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#ough dysphoria hours boys
dirt-grub
·
3 years
Text
hm thinkin about trying transtape
#like idk its an option now.... i have money n stuff
#itll be way less strain on my ribs and like you can sleep in it...
#idk im in a weird spot bc im dysphoric but i know HRT is right around the corner but im like still scared
#i have a referral but i need to tell my parents im going to that appt so like. its not going to be easy
#like i have no clue how theyre going to be about it now that its actually happening
#so i kind of want to try some other stuff in case that blows up in my face and leaves me twice as dysphoric but idk
#im waiting until my next therapy appt to make a decision i wanna ask my therapist what i should do
#but like. with quarantine i got used to not wearing my binder so much so like i get winded so easily if i decide to put it on
#but also if i leave it off im just mad at my chest all the time
#and my voice has been driving me nuts too.... i dont talk as much bc im mostly by myself and i open my mouth and just
#its like oh god thats what i sound like???
#ough dysphoria hours boys
#i want to start hrt so bad like i just. i want to get there
#ive been waiting forever and it feels like its never going to happen but in reality it could happen within the next month!
#i hate this feeling this is how i felt about graduating too
#everything is in such a standstill and id jump out and grab it if it wasnt for my family
#im nervous. i dont need more friction here
#like they said do whatever you want we support you but said i should wait until im like 25 or some shit are you kidding
#they keep coming up with excuses like we're not against it just uhhh some other thing
#like they were worried about my mental health and that it might be *too much* with me also starting school... im doing fine in school
#ive proven that so far
#so like. there shouldnt be anything holding me back but they just dont want me to and thats the core of it
#so theyll come up with something else i can just hear it now
#theyll be like just dont aiden wait please can you just understand we're worried about blah blah blah
#this is making my mental health worse! you cant just keep telling me i have to put my comfort aside without a reason
#although who knows maybe theyll just say okay fine but like
#still. they went back on my pronouns again.
#what are they gonna do when i start physically changing?
#im scared they wont even be able to look at me. they already hardly can
#i know i shouldnt care about what they think but theyre the roof over my head. i have to live with them every day
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