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#parental dick grayson
bbbbbbbbatman · 3 months
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Here’s how I want robin in the next battinson movie:
The very first scene is Bruce and tiny Dick Grayson sitting across from each other at the dining table, staring each other down in silence, both clearly grumpy about it. Alfred is in the background watching them with concern. The silence lasts about 20 seconds before Dick speaks.
“Let me fight crime.” (said with all the petulance of a pouty 10 year old)
Bruce replies immediately. “No.” (this is clearly an ongoing argument)
Immediately cut to the next scene where Dick, wearing the iconic Robin suit, is having the time of his life swinging across the city while Bruce frantically tries to keep up with him while yelling at him to be careful like an anxious mother
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jstodd · 1 month
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bruce, without batman would probably be the most ANNOYING parent at any and all of his kids' extracurriculars.
dick has a gymanstics meet, bruce is giving the pep talk of the century but absolutely slamming on the other kids, "you're the best thing walking, bradely cant even breathe the same air as you."
jason's on the debate team, bruce has spent the entire meet going "great point! that's my son!" relentlessly muttering about how jason might as well just be the whole team by himself at this point.
tim's in the robotics club and they're holding their annual robot games, bruce is barking in the crowd, front row, "cmon timmy you got this"
damian's art was picked for a charity auction, bruce is pulling out all the stops cuz his kid is better than everyone else's and so is work and he'll be damned if anyone's painting goes for more than his
bruce is just the most annoying, insufferable, asshole parent that's full tiger mom for his kids but like, hey, they're happy. all those kids walk out of each event with a new trophy, a new medal, a new plaque grinning from ear to ear, blushes on their face with their dickhead father right behind them happier than a pig in shit, as proud as he can be
in my head, pta dad bruce is an absolutely brutual soccer mom who operates under "fuck them kids" unless they're his 😭 that man is raising WINNERS
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tired-teddybear · 2 months
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jason, coming back from the dead and seeing tim as robin: how could bruce replace me? how could he give robin to someone else?
dick, who created robin in honor of his dead parents and then had bruce take it away and give it to jason without even asking him:
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undertheredhood · 7 months
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any dc character: *confessing something about their past they kept hidden out of fear/shame*
their batfam bff who had already known for a while and is now desperately trying to hide that they knew the truth this entire time: “oh, wow! that is so crazy, i am so sorry you had to go through that.”
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De-Aged Danny, gesturing to a dazed Bruce inside Wayne Manor: And this is Bruce! Otherwise known as the Himbo! Reporters: Hmm, yes, interesting... Bruce: What the- Danny: I'm not sure what that word means. I heard it from Dick, but no one will give me my answer, not even Jason, who is easily bribed. Bruce: Why are there reporters in my house!? Danny, innocent and childlike: They asked to come inside, Bruce! They seemed like really nice people, so I thought it'd be polite to give them a tour. Bruce, filled with infinite patience: I really wish you had asked me before you did that, chum. Danny: But why? We don't have anything to hide... do we, Bruce?
Or, in order to rise to the Ghost Throne, Danny has to complete a series of trials to prove he is capable of ruling (or any other reason, Danny just needs to do trials to prove himself).
The last trial, issued by Clockwork, is thus: discover the Wayne Family secret in two weeks without the use of any of his powers.
He has one shapeshift to pick a form that could endere him to the Waynes, but only one before he starts and he has to get close to the family by his own wits. Danny, after studying the family and reading of one sentence summary of each Wayne, picks the body of a six-year-old little boy that looked like a child Jason Todd.
Bruce: That child is up to something. Dick, third favorite: I don't know, Bruce; he acts like a normal kid. Jason, #1 favorite: I doubt the old man's ever met a normal kid. Tim, least favorite: Bruce is right, but can you please not talk like the villains from Chicken Run.
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therandomfandomme · 3 months
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I have such a soft spot for the JL forming while the Batfam is alredy big and out there, like I mean Bruce being like 39 and Dick already 27 kind of vibes. Especially if the JL has no clue abt them, it's just so funny to me. Bc they know Batman has been doing it for a long time already and they've heard rumors of more heroes in Gotham, but theyve never been confirmed and Batman keeps them away and they respect him enough to listen. Then the JL enlist Nightwing, who is closer to the average age of the JL, who has already been protecting his city for nearing a decade. And he's professional competent and they don't think any of it when he and Batman work well together, because humans stick together they guess.
Only for Batman to randomly lick his thumb to get some food of Nightwing's face and Nightwing whining: "Daaaaad," all embarrassed, shocking the entire JL, which isn't at all help when Dick adds: "I'm too old for this, go clean Robin's face." And then they have another heartattack, because Batman sounds almost sad when he replies: "Soon you're all going to be too old for this." Which causes Nightwing to pat his back and say: "Don't worry, B. We're never going to be too old to get embarrassed by you." Which somehow cheers Batman (dark scary Batman) up. And that's how the JL learns that the two are related and B very much doesn't work alone.
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arrowheadedbitch · 4 months
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Watching an old press video of the Drakes before Tim was Robin
Jason: Holy shit
Dick: How did they get you so well behaved?
Tim: The threat of never being loved for all eternity
Jason:...
Dick:...
Jason:...oh
Dick: Oh, buddy
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welcometogrouchland · 13 days
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[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#dick grayson#talia al ghul#batfamily#dc robin#nightwing#anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther#like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it#they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc#but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself#anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did#it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios#also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul#you will always be famous to me#son of the demon origin...bwahhh#anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic#but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up#so go look at that as well#anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy#i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself#it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on#I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue#i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups#so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat#(it's me they should hire me. please DC i have ideas listen to my red hood pitch PLEASE-)
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starry-storms · 3 months
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The next Battinson movie has so much potential, but some of that being him coming to Alfred and saying "I made a friend" only for Alfred to turn around and see Bruce holding up a nine year old.
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celaenaeiln · 8 months
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JL: Nightwing! It’s a delight to see you! You should come by more often.
Nightwing: Thank you! I’m so sorry, work has been piling up on me but I’ll try to drop by the office party this Sunday.
JL: Ofcourse! Looking forward to seeing you there. By the way, is Batman coming late?
Nightwing: No, I’ll be filling in for him today.
JL: Did something happen?
Nightwing: Nothing much, he’s just grounded.
JL: ???
48 hours earlier
Dick: Bruce, I’m telling you now and we’ve had this conversation before but you need to build a better rapport with your children. They look up to you as a father figure and your actions influence their behavior.
Bruce: …hmrgh
Dick: And you might not be aware but you unconconscious behavior is damaging. Tim has picked up your terrible habit of constantly working in front of a screen-it’s going to strain his eyes. He’s always inside too, so you need to make him go outside more. I’m not always here, I have an entire city to run, the titans need me, I'm mentoring hundreds of heroes, the Justice League calls on me to help them, and I need to keep up with my social life. The people in Bludhaven where I teach and work also call me if I’m gone for a day-the point is-I can’t always be playing second parent here in Gotham.
Bruce: ……hmrgh
Dick: Damian always looks up to you
Bruce: *side eyes*
Dick: He does! See you don’t even realize it! He wants to make you proud and Jason gets mad when you don’t make time for him because he cares too. Stephanie doesn’t have a dad she can turn to and it would mean the world to her if you took her out to an amusement park or something. When was the last time you spent time with her.
Bruce: ….hmrgh
Dick: And-
1 hour later
Dick: -that’s why you need to stop working, go to them right now, and bond with them.
Bruce:
Dick:
Bruce: ……...hmrgh
Dick: I’m waiting.
Bruce: *dragging himself off the batcave chair and begrudgingly trudging upstairs under Dick’s watchful eye*
Bruce: *listening to the sounds of his kids in the living room and pumping himself up* Better relationships mean better teamwork. Better relationships mean better teamwork. Better relationships mean better teamwork. And Dick. Do it for him.
Bruce: *entering* *clearing his throat* Children. We will be going-
*The living room is in utter chaos. The cushions are strewn and ripped with stuffing coating the couches and floor which for some reason is stained yellow, the flower vase is shattered and so is the table it was sitting on, there’s string confetti on the chandelier, there’s spray paint and neon goo across the walls and in Tim’s hair, Jason has deep claw marks down his face as he wrestles with Damian who’s sporting massive bruise on his cheek and trying his hardest to bite him, Stephanie is dunking Tim’s face in a tub of soda which splashed everywhere while he’s ripping out Jason’s hair and also trying to kick Damian with his foot, the tv has massive spiderwebs and looping on tellatubies like a broken record machine, Titus is spitting out a feather while a random goose runs around honking while Alfred the cat chases after it at full speed, knocking down decades old paintings.*
Bruce:
Bruce:
Bruce:
Bruce: *rolling up his sleeves and stomping forward to join the fight* HMRGH.
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thedevilundercover · 1 month
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There’s such an easy way to wrangle all of the Batchildren. Bruce, take some notes: stickers
Especially the golden star stickers. If you pull one of those out? All of them are going fucking feral
Maybe he learnt it from some other single mom of too many kids™️ at some PTA meeting or whatever
*clears throat* here’s a demonstration of what I think would happen.
Batman: I have acquired some new knowledge and have decided to implement them into our training
Batchildren: yeah; ok; whatever; no one cares
Batman, pulls out some stickers from his bat pouches™️:
All of the fucking Batchildren: *going feral, ballistic over the stickers, actually listen for once*
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spicy-apple-pie · 1 month
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yippee!! The next one is going to be a bit lighter to break the tension, but then I have something planned lol.
Chapter Index
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Dcxdp prompt
Ember Mclain when she was alive, was a vigilante in Gotham city working side by side with the dynamic duo. Not that she was particularly well liked by them, or the larger hero community on a whole. Just ask any other hero and they'll say that Prima, Ember's hero name, was too attention seeking, unwilling to seek to anyone else, always trying to be the center of attention, and always ruining missions with her need for attention. Needless to say Ember rubbed a lot of heroes the wrong way, especially seeing as that this was early into Bruce taken on Dick Grayson as a ward so none of the heroes really knew how to deal with a teenage vigilante like Ember.
When she had died on a butched mission in a fire the hero community was shocked but not surprised. They kept telling her if she doesn't stop doing things how she normally does something like this would happen. Soon everyone moved on like if a vigilante known as Prima never existed, only slightly traumatized by the death of a child hero.
Now years later while investigating a heavily guarded lab owned by a shady part of the Government known as The Ghost Investigation Ward / the Guys In White the Justice League come across a teenager who liked exactly like Prima dressed up for a show with flaming blue hair and a pink guitar like the one Prima used to own helping a group of teenagers, two adults wearing hazmat suits, and what liked to be metas older teenagers / young adults on a motorcycle in the middle of breaking out a trio of teens and a group of meta verging in ages. The Prima look a like also seemed to be comforting a child none of them could see expect for her, the teens, and the metas.
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ghost-bxrd · 2 months
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Prompt:
Dick and Bruce never had their falling out and Robin passed peacefully from Dick to Jason upon his adoption.
It was harmonious. It was great. Jason didn’t only get a dad out of jacking the batmobile’s tires, he got Dick, too. Some weird cross between goofy older brother and protective mom. Dick and Bruce have an actual fight about which of them gets to legally adopt him.
So when Jason dies and comes back to life, his single minded focus isn’t only on returning to Bruce. It‘s also set on returning to Dick.
Meanwhile, Jason‘s death absolutely destroyed Dick.
And now there’s a madman with a red helmet running the streets of Blüdhaven and Gotham City who thinks it’s okay to call him “mom” and Dick hasn’t been this pissed since he found out about Joker‘s continued survival.
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schrijverr · 3 months
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We’re Adopted?!?
When Bruce’s kids end up on the Watchtower due to a set of unforeseen circumstances, Jason first tries to get the League to believe that they’re all biologically related to Bruce. He tries to avoid having Jason give everyone a sex talk by reminding him that he’s adopted. This leads to all his kids pretending that this is the first time they’ve heard of it, much to the horror of the League and the exasperation of Bruce.
Based on this post.
On AO3.
Ships: none
Warnings: none
~~~~
It finally happened. After years of successfully keeping the League from finding out about all the kids he has, they’ve finally met. And in the most dramatic way too. In a way it’s very suited for their family, but that is a detail Bruce had hoped to keep from the League.
However, it happens anyway and now his two teams have met.
They’re sitting in the common area of the Watchtower when the Zeta-Tube suddenly whirs to life and the Batmobile comes crashing into the area. It spins to a stop as if it had been in the middle of a chase, before the teleporter snatched them off the streets.
Bruce gets out of his chair and makes his way over. He isn’t too worried about them, since they’re here and while that might have meant danger before, they are safe with him now. If one of them had been terribly injured or left behind, they would be screaming and yelling already and that isn’t happening yet.
His eyes meet Tim’s, who is standing next to the car, his costume a little singed, hair askew and looking a little worse for wear. Apologetically he greets: “Hi, Justice League, promise we have a good reason to be here.”
For Bruce, this is quite normal chaos and these are his kids, but he notices that the Justice League has formed a defensive barrier around the Batmobile. They perceive his kids as a threat. It’s so absurd that he is quiet for a moment.
In that moment, Superman steps forward and demands to know: “Who are you and how did you get up here?”
“With a car no less,” Hal adds, sounding a little impressed, which doesn’t make Bruce smug in the slightest, no sir.
He is about to tell everyone to stand down when the doors of the car open and his kids come spilling out. It’s a bit of a car clown moment with how many vigilantes fit inside.
Dick nearly falls out of the side, with Damian following after him. Both of them have soot in their hair and scratches on their faces.
A singed Jason stumbling out on the other side as he loudly complains: “This is the last time we’re letting Spoiler drive.”
Steph’s costume is a little flame tattered too as she swings open the driving side and says: “I’d like to see you do better, asshole. At least it wasn’t like Signal’s first driving attempt.”
“Hey,” Duke exclaims, coming out of the car after Jason, looking a little banged up. “Just because I didn’t know where the missiles were, doesn’t mean it was terrible.”
“I didn’t eject anyone,” Steph pouts.
“Yes, you did!” Duke exclaims. “You very much did.”
“Well, not by accident,” Steph argues. “It was part of the plan.”
The other front door is now open and Cass is next to him. He puts an arm around her and pulls her into his cape. Then he decides to step in, because it seems the League doesn’t know what to do when they’re not viewed as an authority.
“What happened?” he asks.
Six heads snap his way, as if his kids had forgotten where they were. It wouldn’t be the first time, so he doesn’t even bother rolling his eyes.
Tim reports: “The Riddler broke out of Arkham, along with like a bunch of b-rate villains. They caused havoc, but we rounded them all up. Riddler took the time it took us to round them up to set up his trap. He went with a fire theme.”
“Is he contained now?” Bruce asks, a little concerned.
“Yeah, no problem, B, we got ‘em,” Steph assures him casually with a thumbs up.
“Sorry, uhm, excuse me, Batman, do you know these people?” Clark asks in that awkward, polite way of his.
Bruce contemplates for a second what he should answer. Then decides that he wants to know what happened and doesn’t want to deal with questions. So he just says: “My associates. Now report, how did you end up here?”
“Associates,” Jason snorts.
However, he is ignored by his siblings as Damian reports: “We have caught the Riddler, however we did so without solving the last of his riddles. So, he sprang his trap after we took him down and we became the target of some missiles.”
“Oh my god, are you okay?” one of the League members exclaims under their breath.
“Tt, of course we’re okay,” Damian spits back. “Unlike you, we have been trained.”
“And we learned our lesson; always solve all of Riddler’s riddles,” Steph grins, giving them all a thumbs up.
“I already said that, but who listens to Red Robin? Nobody,” Tim complains.
Before it can turn into a squabble fest again, Bruce clears his throat and Dick jumps in to get them back on track, explaining: “We tried to get away in the Batmobile, but we couldn’t outrun it forever. So we decided the best way to escape was to use the Zeta-Tube connection.”
“It was great, Spoiler sent replacement flying so he could put in the code,” Jason laughs.
“I wanted to beam us to the Cave, but with the amount of time we had, just taking us to the most recently used coordinates was smarter,” Tim explains. He checks his arm computer then says: “The chatter on the police coms is that the missile made impact where we disappeared. No one was in the area when it went off, but there is property damage. And a few of the new recruits are convinced we’re supernatural, since none of our remains are being found.”
That last bit gets a few laughs from the assembled vigilantes. Most of Gotham PD have resigned themselves to the fact that the protectors of Gotham are humans, who seemingly pull of the impossible from time to time.
However, there are always newer members, who come up with great conspiracies about how they aren’t human and that’s why they pull it off. Bruce knows that it’s a bit of a game between his kids to see who can get them to believe the weirdest shit about them.
So, he just lets them have the moment of amusement after what must have been a highly tense moment.
Then he asks: “Where is Bluebird?” since he hasn’t seen Harper among the crowd, which is weird, because she’s on the night shift, while Duke is on the day shift.
“She the one, who figured out where Riddler was and caught him,” Dick says proudly. “She was escorting him to Arkham when she noticed he was being off. Without her we would’ve never made it to the Batmobile on time.”
Bruce makes a mental note to thank her for saving his other kids when he sees her.
“We also let Oracle know we’re okay, so she can inform her and Batwoman when she gets back from her mission, just in case she saw the news,” Dick goes on.
“Wait,” they get interrupted by Hal. “How many more heroes are you going to pull out of your sleeve? What happened to Mr. I Work alone? Am I being crazy here? Why are you all just standing there?”
Clark says: “Well, it’s obvious Batman knows these people and they do not seem like a threat to us, so I was going to wait until they’d given a report before demanding answers.”
“And we will demand answers, Batman,” Diana adds, making Bruce swallow a little. “We are your friends, we hoped there would be some trust there. You seem to have a whole different team of warriors. That is something you share.”
“Don’t mind, B, he just comes with permanently built in paranoia, it’s nothing against you,” Dick tells them.
In the background, Jason snorts: “Did you hear that guys? We’re his team of warriors. His associates.”
Damian huffs at that: “These imbeciles obviously do not know what they are on about and I refuse to be referred to as such, when I am the blood son.”
“I don’t know, Robin,” Steph laughs. “It almost starts to feel like he cares. I mean, he obviously has been bragging about us.”
“He has not spoken a word about us,” Damian exclaims.
In the background, Bruce can feel a headache coming. He has tried to keep his kids away from the League for their own safety. They can’t use his kids against him, should they become compromised, if they don’t know they exist.
However, they do know now and not only that, it seems like his kids are here to cause trouble on purpose now that they finally get to meet, who they refer to as, ‘his work friends AKA the only friends he has’. Delightful.
Indeed, the League has picked up on the words Jason set Damian up for, because Hal repeats: “Blood son?”
And Clark frowns: “They do seem quite young.”
“Batman, are you employing babes to protect Gotham with you?” Diana exclaims in horror.
“I am highly trained, who dares to call me a baby,” Damian protests immediately and while his siblings would usually laugh at him, they now also feel offended.
All of them have had to defend their age to people, including Bruce. They don’t like being questioned. So all of them are falling over themselves to defend their position as protectors of Gotham.
Bruce decides to help them, explaining: “There are more teen heroes, most of you have or had a sidekick. These vigilantes keep each other safe, they have the safety of back up and I also provide good gear. They’re not running around without a clue of what to do.”
“Ahww, I knew you cared, old man,” Steph coos, while Cass taps a genuine thank you in Morse code on his arm.
“Batman, I appreciate that you look out of them, but most sidekicks have had superpowers that are related to one of the heroes and sought out a mentor to help,” Clark says gently. “You have no powers, where did you get these kids?”
And in hindsight, he should have known better than to hesitate. However, at the times, he does, because the circus, the streets, the neighbor’s and some villains, are not really good answers to that question, no matter how true. And he doesn’t know if he wants to explain.
Still, he has to admit that he melts slightly when Cass speaks up to say: “His kids.”
Plus, it’s kind of funny how most League member jump out of their skin at the sudden voice, since none of them had spotted Cass before. Not even those with superhuman senses. His daughter is so talented.
Arguably the funniest reaction is Hal, who shrieks: “Where the fuck did you get these kids, Spooky!” as he violently startles backwards.
However, Jason jumps on the opportunity, sending Bruce a shit eating grin before he does (he might still be wearing the helmet, but Bruce knows him). He says: “Well, when two people love each other very much, they-”
No, just no. Absolutely not.
The League already thinks him to be a bit of a weirdo, who is steeped in paranoia. They respect him, but they’re always a little wary of him too (which is good in a way, he doesn’t want them close to his secret identity with the threat they could pose). Still, he doesn’t want them to think he practically bred an army of shadow-y vigilantes to protect Gotham. He’d never live it down.
“Hood,” he quickly cuts Jason off, before he can continue with his nonsense. Then he tiredly reminds him: “You’re adopted.”
“WHAT!” Jason shrieks, ripping his helmet off to reveal a shocked and betrayed face even with his domino mask. “How could you keep that from me?”
It seems like everyone needs a second to recover and process after the outburst. However, Jason is gaining steam and dramatically barrels on: “For years. Years! I lived with you, you fed me, you cared for me. You are my dad. At least you were. Was that all a lie? Some ruse? How- Why- I deserved to know.”
Bruce is shocked, unable to form words. His relationship with Jason has been rough, though getting better. It’s still tentative, though, so to hear Jason refer to him as dad throws him off in one of the best ways. Until he realizes Jason is fucking with him.
Even then, it is kind of nice that Jason is messing with him. When he looks, he sees that Jason is having fun under the mask of betrayal. It doesn’t have a bitter undertone, like it would have a few months ago. Instead, it feels a little like all the times Jason messed with him in front of Commissioner Gordon, back when he was Robin.
So, later Bruce will cut himself some slack for basking in that feeling for long enough that the others catch on and join in.
It starts with Steph, who has never claimed him as her father a day in his life, but will always be committed to a bit. She sniffles: “I can’t believe you’d lie to our brother like that. Soon you’ll tell us we’re all adopted.”
“Spoiler,” Bruce warns, hoping to deter anyone else from joining in.
That doesn’t happen, instead, Dick pulls Duke into a hug and exclaims: “Yeah, next you’ll tell us Signal here isn’t our half brother, like you didn’t leave his mother at the altar.” He narrows his eyes and adds: “I was the flower boy too, I can’t believe you did that to her.”
He sees Duke’s calculating gaze, flitting between Dick and himself and knows it’s only a matter of time before he picks a side, so he grunts: “Signal, don’t-”
“She talked about it until her death. Don’t tell me she made it up,” Duke suddenly says, picking the side of his siblings. Bruce would be more glad about him getting along with them, if it weren’t for the fact that in joining him, he left Bruce.
“You monster,” Jason butts back in again, not having had the spotlight in too long. “Look what you’ve done. You can’t just drop something like that on us. You can’t just pull the rug out from under us. Adopted. Or am I the only one? Huh? Is that it? Are all of them your real kids except for me?”
It’s a little too close to home, so Bruce stumbles: “No, of course, you’re always my kid. But this isn’t news to you. To any of you.”
“So we are all adopted?” Tim shrieks, stumbling forwards to clutch Bruce’s arm. “Those people you took me away from, were they my real parents? Did you lie to me?”
And this is just unfair. They’re not allowed to gang up on him like this and be dramatic. They know he doesn’t know what to do when they get like this. He gave them a home, he kept them as safe as he could, he loves them. What has he done to deserve this?
Dick and Duke are still embracing each other and Bruce is pretty sure Dick is weeping. Steph is definitely fake crying, while Jason is consoling her. Tim is still clutching his one arm, babbling about being taken from his parents.
Cass is his favorite right now, because she isn’t playing along with her sibling, just quietly huddling into his side. Damian would share the spot, but Bruce knows that the only reason he isn’t playing along, is because he doesn’t know what their game is and how he can use it to his advantage.
Indeed, he joins in – though not entirely purposefully – because he asks: “Father, I am your true son right? I am the blood son, not these imbeciles.”
Jason is definitely hiding a snort as a sob and in that moment, Bruce is tempted to disown Damian, just so he doesn’t have to deal with all this.
He can see how shocked the Justice League is, their eyes wide with horror, none of them having truly recovered at the sudden appearance at a gaggle of kids, who are now seemingly breaking down over the surprise news of being adopted.
He should’ve just let Jason give the League a sex talk.
So, he is tempted to not recognize Damian as his own, however, he knows how much Damian values his heritage and how insecure he is about his spot in the family. And he does look genuinely worried about what’s happening. So, Bruce has to sigh and reward the vulnerability that he shows with compassion, saying: “Yes, Robin.”
Jason lets out a pained groan and says: “So it is true? We really are adopted?” then breaks down crying. It’s almost impressive how well he can sob on demand. How well all of them can, Bruce wonders when they learned that and who taught them that.
The League, meanwhile has also apparently reached their limits and Hal suddenly explodes: “Fucking hell, Bats. Is that how you’re telling them that? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Around him all the others start to nod in agreement and Bruce knows that some of those shaking shoulders of his kids aren’t sobs but laughter at this point. He wonders if it’s wrong to return any of them, despite knowing that he would never give any of them up, even with all the gray hairs they’re giving him.
He does think about it though, especially when Clark cautiously says: “It seems unnecessarily cruel, Batman. They’ve just been chased through the streets by missiles. You could have waited.”
“Yes, it is very cruel,” Diana agrees. “And I do not know you to be cruel.”
Usually, Bruce has an image to maintain, but that image includes him working alone and having no sense of humor or humanity, so obviously it’s incorrect. Besides, any reputation he might have had has just been ruined by his kids. He doesn’t have to take this judgment from his friends.
So, he throws his hands up and, bordering on a whine, says: “I’m not cruel. They all know they’re adopted. All of them were over nine when it happened. Hell, not even all of them are adopted. Not all of them wanted to be. They know! They’re just messing with me.”
It’s quiet after his outburst.
Both the League and his kids blink for a few times. It’s clear that the League doesn’t know what to believe, but his kids are luckily done with the chaos. Though, Bruce doesn’t know if he’s happy with that when he sees some of their faces morph into grins.
Dick decides to put him out of his misery first, letting go of Duke to skip forwards and sling an arm around Bruce, which he grudgingly allows. He never says no to hugs from his kids, no matter what stunt they’ve just pulled.
“He’s right,” Dick smiles at everyone. Then he jokingly tugs on one of the ears on his cowl – something he has done since his early days as Robin – as he teases: “He didn’t mind. Right, B? You are a softie under there.”
“Who cares if he minds,” Jason says loudly. “That was hilarious, did you see everyone’s faces when replacement told them he’d stolen him out of his home. Golden. I’m gonna ask O for that footage the second we get back.”
Now the League is looking at them with even more confusion. Unsure of what to do now.
Bruce wants to let them suffer, but he also doesn’t want to give his kids room to do something else to embarrass him. So, he takes the reigns saying: “Just to clear it all up; this is Nightwing, my oldest.”
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” Dick gives the League a bright smile.
“My second or third oldest – we’re not sure – Red Hood,” Bruce continues on, gesturing to Jason, who just gives them a salute. “And, again, the second or third oldest, Black Bat.” She waves at them, startling some again, since they’d forgotten she was there. Hm, they might have to do another stealth and awareness training day.
“This is Spoiler, she is not one of mine technically,” he continues on introducing everyone there.
Steph grins at all of them and says: “I eat his food and steal his money, but I’m not having him sign shit. All of the perks, none of the accountability.”
“And how you remind me of that,” Bruce sighs, before gesturing to Tim and saying: “This is Red Robin, my fourth kid. He is adopted, but also emancipated. And I did not steal him away from his parents.”
“Technically, he did, because they were kinda shitty, but only legally when they died,” Tim corrects, which is not necessary and Bruce will be answering questions about that for months. Judging by the smug look on his face, Tim knows.
Deciding not to engage for now, he moves on to Duke. “This is Signal, he is my ward. He normally works the day shift.”
“Hello,” Duke squeaks awkwardly.
“And this is Robin, he is the youngest,” Bruce finishes his introductions.
“I am the blood son of the Bat and the one true heir,” Damian exclaims proudly.
“Yeah, yeah, we know, brat,” Jason rolls his eyes. “You were once B’s sperm. Whoop-die-doo.”
Multiple faces contort at that, with Tim and Steph both exclaiming how gross that is and how he didn’t have to phrase it like that and how they never want to hear about Bruce’s sex life ever again in any way, shape, or form.
Hal comments: “Wait, you actually have a kid?”
Bruce fights the urge to facepalm as he deadpans: “Just a second ago, you were willing to believe I had seven or more, why do you seem surprised?”
That renders Hal speechless, which is good, because Bruce doesn’t want to be here anymore. He wants to check up properly on his kids, check up on Gotham, and be as far away from the League and their questions as he can.
So, he uses the silence to says: “Now, as interesting as this has all been, we are going home. I have a city to check on and kids to ground.”
All around him protests start up about how he either has no power over them and can’t ground them or that they’re too mature and well trained fro childish things such as grounding. But Bruce is great at tuning them out when needs must, so he types in the last of the Batcave coordinates and lets the Zeta-Tube take them home.
~~
A/N:
I love coming up with convoluted reasons of why the batfam would be in the Watchtower lmao
Also Alfred totally taught them to cry on command, knowing they would use it for evil <3
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batcavescolony · 9 months
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Bruce is immortal until Tim Drake says so, oh you wanna kill Bruce Wayne? Nope Tim will do anything in his power to stop you/drag Bruce back to life, he pulled that emotionally complicated, depressed, piece of shit back from the edge and only HE gets to kill him.
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