my passport photo is so ugky like i feel bad for ppl whove only seen my passport pic and not me irl i promise the narcissism exists for a valid reason 3
thinking about captain hops on this fine morning
like for as long as i can remember first rays of sun= feeling ick and dehydrated, dried out lips, aware of big gaping pit residing in my torso, the inapposite space i take up in this world, the reminder of how i just dropped on here unrelated to anything that was before, the hollow hunger but no appetite, hands feeling dusty :)
The last good book I read was between the world and me :( and that was months ago
the cats are doing well and running outside all day
meanwhile im drowning in work and unwilling to do any of it
I’m so excited!! Biglaan man to pero puta ahhhkkk it would be my first time sa eroplano and sa probinsya namin hahaha shet hahahaha im happy!
I keep seeing my edits pop up and not even recognizing them as my own bc of this 😫😫gonna take some time to get used to hfjdjkd
i’ve been reading about signs of anxiety disorder (that arent academic journals but still make sense) and what caught my attention the most were these three:
i do these things specifically when i get too overwhelmed especially the ghosting thing if it includes romantic involvement. this explains why i ghost people a lot and not because i just do that for fun 😭 i also get really annoyed when my family for example plan stuff like a getaway or sumthn and do a totally different thing, like did i really just mentally prepare myself for weeks for things that turned out to be very different than the stuff i imagined in my head? like it’s so frustrating i dont even know how to explain it lol
and i mean i’ve always been really anxious about literally everything but mostly during every social event - however being anxious and having an anxiety disorder of any form are two completely different things. it’s one thing to feel anxious but a completely different thing to meet the diagnosis criteria of the disorder. anyway, i wouldve been clinically diagnosed if i had the guts to ask my parents to have me checked even though my mom had been telling me to get checked cuz she actually thinks i’m ✨crazy✨ and not because she’s concerned about me whatever. which is why i dont bring it up now cuz they just think it’s a joke (and that hurts my feelings even more given that they know what field i’m studying in).
also rewatching movies/series, rereading books because u already know the ending so there’s lesser chance for you to get worried, literally looking up spoilers or asking people for them whenever i try to start a new series or movie or book just so i dont have to sit through the whole thing not knowing whats about to happen, avoiding social situations at all costs (i dont like meeting up with people regardless how close i am to them, but the good thing is that i’ve been working on that since last year esp to people i really value but there are still moments when i get too nervous and worried just thinking about seeing or talking to actual people and not just on social media — i fear going back to school once the pandemic ends LOL i miss it because of my friends but not the setup), trouble falling or staying asleep (for years, i used to think i was insomniac because of this now i finally realized i’m really not KDKSKS).
these are just some of the things that i experience on the daily which affect my personal relationships and how i function as person and sometimes i hate myself for letting some things get to my head but …., (: i also came to realize that these things are beyond my control (:
ppl are like ‘oh dami’s raps feel out of place and ruin the vibe of the song, also she should stop starting them with ‘uh’‘ and i respect their opinion but like. with all due respect This Is Not True
New Week, new Month, still the same series of pictures🙈 and i have a lot more coming!
Shot ba @damian.lutz
Styling by myself
Shirt by @grindstore_official
posted on Instagram - https://instagr.am/p/CL4YZ-Ln-OQ/
so the reasons i finally got Yellow curtains after years of having only sheer white ones (there are probably specific words for these. something something curtains drapes but even after i read an article about which one is which i don’t know if my Yellows qualify as drapes so. shrug!!!!!!) is because
and like. i’ve taken the paper down. installed the curtains. opened them a little because its still bright out. it’s SO weird to suddenly… See and be seen
kurosawa putting his hands up in that scene like he’s gonna have to intervene or something lmao
So I left my bag in my colleagues car by accident and didn’t realise until I got home.
I told my mum and she was like 😱😫 what if she steals from you??? And now I’m questioning my whole life and who I put a trust in