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my bf dumped me and then changed his mind and took me back. i didnt sleep for one day because of how much my heart was aching and i lost 1 kg and a half just by crying and not eating. 
i don’t want to be someone who ruins the mood and im trying to be good and cute to him, but this has brought my self esteem really down and im so scared and battered. 
i feel so abandoned and i am so afraid he’s gonna abandon me again that i shake. 
do not leave me alone. do not betray my trust after i’ve battled with my own demons to give it to you.
please don’t do that, just hold me, tell me im beautiful, that it’s okay and everything will be fine since you’re with me
i miss it and i need it.
there’s no other way im coming out of this alive

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my russian course being cancelled will not stop me from hunting down my slavic roots!! hdid cry about it tho. bummer )-:

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I feel so bad for S bc he’s in the same situation as me. I feel guilty for loving A bc I can’t give S what he wants. Like he’s cute, we get along, but it wouldn’t be fair to date him while I’m so enamoured with A

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just staring at the spider on my living room wall… comtemplating if I should just go to bed and wait for my mom to get here tmr to kill it….. unless it kills me in my sleep first……

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Climbed the pile with you and him on my heels

While you discussed an island near the hawaiians

With him, and i made it to the top

And in silhouette was the wire lord

And in silhouette i saw a bird, i thought

A raven cast in dark

But as i got close i was mistaken, i saw

It was only robotic little old men

So i looked down upon the two of you

To hear about cat exchange on the island with my name

And you said my name while you gazed at me

So you

So you said my name so i think you must be proud

And you, and you

And i came down

I came down and we stepped in synch, behind him

And down the stairs but there was a crowd

And we all held open the doors, and the veteran got enraged

And you said my name so i think you must be proud

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we moved into our new place a few days ago. it’s a little smaller and a lot quieter except for the church nearby that rings its bells sometimes; you can’t even hear any of the trains or buses. the kitchen is open and has a lot of windows and i just made pico de gallo with the wind blowing in where i was chopping onions and then back out through the bathroom window behind me. i like it here a lot. it feels cozy and creaky and full of character, and on our way back from bringing another load from our old place one of our neighbors said hello so friendly i hope we can stay here a long time.

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