#others characters who’ve died and come back

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie:  Parallels of Chris’ 3 Parents

Chris has three parents; his father is Eddie, his mother is Shannon and his dad is Buck and they all love him!

While I was watching and live blogging during episode 7x1, I was listening to the conversation Buck had with Chris but when I heard Buck explain to him that his mother died, I realized Chris’ response about how she left him and Eddie was very important because IIRC, up to that point, the show had never let Chris express the fact that Shannon left them.  I always believed she said goodbye to him before she left them in El Paso because she put him in the bed with Eddie and when Eddie woke up, he asked where she was, Chris replied, “She’s gone”.  Granted he was maybe 5 years old at the time but he remembered he asked Santa for Eddie to come back when he was 5 years old too, so it’s not farfetched.

(Hopefully Chris' storyline will continue and not be sidelined for multiple reasons but mainly because Eddie and Chris are still healing and also because I've been hoping that Chris would have his own storyline that's not directly connected to Eddie and Buck. Eddie's Chris' father and Buck's currently his legal guardian but the pain of losing a parent is something Chris has experienced all on his own. IIRC, Chimney is the only other person who lost their mother and it would be great if they're allowed to talk about it the same way he talked with Denny about his dad in 6x13. I'm so happy Chris finally has his own storyline and I've written several fanfics about it in my "Bad Cop vs. Good Cop Parent" series. Chris is not 7 years old anymore and dealing with his mother's death is something the character will have to deal with for the rest of his life.)

Additionally, their conversation reminded me of several other conversations Chris had with Eddie and Buck over the years and all of them revolved around the three of them leaving and Chris asking for them to come back.

IMO, Buck being the one to mention Shannon’s death was partially for the new viewers but it was also for those current viewers who’ve continued to consistently deny Buck’s place in Chris’ life as his second dad for the past six years (related post linked here).  If 9-1-1 wasn’t trying to make a point with the scene of Chris and Buck talking with Eddie standing outside of his bedroom door listening then they could have let Eddie say it.  The comment would have been just as effective and it still would have alerted those who are part of the new GA that he’s Chris’ biological father and Shannon is his biological mother but she’s deceased.

Since TM, the OG -showrunner is back, it appears he wants all of the GA, both old and new to fully understand Buck is Chris’ parent too.  Reminder, Buck, May, and Chris all have two dads (post linked here).  May told Bobby in 5x16, she had two dads and in 6x11, while they were at the hospital and Buck was in a coma, she explained for the first time in CANON that Buck is Bobby’s found son and Bobby responded, “He’s a good kid”.

It’s evident Chris has viewed Buck as a parental figure in his life since season 3, especially after the Tsunami but in 3x10 it became more apparent when he asked Buck if he could spend Christmas with him.  He’s been looking for Buck as his other parent for a while (related post linked here) but apparently, Buck still hasn’t realized his role in Chris’ life.  Based solely on the colors of Chris’ shirt (related post linked here) and Buck’s “looking for answers” uniform (related post linked here) it appears Eddie’s the one who will have to tell Buck how important he is to Chris and to him.  He tried during the will reveal but it seems like Buck thinks he’s just Chris' legal guardian in the event of Eddie's death, not Chris' other dad.

Back to the regularly scheduled program of Season 7 Episode 1…

Now there was a lot that happened in 7x1 and the scenes with Eddie and Chris, Buck and Chris and Eddie, Chris then Shannon were all important.  By now it’s likely everyone noticed Buck, Eddie and Shannon all sat in the same spot on Chris’ bed with Chris in the room but the emphasis was put on Buck because not only was he in the room; he sat on the bed with Chris.  When Eddie and Shannon were in the room with Chris, he was sitting in the chair.  Therefore, the question is, why would the show have Buck sitting on the bed when he could have sat in the chair since him and Chris were the only two in the room?

The answer appears to be they were making a point regarding Chris’ three parents, i.e., Eddie, Shannon and Buck!

The sections below include the three times Eddie, Shannon and Buck left Chris along with the three times he asked for them to come back. (Please note: the scenes below are listed in date order not episode order.)

In 3x15, while Eddie was trapped in the well during one of his flashbacks, Eddie remembered a conversation he had with Chris from 2017 before they moved to L.A.  He asked him if he missed him while he was gone and Chris replied that he missed him all the time.  Also, after Eddie asked him if he wanted to take a trip with him and Chris replied he did then he explained he was never going to leave him again.

In 2x10, it was 2018 and Chris told Eddie while he was in Afghanistan, he asked Santa for him to come back but it’s important to note that he told him about it after Eddie and Buck took Chris to visit Santa. 

Chris asked for Eddie to come back first then when Shannon left, he asked Santa when they were in L.A. for his mother to come back but he asked for that to happen while Buck and Eddie were there with him.

Here are two important reminders.

First this is the same episode that Eddie told Shannon he forgave her but he didn’t trust her even though he told Buck he could have his back any day in 2x1.

Second, it’s the episode where the elf told Buck that he and Eddie had an adorable son.

In 4x8, it was 2021 and Chris ran away to Buck’s loft after Eddie told him he was dating again.  During their conversation, Chris explained that he wished he could forget because people leave, not just his mom and when they do, he misses them.  Buck reassured him and explained it’s hard when people leave but they always come back (not Shannon because she’s deceased) but everyone else like Isabel, Carla and Chris’ friends would eventually come back.  This was during the pandemic and at the end of their conversation, Chris asked him if he promised and he replied that he wasn’t going anywhere.

In 6x11, it was 2023 and after Buck was struck by lightning and DIED with Eddie being the one to revive him, Buck was in the hospital and Chris insisted Carla take him there even though he knew children weren’t allowed in the ICU.  Eddie explained it but Chris said, “I need to see Buck, I have to talk to him.” 

Eddie snuck him into the room and while he was in there, Chris asked Buck to come back the same way he asked Eddie and Shannon to return but reminder, Chris asked Buck to return himself he didn’t ask Santa for Buck to come back.

 Why is this important?

It’s important because when Chris asked Santa for Eddie to return, he was probably 5 years old and he was 7 years old when he asked Santa for Shannon to return.  But in 2024, Chris is 13 years old, he told Eddie in 6x4 that he’s not a baby anymore, therefore, he’s old enough to speak for himself and he can ask for the things he wants like who he wants to be his other parent.

In 7x1, fast forward to 2024, after Eddie learned Chris had become a player since he was dating five or six girls at the same time, he asked Buck to talk to him because he’s a reformed player.  When Buck did, Chris explained all the girls were special and he likes to keep things loose 🙃.  After Buck explained they wouldn’t think he was a nice guy (related post about the word “nice” linked here) if he made them all believe they were special, Chris asked, “Does it matter?” and Buck replied, “Why would you ask that?  Does it matter?”  Chris said because “They just end up leaving anyway” then Buck asked him why he would say that and Chris responded, his mom left and even though they loved her, she left anyway.

Parallels

Eddie, Shannon and Buck left

Eddie left to serve in the Army not long after they learned Shannon was pregnant and him and Shannon got married but he returned for Chris’ birth.  After he was honorably discharged, Shannon asked him if they could leave Texas and take a road trip to California but he asked for some time.  When he woke up the next day, she left him a note that said she needed time too.  It’s obvious she told Chris she was leaving because she put him in bed with Eddie and when Eddie asked him where Shannon was, Chris replied, “She’s gone”.

Buck left too but it was because he died but two years before he was struck by lightning, he told Chris he wasn’t going anywhere.  Reminder, before they left El Paso, Eddie promised Chris he wasn’t going to leave him again, Shannon wrote Chris a letter that said she loved him even if it was from a far and Buck promised Chris he wasn’t going anywhere.

Chris asked for all three of them to come back

While Shannon and Chris were still in El Paso and Eddie was in Afghanistan (Chris was probably 4 or 5 years old then), Chris asked Santa for Eddie to come back.  Then after Shannon left them and Eddie and Chris moved to L.A., Chris was 7 years old and he asked Santa to find Shannon so she could come back.  But when Chris was 12 years old and Buck had been struck by lightning and died, Chris didn’t ask Santa, he insisted Carla take him to the hospital so he could talk to Buck himself.  After Eddie snuck him into the ICU room, he asked Buck to come back with Eddie in the room.

Side note: Hen was in the room too and since I’ve always believed her, Bobby and Chimney know Buck and Eddie are in love and that they’ve been co-parenting Chris (related posts linked here and here), I figured her response to Eddie sneaking Chris into the ICU was for the GA.  Her initial reaction was one of shock but she’s seen Eddie, Buck and Chris hangout before (in 2x4) also she was part of the conversation Eddie had with Chimney in 6x4 about Chris skipping his science club meetings.  Reminder, Eddie turned around and asked Buck if he knew anything about it and he said he didn’t but I think he did.  Also, in 6x8, Hen was in the fire truck with Buck, Eddie, Chimney and Bobby when they were talking about Chris’ crush, so she knows.

Both Shannon and Buck died but Eddie brought Buck back after doing chest compressions on him and while Buck was in a coma, Chris asked him to come back from wherever he was. 

The show made a bold statement regarding Buck’s place in Chris’ life as a coparent with Eddie along with the fact that they’ll be two dads raising their son together but it’s up to the GA to pick up on it.  Everyone who watched the episode should have understood that Buck is one of Chris’ three parents and of course there will be some who’ll continue to deny it and they’ll claim Buck and Eddie are just best friends who coparent a child but that’s not accurate.  They’re in love with each other and the show is trying to help those people who haven’t figured it out yet that Buck and Eddie will become a romantic couple otherwise, there wouldn’t have been a need for the scenes in 7x1 with Eddie, Shannon, Buck and Chris to have been filmed the way they were.

Will Buck and Eddie become a CANON couple before the end of season 7?  Only the showrunner’s writers and producers know the answer to that question.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #buckley diaz family #the buckley diaz family #911 abc #911 on abc #911 season 7 #911 season 7 speculation #911 meta #911 spoilers #911 speculation

[pycth]

Since getting @lavista4 into GBA, we’ve been hella fixated on BW and since they made their Faithful, I’d decided to create my own character to come along on the journey~

Nickname— “Rogue”

Age— 28

Height— 5’11”

The bastard daughter of a famous jewel merchant

— Had a twin brother who’s died when they were 19. He was the younger one.

One of the only people Albus might consider a friend. The two met just a few years prior to the BW storyline. They’ve always somehow managed to run into each other often during their quests. After becoming used to the unexpected company, even battling it out at one point thinking one was following the other, they’ve always ended up getting drinks while catching up or even tagging along on the other’s jobs for the hell of it depending on circumstances.

Rogue is a equable person with a very witty sense of humor. She has no problem joining in when Albus messes with his brother, but generally doesn’t make it a habit to target Devlin personally. She even sided with the sister when choosing to bring Devlin along on the mission as they’d benefit from his knowledge of the ship. You could even say she became rather fond of his presence over the course of their journey.

She has a bit of a bent moral compass, having no problem holding anyone at knifepoint and stealing whatever she can get her hands on, but can also understand restraint and sensibility. She’s very straightforward and persistent, is rarely ever hesitate in her actions..

She is very loyal to those who’ve managed to earn her respect and isn't quick to give up on the few she cares about/trusts.

Skills—

Rogue is a skilled acrobat and is resourceful with her surroundings, which allows her to swiftly navigate through busy environments without being caught.

She’s trained in knife mastery and hand-to-hand combat. She carries two curved daggers attached to the back of her belts—the context of them being obtained is irrelevant..

(BONUS)

I also put together a vc for her because why not :)

#good boy audios #goodboyaudios #gba #gba bastard warrior #pycthsketches

[judasloversblog]

Promises

“Anything happens to her I’ll kill you.”

The walking dead

(Daryl and I end up at a camp that was a little suspicious and too good to be true, suddenly I’m sent on a quest to help them look for supplies, as instructed Daryl can’t come. Let’s just say things go bad.)

-I also make up some extra characters that aren’t in the walking dead hope you don’t mind x enjoy

Content: mild swearing

I went on supply run with a few of the people who run the community, that Daryl and I discovered a few days ago, We didn’t fully trust them yet.. at least Daryl didn’t for sure but we needed shelter and food. We started walking towards the gate together. He kept his eyes on me as I started walking ahead of him. Daryl’s eyes started scanning the other people that I was going on this supply run with. Especially Trent. Trent is the “leader” of the group. Daryl walked in front of him, in an intimidating manner. “If she/he gets hurt, dies, or taken out by a walker, gets

struck by lightning.. Anything at all. I’ll kill you.” Trent took a deep breath and said “Sure.” With that fake smirk. It made Daryl tensed up. I noticed he was anxious, so I walked to him. I stood in between the both of them. I was facing Daryl and instantly his eyes were locked on mine.

“Hey.. don’t worry, I’ll see you again.”

He pulled me in tightly with his embrace it made me feel so secure. He places his hand on the back of my head. Then he whispered in my ear. “Promise?”

“Yes.”

Daryl looked over at ‘Trent’ who was standing with that same smirk expression. Daryl didn’t trust Trent at all, he feels something is up with him. Ever since we got here Trent has kept me close in his sights. Which was suspicious to Daryl.

Daryl held me tighter once more.

“I’ll see ya.” He let me go and I could tell he didn’t want to. I didn’t either. What if I make this promise and don’t come back. It would kill him. Daryl stood at the gates watching me go as I walked through them, they started closing. He never stopped looking until the gates completely blocked view between us.

We started on our journey to find supplies for the community. We traveled far enough that I wouldn’t have been able to track back if I wanted to. And this whole time all I could think about was Daryl, especially the look on his face. “Keep up!” Trent yelled. And then he turned around. “Grab her/him.” Suddenly two of the others in the group held my arms. I started trying to break free from their grip. “What’s going on! Let me go!” Trent started to laugh, then he slowly walked my way lighting a cigarette. He looked into my eyes and blew his smoke in my face. “We’ve been looking for you.” I started breathing heavily. Still trying to break from the grip. “What the hell are you talking about!” “Well, you see. We had a bounty on you. You’ve killed one of our people.” I had suddenly thought about people I’ve killed, who’ve tried to hurt me. “If I did! I was only defending myself!” “Now that’s not fair. See we think our person was trying to defend themselves…” He suddenly gets closer to my face I could smell the cigarette smoke. He grabs my face firmly with his hand, so that I’m looking at him. “We have a term we like to use. It’s called an eye for an eye.” He puts his cigarette close to my eye. So close that my eye waters from the smoke. I thought quickly and just bit down on his hand. He takes a step back, holding his now bloody bitten hand. Screaming in agony. He walks back over and slaps me across the face. “You’re going to pay for that bitch, come on let’s show her/him how we deal with people who kill ours.” I’m starting to be dragged by the two holding me tight, it almost feels like they’re bruising my arms. We end up in this abandoned house. They held me down and tied my arms together, so that they could dangle me over the railing of the stairway. I started to hear walkers roaming around. Trent came up to me one last time. He grabbed me by the hair and lifted my head up. “What did Daryl say? Oh yeah. If you’d get hurt? Die? What was that one… taken out by a walker. Yeah I liked that one.” He forcefully let my hair go and my head dropped. “Any last words?” I slowly lifted my head. “He’s gonna. Fucking. Kill you.” Trent laughed. And walked out with the others. They dropped me over the ledge I hung there by my arms. It hurt so bad. I’m hoping that Daryl comes for me. If not I’d for sure be dead.

Daryl POV

It was getting darker and darker. I couldn’t stand it, being without y/n. It makes me go crazy. Just any thoughts of her/him being injured or even worse dying makes me sick. I watched the guard in the tower. I walked over to the tower hiding behind the buildings and whatever else I could so that no one in the community could see me. I watched the guard above waiting for a moment to get up there. I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder. Which made me jump into defensive stance. I see a young woman. I had a feeling she’d might inform someone about me. I didn’t know what to do. “Please.” I whispered. “Your Daryl? I wanted to tell you that Trent is a bad man. I want to help you. I’ll open the gate.” I took a breath of relief. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome, Daryl. See we aren’t all bad.” I smiled at her as she smiled at me. I started climbing the tower, snuck behind the guard and placed him in a chokehold until they passed out. I went back down and slipped outside the gate.

I walked for a few miles. When I stumbled across Trent and his other people but I didn’t see y/n.

“There he is!” Trent laughed.

“Where is y/n?” “Who?” Trent and his followers started laughing.

“Y/n.”

“Oh yeah, that bitch. They are? I don’t know.”

“You’d better tell me.” Daryl starts to grip his crossbow tight.

“Or what.”

Daryl lunges towards Trent tackling him to the ground, starting to beat on him and the other person tries to reload the gun but quickly daryl shoots them with the gun. Right into their chest. The other person grabs Daryl and throws him off of Trent. As Trent is lying there gasping for air, the

person started punching Daryl then he hit him in the face with his gun knocking them out. Trent started running towards Daryl but he ended up shooting him in the leg with his crossbow. Trent falls to the ground in pain. “You son of a bitch.”

Daryl gets up off the ground, walks to Trent and grabs him by the collar. “Where is she/he?”

“Fuck you.”

Daryl starts loosing his patience. He grabs the arrow in Trent leg and twists it.

“Tell me! Now!”

Trent screams in agony. So loud you could hear him for miles.

“Okay!”

“Start talkin’.”

“We left her in an abandoned house!It’s full of walkers she’s probably dead by now!”

Daryl started to get heated by the thought of me being dead. He took his anger out on Trent. He pulled out the arrow from his leg and jammed it into his throat.

Your POV

It was dark I could hardly see anything I started loosing consciousness, being dangled from my wrist. A sudden noise came from the outside doors. Banging noise. “Y/n! Are you in there?” I could hardly speak, my voice cracked as I yelled for Daryl. “I’m.. here! Help me. Please.” I started tearing up I thought I’d be dead before he’d get here. “I’m coming baby don’t worry.” “Be careful! There’s walkers.” Looking down at the walkers they were all trying to reach and grab me. The stairs to get to the second floor are where I was dangling from. Daryl breaks his way in. Starting to fight the walkers one by one. Using his knife and crossbow. As he killed the last one he looks above to see me dangle from the second floor. Daryl would have to jump up, half of the stairs were completely gone, the house was falling apart. If I hang here any longer I’m sure the wood or rope would eventually give up. I felt Daryl’s hands in mine. “Daryl-.” “Y/n. Y/n? Hey. Shit!” I suddenly lost consciousness. Daryl started cutting the rope and holding my arm to pull me up. As he got the rope cut, he pulled me up laid me on the ground and he sat down pulling me into his arms. “Wake up. Y/n.” He started gently trying to get me to wake up. “Come on. Your okay. I got you. Please wake up!” I started opening my eyes. “Daryl?” I could feel his warm embrace again. “You saved me.” “Of course I did! I love you.” Hearing Daryl say that to me made my heart melt. “I love you too.”

“I’m not ever letting you go, not without me.” He kissed me on the head.

“Promise?”

“Hell yeah I do.”

Thank you for reading x

#daryl x reader #twd daryl #daryl dixon #the walking dead #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead daryl #x reader #daryl dixion imagine

[princessamericachavez]

I think a lot about every time 911 shows us Eddie understanding a little more about Buck in real time... 

(after cut because this got long but bare with me)

Like, the first season should be the most obvious, with the earthquake eps and the next one showing Eddie’s surprise/reaction to Buck’s immediate unconditional support when it comes to Christopher. You can literally see something click for him in Stuck, first when Buck clears Chris spending the day with them with Bobby, then when he introduces Carla to them. 

But then you have new and interesting glimpses at moments when Eddie found another piece of Buck’s puzzle. In Kids Today, for example, we see that Eddie’s approach to Buck’s “sulking” is rather closed off, almost cold, and it’s one of the very first time we hear him mention his father’s toxic masculinity preachings... but when Hen points out that Buck doesn’t have much outside of work, you can literally SEE the second it clicks in for Eddie. Not that Buck doesn’t have anyone, but that he doesn’t know he does. That he doesn’t understand. Which is why he brings Christopher over. Not to teach a lesson, but to show him he’s wrong and he has people who love him regardless.

While the whole lawsuit arc was probably illuminating, for me the real highlight when it comes to Eddie understanding Buck a little bit better is in the famous kitchen scene. Before they get all flirty with the sexual tension... we see Buck ask if maybe Eddie is still angry at him, if maybe Eddie wanted to fight/hurt him, and while Eddie pokes fun of Buck making this about himself, I think it’s a very big moment when he realizes how deep the self-loathing runs, that Buck cannot just accept the fact that he was forgiven, that he still things that Eddie wanted to/would under any circumstances hurt him. So he makes a point to say “I wouldn’t do that”, matter of factly (even if he later has to sidestep it with a joke because this is pre-therapy Eddie after all). 

Which of course later leads to The One That Got Away and Buck’s traumas shining through his relationship with Red and you can see how adamant Eddie is that no, Buck is not being left behind and no he isn’t losing the 118 family, and he’s annoyed when the others aren’t as quick to reassure him. But this is all part of Eddie-understanding-Buck-arc in s3 (remember the post-embolism thing i mentioned above). Which, of course, later becomes a punch in What’s Next? when Abby is back and Eddie sees real time one of the people who’ve filled Buck with abandonment and scars. Buck who, at this point, fyi, Eddie has already chosen as the person he trusts most to look after his son in case he dies.

Anyway, s4 is short but there’s treasures like What’s Your Grievance and Buck Begins, in which Eddie very clearly sees the roots of Buck’s pain and is already quick to validate his feelings and offer him a shoulder and space to vent. This Eddie is far more prepared than his counterpart at the beginning of s3 to see and understand Buck and offer his support openly. Which is what leads to the shooting and, more importantly, Buck once again acting like he’s expendable. And, because Eddie’s had this whole journey so far, he’s at a place where he can see better than the other characters that Buck doesn’t think himself invincible, he thinks himself disposable. But you can see the confusion in his face when Buck says it the first time, the moment —again— when he processes this new and painful information about his best friend. And he, once again, takes action with words of affirmation to show Buck that, again, he’s wrong. 

Now, by s5 Buck and Eddie know each other pretty well so there’s fewer surprises on Eddie’s side (s5, after all, it’s Buck’s turn to go through the journey of truly seeing Eddie’s scars and pain and being there for him) but I think about Home And Away, and how Eddie needs to do a double-take after he jokes that Chimney will not forgive Buck. Because it’s a joke, it’s meant to be, but the hurt in Buck’s eyes is so clear —because, again, he thinks himself easily discarded as soon as he screws up once— that he looks genuinely shocked that he has to clarify the joke in the first place. S5 keeps telling us Eddie already sees Buck, in little things like recognizing how Buck wants to fix things and how he might struggle with lack of control when he can’t help. 

Then s6 doubles down on the idea that Eddie already knows Buck so deeply, “it’s clearly bothering you”, knowing the happiness convention call was hard on him and teaming up with Chim to cheer Buck and Hen, picking up on his changes in habits and the fact that he might be hiding something, not joining the schedule to check on him after the lightning, being the one who offers the right space for Buck to open up... and then there’s the cemetery scene and there’s another DING moment when a new piece falls and Eddie realizes that Buck has changed, how could he not, and he’s now trying to catch up with whatever is wrong or new. And even then, he knows Buck enough to reassure him that he doesn’t need to pretend for anyone else’s sake. 

Anyway, I don’t know where I’m going with this, except for the fact that I love the journey these two have gone through and how we’ve gotten to see on screen (rather than just assume or be told) the moments that have slowly morphed Eddie’s perception of Buck from the cocky kid from day 1 to the rather hurt and vulnerable and open hearted man he truly is. 

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #911 fox #911 abc #i'll eventually #make a similar one for buck's pov about eddie because i'm obsessed with analyzing them

[artaxlivs]

Excerpt:

He died. He fucking died. Finally, Eddie Munson - lifelong coward, lifelong runner away from all things scary - did the brave thing, took the stand against evil and what the fuck is his reward? Death.

This is just fucking great.

“Eeeeddie.” An eerie voice creeps from inside the darkness of oblivion that Eddie has found himself in. “Eddie Munson. I want to make a deal with you. For your life.”

Eddie’s not an idiot. He knows how this goes, he’s been playing Dungeons and Dragons since its creation. He knows exactly what happens when a disembodied voice promises you things while you’re in the fugue state of death.

“Thanks, but no thanks!” He tries to shout, but it doesn’t come out any louder than his regular voice, and gets swallowed up by the darkness almost immediately.

“Oh, Eddie. Are you sure?” He can almost feel the voice curling around him, cloying but empty like cigarette smoke. “I can promise you vengeance against those who’ve wronged you. I can make you powerful. Unstoppable- unkillable, even. I can give you a second chance at life. All you have to do is pledge your allegiance to me.”

Usually Eddie sleeps through his history classes, but even he knows that pledging allegiance blindly is how genocide happens, who the fuck does Vecna think he’s fooling?

“Fuck that, man!” He attempts to yell into the void again. “Eddie Munson is no champion for the evil bad guy. No, thank you!”

An echoing voice breaks through the mist in answer. It sounds like two voices layered on top of each other, one hopeful, the other weary, but both resolute. “We can offer another choice. We can put you back. You can save everyone, but you’ll have to start at the beginning. It will not be easy, but you can stop him. Do you accept?”

Well. Fuck.

* * * * *

Read the whole fic on Ao3: End of The Beginning

Relationships: Will Byers & Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson

Characters: Eleven, Mike Wheeler, Nancy Wheeler, Barbara "Barb" Holland, Jonathan Byers, Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, Joyce Byers, Jim "Chief" Hopper

Additional Tags: Canon Compliant(kind of), Everybody Lives, Alternate Universe (but also the same), Stranger Things Reverse Big Bang 2023-2024, Inspired by Art, Time Loop (but not really)

Word count: 12,440

Rated M but just for language and themes (no smut, sorry my dudes)

No archive warnings

Artist: @alduade-art

Betas: Ash (who’s not on tumblr) and @alduade-art

Thanks to the mods @strangerthingsreversebigbang for being totally easy to work with and on top of everything all the time! This event was great!

#Eddie & Will Upsidedown bros #Steddie always #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things reverse bang #canon-ish

[vaguely-concerned]

A Stitch In Time First Read Reactions & Thoughts Monster Post Part 3

Stumbling over the finish line if not in style then with enthusiasm!

Part 1, Part 2

- Odo looked as if he could use a spell in his bucket; I had rarely seen him looking so run-down.

<3 I love one goo man 

“I’d better get this information to Captain Sisko,” Odo decided.

“Would you rather I tell him?” I offered. Odo looked positively drained; he needed to return to his liquid state.

Every time Odo is changeling-sleep deprived Garak starts to hear kill bill sirens and flash back to ‘the die is cast’. It is kind of sweet that he seems to be worried for his friend and not trying to gain an advantage or sneak around here tho. 

The ironies of the situation both amused and irritated me. Here I was, the invaluable decoder of Cardassian encryptions containing life-and-death information for the Federation—and they won’t trust me with the code to wake up Captain Sisko. Ah well, it was never easy being a Cardassian on this suspended chunk of desolation. And then I laughed out loud. But what about Odo? The last time I looked he was a changeling, a member of the race of Founders that was determined to destroy the Alpha Quadrant. Not only did he have the captain’s wake-up code, he also slept with the station’s second-in-command.

LMAO you know what fair fucking point garak. Tbf I’m sure there are some people who’ve been assuming you’ve been fucking the chief medical officer too 

But if Damar had thrown his support to the rebels … if it wasn’t a ploy… I wanted my revenge on him, yes, but not at the expense of liberating Cardassia. And it wasn’t just liberating the planet from the control of a foreign power. It was closer… more personal. I wanted something that was even more difficult to attain—redemption.

The doors opened, and once again I was alert as I stepped into the deserted corridor and moved past the sleeping quarters to my own. It was time, I kept repeating in my head. It was time to take our place among the planets and peoples of the Alpha Quadrant as a civilized and open society. It was time to repair the damage. “A stitch in time saves….” What? What was that expression?

*pats him very gently and lovingly on the head* This man can unironically fit so much character development in him

“You’re Khon-Ma, aren’t you?” She didn’t respond. “Being the only Cardassian on this station, I expected you a long time ago. What kept you?”

She should shoot you actually just for this

I stopped. What’s the point, I thought. All the stories were beginning to run together and they all had the same ending.

Smoking gun of ‘hm I think there might be some unreliable narration still lingering here’ lol. In a way all but openly admitting that like this is probably more like telling the truth for garak than telling the actual truth would be. From how we see him interact with Toran in the show I buy that the emotional truth about this is basically as he tells it tho — I think he’s angry and disgusted with himself more for having been unable to stop something from happening and taking that as being as responsible for it as the asshole who caused it, rather than actively making it happen himself. That’s the kind of pattern he has in so many other places in his life too, trying to navigate in the very limited space and with the very limited agency being submissive to personalities like Tain and Toran leaves you. 

“And they were all killed,” she said even more softly.

“End of story, Remara.” I considered telling her how I had exacted my own revenge upon Toran, and that my only regret was that his death hadn’t come sooner… but what was the point? Another treacherous opportunist dies after tearing another hole in the fabric. What’s gained except the potential for more damage? I rose. The station’s gravity felt like it had increased threefold.

“If you’re going to kill me, get it over with. One way or the other I’d like to go to sleep.”

“Who gave the order?” she asked.

“What difference does it make? I did, if you like.”

Remara just looked at me. She lowered the phaser. Part of me was deeply disappointed. 

The ‘has he been thinking with his horny brain this whole time or is he passive-actively suicidal’ conundrum. I suppose there’s nothing saying it can’t be both but I also think it’s more on the second side than he’d like anyone to know. I guess there’s no easy way to tell the guy who saved your life that you don’t really care that much for said life most days, and if you were offered some plausible deniability…

“You’re going to have to leave this station. They’ll keep coming after you until someone succeeds. Goodbye, Elim.” She put her hand against the side of my face, and I felt the heat coming through. Perhaps her passion was a curse as a terrorist, but she was a whole person … and she had found redemption.

Chewing on the idea of being a whole person vs. ‘unfinished man’ and ‘mosaic person’ 

- Gul Toran is someone Tain has warned me to monitor periodically.

Ah so Four Lubak is the future Gul Toran (the asshole in the Natima Lang ep if I remember correctly)! I see. That also means his snarking about Toran being made Gul is entirely performative he’s known about it for years lmao that was literally just to be a bitch  yes wonderful

- The fact that Tain has an evil Romulan twin/soulmate and they hate each other fdskjfhdsa

- So interesting that it does take until middle-age and Palandine’s extended presence in his life before Garak’s sense of humor really emerges fully. It seems such an integral part of him in the show, it sure is Something that it basically had to be carefully tended to and supported like a lil flower by careful gardener’s hands (thank you Palandine I’m sorry your life is a nightmare) 

- But I must confess that the toast proposed by proconsul Merrok left me feeling much better about the whole affair.

. . . 

“At first I couldn’t think why you hated him,” I confessed.

“I don’t hate anyone, Elim,” he carefully explained. “I have a job to do—and sometimes it’s necessary to eliminate those enemies who can’t otherwise be dissuaded. And he was determined to block our interests at every juncture.”

“I don’t hate anyone” says man composed of about 98% hate per volume

“Oh yes, my boy—yes, you did excellent work. A job well done.” He had never complimented me with such unconditional enthusiasm. It was almost a demonstration of paternal pride.

“You see, I had this planned for a long time, Elim. But Tolan wouldn’t agree. He wouldn’t take on the assignment, and he wouldn’t pass on the information. But thankfully he trusted you, Elim.” Tain patted me on the shoulder, which meant I was dismissed.

Weaponizing Tolan’s memory against him. Fucked Up. 

- Fear and isolation, Doctor. You can’t have one without the other. Fear isolates and isolation is fear’s natural home. Just as my orchids need carefully prepared soil to protect them against disease and pests, fear needs the isolated circumstances to deepen and grow without connective or relational interference. When fear is allowed to flourish in its dark and lonely medium, then any evil that can be conceived by the fearful imagination will emerge.<

This whole chapter is so fucking good, and it starts slapping right from the beginning. The way this works not only as a description of the larger crimes of Cardassia, but also the shape of his own life. 

‘My orchids’ is very sweet, and a phrasing that occurs several times. 

My feelings are spent, my moral rationalizations are empty, and I can’t say it’s not my problem when I’m pulling and lifting and throwing bodies of people who once only wanted to go about the business of their lives.

His life has been a series of violent deconstruction followed by reassembly of the broken pieces, and this should have been the most shattering of all but it comes across as almost peaceful. He finally gets to have his soul to himself enough to make something meaningful with it and put it together in his own time and in the shape of his own truth, even in the middle of such a painful realization.  

Colonel Kira once told me how many Bajorans died during the Cardassian Occupation, and my mind rejected the figure like a piece of garbage. We’d been in the service of the state, I had told myself, and the state had determined what was necessary. But now I understand why she hated me. More important, I now understand that constant burning, almost insane look in her eyes.

. . . 

Most of us who are left, Doctor, are insane. We have to be in order to survive and emerge from our isolation. It’s the only way we can live with the pain of what we did. Or didn’t. Each of us accepts the amount of responsibility we are capable of bearing. Some accept nothing, and these people are quickly swallowed by their isolation, their insanity transformed into a rationalized evil. A smaller group accepts total responsibility, and their insanity is an unbearable burden that cripples and eventually grinds them down. The rest of us carry what we can and leave the rest. For myself, Doctor, when a corpse is too heavy to bury I try to remember to ask someone to help me.

This man can hold so much fucking character development 2 electric boogaloo and HOW!! Imagine early seasons Garak saying anything like this! Even while I’ll also buy that early seasons Garak does have the capacity to get to this point in the end after enough work. AND the way it goes with his dream of Cardassia as a mass grave earlier/later on in the book — which also sort of indicates that the person he’s asked to ‘bury these bodies with’, as it were, before, was specifically Bashir. ‘You taught me to ask for help’. I’m so fucking soft for all the ways Garak is showing him that he touched his life in the very best and most beautiful way anyone could, no matter where they go from here.  

- “I don’t know. I suppose I’m just trying to reconcile statistical analysis with Romulan gardens.” We lapsed into a long, stony silence. Usually she knew better than to expect a real answer when she did ask about my working life. We both tried not to venture into certain personal spaces; often the attempt functioned as a barrier. I’m sure she knew that I was more than a data analyst at the Hall of Records. She also understood that the less she knew about what I did the more chance our relationship had to survive. For the same reason I never asked about Lokar. The less information, the less damage if either one of us was betrayed.

Garak that’s kind of sloppy, of course she knows something’s up if you’re making it that easy to figure out lol

Another interesting detail: Palandine seemingly never learns that Tain is Garak’s biological father, then. Very emblematic of the way all those secrets were still getting between them despite their best efforts. And lending even more meaning to the fact that many years later he lets Julian find out in uh perhaps the most direct way possible haha. 

“I’m of two minds. I know, that’s just another way of saying that I’m confused.”

Huh. I wonder if the way this is phrased suggests that that’s not a common expression in Cardassian and he’s translating it directly from Standard or something, or that his uh. Mental confusion/dissociation/fragmentation pops up enough that she’s familiar with it already here? 

“Yes. What if they’re right? What if they could help us reclaim something noble in ourselves? Where does that leave us?” We stood looking at each other. The night wind gusted through the foliage and I wondered where I’d be if I didn’t have this woman’s friendship.

What a soft way to describe it. Really drives home the like. Wholeness of what she meant to him. 

“It was a while ago, Palandine. I don’t know if they’re in the same place … or if they even meet tonight.” Her enthusiasm rendered me as helpless as it did when I first met her.

Julian/Palandine parallels time yet again 

I looked at Palandine, and she now radiated with such light that I turned away, inexplicably embarrassed as if I had seen something I shouldn’t.

So sad somehow that they kind of drift apart in this scene, where Palandine finds something that helps her and he mostly seems to come away lost and confused, if cleansed. (and he still can’t cry with someone else in the room) 

After Palandine had left, I had spent the rest of the night sitting in the Grounds near the children’s area.

How is this so goddamn sad fhkjshfa. They’re still just children, and no one is going to come pick them up from the playground, no one is going to protect them

- “Yes, of course,” I replied. I took a deep breath, and my disparate parts began to snap back. 

Adrift from himseeelf. This is kind of what I meant about Palandine maybe picking up on some of his — this stuff. Which structurally pops back up in The Wire too, with how he tells the stories. 

“You look like you’re not eating anything,” Prang observed. If Tain was the father of the Obsidian Order, Prang was its mother.

LMAO. And he’s constantly worried about his saddest son I guess. Tain/Prang most cursed DS9 rarepair idea???

- His other hand was now probing my skull behind the right ear. The man’s ambidexterity was impressive.

Lol diversity win: the mad doctor about to implant you with experimental tech is ambidextrous!

Oh. Oh no it’s the wire time. The fact that he’s one of the first agents fitted with it b/c his hindbrain distress tolerance is too worryingly low  for their comfort…

When I tell you that this wire will give you no trouble, as long as you don’t meddle with it, you can believe me. You know that, don’t you, Elim?”

“Yes, I do, Mindur.” The man had never given me anything but superb technology and sound advice. “Please continue,” I submitted.

“Good boy.” Timor thumped my shoulder again.

HORROR SHOW CULTURE ONCE MORE and also. Praise kink revisited and made more interestingly fucked up. Also submission theme thread. 

Do you think he’d meddle with the wire eventually even if he hadn’t been exiled. I feel like there’s a non-zero chance of that.  

- I remembered the Hebitian frieze and its lush background. Of course we were different people: it was a different world. The more the forests receded, it seems, the more we covered ourselves. Their world didn’t need an agent of the Obsidian Order to investigate a group of prominent Cardassians who “happened” to be spending their vacation together. It didn’t have Enabran Tain targeting one of his bitterest enemies, Procal Dukat, a powerful member of the Central Command. And I’m certain it didn’t have fathers who refused to acknowledge their sons. If we lived on the next spiral of the cycle of life, how did we know it wasn’t going downward?

a) ‘what if the glass is not only half-empty but also leaking’ yes very cheery Garak and b) one of the rare times he lets not just his bitterness with Tain but also his longing to be acknowledged by him fully shine through. To me it seems like that’s the one thing that’s still too raw for him to dwell on in this narrative. He mostly doesn’t get into or sit with the pretty obvious fact that he loved Tain, and desperately wanted Tain to love him too. You can see the traces through the whole thing of just how angry he is with him now that he’s dead (GOOD! HE SHOULD BE! HE SHOULD BE ANGRIER; IF ANYTHING!), but that particular element of it seems too vulnerable to keep in sight most times

- PYTHAS IS BACK BA-BEY! 

His grace was even more refined as he moved to the small house that was our assigned base of operations. If anything could have taken my mind off downward spirals it was the appearance of Pythas. 

And the mutual crush endures (also with me I love a sneaky little twink)

“What was good for you, Elim, was usually agreeable to me as well,” he wryly observed.

The way Pythas is like Garak’s shadow — except in Garak’s eyes he does everything ‘right’, he doesn’t seem to have that same aching need for connection, he follows his orders easily, he’s perfect and he reaps the rewards Garak never gets. Garak never even resents or begrudges him any of it. And yet they end up in basically the same place when all’s said and done, in the ruins of Cardassia, and Garak might even win out b/c his trials with the mortifying ordeal of being known mean he has some people in his life he’s starting to truly trust, the way Pythas seems to with Nal as well. Thinking. A lot of things. 

Over the years, his modest demeanor and quiet ways had turned him into more of a solitary person than I ever was. I had learned to withdraw my presence as a tool, but I was always aware of my need for contact, and that my value as an operative lay in my ability to engage others in a nonthreatening manner that drew them out. Pythas had learned to withdraw his presence as a way of life—and he moved through the world like a shadow. I was not surprised that Tain had recruited him for the “invisibles.” It took a special person to be able to operate in such unrelentingly anonymous circumstances—no family, no fixed base or identity—and there was no doubt in my mind that he was one of the most brilliant agents in the Order. Our relationship picked right up where it had left off at Bamarren. Other than Prang, I have never met anyone where so much was communicated with so few words. His eyes had a depth and eloquence that told me everything I wanted to know. How ironic that my lust for conversation was satisfied by someone who rarely spoke.

Ah, so if Palandine is the proto-Julian, as it were (and Parmak is the silver fox Ersatz Julian), Pythas is definitely the anti-Julian as well as Garak’s shadow hahaha. 

- Garak is undeniably a city boy at the end of the day haha. Pythas help him out there in the jungle he doesn’t belong here I understand why you’re so worried

- In a way it was touching: the old man reverting to the mind control exercises he had learned as a child.

Garak. The warning bells. Should they perhaps be ringing merrily in your mind at this combination of words and letters. Oh well. 

- “Yes, it’s me.” I squatted so that I was at eye level. I tried to soften myself, round off all the sharp edges.

Yes yes yes this is such a good description of that Thing he does. His ‘just a lil guy/tailor/gardener/funny spy man’ move

‘Carriers of disease’ and spreading poison motifs are back. Dukat Sr. uses it here to describe cowardice/Federation ideals/hashtag the SJWs/the forces that threaten to disrupt the status quo of the fascist state. 

- I left the containment field in place and stepped outside to clear my head. No matter how objective I tried to remain, I could never remain totally unaffected by another man’s horror. Fear was a contagious disease.

This seems right to me — I don’t think anyone who could truly shrug off other people’s suffering would have to make up such webs of justification and alienation as Garak does to do what he does. Maybe that empathy is why he’s so good at it and also why it messes him up so bad over time 

His *Working 9-5 slowed down & with reverb plays softly in the background* vibe about it is undeniably kind of funny tho

Contagious disease thread cont too, and not the first time fear is spoken of that way

“Who are you?” he asked for the second time, fighting against the toxin’s effect. This was one tough old warrior.

“Your worst nightmare,” I replied.

“Ah,” he croaked. “Then Tain sent you.”

- YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE fhdkjshasjh good for you Pythas isn’t there to hear it that is so embarrassing Garak (affectionate)

- Garak dreaming of being buried with the still-whispering mass grave of Old Cardassia… what the fuck I don’t think I’d sleep ever again after that haha

Of all of the people he dreams of, most of them are dead (or potentially soon about to be dead? Not entirely sure how that works out for Mila in particular. And I guess we technically don’t know if Calyx is dead, but after so long it seems very likely), except as we find out later Pythas. And Palandine isn’t there. 

NO. NO YOU CANNOT TELL ME THE FIRST THING HE DOES IS CALL JULIAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT  W H A  T 

“It’s not a medical emergency. Please, I realize this is an imposition.” There was a silence and I heard another voice in the background. Ezri Dax. A muffled conversation. The Doctor cleared his throat again.

“I’ll be right over,” he said.

This is so melancholy I want to disappear into a puddle of quiet yearning and never come back to solid form just put me in a bucket like the Odo. 

This is also the first time in this book Garak has asked Julian for help rather than Julian trying to approach him to give him help (and being rebuffed). He’s called for and he comes :’)

He gave me his puzzled look, which wrinkled his brow. I was always amazed at how deep the furrows were for one so young.

Soft little detail time yet again. Garak has been sitting across Julian for years just looking at this face and picking out new details. 

“ ‘There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.’” he quoted.

“Who’s that?” I asked.

“Shakespeare,” the Doctor replied.

“Hmmh.” I nodded in agreement, surprised that for once the author of the politically misguided Julius Caesar made sense.

Fhdskhfskjdfhsdjak you say that as if you didn’t quote the politically misguided Julius Caesar to your father’s face on a burning spaceship as you for the first time truly saw that he was as fallible as anyone else and invoking Bashir’s name in the process Garak

“Of who we are, Doctor. Our being. Human being. Cardassian being. But we have become these beings—are becoming, always in the process of becoming—on these other dimensional levels that are not limited by the measures of time and space. And the great determining factor of our becoming is relationship. Unrelated, I become unrelated. Alienated. Opposed, I become an antagonist. Unified, I become integrated. A functioning member of the whole.” The Doctor was thoughtful; his previous agitation had dissolved.

“You’re a scientist, Doctor. You have a deep understanding of this level. I don’t mean just the mechanics. You understand about relationship, the laws that attract and repel, the combinations that nurture and poison. Health and disease. Integrity and breakdown.”

“In your dream,” he said, “I presided over the burial of yourself and the people you were most intimately related to. Why?”

“You said, ‘for the good of the quadrant…. they must never be allowed to return.’ Why would you say that?” I asked.

“I can only think that….” He stopped and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Garak. This is not easy for me. I still can’t help thinking this was your dream. Even if I was invited … you were the playwright.”

“Yes, but put yourself in that part. Why would you bury these people and cover up the pit?” The Doctor looked at me in frustration. “Please. Indulge me. It’s vital that I have your answer.”

“If you and the others were carriers of some disease,” he shrugged. “In our fourteenth century on Earth there was a terrible plague, the Black Plague, which wiped out half of Europe’s population. People believed that the dead bodies had to be destroyed, burned … buried … because it was the only way to prevent the spread of the disease….”

. . . 

The Doctor was studying me with an interest in his face I hadn’t seen in years.

“Well? Is it the Black Plague, Doctor? Or just the ramblings of an old spy on the eve of battle?”

“You’re an amazing man, Garak.”

“And my gratitude to you can never be adequately expressed. But I shall try,” I promised.

“Please. What have I done?” he asked genuinely.

“That time you extended yourself so generously and found a way to remove the wire from my brain without killing me …”

“I would have done that for anyone,” the Doctor interrupted.

“I’m sure that’s true, but that’s not what I mean. All during the time the device was deteriorating, I was convinced I was going to die.”

“You were even resigned to it,” he reminded me.

“I was also convinced that it was all a dream, and I kept asking myself what you were doing there.”

The Doctor was puzzled. “But what you just told me, that our dreams are just another way we relate … ?”

“I had forgotten. That point of my life was perhaps the lowest. I had forgotten many things. When I ‘woke up’ and realized that because of you I was going to live—at that moment, I began to recollect some valuable information.”

“About dreams?” he asked.

“Yes. But specifically about relationships, and how they set the course of our lives. You not only ’saved’ my life, you also made it possible for me to live it.” The Doctor’s face darkened.

“What is it, Doctor?”

“The time I wounded you in that holosuite program ….”

“Yes,” I prompted expectantly.

“I never apologized for my action.”

“And you must never apologize!” I urged.

“Please, Garak. This is not the time to give me a lesson on how to behave like a hardened spy….”

“No, no, no. On the contrary, when you shot me, my dear friend, that was the next step in my process of remembering. I was going to sacrifice the others, the people you considered your friends, because that was the only way I could be sure to save myself. You opposed me. Indeed, you would have killed me if necessary.”

“I’m sure it would never have gotten to that point,” the Doctor muttered.

“You would have killed me,” I repeated. “For the greater good.” The cliche suddenly had another meaning for both of us. “This is my last trip to Cardassia. I’m not returning. You were in the dream for a very specific reason. Once again, you helped me remember. Thank you, Julian.” I put my hand on his shoulder.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled warmly. “And by the way. It wasn’t the dead bodies that carried the disease. It was later determined that it was the rats feeding on the bodies who were the transmitters.”

“Then I guess we’ll go to Cardassia and look for the rats,” I said.

“Be careful, Garak. And look after my hot-headed friend, will you?”

“Don’t worry. We’ll look after each other,” I answered him. He moved to the door. “Did you really have a dream about Hippocrates?” I asked.

“Yes. Actually I did.”

“Why am I not surprised?” I replied.

First name use…

Disease contagion imagery, and this time it’s very clearly symbolizing y’know the fascism of it all. Weirdly moving that Julian takes a moment to gently imply that the disease isn’t inherent in the people Garak loves and has loved (or in him, for that matter), but in the conditions that created them. 

There’s so much going on here idk if I could start to pick it apart yet, I may need to let this percolate in my skull for a while before I know what to say haha. I think part of it is Garak telling Julian to never apologize for showing him the full truth of himself (not least because that also lets Garak see the full truth of himself in turn), and Julian finally relaxing about. Something. He’s been ashamed about something he can finally let go of. 

‘I thought it was a dream, and kept asking myself what you were doing there’.......I will never emotionally recover from this I want to write fic specifically about this lord have mercy on me

- *Tain Voice* with your hippie bullshit and your women! 

*tiny garak voice* woman…

Over the years we rarely met outside his office; only an emergency or drastic change of plan would alter the routine. Now as we walked through the late morning sun and pedestrians at a leisurely pace I experienced a connection to the surrounding bustle and energy in a way that felt almost normal. A father and his son taking a stroll. Tain was heavier, and I could hear his breathing labor with the effort. He’s an old man, I thought. He’s mortal. I’d never thought about Tain in this way, and I became protective as we approached an aggressive knot of pedestrians at the edge of the Coranum Sector. One man was about to run Tain down when I intercepted his path and bumped him to the side. I ignored his challenge as we continued. “Yes, Elim. I’m getting old.” It wasn’t the first time he picked up my thoughts; this was how our conversations usually went.

HE BECAME PROTECTIVE 

You know the way he keeps touching Tain’s arm and shoulder in The Die is Cast, like he’s steadying him or about to step in front of him to protect him or something? Yeah… he burns his hands on this stove over and over and over but he can’t stop trying to touch it :(

This was so typical of his manipulation. Just moments ago I was feeling protective of this benign old man, my father. And now… the irony filled my mouth with a bitter taste.

This is always & forever first and foremost an Enabran Tain hate zone

He moved to the covered seating area, where the sun filtered through the old vegetation. I had never been here with anyone but Palandine. With a long sigh he settled into a patch of sunlight on the low bench.

He’s like a fucking strangle vine he just winds himself into every single part of garak’s existence and chokes the life out of it 

“Yes,” I answered. The benign mask was slipping, and I began to see the depth of his anger.

. . . 

“You don’t know!” he repeated with a disgust I hadn’t heard since I was a boy and failed to record all the details of one of our walks.

Oof. Ow. Ack. 

“And all this while, instead of giving up your life to the work, hardening yourself into a leader who could inspire others and expand the vision, you’re playing out Hebitian fantasies with another man’s wife!”

“Yes. Just like Tolan!” I exploded. “Perhaps he was my real father after all.”

Tain rose like a man many years younger and grabbed my shoulder in a powerful grip. His anger was now a murderous fury and it was all I could do to hold my stance against the pain of his grip. His cold eyes told me I had betrayed him. Worse, I had failed him. He let go of my shoulder and turned away from me. My entire body trembled. When he turned back he had regained his composure.

The biggest sin Garak could commit in Tain’s eyes is to dare to separate himself from him in any way; to be anything but his mirror, to act as if he has any claim to his own soul. I feel like more than what happens with Barkan right after this, this is what Tain considers the real betrayal. 

Tain has never needed to hit him or become physically violent with him to keep him under control ever since he was a very small child, he’s relied on the terrorizing force of emotional violence. And as is so often the case with emotional violence, it’s been insidious and hidden enough, kept to private spaces and in the shadows, that Tain can pretend at plausible deniability b/c like. Who’s Garak even going to tell about it, for the longest time, if a miracle happened and he even found he could? Mila, who has joined the war on emotional violence on the side of emotional violence since probably before Garak was even born? (For understandable psychological reasons, but in unforgivable ways in the role of a parent.) I wonder if ‘making him’ lose control and expose himself and his violence for what it is like this (in public, even!) is also part of what he can’t forgive Garak for. This ah ‘slip-up’ is the first big crack we see in Tain’s image of perfect implacable control (which is very much still the impression you’re left with in Garak’s stories in The Wire too), in the same way that Improbable Cause/The Die Is Cast completely breaks that image down. He is getting old. He stayed in the game too long in the end and his iron grip is starting to slip and everything he’s forced to stay in place starts to slip out of that order with it.

Characterizing what Tolan was doing as ‘living with another man’s wife’ is SUCH a subtle burn tho lol like yeah maybe after the strictures of our society you SHOULD have married the mother of your child instead of outsourcing all your decency to the said mother’s BROTHER, Tain 

Aside from anything else going on here (and there is a lot going on)... does Tain even know who Garak is at all, just on a personal level? Why, after knowing him for like 40+ years at this point, presumably, would you expect him to have aspirations or the natural inclination towards leadership, have you ever met him??? He’s one of nature’s perfect right hand men (well. Maybe not entirely nature’s, Tain did this to him very deliberately on top of some basic natural tendencies lol), he’ll get you whatever you ask of him and I think organizing a team under him for you could be part of that when need be, but never has he shown the least inclination towards leadership. (In fact, despite longing for the recognition coming out on top would get him from daddy I mean his peers, he seems vaguely relieved each time Pythas gets to sit in the big important chair instead of him.) He isn’t Tain’s mirror, for all he dutifully tries to move in the ways that make it seem like he is. And Tain should be smart enough to know that, if the narcissism didn’t completely blot out his sight in this situation, and/or it’s just the ‘setting him up to fail and then acting outraged when he does’ pure maliciousness reaching its apex.

(In a kinder time and a kinder world I think Garak could have a real nice time being one of nature’s extremely devoted Partners rather than simply right hand man. And I would like to see it please)  

“From now on you will report to Corbin Entek.”

Oh, that’s the Entek of Second Skin, probably. Wish you a very ‘get vaporized for not knowing when to quit’ in the future entek 

As I watched him leave, I felt completely empty and wondered how I could feel such emptiness. This sudden, wrenching reversal of fortune … everything changed beyond recognition…. And yet … there was no anger, no self-pity … no fear. Only release. Release from the secrets. Release from the limbo where, ever since I was a boy, I had been trapped between imposed obligations and feelings of mysterious longing mixed with shame. I felt empty … and free.

Listen to that voice maybe garak (not that I think there IS any way out at this point or that there ever has been in truth, that’s kind of the tragedy of the whole thing, tain would never ever have let go of him)

- Mila goodbye time: 

“I’m afraid we’re not leaving you much,” she said. “The furnishings have already been taken away.”

“I wasn’t expecting anything.” I tried to keep all irony out of my tone.

“It’s your choice, Elim.” Her voice was just as neutral. “The house is yours to live in.”

Mother and son having a Carefully Extremely Civil conversation lol

“Do you know the circumstances … Mila?”

She looked at me. It was the first real contact we’d had in many years. She nodded slowly.

“Before I make my ‘choice,’ I need your help,” I said, surprised that the request emerged so simply. I wasn’t as angry with her as I wanted to be. Mila saw this and softened perceptibly.

This running thread that almost despite himself he understands and empathizes with her and her situation too much to be as angry with her as he probably should be. He understands her better than she understands him (than she could allow herself to understand him, even if she had the ability to). 

I think that these apparently contradictory elements of his personality are part of what makes him feel so real in some ways, too — interpersonally he can be incredibly petty and jealous and judgemental AND almost absurdly forgiving and generous, sometimes seemingly simultaneously, somehow. The classic containing multitudes meme but like forreals tho haha. That is what real people are like too. 

“I love her, Mila.”

“You’re a grown man, Elim.” I couldn’t decide whether she thought I didn’t know this or was seeing it for the first time herself.

“And Palandine’s a grown woman,” I replied.

“I don’t care about her. It’s you! You have to learn…” She broke off and passed me a cup which exuded the herbal aroma I’ve always associated with her and Tolan. Bitterbark and sweet groundroot. Moist rich soil.

“To control myself?” Mila blew on her tea. I shrugged at the obvious irony; I didn’t want to get into a fight.

. . . 

Mila sat on a bin and sipped her tea. She avoided my look. As I positioned another bin across from her, I experienced a deep pain in my shoulder. It was still throbbing.

“Tain’s angry … with me. He wants me never to see her again and … to kill Barkan.” Still she avoided looking at me. “But you know this, don’t you? And you know what’s possible. Because you have your own … thoughts about this. Don’t you Mila?” I persisted.

Again she jerked away from me. Tea from her cup slopped onto the floor. “There’s no time, Elim.” She put the cup down, wiped her hands on the protective smock she wore, and looked for something to clean the floor with. “There’s no time for this.”

The mother/child relationship here is… y’know I talk a lot about Garak’s daddy issues for obvious reasons, but the fact that his mother recoils in fear when he tries to engage some sliver of real emotional intimacy with her prrrrrobably did some similar amounts of shaping him huh haha. (and he does this too in many ways — that’s partially where his trouble with Julian comes from in this book, whenever Julian tries to get too close Garak flinches away or counterattacks, for all that he clearly longs for it as well.)

The  roundabout way you can tell her love for him even so tho. ‘I don’t care about her’. Palandine is not her baby, Elim, you are. Mila hasn’t been left with the luxury of love to spare for someone she doesn’t even know when you’re setting yourself up for destruction right in front of her eyes…. 

“I mean it, Mila. I would. But I think about her, feel her, all the time. Especially when I’m alone.”

Palandine/Bashir parallels once more and I really mean it!! There used to be a little Palandine in his head the way there’s a little Julian in there now. (and sadly she doesn’t seem to be there anymore, or maybe he’s just integrated what he got from her and let the rest go for both of their sakes, the same way he let Mila the regnar go when it was time.) 

“Sacrifices?” In frustration Mila took off her smock to wipe the tea from the floor. “Elim, you amaze me.” Shaking her head, she got down on her knees and began scrubbing vigorously, as if the spilled drops of tea were hostile agents capable of spreading disease and destruction.

“Really? Well, I’m pleased I still have the ability—”

“Sacrifices,” she hissed, her control escaping like steam from a narrow rift. “What was the name of that book you once gave me? When you first came back from Bamarren. The one you proclaimed as the greatest Cardassian novel ever written and insisted that we read it.” Mila was still on her knees, but now I was the offending spot she vigorously rubbed with her words and eyes. “Generations of one family, each faced with the same choice at a crucial moment. Do they serve their personal needs or do they serve future generations? Do they choose the comfort of their own lives over the life of the state and its mission? I read it, Elim. You told me to and I did.”

“The Never-Ending Sacrifice,” I answered.

“Yes. That’s the one.” She made a sighing sound as she stood up. Mila was heavier now, and moved with greater deliberation. She, too, had grown old. “I suggest you reread it.”

“Tain always came first, didn’t he? I suppose that was your never-ending sacrifice.” I no longer reined in the irony.

I’m CRYING this is SUCH a mom thing to do. Her teen son came home with a book he waxed poetic about and she read it to try to understand him and never told him until now. 

Also: disease contagion theme thread! To Mila, it seems to be tied in with the sentiment reading of it — the way her child’s suffering stains all her safe stable justifications and rationalizations that she needs to stay alive in this system. The remaining humanity that can’t be completely stamped out, even by Tain and a lifetime of fuckery. The ‘imperfections’ of life that can’t be subsumed completely into order. 

Garak I think it’s better if you don’t recommend that book to people it clearly leads to disappointing interpersonal outcomes every time haha

“Tolan understood and accepted his obligations,” Mila said coldly. “But he was sentimental. Like you. That was the one thing Enabran worried about.”

I smiled in sad recognition. Sentimental. Yes, Tain and Mila had definitely shared their confidences and judgments with each other.

“But I don’t blame Tolan. He was a good man.” Mila watched me as I rose.

“Yes. So you keep saying.” I wanted to leave.

“She’s nothing but trouble for you, Elim. End it now. Do what Enabran says and reclaim your rightful place.”

“My place,” I repeated.

“Now, Elim. Otherwise you’re in real danger,” she warned with a certainty that reminded me of the time she’d brought me to Tain after I’d left Bamarren. Mila always knew what was at the heart of the never-ending sacrifice.

“Thank you for your help,” I said, too weary for irony.

“What did you expect from me?”

“To be honest, I can’t remember,” I answered. “Have a pleasant trip.” I smiled and bowed.

“What did you expect from me?”/“To be honest, I can’t remember,” is THE realest description I’ve seen of a mother/child relationship. This might say more about me than I should be comfortable with probably but still. 

“Let Limor know if you’ll be living here.” I nodded. Yes, I thought, that would be my answer. My choice. She shook out her smock to determine whether or not to put it back on.

“Mila.” She looked at me and took a deep breath, as if preparing herself for my question.

“Who was Tolan?”

“My brother.” She decided to wear the smock, and I left.

I am SO FUCKING SAD. She puts the smock back on. That’s the closest thing to keeping either of them she gets to have, just the second hand reminder that they were there, small and innocuous enough that no one will know and no one can blame her. In the end Tain takes everything else, and she lets him because it’s the only way to survive him. GET OUT OF THERE ELIM PLEASE 

- On an impulse, instead of leaving immediately, I went down the corridor to Tain’s old office. The door was open, and I stopped at the threshold just as Pythas looked up from a now much cleaner desk. He smiled shyly and stood up.

“Please come in, Elim,” he offered. What surprised me was how pleased I was to see him. Just as I had felt he was the only other person who deserved to be One Lubak, I now believed he was the only other person who deserved to occupy this office.

He smiled shyly did he fhskja. Also Garak’s enduring lack of bitterness towards Pythas is amazing. ‘Yeah I would be mad but he really is that good if it had to be anyone it should be him’

- She stopped just short of my covering shrub, and the sight of her face shocked me. It was swollen and bruised. One eye was completely closed, and the other contained enough pain for ten. It took every bit of my willpower not to reach out and hold her. Her one eye held mine, I knew she wanted to tell me something so important that she was willing to wait all night if necessary. 

I’m so fucking glad Barkan is about to eat it for good. I only wish it could have gone slower and more painfully for him. 

I wanted to laugh, and it took a concerted effort to gather my disparate parts in order to integrate my will.

‘Disparate parts’ motif (dare we say mosaic motif?) detected

“At least the smile’s gone,” the first voice said. I was fully awake now. 

Barkan’s life is just being haunted by fifty shades of Garak’s shit eating grin apparently 

“Flaunting your ‘relationship’ in public like infatuated schoolchildren.”

“Yes, I suppose it would have been wiser to behave like experienced adulterers,” I replied with a sigh.

“You’re the lowest form of scavenger, Elim. You have no attachments of your own, and so you feed on the emotional vulnerabilities of others.

. . .

“But you’re a failure, Elim. You even failed in your attempt to assassinate me.”

“I didn’t fail with Palandine,” I said quietly.

LMAO gottem 

The chemical makeup of Garak’s brain during Barkan’s beating should probably have been studied by science it must be the strangest rave in there

The others were there—my fellow travelers, their voices murmuring tonelessly, producing a steady sound that permeated the medium and intensified our connection. Their voices speaking to me. Their faces, serene and loving, illuminating the darkness as they floated by. Everyone I have ever known. Family. Faces from childhood. Bamarren. People I had known briefly. People I have known forever. Loved. Hated. We were all just together now, sharing the same nurturing medium as we traveled along our currents until we gradually separated.

This… near-death hallucination or spiritual experience or whatever it is vs. his mass grave dream later… very birth vs. death themed

Faces formed and reformed. Each one superimposed on the next in a long line emerging from blackness. Maladek. Merrok…. The molecular structure of one giving way to the next…. Procal Dukat. Tolan. Floating into focus, receding back into the darkness. I shook my head, trying to stop the flow. The Hebitian mask. My face. I grabbed my “face” and screamed into it. The flow stopped. The molecules rushed together and instantly formed Barkan Lokar’s death mask.

I think maybe something came a tiny little bit completely untethered in his head in a way it’s been threatening to for a long time in this moment. It may just be my imagination tho who’s to say

- “Elim Garak. How the mighty have fallen. Welcome to Terok Nor.”

“Oh, I try to visit even our humblest outposts, Dukat.”

“This is going to be more than a visit, trust me. You’ll soon wish that the execution had not been commuted.”

a) ah garak/dukat sniping my old friend b) It seems Tain never spoke to him in that whole process, so that time in the park was probably the last time before ‘Improbable Cause’?. I’m only surprised he didn’t give Dukat the neutral face of displeasure to convey to Garak second hand honestly 

- “I’m sure you gave him a more ennobling position,” I said.

“He was executed,” the toady replied.

“A promotion of sorts,” I muttered. “Certainly in this place.”

The passionate enduring Garak/Terok Nor hateship off to an immediate and roaring start

- Real ‘he gave them the heebie jeebies. He had nothing else left to give’ vibes on garak in this part of his life 

- He arched his brows in a manner that told me he’d worked long and hard in front of a mirror.

There’s always time to appreciate some good Dukat dunking

“Your life means nothing to me. Just as my father’s meant nothing to you.”

“I beg your pardon? Do I know your father?” Dukat made a move to grab me and immediately stopped himself. I was impressed by his self-control; I knew how much energy fueled his hatred.

“No offense,” I went on, further testing his control. “Of course, Procal Dukat was a famous military figure. We all mourned his passing. But I never had the pleasure personally….”

At his most miserable, but also his funniest. It IS really interesting that his humor only really reaches its current state here, when he’s lost Palandine and everything else in his life. It’s almost like the only remaining way to be close to her. 

No, I decided that I was not going to sacrifice myself to Dukat’s desire for revenge. I would do this work; I would do it so well as to become indispensable to the station… and I would survive. I refused to be buried alive in this humiliation.

‘Sort of suicidal: yes; willing to go down in history as one of Dukat’s Ws… fuck no’

- I pick up their garments and mend them flawlessly. When they complain that the price is steep (because I’m treated like a slave doesn’t mean I’m going to start undervaluing my work), I just give them the smile—the smile she taught me.

Fdsahfasj hilarious. You go Garak you know your worth

- (About Pythas and Palandine) At this moment I am almost afraid to discover that they’d survived. A part of me has wanted to bury that part of my life. The defenses I set up to survive my exile are obviously still intact.

I am often joined on my walks by Dr. Parmak. He’s a charming conversationalist, with a first-rate mind. His perspectives are always provocative. He does, however, have a tendency to proselytize for Alon Ghemor and the “Reunion Project” (the name they’ve given their group to remind people of the principles that formed the original Union). Whenever we encounter other pedestrians along our route, Parmak engages them and attempts to win them over to the Reunion side. This often makes for spirited exchanges, and although I am subjected to the opinions of people who should be given a new brain, I rather enjoy this peripatetic politicking. It’s something I would never have done on my own. In some respects he is so much like you, Doctor. If I’ve found someone’s opinion insufferably boring, he’ll kindly but sternly lecture me on the value of tolerance.

The wistful longing of ‘in some respects he’s so much like you’. ‘Although i am subjected to the opinions of people who should be given a new brain’. ‘Charming conversationalist’, is he. Garak you are a nonsense person and I adore you 

One day I asked him how he had been brought to Enabran Tain’s attention. He never struck me as being a dangerous radical. It turns out that he was Tain’s personal physician, and that the great man had him interrogated because, the Doctor assumed, “he was concerned that I was in an ideal position to assassinate him.”

“I think he was more threatened by the fact that you were intimate with his weaknesses,” I pointed out.

“Well, certainly his physical infirmities,” he admitted.

“Which are also a man’s weaknesses,” I reminded him.

“The paranoia, the secrets, the power he held….” The doctor shook his head. “He must have been a difficult man to work for.” I smiled at his understated tact.

“He once tried to have me killed,” I said.

“Really? What did you do, Elim?”

“I survived.” The Doctor gave me a confused look.

“Survived … what?” he asked.

“Working for my father,” I replied. The Doctor stopped and just looked at me. His former fear of my eyes was long gone.

“A father who would murder his own son?” The idea horrified him. We were in the Barvonok Sector, where the tall structures of business and finance once dominated. “Oh, my dear Elim,” he said, this time with an empathy that stripped me of any illusions I had about Enabran Tain as a father. Surrounded by the piles of debris, oppressed by the low leaden sky, I finally began to surrender to the loneliness and loss that has preyed upon my dreams ever since I can remember. Even nothing is better than the ideas that have brought us here.

Go on without me I’ll be over here crying my eyes out 

- I wonder if Limor Prang was one of the people killed in Tain’s Obsidian Order purge in Improbable Cause. If he  was still alive that seems pretty likely huh. Well. RIP terrifying team mom I guess.  

- Garak got his business up and running for real through a deal with Quark! Puts some of their interactions into perspective haha

I don’t do well with the kind of emotional exchanges humans seem to engage in regularly, and I have little sympathy for those who confuse the responsibilities of family with their duty to the state; but I confess that I am deeply moved by this woman’s plight.

Well it’s good the guy you have a thing for was raised British then he’ll probably feel pretty much the same way you’re perfect for each other

At one point she looked at me and asked me to hold her. I did. As I tentatively put my arms around her, I was so afraid of her need that I tried to keep her body at a distance. She would have none of it. She collapsed against me, and the sobs that convulsed and rolled through her body found correspondence in mine. I bit my tongue until I could taste blood in the effort not to surrender. Gratefully, the door to the Promenade was closed.

He keeps claiming he doesn’t care for the human tendency towards displays of emotionality even as we see it draw him in like a stupid horny sentimental moth to the flame repeatedly. The lizard doth protest too much methinks

- Unless I have business I rarely go to Quark’s; I have little tolerance for noise and stupidity. So when he saw me he assumed that I had another proposition, and I observed him shift into his engage mode.

Fun to see how this changes over the years, then! By the ca. Season 7 part of the book he has a few regular tables and everything. Also isn’t it so sweet that his kind of snotty attitude about this has not changed at all since Bamarren haha <3

- “The dead are dead. Those of us left—who believe in the ideals that have guided our race for millennia—are faced with the threat of utter annihilation by the very disease that has brought us to this sad place. Federation ideas will finish the work the Dominion began.”

Disease/contagion imagery (This is Legate Parn speaking, and he’s basically espousing the same view as Dukat Sr. As far as he’s concerned the call is not and never has been coming from inside the house thank you ever so much lol)

On the other side of Madred was Nal Dejar, a sharp-faced, saturnine woman who had been a member of my last cell at the Order. She once came to Deep Space 9 on an assignment with two scientists, and refused to make any contact with me. Judging from her averted look, she was still refusing. Next to her was a man with a severely disfigured face that was still recovering from what appeared to be burns. One eye was completely covered, and I was careful not to be rude in my inspection.

OH so it’s the lady who came along with Gilora and Ulani! The one who does not care for foreign food 

Gul Ocett was persuasive in her quiet and reasoned strength. Indeed, the irony, Doctor, is that she was espousing the very argument I had made to you any number of times. Even now there was a part of me that accepted the logic of her argument, especially when coming from someone who was neither a fool nor an opportunist.

While you were stealth mentoring Julian in having enough spysmarts not go and get his beautiful twink ass killed at the first opportunity he was stealth mentoring you in the political and ideological underpinnings of democracy and the possibility of being loved BITCH!!!!

I simply smiled at him, genuinely amused by his amateur attempts to discredit me. I was surprised by my responses. I was here to play the role of double agent, and I found that as the meeting went on I didn’t have the energy for the requisite guile and misdirection.

Fdkjfhdsa ‘Aw. That’s cute’. He just doesn’t have it in him to work up the energy for cloak and dagger bullshit and it’s so good and so funny 

And then a strange sensation went through me, Doctor. I looked at the faces of these people. Here we are, I thought, sitting in the basement of a ruined civilization and conducting business as if nothing significant had changed. The enemies were still the same, somewhere “out there,” plotting how to “destroy our character” and colonize us with their political system. And we were down in the basement with our own plots and shifting alliances, tenaciously holding on to the very ideas that had brought us here. But what ideas, Doctor? There’s nothing left. Only fantasies of power. These faces with their masks. With the ironic exception of the disfigured face, the masks hadn’t changed. They reflected the usual range of hidden agendas, each competing for dominance and ascendancy with an energy commensurate to the amount of fear and self-loathing that fueled and motivated that person. I started to laugh.

Amazing showstopping revolutionary good for you Garak

It was him, Doctor. It was Pythas.

EIGHT MY BELOVED WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

“Thank you, Gul Madred, but I can find my way out.” I bowed to the company, and turned my back on them.

I continue to be so proud of him I have no words. And also this is why I don’t like Castellan Garak as a concept AT ALL. Leave him alone to his orchids and sewing and doctor fucking he’s been through enough he doesn’t need that in his life anymore he can do other things to help. Parmak and Julian would stage an intervention. 

- Oh my GOD the cardassians literally just left terok nor without him overnight like Sid’s family in Ice Age fhdskjafh

Garak has been combining the wire AND being a barely functional alcoholic all this time. So at any given time in the first two season the chances that he is not only high but also profoundly drunk are overwhelmingly likely. This explains a lot.  

Rom had a sensitivity, almost a delicacy that was totally lacking in his brother. Was there such a thing as a typical Ferengi? Most people judged him to be simple, as if simplicity was somehow a substandard quality.

Aw. Also maybe some hints as to his reconciliation with Tolan’s memory. 

“Well, Rom, the trousers and tunic fit quite well, don’t you think?” I pulled the tunic down at the back. “Don’t wear it so far up on the neck; it ruins the line. And I’d be grateful if you’d tell any interested parties that indeed I’m still here and very much open for business.”

“Oh, yes … yes! And I like….” Rom made a broad, awkward gesture toward his new ensemble. I thanked him, and we walked out onto the Promenade, as if it were just another business day. We said goodbye, and I watched him march proudly through the ragged celebrants. I had a fondness for him. It was an odd relief, especially at this moment, to converse with someone who literally meant everything he said. 

T________________________T surprise most wholesome dynamic continues to wreck me. 

He stood for a moment, studying me, trying to divine why I had not been allowed to join the withdrawal. Unlike the others who assumed that because I was a Cardassian I had a choice, Odo knew that I’d been abandoned.

“Was there any damage or theft?” he asked.

“No,” I answered. I knew little about Constable Odo, but I was confident that he would never ask me questions that went beyond his function as security chief. He kept his distance and carried himself like someone who understood exile.

Odo appreciation moment as this is his last appearance in the book. Here’s to the small part of the fascist hivemind that harnessed those impulses towards the aim of becoming the world’s best and beigest mall cop. Unproblematic? No. But sometimes you simply love a good problem. 

The fact that the narrative of this section ends right before Garak meets Julian. Probably a matter of weeks, max. You big sentimental sap lmao

- Parmak, Ghemor, and I stood silently among the formations, inspecting the results of our work in the first light.“I mean no disrespect, Elim,” the Doctor said, “but the memorial looks even better.” I nodded in agreement.

“Please, Doctor,” I replied. “ ‘Restoration’ is fine for artifacts and museum pieces. When it comes to building a new community, I think what we did tonight is more to the point.”

“And we did it without murdering each other,” Ghemor added.

“How un-Cardassian of us,” I observed.

This all rules btw . Restoration is fine for artifacts and museum pieces it’s not for things that are alive. Gardener vs. architect/collector, Tolan vs. Tain. 

Alon said: “I think we should get some rest before the competition begins. We’ve done what we can.” It was a wise suggestion, but each of us knew that we were taking a step into the unknown, and sleep at this point was not really a choice. We had done what we could, and probably it was best if each of us retired to the privacy of his own thoughts. We said our goodnights, and as I watched them leave I felt an enormous gratitude that I had been given the opportunity to work with these men. Once again in my life I felt that I had been resurrected from the dead.

Nodding and crying gif. Yeah. Yeah… you’ve done all you could and no one could ask anything more of you. 

- “You know, Elim, I’m neither a soldier nor a politician. I’m a doctor.”

“I do know that. I also know that we’ve been betrayed by our previous leaders. Our only hope is that men like yourself can offer an alternative.”

“But you have the expertise that can….”

“Doctor, I have the expertise that comes from survival and compromise. There’s already plenty of that on the other side … and it’s not an alternative that will create a new and lasting union.”

“No, I suppose you’re right,” he conceded.

“You’re a doctor, yes, and that’s your strength. I’ve learned something about your profession over the past several years. Don’t think like a politician. Think of the planet as a patient barely hanging on to life. Think like a doctor. How would you save this planet?” He considered what I’d said in his careful manner.

Just as it is vital for a person like Garak to have a little Julian Bashir who lives in his head, it’s probably also good for the Bashirs and Parmaks of the world to develop a little Garak who lives in their heads to go ‘yeah that sounds real nice in theory but now imagine that there are in fact bad people in this world (I should know) who’ll interact with that theory and then act accordingly’ . Garak realizing where he belongs in this whole process tho… 

“Ah, Doctor,” I stopped him. “You can’t go to your meeting like that.”

“Like what?” he asked with a puzzled look. Without explaining, I helped him out of his worn outer coat and showed him a ragged tear in the fabric. Despite his protests, I made him sit down and wait while I gathered my sewing kit and repaired the tear.

“Appearances are very important to these people. You can’t let them think you’re oblivious to details,” I said, as I reunited the torn and separated threads.

The Mila fussing-as-a-love language of it all…

- (About Pythas) The thought occurred to me that perhaps I should include him in a chant for the dead.

DAMN but also YEAH

- I moved to the constructed formation that stood in the space formerly occupied by Tain’s study and almost directly above where Mila’s body had been sadly abandoned in the basement. When I was a boy, I had unending dreams that centered around the memorials of Tarlak. As I lay on my pallet in the basement of Tain’s house, I would plan the scenario that would play out when Tolan took me with him to Tarlak. It would always involve me as the hero paying homage to a comrade fallen in a battle where we had both distinguished ourselves. I would tell the gathered assembly of notables every detail of the battle; people would weep, cheer, listen in stunned amazement as I explained how we had saved the Union from certain destruction. When I had finished, Mila and Tolan would escort me through the adoring crowd. What a terrible irony, Doctor, that those forbidding, impersonal memorials to the heroes of the Cardassian Union should ultimately become transformed into these ragged formations on the grounds of my childhood home … and that I would sit here, a middle-aged man, trying to mourn a fallen comrade who was still standing but barely recognizable. And yet, the irony of a Cardassia reborn with the help of a memorial built from the remains of Tain’s home didn’t escape me either.

Taking immense psychic damage with every word. When do you stop wanting your mom and dad to come pick you up and take you home, even when they’re both dead and kind of not your parents anymore in two different ways even before that? Never, probably 

- “What changed your mind?”

“Your friends, Elim. Very impressive people … and persuasive.”

“What had you expected?” I asked.

“The usual amateurs who never understood what was at stake … the hard choices that had to be made,” [Pythas] explained. “To be honest, I had thought your attachment to this Reunion Project was….”

“Sentimental,” I finished. He smiled knowingly at the reference.

CACKLING. All but openly saying ‘yeah I thought it’s was because you’re fucking the doctor and I know exactly what a god-awful simp you are’ fhskdjafhaskjdh

“As I listened to him speak of the responsibility that we had as survivors to the life that remained, I also realized how bitter and hardened I had become.” He stopped and looked back to Nal Dejar, as if he were making sure she was still there. She met his eyes with a communication I couldn’t decipher, and he nodded. “Nal nursed me back to where I could function … part of me wished she hadn’t. Until your doctor spoke about healing … on every level. It’s what the body wants, he told us … unless we choose otherwise.” Pythas sat with his head bowed for a long moment. “I’d become very bitter, Elim.” I sat on a rock across from him and gently put my hand on his. What was it about this place, I wondered.

Hmngh. ‘I’d become very bitter, Elim’. No matter what choices they made along the way, where they fucked up or where they did everything right, they both ended up in basically the same place, embittered and broken, until someone touched their life with kindness. Nal is Pythas’ Julian Bashir. Coming back to life not as an act of will but because there’s someone waiting for you there saying ‘I’ll help you through it’. 

“Do you know where Palandine is?” I asked. He just looked at me. “Is she still alive?”

In the darkness, it was difficult to read the expression in his one good eye. The silence that followed my question was broken only by his rasping breath. Behind her mask of disinterest Nal Dejar was studying me carefully. Even when she was a probe I was impressed by the strength of her focus. Pythas was fortunate to have her care and devotion.

I think Pythas and Nal Dejar’s whole deal could make for a really interesting story all on its own. Presumably they’ve known or at least known about each other for a long time now, since Garak has seen Nal around even though they’ve never worked together closely 

- Just enough light for lovers; just enough light to begin he says, only to open the next chapter/epilogue with ‘My dear Doctor’ and explaining how he finally decided to send the letter. Healing on every level? Maybe? If we’re real lucky??? 

- My dear Doctor:

Again, forgive my further tardiness in sending this—I don’t even know what to call it. Memoirs of a Cardassian tailor? I suppose that’s as accurate a description as any. You see, Doctor, I seriously debated whether or not I should send this to you. As I went over it I wondered who this mawkish and self-serving person was. Grow up! I wanted to tell him. Get on with your life.

Well, I am; and sending this to you is going to further that cause. As I said, I’m an unfinished man reassembling the pieces of a broken world, and I have asked you to be a witness because you would never judge me as harshly as I judge myself. You would never deny me the opportunity of a second chance.

I feel like those last two sentences are the most important ones in this whole book — it’s what all the rest of it is built on, what made any of it possible. And also it will haunt me for the rest of my days but like in a good life-affirming way lol

His playful grousing about ugh your vaunted democracy *eyeroll*  <3<3<3<3 come down to cardassia so you can have spirited debates turned makeout sessions/foreplay about it already julian please he’s setting you up for so many slam dunks here

I live with my orchids, which have unified and softened the increasingly popular grounds of my home. Their beguiling blooms, and the presence of children who come to play among the structures (as I did in Tarlak), help to dispel the somber mood that initially hung like those clouds of dust over our world. The sounds of their voices as they play function as a music that never fails to lighten my work. The children call it the “tailor’s grounds,” and the name has caught on. Yes, Doctor, I continue to work at my “new” profession. As you can imagine, there’s a good deal of mending to be done.

TAIN’S HOUSE TURNED INTO JUST ‘THE TAILOR’S GROUNDS’ BY THE VOICES OF PLAYING CHILDREN Y_____Y I hope enabran ‘let history be my judge’ tain gets forgotten for anything but his massive fuckup and that garak works some magic with what little fabric he has at his disposal to make the neighbourhood kids like. Stuffed toys he sews clothes for and he’s known as the person to go to when one is damaged so he can patch it back up good as new  while teary little faces watch intently and then brighten. Julian seriously pretends to be his medical consultant as they perform teddy bear operations, what with his extensive expertise in the field and excellent bedside manner. No arm is too amputated to be reattached and we can always find a good button to replace Mr. Tinny’s missing eye in fact he’ll see even better now. I have such hopes for them I have such dreams 

 I have expanded my shed in the never-ending quest to find my place. I feel that I’m getting closer, Doctor, especially as I continue to refine the structures. One, which began as a memorial to Tolan, has a crude but effective representation of the winged creature from the Hebitian sun disc—turned toward the radiating sun, reaching, striving, while the sun-fed filaments stream down from the body and connect with the bodies of people standing on a globe and looking up to the creature for this divine connection…. I’ve attached the recitation mask he gave me to the creature’s face, and somehow it has become my personal totem. I hope that someday you’ll have the opportunity to see it. Nothing would please me more. You’re always welcome, Doctor.

You are always welcome, Doctor is one of those ‘you could slap that on my gravestone and I’d be happy about it’ lines. What a ride huh 

Aside from anything else about this book (I think we can safely let this absolute monster of a three part reaction post be testament to my enjoyment and admiration right I hope I have made no secret of it lol) I want to congratulate Andrew Robinson for getting a novel-length character study written in first person (my beloved) published — as I understand it that’s normally a pretty hard sell in the publishing industry haha he was living the dream I one day fervently hope to as well and the results rule

#a stitch in time #asit #garashir #elim garak #star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #julian bashir #The great ASIT first read adventure #ds9 meta #and there we go! now to think about the little julian bashir that lives in garak's head forever probably

[shivunin]

Collected Origins Ficlets

Below are links to all of my Dragon Age: Origins ficlets on tumblr. They are organized by type/chronological order per the headings. Almost entirely Zevran/Tabris, but there are assorted scenes with other characters in there, too.

(If you're looking for more, here are links to DA2 and DAI ficlets as well)

Please let me know if any links are broken!

Arianwen Tabris/Zevran:

Back to Back: (2,015 Words) When the party spends the evening in Redcliffe's castle, Wen and Zevran have little choice but to share a bed. He is surprised when she offers him an unexpected kindness.

Liar, Liar: (459 Words, Hurt/Comfort, T) While Zevran is feverish from an infection, Arianwen offers care

Hart of Hearts: (535 Words, Fluff, T); A moment in the Brecilian Forest, briefly before they decide to be together

Only a Kiss: (1215 Words, T) Arianwen has never been kissed; Zevran offers to correct this

Without a Name: (857 Words, T) In the aftermath of their kiss, Zevran watches Tabris and considers what comes next

Saccharine: The night Zevran and Tabris decide to be together; full AO3 fic here (explicit)

In the Quiet Dark: (1,633 Words) Arianwen grapples with desire

Forsythia: (478 Words, T) Arianwen eagerly anticipates Zevran's company at the end of the night, and muses on the strangeness of feeling anticipation at all.

And Eat It, Too: (1,257 Words, T) Arianwen admires cakes in the city; Zevran makes sure she gets what she wants

Scars: (539 Words, M) Wen notices a scar that Zevran will not discuss. 

A Crossroads Passed: (901 Words, M-ish) Zevran attempts to convince himself that he does not have romantic feelings for Wen after they spend the whole night together for the first time.

Look At Me: (this and The Last Thread are collected into one fic on AO3 here) (973 Words, Hurt/Comfort, M) Wen leaves the Deep Roads with a bad infection, haunted by the ghosts of all who’ve died along the way.

The Last Thread and the Long Drop: (3.171 Words, Hurt/comfort, M); Arianwen is wounded. Zevran can only watch as she is sewn back together. 

From the Depths: (1,321 Words, T) Zevran delivers a piece of good news after Arianwen spends a week recuperating in Orzammar

Rest Now: (1,631 Words, Hurt/Comfort, M) Post-return to the alienage, Zevran urges Tabris to put down her blades and let herself rest

In Confidence: (2,392 Words) Arianwen shows Zevran the place where she grew up

Fang and Thorn: (883 Words, T) Arianwen decides what to do with her mother’s dagger

Breath of Life: (3,658 Words, M) Zevran confronts Taliesen and nearly loses his life in the process; Arianwen grapples with the idea of losing him forever; explicit version on AO3 here

Have This Dance: (928 Words, Fluff, T) Zevran and Wen find a moment of respite on the palace rooftop in Denerim

Vincit Omnes: (1,049 Words, T) Arianwen and Zevran finally admit they love each other.

A Good Fight: (2,440 Words) Across the span of their relationship, Zevran and Tabris argue.

Whatever May Come: (877 Words, T) Zevran and Arianwen share a quiet moment amidst the celebrations at the end of the Blight.

Breaking News: (297 Words) A reporter attempts to discuss the Temple of Sacred Ashes with the Warden-Commander and the researcher who located the place

The Heart Grown Fonder: (1,133 Words, T) Letters between Arianwen and Zevran about how they’re doing apart.

Regarding Spiders and Caves: (403 Words) A letter from Arianwen to Zevran regarding current events at the keep

Reunion: (1,528 Words, M) Zevran comes back from his travels; Arianwen plays a game

A Letter from Kirkwall: (506 Words, T) Zevran re: his absence from Amaranthine, set immediately after his role in Act Three of DA2

Lock and Key: (2,298 Words, Hurt/comfort, M); Zevran is captured by the Crows and tortured. Arianwen frees him.

Ferelden Silver: (2,035 Words) Zevran meets a Warden after the failed ambush on the road; many years later, he watches his betrothed while recovering from a grave wound

A Red, Red Rose: (1,952 Words, Fluff, T) A wedding scene

Dawn and Gold: (905 Words, Fluff, T) Tabris helps Zevran get ready for the day

Misc/ Alistair & Wen:

Hounds and Strays: (4,521 Words, T) A young Arianwen tries to protect a stray dog and fails; as an adult, Alistair realizes they share a connection to animals (the first thing they have in common)

Something to Cry About: (954 words, G) Following the events at Redcliffe, Arianwen begrudgingly admits that she might be friends with Alistair.

Shut-Eye: (996 words, G) Arianwen and Alistair discuss happiness on a sleepy night before the fire.

Miscellaneous Mini-Fics: Charm, Field, Mortify, Presence, Medicine, Elder (Compassion)

#arianwen tabris #shivunin scrivening #zevwarden #dao

[jormungandr-dot-jpg]

tempus fugit.

Putting this under cut because I love art posts with just a quote djsjkaka I am also going to ramble

It’s finally done!!! This took less time than I thought but it still felt like a bit forever

Sorry to everyone who has no idea what tempus fugit is, it’s an rp in the rat hq tmc discord that I am going a bit insane about, where I play wild hunt au mark, who is the raven!

It uses a lot of animal metaphors so that’s what this is emulating, but I also gave them extra things like halos (?) and other things that are references to other metaphors, events in the story, or connect two characters

Also the space in the right bottom is for a character that doesn’t have a super specific metaphor just yet but it’s all good

Little easter eggs/explanations for the people who’ve read me going crazy:

- the wolf and the rabbit (fe!adam and fe!evelin) are the only ones with halos, which is because they are very intertwined characters and I like giving unique matching traits

- fe!adam’s halo is a whale, another metaphor that ties him to Jonah because of the Bible story of Jonah and the Whale, which is coming back to bite us rn

- fe!evelin has two halos, mostly because I couldn’t choose which one I liked better. The island is a known metaphor in the story, but the barbed wire is something I came up with to reference the sheepdog metaphor, as well as it just being fitting imo

- deer!adam has some extra metaphors of darkness and rot/mold, so I gave it some I guess like decay on its face? I’m prob gonna make a colored version and it will be more obvious then

- the sheep, og!sarah and og!jonah (left and right respectively) (they also might be mythic!sarah n jonah but I like saying og) are sewn together because they both died at the hands of fe!adam when he had the deer moment. They also have the same lamb metaphor because of that. Jonah has a flower in his mouth because of his flower things, but Sarah was only around briefly and didn’t get to develop many metaphors so sadly she has nothing

- the kitty is ks!adam, who I am very excited to see again when we get out of the fuckin mirror reality. He has a big notch in his ear because he was absolutely fucked up by fe!adam and I wanted to channel that. I also always thought of him as a white cat, which I think is interesting.

- raven wh!mark!!! My beloved!! My guy!!! I’m very happy with him because I’ve always had trouble drawing birds. He is holding a bell to reference the poem The Bells by Poe (who is already an influence on his character) because of its lines that have big banshee vibes, which is what wh!mark is! I need to talk about wild hunt au on here so bad wow. The bell also has a feather attached because I use feathers a lot to enhance the raven metaphor

- as I said earlier, the empty space is for ks!sarah, who I will probably give an object to match with mark further because they are both gonna be birds! Very excited to put that in but no pressure doli :]

I think that’s all? I rambled a lot so if you got to the end have a star and a cookie ⭐️🍪

#jormungandr’s posts #jormungandr’s art #tempus fugit au #tmc au #no tw for under cut just me rambling a bit

[guess-that-ship]

Guess That Ship Tournament S5: Round 1

The Power of Friendship (literally!)

Two weird girls that try to have fun! Character A was actually trying to manipulate Character B for their personal gain in the first place, but as time goes on Character A realizes Character B is the first real friend she's ever had. When Character A dies her spirit watches over Character B until B successfully brings her back from the dead. Also their friendship literally empowers them and protects them from harm.

Strange Minds Think Alike

cw: cannibalism

He's a sad, chaotic little guy, not powerless but certainly mortal, while she's an ancient entity who eats human flesh. Naturally, they vibe with each other right off the bat, with their mutual love of having a good time and their unconventional, flexible mindsets, and their relationship slides easily enough from friendly acquaintances, to friends with benefits, to friends who love each other deeply (and have kinky sex).

He comes to see in her someone who loves him more warmly than he’s accustomed to—he’s not, after all, easy to love, or even necessarily to like, which is difficult for his attachment issues—and she gets more attached to this breakable human than she bargained for. They’re crossdressing coworkers-under-God who’ve got each other’s backs in any sticky situation. She’s odd for her people and he’s definitely odd for his; plus, he has a thing for tall, violent women, so in that way they’re perfect. Nothing lasts forever, but they find happiness in each other for a time.

#spoilers #s5 #tournament poll

[mellkellyismyhero]

and another thing about kipps!

In some ways, he’s Jacobs’ foil.

Spoilers for Lockwood and Co. books under the cut.

Both Kipps and Jacobs are ex-Fittes agents, now supervisors, who've lost a lot of kids under their commands. When they lost their Talents, they couldn’t bear to leave behind the ghost hunting industry. At some point, they’re both the only adult on a ghost hunting team with Lucy Carlyle.

But while Jacobs doesn’t have the resources, bravery, or ability to either rejoin the fight alongside his kid agents or leave the agency entirely, Kipps is actively throwing himself into haunted houses completely blind.

While Jacobs couldn’t bring himself to go into a haunted house with children he was supposed to keep safe, I’m pretty sure Kipps went right to the Other Side with L&Co. in TEG (I don’t remember if he had a choice or not about that- were they being chased or something? I don’t have my copy on hand). Either way, he was willing to keep fighting without his goggles. He threw his lot in with Lockwood and Co., even when they made fun of him or ganged up against him. This man got nearly DIED because he wasn’t willing to leave the life of an agent behind.

(Man, once I get my hands on my copy of TEG... I annotated that thing when I was like fourteen. To this day, the only physical books I’ve ever annotated are because I had to for class, OR because they were written by Jonathan Stroud. I’m going to reread the series and come back in a couple weeks with a much better analysis of how Jacob and Kipps' characters definitely rhyme lol.)

#quill kipps #lockwood and co #l&co #l&co. #jacobs #lockwood and co book spoilers #lockwood and co spoilers #quill kipps appreciation

[frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe]

destiel!steddie brainrot pt. 2

Here's the second part to this destiel/spn themed au (first part here, which has updated and made a bit longer!!)~!

i'm brainstorming titles for this, may keep going with little snippets from this universe as they come to me and post them to ao3 too :)

tw/cw: mentions of suicide and suicidal ideations below; nothing described/graphic, but mentions of characters wanting to/who have died by completing suicide (has to do with this part's monster of the week and Real Steve's story from the first part!). and said monster of the week originally died by overdose; again, not said directly, just alluded to. please read with caution!

Do two different cases of vengeful spirits make him lucky? Or unlucky?

First it was the damn ‘witnesses’ that Steve told him were part of the demons’ (yes, those demons, but from what he gathered from Steve, were different on the whole from crossroads demons) plan to release Lucifer.

“Ah, Lucifer. Of course.”

“Why do you sound unbelieving?”

“Oh I believe you, I’m just surprised that I’m not surprised by it. Because of course, angels, demons, hell, Lucifer is a given. He’s like THE angel, right?”

“He was the first of my father’s children and the first to fall from heaven if that is what you mean.”

“Yes, that’s what I’m getting at.” Eddie goes to pull his hand through his hair, which gets stuck on his rings and on his hand in general because somehow he forgot that he’d put it up about five minutes earlier.

Now, after dealing with those motherfucking ghosts, helping Wayne put together a pyre for one of his good hunter friends who was killed by her own ‘witness’, they got word of a long string of suicides at a high school in a small Indiana town that had the kids’ parents convinced it was some sort of pact.

“Y’know, I grew up here.” Wayne says as they pass the ‘Now Entering Hawkins’ sign.

“Really?”

“Yep. Good ol’ Hawkins, Indiana. Surprised we haven’t been through here yet, there was always weird shit happening here when I was a kid.”

It’s late morning when Eddie’s van rumbles to a stop outside the motel.

“Boy, we really need to get you a new set of wheels if you’re gonna keep pretending to be a professional at anything.”

“What’s wrong with my baby??”

“Ed, you’re about to put on a suit and pretend to be a professional that works with children, and you’re gonna pull up in an late 70s panel van. What do you think is wrong with your baby?”

“...okay, you’ve got a point. You gotta new set of wheels for me at that junkyard of yours then, old man? I’m not exactly flush with cash.”

Wayne thinks for a moment. “I think I might, got it from a hunting buddy of mine after his brother died.”

Eddie just nods, “Whatever you say, Wayne, now c’mon lets get changed and get to the school.”

This time, they’re pretending to be mental health counselors sent to work with the families of the students who’ve passed. The two of them get through a few interviews each, but it’s one of the students’ little sister that has the first inkling of what they are really dealing with. ‘Best thing about young minds,’ Eddie will tell Wayne later, ‘they are sensitive to, and open to, way more than adults are.’

He and Wayne are in this one together, last one of the siblings at the school, and the snarky redhead calls out her mom’s practiced answer of ‘I never saw anything wrong’, calling her out for never being around and putting the pressure of being the parent to her.

Eddie looks at the young girl, then back to her mother. “Ms. Mayfield, may I have a word with Max here, alone?”

She looks unsure, so he continues “We’ll be right here, you can be on just the other side of the door and watch us the whole time, I promise.”

Ms. Mayfield nods her head shakily, and stands, Wayne accompanies her out, to give her some semblance of security.

“So, Max, Max right?” She just eyeballs him incredulously. “I’m going to just start talking, and you stop me if I’m way off base, ‘kay?” She looks away, but doesn’t say anything to the contrary. 

“I think you know the pattern already, that you know this isn’t just some stupid pact, huh? I think you know who may be a target next; that if this thing, this whatever it is, can wheedle its way under your brother’s skin, that it may get to your…” He looks her over “...friends next. Right? Obviously no one in particular, just your friends, huh?” Her head whips back to him and he leans back in the seat he was given, knowing he’s got her pegged. She’s worried about a crush or a boyfriend, or something. He can tell.

The look she has tells him she’s already putting seemingly impossible pieces together on what he and Wayne are doing here.

“Whatever it is, it’s a bully. It’s going after whoever it thinks it can sink its claws in. Like it’s finding those with the biggest insecurities and driving them to their deaths.”

“You’re very astute, you know that, don't you.”

“Duh.”

“What do you think it is then, Red?”

“My friends have been calling it Vecna.”

Eddie’s brain stalls. “H-how do you know that name?”

“Ah, so you’re a nerd too, huh?”

“Your friends play D&D.” Eddie breathes; Max just smirks at him, but her face falls just as quickly and that just won’t do. “Hey, don’t worry Red, my uncle and I got this covered. We’ll get this bastard taken care of.” And he means every word. Not one shred of this motherfucker is going to lay a finger on this girl’s friends as long as he has anything to do with it.

She looks down at her feet, “Please hurry,” she mumbles “I can’t lose them too.”

He opens his mouth to speak, but she’s up off the little couch lightning fast and heading to the door. He shoots up to follow, “Thank you Ms. Mayfield,” He says when he exits. “She will be just fine. She’s just worried about her friends too.”

“Thank you.” She says, still a bit out of it as her eyes follow Max down the hall.

“Just make sure she knows you’re there for her, and get some more permanent help for the two of you, real help, not just us temp guys.” Wayne smiles at her.

All she does is nod, then moves to follow her daughter.

“What’dja find out, Ed?”

“Super-powered, cartoonishly evil, bully of a ghost named after a D&D villain?”

—-

He and Wayne split up after that, Wayne goes back to the motel to whip up some extra salt rounds for them, and Eddie heads to the Hawkins Library to do some research on deaths in the area.

After some searching, he comes across Jason Carver. Seemingly the small town’s golden boy tragically killed by an overdose. He seems to match the fleeting glimpses that all the witnesses to the students’ deaths were able to give. Cropped blond hair, 6’2” or so, a flash of green that seemed like it could be a Hawkins High varsity jacket.

The dealer that gave him the drugs was found guilty of manslaughter and he got 10 years and a permanent shun from the town. He, Fred, still lived in Hawkins though, in the Forest Hills trailer park.

Eddie calls Wayne at the hotel, “Whatcha find out, Ed?”

“Looks like a good contender for a high school bully ghost, does the name Jason Carver mean anything to you?”

Wayne scoffs, “Sure does, that kid was horrible to me and my buddies back in the day.”

“Not a golden boy?”

“Didn’t say all that. I think I know who we can talk to.” Eddie can hear him shuffling around and the jingle of keys.

“Is it a man named Fred Jameson, lives out at F–”

“Forest Hills, yeah. Be there soon for ya.”

“How’d you– aand he’s gone.” he says into his receiver to only silence.

—

“Of course I knew where you were talking about Eddie, I grew up in this park, Fred was one of my best buds back in the day.”

Wayne pulls into Fred’s drive, behind a well-loved red pickup. The rattle of Eddie’s van must’ve alerted Fred to their arrival, because he met them outside before they could even get all the way out of their seats.

“I thought I recognized that rattle, still haven’t hocked that hunk of junk yet, eh Munson?” Fred folds Wayne into a hug, giving him a couple of pats on the back for good measure.

“Hey, that’s my baby you’re talking about.” Eddie grumbles.

“Damn, that you, Teddy?”

“Teddy? Who in the hell–”

“Yeah, he really looks like Margie, huh?” Wayne crinkles a smile at Eddie’s disgust at Fred's nickname.

“You knew my mom?”

“Of course boy, I knew you both back when you were just a little bean. There were a good few months there, after you were born, that Margie and you were living with Wayne.”

Eddie doesn’t really know what to say to that, but luckily Wayne gets right to it.

“Fred, I hate to do this to ya, but we’re here on business.”

The other man’s face falls sickly and pale in an instant.

“I shoulda known you’d be comin’ ‘round. What do you need to know?”

“It’s about Jason Carver.” Eddie winces at how much worse the man’s expression twists.

“C’mon D, you can’t’ve believed that suicide pact shit.”

“I never believed it. He’s been…” Fred pauses, seeming to look for the right words “He’s been haunting my dreams. Nightmares really, telling me all the things he did to those poor kids. Says it was my fault.”

Wayne and Eddie share a look. “D, it wasn’t yo-”

“Sure it was, Wayne. I should’a just stood up to him and said I ain't had shit.”

“You know what he would’a done to ya if you had.”

“Well now there’s six lives lost, not just one!” Fred snaps. “If I had just stuck with it, told him I couldn’t get it until Reefer Rick was back, I wouldn’t’ve gotten that bad shit, he would still be around, and so would those five other kids!”

“Fred–”

“I gotta get going, Wayne, y’all should too.” He cuts him off “Good t’see ya Teddy.” and with that, he turns and heads back inside his trailer.

The two Munsons are frozen in Fred’s driveway for a moment longer, before they turn back to their van. They drive in silence on their way back to the motel. It’s only when they’re parked in front of their room again that Eddie says something.

“Fred’s next.”

Wayne’s face sets itself further into its frown. “I think you’re right.”

—-

They go out to the graveyard as soon as night falls, finding Carver’s grave easy enough. They run a salt line around the site, and start digging together, but Wayne’s back has him dropping off only about two feet deep.

It’s just after Wayne settles himself onto the handle of his shovel to rest for a bit when they hear something crunching through the dark towards them.

Eddie hops up immediately, Wayne tossing him one of their shotguns. He skirts off between the taller granite and marble stones around him, getting closer to the intruder’s unskilled footsteps.

He peeks around the base of a way-too-large angel statue and whips up his gun. He’s face to face, shotgun to pistol, with a petite woman in a high ponytail.

This woman looks human enough, definitely not ghost-y, probably just wondering why she just caught a couple guys grave-robbing. Better safe than sorry, though, so Eddie tests her.

“Christo.” There’s no extreme reaction to the word, only confusion. “Who are you and what are you doing here?? It’s not safe!”

“I should ask you the same thing! Are you the one causing all these deaths?” her grip on her handgun does not waver.

“Jesus H. Christ, I don’t have time for this.” Eddie says under his breath, dropping his shotgun and walking back to the grave. “Hawkins High has a ghost in it. We’re trying to kill it before it can convince someone else to do it to themselves.” He hops back down into Jason’s grave and tosses his shotgun to the girl who’d followed behind him, gun still raised. Smart. Eddie thinks, then also notices she was able to cross their salt line easily. Human, then.

She catches it easily, blinks once, and says, “Fine, say I believe you. Now how in the hell do you kill a ghost, also how is a ghost causing these deaths?” she un-cocks her revolver and tucks it back in her waistband.

Eddie’s about to answer when the loose hairs around his face are blown into his mouth with an invisible flap of wings “Eddie, I need to speak with you.”

The girl goes pale at the sight of Steve.

“Steve?”

“Yes. Do I know you?” the angel cocks his head at the absolutely bewildered woman.

Eddie has to look between Steve’s confused face and the woman’s heartbroken one a couple times before it clicks.

“Are you kidding me!? You’ve just been using your vessel’s real name? That’s fucked up.” Eddie says around the last few hairs stuck in his mouth.

“It was as good a name as any.”

“Uhm hello? What is happening right now? You’ve been missing for months.”

“We don’t have time for this.” Eddie interrupts, “Eddie, Wayne, you apparently know Steve,” He gestures to the three of them. “Shoot anything that is not us, while I salt and burn this sucker.”

To Eddie's surprise, she steels herself with a roll of her tiny shoulders and cocks the shotgun in her hand, immediately turning her back to him and watching for that damn Jason.

“So, how does a shotgun protect against a ghost?”

“Our own creation, the buckshot is replaced with rocksalt.” Wayne explains, not turning from his vigil.

“Salt repels ghosts?”

“Amongst other things.” Eddie shovels up another pile of dirt. “Steve, my man, I know you needed to talk to me about something, but can you maybe help with this?” Eddie looks at the beautiful man through his bangs, sweaty despite the November chill.

“How would you like me to help, Eddie?” 

Eddie continues shoveling, “Well, there’s another shovel up there, otherwise do you maybe have some special grave-digging angel powers I don’t know about?”

“Angel powers, what are you–” the girl starts as Steve lifts his hand and snaps his fingers.

Eddie’s suddenly standing above a completely cleared out grave, un-sweaty, hair pulled back neatly again from the shambles his bun had been in when he’d started digging, shirt straightened, and his jacket back on. Both shovels are sticking out of the pile of soil nearby.

“Wow..” Eddie breathes.

“Damn, why didn’t you show up sooner? Could’ve saved myself the stress of watching Ed do all that work..” Wayne deadpans to the angel.

“Can it, old man, now help me lift the lid off this thing.” Eddie bites back at his uncle, and jumps back down into the grave. “Stevie, watch her back, make sure Jason doesn’t come barreling in.”

“Her back is fine, Eddie.”

“That’s not what I–you know what, thanks Steve, now watch the opposite side of the grave that she is and make sure Jason doesn’t sneak up on us. Stop him if he does.”

“Oh..” Steve’s voice is quiet at that; he’ll learn eventually.

Eddie helps Wayne climb down and they get to work prying up the coffin lid. 

It’s simple enough work after that, salt, fuel, torch, burn.

Except it never is when you want it to be.

As soon as the first grain of salt hits Jason’s crumbling body, there’s a wail from above them.

“Every time..” Wayne grumbles.

“Everything okay up there?” Eddie calls.

“Yes, we can see him, but he can’t cross the lin–oh shit.” the girl says.

Fuck, he should’ve known this’d happen. Jason has been torturing the poor sensitive souls at his old high school and has thrown things and people. He should’ve known he’d be strong enough to blow a crack through the salt ring.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Damn, why’d he think it’d be okay to leave a random girl that just happened to walk up and what is basically a baby in a yellow sweater to defend against something this strong??

Eddie scrabbles up the inside of the grave out of sheer will, and Wayne tosses one of their pry bars up to him.

“Keep shooting him to keep him back, we just need to stall him while Wayne makes sure he burns!”

Steve and the woman–damn, he really should’ve asked her name–nod at him, and Steve suddenly has some long silver stake looking thing in his hand. 

“Steve! Silver wont work on him, it has to be iron or salt!” Eddie tosses his crowbar to the angel, who catches it easily, turning back to take a swipe at Jason who’d come up from behind him. 

Eddie snatches up Wayne’s salt rifle and takes the third section of the circle, willing the fire to burn faster.

Their new party member seems to be holding her own. She’s found their spare cartridges and makes sure they’re in reach while she keeps aim at the poltergeist’s head.

He only comes at her once, and she fires. That keeps him away long enough for the body in the coffin below to burn enough, banishing him from the mortal plane for good.

Finally, Eddie can relax. They watch as Jason burns down to nothing. “Are you a hunter?” Eddie asks the woman.

“I’m assuming you’re not talking ‘hunter’ in the traditional sense?”

Eddie smirks at her, shakes his head, “You’d be correct.”

“Then no. I have been trying to figure out what’s been happening here for a little while now; I heard there were a couple guys running around asking weird questions so I followed you out here. And NOW I want to know what’s going on with not-Steve.” she directs to Eddie, then turns to said Steve. “Robin is going to be so pissed at you.”

Steve opens his mouth to respond but Eddie cuts in before he even thinks about it “His girlfriend?”

She scoffs, “As if; she’s his best friend.” She looks at Steve with sad eyes, “And Dustin too.”

“Dustin?” Steve cocks his head to the side again. This time it seems like there’s sadness behind his confused look.

“Okay, dinguses, sounds like thi’should be a conversation held over a good meal, not over a fried corpse.” Wayne cuts in. “Name’s Wayne Munson.” He holds out one dirty, time-gnarled hand to the girl.

She smiles and takes it readily, “Nancy Wheeler, sir.”

“None’a that now, Wayne is jus’ fine.”

“Stevie, would you be a dear and fill that back in for us?” Eddie sighs, feeling the adrenaline dropping out of his body, fast.

Steve nods once and snaps his fingers. The hole is refilled and the salt line is gone. The three of them are also cleaned up and straightened out.

“Thanks, Angel, now let's go get some burgers, gotta get our energy back.”

“I do not need to consume anything to replenish my energy.” Steve’s cocks his head.

“I know you don’t, big boy,” Eddie pats him on the shoulder, taking the spare shotgun from Nancy and heading back down to his van.

“I am not much bigger than you in this form, Eddie.” Steve deadpans, as usual, then actual curiosity colors his tone “Have you seen my true form?”

“Can’t say I have, are you much bigger than Steve?” Eddie can feel the double meanings closing in.

“My true form is approximately the size of your Chrysler Building.”

Eddie trips over a divot in the soil. Definitely not over his own feet at that implication.

“Oh, definitely a big boy.” He manages to say, turning to smolder at Steve (What? It’s not like the angel knows the nuance of human facial expressions..) but catches Wayne’s disgusted face and Nancy’s fully amused one (hand over mouth to keep from laughing), over Steve’s adorable confused expression.

“Yes, that is what I am inferring. Eddie, are you alright? Your face is flushing.”

Nancy, the jerk that she is, bursts out laughing. 

“Shut it, Jerk!” 

“Don’t you call me a jerk, Bitch!” she calls back easily.

He grins. Damn, having her around is going to be fun.

—--

“Okay, lemme get this straight.” Eddie says around a mouthful of fries. “You used to date Steve, this Robin chick is his best friend–”

“Platonic soulmate, correct.”

“Right, that, and Dustin is his brother.”

“That’s the best description, yes.”

“So what did you think happened to Steve?”

Eddie sees Steve’s mouth open and claps his hand, that’s not full of burger, over the angel’s mouth, who looks at him with as much anger as he’s learned to express in these couple months on earth. It’s not much.

Nancy gives them a weird look, but starts speaking. “Robin just told me that he drove off one night, one of his bad nights. I don’t know the full extent of what makes a good or bad night, but Robin insists he had been getting better….

“There’s not much more after that, Robin knew where to start looking when he goes off on his own like that, and she found his BMW out at the quarry. Of course, she thought the worst, but they searched every inch of the bottom and no Steve. It was like he disappeared into thin air.”

Eddie nods sadly to himself, thinking as comforting of thoughts he could muster upwards to where Steve had said Real Steve had been brought. Damn, this religious shit being real is really throwing him for a loop. “Nancy, I—EW WHAT THE FUCK??!”

He whips his hand back from Steve’s mouth, now slick with spit. He looks at him incredulously, wiping his palm on his thigh, but his face falters at the absolute dopey look on the angel’s face. Stone-cold blank still, as usual, but his tongue is hanging out between his lips.

Fuck, he’s cute. Damn it! No! Bad Eddie! He’s dead! The real him!

“Where in the hell’d you learn that?”

“The angels have watched humans for a long time, one would pick up a couple things.” He shrugs. Like actually shrugs. “I thought this might get you to remove your hand.”

Eddie doesn’t have a response for that.

“Nancy, Steve was–”

“Wait! Hold on, Stevie, you don’t know this is something she wants to hear.” Eddie murmurs.

“She does; She said as much back at the graveyard. Do you not remember?” Steve retorts in a normal volume.

“Steve. These things are difficult for humans. They’re called emotions. At least ask her first.”

He nods once, still seeming to be confused. “Nancy, you want to know what happened to Steve, correct?” Eddie elbows him, and he feels like concrete against his arm. Steve looks at him confused again, but seems to get what he’s trying to get at. “It may be difficult to hear..?”

Eddie nods, and Steve turns back to Nancy. 

She just looks between the two, confused as all hell. “Uhm, yes?”

“Your Steve did not wish to be of this world any longer.”

Eddie throws his hands up in exasperation. Well, there goes being sensitive about it.

Nancy’s eyes are wide. “...Ah.”

“He offered his body as a vessel, and I brought him to my father’s kingdom of heaven.”

“Oh…Steve..”

“He is being well looked after, I promise. If he would like to return when my mission is complete here, he has the option, I swear it.”

Eddie thinks Nancy is going to be more upset at that, but she just smiles sadly, and nods. “I should call Robin.”

Eddie splutters, “No! No, bad idea Nance!” She’s out of the booth and at the door before he can even say her name. “Damnit, remind me to not sit against the wall next time.”

“Okay, Eddie.” Steve nods.

“Dude! Move! I gotta stop her! Or do you want to explain to this person too why you aren’t her best friend.” Eddie shoves against the shoulder closest to him.

Steve blinks at him once and is suddenly outside the booth, leaving Eddie to fall onto the bench where the angel had just been.

He scrambles up (finally) and heads to the door, only to meet Nancy there, already coming back in from calling this Robin character.

“She’ll be here in about three minutes. Tops.” She grins.

“Jerk.” Eddie grumbles and follows her back to their booth.

“Bitch.” she retorts happily.

He slumps back down into his spot in the booth, wracking his brain about what to tell her.

“Eddie, would you like me to go?”

He snaps his head up to the angel “Hell no! She’s coming here to see you, you gotta be here for that!”

Steve blinks once, then his eyes dart to the door.

“Don’t you even think about i–”

“I will return momentarily.” And with another soft brush of wind and feathers, he was gone.

“That absolute mother fu–”

“So, tell me about this hunting thing.” Nancy says, and tosses a fry into her mouth.

Notes:

Edancy sibling vibes?? Jerk?? Bitch??

Jason having Vecna powers = vengeful spirit in spn land

Wayne calls his friend "D" 'cause, y'know, Fred > Freddy > D

In my head, this is modern AU too so maybe Wayne and his friends dealt with upside-down stuff back in the day and maybe possibly Nancy and current day party have seen some shit too (that's why Nancy's basically unbothered about there being a ghost problem in Hawkins now, too)?

Bobin and Dustin (maybe more?) in the next part!

lastly, i haven't watched spn in what must be a decade now, so continuing on may not follow the show, but just the spn vibes.

Part 3 here! | NOW ON AO3

#destiel #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #wayne munson #dean winchester #castiel #bobby singer #spn #st #stranger things #supernatural #destiel!steddie #spn au

[cookinguptales]

wwdits tarot: the world

Finally, the last of the Major Arcana, XXI. The World. I will be doing one more post on the Minor Arcana tomorrow, and then posting it all to the tag for people to read at their leisure.

(And then we’ll have a tarot weekend on my blog to celebrate.)

I do think, overall, this project came out to about 15k-20k words of meta, so… I do appreciate the people who’ve stuck with me all this time, and the people who will be catching up now that I’m about done. I know that these weren’t as popular as my usual meta posts, but I had a lot of fun writing them!

Thanks for indulging me. 💜

So we’re finally at The World. I actually struggled more with this card than any other, mostly because I actually had a fairly strong idea of what I wanted as soon as I thought about it, but I kept wrestling with why I wanted it.

I think I get it now.

The World is a card about wholeness, totality, and the end. The Major Arcana is often read as a journey, and The World is where that journey ends. It may not be the end forever, but it is the culmination of a cycle that has finally finished. So the end of a chapter, perhaps, if not the whole book.

There’s a sense of fulfillment to this card, like whatever you set out to do, you’ve done it. There’s a finality to it, too, like you’re looking back on what you’ve accomplished with satisfaction.

It’s also a card about the literal world that we live in. There’s a sense of unity and interconnectedness to this card, like through it you can access a connection to all other things. It also tends to have implications of literal travel, like journeying all across the world.

The World is about wholeness and completion and feeling at one with all things. It’s about reaching out and touching the world around you.

And I haven’t chosen a character at all, but instead a thing that connects them. It is, in a sense, quite genuinely their world.

What I’ve chosen to symbolize The World is in fact ancestral soil. Grave dirt, if you will.

In a very literal sense, obviously, we’re talking about earth. But we’re also talking about both freedom and restraint. Ancestral soil is a physical limiter on them, but also the thing that gives them full access to their powers and the ability to move around — if they’re clever about it.

Moreover, it is a thing that they all share. All of our (traditional) vampires have their own ancestral soil, and Guillermo is the one who collected it. (Colin… is more complicated, and I’ll get into that soon.)

Soil is one of those things that just keeps coming up again and again and again and again in this series, whether it’s Guillermo burying them or Colin being buried. It’s Nandor carrying soil around in his Jansport but also all of them searching for assorted corpses in their front yard.

There’s a sense of soil as foundation that seems to resonate through this series, and it affects them all. And every time I see Guillermo dig a hole in their yard, I look at that pile of dirt and wonder if he’s gonna have to keep it in a bag one day.

The soil that they all live on has become his ancestral soil. And he has fertilized it well.

Colin Robinson, the only one of them who has no interest in ancestral soil, and the reason why they all lost their original bags, still seems to have an intrinsic connection with the land they live on. He’s buried in it, obviously, both his clones and his decaying body, which presumably is still somewhere either in the basement or the yard.

He has an odd physical attachment to the house they live in, too, as evidenced by his need to burrow into those walls even before he died.

They all have soil of a kind, and they all have territory. And I’m obsessed with the idea of them mixing their soil.

I’d say that soil seems to represent both an end and a beginning for them all. I mean, it’s graveyard dirt. Originally speaking, vampires’ soil was supposed to be taken from their graves. WWDITS is obviously a little more lenient, especially because many of their vampires were never buried, but there’s still a sense of that finality in the soil they do have. There’s still a sense that the soil they have to carry around is a symbol both of their death and their rebirth.

And then for Guillermo and Colin, again, we’ve got this idea that they live in those holes, they die in those holes, and they too have both experienced a kind of rebirth. Guillermo has been reborn as a slayer, and Colin has been quite literally reborn from his own hollow shell.

So it makes sense to me, I think, that soil in this deck would represent an end to all things, a grave, but also a beginning. There’s a sense that no grave remains entirely unstirred in this show, and what is usually a symbol of finality becomes a symbol of liberation and ascension. Soil restrains them but empowers them as well. It is what connects vampire and human and slayer.

We all have dust beneath our feet.

Now, onto the last card.

More than any other card, my The World will be a radical departure from its RSW counterpart. The RSW image is that of a dancing woman surrounded by an endless wreath. It is the beginning and end of all things, and the violet symbolizes success and the red ribbons eternity. There are four creatures in the corners, and they are the same ones found in The Wheel of Fortune. They symbolize the four elements that make up everything and are a symbol in this case for pure unity and harmony.

The only thing I’m keeping here, I think, is the sense of fours.

What I actually want for my The World is a scene from the house. Or rather its yard. I want a freshly dug grave, a mound of upturned dirt next to it. Three sacks of earth sit in front of it, heaped on top of one another. And next to them all, one lies empty, waiting to be filled.

In the background, foreboding and familiar both, is their home. It is where they all live and over the centuries it has become their World, all five of them.

And slowly, they are finding completion.

wwdits tarot masterpost

#wwdits #wwdits meta #wwdits tarot

[anime-and-i]

Thoughts on AOT and its’ finale.

These are MY own opinions. You’re free to agree or disagree. Also AOT spoiler warning obviously!

1. Marley arc was stupid as hell

After establishing the main cast and basically who we’re supposed to be rooting for in the first half of the series, it was so dumb to now add these irrelevant annoying new characters. Literally audiences wait years to see familiar faces and then you throw in some irrelevant fucks into the mix. Suddenly we’re supposed to be cool with seeing the lives of these Xenophobic bigots. I understand the whole “showing that there’s two sides of war” thing and also revealing more of why everything played out how it did so far. However, the Marley citizens were always shown as racist to the Eldians. Not a single instance of anyone feeling bad for Eldians or having some common sense like “why tf are we even doing this?”. It was just them victimizing themselves for something that happened like 100 years ago. And the rest of them were always on some “oh man I just want this to end; I don’t like war; I wanna go see my family UwU” after they come back from depriving Eldians (who’ve had their memory erased) of their own families. Maybe if we acc saw them showing some remorse for their actions I’d be more inclined to hear their side out. Reiner was having some split personality thing going on. He should’ve been inside a therapist’s office for the remainder of the series. But literally none of the other characters are ever like “shit I’m doing something bad to someone”. Even if they were shown thinking it in the back of their heads it would make me more inclined to like them. The only Marley folks I acc liked were Falco, Zophia and that kid with glasses they hung out with. They seemed normal despite the brainwashing so idk wtf Gabi’s problem was.

2. Ymir (not the og one)

Suddenly having a conscience after not giving a fuck the entire time, when the main cast needed her the most (esp Historia) was pure garbage. I get the author tryna keep the mystery of the titans and warriors going until later on but her going back with Reiner and Bert-whatever tf his name was- is pure and utter horseshit. She wasn’t a warrior kid so she didn’t have to answer to anyone! She could’ve gone back with the corps members and explained everything about the outside world right then and there and lived out the rest of her days with Historia idk. It would’ve been better if she died tryna save Historia or one of the corps members or something. Then the jaw Titan goes to a random Eldian and Marley can’t use it. Absolute garbage plot line. Her also not explaining to Eren wtf is going was bs too.

3. Warriors did not deserve a happy ending

ESP the RBA trio. Idc if they lived or died tbh but the one thing they shouldn’t have gotten was what they wanted the most: to see their families again. Their parents didn’t deserve it either. This is what they get for sending their kids off to war bunch of shit for brains. The best ending would’ve been when their parents got turned into titans, Annie and Reiner either get eaten by them or have to kill them. No happy reunion for any of these “honorary Marley” shits.

4. Pieck (however u spell it)

She should’ve faced some consequences and then died. Literally one of the most bland characters in the series. The only thing she had going for herself was that weird one-sided rivalry thing with Yelena and even that dissipated. Very irrelevant and not the strongest Titan idk how her boring ass survived. Also she has no remorse for any of her crimes either. She gassed Connie’s village and turned those folks into titans. Her backstory is boring. We already got a sad dad story from Annie. Ugly ass Titan and also tried to lecture Yelena about her crimes. Glad Yelena put her in her place tho. Along with the rest of the ppl at the campfire. Best ending for pieck would’ve been if she accidentally killed gabi. One of the kids she cared about so much died to her hands and not the enemy’s. Maybe it would’ve given her character some needed development.

5. Zeke

should’ve put up more of a fight and then gotten beheaded by Levi. Idc about his tragic backstory. He stole a troop member’s gear and let him get eaten by titans alive. Him looking down on the troops, risking their lives going against his Goliath baboon ass, sealed the deal for why he deserved a gruesome death; not one where he practically offers his head on a silver platter to get sliced.

6. Gabi should’ve died after shooting eren.

Pain in the ass character. Tell me how she shot Sasha and then continued to go around Paradise calling eldians devils and her ass doesn’t die. Her character is supposed to be like “oh look some bigot learns that the thing they hate the most is bc they don’t know about it well enough and then they stop hating it once they learn”. Okay well Marley isn’t about to stop conflict bc an Eldian kid had a change of heart and told them about it. Plot wise, prick should’ve killed her inside her ugly ass cart Titan mouth.

7. Original Ymir

should’ve had more of a dialogue. Her being in love with that creep ass stupid head Fritz was such a weird way to define her character as the founder. She should’ve had a Historia moment where she’s finally free and done with everyone’s bs and actually vocalizes that to the Eldians inside the Paths.

8. The Rumbling should’ve ended all of humanity and the only survivor (that we know of) should’ve been a random kid. Make Erwin’s words true: “The only time humans will stop fighting is when there’s one human left”. The 80% cop-out AND the warrior parents surviving? Absolutely not.

9. King Fritz’s soul should’ve been put into his own nightmare realm at the end; designed by Ymir.

Things I acc liked about the series:

1. When Eren first becomes a Titan and the audience feels like there’s hope for the cast.

2. When they overthrow the false king and establish a new government.

3. Hange.

4. Erwin (esp his long shot plans).

5. Levi (esp when he beats the shit out of zeke).

6. Falco.

7. Yelena- only fault was being a Zeke stan.

8. Armin- excluding all the weird Annie shit.

9. Historia after breaking the Titan syringe. That entire scene was so good.

10. The owl guy. He seemed okay.

11. That one pure Titan that acc looked kinda hot.

12. Dina’s last line to Grisha. It was so sweet :(

13. Eren unlocking his coordinate ability. Loved that whole scene.

14. Kaya almost murdering Gabi. It was done so well.

15. Niccolo giving that rage speech and saying “…yeah well I acc loved that girl who was one of these hellspawn devils”. The raw emotion was so well conveyed.

16. Yelena shooting that one dude when he started insulting Sasha.

17. Pixis shooting off into space after tasting some boar steak. It’s not part of the official plot line but that ova was so funny.

18. The aot chibi series

19. How strong the writing and plot was for aot during the first 4 seasons.

20. Hange and Levi trying to make the MP dudes rat out info and they make the second guy read the funniest shit on paper.

21. Hange making pigeon sounds after Eren in Titan form nods to her command.

22. Sasha becoming an actual demon after she senses food.

23. Etc.

This was very therapeutic for me. Ever since I finished this series, it left me feeling disappointed, dissatisfied, and anxious. I’m glad I wrote all this out; I can make peace with this show finally.

#ah man it feels so good to get all this out of me #I’m freeeeee #no longer building sand sculptures in the Paths #that was a joke #anime #netflix #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #armin arlet #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #hange #erwin #levi #yelena

[dukeaubergine]

I said this in a comment discussion on one of my fics, but I’m interested enough in the thought that I wanna chew on it a little more here. This is all observation, not criticism.

In the post-crisis pre-universe-resetting era, the common fanon version of Tim & Stephanie’s post-break-up friendship is based on Cassandra & Stephanie’s canon friendship. But often declawed.

Tim & Steph’s relationships have never been stable. They both zig-zag in how they treat each other, how they feel about each other. They had a lot of real-time years for this to happen in. After Stephanie comes back from the presumed-dead, they don’t have a lot of positive page time together before the universe resets. There really isn’t a lot there for fans who want to write a positive friendship to work with.

By contrast, Cass & Steph’s friendship is stable, probably because it’s relatively short. Cass’s Batgirl run is from 2000-2006, comprising of 73 issues, Stephanie isn’t introduced right away, and she ‘dies’ partway through with the run ending before her return. I haven’t spotted a lot of on-page interaction between them after Stephanie returns to Gotham.

Cass & Steph are equals who give each other crap while also opening up emotionally.

Cass introduces herself by breaking into Stephanie’s house to ask her to read a piece of evidence aloud, Stephanie immediately takes advantage of Cass’s disability by refusing to unless Cass brings her along on the case. On a later occasion, when Cass doesn’t need help and thinks Steph would get hurt if she came along, she uses a nerve-strike to immobilize and ditch her (she does this to Barbara once too!).

Stephanie asks Cass to train her, Cass likes showing off; whether Cass is a good teacher is up for debate, but they both have fun.

Stephanie isn’t used to other people having villain dads like she does, so she assumes Cass can’t relate, then frames it as a competition when she finally thinks to ask after Cass’s dad and learns he’s an even worse villain. But after that, she shifts gears to commiserating, and they laugh together over their terrible childhoods.

Cass taunts Stephanie about Steph always losing at rooftop tag!

When Stephanie is presumed dead, Cass hallucinates her under high-stress or near-death situations.

They’re a pair of teen girl vigilantes who can be inconsiderate of other people’s feelings, who’ve found someone who sometimes super gets where they’re coming from, but other times can’t understand each other at all. They become important to each other fast.

Batgirl 2000 let Cass & Steph be messy, imperfect people with a messy, imperfect friendship, and it felt realistic. I found it pretty satisfying to read! Cass’s relationships with her supporting cast are honestly one of the really enjoyable parts of her book.

It also provides a potential model for Stephanie’s platonic relationships with fellow teen vigilantes. So I can see why fans pick it up for a post-break-up friendship between Tim & Steph.

A lot of fic sands off the rough edges, though. For all of the characters’ relationships. I don’t see a lot of fic where I can imagine Cass nerve striking a friend to keep them out of the way. Tim is rarely allowed to really yell at people when he thinks they’re in the wrong (outside vent fic). Fanon Steph might try to hold evidence hostage to get what she wants, but she’s more likely to give up after a couple refusals and say “Ugh, you owe me one!” instead of sticking to the extortion.

Guess it’s another example of fandom using canon as building blocks. Interesting.

#DC comics #Aubergine posts #Stephanie Brown #Cassandra Cain #Tim Drake

[tfatwsiguess]

For those of us who have seen Thor: Love and Thunder… (it was so freakin good!) Spoilers ahead!!! ⚠️

• That opening scene after the daughter died and Gorr finds his god only to realize he was a collosal ass was actually so hard to watch- like this dude really just told you his people all died after worshipping you and you wanna laugh and throw shit at him 🙂

• Y’all. I finally get what you mean when you fawn over Thor, ‘cause man was looking FINE with his new look in the beginning of this movie. Like, yeah obviously I could look at him and see mans was attractive but this was the first time bro was actually doin it for me. 😂 Only other people who’ve managed to do that are Bucky and Marc (I’m asexual y’all sometimes I’m just slow to it lmao)

• Seeing the Guardians again was actually so nice. Made me realize how long it’s been since we’ve seen them with all the other post-endgame movies that have come out. Seeing Quill and Thor being friends was actually really nice. Was definitely expecting the competitiveness still bc of the trailer but Quill was even a fan of Thor’s whole act so I call that growth 😂

• Loved seeing my girl Darcy/Kat way too much and that’s probably because I just finished watching 2 Broke Girls. Character’s just so underrated and I want to see her Monica and Woo all back together. But omg I don’t think she even got to say goodbye to Jane 🥺

• The way I thought it was out of five stages of cancer and not four, it just made sense to me

• The first two minutes of Jane’s intro were already more interesting to me than anything she’s ever done in the first two movies. Not exactly a Jane hater am I, but I definitely didn’t think she was interesting enough on her own let alone to be Thor God of Thunder’s love interest (although I found the first two Thor movies incredibly boring too so maybe it’s their fault and not hers 😬) but I feel they definitely fixed that with this movie

• Actually loving them calling her King Valkyrie because yes it’s like making girl boss moves playing chess not checkers

• Jane’s move of splitting up the broken pieces of Mjolnir to attack multiple people at once is so badass???

• Sooooo NOW y’all wanna make me ship Jane and Thor?! Had three movies to do it before and gave me less than 0%. Why couldn’t they show us a glimpse of any of these flashbacks then 🤡

• The personification of Mjolnir and Stormbreaker were really a nice touch. Mjolnir actually heeding Thor’s wish when he asked it to protects her is pretty sweet and adorable

• Thor really has a thing with people copying his look. “I see you’ve copied the beard.” // “You’re wearing my look.”

• My God when he leveled up his armor with all those bright colors after he saw Jane’s he looked like a freakin Transformer to me

• Thor is not as skilled in giving inspirational speeches as ol’ Stevie was and I admire him for always trying and knowing that’s enough 🥹

• Jane and Valkyrie are actually extremely adorable and I love them, she’s like her goddess mentor

• “Eat my hammer” is giving… “get a face full of my hammer” and I’m down with it the way she delivers it lmao

• It’s the way I should’ve expected to see Thor/Hemsworth buns uncensored in this movie and I didn’t 😂 was completely surprised when my mom actually laughed at the women fainting she’s so conservative

• YES VALKYRIE WIELDING THAT LIGHTNING BOLT LIKE A QUEEN

• Okay Jane has such a flourish to her fighting movements and I freaking love it

• Jane actually staying in the hospital to let Thor take the reigns going forward was such satisfying character growth

• Holy crap the gifs y’all make of this movie are gonna look great- that rainbow bridge shot when the goats crash through the ceiling and the extension of Thor’s powers to the kids making a tree were so cool

• Did the wish granting space person thingy look like The Watcher to anyone?

• I’m really glad they had Gorr make the right decision to bring his daughter back. I thought it was gonna be the type of situation where when they break his sword he would stop being corrupted. Still not clear on why he was dying in the first place tho

• Thor having a DAUGHTER?! SO STINKIN CUTE AND PUREEEE 😭 Idk if y’all comic readers already knew about this but I never would’ve guessed that was where the movie would end up. (For X-Men lovers I went home and watched Logan right after that too so my heart’s been through the Daddy-Daughter ringer 🥺)

• My moments of realizing why it’s called Love and Thunder and why they kept using the song Sweet Child O’ Mine shown through emojis: 😯😱🙊🥺🥹

• Hercules?! Hell yeah

• I was hoping my good sis would make it into Valhalla with the died-of-cancer/saved-all-of-god-kind card. Certainly was nice seeing Heimdall again

That’s everything I remember off the top of my head but this really was such an exciting, funny and hilarious two hours of entertainment. Definitely see it in theatres if you can guys 🧡

#thor odinson #lady thor #thor love and thunder #love and thunder spoilers #valkyrie #king valkyrie #mighty thor #dr jane foster #mjolnir #stormbreaker #marvel #mcu #thor 4

[asset35-maya]

REUNION

Dear friends, followers. 

It’s me, Maya.

I’ve not been writing for a very long time because of work and other priorities in life, but I seriously plan to get back to it. I began writing fanfic two years ago as practice for creating concepts, narratives and character arcs without the pressure of original worldbuilding.

My secret dream is to write for film someday and run my own production company. I have some very strong ideas and hope to make them come alive in the next few years. For now, I will most likely juggle my IRL responsibilities and get some more practice/wordcount under my belt.

I might not always be successful, but I will try my level best to: A)finish my WIPs in the DBH and MCYT RPF fandoms and B)practice screenwriting and pieces required for film/television production.

Thank you to those who’ve supported me in the past. I hope you’ll stick around as I continue my writing journey, and give me notes if you can. (By notes, I mean feedback.. but tumblr notes would be awesome too!!)

To kick things off, here is a Treatment I’ve written for a spinoff from a popular but cancelled Netflix series called Altered Carbon:

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A CTAC soldier named Maya is spun up over 200 years after her organic death. The last memory she has is coming home from an offworld mission and getting her stack blown through her throat intact before she could even set her keys down. 

She finds her hometown on Earth largely unchanged. Cars fly, acid pours from the sky and nature is well and truly dead. The same Meths run everything, vapid and uncaring as ever. The quirky AI love hotels aren’t thriving like they used to but they’re definitely still around.

Her husband still lives in their apartment in midtown Bay City. David is CTAC Special Forces and incredibly valuable to the Protectorate. After two centuries of elite operations and resleeving on demand, the rank he bears is astronomically higher than Maya remembers. Mild surprise is all he expresses when she storms back into the tiny kitchen she died in.

He greets her like an acquaintance and informs her, almost as an afterthought, that their little boy is dead. RD-ed in conflict about twenty years after her attack. Top of his military cohort and as talented as his mother. They never found his stack. Likely destroyed by the Envoys he was fighting. Maya is overcome with grief for the toddler she never saw grow up. Her husband asks if she’ll stay for dinner.

She doesn’t have much time to dwell on the past. Maya soon finds herself in the employ of a powerful Meth who carried her stack along with several others on a key ring. The Meth is oddly kind, but ignores all her questions. The only clues come from the Meth’s wayward daughter, Ariel. A raging alcoholic who gets a new liver 3D-printed every week. It’s easy to hate the girl, but Maya’s irritation quickly disappears when she recognizes the tarnished wedding ring on Ariel’s finger. It is her own. And the wretched woman is her son’s widow.

Maya tries in vain to sit her monosyllabic husband down for a talk. His evasive responses frustrate her to no end and one evening, she slaps him across the face in a burst of rage. The tears in his eyes immediately tell her who’s been wearing her husband’s sleeve all this time... and Maya can’t believe it took her that long to recognize her own child. 

It’s extremely odd and she’s doubly thankful she made no attempt to rekindle any romance since her return. She wipes his tears and cups his jaw like she used to when he was nervous to board the school bus. They smile shakily at each other, both hyperaware of the irony of the situation. Between his father’s sleeve and his own stack, she’s coddling the most lethal fighter in the entire Protectorate.

“Robin... you need to tell me now. It’s okay. You’ve been very brave but I’m here now. You can tell me. Where is your father?”

“Somewhere safe.”

“Robin…”

“I promise, Ma. He’s as safe as you were all this time.”

The Meth’s key ring jingles in the back of Maya’s mind. She drops his jaw and steps back in shock. It would be so, so easy to burst back into her boss’s office and rip the ring of stacks out of his hand. But she knows better than that.

“Why?”

“Dad wanted to hide us all. So I helped him.”

“And your wife helped you?” 

“Ariel didn’t really know that she did but... yes.” 

“How did you-”

“I put on Dad’s sleeve and handed her two stacks. Yours. Dad’s.”

Maya closes her eyes as her worst suspicion is confirmed. It was David who’d pulled the gun on her all those lifetimes ago. It was David who’d scooped her stack up from the bloodied floor with utmost love and care. It was David who’d turned their son into their saviour.

“Told her it was the Envoys who killed her husband, and when the time came, we would spin them back up to make things right.”

“She’s been waiting 200 years for you to make good on that promise?”

“Her family would never doubt a word to come out of a CTAC officer’s mouth.”

“Okay. So why am I here now, Robin?”

“Laurens Bancroft just pulled Takeshi Kovacs out of prison.”

The second name rings a bell, and Maya claps a hand over her eyes as yet another suspicion is confirmed. David had always been a little too intrigued by the literature of Quellcrist Falconer. It was an interest that went above and beyond knowing one’s enemy. She’d warned him about it plenty of times. Robin probably remembered the dinner table arguments too. But here they were, 200 years hence. A family of three with their heads in the lion’s mouth, banking on the last Envoy to do something crazy and finally set them all free.

#Personal Update #writing #altered carbon #cortical stack #ctac #takeshi kovacs #quellcrist falconer #altered carbon spinoff idea #original character #my writing