i never picked this up before but gideon moving her hands from harrow's jaw when harrow talks about The Body... im gonna explode
SHE WANTED TO KISS HER!!! SHE WANTED TO KISS HER AND THEN HARROW STARTS TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE'S IN LOVE WITH A CORPSE AND GIDEON PULLS AWAY!!!! "her eyes starting to sting from it" they were in that pool forever there's no way that was from the salt she wanted to cry it's so gideover for me
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Swimming pool IV - Margot Olde Loohuis
Dutch, b. 1973 -
Oil on canvas , 120 x 160 cm.
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ok i'm thinking about the pool scene and i'm thinking about harrow in the hospital at the beginning of htn and bodily autonomy and undressing and touch aversion.
i'm thinking about how, yes, she jumps into the pool almost fully clothed, but she takes off her robe first, and we've got a pretty solid idea that she was probably not wearing much more than a shirt and trousers underneath, which is more than thin enough to cling. and her paint is washed off by the water.
obviously, this is a scene where she makes herself vulnerable, where she drops the mask for a second, and the undressing, however slight it appears to us and gideon, is part of that. but it's not nearly the same thing as the gutting rawness and vulnerability she experiences on board the erebos, is it?
thinking about how when gideon hugs her in that state, and kisses her on the face, and cups her chin, she's confused and consumed by self-hatred, yes, but she also feels whole and safe and real. by the end of that scene, she's perfectly content to be soaked through her clothes and robeless and paintless and tangled up with gideon in a corner of the pool. she relaxes her head into gideon's hands and makes no attempt guard herself, physically or emotionally.
compare to john squeezing her shoulders in the cargo bay in htn. just for a second, with no other contact, and she would (paraphrasing, but close) prefer for him to have ripped out her ligaments and flossed them over her broken bones, or dripped her own stomach acid into her eyes. very graphic, visceral imagery.
thinking about harrow and mistrust, harrow and vulnerability, harrow and touch aversion, harrow and autonomy. thinking about how she trusted gideon's hands so much more than she trusted god's. thinking about how the pool scene was a moment of hard-won and intense emotional rawness from her, about what a big deal it was compared to her other behavior, and how her defenses are all so casually stripped from her in htn without a second thought. how no one around her understands what that means to her. how even she looses sight of the privacy and dignity she should be entitled to.
but the narration doesn't. the narration remains so tender and sad throughout the early chapters of htn. because gideon knows. gideon knows better than anyone what it means for harrow to be crying and paintless and out of her robes. gideon remembers how it affects harrow, for someone to touch her.
i'm gonna cry i'm gonna cry i'm gonna cry
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Passage - Mia Bergeron , 2023.
American, b. 1979 -
Acrylic on Yupo paper , 5 x 7 in.
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i just. i just…FUCK. i just really want harrowhark to go sicko mode when she realizes john has the power to resurrect whoever he wants he just chooses not to and even after learning about his own blood daughter he still doesn’t resurrect her he just makes her a construct. i would be alecto-levels of grief-stricken-enraged if my childhood nemesis/guard dog/whipping girl/codependent lesbian situationship that i lobotomized over/suicide-pact soulmate/only friend was suddenly here but not here haunting her own dead body and the only reason she’s present is because she was made into a fascist killing machine for a man with a power kink, and she’s not even happy about it but she’s going through the motions because all she knows of love is to be useful. (forever your sword.) and if i was harrow and i died and then came back to myself after switching bodies with the human cage holding the earth’s soul and realized all of this, i think i too would be accompanying the earth’s soul on her shoulder to go kill a man with eclipse-eyes and criminal levels of nonchalance. y’know. the one who guarded g1deon but not me, lord. the one who was so sure i had never seen that which lies insensate and with stilled mind, lord, who did not realize i was a lock and there was a key in the shape of a girl, lord. the one who looked me dead in the eye and told me i could never have my cavalier back, lord. the cavalier who came back haunted and empty and incomplete by your hand, lord.
i’m so team ‘harrowhark saves gideon for real this time not because she wants her cav but because she wants her other half’ i might lose my mind about it
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can't stop thinking about how tamsyn muir regularly includes foreshadowing in the most bizarre and mundane places (like harrow threatening to make bone meal explode out of gideon, and then she does do that to a Different Gideon).
anyway on a totally unrelated note, remember how they're fighting in GTN and harrow says "when I release you from my service, Nav, you will know about it"? and remember what harrow knows now about the meaning of lyctorhood and cavalierhood, and the fact that she likely no longer wants gideon to just be her cavalier? and remember that there's almost no way they won't have at least one blowup fight in Alecto the Ninth?
yeah. thinking about it.
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I love the angsty bone women
I absolutely live this scene...as everyone does hah. Harrow not having a good time is my favorite snack.
Also idk if this is morally too much text from the book to post jfjdjsj ah well
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