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#or the rain during rainy seasons
thekidsarentalright · 7 months
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absolutely pouring down rain rn after weeks of getting no rain we are soooooooooo fucking back <3
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an-asuryampasya · 2 years
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man I miss insti so much :(
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catravandece · 2 months
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Every time it rains out here my constant low level "go west" urge kicks up and I fantasize about moving to Portland where I can hear rain all the time and also be surrounded by lesbians
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reasonsforhope · 1 month
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As relentless rains pounded LA, the city’s “sponge” infrastructure helped gather 8.6 billion gallons of water—enough to sustain over 100,000 households for a year.
Earlier this month, the future fell on Los Angeles. A long band of moisture in the sky, known as an atmospheric river, dumped 9 inches of rain on the city over three days—over half of what the city typically gets in a year. It’s the kind of extreme rainfall that’ll get ever more extreme as the planet warms.
The city’s water managers, though, were ready and waiting. Like other urban areas around the world, in recent years LA has been transforming into a “sponge city,” replacing impermeable surfaces, like concrete, with permeable ones, like dirt and plants. It has also built out “spreading grounds,” where water accumulates and soaks into the earth.
With traditional dams and all that newfangled spongy infrastructure, between February 4 and 7 the metropolis captured 8.6 billion gallons of stormwater, enough to provide water to 106,000 households for a year. For the rainy season in total, LA has accumulated 14.7 billion gallons.
Long reliant on snowmelt and river water piped in from afar, LA is on a quest to produce as much water as it can locally. “There's going to be a lot more rain and a lot less snow, which is going to alter the way we capture snowmelt and the aqueduct water,” says Art Castro, manager of watershed management at the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power. “Dams and spreading grounds are the workhorses of local stormwater capture for either flood protection or water supply.”
Centuries of urban-planning dogma dictates using gutters, sewers, and other infrastructure to funnel rainwater out of a metropolis as quickly as possible to prevent flooding. Given the increasingly catastrophic urban flooding seen around the world, though, that clearly isn’t working anymore, so now planners are finding clever ways to capture stormwater, treating it as an asset instead of a liability. “The problem of urban hydrology is caused by a thousand small cuts,” says Michael Kiparsky, director of the Wheeler Water Institute at UC Berkeley. “No one driveway or roof in and of itself causes massive alteration of the hydrologic cycle. But combine millions of them in one area and it does. Maybe we can solve that problem with a thousand Band-Aids.”
Or in this case, sponges. The trick to making a city more absorbent is to add more gardens and other green spaces that allow water to percolate into underlying aquifers—porous subterranean materials that can hold water—which a city can then draw from in times of need. Engineers are also greening up medians and roadside areas to soak up the water that’d normally rush off streets, into sewers, and eventually out to sea...
To exploit all that free water falling from the sky, the LADWP has carved out big patches of brown in the concrete jungle. Stormwater is piped into these spreading grounds and accumulates in dirt basins. That allows it to slowly soak into the underlying aquifer, which acts as a sort of natural underground tank that can hold 28 billion gallons of water.
During a storm, the city is also gathering water in dams, some of which it diverts into the spreading grounds. “After the storm comes by, and it's a bright sunny day, you’ll still see water being released into a channel and diverted into the spreading grounds,” says Castro. That way, water moves from a reservoir where it’s exposed to sunlight and evaporation, into an aquifer where it’s banked safely underground.
On a smaller scale, LADWP has been experimenting with turning parks into mini spreading grounds, diverting stormwater there to soak into subterranean cisterns or chambers. It’s also deploying green spaces along roadways, which have the additional benefit of mitigating flooding in a neighborhood: The less concrete and the more dirt and plants, the more the built environment can soak up stormwater like the actual environment naturally does.
As an added benefit, deploying more of these green spaces, along with urban gardens, improves the mental health of residents. Plants here also “sweat,” cooling the area and beating back the urban heat island effect—the tendency for concrete to absorb solar energy and slowly release it at night. By reducing summer temperatures, you improve the physical health of residents. “The more trees, the more shade, the less heat island effect,” says Castro. “Sometimes when it’s 90 degrees in the middle of summer, it could get up to 110 underneath a bus stop.”
LA’s far from alone in going spongy. Pittsburgh is also deploying more rain gardens, and where they absolutely must have a hard surface—sidewalks, parking lots, etc.—they’re using special concrete bricks that allow water to seep through. And a growing number of municipalities are scrutinizing properties and charging owners fees if they have excessive impermeable surfaces like pavement, thus incentivizing the switch to permeable surfaces like plots of native plants or urban gardens for producing more food locally.
So the old way of stormwater management isn’t just increasingly dangerous and ineffective as the planet warms and storms get more intense—it stands in the way of a more beautiful, less sweltering, more sustainable urban landscape. LA, of all places, is showing the world there’s a better way.
-via Wired, February 19, 2024
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ankitamittal2023 · 8 months
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Places to avoid during Monsoon
Places to avoid during Monsoon
Introduction:
The monsoon season in India brings relief from the scorching heat and a burst of greenery to the landscapes. While it can be a magical time to experience nature's beauty, it also comes with its set of challenges, especially for travellers. The heavy rains can lead to floods, landslides, and unsafe conditions in certain regions. In this article, we will explore some places to avoid during the monsoon season in India to ensure a safe and enjoyable trip.
Hilly and Mountainous Regions:
India is blessed with stunning hilly and mountainous areas, but they become risky during the monsoon. The heavy rains can trigger landslides, making roads dangerous for travel. The mountainous terrain becomes slippery, and trekking can be perilous. It is advisable to plan your visit to these regions during the dry season when the weather is more stable and the chances of landslides are lower.
Coastal Areas:
Coastal regions are a favourite destination for beach lovers, but during the monsoon season, they face strong winds and rough seas. Water-based activities are often suspended due to unsafe conditions. Moreover, coastal areas are prone to flooding and storm surges. If you're looking for a peaceful beach vacation, it's best to visit during the winter months when the weather is calmer and the sea is safer for swimming.
Flood-Prone Regions:
Certain parts of India are prone to severe flooding during the monsoon season. Overflowing rivers and waterlogged streets can disrupt transportation and pose risks to travellers. Before planning your trip, research the flood-prone areas and avoid traveling there during the monsoon. Choose destinations with less risk of flooding for a safer journey.
Wildlife Sanctuaries and National Parks:
Wildlife sanctuaries and national parks are home to rich biodiversity, but exploring them during the monsoon can be challenging. The trails become muddy and slippery, making it difficult to spot wildlife. Additionally, some parks may be closed to tourists during this period to protect the animals and their habitats. If you want to experience wildlife, plan your visit during the drier months when the parks are open and wildlife sightings are more likely.
Regions with Poor Infrastructure:
Some areas in India lack proper infrastructure to handle heavy rains during the monsoon season. Poorly constructed roads and inadequate drainage systems can lead to waterlogging and traffic jams. Avoid traveling to regions with a history of infrastructure problems during the monsoon to prevent unnecessary inconveniences.
Pilgrimage Routes:
Pilgrimage routes, especially those in hilly areas, can be hazardous during the monsoon season. The risk of landslides and slippery paths can pose threats to pilgrims and tourists alike. Additionally, some routes might become inaccessible due to heavy rainfall and landslides. If you plan a pilgrimage journey, choose a safer time to travel when the weather is more stable.
Urban Flood-Prone Cities:
Some major cities in India are notorious for their poor drainage systems and urban flooding during the monsoon season. Mumbai, for example, often faces waterlogging and delays in public transportation during heavy rains. If you are visiting such cities, stay updated on weather forecasts and plan your activities accordingly. Have alternative plans in case of adverse weather conditions.
Desert Regions:
While India has a few desert regions, such as Rajasthan's Thar Desert, they are not immune to the effects of the monsoon. Surprisingly, these areas can experience short but intense bursts of rainfall during this season. The arid land lacks proper drainage systems, leading to flash floods that can catch tourists off-guard. Additionally, sandstorms may occur, making it difficult to venture into the desert safely. To avoid any potential risks, plan your visit to desert regions outside of the monsoon season when the weather is dry and stable.
Backwaters in Kerala:
Kerala's serene backwaters are a major tourist attraction, offering boat cruises through tranquil waterways. However, during the monsoon season, the backwaters can become rough and turbulent. Heavy rainfall can lead to waterlogging, and the tides can get too strong for boat rides. For a more enjoyable experience in Kerala, consider visiting the backwaters during the winter months when the weather is calmer, and the water is ideal for boat rides.
Road Trips on Landslide-Prone Routes:
Some roadways in India are particularly susceptible to landslides during the monsoon season. For example, the roads leading to hill stations like Shimla and Manali in Himachal Pradesh can be dangerous due to landslides. If you plan a road trip, check the weather conditions and road advisories before proceeding. Avoid traveling on landslide-prone routes during heavy rainfall, and opt for safer alternatives to ensure a secure journey.
Remote Trekking Trails:
Trekking enthusiasts need to be cautious during the monsoon season, especially when choosing remote or less-populated trails. The terrain becomes muddy, slippery, and challenging to navigate. Moreover, there may be limited support and rescue facilities in case of emergencies. If you have a passion for trekking, opt for well-known and well-maintained trails during the drier months to minimize risks.
Waterfalls:
India boasts several mesmerizing waterfalls, which are captivating during the monsoon season. However, it's essential to exercise caution while visiting waterfalls during heavy rains. The water flow can become fierce, leading to dangerous conditions for swimming or getting too close to the falls. Some areas around waterfalls may also be prone to landslides. Enjoy the waterfalls from a safe distance and follow all safety guidelines provided by local authorities.
Conclusion:
The monsoon season in India is a time of renewal and natural beauty, but it also demands extra care and vigilance for travellers. By avoiding regions prone to flooding, landslides, and poor infrastructure, you can have a safer and more memorable journey. Instead, explore destinations that offer unique experiences and are less affected by the challenges of the monsoon. Remember to plan your trips wisely, stay informed about weather conditions, and prioritize safety during your travel adventures. With proper precautions, you can make the most of this enchanting season while safeguarding yourself and your loved ones.
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theveryworstthing · 2 months
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"Welcome! I'm glad to see that we still have people interested in volunteering. We have 6 positions open this Riverseason, 3 at each of the base camps. After you fill out your paperwork I'll take you to meet the new Companions and we'll see who you connect with!"
every few years after a heavy rainy season the river swells and a lush, high, patch of forest grows around its fattened middle in a matter of days. during this time strange Creatures emerge to nest in the surrounding area, which is seemingly a safer place to rear young than the forest, and then migrate back when the river begins to lower in a few months. neither the creatures nor the Townsfolk know why the forest appears or what exactly is going on with the river but they learned long ago to (mostly) live in peace. 
while the forest makes most people uneasy, some are very eager (maybe too eager) to explore it. this includes some young Creatures who seem equally compelled to Enter. experience says that mixed teams have a better chance or survival (little guy with Powers + person with thumbs and camping supplies is a pretty good combo even if communication can be rough sometimes) and so that is how the scouting trips operate. scouts start at either upriver or downriver base camps just outside the forest and try to follow the river the entire way to avoid getting lost.
it is so easy to get lost.
most people lose sight of the other scouting teams about half a mile in even though they're all following the same river and going in the same direction. best case scenario is that you make new discoveries, map out a few things, and make it out the other side in way more time than it should really take to walk to the other side. worst case is you can't find your way out before the river starts to dry up and you hope the rain is heavy next year. 
pictured above are the little Companions ready to hike in with someone this season. you will only learn their names if you connect with one, but in loose power typing terms we've got:
a prophesy type (omens good and bad. tea leaves, smoke, tiny bones)
a wander type (never settled and never has to be. a shifter of sorts)
a fungal type (more than it seems. eager for friendship)
a celestial type (looking into the void. navigating by starlight)
a dirt type (grounded and persistent. a terror to terrors)
and a sylph type (the air in your lungs. the invisible belief)
which Companion will you choose? what name comes to you when they choose you back? 
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heesdreamer · 3 months
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Anything
PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader
SUMMARY ➩ Four years after he disappeared from your life your childhood friend and love returns back to town completely changed.
WARNINGS ➩ Heeseung is an addict and not a super amazing person, broken people with bad communication skills, rough smut, like quick hate sex basically. Super angst but I hope it’s still a good read lol… based in the late 90s early 2000s
WC ➩ 11k
AUTHORS NOTE ➩ A bit nervous to be posting here again after five months since I’m pretty rusty but hopefully you’ll take it easy on me lol. No part two for this and it’s an open ending (my favorite) so infer what you’d like but feel free to ask me anything about the story or the characters! Hope it’s okay and I missed you guys. NOT PROOFREAD
Summer was pretty much the constant season where you grew up outside of the few weeks the sun disappeared and the rain turned the beaches grey.
You appreciated the break every year considering it just made the heat coming back feel ten times better, that first day being able to run into the ocean again always feeling like your towns personal version of new year.
Let the salt water wash away your sins and the tears that had long dried on your sun kissed cheeks.
Your town had been spared from tourist for most of your childhood even though it’s definitely gained traction during more recent years if the alarming amount of people outside the local diners said anything.
The locals didn’t mind as long as they cleaned up their empty bottles of sunscreen from the public beaches and didn’t interfere with the abundance of native wild life.
You definitely didn’t mind considering you were on your sixth year working at the smoothie shop just a block away from the most popular beach and you enjoyed suckering large families out of large tips by giving them basic fun facts about the area they could use for their vacation.
It was the least you could do as somebody who lived in a permanent one.
This years version of those rainy few weeks came in the suddenly deliverance of news you’d never even imagined hearing let alone prepared yourself to deal with.
“Hey.” Jake sounded out of breath as he crashed through the flimsy door of the smoothie shop, hair wet from either just leaving the beach where he worked as a lifeguard or from the slight drizzle that had started to pick up.
“Hey, don’t get my floor wet. Assuming you’re off this week?” You were folding cleaning rags in preparation for closing up the shop for the next few days due to the news channel continuously warning the locals of a storm coming.
Jake rolled his eyes at your light scolding but you noticed that he did avoid sitting on the stools or touching anything he could get his wetness on.
“Oh so it’s your floor now?” He was cocking an eyebrow up as he looked at you and now it was your turn to roll your eyes, a light smile on your face at the teasing.
You’d know Jake the same amount of time you had known pretty much anybody living in the town which was basically the entire sum of your life. All the kids went to the same small school district and everyone’s parents knew each other to some capacity so there’d never been a time you didn’t know him and your other friends.
“So…” Your extensive knowledge of him made it even more obvious that he was about to tell you something you didn’t want to hear, his tone changing to the same one he used whenever he had to let the beach goers know the waters weren’t safe. “He’s back in town.”
The mood in the small shop changed immediately and you tensed up from where you were still folding the rags, placing the one you were working on back down onto the counter and squeezing it with your hand.
You noticed the rain picking up outside and it was almost ironic how it seemed to match your mood.
“Oh.” That was all you could manage to say and Jake dropped his shoulders in defeat at your dull reaction. “No Jakey thanks for telling me that’s.. it’s nice to have a heads up.”
Neither one of you spoke for a few seconds and you let the sound of the wind whipping around the thin metal panels of the roof distract you just enough to stop you from immediately bombarding him with questions. You didn’t need him to know how much you cared even though you knew he already did.
“Did- did you see him?”
“Saw his mom at the market on my lunch break.” He was watching you so intensely that it was starting to annoy you. He looked like he was waiting for you to explode and you were considering giving him what he wanted just so he’d stop staring like that. “They’re like.. well he’s back in the old house so I’m assuming that means… yeah.”
He was awkward in his delivery but you understood exactly what he meant, your old friend wasn’t just back in town for a vacation or a trip down memory lane but instead he was back for at least the near future.
Your head hung low as you tried your best to not react outwardly but the humorless scoff left your mouth before you could stop it and you heard Jake sigh near the door.
Luck was at least in your favor considering the news was right and the rain didn’t stop for another four days meaning you and the boys didn’t have work and there was no chance of you running into the exact person you wanted to avoid.
You spent your days at Sunghoon’s house which was on the other side of town from where you and the rest of your friends lived.
Sunghoon had been the last person to join your small group and he almost hadn’t been accepted considering he didn’t go to the same school and actually didn’t live there at all. His father was beyond wealthy and owned a nice property up on the hill, a place you and your friends used to sit on the beach and stare at while daydreaming about living there.
He came down every winter from the city so him and his dad could escape the cold and icy roads and then he’d leave again once the temperature picked up.
Naturally this made him a bit of an outcast compared to the rest of you who grew up together and spent nearly every single day hanging out and playing on the beaches but you liked him nonetheless.
He wasn’t as spoiled as you figured he probably could have been and if anything he was actually pretty sheepish whenever someone mentioned how much money he constantly had at his disposal.
You’d all tease him until he bought you snacks and ice cream in bulk just to get you off his back, a silent peace offering.
An even more silent ‘I’m sorry you’re poor and I’m not’.
Once you all got older and his dad got too tired to continue the travel back and forth just to avoid some snow, Sunghoon would come by himself just to see you all and you imagined it was any day now before he decided to stay for good.
The image from their hillside property was breathtaking even through the storm, floor to ceiling windows that you’d perch yourself on while the others slept. It had a perfect view of the biggest beach and the mountains behind it and despite growing up with it as your backdrop, you never got used to it.
“Can’t sleep?” Riki’s voice was echoing through the nearly empty living room, a feat of Sunghoon’s dad practically moving out.
You turned your head to see him shuffling towards you in his pajamas with an open bottle of wine in his hands. He was taking a swig before nudging your leg with his hand so you would move it and he could sit down beside you with a groan.
His back was against the other side of the windowsill and your legs were crossing over his in a mirror image but he looked just as exhausted as you figured you did and it was sort of comforting to know you weren’t the only one handling this bad.
“When do I ever sleep?” Your hand was sticking out as you spoke and he took one more sip of the wine before handing the bottle over to you.
Your face pulled into a grimace at the sour taste and he laughed softly at the reaction before leaning forward to snatch it back and keep it away from you. You looked back out the window but you could feel him staring at you now and you sighed.
Riki had been around just as long as Jake had but he was also your neighbor which added another layer of familiarity. There was no hiding your family issues with him like you attempted with the others because he was one window away and often the person you ran to when things got too hard.
“Saw him in town you know, before we headed up here.” He was starting off in a whisper like he was testing the waters and you were getting sick of people treating you like a loose canon when it came to this. “He looks different.”
“Obviously. He was a kid last time we saw him and he’s what, 20 now?” You phrased it like you weren’t too sure but both of you were aware that you knew his exact age. You’d never forgotten his birthday and your mood soured every year on that day for the past four times it cycled past.
“21.” Riki clarified anyways and you appreciated that you both pretended you’d be able to make that mistake. “And I don’t just mean he grew up I mean he looks terrible.”
Your stomach turned uncomfortably as graphic images made their way into your mind and you squeezed your eyes tight at the thought of him and what he could possibly look like now.
“Why are you telling me this Riki?” You sounded hurt and lost and you felt his leg nudging yours again like he was either trying to comfort you or snap you out of the tense state you’d fallen into. You opened your eyes and stared at him and the way the moonlight highlighted the side of his face.
“I told him I’d meet him for lunch once the storm cleared up.” He said it slowly and that made it that much easier for you to hear the overwhelming guilt in his voice. “I’d like for you to be there. I’m asking you to be there.”
Your face fell flat but he didn’t stop looking at you as he dropped the bomb and you almost wanted to shy away from the intense gaze just waiting for you to show that you cared.
“You can’t ask me that.” It came out as a whisper and you hated how weak you sounded at just the idea of seeing him.
“But I am.”
Two days later the clouds were gone like they’d never been there and the unrelenting heat was building back up at full force. You all returned down from the hillside property with raging hangovers and a suffocating promise.
You tried to ignore your phone ringing on the wall because you knew who it was, or at least could guess out of three names but it was pointless considering Riki was right next door and the ringing soon turned to knocks at your window.
So you told yourself you agreed to the lunch because you were sick of being harassed about it and it was not because you needed to see him for yourself.
If anything this was your chance to prove you didn’t care about him and you just had never felt that level of loss before. It wouldn’t kill you to hear his voice and listen to the way it’s changed over the lost time and you’d be able to get through the meal with a few awkward conversations before getting to go back to your regular life.
You were immediately proven wrong the second you pushed into the restaurant and you would have stopped in your tracks if it wasn’t for Riki’s guiding hand on your lower back.
He worked at this restaurant and it was directly on the shore of the beach so despite it being busy post storm he was easily maneuvering you through it towards the table.
You stayed back a few feet as the boy stood up and went to greet your other friends, a few awkward seconds passing like they didn’t know wether to shake hands or hug before Jake was moving forward and pulling the older boy into a tight embrace.
Sunghoon was doing the same and rubbing the back of his head comfortably before Riki gave him a familiar pat on the shoulder due to the fact they’d already gone through the first encounter nerves.
The three boys immediately climbed into the booth and started to flip through the menus to give you some privacy even though you all knew they’d eaten the same things here since they were kids and knew every dish like the back of their hand.
You still appreciated the gesture considering the second he looked at you your heart clenched painfully and you suddenly felt like you were 17 again.
“Hey y/n.” His voice was low as he spoke but you could still hear it enough to notice you barely recognized it. It had dropped a few octaves and it was painfully raspy.
“You look like shit Hee.” Your blunt words and the use of the familiar nickname made him scoff out a laugh and he nodded his head in agreement to your insult.
He truly did even though you were just trying to tease him and loosen the atmosphere. He was ten shades paler than the rest of you but you had a feeling it wasn’t due to him not being around the sun all the time anymore. He looked nearly sickly and your stomach turned the more you saw the signs of that being true.
His eyes looked tired and sad but what was the worst change was how skinny he was. He’d always been thin but now he was towering over you and still looking like a strong wave could take him out.
He sniffed uncomfortably because of your intense gaze and your eyes honed in on his prominent wrist bone and the way he flicked at his nostril.
Your eyebrows furrowed at the action and he immediately lowered his arm like he’d just been caught doing something, confirming your belief.
The silence was awkward but luckily one of Riki’s coworkers was approaching to get your drinks and you scooted past the tall boy so you could slide in the booth besides Sunghoon.
It was unusual for you to be nearly silent and not engaging in the conversation but you couldn’t really handle trying to fumble your way through acting like everything was normal like the others were.
You started to wonder if they really did think it was just a normal meal while catching up with a childhood friend.
It blew your mind to consider that maybe they didn’t see the way Heeseung was constantly bouncing his knee and picking apart his napkin or the fact he’d barely taken a bite of food the entire time. Did they not see his fidgeting eyes and the fact he looked sick every glance he took towards your direction.
The boys did their best to fill the silence without bringing up anything that would let Heeseung know how much he’d missed out on and soon enough everyone was having to go back to work.
You’d gotten the day off since the storm had drastically killed off the tourist that make up 90% of your daily customers and you could tell the boy across from you felt a bit lost when everyone stated their plans for the rest of the day.
“Did you maybe want to go to the beach with me?” You had no idea why you were inviting him but by the time you noticed the shocked look on your friends faces, it was too late and the offer was hanging heavily in the air.
He looked around like he wasn’t quite sure you were talking to him and his eyes were a little more alert when he finally turned back to face you.
“Uh yeah sure.”
Riki gave you a cautious look as you left and Sunghoon parted you with a swift kiss on the cheek and another firm hug for Heeseung. Jake was heading to the same place as you for his shift as a lifeguard so it made the walk down the street a little less awkward.
The roles reversed from lunch and now it was Heeseung’s turn to fall silent while you and Jake softly joked and made casual commentary on the damage the storm had did. You would have forgotten he was there at all if not for his constantly sniffling and the fact his presence shifted your entire atmosphere.
“Be safe yeah?” You weren’t sure if it was meant to have a double meaning but Jake made your stomach turn as he left your side to head to the watch tower.
Heeseung was clearing his throat beside you but you ignored him in favor of finding an umbrella to sit near, not quite under so you could still feel the sun on your skin. He opted for sitting directly under the shade and you were brought back to when you were kids and he was always the last one inside.
He was impossible to tame and get out of the water even long after the sun set and the parents began to call you all home but he couldn’t be more different now.
Memories of his freckled tan face smiling at you, eyes squinted against the bright sky with his hand above his eyebrows to try and block it so he could see you better. His laugh always the loudest sound over the crashing waves and the way it felt when he’d wrap his arms around you to throw you into the water.
Now he was practically curling in on himself to avoid the rays and he looked almost pained at the sounds of the kids playing and splashing around.
It was hard to believe this was the same boy who had you convinced there was salt water in his veins.
“Since when are you getting high?”
You didn’t sound at all accusatory in your question, just plainly asking for an answer to the obvious but he immediately tensed up and sent a glare that would have you believing you’d gotten it wrong if it wasn’t for the embarrassment in his eyes.
He took a few seconds to answer but you extended your thin patience towards him and waited.
“I’m not anymore.” He had a funny tone to his that almost sounded like he was saying an inside joke, something you clearly didn’t understand and your face furrowed. “That’s why I’m here actually.”
Your mouth was parting in realization and you couldn’t help the bitter laugh that slipped out of you. You felt overwhelmingly stupid in that moment but it wasn’t necessarily your fault for not assuming the worst about his intentions.
“Here I thought you were back because you actually missed us. Didn’t realize this was your rehab.” He didn’t look amused anymore and you were struck by how much you wanted to see him smile at you again.
He nodded and looked away from you and that was enough for you to realize the conversation was over.
four years ago
You’d never been anywhere else but you had a hard time believing any other place could measure up to what you were experiencing now.
The sounds of your lifelong friends splashing each other and laughing as they took unexpected blows from the waves, bodies crashing through the surface of the water and pushing back through with groans of playful annoyance.
You knew the sun was setting soon which meant the head lifeguard (who happened to be jake’s older brother) was going to usher you all back home and away from the water but you would have given anything for the moment to freeze.
Even if your butt was damp from the wet sand you were sitting on and you were starting to shiver from the lack of clothes paired with the disappearing heat.
You watched as another head popped out of the water before standing to his full height and glancing around like he was searching for something. His gaze stopped on you and a bright smile broke out on his face at the sight of you sitting on the beach and observing the scene.
It made you feel warm to see him brush off your friends and push through the water so he could get over to you, shaking his head to semi dry his hair and laughing when you squealed at the sudden wetness hitting you.
“You cold?” He was flopping down onto the sand next to you and his cold skin brushed yours for a second before you flinched away and groaned.
“Yeah but I think Jaeyun’s brother is gonna make us leave any second anyways.” You were scrunching your nose up as you looked over at him and he smiled up at you.
Heeseung always seemed to be smiling but especially in your direction.
You weren’t an idiot and you didn’t at all miss the fact that he was extra attached to you. You had a deeper bond than anybody else in the group and even though you weren’t exactly sure when the transition into something deeper happened, you were sure you both could feel it constantly bubbling under the surface.
It wasn’t something you felt like you needed to confess or say out loud officially because you had all the time in the world here with him.
“Come swim with us.” He was watching you as your hand reached over to swipe the drying sand off his forehead.
“Not happening Hee sorry.” You smiled when he groaned and rolled over onto his back, knowing you had made up your mind by the tone in your voice. “We can always swim tomorrow.”
Tomorrow never came because the next morning you were racing down to the Lee house with a plate of cinnamon rolls Riki’s mom had made and finding it almost completely empty.
Your heart had dropped into your stomach but you still slowly approached the familiar door and knocked against it softly.
Typically you didn’t even bother knocking considering you were there more than your own house but something was off and you suddenly felt like an intruder.
The sight of his grandma opening the door and giving you a pained expression when she saw it was you almost fully killed you and if that didn’t do it then the fact she softly whispered to you that he wasn’t going to be coming back anytime soon definitely did.
It was hard not to grab her by the shoulders and demand she tell you where he had gone and it was even harder to hold in your sobs as you ran all the way back to the house next to yours, bursting into Riki’s living room and climbing into his bed to cry while you waited for him to get off work.
He’d barely understood you through your blubbering sobs and when he did he was joining you in the bed and falling into a hurt silence.
The hurt rippled through you for months until you gathered the courage to ask his grandma for his address so you could write him a letter.
She was clearly reluctant but she gave it to you anyways and you spent all week writing it and expressing to him how you felt, both for him and about the fact he had left without saying goodbye. You wished she’d turned you down when it got sent right back unopened and the same thing happened for the next twenty after that.
You kept writing them for two years even though they’d always make their way back to the post office and at the end of that summer, you finally put the pen down.
At some point during the third year you’d gotten a postcard that had no writing on it or even a signature. It was just a blank card with a photo of some cartoonish cherry blossoms and a small river.
You somehow knew it was from him without any confirmation and you wept like a baby in the middle of all the mailboxes, hugging it to your chest and swearing you’d never let yourself feel like that again. You almost sent it back to him like he’d done to you for so long but instead you stuffed it under your pillow and tried to not feel it’s weight every night you slept.
Now four years later he was suddenly everywhere again.
He’d started to work at the surfboard rental shop across from your own place and he was practically at every single hangout like nothing had changed.
Except everything had changed and he was such a jarringly different person that you almost felt like you were hanging out with the corpse of your old friend.
“We’ve gotta get you some sun man.” Jake was disguising his concerns with some light teasing one of the days you all made your way up to Sunghoon’s place but you all knew Heeseung and his current state was the constant elephant in the room.
“Yeah.” His noncommittal low mumbling was about the most you got out of him these days and you sighed from where you were laying on the couch.
His empty gaze landed on you when you were standing up and pushing Sunghoon’s legs off of you (much to his annoyance). You approached him and stuck your hand out in his direction just to be met with a raised eyebrow and no movement.
“Cmon let’s go.” You were firm in your words and shaking your hand slightly to urge him to take it in his before you got too impatient. He sighed at you but did exactly that and you pushed aside the warmth that spread you in favor of pulling him up so he was standing.
You were slightly thrown off by how close he ended up next to you so you took a step back while raking over his tall frame and clearing your throat.
“I’m sick of your moping.” You didn’t expect him to continue holding your hand after you pulled him up but you took advantage of the opportunity and started to tug him behind you as you walked towards the doors.
Heeseung stayed silent as you dragged him outside and down the long sandy steps that led down the hillside and onto the small private beach that the park family owned. You never hung out there much as kids considering you weren’t allowed to surf here and you preferred the large waves and active community of the public one but it would do for now.
“What are we doing?” He was finally speaking once you dropped his hand and turned to look at him.
“Going swimming obviously.” You were pulling your shirt over your head the second you finished speaking so you just barely saw his reaction to your hands grabbing the bottom hem.
It was long enough that you managed to watch his eyes widen and drop down to the sudden skin showing but he somehow was able to have a blank expression again by the time you got it off and tossed it onto the sand carelessly.
You’d turned to walk closer to the water but you stopped and looked over your shoulder when you realized he wasn’t following you anymore.
“Cmon.” Your thumbs pushed down the hem of your shorts to showcase the rest of your bikini and now you heard him scoff a laugh as the water touched your ankles.
The water was unusually cold from the few cloudy days you’d had but you were determined now to get him to have some fun and open up a little bit before he really started to bum the rest of you out.
You fought your smile when you heard light splashing behind you and when you finally turned around you were thrown off by the amount of pale skin you were seeing. Obviously you knew he’d have to take off his shirt to get in the water but you were mainly stuck on the changes to his body.
He’d clearly filled out, something you could have guessed from the height, and now he looked surprisingly strong unlike his lanky frame he had when you were younger. Outfit of his ribs slightly showing, he definitely had some muscle definition that you looked away from immediately.
Your eyes landed on what was even more jarring and he surprisingly didn’t shy away when you scanned over the bruising covering his stomach and sides.
You met his gaze for just a second and he just stood there with the light ripples hitting his belly button.
“Get into some trouble?” Your question was light and almost teasing so he had room to ignore you. You didn’t want to bombard him for answers especially since it wasn’t really your place anymore.
If this had been four years ago, you would have wrapped him up in your arms and demanded to know who possibly could have hurt him but that boy wasn’t here anymore. He definitely wasn’t the cold one standing in front of you.
“Something like that.” His response was as uncharacteristic as you expected it to be and you simply nodded your head before waiting for him to catch up to you.
He was up to his chest now in the water and you were starting to struggle to stay afloat which seemed to amuse him if the quirk of his lips told you anything.
“Isn’t this nice?” Your voice was quieter now and you almost face palmed at how nervous and unnatural you sounded.
Heeseung was just watching you like you were the one who had changed but there was something heavy in his eyes now. You almost flinched at the feeling of his warm leg brushing yours under the water once he was finally starting to relax and float a little but you managed to collect yourself.
He hummed in agreement but you could tell he was just doing it to give you the answer he knew you wanted to hear.
You wondered if the cold water felt good on his bruises or if you were just making him feel worse by trying to help.
“Surprised you didn’t bring the others.” He was talking again surprisingly and now he was fully floating on his back with his gaze set on the sky and the colors of the setting sun. “Since you and Sunghoon are so close now.”
The jealous tone of his voice was not something you were used to and you didn’t realize he could sound even less like himself until he proved you wrong.
Heeseung and you had always been each others number ones and he’d never had to doubt his position in your life before but it made you blood boiling mad that he had such an accusatory tone now like you’d done something wrong.
Did he expect you to sit around and mope forever, holding out hope that he’d maybe decide to return one day despite not even knowing where he’d gone?
“We’ve always been close Heeseung. We all are.” Your voice was stable despite how the opposite you felt and something unsaid was being heard loudly in your choice of words.
For the first time since he came back, you were blatantly excluding him from the group. None of you were teenagers anymore and you’d been through a decade of stories and experiences just in the last few years as you transitioned into adults.
Maybe the sight of him now, grown up and empty, wouldn’t have hurt so bad if you watched it happen slowly instead of all at once. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened this way at all and he would have been a totally different person with your influence.
You immediately felt guilty and gross for giving yourself that much credit.
“It’s different now though.” He seemed set in his idea that you and Sunghoon had some secret deeper bond and you didn’t even try to argue with him this time.
“You’re different.” The response you settled with was pretty petty and he seemed to agree judging by the way he scoffed but he was sitting up and moving a tad closer to you in the water.
“Yeah well you’re exactly the same.” He said it so simply that you couldn’t tell if it was meant to be an insult, compliment or simply just an observation. He was either calling you immature or making a callback to how your relationship used to be.
You figured it was the latter when his hand was brushing against your waist under the water.
“Not all of me.” Your voice had gotten lower now as you realized the mood was shifting to something you’d not experienced with him before.
You’d always found Heeseung attractive obviously but he was so young and you weren’t exactly the age either where you were thinking about him in this way. Sure, he’d been touchy back then with his hand in yours or an arm around your waist as you walked together but never with this look in his eye.
It felt wrong to have him shifting even closer to you, bare chest and his wet hair almost covering his eyes as he stared down due to your newfound height difference.
Mainly the wrong feeling came due to the fact that you barely knew him now and you didn’t want to get to know him like this. You wished it had happened naturally, your friendship had returned when he did and so did your comfortability and maybe eventually the love buried deep in your chest.
But you were so desperate to feel something from him, anything that might indicate he had once cared about you. So you didn’t push him away when he leaned down to kiss you.
His mouth was hot against yours and suddenly all of the teasing touches and heavy glances made a lot more sense.
He had a desperation you didn’t expect and your head was spinning by the time he was pulling you even closer by your waist and slotting his knee in between your legs under the water.
“Hee.” You breathed out his name as he licked into your mouth and he shushed you impatiently, not wanting to give you the chance to stop him before he’d even gotten to really have you.
You weren’t going to and your hips were rolling against his leg, the water hitting higher up on your stomach and making you gasp from the cold and how it splashed over your covered chest.
He seemed to notice considering he was impatiently pulling the fabric of your bikini top away from your skin and you moaned when his mouth was leaving yours in favor of hungrily connecting with your hard nipples. The warmth of his mouth made you spin and you held the back of his head against your chest.
His knee was rocking under you and you kept grinding yourself down on it, free hand wrapping around his back and feeling the muscles clench everytime he moved himself towards you.
“Hee.” you gasped out his name again and this time he atleast hummed in acknowledgement, big hands gripping your waist and forcing you to keep moving against him.
“Cmon y/n, stop fucking talking.” His mouth was back on yours and this time it was you who immediately licked into his closed lips, the sound of his low voice spurring you on even more.
He was lifting you out of the water and your legs wrapped around his waist so you wouldn’t fall. You didn’t even realize he’d be strong enough to lift you but he seemed to have no problem as he started walking towards the shore and you rolled your hips into his hard on that you could now feel pressing against you.
Your mouth parted when you felt how hard he was already and he laid you gently down onto the sand before climbing ontop of you and kissing you again.
This time his body was covering you and you whined when his hips lowered down on yours.
He was sitting up for only a second so he could finish untying your bathing suit and tugging it off of you and you watched as his eyes locked hungrily on your bare chest while you panted heavily.
Your eyes were big and wanting as you stared up at him and the sight was almost too much so he went back to kissing you deeply.
His body was still just as wet as yours and the feeling of his hot skin warming up what the water had cooled was almost as addicting as the way he rolled his hips down slowly.
“Fuck y/n.” He was groaning into your neck and you inhaled at the way he was biting the skin and definitely leaving marks on you. “Used to be mine remember?”
You were shaking your head in disagreement but the way you were rocking your hips and holding onto the back of his head was very telling, you might as well have had his name carved on you.
“Gonna make you mine again.”
Heeseung was pushing your bathing suit bottoms to the side and playing with the waistband of his before impatiently shoving them down onto his thighs. You were both hurt by his impatience and extremely turned on by the fact he was about to take you on the beach without even fully undressing you.
“Tell me you want it.” His tongue licked up to your ear and you gasped at the feeling of his thick head pressing against your wetness, your legs spreading automatically for him.
“Want it. Want it Hee.” You were breathing heavily and trying to fuck yourself down on him even though it was pointless considering how strong his grip on your waist was, pinning you down against the sand and feeling the way you arched up into him when he started to push himself inside.
The slide was easy and your cry was loud enough that you almost worried the other boys would be able to hear you.
“Fucking tight.” His voice was strained as he spat the words through gritted teeth and you clenched around him at the praise, wanting to make him feel as good as he was so easily doing to you. “Perfect pussy for me, sliding right in. So wet y/n.”
His constant use of your name made you feel even more insane and you whined louder when he bottomed out inside you. Heeseung didn’t waste any time before he was starting to roughly fuck into you and it was exactly what you needed after years of pent of anger and emotions.
“Fuck me hard Hee.” You begged him through your cries and he gladly delivered exactly what you needed, slamming his hips against yours so fast it was painful. “Fucking hate you.”
“Hate you so much.” His rebuttal was quick and he caught your mouth in a rough kiss as he spoke, teeth hitting yours making you wince in pain.
“Show me. Fuck me like you hate me.”
He was doing what you asked without any question and you almost broke from how much you could feel it radiating off of him, hate and anger stemming from something you didn’t even understand.
Then it was over before you even processed it started and you were both left panting on the sand as the sun finished setting and the sand underneath you dried.
Heeseung was rolling away from you to land on his back with a grunt and your entire body shivered when you felt his arm pressing against yours and giving you a little bit of warmth that barely made up for how cold you felt all over.
Everything surrounding you was cold now and him not saying a single world just made it ten times worse.
You were hit with shame and guilt tenfold and tears were springing to yours eyes before you could stop them. You vaguely heard him shifting next to you and sniffing loudly, your head turning to him.
Your eyes grew in size when you saw he’d dug something out of his discarded shirts pocket and was sitting up with his head turned away from you like it would make what he was doing any less obvious.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Your voice was low and venomous and your hands uncomfortably went to cover your chest as you sat up and scooted away from him. “You’re getting high?”
He didn’t even look over at you as he cleared his burning throat and shoved whatever the small capsule was back into his crumbled up shirt. The sight of him rolling his eyes like you were annoying him almost made you just sink into the ocean and disappear.
“Get dressed before they come down here and find you like that.” He was standing up as he spoke again and you hated that the tears were fully falling now, hot on your flushed cheeks.
Your shaking hands did their best to tie up your bikini top and he finally looked down at where you were still sitting on the sand and sobbing. You weren’t sure he could see the tears considering how dark it was now but when he turned his face away with a cold expression you knew that he had.
Heeseung was pulling his shift over his head and hesitating for just a few seconds while looking at the stairs back up to the house, almost like he was considering leaving you there.
“Who even are you?” You weren’t sure how you managed to speak so strongly through your cries but he clearly felt the impact of it as he tensed up and his jaw locked.
“Does it matter?”
——
After you’d gotten dressed you had stormed past him up the steps only after slamming your shoulder into his side and steeling your expression. He gave you a few seconds before he was following you up but he didn’t come inside when you got up there.
You’d gone up to Riki and quietly asked him if he could take you home, cold hands shaking as they gripped his wrist and eyes still swollen.
The other boys were silent when they saw the state of you and you just hoped they couldn’t guess what had happened, shame hitting you hard at even the idea of them finding out how you’d just been used and discarded so easily.
You sat there the entire car ride back to town with your head half out the window and the warm summer air doing it’s best to stop the tears from rolling down your face.
Riki didn’t ask you any questions and you were grateful when he pulled into his own driveway and not yours, not even realizing how much you didn’t want to go home until you saw your front door and felt the nausea building.
It was unspoken that he let you rot in the bed in the spare room for the first few days and by day three Jake was rubbing your back softly and trying to get you to eat something.
Sunghoon came and went constantly and you spent most nights with him laying beside you, not touching or speaking but just having him there. You weren’t sure if they’d figured it out or if Heeseung told them but something in you knew that they knew what happened.
You started to feel slightly better after a week of moping and letting yourself finally feel the heartbreak that’d be been building for so many years and after two weeks you were back to work.
If you spent more your shift looking out the window to try to get a glimpse of him in the shop across the street then that was your own personal secret.
He was still somebody you cared about as frustrating as that was but it still made you sick that you started to worry when you hadn’t seen him for a few weeks.
It had been almost a month since that night on the beach and you no longer could assume he was just avoiding you. The town was too small and you would have run into by now regardless if you wanted that or not so he’d either been completely isolating himself or he was gone again and you weren’t sure which one of those hurt you more.
“He’s still here.” Sunghoon’s voice was low next to your ear as you laid in his bed this time, giving Riki and his family a break even though he insisted they didn’t need or want one.
You still wanted to come up here with Sunghoon even though it was a bit hard considering what had happened last time but you figured it was hard for him to be in such a big house all by himself now that his dad wasn’t coming anymore.
“Did you talk to him?” You were rolling onto your stomach and looking at him with wide eyes and he sighed softly as he studied the hope on your face.
“Not really.” He was mumbling now and the pout your lips formed almost made him feel sick. “Just for a second. I was skating past his place.”
You were nodding in understanding but you felt weirdly settled that he hadn’t gone anywhere and he was seemingly here to stay despite how it always felt like he was trying his hardest to get away from you all. You should have get the times worse that he was around and you had a change to run into him sooner than later but you were an idiot at heart.
“He doesn’t deserve you being sad for him, you know that right?” Your hair was being pushed behind your ear by Sunghoon’s hand and you watched him as he stared.
He looked vulnerable and it made sense considering he was not the type of person to say things like that to anybody, especially not to you. Your heart hurt hearing it from somebody else but you gave a soft nod anyways despite not at all agreeing with what he was saying.
“I mean it. You’re like… the best thing any of us could even begin to imagine and he acts like you’re going to stay no matter how he treats you. He’s always been like that, you just didn’t want to see it.”
Your face fell as he kept talking and getting more and more upset. You’d had no idea he felt this way or even noticed things like that and you hated that you started to think about what Heeseung had insinuated before on the beach.
It made you feel overly warm to consider that Sunghoon might have some type of feelings towards you and yet here he was, laying in bed with you for days and comforting you after you let some asshole break your heart for the thousandth time.
“I’m not going to let him do that to me anymore Hoon.” You heard your voice as it came out and heard how obvious the lie was, knowing he did too when he was just blankly staring at you.
“You love him.” His response was curt but it hit you full force and you tried your best not to let any visible reaction show. “You chose him a long time ago.”
You weren’t sure if he was talking about you choosing Heeseung over yourself and your own well-being or if he was once again saying what you think he might have been.
The guilt coursed through you when you were laying your head down on his chest and listening to how fast his heartbeat started to pulse but you couldn’t look at his honest face anymore and the conversation needed to end before it was all too much.
It was only building more when the next morning you were writing him a note letting him know you’d be back soon before hitching a ride back into town.
You spent the entire hour it took getting to Heeseung’s house both trying to gather the courage to go through with your idea and also trying to talk yourself out of it, reaching a peak of panic when you were knocking softly on his door.
He took a long time to open and just as you were about to turn around and leave, there he was.
Standing in the doorway that you’d seen him in close to a thousands times but looking so different that it felt brand new. He didn’t look surprised to see you on his porch and that made you feel even shittier.
“You okay?” He surprised you with the question and how genuine it sounded but you kept your face flat.
“Are you okay?” You emphasized the word and shifted uncomfortably in place until he was stepping aside and letting you in the small house. “The boys are worried about you.”
If he knew you were lying than he didn’t mention it and you took a second to glance around the living room.
Not much had changed about it besides the numerous boxes that were either still unpacked or in the process of being put back away. You didn’t want to ask him and when you met his eyes again you could tell he didn’t want to answer.
“Well I’m fine.” His answer finally came and he was biting the inside of his cheek like he was trying not to say something.
He was such a mystery to you that it was genuinely started to get under your skin. He looked at you like you’d done something so terrible to him and you had absolutely no idea what was bothering him so much, especially since he was the one who had left you.
“You’re fine?” Your voice was flat and bitter and he nodded stiffly to which you scoffed and rubbed your face in annoyance. “So you don’t want to talk about it? You don’t think we should?”
“Go talk to Sunghoon if you want someone to talk emotions with.” His gaze was fiery on you and you almost flinched away from it like it really could have burned you.
You stared at him dumbfounded for a few breaths and the air in the living room was so tense you worried the walls would collapse from it. He actually looked slightly regretful after he said it which shocked you but it didn’t really matter since it was already in your head now.
Heeseung was taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair before looking at you one more time.
“I’ll get dressed and we can go.” You didn’t respond to him and your hurt stare was clearly making him uncomfortable. “Is that okay?”
You waited just a few more seconds before you were giving him a curt nod and covering your mouth from the shock of the entire conversation and whatever was happening between the two of you.
He was turning to walk down the hallway to his room but stopping midway and giving you a glance over his shoulder like he was making sure you hadn’t left.
Your shoulders lost all tension the second he was out of sight and you leaned against the wall to help hold you up, proud of yourself for not running out or embarrassingly tearing up again.
It was quiet for a long time and you didn’t even want to begin to imagine what was taking him so long to throw on a simple outfit but you’d begun to wander around the house while you waited, ending up in the kitchen.
“Oh y/n.”
The soft voice calling out for you had your head turning swiftly and your eyes widened when you saw his mom standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
“Ms Lee.” You sounded astonished and you hoped she wasn’t too offended by the fact you were standing in her house with your sandals still covered in sand. “I didn’t know you were home. I’m sorry to barge in.”
“Always such a sweet girl.” She waved her hands at you like you were ridiculous for apologizing for such a small thing and your heart warmed when she crossed the room to hold your face gently. “You’re friends with my son again? I’ll take that as a good sign.”
You smiled lightly and just nodded at her, not having the nerve to tell her you weren’t exactly friends and he definitely wasn’t doing as well as the hope in her voice led you to believe she thought he was.
“You were always so good for him. He worried so much about you never forgiving him for leaving but you must understand it wasn’t his fault.” Her hands were warm on your face and you felt a lot of guilt as she spoke.
You weren’t exactly sure you were supposed to be hearing this so you didn’t ask her any questions or pry.
Heeseung must’ve heard his moms voice because he looked flustered by the time he came out of his room, barely pulling his shirt over his head as he crossed into the kitchen and looked between the two of you.
“Ma, what are you doing back?” His voice sounded overly similar to how it used to as he comfortably addressed her and the difference shocked you.
“Don’t make me sound like such a bother.” She was lightly scolding him before letting go of your face and you immediately missed the warmth of her hands and gaze. “I was just telling y/n how happy I am you two are together again.”
Your eyes widened at the same time his did and your face flushed bright red at the implication that she thought you and Heeseung were dating now, along with how she apparently had thought you’d been dating beforehand too.
“Oh relax you two. I just mean together as in the same space.” She laughed and waved her hands in dismissal again but you definitely didn’t relax. “Where is he taking you?”
It took you a few seconds to realize she was addressing you and your mouth parted in silence, fumbling for an answer since you didn’t actually know where he was planning for the two of you to go.
“It’s a surprise Ma.” His voice was gentle and so was the kiss he laid on the side of her head, her eyes shutting happily as he kissed her teeth and rubbed him on his shoulder. “But we’ve gotta get going.”
She was shooing you away without another word and giving you a heavy glance that you didn’t really understand, following behind Heeseung as he led you out back through the side entrance that came out onto their driveway.
“Oh holy shit. You still have this thing?” You were curling your nose up at the sight of the old beat up pickup truck that his grandpa used to drive you all around in.
You always got the luxury of sitting on one of the other two seats inside since you were the only girl but all the boys had a blast everytime they had to pile into the bed and feel the wind drying them off as you drove home from the beaches and waterfalls.
Heeseung’s grandpa had died when you were about twelve and the truck sat in the driveway for many years until his grandma was giving him the keys for his 16th birthday, a wink and a swift warning before sending him off to pick you all up.
“I still remember you outside my house blaring on the horn.” You were smiling to yourself as you went around the front so you could climb into the passenger side, feeling the rough leather.
He was getting in a second after you and you tried your best to stare as he situated himself and cleared his throat before putting the truck into drive.
Your gaze on him made him glance your way as he was backing out but it barely lasted a blink before he was looking away.
You waited an hour before you were speaking again, spending the entire time with the windows down and the sound of the loud wind filling up whatever silence the old radio left. It was playing some tape his grandpa had left behind and his hands were tapping the steering wheel in time with it.
It felt the most like your old times with him than anything else had so far and you had to remind yourself that things were still different.
You may have taken this drive with him a dozen times but things had changed. His hand wasn’t on your knee drawing shapes and your eyes weren’t bright and filled with love as you laughed and yelled over the music together.
That picture was a lot warmer than what reality was and you glanced over at him again.
The mountains were stretching behind his side profile now that you were farther away from town than you usually went and he looked so relaxed and calm that you almost felt bad for ruining the silence.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going anytime soon?” You were turning your body so your back was against the car door and your legs were curled into the middle seat, a few inches from the side of his thigh.
He didn’t answer you right away and you scoffed in annoyance at his audacity to just ignore you straight to your face like he hadn’t been the one to invite you here. You crossed your arms over your chest and looked away from him in upset but he was pulling onto the side of the road and parking the car before you could get really mad.
You sat there for a few seconds while he gripped the steering wheel and you took the time to glance around the area.
It was a long dirt road with a lot of thick trees and bushy areas, no other cars or parking lots in site. You were beyond confused and if it was anyone else with you then you’d even feel a little scared but despite Heeseung feeling like a stranger, he wasn’t one.
“Are you okay with walking a bit?” His voice was low when he finally spoke and you noticed he sounded similar to how he did while talking to his mom earlier, your heart tugging at how casual he was being towards you after weeks of hearing him sound so angry and empty.
“Y-yeah.” Your eyes widened at the sudden question and you felt embarrassed for stuttering even though he didn’t seem to care considering he was nodding and getting out of the truck. “Not a problem.” You mumbled to yourself before following him.
He was disappearing into the tree line and you would have been more confused if you didn’t see the faintest evidence of an old trail that had clearly been overgrown.
Heeseung was confident in his steps and every turn he took seemed like it was practiced so you quickly gathered that he knew exactly where he was and you wondered when he would have come out here enough to be this knowledgeable about it.
You were together pretty much all the time as kids and as far as you knew he hadn’t gone anywhere since coming back to town so his mystery was just growing even more to you.
You’d been walking for about twenty minutes with just the sounds of snapping sticks and the wind rustling the trees before it was opening up to reveal a small waterfall and a pond amongst the trees.
The bank was completely made up of rocks and fallen tree logs, something completely different than the sandy shores you were used to. You could tell right away this wasn’t a place for swimming but you just kept following him as he hopped onto the large boulders before eventually sitting on one.
You watched the side of his face as you waited for him to explain and he just watched the view with a slightly pained expression.
“Can you… can you not look at me.” His first words hit you hard and you flinched at the rough tone he’d taken on again. “Please it just will make this easier.”
Although confused, you nodded and opted for instead staring at the way your feet were dangling over the open water. Your thighs were burning from the rough edge of the boulder and the height you were sat at was slightly intimidating but you willed yourself to not look at him no matter how much you wanted to.
“I came here the day that I left. Stole the truck and ran out of the house even though my mom was practically tripping over herself in the driveway trying to get me to stop. I think she thought if I went I wouldn’t come back.” He took a break for you to process what he was telling you and the last sentence hit you hard.
You knew he loved his mom and hearing about her fear and what actually went down the day they moved away was almost too much and you considered asking him to stop talking.
Instead you clenched your hand onto the cold boulders surface and waited for him to keep going.
“It was a world of things that don’t matter anymore, never fucking matter but I need you to understand how much I regret it.” You could feel him looking at you now.
“I should have said goodbye to you and I should’ve answered your letters but I knew I’d come back the second I heard a single word from you and I couldn’t leave her alone. She needed me and I figured you’d be okay with the others. You’d hate me but you’d be okay.”
His voice was getting shakier and you couldn’t resist looking at him anymore although he didn’t look upset that you had done so, his hand stretching the distance between you so he could grip your hand that was practically clawing at the stone.
You squeezed his warm hand tight in yours as you sniffled and the tears built up quickly when you saw how nervous he looked.
“And I’m so fucking sorry for what I did to you at Sunghoon’s.” He grit his teeth as he said it like it pained him to remember and your stomach turned uncomfortably, almost feeling sick at the memory of how shut off he had been now. Especially comparing it to the way he was looking at you now. “I was angry at myself and took it out on you. It was fucking disgusting.”
A sob hit you at that and you don’t know if him scooting closer made you feel better or worse but you leaned into him anyways and felt your heart calm at the way he wrapped his arms around you.
“Y/n I don’t regret it okay? Just the way that it happened but you know… I-I hope you know that I’ve always-“ He sighed and stopped talking like he couldn’t find the words and you wiped your face quickly.
You leaned away from him just enough to get a good look at his face and he looked panicked like he didn’t know how you were going to respond.
“You’re not high right now right?”
His face fell in hurt at your question before it was turning into understanding and guilty, the shake of his head not doing nearly enough to lessen your worries which he quickly seemed to notice because he was leaning closer and making sure you could see him when he spoke.
“I’m not high I promise you. I haven’t been since that night on the beach.” He sounded genuine and you would have believed him before but you didn’t know him now and he easily could’ve been lying to you. “How can I help you know that?”
The desperation in his question and expression made him look so much younger and another sob hit you as you started to see him for who he was.
Not some corpse like imposter who had moved back to town and taken the identity of your old friend and lover but just a lost and confused Heeseung who had clearly gone through something you didn’t understand yet.
So when you kissed him it wasn’t for any other reason this time, it wasn’t because you just wanted to feel that he was actually there or because you thought there was no other way to be close to him again but it was because you wanted him to know that you believed him and you were patient.
You’d been patient and you’d continue to be because Sunghoon had been right when he said you always loved Heeseung and you’d constantly choose him.
Something in you told you that this time he’d do his best to choose you too, his hands holding your face so gently and his thumbs swiping soothingly over your cheeks to rid you of the constant stream of tears despite his own wetting his face too.
You weren’t even really sure what you were crying for.
If it was for the pain he’d put you through or the pain he was dealing with himself. Maybe it was because of the lost time and the years you could’ve spent together or the relief at not having to experience his absence again, something beautiful in the way you were holding each other and sharing the grief of what could have been.
You could only hope that what will be would be worth every tear in the end.
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thisblogisaboutabook · 2 months
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Rainy Season
Azriel x Reader
An angsty little one shot. Azriel’s mate is tired of being at the bottom of his list of priorities.
Update: Due to popular demand, this is being made into a series!
Part 2
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The air’s getting heavy and we both know why
There was a time when an evening like this brought solace to my weary soul.
Azriel’s hand wrapped around my waist, caressing my stomach, pressing soft kisses to the juncture of my neck and shoulder. His hair tickling against my sensitive skin as we hid under blankets absorbing the incessant melody of drip, drop, drip, drop and the echoing pitter patter of rain drops hitting the roof. His warmth seeping right through to the coldest depths of my soul.
I’d turn around, pressing my bare breasts against his muscled chest. Our breath hitching as his sunburst eyes of brown, amber, and gold bore into mine, his soft lips whispering promises of forever.
Say that this storm is just passing through
But Azriel wasn’t here. He hadn’t been for 6 days, 23 hours, and 50 minutes now. It would have been laughable, comparing the past to now, if it weren’t so damned sad. In the beginning there’d been long, doting love notes with risqué quips regarding his intentions upon coming home, little gifts that he couldn’t resist bringing back from his travels, and the stolen hours where he’d sneak in a visit during the intermittent downtime on his missions. As a realist, I knew that it was not sustainable long-term but relished in it as the gift it was. Newly formed, passionate love that exceeded anything I had ever imagined upon finding my cauldron-blessed mate.
As the years went on I understood when the love notes became briefs and the thoughtful gifts became pecks on the cheek as he hurried through the door to exchange his leathers for clean ones, wipe down his weapons, and rest before his next mission. But time went on, as is inevitable, and distant were the memories of stolen moments away from missions, the desperate caress of his hands roaming my body as if he couldn’t quite believe I was fully corporeal before him - needing to touch me to reassure him that this was real. Now the touches were detached, perfunctory, another task on his never-ending to-do list.
Drop after drop we’re destroying this house and eachother.
The boiling point had been simmering for a while, left on the fire with reassurances of “Things are just busy right now���, “It’ll slow down soon”, “I would stay if I could, love. You know I would. I have no choice.”
But we both knew all too well that there was always a choice. There were times when Rhys let it slip that Azriel had volunteered for missions that his other spies were perfectly suited for, times when all I wanted in the world was to be curled up and listening to the rain with my mate.
Missions became tasks with the Valkyries, “chaperoning” Cassian and Nesta, and emotionally supporting the lovely doe-eyed fawn - Elain - who was the delicate cherry blossom of spring opposite of my wild summertime storm.
It wasn’t her fault. The trauma inflicted upon her, the loss of autonomy that came with being thrown into the cauldron and having her mortality stripped away without her say. The powers she never asked for overwhelming her senses. Hell, maybe it wasn’t Azriel’s fault for responding to the traumas of his past and the need to overcompensate for every ounce of blood he’s drawn by saving anything and everything that needed rescuing.
The problem lay with the fact that where Elain is a “seer”, my ability to “sense” when things are amiss was strong and Azriel’s intentions with her were becoming blurred. Feelings of lust had become more frequent down the bond along with flutters of joy and adoration. When it began I thought maybe things would look up in our relationship - he was missing me, fisting his cock to fantasies of taking me over and over when he returned home - but he only became more distant. He’d return more often than not smelling of jasmine and honey. The strength of the scent coating him correlating with the increase in enamored feelings slipping through the bond.
Six days ago when I’d asked him to skip out on training with Cassian and Nesta and whatever it was he and Elain would do - that was when the thunder clapped and the sky opened. “I can’t just stay home and cater to you all the time. I have duties to this court. Why can’t you find a hobby to occupy your time? Nesta reads and trains with the Valkyries, Feyre paints, Elain gardens and she evens bakes! Why can’t you be more like-“
He caught himself too late, immediately reaching out to place a gentle hand on my shoulder and apologize but it was too late for that.
Please, make it stop
It wasn’t that I wasn’t a forgiving or understanding person. i appreciated his dedication to his court and family and those in need but…
“Why can’t I be more like what? You can stop mid-sentence but you already said it all.” I looked down, shaking my head as silver lined my eyes. Gods, I hate that I’m an angry crier. “You want to know why I can’t be more like Elain in your eyes, Azriel? Because I exist in your fucking blind spot! I have been helping Feyre AT the studio, volunteering at a food pantry in Velaris, and teaching self-defense classes to women and children at the park but you wouldn’t know because you never ask me what I’ve been up to while you’re gone.”
He started to speak but I wasn’t finished. “The reason I cannot be more like Elain, or Feyre, or Nesta is because I’m none of them. I am ME. And you know what? I like me. I don’t want to be anybody else.” Trying and failing miserably to hold my head high I pathetically fell to my knees, shuddering as tears of rage flowed freely.
Warmth enveloped me as Azriel knelt down to soothe my quaking form. I let him if only because I didn’t have the composure to tell him otherwise as he began pressing kisses to my forehead. “I’m so sorry. I have been a terrible mate. I love all that you are- I- I’ll stop with Elain. She’s doing much better and Nuala and Cerridwen can keep an eye on her, so can Rhys and Cassian, and her sisters. It will be okay.”
That consolation attempt only drove the blade of bitterness deeper into my heart. Elain had so many in her corner and who did I have anymore? My chronically absent mate? The family I left behind to move to Velaris with Azriel? There was nobody close by.
“I think you should leave.” I sobbed out.
Azriel ignored the shaky command, continuing to hold me. Fuck - is this what it took for him to notice me? Breaking my heart so he could stitch it back up again?
“Azriel.” I stated firmly.
He met my eyes.
“You should leave.”
His look grew puzzled. “I thought you wanted me to stay - to spend time together? Please, Y/N. Let me make this better.”
“I need space. Give me one week.”
“But-“
“One. Week.”
Azriel’s shoulders slumped, head hanging low for several minutes before realizing that my decision was firm.
“I love you.” He said before heading out the door.
——————
Like clockwork as 7 days, 0 hours, and 1 minute were up, the front door to our home opened and Azriel’s footsteps padded in behind me, my gaze remaining fixated on the rain falling outside the window. A lump formed in my throat as I avoided turning to meet his gaze.
So dance one more dance and tell one more lie.
Azriel stepped around me, wordlessly extending a hand, patiently waiting as I avoided his gaze a moment longer before taking it. His shadows began humming faintly, increasing their melody and reaching a crescendo as Azriel began dancing with me through the room.
Say that you love me even if it’s not true
I let myself melt into the warmth of his chest. The thick air remained heavy upon my soul but I could have this. I could let myself enjoy this moment.
We wordlessly danced through the room in the soft glow of the fae lights.
We made our way through the hall into our shared bed that had become so neglected.
“I love you, Y/N.” he murmured as he laid me down, stripped bare underneath him.
“I love you too, Azriel.”
——————
Wish I could just say it and words were enough to keep you from being the one giving up.
The middle of the night left me restless as he lay soundly asleep beside me. My senses tugged me toward his bag that he’d discarded at the entryway. I brought out his dirty clothes from the week only to be greeted with the fresh scent of jasmine and honey.
Like the sky letting go for no reason
I packed my essentials and voyaged out into the pouring rain. Its patter on my skin washing away the salty tears streaming down my face. Following my senses to where the love was true back to my Summer Court home, my family. As free as a summer storm.
It's just the rainy season.
—————————————
A/n - I know there are plenty of Azriel x Reader and Elain fics out there. It was rainy and dreary here yesterday and this song was in my head for the first time in like 10 years so…. I wrote this.
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clairdelunelove · 1 month
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itadori yuuji is the type to believe that giving his girlfriend "princess treatment" is the bare minimum
yuuji who, upon getting a glimpse of the gloomy sky, will immediately shed his jacket to give it to you. he genuinely checks the weather app on his phone just for you. actually, it doesn’t even matter if the weather is terribly stormy or rainy– if he glances out the window and sees the trees swaying from the wind then he’s handing you his jacket. call him dramatic but he doesn’t want his girl to be cold! can’t fathom the thought of how inconsiderate he’d be if he just let you waltz in the frigid air and become sick. just the idea of that happening to you has him nauseated. and if you sheepishly decline, murmuring a worried excuse that he’ll be cold and whatnot, then he’s got a couple tricks up his sleeve! “got this new jacket over the weekend,” he’ll casually bring up while the two of you are walking together, “it’s really soft on the inside! here, wear it and lemme know!” and before you know it, you’re bundled up in his jacket and he’s zipping it up for you with the sweetest smile on his face. just continuously dotes on you in the ways that count. and on the rare occasion where it’s pouring rain outside while the two of you are together, he’s surprisingly prepared. has a travel-sized umbrella tucked away in his pocket for this situation. it sometimes stuns you at how well he plans anything that revolves around you; once, he jokingly mentioned how his brain works overtime whenever he’s with you. “I’m, like, actually thinking when you’re around me, yanno,” he muses and the seriousness in his voice always pulls a giggle from you. he’s in charge of holding the umbrella over the both of you but because of the size, his uncovered shoulder is usually drenched by the end of it. tries to change the subject if you notice. “hey, that small shop is selling figurines!” “they had them last week, yuu.” not to mention that half a week later he definitely gets sick from being in the rain for too long but he won’t admit it because he’s stubborn. also, during the stormy season, he’s the type to advise you to wait under some cover so he can get the car. will guide you to a brightly lit spot on the sidewalk so you can safely wait for him. “wait here for me!” he calls over his shoulder and hurriedly jogs to where he last parked the car. yuuji is especially precarious in these situations. scrambles out of the car to open the door and carefully help you in. even if he’s moving quickly, his actions are always so delicate towards you. buckles your seatbelt while pressing a soft kiss on your cheek and, in the process, doesn't bother to protect himself from the rain. ends up with his pink hair sticking to his forehead, weighed down from water droplets, and you’re instinctively brushing it away from his eyes. and when you pull away, he considers that it’s worth it. so even if the chilly weather numbs your fingertips, you’re warm from the amount of effort yuuji goes through to ensure that you’re alright.
yuuji who vigilantly guides you through crowded places so you can have the best view. is aware that you become a bit anxious due to the amount of restless people that are rushing and swarming to their destination. and yes, you acknowledge that everyone has their reasons but it still causes you to panic. yuuji has a foolproof plan for the date to go well, though. he typically opts to whisper sweet nothings in your ear while leading you through the crowd. “gosh,” he tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear and leans beside you, “today's almost as beautiful as you are.” and the way his voice is reduced to a dreamy sigh is incredibly charming. makes your heart flip and your palms sweaty. you’re awestruck at how thoughtful he is and he’s so careful about directing you through the crowd. has a steady arm wrapped around your waist as he eagerly points to the direction where the fireworks are being set off. it’s a beautiful evening. hues of burnt orange and titian paint the sky, a perfect backdrop for the event that caused onlookers to buzz in excitement. but yuuji’s gaze never leaves yours. watchful for the possibility of someone standing too close to you. he will deliberately jab an elbow and warn them with a, “watch it, man. almost knocked my girl over.”  but then he’s back to being your good-natured boyfriend. angles towards you with a considerably soft glimmer in his eyes when you tug him closer. he’s always beside you, never straying too far away from you– he couldn’t. even if the world tried to pry you from his arms, he’d raise havoc. that’s the type of person yuuji is. and his touch makes you feel so secure– safe. just a comforting weight around your waist as he gently guides you along. unfortunately, the event was more popular than you expected. you can’t see a thing, regardless of whether you teetered on the tips of your toes or not. a frown pulls at your lips and disappointment rushes through you because it had been your idea to spend the night here. better luck next time, you supposed. but as you turn to break the news to the blushy haired male, he’s speaking up. “hop on my back so you can see better!” and before you can retort, he’s dropping to his knees and motioning for you to get on. “hurry! they’re starting!” nudging you onto his back, yuuji easily maneuvers to give you a piggyback ride in hopes of providing you a better view of where they’re manually lighting the fireworks. while you’re squealing at the sudden change of position, he takes the time to smooth a courteous hand over the folds of your clothes and chuckles at your genuine shock. “better, right?” he asks. and he’s so brawny that the action is a breeze. you readjust your hold on his shoulders despite how flustered you are by how effortless it is for him to carry you, “it is! I can see now!” and when you press a sticky kiss on his cheek, he’s in bliss. likes the mark of gloss and lipstick that you leave behind. won’t wipe it off even if he gets teased for it later on. “only the best seat in the house for the best girl in the world,” he declares as your warmth emanates onto him and the sky is streaked in prismatic fireworks.
yuuji who wordlessly reaches out to shoulder any grocery/shopping bag that dangles in your grasp. for instance, if you’re on a little weekend date at the nearby plaza and the two of you are browsing then he’s full-on excited. his honeyed eyes light up whenever he recognizes the billboard of your favorite shop and he immediately knows that this’ll be a great day. adores shopping with you! sure, a couple of the customers might cast a strange glance at him whenever he pleads for you to try on clothes that he suggests. “please? I haven’t seen you in this color,” yuuji says, not bothering to hide the desperation in his voice despite the close proximity of a store employee, “I’ll pay for it! my treat!” and he gets a bit dizzy while imagining you in all the frills and lace. just pretty, delicate fabric sitting on your soft skin that causes his fantasies to run wild. but he can’t be blamed! you’re drop-dead gorgeous to him! and if you lack self-confidence in how you look then don’t worry. yuuji’s perfect at reassuring you that you’re beautiful and he firmly reminds you that people are meant to wear clothes– not the other way around. eventually, his utter devotion to you eases your worries so it’s a huge win for him. loves that you trust him enough to let him decide on what you should buy! and once (yuuji) the both of you are finished paying and the retail employee hands you the heap of bags, you’re bracing yourself to carry them. because they’re all filled to the brim with clothes meant for you. but don’t even think about touching them! yuuji’s strong, calloused hands instinctively pluck them away from you. he balances the heavy load on a single, broad shoulder and uses his unoccupied hand to hold onto yours. and, surprisingly, he’s silent during the whole ordeal. like holding your bags was part of his duty of being your boyfriend. if you ask him his reasoning for it then he’ll shoot you a cheeky grin and chirp, “it’s easier to hold your hand like this!” and when he had first done this, you rationalized that this seemingly small yet significant gesture would be forgotten the more your relationship with him blossomed. nope. if anything, it’s gotten more apparent. the blushy haired male will even carry your purse around if you allow him to! never bats an eye to the quizzical stares or mocking laughs that he gets from it. he holds a certain standard for himself in regards to your relationship with him. and in all seriousness, he just wishes to alleviate the burden and inconvenience for you– no matter how meager it is.
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01zfan · 2 months
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rainy day | l. at
ex-boyfriend!anton x fem. reader | 5.8k words
anton brainrot is literally so real you guys im a victim
contains: breaking up, resolution, oral (fem. receiving), missionary, soft dom anton if you squint, reader is a pillow princess (good for her)
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it was one of the few days during summer where everyone stayed inside. the usual cool breeze that came with the season was replaced with harsh winds that could knock anyone over. the clear sky was replaced with clouds and soon a rain that threatened to flood your city would come. 
you loved when it rained. the inclement weather gave you an excuse to stay home and lay in bed all day. you wanted to use this day to recharge—your social battery had been running dangerously low since summer had started. you don’t know if it was because of your recent breakup and everyone taking pity on you but suddenly everyone had plans once it got warmer outside. it didn’t help that your roommate was a dj. giselle spent more time outside than in the apartment, various clubs being her place of work. and being giselle’s roommate came with its perks, you automatically getting to skip the lines to get in because you “know somebody”. you made it your personal mission to exercise this benefit almost every night.
being outside took your mind off the breakup. you couldn’t hear anton’s voice when music blasted in your ears or think about him when you were dancing around. you loved being out, but it started weighing heavy on your bones. between work and seeing your friends, you had been out almost everyday for the past month. you were grateful when you saw that a big storm was coming, like the weather gods wanted you to have a day off. 
you don’t remember the last time you were able to lay in bed past 10AM. you wanted to thank the rain that pelted your window and the wind that made your apartment building creak. because of it you got to be underneath the comfort of your sheets. giselle must’ve felt the same way, because this was the first time you had seen her in pajamas relaxing on the couch. you found her laying on the couch in the living room when you went to the kitchen to get some food.
“any plans for today?” you asked giselle sarcastically.
giselle laughed and looked from the television to you.
“probably gonna work on some mixes for upcoming sets.” giselle says. 
she turns back on her show and the sound of the television fills the room. you hum in acknowledgment as you open the fridge. you grab some leftovers to put in the microwave. after getting your food you head towards the couch and giselle lets her legs rest on the coffee table so you can sit down.
“grateful for a day off.” you sigh contently.
“oh i bet. you’re like a little party animal now.” giselle laughed.
you sat with giselle for a little bit before retiring back to your bed. giselle did the same as you about half an hour later. you could hear the television in the living room shut off followed by the sound of your roommate closing her door. soon after you could hear the low sound of music coming from giselle’s room as she went through several tracks.
you let yourself relax in bed as rain continued to fall. it came down sideways and in sheets, and you knew it would only be getting worse for the rest of the day. 
as you looked outside at the rain, it was hard to not start thinking about anton. when your mind got the chance to slow down, you couldn’t stop it from thinking about him. he loved when it rained too, and loved napping the day away with you too. you had stopped crying about the breakup a long time ago; you knew that first loves were meant to fail. but if you thought about anton for too long or how warm he always felt you could feel a hole start to form in your chest. so you did your best to clear your thoughts and treated the weather outside and giselle’s music as white noise before drifting to sleep.
anton was in your dreams often. you thought it was always unfair how he occupied your mind so heavily he managed to infiltrate your subconscious and dreams. after the breakup it only got worse. sometimes you would dream about him curled up next to you, getting up from the bed just to come right back to you. he would always snuggle into you closely and pull you into his chest. you would dream about him being the little spoon, laughing at how your arms wrapped around his large frame. you would dream about him turning you around to make you the little spoon, bringing a warm hand to trace shapes over your stomach. the mind was an evil thing. there were times when you would wake up in the middle of the night thinking it was real, that anton had come back to you in the middle of the night. but the vacant space on your bed was still empty and cold when you opened your eyes.
although it was painful dreaming about anton when he was no longer in your life, you truthfully wouldn’t have it any other way. you loved dreaming about you two laying on beds of gold or in a meadow running around in the tall grass. the dreams were usually pure and shrouded in a deeper meaning that you couldn’t decipher. but sometimes the dreams were less innocent. this time when you dreamed about anton you dreamed of him above you and panting into your ear while his strong chest was pressed against yours. you could hear the faintest whisper of his voice in your ear and you could see his wet hair sticking to his forehead. you dreamed about anton’s hands holding your hips down and you leaving marks down his back while you took all of him, his dangling chain above your eyes. just as your lips were reaching towards his ear to say something your brain suddenly woke you up, making you shoot up in your bed. 
it felt like you woke up from a nightmare the way your body felt all clammy. your chest heaved and you shot a quick look to the empty side of your bed. moving so suddenly didn’t help either and you could feel a headache coming on as your eyes adjusted to the darkness in your room. 
after gaining some of your bearings you reached to your bedside table to check the time on your phone. it was eight in the evening. giselle hadn’t stopped mixing her songs, music still coming from her room. you sighed and stretched, not sure how you felt about sleeping the whole day away. 
following the aftershocks of your dreams, it was impossible to not think about anton. you regretfully think about him, if he is sleeping right now or if he dreams of you the same way you dream of him. he’s only a phone call or a twenty minute walk in the rain away. you decide against it, the thought of not getting a response scares you away from your phone.
you get out of bed and stretch your limbs again, you can’t deny that the rest was much needed. maybe you would watch something and eat until you got tired again. it would give you time to process your dream, maybe if you thought about it enough you could have another one like that again. 
as you round the corner of you room to go into the kitchen you stop dead in your tracks.
you know it’s anton before he turns around. after spending so much time with him, you could probably identify him from his hair, or his voice. you see one of the most obvious of anton’s traits—his broad back that is covered with one of your towels. even if something covers his back you can tell it’s him by muscle memory, something you’re sure will never leave you. but you also know it’s him because who else would be sitting at your kitchen island this late at night. you still can’t control the shock in your voice as you call out his name.
“anton?” you say.
he turns around quickly to face you and his eyes go wide. anton has always been so expressive, every emotion shows on his face in an instant. he gets up from his chair like a reflex but he says nothing, just looking at you from across the room.
“what are you doing here?” you ask. 
anton still looks at you without saying anything. it’s like your speech is delayed getting to anton, because it takes him almost five seconds before he swallows to answer your question. during the time it takes for him to speak you see a bouquet of the flowers you like laying on the kitchen island.
“i was riding my bike and i was coming to get the rest of my stuff but i got caught in the rain,” anton swallows again. “giselle let me in.”
anton points to your roommates closed door. it would makes sense that giselle would hear him, she must’ve stayed awake the whole day. music still plays in her room as you turn back to anton.
you are both met with more silence. you know that you should probably kick him out, or scold him for showing up at his ex girlfriends house unannounced. it’s hard to be mad at anton because he used to show up like this when you two were just friends, popping in just to hang out. and you do remember that you both promised the other that nothing would change if you two broke up. it was a lie then and you knew it. you wondered if anton knew it too. you could assume he did by the clenching knuckles at his side, or how he cleared his throat awkwardly.
“i tried to get home i really did but—” anton said.
now it was time for you to clear your throat and reach a hand out to him.
“no i prefer you stay here until the storm dies down.” you say.
you have to force yourself to remember that this isn’t a dream, that anton is real and standing in your kitchen. you want to be a good host and offer him food or ask him if he’s okay but all the words are caught in your throat. instead you gesture to the living room, showing anton it’s okay to step into your apartment further.
you’re sure that his ears tucked into his beanie turn red as he walks over you. he’s slow with his steps, like you’ll change your mind at any moment. you can still hear giselle music coming from her room as you go to sit on the couch.
when anton comes to the opposite end, his eyes find yours. he’s looking to you the whole time, waiting for you to give him the permission to be close to you. anton has always been too nice for his own good, letting you make all the moves and initiatives in the relationship. so he waits for you to nod at him before sitting down on the couch too.
you focus on the sound of rain and giselle’s house music as you look to anton. he looks the same except for his hair that has gotten a little longer. the necklace you got him for his birthday is still around his neck, rested on his chest. you tried not to look at the pendant too hard, because then your eyes would wander to the black shirt that clung to his chest. your mind flashes back to the dream you had of and you have to lightly shake your head to get rid of the image.
“how are things?” he ask you.
you hate that this is what your relationship with anton has come to. he used to be the person you were must comfortable around but now he sits on the opposite end of your couch asking you questions you both know the answer to.
“things are good.” you say. 
you think about telling him everything would be better if you guys got back together. you hold it back by picking at the hem of your shorts.
“what about you?” you ask. 
you can barely bring yourself to look at anton. you see that he isn’t looking at you either, his eyes focused on your hand that is holding the bottom of your pants. when you move your hand, his eyes stay there as he says nothing.
“i miss you.” anton says. “so much.”
you can feel the couch give underneath anton’s weight as he comes closer to you. the couch dips from you, almost causing your body to lean into anton’s. he bends down to be in your line of sight. you’re forced to look into his large brown eyes as he looks for something in your eyes.
“you miss me too, right?” anton says.
his hands reach for yours and you let him grab them. he squeezes his hands in your palms and you still have to remind yourself this isn’t a dream. anton continues to look at your face while massaging your hands. it keeps you there with him and you know he knows the answer to the question.
“we aren’t together anymore anton.” you whisper.
you know you should pull your hands away, maybe even tell him to leave your apartment. but you can’t bring yourself to do anything to him while he looks at you like that.
“that doesn’t matter. do you even remember why we broke up?” anton asks.
you shake your head; you truthfully can’t remember. you’re sure it was something stupid, something that easily could be fixed. you both were clumsy throughout the whole relationship, so confused why everything felt so different from when you were friends. maybe you two got tired of stumbling through the motions of everything and called it off. but the way anton looks at you makes you want to take everything back and make you try again.
“i want to try again.” anton says.
he shakes your hands slightly to really give emphasis to his words. maybe you keep dreaming about him because you should try again, maybe that’s what your subconscious has been telling you.
“i’ll have to think about it.” you say while nodding slightly.
anton responds to you by smiling. you can’t help but smile too, and you can feel tears that threaten to fall from all the emotions going through you. you can’t stop yourself from bringing anton in for a hug. he pauses only for a second before hugging you back twice as hard. you are happy you’re able to stop yourself from sobbing onto anton’s shirt, but you almost lose it when he rubs up and down your back gently. you go deeper into the crook of his neck and he holds you a little tighter.
“i came in the rain on my bike to be all romantic with flowers but you were knocked out.” anton says into your shoulder.
you start laughing loudly, the image of anton peddling on his dingy little bike through torrential rain. anton finds it funny too, he starts laughing as he goes into the details of him almost driving into a ditch while trying to get to you.
you know you’re both laughing too hard when you hear the music in giselle’s room shut off. you realize that she is basically at her job right now, and you and your ex ex-boyfriend are disturbing her. so you get up from the couch and motion for anton to follow you. he gets up from the couch and rubs his palms on the front of his pants. suddenly he’s the shy anton again, so different from the bold anton that told you he wants to get back together.
anton follows you into your room and you close the door behind him. you don’t move again until you hear giselle’s music turn back on.
you laid down on the bed first. anton stayed in front of your closed door, looking at the you laying on the bed. you can make out his figure even in the darkness of your room, broad and almost as tall as your doorframe. even in your dreams anton doesn’t look this good. you don’t beat away the image of him above with a stick this time, instead you welcome them with open arms as you tap the empty space on your bed.
you watch anton come over to the bed, stopping so he can take off his beanie and jewelry to set on your dresser. it’s just like old times, hearing the familiar sound of his rings landing on the ceramic dish. you wonder if he’ll take off his shirt too. he keeps it on as he lays on the opposite side of your bed.
he didn’t dare to move any closer to you, staying on the other end. you wish you could fold the covers and bring him closer to you, or have anton pull you into his chest like he always did when he spent the night. he was too nice to do move any further, and you realized that nothing would happen if you didn’t make a move first. so you swallowed whatever was holding you back and let your hand glide across the cold sheets towards anton. he turned towards you almost immediately and his hand grabbed your bicep.
anton first lightly tugged your body towards him twice. it was gentle and inviting like he always was. you scooted your body to anton’s, moving only a little across the sheets that separated you two. anton then exerted some of his strength o pull you the rest of the way, wrapping his other arm around your body to bring you into his chest. you laughed at how fast he pulled you across the covers as he tucked your head underneath his chin. he brought his hand that was on your arm to the back of your head—it had been too long since anton surrounded you like this. you nuzzled into his neck and sighed contently. 
“we should probably move slow” he said. you could hear the smile on his face.
you hummed in agreement but then moved closer into him. he wrapped his arms tighter around you before kissing your cheek. it was quick and light before anton tucked your head underneath his chin again. you weren’t shocked by the kiss, you were actually beaming at the feeling of his lips on your skin again.
you weren’t sure when you fell back asleep, but it was hard to not doze off with anton like a weighted blanket on you. you could feel the rise and fall of his chest against yours, and hear his quick heartbeat slow down overtime. it was an inexplicable comfort having him behind you and to feel his arms wrapped around your frame.
you didn’t wake up again until well after midnight. the rain still fell and the wind still blew harshly. you woke up in anton’s amrs, curled into his chest to be the little spoon. you had turned at some point during the night, and anton’s hand rested on your stomach to gently trace shapes on your exposed skin. you don’t know how it was possible to miss someone so much. 
you turned your body to face anton’s. you found that he was already awake, looking into your eyes with the same look you dreamed about. you closed your eyes as he placed a wet kiss on your cheek. his eyes are still bleary, you imagine he must have woken up around the same time you did. you brush some of his hair out of his face and let him leave a wet kiss on your lips.
“what time is it?” you ask.
“not sure. has to be pretty late though.” he says.
anton sounds distracted as he talks to you. his eyes are on your lips as he puts a hand behind your back so your body arches into him. you can feel how broad and solid anton’s chest is underneath the thin material of his shirt. you lean more into him and instinctively wrap your leg over his to bring him closer. you wrap your arms around his back to press your palms flat on his shoulders. 
“i thought you wanted to move slow?” anton says. 
he places another wet kiss to your lips before pulling back. you missed the smirk he got on his face when he knew you wanted it. it made you bashful, heat spawning from the places his body touched yours. it blossomed from the small of your back and spread to your finger tips that pressed against anton’s back. the feeling made you lock your leg in place, bringing anton even closer to you.
“we can move slow tomorrow.” you say hastily.
anton comes back to your lips, and you waste no time pushing your tongue into his mouth. anton must be just as desperate as you are the way he lifts you up like you weigh nothing. he almost crushed you in his arms, you have to tap on his shoulder to remind him of his strength.
“sorry.” anton whispers after pulling away from your lips.
his lips are plump and glossy, you run your tongue over yours to try and taste what’s left of him on your skin. you missed kissing his lips until they were red and a little swollen and the way he’d gather you up in your arms when you two made out. you try to get on top of anton but he uses a hand to keep you in place. you let out a little whine at not being able to move, you wanted to show anton how much you really missed him.
anton sits up on your bed to pull his shirt off. he does it with one hand and while he is busy taking off his pants you start to take off your own. as you lift your hips to take off your pants anton stops suddenly.
“wait. don’t move.” he says shyly.
you listen to his weird request, not moving while anton takes off his pants. 
when his pants hit the floor anton guides your body to sit up. you do as he says, eyeing him to see what his plan is with you.
“put your arms up.” anton tells you.
his sweet and quiet voice betrays the authoritative words. you listen to him regardless, filling to the brim with excitement of anton telling you what to do.
you lift your arms as anton pulls up your shirt. he does all the work even guiding your arms through the opening of your shirt. anton looks up at you from your collarbone, placing a wet kiss on the taut skin as his hands go to your bra strap. you nod and anton brings both of his hands to your back to unclasp your bra. he is gentle releasing your chest from its confines, his big hands covering the area of your breasts. 
no matter how many times anton sees your breasts, his breath is taken away each time. he kneads your doughy skin, lightly gripping a boob to place a kiss directly on the areola. anton missed your content sighs and breathless whimpers when he does things to you. he missed seeing your face crease with pleasure, the way you prop yourself on your arms and lean your head back to feel everything. 
“i missed holding you.” he whispers.
anton can’t stop himself from taking a nipple into your mouth. you instantly arch your chest into his mouth, your free hand petting his head.
“i dreamed about this.” you whimper when anton goes to the other breast. 
anton guides your body back down to lay on the bed. you lay your head on the pillow, looking down at anton as he trails kisses down your body.
“should’ve called me.” anton says, smiling into your stomach.
you can’t bring yourself to tell him why you couldn’t, something stupid as pride keeping you from feeling pure bliss as anton takes your shorts off. he lifts your hips off the bed all on his own, any more you try to make anton puts a gentle hand on your stomach to keep you in place.
“let me show you how sorry i am.” anton says.
he looks at you with sincerity as he continues pressing kisses to your body. he works down one leg and works his way up the other, even kissing your feet earnestly. anton makes eye contact with you as he presses a kiss to your folds. the contact alone has you lifting your hips off of the bed, trying to chase after the kiss. anton puts a hand underneath your ass to lift your bottom off the bed. you bend your knees until your thighs lightly press against the sides of anton’s head. you are still reeling from the dream you had, you know you won’t last long. 
just from the kisses anton gives your pussy you’re lightheaded, gripping the sheets trying not to lose your composure too fast. it’s a lost cause when anton looks up at you again as his thumb starts rubbing your bundle of nerves.
“my little princess,” anton whispers. “you’re sensitive?”
you whimper in response and nod your head. anton sticks his thick middle finger inside of you, bending it once he’s inside all the way. you open your mouth in a silent moan, lifting your hips off the bed even more. anton places a kiss on your thigh.
“just lay there for me,” anton says. “i got you.”
“okay.” you whimper.
anton’s soft voice completely opposes his lewd actions. the way he takes his finger out of you to spread your folds apart. you can barely manage to look down at him as he makes work of your heat, on his hands and knees to get closer inside of you. his nose bumps your clit as he eats you out, alternating between making out with your pussy and sticking his tongue in your slit.
“feels so good anton.” you whimpered. when he hums into your pussy your legs close in on him, locking him in place. “i missed you so much.”
anton starts eating you out with a new vigor. the sound of him slurping and placing sloppy kisses on your cunt fills the room. you can’t stop you hips from bucking into his mouth and anton welcomes it. he guides your legs to rest over his shoulder and sits up slightly on the bed. anton uses his strength to bring your lower half up with him. you can’t stop yourself from grind on anton’s tongue while his arm behind your ass supports your weight. his free hand reaches out to yours and you let go of your hold on the sheets to grip his hand. you are moaning loudly, watching anton watch you. 
he is entranced by your tiny cries and the way your heels dig into his back. you look so beautiful like this, not having to do any of the work to get to your peak. anton loves the way you grip his hand with all of your strength. he wants to take a picture of this moment to remember it forever. he wishes he could take a video to immortalize your whiny voice.
“i’m close.” you say.
you turned your head from the bed to look at anton. he goes back to tongue kissing your slit, purposely using his nose to bump your bundle of nerves. this way he can stimulate you adn you can take up all of his five senses.
he loves the way you smell, the way your whole body tenses when you cum unannounced. anton thinks it must’ve hit you like a freight trin the way. you cried out his name and squeezed his head between your thighs. sound is lightly muffled through your plush skin, but he can hear you loud and clear. you will definitely have to apologize to giselle in the morning.
anton takes all of your slick, slurping and getting so messy to the point. that he can feel the dribble of spit mixed with your slick come down his chin. you body turns to jelly in his grasp, your legs becoming pliable. anton comes back down to the bed and guides your ass down slowly. 
your legs are flimsy and your knees unbend themselves, sliding down the covers of your bed. anton goes back on his haunches slotted between your legs, looking at you laid out for him like a five course meal.
anton is starving when he licks his lips, the glossy sheen of you still evident on his face. the intensity that he looks at you with has you squirming, and you can feel your body getting ready for a second round. you try sitting up, to grab anton’s hard member that bobs in the darkness of your room but a hand stops you.
anton keeps you down, but you can’t stop yourself from looking at him. the hand that pushed your shoulder back down goes to your slit, gathering slick from your orgasm. anton using the wetness to jerk himself off. you are enthralled by the sight, the way anton’s hair covers his eyes but you can still feel his hard gaze. his breath comes out in huffs as he picks up the speed and muscles underneath his taut skin move in tandem with his hand. his body looks so large from this angle, the way looks down at you while beating his dick. you don’t know how much control anton wants tonight, but you can’t stop yourself from using a hand to grip your breast.
anton increasing the pace tells you that he likes it. your massage the supple skin the same way anton does, the same way he does it to you in your dreams. it’s the real deal when he leans his body over, his hand falling beside your head. 
he still beats his dick while he’s above you. his chain jumps from the inertia of the action and you can’t choose between looking at anton or his necklace.
“what do you dream about?” anton murmurs.
“us running around together in a meadow.” you say truthfully.
“what else?” anton asks.
his hand thaat was jerking himself off went back to your clit. he puts two fingers in, making you listen to the low squelching sound of your arousal already coming back. 
“i dream about you fucking me, too.” you say.
that’s all anton needs to hear before guiding his dick to your heat. he goes down to his elbow beside your head and in one swift motion you bring your hands to his back and wrap your legs around his waist.
anton is just as big as you remember. you have never felt this full before, your walls clamping around him before he can bottom out. anton loses some of his strength at the way you’re already milking him. his large sweaty frame presses against your chest and you welcome it. your breasts are squished against him, both of you moaning in ecstasy.
“i missed you so much.” anton says into the skin of your neck. 
you can practically feel his face heating up and you can imagine his flushed face as he gives you another slow thrust. you think you’re close again already. when anton gives you a deep thrust your nails dig into the expanse of his back.
“i missed you too.” you say.
anton focuses on hitting you deep and slow. he hits the spot in the back of you that you both discovered together—the spot that leaves you clenching and anton twitching inside of you.
“just like this?” anton says, hitting the same spot again.
“just like that.” you whine.
anton spends time hitting that spot over and over again. he kisses any part of your body his lips can reach before turning your head to give you a kiss on the lips. 
his other hand hold your hips done. his strength brings you pain, the type you revel in. you let anton forget his own strength as he continues to fuck you into the mattress, his slow and hard thrust making you bed creak rhythmically.
you can feel anton getting close to his peak, feeling him get closer has you hurtling towards the edge as well. you move one hand from his back to grip his arm, your nails digging into the flexed muscle. something about seeing someone so big and strong fall apart above you has you clenching uncontrollably around anton’s dick.
you break apart from anton’s lips to look down between the middle of your squished bodies. anton does the same, lifting his body so you can see where you two meet. you rest your sweaty foreheads against eachother to watch the show.
“i’m close.” anton whimpers.
“me too.” you say back.
“where can i—” anton’s voice is broken up by pleasure, trying to keep it together for as long as possible.
“inside me. please.”
“alright baby.” anton says.
he brings his chest back down to yours, and he brings an arm underneath your body to bring you close. you’re surrounded by him, nails rake down anton’s back as he picks up the speed.
anton whimpers your name into your ear before pulling back to look you in the eyes. he curses from your blown out pupils and the way your walls close in around him. anton grips your shoulder as he spills into you. you milk him dry, the sensation of him throbbing pushes you off the edge again. you pushed off into anton’s arms as your legs around his waist pulls him in. you grind into him when his hips still, loving the sound of anton inside of you. he whines and laughs a little from the overstimulation, his whole body sensitive. 
you still move you hips until anton pulls out of you. you can feel his cum dripping from you and you fight the urge to push it back in. anton’s large body loses its strength above you, pressing your body into the mattress. he catches his breath in the crook of your neck, hot puffs of air fanning your skin. 
you let anton’s large body crush you a little more. you missed him so much you would risk the suffocation. when anton’s breath finally steadies, you tap his back. anton understands immediately, picking his head up from your neck.
“oh my god i’m sorry.” anton says.
he slides off of you to lay beside you on the bed. you waste no time turning to him. now you’re the one tracing shapes on his chest. anton turns to you and smiles. 
the rain outside is almost as comforting as the feeling of anton pulling you back into him. you doze off to sleep again, this time knowing you’ll be waking up to anton next to you.
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blujayonthewing · 2 years
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thirteenducks · 5 months
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rest for the weary
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(neuvillette x fem!reader) [sfw]
༻❁༺ content: fem!reader (reader is referred to as 'girl'), no established relationship
༻❁༺ word count: ~1.9k
༻❁༺ tags: sickfic? sort of?, mild hurt/comfort, gentle and tender Neuvillette, being overworked, fainting, neuvillette is sexy in a paramedic kind of way, crimes against gloves, almost-crimes against pastries, "you will be taken care of So Help Me" neuvillette, very self indulgent, can you tell i'm a college student
༻❁༺ author’s note: blame my mutuals for putting talk about neuvillette being gentlemanly and kind on my twitter feed. this is their fault and also the four glasses of sangria i drank before i wrote this
Neuvillette would like to believe he understands human behavior quite well by now. What he does not understand is their tendency to be self-sacrificial to the point of exhaustion. When your stress reaches a fever pitch, he steps in.
You don’t remember if it was the fatigue or the hunger that you noticed first. Both have been on the fringes of your consciousness since you left your bed early this morning. Right now, they’re kept at bay only by a lingering headache that worsens as you step out into the clear day.
The beautiful azure of the morning sky above. The flocks of pigeons that dapple the steps of the Palais Mermonia like sunlight through leaves. The hum of the Court of Fontaine as coffee sales begin for the morning. All are lost on you as you forge ahead, feet barely clearing the cobblestone below them.
The papers on your desk, stacked high and demanding attention, are all that your bleary eyes register at the moment. Anything else is secondary.
As much as your conscience would contend it, your current predicament isn’t entirely your fault. Sure, you had procrastinated a bit when the pile of records was first assigned to you, and maybe hadn’t chipped away at it the way you could’ve if you planned ahead. 
For a gestionnaire, though, it’s also just that time of year when the clouds pour rain daily and the opera house sees a never-ending rotation of cases.
So if that means some sacrifices on your side are required, you’re willing to make them for the good of the Court. You’re certainly not the only one, either. The circles under the Chief Justice’s eyes always grow darker during the rainy season; you hope he’s taking better care of himself than you are.
Once you’ve gotten rid of this batch of paperwork, you’ll be free to rest for a while, you tell yourself. You can take a break. Maybe you could walk to that cafe down the street with the nice cashier and get yourself breakfast, if the rain isn't too bad by midmorning.
Your knees waver under you as you carry the precarious stack of records to the threshold of your office. On second thought, maybe you should ask if they offer delivery.
The low murmur of a familiar voice, a pleasant bass melody, reaches you as you step out into the plush carpet of the hallway. It floats through your dizzy head like syrup.
Good. You won’t have to walk far to give these to Neuvillette, then. You’re not sure your feet would carry you all the way to his office anyway, and you’d rather not field any uncomfortable questions about your health from such an esteemed man. 
Assuming what you hope is a pleasant expression, you approach the Iudex and Sedene as he bends at the waist to inspect a bump on her antler. 
There’s a very becoming look of concern on his face, you notice. It must be nice to be the focus of such care.
The unfazed voice of a Melusine comes from somewhere below you: “I promise it’s just a mosquito bite, Monsieur. I must’ve stood around the docks for too long this morning.” 
“Even so... I would administer some anti-inflammatory soon, Sedene. Please don’t neglect your health,” he chides as he pats her head affectionately.
Neuvillette rises again to his full height, catching your eye as you draw near to him.
A fetching smile upturns the corners of his mouth. He greets you with a stately nod, holding out his right hand for your stack of records. Your gaze flits to his other hand, currently engaged by an apple turnover.
Ah. A gift from a Melusine, no doubt. You hope he enjoys it, even if a part of your brain wants you to snatch it for yourself.
If Neuvillette catches the way your eyes linger on his breakfast, he doesn’t mention it. What he does is quirk his head to the left in a silent question as he continues to stand with his hand outstretched.
Oh, archons. How long have you been standing in front of him with a blank look on your face? Too long to be appropriate, certainly.
Clearing your throat and forcing a smile, you take a step forward to hand off your pile of papers to him. Only, instead of making contact with the floor of the hallway, your shoe falls into thin air as your other knee buckles and your back falls towards the carpet.
As your consciousness slips, you feel a cool hand snake around your waist.
Your head goes limp, bouncing a bit with the impact until the pastry drops to the carpet and Neuvillette’s other gloved hand comes to cradle the back of your neck.
He’s caught you. He wishes you were awake to instruct him what to do next.
He lowers you to the ground softly, brow creased with worry. Sedene stands next to him with a similar expression, holding the turnover she saved as it fell. 
“Sedene. Bring me a pillow from the sofa in my office, please. Quickly.”
The Melusine salutes and she darts off. His eyes never leave your face as he kneels, large frame bent over you protectively.
Releasing your waist, he brings a hand up to his teeth and tugs off the glove in a smooth motion before resting his bare fingers against your forehead. A curse in a tongue unknown to all but him breaks the quiet air and his brows knit together. Humans and their damned self-sacrificial nature.
Sedene returns holding a cushion. He eases it under your head with care, ensuring your neck is supported before he retracts the hand underneath.
There in the Palais hallway, the Iudex of Fontaine strips himself of his judge’s coat, uncaring of decorum at the moment. Gentle hands graze your bare skin as he wraps the garment around your shoulders. Were you conscious, you would feel the softness of the silk lining against your cheek and the scent of the ocean it carries with it.
He knows from his extensive observations of human behavior that you’ve probably only collapsed from fatigue, not sickness. And yet… and yet he cannot keep himself from stroking your forehead, cool fingertips resting there as he meditates.
Another moment passes before he makes up his mind. Your body rises from the carpeted hallway floor into strong arms, seldom-seen muscles flexing under his white undershirt. 
The change in altitude brings you halfway out of your daze. Through hazy vision, you catch the sight of pale skin moving above you. His slit eyes meet yours and you don't manage more than a small sound of confusion before you’re pulled back under by sleep.
With a brief nod to Sedene, Neuvillette carries you to his office in a few quick strides. The door slides shut behind him.
Your hands unconsciously tug on his lapels and you curl your body closer to the warmth of his chest, making his ears burn.
Every time he thinks he understands your species, something like this happens. 
He had certainly noticed your energy waning over the last few days, but he worried about the propriety of mentioning such a thing to you. Would you resent him for asking about something so personal? Should he send someone closer to you to step in before you hurt yourself?
In the end, he had settled for bringing you breakfast from a nearby cafe. He glances at the turnover, now sitting innocently on his coffee table courtesy of Sedene. It taunts him.
The silence in his office is deafening as Neuvillette lays you carefully on the sofa next to his desk. He runs through the list of human vitals in his head.
You’re breathing quite deeply. Your pulse is healthy and strong as his fingers press against the side of your throat. The color in your face is returning to its normal shade. Surely all you lack is a good meal, which he can certainly provide, and some rest. 
Then why do his hands shake as he pours tea into a cup on the table before you?
Why can he not keep his eyes from you as you sleep, chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm? 
Why does he find it impossible to return to the paperwork that calls his name just a few feet away?
A clap of thunder shakes the building.
He doesn’t realize how long his eyes have been trained on yours until you’re staring back at him through lowered lids, awakened by the noise.
It takes about a half second for you to remember the circumstances of a few minutes prior and gasp, sitting up with a speed that makes Neuvillette reach towards you in concern. His coat falls from where it was draped across you and you stare at it, unblinking. 
Your gaze flits to Neuvillette, bare to the wrist. He watches silently as you register the sofa you’re laid upon and the lavish office around you.
The Chief Justice makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat when you rush to stand up, face burning. Your head spins - whether from fatigue or embarrassment, you’re not sure. A million apologies threaten to spill from your mouth at once.
With your head bowed and your feet unsteady below you, you don’t see the hand rising to your face until a cool sensation spreads over your flushed forehead. The surprise of it shuts you up immediately. When you do dare to raise your eyes, you hardly trust what you see in front of you.
There is no anger in the face of the Iudex, in the downturned curve of his mouth or the crease of his brow. Only tender concern presents itself as he addresses you.
“You appear to be feverish. Please, sit back down. I won’t have you fainting again if I can help it.” He removes his hand from your skin, leaving behind a burning sensation that you can't attribute to a fever.
“Mon- Monsieur?”
He tuts, raising the cup of tea to your hand and folding it into your grasp. “Drink, please,” he murmurs, face etched with care. 
You blink a few times, sipping the drink as if compelled by magic. It's sweeter than you’re expecting.
“Good girl.” 
You nearly choke on it.
If possible, Neuvillette looks even more distressed by your sudden coughing fit. “You’re far redder than when you awoke. The fever reducer in this blend should help with that, but in the meantime, please take some of this…”
The minutes pass quietly. Periodically, Neuvillette instructs you in a gentle tone to drink your tea or eat a bit of pastry. He absolutely forbids you to stand after the second time you attempt to excuse yourself.
When he's been assured that you're comfortable, he speaks again.
“May I ask why you believe those papers you were attempting to bring me were worth working yourself to exhaustion over?” 
His words are authoritative, but his voice carries such softness that you can’t help but be honest with him.
“I’m so very sorry, Monsieur. It won’t happen again. I’ve just had a lot on my plate this week.”
Neuvillette's violet eyes are melancholy as they meet yours. “Of course. It’s a busy time of year for us all,” he says, shifting his gaze to the steady rain outside. “I do hope you know, however, that I would far rather your work be late than your health to fail on my account.”
You duck your head. “...I understand, Monsieur.”
The man’s stately expression fades into something unreadable at that.
“...Please, call me Neuvillette.”
You were unaware that his voice, so commanding in the courtroom, could sound so tender directed at you.
Your gaze darts up from the floor. The Iudex is not meeting your eyes. His are fixed instead on the light drizzle pattering the windowpane. A faint swathe of color decorates his lofty cheekbones.
As you smile and nod your head, pronouncing his name with a few words of thanks, the morning sun streams into the room behind you.
It’s getting to be quite the lovely day outside.
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coalswriting · 9 months
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clumsy confessions - lottie matthews
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summary - in which a clumsy girl finally confesses her blooming feelings for lottie matthews (approx 1.8k words)
a/n - i'm really sick rn and i dont really like this at all, but i decided i gotta feed my fellow lottie fans!! hopefully my quality of writing will improve soon :(( love you all <3
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you never really liked soccer. you didn’t consider yourself the sporty type; more-so someone who liked to watch the sport and cheer from the sidelines. however, something made you join soccer. something great, something exciting, something beautiful – and that something was lottie matthews.
the first day you tried to approach lottie matthews, you tripped on a cone. it was a rainy day and the team had just finished practicing. everyone was drenched to the bone, and you were excited to shoot your shot. however, during your walk to lottie, your foot caught on the demonic neon orange thing, and you had tumbled over, falling flat on your back. you squinted as rain droplets fell into your eyes, blinding you gently. when you sat up, wiping mud off your uniform, you noticed lottie watching you. as she began to walk towards you, you scrambled up and stormed away, towards the locker room. what you didn’t see was the brunette’s gentle smile.
 this became a reoccurring theme. first it was the cone, then it was a puddle in the changing room, then it was someone’s bag, a shoe, and so on. the list was endless. eventually you did talk to lottie, and the two of you became close friends – not best friends, but you knew each other well enough to be able to hold up a long conversation, and gods, was she perfect. talking with lottie never lasted minutes – you were enthralled by her as she would ramble about some drama she had heard about, her poor french grade, her breakfast; anything.
you always had to tiptoe around her, since every time you tried to make anything relatively close to a move, you would trip, fall, or somehow embarrass yourself. unfortunately for you, this newfound friendship with lottie made you only fall (no pun intended) harder; and, with deeper feelings came a deeper heartbreak.
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it was nearing the end of the soccer season when you decided you would finally ask lottie out. with the help of shauna, jackie, and taissa, you had made the perfect fool-proof plan to talk to lottie without ruining your chances.
shauna and taissa had left practice a little earlier that day to rid the locker room of anything that could potentially get in the way of you and lottie; everyone’s shoes were neatly arranged under the benches, bags were shoved far into a corner that you rarely inhabited, and the floor was completely dry, eliminating any chance of slipping.
outside, jackie kept an eye out for any cones, any loose bags, jerseys, muddy puddles and kept the girls busy so that you could have your moment.
as practice ended, you began to walk towards lottie, deciding to have a short conversation before dropping the bomb. you nodded at jackie as she straightened herself up before announcing, “everyone please stay behind for a second! i have some criticism to give, (y/n) and lottie, you can go ahead.”
everyone emitted a loud groan as you skipped over to your beautiful friend who only smiled at you with the most gentle, heavenly grin ever.
“hey, (y/n), practice was tough today, wasn’t it?”
you nodded, walking alongside her across the field, “yeah, jackie just keeps pushing us harder and harder. i guess because the season is coming to an end… do you think you’ll be able to keep up with practice over the summer?”
“oh yeah, for sure!”, lottie quipped, “i go jogging every morning anyways, and then i’m sure jackie will organise something with coach martinez too.”
humming in response, the conversation quickly fell silent. normally, silence with lottie was never a problem. you felt comfortable with her, and she felt comfortable with you, so the two of you could often just enjoy each other’s company without needing to talk. however, today, the atmosphere felt heavier.
lottie looked ahead for a brief moment, but right before entering the locker room, she stopped you. “(y/n),” you looked up to meet her intense gaze, “is something wrong?”
taking a deep breath, you looked down at your hands, then back up at her, “um, well..”
you took a few steps towards the sink to wash your hands, “yeah, i wanted to ask you somethi-“
you were cut off by the sensation of something catching under your foot, and straight after, you went tumbling down, lurching towards the lockers. before you knew it, you felt your head slam against something hard and cold with a loud “THNK!”
you picked yourself up after a moment, clutching your head in pain. recollecting yourself, you looked down at your shoes to notice you had tripped on your own shoelace, launching yourself against a locker. lottie quickly bent down next to you, worry etched on her face. “are you okay, (y/n)?”, she gasped, helping you up, “please sit down so i can-”
“forget it, lottie!” you snapped, voice trembling. dizzily, you stood up and strutted out, clenching your jaw, as you bit back tears. you were done with trying anymore; you couldn’t help but embarrass yourself. bitterly, you decided that lottie would probably always see you as a klutz – you had to just get over her, because you knew that you would never recover from the embarrassment of what had just happened.
you bumped shoulders off jackie who was now walking into the locker room, eliciting a concerned look from her. her gaze followed you, lingering for a second, before returning towards lottie. “did (y/n) trip?”, is all she asked, lottie nodding her head in response. jackie sighed deeply. she didn’t want to out you nor your crush to her teammate, but at this point, she was too concerned for your wellbeing, and furthermore the wellbeing of the team.
“i know she likes me,” lottie said, simply, interrupting jackie’s train of thought, “i just want her to ask me – i’ve known since the day she first joined practice.”
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avoiding lottie was eerily easy. you had simply stopped being near her all together since conversation would fall flat almost immediately. during practice, the two of you played on different teams, and lottie often stared at you longingly from the other side of your chemistry class. you began to feel awful, wondering whether she had figured out your feelings and was content with you avoiding her. it had been a week now, and lottie began to grow frustrated.
closing your chemistry textbook, you zipped your bag up, waving bye to van, your lab partner. you noticed lottie stare at you in the corner of your eye before she suddenly stood up, beelining towards you. “shitshitshit,” you mumbled nervously under your breath, speeding out of the lab.
she was on your pursuit, calling your name, only causing you to speed up, barrelling through the tsunami of oncoming students. however, before you knew it, someone grabbed you by the wrist and shoved you into a nearby janitors’ closet.
you could feel your heart in your throat as lottie leaned against the door of the poorly lit room, glaring at you. your palms grew sweaty, and you felt almost small as you waited for her to say something.
after what must’ve been a tense silence of twenty seconds, you decided to make a move towards escape.
“hey, uh, look, lottie, i have calculus now and-”
your foot slipped, catching off a bucket and you fell forwards, towards your teammate. your hands slammed on the door, her head in between. “shit, sorry…”, you murmured, your faces close together. lottie watched you intently, both of your cheeks reddening.
“(y/n),” she said, voice laced with an amorously velvet tone, “i know you want to tell me something.”
“uh.. i, uh…” your brain short circuited momentarily. being in this position with lottie was bad enough, but between the way she was staring at you, and the tone of voice she had used, you were expecting to pass out from how flustered and hot you were feeling.
“just do it,” she whispered, voice softer now.
you gulped, feeling a knot form in your stomach from the anxiety that had built up this past week.
“lottie, i really like you.”
lottie cracked a smile, her heart beginning to match the pace of your own, “i like you too, (y/n).”
you looked at her as she blinked innocently with doe eyes, shock on your face. “no, like, lottie. i really like you. like, i want us to go on dates and cuddle and kiss and shit.”
the room fell silent, and you swore, lottie could hear your heart thumping against your ribcage.
“are you willing to lose me if you pursue these feelings?”, she teased, watching your face scrunch up in hesitation.
“i… yes,” you replied simply, “i really want to spend the rest of my life with you, but as more than a friend.”
your muscles began to ache, being held in their strenuous position. however, you held up for a little longer, watching as thoughts whirred through lotties head, her eyes glinting in deep pondering. then, she wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. her lips crashed on yours, inducing you to moan breathlessly.
the first thing you learned about lottie matthews that day was that she was a good kisser. she steered your body and lips with her own, gliding her hands across your spine with feathery touches, bringing out a shiver. her lips were soft and gentle against your own, as she engulfed you in a passionate heat, bringing a hand up to hold your jaw. the second thing you learned about lottie matthews that day is that she was a tease.
you gasped, breathlessly, as she pulled away, nipping at your bottom lip in the process. her eyes darkened as she smirked at you deviously. “lets talk about our feelings some more after practice today. my house?”
“uh…”, you whimpered, as she looked into your eyes deeply before placing a feathery peck on your lips.
“later, (y/n)”, her voice was laced with sticky honey, as she scrunched her nose teasingly, before slipping out of the closet. you stood there, lips flushed and face so hot, that you swore you were running a fever. then suddenly, you erupted into a joyous giggle and smile, recalling the way she had looked at you. you were desperate for more.
to say the least, practice that day was much more difficult than ever before. every time lottie exchanged an innocent smile with you, you remembered what had happened in the janitor’s closet, causing your legs to wobble, and a lovestruck smile to emerge onto your face. jackie had come up to you on multiple occasions, checking in on you.
“your face is so red, (y/n), are you alright? do you need to sit? do you want some water?”
you didn’t reply, simply catching lottie’s smirk from across the field.
the third thing you learned about lottie matthews that day is that she liked you back.
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ybetzarts · 2 months
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What's your favourite kind of weather? Favourite season?
I love the rainy seasons🌧️...not too much rain ofc XD. I like the sound of rain. The air during and after the rain feels nice🌟
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the dude enjoying his time under the rain
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rewh0re · 10 months
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─JULY RAINS ; NAGI SEISHIRO
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-fluff fluff FLUFF, nagi realising he might have a lil crush, just nagi falling for you. REBLOGS + FEEDBACKS ARE APPRECIATED!!
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Nagi was not the resident lover boy. Everyone knew that, he made sure of it. He garnered interest in a few things, video games and football being some examples. The latter, if not for his best friend Reo introducing it to him, maybe wouldn't even have made it in the list. Nagi found most of the things to be a hassle. It was a hassle to get up in the morning, a hassle to brush his teeth, a hassle to get ready and come to school and get through the day. The biggest hassle of all was falling in love and high school relationships. Nagi didn't really get the logic behind all that jazz but he did get confessions in the form of little notes and homemade chocolates. He hated it, all he wanted to do was ignore them and sleep and that's what he did.
But then Nagi met you. Standing under the shelter provided by the bus stop in the pouring rain, a wet umbrella in your hands. He ran there to take shelter from the rain as well and in the process got wet. Swatting away the water from his hair, he felt your eyes on him.
"This is why you should carry an umbrella," you said, nodding your head at him. You were clearly joking as there was a little mischievous smile on your lips.
"It's a hassle to pack an umbrella," he said looking straight, voice as flat as ever.
"It’s a hassle to pack an umbrella?" Your head rolled back in laughter as you repeated his words in a question. Your reaction achieved a pout from Nagi and you thought he looked absolutely adorable in all his puffed out cheek glory.
"My bag becomes too heavy," his explanation was dry, not providing much information.
You smiled in reply, not really understanding this strange boy who found carrying an umbrella during the rainy seasons a hassle. You let it be, deciding that it wasn't really your concern.
"You go to my school?" He looked at the uniform you were wearing and then at his as if to check if they were the same. They were.
"Yes Nagi Seishiro I do go to your school," you chuckled in amusement before continuing "we shared a class last year. I won't blame you for forgetting though. You mostly slept and I never actively socialized with any of my classmates."
"I'm sorry," he rubbed the back of his neck, as embarrassment slowly took over him. A pink hue slowly creeped up his ears. You went to his school, were in the same year as him infact and he didn't even know you existed before this.
You laughed again. You laugh a lot, he noticed.
"No, don't be. I wouldn't have remembered either if you hadn't confidently said the definition of socialism when the question was about the functions of the kidney and still topped the class anyway," you grinned at him and he muttered curses at himself as the probably unwanted memory creeped its way up to the top.
"I'm l/n y/n by the way. You know, a formal introduction since we never really met properly," you stretched your hands towards him.
"Nagi Seishiro but you know that already," he took your hand and shook it gently.
Sitting at a bench provided by the bus stop together, you did not realize when the rain had stopped, the gray clouds slowly drifting by to reveal a clear sky. Nagi told you about his cactus, choki and about how Reo dragged him into football. You learnt that most things were actually a hassle for Nagi and when he said that, you laughed again.
Nagi felt a sense of pride wash over him as he made you laugh. He realized that you actually cracked very lame jokes but he found himself breaking into a small smile when you shared them anyway. It was a jolly scenario. Something in Nagi's heart bloomed when you smiled, beating a bit faster than usual.
Nagi was not your resident lover boy and in all honesty, he never wanted to be but seeing your exuberant personality made something in him glow. He found people to be a hassle, but you, with all your energy, didn't count as one, even if you officially met that day itself. Nagi didn't want to admit it was a crush just yet, he was willing to wait but when your bus came in sight, some sort of dejection took over him.
"Well that's me!" You got up from your seat waving at him as you made your way to the bus.
Just as you were about to get on the vehicle, you turned over your shoulder to look at the white haired male, who's gaze widened at the action.
"Hey Nagi, talk to me in school, yea? I'll be waiting!" You gave him a grin that stretched from ear to ear before getting up on the bus as it soon disappeared out of sight.
Your beaming smile was etched inside Nagi's mind as it sent some kind of fluttering sensation inside him. It wasn't long before he found himself smiling like an idiot while sitting on a bench in the bus stop thinking about you. He got up, his smile still intact, as he began walking towards the metro station.
"Fuck."
That was all Nagi Seishiro could think on a rainy July evening after you left, making a mental note to definitely approach you in school.
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callsignangel · 1 year
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the scarf - lo'ak x human! fem reader
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word count: 883 requested by: @oyasumimosura (thank you for the request <3) warnings: none! fluff. a/n: if you celebrate, merry christmas!! and if not, i hope you have a relaxing and safe holiday. please enjoy this quick requested fic. no use of y/n in this fic and again, there may be some inaccuracies as i've only seen the movie once so far. reblogs and feedback about my work is deeply appreciated. <3
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science was never really your thing. sure, your parents were some of the greatest scientists on pandora - helping the na’vi during the first war, studying the botany and the culture to preserve grace’s legacy, researching the anatomy and tradition medicine of the na’vi and pandora. you did think it was cool, but you just preferred more domesticated things. for example, you love reading old human books like pride and prejudice, frankenstein or the island of dr. moreau. baking, doing puzzles, arts & crafts - more specifically, crocheting. 
jake and neytiri were like your godparents, and you were very close to them. neytiri may have been a little cautious of you because you were human, alien - you always tried your best to be warm and loving to her. you loved their children - neteyam, kiri, tuk and even spider were like your brothers and sisters. lo’ak you loved more than a brother. although you had never outright told him that. little did you know, he felt the exact same way about you.
you had always heard of christmas, but had never experienced it. pandora’s calender was very different compared to earths, but you still wanted to have a christmas with your family despite it being in the middle of rainy season in july according to the earth’s calendar. every one had agreed to participate - even neytiri, who was secretly curious about this adored earth tradition. unsure of what to find for every member of the family, you figured you could put your creative skills to good use. the forest’s trees carried this multicoloured fibre, complete with different shades of red, orange and yellow. it was soft, almost like a blanket. it was the perfect yarn.
you crocheted until it felt like your hands were on fire. in the end, you had 6 matching scarves adorned with beads, warm glowing acorns and tassels. the sully’s were thrilled, but lo’ak specifically. he had something to wear, made from the love and thoughtful consideration you carried with everything you made by hand. it would keep him warm in the bitter cold of the air when he awoke in the hallelujah mountains, when he rode his ikran in the mighty winds, or when it would pour rain in the forest. he loved it.
as the second war with the RDA progressed, it was decided that the sully’s would flee to the ocean to protect the omatikaya clan. you had begged your parents to consider going with them - it would be a new biome to study. a new culture to learn. sandy beaches and the warm sun, which wouldn’t be blocked by the tall trees. eventually they agreed, asking jake for his permission to come - which he happily agreed to. it wasn’t long before you had made it to your new home.
just like the sully’s, you were considered outcasts but more because you were human. one of the skypeople. but it was a change of scenery and your parents were having a blast with all of their newfound research. even with the heat, lo’ak never took off his scarf. it was sacred to him because it came from you. the kids of the metkayina clan - ao’nung, rotxo more specifically would always tease him about his scarf. “it’s ugly.” “did the human freak make it for you?” “oh no! you have a piece of garbage wrapped around your neck. let me help you with that.” he didn’t hesitate to defend you or what you had made for him. he had even taken and thrown a couple of hits defending you. 
learning an entirely new culture wasn’t easy, but you were glad you had lo’ak and your siblings by your side. made the process more fun. they taught you the breathing exercises you would need to swim, but you stayed away from the water as much as you could. you stayed on the island, crafting baskets and nets with other members of the metkayina clan, teaching them new patterns to help fortify their hunting and fishing tools using your crocheting skills. 
you had always loved sunsets. but you loved them more with lo’ak. he had always tried to convince you to come swim, but to no avail. as you walked with him on the beach during a quiet evening, he was finally able to convince you to come take a tour with him. “really?? you would do that for me?” “of course, anything for you. but only because you’re cute.” he almost kissed you right then and there.
he woke you up early the next morning to get you into the water before anyone else had the chance to join you. it was unlike anything you had ever seen before - the gigantic manta rays, the glowing coral, the fish, the plant life, the crabs, everything. but while you were fixated on the beautiful things the ocean had to offer, he was staring at you. 
to him, you were the most beautiful thing in that ocean. as you held a glowing, flowy fish in your hands, you turned and gave him the brightest smile. he returned it, hand resting on his scarf as he watched you. he promised himself that he would proclaim his love to you before eywa. he just had to figure out how he was going to tell you first.
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