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lightwise · 7 months

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Ahsoka's Choice

(Content warnings: long post, implied depression and wanting to give up on life, mention of suicide prevention week).

Life is not supposed to be a battle. I genuinely believe that it is not meant to be lived in survival mode, or be something to dread, or feel like a Sisyphean hamster wheel, climbing the same mountain over and over but going nowhere.

And yet.

It so often does.

The good becomes so entwined with the bad that you can’t separate them anymore.

Or even see any good at all.

Life is lived by placing one foot in front of the other, but our gaze is meant to be forward, not only down.

There have been a number of excellent takes on the in-universe meaning behind the Clone Wars flashbacks, Anakin’s lessons, and Ahsoka’s choice in Shadow Warrior. How Ahsoka has been keeping herself small, living in survival mode, haunted by the fear of her past, by what Anakin became, by her fears of becoming that herself or inadvertently leading others down that path, by survivor’s guilt, by the inability to move forward. (Please check out the excellent analyses below):

Anakin and Ahsoka learning to fight for the light

Recovering from PTSD and trauma and not letting the terrible things win

Overcoming the legacy of war and death

Running from childhood trauma

Ahsoka choosing to live

Ahsoka remembering who she is

However, without getting too detailed, I want to take a more metaphorical look at this episode and how it struck me personally.

My tagline is Daughter of Light. Ahsoka has been an extremely meaningful character to me since I first fell in love with Clone Wars several years ago, for her determination, her steadfast dedication to justice and kindness, and her strength in forging her own path in the midst of many difficult and undeserved circumstances. And this episode knocked me back in my chair, mouth open, trying not to cry at those four words: I choose to live.

The last few years have had some unique struggles in my life that have felt relentless at times, worn me down mentally and emotionally, and kept me in a state of difficult striving just to stay afloat on all fronts (financial, health, mental, etc.) I have honestly not wanted to stay afloat at points. And I’m still dealing with many of the effects of some of what I’ve been dealing with.

(I am fine in this moment, btw. This post is reflective of where I have been, and some of what I have felt. So please don’t worry about me if you read this, it is meant to be encouraging more than anything. But I am acknowledging and honoring the struggle that it sometimes takes to exist and keep going when life is difficult or doesn’t turn out the way you expected, or is simply just too hard and too exhausting for a bit too long. It is also suicide prevention week, and therefore extremely timely for this episode coming out).

“You lost a fight. Trust me, you lost.” - You can’t mince the reality of the situation, or pretend it’s better than it is, or that it doesn’t exist at all.

“So you do remember. That’s good, that means you still have a chance to live.”

“Tell me what’s going on.” - She wants answers. She wants to understand what is happening to her so that she can know how to face it, so that it can be dealt with quickly.

“I’m here to finish your training.”

“It’s a little late for that.” - Where were you when I needed you. If only I had known what I know now a little sooner. All of this could have been prevented, things could have gone differently.

“One is never too old to learn, Snips.”

“What’s the lesson, Master.” - Alright, I guess we’re doing this.

“Live…or die.”

Choosing life—it means literally, and spiritually, and it means a life that is actually filled with wholeness and connection and purpose, not just an existence eked out in survival mode. And as much as I hate it, you have to engage with the pain and the suffering, you have to fight through them, in order to get there. You don’t get out of survival mode by not fighting, even when all you want to do is lay down in defeat.

“I won’t fight you.”

In a vacuum, this is a decent sentiment. Maintaining one’s peace and refusing to give in to extraneous anger or regret is often a good thing. But that’s not the context here. It’s a negative, passive kind of choice, in this scenario at least. It’s choosing the lack of something, not the positive of something. I won’t fight…but what will you do instead?

All the lessons that Anakin begins taking Ahsoka through, forcing her to engage him, to keep going, to figure out ways to survive even when she doesn’t want to, when the cost feels too great, when her life has been handed to her against her will, is to get through to her the best way he knows how. To break her out of the isolation and defeat she has inhabited. To give her a path forward into momentum and purpose.

They spar—Ahsoka still with only one saber, half her strength. He pushes her back, and then cuts the ground out from under her feet. And she falls.

“Why are we here?” - Why am I having to learn this lesson again. I thought I had already dealt with this. Why am I having to feel these emotions again. Why do I have to put my time and energy on this same problem again and again.

“You tell me.”

“I don’t understand.” - She’s still trying to have logical answers before she can move on. We don’t always get them. If you wait for everything to make sense you’ll be waiting forever.

“That’s your problem. This is your training.” - The casualties of war. Her mistakes. Her failures. Her guilt. Her grief.

“The battle’s not over yet.” But oh how I sometimes want it to be.

“This isn’t what I trained for.” - This isn’t what I expected life to be like. This isn’t what I signed up for. This can’t be what all the effort of daily life adds up to. There has to be a whole greater than the parts.

“I’m teaching you how to survive, and to do that, you’re going to have to fight.”

“What if I wanna stop fighting.” - What if it’s not worth it. What if all the effort expended never actually leads anywhere that’s worth being. What if I’m too tired, too depleted to keep going.

“Then you’ll die.”

“My part of that legacy is one of death and war.” - But what if that’s all there is? What if that’s all my life will ever mean, is struggle and loss and pain.

“But you’re more than that. Because I’m more than that.” - But I’ve seen and felt horrors larger than life…how do I keep from drowning in them.

“You’ve learned nothing. Back to the beginning. I gave you a choice. Live or die.” - You can’t stop from drowning in them. You can’t take the struggle out of life. You can’t take the pain out either, or the mistakes. But you can get back up. And you can keep going.

“No!” - It shouldn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t have to be this hard.

“Incorrect.” - But for now, it is. It may not always be. You won’t know until you get there.

“You lack conviction.” - I’m tired. I’m so tired. I don’t want to have to do this anymore.

“Time to die.”

Finally, technically defeated as both of her sabers are wrenched out of her hands, she takes Anakin's Sith blade and uses it against him. There’s a time when the way to get through difficulty is through sheer anger and force of will—I won’t let this thing beat me simply because I’m too mad to let it, I’m too bitter or resentful to stay down any longer…but while that can give you some fuel to get moving, eventually it will keep you stuck in place.

And then, she tosses it away. And with ferocity and passion and acceptance in her voice:

“I choose to live.”

Living doesn’t mean Ahsoka has to kill the phantom of Vader that still haunts her or continue the cycle of violence. She doesn’t have to fight because that’s the only way to survive. The choice she makes to live, is accepting that living might involve fighting, it might involve pain, it might involve darkness…but that’s part of what makes it life. But it’s not the only part. It will always be so much more than that. So much better than that. The darkness doesn’t get to defeat the light. You get to choose not to let it.

I choose to live.

You are not just the bad things that have happened to you. You are more than your traumas and your history and your mistakes and your regrets. You are more than those who came before you. You are more than what has shaped you, dragged you under, torn you apart. Your history is not your identity. Your pain is not who you are. Even when it’s all you can see or feel. Even if it’s all you’ve known, and the life you want always feels out of reach.

Life shouldn’t be a battle. We shouldn’t always be struggling or barely keeping our heads above water in survival mode. Sometimes letting yourself slip beneath the surface is necessary. You have to surrender to the waves, and accept the reality that more will come, before you can ride them. Just try to breathe in the process.

Finally, there’s one other thing that brings Ahsoka back to the land of the living. It’s not just her choice alone. It’s other people not giving up on her. Searching for her. Refusing to give up hope. Jacen hearing what is really going on, telling his mom to listen, really listen. Friends working together to pull her out of the ocean. Huyang bringing her a cup of tea and a blanket. She is resuscitated and rehabilitated by others. By her community.

Let’s choose to live. Together.

Hopefully, we can always make it worth it.

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im-madam-baby · 11 months

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Every day is a testament to the second chances bestowed upon me, allowing me to resume what was once delayed. Amidst it all, I perceive the unyielding love of God, ever-present, never forsaking me in times of adversity 🙏

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monachopsis-11 · 4 days

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Society talks too much about knowing what you can endure as a sign of strength and perseverance, like you’ve been through all this terrible trauma and you overcame it so you can do anything.

We don’t talk enough about the fear of knowing what you can endure, of having gone through the darkest moments of your life with a smile on your face, of pushing your body so far past the brink of collapse and somehow it still doesn’t give out, of how perseverance is it’s own trauma, of being completely isolated and alone.

It’s terrifying to know how bad things can get, to live with the knowledge for the rest of your life of just how cruel the world is.

#thoughts #random thoughts #autistic experiences #disabled experiences #overcoming adversity #late diagnosed autistic #trauma #cptsd

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harmonyhealinghub · 2 days

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The Light Eventually Shines Through: A Reminder of Resilience

Shaina Tranquilino

April 19, 2024

We often find ourselves facing challenges, obstacles, and moments of darkness. Whether it's personal struggles, setbacks in our careers, or global crises, there are times when it feels like the darkness may never lift. Yet, amidst the shadows, there's a timeless truth that serves as a guiding beacon: the light eventually shines through.

It's a simple yet profound concept that resonates deeply with the human experience. Just as dawn follows the darkest hour of the night, so too does hope emerge from despair. This principle is rooted in the resilience of the human spirit – our innate ability to persevere, adapt, and overcome adversity.

Consider the stories of individuals who have faced seemingly insurmountable odds only to emerge stronger on the other side. From historical figures like Nelson Mandela and Malala Yousafzai to everyday heroes in our own communities, there are countless examples of resilience in the face of adversity.

What sets these individuals apart is not the absence of challenges, but rather their unwavering belief in the possibility of a brighter tomorrow. They understand that setbacks are not permanent roadblocks, but rather opportunities for growth and transformation.

The journey toward the light is rarely linear. It's marked by twists and turns, ups and downs, moments of progress and moments of regression. Yet, through it all, there remains a flicker of hope – a beacon of light that guides us forward, even in our darkest moments.

But how do we cultivate this resilience in our own lives? How do we find the strength to persevere when the storms of life threaten to overwhelm us? The answer lies in mindset, community, and purpose.

First and foremost, it's essential to cultivate a mindset of resilience – to view challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. This requires reframing setbacks as temporary setbacks rather than permanent failures and focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

Secondly, surrounding ourselves with a supportive community can provide invaluable strength and encouragement during difficult times. Whether it's friends, family, or mentors, having people who believe in us and our ability to overcome challenges can make all the difference.

Finally, finding purpose and meaning in our struggles can give us the motivation to keep moving forward, even when the path ahead seems uncertain. By aligning our actions with our values and aspirations, we can tap into a deeper reservoir of resilience that sustains us through even the darkest of days.

In the end, the light eventually shines through not because the darkness is banished, but because we have the courage and resilience to face it head-on. It's a reminder that no matter how bleak the present moment may seem, there is always hope on the horizon – if only we have the faith to believe in it.

So, the next time you find yourself navigating through the shadows of life, remember that the light eventually shines through. Draw strength from the resilience of those who have come before you, lean on your community for support, and never lose sight of your purpose. And before long, you'll find yourself basking in the warm glow of a brighter tomorrow.

#resilience #hope #strength #overcoming adversity #keep going #the light will shine through #shine #perseverance #community support #mindset matters #find your purpose #inspiration #brighter tomorrow #light

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uniquedolphin · 2 years

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#kamigami no asobi #anime #fantasy #friendship #overcoming adversity #love #compassion #humanity #and the divine #who and what we are doesn’t matter #it’s the bonds that we hold in our hearts that do

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blackros78 · 2 years

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A champion is someone who gets up when he can't.

Jack Dempsey

#jack dempsey #quote #inspiring quotes #champion #getting up #overcoming adversity

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sanjay-mohindroo · 8 days

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“Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” - Joshua J. Marine

Sanjay Mohindroo Sanjay Mohindroo. stayingalive.in Discover the profound meaning hidden within life’s challenges and learn how to overcome them with grace and resilience. Embrace adversity as an opportunity for growth, celebrate your victories, and inspire others with your journey. #Challenges #Resilience #MeaningfulLife Embrace the Journey: Finding Meaning in Life’s Challenges: Thrive Through…

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#authenticity #Challenges #inspiration #news #Overcoming Adversity #Personal Growth #Resilience #Sanjay K Mohindroo #Sanjay Kumar Mohindroo #sanjay mohindroo #Triumph

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athenavalor · 13 days

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Stoicism: The Ancient Philosophy That's Guiding Today's Changemakers

Have you ever found yourself caught in the whirlwind of life’s difficulties, seeking a beacon of stability? Well, you’re not alone. Some of the most influential figures of our time (and times past) have turned to an ancient philosophy known as Stoicism to navigate the tumultuous seas of existence. Yes, Stoicism – the time-tested wisdom that teaches us the value of self-control, resilience, and…

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ladyteelia · 5 months

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Hey sorry if this is maybe a weird question but is there any estimate on what the price of the next Mandatory book will be? I got a giftcard for my birthday and if possible itd be cool to know how much I should save for it

it'll be less than $20! Unfortunately my distributor raised their prices but ideally the book will be smaller than Truth and Phantasm so it shouldn't be more than $19.50, happy birthday, btw!

#strong hearts are mandatory #mandatory #overcoming adversity #Truth and Phantasm

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fiercemillennial · 1 month

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From Feeling Excluded to Unstoppable: Beyoncé’s Message of Resilience

🎤 Even Queen Bey faces setbacks. Her story is proof that criticism fuels the fire, not dampens it. #Beyonce #Resilience #FierceLiving #MindsetMatters #FierceMillennial

The music legend gets real about facing criticism and how it fueled her creative fire. Beyoncé is an icon, a force of nature, and an inspiration to women everywhere. But in a heartfelt message ahead of her latest album release, she revealed a vulnerable side we rarely see. The superstar opened up about a time she felt unwelcome in the country music space and the “criticisms” she faced. View…

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#Beyonce #female empowerment #FIERCE LIVING #FIERCE MILLENNIAL #inspiration #mental strength #Mindset Matters #overcoming adversity #resilience #self-confidence

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ginaraemitchell · 1 month

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To Be Loved: Ain't Gonna Be Denied by Ronald D. Steele | Inspiring! #Memoir #Autobiography @iReadBookTours @RonaldDSteele #IndieAuthor

Born in poverty and violence, without love, Ronald D. Steele goes to the streets to find love, becoming successful at everything he applies, even crime. Convicted for a crime the victim said he did not commit, at 19, he was convicted and sentenced to 15 years for robbery. Determined to correct the injustice, the author turns to writing. Over 18 months and on the brink of suicide, the author's letters led the sentencing judge to reduce the sentence by 10 years. So begins the journey of a self-made man. Ronald D. Steele inspires readers to think positive, be true to their beliefs, and believe in themselves, even when family and friends may not, and, regardless of their past mistakes, have the attitude that you "ain't gonna be denied." Explore the evocative power of resilience & the indomitable human spirit in Ronald D. Steele’s #InspirationalMemoir TO BE LOVED: AIN’T GONNA BE DENIED @2BLoved @acornsireadbooktours @ronalddsteele @iReadBookTours

To Be Loved: Ain’t Gonna Be Denied by Ronald D. Steele | #Memoir #Inspirational #Autobiography #OvercomingAdversity @iReadBookTours @RonaldDSteele @steele_ron35981 @2BLoved A book blog tour from iRead Book Tours. Thank you to the author, publisher, & Lauren at iRead for providing me with the information for this tour. Quick Summary Book Title: To Be Loved: Ain’t Gonna Be Denied by Ronald D.…

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#2024 Spotlights #Autobiography #Books #iRead Book Tours #memoir #Overcoming Adversity

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jrosemariemotheringwhilesingle · 1 month

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One Mom's Triumph Over Diabetes and Resilience After Divorce

Add an Overline One Mom’s Triumph Over Diabetes and Resilience After Divorce Introduction To be a better mother to her children requires strength and resilience after divorce, from a solo mom. When faced with adversities, it is her strength that often determines the outcome. In this podcast episode, Drawing from her 47 years of experience, Tracy Herbert, a health coach, speaker, and author,…

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#Coping with chronic illness #Diabetes journey #Gratitude and wellness #Health coach insights #overcoming adversity #Prioritizing well-being #Solo mom resilience #Thriving against odds #Transformative lifestyle

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somethingnubian · 2 months

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Echoes of Resilience: Finding Strength Amidst Life's Storms

By La Trecia Doyle-Thaxton aka Reiki Ra-Ess Greetings, beautiful souls, Today’s musings are inspired by a figure many of you will recognize—a voice that has echoed through the airwaves, bringing laughter, gossip, and a dose of real talk into our lives: Wendy Williams. Her candid Lifetime interview, “I am not a crier,” not only peeled back the curtain on her life but also mirrored my own journey…

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harmonyhealinghub · 6 months

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Understanding Trauma and Exploring Strategies for Healing

Shaina Tranquilino

October 24, 2023

Trauma is a powerful, life-altering experience that can leave lasting emotional, psychological, and even physical scars. It can be caused by various events such as accidents, abuse, violence, natural disasters, or the loss of a loved one. While each person's experience with trauma is unique, it often leads to feelings of fear, helplessness, and disrupted daily functioning. However, there is hope for healing and growth. In this blog post, we will delve into what trauma is and explore strategies to navigate through its aftermath.

Defining Trauma: Trauma refers to an event or series of events that overwhelm an individual's ability to cope effectively. It disrupts their sense of safety and security. Such experiences trigger intense emotions and physiological responses that may persist long after the traumatic event has occurred. Common symptoms include intrusive thoughts, nightmares, flashbacks, hypervigilance, anxiety disorders, depression, mood swings, and difficulty trusting others.

Recognizing the Impact: It's crucial to acknowledge that everyone processes trauma differently; what may be traumatic for one person might not have the same effect on another. Therefore, it's essential to validate personal experiences and offer support without judgment or comparison. Understanding the impact of trauma helps individuals develop empathy towards themselves and others who have gone through similar challenges.

Strategies for Healing:

Seek Professional Help: Trauma recovery often requires professional assistance from therapists specializing in trauma-focused therapy techniques like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). These therapeutic approaches empower individuals to process their trauma safely while developing coping mechanisms.

Practice Self-Care: Engaging in self-care activities can promote healing by nurturing your mind, body, and spirit. This includes getting adequate restorative sleep, maintaining a balanced diet rich in essential nutrients, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation. Self-care also encompasses setting healthy boundaries, practicing mindfulness or meditation, and seeking support from loved ones.

Connect with Support Networks: Sharing your experiences with trusted friends, family members, or support groups can reduce feelings of isolation and provide a sense of belonging. Surrounding yourself with empathetic individuals who validate your emotions helps rebuild trust and foster a supportive environment for healing.

Cultivate Resilience: Building resilience is an integral part of trauma recovery. Engaging in activities such as journaling, art therapy, or participating in support groups can enhance self-awareness and personal growth. Seeking out positive role models who have overcome similar traumas can inspire hope and motivate you to move forward.

Practice Mindfulness Techniques: Incorporating mindfulness techniques into your daily routine can help manage stress levels and regulate emotional responses triggered by traumatic memories. Breathing exercises, grounding techniques, yoga, or meditation can promote relaxation, self-reflection, and emotional stability.

Trauma is a harrowing experience that disrupts lives but navigating through it is possible with proper understanding and support. Healing from trauma requires patience, self-compassion, professional guidance, and the implementation of various coping strategies tailored to individual needs. Remember that everyone's journey is unique; there is no predefined timeline for healing from trauma. By embracing these strategies and cultivating resilience within ourselves, we can embark on a path towards healing, growth, and reclaiming our lives.

#trauma awareness #healing journey #understanding trauma #heal from within #recovery steps #healing takes time #break the silence #overcoming adversity #share your story #share your experiences #emotional wellbeing #physical wellbeing #mental wellness #resilience building #mental health matters

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