Getting O LD has not been my friend 😥. I don’t want to complain all the time, so I don’t say anything. ￼
I know what’s the problem: the problem is me.
It’s me because when I was at my worst, when I was on my knees, I thought to myself “today is an hard day, but tomorrow… oh fuck tomorrow my life will be beautiful, I’ll get all I ever wanted, I will be repaid for this”
And then “tomorrow” arrived and nothing happened, and so the day after it. Years passed and my life is still a mess, I can’t have what I want, and I didn’t got repaid for my pain, and even if I thought that it wasn’t possible, there’s even more on my bill.
What did I fought for? For THIS? Oh god no, no, no. I don’t even want it.
I should have surrendered year ago.
I was at school today and I realized how repetitive my day is
My friend abandoned me for a boy again
My other friend abandoned me for a boy too
They both walked as pairs together down the hallway with me following
They didn’t notice me
I got left out again in a 4 person friend group
They joke about me and I just take it
I want to yell at them and get angry
And sometimes I do
But then I scar myself all over to punish myself
Because if I told them everything that was on my mind I wouldn’t be able to stop
And then it’d be my fault for being this way
For hating being left out
For hating myself
For noticing this every day
Because then I’d be the villain
And they’d all be the victims
My heart breaks a little every time someone in my family says “I heard on Joe Rogan’s podcast…”
Skin - Sabrina Carpenter
“I lay in the bathroom at three in the morning pleading for someone to take pity on me, to take away this never ending pain that seems to stay in my being despite the years and my youth.”
Down. Depressed. Shit mood. Fuck the world. No work. Can’t eat. Cold. Miserable. Sorry to bother you.
Even at your absolute best… you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person
Nem azért követtelek ki mindenhol, mert utállak. Azért tettem, mert nagyon rossz volt mással látni, de közben megmosolyogtatott az, hogy boldognak látlak Boo…
Azóta is tisztelettel, csillogó szemekkel beszélek rólad, ha kérdezik mi történt. Baszki, hiányzol nyomi
a painful thought is much worse than physical pain.
ohh the pain!!! Didn’t need to cry this hard in the middle of the day… This series keeps one getting better and better….
I hate when people tell me I’m not old enough to be burnt out and understand what having a hard life is like. I get it, I’m a 17 year old high school student. The school sees me as lazy because I’m currently failing all my classes and not attending my schooling, obviously the only explanation is that I’m just too lazy to put in effort. Little do they know that I’m suffering from depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder and trying to deal with them without my meds. Everyone says I’m stupid for not taking my meds, but they don’t understand that my mom took them away from me as a punishment for not being home enough. They say that maybe I should stop screwing around with friends and be home so that I would get punished and I could be better. Once again, they dont understand. I’m not out screwing around with friends. I work two jobs, one from 6:30 am - 2:30 pm, the other from 3:00 pm - 9:00 pm. I work 7 days a week. I dont even really have friends anymore, they all left because they got upset that I have no time to hang out or party anymore. All I am trying to do is get by right now so that I might have a chance to make a better life for myself in the future. Everyone thinks im just blowing them off and lying, but for gods sakes I can’t even make it to my dead fathers birthday celebration this weekend because I’ll be working. I’m trying to provide for myself, my family, one of my closest friends and their family, what else can these people possibly ask of me? I’m not some magical being, I can’t handle work, school and a social life like this. All I want to do is have one day off to just lay in bed and sleep. I just want to relax. This is exactly how my dad lived, and he died of a heart attack my sophomore year from stress and over-working himself. I’ve been taking care and providing for my family and others since eighth grade, when do I get a break? I just want people to stop assuming my life is perfect just because im young. Not everything is obvious. You never know what someone his really going through, so stop fucking assuming.
Tried to stay busy today. Made my cookies for the month. Made a beautiful loaf of bread. Got a bunch of things done. Even took my wife out for a nice evening meal. After that mood comes crashing down. So fuck it. Going to bed and I really don’t want to wake up.
sometimes i think about how we watch manon grow and learn how to love and be loved and how much she did love the thirteen and how much they loved her and the chapter after she loses them hurts so much, that kind of pain, that kind of mourning i know hurts so much and i sobbed when i 1st read it and i still cry now