#or people trying to downplay and dismiss this pain

[unbidden-yidden]

I keep toying with writing this, because words are hard and I'm not sure how to fully articulate this thought.

However, it's something I've sensed very deeply and I think it's important to start trying to talk about.

Much has been said about how traumatic Oct. 7th was for Israelis and really Jews the world over, and lots has been said about why that was - from the fact that it happened on what was supposed to be a joyous holiday, the fact that this violence was as barbarous and sadistic as it was, the fact that it drew on deep historical wells of intergenerational trauma, to the fact that it was met with immediate denial, betrayal, and even celebration from supposedly progressive goyim - but something I have not seen much discussion on is how that ongoing denialism and even celebration of the carnage made sure that the trauma stuck.

See the thing is that one of the best predictors of favorable recovery outcomes from trauma is the support the victim receives, especially in the immediate aftermath. Victims with strong support networks, who are believed and whose grievances are taken seriously, recover much faster and much more holistically even from objectively worse traumas than victims who lack support and/or whose traumatic experiences are denied or dismissed. Seems obvious enough, right? That's why advocates for survivors exhort communities to listen to survivors and victims, and to hold space for them. We know what happens when that support is denied.

In some ways, the Jewish people is like a horrible case study in what happens when that denial of support happens - not just on a large scale, but over the course of time through numerous generations. In every generation they come for us, and every generation has the opportunity to step up. And so far, every generation has failed the task. (There are of course, some wonderful individuals who do step up; however they are the exception that proves the rule.)

The sadistic celebration of atrocities committed against Israelis and the denialism were not just unpleasant side concerns - these were active components of the violence.

The bottom line is this: if you deny the atrocities of Oct. 7th and the ongoing hostage crisis or try to excuse or downplay them, you are actively participating in violence against us.

And yes, of course these atrocities do not justify atrocities in return. Yes, of course confirming facts is important. But I think a big part of why we can't "just move on" to talk about other atrocities is because you people have never acknowledged our pain or let us grieve or be human. Not once. And the longer that goes on, the deeper the wound and the longer the road to healing from this trauma gets.

#המצב

[heretherebedork]

Kanghan's friends suggesting the gun and then instantly panicking when they realize he's serious because he is the most fucked up little prince that has never heard no and their begging him not to do it was perfect.

And then him still going with the gun? Still choosing that path despite everyone yelling him it was wrong? And for making the worst possible choice to turn into the only way he could possibly be a hero?

I love the twists of fate that show people what actually matters.

Because that is his first time seeing someone genuinely scared for their life. Someone who genuinely was in danger and not just the kind of danger that everyone around him dismisses and downplays. But real danger. And real pain.

Kanghan has never had anything in his life matter or come hard. He's never had to work for anything, he's never had to try and he's never failed before and now he's seeing that other people have what he doesn't, that just because Sailom can grin at him at school and won't give up his dignity but can't help himself out of everything.

Kanghan pointing a gun at someone hurting Sailom and then seeing his panic and pain and realizing how real this is... it's all new to him. Nothing has ever been real for Kanghan before. The only thing that has ever mattered has been himself.

Sailom is the first person outside of himself and his family that Kanghan has ever seen as mattering and hatred is passion and hatred is powerful and when that changes, all that feeling will have to go somewhere.

I love it, though, because Kanghan is still himself. He's just a himself that has realized that there is an entire world that isn't him and that that world matters.

#dangerous romance #kangsailom #kanghansailom #dangerous romance the series #thai bl #bl series #thai drama #thai series #thaibl #asianlgbtqdramas #asian lgbtq dramas #thai bl series #thai bl drama #bl drama #gmmtv bl #gmmtv series #gmmtv #gmmtv drama

[theflyindutchwoman]

The Tim Tests -- those don't make me like him. I know. You're nothing like him. I… Come here. You're nothing like him.

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 4.09 - Breakdown

The symbolism of Lucy helping Tim remove walls in his childhood home, of all places, is incredibly poetic. When she met him, he had built so many - metaphorical - walls around him, they were practically a fortress… But that didn't stop her from seeing through them and find a way in. And since then, she has been by his side, helping him lower them. So it's only natural that she would be there for him, when his last walls are tumbling down. When he confronts the person who made those walls necessary in the first place.

The level of vulnerability and honesty he displays here is astonishing. He doesn't try to downplay what he's feeling, and considering how painful this chapter of his life is, it says a lot on how much he trusts Lucy to be here and see him like this. This may seem inconsequential but this is huge for someone who had to learn to hide his emotions very young to avoid setting off his abusive father or to shield his younger sister from what was truly happening. Only here, he can't hide behind a mask. Not after talking to his father. It's the confirmation that the latter protected his mistress all along, even on his death bed, when he never did any of that for his own family, when he was the monster they needed protection from, that breaks Tim. His feelings of disappointment, betrayal and anger are so raw. So visceral. And this ultimately explains why he's always amazed when Lucy fiercely defends and protects him.

Which is also why her previous comment about the Tim Tests struck a chord. To be fair, I don't think she ever meant to imply he was anything like his father. It rather sounded like she had found the final pieces of a puzzle, the answer as to where these tests came from since Tim was the only TO doing them. I'm not even sure she realised she was saying it aloud until it was too late. Nevertheless, her remark dug deep… even more so since it piled up with his sister's who at times sounded almost dismissive towards his feelings and his own boundaries on the topic. It was important for Tim to address this. He needed the reassurance that he wasn't anything like his father. But most of all, he needed to hear it from Lucy specifically, and not just because of that remark. Her opinion matters to him a lot. She knows him the best, met him at one of his lowest point, saw his demons, has never been afraid to call him out… and she's also someone who sees the best in everyone. Just the thought that she - of all people - could think that he might be like his dad is too much already. There's a moment where he instinctively steps back, as if he's bracing himself for the worst. Tim looks so much like a lost kid in that moment, all teary-eyed. But Lucy is right there to reassure and comfort him. She wasn't going to let him entertain the thought any longer. The way he sinks into her embrace, the big breath he takes when she repeats adamantly that he's nothing like his father, the swaying… This is exactly why he wanted her by his side in the first place, why he invited her. She is the person with whom he can drop his mask and not be self-conscious about it because he feels safe with her. She is his safe space. And the hug is the perfect embodiment of this.

#the rookie #chenford #chenfordedit #lucy chen #tim bradford #4.09 #On a side note - I do find interesting that as far as we know he hasn't done a Tim Test ever since #neither with Aaron nor with Celina #Lucy did mention a potentially recent one in 5.17 but it's unclear when it happened exactly in the timeline #Anatomy of a scene - Chenford Edition

[bonefall]

Do you have a top 5 dotc characters line-up? Just ones you like in general

"Top 5" is really more of a... "guys I hate the least" lineup. Characters whose treatment made me so angry it's become spite-love. It's bad in here. It's REALLY bad in here.

In no particular order, the characters I like in DOTC are,

Bumble Not JUST because of how dirty she was done, either. Bumble's amazing. She's confident, she's outgoing, she's funny! She's there for Turtle Tail when Gray Wing is treating her like shit, and friendly to every cat she meets, even when they're being dicks to her. She ALWAYS does the right thing in the end and has the best interests of her friends at heart. She's a GOOD PERSON! The ONE time she was ever ANGRY at anyone was when Turtle Tail just let her get dragged back to their wifebeater. She's only part of TWO books but she's the BEST character in the entire arc, hands down, above and beyond the rest of the cast. JUSTICE for Bumble!

Bright Stream She got fridged, killed in a shocking, gruesome way, with uncomfortable detail put on how the pregnant woman probably died slowly and was eaten alive, ripped to shreds by eagles... for Clear Sky's man pain. Clear Sky literally fucking broods in a moonbeam. All because Gray Wing tripped like an idiot in a horror movie. And it was a WASTE. Bright Stream IS INTERESTING ALL ON HER OWN. Gray Wing was downplaying Clear Sky emotionally pressuring her into leaving, dismissing him going "I HOPE YOUR HUNTING SUCKS SO YOU REALIZE YOU SHOULD FOLLOW ME" with a 'good humored flick of his tail,' thirsting over how attractive Bright Stream is and how lucky Clear Sky is to have her as a mate while Bright Stream is obviously feeling upset about how her shitty husband has been talking to her. And it's actually insulting how the writers never acknowledged this-- that Clear Sky has ALWAYS been manipulative. From BOOK ONE. And then she has these absolutely bizarre Angel Fetus Children that Gray Wing coos about on his death bed, because god for-fucking-bid a single scene go by that doesn't become Clear Sky-centric.

Snake This arc tries SO bad to make this fucking guy a villain. SO hard. They describe his stinky breath and his bad teeth and how icky and gross he is, and they make him kill Frost during Clear Sky's Murder Party as if I'm supposed to blame HIM instead of the ESTABLISHED MURDERER WHO ORDERED HIS MEN TO KILL EVERYONE. Then, they choose HIM to stand up against Clear Sky after he let a murderous evil tyrant into his group against all warnings. And they treat that like it's a bad thing. Like SNAKE is the one who's awful for TELLING CLEAR SKY TO SHOVE HIS HALFHEARTED APOLOGY UP HIS UGLY ASS They even make him follow One Eye's evil lackey in the next book, like they're trying to slander him in hindsight. "Oh nonono, ackshually, Snake wasn't principled at all. He wasn't making a point about how Clear Sky let One Eye into his group and that he's sick of following tyrants. DONT WORRY. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE CLEAR SKY ARE EVIL :)" FUCK you. I'm going to stan Snake OUT OF SPITE.

Tall Shadow While I still can't stand what they did with her and Bumble... she's an interesting character and done SO DIRTY because the writers don't fucking respect women at all They chose to have her go through a "self-confidence arc" because everyone nonsensically HATES her and just wants Gray Wing to lead, where she has to choose taking care of her burn-victim brother over leading because her "emotions" are getting in the way, only to clear up once her family is fucking dead because the books KEEP INSISTING that women in particular can't be leaders if they have an important emotional connection. And THEN they have Shaded-fucking-Moss, her predecessor, descend from heaven after Clear Sky's Murder Party to tut-tut at her for killing someone after she was THROWN INTO A CROWD OF PEOPLE TRYING TO MURDER HER, because I'm DEAD serious, god forbid women do anything. Clear Sky's got a direct body count of 3 at this point, PLUS the indirect body count of a dozen people killed on his orders, but ACTUALLY Tall Shadow is the one who deserves the fucking scolding. INSANE. And YET. She remains a practical person. She's diplomatic when she can be, and harsh when she cannot. Against all common sense, she LISTENS to Gray Wing's AWFUL advice to do Just One More peaceful meeting where maybe THIS time sucking Clear Sky's toes will work, because she is fair. I cannot help but love her.

Milkweed I haven't gotten to her in my read-along yet but she's done so dirty, too. It makes me sick. She's revealed to be a friend of Misty and distrusts the Mountain Cats for, you know... stealing all the native cats' land and murdering her friend? But don't worry, Gray Wing's here to do Clear Sky Apologetics and convince her to go join his group. While there she gets verbally accosted by Leaf, a recurring background asshole, who says she's useless, her stupid babies are stealing his food, and that when she gets sick she's just keeping the whole camp awake with her coughing. So anyway, because the Erins LOVE domestic abuse, they get shipped together lmaoo. Normal book series.

Bumble, Bright Stream, Snake, Tall Shadow, Milkweed. I also have feelings about Wind Runner though, and what they did with her. But GOD, explaining my complicated thoughts on Wind Runner would take a long time. She is both a favorite and also a symbol of several huge problems in WC.

#Dotc hate #warrior cats analysis #bone babble

[keyslox]

have you ever noticed how part of c!jack’s character is he is obscure and nobody really knows him and how in the fandom he is also obscure and nobody really knows him

Jack Manifold was never really given the time of day. Sure, he had a small part in the server (ultimately the one who ended the whole thing), but his presence was not respected all that much. Placed into the lowest rank of L’Manberg’s cabinet, killed by Wilbur Soot for ‘not being seen’. He never got a REAL apology for that, by the way. I will stand by the fact that Wilbit’s apology to Jack was manipulative, half-assed, and more for himself than Jack’s wellbeing. It was well before the ‘Apology arc’ and THAT IN OF ITSELF shows just how little it actually meant to Wilbur. He was just doing it to make himself feel better and didn’t actually have Jack’s feelings in mind.

The biggest thing I see going around is Tommy being excused for what he did to Jack. Killing him when Jack went to visit him in the Nether during his Exile. Tommy has trauma. We all know that. He was a victim to extreme manipulation and abuse and a slew of other things. Yet he blatantly ignores every attempt, denies and/or doesn’t fully grasp that he did what he did. Which I can understand because the dude went through severe trauma, but that’s not an excuse. He still needs to take the accountability for his actions.

Jack deserves so much more than he’s ever gotten and it SHOWS. He literally wants friends. That’s it. He wants friend and companionship and he wants what he THOUGHT he had. Because he never actually had it. If he had it Wilbur wouldn’t have killed him, Tommy would actually listen, and he would be shown an ounce of respect for his own traumas and hardships when he tries to talk about it all. All everyone does is dismiss, downplay, and invalidate c!Jack’s pain. That’s a big reason why he’s the way he is! Every other attempt to let himself express his issues ends in him feeling worse about himself.

And we’ve seen time and time again that everyone else Jack tries to talk to and vent to takes Tommy’s side! (Ex: Puffy) There’s bias that Tommy can do no wrong and is the ‘savior’ of the smp. But even if he’s the ‘main protagonist’ doesn’t diminish he causes pain.

They give the excuse that Tommy was a child, that children should be protected and yada yada. Jack was more-or-less a child when he first joined, too! He should have the same excuses, the same treatment as all the other kids on the smp but he doesn’t because he was left alone and had to grow up faster.

He didn’t have anyone to lean against, so he just never let himself fall. And when he inevitably did no one cared or batted an eye because no one was there. He died 3 times and no one batted an eye.

The fandom is so bias sometimes. I’m not huge on DAMP fanfics that involve Jack because they mischaracterize him so much. Put him as a bully in School AUs, make him mean and rude for no reason. The reason in canon is because no one gave a single fuck about him. (not including Niki) Jack had a reason for being ‘cruel’, no one else did. It comes with the fact that Jack’s POV just isn’t as watched, so people don’t know his side of things. But what bothers me is that it feels like fans don’t even try to see stuff from his point of view. He was abused, manipulated, killed, and used in his own right. If everyone else gets excuses for the shit they did, he deserves it too.

Below is how I interpreted Jack’s ending, and how, despite everything he’s gone through, his character gets some sort of ending that isn’t completely angsty. I acknowledge that Jack isn’t the morally-perfect character, that he was fueled by anger and rage. He had a slight victim complex. But from a more basic pov, and for the fans who don’t really understand his character, I think he was redemptive. In his own right.

REDEMPTION:

From its literal definition Redemption is “An act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed. deliverance; rescue.” The state of being redeemed comes in many shapes and sizes. Actions and words big and small. For some it may take great showings of purpose and selflessness. For others it can be as simple as “I’m sorry.”

Someone can go their whole entire lives fighting with something they ultimately in the end agree with. A lot of it is a matter of perspective. Jack only had one perspective.

Jack was alone for most of his life on the dsmp. Yes he had friends in the beginning but wars and betrayal had him distancing himself and trying to find ways to fix it. None ever worked. Because he was alone. When you only work with one perspective you don’t understand the other side, and how it might actually clear things up and switch your own views.

It only took Jack a matter of minutes after arguing with Tubbo for him to realize he didn’t have the whole picture. Someone so close to Tommy, someone who WAS there to see the other side of things. Someone Jack trusts and respects, who’d he call a friend, to listen and then fight him on his thoughts even if it was in the form of an argument. Though he fucked up and killed everyone, I think his actions of still attempting to save Tommy with Tubbo have given him a bit of redemption. Not all, everyone has faults. But he was on the path to healing when he died. If only for a few minutes.

Jack died by his own hands trying to right his wrong. If that’s not a symbolic Jack ending I don’t really know what is.

#jack manifold #c!jack #mcyt #jackmanifoldtv #dsmp jack manifold #mcyt jack manifold #dsmp tommyinnit #dsmp wilbur #dsmp tubbo #dsmp #dsmp lore #keyslox c!jack thoughts

[trans-axolotl]

medical vent and such

doctor is testing for a new specific diagnosis and i am. having so many complicated feelings about this diagnosis partially because everything i research about it is so fucking ableist. have been reading lots of research papers + such about it the past couple days and so many of the researchers and doctors say such rude + cruel things to describe their patients--discounting the very real inconveniences and pain that this diagnosis causes people and accusing all of their patients of faking. i fully understand the concept of a biopsychosocial model for disease and can absolutely accept the idea that existing experiences of psych distress can contribute to causing disease + exacerbate existing vulnerabilities, but a lot of the literature just treats this as entirely "psychogenic" instead of actually developing a complex biopsychosocial model. or at least acknowledging that there is not an understanding of the biological risk factors. or the way that this diagnosis is positioned as uniquely contributed to by psych factors--so many different conditions and variations are known that stress exacerbates existing physical vulnerabilities. so many of the research papers written about this are just plain bad science--attributing causation without even finding statistically significant results, relying solely on cross sectional study data, and a lot of missing parts before you could actually prove causation.

and it's like. the idea that my madness could interact with my underlying chronic illnesses and cause another Set of Issues is something that feels believable to me, and i'm willing to try some of the treatment methods they suggest (Not CBT but some of the other stuff). i don't want to downplay or refuse to associate with my madness-- but it is so enraging to me to see this widespread saneism and ableism and dismissal of real experiences in a throwaway diagnosis seemingly used as an excuse to discard "problem" patients.

so far my neurologist has been really good and taken me seriously, it's just....frustrating to know the ways this diagnosis is treated and the way that there aren't really any good treatment options for it. idk. i'm tired of the medical system so much today

#personal #vent #we are having an appointment next month to discuss the results and im feeling insane about it #chronic illness tag

[cirusthecitrus]

I had to go back to s4 finale (i was looking for some art references) and rewatch Hordak's "reunion" with Prime for the 100th time

And now I once again can't stop thinking about this one little thing HP does in this scene, and then does it again but to Glimmer in s5

He got down on one knee beside them, looking into their eyes and touching them in some way. It's such a minor insignificant detail, but I still want to talk about it

Horde Prime always tries to appear bigger, above everyone else. He’s above in the sky, he’s above on his throne, he’s towering and looming over people when he wants to intimidate his opponents and yada yada.

But here he instead gets “on their level”  to appear more welcoming and unthreatening, to make them let their guard down. But it is also a power move, a humiliating and mocking gesture even. HP talks down to them, as if he was talking to a child

And speaking of children - you see, this move he does is a legit parenting technique and it makes me SICK

This trick can be used in many situations, but it is particularly useful when a child is not listening to what you're saying (and not because they're being naughty or smth, they just can't focus) and therefore doesn’t understand what you want from them. So instead of repeating and shouting the same thing over and over again and only making everyone stressed a parent/caretaker sits down before them (so their eyes are leveled with the eyes of the child) and sometimes touches their shoulder or holds their hand. This way the child fully focuses on you and it helps them to actually listen, since now they only see, hear and feel you

And here Prime is trying to do the same thing - to make people focus on him, listen to him and do as he says. It’s more obvious with Glimmer - he wants to persuade her to help him find She-Ra and activate the Heart without outright threatening or forcing her (cause it's not in his style). Plus he literally sees her as a dumb lost child, and she kinda is (a lost child, not dumb!) especially compared to this ancient mummy

But with Hordak it’s more... subtle. HP tries to take up as much space as possible, so for Hordak there’s nothing else in the room - no pain, no distracting thoughts, no Glimmer, no Etheria, no Hordak - just Prime, his voice and touch. HP’s goal here is to make Hordak listen and focus solely on his brother, to make it easier to get into his head and read his thoughts

And in Hordak's case this move is also so SO cruel. Because it's so personal. Because to Hordak Horde Prime is a brother, his creator/god AND the closest thing Hordak had to a father figure. He’s basically Prime’s child, even though he popped up from the tank, already in an adult body with a fully developed brain*

And it was so unnecessary for HP to even get out of his chair, he could order other clones to bring Hordak to him and then order Hordak to stand up despite his pain and get closer (basically yell until "the child" does what he wants). And yet he does this. He gets closer, he kneels down, he cups Hordak's face very so gently, he looks him in the eyes as if he's actually looking at him and not through him. And the fact that in this moment HP literally does what parents do is just-

Look at this face. Right before and after Prime reads his mind. Look at this baby

Yeah he's very confused and scared but he never breaks the eye contact, he's fully focused on Prime, he listens to him so so carefully. He looks at his brother like nothing else exists, like Horde Prime is the center of his universe. And in that moment, he was. HP made sure of that. He wanted for Hordak to not only remember his place, but also remember where Prime's place should always be in his mind and heart

It's so sick and twisted it's been over 2 years and I still can't get over it and i wanna throw up aaaAAAaaaAAA

*yes i'm too very tired of Hordak antis dismissing his trauma and downplaying it to "daddy issues", but like... daddy issues are in fact still there, they just go as a bonus to everything else lol

#spop #hordak #horde prime #spop meta #she ra #ramblings #the grip this scene still has on me i can't... #also i'm this 👌 close to writing an entire thesis on horde prime's body language facial expressions and other mannerisms #wdym no-no i'm obssesed with him a normal amount i swear no wait don't run away- #its so late I'll probably regret posting this in the morning te-hee

[sailorblossoms]

Unrelated reasons have me thinking about “it was fine, it was sex” again, a line that packs a lot both in context... and even outside of it. 

When we talk about things that (ideally) should be good, just “fine” will be perceived as lukewarm at best, if not just a negatively. Just “fine” is a dismissal. Indifference. It’s indicative of disappointment, even. (I mean, picture cooking dinner for someone and then asking “how was it?” and they go “it was fine, it was food.” You probably wouldn’t want to cook for them again, because it’ll give you the impression that they didn’t really like the damn food. It might even make you wonder what’s wrong with the food, your cooking, or the person who ate it.) We usually regard sex as something that should be “mindblowingly good,” especially in the kind of stories shaping Simon’s perception of how dating and romance ought to be. So good that if someone doesn’t want it, then “something is wrong” with them (Simon’s thoughts in awtwb indicate more than once that he doesn’t get the point of sex for the sake of it).

In context, Simon is one to downplay or to be used to discomfort. He’ll go “it’s fine, whatever, I’ll live” and the dude can’t even move his wings from the pain. But even outside of that, sex is something that can be very vulnerable and complicated. It’s something that, in certain circumstances, can absolutely just feel uncomfortable and weird, even when all parties involved are trying to make it work. Sex is thought of as synonymous with pleasure, but it doesn’t always work like that... Negative or bad orgasms are a thing, associated with going though the motions sex, meaning even an orgasm can feel unpleasurable, uncomfortable, and even hurt (I remember reading a study where someone reported having experienced those with so much frequency they started to feel repulsed by sex). But it doesn’t have to go to that extreme. There’s the notion that men always come fast, but they can absolutely struggle with even keeping an erection and not being able to get off no matter how much they try. 

Arousal non concordance is a thing, meaning that genitals can respond to touch even when you’re not into it at all. The body and the mind aren’t connected here. (Picture absolutely hating the sensation of people tickling you, but you can’t help laughing anyway because you’re ticklish). This is crucial to understand that a body responding to stimulation doesn’t mean someone secretly “wants it,” and perfectly explains how someone like Simon can look back and say “yes, I did it, but I don’t think it proves I was attracted” and then fight the insistence that he was.   

Someone could get wet or get an erection while watching paint dry simply because they’re being touched. Going through the motions sex can have negative consequences on people mentally and emotionally, it can kill relationships, and even make things harder for following ones. All things we normally don’t talk about in the kind of stories – where heterosexual romance is framed as an endgame and synonymous with happiness and success – that Simon would be used to seeing. Add to that traditional expectations that make men active and women passive (it’s “up to the man to perform” while the woman “just has to be pretty” – if we don’t get into the whole “women have to serve” bs) (that men have to always want it and want it early and often) and you get another level of fucked up when Simon finds himself not wanting it and adding it to the list of “I did what I thought she wanted but got it wrong” (his reaction to “does Wellbelove?” [appreciate a job well done] says a lot)

When hearing “sex,” one automatically assumes that desire, pleasure and (positive) orgasm are involved, even we get signs to think otherwise – I mean, I’ve seen people make the very assumptions these book challenge about these characters (some then even giving the author shit over it haha ah). But Simon having had sex doesn’t mean he had to be attracted in some way in order to “be able to do it.” That sex took place doesn’t mean the participants experienced pleasured or that it ended because anyone had any release (going through the motions!). Not wanting it doesn’t always look like being unable to get the mechanics of it done, or “genitals not reacting at all” (again, arousal non concordance is a thing) (this applies to Agatha as well, but I focus on Simon because he’s the one who more often falls victim to assumptions because he’s the boy, and “boys always want it” etc etc).  

Part of it is that it can be something that one wouldn’t (or wouldn’t want to) describe as “bad”  if it doesn’t reach extreme levels of distress or something like that. Even if it’s low-key traumatic and/or experiencing it awakens feelings that makes one not wanting to think or deal with it at all. Embarrassment, shame, confusion, discomfort, etc. It’s complicated. If it happened in a situation where is acceptable or there is even pressure to want it (in a relationship) one might even hesitate more to say or consider it as bad, and be more confused when they’re not into it (especially when one doesn’t want to admit the relationship isn’t working). 

Before being with Baz, Simon lives his adolescence trying to conform to traditional roles and expectations, pushing through while avoiding being alone in his head, reframing and hiding away everything that would tell him “I don’t want this,” “I don’t like this,” “this does absolutely nothing for me.” (”I’m unhappy” and/or maybe even “I’m bored”). He’s absolutely the kind of person who would struggle with even arriving at the questions “what does it mean that I did this thing even though I wasn’t attracted? Or didn't really want it? what does it say about me?”) (”it was just going through the motions” say so much about lack of pleasure/not liking it, even more if you add in how food is the only way Simon can seem to understand pleasure before he’s with Baz, and would contribute to how hard it is to suddenly deal with so much desire when his past experience dealt with no desire at all)

In this vein, I think it’s important that Baz and Simon actually talk and reassure each other about liking it after having sex for the first time, because orgasming by itself doesn’t necessarily mean someone felt good or had a good time. 

[In terms of pressure on Agatha and Simon: to be clear, I think expectations made them pressure themselves. (See Agatha going “I’ll be by his side if that’s where he wants me” but then you pass the mic to Simon and he goes “I was just doing what I thought she wanted.”) It’s “what they’re supposed to do” and so they did it. Maybe not wanting to let the other down, but getting it “all wrong” all the same, because the person they’re with is wrong for them, wrong for the experience, etc]

#simon snow #snowbaz #baz pitch #awtwb #simon snow series #simon snow trilogy #carry on countdown #agatha wellbelove

[sapphic-agent]

You know, the narrative plus the fandom sure loves to single out Izu in any way possible. The last ask was about Shig and how his "I want afo" makes no sense.

Can I say what else makes no sense? What was Shig's plan for Overhaul?

"Kill him" yeah sure but that is a goal and technically ...he didnt kill Overhaul.

Not saying Shig should have broke the fouth and said "hey reader here my plan" but like what was the plan?

1) did Shig knew about the raid before happening? Aoyama couldn't know as Izu kept tight lips as the others

2) and even if he knew...so what? The place is crowed with heroes. He could have been captured or LoV could have too.

3) whatever the initial plan was ...it was gone. Thanks to Izu...Shig menages to enact revenge thanks to Izu...

On the third part is what calls my attention bc while Shig stans praise this scene as Shig being a badass villain...I don't think this would have happened without Izu and no credit or aknowldge is give to him.

"You want people to assiciate murder to izu?" No. But Shig is fairly smart and I would like him to understand "oh yes if it wasnt for Izu...I wouldnt have got it" that could help his character a lot. Hell, why not estabilish a connection with Izu? They do have tons of paralels (fandom chose to ignore or downplays it)

Fandom and narrative seems to ignore Izu's pain and contribution in the story.

Shig has cool scenes sure but no depth. Nothing.

On the other side of the coin, Izu has so few cool scenes. He is the mc. Where is the power up? Where is the mentor? Where are the villains reconizing Izu is a big deal? Where are the friends?

Mt kaachan academy.

Anyway. To conclude: Izu and Shig team up accidentally and its still miles and miles and miles away better than bk and Izu teaming up. Think that for a moment, the villain can work better with Izu(even if accidentally) than bk who is stuck and leeching on Izu's narrative.

You bring up some valid points, and it's clear that the narrative and fandom can be quite dismissive of Izuku. Shigaraki's plan for Overhaul is indeed a bit enigmatic, and I've wondered about that myself.

It's true that the goal was to "kill him," but as you pointed out, Shigaraki didn't actually succeed in doing so. The lack of detailed information about the plan is something that's been on my mind too. The questions you raise about whether Shigaraki knew about the raid in advance and the risks involved are important. Izuku's role in disrupting the plan and enabling Shigaraki's revenge is noteworthy, and it often seems to go underappreciated.

I don't think it's about associating murder with Izuku, but rather, recognizing that Shigaraki's success can be attributed, in part, to Izuku's involvement. The two of them are parallels and two sides of the same coin so it's interesting that their actions are so opposite yet end up coinciding. It would have been nice to see more of this.

Your point about the narrative sidelining Izuku and his contributions is a valid one. Obviously, it's one of my biggest gripes with the series.

Shigaraki does have a lot of great moments in the series, but he ends up coming off as shallow a lot of the time. it's like Hori is scared to go all the way with him.

I agree, Izuku's character could use recognition from the villains. Missed opportunity to have villains (maybe not the LOV, but someone) try to convince him that he deserves retribution for what society put him through. I still stand by that it's weird that Bakugou was the one kidnapped. He might have anger issues, but he's the kind of arrogant, entitled hero that the LOV should hate.

In the end, the accidental team-up between Izuku and Shigaraki does offer an interesting dynamic, and I can see how it can be more engaging than the dynamic with Bakugou. It's all part of the complex web of character interactions in MHA.

#mha critical #bnha critical #shigaraki critical #izuku midoriya critical #i guess #ask

[ejzah]

A/N: This is just a little fic that came to me. Set post “Personal”.

***

A Piece of the Truth

“I’ll take three,” Deeks said, eyes focused on the cards he held slightly turned away from Kensi. Kensi obligingly dealt him three cards, and took two for herself.

Deeks raised her five skittles, adding to the pile of brightly colored currency on his hospital tray. Kensi pushed five of her own candies, mind only half-focused on the game.

“Pair of aces, I win,” Deeks announced a few minutes later, gathering his “winnings” towards the opposite side of the table. He hadn’t actually eaten any of them, but poker seemed to be a passable distraction from the pain of his recent bullet wounds.

“You lied to me,” Kensi said abruptly. Deeks paused in the process of gathering the cards together, eyes lowered in true confusion.

“Ok…about what?”

“You told me your dad fired a gun at you six years ago on Thanksgiving.” It came out as more of an accusation than she intended, but Deeks didn’t give any indication that he’d noticed.

“Actually, I think what I said was that I hate Thanksgiving. You inferred that I was saying that my hatred of the holiday was associated with my dad trying to shoot me.”

Kensi marveled at his ability to misdirect while hopped up on heavy duty pain medication. It was as impressive as it was annoying. She didn’t let it get her off track though.

“Quit trying to lawyer me into dropping the subject, Deeks. Why did you let me believe this event happened so recently and downplay the incident? Why make up a story?” she asked.

Deeks went quiet, eyes focused on his fingers sorting through the collection of skittles. It reminded her of when they’d been going through his list of enemies. She’d seen a new, quieter, sober version of him that she rarely, if ever got the opportunity to experience on their short partnership.

“There’s something about telling people that you shot your dad when you were 11 that tends to end conversations pretty quickly,” he replied eventually, upper lip lifting slightly as he let out a dark little huff of laughter. “For some reason they find it unnerving.” He sighed heavily then, tipping his chin upwards. “I suppose I just didn’t want to deal with the preconceived notions and repercussions that come with that reveal.”

“You thought I’d judge you for it?”

“You saying you didn’t when I told you now?” he asked shrewdly.

“I was concerned,” Kensi insisted, pushing back the small voice that reminded her about the shock and disquiet she’d felt initially as well. “That’s a horrible thing to find out about someone. And a terrible situation for you to be put in.”

“Mm, well, it was a long time ago.” Deeks shifted with a grimace, his tone dismissive. “If it makes you feel any better, I take creative license with my life pretty frequently,” he added. “I consider it good practice for covers.”

“Right,” Kensi muttered. There was an awkward little silence, and then Deeks gestured to the cards.

“You wanna play again?”

“Sure.” She dealt out another hand, mind once again focused on her partner. For a man who talked so much, she was finding out she really knew very little about him.

#ncis la fanfiction #marty deeks #kensi blye #light angst #Deeks backstory #post personal #ejzah fanfiction

[linnoya-writes]

It occurred to me that throughout the ATLA show and comics, Katara has had moments where she’s reassured to people that she’s “fine,” while in reality, the thoughtful-yet-somber look on her face tells a different story.

In The Bridge comic (which takes place prior to Season 3), Katara is dealing with the fact that Aang is in a coma and her father has returned to her life.  The kid she has practically sworn to protect and take care of throughout that whole year is figuratively “gone” while the person she has been mentally harboring resentment for leaving the Southern Water years ago is back, and she doesn’t want to face those feelings.  So she distances herself from her father:

In “The Awakening” episode in Season 3, she also immediately turns away from her dad and says “we’re fine” when Hakoda first approaches Aang, clearly not wanting him and Aang to have any interaction.   Despite saying that everything is fine, the resentment in her eyes shows that not only does she want to talk to her father, but also that she doesn’t want Hakoda to have any influence on Aang.  This deeply and sadly foreshadows the end of the episode, after Aang takes off on his glider without telling her... and Katara projects that pain she’s feeling on her father... and finally admits that she was angry at Hakoda for leaving the Southern WaterTribe.  In a way, it implies how Katara’s abandonment issues were suppressed the whole time Aang showed a tendency to run away/disappear over and over throughout the show, yet those feelings couldn’t be ignored when Hakoda was back in her life.

These abandonment issues continue as Katara soon begins to sugarcoat her thoughts/feelings from Aang, as a way to keep Aang safe and in her life... and not give Aang any reason to “leave her” in the way Hakoda once did. 

^ This is how Katara looks at the end of “The Southern Raiders” episode, after Aang hears from Zuko about what happened with YonRha and then asks Katara if she’s doing okay.  She tells him “I’m doing fine,” and while she continues to express to Aang about her mixed feelings about what she ended up doing to YonRha... the look on Katara’s face remains sad and removed.  

Even when Aang tells her that forgiveness is the first step needed for healing, Katara doesn’t acknowledge that praise with a smile; her face remains sad... because the fact is, Aang misunderstood.  She actually didn’t forgive YonRha.  As much as Aang was trying to be helpful, he wasn’t really listening to her sadness; he was turning the conversation into something about his influence on her.  

And in the Imbalance comic, there’s more evidence that Katara tries to downplay her thoughts/opinions/feelings about tough issues when it comes to Aang.  The fact of the matter is, Katara doesn’t want to hurt Aang’s feelings and give this person she’s given so much to a reason to walk away from her:

Even though the conversation in the comic started out as Aang asking how Katara was feeling, she downplays it with “I’m fine,” rather than really telling Aang how much she is against taking away someone’s bending.  The conversation about un-bending immediately switches into Aang’s feelings, and Katara approaches the issue of losing a part of your identity with your bending almost like an afterthought.  She downplays it for the sake of not wanting to disagree with Aang.

Katara has never hesitated to speak her mind to other characters, like Sokka, Toph, and especially Zuko ... and yet these dismissive “I’m fine” moments paint a picture of just how much of that headstrong, vocal part of her was suppressed with Aang because she couldn’t trust her deep, honest thoughts with him.  

Katara kept that honest, most passionate part of her away from Aang because of his tendency to “run away” whenever things were being said that he didn't like.  She didn’t want to give Aang a reason to leave her.

#kataang critical #katara #katara deserved better #abandonment issues #katara was not fine

[books-and-feminism]

I hadn’t realized until now that my post on Octavia Butler’s Bloodchild saved as a draft instead of posting so I’ll just post it now. :)

After reading Bloodchild, by Octavia Butler, I have a lot of thoughts on it.

I think people really tend to downplay the risks and horrors of pregnancy and part of that (or maybe all of it) is because we tend to downplay and disregard what women suffer through, especially physical pain. So to me, the point of Bloodchild (the short story) is to decontextualize pregnancy from women and apply it to men so that it is easier for everyone to understand the dangers, pain, and horror of pregnancy.

After hearing about how some people talk about pregnancy on the internet I can kind of guess at some criticisms that people would have about this idea. I assume at least a few people would think something along the lines of “but it’s not fair to compare aliens impregnating men to human pregnancy. alien pregnancy would be much worse!” And what this story really made me think of is that when women are dehumanized and thought of as less than human, human men become aliens to us. I think there is less of a difference than people would think.

In addition, I think it’s an important story for pro-lifers to read. I’ve noticed that a really big part of the pro-life movement is about disregarding and downplaying the reality of a pregnancy. I’ve also read a post somewhere that said something along the lines of “if you want to understand how bad something is, act like it’s happening to a man and see how bad it is then” and the point of that is that because we so often downplay the things that happen to women, acting like it’s happening to a man allows people to see this scenario without disregarding or downplaying anything. By combining these two ideas I believe reading this short story would be something really helpful in stopping some pro-lifers from dismissing the enormity of a pregnancy and understanding the reality of what they are trying to force onto people.

I think this is an important story for everyone to read, not just men or pro-lifers, because it allows us to have a greater understanding of what actually happens during a pregnancy and childbirth. I really enjoyed reading this story (even though it was kind of gross lol) and I’m really looking forward to reading the rest of her novel!

#octavia butler #bloodchild #male pregnancy #sci fi

[erintoknow]

i was talking to someone the other day about having spent most of my 20s and teens being so sick in the morning every morning that i never ate breakfast or having vision blackouts if i got up too fast and other stuff like that and it finally clicked that 'huh, that wasn't normal was it'

it some point it stopped happening and i'm not sure when or why so much has changed over the past ten years it feels impossible to pin down a cause - i wonder if it would be safe to stop doing some of things i developed as ways to try and manage it or if that would make it worse again, i've started trying to do cereal for breakfast again and sometimes feel a little queasy afterwards but never at the scale like i used to

it never really occurred to me to think about it too deeply at the time, my entire life has been people dismissing or downplaying my reactions to things like injuries or illness or pain so i just got in the habit or doing it too because clearly i couldn't trust my own feelings on the issue and it was just annoying everyone

#personal #health

[joziokowalski]

tw again i suppose. spilling some brain vomit just because i feel like talking through some stuff but don't really feel like talking to anyone directly

now when it comes to self harm. i tend to have a no-big-deal kind of approach to it & i hate it when others get all freaked out about it bc honestly. it's not too different from tons of other unhealthy things people turn to when they're in distress imo, it's just that cutting yourself is seen as an especially ✨mentally ill✨ thing for some reason. + at the time when i injured myself habitually it was less helpful to resist the urges than to just let it happen and not be bothered by it, and i think being generally relaxed about it actually helped me taper it down, so this attitude has been beneficial to me in some respects. but now that i'm on a quest to detect all the ways i dismiss & avoid stuff, i guess there is an element of that here, especially in that i tend to downplay the reasons i do it in the first place. like the cutting itself may not be dangerous or particularly distressing, but reason tells me that one doesn't end up with a long-term habit of cutting themselves unless one is already in a shitload of pain. and you know what i am indeed quite frequently in a lot of pain, and the amount of pain i have been in since early adolescence is actually pretty crazy, however much i prefer to go "oh it's not that bad everyone around me has it soo much worse". but see when you put it like this and just sit there and stare at the fact that you've been carrying around a decade's load of barely bearable emotions that you aren't trying to ignore anymore it's like. what the fuck do i do with it now. how do i respond when someone notices my scars if i don't go "oh it's no big deal" anymore. how do i even relate to my history which is like. visible all over my body tbh. i've spent such a long time trying to appear Reasonable and Balanced and Composed or at least not appear hysterical and emotionally taxing to be around i've no idea how i'm supposed to deal with being a dramatic ass bitch without dying of embarrassment. like how are you a sensible legal adult having such overblown reactions to things everyone deals with and comes out fine. how will i ever be close to anyone when getting close to me means witnessing this absolute fucking mess

[abcleverun]

Criticizing the Attorney, RE: The Imaginary Divide

Original essay: https://xcatxgirlx.tumblr.com/post/181209788421/the-imaginary-divide-between-uaf-and-ov-ben

This is a bit of a Russian nesting doll. This essay is a response to an essay Cat had written on Tumblr, which in itself is an essay response to a DeviantART post by Kapaychan. These two essays are essentially opposite ends of the extreme. I can’t say the position I’m going to try to lay out is going to be somewhere in between, just… different. I’ll be focusing more on Cat’s essay than Kapaychan’s for simplicity’s sake. If anyone wants me to fully respond to Kapaychan’s post, I will, but for now we’re mostly sticking with Cat.

Of course, I need to start this with a disclaimer: This is NOT a personal attack on Cat. This is intended to be a criticism of her tactics.

I’ll start off by saying that Kapaychan’s post is blatantly ableist. People who do not feel empathy are not irredeemable monsters. The terms “psychopathy” and “sociopathy” aren't even medically recognized anymore. I’m almost certain that what she’s contributing to “sociopathy” are actually symptoms of ADHD and autism, but more on that in the future.

Kapaychan talks about how much she hates the “collateral damage” gag in Omniverse, and how Ben not showing more remorse for Bauman and Pakmar is a sign of Sociopathy.

Cat’s defense of Ben here… is not good.

“He allegedly endangers civilian lives without any regard for the damage he causes, as if he intends to do it.”

…No, intent is irrelevant here. Kapaychan specifically uses an example of rear-ending someone:

“Have you ever encountered a person who, say someone you had a car collision with and they're in the other car and they see you obviously injured/in pain and your car massacred by the crash then just simply be dismissive about you, go off on his merry way because it's just an accident anyway?”

The issue isn’t if you meant to do it, it’s what you do about it afterwards—i.e. apologize and pay for damages, or downplay the incident and leave. In Omniverse, Ben has a tendency to just leave. While that is irresponsible, he’s a child who’s rarely experienced consequences in situations like these.

He should do better, but he shouldn’t be treated like a monster for not doing the best possible thing every time.

So here’s an example Cat gives: Bauman’s house is destroyed and Ben is blamed for it. Instead of offering to help or to fix the house, he runs inside his own house. That, in and of itself, is not an unreasonable thing for a child who had a long day to do. Was it right? No. Did it make sense? Yes. Is it the right thing for him to fix Bauman’s house? Yes. Should he be expected to? Absolutely not.

Cat continues her defense with:

“If this episode was continued, Ben very likely could have told someone about it, called someone, or even had a breakdown considering this is a lot for him to be blamed for in entirely.”

The fact is, the episode didn’t continue, and we have no idea what happened next. She is literally just speculating what might’ve happened, which is about as useful as saying that he actually went home to laugh maniacally and kick puppies. It’s not an argument, it’s a headcanon, and it serves no purpose.

Cat goes on to address Kapaychan’s issues with the episode “Vilgax Must Croak.”

“This episode shows Ben and the Plumbers transporting Vilgax (A HIGHLY DANGEROUS OFFENDER) to Incarcecon and they must make sure he does not escape. The argument made against Ben is that he physically “assaulted” Vilgax during this task and that this is allegedly equal to “police brutality.””

“Allegedly equal to” is a very interesting way of saying “literally is.” Ben committed police brutality and assaulted someone who was already down.

“But it’s Vilgax—!” Doesn’t matter.

I’m not saying the rules are fair, but those are the rules.

Would I feel justified in beating up space Hitler? Yeah. Is it police brutality if I’m in charge of detaining him and I beat him up while he’s already down? Yes. Is committing police brutality against space Hitler a good thing or a bad thing? That’s an entirely different discussion that I’d rather not get into.

Cat continues:

“...Ben is not in fact showing police brutality because he had more than reasonable suspicion to act the way he did. I would even go so far  as to say that the rest of Ben’s team were not careful enough with the offender they were transporting since in the end, he did escape.”

That is not how this works! We are specifically referring to the instance where Ben is on top of Vilgax, who is already incapacitated (he’s on his back, he’s down), and Ben continues to hurt him for no reason besides his own emotional benifit. This doesn’t help keep Vilgax detained, nor does it make the mission safer. I don’t feel bad for Vilgax, but that doesn’t mean that what Ben did was good or necessary.

To be very, very clear:

This was not the assault. This was Ben incapacitating Vilgax.

This was the assault. Vilgax was down, and all Ben was doing was taking his anger out on Vilgax.

Cat continues by addressing Kapaychan’s issue with Will Harangue being turned into an alien. Cat’s points, summarized, are:

Harangue had previous crimes he had not paid for.

She compares this to the season 2 finale of Alien Force, and the idea that walking a mile in another lifeform’s shoes will make him more empathetic.

Both points are irrelevant.

Ben is not judge, jury, or executioner. A police officer’s job is to detain people and bring them in for processing, not to deliver justice themselves.

Harangue’s fate was never his to decide.

All things considered, I think these faults could’ve made for a great story. No hero is perfect, and I really wish that was explored more. Instead, the narrative justified Ben’s actions rather than recognizing them as issues he needs to overcome.

I love Ben. I just wish the show properly explored him.

#Ben 10 Omniverse #Ben 10 #xcatxgirlx #kapaychan #abclevertalks #more in the future?

[austerlitzborodinoleipzig]

Battle for Kyiv: Ukrainian valor, Russian blunders combined to save the capital

The article is paywalled but redditor copy pasted the entire article in the comments of the thread.

.........

KYIV, Ukraine — A hail of shrapnel from kamikaze drones ripped through the tent where off-duty Ukrainian border guards were sleeping near a crossing with Belarus, three hours north of Ukraine’s capital.

Viktor Derevyanko woke to scalding pain, his body burning. Blood spilled from his hand as he tried to wipe his face. A piece of metal had traveled through his arm and stomach and into the muscle around his heart.

“I couldn’t get my bearings,” said Derevyanko, the deputy head of the unit. “Only on the third explosion did I manage to fall out of bed and try to find at least someplace to hide, because the explosions weren’t ending.”

It was around 4:15 a.m. on Feb. 24.

Hours earlier, Derevyanko and the other Ukrainian guards had been joking dismissively about President Biden yet again warning of a Russian invasion. Now they were its first target.

Within minutes, Russian missiles began soaring out of their launchers. They pounded Ukrainian air defenses, radar batteries, ammunition depots, airfields and bases, filling the early morning with the sounds of war.

(...)

“In the first minutes, they delivered terrible blows to our air defense, terrible blows to our troops in general. … There were 20-meter craters, the likes of which no one has seen in their lifetimes,” Monastyrsky later recalled.

The question everyone faced at that moment, Monastyrsky said, was: “How far can the enemy go with that enormous fist?”

If the Russians could seize the seat of power in Ukraine, or at least cause the government to flee in panic, the defense of the country would quickly unravel. Moscow could install a puppet government.

That was the Kremlin’s plan.

Instead, what transpired in and around Kyiv in the ensuing 36 days would represent the biggest foreign blunder in the 22-year rule of Russian President Vladimir Putin. His assault on the city instantly reordered the security architecture of Europe against Moscow and isolated his nation to a degree unseen since the Cold War. To the surprise of the world, the offensive against the Ukrainian capital would end in a humiliating retreat, which would expose deep systemic problems in a Russian military he had spent billions to rebuild.

Despite the flaws that would emerge in Russia’s war planning, the outcome of the battle for Kyiv was far from predetermined. This account of how Ukrainian forces defended, and saved, their capital is based on interviews with more than 100 people — from Zelensky and his advisers, to Ukrainian military commanders, to volunteer militiamen, as well as senior U.S. and European political and military officials.

A reconstruction of events shows that even as Ukraine’s political leadership had downplayed the likelihood of a full-scale invasion, the Ukrainian military had taken critical steps to withstand Russia’s initial assault. Commanders had moved personnel and equipment off bases, despite in many cases their own doubts about what was to come.

Ukrainian forces lacked sufficient weaponry, ammunition and communications equipment. But what they did possess was a profound will to fight — one that would extend beyond Ukrainian soldiers to ordinary civilians and, most important, to the president himself.

The defenders would also take advantage of terrain around the capital — dense forests, narrow roads, winding rivers — that favored their guerrilla tactics, as well as weather short of freezing that thawed the land and bogged down Russian vehicles. In particular, the Irpin River, a waterway that marked the line of defense on Kyiv’s western edge, would help protect the capital when Ukrainian forces released dammed water to flood its banks.

Those fighting to save Kyiv also benefited greatly from key miscalculations by the Kremlin, which set in motion a plan to invade Kyiv based on poor assumptions about the mettle of the Ukrainian military, the durability of the Zelensky government and the determination of the Ukrainian people to resist. In the end, the Russians wouldn’t take any territory inside Kyiv’s city limits, instead remaining stuck for weeks on the capital’s periphery before their retreat.

The Kremlin did not respond to requests for comment.\\

#russian ukrainian war