#original: brooklyn nine nine
Lucy: You just say that because you love me and love makes you dumb.
Natsu: Not true. If anything, love has made me smarter. Remeber, last week, when I bolied that egg?
Lucy: That was big. I was really proud of you.
21 notes · View notes
Qui-Gon Jinn: Okay, the key with cats is establishing the alpha.
Qui-Gon Jinn, on his hands and knees to a cat: Please, kitty, come over here and love me, I’ll give you whatever you want, just please love me.
Tahl: Oh, the cat’s the alpha. Did not expect that.
187 notes · View notes
Thor: You want me to flex and make all the buttons pop off my shirt?
Tony: Yes! You can do that?
Thor: The challenge is keeping the buttons on.
513 notes · View notes
Eddie: If I run and leap at Buck, he will most certainly catch me in his arms.
Eddie(to Buck): COMING IN!
Buck(as he sees Eddie running for him): NO, EDDIE! I'M HOLDING COFFEE!
(Eddie jumps into Buck's arms just as Buck drops his full coffee mug on the floor so he can catch him)
138 notes · View notes
Obi-Wan: I wasn’t injured. I was lightly tortured.
Cody: I’m sorry. You were tortured?
Obi-Wan: Lightly tortured. I didn’t want to frighten you.
1K notes · View notes
Charles Xavier: Just be yourself.
Alex Summers: Be myself? Charles, I have one day to win over Darwin's family. How long did it take before you lot started liking me?
Banshee: Couple of weeks.
Mystique: Six months.
Hank McCoy: Jury's still out.
253 notes · View notes
Bucky: [to a villain] You should quit now. I'm going to stomp on your dreams.
Steve: It's fun to see you so passionate.
Bucky: I will slit you both open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets.
Tony: Wow. Is it weird that that turned me on a little bit?
171 notes · View notes
Fox, to Thorn at some senatorial party: It's like there's something great at this party for everyone, even me.
Fox: They're serving my favorite dessert.
78 notes · View notes
lines originally from Brooklyn 99
87 notes · View notes
Ford: let’s just agree to say sorry on the count of three
Ford: one, two, three
Ford: see, now I’m just disappointed in the both of us
136 notes · View notes
childe: those guys at the impound, did they really smash my car
zhongli: no i had them wash it
childe: hah nice one you cant “wash a car”
62 notes · View notes
Aubrey: But you know what's not cool? Our vic ordered his dinner from House of Lettuce.
Aubrey: There's no way this guy knew he was gonna die. No one would want lettuce as their last meal. For example… *takes a packet out of his pocket* …my last meal is gonna be Sour Straws.
Booth: You just keep those in your pocket?
Aubrey: We face death every day. I gotta be prepared to go out on my own terms.
33 notes · View notes
Corran Horn: Don’t worry, Mara, just because you opened up a little bit doesn’t mean everyone will be less afraid you. We’re all still terrified.
Mara Jade: Thanks, Corran.
97 notes · View notes
Tony: [to Bruce] Steve freaked out because I told him I never drink water, so now he’s making me drink 8 glasses a day.
Tony: I mean, there’s water in soda, there’s water in coffee, there’s little pools of water on pizza...
Bruce: ...That’s grease, Tony.
Tony: Well, it’s wet, isn’t it?
2K notes · View notes
Walker: [to Sam and Bucky] Are you friends with this criminal?
Sam: Not really.
Zemo: Absolutely. Best friends.
Sam: It's a layered relationship.
70 notes · View notes
Obi-Wan, to Anakin: The Halls of Healing called. Your test results came back positive. You’re a stage five dumbass.
364 notes · View notes
Hank McCoy: Well, when I was a kid, I invented a magnetic flashlight clip so I could read under the covers. This clip and I went all around the world together; the Shire, Sweet Valley High, Terabithia...
Logan: But never to a friend's house, huh?
Hank McCoy: Uncalled for.
192 notes · View notes
Rimmer: Thank you, but I already have plenty of friends. Gil, Finn, Goldie, Bubbles...
Lister: Those are clearly just the names of your pet fish.
Rimmer: ...Okay, fine. They're my fish.
32 notes · View notes
Lan Jingyi: It's time for a bet. A crazy-ass bet.
Lan Sizhui: What are you thinking?
Lan Jingyi: Whoever wins at sparring gets to keep their apartment. Loser moves in with the winner.
Lan Sizhui: All right. I'm in. I hope you like sleeping in a bed with a thousand pillows.
Lan Jingyi: Well, I hope you like sharing my one gray towel.
Lan Sizhui: Was it gray when you bought it?
Lan Jingyi: I didn't buy it. It was in the apartment when I moved in.
(Lines originally from Brooklyn 99.)
44 notes · View notes
Steve: what’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?
Robin: the audacity
73 notes · View notes