#overall i'm still a little unsure about this particular one

[swimmingismywholelife]

I'm With You

Summary: You're unsure of where your life is heading, but you're glad Christian is here to help you figure things out.

Warnings: Self doubt, uncertainty about the future, slight angst but fluffy overall

A/N: Inspired by "I'm With You" by Avril Lavigne. She always talks highly about this song and how it's not sad to her, but meant to be happiness shared with another person. I thought this would be so cute with Christian so here she is.

WC: 1.7K

"Won't you take me by the hand?

Take me somewhere new

I don't know who you are

But I, I'm with you."

~~~

Christian had woken up after hearing some noise. As he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, he realized that his arms were empty which wasn't how he went to bed. He could hear a faint tapping noise that made Christian realize at some point during the night, you snuck out of his arms and into your desk area.

"This girl," he sighed to himself as he rolled out of the sheets, hissing when his feet touched the cold floor.

He found you sat in front of your laptop frantically updating your resume and filling out job applications. And unfortunately, this wasn't the first time he found you like that within the past few days.

"Babe you need to go to bed," Christian said as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, kissing the top of your head.

"Just let me finish this okay? I'm almost done I just wanted to check if anything new popped up," you responded, switching through your tabs.

"At 3 in the morning Y/N?" Christian said flatly.

"You never know! I don't wanna wake up only to find a job I really wanted was taken because I didn't see it while I was asleep!"

You and Christian had been together since high school, meeting after he'd accidentally kicked a ball at your head during a free period. Instead of being angry like he thought, you thought it was hilarious, teasing about how his aim needed work and offering to teach him. And just like that you'd been inseparable ever since. His move to Germany only made you love each other more, learning to appreciate each other's physical presence as you didn't often get the chance to see one another.

But while Christian was off playing in Europe, you weren't exactly sure what you wanted to do or what direction you wanted your life to go in. Nothing particular stuck out to you during high school, but you tried new things here and there to see if anything peaked your interest. Even as you attended university, you constantly questioned the major you chose and if it was something you genuinely wanted to do.

When Christian signed with Chelsea, you'd been long distance for a few years. While it wasn't a dealbreaker for your relationship, it could be exhausting. Between the different time zones and the inability to travel to see each other as frequently as you wanted, you'd seriously started to miss each other. You jokingly offered to move to London with him as a solution. But the more you thought about it, the better the idea seemed to be. You'd already finished your program and didn't have anything permanent keeping you in the States preventing you from leaving. So you officially made the move abroad to live with him in London almost like a gap year after you finished school. You thought London would be the inspiration you needed to figure it out.

But all it did was confuse you more. Adjusting to life in Europe was a little difficult for you as change in general was something you struggled to deal with. Even still, you still didn't find your calling in London. You'd tried odd jobs here and there, but nothing truly stuck and it started to worry you. You often found yourself searching at jobs trying to see if anything sounded interesting enough to you. You were even willing to volunteer at different places just for the sake of experience.

Yet despite all the setbacks, having Christian with you made it a lot easier. He was nothing short of supportive, often giving his input whenever you found something you liked. He was more than happy to shoulder most of the finances you shared together, but you never wanted him to feel as though you were taking advantage of him, trying to pay for things when you could. Christian was the one who constantly kept your spirits up even when things felt hopeless. While London wasn't what you thought it would be, you didn't regret your move because you had Christian.

You were a big factor as to why he ended up signing with AC Milan. Despite having Christian with you, you became frustrated with your situation. On top of that, London wasn't what he wanted either. Between his lack of playing time and your lack of figuring out what you wanted to do with your life, the two of you both decided a change of scenery would benefit the two of you. AC Milan was a team you'd supported since you were young, and Christian jumped when the opportunity to play for them presented itself.

So the two of you left your life in London for a new start in Italy. But while Christian was adjusting nicely, you had a bit of a harder time adapting to yet another change in your life. He loved his teammates, he loved the atmosphere of AC Milan, and he loved that he had a club and fans who supported him and wanted to see him succeed.

Your situation didn't really change. You were still unsure of what you wanted and you were set back even further when you realized job searching would be more difficult as you didn't speak Italian. Your stress levels were through the roof.

Christian was gearing up for preseason where he'd be back in the States for a few weeks. Unfortunately you'd be staying in Italy, meaning you'd be by yourself until he returned. The thought of being alone in a new country with no plan made you panic, hence why you were frantically looking for job openings at 3 in the morning.

Christian kissed your cheek sweetly before gently closing your laptop despite your protests.

"Hey! I was in the middle of that!" you exclaimed as you tried to continue your search, reaching to reopen the device.

He ignored you and grabbed underneath your legs, carrying you to bring you back to bed.

"And I was sleeping," he said simply. "And I can't sleep one, because you're not there, two because I can hear you tapping away, and three, because I'm worried about you."

He gently placed you down so you were sitting, your legs dangling off the side of the bed. He joined you, intertwining your fingers together.

"So what's going on baby? Why are you so stressed?" he asked, gently rubbing his thumb against the back of your head.

You sighed, laying your head on his shoulder.

"I don't know what to do Chris," you answered.

"About what?"

"Everything," you said quietly. "When I was younger, I always thought that by this point in time I'd have it all figured out. I'd know what type of job I wanted, what kind of house I wanted, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do. But I don't have anything. I don't have a single plan or concrete thought."

Christian wrapped his arms around you to pull you in closer. You leaned into him even more, taking in the comfort he always provided.

"It seems so silly because you have a plan you know? You're following your dreams and you have such clear goals. You're doing what you've always wanted to do. Meanwhile I feel like I've tried everything under the sun and it's still not enough. I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life," you admitted.

"Y/N, it's not dumb or silly. You don't have to feel ashamed that you don't have your whole life set in front of you," he said, rocking you back and forth.

"That's easy for you to say Chris," you sighed.

"You and I know it's a little more complicated than that babe," he said.

"I'm sorry. I know it's been hard for you too. I guess I'm just feeling a little discouraged about everything," you said, feeling guilty for snapping at him.

"You don't have to apologize for anything Y/N," Christian replied. "I know it's been a hard transition for you. But you know you don't have to have everything figured out right now."

"I feel like I do."

Christian picked your head up so he could look you in the eyes. He cupped your cheek in his hand, thumbs gently tracing the beauty marks on your face.

"You don't baby. Football has always been my dream from a young age. But Chelsea didn't work out the way I wanted. And I was frustrated and upset and discouraged with the situation. I didn't know what to do or how to solve it. All I knew was that I wanted to play. I wanted a club that believed in me and trusted me to play for them. And you know what got me through those difficult times?"

You shook your head.

"It was you. Despite everything going on, you never failed to keep my spirits up. You were the light at the end of the tunnel that helped me see something good was coming my way even if I couldn't see it. I had nothing figured out, but nonetheless I had you and that was more than enough."

You dropped eye contact with him looking at the ground. He brought your face up back up.

"Don't shy away from me Y/N. I'm serious. It's perfectly fine that things are confusing for you right now. You moved away from home to a whole different continent. And once you were getting into a rhythm, you moved again. Things are bound to be uncertain and weird. But you don't have to face the uncertainty alone. I'm right here with you okay? Every step of the way.

"Which means you don't have to search things up at 3 am. Just take it day by day and take as long as you need. Things will work out when they work out. Don't try and force it just because you're unsure of what to do. Let me help you okay?"

"I love you Christian," you said tearing up.

"I love you Y/N. And don't you forget it."

Christian kissed you gently. You melted into his touch, feeling the love emitting from him.

"Now let's go to bed. I can tell you're fighting to keep your eyes open," Christian teased.

"Will you hold me?" you asked softly.

"Baby if it were up to me, you'd never leave my arms. Of course I'll hold you. Besides, I know you like being little spoon no matter what day of the week it is."

You lightly hit his shoulder and rolled your eyes. Nonetheless, the two of you shuffled under the sheets until you were safely tucked away from your stress in Christian's embrace. And while life was uncertain, you knew anything was possible with Christian by your side.

Taglist: @masonsrem @landoslover @pulisicsgirl @chelseagirl98 @lizzypotter14 @thoseboysinblue @neverinadream @lovelynikol16 @notsoattractivearenti @bracedes @nyctophilic0vitnir

#christian pulisic #christian pulisic x reader #christian pulisic imagine #christian pulisic fluff #swimmingismywholelife #christian pulisic fic

[rongzhi]

hello wawa! i've been following you for a few months now and i'm very fond of your blog! i've especially enjoyed the videos of jiang, xiao bai, and fan luda. they always make me laugh with their antics 🤣

i'd like to ask you a language question, if that's all right. i'm working on an art project, and i'd like to add a bit of written dialogue which involves a man asking his lover (whom he believes to be dead) to return to him. (he doesn't actually expect it to work, it's only meant to be an expression of grief 😅) i've tried a few different online resources, but several of the suggestions were quite different to each other, so i'm unsure if any of them are right for the situation. they were like this:

请回来吧

求你回来

给我回来吧

would you mind telling me if any of these are correct? or if there's a better way to express the feeling and you wouldn't mind sharing it, i'd really appreciate that! (i totally understand if you can't though, i just thought i'd ask since i've seen you explain chinese language before 😅) thanks very much, and i hope you'll keep sharing douyin with us for many a day to come! 😊

The suggestions you found:

请回来吧

"Please come back then". The phrasing here is odd even without the context of your scene. 请 is a polite way to phrase a request, but 吧 at the end makes it seem like a casual suggestion. My verdict: NO!

求你回来

This is a little more like it. 求 is more a beseeching request. "Please come come back". It is still missing a little something imo (see my suggestions further below). Verdict: Not bad, but just ok

给我回来吧

"Come back to me then". To me, this line suffers the same issues as the first. The start of 给我 ("give me") makes the sentence more of a demand, which would be fitting for someone in grief, but the 吧 at the end turns it into a casual suggestion. Verdict: Could've been ok

My suggestions:

求求你再回到我身边 / 回到我身边

“Please come back to my side again" / "Come back to my side"

Either of these would be fitting, in my opinion, depending on what you're going for. In the first, 求求你 “[I'm] begging you" at the start adds a more desperate edge. The inclusion of 再 ("again") might seem a little clunky in the English translation but all it really is in the Chinese is an emphasis on the fact that the person the line is directed toward was at one point at the speaker's side. The other version of the line means the same thing but is simply stripped of the points of emphasis in the tone. One reason you might choose this version over the other written version is if you want something else in your art piece (e.g, the depiction of the speaker's expression) to deliver more of the emotion to the viewer or you want the delivery of the line to be more up to the viewer's imagination.

你给我回来

"You come back to me"/"come back to me"

As you can see, this is a slight edit to one of your lines. Overall, I tend to think of this version as one that has a more demanding tone, embodying a sort of anger that may accompany grief. The addition of 你/"you" in the line creates a point of emphasis and draws a line between "you" and "me"... Come back to me. Come back to me.

--

Just my quick take! Good luck!

Edit: saw your follow up about the xianxia setting. I think it doesn’t really matter with this particular line. All the words contained are pretty basic, someone in a fantasy historical setting could say them too.

#answered ask #language ask #text #long post

[fvriva]

*gets real close to the mic* Yeah can I get the uhhhhhh

Ida?

(Exordium specifically)

for you, sir, it's on the house.

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

Ida Sicari's name is derived from the Latin name for a type of recluse spider, Sicariidae. Fitting for a rogue/assassin-type themed after a spider.

🌼 - How old are they? (Or approximate age range)

It's hard to say because I haven't totally nailed down elven aging yet, but she's young, Thrandy's age. He's 13, so let's call Ida 14.

🌺- Do they have any love interest(s)?

She's got a little crush on the royal she's charged with protecting, Elthrandor Sessamine. Her crush on them WILL cause problems in the future with her family.

🍕 - What is their favorite food?

Tough one because I haven't decided on the cuisine in Exordium yet. Post-curse, she develops all kinds of allergies to things she used to love eating, so she's not really vibing regardless. However, the food she misses the most is a very garlicky, vinegary, roast chicken with chili paste and honey.

💼 - What do they do for a living?

She's currently a royal bodyguard in a shambling kingdom. She's facing a lot of pressure from her crime family to betray her charge currently. In a modern au, Ida would probably find herself in a businesslike setting doing something unassuming, like accountant work.

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

She likes racy literature, secretly. She can't read (it's a very rare skill in Musaphia) but she's got a secret stash of smutty audiobooks. She does lots of knife tricks and acrobatics to stay sharp. She also enjoys collecting musical lamaellograms and instruments (these she keeps in her room in the palace mostly), though she doesn't know how to play any of them.

🎯 -What do they do best?

Ida's observant, and possesses a healthy degree of skepticism. She's a competent fighter and very stealthy.

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?

She hates having anything to do with her family. They're annoying, don't respect her boundaries, and are always trying to get her to do dangerous, illegal, and morally suspect things. She also rather dislikes being out in unknown territory and other places where she's on unsure footing. Ida genuinely loves being near Thrandy and the other Sessamines, though, and wholeheartedly cares for them.

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

Uhh. Well, I feel like it probably would be something with Thrandy. Maybe she was in Thrandy's room listening to her play something on an instrument, giggling and laughing and eating snacks.

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

I haven't fully fleshed it out yet, but I can imagine something akin to the nightmare she's given when she touches the cursed dagger of her brother, Goliath, morphing into some manner of monstrous creature as he tightened his grip on her. Shortly before U'tlunt'a was trapped by the Creature in the time loop, she was probably threatened by him in a similar way.

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

Ida's very first design was in an rp between @the-goblin-cat as Elthrandor and myself as a vampire version of Ida, wearing a very frilly school uniform. She still has the mask, mutated mouth, hair, and overall demeanor, but she's been dressed in clothing better for Musaphia and has a deeper purple skintone now.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

My single biggest inspiration was Rayne from the Webtoon Homesick, but this is pure vibes. There's also a particular brand of body horror I'm trying to tap into with her involving an unassuming girlish frame and a monstrous face for contrast. I can't think of any specific entries of it just now.

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

I think she could be at home in a horror story, or a horror-slice of life. She doesn't HAVE to be an elf as she wasn't one originally, but she's currently kind of living in a dark fantasy.

💚 - What is your OC’s gender identity and sexuality?

Ida's a cis girl, and I don't know if she would know too much about her sexuality just yet because she's rather young, but Thrandy is genderfluid, so whatever that is, that's what she is.

🙌 - How many sibling does your OC have?

Ida is the family baby. She has 7 siblings, all members of the a gang that peddles a drug made from concentrated moonblood resin. They're all named after members of the Sicarius family of spiders.

The oldest is her brother Goliath and he's the kingpin of the group and a real bully.

Then there's her brother Valletano, who is disabled, plays the violin, and helps cover for his siblings. Ida has a good relationship with him.

Next oldest is her only sister Fumoso, who manufactures the product. She's kinda fruity about it. Decrepit. Very mutated.

Her next oldest brother is Ornato, who does the finances.

Twin brothers Cariri and Yurensi are both dream magic enforcers. Cairiri is a talented dream mage where Yurensi trained Ida to be an assassin like him.

The youngest, Jeqi-Tenho is in charge of distribution. He's only 3 years older than Ida is.

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

Ida never met them. They died shortly after she was born in a convenient and very tragic accident. She was raised by her siblings, but understands that on reputation they were honorable guardsmen.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

I think she looks very cool. I also am excited to do more spider mutation stuff with her. Simple needs with regards to Ida, really.

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

Not super often, though last year I did write a story about her and Thrandy seeking shelter in an ancient lighthouse in the middle of a desert.

💎 - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

I could, but I don't really know what I'm doing long-term with Exordium just yet.

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

Well, it was spiders...

🍩 -Who is your OC’s arch-nemesis or rival?

I don't have one yet, but she's intended to be a foil for Nymra, Ellie's love interest in the Wickrath plot. I don't think they'd fight or anything though. They're both too awkward for that.

🎓 - How long have you had the OC?

Since 2021! 3 years now. Jeez.

🍥 - What age were you when you created the OC?

I suppose I was 21. Right as I started going back to school again if I'm not mistaken.

send me a character + an emoji (or order the WHOLE HOG)

#answered ask #the-goblin-cat #chesca.oc #exordium

[fourteenthz]

6, 13, 35 for Thesa? 👀

!! Hi rue, tysm for asking MWAH have a nice day/night <3

wol questions, ask me some!!

6. Where was your OC/WoL during 1.0? What were they doing?

AGH I love this question and I truly HATE how I never thought enough abt it. I have a very clear idea about her before 1.0 and after 1.0 but I'm always a little unsure about 1.0 itself!! But just generally speaking it's closer to when she left her home so probably still around dalmasca but starting to work as an adventurer! I like to imagine she had just found a little settlement when it became known about Dalamud, so she was kinda working to help them out. ALSO I've been cooking the idea to put a hrothgal on her backstory so MAYBE that's where she will appear. Idk. I'll let you guys know when I think more about it lol

13. Does your OC/WoL have a canon minion? If so, why that one in particular?

YEAH it's more like personal to me because it was kinda of a big moment by the time I got the artbook but I always keep the wind-up ragnarok with her :’) I like to think they made some after endwalker, as a toy like some kind of celebration and some kid gave to her so she keeps it around all the time now as a reminder!! Of things she has lost, and saved, and etc etc

35. Who is a NPC that your OC/WoL started off disliking, but ended up becoming friends with (or more) with?

Ah. First thought abt stuff like this is always Estinien, but I'll leave this mf for another answer. MAYBE I can talk about the second bff aka Ardbert for this one!! And genuinely, everybody that first is presented as villain (see also Ysayle, Zenos, etc) is a bad first impression for her, and Ardbert just truly pissed her off so much in the beginning, mostly because he was exactly her if she failed. And Thesa is really realistic, so hearing him say “this world is lost/has no need of heroes” was truly the worst thing she heard back then. I like to think they had a discussion once, he was genuinely startled about how much she said since she's extremely quiet. After that it was the realization that he isn't a version of her that failed, he's just like her herself, you know? Exactly how she came to eorzea after the calamity, just a little less hopeful at least until the point he switches during shb, so yeah :)

Overall Thesa is just hard to get along with, specially like trusting people, so just like it was with Ysayle and Zenos (although they aren't really best friends by the end but whatever, it's complicated) she was really protective over the Scions first meeting him, and seeing how that image of her near doom kept follow her at the First, yeah it was bad. But the switch went so fast after that first discussion, though :( The next day they are talking like best friends, no one sees her like Ardbert does and he is the one that pushes her further to show what she feels, they truly grow a bunch together. Just yesterday I was working on a wip and their scene is the main one, and the last dialogue i wrote was her going “Hopefully I'll learn to ask [for a hug] before we figure out a way to bring you back.” And him answering. “You won't need to ask me if it comes to it.” SO YEAH. I CARE THEM a lot.

#SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG night out took longer than expected. #also sorry im putting everything under read more I TALK TOO MUCH MAN. #ardbert and thesa are like the true platonic soulmates once they finally snap out of the “oh so we are not enemies ???” #unlike with estinien and ysayle who she had to go through the HORRORS to realize that #its getting super late and im here kicking my feet and talking abt thesa like theres no tomorrow. anyway. #wol posting #ask game #birues

[licncourt]

This might sound stupid, but as someone who watched the episode in what I could only extrapolate was a early morning no sleep haze, what was your feelings on the episode as whole days after?

Sorry if that is overly familiar, your post about it just made me laugh. 

Ahfsjhfklj by all means, be overly familiar in my inbox!! We are besties having a sleepover! I think I'll start tagging my episode thoughts as "#flora reviews".

Here are my (spoilery!) takes on ep 1 in no particular order, sober, rested, and having watched it a second time now:

I LOVE that they seem to going the route of bi Lestat and gay Louis. That's always how I've read them and definitely the storyline that rings most true for me in regards to Louis. I'm so thrilled to see that on screen. Anyone who's followed me for a while knows how much gay Louis means to me

I'm sorry but I like this Daniel. He's very different from the book, but I think this is a fun take on the character. I always enjoy Louis getting called on his bullshit. (AGAIN, this is an adaptation, not gospel. I'm reviewing this as a singular interpretation of the story, NOT a replacement for established canon).

That first kiss was MAGNIFICENT. It really blew me away more than I even anticipated. I love that Louis was the one to initiate the kiss (especially after starting to lose control earlier and reining it back in). I think JA did a great job of showing Louis' repression and then the unsettling beauty of that resolve finally snapping

Overall loved cinematography of the levitating scene!! It was beautiful and a perfect blend of bloodlust with erotic lust. (And SR has that white boy dump truck. Good for him)

I'm VERY sad that Lily died! I liked her character and Louis needs friends :(((

Sam Reid REALLY captured the Lestat that I wanted to see. He's so earnest and charming and almost boyish, but there's an intensity to him that wavers back and forth between sinister and passionate

The emotion JA showed when describing his turning to Daniel really got me. I love that breach of emotion through his very jaded apathy

When I read the script leaks months ago, I was unsure about the scene of Paul's death. It seemed very abrupt and anti-climatic, but after seeing it on screen and talking with friends, I'm coming around to it. The fact that they DIDN'T argue beforehand is a different kind of tragedy, making Louis live with the guilt of wondering where he went wrong or if he could've done more rather than the book where he wonders if he caused it.

"French white" was very funny, it's exactly the kind of inane Louis hypocrisy I love

On the other hand, "ass before absolution" was Too Much. Louis would never

I also found the thing about the opera to be a bit strange character-wise, but that's pretty inconsequential, as are most of my little Louis stan nitpicks. That's not the focus here so I digress

I think JA did a great job with hitting the emotional beats of the high-emotion scenes, especially the confession. I'm happy to see this side of Louis on screen, the one that beats up and murders priests and gets in drunken brawls and is so angry at the world. I'm looking forward to seeing more of his softer side too as we progress

I've always headcanoned Louis and his sister being very close, and I liked that the show went that direction!

SR nailed those heart eyes!! I can totall6 see why he was able to seduce someone as lonely and repressed and sorrowful as Louis with that kind of obvious devotion

The turning scene was a delight to watch!! It was so incredibly passionate and really showed their desperation, the ways it's the same and the ways that it's different. It was beautifully done and I loved the nods to the movie (which I am still a big fan of)

If I think of more to say later, I'll reblog with add-ons!!

#i intended to watch it that way the first time but it dropped too unexpectedly #i was unprepared #answered #vc #amc iwtv spoilers #vampire chronicles #vctv #flora reviews #interview with the vampire

[fizzingwizard]

Watched the first ep of Lupin Zero! Unfortunately you have to register for a premium account to see ep 2, and there's a 30 day free trial, but they wouldn't accept my card, don't know why, will try again some other time I guess.

my thoughts below, a little bit spoilery

Episode one was fun and cute but I don't get it. Like, I understand the story, I just don't get why it was made. Why make it about kid Lupin? (answer: because it's Lupin and lots of people will watch it regardless of quality lol) It's such an interesting premise, but the episode is paced So. Damn. Fast. I was thinking this feels more like the summary of a cool episode than a cool episode well-executed - which is how I felt through most of part 6, even though the creative team is different. Kind of a bummer.

There were some really fun bits, like the chaotic scene in the night club, and Lupin and Jigen being little boys (I say that because they pillow fight and stuff, but c'mon, we all know they still do things like that). The scene with the cigarette at the end I loved of course, and the tea/coffee scene was funny (although, since Lupin already put in three sugar lumps, I'm not sure why he still found it bitter. Maybe he usually puts in six? lol) I liked the voice acting overall. They do a good job imitating Lupin and Jigen's speech styles, even though Jigen in particular does not sound like a child. Well, he was probably born with a full beard and smoking a cigarette.

I thought the animation was so-so. Sometimes I liked it and it reminded me of parts 4/5. Other times it was just really missing atmosphere. Like with Youko, her face is great, the expressions are just like Rebecca. But the animators were so concerned with making sure she had gigantic breasts that they forgot to give her proportionate legs... It's possible it just looks that way on my screen, but none of the other characters struck me as out of proportion. She looks freakishly top-heavy much of the time.

Story-wise... Well, you have a great concept: Lupin as the family heir, unsure of what path he wants to take, and he meets Jigen and they bond through a typical Lupin-style adventure. But there's no tension, no emotional build-up. The story happens exactly as it's laid out. They meet, they save Youko, the animators waste the budget on having her sing to them for some reason, they save her again, Lupin and Jigen unprompted decide to gush about their pasts and problems without issue despite having been close-lipped about it until then, they save the day. Aside from moments of friendly banter, there really isn't anything more going on. So the episode delivers what it promises... and only what it promises lol.

I just have no idea why they need to be kids. I don't know why Jigen stuck with Lupin. I don't know why Lupin decided to gush about his problems to Jigen out of the blue. I just don't know. XD

So I guess from here the question is what is the overarching theme of the series. If there is one. Possibly there's not and it's all just for shits and giggles. If so, the trailers shouldn't have made such a big deal about Lupin's struggle to determine his own path and escape being kept under his family's thumb. But I assume that's going to continue to play a role - it can't have been resolved in this first episode... can it? hahah. I have no faith in anything anymore.

oh also Jigen gets shot. I couldn't believe it. Episode one and he's already getting shot. And this ridiculous sad music starts to play as Lupin just stares at him clutching his bloody arm lmao. It's like the episode tried to make up for its lackluster parts by shooting Jigen. "If we shoot this guy the fans will forget that we didn't crank up the tension at all." lol

I wanna give this a chance, but yeah, the first episode is very forgettable. Not terrible, though. Like I said at first, it's cute and rather fun. Very middle of the road Lupin story is all. Too hyped for what it really is, in my opinion.

That being said. All may change with future episodes. Sometimes first episodes are treated as a summary of what the whole season overall will be like, and that's why they have a bit too much going on. Maybe the rest of the episodes will take better care with their pacing.

#lupin iii #lupin zero

[usernu11]

I don't use tumblr very often but thought that I'd crosspost all my fics here and maybe chat a little bit about my interests. Please keep in mind that twitter is my main platform though so I might disappear here and there while being active mainly on twitter;

Request Status: open

about me*

// hello! you may call me either user or null or both // i'm 20+, i might mention my exact age but for now the range is fine // i use he/him and they/them pronouns. please don't use feminine terms with me (sis, queen, ect) // i exclusively write for gn!reader, male!reader and transmasc!reader. i also only write mlm pairs overall. i might do wlw if i feel particularly inspired // i also write or talk about a lot of suggestive themes, so i prefer 18+ followers //that being said all nsfw will be under cut and i do write casual stuff sometimes so it's not a hard ask

main interests*

// obey me! one master to rule them all: lucifer, beel (sometimes paired with belphie), levi, mammon (i might write for the others, just not as often) // chainsaw man: yoshida/denji, aki/angel // fire emblem three houses: dimitri (i love him lots) // nijisanji: luca kaneshiro (i might not write full on fics however i am very much down to chat about him) // mystic messenger: ge!saeran, unknown (big love), ray (particularly v route ray), jumin, 707 // slow damage: towa (i love him so much please play the game), towa/fujieda //genshin impact: childe (i hc him as a menace and i will gladly ramble about it), zhongli, maybe others mainly the male cast

smaller interests*

// visual novels: dramatical murder, cupid parasite (still playing), collar x malice, // games: hollow knight, stardew valley, pokemon (N my love), omori, the summ // general likes: plushies, classical music, kpop (TXT), vocaloid, vtubers

FAQ*

what fandoms will you write for?*

// anything listed in my main interests in my stated above ; anything else (like things mentioned in my smaller interests) i can consider if i’m in a certain mood, but otherwise these are the only fandoms i’m knowledgeable enough to write about

do you do scenarios? drabbles? headcanons? full on fics?*

// well, honestly i can do almost anything if i’m inspired enough. please keep in mind, i will only write for transmasc, male or masc readers. and i write mainly mlm pairs, but can consider wlw if im comfortable enough for it.

any kinks or things that you don't write for?*

// piss, scat, stuff like this ig. i’m okay with dub-con and things dealing with blood or violence. when it comes to non-con, i used to say i was alright with it but i'm a little hesitant upon further thought; i'll just say i'm unsure for now. i will absolutely not write nsfw for luke from obey me! shall we date.

anything i, the requester, should keep in mind?*

// my brain simply works in the worst of ways, please keep in mind that my interpretations of certain characters might be vastly different from yours. i love to view some characters as creepy, odd and pathetic men that act like virgins in the face of genuine feelings (looking at you levi, lucifer, yoshida and childe). of course, this can change depending on the situation they are placed in, as i do like a dom!lucifer on some days. it just depends! it’d help immensely if you could clarify what sort of vibe you’re looking for, otherwise keep in mind that the character might seem different than you’re use to. if you’re unsure, just ask what my headcanons are for a particular character.

how long should i expect to wait for my request to be done?*

// forever? haha honestly im not so sure, i’ll probably go through casual asks a lot faster than requests since i tend to lose motivation real easy. the most i can say is that if its been a month, it’s not likely i’m going to do your request

can i resubmit my request?*

// im hesitant to say yes, but if you are particularly passionate and a month later you still have the brainrot then sure, resubmit it.

anything you like to write for?*

// my guilty pleasure is omegaverse au’s. i absolutely love them and you will absolutely see hc’s and fics about it whether you ask or not. however, if you request something dealing with abo stuff i might have a higher likelihood of writing for it lol.

my asks are open all the time so feel free reach out for casual chatter. if you are wanting a request of some kind please read my request faq first

ao3 *** writing tag

#about

[iturbide]

United in Song

okay so this has been in my drafts for I don’t even know how long and I’m tired of it sitting there collecting dust, so please enjoy this fluffy 3H platonic one-shot.

/////

If there was one thing Dorothea missed about the opera, it was the audience.  There was a certain kind of thrill that came with standing on the stage, staring out into the darkened crowd while the music swelled beneath her voice and feeling their tension, knowing that they held their collective breaths in anticipation, in wonder of her song…there was nothing else quite like it, in her experience.  And while she didn’t really want to go back to that life of endless practices and performances, of cutthroat rivalries and patrons as dangerous as they were wealthy, she felt a little pang standing in the Garreg Mach cathedral, singing her heart out for absolutely no one.

Well, no, that wasn’t quite true.  The monastery choir had finally gotten a few more members, and as the nun in charge dismissed them for the day, Annette and Hilda hurried over before she could wander off.  “Wow, Dorothea!  You were really amazing!!” the little redhead gushed.

“Aw, thanks, Annie,” Dorothea giggled, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.  “You were both great, too!”

“You’re so sweet,” Hilda smiled.  “But we couldn’t hold a candle to you!  Your voice was so beautiful -- and I swear, it filled the whole cathedral.”

Well, that might explain all the sharp looks and decrescendo gestures she’d been getting from the director.

“It’s really a shame nobody else was around to hear,” Annette sighed. 

“I know exactly what you mean.”  Dorothea scanned the rows of empty pews as they walked toward the doors, feeling again that ache of longing.  Even when they did get to stand before an audience, something told her they would just be the choral lead to a devotional hymn for some religious service or another.  “Sometimes I really wish we could just…go out and perform, you know?  Show off a little, hear the applause…”

“…well, why couldn’t we?”

Dorothea paused at the top of the steps, reeling her mind back from another stage dream to focus on Hilda.  “I didn’t think they did that here.”

“Not that I’ve seen.  Or heard about,” Annette agreed.

“So why not do something about it?” Hilda asked.  “Put on a musical performance!  There’s lots of places that would work, like the lawn outside the classrooms, or the walk along the dormitories…”

“Would that really bring in an audience, though?” Annette pointed out.  “Back in Fhirdiad you’d see performers doing shows on street corners, but they never really drew crowds or anything.”

“And wouldn’t it be nice to have a real stage, and a real audience?” Dorothea sighed.  It was a quiet walk across the bridge to the monastery…and the whole way, she just kept turning Hilda’s suggestion over and over.  It really would be nice to have an opportunity to perform…maybe she could ask Professor Manuela about it--

“This is it!!”

Dorothea jumped at Annette’s excited squeak, whirling just in time to see her grab something off the Bulletin Board.  “What is?” she asked, taking the parchment and smoothing it out. 

“A flier for the Weapons Tourney?” Hilda read over her shoulder.  Apparently this month’s challenge was for axe-wielders, and while the pink-haired noble might excel, something told Dorothea that she wouldn’t go anywhere near it without proper incentive from the Professor.

“No!  …well, I mean, yes, that’s what it is, but I mean -- this is the answer!  We have a music tournament!”

“…a music tournament?” Dorothea repeated.

“Yeah!” Annette giggled.  “We could have sign-ups, and people could bring their instruments or sing, and it could have brackets just like they do in the training grounds, only they’d be competing with their music!  And the audience response could be how the winner’s picked!”

Dorothea felt a smile dawn across her face.  “…Annie, that’s brilliant!  We could get a sponsor to help judge ties, and offer a grand prize for the winner…”

“We could make fliers the way they do for the training ground matches, too!” Hilda added.

“I bet if we ask around the monastery, we could get tons of sign-ups -- and I’m sure lots of people would want to see it!” Annette insisted.  “Ooh, this is so exciting!!”

“It’s a wonderful idea,” Dorothea agreed.  “And I’m sure if we join forces, we can make it into a dazzling show.”

As they put their heads together to plan, for the first time in ages, she felt a thrill of excitement for what lay ahead.  Garreg Mach might not have much appreciation for music now -- but if they got their way, Dorothea would make sure that changed.

-----

“A music show?  Oh, you mean like they’ve got at the fair?  Hey, count me in!  Are you gonna have snacks?”

“No, Raph,” Dorothea sighed. 

“You sure?  Everybody likes good food -- I bet you’d get a ton of people to come if they could eat while they watched.”

She shook her head, fighting back a smile.  It was hard to be frustrated with him when he was so enthusiastic, but she did wish he’d think about more than food.  “Do they have snacks for the weapon tournaments at the training grounds?”

“Heck yeah they do!” he laughed.  “I never miss a tourney, they’ve always got something for the people in the stands…”

“…huh.”  She hadn’t known that.  Maybe they could ask about refreshments: after all, everything else had been going splendidly so far.  Professor Manuela had been over the moon when they approached her with the idea, and had swiftly appointed herself as their ‘impartial’ judge (said with a wink that made Dorothea certain she was far more partial than she’d ever admit to being); while the former diva took to planning and preparations, including venue selection and construction, she left the three students in charge of gauging interest and getting early sign-ups so they could start preparing their brackets.  Hilda, rather expectedly, had complained of feeling poorly, so Dorothea had agreed to help out in canvasing the Golden Deer…which had led her, rather unexpectedly, to Raphael and his surprisingly helpful suggestion.

“Alright,” she agreed, making a note for later.  “I’ll see what we can do about snacks, then.”

“All right!!” he cheered.  “You’re the best, Dorothea!”

“Aw, thank you,” she smiled.  “But would you want to take part?  You know, be up on the stage in front of the audience?  We’re looking for any kind of musical talent, whether you sing or play an instrument…”

His face scrunched up for a minute in deep, somewhat painful-looking thought.  “Hmmm…I’m mostly good for muscle,” he shrugged.  “Don’t get me wrong, I love music!  I’m just not much good at makin’ it -- oh, hey, have you asked Bernadetta yet?”

“Bernie?”

“Yeah!  Oh, man, she’s got this little brass thingy she plays -- she was playin’ it in the greenhouse one day, an’ I heard it from all the way in the training grounds!  It was the best thing I’d ever heard!”

“Interesting,” Dorothea mused, scribbling another little note down.

“You didn’t know?”

“Bernie’s pretty shy about her talents,” Dorothea confided.  “Seems she’s got all kinds of hidden ones…”

“Uh…if you go ask her, can you maybe…not tell her I told you?” he asked nervously.  “See, uh…she got pretty upset when I found out, and made me promise not to tell anybody, but then you came talking about music an’ stuff and I just got real excited about maybe seein’ her up there an’ hearin’ it again, so…”

“Oh, Raph, you’re a sweetheart, aren’t you?” she giggled.  “Don’t worry.  I won’t say a word.”

“Thanks, Dorothea,” he beamed.  “You really are the best.”

-----

“M-music show?  Me?  Perform!?  How did you find out?  Did Raphael tell you!?” Bernadetta demanded through the tiny crack between the doors of her room.

“Raphael?  I haven’t talked to him,” Dorothea lied.  “Hilda’s asking around with the Golden Deer, since they’re her classmates, just like Annette’s asking the Blue Lions and I’m asking all my fellow Eagles.  We’re trying to get a list together of students who want to take part.  Do you have any musical talents, Bernie?”

“N-n-no!” she stammered.  “Nope, not me, Bernie’s just good for staying out of the way, yes indeed…”

“I think you’re good for a lot more than that,” Dorothea insisted.  “I know you’ve got so much talent, and it’s such a shame to hide it all away.  Maybe you sing in here, or play an oboe when we’re all away from the dorms…”

“Trumpet,” the archer mumbled.  “B-but I could never get up in front of so many people!”

“Oh, but from on stage, under the lights, you can’t even see most of the audience -- and wouldn’t it be great to share all that talent with the whole academy?”

“Maybe for you!” the archer squeaked.  “All those people out there in the dark, staring at me, and no place to hide?  That s-sounds terrifying!”

…Dorothea actually hadn’t thought about that.  She was so used to basking in the attention…but that would be scary for someone as shy as Bernadetta.  “That’s okay,” she smiled.  “You don’t have to.  But…would you maybe come to watch?  Ferdie and I have already signed up to take part, and we could always use someone to cheer for us.”

“…m-maybe,” came the muffled reply.

“And if you do change your mind about being on stage, you know we’ll both be cheering you on, right?” she coaxed.  “Annette even told me that Felix promised to come watch the performances, and you know how he feels about everything that isn’t training.  We’d all really love it if you joined in.”

Silence from the other side of the doors.  Had she pushed too hard…?

“I’ll…I-I’ll think about it.”

Beaming, Dorothea made a note on her sign-up sheet.  “That’s all we’d ask for.  Just let me know, okay?”

And maybe it was her imagination, but she thought she heard the smallest sound of agreement before the doors clicked firmly shut between them. 

-----

Even in her fantasies, Dorothea never could have dreamed things would go this well.  Not only did they get enough sign-ups to make a full five-round bracket, the whole monastery was buzzing with anticipation days before the event.  It reminded her a little of Enbarr the week before a Mittelfrank production, where every group she passed on the street seemed to be talking about the upcoming show -- whether it was about their excitement to see the spectacle or despair over not getting one of the endlessly coveted (and frightfully limited) tickets.  Here, thankfully, seating was hardly an issue, since Professor Manuela had managed to secure the Reception Hall for the event: the whole student body could fit there with standing room to spare, even with the stage taking up the front quarter.

Come the morning of the show, posters listing the contestants appeared on every bulletin board, and Dorothea scanned the starting matches before the thought of breakfast even occurred to her.  She recognized more than a few names: Ferdinand of course, and herself (naturally), as well as Lorenz (unfortunately), Hilda, Annette, and even Bernie.

It was all so exciting, she could hardly bear it.

Time crawled by while she waited for the tournament to begin.  Before noon she’d warmed up, improvised a few little tunes as practice, and rehearsed a few of her favorite songs in preparation.  By the time the Reception Hall opened to the competitors, she’d chosen her starting and ending arrangements and decided on the pieces she would use if she faced any real competition.  And once the doors opened and the audience began to crowd into the available seats, she felt her heart begin to race in anticipation of what was soon to come. 

She didn’t even mind that she had to wait.  The first match, to her delight, featured Annette and Bernie: blushing fiercely, the little red-head made her way cheerfully through an obviously original tune, while Dorothea’s fellow Eagle stuck to a familiar Imperial melody, squeezing her eyes shut tight and playing her trumpet at the stage rather than the audience.  In spite of that, it was a remarkable performance, and Bernie might have won just by virtue of Raphael’s enthusiastic applause -- but his thunderous cheer startled the poor recluse and sent her bolting from the stage before the match could be officially declared, forfeiting her chance to proceed.  But that might have been for the best, she supposed: Bernie clearly wasn’t big on the spotlight. 

The rest of the first round and all of the second went smoothly enough.  Though she didn’t bother watching every pair, she saw both Ferdinand and Annette proceed on to the quarterfinals, while Hilda lost to Lorenz in her second bout (though the noblewoman hardly seemed bothered by the loss).  Dorothea’s own matches barely required any effort on her part to win: she’d spent so long practicing her favorite songs from her favorite operas in the days leading up to this competition, but a few simple melodies were all it took to ensure that she made it through the preliminaries.  Even against her third opponent, all it took was the chorus from an Adrestian folksong to seal her victory...though Annette lost her own bout against Ferdinand in the same round.  Dorothea congratulated her all the same, and promised to win for Annie’s sake -- perhaps a bold promise from anyone else, but one that the former Mittelfrank diva felt assured she could keep.

And sure enough, in the semifinals she not only faced her fellow Eagle but beat him handily with one of the arias she’d so carefully prepared.  He lost quite gracefully, too, applauding her as enthusiastically as the audience itself and conceding even before Profesor Manuela could announce the final judgment.  And with the round done, Dorothea made her way back behind the stage, humming to herself as she waited for the intermission to end and the finals to begin…

“Congratulations on sweeping the competition, Dorothea.”

She paused, turning to see the leader of the Golden Deer House grinning at her from a few feet away.  Mustering up a pleasant enough smile, she offered a nod in greeting.  “Why, thank you, Claude.  Are you here to wish Lorenz well before I crush him?”

The nobleman blinked.  “Why would I do that?  Lorenz got knocked out in the last round.” 

Dorothea stared at him for a long, silent moment.  “To who?” she demanded, hunting about for a bracket that might give her an answer--

“...me, actually.”

Slowly, carefully, she turned again to face the leader of the Golden Deer.  “Guess you weren’t watching the match,” he chuckled, hefting an odd lute-like instrument.  “Lorenz was...less than thrilled with the outcome, if it helps.”

Actually, it just made her regret all the more that she hadn’t paid attention: she’d been looking forward to seeing his face when he finally lost.  “Well, I suppose congratulations are in order for you, too, then,” she said, turning away from him again.  “May the best musician win.”

“Oh, uh...about that.”

She glanced at him over her shoulder, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as he drummed his fingertips along the neck of his instrument.  “I was...well.  I was wondering how you’d feel about calling it a draw.”

A thin smile carved its way across her face.  “Are you that confident you can beat me, Claude?”

“Hardly,” he scoffed.  “I have no doubt that you’d mop the floor with me.”  She felt sure he was flattering her -- but she waited all the same, watching his grin soften almost shyly, though it still didn’t quite touch his eyes.  “I was just...hoping I could perform with you, instead of having to compete against you.  Y’know, everything here at the monastery is about pitting us against each other: the weapon tourneys, the fishing competition, and now this...I feel like we could put on a better show working together than we could separately trying to one-up each other.  You can have the prize, too, if you want,” he added.  “Pretty sure you’d win it anyway, but...what do you say?”

Beyond the curtain, she heard Professor Manuela take the stage again and announce the final round to the audience.  Claude only watched Dorothea, though, seeming content to be patient and wait for her even as their names rang out over the wild cheering of the crowd.

And at last she smiled, lifting a hand to cup her cheek.  “How are you at improvising with that lute of yours?”

“If you can sing a few bars, I can probably make something work,” he grinned. 

“Why don’t we put that to the test?”

“With pleasure,” he agreed, bowing playfully before offering his arm to her.  Returning the gesture with a teasing curtsy of her own, Dorothea accepted -- and they walked out onto the stage together, applause washing over them in waves of wondrous sound.  They parted smoothly, Claude taking up his instrument and strumming a few notes to ensure it was properly in tune before looking expectantly to her, waiting for her lead; Dorothea turned her own attention to the darkness, savoring the anticipation of the shadowed audience before her...and finally beginning to sing, the somber melody echoing throughout the crowded reception hall. 

“Reach for my hand, I’ll soar away, Into the dawn, oh I wish I could stay…”

A soft chord joined in, the notes as sweet and clear as her own...and yet it did not overpower her voice: instead it seemed to carry the words higher, elevating the music in ways she had not heard since she left the Mittelfrank Opera House.  She did not falter, though: instead she continued, allowing a smile to creep into her voice as she sang.

“Here in cherished halls, in peaceful days I fear the edge of dawn, knowing time betrays…”

“Is this really gonna be the last song we do?” Claude asked, his voice carrying out into the dark and startling her back to reality.  “Come on, Dorothea, we’ve gotta liven it up a little!”

Even as he spoke, his fingers flew over the strings, keeping the key but tumbling into a bright, rousing accompaniment.  He winked at her when she turned to stare at him, repeating the same refrain in invitation...and though she’d only ever heard the piece as a wandering lament before, she could not deny his compelling harmony. 

Their music rang through the reception hall, her voice rising into the rafters on the strum of lute strings...and for the first time since she’d come to the Officer’s Academy, Dorothea felt that familiar, wonderful thrill again as the enraptured crowd watched them perform their duet on the stage.  

-----

In the fortnight following the tourney, Dorothea had become the most popular girl in Garreg Mach.  It seemed like every young man, noble birth or otherwise, wanted a moment of her time, a scrap of her attention...and, of course, a chance to hear her sing again.  

While they’d agreed to a draw before ever taking the stage, Claude had gracefully conceded when Professor Manuela declared Dorothea the winner.  It had bothered her when it happened -- all the more for how she couldn’t correct the matter over the riotous applause -- and try as she might over the intervening days, she’d still been unable to set the record straight with anyone she spoke with (aside from Hilda, who didn’t seem the least bit surprised to hear it).  But strangest of all was the fact, despite now having an audience eager to hear her perform again...she couldn’t find that thrill anymore.  It had been there while she was on stage with Claude, but in every performance since -- no matter how many people she had hanging on her every note -- she just felt the same hollow sort of yearning she had in the cathedral before all of this began. 

Dorothea sighed as she made her way out of the dining hall, taking the stairs down to the fishing pond and wandering toward the dormitories.  All the attention did get tiring after a while; luckily the grounds seemed deserted this afternoon, and she stretched her arms high as she tipped her head back, breathing in the crisp autumn air while the sun warmed her face and the soft sound of music drifted by…

She stopped, scanning the lawn and the path along the row of dorms.  No one was there that she could see, but she could hear the strum of lute strings; she hurried on, listening to the music grow louder and louder until she felt certain she was close -- but the sound was too clear to be coming from behind the closed doors, and there was still no one around that she could see.  “Claude?” she called, raising her voice as much as she dared. 

The music stopped.  “Dorothea?” the nobleman’s voice replied -- not from beside or behind her, but from above.  

Tilting her head back and shading her eyes, she stared at the young man peering at her over the eaves of the dormitory roof.  “What are you doing up there?” she asked. 

“Playing,” he said. 

“How did you even get up there?  And why are you playing on the roof, for that matter?”

“It’s complicated,” he shrugged.  “...well, alright, it’s not that complicated, but...should I come down so we can talk?”

Dorothea opened her mouth to agree...and paused.  “...I could always come up,” she offered.  

A grin twitched across his face.  “I’ll meet you at my room, then,” he laughed, waving before disappearing from view.  Hurrying back down to the greenhouses, she turned into the stairwell leading to the second floor of dorms where most of the noble students stayed; at the top of the steps, she saw Claude poke his head out into the hall, beaming at the sight of her.  Smiling despite herself, Dorothea hurried over and ducked past him without even thinking...and as he closed the doors, she stifled a giggle at the sight of his room.  

She had seen cluttered her share of dorms before -- Linhardt’s came immediately to mind -- but she’d never seen anything quite like this, with books taking up half the bed, papers spilling off the desk and onto the floor, and shelves cluttered with a mix of plants, vials, and strange brass instruments she couldn’t identify.  Claude seemed briefly puzzled by her reaction...though, after another moment, he rather sheepishly began gathering up the parchment piled on his chair to give her a place to sit.  “So what can I do for you?” 

“Well, first of all I’d like to know how you got onto the roof,” she replied.  “And off it so fast, for that matter.”

He quirked one eyebrow in apparent surprise.  “What, that?  It’s easy.”  Dropping the papers in a haphazard pile on the desk, he stepped up onto the wide ledge beneath the open window, leaning out into empty space and stretching one arm up...

Claude jumped. 

Dorothea lunged for him, knowing already it was too late -- but he did not fall.  She stumbled into the sill, gaping as he effortlessly pulled himself up out of sight; crawling up onto the ledge, she cautiously poked her head out the window...and saw him lean out over the eave, grinning down at her from his perch.  “That doesn’t look easy to me,” Dorothea pointed out. 

“It just takes some practice,” he laughed.  “Want to come up?  The view’s great,” he added, reaching a hand down to her. 

The sensible, logical, rational part of her brain insisted that she’d rather not break her neck trying to get a nice view of the monastery...even as she extended her own arm, gripping his wrist and feeling him hold fast.  She heard the instructions he gave her -- she was more than certain of that, since she never would have done this on her own -- but whatever he’d said escaped her the moment she stepped off the ledge into empty air, clutching tight to Claude’s wrist even as his pleasant laughter rang in her ears.  In the end he did most of the work pulling her up beside him...but once she caught her breath and her heart stopped feeling like a bird trying to escape its cage, she had to admit that he was right: the campus was lovely from so high up. 

“You doing okay?” he asked, patting her shoulder gently. 

“Better, I think,” she agreed, scooting further back from the edge.  “So, that explains how you got up here -- now why are we here?”

“Well, in my case it’s because it’s a nice day, I don’t have anything going on, and I’m tired of dealing with Lorenz, so I figured I’d come up here and play a bit.  He can yell all he wants from down there, but I’m not stopping unless he gets on this roof to make me.”  As he spoke, he removed the lute strapped to his back, strumming a few notes and idly beginning to tune it again.  “But what brings you up here?”

“Well...actually, I was looking for you,” she admitted, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear.  “I haven’t seen much of you since the music tourney.”

“You’ve been busy,” he winked. 

Dorothea rolled her eyes, leaning back against the slightly pitched roof.  “Don’t remind me,  I needed to get away from it for a while.”

“Really?  I thought you’d be happy about all the attention.”

“I was at first,” she sighed, “and it’s been wonderful to have more chances to sing, but…”

She trailed off, watching a few wispy clouds wandering across the pale blue sky.  After a moment, the quiet strum of lute strings fell silent; glancing over at the nobleman, she found him watching her with interest, his head canting slightly to one side as he gestured for her to continue.  “It...doesn’t feel like I thought it would.  Back in the opera, it was always so grand and emotional, singing to an audience -- I loved that feeling, and it’s one of the things I’ve missed most since I left.  I’d hoped the competition would bring it back, and singing with you I found it again, but...I haven’t felt it since.  I’ve been feeling guilty about the way it ended up, and…”

“Hey, I said from the start that you’d mop the floor with me in a competition,” he laughed.  “I don’t mind.  I’m glad I got the chance to perform with you -- that was my prize.”  

“Be serious,” she huffed.  “I’m trying to apologize!”

“And I’m saying you don’t have to -- it’s not like you had a say in Professor Manuela deciding on a winner.”

“But if I don’t get it sorted out, how am I supposed to enjoy singing like I used to?”

“Are you sure guilt is what’s keeping you from it?”

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she stared at him.  “What do you mean?”

“You said that you haven’t felt that thrill since you left the opera.  You didn’t get it again until the finals, right?”  She nodded in agreement.  “And then after the finals it was gone again?”  Again, she nodded in agreement.  “So what was different about the finals, compared to everything before and after?”

“The drama of the grand finale?” she offered. 

“Well, that, too,” he chuckled, “but you weren’t performing alone, either: your melody had a harmony.”

Dorothea scoffed at the notion.  “That seems…”

She trailed off as Claude leaned forward, propping his chin on his hands.  She hadn’t thought of it like that before, but...her fondest memories from the opera were of performances with accompaniment: grand arias carried by a full orchestra, soft odes lilting over quavering strings.  “...possible,” she conceded. 

“So maybe what you were really looking for was a chance to sing with somebody, instead of going it alone or singing over them.”

“I’m flattered you think I’m so selfless,” she giggled.  “Really, I just wanted an audience.”  But even so, that final performance with him, building on one another’s leads and creating something far grander and more beautiful than Dorothea could have done alone...it had brought with it a familiar, delightful frisson. 

“Well, I know I had more fun playing with you than I did taking Lorenz down a peg -- and I really enjoyed that,” Claude laughed, strumming his lute again, “and I, for one, would be honored to reprise the performance -- though, fair warning, I can’t promise a crowd this time around.”

“You know, I am free this afternoon,” she grinned.  He beamed back at her, picking a cheerful tune on his lute strings -- an Adrestian folksong she recognized instantly; as she started in on the first verse and their duet drifted out over the quiet campus, she felt the thrill lift her heart again...and maybe it was just her imagination, but she swore Claude’s smile finally reached his eyes.

#fanfiction #fire emblem: three houses #dorothea arnault #claude von riegan #dorothea & claude #these two could have had such interesting conversations #but the only way to get that is with fanfiction #which is a shame #the title song reference is one of my favorite nods #dorothea singing it at half tempo to start #and then claude kicking it up to the faster pace #is just so much fun to me #also even though they don't have a huge impact on the piece as a whole #i just love the bits with raph and bernie so much #overall i'm still a little unsure about this particular one #but i really wanted to get it done since it's been sitting around for so long #and i needed something to get my mind on other things #let me know what you think #and if you'd like to see this one kicked over to ao3 too

[aggressive-retsukoing]

Do you have any favorite ships?

I think I may have answered this before, but I don't mind answering again! Here are my ships, in no particular order. I'll lay out why, please be respectful of my opinons!

Retsuko x Haida- The original and main ship for the series, and while it constantly plays with the "will they or won't they", and is pretty divisive in terms of how people like it or not, I really love it at the beginning and I'm more or less unsure how I feel about it now. I think they're certainly cute together, but it would take a lot of effort and good writing between the two in season 4 to make the ship feel right. Some people were put off by the events of season 3 and I can completely understand and agree with that. So I'm putting my expectations high if I want Retsuko and Haida to work out. To those who love the ship, that's fine! To those who don't, that's fine too! Overall, I just want the characters to end up happy.

Haida x Fenneko- Actually my preferred Haida ship, and I really love the interactions and friendship between these two. Fenneko is always there to support Haida, and particularly scenes like in the Christmas special and when she worries over Haida being depressed are especially telling about their bond. You can say it's not romantic, just a close friendship, and that's fine too, though I prefer to believe Fenneko might have some hidden feelings for Haida that she hasn't yet realized, and that Haida is completely oblivious to. I think the two of them would make the most adorable couple, just hanging out together the scenes with them together are incredibly fun.

Fenneko tends to be very stoic except when around Haida, and most of her character is driven around helping Haida. Whether it be digging around finding info to alleviate his pain wondering about the whereabouts of Retsuko, or trying to push him into dating Inui, it's all for him. Despite all this Haida does little to reciprocate, so it's a little like the same scenario with him and Retsuko not recognizing him. Maybe it's cliché, but an interesting turnaround would be him realizing the girl who's been there for him this entire time.

Retsuko x Tadano- These two made a really sweet couple in season 2 and it was really heartbreaking when they had to break up over a difference of views when they were so good together. Personally I would love to see Retsuko and Tadano give it another shot, but I'm happy that they were able to part as friends. I honestly still ship them and I believe Retsuko definitely still harbors feelings for Tadano, which would explain her obsession with Seiya in season 3- he does look an awful lot like him, if you ask me. I'm glad they're still able to be friends.

Tsunoda x Komiya- Tsunoda and Komiya are actually shipped in the original shorts that aired in Japan. In one of the episodes, Komiya and Tsunoda are shown to exchange Valentines/White Day gifts and even have cute intimate nicknames for one another. In some of the early promotional art, Tsunoda and Komiya play hooky together when Tsunoda fakes being sick and Komiya goes to visit her during work hours. In the Netflix version, Komiya's personality was changed significantly, but like Tsunoda, his character kisses up to superiors and puts on what you discover is really just a façade at work.

One of the reasons I adore the ship of these two so much is the idea of them being able to relate to the toll sucking up takes on them and that they both secretly really hate their job. They'd start out as friends who could vent to one another, and as time went on, they would get closer. Both of them are shown to be hopeless romantics who love to brag about their social and love life (this is especially evident in the shorts), are obsessed with the internet and pop culture (Tsunoda's Instagram and Komiya's pop idol blog), and are much deeper characters than they first appear to be. I think the idea of these two flawed characters who act so antagonistic at first being able to find friendship and love together, and become better, happier, and more whole characters is just too perfect an opportunity to pass up!

To top it all off, the voice actors for Tsunoda and Komiya have said in interviews that they entirely ship the pairing, and the Latin American voice actors for the two are even a couple!

Those are my main ships for the series, but some others I find cute are Manaka x Hyodo and Gori x Washimi.

#Aggretsuko #Retsuko #Fenneko #Haida #Tadano #Komiya #Tsunoda #Haida x Retsuko #Fenneko x Haida #Tadano x Retsuko #Komiya x Tsunoda #Ships

[slashbitch2]

Extra Complications PT3

Previous Chapter

"Don't bother coming back into work tomorrow."

Her words had been replaying in your mind since the final encounter, bouncing round like a taunting echo. It'd only been a week since you'd stopped working at Alchemex, yet had felt like a lifetime of boredom and fatigue. With no job or persistent villain to chase after, if you could even call Liv a villain anymore, there was no reason to get out of bed in the morning, nothing to stop you from moping around your apartment. The days blended into what felt like one long sick day, disregarding the occasional break to rescue a cat stuck in a tree.

Although, your only sickness was of the mind. Whenever you attempted to get some rest, your thoughts would inevitably drift to Liv; the cold, distanced tone to her voice, the look of betrayal in her eyes, how empty the week had felt without her. By the third night plagued with insomnia, you were starting to accept that your feelings towards her may be more than a simple crush. On the eighth night, you decided you ought to do something about it and began to formulate a plan.

Entering the building like you were still an employee would be almost impossible since anyone who left their job was rarely welcomed back with open arms. It'd also be better to avoid the security and CCTV cameras, which you'd learnt used face recognition technology. And finally, locating a security card would pose a potential problem, as walking round the facility until you happened to stumble across a janitor to steal from was unfortunately no longer a possibility. So, what was the solution to all your problems? Vents.

Which is how you found yourself scouring over blueprints like a cliched protagonist from a bygone age movie, but at least the irony hadn't escaped you, and thankfully laboratories generally required a great deal of ventilation, so you had multiple routes memorised by the time the bus had arrived at Alchemex. You'd spent the entire journey on edge, fearful that any fellow passenger might accost you for looking so suspicious. But apparently an agitated figure buried beneath a pile of blueprints wearing a spider-suit underneath a jumper was normal enough to be ignored.

Nonetheless, stepping onto the concrete ground of the car park was a relief which inspired a tad more optimism. Moreover, leaving the burdening stacks of blueprints behind further alleviated some of your anxiety. It felt like a final confirmation that this was your one and only chance, and you weren't about to mess it up. Even as the building loomed over you casting a shadow of uncertainty, nothing could discourage your determination.

There was the remarkable sense that you didn't belong here, though it was a familiar sensation. One that persuaded you to tug the mask over your head before darting toward the edge of the car park. It was your belief that as long as you stuck to the outskirts of the facility, few would pay you any attention while you were out in the open. Therefore allowing you to manoeuvre into position and take the quickest passage straight to Liv's office. Which is exactly what you did.

The first stretch of the vent system was a straight drop, a narrow plunge that went on for longer than anticipated. Like a slide with no angle of inclination and a lot less fun. You hit the metal base with an ungraceful clang, certain that your legs would've buckled upon impact had it not been for the lack of space to do so. Overall an uncomfortable start. The remainder of the journey was a lot of crawling and muscle cramps, your only incentive being the occasional grate to peer down which reassured you that your destination was drawing nearer. Everything was going to plan.

Until you heard her.

Olivia's voice rung clear as if from a dream. It stood out from the general ruckus, initially leading you to believe you were hallucinating, that it was some kind of audible mirage. Yet you refocused your senses and it didn't go away. She was almost directly below you, separated simply by a thin layer of metal. With renewed ambition, you crawled toward the nearest grate as quickly and quietly as possible, frantically lowering your head to find the perfect angle, all just to catch a glimpse of her.

"What do you mean the program hasn't worked?" Liv pinched the bridge of her nose, her words laced with an an uncharacteristic anger. You'd never known her to be an irritable person, she loved her job and every challenge that came with it. Was she uptight? Sure. Passionate? Undeniably. But never angry.

"I've tried rerunning and rewriting parts of the code. And it just doesn't work!" Some poor employee (Mark, if you remembered correctly) was fighting for his dignity below. You could see he was flushing, wildly flailing his hands around as he tried to justify his mistake.

"You've rewritten part of it?!" She repeated, volume rising in frustration.

"I- I thought I knew how to fix it."

"I told you not to mess with my work." She growled, stepping closer.

"With all due respect," He didn't back down, clearly caught off guard and unsure how to deal with an irritated Liv. "it's actually Y/N's work."

Upon hearing your name, you ducked out of view as if you'd been seen. Although, it was evident that this was not the case, so slowly you edged forward to peer down at them once more.

Liv's face had dropped at the mention of your name. But by the time you'd settled back in place, anger was already seeping into her expression, then was suddenly smoothed into disturbingly sweet smile. "Well, Y/N isn't here anymore. So I suggest you keep your incompetent hands off of things you don't understand."

Judging by her vague wording, you guessed she hadn't told anyone the real reason you'd been fired. A fond appreciation flooded your mind. Despite everything that had happened, she still respected your secret enough to keep it. You begun to consider that maybe Liv cared about you as much as you did her. Why else would she lie on your behalf?

Mark muttered an ashamed. "Ok." Then left to try and atone for his mistake.

Liv stayed where she was for another minute before taking a deep breath, shaking off her annoyance, and setting a determined path. You assumed she was heading for her office and were about to follow, but then paused. Was this really the best time for a reunion? She obviously wasn't in the best mood, and if you had to guess, it was likely due to your betrayal. Was it too soon to reappear in her life? You'd arrived here with the intention to apologise and make amends, however, you had no idea how Liv would react or what would happen after. If there would even be an after. She could attack you on first sight for all you knew.

No. You'd come too far to turn around now. You continued along the vent before you could overthink the decision. It would be foolish to turn around now: the end was in sight, and rapidly growing closer.

Reaching the final grate, you were greeted with the familiar yet new aerial view of Liv's office. It'd remained mainly the same since your departure. She hadn't even bothered to remove your lab coat, which was still carelessly thrown over the chair you'd frequented everyday. And Liv herself hadn't changed much either, disregarding the seemingly permanent anger lines upon her face. She was sitting at her desk, head in hand, mindlessly flipping through a folder. It occurred to you at that moment that she didn't look irritated, rather sad. Another unexpected emotion for her to display.

After a minute, she sighed, tossing the papers to one side and bringing her other hand up to crash forward into. She looked defeated, seeing her this way felt wrong. You honestly preferred the anger because it showed she'd maintained at least some of her usual intensity.

You sighed. It was time to fix this. With unsteady hands you delicately unscrewed the bolts holding the grate in place, careful to make as little noise as possible. It was as you were removing the final screw that you realised something: you had no idea what to say to her. No planned speech or prepared apology, you'd resigned to hoping for a spontaneous burst of thoughtfulness in the moment. You sat there for a minute, fidgeting with one of the screws while attempting to come up with what you would say. Should you start by apologising for breaking in, or for lying to her, or for applying to the job in the first place? You had a lot of things to apologise for.

And unfortunately, the chance to think it through any further was taken from you as the screw slipped out of your hand. You gasped watching it fall, hitting the ground with an faint thud. Although quiet enough for most people to ignore, you knew Liv was too thorough to not investigate. And as expected, following your sharp intake of breath was the sound of a chair scraping against the floor, then footsteps gradually approaching.

Liv appeared below you, bending down to inspect the screw before glancing up. Her eyes locked with yours through the mask and widened in shock.

"Hey." The casual tone to your voice sounded forced and you grimaced. But rather than dwelling on it, you dropped from the exposed hiding place and pulled off your mask. You smiled awkwardly, eyes scanning and overanalysing her reaction.

Liv stepped back to lean on the desk for support. Her mouth was agape, but otherwise her face was worryingly blank.

"If this is a bad time I can come back later."

Still no response. The room was drowning in a tense silence.

"Well, actually I probably can't come back." With no social cues to interact with, you began to ramble aimlessly. "I'm guessing you'll find a way to patch that particular security breach." You gestured up to the gap in the ceiling and laughed lightly. "Sorry about that. I didn't know how else to-"

You're cut off as Liv moves impossibly fast, grabbing your shoulders and shoving you backwards against the wall. A thousand different thoughts run through your mind at once, all wondering what she's about to do. The majority are focused on the possibility that she's going to hurt you in some way, although, even if she did have the intention to cause harm, you wouldn't fight back. You were tired of conflict, especially when it involved Liv.

She was standing close, breathing heavily and saying nothing. You couldn't help but let your eyes flicker down to her lips, the temptation to kiss her becoming increasingly vehement. So instead you forced your attention up to her eyes, which held an air of confusion.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was deep, full of unvoiced emotions.

You licked your lips, glancing at her mouth one last time. "I came here to apologise. I didn't mean for any of this to go so far."

"You're lying." She backed away slightly and you immediately missed the proximity.

"I'm not! I just-" You stuttered, then admitted in a quieter voice. "I never meant to hurt you."

She inhaled shakily and swallowed, your eyes tracing the movement of her throat. "And?"

"And because I care about you too much to let you think I did any of this on purpose." You lowered your head, her invasive glare becoming overwhelming.

Soft fingers firmly gripped your chin, compelling you to look up. Her eyes displayed distrust, confusion which you suddenly feel the need to wipe away. You wanted to make your affection for her clear, but found yourself annoyingly speechless. All the recurring thoughts and confined confessions that had been plaguing you for a week suddenly gone from your mind. You were infuriatingly at a loss for words. Although, the warmth of her fingers against your skin reminded you that actions speak louder than words.

You leant in slowly, giving her sufficient time to stop you. She didn't move so you kissed her lightly at first, searingly next. Your arm shifted to wrap around her back tentatively and she moaned faintly in response. Although, it wasn't until you allowed her to take control that any remaining anger dissipated. At that point the kiss became bruising, her hold on you tightening as a wave of shared desperation rolled over the both of you. Before the desperation could reach its peak, however, you separated from her.

Liv was almost panting, her cheeks tinged pink and hair a mess. She promptly attempted to kiss you again, though you dodged the advance and she whined. Her mouth latched onto your neck, sucking at the skin there.

Your head fell back against the wall, dizzy from lust. "Does this mean I can have my job back?" You quipped, running a hand through your hair.

"Depends." She murmured in between kisses. "Do you have anymore secrets?"

"None that I can think of." You smiled, the prospect of returning to what you'd come to consider as normality was an appealing one. Of course there were things you would need to work through with Liv, and many, many extra complications alongside having a relationship with your boss. But nothing easy was ever worthwhile, and Liv was living proof of that.

"Alright. You're hired."

#olivia octavius x reader

[allexiaah]

Hi OwO i am ur mysterious SS elf. Im coming to get some ideas or hcs of claudette from you. Specifically hcs u have abt her home life. Before the mean entitity 😡 i think i will be writing u a story but if u wanted art more. I can do that. Im not the best at drawing killers but i will try >//< if the story was centered around holiday themes. What kind of personal ideas do you have about claudette during the holidays? Sorry for so many questions now and probably later Q_Q

GOD I'm so sorry for taking so long to answer this anon!! I've been going through so much this past little while and this ask just completely slipped past me. I also needed to think about it a little bit! I really hope that I haven't hindered you at all with this. Christmas in particular isn't something I've thought a lot about for Claudette on her own, mostly just how Philip would react to his first Christmas post-realm and how Claudette helps with how overwhelming it is. I love the two of them so much haha. Feel free to send another ask if you change your mind or find a new topic, or just want any other hcs too!! I have so many it's kind of wild haha.

I definitely think for pre-realm, Claudette has a very loving family. She's an only child, but gets along really well with her parents. They all love each other so much. Her parents support her and reassure her when she's feeling unsure of herself, or anxious. Her mom is one of the people she's most comfortable to talking about her problems to. Keeping in line with lore, I think she would probably have a few friends, but few offline ones. I haven't thought much about it, so it's something I'll have to think about.

For Christmas hcs, I think Claudette feels like the best kind of hot chocolate has those little peppermint bits in them, and marshmallows are important too. It's just better with the mint in it to her.

She's a huge fan of just.. the whole atmosphere of Christmas, and loves giving gifts to the people she cares about. She likes being silly and carefree and while she isn't very fond of the texture of those stereotypical Christmas sweaters, I'm sure she's found something similar that's comfortable for her. Maybe has a hair pin that looks like holly. She loves how cozy it is inside, and warm, and the whole atmosphere of Christmas is just so nice to her. It wouldn't surprise me if she sung Christmas carols when she was younger. While not strictly a Christmas hc, (winter in Canada is like half the year, lol,) I definitely think that Claudette has to make at least one snowman before all the snow melts until next year... Or until September/October/November again lol. She has lots of time, because sometimes it can snow past April, even.

She's a huge sucker for little Christmas-themed candies. Chocolates, mints, caramel, you name it. She finds them cute! She won't eat enough to get sick of them, but they're a nice treat. I think her mom would make some sort of treat with her, but I'm not sure.

If you want post realm too, I think that not a lot would change!! Claudette would still be a huge gift giver, and overall be very cheery and glad to spend the season with her friends. Going out to the streets and storefronts and seeing all the glittering lights that illuminate the snow that falls past them? Immaculate. One of Claudette's favorite things to do. It just feels so magical, all those twinkling lights in so many colors shining on the snow and lighting up the dark streets. There's just something about it that is hopeful about it, to her. After the christmas season is new years, so it's almost like one last celebration of everything that she's survived, and how there's more good things on the horizon.

I think that she's not particularly religious, but has attended Christmas services at some church or other at some point, and kind of liked it. It had such a neat atmosphere. She really admired the stained glass windows and how peaceful the building felt.

Just a little misc hc, but I think Claudette really likes collecting plushies and stuffed animals. Christmas is no exception to this, it that springs up any ideas for you.

Again, so sorry for the wait anon!! I'm so very glad you came to ask me about these, and I'm hoping you see them. I might have more, and if I do, I'll probably edit or reblog this ask with them later. Recently I just haven't been at my best, and very occupied mentally. I really appreciate this. Tysm!! <3

#allex answers #dbd #dead by daylight #claudette morel #ask #anon #my stuff #headcanons

[hellomynameisbisexual]

So You're Feeling a Little Bicurious. We're Here to Help!

8 expert tips for exploring your sexuality.

BY ZACHARY ZANE OCT 18, 2019

After years of wondering if I could ever be intimate with another man, I decided to hook up with a dude my freshman year of college. I figured this "bicurious" thing clearly isn't a phase, since I'd been thinking about it for a few years. The only way I could know for sure if I was actually gay or bi was if tested the waters.

So I did. Alas, I got so drunk in order to have the courage to hook up with another man that I ended up puking midway through our encounter. After the experience, I could not tell you if I was gay or bi. Overall, the experience was "meh," like any really sloppy, drunken hookup regardless of gender.

The thing is, I went about hooking up with a guy all wrong. I had expectations about what I should feel, still struggled with internalized homophobia, and didn't realize that sexuality is a spectrum. I think that's why I felt even more confused after hooking up with a guy.

Still, I'm glad I did explore, and it did eventually lead me to embracing my sexuality, though it took another five years. Nevertheless, there were definitely things I could have done to better prepare myself for exploring sexually with other men. Things I learned years after the fact. Now, with the help of two sexuality experts, I'm going to impart what I wish I knew and had done before (and after) hooking up with my first guy.

1. Start with porn.

You don’t need to jump headfirst into penetrative sex with a man. Porn is a great way to explore your desires in a manner that’s accessible and private.

“As a starting point for acting out sexual fantasies, many people turn to pornography because it offers a ‘safe’ way to explore, especially if you’re a little afraid of acting it out or don’t know how to go about it,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author Tell Me What You Want.

For bicurious men specifically, Lehmiller notes there are plenty of pornos out there which feature bicurious themes. “So that’s probably the easiest starting point for getting a sense of what you do and don’t like,” he says.

2. Move to apps and chat rooms.

"Apps and chat rooms using sexting and video chats are great ways to explore how you feel about engaging sexually with men before jumping into the deep end and scheduling your first hook-up," says Jor-El Caraballo, a licensed mental health professional who works largely with LGBTQ+ clients. It allows you the opportunity to engage with other men sexually without doing anything IRL. (Grindr and Scruff are two good apps to use.)

3. Have a bisexual MMF threesome.

If after watching some bi/gay porn and talking to some dudes on apps/chat rooms, you’re thinking to yourself, alright, I think I could potentially be into this, it might be time to consider having a threesome with a woman and another man. In Lehmiller’s research on sexual fantasies, he’s found that a lot of bicurious guys report fantasies about mixed-gender threesomes. “I think the appeal of this scenario is that it seems less intimidating than hooking up with just another guy,” he says. “A lot of bicurious guys worry about what it means for their sexuality if they experiment with another guy, so being able to explore that with a woman present might make it less intimidating.”

4. Work on reducing internalized shame.

Exploring bi-curiosity isn't just getting out there and doing it with another guy. “It's important for men to understand that we live in sex-phobic and homophobic culture that helps shape what we see as possible for ourselves and our desires,” says Jor-El. This means that we first have to explore how much of our reluctance might be attributed to cultural attitudes and how much of it is solely our responsibility. “Naming that societal homo- and bi-phobia first is an important step,” he says.

5. Educate yourself.

One of the biggest ways to reduce internalized shame and to better understand how your sexuality might not be binary or stagnant (meaning, specifically, that you're not always exclusively gay or straight) is to educate yourself about sexuality. Alas, sex education leaves quite a few things to be desired here in the United States (and abroad, too). Instead of discussing how we come to form our sexual identity, some sex-ed classes never get beyond condoms on cucumbers—or teach abstinence-only curriculum.

"Because we live in a culture that has [negative] perspectives on bisexuality and same-sex attraction, it's important to gain exposure to alternative perspectives," Jor-El says. There are two books in particular Jor-El tends to recommend to his clients. The first is Brene Brown's Daring Greatly, which tackles shame resilience. The second is sexologist Dr. Chris Donaghue's book Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture.

6. Recognize you might not have a big “aha” moment.

When I got to college, I decided I was going to finally explore my same-sex attractions that had been gnawing at me for the past few years. Without going into too many details (you can read about my full experience here), I left that first encounter feeling even more unsure of my sexual identity. I thought I was going to have this big “aha” moment. I’d kiss his lips and immediately realize, “Woah… I’m gay. I’ve never felt like this when I've been with women.” Or it would become crystal clear I definitely wasn’t into men. Neither happened. In fact, I came to the conclusion after the experience that I was straight, and it took me another five years of hooking up with men to embrace the fact that I am bisexual.

7. Talk to a therapist.

As always, it can be helpful to explore this in the safe space of therapy. "With a LGBTQ+ affirming therapist, you can talk through aspects of your sexuality that seem daunting or frightening to deal with on your own," Joe-El says. "This space will give you the security of a confidential and non-judgmental space where you can make your own decisions about what works best for you without outside pressure."

Personally, seeing a therapist was the most helpful thing when it came to exploring and eventually embracing my same-sex attractions. By the end of my third session, I began calling myself bisexual.

8. You can try it, not like it, and you're still straight.

There's this notion that if you so much as kiss a man once, you must be gay or bisexual. This makes it particularly scary and seemingly "binding" when you explore. You fear that if you experiment, and don't like it, people will wrongfully assume you're closeted. You fear that rumors surrounding your sexuality will haunt you for the rest of your life, but here's the truth about experimenting: If you come to the conclusion after hooking up with a guy that you're straight, then you are just as straight as a dude who's never experimented. One sexual act does not define your entire identity. Period.

Now if you're someone like me, who comes to realize, oh yeah, I really can get down hooking up with other men, then welcome to the club, my dude. Your world is about to get a hell of a lot more fun.

#bisexuality is valid #bisexuality #bisexual advocator #bi tumblr #bisesual teen #bisexual #bisexual rights #support bisexual people #respect bisexual men #respect bisexual people #bicuriosity #bicurious #bisexual community #bisexual education #bisexual tips #bisexual nation #bisexual youth #bisexual love #bisexual people #bisexual teens #support questioning #questioning #lgbtq nation #lgbtq community #bisexual pride #support bisexuality #bi #bisexual tumblr #bisexual activism

[ardenttheories]

I don't expect a super serious answer from this, but I'm just curious. in a perfect world, how would hs^2 be written? do you have any particular headcanons or plot lines that would be interesting to explore? I understand the hesitation in answering a question like this, because other people might try to discredit your critiques under the guise of "well its not ur headcanons so that's why ur mad". anyways, just curious because I respect your perspective and ideas

In complete honesty? The first thing I would consider vital is a diverse team of people - genuinely diverse - to consider every point of representation with. I’m talking people of different races (to avoid the anti-black coding of Gamzee), with mental illnesses (to avoid the ableism in both Gamzee and Dirk), with different gender identities (to more accurately and healthily portray Jade, Roxy, Vriska, June - any character we could feasibly want to make trans or nonbinary), with different romanticisms and sexualities (so that we could write genuine MLM and WLW relationships without falling into homophobic pitfalls; to avoid biphobic stereotypes), and overall, with different traumatic experiences and triggers (so that we could more accurately gauge what triggers would need to be tagged and how to go over them in an appropriate and respectful manner).

We could never be 100% perfect, but with a team like that, we could at least get close to it. 

Additionally, I’d bring back either fan prompts or closely listen to fan theories and conversations. Homestuck^2 was touted to be written with the fandom in mind; to consider the direction we were asking it to go in, while basing it around a general barebones structure. I’d want to make sure we were including as much of that in as humanly possible. So, if a fan theory seemed like it’d fit into the story? I’d want to include that with the rest of the text; if the fans liked a specific character? I’d want to try and include them more often. Little things to show that we’re listening and that we’re writing the story WITH the fans - like how early Homestuck used to be.

On an actual storyline basis, I really do love the concept of Meat and Candy; that there’s one timeline that goes off the rails and one that is very rigidly stuck to a track. I wouldn’t want to change that concept entirely, but I would want to make it more palpatable for people to read. 

This would mean, for me, absolutely getting rid of anything to do with Yiffany. I’d completely replace that with Dave and Jade having a child together via ectobiology; how Jade has to raise their child in Dave’s absence after he goes missing, how that affects her, who she turns to for comfort and help. 

I’d want to focus Candy more on that feeling of helplessness and dissociation. On John feeling adrift in a world that doesn’t quite connect with him, that doesn’t entirely feel real; how that would affect his relationships, his friends, his family. In this timeline, all of the rebellion stuff would be completely background to the interpersonal connections everyone has (the things that supposedly don’t matter, as is the point of Candy), with much more emphasis on how useless and frivolous the whole war is. It’d get to a point where nobody actually knows why they’re fighting anymore except for the fact that they are, and that even Jane, who started it out of a genuine fear for the human race, is getting tired of it, is losing resources, is starting to realise that she’s drifting away from her own child. 

A truce would be garnered, started by Jane who just very much wants to reconnect with her son, with Karkat taking on the role as troll emissiary. It features long talks in a large, empty room, pouring over papers, where Jane admits that she doesn’t actually know what anyone is up to these days, how long it’s been since she’s seen her husband, since she’s seen John, and Karkat quietly confesses that it’s been several years since he’s seen Dave or Jade, and that he misses them both. 

After that, a lot of the content of Candy would focus on healing. They would get back to their happily ever after, even though some things would never be the same, and there would still be inconsequentialities. It would also correspond with John coming to the slow realisation that he really doesn’t need a plot to be happy at all; that just because it doesn’t matter to the overarching story doesn’t mean it can’t matter to him. 

The Candy timeline, therefore, would close early; it would fade from our view just as Dirk feared, but it would be happy and content, and free from any further meddling. I’d essentially want to enforce this idea that, yes, we can still have happy endings - even if they aren’t “full of meaning”. They can still be satisfying.

The Meat timeline, on the other hand, would have a significant focus on Dirk and his attempts to continue the plot. I think it would be fun, admittedly, if nothing went the way he thought it would. That after all of his villany and his acceptance of destruction in order to facilitate something he thought would be better, he actually just lost complete and utter control. 

The plot isn’t something that he alone can continue. It’s created with character conflict, with motivations and rises and falls and losses and gains; trying to recreate SBURB, to try and restart the cycle, isn’t what a plot needs to be. It isn’t what he thinks it will do. 

I’m unsure if you’ve seen this recently, but there’s been a lot of fanwork around the Lord!Jake English idea that went around several years back (when people saw the Caliborn sona). Now, this I’d want to put into it. 

Jake, fed up with being stepped on, walked over, hurt, suffering from the trauma of being completely and utterly ruined by Dirk, absolutely flips shit. He chases after Dirk to seek revenge, to cut short whatever bullshit he’s trying to do, and therefore much of the comic becomes this constant back and forth with an increasing fear for Dirk the closer Jake gets as he traverses Paradox Space.

It’s very much clear that when Jake arrives, Dirk will lose. There’s no question about it. Nobody suggests that anything else will happen. There’s several arguments on Meat’s Earth C over whether or not they should try to stop Jake, or let him stop Dirk - and whether or not Jake will calm down afterwards or continue his rampage. 

In the end, Dirk fails. Jake catches up to him, and just before he hits the killing blow, the entire thing goes dark. Our narrator dead, the plot abandoned; there is nothing more to see. This I would want to use to enforce the idea that, yes, plot can still be satisfying as hell and still have integral moments and be heavy and harsh - but it can also end in a way that leaves open questions because that shows that it isn’t the best ending you can get. 

And then we jump back to Terezi, using her Seer powers. Both timelines have been her trying to use her powers to See what’s in store, where she should go, what she should do. She’s still floating through Paradox Space, looking for Vriska, and as such she’s met with this... sort of internal dilemma. 

She knows, now, that the chances of her dying out here are high. She also knows that even if she does survive, she’s pretty much never going to see Vriska again anyway. She knows there’s a chance at a happier relationship with John, and that the only way she can get that is if she somehow manages to make a timeline where Meat and Candy merge together at once. 

So, she flies back. She manages to arrive on Earth C the day of John’s big decision, and interrupts him before he can go to the picnic. Through their dialogue, John gets it stuck in his head that, hey, there’s something BIGGER out here that you need to do, but you need to do that amazing thing again where you make a third Choice.

When John arrives at the picnic, he decides to eat some of the pumpkin instead - to which you might be thinking, what pumpkin? The one he put there, of course, using his retcon powers.

So we start on the Pumpkin timeline, written entirely in the 1st person narrative from John’s POV. It’s a completely biased interpretation of what’s going on, but it’s honest to John’s own thoughts and feelings, too, allowing everyone to act the way they usually would do without any influence, but still having a narrative touch. 

It shows John actively fighting to free the timeline from Dirk’s and Alternate Calliope’s narrative controls, those little hooks they’ve planted in it since time began, with a lot of back-and-forth as the two talk to John through the narration (which, he hears their voices as thoughts in his head). 

John attempts to free them both from their own biases and chains, encouraging Alternate!Calliope to leave the space she’s isolated herself in and join Earth C while convincing Dirk to undo the bullshit villain schtick he’s on (and that plot or no plot, there’s still a reason worth living for). 

It’d be a timeline filled with references back to original Homestuck (and funny quips from both Alternate!Calliope and Dirk along the way), a lot of morality discussion, plenty of theorising on narrative control and arcs and the placement of plot and fluff in a satisfying story, and have plenty of representation and romance and hints towards kids, too (such as nonbinary RoxyJaneCallie, DaveJadeKat, aromantic Jake, JohnDirk [because I couldn’t stop myself, honestly, with how their Classpects work so well hand in hand], and definitely RoseMary being the first to adopt a child that they absolutely do not call Vriska). 

It’d fill plotholes the fandom wants to be filled, and it’d have drama, of course, in the form of figuring out a way to destroy Lord English that doesn’t inherently lead to the Candy timeline. But it’d go back and forth between the heavy, plot-filled moments and the slower, relationship-based moments, with more humanising and development of Dirk and Alternate!Calliope and John as rounded characters.

That’s the best my tired mind can come up with right now. It’s something I’ve daydreamed about a lot, actually; how I’d rewrite Homestuck^2, or what my own ending to Homestuck would be using it as a foundation. I hope it makes sense! It’s a fun little thought experiment, honestly.

#long post// #ardenttheories #homestuck^2 critical #Anonymous

[one-boring-person]

You Died!

Alaric Saltzman x Reader

Context: Set towards the end of episode 20 of season 3, just after Alaric has completed his transformation. The reader is Ric's best friend and is distraught after finding out he will ultimately die, not yet knowing Esther has made him complete the transition.

Warnings: Blood, some death, "lethal" biting

A/N: This is my first time using Tumblr as a writing platform, so forgive me if the format is a bit off.

Exhilaration courses through me at the sensation of the wind rushing around me, the cold air blocked out by my riding leathers, thankfully, my helmet preventing my eyes from tearing up, keeping my vision clear enough for me to navigate the dark, twisting road with ease. Beneath me, my black and chrome roadster growls loudly, the vehicle responding to my every move with a sensitivity it’s always had, the engines revving as I push the bike into a faster pace, knowing no one else will hear me out here. Normally, I would never consider going out at this time, especially not on the motorbike, and definitely not at this ungodly speed, but after today’s events, I feel as if nothing else will clear my head sufficiently.

Tightening my grip on the handlebars, I try to ignore the grief gnawing away at my heart, planning to deal with it tomorrow in whatever way I feel fit, whether that be drinking ridiculous volumes of whiskey or beating up some poor punching bag somewhere, or doing something much more dangerous. For now, all I want to do is forget about the fact that my best friend died, or is currently dying, and that there’s nothing I can do about it. And I never got to tell him how I really feel. At that, I grit my teeth and accelerate the motorbike again, nearly hitting the 100 mph mark on the metre as I drive around the winding bends of the deserted road, the thrill at riding at such a speed doing little to cure my current state of mind, only reminding me of what he would say if he saw me being as reckless as this. Under my helmet visor, I feel a tear roll down my cheek, leaving a hot trail in its wake.

Turning a corner, I brake a little as I catch sight of the thick bank of fog that seems to occupy the road, unsure of whether or not to continue on into it; after all, Klaus is still out there and up to his tricks. Too late, I figure out the bike won't slow down in time to avoid it, so I carry on through the eerie white mist, cutting the speed slightly, only to push it back up again as I decide to get through it as fast as possible, even if I can barely see a thing. The headlight seems to do nothing, the pale light catching on the fog, making it appear thicker than it actually is, illuminating only what is directly in front of the front tyre.

For what feels like hours but is in fact only minutes, I drive through the bank of fog, slightly confused as to its sudden appearance, until I reach an abrupt break in the suffocating cover, everything becoming clear and visible very swiftly. I only have a second to register the figure standing in the road, in which time I sharply pull the handlebars to the side, tilting the bike dangerously as it skids past, the wheels losing traction on the slick tarmac, careening into the side of the road. As it makes contact with the barrier, I am flung from the seat, the world spinning in my view briefly before I crash to the floor, my body smashing against rocks and tree branches as it rolls over and over, coming to a halt at the base of a road sign, pain exploding across me from multiple points of my body. Breathing hard, I try to move, only to find myself incapable of doing so without invoking a sharp stab of agony from my new injuries, leaving me lying helplessly at the side of the road, bruises littering my skin, my conscience slowly starting to fade.

A pair of hands on my waist snap me from the cloud of pain, the appendages roughly pulling me up onto someone's shoulder as they carry me back onto the road, their breathing as heavy as mine. A whimper of pain leaves my lips at the jolting motions, the air leaving my lungs as I am thrown, violently, onto the tarmac, my head cracking against it slightly as my helmet absorbs the shock. Agony erupts in my limbs and chest, drawing a long, low groan from me as I try to find my assailant, confusion and horror filling me as I recognise the person standing over me. Bending over, he harshly pulls my helmet off my head, revealing my bruised face to the world as he looks down into it in disgust.

“Alaric?” I croak out coarsely, thinking I’m hallucinating, spitting out a mouthful of blood as it wells up in my throat, signalling to me that I have internal bleeding. Above me, my best friend and crush of six years eyes the trail of crimson liquid as it flows over my face, a hungry look in his now-dark eyes.

“(Y/N).” His voice is low and sinister, the tone proving to me it’s not the caring man I know and love, but the side of him I’ve come to call Psycho Alaric, due to his murderous tendencies.

“Y-You died...” The words are forced as I feel the agony of my injuries, both mental and physical, start to take over my body, more blood flowing from my parted lips.

Above me, Alaric crouches down to my level, a predatory look on his handsome face as he stares at my prone figure, taking in the torn riding leathers, as well as the darkening bruises surrounding my jaw and temple.

“I did.” He simply states before reaching down to me, pushing his arms under my torso as he pulls my body closer to his, one of his hands cupping the back of my head, threading his fingers tightly in my hair, the overall movement wringing a quiet whimper from me. Hearing this, Alaric licks his lips, his eyes roaming over the blood covering my chin, dropping to the skin at my neck.

“What...What're you doing?” I question him, fear starting to accompany the throbbing pain in my body as he lowers his face to mine, his breath fanning over my skin, hotly. At any other time, I would’ve felt giddy at the thought of being so close to him, but now it scares me – there’s something off about him.

In way of reply, Alaric leans further into me, his familiar scent overwhelming me, as well as the sharp odour of blood, swiftly swiping his tongue over my chin, drawing up the crimson liquid staining my skin, a surprised grunt leaving my lips as a hungry groan leaves his. Pulling away, he looks down at me with obvious desire, his face suddenly changing as familiar veins form under his eyes, his lips pulling back to reveal razor sharp fangs, the overall expression not unlike that of a vampire's. In seconds, he pulls me to him, crushing my body against his as he sinks his teeth into my neck, biting into the soft skin with ease, blood flowing from the wound into his mouth, his hot tongue swiping over the area a few times to draw up every drop of the hot liquid. Around my head and shoulders, his grip tightens, the sensation of him sucking my blood out of my arteries somehow feeling euphoric in comparison with the previous, agonising pain from the crash, a sigh falling from my tongue, moans and grunts of appreciation and need leaving the lips he has pressed against my neck.

Already, I feel my conscience leaving me, black spots appearing all over my vision as he finally pulls away, blood coating his chin and lips, satisfaction evident in his eyes as the veins and fangs retreat, dropping my limp body to the ground as he stands, wiping the substance away with his sleeve. Giving me one last glance, he smirks down at me before leaving my broken body lying on the tarmac, the pain becoming too much for me to bear as I finally fall into the darkness at the edge of my vision.

*

Bright light assaults my eyes as I crack them open, a dull ache starting in my head as I try to lift my hands to rub them, trying my best to remember where I am and how I got here. Coming up blank initially, I look around at the room I’m in, recognising the bed beneath me as belonging to one of the Salvatores, Damon in particular, meaning I'm in the boarding house.

“Morning, sleepy head.” A familiar voice greets me from the corner behind the bed, a quick look proving to me that it is, in fact, Damon.

“W-what happened?” I manage to croak out at him, confusion lacing my voice as I try to recall how I got here, staring blearily at the raven haired vampire as he rolls his eyes, exasperated at my question.

“You crashed your motorbike, I think. I found you a couple of hours ago with your body broken and bruised as hell, and with an impressive bite mark to top it all off. You were nearly completely drained of blood.” He responds, his tone light even though I can see the worry in his piercing eyes.

At his words, the events that got me here rush back, the images of Alaric drinking from my neck sparking a sense of dread in me.

“Alaric.” I mumble, knowing Damon will hear me, even from his position across the room. Instantly, I find the vampire standing at the side of the bed, having used his unnatural speed to reach me, a confused and curious look in his eyes.

“Alaric? What do you mean?” His voice is tight at the thought of his friend.

Swiftly, I explain everything to him, watching as a look of grim horror crosses his handsome face, realisation setting into me. Alaric, somehow, made the transition.

As if on cue, a bang from another room interrupts the silence that has settled on us, drawing my attention towards the door, a confused look on my face.

“That’ll be Bonnie.” Damon muses, brow creased a little as he stands, looking back down at me.

“Bonnie?” I question him, puzzled.

“Yeah, Alaric got her, too.”

Shock fixes me in place for a second before I can speak again.

“He did? How?”

A pained expression crosses his face at my question, the subject obviously a sensitive one.

“Our old friend the Original Witch possessed her to go and help him complete the transition. It was her blood that sealed the deal.”

“Esther did this?” Horror and hopelessness well up in at the idea of the witch being back, especially when I consider the fact that Alaric's fate has been sealed by her, at which point anger accompanies the initial feelings.

“Yep. I’m gonna go deal with Bonnie now. Get some rest, you'll need it for tomorrow.” Damon suggests, smiling slightly as he turns and leaves the room, allowing me to try and fall asleep once more, which is easier said than done, what with the turbulent thoughts and crippling grief churning around in my mind. Eventually, though, I manage to tire myself out, my body forcing itself to sleep.

#alaric saltzman #alaricxreader #the vampire diares imagine #tvd #psychoRic #writing #imagine #Alaric

[summonerscenarios]

Can I ask for a male matchup please? I'm an infp. I like messing & joking around, exploring interesting places, cute stuff, sweets, drawing & games. I have a childish personality & love to have fun doing weird things!otherwise I'm very lazy. I am very blunt and prefer to be honest than flatter(I hate it as well as pushy/controlling-people) but even though I'm silly ppl say i'm an easy person to confide in & can be mom-like/protective, I am mentally strong, but I tear up(not cry) easily (1/2)

Thank you for the well wishes!! ^^ It took a while but I’m pretty sure I’ve figured out who’s best suited for you~!

I match you with Zabaniyya!

Honestly despite how different the two of you seem to be from the offset you guys actually get along pretty well once the initial barriers of awkward introductions are over with and you’ve gotten some time to get used to him. As someone who’s trying to take Lord Arsalan’s advice of ‘letting go’ and lightening up he admires how you view the world and your overall personality. At first he’s really not used to your antics of messing around and cracking jokes but if you’re patient and have the time to really break him in to see your way of thinking Zabaniyya begins to start warming up to when you’re in the mood for some good ol’ playing around. He’ll indulge you in exploring places too - his duties have often times brought him outside of the church and he’s seen many corners of the Aoyama guilds territory so there are a number of locations that he’s privy to that are both interesting enough to catch your eye while also being safe enough that he’s not having to constantly watch your every move as he knows you wouldn’t like it. That isn’t to say he doesn’t enjoy watching you explore however, as he’ll watch you dip in and out of crooks and crevices, voicing your questions about the place to no one in particular and actively searching for the next thing to peak your interest with a keenly hidden fascination. You come over to the Aoyama guild often and honestly Arsalan is happy to finally have another cub around who’s got such a keen sense of childish fun and excitability (to the point where other Aoyama guild members come up to Zab asking when you’ll next be coming to visit).

If you don’t mind the audience while drawing he enjoys sitting by your side watching you draw, though you constantly bounce between doodling and talking about whatever catches your fancy the whole time. As someone unfamiliar with giving gifts Zabaniyya finds out about your love of sweets and takes it to heart, often giving you treats that you’ve expressed a particular interest in. (with Ryota’s helping in picking out something that’s both delicious and in line with your tastes) Your bluntness and honesty means that there’s rarely an issue with communication as you’re upfront about your thoughts and feelings on a matter rather than skirting around them and this is something that Zabaniyya deeply respects about you. His nature can sometimes come off as stricter than he’s intending it to be so for the first few weeks of the relationship there’s going to be a time where you need to find a healthy balance between the two of you - something which your brutally honest nature comes in handy for resolving quite swiftly!

Similarly, Zabaniyya’s also got that team mom instinct even though he doesn’t realize it’s coming off in that way when he’s being protective of others, you most notably. Others can see this reflected in the both of you clearly, and while the jokes of concerned parents goes over Zabaniyya’s head you love to laugh about it when it gets brought up. On the note of protectiveness Zabaniyya is prone to keeping a close eye on your demeanor, so to him there’s a notable shift in your personality when you’re accosted by a particularly strong emotion. The first time you teared up in his presence the concerned transient immediately clocks onto it even when the tears don’t fall and often swoops in to get a handle on the situation. He’s surprised to hear that you hate the fact that you’re overcome with these feelings, and though he’s unsure what to say in terms of words of comfort he tells you that he finds your strong responses to those bursts of emotion are admirable in his eyes.

Your perceived laziness can sometimes prove to be a bit troublesome, however your carelessness with yourself is what concerns Zabaniyya the most. Like please give this poor mans heart a break the next time you’re so laissez faire with your well being or else he’ll never leave your side worrying over you. The affection front is something that you both agree on, whilst you’ve both openly expressed that you enjoy it, it flusters you and Zabaniyya himself is often unsure when it comes to him being the one to initiate it. And it’s because of this that you guys work through it by prioritizing little acts of affection peppered into your everyday life. Things like comforting hands against your back or hooking pinkies before slipping your fingers between his own, or maybe even the occasional kiss to the palm of your hand when he’s feeling particularly bold and little acts like that quickly become a staple in your relationship, though it still never fails to fluster you every time (and truth be told there’s a particularly greedy part of him that enjoys the responses that he gets out of you.)

#housamo #tokyo afterschool summoners #housamo matchup #matchups #tokyo afterschool summoners matchup #housamo zabaniyya #zabaniyya #request #anon #ask

[amoralto]

I've been reading your posts from the past year, and I have to ask: Why do you even do this blog? Why put so much time and energy into writing about Paul's relationship with somebody you don't like? I'm serious here. Every snippet you post about John, every comment you write about him, is critical. If you truly believe John deserves all the blame in the relationship, while Paul is the sainted victim, you have a right to your opinion. But I think the truth is much more complex.

My spontaneous and simplistic response to this ask is that I am very surprised, and that I honestly find it difficult to see how one could glean a clear and obvious (even glaring, as you imply) bias against John or in the dynamic of his particular relationship with Paul. Not in the last year’s posts - which appear predominantly to consist of scattered anecdotes and accounts from varied sources, and clips of John’s own measured and matured introspections - and certainly not in the several previous years’ - which host a cornucopia of John’s best and bad sides, often concurrently.

I am still rather shy about how far I raise my head above the parapet in this place, but I’ll try to be clear as I can on this apparent bias that you suggest, and the closest I have to a stance: I stand myself definitively and decidedly apart from any factioning that may occur in this fandom/community. Not above, just apart. I am not in the “Anti-John” camp. I am not in the “Saint-Paul” camp. I am not in the “Witch-Yoko” camp. I am not in the “Ungrateful-George” camp. I do not weigh anybody in the Beatles or around them in currencies of blame and what they do or don’t deserve. I do not reduce them down solely to their so-called worst tendencies, nor do I ignorantly glorify them by their so-called best.

And I would like to argue that I have not, in this blog, if I felt I could muster a better argument than just pointing out old posts to you, like the ones personally (pathologically) written (waffled) by myself, which have gone into kaleidoscopic (deathless) account about John and Paul alone and together, and how it’s less about victims and villains and easy delineations and more about the entanglement of preoccupations and issues and enabling/disabling behaviours of both parties, pushing and pulling, for both positive and detriment, from both sides. Because that may just come across as passive-aggressive, and I don’t wish to be, especially when I’m unsure where exactly anon is coming from.

You seem to be expressing a frustration with how people in this story are painted within parts of the fandom and without it, how John/Paul can tend to be deified and vaulted where another can tend to be John/Paul demonised and disregarded, which is one I am entirely in commiseration with. I’m frustrated with it too, immensely. But I have to express my surprise at being the brunt of this (and even anxious dismay, if only because I’m an emotional basketcase and wracked with imposter syndrome and doubt over my own competency of credibility).

I agree, truth is complex, as it is also often unwhole. The contents of this blog have, foremost, been about multiplicative perspective and dimension. It has been about complexity, and deconstruction, and reflexivity. Account and empathy. Critical and not condemnatory judgment. Just as human beings are multi-facted, the examination of them (and reexamination) has to be as well. Now, as the curator of materials and very occasional writer of “meta” or “discourse”, my own latent thoughts and interpretations and even speculation will seep into any lofty ideals of neutrality inevitably. I am aware of and understand this, viscerally, which is why I make (or like to think I have made) appreciable efforts into maintaining a balance while also expanding scope.

I source and archive and then have myself and others who browse the blog to try to derive corroboration and context and further speculation from there, but sourcing and archiving first also entails documenting any manner of opinions and accounts that I may not necessarily agree with or believe by people whom I may not necessarily find reliable in one or another particular context, but which I nonetheless determine is intriguing or important as a point of view, as a point in time, as a facet of the vast frame. Intrigue does not equate to endorsement. I provide contextual description on such posts, off and on, sure, which can at times be conjectural, but for the most part I refrain from opinion and if anything try to stress not jumping to conclusions. 

And this is what still makes up the vast majority of the posts on this blog: quotes, anecdotes, interviews. Scattered, inconsistent, varied. And for all that I try to maintain an overall balance of perspective in the content, I can’t deny that my actual logistical posting habits are imbalanced, which is another thing which may have impressed negatively/wrongly upon anon - crucially, that I don’t unfortunately space the posts out evenly by “content perspective”, where a negative anecdote about somebody will be followed up immediately by a positive one. I just post things as and when I’ve looked them up, or finished working on them, or such. I may read a book and post a few quotes from it, successively, and then perhaps a clip I’ve just transcribed, and then a video a friend of mine requested that I found I had in my possession. I’m not operating on any ingrained biases, Amoralto’s Active Agenda For The Day, I’m just operating on what I have in my possession and capacity to post at a given time.

And perhaps this is a real fault on my part that I can take into hand, that I should try to be more evenhanded in my dissemination, but – basically, if a few consecutive posts that seem to be critical/negative of John or any other particular person at one given point in time is what has convinced you of some untoward bias of opinion I may hold, then I can only say that this is not the case at all.

You talk of the time and energy I put in - if I didn’t love John, and any of the Beatles for that matter, I would not be spending all this time into finding more facets for the frame, acquiring more vantage points, searching for nuance. I’ve even discussed in this blog before, more than once, about affinity and relatability, and about how I can relate to John’s emotional hedgings and compulsions (and the other Beatles for that matter, in other ways, for other reasons). I don’t like myself very much for all kinds of reasons, but it doesn’t make me project upon John for reflecting some of my more shameful tendencies back at myself, or further embolden his; if anything the relation only fosters better understanding of them because I can see more clearly how things can spiral and have repercussions that were not entirely meant at all, well or ill, and I can see why it would be entirely valid for John to feel this way in that circumstance, or do this with what little he’d perceived to receive, and on. And this applies for Paul and the others as well.

I’m not sure how to conclude this, so – this is my general case, anon. I think the least we can agree on is that I am a little more familiar with what I post than you are, and can thus speak with more about authority about them. I have tried going over my own posts with your eyes and have failed to see the same criticisms you do, and I can’t hope that you will see things from my perspective when you read this either. However, I do hope it will at least have broadened your perspective in some way, if it hasn’t changed your mind about me or the opinions I appear to prescribe.

(… And you know the phrase “paranoid troll logic” is meant in the most exasperatedly fond and not at all sneering way, right? I’ve tagged Paul as an “emotional disaster ocean” before too, I do not consider emotional disaster oceans remotely saintly. I allow myself to be glib and cavalier every once in a while, because the Beatles story can be so existentially absurd at times; I would hate for it to be interpreted as a deride.)

#ask