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#panic attack


Youre doing amazinggggg sweetie, fuck that mental bitch YOU ARE the real baddest bitch

Except if you’re someone w a mental disorder and you are purposely causing pain and hardship in other ppl life do better you know better

Sending Love love love happiness and everything else you may need your way I loveee u

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💫Day in my life 💫

Tw panic attack, abuse(?), generally just kinda panicky/paranoid behavior

  1. Wake up at 630 am after going to sleep at 4
  2. Get yelled at locking the bathroom door to take a shower
  3. Dissociate for 30 minutes
  4. Lock self in room
  5. Leave room to do laundry
  6. Get shit thrown at you for doing laundry
  7. Have a panic attack
  8. Talk to mother about said panic attack
  9. Get God has a plan shpeel and dissociate whole time
  10. Finish laundry
  11. Try to sleep
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I had a ‘normal’ day, felt weird but that isn’t unusual. Occasionally I’d hear someone tell me to do something but I could ignore it and carry on with what I was doing. Then after tea I was alone in the kitchen and it got worse. Like their voices had more control over me. I had a panic attack again and then one of the frequent ones started talking about his home, nothing was making sense, it got too much.

I managed to not hurt myself too bad tonight but it’s still happening more often than a few months ago.

I need to sleep.

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“jack of all trades, master of none”

i’ve always been pretty good.

i’m not trying to brag—i hate bragging and pride and attention. but i’ve honestly always been a very rounded personality, pretty good at following directions, and pretty good at clearing every hurdle placed in front of me. *

pretty good at math, pretty good at science, pretty good at language, pretty good at research

pretty good at planning, organizing, and preparing, but also pretty good at improvising

pretty good at music, pretty good at sports, pretty good at baking, pretty good at art

pretty good at looking pretty, pretty good at getting dirty

i’ve had my share of pretty good successes and definitely had more than my share of pretty “good” failures

pretty good at being a leader when i need to, and pretty good at following along

i’ve always had pretty good intuition about people but also been pretty good at being the outsider

my personality type happens to be the one that most readily takes on others’ emotions, making me pretty good at feeling everything for everyone, and pretty good at not feeling my own feelings

i am pretty good at being alone, and at being a good and loyal friend. i am pretty good at logical thinking as well as emotional.

introverted and a people person, i’m pretty good at socializing and pretty good at closing myself off to the world completely

i’ve always dipped my toe into practically every body of water, and honestly tried to dive headfirst into most as well

so i guess it makes sense that my brain wants to try me on 5 different disorders at once

i’m pretty good at anxiously doing everything, and sitting alone and depressed doing nothing. i’m pretty good at obsessing over everything and acting on my compulsions pretending it’s necessary logic, and pretty good at losing all reason and entering panic mode. i’m pretty good at starving myself, and going through phases of “recovery” that looks more like orthorexia.

my brain’s been a jack of all trades, but a master of none. i succumb instead to the masters of my brain.

it’s made me pretty good at hating myself, and i’m pretty good at not hating anyone.

*not literally. hurdles is one of the things i’m very bad at. i have no vertical whatsoever unless you give me a pole to vault with or some bases throwing me lol

PS i also hate myself for writing such a long post all about me and feel incredibly selfish and weird—like nobody cares, bella! but ima post it anyway bc it was kinda therapeutic and maybe one of y’all out there will relate.

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Nothing like feeling weird all morning. Then having a panic attack you didn’t realize you were having till you started vomiting at work.

Ended up going home and disappearing into my bed till it stoped.

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