#paid programming

[adultswim2021]

Paid Programming: "Icelandic Ultrablue" | November 3, 2009 - 4:30AM | Infomercials

At this time I was a very diligent Adult Swim recorder. The idea that the network might, at any time, air something weird caused me to record entire blocks, “just in case” on my TiVo. I would then scan through everything and save anything that looked interesting or novel to a DVD-R. For a short time, I archived bumpers as completely as I could.

I would also pour over schedules and look for anything that seemed out of the ordinary. I can’t say this with certainty, but I feel like I must’ve seen “PAID PROGRAMMING” on a schedule or maybe on my TiVo program guide and thought “wait, Adult Swim doesn’t air PAID PROGRAMMING usually. I wonder if that’s going to be something?” And so, I recorded Paid Programming and, eventually, I watched it, and a few minutes in I heard what was clearly David Cross’s voice and thought “oh, okay. I get it. He’s trying to do something here.” And that was roughly how I’ve felt about this ever since. 

This one is fairly auspicious for the fact that it's technically the first entry into Adult Swim’s celebrated (but wildly hit-and-miss) “Infomercials” series. The concept was that people watching at home would see “PAID PROGRAMMING” in their cable guide while flipping around and, of course, they’d turn right to it, awaiting an earnest infomercial trying to sell them the Phillips CD-I or something like that. But instead of that, you get something CRAZY and WEIRD and HILARIOUS! Is this crazy and weird and hilarious? Well, I guess those descriptors are in the eye of the beholder. But since this blog is about my beholding eye, I will answer: “nah, not really”. 

The content is, roughly: an infomercial for what appears to be a miracle drug, whose applications are somewhat vague, other than it making you feel better or solving whatever terrible personal problem you have. This is hosted by a “doctor” (admittedly he’s just dressed as a doctor, and refers to his experience as “36 years” ”spent hanging out in the medical community”), who eventually introduces a jingle contest for the wonder drug. This leads into clips of various entries, which eventually leads to a video of the producer of the most professionally produced entry talking about the importance of air-filtration while producing music. This leads to an extended pitch for the Icelandic UltraBlue air-filtration system, which is illustrated with a cartoon where good air particles round up bad air particles in an over-the-top, Nazi holocaust-esque cartoon.

This is roughly how the rest of the show plays out: a commercial for one aspect of the Icelandic UltraBlue empire suddenly turns into a different commercial, usually for a different iteration of Icelandic UltraBlue. The previous sketch segues into a sketch about a cash-for-Nazi-gold place, which segues into a sketch about a medical office that specializes in removing splinters (the owner of this establishment casually wears a diaper, and it’s treated as a very normal thing. It’s one of two times I laughed), which segues into a commercial for an embalming fluid that keeps your beloved’s remains fresh for up to three months after passing, so you can continue hanging out with their corporeal form. This segues back into a jingle entry, which turns into a sketch about chest-rash cream set at a gay guy bar. There’s gross zoom-ins, awkward acting, macabre premises, sexual inappropriateness, transgressive invocations of touchy subjects, and, uh, well? Maybe two laughs. If you’re wondering what the other, non-diaper-related one was, it was the racial slur. I’m sorry.

The problem is, this very much feels like the writers (David Cross and H. Jon Benjamin) are trying very hard to approximate Tim & Eric’s entire carefully cultivated style of humor. The casting of awkward, borderline-amateur actors, the jokes about consumerism, the attention to verisimilitude, etc. There’s a little more Mr. Show-style satire thrown in, but the entire thing comes off as a pale imitation of either or both of those things. If one can glean a set of objectives from creating this (other than “it’s called PAID PROGRAMMING and it’s gonna MESS with people, man!!”) one could also easily observe Tim & Eric accomplishing those things much better, in a less forceful way. 

The casting in particular is far less inspired than Tim & Eric’s; it runs the gamut of people who either seem like they themselves are trying to imitate pre-existing characters from Tim & Eric’s wack pack or at worst seem like they were poached from a low-level UCB class. Not that Tim & Eric are exactly pure in their intentions with their cast of “outsiders”, I sense more mean-spiritedness in hiring some guy, calling his character “Fatfuck” and having him wear a diaper. 

This was retroactively deemed the first episode of “Infomercials”; a proof-of-concept that, for my money, exemplifies the worst aspects of the “miss” installments in the “hit and miss” tapestry of the Infomercials milieu. Wow, what a great, non-pretentous sentence I just wrote. Anyway, it feels especially pathetic to me that David Cross had previously put Mike Lazzo on blast for taking the concept of Paid Programming and running with it. I too, would feel wronged, but feigning any kind of pride over this is, well, I already used the word pathetic. But it’s pathetic. 

David Cross is a person who I still respect and think can be brilliant. I even watched a few of his new video podcasts on YouTube. It was nice, like checking in on an old friend. Cross is one of those guys who, when many people discover him and become fans, seems impossibly funny and almost infallible. The more you become familiar with the whole package, the more you realize that he’s a pretty regular guy, who is capable of turning out bad work. He’s also not a particularly friendly person, and can rub people the wrong way very easily. I am not trying to damn him here; I find him to be uncomfortably relatable. Many of his flaws are also my flaws. I should basically be best friends with him. Unless he reads this, that is.

An illustrative example of his humor to me is the embalming fluid sketch. In it, a man uses it on his wife, who dies of a splinter. They both lay in bed, and he takes her hand, puts it in under the covers, and uses it to jack himself off with. I’m not knocking it for any other reason that I just found it to be not particularly funny; it’s an easy vulgar laugh.

A sketch from Mr. Show featured a similar gag; a riff on the song Monster Mash about a guy who is working through a traumatic mental breakdown from experiencing this horrifying monster party. While he’s confessing some sexual encounter or something, we cut to an “expert” who has been seen in talking-head segments watching this footage, furiously masturbating. I recall Cross proudly inserting this joke into the sketch, noting the big laugh it gets from the studio audience, despite apprehension from the other writers. Even as a teenager, I remember seeing that and thinking “I could do without that joke”. It’s too easy, and it just makes ME want to masturbate.

The episode ends (after a sketch set in a gay bar that already felt stale in 2009) with the “doctor”/host ominously talking into a wrist microphone that “phase one is complete”, and then it cuts to a “To Be Continued”. I reread the back-and-fourth between Cross and Lazzo, and he actually does mention his plans for the series arc: it’s aliens. Cool!

I don’t mean to minimize the Lazzo-theft accusations or imply that they aren’t valid. I also don’t mean to imply that David Cross is completely in the right, either. If I were in either of their shoes I’d feel like the other guy was slinging at least a little bit of bullshit at me. Cross’s specific gripe is that he pioneered the concept of airing the thing at 4AM with a deceptive title, which does make a little sense. Lazzo’s defense is tenuous at best, and sorta clouds that main issue.

But, I don’t know. It does sorta seem like the kind of idea a lot of people have had, but then deemed impractical. I’m sure other people have thought “wouldn’t it be cool to air a parody infomercial at the time actual infomercials air?” I guess I can’t think of anything else that’s really done that. The closest I could come up with were tongue-in-cheek infomercials that behaved like parodies of infomercials, but actually were unironically selling something. In 2003, The Ben Stiller Show came out on DVD, and they produced an infomercial called “Wake Up Your Smile”. The Beastie Boys did one in 1998 for Hello Nasty. Mystery Science Theater did one in 1996 hawking their mail-order VHS tapes. Hell, Adult Swim did actually produce an infomercial for Williams Street records, as noted on this blog. It sorta seems like the ingredients were all right there, man. You know?

Mr. Show did a fake infomercial too, as a best-of special for season one. Damn. I guess David Cross really did invent this shit.

MAIL BAG

handbananad writes:

I am so genuinely sorry you're stuck in titan maximum hell. At least it's almost over? Is it almost over? Was this one of those early 2000's shows with a 40 episode season and you're going to be here forever?

Thank you. The show is only 9 episodes (including a half-hour first episode), so that's a silver lining. But yeah, it feels much longer. But it is nice having a show that I can outwardly hate and gloss over defiantly. It also makes me appreciate Robot Chicken more, which is tough to do.

On the other hand, I'm real glad to be watching Venture Bros, but those write-ups are much more demanding. What's a blogger with readers in the single-digits to do?

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #paid programming #icelandic ultrablue

[gragam]

i think you guys like this beetle

#my art #furry #hercules beetle #“my child will use the art program they paid for” “keep drawing beetle bara in paint”

[hoofpeet]

This stupid bozo paid for Clip studio before realizing that you can't have more than 24 frames in an animation on this version and just transferring the pirated version I had from my old laptop

#rip. at least it was like 75% of for some reason #i would be pissed to hell if i paid 50 bucks for a version of a program i technically already had. just to be animation blocked

[stitchkiss]

actually so pissed at ppl on twitter and tiktok for acting like 911 is suddenly queer because buck is now canonically bi. it's been queer since 2018 in season one episode one!!! look no farther than henrietta motherfucking wilson!!!! i need to see everyone putting more respect on her name because that is in short supply. not to mention micheal!!! he's been gay since the start and ALSO figured it out later in life but he's thriving!!! it's been there the entire time but noooo they need a white man to consider it representation because they don't care about poc queers. especially if the only recurring queer characters are black women and black men. get real.

#love buck and i can't wait to see his journey but holy shit hen is paid absolute dust!! but not on my watch #i feel like tumblr loves hen but twitter and tiktok need to get with the program #911 spoilers #911 abc #hen wilson #stitchkiss

[8bit-mau5]

Just a couple of girl bestfriends doing typical gal pal things, you know how it is. Meme redraw comm for @/drakoniques !

Commission info and slots can be found [HERE]! If you enjoy my art, feel free to support your local trans artist by tipping me on kofi 💙

#artists on tumblr #dnd #dnd art #Gabriel's arts #commission #THERE WE GO all the right tags are done. i finished this early this morning cos i had #too many issues w/the internet to draw 😭i really hate that CSP doesnt let its users to use the program we PAID for if we dont have #internet acces #BUT ANYWAY i need Everyone to look at them and love them. i put a lot of hard work into this and couldnt be more proud #ive finished other comms this month too but i always forget to upload here OTL. i blame the migraines

[alumirp]

The Good Citizen

An AU where Izuku is just an ordinary boy. He never meets All Might and has his application for Yuuei's entrance exam rejected because of his quirkless status. He still wants to be a hero, but then again, he's just a normal kid with a mom who works two jobs, and since he failed to get into his dream school, he still has to get into another one, he doesn't have time. to go to the gym or learn to fight, or whatever. And yet, he wants to be a hero, so he grabs a pair of old skates and a stick. And he sneaks out the window at night, intending to be a vigilante.

But like a normal boy, he's a bit of a coward, so when he encounters his first crime, instead of getting involved, he calls the police. He calls the police and hides and is delighted when a police car arrives a few minutes later and does its job. And then he repeats that, goes out, finds a crime and calls the police. And repeat. And the next time, he identifies himself as "Good Citizen" when the person on the line recognizes his voice. And the name sticks. And Izuku keeps it, thinking of it as a way to keep his identity safe. But one day, 'The Good Citizen' calls the police on a group of men beating up a guy. And next he stops a man from harassing a girl.

The mens who beat the guy are part of a powerfull gang and their high-rankers discovers that the person who reported them was the same person who has been making several reports. The old man who harassed the girl was an important member of the HPSC, whose arrest creates a huge scandal

With this he successfully angers the villains and the HPSC all at once. Next week there's a bounty on 'snitch's head. And an arrest warrant for the vigilante who is 'an enemy in the making for the society of heroes'.

Then a race begins, villains and heroes mobilizing to kill/arrest one (1) well-intentioned green bean.

And, out of nowhere, this all becomes Aizawa Fucking Shota's problem.

#izuku: gotta arrest the bad guys hpsc: nuh uh zuku:tf you mean nuh uh #aizawa is not paid for it but whats new #let's pretend that tracking phone numbers isn't an thing #ok #pretend dude #(i forgot that it was a thing lol) #I used to love those fics where Izuku learned to fight and program very quickly and became a badass vigilante #Now I study programming and I feel offended by these fanfics #aint no way this kid learned all this in two months alone #I've been at this for almost a year. in a school. with a teacher. I still don't know shit #no illogical and magical hacking in this house (I'm sad he's smarter than me) #he can learn later. correctly. with a teacher. like me #im mad u can notice? #izuku midoriya #aizawa shouta #dadzawa #vigilante midoriya izuku #quirkless au #quirkless midoriya izuku #i love quirkless au. like why can he be just normal for once? #i know hes green and normal is not a thing for people whos green but guys #guys #hear me out #normal people are nice ok #im nice #(im not lol) #if anyone writes this tag me so I can tag my friend moon. She's begging (literally) #She gets mad at me for not writing my own ideas lmaaaaao #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

[fjordfolk]

ploof

#i reset my laptop and lost all of my software and is2g #its only wednesday and the week has alredy been such thaat #i am not in the mental state to find new cracks #so after 3ish years as a lightroom user and 15 as a photoshop user i have now #paid for my first adobe product #which is fine except the current programs are v v diff from what ive been using #so excuse my stuff being even junkier than usual

[foldingfittedsheets]

No joke, the thing I’m most looking forward to when I graduate and have a job is just buying books again. The luxury. Having a book forever instead of having to return it to library. Not having to wait weeks for a hold. Imagine.

#ramblies #a classmate pointed out I could pirate books since I very openly pirate movies and programs but I’m adamant #stealing from an author is not the same as a massive company #I’d never pirate an indie game either cause it’s a tool that should be used to undermine entrenched powers #not to steal from authors who put their heart and soul into a work only to be paid a pittance #anyway #I love books and I can’t wait to give authors money again

[rodolfoparras]

Just wanted to say it’s so great that there’s more gender neutral fics popping up but a lot of writers do not understand why for example a huge part of male readers don’t feel included in their content even when there’s no pronouns mentioned

So I have this analogy:

Imagine you’re going to have a pizza party with all your friends (can be read as: you’re going to write a 18+ gn fic).

When you order it you have in mind that some people don’t like mushrooms (pronouns) on their pizza (fic)some don’t like onions (mentions of genitalia).

The pizza arrives and you’re like here it is the perfect pizza, most likely a plain Margherita pizza (a gender neutral 18+ piece).

But then there comes a person that’s like oh y’all ordered Margherita ? Well I’m allergic to tomato (can be read as: I’m a top male reader).

The rest of the party is like wym everyone likes Margherita it’s just a plain ol’ Margherita (can be read as everyone wants to be fucked by the character) and besides the tomato paste is what makes the Margherita pizza? (Can be read as: but the plot of the smut is the character fucking the reader).

What do you do in that situation obviously you can’t scrape the paste off it wouldn’t even be a pizza (can be read as: you cant avoid the smut part if you plan on writing a 18+ piece).

you just have to order another type of food for that person (can be read as: the next time you can write 18+ content for that category of ppl).

That’s kind of how it works, 18+ gn pieces cannot be fully gn, it cannot cater to everyone and that’s okay! Just state in your piece “this is suitable for ____ male reader “ and realize that sometimes you have accidentally ordered a Margherita to the wrong crowd

#I’m hungry #off to work yall 🫶🏻 #gender neutral reader #john price x gender neutral reader #soap x gender neutral reader #ghost x gender neutral reader #gaz x gender neutral reader #all my years in the elementary teacher program paid off😌

[captainandtheircorgi]

Snow days!! I love the paid time off, don’t love losing power and wind just BLOWING in through our terribly sealed windows.

#I work in a school when they close our childcare program closes and I get paid #it’s the coldest storm since I moved here 5 ago #I love the snow just not the cold

[nachosforfree]

trying paint tool sai. its ok but not my favorite

#em draws shit #art #digital art #digital #half heart #em underwood #clip studio paint watching me try a million other art programs after i paid 200 dollars for it: ;-; #<-clip studio is my favorite art program ever though so i use it the most

[amegeddon]

Catch him pondering his orb (yes that is bald Sebek)

#I paid so much for the art program I use and this is what I make using it #twst #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #twst malleus #twst meme #twst shitpost #malleus draconia #twst sebek #sebek zigvolt #twst silver

[writterings]

shit man im going to england!!! im going to london in a few weeks!!!!!! fuck yeah!!!!!

#goddamn im so relieved #im going with my grad program and i forgot to fill out a crucial form bc i thought it was due at a later date #and i was so worried bc i already paid for everything #but i can still go!!! god im so relieved #now i just have to actually fill out the form damn #which isnt an issue but i need a medical exam #so im going to a minute clinic lmfao #but anyways i literally was so upset. so relieved now.

[daughterofsarenrae]

What’s your new job?

I'm gonna be a raptor caretaker at a museum! Working with their education birds <3<3<3<3

#SO excited oh my goddddddd #its basically what ive been doing for 2 years as a volunteer except paid now #mostly husbandry/training but also hopefully some ed programs/presentations as well #im starting uhhhh early next month? as soon as we get a house + like a week of getting settled in maybe #bel speaks

[starbuck]

if anyone was wondering, i’m currently reading published RPF about F. Scott Fitzgerald for *checks notes* my job, so that’s how my life is going.

#i’m not getting PAID to do it unfortunately #but i am getting an absolutely insane emotional experience #and i’m only three chapters in so i’m sure there’s plenty more excitement to come! #the author CANNOT write dialogue for shit… he cannot emulate how real people speak and puts exposition dumps IN the dialogue #and his descriptions are clunky and could have used some more polishing #he’s not great at showing instead of telling #or like. he IS - but he’ll show and then IMMEDIATELY tell #which is just SO disrespectful to the audience imo #and/or the sign of a lack of confidence in the writer #so bad either way #and literally the reason i was annoyed about that one movie earlier #so like. 🤷🤷 #at least the movie had better dialogue #but i think that’s mainly because [redacted] just says whatever the fuck he wants #i know this because i do programs the same way - i can spot a fellow vibes-based speaker easily #it’s good but also MASSIVELY distracting because it reminds me of myself so i get self-conscious 😂😂

[littlecutiexox]

Work is an absolute joke today

#so many people have left and handed their notice in #tragic #ive been applyingg but nothing so far #8 rejections this morning insteaddd #but its okay we apply to more #its all a yikes #the 2 cases i do have #shouldnt have been sent to begin with because i cant approve them lmao #and then we lost access to one of the programs because no one paid the companys invoice in 6 MONTHS LIKE WHAT #so im literally at work #waiting to have something to do #i will eat food and be social shortly #i need to wake up because my brain is still on baldurs gate