going to sexually assult you.

Panic grows inside you wildly. You wiggle your hands free and reach for the brown glass vase on the stand next to the couch with all your weight.

He tips over and the moment your hand comes into contact with the vase, you take it in your hands, and slam it against the side of Jihoon’s head. The glass shatters, the fake flowers spraying everywhere. Jihoon screams, his grip on you going loose, his hand reaching up to press against his head.

You cry out as you step away from him opposite to the tea table, looking at the horrifying sight in front of your eyes. You need to get away from here. There’s blood splattered everywhere, glass everywhere, and Jihoon screaming on a bloody couch. Your head clouds up, tears streaming down.

Blood blood blood glass glass glass so much blood run run i need to run

“YOU BITCH!” he shouts. You come to a realisation and run to the door, slipping on your slippers before running out, making sure to lock the door behind you.

You run as fast as your feet can carry you in these flimsy slippers, and when you’re at the lobby, you realise it’s raining.

You don’t care.

You sprint outside, rain wetting your clothes, people staring with concern. You know they’re staring, but there’s only one person in your mind right now.

Jeno, need to get to Jeno

You run, you run as fast as you can. You slip and fall, you bruise your knees, but even in the rain, your tears won’t stop. You’re not even sure why you’re crying, but all you want to do now is run into Jeno’s arms. Into the warmth and comfort that he offers.

You almost slam yourself against a water hydrant, walking around it and running again. When you look up, you can finally see the blurry outline of Jeno’s apartment. You remind yourself that in this luxury building, Jeno lives on the second floor out of the four floors present.

There isn’t anyone out front, or in the lobby of the apartment. You’re confused for a second before you sprint for the stairs, running up the steps. Your legs beg you to take a break, but you push through the exhaustion, pushing open the door to the second floor. Your eyes lay on his door, more tears pushing through your eyes.

You’re shivering, shaking as you bang weakly against his door with all you have. You push your hoodie sleeve back, wiping your hand in your wet shorts as you ring the doorbell restlessly.

There’s shuffling on the other side and then the door opens, revealing Jeno.

“Jeno,” you cry, relief flooding your system.

“Y/n? What the fuck happened?” He sounds so concerned.

Relief has flooded your system, so much so that your whole body shuts down from exhaustion, causing you to fall over. The last thing you feel is a pair of warm strong arms around you, engulfing you. ————————————————————You shiver again, and that wakes you. You flutter your eyes open, finding a concerned Jeno perched over you. You flinch, and he hisses.

“Stay still,” he warns, and you stay still, trying not to shiver for him. You hiss, assuming that he’s bandaging one of the wounds on your face that you didn’t realise you had.

He looks away to pick up a bandage, finally sticking it on your cheekbone. The wound must’ve happened when you slammed that vase at Jihoon’s head. You were at a close proximity, after all.

When he finally pulls away, his eyes soften. They take in your form and he sighs deeply, sitting back on the carpeted floor.

You’re changed into a hoodie, a pink one that was too big on your body and a pair of track pants that were also, unsurprisingly, too big for you. You’re pretty sure it was Jeno who changed you, since you don’t see or hear Seo. You’re fully wrapped like a burrito in a deep grey blanket and you probably shouldn’t feel this comfortable in a fucking blanket.

When you finally finish analysing your surroundings, your head turns very slowly to look at Jeno.

“Hi,” he says, his gentle eyes finding yours. He smiles softly, making you smile like that back at him.

“Hi.” you reply, attempting to sit up. Jeno raises quickly, helping you settle against the couch, making sure you are still wrapped in the blanket.

"How do you feel?" He asks, and you swallow. You feel shitty, but physically you think it's just exhaustion that you could probably sleep away.

"Uh, I think I feel okay. Should've been a lot more careful running here," you chuckle, and you can tell he doesn't find that funny.

"What happened? Can you tell me that?" You hesitate, tears welling at the memory.

"It was sort of late when I got home. I bathed, got changed and went to bed. Was about to sleep when the doorbell rang. I opened the door. There was Jihoon and some other guy called Eunwoo at the door. Eunwoo told me that Jihoon had been out for some sort of reunion and got a little too drunk. So I helped him place Jihoon on the couch and just as he was about to leave…” Eunwoo’s warning flashes through your mind, clear as day.

“He told me to be careful, that he kept mumbling about things, and that I should talk to Jihoon once he was sober again. I thanked him and saw him out, and when I walked back in, Jihoon was talking to himself. I wanted to take his jacket off and make him comfortable before he went to sleep, so I went closer to him…” you swallow harshly, tears already pricking at his eyes.

“H-he held my wrist and wouldn’t let go, no matter how many times I told him that it hurt. He asked me to have sex with him and when I refused, he pulled me into his arms and wouldn’t let me go. S-so I-I…” you can’t seem to get the words out of your mouth. Your gaze switches to your hands, crying as you stare at them. You’re shaking, tears dripping onto your hands.

Jeno stayed quiet, watching you. He moves closer, his hands snaking into yours. He holds on tight, running his fingers over the bandages on your hands. Your shivers seize as you look at him again, the urge to tell him the rest growing.

“I panicked and reached for the vase on the side stand and- and I swung it against his head. Glass shattered everywhere, there was blood everywhere, on my hands too. I couldn’t think, I ran straight here,” you spill the rest, holding tightly onto his hand.

“In the rain?” he whispers softly.

“In the rain,” you confirm in the same way.

Jeno sits there in shock, his eyes taking you in. You were wrapped in that blanket, looking so small, your hand clutching onto his desperately. His heart broke, and he tried to push down the unreasonable tears that rose up his throat.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and you look up from your lap. You try to smile as you nod, tears swelling in your eyes again.

He’s not sure what to say, but he thinks that you probably need some time to process everything. He’s not going to talk or disturb you, he’s just going to stay by your side, holding your hand and reassuring you that no matter what, he’d always be there for you.

Your curiosity won’t shrink, but you try to suppress questions about where Seo is. But when you finally hit a corner with suppressing, the question comes out by itself.

“Where’s Seo?” you ask, and he looks up, a sad smile on his face.

“She- uh- she left,” he nods, pressing his lips into a thin line. You know you shouldn’t have inquired more about it, but you did.

“Went where?” you ask innocently, head tilted to an angle. He sighs before telling you the whole story.

“She called me earlier today telling me we had to talk. I returned home, she sat me down and told me that she was seeing someone else. Removed her ring and gave it to me. When I didn’t respond much emotionally like she thought I would, I came clean with her too. Told her I have feelings for you, although I didn’t tell her you brushed me off. That’d make me look pathetic. But yes, I did tell her that, and the kiss…you told me to pretend like it never happened, so I didn’t tell her that either. She was happy that she wasn’t leaving me in the dust, she packed up and left a few hours ago. I was just starting to open a can of beer when you knocked at my door,” he chuckles sadly. Your heart is breaking for him, he doesn’t deserve this.

“Jeno…I- I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” you mumble, your hold on his hand gentle. You were the one comforting him now. You can see him bite back tears.

“No, no, it- it’s okay, really.” he assures you, blinking back gentle tears. You can’t see him in pain like this.

“Uh, have you eaten anything?” Jeno asks in an attempt to steer away from the topic, and you shake your head once you understand. Sometimes, distractions are better than dealing with things. Even if it’s for a little.

“Come on, I’ll cook,” he smiles again, but this time, it’s a lot brighter. His eyes say something like, At Least I have you.

He stands up, offering his hand to you. You take it without a second thought. When he’s sure you can stand up on your own, he lets go of you. He doesn’t want to cross any lines that you might have in place.

You follow him like a lost puppy, your blanket dragging behind you. Jeno looks back, suppressing an endearing laugh, his heart clutching in his chest.

God you’re so fucking cute.

“Sit down,” he says, and you adjust yourself onto the tall seat.

This reminds you of the times back in uni he’d sit you down somewhere and make you watch him cook, talking about so many different things all at once. They’re memories you’ve always cherished.

“What’d you want to eat?” he asks, and you stare at him dumbfounded. Your mind instantly reels back to the time he last cooked for you, and that was a sort of pasta.

“Remember back in uni, the last time you cooked for me, you cooked a type of pasta. That was your own recipe, something you said you’d been saving for special occasions,”

“I remember that.” he says quietly, his hands placed onto the counter, looking into your eyes.

“I’m craving for it,” you smile, and he nods, a soft smile on his face.

“I haven’t made it after that day. Thinking of it always reminded me of you. I couldn’t bring myself to use that recipe again knowing that you wouldn’t be the one I’m feeding.” he says, and your heart breaks.

“Just because of me?”

“Just because of you. I never moved on from you, Y/n.” his voice is barely above a whisper.

“But you had a fiance, Jeno.” your eyes falter, heart stutters.

“I did, but a part of my heart, unknown to me if it was the biggest or the smallest, always belonged with you. Cried for you. Yearned for you every fucking day.” he can feel his heart opening up. Each and every emotion about you that he’s bottled up for the past five years begs to come pouring out.

“Jeno…”

“You won’t believe how happy I was when I saw you in that blue hoodie. I know that hoodie like the back of my hand. I thought by now, for sure, she’d have thrown it out. But no, you kept it, Y/n.” you can’t tell what kind of tears are shining in his eyes, whether they’re happy ones or sad ones.

“Jeno, I never threw it away because even after all this time, I wasn’t ready to let you go. I wasn’t ready to let you go and accept that you might never come back and that I might never meet you again. I wanted to hold on to the last, very thin possibility that you might be mine again,” your eyes start filling with tears. Your own suppressed feelings pressing against your chest.

“I wore it tonight because after what happened in the office, with us, I needed comfort. After you left, I had a breakdown on my desk. I couldn't believe myself. What had I said to you? Why had I hurt you so bad? Because if my feelings ended up ruining things for you and Seo, then I’d be living with the guilt of it. You know how I am, Jeno. Asking me to admit my feelings for you then, no matter how many times I have to go through the same situation while you were still engaged, I’d say I never loved you. But if you ask me right now, I love you with all my fucking heart.” you try to breathe right again. All those words left your mouth in such a flow, you think you forgot to breathe.

Jeno’s standing opposite to you, stunned. You love him. He was right.

“Y/n, I’ve never gone through something without thinking about what it would be like if you were with me. If you were with me to kiss me, to hug me, to run your fingers through my hair and whisper that everything is going to be okay, will I be happy? I most definitely will be, because being in the same room with you gives me butterflies.'' His voice is gentle and soft and admitting.

“Let me ask you again, Y/n. '' he’s desperate, pleading.

“When we kissed, did you mean it?” The silence is thick but not uncomfortable.

“If I’m being true to myself, Yes, Jeno. That was my heart yearning and hurting and finally being happy to be back in your hands even if it’s for a little.” you admit, your shoulders finally being light, the boulder of feelings being lifted off your chest.

“So you mean it?” his eyes light up, his heart beats.

“I mean it with all my heart, I love you.” you smile, knowing that it might be possible to call him yours again.

“Will you still like me when I cross this counter and take your lips into mine?”

“I’ll love you for the rest of my life, especially if you cross this stupid counter and kiss me like you mean it,” you laugh, and in the blink of an eye, he’s over the counter, his hands finding your face before his lips join yours.

A soft gasp falls from both your lips, hands finding each other’s bodies, feeling each muscle under each finger. Your blanket slips off your body and now it’s just hanging off from under your seat. Fuck, it feels unreal, now that he’s with you and that it’s right. It’s right because it is. You’re with him and he’s with you and all you need is each other.

When you push at Jeno’s chest and he pulls away, you stare at him. Your eyes travel from his lips, his nose, to his eyes, mind travelling to think about how much of a proximity you two were in. This is real.

You laugh, and the sound is pure from the centre of your chest. His face breaks into a smile as he’s watching you, fascination shining in his eyes. He laughs with you, his hands wrapping around your waist and pulling you in. Your laughter halts for a brief moment, continuing softly after.

“What’s so funny?” he asks, eyes sparkling, voice reflecting fascination.

“I just can’t believe this. We kissed again, Jeno, and this time, it felt right. No, it felt more than right, it felt…fuck, I don’t even know,” you giggle, and watch him laugh. The sound is so pretty, so beautiful.

“I know. It’s just unreal. You’re here and I can touch you and kiss you and feel you however I want. You’re mine,” he finally says, eyes exploring you. His eyes run over your eyes, your nose and ends at your lips, looking back into your eyes again.

“Yeah you can, I’m yours. Are you mine?”

“I’ve always been yours, Y/n,” his lips land on your neck, and a fit of laughter leaves you. He giggles with you, picking you up into his arms, placing you onto the counter.

There's a moment of silence between you two, just staring at each other, observing each other. In the next moment, your hands clutch his t-shirt and pull him in, your lips landing on his again. He responds quickly, his hands squeezing your waist gently.

Your hands wrap around his neck, pulling him deeper, all of the want and your need for him pouring out from within you. All of your pain from before forgotten for a brief moment, you indulge deeper in him.you

"Fuck, Y/n," he pulls away from you, gasping. The fact that you might have overwhelmed him didn't go past you, but when it did, you felt regret.

"Did I overwhelm you? I'm so sorry, Jeno, I didn't-" a kiss lands on your lips, and that effectively shuts you up.

"You didn't overwhelm me. I was worried." He says, and you can tell that he's holding something back.

"About what?" You asked, a small pout forming on your lips. His eyes reach your lips, and he looks away, a controlled sigh leaving him.

"You're leading me on. If you keep kissing me like that, I'm not sure what I might do to you, love." Your stomach flips and does a summersault. Your heart beats faster, the nickname ringing in your mind.

Love? Love, he called me love.

"What if that's what I want? What if all I want is you?" Your voice lowers into something you hope was a little seductive.

"Fuck, baby, you've got to stop doing that," his voice is airy, like he's hardly holding back from jumping at you.

That's what you want, for him to jump at you.

You lean forward, pressing your lips to his ears.

"Claim me, baby."

That sentence is all it takes for him to kiss you again, his hands pressed against the side of your neck, other hand on your waist.

Your heart is beating louder than ever, feelings his touch travel from your waist to under your shirt, travelling up, and higher.

My fucking god, this is happening. He's here, touching me, and it's not just my imagination.

When he finally lifts you off the counter and takes you to his bedroom, there's a smile on both your faces.

You're never leaving each other and you both know it.

God, today was wild.

————————————————————

☾︎ EPILOGUE ☽︎

Two months later

You open your eyes, your soft alarm ringing through the room. You reach a hand out to shut it off, and then turn to the other side, facing Jeno. His hair is ruffled in different directions, a pout on his pretty lips, skin like silk, eyes closed and fast asleep. He sleeps like the dead. He always did. The country could wage a nuclear war and he wouldn't know.

A gentle smile appeared on your face. The last two months have been unreal. Jeno drops you off at work, and he leaves to his office, calling you for every break. The boy can't sit apart from you longer than two hours. Once you moved in with him full-time, he's been more clingy, but you don't care. You love that. He knows when to be clingy and when not to.

You pressed charges against Jihoon, and from the looks of it, you're winning the case. When Seo got to know that you and Jeno are dating again, she congratulated the two and took both of you out for dinner. Of course, she and her, boyfriend, then fiance now, were there too. Jeno and Seo had no negative feelings towards each other, rather they just seemed like best friends. Once Yoonseo got to know about your conflict with Jihoon, she immediately asked you to press charges, and helped you in doing so. One of her friends, a lawyer, is now fighting your case in court. You've sued him for money, and it looks like he might get jail time for sexual assault too. Jihoon being a lawyer as he is, couldn't find a good lawyer and ended up with a public defender.

You're happy with your life right now, but the one thing you're worried about is what people at the office would think if they saw you with Jeno. But when you see Jeno, you forget about everything.

Jeno opens his eyes, a smile immediately pasting onto his face at the sight of you. His hand circles your waist, pulling you closer. You ruffle closer, a smile of its own finding your face.

"Morning, baby." His voice sends shivers down your bare back, toes curling softly.

"Morning. Slept like the dead, didn't you?" You ask, half your face buried into the pillow. He smiles, his fingers tracing your spine up your back.

"Last night, someone kept me quite busy and left me worn out. But I think that certain someone also slept well," his fingers halt, tracing all the way back to the very bottom of your spine.

Your eyes close and your breath shudders, enjoying his touch.

He pulls you close, and you turn towards his chest, curling up softly into it. His big hands secure you into him, hands softly playing with your hair. Your hand wraps around him, soft kisses pressed to his chest.

Butterflies ensue in his stomach, each of your kisses soft.

"We're going to be late," you say, curling further into his chest.

"I know. We should get up," he says, and you hum, lazy. The morning was so cold, and your only source of warmth was Jeno.

"Jen, I'm getting up. I've got a meeting today," you mumble, not making any visible effort to move.

"I've got a pending research paper, I've to get to it," Jeno says, hugging you tighter.

"Well up we go then," you struggle to sit up from bed, eyes still heavy. Jeno whines, pulling you back down to the mattress. As much as you'd like to be buried under his weight and just sleep, you've to get up.

"Not today, Jeno. Get up, get moving," you say, and he doesn't budge. You kiss him, and make a little quiet promise in his ear. That gets him up and running in seconds.

Soon enough, both of you are ready, in the car together. Your hands are intertwined with his, you occasionally pressing kisses to the back of his hand. He loves it when you do that.

He stops in front of your building, waiting for you to get out.

"Call me after work, I'll pick you up today, okay?"

"Okay, love you," you mumble, collecting your things and leaving the car. His hand stops you and when you look back, you see his pout.

Oh no, you forgot his kiss.

"You forgot my kiss," he pouts, pointing to his lips, looking genuinely upset. You coo, immediately reaching in to press a long kiss to his lips, correcting a few strands of his hair after you pull away.

"Sorry, baby. Promise I won't forget again," you giggle, pressing another quick kiss on his lips.

"See you after work," you wave, shutting the car door close. He waves back as he takes off, a smile on your face. You love him so much.

When you turn around, you catch your best friend standing there, the cup of coffee that was supposed to be in her hand on the floor. Well fuck.

"Is that-"

"Sssssshhhhhh," you shut her up immediately, running up next to her.

"Quieter." You say, and she gasps.

"Is that Lee Jeno? What happened?" You chuckle. This was going to be a long story.

————————————————————

"You're telling me all of this happened in the span of the same week I was gone???" Yuna talks, almost spilling her coffee again.

"Yes..?" You smile sheepishly, caught red handed.

The question "Y/n, are you dating?" Has been asked all too many times, and you just got asked again.

"Yes," you answer, smiling.

"Ah, a guy asked for your number, just wanted to know." Mina smiles back, and you nod.

The table you and Yuna were sitting at is not filled, but it isn't empty either.

Once you're back in the office from your break, you walk into your office, thinking if you should call Jeno.

Outside, you hear a group of loud chatter, and you're confused. You're talking about collective chatter at the same time. The kind that's disturbing.

You walk back out your office, confused.

"What's all this about?" You ask playfully.

"You're dating Lee Jeno? Our client with a fiance?" A coworker of yours asks. You freeze, unable to process anything.

"His fiance left him, stupid." Another co-worker of yours whispers to the person who asked.

"Ah, yes, sorry. Congrats by the way. You're long acquainted with him, aren't you?" She asks and you nod. That's all you're capable of doing.

"Well, congrats, good for you. Sorry if I disturbed you," she apologises, moving on with her day. You walk back into your offices stunned. Well, it looks like your co-workers don't care.

They moved on with their day like normal people. Man, you love your team.

You're worried about Jaemin. You haven't seen him around for the last day or two and honestly, work is pretty boring without his annoying ass around to talk to you.

–

"Hiiii," Jeno waves excitedly at you, watching you run towards his car. Your excitement grows, seeing Jeno wait for you.

You get into the car, and Jeno waits for you to get settled before he speaks.

"Hi baby, I missed you," he says, a smile on his face.

"Me too," you say, reaching over to press a kiss onto his lips.

"Guess what happened today," you laugh, feeling Jeno's hands curl into yours.

"Before that, do you want coffee?" Jeno asks, and you can't help but smile.

"Yeah, I know a good place,"

————

"We're here" Jeno whispers, and you realise you're at the coffee place. You fell asleep on the car ride there, and Jeno probably held your hand comfortably all the while.

"Sorry I fell asleep," you apologise, feeling bad that he had to drive alone without talking to anyone. He didn't like that much, unless he was in a bad mood.

"It's okay, my baby must've been so tired," he kisses your forehead, smiling as he watches you attempt to pull the seat belt from its place.

"Stupid seat belt…" you mumble, embarrassed. Jeno's fingers reach for it, pressing the release button in less than a few seconds.

You mumble out a thanks embarrassingly before rushing out of the car, face flushed red. Jeno finds you unrealistically cute sometimes, and it was one of those times.

No, he finds you cute all the time.

He gets out of the car just as you do, walking to your side, sliding his car keys into his pockets.

"You've come here a couple of times, right? It's close to where you used to live," Jeno looks onto one side of the dark street lit by lamps.

"I come here all the time. I'm kinda missing it, that's why I came back," Jeno nods, fully understanding that this was your sentimental moment.

"It's cold outside, come on," you drag Jeno in, Jeno following your lead like a lost puppy. To everyone outside, Jeno looks scary. The moment you step inside, Jeno's face changes. His eyes are sharper, there's not a hint of a smile on his face. His hands wrap around your waist protectively, eyes roaming and taking in his surroundings.

"Jen, I think you're scaring people." You giggle, to which he smiles.

"I'm just doing my part protecting my girlfriend," he says, kissing the top of your head.

You join the line with Jeno, laughing and smiling at every joke he says. He suggests that maybe in the future, once you're both ready, maybe two of you could have kids. When you asked how many, he said two. You said you could do two, and he smiled, pressing another kiss to your head.

The truth is, you weren't ready to share him with children yet. For one, children are demons. And two, you weren't ready to have his attention divided. So for now, the possibility lies in the future.

When you said this, Jeno looked like he couldn't suppress his laughter, and buried his face into his hands as he laughed. The sight being too funny for you, you couldn't suppress your laughter either.

But once you'd both calmed down, and saw that you were next in line, you started rehearsing your order. Although you knew Mark, ordering was always stressful, no matter the place or order.

"Americano hot or cold?" Jeno asks, and you mumble hot since the weather was cold.

"Hi, Y/n, it's been so long," Mark sees you, a smile pasting itself onto the boy's face.

"Hi Mark, yes, it's been a little too long. I've to say, I missed this neighbourhood. And you," you smile, and the boy blushes pink. You think he blushes easily.

"Ah well, who is this?" He asks, and Jeno looks down from the menu, at Mark.

"I'm Jeno, her boyfriend," you watch as all the colour drains from Mark's face. His smile stays on, but he's gone white.

"Hi Jeno, I'm Mark," Mark extends his hand, which Jeno takes with a smile. Mark observes for a second, and smiles again, looking back at the monitor.

"She'll get a hot Americano, and I'll get an iced Americano. Thanks," Mark watches as Jeno's hands wrap around your waist, and your face curls into a smile with his warmth.

Well fuck, bad for him.

"Yo Jark, did you-" Jaemin slams himself against a side of the counter, looking over at Mark before he sees you and pauses, staring at you and Jeno, dumbfounded.

Isn't this that Jeno? The same Jeno that you cried over?

"Jaemin?" The name rolls of your tongue has a way to it. He likes it more than he'd like to admit.

"Y/n, what're you doing here?" He stares, his stare hardening as his eyes reach Jeno. Jeno's stare is hard as it is, staring at the boy like he commited a crime.

"I used to live close by. Just visited to get coffee, really. We'd be heading back soon," you say, feeling like maybe after whatever happened at the office between you and Jaemin, you should let him into your life, even if it's a little.

"I see. Isn't this the same Jeno? The one you… in the office?" He asks, and you can feel Jeno's stare at you. It's questions that he's going to ask once you're at a table that's being stared into your head right now.

"Yes, yeah, this…it's the same Jeno," you chuckle, pressing your lips into a tight smile.

"I didn't see you at the office today, or yesterday for that matter. Are you good?" You change the topic, watching Jaemin's face curl into a gentle smile.

"Oh yeah, yes, uh, I took a week off from work. I was just dealing with some things of my own, and I needed space and time. So I took a week off. I'll be back soon, don't worry," he smiles, and that's the first time you're really seeing him smile. He's beautiful, prettier than when he's serious.

Sure, you've thought about how handsome he is a number of times. But how annoying he was always outnumbered.

"Let me know if I can help." You say, and he takes a moment before he nods.

"It's nice to finally meet you…?" Jaemin looks towards Jeno, who's boring holes into his head.

"Jeno. It's Lee Jeno."

"Nice to meet you, Lee Jeno. I'm Na Jaemin, a coworker of Y/n's." He introduces himself, trying to be as nice as possible. And you can tell Jaemin is trying. However, Jeno isn't. You nudge his arm, and he sighs before smiling.

"Nice to meet you too, Na Jaemin," Jeno extends a hand, and Jaemin shakes it with a tight smile.

"Well, we'll be at that table if you need anything," Jeno drags you away before you could talk more, to a table in the far corner.

He lets you settle before bombarding you with questions.

"What's with Jaemin asking me if I'm that Jeno? What did you tell him?" He asks, confused.

"Well, remember when I said I had a breakdown after you left me in the office? Jaemin opened the door right after that and saw me like that, and instead of leaving me like how I thought he would, he came in, comforted me, bought me coffee and made me laugh. So instead of despising him after that, I decided I'd give him a chance. Also, I didn't tell him anything, he talked shit about you so I'd feel better, and I did. But after a while, I started missing you again, so I told him our story. Tell him how much you mean to me. He listened and let me talk, comforting me every time I broke down at each memory," you tell Jeno, who now sits there looking guilty.

"I'm sorry I made you go through so much. You don't deserve this," Jeno mumbles quietly.

"Whatever happened, happened. Now all that matters is that I have you. I'm okay now that I have you, trust me." You tell him, your hands finding him. You hold on tight, watching a smile curl onto his face.

"I love you," he whispers softly, and you whisper the same back, a quick kiss on his cheek.

Mark watches, his heart breaking, Jaemin beside him. His shift is over, and he just stepped out of work with Jaemin, who's been on his ass for the past few days.

"That was the girl you liked?" Jaemin asks, watching Mark nod.

"Y/n from my office was the girl you liked?" Jaemin asks again, and Mark nods yet again.

"Why do you think I took a week off of work?" Jaemin then asks, which catches Mark's attention.

"Why?"

"Because I caught feelings. Feelings for someone who was oh so miserably in love with someone else. And that someone,” he pauses “was her." Jaemin looks at you, his heart breaking a little less. It's already in shambles, it can't hurt more.

"Didn't you hate her?" Mark asks, curiosity poking at him.

"I did. But you know, the line between love and hate is very thin. So easy to get mistaken for. But this wasn't a mistake. I know I crossed the line for myself when I listened to my heart saying she was in pain. I crossed it knowing that crossing that very line could leave me in pain." Jaemin leaned back on the seat, feeling the need to have a cigarette lit between his lips. But he quit years ago, he can't go back to it just because of someone.

Mark hums, nodding.

"If we keep liking the same girls, we're gonna have a problem," Mark says, drinking from his cup of coffee, feeling something in his throat melt, the breathlessness he briefly experienced leaving. Jaemin sips from his coffee like it's water, savouring the taste.

"True. I wonder if we ever got a chance, will one of us ever make her that happy?" Jaemin wonders out loud, feeling his heart sink further, and the temptation for a cigarette grows deeper.

None of them speaks for a while, quietly wondering.

"We're the same, dude." Mark's hand goes around Jaemin's shoulder, both of them watching how happy you were with Jeno. Your laughs, your smiles, they could never make you smile like that, they both knew it.

But Jaemin wonders, if he ever got a chance, how well would he have treated you? How well would he cherish you? How well could he love you?

It's all in Fate's Hands, who has a say?

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