#pain but also gain

[cowboycostume]

I just hope to God that we are right when we say: 'I love you' [youtube]

#m.amv #spnamvarchive #spn amv #supernatural #deancas #destiel #dean winchester #song: ghost stories #artist: the narcissist cookbook #spoken word #destiel amv #this one was such a doozy #honestly i am so sorry for the emotional pain i have/will inflict with this #ty to lu and bec and rennie and linds and the diner crew for beta watching this and gaining pre-emptive psychic damage #anyway yeah. i'm still making amvs just. not with the insane fervor of 2021 #also fuck engagement i'm posting at 4am <3

[lagosbratzdoll]

This is a very very unfinished thought but I've been thinking a lot as I reread the books about how the women of House of the Dragon don't really get catharsis and how that'll likely be worse in S2. Say what you want about asoiaf but a number of named women there experience catharsis.

They kill their abusers (Lysa, Cersei, Dany). They regain some agency after a violation (Lysa, Cersei, Lady Stoneheart, Dany), and they refuse to forgive the people complicit in their subjugation (Lysa, Cersei, Dany, Lady Stoneheart, Jeyne Westerling).

Obviously, three or four isn't enough in such an expansive cast of characters but the point remains that they claw back their autonomy however they have to. They're allowed to be angry, bitter, unforgiving and cruel to their abusers in a way women in House of the Dragon just aren't allowed. They're allowed grief, grief that is violent and destructive.

The women of House of the Dragon don't get angry. They stand around and stare plaintively at the camera, they cry prettily, and they plead for peace and non-violence. They suffer and suffer and suffer and there's no relief.

#although dany doesn't really set out to kill her abuser #in fact she doesn't really think of him as her abuser #but the fact remains that her story begins with his death #she gains her dragons and agency through his death #lysa murdering jon arryn #lysa not going to riverrun when hoster is on his deathbed despite cat's letters #she denies him relief for his crimes against her and it's one of my favourite moments in asoiaf #cersei killing robert #cersei eating robert's children taking back reproductive autonomy from the man that hurt her #lady stoneheart turning her grief and pain onto the riverlands #she hangs freys boltons and lannisters uncaringly #it's a failing of the storytelling because this is supposed to be the feminist retelling of the dance #but instead the misogyny that leads up to the dance has been defanged. #the point of the show has been obscured behind endless arguments of the supposed illegitimacy of rhaenyra's first three children #the women fighting for power have been replaced by evil men perched on their shoulders telling them to do bad things #they're helpless victims carried along by the stream of inevitability #or something idk #also i am not including alicent trying to take luke's eye and injuring rhaenyra as cathartic because they are not the cause of her sufferin #house of the dragon #not asoiaf thoughts #daenerys targaryen #lysa arryn #cersei lannister #lady stoneheart #alicent hightower #rhaenyra targaryen #helaena targaryen #rhaenys targaryen

[ailani-reillata]

Ailani Réillata but she’s the GUTS album cover. That’s it, that’s the entire post.

#Listen #Olivia Rodrigo is everything to me and this album is so ailani it’s painful #Listen to ballad of a homeschooled girl and making the bed and you will gain such insight into Ailani’s mind #I traced the hand on this bc there’s no way I was gonna figure out the rings on my own #I’m brave but not that brave #ailani réillata #Artwork #music #My artwork changes style every five seconds but it’s okay because Im just bluffing my way through this shit #also I put like #No effort into this #I just needed it done

[mustangs-flames]

How would mimic!Cesar handle caffeine? Could he handle caffeine?

Depends on how human he is feeling/considers himself to be as the more human a mimic becomes, the more affected they'll be by things like that. This also goes beyond food and drink to things like medicine, drugs, and alcohol, too. So he'd probably be a bit sensitive to caffeine the first few times he tries it, but he'd eventually become more desensitised if it's a regular thing he consumes. I like to think that the first time he tries an energy drink, they realise that he can never have caffeine around people who don't know what he is because his pupils widen and make the strange cat-like slit shapes that they are far more noticeable lmao

#hail true body #mustang answers! #htb mimic!cesar #but whilst there's the more harmless/fun effects of gaining humanity. there's also the dangerous ones. #like taking serious injuries or getting very sick #m!cesar might gain humanity but he loses his ability to instantly heal like he used to #scars. broken bones. pain. and even permanent loss of body parts are real concerns if he isn't careful

[broadway-and-books-love]

RIP Alastor, you would've loved The Magnus Archives

#also probably horror podcasts in general but #possessed cassette tapes???? #entities that make the world their own personal hell???? #people that take perverse pleasure in one entity's expertise and thus gain a painful power???? #he woulda eaten that shit up and been an avatar too #plus jon is ace and i think he’d love that #the magnus archives #tma #hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor hartfelt

[harpuiaa]

i've been dead and gone bc of school and jobsearching and everything happening all at once but ive been playing the boktai series games lately and i'm enjoying it a lot. I just got past the third boss in boktai 2. I don't know why but i'm enthralled with these games, i highly recommend them

#WOE TEN THOUSAND TAG MUSINGS BE UPON YE (this is a warning) #boktai #(pointing) the battle network fan has fallen for the crossover marketing 20 years late #the first gif is bc i imagine the bosses waiting all polite like for django to finish eating healing items when heal scumming in fights. #twenty apples a day keeps the damage away #django is like a son to me hes just a little guy #if the text is hard to read in the third image it says “The tick damage in sunlight brothers” #i find it funny that vampire django still gains his energy from sunlight after turning. his voiceline changes too #it's hard to tell if it's bc hes supposed to sound gruff or like hes in pain. but it makes me feel bad for recharging energy like that #i figure he'd be wound up abt this since it seems he views any connection to his father with a lot of weight #(e.x: zazie pointing out he's crying just after the gun del sol got stolen at the start of 2) #hence why he's depressed in that image #also all the official art of him looks very cool but im incapable of seeing him like that his sprite makes him look like a scruffy dog #im torn between thinking it's cute nd wanting to make fun of him with doodles. least typical vampire appearance with the most typical power #the way you kill immortals (vampires) in this game is so metal i need to rant abt it Somewhere #so like boktai is a game series abt vampire hunting but it's rather sci-fi abt it. instead of more typical weapons you use solar energy #the immortals resurrect after being killed #but this can be prevented via purification. the way this goes is #after winning a bossfight the enemy will get sealed in a coffin. that you then to drag allll the way back outside the dungeon #(often with new puzzles thanks to the coffin being an extra weight) #all the while the immortal inside tries to escape #the objective is to get the immortal to a. summoning circle i guess? #housing devices called pile drivers. they're more like lenses or mirrors though. #they focus sunrays on the coffin purifying the immortal after a brief fight that's like #preventing the boss from attacking the pile drivers until it dies #like. this doesn't sound all that special but most bosses you fight are sentient and i just think it's a bit of a brutal method #for a main protagonist to use #i keep thinking of how it must feel to do it for a living. something like a funeral driver but you're the murderer and the corpse isn't dea #and instead of a funeral you're taking them to a mega death laser array that'll slowly chip away at their health #and then boktai 2 inflicts that on django and im like. is he ok (he's ok but he died)

[salvadorbonaparte]

My chronic pain is mild to intermediate but I'm still dreading the thought that it's just going to continue like that all my life

#And it's been getting worse lately and I've been having more problems #Some of it might get less with more exercise and weight loss and maybe a retainer for teeth grinding #But I also have a health thing that makes it very very difficult to lose weight and very easy to gain it #And exercise is difficult if you're in pain a lot #And it's just genuinely such a struggle #Chronic pain

[romansmartini]

kim: oh i am for SURE a piss faggot

harry: that's cool. "fuck the world" haha 😎👍

kim: Likely thing for a suicidal man to say.

#disco elysium #KIM PLEASEEEE I'M IN PAIN #the fact also that you gain points on his logic check when you talk about suicide #kim you crazy guy i love you #i’m going to get those jackets for us if it’s the last thing i do btw

[crossdressingdeath]

Astarion: I'm not taking anything for granted, of course. First sign of change and I'll have to stop that pretty little heart of yours. Astarion: I am open to suggestions. Knives, poison, strangulation - whatever you'd prefer. Kyvir: Don't make me choose! There are too many good options. Astarion: Well, that's a little dramatic, don't you think? Astarion: Come on, humour me. If you had to choose... Kyvir: If I had to choose, I'd want the knife. Make it quick. Astarion: A classic! One good thrust to the heart and you're gone.

Careful, Astarion, he's going to fall in love with you if you keep sweet-talking him like that. Not gonna lie, I didn't realize at first what a fun combination romancing Astarion and the Dark Urge origin would be.

Also, I love how Astarion's like "So, tell me how I should kill you" and then if you say he's given you too many good options he accuses you of being dramatic.

#bg3 #astarion #kyvir #the addition of kyvir being a paladin is also very fun although it DOES make gaining approval a bit more of a pain than it would've been #listen astarion i WANT to do what you want but it's really hard to hide misdeeds from the gods

[violentviolette]

since i started talking about calisthenics and the kind of exercise i do as a spoonie with a lot of chronic pain and bone/joint problems ive gotten a couple questions so i thought it might be helpful to make a post kind of outlining some basics that really helped me get started but that i think often get really overlooked when ppl first start thinking of "working out" and the preconceived notions of what abled society tells us that looks like

so for me its all about engaging ur muscles. this is huge because a lot of us, myself included, arent actually very used to actively engaging our muscles during rest. and what i mean by engaging is literally just having the muscle be active without being clenched up. the more u use a muscle, the more active it learns to be, even when sitting, lying down, or resting. it learns to stay engaged and stay doing its job which is holding ur bones together and ur body in the correct position. but if u arent engaging ur muscles consistently, they get used to being overly relaxed and lose strength and form and then struggle when u want to go and use them. this is often combined with poor posture and a huge problem for those of us whose bones and joints dont like to stay where they are and need extra support, as overly relaxed muscles have a more difficult time maintaining proper form and shape. this also makes everything from traditional exercise to just moving around doing daily tasks much more difficult and dangerous, as its way easier for bad form and posture to cause us injury or pain

but engaging ur muscles is actually a very easy and simple thing, it requires no equipment or special moves and can be done sitting, lying down, or standing up. u can do ur whole body all at once or break it up into different parts throughout the day. there's also variations to make it easier in places as u progress

easiest first step i found to get urself used to this is something called progressive muscle relaxation. which is literally just starting at the top of ur body and tensing and then relaxing each muscle group for a few seconds as u work ur way down. it's usually paired with meditation but u dont have to. i usually do it to music cause i find guided meditations boring. a lot of people like to do it either in the morning or right before bed, as it can often help relieve tension and stress and make it easier to fall asleep. there are basic guides like this one

when ur first starting if u want a little extra help identifying what and where ur muscles are so u know ur tensing the right ones in the right ways. once uve done those enough that things are easy, u can break it down even further and isolate more specific muscles and add those in as well. charts like these

where u look up specific muscle groups (in thise case shoulder/upper body muscle groups) can help u visualize exactly where ur muscles are, what directions they go in and what they're connected to, which can help u in understanding how to move and control them

understanding the muscles in ur body and having good control over each area can help so much more than u think when it comes to everyday things. slow, deliberate movement is really the key to that and once u get used to each muscle group and have identified which ones u want to work on, u can isolate those groups and start doing basic calisthenics.

a great resource for that is a channel like hybrid calisthenics which i really like for learning new exercises with lots of options for variations and low impact. his exercises almost always require no equipment, very little impact, and focus on control and stability which are much more beneficial and friendly for spoonies, chronically ill, and disabled people

but even if u dont want to or cant progress farther, simply engaging those muscles for a few minutes a days every day on its own will still help a lot and can make a big difference for some people

#jack.speaks #calisthenics #progressive muscle relaxation #pmr #hope that was helpful and if u have any other questions or want specific exercises i do and stuff let me know and i can post those too #also obligatory acknowledgement that this is obviously not going to work for everyone and not everyone can do these things #but it helped me a lot and ive gained a much larger range of motion and am in much less daily pain because of it

[craycraybluejay]

i ate what feels like so many calories tonight my tummy be sloshing. r u guys proud of meeee

#u can fetishize this its fine i dont feel that sick from the fullness #but also this isnt a kink thing for me im just chronically very underweight and keep trying and failing to gain #so uh 🥺 praise me for big meal and caloric drink #well big for me at least #maybe its like normal or sorta or still small for others #but for me its a lot!! and i managed to push through and eat basically all of it #on top of my snacks throughout the day like pretzels and candy and whatever else within reach #i worry if i gain new weight itll distribute wrong #but w how stressed i am and havent seen a doctor in years to deal with anything #ill probably never gain weight anyway #even if i do ill just be glad if i can gain back like 10-15 lbs i lost randomly and suddenly #rly happy this food didnt trigger any pain tho its like normal fullness its handleable #i feel warmmmm

[rin-solo]

To anyone in the TUC fandom who has looked at AHS and skipped it because they heard the ending is happy...

... and then assumed that it's just a wish fulfillment "ideal reality" kind of outcome of the TUC story that cuts all of the depth, pain, and realism ... Go back and read it right now.

Because that is not what AHS is. Not even close.

AHS is not "my version" of TUC where I just change whatever I dislike without regard for themes or characters in the original. Far from it. One of the main goals I had was actually to give more of the Underland. More characterization (that aligns with canon, although some characters develop in a different direction because of shifts in circumstances), more worldbuilding (that coincides with canon, adding onto it), ... just more, period.

The best way I can describe what it actually is is honestly saying that AHS is to TUC like Marvel's "What if ...?" is to the MCU. It is quite literally a "What if Henry had survived his fall at the end of "Gregor the Overlander"?" And I kid you not, 95% of the changes in the story, compared to TUC, are simply a result of exactly this change.

But the entire plot of the final book is different, right? Well, I didn't say that the consequences of that one change weren't substantial. They are. Without spoiling too much I can only say that Henry happens to be an optimist, and it also happens that an optimist was exactly what the TUC story needed to achieve a happier outcome.

Anyone who has actually read my version of the CoC plot will tell you that it is far from ideal, perfect, or pain-free. A lot more happens in the actual plot, but most of those new events are there to serve the dark, violent nature of war. There's so much talk about loss, and sacrifice, exploration of (also the dark side of) heroism, and whether "for the greater good" is worth it. There's corruption and death, injustice, and grappling with unkind fates and alienation/rejection.

Now, I will admit that I did put less emphasis on the societal pressure aspect of CoC, but mainly because that theme is a huge part of AHS 2 already, and it did not really fit this part of the story anymore. Instead, "Gregor against society" becomes "Questers against society" (quite literally, since they are — small spoiler — banding together to actually overthrow Solovet and bring about change.)

BUT ... if there is corruption, death, and the violence of war, how is it happier then? How can it have a happy ending?

Very simply because it is not only corruption but also redemption. Not only death and suffering but also growth and gain. Not only violence and breaking of relationships but also companionship, hope, and mending of relationships.

... The main change that happens to be so powerful it can give this series a happy ending without disrespecting or abandoning its original gritty violent core is ... a shift in mindset toward the positive. For Gregor, but also for everyone else. One of the main themes I added is the exploration of the double-edged nature of things: Everything has good and bad consequences. What we take away from it is what we choose to focus on.

Now you might see better what I meant by "All this series needed was an optimist" earlier. If there were someone to remind people of the bright side, to remind Gregor that his rager power does not make him evil and that he is never alone or choiceless, to embody this hopeful outlook and bring it out in everything ... I promise to you that this is all it would have taken.

And this is what I'm giving you.

#gregor the overlander #the underland chronicles #suzanne collins #tuc #underland chronicles #a henry story #ahs #ahs is actually so far from happy go lucky or lighthearted #like so incredibly far #it has made so many people cry #hope and optimism do NOT mean lighthearted and fun #yes it gives belonging and family #but at what cost #hope means clinging to hope in your darkest hours #when everything seems lost and everyone is against you #when everything wants you to give up #choosing heroism when you have every right to just become a villain is also a huge thing #what it means to have power over your own fate and make your own choices too #tight knit found family against society #fighting and sacrificing your own happiness and yourself to bring about needed changes #to create a better future #you guys literally do not understand how much #gregor and the code of claw #one of my main gripes with coc is its lack of nuance in how it looks at pain and loss #everything has a price #but everything also has a gain #it just depends on learning to look at it the right way

[kikizoshi]

Seeing how many eyes Ludwig has in his beastly form, I really like the headcanon that he was one of the few Hunters who reached a high insight without going insane. Like, on top of trying not to be overtaken by the cursed blood, he also at some point began to see things which shouldn't exist, horrible creatures that would shatter any sane mind.

And yet, through all of this, he clung to his tiny ray of light, stayed strong for his fellow Hunters, fighting alongside them for the sake of his people. Of course, we all know how his story eventually ended, but I find it lovely that even in his final moments, Ludwig remembered fellow Hunters, and hoped their fates to be far kinder than his.

#I also wonder what his 'ray of light' was #the way he talked about it sounded like he eventually learned what it was #'I didn't want to know what it was. Really I didn't.' (proceeds to make the most wretched pained sounds imaginable) #but Ludwig wouldn't let himself succumb until the very end. until all that could be lost was long gone #I wonder if that truth is what makes Hunters go mad in the first place #perhaps the way he learned what it was also had something to do with the insight he gained? #he does refer to moonlight at the end but idk if he could've seen the Moon Presence or not #...one day I'll finish The Paleblood Hunt #... #this is all based on nothing btw #just musings on a fantastic game #(God I wish they'd port it to PC already) #(I want to play it for myself so badly) #bloodborne #ludwig the holy blade #bloodborne ludwig #bloodborne theory #ludwig the accursed

[derpinette]

i have a weird relationship with weight because i hated eating more than anything the moment i was ready for solids ( i hate chewing with my entire life always have & will ) which made me underweight for most of my life ( to this day ) & during late primary-middle school this made me actively suicidal because i felt like something was wrong with my sex because i just was not developing whatsoever prompting me to have a years long phase of trying to gain weight in any way i could ( #EPICFAIL by the way ) & i was already insecure but i felt seriously so unforgivably ugly after bullying not just at school but by adults of my entourage. but then i did in my late 15s which prompted the pendulum to swing in the other direction & suddenly i FREAKED OUT & thought well being skinny is pretty much all i have & know myself to be & clearly it is not going to last forever so i Better preserve it i was delusional about how skinny i thought i was actually i look stumpy & weird i have to prove myself. But now i am normal again kind of

#also i used to get beaten to finish my food nearly daily & it would take me forever to do that like literally hours with no exaggeration #just made me hate eating even more. now my technique is eating as fast as possible before i even realize how overwhelming #the sensory experience is & i can just be done with it VS the pain&dread of eating slowly -> disgust of Everything+hyperawareness #eating tightens my muscles like i hate it so fucking much catching the food putting it in my mouth CHEWING swallowing #what a damn chore #so i always liked cheese it was my “safe food” pretty much the only thing i liked #i even hated the foods autists usually like like fries & fried chicken meatballs ETC. HATED. #i was/am more of a soup & turning all my food into varieties of Slop kind of girl nothing hard for me please... #i experienced middle school during the like ♯Thick era of the world which was honestly a good thing like for The Populace #but i felt like killing myself because i felt like an unforgivable fugly genetic failure & people did not hesitate to let me know #anyway either way i would be unhappy caus if i did gain weight during puberty i would have a meltdown about all the Changes #so i feel content for the time being about only losing the fat in my face & getting age appropriate wrinkles really #trying to enjoy the privilege of thinness while i have it because it will not last forever 0_0 but that should not matter anyway... #the privilege of thinness: being way uglier than others & constantly looking like a gibbon dying of disease + no energy or strength ever #JK people are much MUCH nicer to thin people & they do things for me on account of looking physically incapable so um yay i guess #light at the end of the tunnel that is very significant in the grand scheme of things socially. ♯CountingMyBlessings #also i was raised on ♯HAES tumblr from 2014-2018 i truly believed in that & was so damn envious i was not curvy & beautiful LOL #so i never hated overweight people really i think for the most part the SJW tumblr values stuck with me #but now i know it depends on your base frame & genetics & there is no guarantee to what you choose to do (naturally) acceptance is peace #sorry for the gigantic Arse post i just needed to get that off my chest for a long time. not on here specifically just in general #oh & i am a ♯Grignoteuse but grignoter (grazing) is different from eating in my mind&body #& my insecurity was not a result of wanting to fit in really but kind of in the sense that i wanted people to stop berating me for my looks #like body wise only & also not understanding why every other girl looked like a girl blossoming into a woman #& i looked like i was transitioning to Malnourished (unsexed) Ape made worse by bein GNC.& like the need for control later on & erthang ETC

[gracebethartacc]

Does the transformation to a star also hurt Magnifico? Cause in the song he’s laughing but I don’t think a skeleton disintegrating would be very pleasant

Oh yeah for sure but he’s very much riding that “gettting loads of magic all at once” high, BUT hence why the burn line at the end becomes a yell like it hurts as well he’s just too focused on the magic part and being evil to really register it

#Fun fact I plan for a more final version to have the last verse actually be moved into being a reprise seeing as I switched it up that mag— #—isn’t absorbing the magic RIGHT away and now it’s gonna be more like a last attempt bc Asha and Aster are determined asf #Hence that doodle comic #So yeah idk when we will do the more updated version but probably way later but hopefully this makes sense #But also also i think it should be noted that aster loosing that magic probably hurt more than gaining it would #PLUS star has never felt pain before that point so it was worse because of that as well #(Hc like if you tried to punch star for example your hand would just go through like stardust)(I believe this was in the concept art !) #rewrite the stars au

[orbdotexe]

well, while Cryptid is trolling the Content Box with Traitors and Legacies, I'll throw out some of the page I wrote for Impromptu Arsenal Check--

The Guardian sets a fast pace, throwing him off balance with every other swing, and he’s certain he’s only alive because of the egregore obscuring their full focus. Despite their drive, they’re unfocused—and when the two lock swords he can clearly see the heavy movements of their chest, the gloss over their remaining eye, and the writhing of– He forces himself to breathe instead of recoiling, and instead searches them for something he can use. Eyeing the sword still sheathed on their back, versus the jagged barb in their hands, his confidence is… not rekindled. Disarming them will do nothing… Locked in place, the Void mist sets in and starts sapping his warmth and Light again, and he slides the kindling of a blade under the Guardian’s in a wide swing, forcing them to stagger back. The breath they let out is almost a growl. Looking at them now, it’s hard to imagine how anyone fashioned a hero out of them.

#the forsaken exile #i... remembered it existed today and then wrote and edited it some #but i got a full new page written for it!!! #quite happy about that actually #bc im in Actual Fight territory now so hopefully the next time i sit down to write i can get it at least almost finished #destiny 2 #this *probably* isnt the finished version of this part but we'll get there when we get there lmao #also this Warlock has these thoughts the Entire Time #not quite to the degree of that final line. but it slowly builds up to that point #(versus Crow's first meeting with them and seeing their poor state leading up to him deciding to help them) #he sees their horrible state. the pain the egregore is causing them and even comments on how frantic they are and just... #he just thinks about how he could twist it in his favor to gain the upper hand #And it doesn't really say anything about him in particular either. if youll believe me #ill just leave you with that thought (or else these will turn into REAL essay tags)