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reneeofthestars · 6 months

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Reunion

Excited to share the short story I wrote for "Star-Crossed: An Anidala Zine" @anidalazine ! A "Padme Lives" AU

Words: 2,585 * Read on AO3

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Padmé Naberrie Amidala, former Queen of Naboo, former Galactic Senator, and current member of the Rebellion, had been in her share of tight spots before.

But this was the first time the tight spot was an Imperial holding cell.

She’d already examined every inch of the enclosed dimly-lit space, searching for a weakness she could exploit, but found none. There was no access panel, no loose wiring, and no ventilation system large enough for her to squeeze through. So Padmé sat on the bench and watched the door, working on what she would say when an officer inevitably came to interrogate Sola Minnau.

After all, Padmé Amidala was dead.

For a while, Padmé thought she was dead. The galaxy around her swirled in hot reds and blues, then cold blacks and whites. Grief so raw it threatened to tear her apart, pain unlike any she had experienced, then stillness. Such perfect, silent stillness. She was weightless, drifting through some gentle embrace where there was no pain. No suffering.

It was the babies’ cries that called her back.

Once she was well enough to sit upright, she held her children close to her. Leia had Padmé’s eyes; Luke had Anakin’s. She was given privacy to cry. And once she had no more tears to shed, she set to work.

Padmé contacted Sabé, and her dearest friend organized the rest. Gathering Padmé’s former handmaidens, they worked swiftly to organize a body double and a funeral, and before long, the people of Naboo mourned the death of Padmé Amidala.

Heart aching but determined, Padmé had agreed to have her children separated – from her, and from each other. Having lost Anakin, Palpatine would turn his interest to the children if he knew they lived. Obi-Wan disappeared into the Outer Rim with Luke, and Bail falsified Leia’s birth records and took her into his home.

Over the years, Padmé – Sola Minnau, now – worked closely with Bail, Mon Mothma, and other trusted allies, establishing contacts, supply lines, and information networks. They smuggled food and medicine to communities being bled dry by the Empire, and helped those in danger disappear, all while trying to bolster support to resist the ever-growing dominance of the Empire over all worlds.

They all knew the risks. If they were caught, they could be subject to execution, or worse. But Padmé couldn’t stop. She would help, no matter the cost. She had spent her childhood on relief missions with her father, and she hadn’t been able to stand by while her people suffered when she was queen. She wouldn’t hide now.

That’s the thought that kept her focused when the contact on Rodia ended up being an Imperial informant. They had barely greeted each other before Padmé was surrounded by stormtroopers. Padmé had kept quiet, giving only her pseudonym when they initially questioned her. The troopers marched her onto a shuttle, and once they’d boarded the Star Destroyer in orbit, she’d been taken to a holding cell.

She took a deep breath and leaned back against the cold wall. In the twelve years since the fall of the Republic, Padmé had never been taken aboard a capital ship. With no communication or resources, help wasn’t coming. Padmé was on her own.

The door of the holding cell hissed open. She stood as a towering black-clad figure stepped in. Coarse, mechanical breathing filled the room; Padmé forced down a shudder. They had never crossed paths, but she recognized him from endless holos and horror stories, from the expressionless helmeted mask, from the lightsaber hanging from his belt.

Darth Vader.

Darth Vader’s breath would have hitched if his respirator hadn’t dragged the air from his lungs and reinflated them automatically. His heart would have stopped if the cardiac regulator hadn’t measured out steady heartbeats. The servos in his legs whirred as the galaxy was swept from under his feet and he nearly fell to his knees, so overcome with the emotions that suddenly raged inside him.

Padmé was alive. Alive, breathing, not five feet away.

No, that couldn’t be. She was dead. Vader had observed her funeral on Naboo, had mourned at her tomb. This was some trick, some deception meant to rattle him; the Emperor himself was likely behind this, testing Vader’s resolve. What was this trickery then? A PROXY droid? A Force Apparition? A Changeling? Perhaps a handmaiden?

But as Vader and his dead wife stared at one another, he shakily reached out with the Force, and felt – Padmé. Her existence thrummed in the Force, whole and strong, with that same vibrance he remembered from so long ago.

But she’d never looked at him like this. Anger burning in her eyes, resolve in the set of her lips, defiance in her stance. He’d seen her look at others like this and he’d admired her dedication and determination. But to have her glaring at him now, with loathing and defiance… he felt unsettled.

Padmé didn’t waste time. “On what grounds was I arrested?” she demanded. “It’s unlawful to take a citizen into custody without disclosing the nature of the supposed criminal activity.”

The current Admiral of The Executor had been so smug when he’d approached Vader to announce that a rebel insurgent had been captured. Vader had strode to the detention block, flanked by two stormtroopers, ready to wring out all the information he could from the rebel scum –

Of course she would be with the Rebellion. The Empire was the very thing that she had been so concerned about creating during the Clone Wars.

He forced himself to speak. “Conspiracy against the Empire.” His synthesized voice rang out in the enclosed space, so warped and pitched that she would never realize who she spoke to.

But did he really want her to know? Did he want Padmé to know what became of Anakin Skywalker? To see this broken, twisted husk of what remained? Would she want to know? Vader had killed Anakin Skywalker, had carved out everything that remained of the naïve Jedi, everything that Padmé had loved, until only Vader remained.

She was speaking, and Vader said nothing. He just… listened to her voice, bringing to mind memories of her practicing her speeches the night before important Senate sessions, as he half-listened, so happy that the Force had their paths cross all those years ago in Watto’s shop –

Fury burned in Vader’s core and he let it fester, let it burn away at the memories of the man he had killed. He turned his head, addressing the two stormtroopers standing in the cramped cell just behind him. “Leave us.”

Hastily, the troopers filed out, the door sliding closed behind them.

His breathing filled the silence; Padmé had stopped talking when Vader spoke. He felt her fear, though it did not show on her face.

“Do you have nothing to say?”

She had come to him on Mustafar, knowing what he’d done. Even as she betrayed me, she loved me.

It was the last thing she said to him; Vader heard it in his nightmares, sometimes. “Stop, stop now, come back. I love you. Anakin…”

Grief welled in him, and he spoke before he could stop himself. “I thought I lost you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’ve never met.”

“You were alive, I knew you were, but I felt – I felt our bond break.” His emotions roiled through him. “You were gone, he said –“

Hatred .

“He said I killed you,” Vader rumbled. “He said I killed you in a fit of anger, and when I couldn’t sense you, I believed him. The Emperor lied to me. He’s kept you from me all these years, knowing that I –”

That he what? Would have left Emperor Palpatine’s side? That he would run away with his long-lost wife? That he would kill her?

Padmé’s eyes had gone wide, frightened, incredulous as she stared at him. In a small voice, so quiet he almost didn’t hear: “…Anakin?”

The anguish threatened to consume him.

“Anakin Skywalker is dead.” He paused. “I…am what remains.”

She stared at him for so long, so silently, that Vader wondered if this might be a dream after all. “What…what happened?”

“It is because of Obi-Wan that I am like this,” he hissed.

“No! He would never hurt you! He loved you –”

“Enough! I don’t need to hear empty assurances.”

Fear lingered in her eyes, but that spark had returned. “If you can’t believe he loved you, what about our love?”

“I loved you more than I can ever express. I did everything for you – I would continue to do anything for you – ”

“Except come with me.”

“You brought Obi-Wan to kill me.”

“No! I didn’t know! I didn’t know he’d snuck aboard my ship.” And Vader was startled to hear the truth of her words reverberate in the Force. Taking a hesitant step forward, Padmé’s eyes flickered between the lenses of his mask, as though trying to see through them. “All I wanted was you. For us to be safe, and happy. We didn’t need anything else. Even…even after everything you did…”

“It was necessary. To bring order to the galaxy, to gain powers of the Force that would save –” Vader stopped abruptly. “The child. Does the child live?”

She bristled, and that was all the answer he needed.

He turned from her, but he didn’t see the cold cell around them. He saw a child splashing in the lakes of Naboo, Padmé laughing as she chased them, and Anakin Skywalker watched them from the grass, smiling and happy, whole and unburnt.

And then his vision clouded with red, and black, and Darth Vader’s fury returned, wiping out the scene of peace that had been stolen from him. Because it had been stolen from him. If he had never pledged himself to the Emperor, never razed the Jedi Temple, never succumbed to the Dark Side, if the Emperor hadn’t lied to him about Padmé’s death…

“Anakin?”

He jolted out of his seething reverie. Padmé’s expression was carefully controlled, but Vader could sense her unease, her fear, her… hope.

Her steady voice held more gentleness than he deserved. “What happens now?”

Now, the Emperor would die. Now, Vader would have revenge. Now…

He turned on his heel and waved his hand, the cell door opening, harsh white light spilling into the dim space.

“Bring her,” he commanded.

The stormtroopers moved immediately, pulling Padmé from her cell and marching her behind him. He could feel her eyes boring into the back of his helmet, but he didn’t turn around. If he took the time to explain, he might lose his nerve.

And neither Darth Vader nor Anakin Skywalker ever lost their nerve.

Padmé wanted to cry. She wanted to curl into the corner of some isolated place and sob her heart out. Instead, she raised her chin and walked as upright as she could as the stormtroopers escorted her behind the towering Sith.

How had the man she loved become the most feared monster in the galaxy?

She had believed, all those years ago, that there was still good in Anakin, even as he turned his back on everything he believed because he thought it would save her. But when Obi-Wan said that Anakin was dead –

Obi-Wan. Did he know that Anakin lived? Did he know what had become of his best friend? Had Obi-Wan lied to her about Anakin’s death, the way the Emperor lied to Anakin? No, she couldn’t believe that. He had been nearly as distraught as her. He couldn’t have known.

With all her heart, Padmé wanted to believe that there was still some sliver of good left in the creature that was Darth Vader; some glimmer of Anakin that she could recognize. But the horrific things that Vader had done… She watched the Imperials scatter from him in fear as Vader led her through the maze of corridors. How many had he killed? Tortured? He continued to hunt down surviving Jedi, relentlessly pursued Rebel insurgents, left ruins in his wake.

Could there really be good left in such a man?

She had to believe there was.

The corridor opened to a hanger bay. TIE fighters, small cargo ships, and shuttles lined the platform; technicians, pilots, deck crew, officers, and troopers moved in tightly organized groups, or else with purpose from one task to another. Darth Vader ignored them all, heading straight for a shuttle.

Technicians tending to the shuttle tripped over themselves as they leapt to attention.

“Lord Vader! We weren’t informed of a scheduled departure –”

“An apt statement, as I don’t often operate on schedules.” The man flinched. “I have need of my shuttle. Is it suitable?”

“Yes, my lord! It has been returned to your specifications.”

As the deck crew hurriedly cleared away their equipment, Padmé couldn’t help a twinge of familiarity; of course Anakin would be particular about his ship. So that, at least, had remained.

Darth Vader stood at the landing ramp and faced her. The troopers shoved her forward. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his hand twitch. But he didn’t strike. Instead, he stepped in front of them. “That will be all.”

“Sir?” one of them asked confusedly.

“I am not accustomed to repeating myself.” The low, warning tone sent a shiver up Padmé’s spine.

“Yessir,” the other said hastily, stepping back. The first trooper went to speak, thought better of it, and followed his fellow soldier.

Darth Vader’s shadow fell over her as she walked into the ship. Despite the size of the shuttle, there wasn’t much room inside; half the interior was taken up by some spherical mechanism, like a ball-shaped chamber.

“What’s happening?” she asked, doing her best to keep her tone calm.

Instead of answering, Vader swept past her, cape billowing behind him as he strode to the cockpit. “Strap in until we enter hyperspace.”

Her stomach flipped. Where was he taking her? Why didn’t he bring any guards along? Tense, she lowered herself into a seat and adjusted the safety harness. Darth Vader – Anakin – no, she couldn’t think of him as Anakin – Vader sat in the pilot's seat, expertly flipping switches and adjusting controls until the ship hummed to life.

The harsh white of the hanger bay ended as they emerged into the blackness of space. She could just spy Rodia through the viewport as Vader turned the ship and input coordinates. Coordinates to where? Within moments, the stars warped and stretched, before slingshotting them into the blue-white of hyperspace.

Gathering herself, Padmé undid the harness and stood. Vader made no movement as she walked into the cockpit. Even when she stood beside him, he didn’t turn to look at her. She gazed out the viewport feeling like she was hurtling towards –

“I will take you anywhere you want to go.”

A breath escaped Padmé. “What?”

Vader said nothing.

“You’re –” she sat heavily in a little-used copilots chair. “You’re helping me escape?”

“You will be interrogated as a Rebel spy. You may be tortured, or killed. And if the Emperor discovered your identity, he may take personal interest.”

After a long moment he added softly, “I cannot lose you again.”

With a trembling hand, she reached over and touched the side of that black mask. Finally, he turned to face her. It may have been a trick of the lenses, but for just a moment, she thought she saw his eyes illuminated in the light of hyperspace. Anakin’s eyes. Luke’s eyes.

“Come with me.”

#anidala #andiala zine #anakin skywalker #darth vader #padme amidala #vaderdala #padme lives au #rebel padme au #star wars #star wars prequels #star wars empire era #star wars original trilogy #star wars fic #star wars fanfic #renee's writing #sw #padme/anakin #padme/vader #padme amidala/anakain skywalker

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cypanache · 11 months

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obianidala week 2023

DAY ONE: CANON DIVERGENCE

Note: This is not complete or ready for prime time, and its a premise I said I'd never write. But ... *shrugs* I'm writing on the fly to make the cut off. So here have a tumblr snippet anyway. Hopefully more to come as the week goes on.

Prodigal (part i)

“Come away with me,” Padme says and for a moment the fog clears.

“Yes.” Anakin agrees and for a moment everything seems possible.

They find Obi-Wan waiting for them in the pilot’s seat of Padme’s star skiff. Face solemn, eyes tired, lightsaber unlit but in hand and for a moment they all just stare at each other.

“So,” Obi-Wan finally says, “What now?”

—

“Where do you propose to go?” Obi-Wan inquires with quiet contempt when they find themselves alone in the cockpit after Anakin has passed out in the bunk.

Padme bristles a little. But only a little. Honestly, she’s too tired to fight. Too tired to pretend she doesn’t doubt her decision with every breath. But it is hers and she has made it. No turning back now.

“I don’t know,” she admits and something in Obi-Wan’s face softens.

“We’ll figure it out.”

“You don’t have to come.”

Obi-Wan just closes his eyes. “Where else would I go?”

She doesn’t have an answer for that.

—

They make it less than a week before, without warning or preamble, Anakin finally gives voice to the thing that’s been hanging over them since the moment they walked back up the gangplank. “You came to kill me, didn’t you?”

Across the canteen, Padme stiffens.

Obi-Wan sets down his tea, runs a thoughtful finger along the rim before answering.

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes. I came to kill you.”

Padme sucks in a sharp shocked breath and presses her hand to her mouth.

Anakin barely flinches. Just studies him with dead eyes. He’s obviously worked this all out days ago.

“Do you still want to?”

“I never wanted to.”

“But you would have.” It’s not actually a question.

“I don’t know.” Obi-Wan admits and he can’t tell whether the acid guilt he feels eating away from inside is because he thinks he would have or because he didn’t.

—

“I don’t want him here.” Anakin says that evening when they’re alone in the bunk room.

Padme doesn’t look up from the star map she’s been studying. “That’s not your choice to make.”

“We don’t need him.”

“I need him.”

“For what?” he retorts, not bothering to hide the suspicion and jealousy that have been eating him alive since he found his master on his wife’s ship.

That gets her to look at him, and he immediately wishes she hadn’t. He doesn’t recognize the woman across from him. Can’t find his angel anywhere in the broken, jagged pieces that are that remain of his wife. He did that, he knows. He broke her. Smashed her. This is his fault. So why does he resent it? The way it hurts to have her look at him. How her eyes cut him open, show him the worst parts of himself reflected back at him in the fragments of her gaze, until he has to look away.

Padme says nothing and goes back to the star map and the seemingly ever present question of “where next?” that plagues their lives now. Each of them hunted for entirely different reasons. What would be shelter for one, a death sentence for another.

He tries again.

“I’d never let anything happen to you. You know that right?” Gently he reaches out to put a hand on her belly, spreading his fingers over the swell of life inside, feeling a small flicker of hope when her hand moves instinctively to his. “Padme, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

There’s a surge of revulsion in the Force so powerful it makes Anakin almost physically ill, and Padme shifts his hand away.

“What do you think I need Obi-Wan around for?”

—

-tbc-

#obianidala #post O66 #post RotS #padme lives au #obianidalaweek2023 #cy writes things #and cy is nervous

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musewrangler · 1 year

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Padme' Amidala lived because Obi-Wan got her to exactly the right person---her sister Sola. The Naberrie women went on the run from the Empire after faking Padme's death in order to protect the twins. Now, fifteen years later, Padme' sends Sola on a mission to save an old friend. This leads to the unravelling of many things all of which adds up to numerous surprises coming right at Anakin Skywalker's face.

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politicalmamaduck · 1 year

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Naboo au when Padme lives and raised twins and Sabe bring her granddaughter Rey to met Ben Solo

Dear Anonymous,

Yes! I started writing a Padme Lives AU with Sabe x Obi-Wan a few years ago before I lost most of my desire to write fanfic 😭 Maybe someday I'll find the inspiration and time to return to it and finish! I love that AU in general so much and I'm so glad you do too. <3

#padme amidala #padme lives au #rey kenobi #sabe x obi wan #anonymous asks #answered asks

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your-dose-of-obidala · 1 year

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The thing about Padme surviving the events of RotS is, that she would hate Obi-Wan. She would be bitter, angry and severely dissapointed. And she would make him feel it.

#padme amidala #padme naberrie #padme lives au

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trishacollins · 1 year

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So I had a star wars fragment pop into my head, and I had to write it down to get it down. It won’t become an actual story so here’s the basics.

It goes like this when Anakin Skywalker is knighted, Depa Billaba has a vision so intense that she is unconscious for three days.

When she wakes up, she tells her former master her vision. That the revelation of a Sith Master will be a trap that will nearly extinguish the Jedi forever.

It could have ended there, save for one thing: Mace has heard this vision before, from Sifo Dais. He could dismiss it, but he doesn’t. Instead, he reaches out to Jocasta Nu and requests her advice.

There are two paths, two choices the elders could make. In one universe, one path, the elders do as they always do. They log the vision, they put it in the archives. They forget until Mace Windu lies dying after confronting Palpatine. Dead, murdered at the hands of Anakin Skywalker. The order sputters, the flame that has lit the galaxy for thousands of years gutters and almost goes out.

In another, Jocasta Nu proposes a simple idea: What if we take the vision at its face?

And so they prepared. Prepare and practice evacuating the temple, with the secret held tight between the three of them. Hidden behind the most logical of cautions. The separatists favor planting bombs, what if one was discovered at the temple?

Every seven months, the temple empties, the young charges are safely stored on the ship, the archives and the elderly masters too old to fight vanish. The ship they use takes two jumps, and then they return.

If a few more younglings than normal make their way to Ilium for kyber…well. Those reports are simply never turned in. They are not ready to build their lightsabers yet.

It’s a drill, a very common one, that the students are not inclined to discuss. It’s the same as the emergency atmospheric pressure loss drills, timed and corrected.

It becomes part of the temple culture.

So when Anakin Skywalker comes to the masters and tells them of what Palpatine has told him, Mace makes two calls. One to his old Padawan and one to Jocasta Nu.

Depa sends out a fallback alert to active Jedi and Padawan pairs, and Jocasta – in an hour, before they have made it to the senate building, the Jedi are gone.

The halls are empty when Order 66 is heard. When the troopers and Skywalker arrive, there is nothing but ghosts and echoes to be found.

Some still die. Masters unwilling or unable to leave their soldiers. But many still more survive. The youngest to fall is sixteen, young and confident.

The children are safe.

Mace joins the force with this in his mind, Depa’s mind touching his as he fades away. He joins Qui-Gon in watching, waiting as the world unfolds around them. The shatter point is so exquisitely painful that only the steady, calming beat of the children living keeps him from losing himself in the force.

Depa is with Yoda to receive an injured and tormented Obi-Wan and a dying Padme. Depa, who recognizes a force bond without looking, cuts it so neatly that Palpatine at the other end still believes her to be dead.

Anakin – awakening – feels the cut-off part of him, the loss, the empty hole where his wife used to be, and mourns. His failure hangs heavy on him. The darkness swirls around him. His fall is deep, but perhaps not so deep as it was wished.

Padme – awakening – is told her husband died after his betrayal. She mourns him, and thinks she may be the last person in the galaxy that does. – She is wrong, for Obi-Wan’s grief rises and falls with every breath, an agony of confusion that tries to drown him.

Palpatine scours the galaxy for the Jedi – he finds some, and Vader finds others. But they are gone, far into the unknown reaches, prepared to lick their wounds and survive for the moment.

Padme is invited to join them, but refuses. A choice is still made. A daughter, Leia, placed into the arms of Bail Organa. A son, Luke, cradled against her chest as her heart breaks. She joins Obi-Wan on Tatooine. Joins her brother and sister-in-law. There’s still a funeral. There’s still a grave. But she’s not in it.

It’s hard work, and the suns are not kind. She feels she looks nothing like herself by the time Luke takes his first wobbly steps into the main area of the farm. They’re all smiling, and she lets herself be *home* for a little while. Just the wife of a dead free man, the mother of the first freeborn Skywalker. A moisture farmer.

Nothing more, nothing less.

But when Bail calls, desperate for help to find Leia. She must go. She must go with him to save her daughter.

Which leads to a moment, a shatter point.

A pistol in hand, pointed at a monster, her child pushed behind her and rage so hot it could rival the suns. “Stop.” Is a command, not a request.

The hulking black monster that had been about to snuff the life out of her Jedi protector freezes, and for a moment there is only silence. Even the uneven, mechanical sound of his breathing stops. Leia pushes close behind her, Obi-Wan shudders on the ground. “Don’t-go!” Obi-Wan calls, begging her. The weight of something terrible in his voice.

Padme can’t move, can’t step away from Obi-Wan. He is the last person she has. The last tie to her old life.

“Go! Please!” Obi-Wan is trying to get up, clearly in a massive amount of pain.

But trying, flames flickering on his skin. “Back up.” She orders the hulking creature. Sith, she presumes. Palpatine’s new lapdog. How much and how little has changed in the past ten years.

The Sith obeys, staring at her. She walks sideways to Obi-Wan, keeping Leia behind him, keeping her gun trained on the creature. She offers him a hand, though he outweighs her. He’s gasping in pain as he grasps it, letting her pull him to his feet.

Obi-Wan is unsteady, but mobile. “Leia, help him.”

“But-“

She gives her daughter a look, and though another mother has mothered her, the look is apparently universal, and Leia puts an arm around Obi-Wan’s waist.

“Padme.” The hulking Sith wheezes.

She grimaces at the recognition and Obi-Wan flinches again. “Padme-“

She shakes her head. “Go.”

“Padme.” He repeats, urgent.

“I said, go. We’re all leaving this place.” She snaps, and the hulking figure flinches.

Someone fires, it’s not her, but it never reaches her either. The scream of the hulking black figure shudders through the air and the bolt is launched back the way It came with a below of fury.

They escape in the resulting chaos of the Sith turning on his own forces, cutting through his own soldiers. There isn’t time for an explanation until much later, hidden away.

She can’t cry, or she’ll never stop.

#star wars #my own content #padme lives au #some things become more complicated #Jocasta Nu For Grand Master

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kbirbpods · 1 year

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Original Fic: the family amidala by @ink-splotch (dirgewithoutmusic) on ao3

Characters: Padmé Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Isabel Organa, Bail Organa

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Major Character Death

Tags: Padmé Amidala Lives. Uncle Obi-Wan Kenobi, Post-Order 66 (Star Wars), Alderaanian Hair Braiding (Star Wars), Destruction of Alderaan (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Naboo Royal Handmaidens (Star Wars)

Audio Length: 48 minutes, 11 seconds

Summary:

Padme lives. She runs. -- Leia is growing in fits and spurts, eating greedily and crying loudly. She stays in a sling on Padme’s chest when they move, Luke held snug in a sling around Obi Wan’s. Luke gets a whole head of thick brown hair while Leia’s is still patchy and bald, but he never matches his sister’s powerful lungs. When Padme had been sitting in her high senatorial apartment on Corsucant, holding Anakin’s sweaty hand, she had never imagined she’d be murmuring desperately soothing noises to her fussy daughter while she shot around a corner at stormtroopers, while R2D2 meddles with a ship’s blast doors behind her. Luke starts teething on a hot jungle planet where they hunker down for three weeks, sleeping in an abandoned old temple and catching the local wildlife for dinner. Leia takes her first steps in the belly of a Corellian freighter they’ve stowed away on. She wobbles between Padme’s outstretched hands and Obi Wan’s knees and boxes of smuggled luxuries. When she falls down, Obi Wan surges forward, heart in his throat, but Leia laughs.

Notes: Literally one of my top podfics I have ever recorded. 10/10, made me sob.

#padme amidala #leia organa #luke skywalker #luke and leia #leia and luke #obi wan kenobi #destruction of alderaan #ITPE #podfic #sw podfic #padme lives au #kaje podfics

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hedonisticjedi · 1 year

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A Padmé lives au where she still has to give up the twins for their safety and she herself goes into hiding bc Palpatine is determined to kill her as she's the only one who could bring Vader back to the light side.

Rots goes exactly the same cept Padmé lives after giving birth. Obi-Wan and Yoda do something to alter her force signature so Vader can't pick up on it anymore. Palpatine and Vader assume Vader killed her. The Jedi do some plastic surgery on a random corpse and give Padmé a funeral. (She keeps the japor necklace tho. I think she would struggle a lot with whether to keep it or not bc she would struggle with Anakin's fall but I think she would keep it bc she's not willing to give up on Ani).

Instead of finding some backwater planet to fuck off on she would immediately continue her work of trying to unseat Palpatine and bring the republic back. Luke and Leia would still join the rebellion and would be drawn to Padmé but not know why and would just chalk it up to her dotting nature. She would keep her secret until they found out Vader was their father.

I think Padmé would become a pilot and command a ship (she's not a senator anymore, and she's a good pilot and strong leader. She feels more of use being the commander of a ship vs staying in the war room esp once Leia is there bc Leia is more than capable (it makes Padmé proud))

So Padmé would be on Endor celebrating with the other rebels and she would find Luke and help burn Vader and she would cry. She would try to hide it at first, but it would consume her, and Luke would comfort her "it's okay, it's all over now". But that's why she's crying, it's over. Ani is never coming back to her but at least he's free now. And if we take the fanon that Rex is there too: he puts his hand on Padmé's shoulder bc he is going through similar emotions then Luke is like "...you knew Anakin before he was Vader". And Padmé stops crying and she looks at Luke and very softly says "yes. He was my husband" and Luke thinks "HUSBAND?!" And the math symbols floating around gifs and Padmé keeps going "yes. Luke, i am your mother" (bc I love a good parallel). For 15 seconds Luke goes through the entire breath of human emotion before he just collapses into Padmé's arms and cries and she's crying and Rex is crying bc it's over. None of them will have Anakin back but the war is finally over, they're safe, they have each other.

They come back to the Ewok village and Padmé would hug everyone and she's trying to figure out how to tell Leia and while Leia is watching everyone, Luke would come up behind her and whisper "she's our mom" and Leia would smile and Padmé would marry Han and Leia.

Then at some point, the 3 of them would go through the archive as Padmé told them Anakin's story.

(side note: I think together Rex and Padmé would put together Palpatine's plan. I think Ahsoka and Rex's story could either follow their canon timeline or bail + Padmé would pull Ahsoka into the rebellion sooner and she would pull Rex in. Ahsoka would still become a fulcrum. I think Rex would become a fulcrum too but he would focus on freeing other clones in hopes they would join the rebellion but understand if they wanted peace. Ahsoka and Rex would tell everyone about the chips. They would tell them about Fives and how he discovered the plot and there was more to it. Bail would try to find out more bc he was the head of the security council in the senate but it still wouldn't be accessible. So discovering the plot falls to a standstill. Folks know it's important but they can only allott so many resources to trying to figure it out. None of them can stay on Coruscant anyway. So then one day Padmé and Rex are just hanging out, maybe havin a drink and Rex mentions something off hand, something unimportant and that triggers a memory in Padmé, something she thought was unimportant (i haven't watched tcw so I'm not sure what it could be). Rex sneaks back to Coruscant and downloads the files he and Padmé need. When he gets back to the fleet, he, Padmé and Ahsoka go over everything. They would see how Palpatine manipulated the senate, how he exploited the clones and Ahsoka would share about how fighting the war pushed so many jedi to the dark side. How those that fell weakened the public's view of the jedi. How it weakened and confined the order. I don't think they would figure out every single piece, I'm sure there's lots of things Palpatine had a hand in that can't be gleaned from raw data esp since he went out of his way to make sure others did his bidding without him explicitly saying so and then killed them. For ex they could figure out the invasion of Naboo by the trade fed was to set the stage for Padmé (or whoever since he ordered her killed) to call for a vote of no confidence + to garner sympathy in the senate to increase his chances of being elected chancellor but they probably wouldn't be able to figure out who voted for him bc they genuinely thought Palpatine was the right choice (or why they thought he was the right choice he could easily set up scenarios where he gets to swoop in and be the savior) or who voted for him bc they had been bribed/exhorted into voting for him).

I think the twins would spend a lot of time reviewing tcw bc they would be able see it as the cautionary tale it is. Leia is determined to build the republic better and Luke travels the galaxy, helping ppl and establishing a jedi order. Luke's order wouldn't be one formalized institution but instead lots orders that are set up on planets so they can remain culturally relevant and peacekeepers in their communities but there would be something like a UN so each temple could have support and still work in cohesion. I think Leia would come to the conclusion that one republic won't fit all of the galaxy so she would focus on relationship building between systems. Padmé would be some high-ranking politician and be crucial to creating a new form of government. Rex would be her advisor and unofficial bodyguard

#padme amidala #luke skywalker #leia organa #star wars #padme lives au #my writing #captain rex

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skywalkergeek · 10 months

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Not Everything is what it seems (first draft)

My thoughts: So what I think it needs is some extra detail, an added scene with Obi-Wan with the twins and Obi realizing she's been captured, how she was captured, what happened before, ect, ect. If there's anything you all think I should add either if it's the ideas I listed or your own let me know!

Concerns: My biggest worry is that Padmé seems like a damsel in destress and that's exactly what I'm trying not to write her as. So that's why I need some help! And contructive criticism. Sooo in others words let me know your thoughts!

Summary: For the past 5 years Padmé Skywalker thought Anakin Skywalker was dead. That was until she was captured by the infamous Darth Vader. He revleas something…unsettling. The question is what will she do now? How will they go from here? And what's going to happen to Obi-Wan and the twins?

Word Count: 1,517

Characters: Padmé Amidala, Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader

Padmé’s POV

He had captured me, Darth Vader. The stormtroopers lead me to a cell, shoving me to the ground. “Rebel scrum,” One of them muttered. I was still handcuffed so getting up wasn’t as easy as I would like it to be.

I knelt on the ground, I placed both of my hands on that said knee and lifted myself up. I looked up to a bed, it looked hard, cold, stone cold even but there was a flat pillow with barely any fluff in it and a thin blanket. I walked over to the bed and layed down. I layed in the fetal position to keep my body warm, it didn’t help that the blanket was as thin as paper. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t give up, I wouldn’t let them break me. I hoped and prayed that Luke and Leia were safe, Obi please protect them. My knees were against my chest as the warmth of my skin was the only thing that brought me comfort. I was worried about the twins but despite this I managed to fall into a deep sleep.

***

“Wake up Rebel.” One of the stormtroopers yelled. My eyes immediately shot up despite this fact I felt dazed and drained. I moved over and my legs reached the ground. Apparently I wasn’t moving fast enough and the other grabbed my shoulder and moved me forward. He switched from holding my shoulder to holding my arm and he continued to push me forward. They walked me out of my cell to the end of the hallway where Darth Vader stood tall. But despite this I kept my chin held high, I will not let them break me. I marched towards that vile man, I will not let him win. He may have captured me but certainly has not won this battle not yet at least.

“Darth Vader, only you can be so bold.” I announced loudly.

“Really? I’m the bold one?” He says almost like he’s mocking me.

“You're mocking me!”

“Indeed I am, you two may leave us.” The stormtroopers left without another word. Why does this remind me of that day at the lake retreat? Anakin…he always liked to make me laugh and mock me just to make me laugh with some sarcasm thrown in the loop as well. I missed him so much. I snapped myself out of those thoughts. I cannot think about him no matter how much I miss after what he did to me, to the Republic, the Jedi, I can’t.

“What do you want with me?”

He avoided the question as he paced and circled around me, he stepped closer and whispered in my ear “What were you doing?”

“I was on a diplomatic mission to Naboo.” I retorted back. “Stop antagonizing me! You will not get away with this I am apart of the imperial senate-”

“Oh stop lying, there’s no point. I already know.”

“Know what exactly?”

“That your a rebel, a rebel leader. And if I’m honest with you I can’t have that.”

“Because that wouldn’t be good for your empire.”

“Quite the contrary, or the opposite.”

Once again he whispers almost touching my ear, I felt a shiver crawl up my spine as he did this “I can’t have my wife, or empress fighting on the wrong side.” I felt the wind being knocked out of me. It couldn’t be. No. He would never. Right? No no no this couldn’t be happening. “Oh but it is,” He whispers back. I whip my head around meeting his gaze. “And I’ll prove it,” Vader touches his mask, pressing two buttons which reveal his face.

My world already crumbled when Anakin fell, when the Republic fell, when democracy fell, and when the Jedi fell and yet my world was crumbling once again. Who could have possibly made me feel this way? Ani, my Ani. What have you become? How did we come to this? …5 years ago, I thought Anakin was dead. I was very wrong. But now here we are, 5 years later I’ve discovered he’s been alive this whole time. He was towering over me, smirking, as if he had won, he was relishing in the fact he found me. He must have thought I had been dead. But I just don’t understand why he is smirking at me. Does he think I’m afraid of him? That’ll cower in fear? What does he get out of this? What’s the point of this madness? But then I think to myself it isn’t because he thinks I’m afraid it's because he’s pleased that he’s finally found me. He thinks he’s won. Right?

As much as I tried to hide my shock and horror I could not.

“Do you really think that lowly of me, Angel?” I snapped out of my thoughts, I looked up at him in confusion. My brows furrowed in confusion, “What?” I questioned.

Anakin turns his head to the side, looking me up and down. He strides towards me making eye contact. I felt a cold breeze, it felt as if something was crawling up my spine. I will not be scared. Not of him. Not Darth Vader. No one. But especially Ani, my beloved Ani. I can’t help but feel there’s still good in him. I have to hope there is. He continued eye contact as he continued to approach me. Once we were inches apart he murmured “I can hear your thoughts, they’re quite loud.” I felt horrified. But most of all betrayed.

“You promised you would never read my thoughts.” I cried.

“I did. But I wasn’t reading them intentionally. It’s more echos in the force, different things. If I reach out I can hear and feel bits and pieces of your emotions and thoughts. I’m not technically reading them.”

I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, they flowed down my face like one of the springs from Naboo. “I thought you were dead, for years I thought I had lost you.”

Anakin’s piercing blue eyes stared into my brown ones. “I thought I lost you too.”

“Why did you go with him? You didn’t need to hurt all of those people for me.”

“Yes I did!” Anakin snapped. “I couldn’t live without you, I couldn’t see a world without you in it.”

“No you didn't, I would have been fine. And I could see one without. But we had too, clearly we did.” I pleaded with him, I realized I could move now, I ran my hands through his wild hair, I always did that hoping to bring him comfort.

“Did you bring Obi-Wan to kill me that day on Mustafar?”

“You know I wouldn’t do that, He snuck on my ship I didn’t know he was there. But I’ve since forgiven him.”

“Why?”

“Because he thought he had no choice.”

“You’ve asked me questions now I have a question for you,”

“And what would that be?”

“Why did force choke me?”

“Because I was angry.”

“That’s not good enough! How could you throw away everything because of anger? I loved you and you thought I was a liar! You thought I would betray you. I loved you, I love you! How are we supposed to come back from this? How can I forgive all you’ve done?” I punched this chest, I panted out of breath. I felt the tears come back again, I felt my knees give out as I fell to the ground, tears dripping on my opened hands. He knelt to my size, he lifted my chin and I met his gaze once again. He caressed my face trying to bring me comfort. I knew it, he was going to make me come even if I didn’t want to. A part of me did the other part for the sake of my children and what he had done to the Galaxy I couldn’t. But did I have a choice in the matter, probably not. He continued to stroke the side of my face. I couldn't help but lean into his touch. Old habits die hard. I had forgiven him for what he had done but that doesn’t make it okay. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt still. No matter how much I loved him I couldn’t forget it completely. He broke me out of my thoughts as he asked “Come with me,” I knew he was going to ask me this. But it didn’t make it any less easier to deal with.

“You know I can’t.” His eyes pleaded with me, I wanted to but I couldn’t. But as I said before I had no choice in this matter. He was not going to let me go like he did the first time. All this was, was courtesy, chivalry, hope. I knew it was coming as Anakin touched my forehead and I succumbed to darkness. All I could think was , are my children safe? What’s going to happen?

Narrator’s POV

Padme fell limp in Anakin’s arms. He picked her up, bridal style. As he carried her to his quarters.

To Be Continued…

#star wars #star wars fanfic #star wars fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #my fanfic #my fanfiction #first draft #anakin skywalker #darth vader #padme lives au #suitless vader #padme amidala #anidala #vaderdala #padme and anakin #anakin and padme

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tessiete · 1 year

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One Hell of a Fanfic

youtube

So, completely unbeknownst to me, the podcast One Hell of a Fanfic took the time to read and discuss my fic The Eternal Spring. It’s an older fic – I think my first real foray into SW as an author – and it shows. But the wonderful hosts, Steph and Lauren, found it, read it, and talked about it here.

This new podcast focuses on SW fic exclusively, and is an absolute delight to listen to. As a reader, it gives you insight into the experience of reading the story and introduces you to work you might have missed. And as an author…wow.

It’s like when someone leaves you an essay in your comment section. Chef’s kiss.

Anyway, because I love to talk about process and intent, and because I love to talk about stories, and because while listening to this episode I had so many moments of “YES BUT DID YOU SEE THE BIT WHERE I –” I’ve decided to write up a little response going into detail about what Lauren and Steph discovered while reading The Eternal Spring.

I’ll try and organise it, too, by sort of keeping to the five categories they break their episodes into. So here goes:

CANON

Right off the bat, this section made me question everything about myself, my writing, and what on earth I was doing. Both Lauren and Steph mentioned how incredibly deep the lore is, how many Easter Eggs I included, and how I blended canon, Legends, and fanon into a unique lore of its own.

This is wild to me because I’d never thought of that.

Listen, I’ve got a very complicated relationship with canon. I treat it as equal to Legends, and fanon. To my mind, it’s no better, no more real, no more accurate than Legends is, or even fanon. In fact, I’m of the opinion that fanon occasionally has the absolute best take on a character.

For instance, Obi-Wan having precognitive dreams. Sorry, that’s real to me. That’s true.

And you’ll see this come up as a given in my work all the time. I hardly even think about it anymore. So that’s one way in which these different sources are pulled together – unconsciously.

However, I won’t deny there was conscious reference to two fan works specifically. Those being Tatooine Slave Culture (created by fialleril), and more significantly the Lineage series (Jedi Apprentice rewrites by ruth baulding). I am a huge Jedi Apprentice fan, and a huge ruth baulding fan. I know JA especially has its haters, but I love it (for reasons I will not go into here for the sake of HA! brevity).

I know TSC especially has faced controversy in the past for appropriation and insensitivity, though admittedly, I was unaware of that at the time of writing this story. I had just entered the fandom much like a bull enters a china shop. I made a lot of missteps. That said, I don’t think I use TSC culture with any significant overstep in this story (as it is largely only referenced by people outside of the culture), and so while I probably wouldn’t do it again, I don’t feel it’s detrimental in this case.

Ruth Baulding, however, is perfect. While the Lineage series is extremely whump-heavy (heads up should you go looking), there is one story in particular where Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon visit The Stewardship of Terajon (StewJon) and encounter Obi-Wan’s birth family. While Qui-Gon handles it with a quiet and permissive grace, Obi-Wan is reflexively defensive and hostile, especially when he finds out that SPOILERS his family is on the opposite side of the conflict. They do no support the Republic, while Obi-Wan has dedicated his life to it. Qui-Gon recognises that their reasons are legitimate and ideologies are not so black and white as good and evil. Obi-Wan, however, cannot reconcile the idea that his family are so-called traitors. They end up finding an uneasy peace where Obi-Wan tells his parents that Qui-Gon is and has always been a father to him, and Obi-Wan’s mother makes him promise that if he ever needs help he will ask her for it.

I really wanted to write a story where he does that.

Partly because I wanted to depict an Obi-Wan who had grown into a maturity that could handle shades of grey, especially in politics, and partly because this story is so much about parents and their children, absence and presence and legacy, that I felt Ue, his mother, needed to be there for it.

Side note: I will forever cling to ruth baulding's conjecture that Obi-Wan is named for the obiwan flowers that grow on Stewjon. IRL our obiwan flowers look similar to how she describes them!

As for Qui-Gon and his love of plants – I don’t know.

I think this is a blend of fanon and Legends that I’ve once again just taken on board as fact, and only with this podcast am I compelled to examine it.

Though recently contradicted by LFL canon (In CG’s Master&Apprentice), fanon loooooong held that Obi-Wan was the one with a connection to prophecy and Qui-Gon was Master of Living in the Moment. I really love the tension this creates between them, and that’s why I keep it.

To that end, Qui-Gon is very frequently depicted in fanon as being Super Into Plants. He’s like, the Order’s #1 Plant Dad. His rooms are full of plants, and he is deeply connected to the Living Force.

In the Jedi Apprentice novels, Obi-Wan is almost sent to live as a farmer in the AgriCorps, and he is convinced he’d be a terrible farmer.

I kind of connected these two dots to suggest that much as Obi-Wan still ends up on Tatooine, he also still ends up a farmer. Qui-Gon taught him the horticulture he was so afraid of finding on Bandomeer, and Tatooine sees him eventually relying on those skills for survival.

This ties into one of the things I wanted to grapple with in this fic. Free will vs. Destiny. I think, ultimately, this story’s perspective on it is that destiny = destination. You are always going to the same place. But the journey itself is free will. How you get there, which path you take, and what you learn from it – that’s all on you.

And if we believe that it’s not about the destination, but the journey, then isn’t that the same as free will after all?

Anyway.

That said, Steph and Lauren point out several times that this complex mingling of lore leads to much confusion AND that if you’re not acquainted with even something as (to me) ubiquitous as The Clone Wars, then much of it won’t land.

On the one hand, this is intentional. I love Easter Eggs, but I’m staunchly of the opinion that Easter Eggs aren’t meant to be found by everyone. They’re for the dedicated readers, the hyperfixaters, the deep-divers, the re-readers. I think Easter Eggs aren’t PointingLeos so much as they are sly winks, and things that make returning to a story rewarding. Every time you come back, you find something new. They’re meant to increase the longevity of novelty. And that’s how I try to use them.

THAT SAID I 100% TOOK IT FOR GRANTED THAT EVERYONE HAS THE SAME KNOWLEDGE BASE AS I DO.

In retrospect, that’s ridiculous. This is what I mean by saying they made me question my whole approach to fic. I didn’t think that TCW was a deep-cut. I didn’t think that Siri Tachi and her mandrangea beans were unknown, or that Obi-Wan loving muja fruit was obscure.

And that’s on me. That’s my bad. Because objectively, Lauren and Steph are absolutely right. That is so much information to expect a reader to have as a baseline, and dramatically decreases the size of the demographic I’m reaching.

Do I regret it? ….nnnooooo?

But I will absolutely be more mindful of that in the future. I think that’s a hugely important lesson for me to take from this. It’s not just a “My perspective isn’t everyone’s perspective” but a “Not everyone has been hyperfixating on the exact shade of orange in a Tatooine sunset since they were five, please provide some context thank you”.

EXPANDING THE LORE

Okay, I really wanted to address this, because in a previous episode, Lauren and Steph discuss World Without End by disasterisms. Specifically, they mention their love of mythology and how interesting it is that WWE is a retelling of the Hades/Persephone story.

And it had me frantically raising my hand like a pick-me!

So, fun fact, The Eternal Spring is also based on a Greek myth. Specifically, the myth of Psyche and Eros. In the original story, Psyche marries Eros but swears never to look on his face. She can’t deal with the curiosity however, and one night as he’s sleeping, she holds her torch over his head to get a look. He’s beautiful. But oil from her lamp drips onto him and he wakes, fleeing until she atones for her crime by completing a series of Impossible Tasks.

I love Impossible Tasks.

And more, I loooove hanging my stories on the preexisting structures of other works.

The Forlorn Queen is a long-form poem I wrote that is meant to be a Nabooian version of Psyche and Eros. In it, the unnamed Queen is assigned four Impossible Tasks that all correlate to the tasks of Psyche.

Sort seeds from sand

Retrieve the Golden Fleece

Collect water from a sacred spring

Steal the Beauty of Perspephone

In the fic, these are played out by Padme in variously metaphorical ways. In the first, she literally has to sort the seeds from the sand after a sandstorm destroys their burgeoning garden. But more than re-enacting this myth, each task is meant to explore some emotional challenge in how she copes and reconciles her grief.

Sorting seeds from sand is a metaphor for her sorting out her priorities. What is alive still? What is worth saving? How closely she has to examine the sand, how long it takes, how tedious it is – this is all a reflection of her looking at her own life, her own struggles, and sorting out what she needs vs. what she wants.

Likewise, she retrieves the Golden Fleece/Golden Scale (saves Boil from the chip and his own lack of purpose, his transformation symbolised by him painting his armour [his scales] gold and taking on Padme’s commission, which is also the Mandalorian colour for vengeance). By sending Boil after Obi-Wan she is bringing water to the goddess (relief to Obi-Wan). And finally, the task that Psyche fails is the one Padme fails, also – at least, she cannot do it alone. This is about the acceptance of death and the loss of youth. This is Padme not joining the rebellion, and Obi-Wan reconciling with Qui-Gon.

Greek myths don’t directly correspond with symbolism as we understand it today, so yeah, I had to do a bit of research and even more extrapolation to get these tasks to mean more than simply Things To Accomplish, but that was always the intent. This story was always a myth – just as Revenge of the Sith (esp. As written by Matthew Stover) is explicitly Greek in its framing as a tragedy.

WHEW! Onto the fun stuff!

CHARACTERS

The thing that struck me most here was Lauren and Steph’s breakdown of small action vs. big action, and how they both agreed that it was sometimes difficult to follow and occasionally off-putting. Small action is the emotional conflicts deeply examined, while big action is like, the pew-pews.

They are totally correct in their assessment.

I could say that I think this is something that the OT and PT especially do. A New Hope, especially, spends what modern audiences would consider a loooong time without any significant Big Action, and the PT really struggles with pacing. It’s something sort of inherent to SW, and I really wanted this fic to feel like SW. It wasn’t entirely unintentional on my part to give you a lot of small action and then suddenly drop in big action…

Buuuuuuut it wasn’t entirely intentional, either.

You know, in writing this fic, I was constantly, constantly afraid it was incredibly boring. You can see it in my ANs. The small action is what I live for, but I was scared no one would want to read it if I stayed there.

So I think this is honestly more a reflection of my own insecurity than it is a deliberate reflection of Star Wars itself.

Again, a lesson. And something to keep in mind!

OMG ALL THAT NONSENSE! If you’re still here, well, I got more!

FAVOURITE SCENES

Qui’s ghost

I am so happy Lauren loved this scene. This was the scene that I first envisioned, this was the scene that I was always writing towards, this scene, to me, is what Star Wars is all about.

And yes, I am actually George Lucas.

For more wild speculations of mine that have since been canonized by LFL please see Only Hope (including, weirdly, Mandalorians being super into culture soups…so…HMU Kathleen!)

But yeah, I love Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. When I was writing this story I was deep into the QuiObi fandom, and I just really loved any and every expression of love and intimacy between them (platonic or otherwise).

Again going back to Legends, for me, I always loved the idea that Obi-Wan is frequently driven by his desire to be good for Qui-Gon. A good padawan, a good knight, a good Jedi. A good person. In JA he has to beg to be his padawan, and never really seems to feel like he measures up to Qui-Gon’s expectations. He wasn’t wanted and he worries that Qui-Gon’s disinterest in him never changed.

To me, it’s very obvious that Qui-Gon does want him. Very early on. But to a young teen, and someone so deeply insecure as Obi-Wan, it’s hard to see.

I LOVE THAT TENSION.

And I felt Obi-Wan really needed his dad to give him a hug at the end of it all.

The idea that Qui-Gon has always been with Obi-Wan is…I mean, I think that’s just intrinsic to their story. It’s weird because I can see how it looks like I “Just Knew” but I think everyone knew because it’s sort of the inevitable conclusion to their journey together. Qui-Gon literally defies death in order to be with Obi-Wan. I can’t think of any greater expression of love and devotion than that…and yet, Obi-Wan still needs it spelled out for him.

ANYWAY I COULD TALK ABOUT THEM ALL DAY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I’m very happy it made you two cry.

KORKIE IS A KENOBI

Look, I’m not even being ironic about it anymore. I love Korkie Kenobi. I believe in Korkie Kenobi. Korkie Kenobi is the best, most under-utilised, over-disparaged, misunderstood storyline that Star Wars never took.

As I briefly mentioned before, this story is really about parents and their kids. It was not an indulgence but an acute necessity that Korkie be a Kenobi in this fic. I’m not saying that because I love the theory (though I do), but because thematically it is imperative that Obi-Wan sees himself as a son, a brother, and a father. That he understand he is part of a family of blood, of duty, of choice, of circumstance. That he knows he is connected to the Force, to the world, and to the people around him. That we all are. That we owe ourselves to the people around us. That nothing ends, and everything continues.

That absence is not oblivion.

And Korkie specifically fits into that theme in the way he and Obi-Wan are connected despite Obi-Wan’s own ignorance. He is biologically present (by blood), he is spiritually present (in Korkie’s Force sensitivity), and he is emotionally present (in the way Korkie was raised watching him, being inspired by him, holding him up as a model of bravery and integrity – despite Obi-Wan not physically being there to parent him, he still was formative in Korkie’s emotional development and, to me, that’s massively important).

I really, really dislike the notion that Korkie being Obi-Wan’s son inherently frames Obi-Wan as a neglectful and dead-beat parent. What a small way to look at someone’s impact on others. What a cruel way to frame purpose, duty, and obligation. What a sexist way to ignore Satine’s importance and capability. What a mean way to dismiss the experiences of so many readers and people who grew up in single-parent homes for whatever reason.

My mum works in medicine. She missed a lot of school concerts, a lot of bedtimes, a lot of birthdays because she was SAVING LIVES. My dad explained this to me as a small child, and even as a small child, I understood. I got it. Kids aren’t dumb, and I knew a lot of kids in similar situations – we’re not traumatised.

Never mind the kids who had a parent die, or deployed, or transferred. It’s hard to be a parent, and yes, some parents are uninterested and dead-beats. But that neglect is not defined by their absence.

PERSONAL PET PEEVE EXORCISED THROUGH KORKIE

I tried to really connect things here by having Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan mirror Obi-Wan and Korkie. Just as Obi-Wan was simultaneously present and absent in Korkie’s life, so too is Qui-Gon present and absent in Obi-Wan’s.

There’s a little moment where Obi-Wan’s mother, Ue, reassures Korkie that he’s wanted. Obi-Wan will not reject him. She tells him, “You are not a consequence, or a punishment, aso-aso,” she murmurs. “And I don't see that any parent could hold you any less than the very best of all beloved things.”

Then, at the end of the story, Qui-Gon uses the same words telling Obi-Wan, “Never think, my dearest Ben, that you are anything less than best beloved of my very heart.”

(“Best Beloved” btw is very much stolen from Kipling)

As for him taking the Kenobi name – hey man, we need more Kenobis.

But I love the bravery it takes because, as the hosts mention, it puts a big target on his back in a galaxy where the most powerful Force user is constantly on the look out for Kenobi.

And, in fact, if you’re curious, I explored the possibility of Vader finding Korkie first here: Or Else I Shall Be Lost

HERE there was also another lesson:

Steph and Lauren discussed the revelation of Korkie’s Force Sensitivity, and how it was confusing until the very end when I explicitly commented on it.

I TOTALLY DIDN’T REALIZE THIS WAS CONFUSING because mostly, I didn’t realise that I was writing a mystery.

BUT I WAS! Holy heck! I’m honestly surprised. Another like, surprising reframing of my own intentions and process. Because looking back, they’re totally right.

Kind of in line with using lore I like without explanation or justification, I also like referencing things I as the author know to be true but without actually telling the audience. In this case, I used wild coincidence as a thin cover for Force sensitivity, not revealing that had been intentional until the end.

Of course, in my head I was like, “Ha! Another clue! They’ll be putting this puzzle together by now” without accounting for the fact that I never told anyone there was a puzzle to begin with.

Not sure how I’ll address that in future fic, but it’s…it’s really something to think about. Is it a mystery if you don’t tell your audience something needs to be investigated?

NUMA REFERENCE

I honestly can’t remember, but I think Kano is canon….or Legends…and was there on Ryloth. I love using clones that make sense, even if they’re lesser known. It makes me feel less like someone’s got plot armour and more that they were lucky which was also why I used Boil. I know, having been in fandom for ages now, that fandom would’ve preferred Cody be the clone to find Padme on Tatooine and go after Obi-Wan, but like…

Look, I’m super proud that fandom has made Cody the character he is, but canonically, most of that doesn’t exist.

Canonically, the clones assigned to cover Obi-Wan’s back are Waxer and Boil.

And I think Waxer dies, right? So the only clone that made sense to me, as a fandom newbie, was Boil. It had to be Boil.

And his relationship with Numa cemented that. Because Numa is – in a way – his daughter. The same way Leia is. She is the inheritor of whatever is left after the war. Numa lives, but what of Ryloth? Did she survive the rest?

I think that moment is the one, uncomplicated victory that Boil looks back on to ground himself. He can look at Ryloth and think “We did the right thing” because after that, everything gets complicated. And that’s the thing that convinces Kano to help them, also. The desire to believe they’ve done good. Simple, uncomplicated good.

QUESTIONS

Okay, I really wanted to address this next part – Lauren and Steph were so unconvinced that Padme would stay on Tatooine and not join the Rebellion.

You guys, I was SCREAMING!

And again, they weren’t wrong. I can totally see how they came to that conclusion, how Padme’s choice felt OOC and wrong, and how it does contradict everything we know of her from canon.

And while I have no intention of changing their interpretations of canon, or of my fic I sooooo want to discuss it from my POV. And you know what, again – my bad for not articulating it in a clear enough way. I would probably rewrite this scene if I were to do it again.

Because that contradiction is the point.

This isn’t what Padme would choose. Like she says, she thinks about it. She thinks about going to Bail. That’s her first thought.

But, this fic is meant to show why she can’t.

It’s not that the destination has changed, but she has.

Technically, this fic takes place over the course of a full year. It’s vaguely charted in the growth of the twins (again, tess, you can’t just assume everyone knows baby milestones). At the beginning, Padme is in a state of shock. And so is Obi-Wan…

Let’s get into the kiss.

In a fit of just, complete upset, Padme slaps Obi-Wan. And then she kisses him. She says she hates him. And he does nothing.

This takes place about thhhhhreeeeeeeee??? Months into their time on Tatooine, and for this whole time, Obi-Wan has really done nothing but exist on a cursory, polite surface level. He smiles because it is expected. He farms because he must. He wakes up and functions but he says absolutely nothing about what they’ve gone through.

And Padme cannot stand it anymore.

She feels like she’s on her own. And she tries to make him react. In this, I really wanted to show just how well suited Anakin and Padme were to each other. She likes Obi-Wan. She’s glad he’s with her, but she needs to see him hurt. Because she hurts. She absolutely takes it WAY TOO FAR.

Obi-Wan turns inward in his pain. Padme explodes outward.

Well, she wants to.

But she CAN’T. Because she has the twins.

Obi-Wan gets to be an automaton, but Padme has to be a mother. She has to engage with Beru and Owen. She has to negotiate at the market. She has to feed, and clothe, and raise her children. She has to BE PRESENT ALL THE TIME. She doesn’t get to be numb.

Is it a comment on the division of emotional labour between men and women? Yyyyyes? But not in a derogatory way. Obi-Wan went through the same thing when Anakin was little and Qui-Gon died, but the difference is this time, Obi-Wan doesn’t have the purpose Padme has. She has the twins. Obi-Wan feels he is entirely superfluous.

This is all related to those messy emotions Lauren and Steph mentioned and which I really love to write. People – even good people – can be ugly. I love it. I truly believe there are no bad emotions, no bad traits. Everything evolved to keep you alive, to protect you. Obi-Wan protects himself with little cruelties. Padme lashes out.

I’m so happy the I hate you moment hit! I thought it was so sick. Had to do it.

And emotions are also inconsistent, even if motivation or ideology remains stable. So like, the part where Padme looks at Obi-Wan sleeping and is very empathetic – she’s still centering herself. She’s looking at him from the perspective of a mother, and imagining his mother. She is kind and generous in her assessment of him and his suffering here, and at other times, but…

She’s very conscious of it. Obi-Wan is vulnerable in sleep. It’s easy to be kind then. And later, she has all of Anakin’s insight into Obi-Wan, and a lot more patience than Anakin ever had. She understands how Obi-Wan copes. She lets him do what he needs to.

But MONTHS pass. And she’s so tired of carrying it all. She runs out of patience.

Anyway.

Anakin betrays them. And Padme can do nothing.

Obi-Wan leaves. And Padme can do nothing.

Padme is so frequently stripped of agency by circumstance, and you’re right – in canon, she fights that! She leaps into the fray and takes control.

But she has twins now. Her purpose, but also her burden.

She can’t join the Rebellion. Where would they go? How would they live? Who would take care of Luke and Leia?

If they go to Alderaan, they put a huge target on Bail and intense scrutiny on the Rebellion. They also bring themselves into direct contact with the Empire. If Vader got even a hint that Padme lived he would not stop until she was in his custody. If he knew he had kids? If he knew they were with Obi-Wan? It’s way too dangerous. They are a huge liability. She is a huge liability.

As Luke says, if there’s a bright spot in the galaxy then Tatooine is the place that’s furthest from it.

Tatooine is SAFE. Vader won’t go there, and the Empire doesn’t care about it. Is it run by the Hutts? Yeah. But better Hutts than the Empire, especially because the Hutts don’t care about the little people living day to day. Padme can give the kids a quiet, boring life on Tatooine. She can keep them safe.

And as she sorted the seeds from the sand in chapter one, THAT is her priority. Her kids. They have no one else, and furthermore, if their existence were known they would be targeted, captured, and killed – or worse. She wants to join the Rebellion. She would. But she can’t because she needs to keep Luke and Leia safe.

While Obi-Wan’s reason for staying on Tatooine is a passing on of legacy, and setting down the burden of war (he’s done his time), Padme’s reason for staying is a reassessment of her priorities. Hers is a maturation of responsibility. Sometimes, we can’t do what we want. It sucks. But we’re adults.

“Living in Squalor” though made me LAAAAAAUGH! You’re so right.

Oh my gosh, she’s tandem carrying! That’s the term. Hahahaha, yeah, poor girl. Lots of tandem carrying, but once Obi-Wan’s back, they’re basically a two-parent household. Plus, the fic sees them building that community. There’s Korkie, there’s Boil, there’s Beru and Owen. Padme screams at Obi-Wan that she’s alone, but by the end she’s not.

And like, in terms of practicality, I think Owen? Obi-Wan? I think there’s mention of them “digging out the cellar”. The idea is that more than half the house is buried, but once they dig out the cellar and reinforce the walls down there, there’s a significant chunk of living space they can utitilise (ie. at least one, if not two bedrooms underground where it’s cooler like we see in the Lars house in ANH).

But yeah, babies in the haffa chest for now!

QUAINT CABIN NOT SQUALOR!

Lastly, Owen and Beru! Ahahahahaha, I’m so happy Lauren and Steph were charmed by them. And I love their insight on the inversion of protection. In canon, Obi-Wan is there protecting them, but in Eternal Spring, the Lars’ are very much protecting Obi-Wan (and Padme). I thought that was really insightful. God, I love clever readers!

I just quickly wanted to touch on Owen’s grudge against Obi-Wan because yeah, it’s totally silly. I imagine Owen as being very typically masculine, and Tatooine culture being pretty big into gender-roles, though the expression of those roles may not fall directly in line with gender presentation (but that’s another topic).

Anyway, Owen is a dude’s dude. A guy’s guy. You know - a Man™.

And Obi-Wan is………SO SOFT.

This dude comes into Owen’s house with Trauma. He’s soft-spoken, and polite. He doesn’t speak much, and when he does it’s with a cut-glass accent that sounds so out of place. He listens without interrupting, he doesn’t make ribald jokes.

And he’s got magic powers.

There are ten thousand Jedi in the entire galaxy. Owen met Anakin once, and he went off the deep end.

Obi-Wan freaks him out. He’s so weird. He is not the kind of person Owen knows how to deal with, and he’s certainly not the kind of guy Owen can relate to. And Beru says to be gentle. Gentle? On Tatooine?

As we see when he’s coaching Padme, Owen doesn’t believe that gentleness or mercy have any place out here.

The secret is, Owen’s SUPER SOFT underneath. And Beru knows this. Hence why she keeps encouraging Owen to take care of Obi-Wan, to bring him out to mingle with other people. Beru sees that Obi-Wan is collapsing in on himself, and is trying to get Owen to draw him out.

When he nearly dies, Owen is more angry that they almost died. Not at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is just a convenient punching bag because he doesn’t punch back. If he did, Owen would know how to respond – he’d buy him a drink, and shake his hand.

I think, underneath, Owen really likes Obi-Wan (and we see this at the end when he’s jealous that Obi-Wan went to visit his blood brother, AtasOWEN – an alternate Owen, and also a reference to the old Legends lore that Owen Lars was Kenobi’s half-brother). Owen wants to be Obi-Wan’s family, and he gives him the gift of brotherhood (he tells the whole town that they’re related to protect him, yes, but also because he’s claiming that title). It’s very much one of those “Hey! No one gets to pick on my idiot brother, except me!”

The same way he is gruff and blunt to Luke in ANH, Owen is the same way with Obi-Wan. “Too much of his father in him.” Too much of Anakin in everyone for Owen’s taste.

But that, again, is on the author to make clear! All these lessons. I’m so thankful that I had this opportunity to listen to such a generous and in-depth analysis of my fic. It’s been fun, informative, and genuinely really instructive in the most supportive and uplifting way.

I highly recommend everyone check out One Hell of a Fanfic here, or on Spotify. Thank you so much for reading my fic, and until next time…

May the Force be with you!

#my fic #podcast #star wars #fic rec #process and stuff #indulge me #padme lives au #Youtube

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