#pain hurt missing

[thunderc1an]

hollyleaf

#warrior cats #warriors #thunderclan #hollyleaf #after getting those shots #my hand doesn't hurt that bad #like its of course sore in the area of injection #and i feel kind of the ghost of the pain from my tendonitis #but the pain doesn't last long and disappears in a flash #anyways I wanted to test out my hand so I doodled this holly earlier today #I have one more drawing that I just drew #but I'll post it after this one #i really missed drawing

[ride-a-dromedary]

[I'm sorry for your loss.] It was a long time ago. The wounds don't heal, but they become more bearable.

#Baldur's Gate 3 #Halsin #bg3edit #otheredits #my stuff #you ever seen halsin's expression after you express sympathy for his dead family? now you have - pain be upon ye #missing is the dead eye he has afterwards before the animation loop #halsin is a good example of no matter how old someone is they were someone's child once #they were someone who lost family they loved #grief like that never goes away - this is an original hurt that is buried beneath a hundred others - but it is the one that aches the worst #that's why halsin doesn't like keeping someone's mother away from them as a taunt even if it's an evil bastard #it's why he sympathizes with ketheric's decline in spite of the fact that he is the cause of such a massive weight on his conscious #he looks in the mirror and sees his father's face centuries later - he talks of his mother still #side note - it's why i think halsin would be *very* upset with wyll's daddy drama (on ulder's side of what he did to wyll) #and in spite of his rocky start with shadowheart he would be happy she could be reunited with her parents #because he'll never have that chance #anyway i am...sad #the point of this post is his expression destroys me because i felt it

[astarlightmonbebe]

the appeal of yeojeong as a normal guy who’s just a little bit off. not enough that you would notice when talking to him, of course, but it’s just there, under the surface. a disturbance. and i think it’s interesting because typically you have two types of guys somewhat adjacent to this: guy who seems totally normal but is secretly sadistic/a psychopath, and then guy haunted by a traumatic/troubled past, who has that secret layer of torment running beneath the surface of their image. but yeojeong breaks through these archetypes, and i think part of it is because he’s just so...calm. it’s not that he’s living a double life (kind doctor by day, killer by night) or hiding part of his past (everyone he worked with knew about what happened to his father, and watched his downward spiral during his college days). he’s not the typical male character who is, at every attempt, trying to outrun his tragic past (even though he does run once or twice); he’s not haunted by flashbacks, or suffer from PTSD in the way that is usually portrayed in dramas. and i think part of that is because the glory is a story about victims. it’s dongeun’s story, first and foremost, even though it is also yeojeong’s story, and hyeonnam’s story, and sohee’s story. but it’s a story about dongeun’s pain, and when it’s not about her pain, it’s just about the pain of victimhood - unlike other dramas, this isn’t a show where male pain outweighs the rest.

so yeojeong is just a normal guy. he’s handsome. he has a good career. he’s a plastic surgeon, an interesting choice when both his parents were/are hospital directors, and his father seemed to have worked in the er or something of the sort prior to his death (or at the very least wasn’t a plastic surgeon). something could be said here of yeojeong choosing the ‘safe’ path as a doctor, a path where he cures pain and makes people happy without the added risk of being attacked by one of his patients. there’s no proof of that in the show - why he chose to be a plastic surgeon - but it’s an interesting thought path to travel. 

dongeun says he must have lived a good life. that he’s never had to worry about the path that he’s on. and that’s true, to a certain extent. to everyone, including her in the beginning, yeojeong is perfectly friendly. he’s perfect, but not the perfect that people perceive as too perfect (i.e. the guy who’s hiding things); he has his moments where he spazzes out, gets into fights, goes crazy over dongeun texting him back, teases his mom. he’s perfectly well adjusted (a perfect contrast to dongeun’s ‘maladjustment’). he wears flip flops to work and gets the same coffee order daily. he plays go with old men in the park.

he likes to listen to the fizzing of vitamin tablets in water because it calms him down. is this a strange thing? only because he thinks it’s important enough to mention to his therapist. he does it at work too - drops the tablet in, closes his eyes, rests his head. he does it at home - drops the tablet in, opens the drawer, draws a knife. it’s about the noise. bubbles rising to the surface, like bubbles rising from underwater. he stays underwater until the last possible moment, when he has to break the surface in order to breath. dongeun makes him feel like he’s at the eye of a storm - a deceptively calm center, while everything else rages outside. and i think it’s kind of important that he makes that comparison, when he’s someone always seeking that calm. the soothing noise, that makes him feel lonely.

so he’s just a normal guy. a normal guy who receives letters on a regular basis from the prisoner who brutally murdered his father. he doesn’t like letters, he tells dongeun. who knows what he does with the letters - does he keep them? does he throw them away as soon as he sees them? he must have read some of them; maybe you only need to read one to know what is in the rest. maybe he’s still reading them; maybe he keeps them without reading, an invisible torment. it’s not what he does with the letters that matters, but that he receives letters at all. 

can you still call it a haunting if you’ve almost made your peace with it? if you’re living with it? 

he’s just a normal guy, who looks his therapist right in the eyes and tells her that she couldn’t fix him. he diligently attends therapy for years on a regular basis, even though it doesn’t work. he finally abandons it when he moves to semyeong, because he chooses to embrace dongeun’s revenge. he chooses his own revenge, too, in a way. the dark part of him that he can’t escape. the one that makes him pick up the knife, who asks dongeun who to kill before she even tells him she wants any of them dead, even when he’s a doctor from a family of doctors, and doctors don’t kill - they save lives instead. 

you couldn’t fix me, he tells his therapist calmly. so calmly. as if there’s not a bloodied man sitting next to him, a man he dreams of killing. the man is just life to him, just like the letters are life to him to. a dulled numbness. an acceptance of it. 

is your son going through hell? can you even tell it’s hell, if it’s what you’ve become used to? is it hell when you’re a doctor dreaming of murder? is it hell to no longer be tormented by dead men and living murderers who send you letters? is it?

#star stumbles #my thoughts #the glory #the glory 2022 #netflix the glory #kdrama #joo yeojeong #hmm. yes. how long has it been since i made a very long text post analyzing a character? quite a bit #he's just under my skin #it's the normalcy and then the just...tad bit off uncanniness to it all #like staring at a room and feeling as if something is wrong but you can't pinpoint what it is #until maybe you finally discover there's a book out of place or something missing or something unaligned #and it's not even psychopathic. seen a lot of people say that but like...it's not #it's a slightly different vibe from that #it's like dongeun staring at the boiling kettle and reaching out to touch it #the dissociation from reality #when you hurt yourself and marvel at the wound before feeling the pain #the fizzing of the vitamin tablets got me first & the letters #but mostly - what really wormed into my core - was the way he stared at his therapist and simply said 'you couldn't fix me' #'after all this time you couldn't fix me' #the dead acceptance. #feeling so mentally unwell about him i can't even describe it #the way his character was designed to be dongeun's (romantic) partner in crime

[thebirdandhersong]

breaking the tumblr fast to ask for prayer :') it is currently the WORST of times (though, in intense joyous flashes, occasionally also the best of times). I am bulldozing my way through the dregs of midterms, final exam prep, graduation plans, job applications, dorm volunteer stuff, all while trying to deal with/reckon with/endure/come to terms with/persevere through literally the deepest emotional pain I've ever been in lol

#is this the price you pay for consciously deciding to keep your heart open and vulnerable to both joy and pain ??? !!!!!! #anyway it is not always misery but the miserable parts make my chest physically hurt :-) which is fun #would deeply deeply appreciate prayer my friends! i do not want to graduate as a jaded tired weeping girl! and i am so tired! #the world is so big and i am so small and i did not think i had it in me to be so sad but i AM #it would take too long to explain but suffice it to say i've never wept for two hours straight before but now that i have #i must tell you that it is not a good time. at all. #i love you and i miss you and i am doing my best :'))))))) I AM DOING MY BEST!!!!!

[s0fter-sin]

it’s the sound that tips him off.

it’s late, half-past hell by his last count, and mactavish knows there shouldn’t be a single soul in the showers this time of night. though he’s sure if he asked, he’d be told a soul isn’t in there.

just a ghost.

he almost chokes on the thick steam filling the locker room; humid and hazy and the perfect cover. or it would be, if the man collapsed in the far stall cared about hiding.

mactavish hates himself a little for the low sigh that falls from his lips. he wishes he wasn't so disappointed; that the promises he's heard over and over and watched be broken as many times hadn't wedged their way into his heart and convinced him that maybe, maybe this could be the time it sticks.

he doesn't know what's worse; the disappointment or the lack of surprise.

he holds his breath through the steam and leans over the limp body; stinging hot water hitting his back, instantly soaking through his clothes and already starting to burn. he flicks the tap enough to take the bulk of the heat out and straightens; a groan startling out of the man beneath him at the sudden lash of tepid water.

mactavish crouches, knees clicking and hooks a hand under his bicep to pull him up straight against the wall. if there was any vomit on his skin, it's been washed away by the pelting stream and he supposes he can count himself lucky for that. he tilts his limp head back and slips his fingers into his mouth; holding down his tongue and ignores the way it lazily jolts under his fingers to check his airway.

clear.

another small victory.

mactavish pulls his fingers out and cups his chin, keeping him tilted up and moves in the way of the water again so he can pull at his eyelid.

the eye he's met with is cloudy, so dilated there's hardly a ring of blue left.

he sighs again; hand falling away and letting his eye fall shut. "god damnit, riley."

riley moans, all his weight resting on the hand holding his jaw.

"aye, 'm talking ‘bout you," he grunts tiredly.

he lets riley's head fall forward to grab his arm, pulling him away from the wall to sit behind him; propping his body up against his chest. he leans his head back over his shoulder, keeping his face out of the water and his airway open just in case he hasn't actually finished throwing up.

he takes the rag riley'd half-managed to soap up and mechanically runs it over him; cataloguing new bruises and cuts and checking if the old ones are healing. sickly yellow fingerprints ring his hips, red splotches paint his ribs; too new to have settled into the deep purple he knows they’ll become.

riley slowly makes more noise as he rubs life into his body; still lying limp against his front but his head's starting to roll restlessly on his shoulder. he swipes between his legs and carefully doesn't think a single thing about what he finds.

"sean?" he rasps and mactavish's hand stills; eyes falling shut. he bites his check, hand clenching around the rag tight enough to shake and breathes hard out his nose.

he doesn't say a word, just forces himself to go back to cleaning.

he's not sure what would come out of his mouth if he did.

riley isn't conscious enough to hear him anyway.

he runs his fingers over his inner elbows for tracks and manages to muster some relief when he doesn't find any. seems to be a pill and booze night; far from the worst condition he's found him in.

he rinses him off, running a curtesy hand over his shaved head only for it to fall back to his jaw; his thumb stroking over the thick scar carved into his cheek.

"you gotta stop doin' this," he whispers.

he isn’t sure if he’s talking to riley or himself.

mactavish gathers up riley's too-light body into his arms and turns off the shower. his head lolls into his throat and he throws a towel over his dripping body and another over his shoulder. it doesn't stop him from tracking water all the way to his quarters but he'd like to see someone try to put in a complaint about it.

he lays out the other towel on the bed and sets riley down; moving his body into the recovery position in an all-too familiar routine. he dries him enough that he won't soak the covers as he pulls them up to his chest and kicks the waste bin within grabbing distance of the bed.

he goes to pull off his sodden clothes when a different noise makes him freeze.

a low sniffle.

mactavish slowly turns back to the bed to find riley's eyes squinting open; glazed with tears as he kneads at the covers.

he stares at him for a moment as he looks around the room and those hazy eyes lock on him for the first time. "cap'n?"

he swallows. "aye; s'just me, riley."

his hand pokes out from under the covers and for all the promises he's made himself - all the “never again”s and “this is the last time”s - at the end of the day, he's weak.

he sits on the side of the bed and takes riley's hand in his; already so cold after nearly boiling himself alive.

"y' mad a' me?" he sniffs.

mactavish runs his tongue over his lip and slowly shakes his head. "no, i'm not mad at you."

"prom'se?" he pushes.

he reaches out and caresses his temple with his thumb. his hand almost covers his head and it cuts like a knife to remember just how small riley is. "aye," he says, hushed. "i promise."

riley's eyes fall shut, voicelessly murmuring 'promise’ to himself over and over.

"I’ll ge’ bett'r," he slurs and between one breath and the next, he's out.

mactavish sighs, running his hand in a final pass over his head and stares at a face that looks so much younger in sleep; bruised and sallow skin hidden in the shadows. "i know you will."

he presses a slow kiss to his forehead, shutting his eyes against the grief that wells in his heart and gets up to pull a chair over to the bed; settling in for another long night's vigil of watching his broken lieutenant sleep, ready to tilt him over if he throws up, eyes locked on the slow rise and fall of his chest fearing tonight may finally be the time it stops.

#drug use #tw drugs #guess whos back on her 09 shit #its me bb!!! #anyway 09 ghost who’s just completely messy #if he’s not on an op then he’s at clubs drinking & taking anything he can get his hands on #mactavish knows what he gets up to and hates it #hates watching him destroy himself stumbling back to base with no memory of what - or who - he’s done #hates seeing him prod at bruises knowing he has no idea where they came from #mactavish is more pissed that whoever riley was with just left him like that and that riley is totally fine with it happening #more than once he's found him almost od'ing half passed out in his room or the showers #and every time riley will slur out apologies and promises mactavish knows better to believe #riley knows how much it hurts mactavish to see him like this but its just so painful to live in his head #he can’t help but try and get out of it the only way he knows how #this is pre relationship btw just to make it all hurt a little more #ghost never remembers how he ends up back in his own bed after a bender #the whole point of them is to forget #he’ll end up missing days at a time and never question what happened to him in the meantime #if he thinks hard enough sometimes he can pick up flashes of a familiar voice rasping in his ear and big hands moving his body #but it’s hard for him to believe they’re anymore than drug induced hallucinations of what he really wants #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #talk to me ghost #we’re a team. ghost team #09 soapghost #09 ghoap #soapghost #john soap mactavish #soap cod #simon ghost riley #ghost cod

[miakate-writes]

Period comfort prompts 🎀💌

(a/n: period comfort prompts because i'm on my period and my boyfriend has abandoned me [he had to go home] and now i'm miserable)

A coming home with loads of snacks for B because B couldn't decide

you know those teddies that you warm up in the microwave? (i have one of these and its my favourite fucking thing ever) B defo has one of these and they just make A warm it up over and over again bc it keeps going cold :')

B speaking in one word sentences bc of migraines but A doesn't mind and can translate anything immediately:

"feeling any better?" "worse." "do you want chocolate?" "please."

B leaks on the sheets in the middle of the night and A just cleans it up straight away no questions asked

B is defo embarrassed at leaking but A assures them its fine and they can't control it (the bare minimum ladies and gents)

A has really warm hands so B uses their hand as a hot water bottle (definitely not based on my bf or anything)

#i miss him so much #baby come home #pls im dying #period comfort prompts #period cramps #period prompts #comfort prompts #hurt comfort #pain comfort #hurt comfort prompts #period mention #romance prompts #romance dialogue prompts #comfort dialogue prompts #fluff #fluff prompts #writing prompts #fluffy writing #dialogue prompts #friends to lovers #friends to lovers prompts #writerblr #writer #bookblr #writing #book tumblr

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her #but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son #just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead #so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options #that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive #thinking about it makes me go feral #they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible #and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too #but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye #percy jackson #sally jackson #pjo #hoo #percy and sally #percy jackon and the olympians #whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work #and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts #don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him #but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore? #and he knows that's not true but what if? #i'm thinking it #okay i think that's enough

[sxnbleachedfiles]

reading tsc . im not having a good time .

#JEREMY KNOX UR FINALLY HOME #also . ouch . everything hurts?? #kevin and jean physically pains me like?? #i missed them but goddamn #im not even half way through it?? and STILL #i need to stop and take deep breath every two pages #gagged me soo bad #the sunshine court #all for the game #aftg

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

No drug can give me clarity

(I need you here)

(past MuSan drabble)

(link to ao3 in case some one preferes to read it there)

Summary: Sometimes, Haruchiyo forgets his not wearing a mask anymore (Sometimes, Haruchiyo forgets he killed his captain).

Warnings: Manga Spoilers. Hurt/No Comfort. Drug use (is Bonten timeline, what did you expected?) It was inspired by this tweet, so it hurts. A lot. I'm sorry.

Also, I took the title from the song "Scary Love" by The Neighbourhood ( @just-sp-in-inginthevoid showed me how this song screams Toman MuSan and obv I just had to make it hurt, ooops)

(English is not my first language, so be nice please 🙈)

The night looks equally forgettable as most of Sanzu’s nights. Is not even a special occasion for him, to be this out of his mind. He barely remembers arriving at his penthouse drunk and tired, a big headache from having to listen to Takeomi for hours.

Sanzu growls, feeling annoyance with the memory of that bastard. Standing up a little a bit, he snorts two more lines of ketamine, immediately feeling his body relaxing.  He rolls up on the carpet again, pressing his cheek against the soft fabric and relishing in the sensation. His conscious is floating, exactly what he wanted.

To stop thinking, stop remembering. Not having all this overflowing memories rotting his brain all the damn time.

He’s not sure how much time has passed when he tries to reach for a cigarette, only to discover is the last one.

“Fucking bullshit...”

Sanzu curses, slurring his words. Lighting up the last one, he starts moving, grabbing the things he need for a quick trip to the closest store. His body is acting in auto-pilot, checking he has everything he needs: keys, money, gun, mask. But the mask is not in his pocket like it should be.

“Where the fuck is my mask?”

He starts looking around, going through the mess of things scattered on the living room. He feels dizzy, but the uneasiness in the back of his mind keeps him grounded. Or grounded enough, since he stumbles against the sofa, losing his balance for a few seconds.

For a fleeting moment, a part of Haruchiyo expects to feel a pair of strong arms lifting him up in a gentle way, helping him to stand up.

“Captain?”

He whispers weakly, trying to focus his vision. But nothing happens, no one is there.

Suddenly, reality comes crashing down. The weight of his own actions, the choices he took in the past, drowning him.

Sanzu collapses on the floor again, hugging his knees, curled up like he used to do when he was little.

There is no more mask. No more captain.

(In nights like this, Haruchiyo would be willing to hide himself if it meant having the only person who ever cared about him by his side again)

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers spoilers #me writing🌻 #tokyo revengers fic #drabble #bonten timeline #hurt/no comfort #sanzu haruchiyo #yasuhiro muto #sanzu angst #musan breaking my heart as always #sanzu has a phantom pain and he pretends is bc he feels weird without the mask #(but it's bc he misses his captain)

[jeysuso]

#no thoughts just jey and sami being overly aggressive in their hugs for no fucking reason

and bonus, the rare gentle one that makes me wanna claw my eyes out:

#jey uso #sami zayn #wweedit #jeysami #??? is that even the name idk bro #calling it now if jey wears red to wrestlemania he's hugging sami #but them #Them #THEM!!!! #i miss them so much :( #their hugs are like. so violent but so violent with love #it hurts and cause it hurts me it's gonna hurt you lot too idc #dwell in the pain with me #we'll get this type of hug again #or i'm gonna go to hunter hearst's house and we're gonna have a CONVERSATION #with weapons and violence #< for legal reasons that is a joke #vince mcmahon don't sue me concentrate on ur own lawsuits #also i'll never forgive jimmy for just walking in the way of the one in the bonus gif #like sir give them ROOM. #move your BIG HEAD (affectionate i love him) #i might make a sami/jimmy set next tbh i cause i miss that fucking friendship bro #i miss them being dawgs :( #i've probably missed a hug or two but these are my favourites #mine*

[alphaboyd]

missing scenes i deserved: theo with scott in the tunnel (insp)

#sceo #teen wolf #twedit #teenwolfedit #scott mcall #theo raeken #missing scenes #mine #au #mems amazing showstopping edit hasnt left my mind once since i first saw it #like i get why they gave the theo tunnel scene to mason and the pain taking to gabe but cmon... he Killed scott yall... #ur telling me his redemption arc Didnt culminate in him helping the person he hurt the most #FOOLISHNESS

[napping-sapphic]

God i’m thinking about how easily and unknowingly strangers can grant you salvation like i found it in how my old classmate told me once that i was a kind person and it was the first time i’d ever believed it

in how a coworker once said that i always seem so happy and have a nice smile and i cried about it when i got home since i’d always been told i seem too serious or mean

in how someone once told me i was good at comforting them when i’d always thought i was bad at it

Just god they’re out there somewhere and i barely remember what they looked like and we’ll never cross paths again but they changed me so deeply, they’re out there but they’ll never know how often i revisit those memories and think of myself even just a little more kindly they’re out there and i don’t know them but they’re the most important people in the world to me somehow

#me?? having a Night™️?? more likely than you’d think #im missing the people i never really knew #and im stuck echoing their words to myself #it’s honestly so important to hear things from people who don’t have an agenda to hurt you #who didn’t form a perspective of you at 14 and never let it go #i dont know #it’s just insane how badly ive always felt about myself #how inherently true i thought it was that i was mean or cold or unlikeable #only to have so many people tell me differently the past few years #and i still feel so mean and cold and unlikeable so often because of the people close to me!! #and i probably will forever to some extent!! #and it’s such an awful feeling #but just knowing even one person saw me as kind or happy is such a balm to that pain #that even if every person i meet from here on out found me flawed #there was at least one that saw kindness and joy in me?? that’s healing #idk #idk im emotional and tired and just want to believe i can be a good person sometimes #and sometimes i feel like that one ‘you’re so nice’ i received three years ago is the only thing holding me together sometimes #god just ignore me

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i only just found your au and i need everyone to have a happy ending so badly im gonna cry ;-; sally is gonna be so freakin upset when she wakes up for real and sees she decimated barnaby.

oh, Barnaby already has his arm stitched back on when she wakes up! and really, even if he didn't, that'd be the Least of her worries. she wakes up into a Real nightmare - partially of her (unintentional) making

#happy endings... well... yes and no. depends on what act you look at #act one? no! actually things get So Much Worse in an entirely festive new way! #act two? eh! sorta! its more bittersweet than anything #act three and four blend into each other so much that three doesn't have an 'ending' #but the final act - act four... well. who's to say! im still workshopping what i want to happen #but i do know it's still gonna have at Least a bittersweet tinge to it #wh lights out au #rambles from the bog #there are consequences and not everyone Makes It. i dont like stories where everything wraps up perfectly fine #even if it hurts! i like it when things hurt in a good way. those stories where the ending is overall positive #but Enough Happened that its just... its an ache. looking at where someone used to be. you know? #my favorite shows and books and fics have ended with me smiling while sobbing bc it yes it Hurts but it was So Fucking Good #and while i wouldnt be able to handle rewatching/rereading due to Emotional Damage... #i think of them fondly and often and theyre Important to me #perfectly happy endings just rub me wrong. it always feels like there's something Missing despite it all being idyllic #i cant let my own stories - original or aus or whatever - have that kind of end #so if thats what people are hoping for! you've come to the wrong person and the wrong au! #i like to be kind but that rarely extends to my creative works! #i like it messy and painful and bittersweet and i like to be Ruthless with my creations with no compromise #sometimes characters need to fight. or leave. or die. or make serious mistakes. etc. #but anyway! anyway.... #i will say that there isn't a happy ending for Everyone. and for others it's... complicated. again - bittersweet

[a-sorry-sight]

Y'know, I... still feel conflicted about CCRP. Like, I do hate them, of course I do, they tortured me, they made me into a monster, but I... I miss my siblings more, man. 'Least I know Coral's alive, maybe, I... haven't really had the courage to check for myself, but....

#I miss Professor Paine too #and like #I know I shouldn't #he... helped hurt me and whatever the fuvk #but I #I don't know man #I just don't know #I want to go home

[isabelguerra]

i didn't appreciate these isabel expressions as much as I should have when they aired. Look at how dilated her pupils get compared to the first picture. That's her excitement at ending this game by mercilessly slamming RJ and johnny with dodgeballs. in their faces.

#paranatural #i love her. oh my god i love her. shes so fucking weird. #isabel guerra #her little line under her eye in pic 2 really pushes the expression from good to great. that and the slight eyebrow wobble #really gets across the twitchy eagerness. absolutely unmatched #violence cursive shirt you really did mean that. thats how she feels. #okay as much as i enjoy isabels depression arc and everything can we please get a glimpse of her freak ass habit #of jumping to whatever solution causes the most pain again. i miss that so much. it was so funny. isabel i know you dont want to hurt anyon #but can you a little. please

[randik-86]

I miss the sound of your voice,

I miss seeing you smile,

I miss the silly moments,

I miss the adoring looks that we exchanged,

I miss feeling your touch,

I miss your scent,

I miss having your soft lips kiss mine,

I miss us clowning around,

I miss sharing my box of chocolates with you,

I miss dancing with you when there was no music,

I miss the secrets that we shared,

I miss the intimacy between us,

I miss you...all of you...

©️randik86

#i miss you #spilled ink #©️randik86 #lost love #lost time #sadness #hurt #pain #original poem #words of love #thoughts