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#overthinking

I am pretending to be “normal”
i am telling myself that nobody care, it’s no big deal, i am the only one who expects so much from me, nobody else is even thinking about it. it’s no big deal
I am pretending to be normal
i am laughing and waving my hand at everything inconsequential. shrugging everything off with care-free nonchalance.
I am pretending to be normal.
i am trying not to let it show, how hard i am trying to focus. not drifting, and letting my eyes glaze over or my mind empty. not taking too long to answer. not letting my posture sag. not biting my lips or cheeks or nails. not laughing too often or it becomes nervous laughter.
not showing how exhausted i am becoming.
I am pretending to be normal
i am pretending to breathe. counting to four before i breathe again. reminding mysef that i must breathe again. reminding myself i’ve forgotten to listen between all these efforts. consoling myself that i can cry and go back to bed later.
I am pretending to be normal
i am pretending that it’s easy
maybe someday it will be

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suffer in silence

It’s all I’ve known to do

I’m scared of what will happen if I open up

I hate that I keep it all in

I let it slowly suffocate me

My brain drowning in thoughts and feelings

But I don’t know where to go

So here I sit

Wondering

Contemplating

Overthinking

Crying

Sleeping

Eating

Dying

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You can follow one of two ways on life: sacrifice your dreams to reach the dreams of the one you love or sacrifice the dreams of the one you love to reach yours. What is more painful? I don’t know yet, but I’m gonna start to find out.

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always spreading self-love to others and not myself like i imagine feeling pretty and loving your body and i just don’t know what it feels like.

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E mi ritrovo dove sapevo che sarei finita… In sospeso.. Ne davvero avanti ne davvero indietro… In bilico a metà, a volte mi odio quasi per capire sempre cosa succederà, ma non agire mai abbastanza bene per evitarlo

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k3-lsText

me: says something regarding morals or whatever

them: but that contradicts [thing i said/did] a bunch of years ago!!! hypocrite!!!

o shit it’s almost like I’ve grown and learned from my mistakes and now I share that lesson for others to help them change before they make a mistake that hurts them

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