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Sunshine

The sun breathes warmth back into my chest

Goosebumps rise as my arms are pricked by the heat

Enjoying the tickle of the breeze, a brief sensation of cool on an otherwise swampy day

I hear the echo of birds calling

I see candyfloss clouds speckle the sky

I think thoughts of poetry and the issues of climate

This is the essence of summer, may it last until freedom comes.


image

Originally posted by annataberko

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Quarantined Heart

Months of talking

Talking in cirlces

Circles that have no end

No end to this quarantining

Quarantining our feelings

Feelings that are only growing

Growing despite of myself

Myself telling me that this is crazy

Crazy to fall

Fall for a man you only know

Know from the words that he texts

Texts that could be lies

Lies that lack commitment

Commitment or not

Not much I can do now

Now that I have fallen

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escapril 2020 - day 6
prompt: obsession

(This is the lyrics of my original song)

when will your eyes stop reflecting hers

when will your lungs stop breathing in her words

like she’s air

like she’s oxygen

‘cause all you ever do is exhaling my demise


you can make flowers grow

in the saddest part of my soul

but roses come with thorns so

welcome to my funeral

lay them on my coffin

keep me haunted by your come’s and go’s

while you’re haunted by her ghost


when will your heart stop beating her name

and when will your lips stop forming around it like a frame

hung on the walls in your brain

like she’s good champagne

‘cause all it ever does is tearing me up like a hurricane


your sadness washes over me

is this how I’m supposed to be

losing all my sanity

becoming a devotee to

your emotions are all I see

surrender to your gravity

have faith in me

i can wake you up when it’s hard to breathe


you’re telling me you’re so in love

oh I’m right here

oh I’m right here

no

stop telling me you’re so in love

you don’t know how much it burns

under my skin when you make me blush

or your weight when you lie

on the bags of my sleepless eyes


i don’t wanna be her

but

i still wanna be the type that you prefer


so when will I stop wishing I was her

and when will my brain stop telling me to act like her

‘cause if I was her

it would hurt just the same

‘cause you can’t see my tears rolling down behind her face

-Au (BNK)

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escapril 2020 - day 4
prompt: growth/decay

(This is the lyrics to my original song)

sweet growing thing

i never knew how much you changed

while i was gone

and now I’m here

to say goodbye to your hello’s


sweet capricious thing

i heard you tried to be so many people

have you found yourself

and did your bones wear down from all the times

you tried to shed your skin

only end up getting

papercuts


i know i’m asking too much

but you’re the closest thing i have

to somebody that i used to know

and i hate that i knew you better back then


oh you finished thing

i always say it’s weird they’d call you that while you’re still struggling

to love your own reflections in my dreams


oh you ruined thing

why did you trust them when they told you there was beauty in your pain

did you carve a masterpiece out of your shattered spine and splintered ache

was it worth throwing up the hearts you ate


i wonder if it’s too late

for us to go back to the time

when our mind didn’t hate itself

and bitter words didn’t flow in our veins


sometimes i still end up crying on

the same damn floor

like I did at 15

was so young and naive

and sometimes you’re still used against me

like i’m incapable of change

like i’m static

but just so you know i’m not sorry


for the mistakes i made

the growing pains

the scars the loss

they’re mine to take

and there’s still so much for me to learn

but i ain’t scared to burn

anymore


oh, you’re a growing thing

i dedicate my evolution to you, call it truce

no more civil war

gun shot thoughts no more

only fireworks in our core


oh, we’re growing things

i hope you’re proud to see i’m who you grew up to be

we made it out, it seems

with our dreams still beaming bright

i’m ready to make these sparks fly

- Au (BNK)

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When the night won’t let me sleep—

And the lights are all too dark

And no one I know,

Can bring to me the peace I crave;

I look at the moon

Through my open windows

And think of you, my love.

The bright white light

That still outshines

The city lights below,

Is like your ambrosial smile—

The dark, dark sky my world.

The soft, unassuming beauty

The moon still keeps;

Even though billions have loved her before,

Is like your wondrous, innocent mind—

How will my love matter

To one who has them all?

And so, it feels

Like divine intervention,

When my phone lights up

With your name on the screen:

And I could swear right then—

The moon came down

And lulled me to sleep.

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Ashes

I feel the hatred in your eyes as you look at me

It was once love, now tell me, what do you see?

A monster with your bloodied heart in her hands

A cruel savage wreaking havoc in these lands

Oh I know, I know, an apology won’t cut it

But please believe that I meant every bit

I told you, I told you, don’t give me something I do not deserve

I’m only meant from afar, something to be observed

I am chaos, I destroy everything I touch

Now, the pieces shatter, as you resent me and watch.

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escapril 2020 - day 2

eye sockets are so much more uncomfortable

when you’re in the backseat

of your soul

gritting your teeth

to endure the pain

of your bones not fitting inside

your iris

too many miles of that

your pupils can’t even dilate that far

despite how hollow they are

you’re still sinking

deeper and deeper everyday

into becoming

someone

you’re not

like tiny knots tightening your veins

you’re losing breaths from the inside of your brain

you’re banging against the glass

there’s nothing for you to break

but thin air

your smile is crooked and fake

skin stays flat and plastic

no wrinkles for your eyes

they stay wide open

with no regard for time

you don’t even recognize your own voice

your head screams one thing

but your mouth giggles another

you’re coughing up words

but your mind is still flooded

and stuttering

is anyone listening?

i am stuck inside this body

trapped in this prison

i can’t break out of without hurting

more

there are hands around my neck

strings stitching my limbs

someone is dangling my pride over my head

i am nothing but another puppet

a dark ending for Pinocchio

no magic to turn this soulless wood

into flesh and human

again

at least that means i’ll get to lie forever

means i can stay in the backseat

and watch myself

become another

what a pleasure

to let go of the steering wheel

what a pleasure

to be invisible

what a pleasure

to float so

aimlessly

-Au (BNK)

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escapril 2020 - day 1

the sky breaks

butter-knife sunshine slices through the clouds

light pours down

the rooftop gets drowned in olive oil

walls in strawberry jam or orange juice

waters and glass doors glisten in buttery white

wait a while

and the sky will turn into silky milk

the wind rattles the leaves

for a second they sound like

something burning

flames crackling

heat sizzling

toasted bread

or white noise ringing in my head

sunny-side look down on us

egg yolk running down the streets

as i open my curtain

my dark circles are blueberries

i wish i’ve slept

but dawn has crept up on me again

we’re in the mouth of time again

consumed

by endless cycles

eaten

by blackholes

downward spirals

greed nibbling away guilt

our mistakes are nothing

but grounded salt flakes

to the universe rage

we’re lucky if we can make it to lunch

-Au (BNK)

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We long for acceptance, yet refuse to accept ourselves….accept yourself.

Please, darling, I beg of you to accept all that you are. Your stained glass heart and your sunset soul are beautifully unique. One of a kind. I know that the world has broken you to fit its mold, and I know that it isn’t fair. But like your Nana used to say, “Only stars like you will break the molds you’ve been placed into.” SO BREAK THE MOLD DARLING! Don’t let the life you’ve been given determine the life you have to live. You are beautifully unique; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I know that the world is cold, but don’t let the ice freeze over the fire that is in your eyes. Instead, let the fire melt the frozen cage that life has placed you in and break free. Break free from the lies, break free from the doubts. Break free from the insecurities, break free from the route that you’ve been made to believe that you have to follow…and run into acceptance.

- Jean-Luc Dumont

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Naive

I remember lying in the snow

With the winter lights giving you an ethereal glow

Our hands intertwined, my heart beating fast

The night sky shined only for us

Oh, how I wish we’ve stayed there

When there are no worlds yet for us to bear

You were mine and I was yours

Now, we’re cold shoulders and slamming doors.

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It’s 2020 now, and I still miss you

I miss your laugh and wonder if you still drink coffee

You changed my life in a million ways

you loved me in a million more

I don’t deserve your happiness

when I could have had it years ago

And I know you’re seeking your great perhaps

But I’ll look forward to someday

When I can see your smile

And share an overdue mug with you


fragments of rubies and sapphires // hnl 2020

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Fire

Catch me, catch me, but we’re both falling

To my hands, don’t you cling

I’m black and blue, you’re shining golden

Blood runs black, wounds gaping open

This is an illusion, I’m not your forever

Lying through our teeth, don’t you remember

My voice in your head, a song, a warning

This is a trap, now we better start running.

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Flirtation

Is this love or war

This game that we keep playing

We fight more then we give

We are endless jabbing sources

Keeping each other on our toes

Longing for the other to unthrown

Wanting to win this battle of wit

We lose sight of our end goal

Are we here to love

Or scold

I fear I’ll never know

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