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#par de cracks
hardjinnger · 2 years
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tag dump
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mariographique · 6 months
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Assistance craquelée / Cracked assistance par Mario Castonguay
Détail d’un panneau d’appel en cas d’urgence dans la station l’Acadie du métro de Montréal
Detail of an emergency call sign in the l'Acadie station of the Montreal metro
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chic-a-gigot · 4 months
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Le Petit écho de la mode, no. 50, vol. 13, 13 décembre 1891, Paris. Manteau camail en drap deux tons. Modèle de Mme Simon, 1, rue Auber. 17. Redingote Helyett. Ville de Paris / Bibliothèque Forney
(15) Elégant camail de drap de deux tons. — La grande pèlerine en drap hanneton est entourée de fourrure loutre naturelle, la petite pèlerine vient se terminer en pointe sous la fourrure, le devant est en drap plus clair avec petite lézarde de passementerie, La jupe assortie en drap de deux tons avec passementerie noire et fourrure dans le bas.
(15) Elegant two-tone cloth camail. — The large cape in cockchafer cloth is surrounded by natural otter fur, the small cape ends in a point under the fur, the front is in lighter cloth with a small crack of trimmings, The matching skirt in two-tone cloth with black trimmings and fur at the bottom.
Matériaux: 4m,30 drap hanneton, 2 mètres drap clair.
(17) Manteau Helyett de drap bavaroise. — La grande redingote cintrée est garnie le long des devants d'une bande de velours brun foncé retenu par des boutons de nacre, petite ceinture mince autour de la taille, col ouvert avec revers sur plastron de velours, parements avec boutons.
(17) Helyett coat of Bavarian cloth. — The large fitted frock coat is trimmed along the front with a band of dark brown velvet held in place by mother-of-pearl buttons, a small thin belt around the waist, an open collar with lapels on a velvet bib, facings with buttons.
Matériaux: 4m,50 drap, 1m,75 velours.
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prosedumonde · 9 months
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⁃ Tu sais, c’est vrai aussi pour les gens, finit-il par dire. On casse. On se répare. Les fissures, c’est ce qu’il y a de meilleur. On ne doit pas les cacher.
Coco Mellors, Cléopâtre et Frankenstein
VO : “People are like this too, you know,” he says eventually. “We break. We put ourselves back together. The cracks are the best part. You don’t have to hide them.”
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wvbaandtheboys · 7 months
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ok the joke’s going way too far now but hey it’s fun and everyone’s enjoying it so… let’s enjoy it!! (expect drawings and more scenarios honestly HWJWJSH)
here’s some death scenes and death lines from the ro-boxers! (by the way, if y’all wanna give your two cents or even yeet robo ocs in the mix? completely fine by me, let’s all be silly together!!)
By the way, here’s my silly thought process for the robots: if they’re not having a cliche “tis a malfunction” moment, it’s prolly them being sentient and envying the real boxers and some openly expressing how they wanna off you through their more violent dialogue.
so obviously content warning for gore and stuff (guys it’s late and I’m tired so just b careful AJHSJS)
Little Mac:
Mac plays that distorted tune in the dark as he creeps into your office… and proceeds to kill you by pushing your head against the wall, slamming it and fracturing your skull.
“Ya weren’t paying attention, Birdie! Heheheheh!”
“HAH! Gotcha!”
“Bet you Mac couldn’t do that in a million years… heheh… Too bad, Petey…”
Glass Joe:
Well if ya don’t close the door on Joey, he comes right on in and lunges over your desk to get to you. He kills you by snapping your neck.
“Oh ho ho! La victoire est à moi!”
(“Oh ho ho! The victory is mine!”)
“I got you now! Ho ho hoh!”
“You were frozen in fear at the sight of me! Oh my, how sad!”
“Il a passé des années à se faire craquer... Mais c'est maintenant à mon tour de VOUS briser.” (Evil French laughter)
(“He spent years getting cracked… but it’s now my turn to break YOU”)
Von Kaiser:
If ya disturb the war grandpa, he’s gonna rush to you screaming “ATTACKEN!” and bust into ya office. He vaults over your desk and slams his fist right into your face.
(Just evil German laughter here)
“Du bist so dumm, wie du mit Blutrot befleckt bist…”
(“You are as stupid as you are stained with blood red”)
“Deine Zeit läuft ab, Junge. Wenn deine Stunde zuschlägt... werde ich da sein, um deine Flamme zu löschen.”
(“Your time is running out, boy. When your hour strikes… I will be there to snuff out your flame”)
Disco Kid:
Disco’s itching to dance but equally itching to kill. He’ll boogie his way on up close and personal before spinning you round and round and slamming you into a hard surface. Owch.
“Whoopsie!~ Guess ya couldn’t handle the disco fever…”
“Aw, c’mon Pete! I was just gettin’ started too…”
“…C’mon now Peter… do you really think I’m just gonna let you go?… Mm-mm… I’m not nearly as nice as your friend. Let’s get down together… better keep up… or else I’m gonna paint you black and blue~”
King Hippo:
Hippo stomps right in, flips your desk and reenacts the bite of 87 on you.
“My, how flavorful!”
(Hippo laughter here)
(A different hippo laugh here)
“…Hippo sees you… in the camera… watching him…….. you.. look.. delicious. ….I’m coming for you.”
Piston Hondo:
Piston full on drags you into the vent like the xenomorph from Alien: Isolation while laughing maniacally.
(Evil ANIME laugh here)
(Enter another evil ANIME laugh here)
“Your ears aren’t up to par… that much is obvious.”
(This is said in Japanese but it’s difficult to accurately translate for me so just pretend) “Hah… Allow me to snuff out that flame of hope you have… I am not merciful like him. Struggle if you wish… it is futile. This night… I will not let you escape alive.”
Bear Hugger:
Well if ya don’t hide, he’ll just mow down your desk and crush your spine with his huge metallic arms! And if you hide when he’s already seen you, he’ll yoink ya from beneath the desk and lift you up, then crush your spine.
“Yahaha! Got ya!”
“Eh, no use hidin’ from me, Pete! I got the eyes of a hawk, ears like a bat and the strength of a bear! You can’t do nothin’ against me! Heheh!”
“Found ya!”
“C’mon, Pete… come out, come out wherever ya aaareeeee…~ I know you’re heeeree…~ I ain’t got candy for brains like that hoser… I ain’t stupid.”
“C’mon now, Birdie… I don’t like losin’… Why don’t you come on out for a nice, big squeeze…?~ I promise it won’t hurt… not for long anyways… heheheheh.”
Great Tiger:
Well ya slacked off and now you face the music. Tiger comes eeriely slithering out of your vent with his gem a-glowing before pouncing at you like a proper tiger. His clones even join in on the jumpscare! :D
(Mean laughter) “Oh… what terrible eyes you have, Peter.”
(Smooth but evil chuckle)
“If only you looked a little harder… oh well, you’re already dead…”
(Somewhat raspy and low) “Like a tiger, I stalk my prey… savor your pungent fear on my tongue… between my teeth… waiting… waiting… for the moment… that I… can finally… POUNCE!”
Don Flamenco:
Well, guess ya couldn’t resist the rose man’s charms. Don pops up and shanks ya right in the heart with his rose.
“Oh, pobre...”
(“Oh, you poor thing”)
“La muerte nunca ha sido tan poética, ¿eh?”
(“Death has never been this poetic, eh?”)
(Somewhat malicious laughter)
“Mercy…? Oh…… you foolish boy. I share no passion with… him. …The reaper calls your name… and I shall send you to him… I have no heart that beats in my chest… and I will bleed yours into stillness.”
Aran Ryan:
Well, ya looked. Why did you look? Well whatever the reason, Aran whips out his flail and tightens it around your neck. Snap crackle pop!
“Ya looked!”
(Irish gremlin chuckle)
(Irish gremlin cackling)
“Ya look pretty blue, Pete… did I squeeze ya a little too hard?”
“….You should see the look on yer face right now… heheh… what’s that…? You don’t want me to hurt you?… Heh… heheheheh! Sorry Petey… but I don’t change my mind like the other one does… Now… how about ya hold still…”
Soda Popinski:
Well, since Soda doesn’t kill you, he just breaks your door. He feels bad about it though.
“Sorry! Soda didn’t mean to break it!”
Bald Bull:
Busts down your door and proceeds to give you the nastiest headbutt of your life. …And the last headbutt of your life. Owch. That certainly left some blood.. everywhere…
“You weren’t going to keep me out forever.”
“You provoked the bull. And got the horns.”
(Slight evil chuckle) “Useless bird. You never stood a chance fighting me.”
“You may try and struggle… you may try and fight.. but it’s all in vain. I will get in one way or another… and when I do… I’ll coat the walls with your blood.”
Damnbullchill-
Super Macho Man:
Well ya fucked around and ya found out. He sweeps your desk aside and caves your face in with his boot once you’re on the ground.
“You don’t ever keep a star waiting.”
“Ugh! You ruined my photoshoot! >:[“
“Work it!~”
“You were taking too long, dude… not my fault you got such a bogus fragile skull…”
“Don’t make me wait… don’t test me. I’m not an idiot like that guy.. so you’d better hurry it up… or else.”
Mr. Sandman:
You once again fucked around and found out. The power goes out, and Sandman creaks open one of your doors and makes sure you’ve seen him before he comes in. Creepy how the only thing you’d see is his eyes.
“Heheh.. night night, Peter…”
“It’s way past your bedtime, baby… why don’t you start countin’ sheep?”
“Heh… sound sleeper, huh?…” (he says while watching peter actively bleed out)
“…It’s time for bed, Peter baby… n’ don’t think I’ll hold any punches. He mighta done that cause he likes you… but I don’t do holding back. Brush your teeth, close your eyes… and go to sleep.”
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angelkakewritings · 1 year
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Disclaimer: I do not own the canon character of Alejandro Vargas or any of the canon characters or canon lore of the games.
Author's Note: The story presented ideally takes place before the events of mw2. Although La Quebrada does truly exist in Acapulco, Mexico, the name has been reimagined into the setting of Las Almas.
This story was made for fun! If I got any of the lore incorrect please forgive me!
Description:
Alejandro Vargas x Female Reader
One Shot
Pronouns include She/Her/Hers
MDNI / 18+
CW: Soft Dom/Sub elements, power dynamic, female receiving oral, oral fixation, fingering, mating press, cervix kissing, porn with a plot, unprotected sex, breeding, cursing , public sex
"You're late."
The baritone voice rang out amidst an endless stream of cars passing below the two, his broad pair of shoulders turned at the sound of gravel crunching under the weight of a pair of boots.
No matter where the two found one another, her lithe legs were the first to walk in, donning the spandex of her special forces catsuit that was practically a breath of nothing against her nubile form.
A scoff left her beestung lips before she shut the military grade car door behind her. "I wish I had your time colonel! It would make my job a whole lot easier." She retorted, waving the cups of coffee in her gloved hands.
The corners of his lips curled into a warm smile at the mundane gesture, something that was rare in their abnormal line of work. "What?"—" You don't like gathering intel for me?" He cheekily asked, taking the paper cup into his calloused hands and cracking open the lid, the aroma of the freshly roasted coffee wisped into the air of Las Almas.
She playfully rolled her eyes, "And miss out on the theatrics that you and your boys make?" She laughed, now standing beside the colonel, "It's what I live for!" The woman cheeped, playfully nudging Alejandro.
"Theatrics! What theatrics?" He chuckled.
"Meeting en La Quebrada?" The highest point in the city?"  Her tone matter of factly,  pulling the aged black army jacket tightly over her chest. "We could've met at some sleazy little motel, a plaza or hell! Even the base itself!"
"La Quebrada is one of the last remaining places in Las Almas that aren't crawling with those vermin. Hell, it's possibly the last place that el sin nombre doesn't have his eyes over. " He rebutted, taking sips in between.
The woman took a moment to look around, only to be met by nothing else but thick and boisterous mountains that towered over the two.
"Tal vez tienes razón..." She trailed off, her words and subtle movements bouncing off the rocky formations. "Solo falta que nos encontremos unos par de mocosos por ahí cojiendo."
The two looked at each other and began snorting, laughing in between.
It had grown to be a conscious feeling the two had shared, knowing deep down in the pits of their stomachs as to why the meet up point was so far from the base.
It was the same feeling he had shared with Valeria and Rudy at one point in time.
It was the same feeling that had gotten him into moral conflict, over and over again.
He was in agony witnessing how the moonlight was illuminating her skin, taking in every freckle, mole and blemish that decorated her face.
In every briefing, no matter how harsh and gruesome the details of her assessments were, he couldn't help but be mesmerized in the way her eyes always managed to beautifully catch the light.
"Do you wish you were ever down there?"
The question broke Alejandro out of his love stricken daze, he looked down at the intelligence officer.
"Hm?"
"-I said, do you ever wish you were down there?" She asked, pointing her head over in the direction of the city.
"I'm down there when needed." He gruffly answered.
She rolled her eyes at hearing the colonel's oh so typical response, "I meant- you know! Being down there and just taking it all in, slowly and figuratively, just like everybody else."
The words leaving her tongue caused his brain to rack up past battles he had endured with the men and women he fought alongside with who no longer walked the face of this earth.
For a moment, he could've sworn he smelt gunpowder in the air.
"We're not like everybody else. You know that better than anybody." His reminder held its weight as the two stood in silence, taking in the horizon of Las Almas that appeared to be a cluster of stars from where they were standing.
Truly a city of souls.
"Enough theatrics." She exhaled, "Let's talk about what we're really here for." She pulled open her jacket, digging into thick lining to pull out a stack of folded papers.
"That block search you organized did us some good, your men managed to bring back a couple of the cartel's made men. It took a little time...but the sight of un vaquero with a blowtorch and a pair of pliers could make just about anybody sing out their secrets."
Alejandro grinned silently, his heart swelling with pride at hearing how efficient his men were. Pulling the corners of the folded piece of paper, it unraveled the long list of coordinates and marks etched across the face of a map.
"Trading routes, safe houses, labs..." The intel officer's fingers listing off the marked areas with their matching coordinates, closing the space between her and her superior. "We strike from the shadows and those fuckers won't have anywhere else to go to but a cell in a federal maximum security prison or six feet under." She stated, looking over at Alejandro through her long and wispy lashes. "We're gonna take back this city Colonel...not just for us but for our people."
Her gaze sparked a flame at the base of his loins that seared its way up to his stomach and quickly into his heart, setting it ablaze.
"Eres perfecta." He remarked, unconscious to the fact that his hand had found its way on top of hers., their hands resting over the heart of Las Almas.
"Alejandro..." She hushed out.
The atmosphere suddenly felt tangible and hot to the touch. Alejandro didn't know if it was the sudden euphoria at hearing a new hope for his city or the adrenaline from standing so high above ground but it was enough to give courage to follow her actions.
She leaned towards him. The aroma of musk, coffee beans and his cologne engulfed her slowly then at all at once.
His mind let out a silent prayer to La Virgen, wishing he could always carry the ability to remember the sweetness of her lip oil and softness of her hands. But above all, he desperately wished to capture the moment in a glass bottle and take it with him to the ends of the earth.
Her fingertips followed the crisp of his jawline and down to his bulbous adam's apple, twirling the silver strand of his dog tags around her fingers and pulling him deeper into the kiss.
She was immaculate, intelligent, and divine.
"Te necesito..." He hushed out in between airy kisses, his words fell into a plea.
A silence followed as she took in the shades of pink that dusted the conch of Alejandro's ears, how the moonlight exquisitely reflected the thin coat of her gloss that was now on his scarred lips.
"You can have me." The woman responded with, running her hands at the nape of his neck and through his dark hair. A thud followed as he made haste with her aged military jacket, swiftly in scooping her with his strong arms.
He led the two to the hood of her car, preciously laying her down on top. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist and began popping off the buttons of his work shirt.
With a sole hand, he pinned her wrists above her head.
"Te vez tan bella asi debajo de mi..." Alejandro cooed, enchanted by the juxtaposition of the size of their bodies. He slowly pulled down the metal zipper that held her catsuit together, undoing the ribbon to a present. The man let out a soft groan at seeing the threat of her breasts spilling from her undergarment. Greedily, he began to kiss at the exposed flesh.
The dogtags tucked between the swell of her breasts winked against the light with every heave of her chest made. A pair of lips and tongue wrapped around the hardened peak of her nipple, sucking and flicking against the supple skin.
The bend of her knee began to press up against the hard-on that angrily strained against his pants, rubbing up and down at the bulk between his legs. The sensation had Alejandro hissing between his teeth, his teeth nipped at the fullness of her tits.
Shedding off the spandex from her full hips, he painted a trail of pink and purple bruises to her navel. Her eyes flickered down , baring witness to the pornographic sight of the colonel now being face to face with her clothed flesh.
"Fuck." He cursed at pushing her underwear to the side, revealing her plush cunt that was practically sobbing. He pressed one final kiss to her inner thigh before propping his lips and tongue deep between her, lapping away.
Her back arched against the sleek hood of the car with every pulsating movement his tongue made against her core.
"Oh my fucking god..." She whined, currents of electricity ran up and down her spine at feeling his two fingers prodding her.
"Mirame." He demanded.
The woman held her breath and did as she was told by her superior. Her doe like eyes met his intense orbs that were incessantly whispering out want and desire. The sound of explicit squelching and pants filled the night sky as he kept sloppily eating her cunt, his nose resting on the bridge of her pubic bone.
"Alejandro. I'm-" She gasped out, her hips beginning to buck against his chiseled face.
"Hold it."
A string of spittle and slick tethered the two, he pulled his head back and came up from his knees to undo his holster that sat on his hips.
Moving to the end of the hood, she further parted her knees.
His erection sprung free from its constraint, it was hard and hot to the touch.
"Fuck." She breathes out, his thumb finding its place on the bundle of nerves between her legs.
He pushed her back down, swishing his fingers into her mouth to collect saliva to coat his cock.
His lips replaced his long digits as he hunched over her, a blunt pressure began to fill her hot core up as he pressed himself inside of her.
Sloppy decibels of his calloused flesh slapping against her dew like skin rang throughout the night as he rhythmically rocked himself into her.
Her body began turning inside out like a cat's cradle.
She looked up at him, her knees folded into her chest with her full blown out in a sex drunk haze as he plunged his engorged cock into her, her dog tags jingled with every bounce of her chest.
The sound of his name bounding off the palette of her tongue like a prayer sent tremors up and down his broad form. He groaned at the sensation of her fingernails gripping and tearing their way into the tender flesh of his forearms.
He sharply smacked the round of her ass, his hand anchoring onto her ankle as he angled himself to kiss her cervix.
She spasmed, choking on a series of curses and praises as her eyes filled with brilliant stars.
Avariciously, her hands cupped the sides of his face as she rode her high out, fucking herself onto his dick.
The intensity of the situation finally caught up to him. Hot, white thick ropes erupted from him and spilled deeply into her womb.
Their foreheads leaned on each other, panting and coming down from their euphoric high.
Even for only that moment, she was his and he was hers.
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girlwithwolftatoo · 2 years
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Could you write a Drabble maybe about the reader trying to surprise Jake by learning a few phrases in Spanish but she gets all flustered when he tries to woo her and she can’t understand all of what he’s saying?
I had a lot of fun writting this one, honestly.
Me encanta que me llames señorita
Pairing: Jake Lockley/F!Reader
Words: 924
Warnings: none
You loved all three of them. It was impossible not to, not only because, at the end of the day, you had the strange privilege of embracing the same body but different souls, but because each one had something special to share with you, something unique that never ceased to amaze you. But then there was Jake, the most peculiar among the three, the New Moon who took you down paths you never imagined you would travel.
Jake was a roller coaster, it had already become normal for you that, when he took possession of the body, he returned from his night hunts covered in blood (more alien than his own) and with some "treasures" that he snatched from his missions as if cohabiting with Khonshu gave him habits of a greedy crow.
"Look what I found" he would say, showing you some object of value or, sometimes, some curious thing "How much do you think it's worth?"
"Jake, I understand that you have to crack their skulls, but is it necessary to rob them too?"
"It's not like they're going to need it, bonita" he replied simply, twirling the thick gold chain "I say I'll get at least two hundred pounds, se ve cara"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I say it looks expensive" Jake turned his neck in your direction, and a wide grin played across his bloodied lips "Qué enfermera más guapa tengo esta noche."
You laughed, you managed to catch a few stray words and knew perfectly when Jake was looking to flatter you. You were fascinated when he spoke Spanish in front of you, especially when he used some tender nickname for you. Bonita and muñequita were the most common, but there were also others: mi corazón, princesa and of course, señorita.
Because of the latter, Jake had that song as a ringtone for your number on his cell phone. He never missed a single call from you no matter what he was doing.
I love it when you call me señorita, I'd wish I could pretend I didn't need ya....
"¡Quieto!" Jake knocked his opponent out and pulled the cell phone out of its holster, a very special one so it would withstand all kinds of blows "Hey, bonita, what's up?" Another man, armed with a stilson wrench, jumped on him, but Jake was quicker and plunged his prized half-moon dumbbell right between his ribs "Sausage? Yeah, why not?" He stomped on the guy, who was doubled over in pain, and then elbowed him in the jaw, sending him reeling before he fell unconscious "Sure, I love your lasagna, I hope those par de cabrones aren't going to interrupt our meal again." 
Jake didn't usually occupy the body for more than two or three days at a time a month, and yet recently he would suddenly appear to join you for more mundane things like grocery shopping or going for a walk. You felt it was like starting a relationship, with all the nerves and fantasies involved, and you wanted more than anything to surprise him with something special, something that not just anyone could give him.
One of those afternoons, Jake came back with an errand for you, and showed up at the apartment carrying a paper bag of wine. The atmosphere smelled delicious, you took great care in what would probably be the last meal you would share with him for a month.
"(Y/N), I'm home" he crooned, peeking into the small kitchen "What did you prepare? It smells so good."
Your head peeked out from behind the screen you used to dress yourself when Steven was present. Even though he was the one you had been living with the longest, he still sought to respect a little of your privacy and got that nice screen (with a design reminiscent of the Nile, of course) so as not to make you uncomfortable.
"Hola" you greeted with a broad smile "Hoy cocino sopa gallega de cebolla y lomo de bife."
Your pronunciation was still weak, but Jake raised his eyebrows. He had never heard you say anything in Spanish. You stepped out from behind the bulkhead, you had changed into a tight, casual dress, the kind the limo driver liked, and you noticed his eyes wander from your face to your body.
"¿Te gusta?" you asked, turning around so he could see that most of your back was bare "Yo compré este vestido pensando en ti."
Jake bit his lip as his gaze wandered unabashedly down your cleavage. He walked towards you, reaching out to trap your waist between his arms and bowed his head.
"Tú siempre estás preciosa, mi amor, me encanta cuando te arreglas para mí."
You reached out an arm to cup his cheek in your hand.
"Eres mi guapo chico." 
Jake laughed.
"Chico guapo" he corrected you gently.
"Oh, sorry... chico guapo."
Jake deposited a kiss on your temple, then descended to your ear and whispered:
"¿Te gustaría que te enseñe a usar mi lengua?"
"Excuse me?" you asked, a little confused. Jake laughed again, it secretly amused him to tell you things that could be misunderstood in his language.
"I mean if you want, I can teach you some things later" he repeated, with a mischievous grin. His hands spun you around to face him, and you took the opportunity to throw your arms around his neck.
"Muchas gracias, Jake." 
He took one of your hands, with a devoted expression, and kissed it before saying:"No... Thank you for existing, mi amor."
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sarahaubel · 5 months
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Star Ac' et pipes à crack.
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Je ne vais pas mourir aujourd’hui. Je le sais car j’ai demandé au pendule que Clotilde m’a offert samedi dernier. Par contre le con il a pas sû me donner la date de mon rendez-vous avec la Fin. Vraiment ça sert à rien ce machin. En revanche ce que je sais c’est qu’hier soir j’ai senti sous mes doigts une petite bille dans mon sein gauche, ou c’est le droit. Gauche par rapport à qui. Ça y est je m’embrouille. Bref, un truc qui n’a rien à faire là où je l’ai trouvé. Parce que les billes normalement on joue avec dans la cour quand on a 8 ans, on est pas censés les ranger dans ses nichons quand on en a 35. Enfin en 1972 je veux dire, les billes, parce qu’aujourd’hui j’imagine plutôt les pré-ados jouer aux mikados avec des pipes à crack. Fissa j’ai pris rendez-vous avec Docteur Quin. A une lettre près je consultais une star de sitcom c’est dommage. La mienne a 67 chats, mesure 1m90 au bas mot et fume des clopes dans son cabinet entre deux patients. Je l’aime beaucoup. En attendant le verdict et comme je suis une personne mesurée ce matin je me suis mis en tête de choisir la musique de mes funérailles. On prévoit jamais de mourir à 35 ans mais en même temps mon pote Guillaume il avait pas prévu de mourir à 17 et ses parents lui ont passé l’hymne de la Star Ac’ à l’église. Damn. Mon père adore Zaz. Soyons pragmatiques. Organisons-nous. Que vous dire d’autre avant la fin… J’aime pas les orchidées. Les compo d’interflora me filent de l’urticaire. Je veux être incinérée dans un cercueil low-cost. Gaspillez plutôt votre argent dans une bouteille d’Hennessy XO que vous boirez au goulot à ma santé. Je souhaite que mes cendres soient jetées dans l’océan, celui des Landes de préférence. Mais pas sur la plage de mon camping naturiste favori. Bien qu’imaginer tous mes proches à poil lors de mon dernier envol me fait quand même marrer. M’enfin bonjour les souvenirs pour plus tard lorsqu'ils se feront griller la saucisse au soleil en plein mois d’août, obligés de penser à leur pote morte qui leur flingue un peu le paradis (pas celui d’en haut avec les vierges tout ça, celui d’en bas où les gens sont tous nus sous les pins). Si la casse-bonbon du crématorium, la fille avec les cheveux derrière les oreilles et le tailleur prune de chez Cache-cache vous dit “non mais c’est interdit maintenant les urnes doivent rejoindre une concession gniagnia mesures sanitaires gniagnia un protocole gniagnia”, flanquez lui votre genoux entre les jambes et partez en courant (sans oublier l’urne ce serait idiot). Je serais pas contre une dernière course poursuite en Fiat Punto. L’idée d’être enfermée dans un vase, ça m'angoisse. Au pire renversez-le sans faire exprès “oups pardon quelle maladroite”. Je préfère finir dans un caniveau que dans un tiroir. Et pour terminer si vous pouvez glisser une invitation à Josh Hartnett n’hésitez surtout pas.
PS : Les meufs, on le dira jamais assez, palpez-vous les miches, pétrissez vos tétés, examinez vos loches. Il n’y aura probablement rien mais un jour vous pourrez tomber sur une petite nouvelle, qui elle-même ne sera probablement rien. Dans le doute. Les crabes se cachent parfois derrière les billes.
Ma playlist pour le jour J :
I will survive - Gloria Gaynor
Respire encore - Clara Luciani
Santé - Stromae
J’ai oublié de vivre - Johnny Hallyday
Le Grand Sommeil - Etienne Daho
Breathe - Sean Paul
I Feel better - Hot Chip
Gravé dans la roche - Sniper
Plus près des étoiles - Gold
Je reviendrai - Dick Rivers
Les adieux d’un sex-symbol - Starmania
Cache ta joie - Claudia Phillips
Taking me back - Jack White
Mourir sur scène - Dalida
L’adresse de Josh Hartnett :
Josh Hartnett Entertainment 360 10100 Santa Monica Blvd Suite 2300 Los Angeles, CA 90067 États-Unis
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valgreys · 2 years
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¡Yo! Ando trabajando en un par de cosas y tuve un fin de semana ocupado, pero aquí les dejo un garabato rápido de otras de mis ships crack. (?)
El contexto y los posibles diálogos los dejo a su imaginación.🤭
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lorienn-art · 1 year
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FR [Kintsugi] Heyy ! Voici la dernière illustration sur laquelle j'ai (ENCORE) passé beaucoup trop d'heures 😂 J'ai été inspirée par l'art japonais du kintsugi, consistant en réparer la poterie brisée en mettant en valeur les fêlures avec de la poudre d'or plutôt que de les dissimuler J'ai ajouté à quelques endroits des touches d'aquarelle brillante mais cela ne se voit malheureusement pas sur la version scannée.. J'espère que cette peinture vous plaira autant qu'à moi 💖 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ EN [Kintsugi] Heyy! Here is the latest illustration on which I spent (AGAIN) wayyy too many hours 😂 I've been inspired by the art of kintsugi, a method to repair broken potteries by stressing out the cracks with gold powder rather than masking them I added to some parts a bit of shimmering watercolour paints but it doesn't show very well on the scanned version... I hope you'll like this piece as much as I do 💖
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ao3feed-brucewayne · 11 days
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Too strong for his Heart
by Naminerva Batman, le Batman, le Chevalier de l'Ombre, la Terreur Nocturne. Ce Batman était accompagné d'un Robin. Un bébé Robin. Ou La Justice League se rend compte que Batman a beaucoup d'enfants et que Clark pourrait peut-être avouer sa flamme à Batman s'il n'était pas de plus en plus terrifié par sa famille. Words: 7211, Chapters: 1/1, Language: Français Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Batfamily Members (DCU), Justice League (DCU) Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne Additional Tags: Secret Identity, Identity Reveal, Batfamily Shenanigans (DCU), crack fic kinda, Pre-Slash, no beta we die like jason, I'm Bad At Tagging, Bruce is a good dad via https://ift.tt/zip1h75
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starmaniamania · 6 months
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Coucou c'est moi ! Première fois que je pose une question ahah
Concrètement pour toi c'est quoi "l'anecdote" la plus "random" que tu connaisse par rapport à Starmania 2022/2024 ? Un truc genre...random, j'ai envie de rire un bon coup
Haaa la pression de trouver un truc drôle!
Bon je sais pas si c'est ce que tu cherches parce que c'est pas drôle-haha mais le plus marquant c'est peut-être The Day Cristal Dropped Dead.
Basically during the last weekend in Nantes, I think it was on Friday night, Miriam-as-Sadia missed her cue to get on the structure for her final scene and wasn't there to shoot Cristal, so that night Cristal died of a heart attack caused by a random, loud cracking noise I guess 🤣
--
You know what, it's Sunday, let's make it Ask Day! AMA!
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mariographique · 8 months
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Fissure et reflet / Crack and reflection par/by Mario Castonguay
Capté sur le mur d’un des appartements du complexe domiciliaire Habitat 67 de Montréal
Captured on the wall of one of the apartments of the Habitat 67 residential complex in Montreal
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lapithae · 1 year
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Hey, if Gilles can be an actually pretty strong Caster just because he carries the Necronomicon around there's no reason to call Guda weak just because he relies in Mystic Codes.
Gilles isn't a strong Caster. I think he's literally one of the worst Servant Casters both mechanically and in canon.
Gilles is a shit Caster with a cracked out Noble Phantasm that can do only a fraction of the things Prelati can do WITHOUT the Spellbook. If you slapped the book out of his tiny little pervert hands, he would not be able to do a single thing about it.
Guda is just straight up a bad magus with tons of Mystic Codes that at the very most bring them up to par with some of the other mages in Chaldea.
It's the same. Guda and Caster Gilles de Rais are the exact same. You said it, not me.
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bourbon-ontherocks · 10 months
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so, 305. I hate that there were so many lovable things about it. like the ducks around morgane’s house (bathroom, living room) keeping up with the theme--reminded me of those pictures books where you had to find the duckling hidden on every page! (speaking of; timothée il a un peu une tête d’Où est Charlie nan ? he’s got the stripes + glasses + hair) or the fact that morgane is randomly wearing floaties at the swimming pool 😂 (… maintenant que j’y pense, elle comptait peut-être les piquer pour chloé mdrr)
et les combines de serge. céline giving up on educating morgane on procedure, ptdr. l’employée de l’ehpad qui a un vague air de mylène farmer. [gros canard] still holds the title of HPI’s mr. worldwide. daphné being daphné. ("gilles..? 🤨 euh, oui. GILLES !") gilles STILL being way too good a friend (j’espère que sa psy lui dit), but also how close he was to morgane during the investigation, that was cute!
par contre, 2 trucs qui me hantent : 1) why does [gros canard] seem mesmerized by morgane’s neck while she goes on and on about the kid’s drawing?? 2) morgane’s lack of empathy at the pool. I didn’t expect her to joke about moms murdering each other right in front of the bereft husband 😧
Oh my gosh anon, I'm just so sad that this episode was so tainted and ruined for you 😭 It breaks my heart a little, and also it makes me dread for you, knowing what's coming ahead, but... one shitty plotline at a time, amirite?
Soooooo *cracks knuckles* let's get started 😈
"I hate that there were so many lovable things about it" -> literally me after watching the finale tbh 😂😭
I must say I didn't notice the ducks thingy but thank you for pointing it out, it really is reminiscent of those child books and was a very nice touch (the way this show can switch from absolutely shitty and unsubtle to actually brilliant and clever in the bat of an eye will never cease to baffle me) 😍 The duck jokes at the crime scene were excessively funny too, and the moment Bonnemain enters the game too with a joke that's not even funny?? Peak comedy! And Adam's reaction "Mais vous allez pas vous y mettre vous aussi ?!" -> 200% Artur vibes 😂
100% agreed that Timothée is a human waldo and was intended to be lol (also on en parle de Timothée qui offre le même polo à Théa ?? Who does that? 😂 It's like he asked for her to put it in the mopping supplies... And her general passive-aggressive animosity towards him was SO entertaining!)
And OMG I didn't even notice Morgane had floaties on at the swimming pool, this is hysterical 🤣 And re her lack of compassion, I must say Morgane's relationship with empathy has been a mystery for me since day one, sometimes we get to see her really sympathizing with the victims' families (the daughter in the pilot for instance, or the mall's widow in 201, or even the actual bledigirl), but also sometimes not ("ah bah ça tombe bien puisqu'elle est morte" with the victim's sister in 201), so this scene didn't strike me as particularly ooc, but her characterization regarding this specific personality trait is unclear. I'd say perhaps she tends to lose her compassionate skills when she gets excited about figuring out some stuff?
Serge's cancer kid scam was very fun to watch ("coucou c'est la maman du petit Eliott, bon bah il est mort" 😂), and also I wouldn't have noticed the ehpad employee's similarity with Mylène Farmer but now that you're pointing it out...
Somehow it warms my heart a bit to see you calling Adam [gros canard] this episode, I guess it shows you're on your way to forgive him? But maybe it's just my own wishful thinking lol! Anyway, yes, he also speaks Russian (and not to spoil, but Mehdi Nebbou is gonna keep on bragging in later eps 👅), and remember when I told you that your dream about escaping from Putin was foreshadowing? Well I was talking about this KGB bit haha 😆
No idea why he seems to stare at Morgane's neck in the hospital, perhaps he just can't look her in the eyes nor in the boobs (in his defense, she just talked to him about nipples) so he's stuck in between lol 😅 Or maybe Mehdi just forgot he was acting for a bit and was thinking about dinner or something idk... But there is indeed room for interpretation and I'll go with the most probable option which is that he's just mesmerized by her in general, especially in that episode where he's discovering that he can't stand seeing her with someone else (let's be real, everyone saw that coming but him 😂), so he's probably just staring at her while thinking "what the fuck is wrong with me?"
Daphné and Gilles were the heart and soul of this episode I swear!! I love Daphné's completely clueless but supportive ass, Gilles being so torn between friendships he's gonna break, the fact that he kept the charade going on for TWO MONTHS, the fact that apparently he talks about Morgane to his therapist 🤣, him trying to hide Morgane's presence from Adam at David's (he's the definition of the no-questions-asked friend who'll support you no matter what, we all need a Gilles in our lives 🥰) Daphné being ready to get any disabled but homophobic employee fired (worst idea ever to give her that workplace inclusion responsibility mais je l'a-dore), and also her blind anger towards Morgane, misunderstanding of the CENTURY 🤩🤩🤩
Also, did you notice that Gilles shaved, this ep? The man is such an Adam fangirl he's now cosplaying as him istg 🤣🤣🤣
[EDIT] OMG I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY YOU CALL HIM GROS CANARD ANON YOU ARE A GENIUS IN DISGUISE OK BYYYYYE
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foreficfandom · 2 years
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Get Their Makeup Look! Ft. The Boys of Tears Of Themis
Artem Wing (左然 - Zuǒ Rán)
Virtue's Frizz Block Humidity Proof Smoothing Spray
Laura Mercier's Tinted Moisturizer Oil Free Natural Skin Perfector SPF 20 in "2W1 Natural (light with warm undertones)"
Farmacy's Honey Butter Beeswax Lip Balm
HERMÈS' Terre d'Hermès Eau Givrée Eau de Parfum
Vyn Richter (莫弈 - Mò Yì)
BondiBoost's Hair Thickening Therapy Styling Spray
La Mer's The Powder
Armani Beauty's Acqua di Gio Eau de Parfum
Givenchy's Rose Perfecto Lip Balm 24H Hydration in "002 Vital Glow (transparent coral)"
Marius Von Hagen (陸景和 - Lù Jǐnghé)
Urban Decay's 24/7 Glide-On Waterproof Eyeliner Pencil in "Zero (black)"
Dior's Dreamskin Fresh & Perfect Cushion Broad Spectrum SPF 50 in "020 Light Beige (light: neutral undertone)
Ralph Lauren's Ralph's Club Parfum
NARS' Afterglow Lip Balm in "Torrid (sheer warm coral)"
Luke Pearce (夏彦 - Xià Yàn)
Lancôme's Teint Idole Ultra Wear All Over Full Coverage Concealer in "320 Bisque Warm (medium skin, warm undertone)"
Drunk Elephant's Lippe Balm
LANEIGE's Water Bank Blue Hyaluronic Cream Moisturizer
Caudalie's Vinofresh Natural Aluminum-Free Deodorant
Why these choices? Well, let me tell you!
Like many professional men in Asia, Artem wears a touch of makeup par his typical work outfit, especially if you're the face of the company. Which Artem definitely is, he appears on media every time he finishes a case. A touch of powder for the flash cameras, a dab of hairspray to smooth out his hair. During the boomer era, it was considered fruity to even wear cologne to work, but times are different now. He almost never branches out from his favorites. He doesn't even shop in the boutiques anymore, he just replaces his stock using online shipping.
Virtue's Frizz Smoothing Spray is odorless, and helpfully lightweight for its medium-thick hair focused formula. Artem has a modestly thick mop on his head, and without just a bit of product, it'll lie annoyingly flat and frizzy, especially if its humid. He sprays it at the roots to give it lift.
He gets Laura Mercier's Tinted Moisturizer in shade "2W1 Natural", which is for light skintones with warm undertones. It's a light-to-medium formula, perfect for covering up eyebags and smoothing out the face, but light enough to avoid looking like a patch of rubber. Oil-free means it's not gonna add extra shine to his Asian complexion, and he knows that SPF protection is vital for healthy skin. Most of his workday is spent in front of blue-screen monitors, so liquid products are best for avoiding a weird unnatural glare reflecting off your face.
Farmacy's Lip Balm is a forever staple in his pocket. He drinks so much coffee and not water, his lips are forever cracked and patchy. Without a good lip balm, he'd be peeling all over his chin and that's not proper for Stellis' youngest senior attorney. One swipe of this can last hours. It's flavorless and has only the mildest scent, so there's not a sticky smell right under his nose all day.
HERMÈS' Terre d'Hermès Eau Givrée is on the subtle side of perfumes. It's piney and citrusy, reminicent of a sophisticated summer breeze. Most people describe it as an 'older gentleman's perfume', 'cause its decidedly not sugary or spicy or fun. But it's professional, and suits Artem's reserved personality.
Vyn didn't start wearing makeup daily until he moved to Stellis, but he had prior experience with wearing cosmetics for the public eye. When he saw that a) professional men of Asia like to wear makeup on the reg, and b) he looks good with the proper products, he made that effort to build up a boudoir of luxury beauty products. Unlike Artem, Vyn knows he looks especially beautiful and he likes to primp it juuuust a tad. Shopping for the proper products can be a struggle for white guy Vyn, because the more luxurious you go, the less inclusive they'll be. He's got a cool-toned complexion, fine hair, and dry skin, which is the opposite of Asia's target audience.
Vyn couldn't find proper designer hair products for his hair type, so he went down the line a bit to get BondiBoost's Hair Thickening Styling Spray, which is a more modestly priced brand and that secretly hurts Vyn's bougie soul. But he can't deny it works wonders on his very fine, very delicate hair. It's a texturing spray that clings to the roots to provide lift and volume. He also likes how its unscented, because he thinks most scented hair products smell like ass.
Speaking of bougie, La Mer's The Powder comes in a teeny pot and costs more than a week's worth of groceries. They market it as appropriate for everyone, but it's obvious that it's formulated best for people like Vyn; it has a radient finish to help combat dull dryness, it's not completely translucent and has the slightest pale cast, and smooths out the fine lines that drier skin gets. But its hefty price comes with quality for sure, and it does its job amazingly well.
Armani Beauty's Acqua di Gio isn't the only perfume he owns, but it's one of his favorites for work. It's long lasting and appropriately strong, but doesn't give off any one particular ingredient. It's best described as just "fresh", or "aquatic". Working with mentally ill patients means that he can't have any aggravating sensory distractions, so he applies just enough to make sure it's not gonna reach across the distance between a psychologist's chair and a patient's bed.
Givenchy's Rose Perfecto in "002 Vital Glow (transparent coral)" provides both color and hydration. It also contains the tingly plumping agent that swells your lips just a tad, which thin-lip Vyn appreciates. Not as tingly as many lip plumping products, it feels more like a subtle minty freshness than a dentist's numbing gel. He, unlike Artem, enjoys scented lip products and likes the floral smell it gives off, it reminds him of his garden.
Unlike the other three, Marius loves makeup for its artistry, and is not afraid to wear the colorful, or wild, or niche. Which is easier said than done because his PR team gets on his ass if he dares go to class in green eyeshadow or a chrome metallic lipstick. He might like to say that they can't tell him what to wear, but Marius is pious to his family, and doesn't dare destroy his own image in a way that might affect them, too.
He gets the Urban Decay's 24/7 Waterproof Eyeliner Pencil in the more natural "Zero (Black)" than their "Perversion (Matte Blackest Black)", so he can pull off a more convincing 'thick lashline' look rather than full on goth. With some mascara and eyebrow pomade, Marius has popularized a famous 'casual bedroom eyes' moment. This pencil will stay on all day, whether its through the college grind or sweating it in the business conference room, so much it'll takes several swipes of a makeup remover to get it all off.
Dior's Dreamskin Fresh & Perfect Cushion is an infamously expensive liquid foundation, available in four shades. One of which fits Marius' spring/fall complexion. So this is his daily go-to, it's lightweight and evens out his skintone just enough, while providing lots of SPF to upkeep Marius' delicate richboy look for years to come. If he's got blemishes typical of any 20 y/o, this product also meshes well with any additional concealer without separating or curdling. Honestly, wearing something so luxurious is more for the PR than the foundation itself.
Ralph Lauren's Ralph's Club Parfum comes in a sexy opaque matte glass bottle reminicent of a whiskey flask. And its scent matches its ridiculous 'manly' marketing; it's woody and spicy with cardamom, patchouli, and the deep warmth of vetiver wood. It doesn't match Marius' general appearance and personality, that's for sure, but it matches his natural BO. 'Cause young Marius is surprisingly potent smelling, shall we say, and a deeper, spicier perfume goes best with him.
NARS' Afterglow Lip Balm caught Marius' eye just by its name, same with their 'Orgasm' blush palettes. It only gives the slightest bit of color, and it wears off pretty quickly, but that's exactly what Marius needs because colored lips tend to look too childlike on his baby face. So he keeps this in his pocket throughout the day to make sure his lips aren't dull and dry, but not rose pink like a porcelain doll, either.
Luke didn't start wearing most of his current products until MC came back into his life, and one day he looked into the mirror and noticed all those blemishes and acne scars and freaked out just a tiny bit. After googling "beginner makeup for men" for an afternoon, he got his hands on some skincare staples, and a cosmetic or two. Most are only for date nights, he doesn't wear concealer when undercover in the field, or investigating throughout the city. And if he's being honest, he doesn't particularly like having makeup on his face, it feels weird and kinda gross to him.
Lancôme's Full Coverage Concealer is full coverage, and by god will it cover up any bruises, dark shadows, healing cuts, scars, etc. Heck, even interviewing people while investigating goes over better if he's not walking around with a black eye, so this concealer was a great discovery for Luke. It's not just for his face, he applies it anywhere clothing can't cover, like hand-shaped bruises around his neck, or a purpling cut around his forearm.
Luke didn't start balming his lips until he started caring about looking more pretty for MC, so he picked up the boutique brand Drunk Elephant's Lippe Balm which contains all natural ingredients, and has no smell or color. He feels better knowing that the goop he's spreading all over his face doesn't contain any cheap, harsh chemicals, 'cause he may have a biology degree, but he has no idea how [insert chemical here] might affect topical skin. It helps that he doesn't have particularly dry lips, so the natural ingredients of this balm fit him just fine.
LANEIGE's Water Bank Blue Moisturizer is an Asia-orienting brand that focuses on oily/combination skin. This product is very lightweight, great for Luke's sweaty, active lifestyle so there's no clogged pores, and he enjoys its light scent, which is that 'vague luxury smell' which makes him feel like he's injecting a paycheck into his face. Growing up, he didn't even bother washing his face with soap most of the time, so this moisturizer has a lot of catching up to do.
Caudalie's Vinofresh Natural Aluminum-Free Deodorant is by far the only deodorant he's tried (or owns), but he still owns no cologne, so he had to get something better than supermarket Dove for Men if he wants to impress. This stick is a clear gel that won't leave those ugly white stains on his black shirts, and it moisturizes the skin, too, which is great for regulating sweat and oil. It's another all-natural product, which means it's not at superbly powerful as the synthetic ones, but it's healthier for the delicate underarm ecosystem.
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