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my passport photo is so ugky like i feel bad for ppl whove only seen my passport pic and not me irl i promise the narcissism exists for a valid reason

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me

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sabís que ahora ni siquiera las mañanas ayudan no sé que hacer

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thinking about captain hops on this fine morning

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wait people DON’T like this hair on hwa?!!???!??

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like for as long as i can remember first rays of sun= feeling ick and dehydrated, dried out lips, aware of big gaping pit residing in my torso, the inapposite space i take up in this world, the reminder of how i just dropped on here unrelated to anything that was before, the hollow hunger but no appetite, hands feeling dusty :)

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The last good book I read was between the world and me :( and that was months ago

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the cats are doing well and running outside all day

meanwhile im drowning in work and unwilling to do any of it

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I’m so excited!! Biglaan man to pero puta ahhhkkk it would be my first time sa eroplano and sa probinsya namin hahaha shet hahahaha im happy!

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I keep seeing my edits pop up and not even recognizing them as my own bc of this 😫😫gonna take some time to get used to hfjdjkd

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i’ve been reading about signs of anxiety disorder (that arent academic journals but still make sense) and what caught my attention the most were these three:

  1. ghosting when overwhelmed;
  2. getting upset over change of plans;
  3. not opening important mails

i do these things specifically when i get too overwhelmed especially the ghosting thing if it includes romantic involvement. this explains why i ghost people a lot and not because i just do that for fun 😭 i also get really annoyed when my family for example plan stuff like a getaway or sumthn and do a totally different thing, like did i really just mentally prepare myself for weeks for things that turned out to be very different than the stuff i imagined in my head? like it’s so frustrating i dont even know how to explain it lol

and i mean i’ve always been really anxious about literally everything but mostly during every social event - however being anxious and having an anxiety disorder of any form are two completely different things. it’s one thing to feel anxious but a completely different thing to meet the diagnosis criteria of the disorder. anyway, i wouldve been clinically diagnosed if i had the guts to ask my parents to have me checked even though my mom had been telling me to get checked cuz she actually thinks i’m ✨crazy✨ and not because she’s concerned about me whatever. which is why i dont bring it up now cuz they just think it’s a joke (and that hurts my feelings even more given that they know what field i’m studying in).

also rewatching movies/series, rereading books because u already know the ending so there’s lesser chance for you to get worried, literally looking up spoilers or asking people for them whenever i try to start a new series or movie or book just so i dont have to sit through the whole thing not knowing whats about to happen, avoiding social situations at all costs (i dont like meeting up with people regardless how close i am to them, but the good thing is that i’ve been working on that since last year esp to people i really value but there are still moments when i get too nervous and worried just thinking about seeing or talking to actual people and not just on social media — i fear going back to school once the pandemic ends LOL i miss it because of my friends but not the setup), trouble falling or staying asleep (for years, i used to think i was insomniac because of this now i finally realized i’m really not KDKSKS).

these are just some of the things that i experience on the daily which affect my personal relationships and how i function as person and sometimes i hate myself for letting some things get to my head but …., (: i also came to realize that these things are beyond my control (:

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ppl are like ‘oh dami’s raps feel out of place and ruin the vibe of the song, also she should stop starting them with ‘uh’‘ and i respect their opinion but like. with all due respect This Is Not True

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Hey Darklings! New Week, new Month, still the same series of pictures🙈 and i have a lot more coming! Shot ba @damian.lutz Styling by myself Shirt by @grindstore_official ________
posted on Instagram - https://instagr.am/p/CL4YZ-Ln-OQ/

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so the reasons i finally got Yellow curtains after years of having only sheer white ones (there are probably specific words for these. something something curtains drapes but even after i read an article about which one is which i don’t know if my Yellows qualify as drapes so. shrug!!!!!!) is because

  • some nut decided the neighbourhood lamps aren’t bright enough, so they installed new ones next to the old ones and this honestly is the only good thing about the situation: that they haven’t REPLACED the old onces. because they’re bright as fuck, i’m saying there was LIGHT in my bedroom at night, and the first day i stuck a3 paper sheets to my window out of sheer desperation. also
  • people from the nearby building can, if they go out to the balcony, very easily see what i’m doing in my room, and one dude in particular seems to need a cig break every hour the second it gets warmer than (checks) 4 degrees celsius apparently

and like. i’ve taken the paper down. installed the curtains. opened them a little because its still bright out. it’s SO weird to suddenly… See and be seen

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kurosawa putting his hands up in that scene like he’s gonna have to intervene or something lmao

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So I left my bag in my colleagues car by accident and didn’t realise until I got home.

I told my mum and she was like 😱😫 what if she steals from you??? And now I’m questioning my whole life and who I put a trust in

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