now that the show's over, top 10 parentdale lines?
I'm actually an idiot and posted the draft last night instead of the ask. Why did no on ask for context.
Anyway I only did 8 but some are more than one line. I also kept it to s1.
"Okay, what is wrong with you people?" "Will you just spare us the middle-class morality? It's not like they were brother and sister." - Hal Cooper, Clifford Blossom (all the dialogue from this scene is gold tbh)
"Slut shaming. It's what they call it when sluts get shamed." - Alice Cooper (iconic and beyond reproach)
"Alice Cooper - no longer lactose intolerant I see." - Hermione Lodge (been haunted by this line for six and a half years what the FUCK does this line mean)
"There's the sticky, dark, dirty truth. Maple syrup. Drown in it why don't you!" - Penelope Blossom (she's literally SO dramatic in this scene especially considering what we find out scenes later happened)
"I'm so sorry to interrupt your adultery, Fred." - Alice Cooper
"You remember our Homecoming, Alice?Hal? Back in the day? Your mom ever tell you about that night? ("Just that she and my dad were king and queen.") "Yeah they were - of hell." - FP Jones (this whole scene is also great but you KNOW this bitch thought he was so clever coming up with this little quip)
"I mean is there not a nice gay kid at your school?" - Tom Keller (#1 ally)
"I didn't realize that you were a polyamorist." "I don't think that's an actual word." - Alice Cooper, Mary Andrews
19. Who is your favorite parentdale character? Why?
Penelope Blossom!!!
Penelope is the single most effective member of parentdale. Just to name two examples: (a) Husband kills her darling son? Kills the husband & gets away with it! (b) Nightmare-child daughter pisses her off? Crawl around inside the walls of the house to terrorize her using the Julian doll!
Penelope is the best dressed woman in the world. It's not even about her (fabulous) clothes. Nobody has ever looked so elegant entirely wrapped in bandages.
Penelope's dessication into her hard-shell-with-hollow-innards middle age fueled only by poisonous rage when she started out as the weepy-girl softy she'd been in the 80s haunts me.
Penelope has superhuman resilience. Look at all she's survived: a terrible house fire, imprisonment, in-wall-living, attempted gas poisoning, maple syrup waterboarding, being raised by Nana Blossom, sex with Hal Cooper (by contrast, look at what it did to poor Alice Cooper), getting smugged-at by Bughead, being trapped in the Fuck Bunker etc etc. Total Icon.
Penelope contains multitudes - abuse survivor, murderer, brothel madam, nun, mother, orphan yet old money, art-understander who hates art, heteronormative homophobic lesbian, red-headed ginger fetishist... I could go on and on but this answer is long enough.
Penelope’s fingers curl around the chair. She watches the spirit drifting around; she knows she should say something but she decides not to; there’s no need to bother it; not when it’s just floating around; not when it's lost.
“Do you need help; or are you just going to hover all around….” Penelope drawls and the spirit still hovers but it seems more agitated.
“Useless thing.” Penelope shoos it away; it’s been following her like a lost dog and she’s growing annoyed. It never speaks; never makes any sort of sound; not even a wail of a distraught one.
The spirit plays with Jason and Cheryl; it keeps an eye on them and Penelope can’t really fault it for that. Until Jason gets sick; and then Cheryl does and then Penelope pulls out her books and reverses it.
The spell she uses isn’t hard; in fact she teaches it to both Jason and Cheryl to use it; so if they ever get sick; so if they ever feel their strength leaving them they can boost it up. She knows it's dangerous; teaching such young children such dark magic; but she knows the villagers don’t bother her.
The villagers become a problem when the first potion fails. The woman brings her child back; too sick; too weak to make a sound and leaves her with Penelope. Sometimes she hates their blind trust.
She tells them the child died; she tells them the sickness was too great; the spirit grows more restless; finally making sounds; a piercing screech whenever Penelope lies as more villagers bring their sick children in; as Jason and Cheryl seem to grow healthier and healthier; as the spirit grows more and more angry.
The council meets; Penelope; Alice, Forsythe, Fred; the parents; the ones who haven’t lost children. The other families are their; all the kids are playing with Cheryl and Jason; there’s no need for them to hide; all of the children avoided the sickness.
They can all see the spirit; it hovers behind Penelope and cries; screams when she tries to lie about it. Alice Cooper and Forsythe Jones ask her about it; they don’t talk to it directly, it’s screams increase.
“Monstrous things mean monstrous creatures doing it. Your outside should match the inside of you; all the time.” The voice hisses and then everything goes black.
When everyone wakes up they find none of them can die; none of them can leave the town lines; it pushes them back.
Forsythe; who now goes by FP, finds himself and most of the southside Serpents transform into werewolves anytime they feel excessive emotions or when the full moon shines. Alice Cooper and her children all scream when someone dies, not that it happens often but when strangers wander into the town. Fred Andrews and his family hunger for blood; although Mary manages to get out; something about her kindness to the spirit allows her to leave. The Lodges are irresistible to anyone who comes into the town; they leave as well; the spirit knows they’ll all need more humans to feed on one way or another.
The Blossom’s are witches. They’re necromancers specifically but they never raise the dead; they know the dead should stay that way. They learned; they were the cause and they know the history. Everyone thinks it’s Penelope’s great great grandmother who cursed the town; and it is; if you know they’re one and the same. All the adults know but they try to keep the children from the awareness; Hiram keeps them drugged with Jangle; he and Clifford are in league; using each other as scapegoats anytime the kids get too close to figuring things out.
Penelope’s fingers curl around Jason’s neck; stroking the hair at the base of his skull. He doesn’t move; doesn’t blink; doesn’t breathe; Penelope thinks that maybe the dead shouldn't’ stay dead for the first time when they pull her son out of the river.
He’s laid out in his best clothes; the least they can do is heal all the wounds he received. He really does look just like he’s sleeping and it should be enough for her. It’s not; and as she leaves; not noticing Cheryl is watching from the shadows.
Cheryl Blossom isn’t cursed. The whole town is; she knows it; it’s what her mother said; it’s what her family tries so desperately to hide; how bloody their hands really are.
If anyone knew what her family had done; the truth of it; she knows she’d be thrown to the wolves; and everyone knows the Southside werewolves leave no scraps.
It’s been centuries since they’ve had anyone new in town; until your family moves in.
"Okay, what is wrong with you people?" "Will you just spare us the middle-class morality? It's not like they were brother and sister." - Hal Cooper, Clifford Blossom (all the dialogue from this scene is gold tbh)
"Slut shaming. It's what they call it when sluts get shamed." - Alice Cooper (iconic and beyond reproach)
"Alice Cooper - no longer lactose intolerant I see." - Hermione Lodge (been haunted by this line for six and a half years what the FUCK does this line mean)
"There's the sticky, dark, dirty truth. Maple syrup. Drown in it why don't you!" - Penelope Blossom (she's literally SO dramatic in this scene especially considering what we find out scenes later happened)
"I'm so sorry to interrupt your adultery, Fred." - Alice Cooper
"You remember our Homecoming, Alice?Hal? Back in the day? Your mom ever tell you about that night? ("Just that she and my dad were king and queen.") "Yeah they were - of hell." - FP Jones (this whole scene is also great but you KNOW this bitch thought he was so clever coming up with this little quip)
"I mean is there not a nice gay kid at your school?" - Tom Keller (#1 ally)
"I didn't realize that you were a polyamorist." "I don't think that's an actual word." - Alice Cooper, Mary Andrews
Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️❤️❤️!!
kim, i love you so much.
the last good thing about this part of town - the riverdale heathers au that will forever be my absolute favorite fic i've ever written.
an only child of the universe - the gladys story is one that i am really really really proud of how it turned out.
overcome in this war of hearts - the spuffy fic that literally snuck up on me but is turning out to be a real labor of love for both the pairing and the writing that i am doing itself.
bury me in memory / and i'm dizzy on dreams - the alice and hermione stories that you can't make me choose which one i like better!
the exception - the dasey fic that i HAVE to mention. it took four years to write and is literally a novel and is just proof that i can write long form if i really put my mind to it.