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Here it is

The moment we dont see coming

Because we are too busy being young

Too busy being selfish.

But here it be

He is going to die

I do not lie

And even though I know why

I still dont know how to say goodbye.

I may not have to

Weve already been through

All the trips of my life with you

And all of the innocent things you,

Said when I wasnt listening

The life that remained a vicious ring

Of when you said I was dramatasising

And the hope you were instilling

In me for it wasnt too soon

I’m only 30 and I’m looking at your doom

And now you sit head on table

I dont know if I’ll be able

To move forward knowing

That I could have done more

My entire life…

Your entire life.

JR McWilliam

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Abusive parents have a lot of ways to silence their children. How do/did yours silence you?

Here are a few to help us get started:

- Talk over you

- Interrupt

- Mock you

- Gaslight you

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Rant is here.

So I’m touch averted. I hate physical contact. This is an issue in my family, all of whom show affection through physical contact. Most know that I don’t like to be touched. My sister didn’t stop one day a few months ago and I set up my first boundary (which vanished after a minute because I felt bad), but that’s not the story I want to tell.

No read more because I’m on mobile. This just happened.

To preface, my kitchen is small. Me and my dad need to “dance” around each other if we want to cook together. I was making cookies, and he was loading the dishwasher next to me. I stepped in to take the cookies out of the oven but forgot to move out of his way again (my fault, I know), so he tapped me on the shoulder.

I don’t know what it was but for some reason it was painful. I flinched away from him (a bit more aggressively than usual, I’m tired right now), and he asked what the problem was. I responded that I don’t like to be touched. He took that as an invite to start flailing his arms like a child in a slap-fight. Y’all I freaked.

I never understood the meaning of the phrase “my voice broke” until now. I sounded like Dipper from Gravity Falls. I can’t remember what I said, but I ran out crying after that.

I returned a bit later and he summoned me by waving his hand at me. I bought I was in trouble.

He just asked for a hug. You know what? I can deal with that. I told him I hated being touched and that the term was “touch aversed.” He asked me to understand why I felt like that, I said I was working on it (I am.). He implied that I should’ve had a little brother to toughen me up. If that happened I either would have broken or punted him. This is better dad, trust me.

THEN he came back as I was finished with the cookies and started flailing his arms again at me saying “touch aversion therapy.” No. Not okay. I shoved him in the chest a few times, and almost kicked him (part of me wished I did, but I would definitely get in trouble for that, and losing internet privileges during quarantine would suck). He let me go after a bit and I ran.

I am now hiding in the bathroom, still crying a bit, and feeling like I want to throw up.

I can still feel his touch on my arm. I hate it.

I used try and hit anything that came too close but I’ve tried to stop doing that because I don’t want to hurt anyone, and now I just cower.

I’m so glad my bathroom has a lock. I don’t need to hide because everyone’s left me alone, but it’s the perfect place to cry without being interrupted. There’s a loud fan and a lock.

I wish I could throw up. I always feel better when I throw up.

I want to talk to everyone in my family about this, but I have enough problems right now without this being one as well.

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Yeah it’s dumb as fuck when people bully you over not wanting or having kids but it’s also dumb as fuck when you’re called a breeder and your needs as a parent belittled because you dared to reproduce and raise the next generation. People always got something stupid to say about your choices so maybe we should drink some tea together as we plot to support one another’s awesome life goals and laugh at people who don’t know how to mind their own business. We’d be unstoppable.

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Materials: Baking soda, Epson salt, citric acid, bath coloring tablets, olive oil, scented oils, moulds, mixing bowl, bowl, spoons, cup

Combine dry ingredients in a mixing bowl, 1 cup baking soda, ½ cup Epsom salt, ½ cup citric acid. If desire color, crush up some coloring tablets and add to mixture.

In a cup, combine liquid ingredients. 1 tablespoon water, 3 teaspoons olive oil. Add 2 tablespoons scented oils for smell if desired.

Quickly pout liquid and mix everything together. It will fizz a little. Stir until well mixed.

Scoop mixture into molds. Pack tightly. If mixture dries out while packing, stir in a few drops of olive oil.

Let shape dry for 6 hours then carefully pop them out.

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Infants, Children, and Adolescents by Laura E. Berk
By age 3, children whose parents patiently encourage while offering information about how to succeed are enthusiastic and highly motivated. In contrast, children with a history of parental criticism of their worth and performance give up easily when faced with challenges and express shame and despondency after failing. Adults can avoid promoting these self-defeating reactions by adjusting their expectations to children’s capacities, scaffolding children’s attempts at difficult tasks and pointing out effort and improvement in children’s work or behavior.
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FYI to All grade school age parents and educators. Inquire about your school using Adobe Connect in place of what they’re using to teach, socially engage, and perform class. The product, platform and service is FAR SUPERIOR and as a virtual service Corporation we’ve used ours for OVER 7 years to provide extensive trainings, workshops, breakout groups and over the years less .5% glitches have been encountered. No security concerns and it is WAY more user friendly to both educators and students to use and participate. And it let’s educators really plan class JUST like your class virtually. Singular personalized customized link for your classroom. Best of all the Mic, video, and chat functionality is embedded and the admin (educator) controls who can utitilize the features. All which has the capacity to be recorded and archived to future review from beginning to end for review as desired to be allowed.

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Not to sound like a luddite or something, but every time I see people whose idea of parenting is sitting their four-year-old in front of an iPad all day to keep them quiet, it makes me fear for those kids’ futures. If your kid is looking at a screen all day from infancy and has become so dependent on it for stimulation that they throw a tantrum when you finally try to set some boundaries, you are a bad parent.

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DAY 15

So I came across a movie trailer ‘Contagion’ from 2011 and observed striking similarities between the current COVID situation with the movie. Vikas is not ready to watch this movie saying it would have negative ending but I want to!! 😐😐

Anyways, I got up today around 8:30am. Shivansh was still sleeping as he woke up around 2:45am and slept back in an hour or so. I handed over the garbage bags, prepared tea and toast by the time Shivansh and Vikas got up. Shivansh wants immediate attention from his mommy as soon as he wakes up. Otherwise, he will loose his cool and start crying 😄😄

Morning Chakkar:


Shivansh was happy and cheerful today. He kept playing till afternoon. I made simple tadka daal, rice and torai sabzi. He had his lunch around 1:30pm. I was sleepy today, so decided to nap with Shivansh. He slept for 3 hours and I for 1.5. We both got up around 5pm.

I wanted to make something different to get energised so I did some experiment with normal potato fries and the result was awesome:


After the evening tea. It was playtime, so we all 3 played well. Shivansh kept repeating A,B,C & 1,2,3 ….8😆😆


Fascinated with the fan:


Later in the evening, we watched some COVID news. No new headlines, only the patient and death count increasing!!😐😐

And yes, the eye infection repeats itself in the left eye:


I made vegetable oats for dinner and Shivansh had it peacefully. Vikas fed him.


In the meantime, I cleaned kitchen. Made kheer:


And washed off Shivansh’s bottles. I didn’t do the dishes today. Didn’t feel like doing it! 😑😑 Shivansh refused to sleep today and kept getting down from the bed to fight the night time routine 🙄🙄 the weather was also too hot today and him fighting not to sleep made it worse. I thanked Vikas who cleaned the complete AC unit a day before. We switched on the AC so that the room becomes comfortable enough for Shivansh to sleep. He slept finally!! Phew!😓

I made tea afterwards and finished off small things which were left to be taken care of. Started writing an hour back. But Shivansh got up again, may be because I switched off the AC. Looks like I have to keep it on.

It is almost 2am and I have to wash off my eyes and apply the ointment before I sleep.


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In case you’re looking for something to keep you sane or at least entertained during WFH breaks. Gravitrax are awesome and there are tons of 3D printer files available on thingiverse that are compatible.

#dadlife #toddler #infant #baby #kiddo #kiddos #parenting #parent #parents #kid #son #marblerun #gravitrax #dad #fatherandson #babies #toddlers (at Champaign, Illinois)

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