i thought i didnt care.
then he was upset and i was, too, because it was the wrong kind
im pretty sure now i was wrong
but…i dont think he gives a crap. and i dont know if i actually care about him like that or if im just guilty because i hurt someone again.
i dont know what i want. or…what im even allowed to want. none of this is worth sacrificing what i have and i think i might have to, so forget it. just.
33: What words make me feel the best about myself?
<8> I suppose…
<8> Any sort of appreciation from my friends. Knowing they need and love me.
<8> It feels good to be wanted, you know?
> You’re idly scrolling down your dash when a certain post of Truman’s makes you pause with a little twitchy shudder of dismay.
> That. Wasn’t a memory you ever wanted to relive. The cravings had been… nearly unbearable, in the first sweeps after you’d turned. It was all you could do to control yourself, any time Meenah would get herself hurt. When your mind would wander, and it had been too long since you’d fed, you’d find yourself staring, aching with hunger and the strain of restraint, the scent of mutant blood the worst sort of temptation…
> It’s a horrible, dissonant note against the sugar-dazed whirl your thoughts had become. Your stomach turns over; the casing of your phone creaks in your hands. You… You’re just. Going to sidle up to Idanus and try to distract yourself. Try not to think. Try to forget.
> You probably won’t be eating anything for a while…
💋 - hug, cuddle, kiss.
Oh~ Well~~ - guess!!
K-ss: Ember for be-ng so n-ce~
But just on the cheek~~
i will never understand people who say they care about someone but are completely unbothered by their danger or suffering.
if you can joke about someones life being in risk then maybe you dont actually give a fuck. its callous as hell and i loathe it.
although i do wish truman would rest, it does my heart good to see him talking with so many new people. he deserves to have friendship, and a lot of it.
and ive been stuck doing nothing but sleeping, and it feels terrible. i can’t actually wish it on him.
you have cool eyes too, huh? eheheh..
my psiOnics, Or perhaps cryOnics, kicked in at abOut three sweeps Old Or sO. as a result, my visiOn became mOstly thermal and my eyes frOze Over like twO icy glObes.
what happened tO yOurs.
hi im really worried right now thanks.
god truman is hot. very hot. unfairly hot.
also very very kissable.
hi yall truman is also absolutely stunning to look at. he glows. absolutely wonderful, i cannot take my eyes off him. i fell like 30% more on the ice because i kept forgetting to look at the ground instead of him.
so i got permission so yall. yall. truman, my matesprit, is absolutely incredible and amazing.
yall, he sings like an angel. he dances with such beauty. he gives me butterflies and he makes me feel safe and…when we were first starting to flirt, i honestly didnt think he could mean it, but i went through my life with a fine-toothed comb looking for space for him, and i found it, and it was this opening.
and the most incredible thing is i still feel that space with him there, hes a breath of fresh air, being with him feels free and happy and safe and…i dont feel like im performing for him the way i usually do, i just feel…right. i made space for him and he fits and i have no idea how the hell i got this lucky but you can pry this joy from my cold, dead hands.
hes just. he could be bitter and nasty and i would understand but hes not, hes sweet and open and vulnerable and caring and i just…
i cant help but be in awe of this. of us. of him. of the fact that someone like him could see anything in someone like me, much less enough to want to date me? i do not understand but i am so, so grateful.
sometimes being here really does suck, and sometimes i cant think rationally about it, but i do truly have so many people i care about and so much to look forward too.
@parallelsimulacrum happy hatchday to the three of you!!!
i have gifts ready. helio, this one is cool i promise. truman, yours is also super cool.
had a dream last night about an apocalypse caused by…trees?
they were all dropping these seeds, and they would grow up overnight and someone also kill anything that wasnt a strict carnivore.
i was in this cabin that had dirt floors and no roof in places, with my parents and helio and truman. there were other refugees there, too, but i didnt know them. i kept trying to find everyone i knew, i was so sure we’d all die, just to say goodbye…my parents wouldnt accept that we werent safe in there, and every time i saw truman and helio they were busy or, like, truman was always so excited, and i didnt want to make him sad.
at least i managed to say goodbye to helio.
[image id: a young male troll sits on a ledge in front of a starry night sky. they wear boots, leather pants, a violet sash, and a white shirt. their ear-fins are long. their hair is pinned back, forelocks bound in bright blue beads, and one hand is up, gesturing, as they lean on their other hand.