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#painkiller80 aesthetic
cassandras-nest · 4 years
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so i made a thing again, just because i love the idea of sith dark Fives & Echo so much
also inspired by @meridiansdominoes​ - The Dark and The Loyal
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The training they both received was the most terrifying they ever had in years. Harder than any battle they had ever been in together, harder than any of their previous training.
The exhilarating and scary aspect was that he had no more regrets. For anyone but his brother and his now new master.
His senses were sharpened and now he could understand everything around him and comprehend exactly what it was. Before it was all blurred, before he didn't comprehend, now he does.
Sometimes the power was too overwhelming, as if he felt he couldn't handle it in the first place. The pain and anger he constantly experienced became his only grip on the reality he had, everything was new and brutal and he was living in it.
And his brother. After all, they were still together, just the two of them. Even though in a completely different way, he loved him, always had. He was his twin, after all. He would never abandon him, no matter what.
He was, so to speak, always the same. More attentive, always efficient and extremely intelligent. Now he was also more focused, tenacious and extremely cruel, so subtle that he was proud of him. 
They became unstoppable and impossible to defeat. Literally ruthless killing machines that enjoyed winning by murdering whatever stood before them..
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thank u again for this gem, i really love this dark twist. hope u like the little add
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acdeaky · 4 years
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bad liar | IV
warning: angst, fluff (finally !), strong(ish) language
note: here’s the final part! i hope you’ve enjoyed :))
word count: 1.6k
black lives matter
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it’s the moments before, the moments leading up to the consistent and awkward plummet, that make people reckless - cause these impacts - because when someone has taken up every part of your thought process that they become the very frequency in which your brain functions, these moments take on their own viscosity, exist on their own planets. and for the moment before you answered that phone, the configurations and shapes of the universes collapsed and fell away.
but, like on any planet, the silence between ben and yourself was almost deafening, but you knew whatever conversation that was about to be had shouldn’t have been done on the phone. so, you did the only think you could think of doing; you sent him a text saying you would be there in ten minutes, grabbed a jacket and pulled on your shoes and left your apartment, ready for the walk over to ben’s.
just as you said, you were there ten minutes later, your body stuck to the floor in front of his door with your hand hovering over the wood.
but you’re here, thinking again and again, promising yourself that you should be here and that this is a good idea. you’re here and you really should be, but your scared and taking the last few inches for yourself before letting your fist rap against his door - the knot in your throat making itself ever so present.
it’s only then what you realised that you were actually here. your body was here, but you felt as if you had left your mind and spirit behind, and they had only just caught up to you and your aggressive speed walking. it was fine, really, all that matter was that you were here and you were fine, almost as if you weren’t about to declare your love for your best friend.
either that or he would stare you down in disgust as he proclaimed that the things had had wanted to say for months was that he didn’t want anything to do with you. but that had to be worse case scenario, you declared to yourself, somehow finding a slither of confidence as you waited for the door to swing open.
you also found the inability to think of any positives to come from this. all that ran through your head was rejection, the image of ben standing at the door and letting you down softly, the thought of having him out of your life for good. no matter what, the possibilities were bad, so horrifically bad that you were preparing yourself to live in-
“hey, come in.” came ben’s soft voice at the right moment. god, how long had he been there? you were hoping on a short while, though he probably could have heard your thoughts from miles away. he stayed looking at you, waiting for you to come back from space and into the real world before turning around and walking back inside his apartment.
you found it in yourself to follow him, cautiously stepping forward and shutting the door behind you. ben silently offered you a seat and you muttered a quick thank you as you sat on a bar stool by his kitchen countertop. ben sat opposite you, leaning his body against the arm of the sofa while crossing his arms.
neither of you knew what to say. hell, you didn’t even know who was meant to talk first in these situations. no one probably does, because this doesn’t happen often, or ever.
“what do you want, ben?” you whispered, never looking up from the floor. you weren’t even sure if he heard you; your voice had been soft and quiet after the silence had gotten to suffocating.
“do you want the long answer?” he replied, watching you as you shuffled slightly. you knew his gaze was on you, you could feel it. the only thing you wished was to be able to have that same strength.
“as opposed to the short one?” ben chuckled at that, knowing even when things were like this, broken and unbearing, you still had your humour about you.
“yeh, as opposed to the short one. long answer: i want to make things right between us. i want to try and repair whatever that fake relationship did to you and me and to us. i quickly gathered that you weren’t entirely happy with the arrangement, but i hoped you would say something to me, or prove me wrong and say that you were fine. but you weren’t. and i know that now; i just wish you’d told me sooner. i keep thinking that this wouldn’t have happened if we had just been honest with each other; we’re both at fault here and right now i just want to fix it. can we?”
it was only then when you lifted your head. your eyes had begun to brim with tears, but you didn’t care if ben saw; he’d seen it before. it would probably look worse if you didn’t, making ben, who was pouring his heart out, look like a twat. his eyes looked like yours, too; red, angry, swollen. “i want to fix it, too. fix us, fix things.”
neither of you moved after that. ben stayed firmly planted on the sofa arm and you on the bar stool. but things had shifted slightly, changed suddenly. you knew things would be okay and you would fix them, but you would fix them together. that’s all you wanted.
“short answer,” ben continued, calming himself down and not allowing his tears to ruin the moment. “i want you.”
then, he’s moving. he’s stood from his seat on the sofa, moving over to you quickly and precisely, like he’s planned the route and the execution in his head and all he needs now is you to allow him.
“kiss me.” ben sits down, leaning forward, nose bumping against your own, long blond lashes blinking against his cheeks.
air rattles inside you like stones, and if you weren’t already sitting, you’re sure that you would have collapsed. you can’t tell if it’s heat of the moment that’s making the room spin or his instruction, but either way, you feel like you might lose your hold on the world if you don’t do something quick.
so you listen - moving your body and tilting your chin up to meet him - and this kiss is slow, unrushing and testing. the emotion is back, not that it ever really left - but it’s stronger now, growing exponetionally and all you can think of is any way to keep yourself grounded, any way to keep yourself from rocketing into space without him and staying down. kissing him feels nice.
ben pulls away too soon for your liking, but the amount your head is spinning, you’re grateful for an excuse to let it settle. you don’t stray far from each other, only giving the other a few inches of space as you rest your forehead against ben’s.
his hands find purchase on your hips, giving them a little squeeze which encourages you to shuffle forward on your stool to rest your hands at the back of his neck. ben moved forward, too, spreading his legs to allow yours to slot perfectly between them.
“it’s a good start,” ben chuckled lightly, keeping his voice low, like it was a secret between you two. “i mean it, about fixing this. i’ve wanted to tell you how i feel for months, but i never found the right time. then, i was too late and i thought i’d lost you, especially after the other night.”
“ben,” you start, bringing your hands from the back of his neck to land gently on his cheeks. “you wouldn’t have lost me, you never will. i just needed a couple days to get over the whole ‘relationship’ and that would have been it; i’d have been fine. but this, being together and truly fixing things, is way better than being friends and having something unspoken and unresolved between us.”
“god, i think i could fall in love with you.” was all he could reply, letting his eyes close as his pressed his forehead further against yours.
“i think i could fall in love with you, too.” you smiled, bringing ben’s face closer to yours and lowering your lips to his.
just like the previous one, it was slow and unrushing, but this time, it was less desperate, like neither of you were afraid that the other would run off. it had never crossed your mind; there was a reason that you came here instead of doing this over the phone.
you needed to see him, to feel him, to be close to him as you fixed things; it was the only way in your mind. although this is never what you had imagined for the two of you (this being a fake relationship which almost destroyed your real relationship), but here and now, working on things and being with him, relishing in his touch and taste, was what you needed. what you both need.
“stay the night?” ben whispered as he pulled away again, keeping his face centimetres from yours while his lips ghosted over yours. “you know you have clothes here,” one kiss, “there’s no issue,” and another one, “i just need to be close to you tonight.”
“i’ll stay,” you promise, pushing forward and leaving a kiss on his lips this time. “i’ll always stay.”
<- previous
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TAGLIST: @shes-over-bored @i-barely-go-on-online @sohoneyspreadyourwings @brian-maybe-not @deakysbabybooty @1001-yellow-daffodils @retromusicsalad @hardcoredisneynerd @painkiller80 @leatherjacketmazzello @scarecrowmax @mebeatlized @seesiderendezvous @alright-mrfahrenheit @someone-get-a-medic @miamideacon @chlobo6 @teenagepeterpan @spacedustmazzello @deakysgurl @forever-rogue @xcdelilahxc @keepsdrawings @igotsuckedintothevoid @kill4hqueen @supersonicfreddie @laedymoon @inthedayswhenlandswerefew @warriorteam1924 @painandpleasure86 @boomerangbassist @mamaskillerqueen​ @lookuptotheskiesandsee @bhxrdy @lost-aesthetic-of-past @madeinheavxn @xbarrjallenx
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borealtwilight · 4 years
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Aesthetic board for Fives Week 2020, day 2, family ( click for a better look because tunglr is tunglr )
pinging @painkiller80, the host of the week :)
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spot-spots · 4 years
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Thank you @fancycheesebread and @quimerathetraveller for tagging me
APPEARANCE
I’m 1.55m. I wear glasses. I have dark brown hair. I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing. I don't have piercings. I don't have tattoos. I have dark brown eyes. I haven't dyed or highlighted my hair. I haven't gotten plastic surgery. I haven't braces. I don't sunburn easily. I don't have freckles. I hardly ever paint my nails. I don't wear makeup. I don’t often smile. I'm not really pleased with how I look. I don't prefer Nike to Adidas because I don't have the money to be able to buy any of those. I don't wear baseball hats backwards.
HOBBIES AND TALENTS
I don't play sports (haven't done in a long time but I can swim and do some volleyball) . I can play an instrument (used to play trumpet, rn I'm starting with the bass). I am more or less artistic. I know more than one language. I haven't won a trophy in some sort of competition. I can cook or bake without a recipe. I know how to swim. I don't really enjoy writing. I can do origami. I prefer movies to tv shows. I can't execute a perfect somersault. I really enjoy singing. I couldn't survive in the wild on my own. I'm reading a new book series this year. I enjoy spending time with friends. I sometimes travel during school or work breaks. I can't do a handstand.
RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not in a relationship. I have been single for all my life lol. I don't have a crush. I have a best friend I have known for eight years. My parents are together. I haven't dated anyone. My crush has never confessed to me. I have a brother. I give advice to my friends. I have made an online friend. I met up with someone I have met online.
AESTHETIC
I have heard the ocean in a conch shell. I haven't watched the sunrise (directly). I love rainy days. I haven't slept under the stars. The sound of chirping calms me. I enjoy the smell of the beach. I kinda know what snow tastes like. I listen to music to fall asleep. I enjoy thunderstorms. I LOVE cloud watching. I have attended a bonfire. I pay close attention to colors. I find mystery in the ocean. I enjoy hiking on nature paths. Autumn is my favorite season.
MISCELLANEOUS
I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle (I pretty much can fall asleep anywhere, even if I'm standing lol). I am the mom friend. I don't live by a certain quote. I like the smell of sharpies. I'm involved in extracurricular activities. I love Peruvian food (my country lol). I can't drive. I do believe in true love. I always make up scenarios to fall asleep. I sometimes sing in the shower (I mostly sing when I'm doing my chores) . I wish I lived in a video game. I own one dog at the moment and I love him with all my heart
This was fun to do 💙, thank you for the tagging!! So now I tag @ct5597-jesse @prfury @painkiller80 and anybody else who wants to do it ❤️
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cassandras-nest · 3 years
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Anyway, aside from Mando hype...i wanna make something to give to all of you this December and since all my gifts will be digital due to the pandemic (and i won’t have my family with me, except for my mum) i want to do some free edits on request.
It’s a gift, i don’t want to be payed or have anything in return.
...also i will accept only 10 requests (so that i can start working on them while i regularly work)
fandoms: star wars (prequel, clone wars, rebels, mandalorian) / Queen / Marvel.
for star wars: i can do the writing in aurebesh or mando’a, you choose.Any ship/ otp accepted.
for Queen and Marvel: any character/person you want, any ship too...i’m open to everything so don’t be afraid.
if you want some example of my work, here it is my edits masterlist
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people that might be interested: @plexflexico @deakysgurl @raf-loves-everything @beskars
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even if i didn’t tag you, you can still request, it’s open to everyone (you can request on anon too...but then i wouldn’t know who to tag in when the gift’s done..it’s up to you)
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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y’all really thought i was done with moodboards?? Well here’s the one i did for the third part of Child Soldiers (as always thank you @morganas-pendragons​ for the inspiration)
to be honest i was a bit unsure about this but my mind was focused on the PAIN so...
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part 03 - Cody
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When the chip finally disintegrates nearly fifteen years into his time as the Grand Admiral’s lap dog… Cody emerges from his chains that have restrained him since Utapau, and he heaves the largest gulp of air his lungs can manage as his knees give out beneath him.
Obi-Wan had always told him that he thought the commanders of the GAR were more attuned to the Force then their less superior brothers, the subordinates who often fell beneath the rank of Captain.
He doesn’t believe in the kriffing Force. Not after Knightfall. What he does know is that something led him to this moon, away from the hunt of his remaining brothers that he was supposed to eliminate, and brought him to his knees at the tomb of the 501st Legion.
The ones who didn’t become a part of Vader’s Fist.
Cody doesn’t know if Rex is still alive. He doesn’t know who Vader is, or why everyone is so afraid of him, or why that kriffing Sith Lord looks right through him as if he knows him. Like they’re friends.
Bile rises in his throat. He fists the snow in gloved fingers and retches at the grave before him. It’s Jesse’s. Apparently he’d been one of the last veterans of the Five-Oh-First to survive to the end of the war.
 “My failure.” He whispers to the ghost who crowd him. They should have listened to Fives. Listened to reason instead of that undying devotion to their Jedi and the GAR that had dug most of them a premature grave. “My failure.”
One in which he will carry with him forever.
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I really can’t wait to see and suffer more with the others..
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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(ships will be back in a minute, been sick today and almost passed out from the heat..right now have some ..pain)
warnings: mental abuse & illness, depression (under the cut)
(unedited, i wrote this to vent about my actual situation and i relied on Fox)
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We wear red so they don't see us bleed Hundred dollar bills under our sleeve We intend not to sleep 'til we're dead Drink our problems right out of our heads..
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**
Coruscant Guard
Report n. 07542233
-Mission completed..
**
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Mission? What mission? Why couldn't he remember any of it?
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Almost no one knows how hard was being empathetic, feeling everything without even trying. It wasn’t mind reading, far from it, but nonetheless, the person who was capable of it knew everything about anyone.
The downside of it was not feeling anything, becoming cruel, cold and borderline evil without almost any regret and Fox knew this too well.
For the outside world, he was the stoic commander without any emotion, the perfect representation of loyalty and blindness. Almost no one knew how much and how many time he was abused, how he ended up being so emotionless, evil even.
Everyone ignored how many hits he took in his still short life, from snarls to actual insults, even his brothers..other brothers..started to hate him.
He knew he was being abused, but he didn’t remember how or when, he just felt something missing, something so important that someone took the time to erase it from his memory. 
How?
So he kept on living. The initial spark of life he had, was completely vanished now.
He was alone, he felt alone even in a room full of people, even among his brothers. Alone to fight the urge to commit treason and took his life, alone when he was curled up at night crying, just alone with his mind and it was the scariest thing ever.
Abused, tortured and used, this was Commander Fox. Many tried to paint him as the villain but he was just a pawn.
A small pawn in a bigger game of power, a living being that once was so full of hopes and dreams for the future, someone that saw his life taken away without consent.
A human.
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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so this wasn’t planned at all but..then i’ve found the right song and this happened
(it was way too filthy in my head but then...i would have been censored)
*to @beskars​ and her Maul oneshot - HERE -
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I'm evil to the core What I shouldn't do I will They say I'm emotional What I wanna save I'll kill Is that who I truly am? I truly don't have a chance 
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( song: Fairly Local - Twenty One Pilots )
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now i’ll go back on writing....finally ;)
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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angsty mood+a bit of sadness and i’m all over again enjoying the pain....
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Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep
- good soldiers follow orders
It's my own design It's my own remorse Help me to decide
- execute order 66
Nothing ever lasts forever
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(lyrics in italic by Everybody wants to rule the world - Lorde version)
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Sometimes it hits again and i have only this to cope...a visual descriprion of what, probably, clones had in their own mind during the tragedy. Yes or no, that’s how i see it...used for an higher and wrong purpose, without consent. 
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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my arm is giving me hell and i don’t feel so well today, so i’ll leave here the latest angsty moodboard i put together yesterday’s night...dedicated to what later became the 501st..
(hopefully i’ll feel better soon and post some drabbles i’m working on)
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- The 501st Legion, also known as the 501st Battalion or 501st clone battalion and later known as "Vader's Fist", was an elite stormtrooper legion under the command of the Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader during the Imperial Era. -
Hear me from the bottom Forged in regret, I'm the silversmith Doomsday You had it coming Marching the streets with an iron fist
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(lyrics in italic: Trials by Starset)
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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self prompt : Ghosts from the past/New nightmares
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aurebesh translation: these trials make us who we are ... the ending won't be forgotten .
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The rescue was the easy part, everything was just a blur in Echo’s eyes, his mind still clouded by all the information the Tecno Union took from him and the ones they forced into him ...
The hardest now was living with those memories, with new nightmares and a endless sense of loss, like some sort of ghost from the past. He knew something wasn’t right, deep down he felt like a missing piece and it wasn’t about his limbs.
Did you have any regrets? He asked himself every night, like a mantra, his answer however wasn’t always the same, yes..no..maybe? He didn’t know for sure.
Did he? Could he have done it better? Could he have been saved? Save him?..One thing was certain, he'd been given a second chance. A chance to redeem himself, save others as best as he can.
This time he won’t fail...
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@plexflexico​ the Echo one...as i promised..
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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Were you thinking that I would never post stuff about Star Wars and Clones again? You were wrong 😅
I have so many things planned that i'm afraid i won't finish all. In the meantime here it is another aesthetic about Clones...
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ARC-5555 "Fives"
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"Look around! We're one and the same, same heart, same blood. Your training is in your blood. And my blood's boiling for a fight"
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I miss my boy so much ❤
Requests are still open, i can create almost anything, i did moodboards about fanfics, songs, people, fictional characters etc....
I work, mostly, with Queen, Marvel, Star Wars fandom
.............
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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Moodboard for @quirkysubject​ for her Froger Titanic au. - that you can read here -
- story summary - 
"On April 10th 1912, the grandest ship ever built leaves port in Southampton for its maiden voyage to New York. For Roger, the RMS Titanic is a promise of freedom and adventure. For Freddie it's a prison thinly varnished with gold"
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I do really hope you like it, i know the movie by heart so i was hugely inspired by it.
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This was a commission due to me opening up requests for help my family paying bills and be able to buy medicines for myself - you can read the full post here - or if you want to ask something, you’re welcome
next edit would be a general thank you to people who donated but never showed up
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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So we trying...
This is something i'm working since December, on and off...making many changes to it and being unsure on when i should post it. I almost decided to not post it at all but then something changed.
This is not a drabble, more like a stream of thoughts from the His side, this song is so dear to me and my own interpretation was of a secret love, a true one and at the same time something that ended too soon and shouldn't have existed.
This is about One Year Of Love, and my first post for Valentine's day
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......
-Just one year of love
Fate isn’t always kind as you can see, you would only lose while fight against it, maybe it wasn’t meant to be, our lives so different and miles apart from each other.
-Is better than a lifetime alone
Everything happened so fast and everything was suddenly gone. 
So strange and yet so sweet and i, i was only a fool.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, every single one had to happen to make sure i was right here with you.
I can't recall when or where but here we are now, longing for something so easy and yet so distant.
I still want you but my desires are worthless now.
I have no choice, and it hurts me deep inside. You’re in every beat of my heart, you’re in the air i breathe and without you, I don’t how to live anymore.
There are no happy endings, not for us, but endings are the saddest part of it all.
My feelings were pure. I just wanted to lose myself in you, seeing how far this would have taken me. I still can feel you in my arms like you were used to be, your scent burned deep down in my soul and your image still in my mind, perfect as always.
You are the blood in my veins and I don't think i can go on without you
You are my smile and now the world seems so cold.
Because you’re all i need.
You’re everything, everything i ever wanted. 
-My hand reaches for to your hand, I'm cold but you light the fire in me
I'm lost, but now you can't help me, my love please.
The only time I’ve really felt love was the only time i got hurt.
I’m longing for you, to see you one last time, to see your smile, to kiss you and hug you so tight and never let you go, be brave for you but i can't.
You became my life so fast and you always will be, no matter what.
-And no one ever told me that love would hurt so much.
You’re still the strength that keeps me going, you are my hope.
I love you and no one will change that even if our forever is gone, just remember that my heart belongs to you.
You’re the one who showed me what i needed the most, the one who really cared about me, the one who was there every time and the one whom I never lied to.
You knew everything about me and yet i hurt you the most.
Our beautiful secret isn’t a secret anymore but don’t care if my life is a mess because of it, it was worth it, every moment, every laugh, every tear, everything.
All the time I’ve spent with you, the most important person i've ever had, the only one i had to leave, it was worth it all. 
So tell me, love, i’m here and i’m listening. I won’t go away this time, so take your sweet time with me, just for tonight i’m your humble servant and my only wish is to make you happy.
You don’t believe me, i know that, but this time just surrender and let yourself go, even if it's just for one night.
-I'm a prisoner of love inside you
I was alone all my life, i was alone amongst other people too, alone with no one to trust to, never truly happy but then i saw you for the first time and i started to believe that everything was possible, that you could became my hope and so it was, i was completely sold.
Always remember what we were for each other even for a short time.
Even if destiny is against us, i’ll never let you go that easily and if you ever need me again you know that i'll always find you.
I will be always yours, my love. 
-And all I can do is surrender
......
@binkyisonline @deakysgurl @painandpleasure86
(I know u will appreciate this)
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cassandras-nest · 4 years
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While i'm working on requested commissions ( a soft Froger..*^*) i did a lil’ something to thank other people who donated on my ko fi but never showed up.
Some of you know that i’m a huge Star Wars fan and i love everything about it, so i did some free Star Wars aesthetics (only 3 characters for now but i'm planning on doing more)...
I even tried a different style to those..and i'm quite pleased by that.
So here they are:
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Cassian Andor inspired aesthetic.. ❤ (rebel spy of my heart)
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Poe Dameron inspired aesthetic..😍 (my fave trouble maker)
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CT- 7567 Rex (captain of the 501st battalion) inspired aesthetic - yes an even bigger Clone Wars fan here... - they are my precious babies.
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Still have more to do but i'm working slowly even in quarantine ...
Thanks to the people who helped me and shared, i may be far from my goal but i'm hopeful ❤
my ko-fi page
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