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#oughgh over like the need to strive for something more. but also tying back into that thoughts on kafka note from alex and when she said
arklay · 2 years
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hi i found another song last night for the clown pair and i will never emotionally recover from this
#it’s only 6am but i’m about to be so annoying right now#so. illusion by vnv nation. uh. i’m not okay first of all#but okay i don’t know if this is even gonna make sense without the context of their relationship and like everything that is in my brain but#i heard this and all i could think about was how he just pretty much goes off the rails after learning from spencer that he was basically#an experiment and she just doesn’t want the albert she knows and love to go. she will stand by his side. she will follow through with the#vision they’ve shared over these years but she doesn’t want him to leave. she’s by his side through it all and that’s not going to change#but seeing how consumed he becomes by his hatred and anger. how it fuels this ideal to become a god. she can’t help but feel like he’s#slipping away and there is nothing she can do to stop it. she’s never seen him be reckless or act so much on emotion and it’s a change she’s#not sure she likes seeing. it doesn’t change the fact that she loves him. doesn’t change that she will see this through to the end with him.#i have so many emotions about this song it’s unreal but hearing it and my brain going oh uh this fits them actually was just ouch stop#wish i could transfer all the context in my mind to others so they are like italicised oh moment over this as well#‘i know it’s hard to tell how mixed up you feel / hoping what you need is behind every door’ that anxiety that was placed in him as a#fail safe by spencer. that need to be something greater and to push for his plans because of these ideals and beliefs that he was brought up#to believe. ‘each time you hurt i don’t want you to change / because everyone has hopes you’re human after all’ help. they may believe#themselves to be superior over other people. may fancy themselves as gods of a new world. but this perfect image he’s created. this cold and#composed demeanour. it doesn’t change that he hurts as well. that what spencer did to him and the life he stole from him was going to affect#him because he still is human. and she knows that better than anyone. i mean literally the rest of this verse too. just all of it i’m so#oughgh over like the need to strive for something more. but also tying back into that thoughts on kafka note from alex and when she said#that he must have felt this way as well. that he was bred for a purpose and when that was fulfilled he would be cast aside. idk i’m fine i#swear. then of course the whole chorus is just ouch ouch send help ‘i don’t want you to hate / for all the hurt that you feel’ like shut up#shut up shut up this is not okay. screaming over this whole song like it just ruined me last night… also this bit from next verse i think#also ties really nicely into their whole will live as gods in the new world situation and the fact that they just know each other’s minds so#well and are so intelligent and believe themselves better than others like ‘but what i do know is to us the world is different / as we are#to the world but i guess you would know that’ OKAY i’m literally gonna shut up now i promise i’m just. okay. i’m fine#pair: 🤡#leah.txt
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