#our own lives — like how our relationship was or how their friendship is faring.

[crooked-wasteland]

Hazbin Hotel Live Blog: Hello Rosie

I’ve realized that I spent a long time belaboring the accomplishments of other writers, but I don’t think I ever touched on Ariel Ladensohn. Responsible for the episodes Scrambled Eggs and Hello Rosie, she is credited for shows like Solar Opposites and Futurama, however she has only written a single episode for the Futurama reboot that I can find whereas she is a producer for the show otherwise. Meanwhile, she has minor, single episode writing credits for series like My Little Pony Friendship is magic in 2019 (A Horse Shoe-in), and Clifford the Big Red Dog. In fact, the most credit to her name is under Justin Roiland’s Solar Opposites where she started as a consistent script writer and eventually entered middle management as a story editor. She has a family history within show business through her mother Cybill Sheperd, a well-known celebrity and model of the previous generations. Based on Scrambled Eggs, I will say that episode feels like Justin Roiland fare, and I don’t expect much different from this episode.

Even the series seems self aware at times with Angel Dust proclaiming all of Charlie’s ideas thus so far being failures and Husk even pointing out that the more Charlie tries to do, the worse it gets for everyone else. Charlie lives in this place of protection because of Lucifer, supposedly. This idea that Lucifer is trying to protect her and it’s why she is never in danger during the exterminations isn’t one I’ve actually seen confirmed in the show in any way. It’s alluded to, but with how much of the show is unspoken and outright fabricated with deceit being framed in the last episode as “It’s a lie because otherwise nothing makes sense” when the world building as a whole doesn’t make any sense, I don’t trust the show. I don’t trust the show or writers to know what they are talking about and reluctant to give them any grace in that way. Seven episodes into an 8 episode series and all you’ve accomplished is confusing me. Has Charlie ever even been helpful? We still don’t know what progress is supposed to look like. And we are supposed to think Angel Dust in episode 4 sees Charlie as a friend he can protect while she’s still the Princess of Hell for one and, two, here we see him lamenting her meddling entirely. No one has faith in her but Vaggie, and even then, having faith in Charlie is her entire personality.

Side point, but Vaggie adding”In our room” didn’t sound or feel like she was sad. Rather, we just added that line for some reason? Am I supposed to get the vibe that Charlie and her are broken up in some way from the angel reveal? Or is this the dialogue stating out loud that it is their shared room and that they are in fact a couple because otherwise there is massive room for doubt due to how sanitized the lesbian relationship is in this series. I don’t know, I can’t tell, both can be true because there is so much and yet nothing at all in this series on every level.

If only the show actually showed that the Egg Bois were unreliable narrators at some point. Instead the few times we see them it is that they have difficulty following orders. Not that they actually are unreliable in everything.

So going back to this massive plot point of Angels only being harmed by Angelic weapons, like I said last post, this huge reveal fails to land or build any interest for numerous reasons. For one, Carmilla’s whole business is arms dealing with angelic weapons that Angels just leave behind. Like, a cornerstone of the lore of Hazbin is that angelic weapons are just dumped like litter into Hell every extermination, so one would think that if angelic weapons are the only thing capable or harming angels, Sera would have had a very tight rule about making sure all these weapons are returned to Heaven for their own safety. Even if you want to make the argument Adam and Lute don’t know this, Sera definitely would. And her entire hope for keeping Heaven safe is entirely negated because Adam’s goons are just supplying Hell with the only weapons that can kill angels every year. Second, as stated previously, Vaggie was injured by angelic weapons when Lute attacked her and carved out her eye. It makes no sense that she wouldn’t know the power of angelic weapons. Point three, Vaggie’s wings were torn off by Lute’s bare hands. I’m reminded of Dan Olsen’s video essay The Art of Editing and Suicide Squad where he talks about the use of the Unicorn plushy in the film and the way a narrative must reinforce an idea for these sort of plot points to be effective.

“Then, in the tower brawl, Captain Boomerang is wrestling with a tar monster who stabs him right in the heart. And for a second you go ‘oh no!’- but, Being a savvy and attentive viewer, you immediately go ‘ah wait, the unicorn!’ And you pat yourself in the back as Boomerang pulls out the knife stuck in a wad of money.”

This feels like the Suicide Squad Unicorn situation. There is so much going on and no one in the room was able to catch these contradictions in the production. By the narrative denaturing on such a foundational world building level, the weight of every reveal and plot point is about the equivalent of a paper ball. It fails to ground the world, abide by its own rules, and thus never succeeds as a show. It is a concept that never pounded out the impurities and results in a confusing waste of time.

Wait, did Charlie forget about Cannibalism Town? Episode one she made a point to declare it in the song and how everyone was bright and smiling. So it shows an understanding of what foreshadowing is as a concept, but because no one else remembers or knows anything about Cannibal Town, Ariel was forced to reintroduce the setting in such a way that feels like bad writing. My point is, Ariel is doing the best she can here, the issue lies with Medrano and how she drew attention to Cannibal Town when it wasn’t relevant but never reinforced the plot point. Again, the unicorn plush situation pops up. Because she failed to incorporate Cannibal Town throughout the series, we needed this whiplash redo of the setting to actually immerse the audience in a way that makes narrative sense. Ariel is doing the best she can and it should be noted that this was the best way to rush this plot point because Medrano did nothing she needed to do up to this moment. Cannibal Town needed to be explored a little every episode and incorporated in all of the plots for this to work. By just announcing it in the first episode to try and hint this was going to be important, and then go another 2 and a half hours of content with no reminders at all, Ariel’s only hope was making this a plot hole to try and smooth over the train wreck this whole aspect of the show turned into.

In fact, I just remembered Ariel did Scrambled Eggs, which would have been perfect to set up the reminder of Cannibal Town and its importance by focusing on Rosie. Instead, the episode focused on Zestial and having him and Alastor catch up when it very obviously should have been Rosie for this specific purpose. Was Kritzer more expensive than James? Why focus on this character so long when all he serves is as a vessel to Carmella confessing her involvement in the killing when Rosie is far more important a player? I’m not saying they should have cut him out entirely, but that time would have been better suited with giving Rosie more to do.

My nitpick of the episode is that Rosie’s voice and character bothers me and rips me out of any level of immersion I could have. The accent is noticeably fake to the point it is distracting and the dialogue and pacing is so paint by numbers Jewish mother stereotype that is actually feels too slow. If this makes sense, she isn’t delivering the lines fast enough for it not to feel like a blatant caricature. It’s a stereotype that feels like a stereotype because it hits just off the mark ever so slightly that it draws all the more attention to it. For a show with breakneck pacing, these scenes drag and it is due to the delivery entirely. And before someone does attempt to argue the actress, Leslie Kritzer, is in fact Jewish, yes, she is half Jewish on her father’s side with a Puerto Rican mother. Kritzer was raised Catholic and was not privy to the Jewish Mother character growing up, despite being ethnically half Jewish. That does matter.

The terrifying thing is how the whole negotiation scene with Rosie is so rushed. She says she likes Charlie’s moxie when all Charlie has done is have the prelude of a mental breakdown in front of her. She made it clear how everything is her fault, how everyone she cares for is in danger and pretty much doomed. The literal definition of Moxie is “Force of character or determination” when all Rosie has seen is Charlie actively caving under the weight of everything. That is, in fact, the opposite of moxie. Sure, we have seen her stand up to Sera and stand up for her beliefs, but Rosie has not. This is a common issue in Medrano’s writing where she fails to know which characters know what. They are ignorant when it is convenient and just as equally omnipotent when required. And, like I said, they also feel too slow. The delivery is just too slow and the scenes are too fast, too much happens when it makes no sense and everything just feels like a waste of time.

I just realized why this scene feels like such a waste of time: it lacks tension. The sequence where Rosie walks up to Alastor is such a wide shot, her asking about his plan bears no weight. This is genuinely some of the worst scene composition. This is an expensive shot with Charlie, Rosie and Alastor as well as the need to use filler background characters in the corner to make the space feel lived-in. But this whole issue would have been resolved by utilizing he exact scene direction that follows. Have Rosie close the distance between her and Alastor and have it cut to a 1/3rd body shot of the two. Have Charlie cut from the scene as neither are even acknowledging her in this moment and it shows how Alastor and Rosie see her as a child, ignoring her despite being the princess of Hell. Have Rosie’s approach be an over-shoulder closeup from Alastor’s side, and instead of cutting off Rosie’s face, have the characters get closer together as the camera zooms in. Make the connection between Alastor and Rosie stronger so her words feel slightly ominous when she says “Alastor has never done me wrong before”. Where you wonder if you can trust Rosie, or if maybe Rosie doesn’t really trust Alastor and is giving a subtle warning. The utter lack of nonverbal storytelling sucks all depth and nuance out of the episode.

Carmella is a top tier character in a woefully subpar story. She is everything its clear Medrano’s wishes Alastor was. She is intimidating and intelligent. It tips a bit too far into ludicrous levels of knowledge that, if thought about, feels like it is the writer cheating. And it is. This absolutely is cheating, because the characters who should know Vaggie is an angel, for example, don’t. Alastor, Charlie, and Lucifer are either totally ignorant of Vaggie being an angel or are playing stupid. The reason Carmella has made is that it benefits her to not draw attention to herself, but Alastor should be able to make the same level of inference on Vaggie and doesn’t. To say he does but says nothing makes no sense because he could have been playing puppet master this whole time by using Vaggie’s angel status to control her and/or Charlie in any number of ways. And if anyone would know about Vaggie, it should be Lucifer. And Lucifer should be distrusting of Vaggie at the least. So Carmella is a cool character, but if we really think about it, it’s obvious that she’s just OP to serve a purpose in the plot.

I love Carmella’s long hair design, but the hair just is down in a microsecond of a scene. It was a change in a single frame that went by faster than a blink. It needed to have more emphasis for the reason to be understood: Vaggie is making excuses. It doesn’t translate clearly that Carmella is trying to pull the “equal footing” trope because there was no weight to her letting her hair down. It needed to at least be given a second to focus, not even a verbal acknowledgment, but just have Carmella let down her hair and make eye contact for a second before beating Vaggie up further.

I feel the need to have a small personal rant here, I have ballroom experience, I am also a Latino. The scene and song were ideally set to have a partner-based dance influence. I mainly dance waltz, but I feel a tango was ideal for this sort of song. The beat is too slow for a salsa. There are many different types of Latin dances to choose from (cha cha, salsa, tango, samba). The lack of appropriate Latin influences for a Latina coded character who is also heavily inspired by dancers, and yet none of the proper dance influences were taken advantage of. This entire character concept was fumbled hard. On top of it all, by not selecting a coherent dance style, the fight-dance choreography doesn’t make use of each person’s different strengths. Carmella uses her legs as her weapons while Vaggie has her spear in her arms. So Vaggie mirroring Carmella does nothing to improve her understanding of combat.

Steven Universe focused its use of music to individual instruments. Garnet was a synth bass instrument which heavily influenced her entire character design. Synth Basses are the backbone for many contemporary music genres, especially hip-hop. And Garnet’s character design from being black-coded to her dance style being Waacking, a form of street dance associated with the gay disco clubs of 1970s LA, specifically credited to black choreographer Tyrone Proctor. This is how you utilize ethnic coding in an animated musical. Instead, Carmella is Latina-coded with a Spanish guitar as her musical motif, with very specific native latin American motifs to her movements like maracas and a jaguar with a ballet style dance. This is a cacophony of influence with no understanding of any of them being forced together in a Frankenstein amalgamation of disappointment. Especially the minor use of maracas in Carmella’s character as they are very unique and important to Mexican and Latin culture.

Charlie’s feelings about Vaggie comes off extremely selfish. Vaggie was an exorcist which is hinted at to be a human soul, which means her neglecting to tell Charlie she was an exorcist wasn’t a lie. She was a fallen soul by that point, just like any other person in Hell. She has a history like the rest of them, but her time in heaven would be just a relevant as her time alive, which the show has made clear doesn’t matter to anyone in the series. So having Charlie need this sort of pep talk shows why her hotel is a failure more than anything: she doesn’t really believe in anything she is saying. As a concept, sure, but in practice, her sense of redemption has never previously required confession. Only when she feels entitled to another person does it suddenly matter. She doesn’t care about who Angel Dust or Sir Pentious were before coming to the hotel. Them killing other sinners doesn’t affect her at all. It is only when it’s someone she feels personally entitled to, or a sense of ownership over, that suddenly someone’s past matters. And that’s hypocritical. In fact, it goes deeper still in how Charlie is only interested in who Vaggie was before and no one else, but that comes from a sense of owning Vaggie. Everyone else, Charlie rejects on a fundamental value. Angel Dust’s hypersexuality is uncomfortable for her and she wishes he wasn’t that way. Nifty’s sadistic weirdness is uncomfortable for her and she wants that to change too. Husk’s aloof alcoholism is also a problem for her. Even with the Cannibals, she demands them to change (tone it down) to fit her sensibilities even as she is asking them to possibly die for her. I have seen people claim that the whole criticism of Heaven is hypocricy, I’ve said before it isn’t. I’ll assert it again: Heaven isn’t the hypocrite, Charlie is.

The first thing I said upon finishing this episode was “I would have rather seen the episode of Angel, Pent, Nifty, and Husk resolving to stick together despite thinking they had been abandoned. The character drama and the conclusion of them really coming together would have been far more intimate and cathartic than seeing Charlie and Vaggie “make up” by talking with complete strangers.

3/10

#vivienne medrano #vivziepop #vivziepop criticism #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin critique #hazbin criticism #hazbin hotel liveblog #hazbin critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critique #hazbin hotel

[rin-and-jade]

I have only one other alter. And we are pretty much ambivalent to each other. We don’t hate each other, we don’t particularly like each other either. Due to this, I feel as though I’m faking because alters are supposed to be formed to help, to comfort take care or in the case of a persecutor to cause trouble. But she and me don’t do any of these things to each other. When she front sometimes I come ba k to realize she got me in trouble but it’s never for the express purpose of getting me in trouble. Even in the inner world void, we don’t talk to each other, just sometimes see each other. It’s also very isolating because I feel so left out of system positivity posts, as they’re always about how much their system supports them but I have one other person and she doesn’t like me. I feel like I. An never talk about or be positive about my system in system spaces. It’s lonely. What should I do? Is there anything I can do? Am I faking? You don’t have to answer every question I know it’s a lot just any kind of answer would be nice.

My guy, you come here to look for answers, i'm here to do my job by answering any and every questions people give to me,, it doesn't matter if its silly or its unimportant because.. i want to do it for you guys. Also bare with this long explanation, i got to...

When people think of the perfect image of a family or friendship, it all varies but the similarity in general (of how i think) is everything being as functional and as happy as possible all the time, right? I wish, that only exists in fiction sadly. It does not work that way in real life (or to an extent) as not everyone can be friends with each other and thats fine.

I hope you would appreciate me telling my own relationships with others-- i'll give you one,, this one's a secondary keeper, it's a he, so in short he and i are sort of "meh" with each other,, sometimes he gets me in trouble or i get him or others in trouble,, we do not click at all in a discussion or in a debate as we got our own opinions and morals. Does this makes us perfect? No it doesn't. Does it also means we're not doing the things we're supposed to? No, we do our work. Even though it is true that parts are created to be of help, its only half of the truth,, and the even trickier thing is if you don't see things from a different perspective, it will make people assume that the "help" has one definitive meaning and form. This is untrue.

If you think of love, what comes to your mind at first,, is it physical touch like hugs? Maybe being supportive? Attentive? Meeting your emotional needs? Physical needs?? If a guardian love its child, it may not be able to sacrifice time to play together or go somewhere and have fun, be it either too busy working to meet your needs or other problems,, does this means the guardian doesn't love you because not being with you all the time? No. Do you wish it talks with you more? Probably yes. If love can comes in many form, so does with help.

Back to my relation with the secondary keeper, we do not fare well with each other and i BARELY talk to him,, but taking account of his or my actions, mutually agree to work together in solving (because i'd just push him away i couldn't care that much) and keeping an eye out of each other is still a form of help, not what anyone would ask for but needed. Do we go along well? No. But sure we do still have our own ways of being a help. It is alright to have fights, to have enemies, to not know each other despite living in one same body for years-- it is also okay if everyone goes along with each other and barely fight and support each other pretty often,, everyone's dynamic look different, so in conclusion, you are not faking for having it differently.

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #sysblr #janswersask

[voraciousvore]

Boarding School for Giants (11/25)

------ Chapter 11 ------

For the first time in a long time, I felt happy, even exhilarated, like a candle was warming my insides. I picked up dinner on my way out of the giant school and started biking home. My heart was fluttering, but not from fear. I still experienced a heightened anxiety every time I had to bike past a giant, but I wasn’t consumed by those negative emotions as I had been earlier. I could handle the unfathomable size of everything now, as impossible and overwhelming as it all was. 

I felt as if, for the moment, everything would be okay. Even so, I found myself thinking about my mother again. I wondered how she was faring without me. My good mood soured quickly. I wished I could just talk to her, find out the truth. Did she really abandon me, or was she doing this to me for my own good? The lack of clarity on the issue frustrated me to no end. We always had a rocky relationship, ever since my dad had left and ripped our family apart, but deep down I still cared. I relied on her, as much as I hated to admit it to myself. If I just had my phone, I could call her and ask her directly. 

Pushing those thoughts aside, my mind wandered to Joey again. I was grateful to finally have a friend among my peers, and I didn’t feel quite so alone. I just hoped the friendship would last. He wasn’t the sort of person I usually hung out with. Many of my peers judged me harshly for my saucy attitude, and I was accustomed to filling the role of the “bad” kid. I usually hung out with other “bad” kids who wouldn’t look down on me for acting up or smoking, but many of them were jerks too. All my life I always felt like a puzzle piece that didn’t fit anywhere. 

Of course, I knew a big part of that sentiment was my fault. I didn’t want to get too close to anyone, only to be abandoned and hurt as my father had did to me, so I pushed people away with my bad behavior and held them at arm’s length. In essence, I had sharpened my deep sadness and loneliness into a spear of rage to poke at anyone who tried to enter my inner sanctum. Maybe it was time for me to change and adapt, as my circumstances were radically different now. Already, I had undeniably lost some of my edge just in the few days I had been in the world of giants, living with constant fear and intimidation. I desperately needed a support system here. I couldn’t push people away like I usually did, or else I might not survive. 

These personal reflections were sobering, and I was deep in thought when I finally made it back to my dorm. As I put my bike in the rack and went inside, I resolved to do better, to be a better me. I would try to be more open, more gregarious, less abrasive and disagreeable to others. Less of a prickly cactus, more of a soft blooming flower. The change wouldn’t be easy, but considering all the factors I had to do it. 

Now, though, I was tired, and needed to rest my weary legs and nerves. I changed into more comfortable clothes, ate the dinner I snagged from the lunchroom, and vegged out to some death metal for a while. I craved a cigarette to help me relax, but I was out. I guess I needed to quit anyway. New me, right? I sighed. 

Every once in a while the building rumbled as giants walked past. I didn’t think I could ever get used to how huge they were, or how small I felt. The light outside started to fade. I got up to turn on a light when suddenly the floor underneath me shook like an earthquake, nearly knocking me over, and the last rays of the setting sun were blotted out by shadow. I glanced over at the nearest windows and saw multiple pairs of giant shoes. The building was encircled by giants. 

All my thoughts earlier about being more outgoing and friendlier flew out of my head. I panicked and sprinted like a wild rabbit to the kitchen, thrusting open the cabinet under the sink and squeezing inside the hiding place I had scoped out earlier for such a contingency. I barely made it in on time before I heard the all-too-familiar click of the roof unlatching and a strained groan as it swung open. I didn’t dare to move. My frantic heartbeat thudded so loud I almost believed whoever was out there would be able to hear it. 

“Hello, little human? Are you in there?” an enormous masculine voice called, the sound resonating through the tiny space. I remained silent and motionless, despite how uncomfortable I was cramped up against the piping from the sink. 

“Aww, that’s too bad. I really thought it would be in here,” another male voice, just as full and loud, chimed in. It? Did they just call me an “it”? I didn’t like that dehumanizing moniker at all. 

“How disappointing. I’ve never seen a real live human before,” a third voice piped up, this one female. “Wow, are they really this small?” I heard some shuffling and thumping within the building. Something massive, likely a giant knuckle, happened to knock against the door to the cabinet and I had to repress a cry of alarm. 

“Check this out!” Were they going through my things? Indignation flashed hotly within me, but as usual I was powerless to stop them. 

“Look how tiny it is! So cute!” Ugh. I grimaced. I was getting irritated at being forced to listen to them prattle on while they touched all my stuff with their grubby fingers. They would probably end up breaking something. 

“And the furniture! It would be dwarfed even by the furnishings in a dollhouse!” Great, so to them I was even smaller than a doll, barely the size of a pinky finger. How could I reasonably expect any respect from such gigantic beings? I was fuming as I listened to the giant hands continue to explore through the building. I felt humiliated. 

“You’ve actually interacted with a human before, right Marcus? What are they like?” the feminine voice questioned with fascination. 

“Yes, technically, I suppose I did, but the little human ran away as soon as it saw me. I didn’t get the chance to actually talk to it. I happened to be near the dividing wall and I spied one walking around. The poor little thing was terrified. It scurried back into the little door in the wall and didn’t come back out.” 

“Oh.” She sounded disappointed. “They’re just like us though, right? Just miniature?” 

“I’m not sure. They look like us at least, on a much smaller scale. But they do seem more skittish, and like I said I’ve never heard one talk before. I guess if the rumors are true, and there really is a human attending this school, we’ll find out eventually.” 

The giants outside were quiet for a minute. I didn’t hear their hands roving around anymore either. “What a shame,” the female voice said, a bit more muted than before. “I really wanted to meet one. But I don’t want it to be frightened of me either. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt it.” 

“Just because you wouldn’t doesn’t mean somebody else won’t. You heard what happened, didn’t you?” 

“What?” 

“About Trent? The real reason he got expelled? The administrators are trying to cover it up, but apparently a few students witnessed the commotion. He actually ate the human student. Swallowed it whole and alive. That’s why Mr. Henderson throttled him so badly, to make him vomit the poor creature back up.” 

“That’s dreadful! What a barbaric thing to do!” 

“I always thought that Trent was a creep. That story just confirms it.” 

Listening to those disembodied voices talk about me, oblivious to my presence, made me feel strange. I hadn’t fully considered how much the giant students had really interacted with humans, or how humans were perceived among them. What Mr. Henderson had told me, about the importance of my being here, made more sense now. Most of their knowledge was secondhand and likely ill-informed, judging by how they referred to me as an “it.” There wasn’t any malice in their wording, though, just ignorance and curiosity. 

I debated whether I should come out and introduce myself. I didn’t think there was any danger of them hurting me, and they seemed eager to meet a human for the first time. Even so, the thought of being surrounded by three huge giants, their attention all on me, was deeply intimidating. Just thinking about it made my heart race, my lungs gasp, and my skin perspire. I was still afraid. I just couldn’t do it. I’d rather stay locked inside forever than have to stand up to giants again. I was ashamed of my cowardice, but fear ultimately won out, and I stayed in place, hidden. My resolve to be braver and make friends slipped away as quickly as it had come, leaving me with nothing but a sad emptiness. 

“My gramps claims he used to have a pet human, a long time ago. He said it ran away though. He never found out what happened to it.” 

“Isn’t that illegal?” 

“Yeah, but who’s gonna find out and report it? The human?” 

I found this topic of conversation disturbing, to say the least. They continued to chat with each other for a while, going off on tangents, as I listened in and gathered information. Eventually, the giants started to get bored of waiting. 

“Oh well, I guess the human’s not coming back anytime soon. I wonder where it’s at right now.” 

“If it’s even still attending this school. I mean, would you want to stay here if you got eaten alive by one of your classmates?” 

“Its personal belongings are still here though. Remember the tiny little backpack we saw? And if you look closely, there’s other stuff in there too! It’s definitely still living in here!” The voice sounded excited by this revelation. 

“You’re probably right, but wherever the human is now, it’s not here. Let’s go.” Murmurs of agreement followed, and I heard the loud crash of the roof being closed. I waited until their thundering footsteps faded away before I dared to come out again. I was breathing hard, and it took a while for me to calm down. I urgently needed to speak with Mr. Henderson about getting a lock for the roof, but I figured he probably wouldn’t be back on campus until Monday. My nerves couldn’t handle these unannounced interruptions. I hated the idea that anyone with malicious intent could just pop it open, at any time, and snatch me up. I had no privacy and no safety. What if I got kidnapped in the middle of the night? 

That night, instead of sleeping in my bed, I slumbered on one of the couches in the communal area. The couches were close to the kitchen, so I would have at least a chance to run and hide to my secret space if I had little to no warning of an intruder. Although nobody else bothered me that evening, I didn’t sleep well at all. I tossed and turned all night and woke up in a cold sweat at the slightest sound. My nights from now on were going to be rough. 

Next chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731605458561925120/boarding-school-for-giants-1225?source=share

1st chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/voraciousvore/731600430392639488/boarding-school-for-giants-125?source=share

#g/t #giant/tiny #giant #tiny #giant tiny #sfw g/t #boarding school for giants #g/t writing #g/t fluff #size difference

[kaiticn]

we will name this place (1989)

I am painfully lonely. I always kind of have been, too. And I know that. I felt it early and I feel it now. It's always been heavy, and lately, increasingly so.

It's becoming clearer to me now that I came face-to-face with my loneliness in Orillia. No parents, no boyfriend, no real family or friends. Just me. I turned to dating apps for companionship and settled for the kind of attention I knew I didn't need. I can count more boys that I associated with & abandoned within two years than I can the amount of quality, lasting friendships I made.

At some point I was living by myself; quarantined on my own in a four-bedroom house, in a town where not one person would care if I even left the house at all. That can take a toll on someone who's not faring well.

I smoked a lot of a weed. It's a surprise that I'm still an honours student, considering that my braincells probably shouldn't be intact. I smoked until my anxiety went away and I was content with loneliness; until darkness became comfort and quiet melted into solitude. That was the only way that I could enjoy myself, because in reality, I don't. I can't? Perhaps, even, I'm unwilling to try.

I only liked myself when I was high. I think that's something that has taken me a while to admit, and something that will take even longer for me to speak aloud. When I'm high, I'm free. And fluid. And soft. And emotional. And contemplative. And inspired. And accepting. And open and real and tethered. Being high & alone makes me feel a kind of concreteness of self that I don't feel on a regular basis.

Most days, I feel detached & scattered. And anxious. And fearful. And depressed. And empty. And so outside of myself that I can't always tell from what perspective I am looking at the world. That's not how I want to be, and I've embarked on a path for the last three years to acknowledge & heal & grow away from these feelings and I can't. They are carried from my youth and as an adult, they haunt me during already trying times.

I don't know how to make friends.

--

I write this from an empty study space at York University. It's only a little funny, actually, once I began writing about loneliness that I realized every stranger that once shared the space with me had left.

No one in my life understands this feeling that I have right now. Not a single person. I stay isolated in my room at yet another house full of strangers. We don't talk.

I wake up, I get dressed, and I walk to work on my own. The mornings are quiet. I don't speak.

Work is one of the only places where I am starting to feel like myself. As a supervisor, SS has been good company. However our relationship is conditional to only exist within the boundaries of our shared place of employment.

Sometimes after my shift I'll walk to my classes, also alone. I am five months into school and I cannot say that I have connected with a single peer well enough to call them my friend and feel good about it. I seldom talk to people about anything other than school. And small talk. And "man it's cold out". And "do you know when the test marks are up". And "I have so much reading to do". And "see you later". "See you tomorrow". "I don't think it would make much a difference if I saw you tomorrow or ever again, for either of us".

This kind of thing makes me feel cold. Like a cynic. Like a bitch. I don't like that word. But regardless, it reigns true.

We part ways. I walk through Central Square alone. And Ross alone. And Vari Hall alone. And the outdoor corridor alone. And then The north parking lot alone. And by that point, I pass the final emergency post on the outskirts of campus, always hoping that nothing actually happened to me between there and home, because I'm by myself.

Then I'm in my room again. And I spend the rest of the evening on my own. Lethargic. Tired. Voiceless. If I don't nap, I'm streaming TV. And if I'm not streaming TV then I don't know what I'm doing, but it's never school work. It's usually compulsively cleaning my room. Or folding my clothes. Or organizing my drawers. Or biting my nails or tearing at my skin again. And again. And again. Or sitting on the floor or laying on the bed and not sleeping, but just staring at the wall and drawing upon memories or completely fabricating conversations because I'm tired of replaying my own lived experiences. Then I fall asleep and sometimes I don't have a chance to vocalize "goodnight" to anyone.

I have Maurice. I know this. But he's only ever been surrounded by people his entire life. A surplus of constant engagement. That can be exhausting in itself, I don't doubt it. But I can't convey to him how draining my own lifestyle is. He encourages me to find energy and motivation and initiative and discipline but when I'm on my own for so long, it feels impossible to be the reminder to perform and the performer at the same time.

I've started talking to myself. When I walk I just start naming the things I see until it turns into some kind of diluted narration of my surroundings.

"Stairs"

"Student Centre"

"Jacket"

"White"

"Off-white?"

"White"

"Mask"

"Hat"

"Hat"

"Mask"

"Hat"

"Head covering"

"Head covering"

"All hats are head coverings"

"Some without religious connotations"

And I go on.

I don't know what my goal is in writing this. Right now I feel something tight within my chest, although this feeling lingers. I need an outlet. I feel like screaming. I don't want to scream I just want to talk to someone, and not text them, but talk. I want to use my voice. I want to be with people and laugh hard and yell and sing. I miss singing but I don't have where to do it in private anymore.

Quiet is overwhelming me. I'm going to go sit outside.

#journalling #blog #loner life #lonely #sad #high #weed #drugs #mental health #quiet is loud #scattered entry #by myself #york university #Note: I am not suicidal and my physical well-being is not at risk #sure doesn't sound healthy though lol

[troybarnesbucky]

.

#i’ve been friends with my ex’s best friend since before we broke up more than two years ago. #so i’ve known him 4 years now and we really get along and get each other more than anyone else in our lives #we don’t talk often — facetime every few weeks and that’s it — because the breakup was bad and then we didn’t talk for awhile after it #but when we started talking again it was exclusively on facetime. i’ve seen him in person twice and only one time was intentional #but the dude is Fucked Up. like mentally all over the place and very emotionally stunted and socially closed off #i know more about him than anyone else does and even i can’t get through to him about certain things #and one particular thing is my ex — he’s still ‘friends’ with him but he’s realized over the last year or so that they’ve sorta grown out of #their friendship. and i’m neutral idc if they’re friends or not and we otherwise don’t talk about him unless we talk about how he impacted #our own lives — like how our relationship was or how their friendship is faring. #that all changed when last year my ex drunk texted me and accosted me in public and since then things have been different #so he feels really guilty about still being friends with me and MIND YOU were literally friends over facetime and that’s it #and he told my ex that we still talk and my ex barely even cared bc it’s not his type to care really #but he ALWAYS tells me that he feels guilty about being my friend and that he should just cut me out of his life #again.. we facetime every once in awhile but we’re very open with each other so ig that’s friendship #and i bring it up every once in awhile but i’m always like ‘let me talk to my ex and just tell him that we’re friends so you won’t feel #guilty’ but he always shuts me down. and tonight i asked if i could do anything to just… get rid of the guilt? because it’s not fair that #i know how guilty i make him feel and can’t change it. it’s not in my control. which is his reasoning. #but in fucking retrospect everything he said to me was genuinely fucked up. because he would tell me straight to my face that he wanted to #cut me off — and he’s done it before! but i would reach out awhile later and he’d be ‘drawn back in’ (his words) #and we’re going back and forth (on facetime ofc) about this and I’m kind of joking about it but i’m like listen I know i can’t do anything #about it but it sucks because u never answer my texts and that’s fine but in my head i assume it’s because u finally decided to cut me off #and i changed the subject for a minute and then out of the blue he’s like ‘ok i think i’m ready to wrap this up’ and i’m like ‘uh… the call? #or our friendship…?’ and i’m kinda joking but he literally says ‘no us.’ to my fucking face. and im like ‘uh…. ok. goodbye i guess?’ #and he just fucking waves. that’s it. no ‘i’m sorry for letting my guilt get in the way of our friendship’ #and i just hang up. #and like ok in retrospect i shouldn’t have pushed him to hang out in person (i’m leaving soon and i’m like ‘ur not gonna see my for awhile!’ #but in actuality i really don’t care about hanging out irl i just hate that he feels guilty and TELLS me. like I know we’re open but why #do u think telling me that i’m the problem is necessary???) #and i kept saying ‘don’t worry i don’t really care that doesn’t matter to me i just don’t want our friendship to make you feel shitty’

[freddie-weaselbee]

E3: The One with the Wedding//F.W.

Series Summary: FRIENDS but with Harry Potter characters after Hogwarts graduation, trying to figure out their lives and relationships. Non Voldy AU. 

Pairing(s): Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader, Ron x Lavender, Romione

Warnings: Language, mentions of food, drinking (legal), mentions of sex, nudity

Summary: As Hermione hustles to interrupt Ron and Lavender’s wedding in New York City, Fred and Y/N have a heart to heart which quickly turns into something much more. 

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N: This may or may not be 9 days late (my b) but it’s the 5th and final fic in Abby’s Week of Weasley !! The FRIENDS series will continue!

Message me to join the FRIENDS taglist or my general taglist

-Episode 1-  -Episode 2-

~Abby’s Week of Weasley Masterlist~  ~Masterlist~

May 2004

Previously on FRIENDS

“Hey Luna?” Hermione called from her bedroom. She and her friend had spent the day discussing her feelings for Ron and trying their best to help her get over him. Apparently recounting the horrors of their relationship was not helping in the slightest. 

“Yeah,” Luna called back from the kitchen. 

“Do you remember where the pygmy puff food is?” Her muffled voice sounded rushed and anxious, even more so than Hermione usually was. 

“Yeah, it’s under the front counter of Fred and George’s shop. Why?”

Luna turned her head to see Hermione come flying into the room dragging a packed suitcase behind her. “Because I’m going to New York.”

The pregnant girl nearly had a heart attack at Hermione’s declaration. “What? What do you mean you’re going to New York?”

Hermione grabbed a few more essentials from around the apartment, rushing in order to catch the next flight. “Yeah, I have to tell Ronald that I love him. Now Luna, you take care, you don’t have those babies until I get back.”

“I--but what about all of the finding his flaws and burning his picture rituals we’ve been doing?” Luna asked, straining to stand up and chase after her friend. 

Hermione easily moved past the slow-moving girl, zipping up her bag and heading to the door. “Yeah, that didn’t work. I know he loves Lavender but I have to tell him how I feel! He deserves to have all of the information and then he can make an informed decision.”

Phoebe shook her head and continued to hobble around the room. “No, Hermione, it’s too late, you missed your chance! I’m sorry, I know this must be really hard, it’s over.”

The other girl paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “Y’know what? No. It’s not over until someone says ‘I do.’” And with that she took off out of the apartment and to the streets of Diagon Alley, on her way to another country to declare her love for Ron Weasley. 

------------------------------

“Would you look at this place,” George sighed in awe, staring around at the beautifully decorated dinner hall. There were chandeliers hanging everywhere and everyone was dressed in clothes that looked like they cost more than everything the Weasleys owned combined. Fred and George twisted uncomfortably in their mediocre suits. Sure, they were successful businessmen with some money to spare, but they could never compete with this. 

“Holy shit,” you said, coming up behind the twins. They turned around, startled to see you suddenly appear. Fred took a second to look you up and down, mouth hanging slightly open in surprise. 

“Holy shit is right, Y/N,” he said. “You look bloody amazing!” You glanced down at your outfit, a slim fitting long dress that hugged your form perfectly. You smiled and did a little twirl for the boys who whooped and whistled at you. 

“While I appreciate the compliment,” you said, “I was talking about the hall. How rich is Lavender’s family anyway?”

Fred shrugged. “Apparently loaded. I mean, it’s not like our family could ever compete with this. How Ron was able to pull someone this high up is a mystery to me.”

He and George picked at their clothes self consciously, trying to straighten their ties and smooth out their suits. 

“Oh come now,” you said, “you two are perfectly successful. Who cares if the Browns could afford to buy all of London if they wanted to? Let’s just enjoy the night and eat all of the expensive food they bought!”

“Y/N, you’re my dream girl,” Fred said, putting his arm around your waist. “If you ever want to marry a Weasley, I’d be happy to oblige.”

“I appreciate the offer, Weasley, but I do think George and I would be a couple to be reckoned with.”

“Ha! Suck it Fred, I get Y/N and you’re stuck alone,” George said, kissing your cheek and stealing you away from his brother. 

Fred was about to reply when a loud voice echoed through the room and everyone turned to see a short red haired woman come hurtling through the door. 

“Mum!” cried Ron from across the room. He grabbed Lavender’s hand and they made their way over where you and the twins were standing, now accompanied by the latest arrivals, Molly and Arthur Weasley. 

“Sweetheart!” Molly squealed, pulling him into a tight hug. “Oh sorry we’re late, Muggle transportation is such a hassle, especially in this country. Your father spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to call a taxi and he wouldn’t stop asking the driver everything you could ask!”

“I still never got an answer to my rubber duck question,” Arthur grumbled before a warm smile appeared on his face. “Hello, Lavender, it’s lovely to see you again.”

“You as well!” she said before hugging Arthur and then Molly. “Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, here come my parents.”

Sure enough, two very wealthy looking people were walking over to join their daughter and future son in law. 

“Hello, hello,” said Lavender’s father, shaking the hands of the Weasleys. “How do you do? Very nice to meet all of you.” He glanced over at his wife. “Darling, it’s the Weasleys.”

“Sorry, what?,” she said, finally looking up at the family, a hint of distaste in her gaze. “Oh, lovely to meet you.” Her snobby look never faltered, making the rest of the Weasley clan even more uncomfortable. 

Arthur cleared his throat. “It’s great to meet you both. I’m sorry we couldn’t help pay for much of the wedding, but we hope that we can at least cover the cost of dinner tonight.”

“Yes of course,” said Molly. “We know how expensive weddings can be, besides this may be the last time I watch one of my sons get married.” 

Fred and George rolled their eyes at their mother, who wouldn’t stop pestering them to settle down since Bill, Percy, and now Ron were all either married or close to it. 

“We’ve heard the complaints, mum,” said Fred. 

“But hey, at least we’re saving you money!” George said. 

“And not giving me grandchildren,” she mumbled, but loud enough for everyone to hear. 

You decided to jump in and defend your friends. “At least you’ve still got other kids who are starting their own families, Molly. And besides, do you really want to have these two bring little Fred’s and George’s into the world?”

Molly smiled and put her hand on your shoulder. “I suppose you’re right dear. They were, and still are, quite a handful.”

“Hey!” they both shouted, clearly offended.

You giggled and wandered off with Molly, telling her the latest stories of the many troubles the twins had gotten into. 

------------------------------

Hermione, never one for athletics, was suddenly an Olympic sprinter, flying down the halls of the London airport. She reached the ticket counter, cutting off some very angry travelers, and threw her bags onto the scale. 

After a few long seconds of leaning over and catching her breath, she finally muttered a “hi” to the ticket agent. 

“Hello,” she replied cheerfully. 

“Oh, umm, hello!” Hermione replied, mirroring the chipperness of the agent. “When is your next flight to New York City?”

“There’s one leaving in 30 minutes,” she replied. 

“Oh, thank Godric,” she muttered, earning herself a few odd looks from passersby at her unique choice of language. 

The woman behind the counter typed a few things into her computer. “The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.”

Hermione reached around in her purse, fumbling with gold and silver coins. “How about galleons?” she asked. 

“I’m sorry?”

“Nevermind,” Hermione sighed, sprinting off again to apparate to Diagon Alley and exchange her galleons for Muggle money. There was no way she was going to miss this flight. 

------------------------------

“I’d like to make a toast!” Fred announced, standing up from his table with a wine glass in hand. “Ron and Lavender. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will.”

He was only met with silence and you and George very visibly facepalmed. 

“Okay…” he continued hesitantly. “I’ve known Ron for a long time. His whole life, actually. See I got the first two years of my life without my baby brother, but nope he’s always had me, and I know he’s so incredibly grateful for that.”

When once again there was no reaction, Fred decided it was time to up the performance. 

“I remember when Ron was going out with his first girlfriend. And I thought things were going to work out for him. Until the day he over inflated her!” Fred winked at his little brother, whose face was redder than his hair. For the third time in the last minute Fred did not get anywhere close to the reaction he had expected. “Oh dear Godric…”

“How about I take over for you, Freddie.” George said, taking the microphone from his slightly older brother. “Everyone knows I am the more charming twin, isn’t that right?” He was met with some soft giggles and a whoop from one of the bridesmaids sitting a few tables away. Fred begrudgingly plopped down into his seat, leaning his head on your shoulder as he pouted for the rest of the dinner. 

As everyone finished their speeches, you giving one about your friendship with Ron that even brought Molly to tears, you found yourself sprawled out on a fancy couch still consoling Fred. 

“I was laughing,” you said while patting him on the knee. 

“Out loud?” he asked, crossing his arms and shoving your hand away. 

You looked down at your wine glass guiltily. “Well I didn’t want everyone to think I was stupid.” Fred groaned and buried his face in his hands, ruffling his hair in frustration that you knew went deeper than a few poor jokes. “Hey, how are you doing?”

He looked up at you questioningly, cocking his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t try to hide it from me, Freddie, I can tell when something’s bothering you, and I know it’s not just that your jokes sucked arse.”

“No, the audience sucked arse, I’m fucking hilarious.” You kicked him lightly, urging him to tell you. With a long sigh Fred sat up and turned to face you, his big brown eyes void of their usual cheerful gleam. “Mum’s driving me crazy! I mean, I get it, she wants me to get married and settle down and have kids, but she has 6 other children, two of them with kids of their own already! I don’t know, this whole wedding thing has just put a lot more pressure on me, that’s all.”

You tenderly rubbed his shoulder, feeling him relax slightly at your touch. “Don’t listen to her, ok? Marriage isn’t for everyone. Same with kids. You’re independent and carefree, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to settle down if you don’t want to.”

He mumbled something under his breath, too quiet for you to hear. “What?” 

“I said…” he began slowly, “I said that it’s not that. It’s the complete opposite actually.”

Fred glanced across the room at his youngest brother holding hands with his fiancée and whispering something into her ear. “It’s just...he’s my younger brother. He’s Ron, for Merlin’s sake! How did Ron get a girl before me?”

“Aww, is Freddie jealous of his little brother?” you teased, knocking your shoulder into his. When he didn’t answer you tried to sober up, not used to seeing this side of Fred. 

“I’m 26, Y/N,” he cried out. “And I know that’s not old or anything, but I just figured I’d have my life together by now. Maybe a long term girlfriend, or even--” he paused for a moment, continuing to watch Ron and Lavender. “--or maybe it would’ve been me walking down the aisle with someone I love.”

“Come here, love,” you cooed as you pulled Fred into your chest. “You know there’s no rush. Sure Ron’s getting married, but I think he found himself the only person in the world who’d ever date him and he had to tie her down quick.”

Fred shuddered into your chest with a small laugh, bringing his hands up to aimlessly play with your hair. “Yeah,” he said, “and we all know that the girls are lined up just waiting for me. I guess I’ve got time.”

“Exactly. And plenty of it.” Fred continued to play with your hair as you did the same with his, occasionally scratching at his scalp and listening to the quiet whimpers he would let out. 

He shifted so he was looking up at you, mere inches away from your face. “Y’know, you’ve been acting strange lately too. What’s bugging you?”

“It’s nothing Freddie, I--”

“Uh uh.” He shook his head. “I poured my heart and soul out to you, the least you could do is do the same to me.”

Sighing, you checked around you to make sure no one would be able to overhear. “Promise you won’t tell Ron? I don’t want it to make anything weird in our relationship.”

Fred snapped his head between you and his younger brother, eyes growing wide as he jumped to the nearest possible answer. “You’re bloody in love with him, aren’t you?!”

“What?” you asked, laughing at the ridiculous accusation. “No! Oh, no no no, not at all! I’ve known him since we were 11, and trust me, watching young Ronnie throw up slugs will turn anyone off of him.”

Fred smiled down at you and breathed a sigh of relief, glad that you weren’t getting your heart broken by being at the wedding. “So what is it then? Promise I won’t tell, swear on George’s life.”

You rolled your eyes but snuggled up next to him, feeling much more comfortable with your best friend as close as possible. “Fine. You’re not the only one having to deal with parent problems. Like I said I’ve been friends with Ron since my family first found out I was a witch. My parents, being Muggles, immediately fell in love with your family, and Ron as well whenever he would come to visit over the summer. My mum has this whacked out idea that it should be me that’s marrying him tonight. She’s so disappointed, told me I’m passing up the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But he’s just Ron! I could never see him like that. He’s like a brother to me.”

Fred sat silently throughout your whole rant, rubbing small circles over your knuckles with his thumb. When it seemed you had finally finished, Fred had no idea what to say. He had never been the comforting sort and had always managed to make it worse. As he did this time as well. 

“Do you see me like that too?”

You looked at him with scrunched eyebrows, trying to understand how he decided on that as a response. 

“As a brother, I mean.” He stuttered through his words. “Am I just another brother to you?”

“‘Course you are, Freddie. I love you like family.” He gazed at you lovingly, wondering what he had done to have a friend like you in his life. 

“How about this then?” he asked. “How about, since your mom wants you to marry a Weasley, if by the time we’re both 40 and still single, why don’t we marry each other?”

He looked so sweet offering this to you, so kind and thoughtful. You knew that the deal would benefit him as well, but to you it felt like he was doing this only for you. And you knew he would do anything for you. 

“I appreciate the offer, but I actually only promised George the same thing,” you said, making Fred’s jaw drop and a scowl appear on his face. 

“George! My own bloody twin? How could you, Y/N? I revoke my proposal.”

“I’m practically in tears,” you said stoically. Deciding it was time to go out and mingle instead of throwing yourselves a pity party, you grabbed Fred’s hand and made your way over to find George, only to be stopped by a very obviously drunk man. 

He put a hand on your shoulder which made both you and Fred tense up. “I just want to say,” he said through slurred speech, “that Ron is a wonderful young man.”

Fred eased his grip on your hand a little bit, sensing that this man wasn’t going to do anything to you. You gave him a thankful look before turning your attention back to the hammered American. “Well thanks, we like him.”

The man stepped closer to examine your face, his booze breath going straight up your nose. It took all you had not to throw up because of it. 

“My God!” he exclaimed, “you two must’ve been teenagers when you had him!” 

You and Fred both stared straight ahead, insecurities and doubts increasing tenfold at the misunderstanding. You gritted your teeth and held back from slapping the man, who luckily made his way to another table to insult someone else. 

Fred turned you to face him and gripped your shoulders tight, leaning down so he was eye to eye with you. “The guy was hammered, okay? There’s no way that you look like Ron’s mum. Nor I his dad for that matter!”

“Then why would he say it?” you grumbled, pushing Fred away from you and going to get rid of your sadness by gorging on some food. 

“Because he’s crazy!”

“Oh, my mother’s right. I’m never going to get married.”

“Ahh, you know what?” Fred touched the small of your back softly, turning you around to face him, his breath growing heavy in exasperation. “This is...who wouldn’t want you?”

------------------------------

The next morning, the biggest day of Ron’s life, he was racing down the hallways practically bouncing off the walls. He was getting married. After a failed relationship with Padma years before, Ron had finally been able to heal and pour his love onto someone else. Lavender Brown. 

Sure, the relationship had moved fast. Really fast, actually. They had only been together for a few months before Ron popped the question, to which a very ecstatic Lavender happily agreed. He knew it was unorthodox. He knew it was impulsive. But he didn’t care. Because someone loved him. 

He shot through the door of Fred and George’s hotel room, making Fred jolt awake with a start. 

“I’m getting married today!” he screamed. “Whoo-hoo!” 

Fred scrambled around in the bed sheets for a few seconds before scowling at his brother. “Morning, Ron.”

“I’m getting married. To-day!” he said, ignoring the annoyed looks Fred was shooting him. 

Relaxing a little Fred smiled. “Yeah you are!”

Ron jumped around and sprinted out of the room, screaming as he ran down the hall to announce his feelings to all of the other hotel guests. 

The bed in which Fred was sleeping shifted once again, but it wasn’t Fred’s doing. You shot up from under his covers, holding the blankets to cover your naked chest and panting heavily in worry. “Do you think he knew I was here?”

Fred slowly shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with you. He shifted in the bed, his leg accidentally brushing yours. You yelped and he quickly moved away, apologizing profusely. 

After a long awkward silence, Fred finally spoke. “Well, I’ve--I’ve never done that with you before.”

“Nope,” you replied, popping the ‘p’ and sinking down further into the bed, trying to disappear. 

“So, ahh, how are you?” he said slowly. “You okay?”

You nodded, clutching the sheets so hard that your knuckles were turning white. “Yep, yep. You?”

“Yes, yes, uh huh. You?” The two of you finally made eye contact, faces equal shades of vermillion. “We did you. I did you. I--umm, sorry not the time.”

It got quiet once again. You let out a long breath, wondering how you were supposed to move on from sleeping with your best friend. You wanted to blame the alcohol from last night, but neither of you were drunk. You’d only had one glass of wine, just enough to make you a little more confident than normal. Apparently that was enough to do the trick. 

“Well… I’d better get going,” you told him, starting to sit up before remembering you and Fred were both naked under the sheets. 

“Oh, yea yea, absolutely,” he stammered, gesturing for you to leave. 

“Could you not look, please?”

“I don’t want to look.” Fred covered his eyes, not even pretending to peak through them. It was uncomfortable enough as it is, he really didn’t want to be joking around at the moment. 

You slowly slid off the bed, taking a moment to let what had happened last night fully sink in. Had you ruined your friendship with Fred? Was it going to be this weird from now on? You hustled to grab your clothes from yesterday, ready to complete the infamous walk of shame. Thankfully, your room was just down the hall so any chances of you being caught were slim. All you had to do was put on a happy face for the wedding, pretend to enjoy yourself, and forget any of this ever happened. Yeah, that would work. Right?

------------------------------

Lavender’s eyes went wide as she took in the scene around her. The wedding hall was absolutely gorgeous, decorated in elegant fairy lights and flowers hanging from baskets on the ceiling. It was like she was a princess in her own personal fairy tale. 

She spun around in her wedding dress, not even caring about the weird looks some of her parents’ friends were giving her. She never cared for them, or the family status, anyway. She just wanted to live her life as her own person, taking each step with someone she loved holding her hand. 

“Hey.” Lavender was interrupted by the voice of her lover, standing bashfully a few feet away with his hands in his pockets. 

“Ron!” she chastised playfully. “You’re not supposed to see me in my wedding dress, it’s bad luck!”

“I think we’ve had all the bad luck we’re going to have.” Lavender grinned and jumped into Ron’s arms, giggling as he swung her around. He finally put her down kissing the top of her head as he did so.  “I’ll see you in a few hours, when you’re finally mine forever.”

“It can’t come soon enough.” The brunette was then distracted by Parvati calling her name, so she bid Ron goodbye and skipped over to her maid of honor. 

She didn’t notice the unexpected guest standing at the end of the aisle, listening to their entire conversation. Or maybe if she did, she chose to ignore it. After all, her and Ron’s bad luck was over. She was finally getting the one thing she wanted most in life. To be loved. 

Ron stared longingly at the girl he loved so deeply talk to her best friend, before the same unexpected guest that Lavender hadn’t noticed caught his eye. “Oh Merlin, Hermione!”

He ran up to her and kissed her on the cheek, ecstatic that his friend had decided to come to New York for his wedding. “You’re here. I can’t believe it! What happened? Why are you here?”

Hermione took a quick glance over at where Lavender was standing. She had seen everything. Heard it all. She knew how much they both cared for each other, and who was she to stand in the way of their love? She had missed her chance with Ron, but Lavender hadn’t. 

“Well I just came…” She touched his chest right near his heart, tears threatening to spill. “I just needed to tell you…” 

She couldn’t do it. It wasn’t fair to either of them. Hermione took a deep breath and put on a fake smile. “Congratulations.”

Ron grabbed her tightly and hugged her with all of his strength, tears of joy pooling in his eyes. Tears continued to grow in Hermione's, but for completely different reasons. Today was the day everything changed. Today her chance was gone. Forever. 

------------------------------

If the chapel was beautiful before, it was even more extravagant with all of the lights lit up and the band playing soft, romantic music. Any normal day you would’ve enjoyed the site, wishing that someday you could have a wedding just like this. But unfortunately the only thing on your mind was the events of the previous night. 

“Ready?” George whispered to you, getting ready to walk one of the other bridesmaids down the aisle. He could tell something was wrong, but he didn’t want to push you. You nodded your head, sending your friend a thumbs up before it was his turn to make his walk. 

“Ready?” asked a nearly identical voice to the one before. Fred stood behind you, his hair styled for once and his clothes neatly pressed and cleaned. He did clean up well, you had to admit. But, not that you would ever say this to anyone, you quite liked it better when he wasn’t wearing anything at all. 

“I’m ready.” He linked his arm in yours, guiding you slowly down the dimly lit aisle. 

Fred couldn’t help but steal a few glances at you. Your eyes were focused straight ahead, refusing to look at anything except the alter at the end of the walk. If you just made it to the end of the walk, everything would be ok. Everything would be over. But maybe Fred didn’t want everything to be over, just not yet. He sucked in a breath and decided to take a chance. 

“What he did last night,” he whispered, slowing down as to elongate the conversation as much as possible. 

“Stupid,” you muttered. 

“Totally crazy stupid!” Fred got a few rude glances at his loud volume, so he checked himself before continuing. “I...I’m coming over tonight though, right?”

Your breath hitched in your chest. You were so close to the end of the aisle. You could ignore him and ignore whatever was going on between the two of you. It could all go back to normal, just a few more steps. 

But your heart took over, and you said something that you knew future you might regret, but you didn’t care. It was worth the risk. 

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

Fred squeezed your arm as you made your last steps to the front of the chapel, separating and taking your places in the rows of wedding participants. 

You scanned the crowd, seeing Hermione fidgeting nervously in her seat. You felt awful for what she must be going through, but proud that she decided to accept it. Hermione was tough, that was for sure. She could handle anything. 

“Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ron and Lavender. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Lavender, repeat after me. I, Lavender.”

“I, Lavender,” she said with a grin so big it looked like it would jump right off her face. 

“Take thee Ron,” the minister continued. 

“Take thee Ron.”

“As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.”

“As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.”

She giggled and squeezed Ron’s hands tighter, mere seconds away from being united with the one she loved oh so much. 

“Now Ron,” said the minister, turning to the groom. “Repeat after me. I Ron…”

George winked at him and Fred gestured for him to speak. No matter how much they teased their little brother, they were so proud of him for finding someone to spend the rest of his life with. “I Ron…”

“Take thee, Lavender…”

“Take thee, Hermione…”

Gasps filled the room. You covered your mouth and looked out to the crowd at Hermione, who looked as if she had seen a ghost. Fred and George started whispering frantically to each other and Molly seemed as if she was about to either faint or slap Ron into another country. 

But nothing compared to Lavender’s reaction. She stood there, frozen, hands going numb in the grip of the person she thought loved her. The one who only thought of her. The one who chose her. 

“Lavender!” Ron corrected, nervously chuckling in order to hide the growing humiliation. “Lavender.”

The minister looked between the bride and groom, having no idea where to go from there. “Uhh...shall I go on?”

Hermione couldn’t take her eyes off of Ron. He had just said her name. Her name. Not Lavender’s. Hers. 

What was supposed to happen next?

Tag List: @fandomhideout @amourtentiaa

#abby’s week of weasley #fredweasley #fred #friends #fred weasley x reader #george weasley #hermione granger #ron weasley #fredweasleyfluff #harrypotter #fred weasley x y/n #fred x y/n #weasleys wizard wheezes #fredweasleyseries #fredweasleyimagine

[aitarose]

SKINNY LOVE | ZUKO

PAIRING: Zuko x Reader [fem]

PLOT: Years and years of build up, only to lead to absolutely nothing. Y/N’s constant emotion was confusion, and there was no changing that when it came to Zuko’s feelings.

WARNINGS: angst

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

A/N: my best friend says he might have feelings for me, and i’m so stressed right now i’m going crazy. so here’s a little fic that literally explains our entire relationship and these are all my raw emotions ew. also this is almost word for word our conversation tonight

MY MASTERLIST

Their cycle seemed to be infinite, running in circles on the same track over and over again throughout the course of their lifelong friendship. The friendship that had been more confusing than the most trivial question in the entire world.

Y/N had always considered feelings to be straightforward. Something that could be determined with a simple yes or no answer, rather than continuous strife and struggles, arguments and silence.

She knew what she felt, and she wanted other’s to know that. Communication was no fare for her when it came to anger, sadness, and love—especially when it came to love.

Zuko on the other hand had what some would call troubles in the aspect of emotions. He’d bottle up all of his stress and worries, bursting like a volcano when they’d release. 

After years, decades of friendship and unspoken feelings, Y/N still didn’t know where she stood with the newly crowned Fire Lord. They’d danced around their relationship for what seemed like forever, him never truly speaking the words she’d always wanted to hear.

And after so many rounds of psychoanalyzing his words and phrases, the responses he’d give her after she’d try her best to pour her heart out to him, Y/N was beginning to grow sick of their routine.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love him anymore, she was just so unbelievably tired of it all. Peace was the thing she needed most. Inner peace with herself, her appearance, her confidence.

All the things that she’d never fully realized due to her constant focus on Zuko and only Zuko. The things that made someone unique, what made them them. She was lacking them, and the only way to grow was to distance herself.

So, distance was what she gave him. Y/N moved around the world, never settling in one nation, finding new cultures and traditions to enjoy and bringing them back with her to the Fire Nation every now and then.

During her little conquest, Zuko had found his place beside Mai. Comfortable in his own little bubble, never taking any risks outside of the familiarity of his daily life. He hadn’t grown up—that was the first thing Y/N had come to notice as her feelings were reborn.

It’d taken her two years to move on from him, two years to find love for herself and take interest in people other than her best friend—but the minute she heard that he ended his relationship with Mai, they’d come flying back.

All of her former insecurities pounded in her mind, screaming in her inner monologue, refusing to give her a single second of silence. Y/N was out of breath, completely lost in the sea of her own thoughts.

She and Zuko had stayed in contact over the years of her adventure. Constantly writing letters back and forth, telling each other about their day, their new friends, and whatever was remotely interesting in their lives. 

Although she hadn’t physically seen him in so long, Y/N still felt a connection to him. A connection that pulled her like a magnet the minute he stood before her, smiling his dopey, crooked grin.

When he’d wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into the tightest hug she’d ever been a part of—Y/N’s heart quite literally dropped, falling out of her body, and rolling out into the ocean. 

Her chest was tight, it was almost as if she felt like she was choking on a food that was stuck in her throat. Something that was refusing to come out, no matter how hard she tried to say those three little words—I love you.

And Zuko, himself, hadn’t settled her storm by any means. If anything, he’d encouraged it to rage on, encouraged it to continue to torment and demolish all the self respect she’d grown.

Whilst Y/N had jokingly spoken out the idea of them being together, he’d practically driven her to insanity. “What if I wasn’t joking, Zuko?” She wondered, freezing in disbelief at what she was saying. “What if I did feel that way?”

In response, Zuko simply laughed. His eyes pinched shut, a wide smile overtaking his mouth in amusement at her curiosity. “I don’t believe you, Y/N.” He rolled his eyes, playing with their intertwined hands. “You don’t actually feel that way.”

At that, a light scoff escaped Y/N’s lips, her face becoming contorted and annoyed. “Okay.” She started, shaking her head at the conversation she was about to trigger. “Well, what would your response be if I did?”

Zuko’s looked in her direction, his amber eyes meeting her steely ones. “You’re really baiting me, aren’t you?” His face went a little pale at her slight nod, a large gulp running down his neck. 

“It wouldn’t be a no.” 

Y/N’s smile dropped, her expression growing blank as her heartbeat began to jump out of her chest. What he’d just hinted at was her getting what she’d always wanted, the thing that she’d dreamed of since she was only five years old.

Both of them seemed to be frozen in the moment, neither knowing exactly what was going on as they weren’t aware of what their feelings for each other were. Their lives had become so different, they’d become so different.

Zuko was a leader now, a person that needed to have stability and assurance in his life. He was a traditionalist, he needed rules and regulations to live in harmony with himself and his people.

Y/N, however, was a free spirit. She knew what she wanted in life and she’d be sure to make it happen. Commitment and social standards weren’t on her agenda, as she didn’t have one.

But when it came to Zuko, Y/N would do anything. She’d drop her goals and dreams if it’d amount to one minute of true happiness in his arms. Her love for him had grown toxic, it was poison in her brain.

Poison that could also be considered pure. A feeling of actual and real love for the prince that she’d known for her entire life. Everything about him contradicted itself, the stress he made her feel was practically indescribable.

“Are you being serious?” Y/N was on the verge of hysterically laughing, she was so appalled by Zuko’s response. Her face was bright red, dancing on the line of embarrassment and anger. 

Zuko let go of her hands, his palm running over the back of his neck. He shrugged, sheepishly smiling as he looked everywhere but at her. “Yeah.” He sighed, pursing his lips. “That seemed like the wrong answer.”

“No.” Y/N’s neck snapped to turn to him, her eyes searching for his own. Her voice became breathless, her lungs nearly gasping for air. “Go back. Are you being serious, right now, that your answer wouldn’t be a no?”

As Zuko shook his head to signify that he wouldn’t reject her question, Y/N almost toppled over in shock. “So, figuratively speaking, if I had feelings for you—you wouldn’t reject me straight on?”

Thirty seconds was what it took for Zuko to answer her. Half a minute of earth shattering patience that Y/N had to endure before she heard his simple words. “No, of course not.”

“But what does that mean?” Y/N was now itching for closure. She had to find out what this all meant. What it meant for their past, their present, and the future of their relationship.

“I would have no reason to reject you, that’s what it means.” He simply shrugged, expecting the conversation to be over by now. The talk of feelings was wearing Zuko out, causing a large yawn to form on his features.

He was tired, exhausted at the discussion of romance and secret pining. Communication simply wasn’t his strong suit, and while Y/N fully knew that, she continued to press further.

“You don’t get it, Zuko. You’re confusing me.” She explained, waving her hands out in front of her face. “So, you wouldn’t reject me, but you also wouldn’t say yes to a confession?”

Y/N was pushing him to his emotional limit. The mental blockade that always formed in his brain, beginning to cancel out his words. Zuko’s headspace was starting to empty, sleep being the only goal in mind.

“Those do really contradict, don’t they?” His eyes had begun to drop, opening and closing. Zuko’s body was now resting on Y/N’s, most of his weight being supported by her stature.

Y/N led her best friend towards his living quarters, still having a million questions at the tip of her tongue—whilst only one made its way out. “What does it all mean? You never said what it means.”

As she opened the door to his bedroom, Zuko let go of his hold on her. He gave her a toothless smile, weary from his low energy, and closed the door, giving her a final glance through the crack of light.

“It means that I’m tired, Y/N.” His eyes held her gaze, sending her waves of confessions in a single glance. “I’m tired and I can’t give you all that you need right now. Perhaps we can continue this in the morning.”

But with morning, came no confessions. No discussion of what had gone down the night before. It was as if they’d never been together at all, as if it was just another night between two platonic friends.

In reality, Y/N didn’t believe that she’d ever be worthy enough for someone like Zuko. Someone who seemed to be so unbelievably perfect for her in every way, shape, and form.

Maybe the best way to end this constant cycle would be to disappear. To leave him be, in his own happy little life, away from herself. She’d learned to live without him once, there was no way she wouldn’t be able to do it again.

The only problem was did she really want to live a life without him?

TAGS: @practicallylivesonline​ @cherryskyies​ @shell-bells-ringding​  @xapham​ @mochminnie​ @bombardia​ @xxspqcebunsxx​ @missmorosis​ @mysticpeacecrusade @akiris​ @simpinforsukka​ @protect-remus​ @kaylove12​@lammello​ @user12345321 @duh-dobrik​

#zuko x reader #zuko imagine #zuko imagines #zuko fic #zuko fanfic #zuko fanfiction #zuko oneshot #zuko angst #angst #unrequited love #skinny love #atla #zuko #atla x reader #atla imagine #atla fic #atla fanfic #atla fanfiction #atla oneshot #avatar #avatar the last airbender #the last airbender

[famouskittychild]

Cheeky Mandos - Five: Coming home

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Word count: 2828

Summary: They’re coming home! They’re coming home... a visit to home and facing some important questions.

Rating: M

CW: multiple references to sexual activities, relationship talk, references to polyamory (OC's parents) and open relationships, some angst, pining

Author’s note: Lots of pick-and-choose world building here. I mostly disregard / am not familiar with Legends except for the language, I love languages ( *insert Penny loves steak* gif here) and there’s barely any canon/also am not very familiar with whatever there is so I made up what I would like mandos to be; which is a very open and egalitarian society with a focus on family that comes in many forms (and is sometimes a single person with five tookas, other times it’s your three buir’e, your five vod’e and about thirty cousins.). Din is so alone and his covert has (had? :( ) to fight so hard to survive, I gave my Armourer a big, loving family and a community that fared much better.

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Series: Prolouge - One - Two - Three - Four (NSFW Din/Cobb special)

Cheeky Mandos - Five: Coming home

**

When you get back to your covert, you leave Djarin behind as soon as politely possible. You need your friends, you need advice, and you need company that isn’t confusing you.

You find your friends at Thlolla’s place; they have small ones so the rest gather at their quarters, scattering in the kar’yai’s couches and on pillows on the floor. You commed them before you got back. They would’ve gathered anyways for the occasion that you came home, but your message made sure that everyone showed up for at least a little chat.

They know what it is all about, of course. They know you well enough. They saw the shiny armour. It’s easier than putting two and two together.

“It’s basically like putting one and one together” Tav winks at you, and Hill’it smacks their back.

“You are so bad at math, that’s the only thing you could ever calculate” and you all laugh at that because Tav is terrible with numbers.

All the couches and floor pillows are occupied as your friends and some of their families lounge around the karyai of Thlolla’s home. You stretch out on the soft rug, resting your limbs on as many people as you can. You missed them dearly. Jama, who has your left leg draped over his knee, rubs your calf before speaking.

“So. What is your problem, mate?”

He knows you the longest. You lived at the same covert from the time you were entrusted with your own rifles, moved three times, and only separated years later after you both went through your verd'goten. His clan is the reason you still have the same accent as him when you’re tired or angry: that was the first time you were around more people than your immediate family.

You let your thoughts linger on the past because it’s safer than the present. Or the future.

“No problem. Just the usual ‘I’m an idiot, innit’ situation.” You pause, and try to swallow your regrets. “When was I good with choices?”

There’s a collective sigh and rolling of eyes, but you can’t help to feel that way and voice it. All your friends have found their places a long time ago. Some on their own like Haika; others have families, some with children like Thlolla does, or with partners of some kind. Except you. To-Ran, Tav’s foundling, crawls over to you and leans against your chest. They have been formally adopted by their current clan only recently and probably feels you are in something of a similar situation. You squeeze their shoulders reassuringly.

“Let’s be honest, hun” Jama says, “Neither of us has the burden you do. We don’t have to vanish off to space for weeks at a time, or if we have to, we can work together.”

That is the crux of the matter. Unless you get with another Armourer, your professions would pull you apart.

“I’m just thinking… maybe it’s because I was alone for quite a while now. I just latched onto the first person that came along and stayed for a bit.”

Hill’it pulls up an eyebrow before answering.

“Maybe you need a friend so you won’t feel so alone.”

There are small ones in the room hence the careful wording, but the adults understand the added meaning. They offer friendship, yes, but the definition of that word can vary. You aren’t sure how outsiders do it exactly - you have met people who have definitely had a more stricter separation between friend, person to have feelings for, and person to have sex with, than your people do. But they didn’t seemed to navigate things any better, so you stick with what you know and what worked.

But your people, at least those you know closer, tends to deal with problems head-on. You can’t fight well if your thoughts linger on problems in your private lives. You were thought early on to face your doubts and fears and anything that could be a distraction - and how that includes feelings and libido too. How people have needs for emotions, attachments and intimacy, that those varies, each their own way and degree. And that these are some of the things that can spur people to make rush decisions the most. You and your friends watched others make those mistakes and made some yourselves too.

Life thought you that if you have people around to talk to and to hug and to trust, you wont jump on a stranger you’ve barely met and feel attracted in some way just to fulfil those needs. You can wait until you get to know them, until you actually want them for themselves, and not just for the feelings or the intimacy, emotional or physical.

*

Hil’it is a good partner, familiar and fun, and tonight, extra caring. You wake up together sometime way before dawn, and the worry must still be on your face.

“Rivets for your thoughts?”

You sigh, and try to gather said thoughts. You remind yourself at another hard learned lesson: talking about a problem is often half the way of solving them.

“I’m just wondering… “ you start, than your words stuck in your throat.

“..what if it works out?” Hil’it smirks at you, lips pulled into a lopsided grin as they rest their head on their arm. You furrow your brows in disapproval.

“No, don’t try to derail the conversation. What if I say something, or do… and he takes it as an offence?” You stop their objections before they could open their mouth fully. “I’m serious. He was sent on this… mission. From high up. Pissing him off can have political consequences.”

“You mean that he could take your advances the wrong way and exact vengeance on your clan, or even the entire covert?” They look at you with an eyebrow raised. Put it like that, you know that’s not very plausible. “We are talking about a vod who was basically ready to enter your service and accept any of your terms, after seeing you for the first time three minutes prior when you said ‘hey I’m a wandering armourer, I visit some coverts sometimes’ - all so he can reach more of our people.”

“Yeah… he won’t turn on us just because I make him feel a bit uncomfortable.”

“Not very likely.”

You nod, glad you managed to voice your worries.

They lean their forehead to yours, and you share a breath, the tradition as old as the Creed. Hil’it than tugs on your arm, pulling you closer onto their chest. You scoot over and snuggle up beside them with your back to them, their arms around you and resting their hands on your chest. You sleep much better until dawn.

*

Three of your buirs live at a smaller enclave some distance from the main hub of the covert. You go over to them for breakfast after Hil’it leaves for her job early. It’s only Tis-buir who’s up, as usual, pattering about in the kitchen making long breakfast just as you expected.

He pulls you close and touches your helmets together. He didn’t need to wear his helmet in his own home, or even his armour, and definitely not at this early hour, but he got into the habit since you became a Master. His set was forged before you were born and you’re grateful that he’s still around, together with your other buirs. Every time you get home, they seem to look older and older though. You wonder whether part of your panic about relationships comes from the dread that they might not be able to give their blessings to you.

“How are you doing, ad’ika?” he asks, and the way he says it is always with so much more meaning than people usually throw that question around. When Tis-buir asks it, he means it. He wants to know if you have any fears, if something bothers you, if there’s something that made you happy but don’t talk about it because you think it’s too insignificant to talk about. You hesitate, and that’s an answer in itself that he understands. “That bad, eh?”

He chuckles and steps away, back to the steamer. He checks the rice cooking there before turning back to you.

“What is it, cyare? Pirates? More beskar thieves? Or that stowaway getting in your way while you work?”

Your helmet is on so he can’t see your face, luckily, and you’re quick to deny anything.

“No, it’s not that. It’s something more… personal.” You could just end the conversation, like you often do when you don’t want to trouble your buir’e, but you came for advice. You nudge yourself mentally. Better to spit it out - it’s nothing to be ashamed about catching feelings after all. Your buir’e told their stories enough times to know they have no problem hearing about the topic.

“Oh. So, it’s about a special person. And they are.. an aruetii?” He asks, and he keeps his helmet on still, to allow you to do the same. As much as you’d like to see his face, it’s better this way.

“No, it’s… he follows the Creed too.” You admit, and your stomach is doing a flip. It’s entirely different talking to your family about this. With your friends, they’d just say their opinion and you can take it or leave it. With your aliit, you want their approval.

Tis-buir nods slowly, weighing your words. Then he reaches for his helmet and takes it off, placing it on the shelf near the counters that is there for this purpose. He leaves his scarf on, the handwoven fabric soft around his white hair and beard. You may take off your own helmet now, and you do that, placing it on the shelf beside his. You turn your snood down from your head and fold it back around your neck. He’s smiling at you.

“Shall I put two and two together, or…?”

“Why does everyone want to do math around me all of a sudden” you mutter under your breath, turning your face away in embarrassment.

“Because your friends and us know you well enough, Buy’ce’ka” he winks at you while stirring one of the pans; he knows you met your friends last evening. Using your childhood nickname brings a smile onto your face. You took into your head to became an armourer the moment you touched your first helmet. You wore it all the time even though you didn’t needed to and told everyone who would listen that one day you’ll be making buy’ce’se, helmets, yourself. Even some of the tutors called you that instead of your real name.

You go to help with breakfast. It’s not the usual simple fare but the multi course, heart-warming, belly-filling affair for a special day. You remember with a sudden pang how Djarin is probably having ration bars on his own in a sparse guest room, or maybe some porridge if he remembers to go to the communal dining hall. You somehow hope he has company, even if he is fine with solitude. You are too, but you have all these people to recharge with. How alone is he?

You almost burn the mushrooms while getting distracted. You focus back on the food, and as the house slowly stirs awake, the members of your family show up one by one and greet you over stirring pots and chopping vegetables. When all is ready, Tis-buir calls to table and you move everything into the karyai. The heart of every home where most of life happens - eating, living, receiving guests, defense during a battle - is a spacious room, and you only half fill it.

It’s only your three buir’e who live here now, and one of your vod’e lives next door. She comes over with her riduur and their usually grumpy teen who fails to hide how happy they are to see you. You don’t even make an attempt to hide anything and after touching foreheads, you pick them up and give them a hearty squeeze.

“Ba’vodu! I’m not a child anymore to just pick me up like that” they grumble after you put them back down, and you pat the top of their head.

“You’re going to need to grow a little more, vodu’ad.” You smile at them, but they suddenly go nervous.

“Are you going to come home to my verd'goten?” they say, face solemn and showing them older than they are. You see this often: the fears of a foundling, someone who lost their roots once already. The little things that a person born into a mandalorian family would never worry about rear their head in them, and you hug them close.

“Well that’s an unnecessary question. Why wouldn’t I?!”

They make you promise to come back, and you let them make a reminder of the date and time in the form of a holo message on the comm of your vambrace. You have made their first helmet years ago and they barely can hold themselves back for a few minutes before asking about the possibility of vambraces. Their new pair, forged to include pieces passed down at both side of their family’s, are hidden in the house, finished months ago, waiting for them to prove worthy to receive them.

You wouldn’t miss the occasion for the world. You’ve been there for all your vodu’ad’s, the children of your siblings; and even some of your younger cousins and unrelated ade in your clan. As you eat with your aliit, your thoughts go back to Djarin again. He must be missing that foundling he was responsible for. Who does he have for family? He mentioned some friends who helped him through bad times lately. You hope he’s on the comm with them right now, using the covert’s better equipment to reach them after having to do with what the Brick has for weeks.

*

You spend the day chatting, visiting the elder of your clan and more family, and one of the old warriors of the clan too, to receive her last blessings. She might still be alive the next time you visit home; she might not. You are thankful for being able to say goodbye to her. You visit the Forge last, and help out with whatever work needs doing with the other masters, until it’s time to leave for the dock.

You almost start to make excuses to prolong your stay before steeling yourself. Twenty-four hours, a standard day, that was the schedule you agreed on with Djarin. Unless he comms you that something came up on his end, you’ll leave in the evening.

*

The first thing you spot in the hangar is the shiny armour. That suit looks good at every angle, at any distance. Than you feel your ears flush when a little voice says in your head how that might be partially because the person under it makes it look good. You try to shove the thought to the back of your mind.

As you draw near, you can see he’s talking with your elder Thrilla. Your heart does a double-beat as all your thoughts from before come flushing back for a moment. No. They must be talking about his mission, not you. And he’s basically clan-less, or at least elder-less. It’s good to see him seeking the guidance of an elder too.

He’s standing in that hip-twisty way you’ve seen him do, with one hand on his belt. It’s a strangely relaxed and playful stance from a person who’s usually as focused and sombre as him. Thrilla glances up at you, the black of her visor glinting in the blue and green helmet. Than she shoos you away with a barely visible battle sign, turning back to Djarin. You’re a bit surprised, but make yourself scarce. Than you spot a grey head near the cargo ramp of the Brick. It’s Kad, Thrilla’s riduur and a mechanic who had helped to rebuild your ship. You go over to greet them before getting on with the preparations to leave.

This time you two will be away for longer and will travel further away. The trail to known coverts had dried up, and from now on you will be going by uncertain informations and rumours. You have experience in that, but the fact that he used to be a bounty hunter should help. You often spend days just trying to pinpoint which spaceport, which town, which mountain or cave or farmstead is the one you are looking for. You hope his expertise will help.

Your hopes are proven right. He reduces the hunting time to hours, and you scramble to finish preparing your tools and equipment.

“Nice job, hunter” you smile at him. His helmet turns towards you and he nods.

“You’re welcome, armourer” and you hear the smile in his voice too. Than you mentally chase away the butterflies that suddenly seem to have taken over your stomach.

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#din djarin x gn!reader #din djarin x tall reader #post season 2 #mandalorian oc #armourer oc #cheeky mandos #my writing

[sou-ver-2-0]

Writing Master List

I love writing analysis and fanfiction for Your Turn to Die. Here, you can find links to all my writing. Spoilers abound!

Meta I’m Proudest Of

Why Calling It “Logic Versus Emotion” Makes Sense

Sou Hiyori and Kanna’s Sister Parallels

I was wondering why Sou had a zero percent survival rate…

What is Sou proudest of?

What is Kanna proudest of?

What is Keiji proudest of?

Unpopular opinion about Keiji

What are your thoughts on Nao as a character?

Why pushing Fake Reko is logical and sparing her is emotional

Shin vs. Kanna choice: each “valid in its own way”

That was a real comedy of errors on your part, Shin

What “Things” did Shin learn at Sou’s House?

If I could kill Keiji to save both Kanna and Shin...

Thoughts on queer-coded villains and Shin

I make Shin say five nice things about Keiji (not meta, but important)

Some jumbled thoughts about Redemption, and Part 2

How different do you think the story would be if Shin were a girl?

Theories

“Midori is Meister’s son,” and other Sou theories <- my favorite theory!

The Hades Incident, the Present Death Game, and the Role of the Man from the Memorandum

Rambling about Meister Family Theory

A Quick Keiji Theory

I’m staking my pride on this one: Keiji won’t die in the coffin. Part 1 and Part 2

Implications of Kanna being Original Sou’s blood relative

The Mystery of Anzu’s High Survival Rate

Fanfiction

My username is Florencetheflowerfairy on Ao3! Any fanfiction I write will be tagged “my fanfiction” on here.

I haven’t yet posted this to Ao3.

My fanart

Soup Hiyori

Happy birthday Kanna!

All of my meta

How does Sou deal with pain?

When does Sou feel safest? What would others change about him?

What would the others change about Sara?

What do I wish to see happen with Sou?

Chapter 3 Prediction: Sara will lose Keiji

Sou & Keiji’s relationship thoughts; and Personal Headcanons

Opinion on Midori / Original Sou; and Opinion on YTTS

Thoughts on Kurumada’s Partnership with Sou and Kanna

What calms Sou when he’s upset?

What does Sou wish he could change about himself?

Who would be Sou’s favorite fictional character?

What would EVERYONE change about Sou?

How did both Sous do in school?

Who does Sou want to please the most?

How would Kanna spend her money?

What calms Kai when he’s upset? How does Kai deal with pain?

How does Kanna do in school? What’s something Original Sou lost that he would love to have back?

What’s something I wish had happened with Joe?

Unpopular opinion about Q-Taro

What’s something I wish had happened with the Yabusame siblings?

Unpopular opinion about Kai

Unpopular opinion about Original Sou

Who would I vote for in the Second Main Game?

Laughing at Q-Taro in Russian Roulette

Speaking of “I laugh at inappropriate moments in YTTD”

Math Saga (Collection of Theorizing Posts about the Percentage Papers)

Why Kanna can’t take the scarf

More Scarf Meta

I think Shin should fake amnesia in the zaniest way possible, please

Thoughts on Mr. Policeman is Joe’s Dad Theory, Parts 1 and 2 (Some of these thoughts are outdated because I don’t think Keiji knew Joe’s last name in the beginning.)

If I ever seem too harsh on Keiji, please keep in mind

We can hear Joe’s music theme in Midori’s music theme

Thoughts on the Floor Masters

Did Shin send the Sacrifice Card to Joe?

What if Joe had one month to live?

What is Original Sou proud of?

Reading Shin as Queer

Alice and Pain

What would other people change about Kai?

Could Shin and Keiji’s roles switch?

What was Keiji like before the shooting?

I encouraged Sister to vote for Kai in Practice Round

How does Original Sou/Midori sleep?

Who do you think Keiji would bond with the most?

Analysis of Sara’s vote in the Practice Vote

Massacre Ending Thoughts

Thoughts on Naosara?

Dummy Bullet Saga (How did Shin know about dummy bullets??)

Keiji is my Confront Character

What will the fallout with the dummies look like?

Keiji seeing the percentage papers is the simplest answer IMO

Thoughts on Keialice

Thoughts on Joesara

Shin Tsukimi could have DIED ON HIS BIRTHDAY?!

Shin is Poor! Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3

One more funny story, on a walk with Sister...

How would Shin have fared in the Death Game without the Sou persona?

Is Shin too good for this world? (Reaction to above meta)

How would Joe, Kai, and Mishima approach the Second Main Game vote?

What do you think would be Shin’s partnership ability?

Thoughts on AI personalities

Reaction to ‘Sara gets the Sage Card’ Theory

Have you considered the implications of 0.0% vs. 0%?

Foolish Sara AU

When does the Death Game take place, and how long are they there?

Shin’s relationships with Reko and Gin

“When you drink, you gotta be careful not to get swallowed up yourself.”

Judge Keiji by the fact that he’s acting like a cop

I’ve switched to calling him Shin! 

What was Shin like in the years after Original Sou died, but before the Death Game?

Headcanons and Shin, Kanna, and trading tokens

Analyzing Shin and Sara’s doll placements in Safalin’s lab

Shin’s reaction to Sara’s “Haven’t we always been the bestest of friends?”

Scenario: Keymaster Kanna takes Shin’s key necklace instead of his scarf

Artists should draw Kanna grieving Shin however they like

Nao and Shin’s friendship

“I happen to like people with nice personalities”

I’m just putting these here so I can find them if necessary: 1, 2, 3

What if Shin thinks Sara is an adult?

Shrodinger’s Lock Saga (Many theories came from speculating about Asu-Naro’s weird locks in Sara’s first trial!)

Shin emulating Sou, oh no

Some thoughts on Shin and Alice, and the darker side to their relationship

A Serious Analysis of the Collarbone Sprites (& other Shin sprites)

Midori and Joe Sprite Parallels

Do you think Ranmaru is more or less reliable than Keiji?

Ranmaru and Keiji Parallels and Thoughts on Keiji flirting

Ranmaru and Keiji reacting to Joe

Out of the cast, who do you think is most likely to be the mastermind?

Miley vs. Gashu thoughts

Megumi Sasahara theories and headcanons

I love that this game’s heart is so earnest

AU where Shin has the Sacrifice, and he can’t pick Kanna

Theory/Headcanon: Sou-Shin-Sara-Kanna three year age gaps

Scenery Paintings in the Gallery

Kanna and Original Sou Parallel - “creepy smiles”

Undertale Parallels, and making Original Sou sympathetic

Kai and Original Sou Parallels

Fic ideas: Green-haired characters, and Shin + Sara Friendship

I love Fake Reko so much!

What if the decision to push Fake Reko affects what happens with the dummies?

Follow-up to above meta about Fake Reko

What if Joe died in his First Trial?

Reaction to Keiji Discourse about flirting, Part 2

Reactions to Fem!Shin:

Kanna’s perspective, Bath Scene Shin, More Bath Scene, Keiji flirting with Shin, I DON’T CARE HOW SEXY HE IS, Am I a lesbian

Will the dummies want to fill in for their counterparts’ lives?

Q-Taro Pacman Sister Theory

Poison Stinger analysis and Rio Ranger’s characterization

Megumi returns as a doll theory

More thoughts on “Back Up Candidates” Theory

Thoughts on AIs representing younger personalities

What if the current Death Game is another simulation?

Shin and Q-Taro ages musings

Shin and Sara ages musings

Honorifics Analysis: Part 1 and Part 2

Everyone’s music preferences headcanons

Shin’s thoughts on Gin in Logic Route

What if Shin died and Kai survived in the Second Main Game?

Imagine Trans Kanna

Thoughts on the names Sara “suspects” when learning that there is a human from Asu-Naro among us

Why doesn’t Shin challenge Keiji for lying that he’s a detective at the start?

Shipping

Which death hurt you the most?

Who do you think is overrated? Who do you think is suspicious?

Shin-Sou roleswap AU

Did you ever notice how Shin is crying during the First Main Game?

How do you think the characters sleep?

What if Shin became Sara’s ally instead of Keiji?

Seven Deadly Sins in YTTD

Song Analyses

“Rat” by Penelope Scott

“Villainous Thing” by Shayfer James

“Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met)” by Panic! at the Disco

“Butterflies and Hurricanes” by Muse

"House of memories" by Panic! at the Disco

More fun posts

Sister tag (All submissions by my sister)

Sometimes I get self-conscious for loving Sou Hiyori so much

Thinking about how our Sou Hiyori is a queer-coded villainous type

Picrew of the Greenblings

Fannish ramblings and Speculation about Voting for Keiji in 2nd Main Game

Sou has a halo in the manga

Sprite Parallels between Kanna, Sara, and Sou

Confession: Character development is more important than plot twists

Star Wars KOTOR musings

My Favorite Thing about Sou and Sara meeting

Another Greenblings Picrew

How to roast my fave

Are the greenblings next to each other??

Me feeling soft about Sou x Alice and Sou x Kai in spite of myself

I’m too much of a nerd for tumblr

Picrew of Green-haired characters and Sara

Cute Kurumada and Kanna headcanons

Do it for Nao

Happy birthday Keiji, from Sou

Danganronpa Thoughts as of 10/22/20

Top 3 emotional moments

Comparing Eye Sizes

I’m all caught up with 3-1A as of 10/24/20

Link to my “Shin attacking Inbox” edit

I am my PFP

“Disclosure” apparently means “Coming Out”

What did you name your Midori?

Do you think Shin was a gamer?

PMMM Thoughts: Logic vs Emotion

Why would you make Shin a tank?!

Dracula is Sou and Shin is Renfield

Among Us Headcanon

I just think Kanna having the Keymaster first is good drama

So long you fucking fascist (posted on 11/7/20)

Please don’t send me leaks!

Also how are we going to tag spoilers...? (11/12/20)

oh no I’m getting sentimental

Shin and Sara’s confrontation over the smartphone remains my favorite thing ever

Reactions to “I make Shin say five nice things about Keiji”: 1, 2, 3

A Rewarding part of my blog

My undying love for Britney Spears

“Ahaha, I’m glad you remembered my name.”

I love this picrew for the Greenblings

“Saw” and “Cage” on Google Translate

What if there were two Gonbee Yamadas?

Put them in meme boxes

Keiji’s emo eyeliner

Shin can smash something! and part 2

Acrostic Poem for Sou Hiyori

Midori’s canon voice

“Sou” puns

Time sensitive questions!! 1 and 2

All the characters’ ages

Do you think Shin swears?

Let’s not pit bears and twinks against each other!

Here’s how Shindemption can still win

tfw you draw fanart in time for Kanna’s birthday

Keiji accuses Shin of breaking Mishima’s monitor even though he KNOWS Shin is innocent

Q-Taro and Shin college AU

Kugie’s ghost haunting Keiji

Christmas 2020: Part 1 and Part 2

Picrew of Shin and Sou, High School Days~

I struggle to write villains

I play Villains Bingo with Shin

…

This list will be updated sporadically as I write more! You can always use the “mine” tag to find any worthwhile original post I make.

Please feel free to talk to me about YTTD anytime! I love hearing from you all! It keeps me motivated and makes me happy to meet people!

#mine #masterlist #updated as of 12-31-20

[jordanianroyals]

King Abdullah II Interview with CNN’s Fareed Zakaria

25 July 2021

King Abdullah II spoke to CNN’s Fareed Zakaria in a wide-ranging interview that was conducted in Washington, DC, and aired on Sunday.

In the interview, King Abdullah spoke about his recently concluded US visit, his vision on regional matters especially the Palestinian cause, prominent national issues, and Jordan’s steadfastness amidst challenges.

Following is a transcript of the interview as it was broadcast:

“Fareed Zakaria: Your Majesty, welcome.

His Majesty King Abdullah II: Thank you, Fareed.

Zakaria: I have to ask you about first what seems the most startling thing looking at your part of the world, which is the new government in Israel. Prime Minister Netanyahu and you had a good relationship, but a tough one. The new prime minister, however, is somebody, Naftali Bennett, who says explicitly that he rules out the idea ever of a Palestinian state. In fact, he’s talked about Israel annexing the West Bank. So, how do you look at that new government, and where do you think the prospects for peace are?

King Abdullah II: Well, again, Fareed, we have known each other long enough to know that we always look at the glass half full, and coming to the United States, as the first leader from that part of the world, it was important to unify messaging, because there is a lot of challenges as you well know and we will probably get into. So, it was important for me not only to meet with the Palestinian leadership after a war, which I did, with Abu Mazen [Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas]; I met the prime minister; I met General Gantz. We really have to get people back to the table, under that umbrella of how do we get Israelis and Palestinians to talk—maybe understanding the challenges that this government may not be the most ideal government, in my view, with the two- state solution (which is the only solution)—how can we build [understanding] between Jordan and Israel, because it has not been good, but more importantly, from my view, is getting the Israelis and Palestinians engaging again. And I came out of those meetings feeling very encouraged, and I think we have seen in the past couple of weeks, not only a better understanding between Israel and Jordan, but the voices coming out of both Israel and Palestine that we need to move forward and reset that relationship.

Zakaria: Do you think that the Israelis can maintain the situation as it is, which is with all these Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza, Israel has sovereignty over them, but they don’t have political rights. Israel seems to feel—look, we’re doing fine, we’re, you know, we’ve become an extraordinary technological regional power, maybe global power, economically thriving, the Arabs are making peace with us, even though we haven’t moved on the Palestinian issue. Can’t Israel just keep doing what it is doing?

King Abdullah II: I think that’s a very fragile façade, and I say that because, again, when we have wars, there is a template there; I know what is going to happen over the three weeks and how—the loss of life and tragedy on all sides. This last war with Gaza, I thought, was different. Since 1948, this is the first time I feel that a civil war happened in Israel. When you look at the villages and the towns, Arab-Israelis and Israelis got into conflict, and I think that was a wake-up call for the people of Israel and the people of Palestine. Unless we move along, unless we give hope to the Palestinians—and again, part of the discussions that we have had with our Israeli counterparts is, how do we  invest in the livelihood of the Palestinians—if they lose hope, and then, God forbid, another cycle, the next war is going to be even more damaging. Nobody ever [wins] in these conflicts, but in this last one, there were no victors. And, I think that the internal dynamics that we saw inside of Israeli towns and cities is a bit of a wake-up call for all of us.

Zakaria: Dore Gold, an influential adviser to Prime Minister Netanyahu, recently said, Jordan needs to start thinking of itself as the Palestinian state. In other words, there is a two-state solution, the Palestinian state is Jordan, I think the implication would be, of course, you have 60-70 percent Palestinians, you could absorb the Palestinians in the West Bank. This has been touted before, but here you have a fairly influential Israeli saying it. What is your reaction?

King Abdullah II: Well, again, that type of rhetoric is nothing new, and basically, those people have agendas that they want to do at the expense of others. Jordan is Jordan. We have a mixed society from different ethnic and religious backgrounds. I would maybe contest the percentage in the figures that you have mentioned, but it is our country. The Palestinians do not want to be in Jordan; they want their lands, they want their football team, they want their flag to fly above their houses. And so, that takes us into very dangerous rhetoric, as you alluded to. If we do not talk about the two-state solution, then, again, are we talking about a one-state solution? Is it going to be fair, transparent, and democratic? I think that the one-state solution is far more challenging to those in Israel that push that theory than the two-state solution, which is the only way. And I will go back to the beginning of the interview, that for the first time since 1948, Arab-Israelis and Israelis were having a go at each other. What are you going to do? Are you going to push all of the Palestinians out of their homes in the West Bank, and just create instability on the other side? At the end of the day, Jordan gets a vote in this. And I think our red lines have been clearly identified.

Zakaria: Your Majesty, what has it been like meeting with Joe Biden compared to his predecessor? This is a very different president from the one we had before.

King Abdullah II: Well, I have, fortunately, had a very strong relationship with all presidents. And that is because my father taught me that you have to respect the office of the president, the head of state, and that’s not just America. And my discussions have always been fruitful, done in mutual respect and understanding. President Biden I have known since I was a young man visiting the Congress with my father, when he was a young senator, so this is an old friendship. And I was just so delighted to see him in the White House. And I don’t know what images came out, but my colleagues that were with me could just see the chemistry there. And my son has known the president; as Joe Biden was the Vice President, my son used to go and visit him at his house and in his office, so it’s a family friendship.

Zakaria: Do you expect that you will get a different policy out of Biden than Trump?

King Abdullah II: Well, we have lost a couple of years, and part of it has obviously been the pandemic. And so, it is not the issue of a different policy, it is more of what are the plans that are out there. I mentioned Syria, but also when we look at Lebanon—the crisis there, the people are suffering, starvation is just around the corner, the hospitals are not working. And a lot of discussions we have had here, and I know the Americans are working with the French. When the bottom does fall out, and it will happen in weeks, what can we do as the international community to step in, knowing that whatever plans we come up with, we will fall short of our aims, and we will let people down. So I think it is, can we build plans to sort of move the region into the right direction?

Zakaria: Let me ask you about stability in Jordan itself, because your country is often seen as a kind of island of stability in a very rough neighbourhood. You have recently had what looked to the outside world like an attempted coup. What happened there and what do you see is the prospect for any instability in the future?

King Abdullah II: Well, again, you know, when we look at crises all over the world, and I think in this day and age, we tend to look at crises as a snapshot without really understanding the journey that actually Jordan, for example, has undertaken over the past several years—regional instability, wars, refugees, and COVID. And we have had to look at many characters that tend to use people’s frustrations and legitimate concerns of challenges that they have in making their lives better, to really push on their own agendas and ambitions. What I think made this so sad that one of the people was my brother, who did it in such an amateurish and really disappointing way. From our point, the intelligence services, as they always do, gather information, and they got to a point where they had legitimate concerns that certain individuals were trying to push my brother’s ambitions for their own agendas, and decided, quite rightly, to nip it in the bud, and quietly. If it had not been for the irresponsible manner of secretly taping conversations with officials from Jordan or leaking videos, you and I would not be having this conversation.

And I believe that I am really proud when members of our family are successful, when they can reach out to society. Now, in this particular case, if somebody has certain ambitions, I can only do so much for them, but I believe from a human point of view, it comes down to sincerity at the end of the day. It is very easy to use peoples’ grievances for personal agendas, but are you sincere in what you are trying to do for your people? And at the end of the day, we all have a responsibility to be able to come up with solutions for the people. And this is not just Jordan-centric, many royal families around the world have these challenges. If you are a member of the Royal Family, you have privileges; you need to respect those privileges, but also there are restrictions. And politics, at the end of the day, is the purview of the Monarch. And so it is just unfortunate, unnecessary, and just created problems that we could have avoided.

Zakaria: One of the people who was part of it was very close to the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia. Do you believe there was a Saudi hand in this?

King Abdullah II: This is being looked at as a domestic issue. We all know that Bassem, who used to work in Jordan, is a senior adviser in Saudi Arabia. He holds Saudi and American passports. We have witnessed external relations on this issue, but, as I said, we are dealing with this as a domestic problem, and, again, knowing Jordan, finger pointing does not help at all. We have enough challenges in the region; we need to move forward. This has always been the Jordanian ethos to look to the future. And I think we are all about mitigating challenges and difficulties, as opposed to adding to them.

Zakaria: Let me ask you, this week, your grandfather was assassinated 70 years ago at the Temple Mount [Al Aqsa Mosque/Al Haram Al Sharif]. Does it feel to you as though in those 70 years, things just remained the same? Do you feel as though things have gotten better? Particularly on the issue, I mean, he was assassinated by Palestinian gunmen. It feels like things haven’t moved that far forward.

King Abdullah II: Well, we are celebrating our centennial, and if you look at the history of our country, with all the shocks—and most of them external—it is just amazing that Jordan is still Jordan, and that reflects, I believe, on the legacy of members of my family, but more important, I think, the steadfastness of the Jordanian people. We do live in a difficult neighbourhood, and you have got to sort of wake up every morning to look at the glass half full. The way King Abdullah looked at regional politics and trying to bring people together is what my father inherited from him, and what I inherited from my father, and my son has inherited from me. So, as difficult as the challenges are, I believe that we can come together. My great grandfather, as you said, was killed on the steps of the [Al Aqsa] mosque in Jerusalem. What we have all been about, always, is looking at Jerusalem as a city that brings Muslims, Christians, and Jews together, and it is just inconceivable to me why we would want anything else. So, my role, my son’s role will continue to be how do we make this a city of hope, a city of peace, and bringing people together, and hopefully that reflects to other policies as we deal with challenges around the Middle East.

Zakaria: Your Majesty, it is always an honour and pleasure to talk to you.

King Abdullah II: Thank you.”

#King Abdullah II #interview

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

10 Headcanons about IPKKND

Headcanon: It refers to something that the reader assumes about the story (in this case, a television show) or a character, though it's never officially stated in the books (tv show) or by the author (writer/creator).

Of course, I’m in the bandwagon of watching Iss Pyaar Ko till the end of my life, and now I’m so mentally convinced that these are ten things that definitely happened in the Iss Pyaar Ko world (beyond the script & screen).

P.S: I love you writers, creators, actors and the sensible decision makers <3 

#1 Arnav and Anjali are the mirror images of their father and mother, respectively.

#2 Anjali realised the truth of her marriage on the day of Arnav & Khushi’s remarriage.

#3 Aman Mathur is Arnav’s best friend.

#4 Aman and Anjali DO FALL IN LOVE.

#5 NK and Lavanya fall in love as well.

#6 Aarav grows to become closest to Khushi.

#7 Shashi recovers and tells the families about his ‘paralysis’.

#8 Akash and Payal get to know about Arnav & Khushi’s first marriage.

#9 Arnav and Khushi explore dating and friendship after their remarriage.

#10 Arnav gets shy when Khushi makes the first move.

#1 "Aap wohi kar rahe hain, jo aapki pita kiye rahe.”

“You’re exactly doing what your father did.” Nani to her grandson, Arnav.

Although Nani unfairly does use this line on Arnav far too many times, one thing that is true is that Arnav is his father’s son. From the only picture we have of Mr. Malik - there is an uncanny resemblance of the man who does not want to look like his father in any way. 

When Arnav talks to Khushi about his father’s mother, he is pissed at how tenacious, prejudiced, judgmental and stubborn his grandmother is. And this line of cruelty seems to be a Malik streak that even Arnav has. 

There is no denying that Arnav has the Malik blood in him coursing through his veins. But it’s just a magic that he has turned every weakness, fault of the Maliks into his biggest strength. 

And in between all this we perhaps miss how identical Anjali is to their mother. Anjali is not only pivotal to Arnav’s life like his mother, she is also literally similar to Ratna Singh Raizada.

Calm, composed, ability to see through their Chote’s anger, clad in a rich saree, always present with a large smile. 

But along with personality and features, she also inherited her mother’s fate. 

A cheater for a husband. 

However Anjali fared worse. Not only did Shyam cheat on her, he did not care about his child and made numerous attempts to murder his wife and was behind the Raizada wealth. 

But when Ratna and Anjali realize the true faces of their husbands - they seemingly say the same thing;

“Aapne mujhe pyaar kiya hi nahi,” You never loved me.

“Aur aap humein pyaar bhi nahi de paaye.” You couldn’t even love me.

And you have to wonder, if not for Khushi in their lives - what would’ve happened? Her presence helped Arnav step out of the shadows of his family’s past and gave Anjali the support to escape the emotionally manipulative marriage she was in. 

#2 “Nahi Shyam ji, humare Chotey aur Khushi ji ka rishta itna kamzor nahi hai. Inn dono ka rishta toh iss sab se bohot upar hai.”

“No Shyam, my brother and Khushi’s relationship isn’t that weak. Their relationship is above and beyond all this [misunderstanding, tragedy, manipulation].” Anjali to her husband, Shyam.

This is one of the few times in Anjali’s marital relationship where she has gone against her husband. And this was more than going against, this was dismissing him. While I rejoiced that Arnav came back to his Khushi to live their happily ever after - I was more surprised by Anjali’s calm demeanor.

For a woman who had clung onto her grandmother, Dadi, the minute she entered their house - Anjali did not even have a single hesitation to Dadi leaving the house permanently. 

There’s a sudden maturity and clarity in Anjali. She laughs, teases, worries just as before but there’s a realization that history has never been the way she and Arnav saw it. 

I think that maybe Anjali too believed it was an outsider who ruined her parents’ marriage - but perhaps seeing Khushi crumble without Arnav and her brother’s strength to face his past and embrace his present, and above all blatantly seeing her grandmother’s manipulation shifts Anjali’s perspective. 

She sees what no one else does. That Dadi chose this day, the day of her dearest Chote’s wedding, the happiest day of her brother’s life to speak about a past that does not matter. This freezes Anjali against all her hatred she had for the other woman, her father, their past. For Dadi her grandson’s happiness does not matter.

But for Anjali, nothing was worth more than her brother’s happiness. 

And I positively stand by this head canon because immediately Anjali signals her brother that he did the right thing after he asks Khushi to marry him. She requests for Khushi’s happiness from Arnav as her nek. She keeps insisting, in front of her family, that Arnav and Khushi are made for each other. And above all, when Arnav tells Anjali that he might hurt her - she immediately shushes him that he can never hurt her. 

And so one of the first things Anjali tells to Shyam is that; 

“Why should I trust you? So you can betray me... again? My family was against you, every evidence was against you but I... I stood with you.”

#3 *Gets SOS message from Arnav to send Khushi a gift* *Sends the gift but signs it off with his name*

Somehow I have this deep feeling that Aman messes with Arnav on purpose! I find it hilarious that we never see Aman so genuinely he is a figment of our imagination - why is why I believe this man is canonically Aman and I have evidence which I refuse to be disputed on!

But in general I also feel that Aman is one of Arnav’s closest friends apart from colleague. According to me, Aman Mathur is one of the first men to join AR and a key employee who helped Arnav grow AR to what it is. He is responsible for the functional logistics, is Arnav’s best friend and one of the only people to not be intimidated by ASR. 

In a world of ‘yes men’, Aman is a ‘no’ man and it is their intellectual arguments that makes him Arnav’s best friend because Aman truly looks out and cares for Arnav as his own family. Also, he wants the best for Arnav.

He probably knows everything about Arnav and Khushi’s contract marriage, gets to know everything about Shyam’s duplicity and even though we never see him in the family - I can imagine that Arnav, Akash and Khushi, consider Aman as their own. 

And either Arnav and Aman function on the same brain cell, i.e.,

Arnav - can memorize the entire Oxford dictionary but cannot conjure ‘Happy Birthday’. Runs a fashion house but has NO IDEA that his wife needed a bag for functionality, not accessory. Can have telepathic conversations with his wife but NOT a real one.

Aman - one of the most efficient person on this planet. Immediately organizes a gift for Khushi, upon Arnav’s instructions. Finds the best handbag, puts it in a box and sends it through a worker in time. FORGETS TO REMOVE HIS NAME AND SCREWS UP ARNAV’S HALF ASSED APOLOGY ATTEMPT #8592.

- OR -

Aman - tries interrupting ASR by dropping subtle hints that Khushi needs a ‘happy birthday’ instead of a bag. Seeing the density of his best friend Aman does two things; selects a bag that is completely out of taste for Khushi but pleases Arnav because it’s expensive, makes sure to leave his name behind for Arnav to understand what a gift is. 

Tell me which one sounds more like your imaginary Aman ;)

#4 “WHAT THE FU-”

He completes that sentence the day Arnav learns about Anjali and Aman’s relationship. Definitely the two people, apart from Khushi, who is closest to Arnav and cares for him the most. 

The two people Arnav loves the most.

The two people Arnav would NEVER WANT TO LOVE EACH OTHER.

How and when Aman and Anjali fall in love - I’ll leave that to competent fan fiction writers - but to add in a few thoughts;

- Aman and Khushi develop a strong friendship. Khushi and Anjali are more than sisters. 

- Aman and Anjali connect because of their common point (their sincere care and concern for Arnav) and maybe there were prior feelings? I leave it open - but their love has this trance like gentleness that grows into humor and friendship and more as they try to sneak their way as an official couple.

- Khushi is the first to notice and connect the dots between Aman and Anjali and she is glad. Arnav denies the thought and is positively horrified by it. 

- Khushi bears the brunt of having to placate Arnav into Aman and Anjali’s romance. It’s hilarious (and we get to see another flare of Dramatic Singh Raizada).  

- Oh there’s almost always going to be a love-hate relationship of Arnav and Aman. While Arnav truly is happy for Aman and Anjali, he never fails to remind Aman he’s the boss. While Aman truly loves being accepted into a family and cares for Arnav as his younger brother, he never fails to remind him that he is married to Arnav’s sister. *Khushi and Anjali’s exhausted eye rolls*

- But in times of adversity they stand together against anything and everything. 

#5 "Shurukiya Lavanya.” “Shurukiya NK.”

Let me say, I began to ship NK and Lavanya the day NK said ‘shurukiya’ instead of shukriya - just like Lavanya! While the intellect, grasp of the Hindi language and foreign lifestyles match - they are also a case of opposites when it comes to personality. 

In my head they meet - either for the first time or again - at Khushi’s birthday. This time Arnav babua knows how to win his lady love’s heart and how to say happy birthday so he does organize a small, intimate but colorful party with all the people who matter. 

Which includes NK & Lavanya - Khushi’s two best friends (which she found thanks to Arnav). 

There is definitely attraction at first sight but love? That takes its own sweet time to grow. It does NOT help that NK is Arnav’s cousin - but NK and Lavanya do end up together and are perfect for each other.

Neither NK nor Lavanya need to change, and their love story is like any other Hollywood romantic comedy - there’s everything (much to Khushi’s delight and Arnav’s dismay); meet cute, misunderstanding, accidental kissing, pretend boyfriend/girlfriend, denial of feelings, final grand confession at airport/balcony of La’s house and of course a white, hilarious wedding! 

AND OF COURSE KHUSHI SHIPS IT! And Arnav curses his life because he was probably just coming to terms with Aman and Anjali coming together! (How come every employee gets married to a family member - the only exception being Payal and that Khushi is married to the owner and she was an employee so that doesn’t count). 

I can just imagine an over enthusiastic Khushi helping a besotted NK and an empathetic but practical Lavanya. And probably there’s a breakup, or Lavanya chooses to not pursue the relationship until, ironically but according to clichés, Arnav saves the day by tapping into the friendship he shared with Lavanya. 

And by driving NK to the airport - or La to the airport.

There is an airport scene ok. 

#6 “Mom”

Never, in a million years, with all her twenty imaginary babies would Khushi have ever imagined to be called ‘mom’. In her fantasies of Laad Governor & Sanka Devi’s Shaadi Shuda Zindagi she thought she had imagined it all;

A hot, passionate but crazy marriage. Their brood of children would be half western, thanks to English Singh Raizada, and half traditional. Her son would probably take after his father in looks (which she would be grateful for) and in temperament (which she would curse Arnav for). Their daughter would be just like Khushi (which Arnav would be grateful for) and probably believe in all love and romance (which Arnav would curse Khushi for as he fought off suitors for their daughter). 

And then Arnav and Khushi would have another set of a son and daughter to have the roles switched. Of course, they have mastered the skill of making love and babies. 

Arnav would be positively traumatized upon being called “Babuji” and would drop all his business to make sure his brood calls him “Dad/Papa” and Khushi would leave all her jalebis and shop to make sure her little army of Raizada's called her “Amma” instead of “Mom!”

That is until the day Aarav calls her mom. Suddenly, that is the sweetest word Khushi has ever heard and she does not want Aarav to call her anything else. Because it's what Aarav calls her. 

Aarav, although shown to be identical to Arnav and immediately close to him because he believed all along that Arnav was his father - hence tried to impress him as much as he could - grows to become mamma’s boy. It’s Khushi’s childishness, sense of humor, joy for life, maturity and zest that brings out the boy’s childhood. 

I am sure one day Khushi sits and talks about being an orphan - and Aarav would be surprised at Khushi’s happiness despite her tragedy. I feel Khushi would actually play a key role in nurturing Aarav and making him a wholesome boy who can laugh, dance and enjoy life like his mother. 

In a nutshell, Aarav grows to become the perfect combination of his parents; slightly religious, loves sweets, plays pranks, is extremely sharp at mathematics, sarcastic, introvert, dry sense of humor, values relationships, values money and is temperamental enough to get people to obey him. 

Oh, and did you think Arnav was a terror if anyone insulted Khushi in front of him? That Arnav would slap and rip away the person from planet and protect his wife from all costs. 

Don’t even think of insulting Khushi with Aarav Singh Raizada around. 

Even Arnav can’t raise his voice on Khushi in front of Aarav. 

Aarav is obviously, protective about his father too - except he’s not too vocal about his. Arnav becomes a mentor, guide and a loving father for Aarav, while Khushi becomes Aarav’s best friend. 

#7 “That was not an accident.”

One line that would shake the worlds of the Raizada's and Gupta’s would be to learn that whatever happened with Shashi Gupta was not an accident. Of course, the show was great the way it was but with Shashi Gupta being such a competent and fantastic character - I just have this head canon where this last knot is tied up as well.

I think nothing adds more gravity to Shyam’s villainy than the fact that he nearly murdered a man right under their noses and no one even had an inkling. I just think it was important to address how disastrous it was for Buaji and Garima to immediately rely on Shyam and hasten Khushi’s wedding. Like Garima is truly selfish when she asks Payal to not say the truth and how horrible it was for Khushi to believe Shyam could change. 

All along her father lay paralyzed by that very man’s hideous actions. 

A part of me is not okay that they show Khushi, out of all people, trusting Shyam again. That Shashi’s paralysis is never addressed - it was a murder that failed. That Buaji and Garima have no idea what the consequence of their decision was. 

They nearly married Khushi off to her father’s murderer. There’s just a part of me that does not want to blame anyone or expect any drama, but I need to know that the family knows how close they had been to losing everything because of their gross naivety. 

Anjali lived with a murderer for so long; it’s been out there! Shyam paralyzed the man who suspected him, attempted killing his wife multiple times, kidnapped and nearly murdered his brother in law for wealth and then finally he did kill his child. 

So I just need a moment for the Raizada's and Gupta’s to realize what a horrifying man Shyam is - independent of everything else. And I would have loved to have seen Shashi Gupta and Arnav’s interactions! So for me, it is my head canon that they all get to know the other truth once Shashi heals enough to speak.

#8 The Six Month Contract

I mean I am completely fine with no one having an idea of the nature of the marriage. But also, I can’t imagine that Akash and Payal - who are very quiet but very in tune with their siblings and aware of their siblings nature - would be just quiet. 

Especially when both of them knew that Arnav and Khushi were a bubbling pot of feelings on the day of their marriage. Arnav’s attraction for Khushi at that time was not a secret, and I am positive that an observant character like Akash would have picked that up.

Payal, the one we know, knows every single thing about Khushi - from her dreams to her wishes - would be completely shocked to know that Khushi agreed to a marriage where there was no priest. 

If any character knows Arnav and Khushi best - it’s Akash and Payal. They are the only characters that Arnav and Khushi don't justify themselves to. But I feel in dignified manner, both Payal and Akash would try to find the truth on what happened that night. 

Unlike Di, Nani and Bua ji, they won’t be happy with “oh they’re getting married again.” In my head canon, Akash and Payal are more active than what they were shown. And they would do this together - no secrets. They would discuss that knowing Khushi, she would never say yes to a marriage without a priest. And Bhai does seem like the last character to elope - especially when there is no reason to. With the way things were going, naturally Arnav and Khushi were next in line. 

Probably from Nani Akash and Payal would learn what happened on their wedding day. They would learn about the fact that Arnav knew about Shyam, on that day. He thought Khushi was involved with Shyam. And he did make a big mistake in his life on that day. 

From Di they would learn that Arnav did not marry Khushi because he loved her. 

And that would give them all the knowledge that they knew and it would lead to a difficult but poignant conversation between all four of them. Akash and Payal are the ones who know the whole picture, but they’re also the ones who are closest to Arnav and Khushi.  

#9 “You’re going on a date?” “Haan.” “HAAN! KISKE SAATH!?!” “Obviously Khushi ke saath.”

“You’re going on a date?” NK

“Yeah.” Arnav

“YEAH! WITH WHOM?!” NK

“Obviously with Khushi!” Arnav

This is probably one of the funniest scenes because NK has to question his cousin, who is about to be remarried to his wife, who he’s going on a date with. 

And that sparks this head canon for me that Arnav and Khushi enjoy all the joys of courtship, friendship and dating post their marriage. They start heading to the movies, playing pranks, discussing business, traveling countries and flirting with each other shamelessly. 

It’s an aspect of love they scratched on right before Akash and Payal’s marriage and their remarriage. With the absence of all hate and prejudices - Arnav and Khushi probably have a really fun marriage with one always pulling the other one’s leg. 

When they’re serious and romantic - they burn the house in flames from their intensity.

When they’re pulling pranks they’re  also bringing the house down with Khushi screaming murder and running behind Arnav to maul him. 

We see glimpses of this when Arnav, seductively, draws a mustache on her. Or teases her about the moon and she slaps him, lightly on his chest. Or when he suggests that the world isn’t weird but she might be. Or when Khushi teases Arnav on being called “chote.” 

*sigh*

In a nutshell - Arnav & Khushi explore the facets of romance and courtship post marriage - dates, friendship, movies, travel, exercise, cooking, gardening, pranks, arguments, etc.

#10 Arnav Shy Singh Raizada

Another completely silly head canon - the silliest of all - is that when Khushi takes control, Arnav becomes shy. He isn’t as vocal as Khushi when it comes to expressing his emotions but he does have his brief moments of being slightly flustered which he graces with his one look. A soft smile and a sweet challenge brewing in his eyes. 

We get a hint of him being bashful when anyone else interrogates him about his feelings for Khushi - there’s the obvious nonchalance and anger, but this little heart likes to believe that there’s a soft boi underneath who’s going starry eyed every now and then. 

If anyone read this in full then may Devi Maiyya bless you with infinite happiness and patience. It was a lot, even though it was supposed to be a silly list of head canons! Thank you for your time!

#ipkknd #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon #Arnav Singh Raizada #khushi kumari gupta #headcanon #list #i write too much

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - The Way of the Willow

Now here’s a controversial episode from season one. Let’s delve into the discourse, shall we. 

Summary:  It's Queen Arianna's birthday, and she receives an unexpected guest: her estranged sister, Willow. Willow and Rapunzel quickly bond, sharing a lot of the same personality traits (most notably them never wearing shoes), and Arianna feels a bit left out. To add to her aggravation, Willow has given her a pet with an annoying rattle. Eventually, Arianna explodes at her sister, letting her know her irritation with her and throws away the rattle. The pet starts to multiply and rampage over the countryside. Meanwhile, Lance and Eugene  take the King camping. 

More Filler, More Poor Pacing, More Fatigue 

This is yet another episode that was moved around. Noticing a pattern yet? It doesn’t effect the plot much, but it kills the pacing dead. By the time you get to this episode you’re just tired and bored and ready for the show to just get on with things. 

Let's Talk About Representation 

So we have here a show that is marketed towards pre-teen little girls run by two middle aged white guys and written primarily by men. The creators have claimed that female relationships are the focus of the show, but only to give us one female friend for our main hero, no other friendships with women in them, just two sister relationships, and only one mother that is even alive. 

Furthermore they go on to break up that single female friendship, refuse to give any focus to the only mother in the show, and then wrap the plot around the dead abusive mom instead, making her unnecessarily even more horrible than she was in the OG film. (just to make the equally abusive father in the show look better)

Meanwhile we get four father figures, all of whom are just some variant on the ‘overprotective estranged dad’ trope. Even though at least two of them could have been easily written to be mothers instead and it’d not change the plot one bit.   

When women talk about about poor representation in media, it’s things like this we are often complaining about. That’s not to say that men can’t write women.  Miyazaki, of Studio Ghibli fame, has made a lifelong career out writing movies for and starring women. Nor is this a claim that the TTS crew are misogynist. You can be well intentioned and still screw up. As is most often the case in films. 

But nevertheless, if you are writing for a demographic that you are not a part of then you need to either include those voices in the development of your story or reach out and consult people within that demographic. And no, you’re wife/niece/daughter/mother does not count here. You need to go beyond your personal social circle, as people who either don’t know you or have worked in the industry can be more open about what is needed in the writing process.  

Sadly there are rumors, (and please keep in mind this is only rumor, and we’ll never know the actual truth due to the fact that production artists are under contract and can’t share things without fearing for their livelihoods) but there are stories of the head showrunner shutting down the opinions of the female storyboard artists who warned him of some these creative decisions. 

Moreover said creator responded to criticisms of how his female characters were written by claiming he ‘knew strong women in his life’ as if that actually had anything to do with his writing skills. It’s a poor response and smacks of ‘Well I can’t be misogynistic, I love women. See, I married one’. Dear, male creators, please don't ever do this. It makes you look bad. 

So Where are Arianna and Willow From, Again?

The show keeps dropping hints that they’re from Corona itself and are born princesses, but that makes little sense. Because if Arianna was the rightful heir she’d have far more political power then she actually does in the show. If we’re to buy the idea that only Rapunzel will be in charge, and not her and Eugene, or even just Eugene. Then we have to accept that it’s because she’s the rightful heir by birth. If so, then Frederic must also be the blood heir or otherwise he wouldn’t be able to do all the things he does in the show. 

TTS is so determine to not have any real world markers in the show and keeping things a ‘fantasy’ that it winds up swinging too far in the opposite direction. To the point that it undermines its own worldbuilding.     

The Conflict Between Willow and Arianna is Good, but Unnecessary 

I’ve seen some debate over ‘who is right’ here, along with tons of unwarranted shade thrown at Willow, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. Neither side is right or wrong, and for once the conflict in TTS is real, complex, not easily solvable with a ten minute conversation, and is presented evenly so that you know where each side is coming from. But in the end, it doesn’t add anything to the series. 

Willow is never seen outside of this episode. This is the only story that gives Arianna any kind of focus. Rapunzel learns nothing useful from witnessing their squabbles and it’s all build up to a be bad parable/parallel in the series finale. 

It’s a waste. A waste of conflict. A waste of character. A waste of time. 

Had Arianna been treated as an important character to the narrative, like she should have been, then maybe the episode would have fared better. 

Arianna is Reduced to a Pointless Parallel

We talked about it before but this might be the most grievous example of Tangled’s useless parallels.

Willow and Arianna are meant to be ‘foreshadowing’ (and I use that term loosely) for Rapunzel and Cassandra’s conflict in the finale season. Let me count the ways of how bad this actually is..

For starters Willows and Arianna’s conflit isn’t actually the same as Raps and Cass. There’s some overlap, but ultimately theirs is actually deeper and more complex than the Raps vs Cass stuff. It’s also only between them and does not involve ruining the lives of other people. So it’s a weak comparison to begin with.

Cassandra isn’t even here to make the parallel complete. She barely interacts with Arianna and has never met Willow on screen.

Rapunzel learns the wrong lessons from this. She gets encouragement from her aunt to go traveling and a pep talk from her mom during the show’s finale, but she doesn’t actually apply any of the actual context of the arguments being made to her own life. Making the parallel shallow.

Reducing a character from the original film, one that you did not create and who has reasons to be have more plot importance then they are given, to a mere ‘parallel’ for your favorite OC is just bad fanfiction. This is something that I would expect from a seven year old setting out to write their first ever story. Not from grown adults, who are supposedly professionals, who've worked for years in the industry and are employed by the largest entertainment studio in the world.

Now before you jump down my throat, there’s nothing wrong with fanfiction itself, nor with children exploring their favorite stories in ways they find personally fulfilling. But I happen to hold mass produced media to a different, and ultimately higher standard. As well should we all. A television show made by the mouse has more real world impact than a little girl posting on Ao3.

Critiquing stuff like female representation, the behind the scenes hiring processes that leads to either good or bad rep, and the impression these stories can have on people still developing their worldviews is important. Questioning things are needed in order to make change happen. If you never acknowledge how giving a show targeted to women to a male showrunner can cause problems then you’re never going to push the big companies for more female lead shows. Which means more women are left without work.    

This is Subjective but...

I don’t like the Uumlaut being used as the main conflict. Look, if you like the Gremlins references, good for you, but I was promised sword fights and adventure according to the pilot and all I got was a parody of a 80s horror comedy that decided to skip out on the ‘horror’ part. The Uumlaut isn’t threatening enough to be interesting and the lack of real threats and challenges in this show is really starting to weigh things down. Plus it just distracts from the far more interesting human drama going on with Willow and Arianna. 

Like if you don't want action to be the focus of every episode, that’s fine, but commit to that. Don't just half-ass it because you feel the need to shoehorn in an action sequence where it isn’t needed.    

Conclusion

I like Willow as a character, but not this episode. They needed to do more with her to justify her existence, and they needed to do more with Arianna while at it. Sadly, you won't really miss out on much if you decided to skip this episode and that’s a shame. 

Also... 

I’ll forever headcanon that Willow is the wife that Stan mentioned back in Rapunzel’s Enemy and that she’s his and Pete’s beard. You can’t change my mind. Poly relationships for the win! 

#tangled #anti-tangled #willow #arianna #repersentation #critique #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #tts #rta

[beneaththetangles]

Otaku Reader’s Corner: Komi Can’t Communicate, Love Me Love Me Not, and  Fly Me to the Moon

Fly Me to the Moon (Tonikawa), Vol. 3

Season one of Tonikawa may be complete, but Fly Me to the Moon, the manga on which its based, is continuing to roll out, and it remains superior to the show in virtually every facet. Volume three, released yesterday, focuses on Tsukasa and Nasa’s trip to visit his parents, in the process leading the couple through some friction and opening up the questions about Tsukasa’s background and identity more and more. However, never fear ye readers looking for your regular dose of sugary sweetness; the series still lives mostly in the world of cute interactions between the young couple and in plentiful humor, the latter of which was unexpectedly missing from the anime. ~ Twwk

Fly Me to the Moon Vol. 3 is available through Viz.

Love Me, Love Me Not, Vol. 6

Having been thoroughly captivated by the five previous volumes of Love Me, Love Me Not, I expected to enjoy volume six just as well—but I didn’t. What changed? Sakisaka-sensei’s technique and style certainly didn’t, as these chapters are in all ways a continuation of all that’s gone before. But while I’ve argued that the poor decisions and mental lapses of the four main characters are authentic to how 16-year-olds act, the characterizations have started becoming stale, with progressions only being very primary and obvious in nature, and little “true” character growth to speak of, and now joining the already weak and rehashed plots of the story in leading to a most mediocre volume. Seeing unexpected sides of the boys, however, counter some of the issues in volume six, which relies too much on mistaken interpretations for its shoujo angst (it should consult Maison Ikkoku for a more masterful way to achieve this). Most of all, I fear that Sakisaka is going down the familiar Ao Haru Ride route and creating “bad guys that really aren’t bad” characters; the earlier chapters had emanated something special, and I hope for a return to form by volume seven. ~ Twwk

Love Me, Love Me Not Vol. 6 is available through Viz.

The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten, Vol. 1

In this high school romantic comedy, next door neighbors Amane and Mary Poppins Mahiru grow closer to each other. The laid-back pace of their relationship’s development is lovely, and they have some genuinely sweet moments, but the story still left me underwhelmed. First, why do they get together? I don’t know. They’d never spoken before, but then Amane shoves an umbrella into Mahiru’s hand and runs off, and next thing you know, she’s cooking for him on a daily basis. Huh? This relates to a second issue: I don’t know who these characters are. Why does Mahiru take such care of Amane? Do they have any common interests or life experiences? Why are they both living on their own? And so on. The two leads eventually start to get characterization beyond “He’s slob who can’t cook and she’s practically perfect in every way,” but not nearly enough. The narration is also annoyingly heavy-handed at times: specifically, it dwells on Mahiru’s looks way more than necessary. The story also has excessively frequent claims that there’s absolutely not anything romantic about their relationship and they don’t have and can’t possibly develop any feelings toward each other beyond neighborly friendship; it felt like the author kept turning my way and giving these exaggerated winks. The second half of the book is noticeably better than the first, with more humor, more characters, more chemistry between the leads, etc. I can’t exactly recommend this on its own merits as a standalone volume, but there’s enough potential here that this might turn out to be a weak start to a worthwhile series. I think I’ll at least want to try vol. 2. ~ jeskaiangel

The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten Vol. 1 is published by Yen Press.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: The Shinji Ikari Raising Project, Vol. 1

About a year ago I was back in my hometown at the town video game store. It has a manga section where they will re-sell used manga for usually around $1 a piece. I saw a single copy of volume 1 of Neon Genesis Evangelion: The Shinji Ikari Raising Project sitting there and had to go for it. An Alternate Universe (AU) version of Evangelion? Sold. This series follows an AU where Shinji and company are not piloting Evas and Angels aren’t attacking Tokyo-3. His parents, both of whom are still alive, are working for the Artificial Evolution Research Center for some, at present, unknown purpose. Then, suddenly, Rei shows up in Shinji’s life and is living at his house. The first volume shows a Shinji that is oblivious to the love of his childhood friend (Asuka) and living a relatively normal teenage life in Tokyo-3. It’s weird seeing them in this context as it’s mostly a silly romance story with some future science fiction elements hidden in the background. The jokes hit well especially if you’ve recently watched the original series. I’m onto volume 2 now and interested to see where this goes. ~ MDMRN

Neon Genesis Evangelion: The Shinji Ikari Raising Project Vol. 1 is available through Dark Horse.

Our Crappy Social Game Club Is Gonna Make The Most Epic Game, Vol. 1

First of all, a “social game” is basically a mobile game, playable on various social media platforms (hence the name), and often with gacha elements. This light novel gives us a world where high school students actually form clubs to develop said games, and at least when it comes to the actual game development aspect, it’s very good. There’s quite a lot of detail on what actually goes into developing such a game and how they can be successful, and the titular club’s struggle to overcome their issues to make a game is likewise a good read and allows for good character development. This novel is also part romantic comedy, and while that aspect is more standard fare, it’s decent enough with a solid rapport between the main leads. Overall I definitely enjoyed this volume a lot, especially the game development part, and will be looking forward to more. ~ stardf29

Our Crappy Social Game Club Is Gonna Make The Most Epic Game Vol. 1 is available from J-Novel Club.

Reincarnated as the Last of My Kind, Vol. 1

Behold, a new entry in the reincarnation-type isekai sub-genre. What distinguishes this slice-of-life story is it’s focus on unconventional family relationships. Marcus the knight came home one day to find his wife had abandoned him, taking their daughter with her and leaving behind divorce papers; soon after, he also loses an arm in battle. In the process of retiring and returning to run his parents’ inn, he comes across the protagonist, a baby girl whom he adopts and calls Tina (short for Tinaris); while Tina’s species is still unclear, one can deduce from the title alone that she’s not human. Then Nakona, Marcus’s estranged daughter by his ex-wife, tracks down her father. The last major character is Lico (short for Licorice), a knight, alchemist, divorcee, and potential mother-figure for Tina and Nakona; her ex-husband abandoned her to marry Marcus’s ex-wife. Along with familial interactions full of challenges, complications, and heartwarming moments, as well as Tina’s efforts to mastery alchemy, there are also indications that a save-the-world plot might be brewing. As an added bonus, the hints that Lico will be a love interest for Marcus give me hope that this story will avoid a certain unsavory pitfall some other single-man-adopts-little-girl stories have wrecked themselves with. I quite enjoyed this volume and look forward to seeing how the story progresses. ~ jeskaiangel

Reincarnated as the Last of  My Kind Vol. 1 is published by Cross Infinite World.

Komi Can’t Communicate, Vol. 1

Komi Can’t Communicate is a cute, mostly wholesome series about a girl who can’t communicate. Yea, the premise is literally the title of the series. Upon entering high school, Tadano finds himself drawn to the very quiet Komi who happened to sit next to him. Over a series of chapters, he tries to get the nerve to talk to her only to find out she has a hard time talking to anyone. Her anxiety gets the better of her when she tries to even state her name in front of the class. Through a series of goofy stories, Tadano is trying to help Komi make friends. It is a lot cuter than I expected and a very fast read. I was through the first volume before I knew it with how easy it read. I definitely enjoyed the volume and am interested to see where it goes as Komi tries to make new friends. ~ MDMRN

Komi Can’t Communicate Vol. 1 is available through Viz.

#Manga #Light Novels #Tonikaku Cawaii #Fly Me to the Moon #TONIKAWA: Over the Moon For You #Omoi Omoware Furi Furare #Love Me Love Me Not #The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten #Otonari no Tenshi sama ni Itsu no Ma ni ka Dame Ningen ni Sareteita Ken #Neon Genesis Evangelion: The Shinji Ikari Raising Project #Shin Seiki Evangelion: Ikari Shinji Ikusei Keikaku #Our Crappy Social Game Club Is Gonna Make The Most Epic Game #Jakushou Soshage bu no Bokura ga Kamige wo Tsukuru made #Reincarnated as the Last of My Kind #Tensei Shitara Zetsumetsu Sunzen no Kishou Shuzokudeshita #Komi Can’t Communicate #Comi san ha Comyusho desu. #Komi san wa Komyushou desu #Otaku Reader's Corner #Articles #Author: TWWK #Author: MDMRN #Author: Jeskai Angel #Author: stardf29

[beautyandthewarcanons]

Echo's Beacon: Part Thirty Seven

[You can read part thirty six here! All BATW & DTTR characters belong to @poisonappletales ! ❤]

Ambrosia frowned as I began to place some things in my suitcase. "Lady Kara... you don't have to stay in that room anymore. We can be together again."

I rose, shutting my eyes for a moment. "I can't stay in this house, Ambrosia."

"His Majesty had sir Night go into the hatch door... it seems there may have once been a door there, but it was sealed off. What you described... nothing of the sort was there. So there is no need to fear of that. But lady Kara... there is something you need to fear-"

"I know what I saw, Ambrosia, I know what I experienced-"

"It was in your blood again. The arsenic. No one can figure out how this keeps happening. This is why... you mustn't be alone. This arsenic is going to kill you... it's causing these hallucinations..."

"These were more than just hallucinations, Ambrosia. This was terror on another level, I thought I was going to die down there!"

"Lady Kara... something is blocking me out. When I try to ease your mind... allow you to hear my voice... I can feel myself not being able to get through." Ambrosia placed her hands on my shoulders. "Please... you cannot be alone."

"I won't be. Bernard will be there. He knows about this house, the spirits. He understands. I won't be a burden on you, the others. He can help me." I took Ambrosia's hands to hold them. "It's just for a week and a half or so. I can still visit during the day if I'm feeling up to it."

"It's not the same..." Ambrosia whimpered.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. "Lady Ambrosia... the King wishes to see you."

As Ambrosia frowned, I nodded toward the door. "Go ahead. I've got it from here."

Jasmine glanced at me warily as she escorted Ambrosia from the room. I bent down to continue packing.

A few minutes later, there was a light knocking at the door. "Miss Kara? Forgive my intrusion... may I come in?"

I jolted upright. "Arsenik? Yeah, of course."

He quietly entered, leaving the door ajar. "How are you faring, this morning? Your announcement at table came as a bit of a shock."

"Just... busting to get out of here." I rose from the floor to sit on the bed.

The Hulder took a step closer, but didn't sit. "You know... there are those here who would do a great deal to guard you... you need only say the word."

"I don't want a guard. I want peace. I want happiness. I want-..." I sighed. "Bernard will know how to handle me."

"Handle you? You reference yourself as if you were an animal." Arsenik frowned. "There is nothing which would convince you to stay?"

"Arsenik... what reason do I have? I've been poisoned, tormented by things that no one else can see, my relationships with everyone have been strained by that, on top of all of us going crazy from being stuck here for weeks... and we still don't know the reason for any of it. So tell me... what do you think is a reason for me to stay?"

"Miss Kara, I... I want to tell you that I..." He paused for a moment, seeming conflicted. For a moment, there was a certain sparkle in his eyes as he glanced to the side. My heart had a flicker of hope. He slowly released the air in his lungs then. "... I'm sure you will be missed. If you wish... I can assist you in packing." The flicker died, my heart sinking. Those words were the last nail in the coffin.

"... It's okay. I can manage." I replied.

"Very well." Arsenik nodded. "I'll... leave you to it then, miss Kara." He gave a light bow before turning to exit the room. I didn't see him linger just outside the door for a moment, shutting his eyes briefly before continuing down the corridor.

---

Outside, I turned to face the group as they stood to watch me trek toward Bernard's cottage. "You guys... I'm sorry for everything. This will all be over soon, and... Bernard will help me, I'm sure."

"Are you absolutely sure about this, Kara?" Barium asked.

"Yes. It's what's best for everyone. I'll be fine." I nodded. Ambrosia, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, took a step toward me to give me a hug. However, a light tapping from Jasmine prompted her to look back, the latter Phoenix shaking her head briefly. I glanced away, Ambrosia regretfully planting her feet as she furrowed her brows. I cleared my throat. "I'll... be going then."

"Have fun!" Wildfire gave a sarcastic wave as she and Brooks snickered. Arsenik shot them a look.

"Kara, wait!" The group looked over their shoulder as Chase shoved their way through them, having just sprinted outside. He stopped me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Chase?" I blinked. "What are you-"

"I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this all morning... after you told us you were leaving during breakfast. You can't go."

"But I have to... I have to do this for-"

"I love you."

At this, I stopped, drawing back a bit. Most of the group looked on in silent surprise. Wildfire snorted, rolling her eyes as Brooks stifled laughter. Arsenik exhaled slowly. As realization sunk in, I frowned, glancing away. "Chase..." I sighed. "I really care about you... that's why I have to tell you-"

"I know that you've loved me for a long time. It's why you turned the King down... it's why you were upset the night Arsenik wouldn't kiss you. You were worried you humiliated yourself in front of me. Even the night of the party... you were upset about what Rosemary said because you thought you'd lost your chance to be with me... but none of that is true. I-"

"You're right, Chase... none of it is true." I took in a breath. "Chase... I cherish our friendship... and I cherish you." At this, he smiled. "But... my heart belongs to someone else." I swallowed thickly. Chase's smile was replaced by deep confusion. "If I had known for sure you felt this way... I-"

"That can't be true. If it was, that would mean..." He stopped. His eyes wandered to the group. Arsenik was staring at the ground, wishing he could sink into it. "No. Not him. You can't- you're not dumb enough to love a Hulder. No, you love me."

"Chase... I'm so sorry. I love you as a friend, I always will..." I moved to take his hands, but he yanked them away. This only made me frown more. "Chase, I never wanted to hurt you, I didn't know for sure that-"

"So what do you want then? Oh, you want a Hulder. And not just any Hulder either. You know what? I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I ever stuck up for you. I'm sorry that I ever felt sad or worried or angry for you. You know what I just remembered? You had no problem kissing the King and you turned him down, too. So, what, you think you're going to make Arsenik jealous? Rosemary had a point at the party that night- you got turned down by Arsenik, and you're always going to be turned down by him."

"Chase." Barium spoke firmly.

"You know what I finally realized? Everyone is right to not like you. You just like all the attention. I bet you really did lie about all that stuff about seeing spirits! You don't know anything. You're a dramatic, and bratty, and a slut, and- and-"

"Chase." Barium hissed through his teeth.

"- And I hope I never see you again!"

My heart was pounding in my chest as I stared at the ground. I could feel the heat in my face from the embarrassment. I tried in vain to hold back fresh tears. Wildfire and Brooks were cackling. Wind glanced at Ambrosia, her sadness drawing a low growl from him. Viktor tried to usher Arsenik back toward the house, not wishing for his reputation to be muddied. Rosemary couldn't find the voice to say a word as Bo Peep turned Barium away to calm him. By the time Arsenik dared to lift his head, I was a small speck, my bag in hand as I disappeared into the distance. Feeling sick to his stomach, he whirled around to stride back to the house. Once inside, he released a shuddered breath.

I practically collapsed upon the steps of Bernard's cottage. My ears were ringing to the point where I couldn't hear the sound of my gasping sobs. Without a word, the man approached, supporting me as he helped me inside.

In this cottage, it was like a drop in a vast, beautiful ocean... but who could find a tear drop in such a massive body of water?

---

Evening had painted the clouds a magnificent array of colors. I sat by a small window, watching the fluffy splatters of color pass onward. Bernard approached then, placing a cup of tea before me, taking a seat with his own.

"Poor child... you don't deserve to live with such misery. You seem like quite a well-rounded young woman. Even the most resilient of souls will crumble without love." Bernard said, taking a sip of tea. Reluctantly, I picked up the cup before me, taking a sip.

"... One of them tried to poison me." I said hoarsely. "We... never figured out who it was."

Bernard furrowed his brows. "You called these people your friends... they, who did not support you and hurt you every chance they could get? Do they truly think so ill of you for circumstances out of your control?"

"I thought I knew them. I thought I was accepted by them. I thought I finally..."

"... Had a family?" My lip began to tremble as I nodded. "Oh, dear child. I am glad you came to me. They will never cause you grief as long as I can help it." He rose, taking my empty cup. "Now. You've had a stressful day. You must rest. A new day lies ahead." He smiled lightly.

I looked up, my eyes still glistening with tears. "Thank you, Bernard." I managed the smallest of smiles. "How can I repay you for all your help?"

Bernard chuckled. "There is one thing you can do for me. But... I will not ask until tomorrow."

I nodded. "Okay."

"Off to bed with you, now." He motioned to the spare room as I rose, shuffling to the door. Once I closed it behind me, Bernard turned, shutting the curtain before placing the cup in the sink. After tidying up, he went to the front door, unlocking it before going to his bedroom to sleep.

---

The following morning, I groaned as I blinked my eyes open. Gentle sunlight poured into the small room, and I sighed as I finally willed myself to rise from bed. I shuffled out of the room, glancing around.

"Morning, Bernard..." I said, making my way into the kitchen. "Bernard?" I called, raising a brow when I received no response. I went over to the small dining table, picking up a small note placed on it."

"Good morning. I hope you slept well. Please help yourself to some tea and breakfast. I've gone out to take care of a few items on my to-do list. We'll meet soon enough."

Tilting my head for a moment, I shrugged, putting the small paper down before returning to the kitchen. Feeling a bit uncomfortable going through his cupboards, I decided to start with a cup of tea. I took out a tea bag, about to turn on the kettle when I heard the door open.

"Hey, Bernard. I got your note." I reached for the honey, pouring some in my cup. "Did you finish everything on your to-do list? You must have gotten up really early." I picked up the kettle, holding it under the running water to fill it. "I know I said this already... but I'm really grateful for all this. I mean... between now, and that night you found me in the woods..." I stopped for a moment. I looked up briefly, thinking. I shook my head, shutting the water off. "By the way..." I set the kettle back on the stove. "It was so late that night. How were you able to find me in the middle of the woods, unless you somehow knew I was-" I turned around, stopping as furrowed my brows in confusion and alarm. My mouth hung open for a moment.

Before I could ask a single question, her hand shot forward, covering my mouth with a cloth. That was the last thing I remembered before everything went black.

To be continued...

#beautyandthewar #poisonappletales #beauty and the war x playing pieces #beauty and the war #donttakethisrisk #dont take this risk #beautyandthewarxplayingpieces #fanfiction #drama #suspense #horror

[thebarkingraccoon]

Saṃsāra

Vajra’s story, slight AU. Happy Ending. Takemura x V romance Smut WILL happen - probably a lot

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟷

Summary: After the failed Heist, Vajra wakes up to a hostile engram and calls a friend.

Word count: 3,067

Warnings: Language

“And you? Who’re you?” A voice echoed faintly, waking her from her sleep.

The apartment was empty and dark. Misty had left an emptiness that slowly consumed the room until Vajra could think of nothing else but how alone she felt.

She tried to think of anything else, anyone else. Those final breaths, feeling his hand go limp in hers... Everything had gone perfectly and they made it to the Relic with little resistance. It wasn’t until an unexpected AV dropped by that pushed them over the edge. Literally, as they had jumped from the ledge to escape.

Every time Vajra found a moment of peace, the sounds of Night City always brought her back. It would remind her of her youth, of meeting Jackie, and getting herself in heaps of trouble that he always came to rescue her from. They were inseparable, even Misty would comment on their companionship. A joke here or there about how Jackie and Vajra were so close she had believed them to be dating when she met Jackie. As soon as Jackie and Misty started dating, Vajra was quick to step back and let them have their privacy.

While Jackie’s relationship with Misty did result in Vajra and him spending less time together, it never changed their friendship. Misty wasn’t intrusive, she was perfect for their tight-knit group. As the old cliche goes; Misty was the puzzle piece they were missing. She gave them both a new perspective they needed and Vajra thought of Misty as family.

Now that Jackie was... gone forever, Vajra could think of nothing but how his absence was hurting her. Misty, the poor girl, had fallen head over heels for Jackie. Without him, Vajra wondered how Misty would fare and if Misty blames her. Vajra blamed herself so she assumed Misty did as well.

Vajra swallowed hard, her throat dry. It took everything in her not to sob as she thought of Jackie’s face. How he’d drag her out of bed, insisting that her sleeping in was keeping her from experiencing everything Night City had to offer. Which didn’t make any sense, Vajra had lived in Night City her entire life. There was nothing new for her to see, but she always humored Jackie anyway.

Her body felt heavy, her wounds partially healed yet still leaving behind a soreness she would have to work through. Slowly she dragged her legs over the edge of the bed. Her bare feet touching the cold floor and she curled her toes, focusing on standing up. There was no doubt in her mind she was unlikely to stand for long. All she wanted was a glass of water, then she could go back to sleep and wallow in her grief.

“Need a smoke, where’d you stash yours?”

Vajra’s eyes widened as she froze in alarm. That voice was here, in her room, and unfamiliar. Her eyes darted around the apartment until she spotted the figure directly beside her. She jumped back, hissing in pain as she pulled on a sore muscle. This man was leaning against the wall looking rather unimpressed by her shock.

“I... don’t smoke.” Her voice sounded so unlike her. The two weeks of downtime really took its toll on her. “How- how are we...?”

“How the fuck should I know?” The dark-haired stranger grunted. Somehow he managed to look even more disappointed in her daze. “The fuck kinda joytoy are you supposed to be?”

Vajra shook her head slowly with a sigh. She didn’t know what to think of this stranger, she had assumed this was the engram in her head that Viktor warned her about. Johnny Silverhand, a rockstar turned terrorist that bombed Arasaka tower fifty years ago. Either she was actually speaking to the engram or she was going crazy; either way, she wanted some water and more sleep.

Turning around to get that glass of water turned out to be a mistake. As she saw her goal, Johnny immediately materialized in front of her. She only had a split second to see the annoyed look on his face before he threw her to the floor. Pain shot up her back and resonated through every sore muscle in her body. Before she could protest his attack, he stepped over her with a fist raised.

“Who do you work for?! Start talkin’!” When he pointed his finger at her, her hand followed suit. It was as if someone had grabbed her hand and started moving it around, she had lost control of that arm entirely.

As the realization set in, Johnny backed away from Vajra. He looked at his hands, to hers, and suddenly a flood of memories came rushing in. There were some gaps and a wealth of memories that were not his own. He moved his hands and Vajra’s copied it. As he recalled a memory it also came into Vajra’s mind, she could see what he saw.

“Fuck...” Johnny was just as surprised by this as Vajra. Neither knew what to do, but while Vajra just wanted some water, Johnny wanted to take his frustration out on her. As he figured out what was happening he grew angry. “Fucking chip. I’ll rip the thing out myself!”

Vajra panicked, “No, no! Wait-!”

Her hand yanked at the chip in her head and her vision went black. There was static, the sound being corrupted as her cybernetics tried desperately to reboot.

By the time her vision came back, she was holding onto the ledge of her window. The weeks she spent unconscious caused her to lose her strength, she needed time to get back up to speed. Yet with Johnny controlling her, she felt just as strong as before. Vajra was helpless as Johnny reeled her back and smashed her head into the glass.

“I’ll take control!” His voice in her head, the smash against the glass; she couldn’t think straight. Her head was throbbing in pain as he forced her into the glass again. “I’ll find a way!”

Vajra was so dazed she couldn’t really make sense of what he said anymore. “You hear me?!” With a final slam, Vajra collapsed to the floor. Johnny lost control as she blacked out.

It was only a minute before Vajra opened her eyes again. She moved her hand relieved to have her body back. Pushing herself off the floor she turned to see the blue pill bottle resting on the ledge of her bed. Johnny paced in front of her, his body flashing in and out as the Relic struggled to project him.

As fast as she could, Vajra snatched the bottle from her bedside and gripped the lid. “Get out of my head!” Only for Johnny to smack it out of her hands, the bottle rolling across the floor.

“Not like that! Stick some iron in your mouth and pull the trigger!” The back of his hand came without warning, forcing her to the floor with the bottle. She was stunned that he could do that, that he could touch her without her own body. Panic grew as she recognized the danger he posed to her. If he wanted to kill her she was in no shape to resist.

“I can feel it... our minds... touching.” Johnny was as confused about it as she was. They both knew what this was, but not how to handle it. This was a first for the world, an engram overwriting a living person. “I’m like mold on fruit... creeping into you. Nothing I can do about it...” He sounded somewhat forlorn about that.

“You hear me?!” Johnny yelled, practically snarling as he bombarded Vajra with this mess of thought. As his mind raced he wondered where he is, what happened to him; Vajra was seeing the same mixed in with her own. The violent whirlwind of disjointed thought and images caused Vajra a terrible migraine.

“I’d puke if I fuckin could!” Every time he spoke his projection teleported around the room. Blue lines of corruption from the Relic kept blinking him in and out of her sight. “It’s just a copy of the engram - I’m out there somewhere, gotta be...”

As he paced, Vajra worked her way to the pills. She wanted this to be over, her head hurt so terribly she felt it might split in two. Looking at Johnny, it might be too late anyway. Vajra dragged her weak body across the floor, “Get out... of my head...” Her voice was so weak she could barely get the words out.

Johnny was unable to take control again though he tried. He had to watch as Vajra snatched a pill from the floor and swallowed it. She rolled onto her back, staring up as Johnny stood over her. He didn’t say a word, only glared from behind his aviators as the medicine began to work.

Within moments Johnny vanished, suppressed by Viktor’s medication. Relief washed over Vajra as she felt the pain beginning to subside. Still sore and laying on the hard floor, she was far from being pain-free. Still, having Johnny out of the way, for now, was a start.

Vajra woke in the early morning with the sun still rising. She groaned as her stiff body protested against her movements. Cold and sore, Vajra felt as though she had slept on a rock. Pressing her palm under her she realized she had passed out on the floor exactly where she was when Johnny was repressed. There was simply nothing left in her after Johnny attacked her so she had closed her eyes where she was.

Hearing her back pop she knew she would regret it for the rest of the day. There was nothing but joint stiffness and exhaustion in her future.

She had to get moving again, there was work to be done, and laying around her apartment won’t help her. Viktor warned her the Relic was killing her slowly and she had to find a way to have it removed safely. There was no time to waste, she had already been out for two weeks. That was lost time spent recovering from a gunshot to the head, but it still meant she had to play catch up.

Grabbing a drink from the vending machine, she turned to her desk to check her messages. As expected it had been filled with spam. Several male endowment products, some about cybernetic enhancements for work and daily life. Finally a message from her complex stating that her rent is overdue... Vajra sighed as she imagined what late fee they were going to give her this time.

Taking one long gulp of her drink she was startled by her ringtone. Vajra coughed as she looked at the ID. Takemura? She didn’t know anyone by that name, but the image on the caller ID showed her his face. Though her memories of that day were incomprehensible, she did recognize the face.

Saburo Arasaka’s personal bodyguard. The man that had begun to scan her and Jackie inside Yorinobu’s penthouse. He wasn’t just any Arasaka agent; he was the best of the best. Saburo made him his bodyguard for a reason. This man was undeniably dangerous and Vajra truly did not want to get involved with him. Whatever he wanted she assumed it wouldn’t be in her best interest.

It didn’t take her long to decide to reject his call. The ringing stopped and Vajra tried to put him out of her mind... Though she had an issue doing so. She remembered the junkyard, Takemura killing Dex, and pulling her into his car. That look on his face told her more than she wanted to know. She couldn’t tell if it was hatred or just how he looked. Some people had the misfortune of resting bitch face. Didn’t much matter, he was Arasaka and though he brought her to Viktor, it didn’t change that he was a threat to her.

So she tried even harder to pretend she never heard his call. As far as she was concerned there is no man named Takemura and...

Vajra looked down solemnly to her drink. Takemura saved her, he pulled her from the junkyard and they survived an attack together. After they crashed things go blurry, but she recalled reaching Delamain. The next thing she saw was Takemura leaning over her, inspecting something. Delamain gave him instructions to save her and Takemura hesitated for a moment before the A.I. cabdriver warned him she would die anyway.

He saved her. Vajra felt a bit guilty for rejecting his call, some need to thank him for saving her... but she worried he would want something from her. Life debts were simply not in her moral code. She owed no one her life and she wanted no one to owe her theirs.

While she was grateful to be alive she knew she was on borrowed time. She was dying and there was nothing Viktor, much less Takemura, could do about that. Whatever Takemura called her for was his business, she wasn’t about to do business with an Arasaka agent.

Vajra winced as she thought of her friend, Ryker. He was with Arasaka for a while before he got pushed out by a higher up. Those corpo rats were corrupt and Ryker was nearly killed. When Ryker was still with Arasaka she did do work for him, helped him whenever he needed it. So she had done work for Arasaka technically.

It didn’t matter, this was different. Ryker is her friend, someone she trusts with her life and trusts her in return. Takemura is an unknown, someone whose morals were whatever Saburo Arasaka deemed them to be. Even worse, she was there when Saburo was murdered. Takemura may believe her to be the murderer. After all, why would he believe her over Saburo’s own son? She had less credibility than Yorinobu from what she could see.

He might wish to take her in, as it were. Pin the murder on her and Jackie...

That made little sense, if he wanted to do that why had Arasaka’s own send a hit squad after them both?

Vajra groaned in frustration. So much had gone wrong so quickly, she had lost control and she hated losing control. The feeling of her life slipping through her fingers, unable to do anything about it left her in such a terrible state. She was defensive, cornered. On one hand, she was trapped with Johnny, an engram slowly killing her and threatened to kill her anyway. The other was Arasaka, the events in Konpeki, and Takemura.

There was no graceful way out of her situation. As of now, Vajra was forced to take a defensive stance against everyone. She wasn’t safe in her own head and she had to remain inconspicuous on the streets, lest Arasaka finds her.

She slipped into her clothes and headed into her stash. There was a collection of her things from the night she returned from Konpeki. A duffle zipped and secured, brought in by Misty. As she dug into the bag she pulled out Kongou, the weapon of Yorinobu Arasaka. It was a fine weapon, she wasn’t going to pass it up.

Clothes in the bag were laundered yet her shirt and jacket of that night were missing. She was thankful for that, Viktor likely having tossed them entirely. They were stained with Jackie’s blood and Vajra never wanted to see them again.

Lastly, Vajra pulled out a katana she had stolen from Konpeki. The blade of Saburo Arasaka; Satori. She slotted it into the stash wall on display before making her way out of her apartment.

Once she breathed in the thick air outside, she felt an immediate pain of loss. It was the understanding that Jackie would not be waiting for her outside, he would not be asking to borrow her car to take Misty out. She would never see him again and it took the wind out of her.

She needed to hear a friendly voice, she had to.

As her list of contacts flashed, she found Ryker’s name and called him. Vajra needed to hear him, she was desperate to know someone was still here. Jackie was dead and she had this irrational fear that somehow Ryker was too. Though he was not in Konpeki when everything went down, he had been in the hotel before that.

The second it started ringing, Ryker answered.

“Vajra!” Seeing him even over a call was a relief like no other. He seemed distressed and she understood why. “You’re awake. Vik said he’d call me when you woke up.”

She leaned over the railing, looking down to the floors below. “I’m sure he just wanted to make sure I had some time to myself. It’s been... rough.”

Ryker nodded, his eyes searching for something to say, anything that would help. “Do you... want to talk? I can meet you, I got some free time.”

“Ryker, you’re the busiest person I know. You never have free time.” Vajra narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. Though she started to smile, Ryker took this far more seriously. He wasn’t one to mess around when a friend was hurting and while he grieved Jackie’s passing, he knew she would need him.

“I’ll make time.”

With a drawn-out sigh, Vajra shrugged. An out of place smile on her face, “If you insist. Can we get something to eat? I’m starving.”

Quick to agree, Ryker finally returned with a faint smile. “Meet me at Jinya? Could go for some good ramen.”

“Be there in about an hour.” With a nod, Ryker ended the call. He seemed stressed out, which wasn’t uncommon. He was a hard worker and the last two weeks weighed heavily on him. So much time passed without a word from Vajra. When Ryker saw the news about Saburo and got a call from Viktor, he expected to be told Jackie and Vajra were dead. Instead, that was only partially right.

Vajra made her way to the elevator, slowly working off her stiff joints. She was excited to see Ryker, but there was a creeping fear he held her responsible for Jackie’s death. Nothing was telling her that, only her own deep-rooted fear.

She hit the ground floor button and waited. Even with all these people rushing through the streets, Night City felt dead without Jackie to light it up.

#Cyberpunk 2077 #CP77 #cyberpunk 2077 fanfiction #Fanfiction