And opening question - can we see your hip tattoo? 😎 "Not right now!" With a smirk.
Cardiac nurse asks about his pacemaker settings and he doesn't know! Well, I guess he just lets them put it in and trusts they know what they're doing.
Awww... His biggest inspiration is his dad! 😭
He doesn't even know what car he drives LMAO but his dream car is a Shelby Mustang.
Fave movie is Schindler's List. Aliens from when he was growing up (hell yeah!)
He's such a straight dude lol
He celebrated valentine's day with mom! Aw... 🥺
Question about how to pronounce his surname! The "English" pronunciation is different from the original German way. 🤝 Matthias Schoenaerts
And of course he wants to be Ashur if he wasn't Agron.
wait maybe its bc im lowkey dumb but i cant seem to understand nikolai's morals. Maybe bc when he was talking about how he understands what he does is wrong but another side of him doesn't really feel guilty, i read that a while ago and cant remember. Also why is so obsessed with being "free"?
don’t worry, ur not dumb lol. it took me a while to fully understand too. somehow this turned into a mini analysis so here we go 😭
— his obsession with freedom, killing, and fyodor (mini analysis? PFFFT-)
so it’s important to remember that one of the many themes in bsd is freedom. although it isn’t really visible and talked about (unlike the cycle of abuse), we can see the concept of “being free” shown in characters like nikolai, dazai, and fyodor (they’re all shown differently, mind you) but i’ll only talk mostly about gogol right now.
nikolai’s idea of freedom is complete erasure of feeling and connection. he believes that the true path to freedom is not being able to feel anything or not being tied down by your emotions.
now this is funny because he is completely attached to fyodor. and that is what scares him. being attached and dependent on something, especially a human, is scary. so that’s why he wants to kill fyodor. to erase the emotion inside of him.
in nikolai’s eyes, emotion drags people down, makes them weak and vulnerable. he believes that emotion causes conflicts—so erasing emotion must mean not having problems. if you can’t feel, you cannot be in pain. in a way, his logic makes sense.
nikolai views himself stuck in a cage and unable to get out. if he can’t “get out”—he’ll just erase the problem completely. in this case, his emotions (fyodor).
he gets attached to fyodor and then begins planning on killing him to erase that attachment and emotion. erasing his feelings means to be “free.” it’s evident that he has attachment issues.
he makes contradicting statements such as “i am a monstrous person” and “i am completely sane” going on to say he feels a sense of guilt and sympathy just like any other normal person.
i feel like these claims were more for himself; it was a wake up call for him because he realized that no matter how much he pretends to be an emotionless monster…he really isn’t. he is just trying to protect himself from all the pain and suffering he’s feeling. he views emotions as being trapped.
he doesn’t want to feel or associate himself with human beings. i think that’s the reasons for his clown costume. clowns are ridiculed, clumsy, tossed aside, and are considered comedic relief. nikolai uses this to put on a clown act of being hyper and crazy. he somewhat fakes and exaggerates his mania to seem full of emotion and much like a human. (sound familiar? a certain bandaged bastard also does this haha 😎)
except for the fact—he knows he is human. he feels human emotions, even though he doesn’t want to. when he says the line “i am completely sane,” it’s his way of ignoring his issues and running from his problems (sound familiar again 😎?)
in conclusion: nikolai, fyodor, and dazai are all the same breed of bastards. i think nikolai is very underrated, especially when it comes to parallels between characters. i know fyodor and dazai are considered parallels, but so is nikolai.
if anyone wants to add something more or correct me, feel free to do so 😎!!
164 notes · View notes