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#other than the unimportant stuff
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Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...
I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)
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SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?
(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)
Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?
#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample#around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!'#or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then#the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later#HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone#if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours#of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof#people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed#that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional#except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see#it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk#And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests#are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just#chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac#ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was#too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them#quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol..#ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof#of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the#tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character#focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about#people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol...#This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough...#yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah..#Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe#that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you#entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like#''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that#in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did#do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..
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cephalonheadquarters · 7 months
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these past few days ive been drawinf So Much oc stuff .I want to wait to post all the drawings though since i like posting my oc doodles all at once
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lord-squiggletits · 9 months
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The funny thing about my love-hate relationship with Barber is that conceptually, I do understand and agree with the concepts he established/strengthened about IDW Optimus, and I do think that if you want to write a good IDW Optimus you should read some of his stuff and ponder the themes that are trying to be conveyed therein.
It's just that holy shit the actual stories that IDW OP is in, like the plotlines and the reasons things happens and the style they're written in. Dark and depressing but not in a fun way, more focused on plot than character development, fast-paced and has a lot of things happen without much breathing or contemplation room, incredibly horrible plot holes and forcing certain things to happen for the sake of the plot. Like good god in THEORY his stories contain everything I wanted out of phase 2, it's just that the way it was EXECUTED fills me with so much disappointment and anger.
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knightofspades · 2 months
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id like to give a shout out to the copious amount of shion drawings i've drawn in my sketchbook that will never see the light of day
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upsidedowngrass · 1 year
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ALMOST done with :  | compilation. after im done i already wanna do a liam smiling compilation, but i think i should do liam crying compilation and liam angry compilation bc i think that would ALSO lend itself well to future analysis!!!!
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kalloway · 2 years
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Me: ‘Be productive so ppl don’t forget u exist! :’)’ Also me: ‘what if I start a third video game this week and don’t finish/post *anything*? 🤔’
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iamthedukeofurl · 5 months
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Scott Pilgrim is, I think, the best example I can think of for establishing a setting's Nonsense Limit. The setting's Nonsense Limit isn't quite "How high-fantasy is this". It's mostly a question of presentation, to what degree does the audience feel that they know the rules the world operates by, such that they are primed to accept a random new element being introduced. A setting with a Nonsense Limit of 0 is, like, an everyday story. Something larger than life, but theoretically taking place in our world, like your standard spy thriller action movie has a limit of 1. Some sort of hidden world urban fantasy with wizards and stuff operating in secret has a nonsense limit around 3 or 4. A Superhero setting, presenting an alternate version of our world, is a 5 or 6. High fantasy comes in around a 7 or so, "Oh yeah, Wizards exist and they can do crazy stuff" is pretty commonly accepted. Scott Pilgrim comes in at a 10. If you read the Scott Pilgrim book, it starts off looking like a purely mundane slice of life. The first hint at the fantastical is Ramona appearing repeatedly in Scott's Dreams, and then later showing up in real life. When we finally get an explanation, it's this:
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Apparently Subspace Highways are a thing? And they go through people's heads? And Ramona treats this like it's obscure, but not secret knowledge. Ramona doesn't think she's doing anything weird here. At this point, it's not clear if Scott is accepting Ramona's explanation or not, things kind of move on as mundane as ever until their Date, when Ramona takes Scott through subspace, and he doesn't act like his world was just blown open or anything, although I guess that could have been a metaphor. there's a couple other moments, but everything with Ramona could be a metaphor, or Scott not recognizing what's going on. Maybe Ramona is uniquely fantastical in this otherwise normal world. And then, this happens
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Suddenly, a fantastical element (A shitty local indie band finishing their set with a song that knocks out most of the audience) is introduced unrelated to Ramona, and undeniably literal. We see the crowd knocked out by Crash and The Boys. but the story doesn't linger on the implications of that, the whole point of that sequence is to raise the Nonsense Level, such that you accept it when This happens
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Matthew Patel comes flying down onto the stage, Scott, who until this point is presented as a terrible person and a loser, but otherwise is extremely ordinary, proceeds to flawlessly block and counter him before doing a 64-hit air juggle combo. Scott's friends treat this like Scott is showing off a mildly interesting party trick, like being really good at darts. The establish that Scott is the "Best Fighter in the Province", not only are street-fighter battles a thing, Scott is Very Good at it, but they're so unimportant that being the best fighter in the province doesn't make Scott NOT a loser. So when Matthew Patel shows off his magic powers and then explodes into a pile of coins, we've established "Oh, this is how silly the setting gets". It's not about establishing the RULES of the setting so much as it is about establishing a lack of rules. Scott's skill at street-fighter battles doesn't translate to any sort of social prestige. Ramona can access Subspace Highways and she uses it to do a basic delivery job. It doesn't make sense and it's clear that it's not supposed to. So later on, when Todd Ingram starts throwing around telekinesis, and the explanation we're given is "He's a Vegan" , you're already so primed by the mixture of weirdness and mundanity that rather than trying to incorporate this new knowledge into any sort of coherent setting ruleset, you just go "Ah, yeah, Vegans".
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Im killing myself (the situation that very specifically texted me and told me "hey we need to have a conversation about us " is now avoiding talking to me about anything meaningful with the skill of a parkourist spraypainter running from the cops )
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depthnessingsweet · 11 months
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It just feels obligatory that i come on here to say shit no one reads lol idek what i ranted about last time
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nonstandardrepertoire · 5 months
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this particular corner of the discourse is always a hot mess because all the following are true at once:
some Jewish people absolutely call any criticism of the State of Israel or support for Palestinians antisemitic
some people who are already deeply antisemitic use Palestinian liberation as a fig leaf so they can say and do horrible things they wanted to say and do anyway
(a non-zero number of these people also hate Palestinians and would love nothing more than to see both communities turn on each other and destroy each other forever)
antisemitism is deeply woven into Western culture and many people who are not particularly consciously antisemitic can stumble into antisemitic rhetoric if they're not careful
like so many -isms, part of how antisemitism functions is dismissing any Jewish claims of antisemitism as overblown/hysterical/not real/unimportant
some Jewish people very much do want to shift the conversation to focus on antisemitism specifically so people talk and think less about Palestinian liberation
so at the same time, you have an uptick in genuine antisemitism, some of which is heartfelt and some of which is accidental (which, imo, require different responses — treating someone accidentally reflects back our culture's ambient subtextual antisemitism like a committed neo-Nazi is usually counterproductive, and vice versa), and also an uptick in people drawing attention to antisemitism, by which some of them mean genuine anti-Jewish stuff and some of them mean anything that isn't full support for the political agenda of a specific state, and all of these people are using essentially the same words to mean very different things and round and round the discourse wheel spins and it is just generally a miserable time for all involved
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dollfaceksj · 5 months
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still don’t know my name | jjk (m) pt. 2
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➥ banner by: @archivedkookie.
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➥ PAIRING: jungkook x fem!reader
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➥ SUMMARY: In which your annoying neighbor—that you can’t stand—turns out to be the person behind the online account you’ve been sexting. You still don’t know his name.
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➥ GENRE: smut ⋆ cybersex ⋆ enemies
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➥ CATEGORY: mini three-shot
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➥ WARNINGS: mentions of rough sex; slapping, spanking, hair pulling, gagging, name calling, humiliation, degradation, mean!jk, biker!jk😋, bratty!reader (like reallll bratty), nude exchanging, pornography, cybersex, reader is a bit dumb, actually very dumb, sexting, flirting, neighbor beef, tension, jk smokes, bit of angst (cus it wouldn’t be a fic of mine if it didn’t have angst ofc), mentions of raw sex (WRAP IT UP), minors DNI
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➥ WORDCOUNT: 11.8k
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a/n: whew. HI. can’t believe pt1 went off like that😭 thank u sm for enjoying this fic !
thanks to tumblr’s new 1k max blocks limit, i had to add the rest in a reblog. you’ll find a link to it at the bottom!
i call this a mini three-shot cause i just left out all the unimportant stuff. it just constantly skips to scenes where yn & jk bump into each other i really dgaf if it’s coincidental the entire time. i had and still have no intention of adding more lore than necessary😭 its just a pwp so i rlly dc abt the lack of story telling and whatnot i just wanted to get this horny idea out 🙄
make sure to check out eli’s version too! <3
enjoy 😘😘 — the next part (pt. 3) will be the final part!
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⋆ TAGLIST ⋆
⇠ PREV. ⋆ MASTERLIST ⋆ NEXT ⇢
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#2 — “gameboy”
You still don’t know his name.
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And that is how you spend the rest of your weeks.
Flirting.
Sexting.
Sending pictures of your naked body to a random stranger on the internet.
A random stranger whose name you do not know.
A random stranger that doesn’t know your name, either.
A random stranger that you’re somehow slightly possessive over.
A random stranger that’s somehow slightly possessive over you.
Constantly posting subtweets about each other only further proves that. Indirectly wanting to tell other people to back off without actually doing so.
It’s crazy how you two clicked almost immediately. Maybe men aren’t a lost cause after all.
The subtweets consist of more pornographic content, provoking each other and wording your wishes of what you would like to do to one another on your timelines.
Like posting captions that say, ‘wish you were here’ alongside a video of a woman getting fucked into a worn-out mattress.
Or ‘this could be us’ and it’s a video of 2 people kissing like it’s their last day on earth.
But then at times, you both just chat like best friends. Talk about the movies you like. Or the anime he recommends. Or the music he likes to listen to. He gets oddly defensive about Justin Bieber.
Even though you’re both aware that you’re two strangers, you can’t help but feel like you two have known each other for longer than just a few weeks.
Like the time you found out you live in the same timezone. Live in the same state. Grew up watching the same things on TV. Have heard of each other’s high schools.
But any details have been kept private so far—for safety reasons, of course.
It’s not like you don’t trust him. It’s not that. It’s just weird sharing personal info with someone you don’t know personally.
But there’s been some talks about potentially meeting each other.
You wonder what he’s like in real life.
You bet he’s as charming as he is through text. Probably average looking but you don’t mind in the slightest. Pretty men only break hearts.
You still don’t know what he looks like and vice versa.
You still don’t know his name and vice versa.
Somehow you both wordlessly agreed on revealing your faces when you meet for the first time. The only physical details you’ve noticed are some of his tattoos that you can barely make out thanks to the poor quality of his pictures. His toned body. Veins. Sweatpants.
Most of his pictures are taken in the dark. Seems like he’s always just holed up at home and you deduce he might be a homebody or a gamer—something like that.
You usually can’t stand gamers (cue your annoying fucking neighbor) however, you can’t help but fantasize about sucking this random online stranger off while he’s gaming or have him bend you over his gaming setup. Let him fuck you from behind over his keyboard. Hips pounding into your asscheeks as his gaming chair squeaks.
The buzzing of your phone next to your hip snaps you out of your sinful trance.
[Twitter]
@archurback4me sent you a message!
Your heart always jolts like it’s been resuscitated every single time he sends you a message and that hasn’t changed in the past few weeks. There are simply no words to describe how it feels when your phone buzzes and it’s the person you’re thinking about.
You sit straight up on your couch, crossing your legs criss-cross applesauce as you giddily unlock your phone.
@archurback4me | 11:12AM
Goodmorning brat
How’d you sleep
Sleep. How’d you sleep.
Right, that’s what you’d forgotten!
You | 11:13AM
wait omg
now i remember
i dreamed about you omggg
well you were kinda faceless but in my dream i knew it was you
@archurback4me | 11:13AM
Did you?
What kind of dream
You | 11:13AM
honestly it started out weird as fuck lol
i wish i could tell you something sexy but it really isn’t
you were in my old high school trying to buy something from the vending machine and it wouldn’t work
so you ended up punching it and then i stopped you
and told you to hit me instead like some kind of pick me girl lmaoooooo
@archurback4me | 11:14AM
LMAOOOO
Bruhhh
That is so random
Hitting you is crazy
You | 11:14AM
i know
i mean
watching you be so aggressive was pretty hot tho
woke up w drenched panties
@archurback4me | 11:15AM
That so?
You got proof or are you just talking out of your ass?
You | 11:15AM
ur trying to see my pussy at 11am? really? you’re horny at this hour?
@archurback4me | 11:16AM
11AM or 11PM
Idgaf
Let me see that pretty pussy
How are you supposed to decline when he says it like that?
You want to do everything he asks. Anything. Want him to want you. Need him to want you.
You drag your sweats down your legs, tossing them off your bed with a quick kick. The tip of your finger slips under the elastic of your panties, peeling it off your pussy and sliding it to the side.
Arm stretched out, you reach for a low angle of your glistening pussy. There’s a teeny tiny bit of stubble coming through, not that either of you really care.
You snap a quick photo. Check it. Aren’t satisfied. Snap a few more until you’re okay with the row of pictures you can choose from.
You | 11:19AM
(You sent a photo.)
@archurback4me | 11:21AM
For fucks sake
That wet from imagining me shaking up a vending machine, are you?
Shit
Can’t stop staring
You | 11:21AM
well yes.
i mean honestly
i don’t fantasize about you hitting me or anything like that
but being slapped across the face by you kind of sounds... hot
@archurback4me | 11:23AM
I’ve seen you tweet about it before
And you’ve rted several videos like that
So trust me
I know you’re into that
You | 11:23AM
hmm
yeah
i think it’s hot
but not like.. the way you’d slap someone for making fun of your mom
just... a quick slap to make me look at you when i’m disobeying
:)
@archurback4me | 11:23AM
Choking, spanking, slapping, hairpulling, spitting, gagging
You sure you can take all that?
You | 11:23AM
are you challenging me?
@archurback4me | 11:25AM
No
I know better than to challenge a brat over text
Just wanna make sure angel
You | 11:25AM
trust me i’ll be loud about it if i don’t like it
but only if you’re down with it
@archurback4me | 11:26AM
I am
Because your dirty mouth definitely deserves a few slaps whenever you start yapping like you do so well
You | 11:27AM
kiss my ass jay
you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid lmao
Oh, right. He’d told you to call him Jay about two weeks ago. You’ve been calling him that ever since.
@archurback4me | 11:30AM
Wish I could princess
Let me see that ass one more time
You | 11:30AM
🙄.
what do i get in return?
@archurback4me | 11:32AM
I’ll write your username on my pelvis and post a vid of me jacking off
Oh.
The thought of him, jacking off with your username written across his pelvis, free for everyone to see. The thought of claiming him. Having him all to yourself.
The tingle in your core is impossible to ignore. You want him.
You | 11:33AM
so all those ppl chatting you up in your dms know that you ultimately belong to me?
@archurback4me | 11:33AM
If that’d allow me to see your ass then 100%
You | 11:33AM
ur so thirsty
so many asses you can see online
why mine
@archurback4me | 11:34AM
Because yours is my favorite duh
You don’t have to of course
There’s a compromise, isn’t there?
His favorite?
Does he chat with other people as well? Do others send him pictures of their body too? Does he send them pictures too?
That alone brings a scowl to your face but you quickly realize that, yes, he can do what he wants.
You get up on your knees and stretch your arm out behind you. Phone upside down. Hit record. Spank your ass. Catch the watch it recoils on camera.
Repeat.
Make him never want anyone else again.
You | 11:35AM
🙄.
just shut up
(You sent a video.)
@archurback4me | 11:35AM
Holy shit I need you
I need you so bad
Ahhhh you’re driving me fucking crazy
You | 11:36AM
you could have me
@archurback4me | 11:36AM
I’m so serious I’ll come one of these weeks and I’m not even joking
You | 11:36AM
i wish you would
@archurback4me | 11:38AM
I will
Give me a date I’ll write it down
You | 11:38AM
you’re coming to stay for a few days, right?
i have plenty of room in my bed for you
@archurback4me | 11:39AM
Hmm
Was hoping you’d say that
One night with you would never be enough for me
You | 11:40AM
hehe
exactly 3 weeks from now
the entire week
what do you say?
@archurback4me | 11:42AM
Never noted something faster
I have a dog though
So I was thinking it’d be easier for you to come to me
You | 11:43AM
i don’t mind you bringing your dog
luv dogs
but don’t think i forgot about what i was gonna get in return for sending you my ass
@archurback4me | 11:44AM
Jeez
He doesn’t reply for quite some time. The typing bubble doesn’t pop up either.
But after several minutes a new tweet pops up on your feed.
He didn’t caption it. Just a video that starts with his abs. You watch as his fingers trail down his stomach and tug his underwear down, revealing his squiggly inked skin.
And there it is, ‘@bratgaIore’ written across his pelvis in black marker.
He spits in his hand and wraps his fingers around his shaft, stroking his rock hard dick at a perfect pace. The sound has been turned off and you really wish it wasn’t but then again, you don’t want anyone else hearing him.
Want him sounding pretty for you. Just for you.
You’ve clearly been staring at the video for too long because you get a new message.
@archurback4me | 11:54AM
Happy?
You | 11:56AM
holy shit
you actually did it
@archurback4me | 11:57AM
Of course I did
I don’t play when it comes to that ass of yours
You | 11:58AM
hm
now im rlly horny
@archurback4me | 11:58AM
Aren’t you always
You | 11:58AM
thanks to you
i hate you
@archurback4me | 11:59AM
That’s fine
The feeling’s mutual anyway
Gonna enjoy the way you fall apart under me when I fuck you
Fuck you until you’re stupid
You | 12:03PM
a dream come true
:p
guess what
@archurback4me | 12:04PM
Hm?
You | 12:06PM
(You sent a photo.)
The photo is a picture of your soaking wet pussy with his username written on your pelvis in black marker, too.
@archurback4me | 12:08PM
What the fuck
You’re trying to fucking kill me angel
I need to insert my tongue immediately
You | 12:09PM
here come the harvard graduates
insert is crazy
@archurback4me | 12:10PM
You drive me crazy
Pussy got me acting all formal and shit LMAOO
Got me wanting to wear a bib and say Itadakimasu😋 when I dive in
Fuck
Want you on my face so fucking bad
Spank you while you ride my face
Don’t think I’ve ever seen something so pretty
Think my mind will change when I see your face though
You | 12:11PM
LMAOOOO not itadakimasu😭😭😭
hmm
you like it?
@archurback4me | 12:12PM
Are you insane
I keep going back to it
You should write my username when we meet so I can see it when I take your clothes off
Know that your pussy belongs to me
You | 12:12PM
if you do it too
@archurback4me | 12:13PM
Deal
You | 12:13PM
hehe
😋.
btw
@archurback4me | 12:14PM
Hm?
You | 12:14PM
are you clean
@archurback4me | 12:15PM
What?
You | 12:16PM
like
are you clean
for raw sex
@archurback4me | 12:16PM
Oh
Yeah I am
I’ll send you my results when I’m home
You | 12:16PM
you don’t have to do that i believe you
i’m clean too
where are you rn?
@archurback4me | 12:16PM
Just left to meet a friend
You | 12:17PM
oh
you’re not texting and driving right
@archurback4me | 12:18PM
Of course not, babe.
How am I supposed to meet my dumb girl when I’m dead?
I’m going by foot
Babe.
My dumb girl.
This is dangerous territory.
You | 12:19PM
hm
just like how i want to be the death of you as i tease you while ur in public
@archurback4me | 12:19PM
Don’t
I’m warning you
I don’t wanna meet my friends with a raging boner
I just got rid of one
You | 12:20PM
ur so easy lol
@archurback4me | 12:22PM
Just you wait you little brat
Gonna leave you so fucking sore when I’m done with you
No breaks
Fuck you the whole week long
You | 12:23PM
hmm
gonna fuck me like you hate me?
@archurback4me | 12:24PM
I do hate you
A lot
Dumb girl
Don’t think that’s gonna change when I see you in real life
Might get even more pissed off when I see your bratty mug actually
I just know your face is so fucking bratty
You | 12:25PM
you’d be obsessed with me
i’m really pretty
@archurback4me | 12:26PM
Lmao yeah I probably will be
I’m sure you are
Gonna defile your pretty face when I cum all over it you stupid brat
But my friend’s here
I’ll ttyl princess
You | 12:27PM
can’t wait
bye daddy
@archurback4me | 12:27PM
Hell nahhhhh
Don’t call me that
You | 12:30PM
ok then bye mr. fuck-you-everyday-of-the-week
@archurback4me | 12:30PM
And will
Night after night
You | 12:30PM
go already
byeeeee
@archurback4me | 12:32PM
Bye princess
You go about your day like you usually would and later that night, he ends up sending you his results anyway. You were already asleep by then, though.
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Want to keep reading? The full chapter is out on my Wattpad.
Click here to keep reading.
a/n: thanks to tumblr’s new max 1k blocks limit, i’ll have to figure out how i’m gonna post the full thing on here. (probably tomorrow or friday) either by combining paragraphs or add the continuation in a reblog or something. but its out on wattpad so i hope you’ll forgive me !!
thanks for reading <33
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Here’s the link to continuation (in a reblog).
— enjoyed it? you can always show your appreciation by buying me some coffee if you want ☕︎♡
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medicinemane · 1 year
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Can I make a small request that people not recommend that I get professional help, because as I've said on numerous occasions there's reasons why I can't
The largest one being that the nearest town with a therapist is quite far from me in every direction, which means a lot of gas money, but also given one of my big complaints is how much leaving town takes out of me... you might be able to see why I don't want to add more trips
I have a plan brewing for how to maybe find one who does teleappointments that would be covered for me, but it takes me a long time to get stuff done
Also to be blunt having a therapist isn't as important as everyone seems to think it is. I've been in therapy for many years, I even once had one who was a great fit and helped me a ton, so I know where I'm coming from here
I think pretty much all my therapist would back me up on this when I say therapy is a resource, not a cure
I think even some of my poor fit therapists would be able to help me out a lot more now than they were at the time when I had them, cause back then I was well and truly stuck and what changed wasn't me but my situation, where as now I'm a lot more in control of things meaning they could help a lot more
But like... they aren't going to just make the not enjoying life go away. They aren't going to just fix that stuff, and contrary to what you might think or see, I'm slowly working on things in my own way on my own time, I just also feel like stating what's on my mind and stating it bluntly
It gets so tiresome and so dismissive just being told to get help, at least it does when I keep keep keep explaining myself over and over, I've said similar to this before now, especially about the distance to other towns
I don't mean to be rude, but it would be more helpful to just let me be than to say the words "get help" again as if that does anything
If you can get me in with a therapist who is covered for me and who meets my needs, lets talk, but otherwise please just leave it
You don't mean it this way, but it starts to get insulting, and I've heard it so many times over the years. It makes me feel like people aren't listening at all and it's very frustrating
Either trust me to handle my shit like I always do, find dealing with my depression overwhelming and unfollow with zero hard feelings and total welcome to keep talking with me (but not seeing my depressing posts anymore), offer me an actual solution to my problems or like... you know... anything other that just advice, or... you know... keep going with throwing the get professional help out no matter what I say
I don't mean to be mean, I don't mean to be rude, I just... I don't know what it takes to get this through to people, because apparently literally explaining it in detail why it doesn't help and why I literally can't get help right now... doesn't work
So give me the magic solution I haven't thought of despite knowing my situation better than anyone else, or just let me be cause like... I don't want to toss threats around about stuff that's obviously well intentioned, but this has been going on for so many years with some many people... I don't know what to do, it's getting to the point where I'm thinking "do I just need to block people who say that cause they don't listen?"
So that's my stance
It's way too many words as usual, but it's me fuckin begging to just let me handle my shit on my own, to not tell me to get help unless you also are giving me a referral to someone covered who fits my requirements, and to just let me saying I'm fucking not doing well on my own blog
I'm literally just sayin what's on my mind, can I please just have that? Like... please?
This is maybe the final warning, what comes if someone I've said this to does it again... I don't know, I don't wanna do shit, but like... I'm begging, enough
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rreids · 15 days
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BE GOOD TO ME • A. HOTCHNER X READER
__ used in place of reader's name; age gap (both legal, unspecified, hotch implied to have worked with the reader's father); fem!reader; alcohol consumption; fluff; angst (i'm v bad at it, apologies); fears of abandonment; hotch is a bit insensitive at times; no jack or haley (assumed they have the same issues with his work & broke up pre-fic); sexual tension; has a nsfw section, skip from: (“Okay, they’re shut,” -> "I'll stay." if you are a minor or don't like smut; ~5k words; a poorly written ending, honestly; an (early!!!) birthday present for @hotchfiles (♡ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈) smut warnings: dom!hotch (nothing intense), fingering, marking, unprotected sex (do not copy them <3), oral (m receiving).
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Moving was always a hassle. 
Stressful, tiring, made tensions high — the works. It took the better part of your first day in Quantico to move in, and you could only settle onto your new couch (courtesy of your father, who’d worked in Narcotics at the FBI early on in his career, and was more than excited to find out that you wanted to move there) when the sun was thirty minutes from setting.
“Yes, yeah, Dad, I’m fine. I only had thirty more minutes of unpacking when you were leaving,” you click on speaker phone and lean your head back, sighing as you try to work a cord in your neck. “I’ll say hi to my neighbors tomorrow. Yes. Yes, I’m going to eat. The food you gave me to put in the fridge. I have my first day at the café tomorrow, I’ll get groceries then.”
He rambles for a bit and you close your eyes, letting him talk and talk. It’s nice. You know he worries.
“Ok, Dad, I got it. I’ll contact Gideon if anything comes up, and I’ll ask around for his team or wife — girlfriend? — if he’s busy. I love you, but I’m gonna go get ready for bed. Okay? Yeah. Thank you. Bye-bye,”
He hangs up first, knowing you hate to be the one to click it.
You sigh and stretch, tossing the phone down on the cushion. By the time you gain the energy to stand and go to the fridge, there’s a ring of your doorbell. 
You’re not expecting anyone, so you approach cautiously, peering through the peephole. It’s a man, older, but you can’t place by how much, standing with his hands in his pockets.
You crack the door, keeping the secondary lock in place. “Hello?”
“Good evening,” his voice has a nice husk to it. “Sorry, I should introduce myself. My name’s Aaron, I’m your neighbor. Wanted to ask if there’s any groceries or anything I could bring you, something to help you get settled or maybe you forgot to pack for the move…?”
You eye him warily.
“I was going to make cookies but I can’t bake.”
You chuckle. “Um, I think I’m okay. Are you handy, by any chance?”
“A little. I can do stuff around the house.”
“Then,” you pause, looking at his eyes. “Is there a chance I can get your number? You know, so if there’s any issue I can call you to come round and take a look,”
“Sure,” he smiles warmly at you. “I’m a little busy sometimes, though, so it might take me a few days to get around to stopping by.”
You nod and quickly undo the inner latch and open the door more fully. “That’s alright, I don’t expect you to drop your life because I can’t fix a leaking faucet. Can you wait here while I grab my phone?”
He nods, looking respectfully at only the foyer and not further into your new home, carefully avoiding focusing on the stacks of boxes you haven’t gotten to unpacking (full of knick-knacks and unimportant things that you decided could wait to be put on display). 
It doesn’t take long to save each other’s contacts, and while there’s no more excuse for him to be on your stoop, you want to talk to him more. “Do you have anyone to eat dinner with?”
Subtle, your inner voice snarks back.
“No,” he smiles sadly, bitterness to it. “Just me.”
“Well, it’s just lasagna to reheat, but if you’d prefer to not eat alone…”
“I’d love that…?”
“__,” you smile. “Come on in, Aaron. I’ll get you a plate.”
.°. ݁₊ . ݁ ⁺₊
Work goes well, getting adjusted is easy.
You make friends with your coworkers and a few regulars, go out a few times and find a group of girls you mesh with.
Then again, you were a pretty sociable person, always trying to smile and improve people’s days. It was partially why you didn’t absolutely hate service work. There was a silver lining to every interaction.
Aaron was nice, too.
You’d had an issue with water pressure when you finally (after much longer than you’d like to admit) got your new shower head attached, and he’d come over and let his dress shirt get soaked while he fixed it for you.
Whenever you ask about work, he dances around anything more than telling you “FBI” and that he “travels a lot”, but you didn’t mind too much. Everyone has their secrets, and you knew your dad had seen some terrible things. 
You can only imagine what Aaron has seen.
He was good company, had a dry and witty humor that you never expected, kind eyes and a gentle smile you were lucky to see despite his tiredness, and, well, he was handsome.
You weren’t against eye candy, even if you didn’t know much personally about him. It took a week to learn how old he was, and a few days while was gone for work for you to reconcile that he was old enough to have worked with your father when he was at Narcotics.
It’s been two weeks since you’d last seen him, but he calls, voice exhausted and rough, raw, even, from what seems to have been an emotional case. 
“Aaron?”
He hums, sighs on the other side of the line.
“Everything okay?”
“Just tired,” he doesn’t explain more. “Can you keep talking?”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” you can’t help the way your brow furrows in concern about how worn-out he sounds. “Well, I can tell you about my job. I’m not nearly as secretive, Mr. FBI,” you tease, and he exhales — a softer, happier one. 
And so you do, rambling about different coffees, trying desperately to coax him into trying a latte (he refuses every single time you try to tell him he’d like one, but assures you there’s someone on his team who has equal amounts of sugar and coffee in his — you’re sure he’s exaggerating, the sugar would be too much for almost anyone — who would love to try your drink combos); telling him about regulars and new customers, the music that played, if there’s a song you know he’d like; really, anything you can think of.
“When do you get back?”
“We’ve landed, I’m back.” There’s more shuffling than there had been on his end, papers sliding and the crackling connection as he moves the phone before bringing it back to his ear. “Just finishing some paperwork.”
“Is it stuff that can’t be seen?”
“No. It’s not confidential.”
“Do you want to do it at your house, then? Or visiting my place. I made pasta and steak, I can heat some back up for you. I’m sure you haven’t been eating well when you’re chasing down bad guys, or… whatever you do when you’re gone, I’m not sure exactly.”
Aaron chuckles. “Thanks, __. Give me thirty minutes?”
“Yeah. Do you want me to stay on the line?”
He hesitates.
“No. No, it’s okay. I’ll see you in a little while.”
.°. ݁₊ . ݁ ⁺₊
He takes closer to forty-five minutes, but you expected something to take a bit longer than he said. And it’s not a bother. Really, it was welcome because it let you run out to the store and buy a nice wine (you hoped he likes red), and reheat the food better than just by the microwave.
When he knocks, you try not to scurry over too quickly and to temper your smile. “Come in,”
Aaron smiles tiredly at you, and it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He hangs up his suit jacket and loosens his tie slightly.
He looks at the table and his brows raise. “Wine?”
“I figured you could use something to unwind,”
“Sounds lovely.” 
You can’t tell if he actually means that, or if he just doesn’t like red, doesn’t want wine, or what, and is being polite but you don’t push it. 
“Are you going to eat, too?”
“I already did,” you smile at him. “I was going to do dishes so I don’t leave them in the sink overnight — I try to never do that. But it can wait if you’d rather have company.”
He moves his napkin. “Well, I’d be able to hear you from the kitchen. More efficient,”
“Got it,”
You hum to yourself in the lulls of conversation with him, scrubbing a plate clean. He eats quickly, when you’re not across from him, and you find this out when he comes in with his dishes.
“Let me wash them. My mess,”
“You’re a guest,” you protest, but you don’t do much to dissuade him, watching the way he rolls up his sleeves and his forearms flex with a lazy smile as he scrubs off the alfredo sauce. “At least leave your glass. We can drink and talk for a bit.”
He raises his brows but nods, pushing it to the side.
“Do you want to talk about work?” You ask him as you fill one for you and then top off his. “Or would you prefer anything else.”
“I’ve been talking about dead bodies and abductions for two weeks. I’d like something more normal,” Aaron answers smoothly before pausing, placing his plate in your dishrack. “I’ve never told you that I deal with that, have I?”
“No,” you hand him his wine and guide him to your couch. “But I can make a guess why you haven’t,”
“I’m sure you can.”
“My father, he was in Narcotics, actually.” You look for a flash of recognition in his eyes, but without saying your father’s name there is none. “Maybe he worked with you at some point. But he would always come home tense and it strained my parent’s relationship… I get it.”
Aaron swallows. You guess relationships are a sore spot.
“Wanna hear about the last time I went out?” You couldn’t think about a better topic, and grimace when he sighs and sinks back into the cushions. “Nothing gross,”
“Hit me.”
You tell him, excited, bubbly, and pause about two-thirds into recounting the drinking games and how you could barely walk by the end of it. Namely, because you want to leave out the fact you almost drunk-dialed him (and that you were super wasted in public, considering he’s a federal agent), and second, because you realize you could show him the dress you were wearing that night.
Maybe the wine is getting to you a little, but you buzz with excitement at the idea of him eyeing you up and down.
“Actually, I wanna show you something!” Your voice is too excited and you know it when he gives you a questioning look. “Wait here.”
You stumble a little changing out of your clothes and quickly zip yourself into the dress, clasp the same necklace back on. Your hair isn’t done the same, your makeup is your day makeup and not what you wear out, but you still look pretty. 
Maybe a little less slutty than you did that night, but the way the dress clings to your curves would make up for it. Hopefully.
“Close your eyes!” You call out to him.
“What?” Aaron calls back, and you hear an exaggerated groan when you don’t reply. “Okay, they’re shut,”
You saunter out and lightly grab his wrist — he’s holding his hands to cover his sight completely, and your heart flutters at the boyishness — and tug them away. “What do you think?”
Aaron opens his eyes almost directly to your cleavage as you straighten up, and he snaps his attention to your face. That doesn’t last long as you spin and twirl, letting the light catch the glittery details. 
He’s moved his eyes to your hips and how much of your thighs are exposed.
He clears his throat. “You wore this out when you were that drunk?”
“Don’t worry,” you smile. “I was safe!”
“You were telling me you could barely walk,”
You pout at him. “You’re so serious, you know that?”
“It’s part of my charm.”
A beat of silence.
Another.
“Twirl for me again?”
You beam at him and obey, squeaking when he pauses you once you face away. 
“It’s not fully zipped,” he lets his fingers trace above the zipper as he stands, and you feel him pressing closer to you — tall, imposing, strong. Warmth radiating off his skin. “Can I?”
You debate what to say.
“Actually,” you breathe in deeply, trying to keep your voice level. “I think I cinched the waist too tight at the clasps. Can you loosen them?”
Aaron’s breath ghosts over the nape of your neck, and he says nothing as he slowly unzips it, fingers sparking desire and tensing the muscles as his fingers trail down your spine after the zipper. 
“Right here?” He asks, tugging at the cinch to make his point clear.
You smile and let the straps slip from your shoulders in a fake stretch. His breath hitches.
“A little lower,”
Aaron listens, entranced, undoing more and more until his fingers ghost right above your panties — a thong, maroon-y red. 
You imagine he’s shut his eyes now, trying to respect you despite the way you’re clearly trying to get into his pants.
And so, you act.
You reach back and grasp the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging him a little closer to the crook of your neck.
“__,” he whispers.
“Aaron,” you match the soft desire thrumming under the words. “Please.”
You know he’ll snap when you arch your back, pressing back into his hardening bulge and pushing your chest out — right into his line of sight.
He kisses the skin of your neck gently, sucking on it harshly before running his tongue over the stinging sensation. He guides the dress down you fully, strong hands squeezing the fat on your thighs with a groan before slipping up and around your waist to cup your breasts.
“You’re beautiful,”
“Please don’t waste time on easing into it,” you grit out, aching for him. “I want you. Badly.”
“Shh,” he soothes, unclasping your necklace and placing it on the small stand by your couch, kissing where the cold metal had sat. “You’ll get me,”
You whimper out in surprise as he spins you and crashes his lips into yours forcefully, pressing you into him so your nipples brush against his ironed and perfect dress shirt, a perfect, aching friction. 
A confident hand goes to your thong and snaps the waistband against your hip as you press further into him, blindly pawing at his pants.
“Walk me to your bedroom,” he tells you when he pulls back for air, and you stumble into the wall twice, too wrapped up in his kisses and heat to move with grace.
He lays you down, but before he can pull back and stand, you pull him next to you. 
“Let me,” you say, tugging his tie loose and nimbly undoing his buttons with only a slight tremor to your hands. The button-up falls open to beautiful strength and skin, dotted with freckles and rippling with strength as he shrugs the fabric off and flings it to the floor.
When you start on his belt, his eyes bore into you and you shrink under the gaze once you tug it loose.
“Sit back,” he nods towards the headboard. “Now.”
You swallow and scramble to move where he wants. He strips down to his boxers and shifts to move over you, bracing on his knees and a forearm. He pecks your lips with a smile before deepening the kiss.
He leaves you gasping for air by the time he moves to lick over your nipples as his calloused fingers find their way into your panties. You quiver at the roughness on your clit, the way the fabric of the thong slips against you with his movements. 
He pulls off you, and your eyes hungrily drink in his deep breaths and the filthy sight of his fingers moving in your underwear, back arching as he slips one finger into you and continues to roll your clit with his thumb.
“More?” He asks when your hips grind down to meet him.
“Want it,” you gasp out, squeezing him over his boxers. The precum that’s leaked through makes you keen with need. “‘M ready.”
“I’d rather you not get hurt,” he pushes in another finger. “So be patient.”
You huff, fucking up against his hand.
He pulls back and pins you with that same hand, smearing your arousal over your hip. “You can’t wait?”
“Maybe I like it with a little pain.”
He raises a brow at that and sighs, but he lets go of you to pull down and kick off his boxers.
Your mouth dries at the sight of his cock, and you ache, so desperately empty. You grab at his shoulders, broad and strong, and he can’t help the twitch of a smile as he rubs himself against you and you squirm.
You kiss him as you hook your leg around him and drag him into you, delighting in the gasp of pleasure he lets out against your lips. His jaw sets, teeth grinding as he sets a torturously slow pace, letting you feel the drag of every vein and inch against your velvety walls.
You dig your nails into his back and scratch, and his hips stutter before finally speeding up. It’s still not enough, but finally forceful enough to draw sounds from your lips.
“You like a little pain too,” you laugh breathlessly, trying to leave a bite on his neck. He cranes back and out of reach, folding your legs up to drive deeper.
“I can take it. Can you?” Aaron asks, no expectation of an answer as he finally sets a pace that drives you to near silent gasps and shaking muscles. 
You whimper, digging your nails in more harshly to feel the way his shoulders flex as he moves one of his hands to rub your clit. His skin and his movements are rough and aggressive, punching moans out of you without care, sitting your nerves on fire.
He doesn’t relent, leaving wet kisses along your sweat slick skin as he fucks into you so hard you quiver in his hold, small and weak and helpless under him.
You moan at the idea, arching up into him as he scrapes his teeth over your left breast.
“More,” you beg breathlessly. “I can take it all,”
His brow furrows in delicious determination over darkened, blown-out eyes, lips tightening to hold in his gruff moans as he drags you closer to your ecstasy.
“Yeah?” He asks, bringing a hand to squeeze your cheeks together. “Want it all?”
You nod eagerly, urge him down for another kiss, and you clench when he sucks on your tongue before pulling back and completely away.
“Hands and knees.”
You flip hurriedly, trying to hide the way your muscles shake from the effort. He catches it, though, wraps an arm under and around your waist to help support you as he drapes himself over your back and slides back in.
It’s almost claustrophobic, so warm and close to him, skin slick with sweat, heavy breaths coming out in humid pants, wet presses of his lips and tongue to your shoulders and the nape of your neck; but you love it, whining and keening as he angles his hips just right and rubs your clit again.
You’re so, so, so close to the edge, you can almost taste it.
“Let go,” he orders, biting down on your shoulder to muffle his own sounds.
And you do, quivering around him, pussy desperately trying to keep him in place as he fucks you through it.
He hisses, and you whine at the empty feeling, rolling over to see him leaning back and jerking himself off, head tossed back and veins popping out. 
You crawl over and grin up at him “fuck my mouth” before taking him in, and he hisses, fingers tightening in your hair.
“Shit, __,” he groans, and you realize it’s the first time he’s said your name or lost composure during this. You hum in response and bob your head further down before hollowing your cheeks.
His hips jerk, but before he can apologize for the movement, you moan around him and press lower.
Aaron groans, deep and broken with need, and it only takes a few more seconds for him to cum, thighs twitching under your palms.
He tugs you off and kisses you after you swallow, tasting himself on your tongue.
“Let me clean you up,” he whispers after a few moments, observing how you’re still shaking from the aftershocks.
He leaves and comes back with a washcloth, wiping you clean and apologizing softly when you wince from oversensitivity.
Aaron even helps you get dressed (finds pajamas in a drawer for you and hands them to you) and makes sure you pee and brush your teeth.
When he starts gathering his things, you grab him. “Stay.”
He pauses and sighs, shirt bundled in his hand. He slips back into his boxers and slides under the duvet next to you.
“I’ll stay.”
.°. ݁₊ . ݁ ⁺₊
When you wake up, Aaron is gone.
No note. No voicemail.
It stings. He’d even cleaned up the wine glasses and brought your necklace onto your nightstand.
When you stand, it aches, muscles exhausted. You shower slowly and pensively, chewing on your lip as you consider calling him.
You don’t.
You fix yourself coffee, eat some fruit and pancakes, and get ready for work. It’d be a long day standing and delivering orders with the way your muscles burned, but maybe it’d distract you.
You don’t even hear from him again for a week, and part of you is mad at him, but most of you is scared — you’d figured out that he deals with homicides and abductions that night, and there was a worry that took root and grew that he could be dead, and you wouldn’t know.
When you hear from him, it’s one a.m. on a Friday (Saturday, you suppose, since it’s past night).
“Hello?” You ask groggily, not having checked the caller I.D.
“__,” Aaron sighs out. He sounds relieved.
You tense. “Aaron.”
There’s awkward silence.
“Why are you calling?”
“I hadn’t heard from you all week,” he tells you, and your heart twists in your chest.
Who did he think he was, to sleep with you, leave without warning, and call like nothing happened?
“I wonder why,” you snap, voice bitter and biting.
Aaron sighs and shuffles.
More uncomfortable silence.
“Where did you go?”
“Home. I had to get dressed for work.”
You hope none of his team is around. You’re already upset enough just talking to him, and that’s without a team of whatever-the-fuck he does FBI agents listening in.
“No message?”
“Should I have left one?” Aaron sighs, and you can practically see him pinching the bridge of his nose. “We’re not dating, __.”
“Yeah. I can tell.” You scoff. “Then why do you care that I didn't call you?”
“I like your company, you know that.”
“You do a hell of a job making it clear.”
Eyes burning with tears you’re holding back, you finally ask.
“What do you want, Aaron?”
“To talk.”
“No,” you grouse, wiping the tear that rolls down your cheek.
“__, please, come on.”
“Come on?” You repeat, incredulous. “Aaron, I like you. You used me for sex and left. I’m fucking pissed at you,”
“You’re too young for me.” Aaron sighs. “I’m always at work. It’s dangerous work, too. You could have any guy,”
“Yeah. A shame I want you. And my age didn’t seem to matter last week. If you don’t want to date me, just say it!”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“That I want to see you.”
“No. Please… stop calling me,”
You hope he doesn’t hear the choked sob that leaves your lips as you hang up.
.°. ݁₊ . ݁ ⁺₊
You ignore him for two weeks pretty well, pretending to be gone or asleep every time he rings the doorbell, tossing out his sad attempts at cookies (even if you feel like crying knowing he can’t make cookies or bake for shit and is doing it just for you), letting the flowers he placed die on your stoop.
The first time you hear about him again — he hadn’t left messages in a few days — is actually at work.
A younger man, about your age, boyishly cute and nothing like who you wanted, comes in and smiles at you.
“Hey, do you have any like… special drinks?” He’s stuttering. “My friend—boss?— recommended this place, said you had lattes I might like.”
The gears turn a little.
(There’s someone on my team who would drink it. 
I want you to try it, Aaron.
I don’t do sugar in my coffee, __. But he does, I swear it’s more sugar than coffee sometimes. I’ll let him know the name of your café.
Should I be expecting him?
Yeah, maybe. His name’s Spencer. He’s a good kid.)
“Boss?”
“Yeah! We work together, but we’re also friends, but he could fire me, so I never know how to introduce him.”
You giggle slightly. “Um, well, we have a seasonal drink.” 
You rattle off the options and ingredients, and when he finally decides on his order, he blinks at you a few times.
“You know, your name is familiar. __.” He’s trying to place it.
With a smile, you glance at him. “What’d you say yours was? For the order.”
“Spencer.”
Bingo.
You write it on the cup and look to see if there’s a line. There isn’t. You hand the cup to the other barista working with the order ticket.
“Where’d you say you worked, Spencer?”
“I didn’t. But I work at the FBI in the BAU—that’s the behavioral analysis unit. We do something called profiling to catch unsubs, unknown subjects, who commit a variety of different crimes.”
You nod. 
Profiler. 
You’d think someone who knows the human condition and behavior so well would know not to leave a girl without a goodbye when you slept together the night before.
“Your boss, his name Aaron?”
“Hotch.” Spencer supplies automatically before his ears catch up. “Wait, yeah. Aaron Hotchner. You know him?”
You smile tightly, not sure what he’s shared with his team. With the BAU. “We’re neighbors.”
Spencer grins. “You should come in and surprise him! He’s been bothered by something lately, but he won’t tell any of us why. Maybe he’ll tell you.”
You tense. “You all sound like a nosy bunch, Spencer,” you hope your voice comes across light and playful enough. You thank your coworker for his coffee and say “I’m also on shift. Here’s your coffee. Have a good day.”
He smiles and says “you too!” and turns around. He almost bumps into someone immediately and you hear a rush of apologies as he looks at his watch and hurries out of the café.
You sigh.
All day, what Spencer said runs through your mind. Had he really been struggling? He had to be, assuming Spencer didn’t know you… and if Aaron is as private as you think he is, Spencer definitely doesn’t know you.
When you get home, Aaron is waiting on your doorstep, and it takes everything in you to not turn around and get right back in your car, drive somewhere for dinner.
“__,” his voice is pleading, broken and soft.
“Aaron, please,” you sigh. “I’m tired of the excuses.”
“I know. I know. Let’s talk. Actually.”
You huff.
“... I’ll talk. You listen. I’m the one who has apologizing to do,”
“First right thing you’ve said in a while,” you mumble bitterly, brushing past him to unlock your door. “Come on.”
He follows you slowly, and one glance at his face fills you with guilt. He looks like a kicked puppy. 
Damn him and his pretty brown eyes.
You settle on the couch with wine. “Go on,”
Aaron swallows. “I… got a call. A work call. At three. After we slept together, I needed to run to grab all my things, get new clothes… 
It was a brutal case. The… the guy — we caught him — was killing girls who looked like you. And, selfishly, I thought, maybe if I just ignored you I wouldn’t be worried. And that you’d be okay, that it didn’t matter to you like it mattered to me. 
But I kept seeing him kill you in my nightmares, and I knew I needed to focus on work before he killed another innocent woman. That if I called you, I’d break down and be a burden on the team and the case.
And I know that’s not good enough, I should’ve left a message or called anyway.
I do like you. And your age is part of me not calling, I just don’t know if it’s right. For me to want you.”
He pauses and stares into your eyes before looking to the ground. “I don’t care if it’s right anymore. I do want you. When I close my eyes before bed, I see your smile, I think of you, and I just,” he digs his nails into his thighs, exhales heavily. “I want you so fucking bad,”
You swallow. “Care to show me?”
“Not tonight.” Aaron sighs. “I don’t want… I don’t want it to seem like I just want your body.”
“Even if I say it’s okay?”
“Even then,” he leans over and kisses you. 
Sweetly. Romantic, even.
“Let me make it up to you. What do you say about dinner tomorrow?” He rubs his thumb over your cheek. “Let me show you that I want you,”
“Sounds good, Hotchner.”
His brows shoot up. “How do you know my last name?”
“Well, I met this guy,” you say teasingly. “His name’s Spencer. Ring a bell?”
Aaron curses. “Did he say anything?”
“Just that you seemed down. He didn’t know anything, I just said you were my neighbor. Why, did you miss me? That why you were so miserable?”
“Yeah.” It’s the most confident he’s sounded all night. “Going forward…” he pauses. “Just slap me if I’m being an ass. I thought I was going crazy not being able to see you.”
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goingmerryfics · 29 days
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Arguments w/ Shanks, Buggy, & Mihawk
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Content: Gender Neutral reader, no NSFW. Maybe some slightly angsty stuff? Not really though.
Shanks
Arguing with him is either exhausting or it’s pointless, there’s never an in-between
Shanks doesn’t really take most arguments seriously because they’re either started by something extremely unimportant or he’s already made his decision and he’s not going to back down on his opinion
Pointless, because he’s not going to change his mind and he’s laughing at you while you’re trying to talk to him
“You’re so cute when you’re angry.”
Yup. Pointless. It’ll just make you more angry and him more entertained
The exhausting arguments are when he’s actually serious- and while he’s not mad at you, he’s mad that you can’t see his reasonings for doing what he’s doing
Especially when it comes to keeping you safe
Shanks won’t back down and it’s impossible to change his mind while he’s this pissed off, so it’s always best to just separate and come back later to talk it out when you’re both calm
While you do what you need to do in order to relax, Shanks festers in his anger and reflects on the things that were said between the two of you. His crewmates try to cheer him up- they offer him booze, they crack jokes, but he’s not in the mood for either and everyone is concerned
Truthfully, he’s worried. While he’s still not willing to change his mind, he doesn’t want to lose the relationship you two have worked so hard to build and maintain
He gets up out of his seat 3 times to pace around, mind racing back and forth on if he should go talk to you, and then convincing himself that it’s best to wait for you to emerge first so he knows you’re ready to talk
But he grows tired of waiting, and does actually end up coming to your shared room to resolve the issue
You’re still steaming just a bit. Your arms are crossed over your chest, and you don’t look up when he enters. You know it’s him, because a few others on his crew have already come to check on you, and you’d asked them politely to leave you be. But you don’t protest when he comes to sit beside you
He doesn’t touch you
It’s painfully silent for a while
Then he finally speaks up and breaks the tension
“I’m sorry. That got a little more heated than I wanted it to.”
You peek up at him just a bit. He notices how red your face is, and a strike of fear shoots through him at the thought of possibly having made you cry and then left you on your own for hours
He stretches out his hand, offering it to you to hold, and you shift in your position to take it
He goes into a rant on how much you mean to him and how he’s only doing what he has to do to keep you and the rest of the crew safe
“Because I love you. You know that, don’t you?”
You do
You also know that no matter how many times you two get upset with each other, you’ll always find your way back into his arms
Buggy
Arguing with him would come often, but the content of the arguments is what matters here
Only for the reason that Buggy is adamant about being correct in every situation, even when he is not and knows it
Everyone knows it’s best to just simply let him believe his delusions and let the natural consequences come through
But this guy seriously has weirdly good luck, and somehow all his delusions seem to come true for him in one way or another
Half of the time it’s just funny watching him be completely wrong about a subject, other times it’s a little infuriating
Arguments don’t last long between the two of you, though
Buggy craves attention, and attention from his favorite person is a must. It’s basically a necessity of life
Food, water, shelter, you. Not in that order, though
He realizes too late through his incessant rambling and gloating that he’s said something that hurt your feelings and immediately starts to backpedal
“Wait, wait, wait! That’s not what I meant! What I meant to say was-”
He’s red in the face, almost so much so as his nose
He hates to admit it, but you look really good glaring down at him like that as he tries to save his own skin
He clams up, sweating. Unsure of himself. Not sure what he was even saying a second ago
As much as you need time alone to chill out, he can’t seem to leave you be. It’s scary for him, seeing your usually smiling face so serious
He takes a seat outside of your room, and then breaks into pieces no, literally while he waits for you to emerge again
It takes you a few hours, but he’s there the whole time. His feet are pacing around, his head is whining, cheek on the floor. His hands are tapping and picking at the dirt in the wood, but every part of him lights up when he sees you again
“Aha! I see you finally caved. Couldn’t stay away from me, could you?”
You pause, and then move to go back inside before he yelps and his hands grab at your ankles. His parts come back together again, using the rest of his body to hold you in place
“Wait! I’m sorry! Please don’t go back!”
He shouts it all in a rush. He’s crying, and there’s snot running down his nose
He looks like a damn mess
It kind of makes you laugh at how desperate he is for you
he pouts up at you and you cave
He basically crawls up your body to hug you. You hug him back, petting his hair and waiting for him to relax, sitting right there in the doorway of your room. People pause as they pass, but a sharp look from you stops them from staying for very long
Mihawk
If Mihawk is actually worked up enough to argue with you, there’s a good reason for it
Usually he makes his point and that’s that. No other words exchanged, nothing more than a slight glance towards you
Mihawk is an introvert, and he gets exhausted from others very easily. He’s not trying to be rude or dismissive towards you when he does this, but that is how it comes off sometimes
He’ll turn his attention back to his book because after he’s said what he wanted to, he figures everything is fine. He understands his logic, why wouldn’t you?
But you, like a lot of people that aren’t Mihawk, are more emotional than he is
Your silence isn’t acceptance, it’s hurt
Only when you get up to leave the room does the thought cross his mind that maybe what he’d said didn’t come off correctly, and you might have just been insulted. But he figures you would come tell him if that were the case, so all is well and he returns to his book
This could go forever, really. Until he notices that you’re giving him the cold shoulder, and then he would stop whatever he was doing- even if he were in another room at the time of realization -and find you to clear things up right away
“Darling, we need to talk right away.”
Straight to the point. He doesn’t really ask you if you want to talk, because he knows if he doesn’t at least make an attempt at this it will haunt him like Perona’s ghosts all night
The thing about Mihawk that not many people know is that he’s got this cool, collected, silent aura about him because he simply does not have the energy to play nice with everyone
So when he’s just arrived home from a Warlord meeting, or somewhere that he was obligated to be present for, all he wants is time to himself to recharge
Having a relationship and balancing this need was something he was still learning
But he loves you so much and the thought of upsetting you over a misunderstanding gnawed at him and gave him massive amounts of anxiety and uncomfortability
He’s not this untouchable guy that everyone thinks he is. You’ve seen this; he laughs and cries like everyone else does
And you understand him. He couldn’t ask for someone better than you are
If you’re willing to, he’ll take your hands and kiss your knuckles.
“I apologize for my behavior. I should have given my words a second thought before I spoke them out loud. What can I do to make this up to you?”
It’s an easy thing to answer- it’s all you wanted since he’d returned, why you kept invading his space before he was ready to emerge and what lead up to the situation in the first place
You tell him you want him. His attention, to be wrapped in his arms. You just want to spend time with him, even if that’s in silence
He can work with that
He presses a kiss to your forehead and makes you promise that you’ll tell him if he ever says or does anything to upset you again. He wants to communicate, not lose out on precious time with you over something small
He goes above and beyond, though. He makes up a very romantic candlelit dinner that night for the both of you to share and even if it’s a very quiet dinner, (minus the music playing softly in the background) it’s perfect
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Note
I know we all love talking about jealous Katniss but I want to talk about jealous Peeta because reading the books now as an adult makes me realize how obvious he was about being jealous, he’s just not possessive or a jerk. Because it’s hilarious to me that he just keeps bringing stuff up that he’s jealous about but trying to be subtle. “I thought he was your cousin””she’s just mad because of her boyfriend” “is that really the only time you’ve kissed Gale”. Good grief, he brings up Gale more than Katniss ever does. But it also matches his character that uses words for everything. He just keeps bringing up stuff while Katniss is like WTF. Post marriage he doesn’t really get jealous but once in a while I’m sure there may be a minor thing here or there that makes him jealous and he brings it up during dinner to Katniss who is just focused on the food
Jealous Peeta absolutely FED me, It was NOT SUBTLE.
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and we know there were a LOT more moments of jealousy than he let on. he makes a point of telling Caesar that he knew other boys liked her - so i imagine there was a bit of locker room talk and a LOT of Peeta biting his tongue and taking his frustration out on the mat instead.
(Once, he got a record-breaking - and SLIGHTLY arm-fracturing - win when one of the guys on the team talked, in detail, about what he wanted to offer Katniss as a trade the next time she came by his parents' shop.)
I fully imagine that Peeta was aware of, and HAAAAATED the fact that the two went out to the woods together. He NEEDED to believe they were cousins. Like, for his sanity. because he can't IMAGINE that Gale would actually fumble the bag by being alone with Katniss every single morning for 4 years and NOT making a move.
And Peeta was trying to undermine Gale, too. "I hear the girls talk about him a lot - baby girl, that man is a whore, i wouldn't do you like that."
no and then the HIJACKED jealousy???? UNFUCKING REAL. Every single barrier that boy put up for himself was GONE. ERADICATED. He was SEETHING with a jealousy he couldn't even really understand and just sitting at that table like:
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So of COURSE he has to turn it around and try to make HER jealous. Make her realize how unimportant she is. He could have anyone. He could even take Annie.
"Fuck Everthorne and their star-crossed bullshit." (because he TOTALLY viewed them as star-crossed. Nobody believes in the existence of Everthorne more than Peeta Mellark)
"And fuck Katniss too, and NOT sexually (unless?...) No, FUCK HER (biblically???) NO."
Honestly, I personally don't see him getting jealous at all after "so after". Once she gives him the security and peace of saying the words - he'll never doubt her. Not once. And Katniss loves in an all or nothing way. And with Peeta, it's ALL.
If anything? It's Katniss. Post-marriage Katniss has a bow with the words "for trifling hoes that wish they could" etched into it. It's specifically her "that's my WIFE" bow and she's just ITCHING to use it.
That being said, while he may not be jealous Peeta is VERY competitive whenever Gale is visiting the district. For, like, the stupidest shit. Gale comes to town carrying a buck so he'll just go and move bags of flour, one in each arm, like it's nothing. (He's actually sweating HARD but he refuses to admit it)
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whoopsyeahokay · 1 month
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October Sun
summary: your mother had warned you. Don't let them know, she'd said, her nails digging angry crescents into the flesh of your upper arms, eyes wild and imploring, don't let them know you can see. you'd listened, all these years, you'd lived your life by that rule. until you couldn't.
pairing: Wally Clark x fem!reader
warnings: eventual smutty smut smut. and mad spoilers. and obvious Canon divergence.
bon reading, frens
___________________________💀
OCTOBER SUN pt.1
Like most things, it started with a look.
A boy. A girl. A crowded place; a friend talking—their voice muted as if heard through a motel wall. Time slows. People filter in and out of the space between, chatting, laughing, in frame just long enough to emphasize the weight behind something that, in any other context, would be utterly unimportant.
Simon had urged you outside at lunch, pulled you away from your table, tone frayed in desperation as he interrogated you about things you're certain you'd made seem the expression of a morbidly quirky imagination.
"Well," He said, like jabbing the eraser-end of a pencil into your sternum, "Can you?"
You hesitated, gaze lifting away from his to skirt the middle-distance behind him.
And then—
It happened molasses-slow. Your eyes caught his; lingered a beat too long to be played off as anything other than what it was. Acknowledgment.
Those sweet-sultry cow eyes widened a fraction.
Oh no.
Then time rushed back in and snapped into the correct rhythm. You didn't have a chance to process what had just happened because Simon sighed with the weight of the world, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and pulling. Quickly, you arranged your expression into something slightly put-off.
"Si, what are you talking about?"
Simon groaned and took a few steps back then forward again. He reminded you of a caged animal being forced to perform. Lately, his mannerisms had been erratic, a little unhinged. You'd caught him talking to himself a couple of times, in classrooms or the cafeteria. The last couple of days he'd been glued to his phone, taking spontaneous calls that he'd never received before. Initially, you'd assumed he was in touch with Maddie; the only one she'd trusted enough to keep in the loop. However, the more you'd observed, the more you'd doubted the assumption.
You'd watched him unravel from a distance, of course. Nicole had turned inward, Simon was bursting at the seams, and you, as the casual friend with a life separate to theirs, stayed away out of a sense of insecurity.
You and Maddie hadn't been as close as she and Simon and Nicole. You shared interests in the macabre and spooky, but that's where it ended. Event Buddies who became familiar through exposure, lacking that profound connection that would give you a reason to call about something other than the next horror film release date.
You didn't feel right about asking to share their grief. It felt intrusive.
Simon paced the length of the bus shelter once more before stopping in front of you. He was clearly nervous, frustrated, avoiding your gaze for a second while he collected his thoughts.
Finally, he took a deep breath, glanced around to make sure no one was within earshot, and said, low and secret, "You talked about the ghosts here—" You folded your arms and tilted your head in what you hoped came across as confused. "—Last year," Simon grabbed your arm and pulled you in closer when a group of younger girls walked by, "Last year, you told us about the crush you had on your mom's dead boyfriend, remember? The guy who died during the '83 homecoming game?"
"They never dated." You corrected, fighting the urge to chew your lip. A giveaway that you were about to choose your words very carefully. "But, look, Simon, I talked about that stuff because I thought it was fun. Not because I can commune with the dead."
"But your mom—"
"Is a fraud and you know it." Then you frowned, genuinely intrigued, "What's going on?"
Simon shot you a dazed look, "Huh?"
"Why are you suddenly into this Sixth Sense shit? You've never believed in it before. A stance you've made very clear you take." Every time you joked about reaching out to the Other Side, Simon would scoff and roast you endlessly. Something that you found endearing. Like a prickly inside joke. It was your thing.
Suddenly, Simon got that look on his face, the one he got in class when your teachers outlined your homework. As if he were listening to someone. Except there was no one else close enough to hear.
The silence stretched into a thin static between you until, at last, Simon said, "Never mind." He sounded equal parts defeated and aggravated.
Taking a cautious step forward, you placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry about Maddie, Si, I—" Have no idea how to put into words how fucked up it all is, "—I wish there was something, anything, I could do to help."
Simon pressed his lips together and nodded. From the corner of your eye, you saw a figure approaching the bus shelter. Tall, broad, donning the unmistakable colors of the Split River Bandits, née Devils. You had to get out of there before you irrevocably fucked up and found yourself at the center of what your mother warned you would be a swarm.
"Look," You dropped your hand to Simon's, squeezing supportively. You might not have been able to tell the whole truth but you could try to offer some comfort. Whether or not he believed you was up to him. "Maddie's okay, Simon. Wherever she is. Whatever happened to her..." You paused, considering your next words, "She can't be so far gone that we won't get her back."
You said it with all the conviction you had in you, believed it to your core.
You'd seen the beatnik with her lollipops, the shy boy with the glasses; you'd seen the young man in the outdated suit, and the modest, Sally Olsson lookalike, and the girl with the daydream eyes. You'd seen the myspace emo punk, the lanky autoshop geek, the dark-skinned disco queen; the marching band, and the theater kid...and him. The charming, high-on-life football star currently stood outside the bus shelter, his hands cupped around his eyes as he peeked through the glass against the glare of the sun.
You hadn't seen Maddie. Not a glimmer or a shadow or the impression that she'd been and gone. Nothing. And you'd done your due diligence as soon as you'd heard about the blood in the boiler room. You'd scoured the town after dark, before school, whenever you could get away without raising suspicion. Her old haunts and favorite places had been empty.
Minus a couple of exceptions, but they hadn't been Maddie, so you didn't see the harm in continuing to keep the truth from Simon.
"Yeah." Simon said. He didn't sound convinced. "Thanks. For that."
You deflated, released his hand with an affirming squeeze, and made your excuse, "I gotta get ready for next period."
He didn't meet your eyes, simply pulled his phone out and put it to his ear. "See you later." The smile he gave you was tight, quick, insincere.
Taking that as your cue to leave, you turned and exited the bus shelter, tall dark 'n' handsome keeping pace as you made your way back into the school, his gaze a warm weight on the side of your face.
All you had to do was pretend he wasn't there. You'd done it countless times in the past, were well-versed in how to cover your mistakes.
You stopped briefly, reached out to open the door, and in that second, you felt a tingle up your spine and the closeness of a body behind you. His voice, low and teasing, spoke directly into your ear, the parody of soft breath tickling the hairs on your neck.
"I know you can see me."
You forced yourself not to react, perhaps stood a second too long before yanking the door open and marching inside, but you kept your eyes forward, and relaxed your jaw and shoulders. To the students milling about the hall, you were the picture of normal.
"Do what you want but I'm not going anywhere until you admit it." He said lightly, a step behind you as you maneuvered toward your locker.
Once again, you had to stop, twisting in the combination to open your lock. You fumbled, missing a number, had to start again. He leaned his shoulder against the locker beside yours, watched you through his lashes, a smirk pulling one side of his mouth upward.
You'd always been attracted to him. Had to suppress the urge to stare at him when he appeared in the same classroom or hallway you happened to be in. Having him interact with you, intentionally, made your heart quicken and the ability to think critically dissolve.
Oh God, not again...
Your brain fired a thousand synapses in every direction as you willed yourself to hurry before you accidentally did something stupid; steadied your hand to input the combination correctly. You tugged the lock. It stayed stubbornly latched. And then he leaned in, too close, the tip of his nose practically grazing your temple.
"You missed the 3."
The air was syrupy thick, fuzzy. In an effort to concentrate, you closed your eyes, repeating a mantra your mother had taught you to center yourself.
You sensed his body shift, tilted further toward you like a bracket, then the sensation of blunt nails traveling up up up your back, catching in the material of your shirt as if the touch were real. Goosebumps erupted over your arms, your breath hitched, and you found your head slanting in his direction.
Fuck. You needed to—BANG—Jesus Christ!
Your eyes snapped open at the abrupt noise, your friend cackling wickedly as she took in your shock.
"Hey, silly." Mathilda Grace—of The Split River Graces, not that she'd ever say it like that—grinned proudly at the reaction she'd gotten out of you. "You ready to fail this test with me?"
You could still feel him hovering, but it seemed he'd put an appropriate amount of distance between you. Shaking your head to clear the last of the muzziness from a moment ago, you plastered on your most natural smile and responded, "Let's go disappoint our parents."
You managed to undo the lock and grab the right textbooks, transferring what you didn't need from your bag into your locker while Mathilda regaled you with what you'd missed after Simon had dragged you outside.
"What did he want, anyway?" Mathilda asked, more concerned than curious.
"To talk about Maddie." You replied as close to the truth as you dared. It had the added benefit of making Mathilda feel awkward enough to change the subject immediately.
"K, c'mon, bell's about to go and I need to grab my book, too."
Shutting and locking your locker, you chanced a sideways glance and were relieved to find that it was just you and Mathilda and the regular stream of other alive-and-well students making their way to their next class.
Still, as you and Mathilda walked toward Ms. Fields' class, you felt the tingle of his gaze on the back of your neck.
The next couple of days would be white-knuckle hard, but you'd dealt with it before and could do it again. Had to do it again.
What you didn't anticipate—and probably should've, given what you knew about him—was Wally Clark's steadfast determination and his refusal to let sleeping dogs lie for a second time.
💀___________________________
PART TWO
note: i'll just leave this here for now :) i have a whole idea, fully fleshed out, but am also developing an actual Series Compliant fic that uses some of the same elements as this story 😅
if you'd like to be kept up-to-date, please join the tag list!
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